Mxtx references as conversations between my friends and I : (part 3)
Bean- "I'd rather Die"
Me- " Thought Xie Lian as he got stabbed a hundred times "
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I know I'm brainrotting hard rn because I keep listening to songs and thinking about tgcf/mdzs.
Anyway, I'm losing my mind over "Debt collector" by Jhariah, it's giving me strong outlaw/exiled Xie Lian vibes and I can't take it:
It's all catching up to you now
Hope you can run
'Cause soon your past will come and drag you
Down, down
You scammed your way into heaven
Till the angels realize you're not one of them
Here comes the debt collector
Seems you owe him again
Dollars and coins can't cut your check
This time around
Here comes the debt collector
And you owe him again
Kind words and lies won't save your head
This time around-round-round
...
Cordial killer
Your payment is due
They're looking at you
We've done what we can
It's out of our hands
Sooner or later it comes back again
...
Please don't think I have no empathy
For you
What you've been through, but
There's nothing I can do now
But stand here and watch
It all catch up to you
^(I wonder who this sounds like hmmmm)
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"dianxia it's my arm that's broken, my legs are fine!" happy fenglian friday! carry someone you love to show how attentive you are (and totally not to tease them)
(inspired by this super cute fic that u rly should read!!)
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"Feng Xin, however, cut straight to the point. "You don't need to pretend anymore! We know this is your old lair. We've already seen what those divine statues are, and the murals too - we've seen everything!" Hua Cheng wasn't directly facing them; he stood at an angle. The hands tugged behind his back seemed to jerk at Feng Xin's words, and two of the fingers curled stiffly inward.
"His Highness... saw it too?" he asked softly, inclining his head. His voice was very, very quiet. While he still sounded unfazed, his voice was slightly cracked and obviously strange."
TGCF Volume 6, page 62
This, to me, is one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the entire series, because of how violating it is what both Hua Cheng and Xie Lian go through. But there have already been many posts about how Mu Qing and Feng Xin take away Xie Lian's agency and autonomy and belittle his intelligence by kidnapping him away from Hua Cheng, trying to take the red string from him, and slapping the command talisman on him that rendered him mute and paralyzed. So what I want to focus on is Hua Cheng's side of it because what he goes through is also violating, just in different ways.
Given that this is Mount Tonglu, it makes absolute sense that Hua Cheng assumed that Xie Lian would never see any of the statues or murals, nor would anyone else connected to him, since gods and heavenly officials usually never go there. It also needs to be kept in mind that the statues were covered by veils and the murals covered by butterfly silk - whether this was done to hide them or to protect them from decay is beside the point, which is that they were covered and that Feng Xin and Mu Qing tear all of those covers down and then get offended by what they find under them - which are Hua Cheng's most private and intimate thoughts and feelings and memories. They might as well have torn open Hua Cheng's heart and soul and dissected the contents only to spit on them in disgust.
So now, not only have two of the people Hua Cheng hates the most uncovered Hua Cheng's most private feelings regarding Xie Lian, they also revealed them to Xie Lian without Hua Cheng's consent. And judging by the above description, Hua Cheng is terrified of Xie Lian's reaction. Usually, he has to be pushed pretty far to ever lose his composure - he evidently has very strong emotions, but most of the time he's suppressing them beneath his laid-back, unshakable attitude. Xie Lian himself remarks at some point on how Hua Cheng smiling doesn't necessarily relate to what he's actually feeling at all since it's just this condescending fake smile he aims at others (well, anyone other than Xie Lian). But here, now, Hua Cheng's hands jerk in shock. His usually confident voice is quiet and actually cracks with how afraid and distressed he is.
Also, though this is more in the realm of speculation because the text isn't clear on it - it's mentioned that he's not facing them directly but standing at an angle, and the look in his eye is actually not described at all - this could be taken to mean that he's deliberately standing in a way that has his blind side facing them more than his seeing side, since very often it's the look in his eye that's giving his emotions away the most. It would make sense that he's deliberately standing like this to try and conceal how hard he's struggling to keep it together.
Aside from losing Xie Lian again or not being able to protect him from harm, this has to be one of Hua Cheng's worst fears - for Xie Lian to be scared of and disgusted by him, to reject Hua Cheng's devotion. Back when Guoshi divined his fate and called him toxic and dangerous and demanded Xie Lian to send him away and not even touch him at all, when everyone was treating him like "poisonous vermin" (volume 2, page 380) and trying to separate him from Xie Lian by force, Xie Lian was the only one to not be scared of and disgusted by him, the one who instead held him and soothed him, who kept insisting that it wasn't his fault, that he wasn't misfortune and disaster. But now with the command talisman making it look like Xie Lian "was afraid to face Hua Cheng and refused to speak to him", this one of Hua Cheng's worst fears seems to have become reality, and it's breaking him apart to a point where he seems to actually be close to tears.
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Coming to Ghost city after a meeting in heaven
Xie Lian: Is something burning?
Hua Cheng, leaning on a pillar seductively: Yes, my passion for you
Some random ghost in the background: THE CITY IS BURNING!!!!!
Hua Cheng: *glares at the ghost*
The random ghost, in a lower voice: the city is burning
Hua Cheng, turning back: Now back to what we were saying-
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