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#saeran x lila
marshmallowprotection · 3 months
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It's that time of year again which means I get to draw something to celebrate my birthday. It's been eight years since I met the RFA this year, and that means it's been eight years since I met Saeran Choi. I am grateful to his character for being there for me after all this time, and for continuing to be with me to this day. I love him and I know in some universe out there in the cosmos, he loves me, too.
My smile shines brighter because Saeran helped me find my worth. Thank you, my love, for reminding me to love myself all four seasons even if you're not around.
[Ref: @/aniforce_pusan]
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sunlightheidi · 2 years
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Unknown x Lila (CMC)
A gift for @marshmallowprotection, written for the Holiday Gift Exchange hosted by @im-the-mystic-messenger. Happy Holidays!
#TW: This is Unknown, so uh, some darker themes. *N/SFW, Dollification
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Lila sits on the edge of the pink and ruffled bed and waits patiently, legs crossed and hands on her lap; always sweet and pretty and ready for him.
The life she’d led before this, it seems like little more than a dream, now.
She has been with him for a long time, and she knows what she is to him – a sort of curiosity gone right, gone wrong; a distraction he won’t admit to caring for, but he’s never been one to share his things, not when he could have them entirely to himself.
He’s created this little dollhouse just for her; where he feeds her little sugared pastries and sweet drinks, clothes her in fine dresses of pink chiffon and lace, call her his pretty doll and plays with her when he’s bored – with an affection and encouragement that is unique to him.
It’s nighttime in the middle of winter, and she’s received specific instructions she’s followed to the last detail; he enjoys when she’s obedient, and she enjoys when he's pleased.
Compliantly, she’s dressed up in the sparkling red dress laid out for her, black ribbons on her waist and her neck, a headband holding back the hair tumbling in curls down her back.
I look pretty, she thinks as she observes her features in the mirror. Doll-like.
He does not bother to knock before he enters the room. The door slams shut behind him with a force that makes the glass crystals of the chandelier rattle above her head; like rolling thunder all on his own.
There’s a smirk on his face and a sort of hunger in his eyes as they rove her sitting form, but she sees behind that (always has); he’s frazzled. His hands are shaking and his hair is messy, the remnant of anxious pulling and tugging through the night. He always comes to her when he's like this, but braves the perfect mask of control and confidence.
“You did as I told you.”
He curls two fingers in a gesture for her stand. She does and walks towards him slowly – limbs weak, mind eager to numb the sudden whirl of emotions. She stares at his collarbones as she stops before him. He grips her chin with one hand, tilting her head up until she looks up at him.
“You’re always a good doll, aren’t you Lila?” he muses, his countenance softening considerably as he examines her. He hums, running his other hand up the curve of her spine. “A perfect gift just for me. I almost don’t want to unwrap it.”
“Please do.”
To be kissed by him is be akin to euphoria. His lips part and seal to hers, and his tongue slithers out - in - to engage her own in a sinuous dance. All the while, his hands are roaming her form; loosening her ribbons, silken straps falling down her shoulders before the dress pools at her feet, leaving her bare and shivering under his hazy gaze and restrained caress – sensitized to him as she is.
"That's better."
Their lips met halfway, almost affectionate in their rough presses. Lila melts against him, palm resting atop his tattoo while the room fills with breathy sighs and mewls anew.
He lets go of her chin and goes in the opposite direction, until he’s walking his fingers over the nub he likes to toy with, and then slipping one of those fingers inside her.
It’s intoxicating; she is warm, and pliant, and trying to keep herself from letting out another little mewl or yelp… lets him luxuriate in that reverent exploration.
He plays with her silently for a moment, then chuckles right by her ear to let her know he knows, and begins to use two fingers.
One of his fingers is stroking over her neck all out of time with the way his fingers are going in and out of her and she can’t focus on any one thing, just him, all of him.
“Hush,” he says between kisses. Takes it upon himself to silence her as he licks into her mouth and sucks her tongue and traces her teeth and, somehow, keeps that infuriating roll of his hips against her going.
But she enjoys it – she likes the soft way her body cradles him.
The hand that was at her shoulders is up behind her head now, and he holds her tighter and pulls her up a little more with the hand on her bottom as he falls backwards onto the bed.
Then he shifts his hips and brings her down, onto him, and he does nothing to muffle the way she keens, only smiles lazy and content and almost soft at the way she throws her back, halts as he slows, and picks back up as he brings her body fully onto his.
Her head feels like it is in the clouds. His hiss, and then his laugh, are like incense smoke, of the earth but oddly holy. Inside her and around her he is so very strong. It can’t be wrong to cling to him, she tells herself.
And she has to hope she is right, because her arms are already around his neck, and already she is dreaming of threading her fingers into his beautiful hair; he allows it, moans into her mouth when they do and brings her closer.
He tastes a little bit like sugar; but lots of poison too.
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average-boy-of-dirt · 4 years
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aaaaaaa this is my little fanart for @marshmallowprotection - it’s Lila and Saeran on a little walk in the woods because why not? lololol Saeran’s being a lil tsundere~
Lila just wants some time in the woods with her big bad mafia boyfriend
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lunarmochi · 4 years
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Stargazing
Trade with @darlingischarming
Fandom: Mystic Messenger
Pairing: Saeran x Lila Lancelot (Custom OC)
Summary: Saeran and Lila have been hard at work all day, and he decides that he wants to help her relax somehow. Well... what better way to do that than stargazing?
Length: 1705 words
a/n: Aaaaaaah this took me a while, but I finally got it done? I’m so glad I got to do this trade with you, Kait, and I hope you like this? I tried my best. I loved the piece you wrote me, by the way. But you probably already know that bc of how much I shrieked about it on the server. 
-
She sighed in relief once the last customer for the day left the shop. She took her pen and crossed off the order, closing the book and sliding it back into its cubby. Lately, her and Saeran’s flower shop had been getting increasingly busy and filled with orders. Not that she was complaining, of course. In fact, it made her happy! People always looked incredibly and content whenever they saw their orders. Some days just got a bit more difficult than others, is all. She and Saeran were still recovering from the whole Mint Eye affair a while ago. It had been quite a while since then, and they had done really well together since then, but there was always that certain day or two that put a damper on their mood. She was so much more exhausted than usual, for some reason. But no matter! She still had some things to do before she could close up. She got up and went to the back, smiling at the sight of her lover tending to the flowers peacefully. It was just them this evening. All the other employees had left for the day, so it was almost silent aside from the occasional snipping sound of floral scissors. She came up behind him quietly and kissed his cheek. 
He jumped slightly, turning to look at her. “O-oh, hello flower. You startled me,” he laughed a bit. He had just been watering some baby’s breath and nearly dropped the watering can. Maybe the exhaustion was getting to him as well. “Did you need something?” She shook her head and smiled at him. “Nope, all the customers are gone for the day, so I decided to come see what you were up to.” Saeran smiled and put the can down, turning to her and holding her hands. The dark circles under her eyes confirmed his suspicion of how tired she was. Maybe it was time for them to close up. “How about we close up for the evening, flower?”
“But... I still have a few things to do.”
“Come on, it wouldn’t hurt,” he coaxed her. He could tell that they both badly needed to relax.
“Well... alright, I guess we could.” Lila let out a sigh. If he was insisting on it, then maybe they should go ahead and close up. Saeran smiled and grabbed her hand, gently pulling her to the front and grabbing her bag, immediately walking outside and locking the door quickly. It was like a lightbulb had set off in his head with an idea. 
She was a bit surprised at how quickly he was going. He had such an excited expression on his face that she couldn’t say anything; the only thing she could do was admire how adorable he looked. The two got in the car, with Saeran driving, and he started driving. “Wait... why are we going in the opposite direction of our house...?” she wondered aloud.
“You’ll see, flower.” He reached over and held her hand while driving, stroking it gently. They weren’t driving for very long, thankfully. Only about 15 minutes before he parked at a local park. Why would he come here, of all places? She was about to open her door until Saeran got out and went to open the door for her. 
“O-oh, thank you.” A soft blush covered her cheeks as she got out, glancing up at him as the moon shone down on them. He almost seemed ethereal. He, of course, was thinking the same. Looking down at his flower, she looked so beautiful. She had that confused look on her face, probably confused why they were here in the first place. She would find out soon, though. He held her hand once again, leading her throughout the park to a hill, sitting atop it and patting the spot beside him. 
She sat down, turning to look at him. “Why are we here, Saeran?” He pointed up and they both looked up at the night sky. Suddenly, she got this amazed look on her face. The sky... it was so beautiful. You could see all the stars from here. Her eyes darted around the sky, looking at all the different constellations she could identify. She was like a kid in a candy shop. He rested his chin on his hand, gazing at her. Seeing her so excited like this was such a treat. He honestly couldn’t care less about the sky. Seeing Lila so astonished and amazed at the beautiful stars meant much more to him. The stars reflected in her eyes and moonlight shining down on her made him think she really was an angel. 
His angel. 
“Thank you for taking me here, Sae.” She smiled big and hugged him tightly. His eyes widened and the color of his cheeks could’ve rivaled the color of his idiot brother’s hair. He would never stop getting embarrassed at her simple acts of affection. Nonetheless, after the sudden rush of shyness, he wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head and burying his face in her hair. 
She really was grateful that he brought them here. It was unexpected but appreciated. It was like all of the exhaustion was lifted out of her.
“I love you, Sae.”
“I love you too, flower.”
They let go of each other and lay down on the grass for a long while, stargazing while holding hands. Not much was said between them, but no words were needed. They both knew how the other was feeling. A silent exchange of feelings. 
The sky really was beautiful tonight. It was rare to find a spot, much less in Seoul, where the sky was clear. It had been a long time since the two had been able to just lay together happily.
Saeran suddenly got up, reaching a hand down to Lila. She glanced up at him with a confused look but took his hand, lifting herself up. He bowed down dramatically and reached out with his hand. “Would the lovely lady grant me the pleasure of dancing with her?” She laughed quietly and nodded, taking his hand. “But of course.” 
He stood up and wrapped his hands around her waist, pulling her small figure close to his. His sudden gentlemanly actions caught her off guard. He wasn’t like this often. Nonetheless, she would still enjoy it with all her heart. She smiled up at him and wrapped her delicate hands around his neck, laying her head against his chest. 
They moved side to side slowly, enjoying the feeling of being in each other’s arms. Saeran paused for a bit to take out his phone, fumbling with it a bit before turning on some soft music, stuffing his phone back in his pocket before returning to his previous position. Thank god he didn’t drop his phone.
She shook her head with a smile and pulled him closer. She found his clumsiness endearing. It was times like this that she could really appreciate life. Right next to him.
They slow-danced along to the music for quite a while. Time just slipped out of their hands because of how much they enjoyed dancing together. They talked about life and shared some laughs as they usually did. 
He twirled her around and dipped her back down, a smug smile on his face at her red cheeks. Seeing her blush gave him such a satisfying feeling. Especially when he was the reason.
After dancing for so long, they finally realized just how late it was. Was that sunlight they saw? Lila got a rush of panic thinking about how late they would wake up and get back to the flower shop but it went away once she yawned. She didn’t know why, honestly. She had been up much later than this. Saeran looked over at her and ruffled her hair. “How about we start getting home, hm?” he asked softly, “I’ll carry you to the car.”
As much as she didn’t want to burden him with carrying her back, she was starting to get really tired. She might as well give in. She nodded and nuzzled against his chest, eyes already starting to close a bit.
He pressed his lips against her forehead and lifted her up bridal style, making his way back to the car. Already, she had fallen asleep. She was light, so it was no problem for him. Even if it was a few minutes walk back. He opened the passenger door and carefully set her in the seat, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. He got back in the driver’s seat and silently drove back home to their shared house. Thankfully, in his opinion, she stayed asleep the whole time. Once they arrived, he got out of the car and lifted her out of her seat, walking up to their door and walking inside the empty house. He took both of their shoes off (after some struggling) and walked upstairs to their bedroom. After some deciding, he carefully took her dress off and put one of his shirts on her, which was what she usually wore as pajamas anyway. His face was burning the whole time, but he just wanted to be a gentleman and get her ready for bed so she wouldn’t have to wake up in uncomfortable clothes... it was nothing he hadn’t seen before, anyway. He tucked her into bed before changing into his own pajamas, getting into bed beside her afterward. Laying on his back and looking at the ceiling.
Oddly, she only now started to wake up. 
She looked around and noticed that she was in bed and... she was changed too? He must’ve done it for her. She blushed and moved closer to him, laying her head on his chest. He glanced down at her briefly before wrapping an arm around her, rubbing her back in hopes of coaxing her back to sleep. “Go back to sleep, flower, it’s late...” “Soon... I wanna stay up a bit longer with you...” she mumbled sleepily, “also... I have a question.”
“Hm?”
“Can we go do that more often...?”
He laughed softly and kissed the top of her head. “Of course, my flower.”
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kingdomzeldaquest · 7 years
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Lila’s Nightmare - Mystic Messenger Zen X MC
Zen is a soldier stationed in Lila’s town. After an impeding attack on the town threatens to separate them, Zen will do what he can to take her home with him. 
Story taken from the song from the musical Miss Saigon - Kim’s Nightmare 
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Zen nervously tapped his foot as the Captain wrote out the papers he so desperately needed. The city was going to fall soon and the troops that were stationed there were soon going to be pulled out.
The Captain finally spoke as he pushed over a pile of papers across the table, “Sorry, sergeant, as things degenerate, all I'm giving her is her emigration papers, without the wait. Sign here.”
Frustration hit Zen and he brought his hand down onto the table, “That's not good enough!” He knew just the papers alone wouldn’t be enough to get her out safely right now.
Sighing at his frustration, the Captain took back the papers. Working quickly, he subtly added a few more pages to the documents, “This will get her on board the carrier. You're declaring that you will marry her when you get back to the states?” Zen nodded, of course he was going to marry her. She was the love of his life, “Sign here.” He didn’t have time for another outburst from Zen.
As Zen signed the papers, a soldier came up behind the Captain. He glanced at Zen before speaking again, “By order of the old man, the embassy will close according to plan.” He spoke loud enough for both the Captain and Zen to hear.
The Captain nodded at the soldier before addressing Zen, “I'll stretch a couple rules to issue her pass. That's it, you're ready.” Zen nodded again, taking what he needed before turning and leaving, “Nice ass.” The Captain mumbled to himself before shouting, “Who's next?”
When another soldier came back to the Captain, complaining that it was taking too long, the Captain was beginning to get frustrated, “By order of the old man we're processing the gooks as fast as we can. I mean Vietnamese, hey don't get me wrong, can't leave these looks for the Cong - right?”
Finally Zen had made it back to her small place where Lila was waiting for him. They had only spent a few months together, ever since Zen was stationed in the city after being deployed for war. It was love at first sight for Zen. She was a few years younger than him, but she was scared and alone and it reminded Zen of himself only a few short years ago.
After getting to know each other, Zen swore he would protect her, and right now that meant getting her out of the country.
She was quick to her feet at the sight of her white haired lover, throwing her arms around his tall frame as soon as she reached him.
He looked up as he embraced her, only to see the clock behind her, “Christ, I am due at the embassy. No time to lose.” He had only come back on his way to the embassy to tell her he was successful in getting the papers to take her with him.
“I don't want you to leave me today.” Lila didn’t let him go as she tried to hold him tighter. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t scared. Everything was going to hell outside and she didn’t like when Zen wasn’t here to keep her safe.
Prying her arms from around him, albeit reluctantly, Zen held her by her shoulders, “Well at least Uncle Sam bought our honeymoon cruise.” He offered her his dashing smile to try and comfort her.
Lila shook her head, grabbing his biceps as she looked up at him with pleading eyes, “If you're going I don't want to stay.”
Zen dropped one arm and pulled out his gun, “Look I'm leaving my gun.” He took one of her hands and placed the handle in her small delicate fingers, “We got time. Stay and pack.”
As much as she didn’t want to, Lila relented, “Well I will do whatever you say.”
“We'll get plenty of word when the VC attack.” Zen tried to reassure her as he kissed her forehead, “I want you in that bed waiting when I get back.” He pointed to the bed behind her, before kissing her once again, this time on her lips, before leaving.
Things quickly went from bad to worse outside the embassy once Zen got there.
“Sorry, sergeant, we must accelerate. State department says we evacuate. The word is, we must be out by dawn.” Jaehee told him when the gates closed on the embassy.
Zen wasn’t expecting this. He was told they had time! “But my girl is out there!”
Jihyun put his hand on Zen’s chest to hold him back from running to the gate, “Sorry, sergeant, it's straight from Washington. No one leaves the grounds now, not anyone. As fast as we load the planes, we're gone.”
“Okay! Keep quiet! don't shout!” Saeyoung tried to silence the crowd as they let through the few refugees that they could. He knew they could take more, but they were running out of time and the people were panicking. “The Ambassador won't leave till everyone's out. The choppers're on their way, there's room for you all!”
“They're climbing over the wall!” Across from him Yoosung shouted, “Get back! Get back! I tell you, don't shout. The Ambassador won't leave till everyone's out.”
An order suddenly came from over the crowd, “The Ambassador just sent an order to freeze!”
“That's it! No more Vietnamese!” Saeran shouted, closing the final gate, “Get in!”
Lila tried her best to push through the crowd that had amassed outside the embassy. She couldn't stand to wait alone, and left for the embassy not long after Zen. It was then that she got the news that they were evacuating. She knew Zen wouldn’t have time to come back for her.
“I'm the wife of a soldier, please let me through!” She shouted over the crowd, hoping anyone might be able to help her. “Help me, who must I pay? Tell me what I must do!” She began to plead to nothing as she tried to shove through the panicking crowd.
“Let me out!” Zen demanded as he tried to get out of the embassy building, “I have got to go back to my bride!”
“Dammit sergeant not now!” Jumin shouted, too preoccupied with loading the choppers instead of turning to punch Zen. As much as he wanted to.
“Listen, someone! My husband is waiting inside!” Lila cried out again. She was being pushed and shoved around now as she fell into the crowd. She wasn’t sure which way was out and which way way the embassy but she figured she might be getting closer to the gate.
Zen had made his way to a phone, and was calling Lila. Hoping he could explain the situation, and maybe say goodbye. Even though he swore to himself he would be back for her soon if he couldn’t get to her today. “Please Lila. Hear the phone. I can't get there. Please be home.” He pleaded aloud as the phone continued to ring, with no one picking up.
With one final shove, Lila found herself pushed out to the side of the crowd, the gate still far to the other side of the crowd. “Please Zen. No one sees. I am lost here. Find me please.” He had always managed to appear just in time to save her in the past. He was her knight. Lila didn’t know what she would do without him.
Zen hit the wall as he called again, “Please, get me through, I don't care how. Don't take my love away, not now.”
Trying for the gate again, Lila was stuck once again, “Oh, Zen. I can't get free. Still I'm with you. Wait for me.”
Slamming the phone down after another failed attempt, Zen finally managed to make his way outside the building. He saw the crowd and began to look through it. If she wasn’t home, maybe she was here. He desperately tried to spot her, even though the back of his mind was telling him that she wasn’t here, “Oh Lila. Please get free. I am with you. Wait for me.”
Jaehee came up behind him, grabbing his arm as she tugged him back towards the building, “Sorry sergeant, inside the Embassy! We are pulling out now and there will be no more reprieves.”
“I got till the old man leaves!” Zen snapped at her, ripping his arm from her grip.
“Zen, don't be an ass.” Jumin finally spoke directly to Zen, his strength much more than Jaehee’s as he pulled him towards the helicopters, “The Ambassador is leaving now!” He shouted and the crowd heard.
The citizens trying to claw through the gate wailed out as they began to bargain with the soldiers to help them escape.
“Take me with you!”
“Take my children!”
“I have a letter, here!”
“I helped the CIA!”
“They’ll kill who they find here! Don't leave us behind here!”
“I've a wife who left already!”
“I have an aunt in New York!”
“I have gold, I can pay!”
“There is no one to find here! They have left us behind here!”
Lila’s pleads were lost among the crowds desperation, “I must get in there, listen, anyone!” She pulled out Zen’s gun, in hope to convince them that her story was true, “Please tell my husband... look! I have his gun!”
The man beside Lila shoved her roughly to get past her, “Out of my way, if that's all that you've got!”
“If I am here when they come, I'll be shot!” Another shouted over the chaos.
Zen was struggling against Jumin’s grip, “Let me go, Jumin, I can't leave her! Why in the world should I be saved instead of her?”
Behind them, the crowd continued to cry in desperation, “They'll kill who they find here! Don't leave us behind here!”
Jumin resisted the urge to hit him again, “It's not you, it's the war that's cruel. And if some dreams get smashed, perhaps it's best they were.” Zen’s struggles began to fail, as well as his ability to stand.
“There is no one to find here! They have left us behind here!”
Grabbing Zen to face him directly, Jumin continued to ignore the crowd, “Wake up, my friend, your mercy trip has failed. There's nothing you can do, that ship has sailed. She's not the only one we'll have betrayed.” Taking advantage of his weak state, Jumin dragged Zen up to the roof of the embassy, where the last of the helicopters were leaving.
“Get to the roof, or else we are betrayed!” Someone in the crowd called, noticing the few helicopters that remained.
Lila however, had lost hope, seeing the last of the helicopters take off, “Oh, Zen. I still believe. The heart of you is here with me. My heart, against all odds holds still.”
Zen watched as the ground became further away, Jumin holding him in place, as the helicopter took off. Flying over the city, Zen could see the attack had begun on the city. People were screaming and crying as the city fell.
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Note
This recent idol meme makes me think of Lila and idol Ray/Saeran 😭😭😭
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I hear you. I've decided to deliver what we both want. This outfit is one of my favorites and we're going to pretend this doesn't come from a Bad Ending. In fact, this belongs solely to a happy universe where our boy is an idol and Lila's the fan he falls in love with through a comical set of rom-com tropes.
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marshmallowprotection · 8 months
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Love will prevail, no matter what, Saeran.
(Reference: TeamMomi)
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marshmallowprotection · 3 months
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OOUGH I TRIED TO GET THEM BEFORE IT PASSED BUT HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY KAIT!!! have seven and his sweeties goofing off with multiples of his glasses because these are party people who will make the party part slap. but lila and saeray are the main event and i hope these scribbles are a.) able to be parsed and b.) something that brings you joy... i hope your birthday has been great! 🎉 🎊🥳 —Submission
OH MY GOD SKELLY THEY'RE ALL SO GOOFY I ADORE THEM I'M GONNA PUT THESE ON MY FRIDGE
Judas, Saeyoung and Minji would make the best party, ever. I think it'd be cheesy and personalized. Minji would make the best treats to taste, Judas would distract me with a shopping trip, and we'd come home to Saeyoung tangled in a box of streamers with Saeran. Sobs. But, Saeray and Lila are so. precious. THEY'RE JUST SO SMALL AND SQUISHY. I'M GONNA PINCH THEIR CHEEKS THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
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marshmallowprotection · 3 months
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Who is Nari's favorite member of the RFA?
Hmm. Well, given that she's Saeran and my MC's daughter, she has a fondness for her many uncles and aunt from the RFA. I'd say she likes them in different ways so it's hard to pick a favorite.
Zen loves to play dress up and meet her with full theatrics any time she wants to have a tea party, for example. What little kid wouldn't love that? She gets to feel like the center of a story! She doesn't get how her uncle is so good at acting until she later realizes that's just his job! Zen confirmed for uncle who always makes her feel like the best princess!
Jumin also sits down with her for tea, but it's for serious discussions about her favorite media. Jumin loves to learn new things and boy, he learns a lot about children's media! Nari loves being able to have a lot of conversations about the semantics of Ponyville, for example, and I do believe Jumin just starts teaching her about how the government works and where the cartoon could do better. She agrees with him in the end.
(Vanderwood's visits are sparse, but his time with Nari reflects the same sentiment as Jumin's. They treat her with kindness and she's quick to return in kind.)
When Yoosung comes over it's never a dull moment because her Papa and Uncle make all kinds of snacks together! She gets to try all kinds of new treats. Somehow he brings something over that she's never had before, and boy is she determined to learn how everything tastes! She might get a tummy ache... but to be fair... so do her Papa and Uncle... despite the warning from her Mama.
Jaehee is always fun when she drops by because they get to watch musicals together! Sure, they watch some with Uncle Zen in them but there are a lot of other stories they get to pick up. Jaehee can’t say no to that baby when she asks for a new story… and the fun part is she gets to have fancy hot chocolates to drink while the grown-ups get coffee. 
(I lied about favorites. Uncle Saeyoung is her favorite person in the world because he's always there for her whenever she needs him. He spoils her rotten no matter what she does, and frankly, that's within his rights. They do everything together! Catch her in the booster seat of his car because they are getting some chicken nuggets for lunch today! DW, Mama and Papa, they'll get you something on the way back!)
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marshmallowprotection · 3 months
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Typha
Pairing: SE Saeran/Lila [CMC] ; Minor Saeyoung/Judas[CMC]/Minji[CMC] Description: Saeyoung knows that the right thing to do might not always be the safest path taken but he'll always take it if it means his brother gets to smile again. Word Count: 3,379[AO3]
“Has he made any progress, Saeyoung?” 
Saeyoung didn’t say anything but his face said enough. 
As he sat on a chair outside of the hospital room that had long been claimed by his little brother, he felt lost. There was no other way to describe what he was going through. He felt lost because it was the first time in his life he didn't know what to do to make his brother smile again.
It didn't matter how much he tried to talk to him, the result was always the same. Saeran screamed at him to go away and eventually, he would, leaving his brother to watch the clouds while he sat in a chair outside. Saeyoung could never go too far… he knew he had to be close enough if something went wrong. 
He had no clue how to move forward and help Saeran the way he needed to be helped. The doctors weren’t sure, either. His brother turned down treatment after treatment, and he wanted nothing to do with anything the hospital wanted him to do.
One of the many specialists told him that it was likely a byproduct of whatever had happened to him in the organization he was rescued from. There was no denying that Saeran had been forced to do things that… he wouldn’t have done otherwise in Mint Eye.
But, he couldn’t deny the doctors for much longer… they would give up on him before… before he even had a chance. 
Saeyoung wanted to help his twin. But, he was at a loss for words as well. He didn't know his brother anymore, and the image he held in his mind was of a child who needed him to protect him. Saeran was no longer a kid, and Saeyoung wasn’t, either. It wasn’t fair that their lives were sent into a downward spiral of begotten trust, but nothing could be done to change what had already happened.
The only thing he knew was that he wouldn’t allow the doctors to force treatments. It was a clear boundary Saeran set to anyone who spoke to him, and if that was what he wanted, Saeyoung would make sure he had that right. 
He didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to do, but he had to stay in the hospital until they could stabilize his weight and ensure he was detoxing from the toxic cocktail of drugs Rika forced down his throat for years.
They still weren't sure of the chemical makeup of what went into the stuff she called the elixir, but what they had found made it out to be some of the worst stuff she could have ever gotten her hands on. 
The batches weren't always the same, which meant she had to go out of her way to find people to supply ingredients, and given that many of the survivors complained of different side effects—there wasn’t a way to know what the long-term effects of the drug would do to the victims, from the more severe cases like Saeran to those who’d joined Mint Eye right before the collapse.
The more that Saeyoung thought about it, the sicker he felt. He couldn’t fester in his anger for long, at least, not when he was in public. 
However, his disgust toward Rika and all members of her group who weaponized medication and illicit drugs was apparent. The situation could be taken at face value. Saeyoung hated her for the pain she put his brother through and he wouldn’t stop hating her until the day he died. As long as there was a damned beating heart inside his chest, he would hate Rika Kim. 
If there was a way for him to hate her after death, he would find a way to make that possible as well. 
He sucked in a breath and glanced over his shoulder at the skewed window of Saeran’s hospital room. “Well, the doctors gave him the notepad he wanted since it doesn’t seem like he’ll get his voice back any time soon. He hasn’t said a word to anyone, and the doctors are not sure when he might get his voice back. One of the nurses said it might be from shock, and I don’t think that’s wrong. But, if that is the case, it means he’s haunted by what happened when I was—” 
Unconscious. 
The word wasn’t spoken but he knew Minji understood what he meant. Despite Vanderwood’s best attempt to make sure he didn’t end up bleeding out, the blood loss wasn’t something that could be stopped once it started. The tourniquet made sure he didn't lose it earlier than he did, but somewhere during their stint in the damned basement, it became undone and by the time they were yanked into the church, it was too late to keep him stable. 
“Saeyoung, honeypie. It’s not your fault. I know you don’t believe that, but it’s the truth. Neither Judas nor Vanderwood could stop what happened that day, either. Those two are the reason Lila was able to survive before they brought her to the hospital. I’m sure it must be frightening for Saeran to think about what happened. He was afraid, not thinking clearly, and he lashed out to protect you. I know he was. Rika… Rika told them to take you away and that… I… I think that’s what set him off.” 
Minji rested a hand against his shoulder and an award-winning smile danced across her features. It didn’t bring him peace but it did make him feel a little better to know that his partners were there with him. He wasn’t alone and he didn’t have to handle everything alone. 
That was his normal, though, and while it was difficult to adjust to letting the people who loved him look out for him, he was grateful to see them smile at him nonetheless. 
Saeyoung buried his face in his hands. He wouldn’t cry in public, not where anyone could see him when he needed to present himself as strong and in control, but he would let his guard down just a bit with Minji there to remind him he was okay. He couldn’t believe it, but as long as she was with him, he could pretend that things were… going to be okay. 
He had to take her word for it at the end of the day. She would never lie to him about what she saw happen in front of her, and she was a person who knew how to read other people in tense situations. The fact was both to her benefit and detriment. If she believed Saeran to be afraid for his safety despite everything that happened, he knew it had to be the case. 
Those golden eyes of hers saw the truth in many things he was blind to, and hearing her gentle murmur made a world of difference. 
It didn't change the guilt he felt, of course not, but it did make him feel like there was a chance he and Saeran would be able to reconnect somewhere down the line. 
“I should’ve done a better job at wrapping that tourniquet. If I’d been conscious for just a minute longer… Saeran wouldn’t be upset with himself for hurting her,” Saeyoung muttered. If he acted faster and thought harder about what he needed to do, Saeran would have had no reason to brandish his gun. ”I know that’s what’s bothering him but Jumin suggested if he heard anything about her condition, good or bad, he might lose himself again. The doctors are concerned that even the mention of her name might send him back to square one, too.”
Saeran kept writing the same thing on his notepad. He told everyone who came near him to go away. Saeyoung wondered if that would be different if the right person showed up. 
Would he tell Lila to go away if she had the power to visit? Would he let her stay and make the others go? If that was the case, he deserved to see a face that made him happy, but if he felt guilty over what he did to her, then seeing her face would crush him. If there was only guilt on his shoulders, then he would never let himself see her ever again! 
Would he throw that notepad at her to make her leave and never come back just on the off chance he hurt her again? 
In hindsight, it wasn't any different than what he did to Judas and Minji in an act of desperation to protect them from what he was afraid of. He hurt them thinking that it would be better to send them away.
He was a risk to their safety; Minji, because she was an innocent girl who dreamed of being the owner of a cafe. Judas, because he was already on borrowed time from everything out to get him and he didn’t deserve to go through worse for his sake. 
The only difference between the two of them was that he had the chance to be with the people he loved, and Saeran didn't have that choice. It hurt in a way that felt intimately familiar to him.  
At this rate, even if they told his brother that he had to leave the hospital after they gave him the least amount of care they were legally obligated to give him, his health on the other side would never have a good outlook if he couldn’t find meaning.
It wasn’t easy to see a purpose in life when all you knew was bleak darkness. Saeyoung knew that well, but he didn’t want his baby brother to lose the one connection that made him happy at the worst point of his life. 
What was the right thing to do? 
What was the best thing to do for Saeran’s sake? 
What would bring Saeran’s smile back? 
“I hate being told that Saeran can’t hear about the one person he gives a damn about.�� 
It was the truth. 
Saeyoung wasn’t happy about it. 
The one person who stood by his brother’s side for the better part of the last couple of months was that girl from America who stumbled into his path at the wrong place, yet at the right time. She adored his brother and he knew that. Nobody in this world other than him held that fiery look in their eyes when they saw someone that Saeran was afraid of. She was willing to be by his side without a moment’s hesitation. She deserved to be close to him if… that was what they wanted. 
She wasn’t afraid to plant her feet in front of Saeran and fight for him. 
Saeyoung respected the hell out of that, and he was proud to call her family for it. He might not have known what she was to Saeran and in turn, what he was to her, but there was not a doubt in his mind that they cared about each other in a way nobody else could understand. They went through something that not many people would be able to empathize with, much less sympathize with, and it bonded them. 
He knew there had to be more to their bond than months of crying and clinging to survival, but without seeing them together, he had no way of knowing if being together would make them as happy as Minji assumed it would. 
Not only was she willing to take a bullet for Saeran, but she’d taken multiple “cleansings” in his stead to ensure he didn’t end up worse for wear time and time again. She risked her health and safety because she knew he would be destroyed if he ended up in the basement one more time.
She didn't have to do that.
She could’ve valued her safety and let him suffer, but she didn't do that. 
She wasn’t that kind of person. 
Minji could attest to that, after all. 
“I don’t like it, either,” Minji’s voice soured. It was unlike her to let loose her anger and frustration but it was nice to know he wasn’t alone in that. “She… would benefit so much from being able to see him. I told her that he’s okay but that’s not enough, is it? I could tell her anything, after all. Even if she’s sure I’d never lie to her face, that doesn’t change the fact that I could. That isn’t fair to her or Saeran.” 
Of course, she was preaching to the choir, but it was nice to know she shared the same sentiment with him. Of course, she would. She was the kind of girl who believed in Happily Ever After for everyone, even if it wasn't easy to get there.
She wasn't the type of girl who wanted to take no for an answer when it came to matters of the heart. It was one of the reasons why he fell victim to her charm in the first place. Well, it was either that or those delicious lemon squares. 
"Isn’t there something we can do about that, Saeyoung? Don’t you think we can tell the specialists that keeping them separated is doing more harm than it is doing either of them any good?” 
It wasn't like he hadn't already tried to reason with them for his Saeran’s sake. It didn't seem to matter how much he thought it would do his brother good to be around a friendly face, they had a different idea in mind when it came to his health. He could continue to beg and plead with the doctors about it, or he could take matters into his own hands instead. 
Quietly, Saeyoung pulled himself up and gestured for her to sit down. “Babe, I know you mean well and you’re doing your best to make me feel better but that’s not why you dropped by the hospital and you know it. Dr. Kang called you again, didn’t he?” 
Minji offered a sheepish smile. 
“Okay, okay. I’ll take the hint. Call me if anything changes with Saeran while I’m away, alright?” 
“You got it! Make sure to ice your shoulder before you leave, too! It was as tense as cold butter when I touched you. As much as I like cold chunks of butter in my dough, I don’t think it’ll do your arm any good,” she smiled into the kiss they shared before he left her to tap away on her phone in the chatroom. 
It was of no surprise to him to see Judas teasing her on the other side of her phone. It was good to know they had each other when he was… at a loss like this. Warm, inviting, and comfortable, that was the best way to describe their dynamic. He knew there would always be lemon and blueberry waiting just beyond the horizon. They would be there for him and he would be there to catch them when they needed him. 
That was what Saeran needed. 
“I’ll make sure to pound out the butter for your dough this time, lemonpie.” 
————————————
Piercing gold eyes met baby browns in the early hours of the morning and not a single soul stirred in that hallway outside of the two of them. It was a silent morning, one without the hum of cicadas, but he could almost hear the sound of Lila’s ragged heartbeat as she stared at him and the imposing door that kept her away from Saeran. 
“Jumin might’ve given the order to keep you away from him, but I’m not going to stop you,” Saeyoung said in a hushed tone.
She gasped but put a hand over her mouth immediately without a second thought. “I knew the offer would be too tempting for you to ignore. I can’t promise you a long time with him but I can guarantee ten minutes, maximum. Judas and I… pulled a lot of strings to make this possible and let’s just say Jumin should never find out about that. Do you understand?” 
Lila nodded. She knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. If that was all she could have with him, then she would take it. Her nervous hand gripped the doorknob for a moment as if not sure if she should go inside to see him, after all. It was her decision whether she wanted to see him or not, and Saeyoung wasn’t going to force it on Lila. 
She could visit him if she wanted to do that and leave without saying a single thing if she wanted, too. Even with that look on her face, he knew she wanted to go inside. She wanted to see him and stay with him.
There was no way that he could make sure she could be with him for as long as she wanted, or better yet, as long as Saeran wanted if he wanted to see her. It was risky enough that he went this far. It didn't matter how anxious she might’ve been about seeing him, though, Minji made it clear to him that the only thing Lila talked about in her sleep was seeing him again. 
She wasn't upset with him about what happened because she knew that he didn’t intend to hurt her that day. He hadn’t wanted to hurt anything, that wasn’t who his baby brother was!
Saeran might’ve been cagey and afraid to exist in a world that forced him to suppress every emotion in his heart but his anger, but his gentle heart still existed all the same. 
No pain in this world would destroy Saeran’s gentle heart… not for good. It might’ve been suffocated, it might’ve been stomped on, and it might’ve been treated with contempt but it would never be destroyed.
That was how he found a person who adored him even if he didn’t think he was worthy of it. Someone saw the beauty in his heart and gave him a chance to find himself again. 
If Saeyoung couldn’t reach his brother the way he wanted to, then he knew the next step was to stand aside and let the person he trusted more than him take a shot at it.
He had to admit that it made him feel like less of a good big brother to see that he wasn't the one who could help Saeran the most, but at this point, he was desperate. He was desperate to see his brother make some progress for the better. 
“Thank you,” she whispered as the door began to open, and she slipped inside. She didn’t bother to look back but Saeyoung didn’t expect her to hesitate when Saeran was just on the other side. “I’ll always be grateful for this, Saeyoung.” 
You don’t have to thank me. 
It was the right thing to do. 
Saeyoung stood up and decided to take a glimpse inside through the crack in the door. He saw his brother stare at Lila with uncertainty in his eyes but she was fast to respond to his trepidation. She held out a teddy bear she must’ve grabbed from one of the gift shops and held it in front of him.
He stared at the gift for a moment before letting it slip into his hands, his fingers almost brushing against hers but to no avail did they meet in the middle.
Lila didn't seem disappointed by that, though. 
She just seemed to see him again. 
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He gently stroked the top of her bear and she pointed at it, mouthing something Saeyoung couldn’t quite make out. It seemed to be just enough to make Saeran's pain lessened... if only by a bit. He didn't flinch or tremble. He didn't smile or laugh. But, he let her stay and that was more than he allowed anyone to do.
It wasn’t his business either way, but that smile on her face seemed to wash away the tension in Saeran’s shoulders like an afternoon shower during summertime when all the plants wanted a single drop of water to remind them they were alive.
His face didn’t change, almost impossible to read, but that small nudge was enough to bring Saeyoung the peace he needed to know that someday—
Saeran would be okay. 
[Reference from @/NT_MT_CM]
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Do you ever think about those tense hours when you’re separated from Saeran at the end of the After Ending? When you can feel him... you can’t explain it, but you can feel everything he feels. The yearning, the exhaustion, the wish that he could be with you despite knowing he saw no answer but his sacrifice... all of the emotions he feels are yours, too. But, you want to fight for him. You want to save him like he saved you. That’s how Lila feels. His love saved her... and now, what she wants is to save him from a doomed fate... they deserve to see the sky together.
[ref]
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Oh right! I'm actually kinda curious how Lila would react in such situation? Or Saeran hehe. Of course no pressure or anything.
Personally I try to imagine it in positive mood, but then it reminds me od his AE when MC wakes up... ;-;
That little delirious look in Saeran's eyes hadn't gone away since he woke up.
Only a couple of his ribs were bruised from the fight he had with Saejoong, and all things considered, it was a miracle he'd only come out of that mess with only minor injuries. His doctors weren't that concerned! They would heal as long as he took it easy. Treating the pain was the only thing they needed to do, and Lila was relieved that was the case. He needed the rest after everything they went through.
After everything he went through.
As tired and out of it as he was, she was just happy to hold his hand again. She smiled at him, as she'd always done, and he looked back at her with a very confused expression. "The pretty girl is holding my hands..." He muttered, eyes darting to the doctor in the corner for answers.
Lila laughed. She leaned over to kiss his cheek, only for Saeran's new heart monitor to flutter that much faster in reply. The painkillers had made him dazed and confused after hours of trying to come down from his high. It was probably a good thing that she hadn't told the others that Saeran was in and out of consciousness yet. That would have made things even harder on him.
Saeran looked around, this time, wondering who might give him the answers he wanted to have. "She kissed me... I'm not sure I deserve the attention from the pretty girl... Who is she?"
"Your fianceé," the doctor supplied.
Saeran looked at Lila with an incredulous look in his eyes. He couldn't seem to believe he was that lucky in life. It almost reminded her of all those days when Ray would gawk at her like he couldn't believe she'd chosen to stay with him despite the risk he faced at Magenta. "She's my fianceé...? The pretty girl is married to me?"
"We will be soon enough," she squeezed his hand. "I think you'll remember after a little nap, sweetheart."
"I must be the luckiest man alive..." he whispered, body settling up against the hospital bed with a long sigh. As long as he would relax and let his brain rest, it would be alright. "I can't believe... the prettiest girl I've ever seen is in love with me..."
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I think about the New Years folder a lot.
Ref: @/mudeong_00 on Twitter.
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“Uncle Saeyoung, do you know the story?”
“What story would that be, sweet Nari flower?”
His niece was bright-eyed, bubbly, and the happiest girl in the world. He was so grateful that she was untouched by the trauma that he and his brother had gone through. She only knew what it was like to have a big family that loved her as if she was the center of the universe. She had more than he and Saeran could’ve ever dreamed of, and still, she deserved more. That was the way that Saeyoung felt about any child he saw.
He prayed and hoped that they would never know grief and pain... but if they did, they would be saved by love in due time. It was exactly why he decided when he was free that he wanted to dedicate his life to helping children. Between owning his own gadget shop and sharing his profits to the new RFA, he had his work cut out for him. The RFA was still together, even as their lives kept them busy and in a world of freedom, but their new focus in life was helping children.
It had become an organization bent on protecting children like him and Saeran across the world. He could say that in the 14 years since his freedom had been created that many children were in a better place now than they were before. It was a mission and Saeyoung never gave up on those. Between his hard work and the others, the world was looking safer for kids.
With Zen working hard to shine brightly on stage where he always advocated for the little guy, with Yoosung making sure that no mouths went hungry when he’d give out food for free, with both Jaehee and Jumin on track to enter the Prime Minister’s office to help the county, and... well, he thought about where he was and smiled.
He was proud of where he was in life but he was even happier that his brother had been able to have so many things that he never thought possible. Saeran was the one that had made the most progress in finding a normal life for those dreams of his. Saeran worked with him in the shop, a little building meant to be able to provide toys and flowers for anyone who wanted to drop by, but he had things that he was even prouder of.
Saeran had Lila. He had a wife who loved him dearly and would do anything to see him smile. The two of them had saved everyone and themselves all those years ago. They were the ones that changed everything... and together, they’d been able to live happily without looking over their shoulders. In their love had come Nari, the cutest little tomato you’d ever seen. With messy red hair tied in pigtails and freckles that danced across her cheeks.
Saeyoung could say she was his favorite niece. She was his only niece, but that was besides the point. Whenever her parents stepped out, he always wanted to volunteer to watch her for however long that was. Today, they’d stepped out into the garden not too far from where he was working on the porch, but just enough away that Nari couldn’t stumble after them. She’d sat on the ground close to him to watch as he tightened another bolt in his design.
He’d only paused to see what she wanted, and he wasn’t surprised that she was staring at him expectantly. She looked like she was ready to tug at his hand for a while to get his answer. “How Mama and Papa met!”
Saeyoung chuckled. “Didn’t your Papa tell you that story already?”
She shook her head, almost indignant. He knew that they had told her a little bit about the story but not all the bits and pieces. She was too young to understand what all happened. They’d have to talk someday because their family was a big part of the history books. “Papa always says that he met Mama in a castle but Mama always says that she met him in a big garden!”
“I see, so Mama and Papa told you different stories!” He said as Nari nodded her head. “Well, well, well! Uncle Saeyoung is here to tell you that they’re both telling you the same story! Can you believe that, Nari? Your Papa loves to start at the very beginning of a story and your Mama likes to focus on the little things in the story! They get the stories all mixed up because they can’t agree on where they should start! Isn’t that silly?”
“Mhm. Does that mean you know the real story?”
“Of course, I do!”
“Can you tell me? Please?”
Saeyoung tapped his chin for a moment in thought as he pondered what he should tell Nari. He hummed for a second, scooping the girl off the ground as she let out a little squeal and giggle in response. He plopped her on the edge of the deck’s railing as they looked over the garden where they could see both of her parents in the distance. They seemed to be talking in a world of their own.
“Once upon a time, there was a missing prince. He had gotten lost from his dear big brother one day in the forest. He wasn’t sure where he was or how to get to his home again... but he stumbled upon a castle in the mountains that welcomed him inside. There was a dangerous witch in this castle who made him stay there because she thought it would protect him from the scary forest! The prince was sad he couldn’t leave the castle... but he didn’t want to get hurt in the forest. He knew it was better to wait for his brother to come find him!”
“So, he waited... and waited... but his brother couldn’t find him. He felt sad, but he did his best to stay hopeful! Until one day, there was a storm at the castle so big that it brought in someone new! Someone from the outside! It was a strange and mysterious princess from a foreign land. The witch told her the same thing she had told the prince.”
The princess and prince started to fall in love... they spent all their time together in the castle... walking through the gardens and smiling for the first time in a very long time. She was kind to him in a way that he hadn’t seen in a long time since his only company had been the witch for years. The prince was happy... he was so happy to see the princess smile with him.”
“But... the princess realized something that the prince didn’t. The witch had lied to them!” A loud gasp came from his side as Nari listened intently. “She knew his brother was looking for him! She’d met his brother before she stumbled into the castle! She figured it out when the prince revealed what happened to him when he got lost. He thought his brother gave up... but he never did! The witch was the one who had surrounded the castle with dangerous things! They were both trapped in the castle because of the witch!” 
“No!” cried Nari.
“Yes! So, the prince and princess came up with a plan. They decided that they needed to talk to the witch and find out why she trapped them... it was easy for someone to think the witch was wicked and cruel, but neither the prince nor the princess wanted to think that way. They decided to be kind to the witch who had trapped them by giving her sympathy when she revealed her dark secret that’d made her hide in the castle in the first place! When the prince and princess had chosen to be kind, they made the witch realize she was wrong!”
“The witch let them go but only if they could escape from the castle by midnight. There were many dangerous traps set out by the witch to stop them from getting out! She made them fight monsters, magic, and even a giant cat! It was mean of that witch to tell them they could leave but fight them when they tried! But, after a long fight... the princess and the prince escaped from the castle! They could go back to the kingdom where the prince’s brother was searching for him and reunite!”
Nari looked between him and Saeran. She seemed to be internalizing what that meant. She was only 4 and a half years old, but she was always perceptive of a tiny detail. “So... Mama and Papa escaped from the big castle... and got to see you again, Uncle Saeyoung?”
He ruffled her messy curls and nodded, “Ah. That’s right, your Mama and Papa escaped that castle and I got to see my little brother again. I was happy to see him and I was grateful that the princess had saved his life. Your Mama and Papa went through a lot in that castle... but if they hadn’t, we wouldn’t be living in the castle we have today. It’s a super happy story, Nari dearest. We’re living in the happily ever after of their story.”
Nari paused, but then she looked right through Saeyoung as if she could the things inside of his heart that he locked away. “Isn’t it your happy ending, too? If Papa didn’t lose Uncle Saeyoung, then Papa never would’ve met Mama! But if Mama didn’t meet Uncle Saeyoung, she never would’ve met Papa, either! Uncle Saeyoung helped Mama and Papa!”
His heart twisted when she said that but he hid it well with a laugh. He always told himself this was their story but... Nari had a point. It was his story, too. This was his life, too. “You’re right, little flower. It’s my story, too. Why don’t we go out there and join your parents, mmm? I think it’s time they share the treats they’re trying to hide from us!”
Her attention was foiled just like that. Saeyoung helped her hop down from the railing on the deck as she yanked at his hand, “Mama! Not fair! Can’t hide the candy in the garden!”
“Pout at Papa, he’ll let you get away with it.”
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hi kait!! i have a question: did you ever feel awkward when you first started writing fics about lila and saeran?
I've been sharing content with my CMC and Saeran since 2018, so you could say that I'm comfortable with it by now! I've always been someone who writes OC x Canon stories since I was really young, so it's really not that odd or weird for me to hit post on something with that content. Some of the most compelling stories I've come across have been OC x Canon, but sparsely few are popular.
It has a lot to do with the fact that those stories are emotionally tailored to be something that is very personal and close to the heart of the writer. I think it's important to be writing things that make you happy instead of trying to please everybody else. That's just the way that I look at things and if you like to share what you put down to make yourself happy, you might find that other people are capable of being just as invested. But, that only happens if you put your heart out there for others to see.
That can be risky because you never know how people are going to take something that you write for yourself. It can be scary to share OC x Canon stories out there. Throughout the years, I can definitely remember receiving flames or hate comments because God forbid people have fun writing something for free where they’re loved and cherished in a way that they may not be getting in real life.
It’s true for younger writers, especially those who start sharing these stories and run into the fear of people ripping apart their hard work to shreds because it “seems like Mary Sue writing” or whatever else you know people say when they come across it.
I definitely don't care for people who waste their time writing hate comments like that on works that are by people just having fun.
There was a time when I was younger when I would be wary of sharing things I wrote just because I knew that there was always a chance of receiving hate because of doing something that I had fun with. But, eventually, I set that fear to the side because I just wanted an outlet to share my thoughts and feelings about Saeran. As scary as it is to know that there are people out there that are mean for no reason, it's just as nice to know that posting something could change your life.
When I started writing for Mystic Messenger, would you believe me if I said that I never finished a story before then? Or that I never wrote anything longer than 2000 words? I'm sure that might come as a surprise because if you've been around here long enough, you know that in the past 2 years I’ve gone on to write stories that range in length from 75,000 to 200,000 words. I never once imagined that I would be able to do that when I was younger.
But, thanks to my starting to engage with the story that I started writing for Lila, I found an outlet to write something worthwhile to me.
I started to push myself to think harder about the way that I wanted to be able to tell a story. I thought about ways that I could change what I was reading and how to make it make sense to me but also make it feel compelling to others. In the middle of learning ways to do that, I wound up making my blog and spending my time practicing my character skills for strangers and fans alike.
At first, it was because I wanted to get some practice with all of the characters so that I could have a better means of knowing how to write all of them so that I could apply that character study to my story. I didn’t just want to understand Saeran, I wanted to know them all.
Because those characters were my family at that point. They were guiding me and with me at the worst and hardest times of my life.
2016 was a hard year for me, I got sick that year in the spring and I felt so lost and afraid, but I met the RFA in August and everything changed after that. These characters mean the world to me because they've seen me through the darkest days. If I can properly show the way that they are in my writing, it feels like I'm able to be closer to them. It feels like I’m with my found family and having Lila be with them connects a part of myself to them in a close way.
Since I've been doing it for so long, the characters have definitely grown with me and there are things that have changed over time because I've had so much experience with writing new perspectives and ideas that the way that I present my CMC now isn’t how I did years ago. She's grown as a character just as much as I have grown as a person so I have this cool time capsule into seeing how we both changed. 
Lila is a part of myself. She holds many of my mannerisms and passions in life.
Just like I can say that Saeran’s character journey has allowed me a chance to heal and see the person I want to be, I can say that Lila growing alongside him helped just as much. It's my passion to make sure that she believes in Happy Endings and that she's able to get them even if she struggles. That reminds me that I can have the same thing. If I can write a facet of myself exploring insecurities and other fears and overcoming them, that means that I can eventually get to a point where I can do the same.
I think that's why it's so important to have OCs and to be friends with your favorite characters if that helps you in any way. You don't just grow from seeing your favorite characters go through their story and reach the end. You grow just as much by creating a part of that story that's a piece of you to go through it. I never felt weird about sharing Lila's story over the years, sure, maybe a little insecure at the start because I wasn't sure if my writing was worth sharing... but never afraid.
I can say that at this point if nothing else, you guys don't know what can happen if you make a small choice as simple as sharing a story with somebody. I wouldn’t change anything if I had to go back to that time when I hit the post button because I know it leads me here. I know that creating Lila and her story led me to this place in my life.
It leads me to this blog and all the people that I have met over the years that have made me smile and laugh in ways that I never thought I would. I've interacted with all kinds of people who have touched my life in ways that I will always be grateful for. Whether I still speak to the people that have come here over the years or not, everybody's had an impact on me.
The person I was when I started playing the game to the person that I am today… I really don't know who I would be without this game and the experiences it’s given me. It's not the game itself that has helped me, it's all of the people that I have met since the start. I never would have had that if I didn't choose to share my story with my MC.
I was able to escape bad experiences because people liked talking to me about Mystic Messenger or any silly thing because we all loved the same game. I was able to realize what I really wanted out of life and I was able to save myself because people showed me kindness. A fandom is a great place if you need a home that feels like home. I'm grateful for my spot here in this fandom because I don't think I'll ever be able to truly say how thankful I am to this place.
So, I think at the end of the day, if you're ever afraid to share a story that you're writing that's personal to you, don't be. You don't know where you will be in life later on because of that decision that you made. You should never hesitate on something if you think that it's going to give you an opportunity of some kind. Even if you're scared of what might happen, take the chance. It might be silly to think about but… take it from me. Writing about Saeran and Lila led me to the love of my life, and good friends, and gave me a strong sense of self-worth that I never would have known if I didn’t hit post. 
You never know!
I love writing content for Lila and Saeran. I don't think that'll ever stop writing about them. There are always ideas in my head that I want to work on and things that I would love to explore with them. If you're itching to write about your CMC and a character, go for it! I'd love to see the start of someone's story written here... because I know that out there, no matter the fandom, someone's life is changing because they took a chance on a story for themselves.
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marshmallowprotection · 5 months
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"You have no more need in being my eyes, little princess. From now on, my eyes are yours, and all you'll ever need to see... is what I see. Merry Christmas... may the next time we stand in front of this tree be a celebration of my victory, dollface."
Reference: @/9800eulgE
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