Seriously, I wish people would stop reading into my tone so much, and trust my words when I communicate.
If I say I'm not being dismissive of your thoughts and ideas, I'm not being dismissive of your thoughts and ideas.
If I say I'm fine with you holding and sharing views that differ from mine, then I'm fine with you holding and sharing views that differ from mine.
If I seem to struggle with understanding a concept and I say it makes no sense, it's always it makes no sense TO ME (how in the world could I ever know how it makes sense to others?! I'm not in their brains, and can only speak for myself!!! It makes no sense *TO ME* that I could ever be saying that what you say makes no sense to anyone else but myself!!!)!
If I ask "how else can this be understood?" or "how else am I supposed to understand this?", I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU OF BEING UNCLEAR, FOR FRAK'S SAKE!
I'm genuinely asking you to explain your own interpretation, so I can conceptualize where you are coming from, and how you are perceiving things!
It means I really, sincerely, don't understand what you are trying to say to me, am asking for a pause and for some clarification, and will likely continue to ask the same question over and over again until you either frame that explanation in a way that makes sense *TO ME*, or I can see we utterly fail to connect on that subject, and should simply move on.
"You sound like you're trying to dismiss...", "It seems like you think..."
I have no idea how to properly convey tone in written forms of conversation, and am usually more comfortable communicating while phrasing things in a way that I've been told "sounds academic".
That's literally just how I talk and how my brain works. I'm not attempting to "sound pretentious" or anything. I speak that way.
And while I interpret informations and draw conclusions based on whatever data and information I've got available, I will readily change and modify it in light of any new information that comes my way.
I make tons of connections between information all of the time and get fascinated by them, and see the world as a bunch of ideas and concepts.
Please don't mistake my enthusiasm or assertiveness when speaking about any subject I'm passionate about with stubbornness or rigidity.
On the contrary, my thoughts and ideas remain extremely fluid and flexible, and I'm not scared in the least of being wrong and of making mistakes. I have no ego in that sense.
I'll be the first to embrace being mistaken as mistakes are an absolutely fantastic learning tool.
How else would I be expected to grow?
I can't easily change my tone, but I can clearly state my intent using words.
So, if I say "that's not what I meant", and especially "that's not how I meant it", can you at least give me the frakking benefit of the doubt, and give me time to clarify my thoughts and find a way of phrasing them that will hopefully allow you to understand the message I'm sending, before assuming you know what I intended to say better than I do basing that assumption on how I sound?
And perhaps, conceive of the thought that there's a huge difference between thinking you may be right and knowing you're right with absolute certainty.
Other P.O.V. being valid does not mean I remotely have to agree with them, or say they are right, either. Simply respect that people see things differently than I do.
And I do.
I may be wrong and you may be right. Or I may be right and you may be wrong.
Hopefully, you think you're right; otherwise I see absolutely (I SEE... my opinion / perception / interpretation... Look, I'm not taking any chances anymore by this point!) no point in you arguing something that you believe to be deeply wrong.
Do people do that outside of playing devil's advocate? Or listing possibilities they've yet to make up their minds about?
How does this even work?!
Ah, for me?! Or to me?!
Look, I'm wondering how does this even work, but without denying the possibility that it may make sense and work for others...
Ah...
What I'm trying to say is "I'm basically confused about why we're supposed to feel self-conscious or "bad" about thinking or hoping we've got the right interpretation, until we detect a flaw in our logic and then come up with a new one in light of new information we've gathered, or being exposed to/gaining some novel perspective on a subject..."
Does that make any sense?
But yeah, I am utterly unable to tell if people are bored or upset with a subject when I'm talking or arguing with them in person...
So how can I be expected to read into what kind of emotions my arguments are going to inspire in others, or what part of my phrasing might upset them, if no one is telling me how to rephrase thing?
Especially when it's just words on a screen with no clear tone indicator.
"When you say this, it makes me feel this, perhaps you could phrase it like that instead?" would be extremely helpful!
Rather than "you sound like this" or "you're making it sound like that..."
I can't figure it out by myself. I don't hear that "sound". It's a very abstract notion, the idea that my arguments might "sound" like anything.
I need clear rules and systems to properly communicate. That's just how I'm wired, and no amount of wishful thinking or good will on my part is going to magically make me be able to hear those subjective sounds coming off my words.
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