#second age shenaniganry

[tanoraqui]

I think there should be an au where Celebrimbor and Sauron|Annatar get happily married (with many ongoing ethics debates) and have a child, just because can you IMAGINE the hubris on that kid. Can you imagine. Her ego and self-confidence could challenge Fëanor’s at his peak. All her life, Genderless Minor Deity Parent #1 is saying things like, “The only creature like you to ever have existed in this world before is the only being that ever defeated me in single combat,” and Dad #2 is saying things like, “Actually, I believe my uncle’s dog played a significant part in that as well. But yes, you can do anything you set your mind to—and if the Valar object, ignore them; they’ll just come around a few hundred years later, doing the same thing and pretending it was their idea all along.” She sinks a major land mass all on her own in the late Third Age.

#the silmarillion #celebrimbor #annatar #sauron #silvergifting #second age shenaniganry

[alovesongshewrote]

Plague Masks and Tomfoolery | Julian Devorak

Plot:  You're memeing in the library with the Plague Man

Word Count: 857

Warnings: there are a few pick up lines that get a little suggestive, but ehhh, it’s probably fine

A/N:  im guessing you forgot i write for more than just toa, but surpriseeee.  also, thanks to the lads for helping me come up with pick up lines, yall make my heart go 

Taglist: @furblrwurblr @blixeon @lovedropletsdreams​

Y’know, you would think that after sneaking into the palace library you would start to take things in your life seriously.  To your credit, you usually did.  Working for the Countess to find the murder of her husband was a very big deal, and you treated it as such.  It became an even bigger deal when you developed romantic feelings for the lead suspect.  You swore, up and down, that you were staying focused.  This was not a game.

However, some impulses cannot be helped, and when you saw the old brown doctor’s mask buried beneath a few sheets of paper on Julian’s desk, you knew what you had to do.  You lifted the beaked thing, brushing a finger over the seams as you turned to face your beloved, “Hey, Julian.”

No response.

“Jules.”

“Julian.”

“Big J.”

“Julian.”

“Honey.”

“Babe.”

“Julian.”

“Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuulian.”

“Devorak!”

“Julian!”

The doctor finally spun around to face you, his mouth open and ready to respond.  When he saw you, though, his entire train of thought was derailed.

Who could blame him?  On your face was the old doctor’s mask.  The aged leather felt soft against your skin, and smelled, faintly, of herbs and flowers.  You could barely see out of the permanently fogged-up glass that covered the eyes, but that did not stop you from seeing the blush that quickly covered Julian’s face.

“Julian, look!  I’m you!”

If the man could have, he would’ve screamed.  Not like, “ARRRGH,” but like, “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”  He could not be blamed for the urge to scream.  You were just really cute.  Cute enough, in fact, to strip him of all thoughts other than, “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”  That was fine, though.  The red on his face spoke for him.

But you wanted more.

You walked over, swaying your hips for the fun of it, batting your eyelashes even though Julian couldn’t even see them.  Once you were in front of the doctor, close enough to see every stray hair and other “imperfection” you bent forward.  You didn’t know it was possible for the man to get more red, but somehow he did.  Now you were going to make it worse.

You stretched out an arm and tried to place it on his shoulder.  However, Julian was and is way too damn tall for this kind of shenaniganry, so your hand landed on his chest instead.  Oh well, it still worked.  With a deep breath, you prepared to cause problems on purpose, "Doctor I think I need a physical, I'd love for you to check me out~"

His blush increased, just as planned.  You leaned into him a little harder and kept going, “Boi, is that a leech in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

Through his flustered state, he managed to get out, “A leech?  I feel like you’re underestimating me-”

You did not answer, “Are you the plague?  Because I think you’re sick as fuck.”

“(Y/N)-”

“I feel like you should know, I suck much better than your leeches!” you giggled, “Are you the plague?  Because I could lie in bed moaning about you all day.”

A grin split the doctor’s face.  If this was how you wanted to play, he could deal with that, "Are you the plague? Because I have a feeling you're going to keep me in bed for weeks."

“That was my line!”

“Eh, I don’t think so,” before you could protest, the doctor regained his wits and wrapped an arm around your waist, dipping you near to the floor.  He placed a hand on your neck, his touch feather-light.  You were very thankful for the mask covering your blush.

“Is that a fever?  Or are you just hot?”

"Y-You smell better than the herbs in this hood!”

“A dying man may have God’s name on his lips, but I’d much prefer yours.”

“T-this must be a fever-induced hallucination because there’s no way you can be that hot!  Or that smooth!”

He laughed.  The sound warmed your entire body, his voice was made of hot butter and you were most certainly bread.

“You’ll find I’m much smoother than expected.  Oh!  I have one:  I may or may not have killed the Count, but I will murder that-”

“Ilya?  (Y/N!?)  What on Earth are you doing!?  Hurry, you have to hide!”

The voice of Julian’s younger sister scared you out of the doctor’s arms and sent you right onto the floor.  You lied there for several seconds, once again thankful for the mask that covered your embarrassed expression.

“Ahahaha, Pasha!  We were just-”

“I could literally care less what you were doing, just hide!!  Now!!”

You rolled up off the floor, mask finally falling from your face, “Yes ma’am!”

The three of you ran to hide or fall into a secret passageway, or whatever, but before you made your exit, you doubled back.  There was something you needed to do.  Your eyes landed on the old mask, and you snatched it just as the door opened.  As you snuck off into the shadows, you grinned, clutching the leather garment to your chest.  You were not done with this.  Not by a long shot.

#julian x reader #julian x mc #julian devorak #julian devorak x reader #julian devorak x mc #julian devorak x apprentice #the arcana #the arcana julian #julian devorak the arcana #plague jokes #x readers

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

hello this isnt abt batfam or batman but i saw your age and was wondering how do i survive till 23? i am 18 now and 5 more years is very hard to survive please help

Interesting question. I turn 24 in ten days, and sometimes even I’m not sure. I guess I’ll talk about how I personally stayed alive this long before I try to give advice.

The very first thing I would say is that I am religious, and that worldview makes a difference. I don’t mean that in a “everything happens for a reason” kind of way, and as a matter of fact, I very much dislike that line of thinking. It does a lot of damage, and I’m aware that it rightly puts a lot of people off from religion in general. 

I hold two beliefs that I think are helpful in terms of survival. First, I believe that humans are by nature bad. Counterintuitive in this conversation? Stick with me. Every day, but especially at my lowest moments, I hate the things that I am. In a metaphorical sense, my mind whispers to me that I am selfish, that I am cowardly, that I think bad things and I am capable of worse. I’m hateful, I’m terrifying, and I am absolutely broken. At my core, there is something fundamentally wrong, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t fix it. 

I am disgusting. I’m several thousand evil things in a trench-coat pretending to be anything but myself, and I’m not fooling anyone. 

Well, yeah. Yeah, I’m all those things and more: manipulative, lying, self-obsessed, angry, unforgiving, and judgmental. I could, of course, go on.

Here’s the thing-- everybody is. I am no better and no worse than any other person in the universe, and though I am ever abhorrent thing, I am. I have the same dignity, the same worth, and the same life as any human anywhere. The dark things are part and parcel of my humanity, but although I am not good, I do good. 

I will never be perfect because that just isn’t possible, but I can be kind. I can be loving, I can be strong, and I can be wise. 

Shit, doesn’t that set me free?

There’s a lot more to this conversation, and the rest goes, in brief, like this: at the bottom of the darkness that is every soul, we have one great fear-- if I am truly evil, no one will ever love me. Good news on that front, there is a God who does. If that’s something you want to talk about, hey hit me up. I’ll evangelize on my own time. 

Back to it. My second belief is a kind of understanding about the passage of time, and it’s sort of hard to boil down into a few sentences, but I’ll try my best. I believe in a grand struggle between good and evil. I know the beginning of that struggle. I know the end of that struggle: that good will win. I am a part of the middle. 

I see my role in the universe as extraordinary small but absolutely necessary. I have a two-fold purpose-- love God, love humans. I interpret both as a call to help others in any way I can, and I think in the way my life has worked out so far, that’s really the most important thing keeping me alive. 

I see all of this through the frame of my religion, but I would argue that everything I’ve said so far is applicable outside of that frame, because a lot of folks get to the same place from a fully secular point of view. I cannot be perfect. I should care about and fight for other people. That’s really all we’re working from here. 

A few years back, when people asked me this question-- how do you stay alive?-- I used to answer “spite,” and that’s not untrue. I am a very angry person, and the grand majority of that anger is directed at what I perceive as unjust acts. I have a deep-seated hatred of establishments (including the established church), and you’d be shocked at how much of a motivator that can be. 

I grew up in an environment that was very intentional in teaching me to identify injustice. Though I have radically departed from many of the teachings of my childhood, the part about fighting for others was something I learned at day one, and that bit has stuck around. For the most part, I grew up in an environment where everyone was on the same page about it. 

And theeeeeeen I went to undergrad. Hello, Texas A&M. I hit campus as an 18 year old fully incapacitated by anxiety. I was the kind of person who didn’t-- in fact couldn’t-- speak in front of others. I had always lived my life in a way that minimized myself, because if I never spoke, if I never disagreed, if I never drew attention, I would never make anyone angry. I knew from experience that angry people hurt me, and I was afraid of pain. 

Then I experienced the absolute shenaniganry of conservative Texans. The culture shock sent me to space and back, and on the return trip I decided that I couldn’t be quiet anymore. 

I learned to speak my freshman year so that I could scream FUCK YOU. It was incredibly painful, and I can’t tell you exactly how I managed it other than I was angry, and I didn’t want to lose. 

I fought a similar battle on my homefront against parents that didn’t know how to deal with a daughter that disagreed, or even worse, a daughter that wasn’t okay. I wasn’t a perfect child anymore. I knew I had anxiety, I knew I was depressed, and we all knew who I blamed for that. They hadn’t been the perfect parents they thought they were. 

I found myself growing, little by little, into a person that could write and argue and hold her ground. That’s personal growth for sure, but it didn’t necessarily help my mental health. As a matter of fact, my health declined all through undergrad, and in my third and final year, I cracked.

I was desperate. I was isolated. I was flooded by fear and despair, and I was falling apart. I don’t remember huge chunks of undergrad because I was so depressed that the memories didn’t stick, but I do remember my tipping point.

It was something small. The ceiling fan in my bedroom was broken. The lighting chain worked fine, but if anyone pulled the fan chain, the whole thing would stop working. I mixed up which chain was which, pulled the wrong cord, and broke it for the fourth time. 

For some reason, that was it. I lay down on my floor and cried for an hour, and while I did, my mind went to, as the kids say, a dark place. Finally, I called my mom and begged for psychiatric medication, something I had always been afraid to ask for. At the time, my parents believed that antidepressants were overprescribed, and they mocked parents that let their children take them. 

At around the same time, I was deciding what to do with my life. I was about to graduate, and I had always wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. Instead, everyone in my life pushed me towards law school. I didn’t know what to do, but I began fantasizing, not about going to law school exactly, but about being the kind of person that could go to law school. 

I knew that law school would be entail public speaking and constant conflict and the kind of work that would be hard for a person who sometimes couldn’t leave her bed. I wanted to be someone who could do all of that, but I didn’t believe I was.

Enter Donald Trump. Post-November 2016, I struggled to understand how something like that could happen, and I watched everyone else deal with it too. I began confused, moved to distraught, then returned to what I always am: angry.

January 2017 was the inauguration and shortly afterwards, the “Muslim ban.” I read the news on my bedroom floor, and there was one specific part that stuck out to me. There were pictures of lawyers flooding the airports. There was a court case headed for SCOTUS.

I suddenly realized that one group-- one very select group-- was doing what I was powerless to accomplish. I hated establishments, and there was one group that could challenge and change them. Some people could fight in the way I wanted to, and those people were lawyers.

I have a very distinct memory of looking into the bathroom mirror of my third-year apartment and thinking, “I will be miserable for the rest of my life, no matter what I do or what career I pick. I might as well be a miserable lawyer.”

So I took my antidepressants and I went to law school. I’m not going to rehash everything that happened there in this particular post, because in this topic, I don’t think it matters. The relevant part is that I went, and I had my reason why.

Sure as hell can tell you that law school wasn’t good for my health. The last three years have been, in terms of sheer stress and despair, the worst of my life. I picked up a self-harm habit, endured consistent humiliation, cycled through six different antidepressants, had horrible relationships, and developed a psychotic disorder. Don’t get me wrong, there were good things too. I met people that are important me, and beyond that, I grew. 

I know that 18 year old me would be absolutely flabbergasted by the woman I am now, cracks and flaws included. I wouldn’t say I’m healthy or okay, but I am more healthy and more okay. I’m coming out of this mess with the institutional power I wanted, and now I get to decide what to do with it. 

I was wrong three years ago when I looked in that bathroom mirror. I know now that I won’t be miserable for the rest of my life. I’m going to be happy someday, and to the parts of me that say otherwise: fuck you. I’ve learned to say it now. 

I graduated law school this week, and this month, I’ve felt better than I ever have before. I’m singing again, I dropped two medications, and suddenly, everything is so, so funny. I’ve been laughing so hard my face hurts the day after. 

This is a huge turning point in my life, so I’ve been meditating on my past. I’ve come to the conclusion that in most of the ways that matter, I won. My family has been forced to accept what I am. I became the person I wanted to be, even though I thought I wasn’t capable of that. 

I know for sure that there will be times in my life where I hit rock bottom again, and that’s not gonna be fun. It’s likely that with my mental health issues, I will always have to work harder than my peers to get the same results. That’s unfair. 

I also know that high points exist, and I will have them. I am having them, and I will again. 

I guess in recap, I know that I have deep flaws and ugly parts, but I am at peace with that. I know that I must help others, and in pursuit of that goal, I became a person I like more than the girl I used to be. 

You have exactly the same potential. I want you to know that whatever you are now, that’s not your forever. Circumstances change, and you will change too. We’re human, you and I, and that’s an exciting thing to be. 

Your worth comes from your humanity itself, both evil and good, not the things you do or the fights you win. You never have to compare yourself to others because you are exactly the same as everybody else-- no better, but certainly no worse. You’re a person. That’s enough. 

I’m telling you all those things, and as advice, I’ll say this: get angry and fight. Fight for others. You can help them, and you should. Fight for yourself. You are worthy of respect, and everyone else should give it to you. Fight yourself. Any part of you that preaches despair is wrong. 

Find the thing that makes you angry and use it. Things are fucked up! There’s a lot to be angry about. I put it this way to my classmates, now my attorney peers: you get one hill to die on. What’s your hill? Go and defend it. 

Here’s an interesting thing, anon. Your hill can be yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re right. Five years is a lot, and all the years beyond that are more. Take your antidepressants and go.

#anyway here's a fucking autobiography I guess #let's see what to tag what to tag #religion #christianity #suicide #suicidal thoughts #suicidal ideation #asks #personal i guess #wait I thought of more #self harm #american politics #if the read more on this post doesn't work again I'm rioting #been having that glitch lately

[thegalarianstarshowcase]

Mun Name/Pronouns: It's Joshua now, he/him they/them

Timezone: EST

Discord (If you want to join the event server!): Already a part of it!

Muse(s) Name & Pronouns: Nicole Edwige, she/her, Ginger Gallo, he/him

Muse(s) Age: Nicole's 18, Ginger's 19

Entrant, Spectator or Both: Spectator for both

Pokemon (up to 6): Ginger has Donkey Kong the Passimian, Hawkman the Hawlucha, and Hut!, a special Pyukumuku from thw Xenoverse.

Nicole has Janis the Eevee, Sandy the delta Muk (ground), Krypto the delta Gallade (Electric Ice), Glowey the delta Roserade (dark/fairy), Cavetown the shiny Hydreigon, and Mewun the...well, Mew!

Performance Style (Theme, Freestyle, or Battle): N/A

Credentials (If any, for example Champion, Gym Leader, Notable Trainer, Researcher, Coordinator, etc): Ginger is the second Gym Leader of the Eldiw region, and star on the football team there. Nicole is Third Augur, and current champion, of the Torren region.

Possible Plot Roles (Optional): Multi-dimention shenanigans

Wanted Plots (Optional): I want someone to tease Ginger about his semi-obvious crush on Nicole.

Two more spectators! Welcome Nicole and Ginger to the shenaniganry! 

#submission

[umbraastaff]

I’ve just been thinking--it’s about time I make a proper index for my TAZ fics, huh? Also contains: mini-series, ficlets, goof posts, and lyric comics.

(All of the fics are rated G, or T at most for McElroy-appropriate language.)

FICS

I Saw Seven Bounties | Canon Compliant, Enemies to Friends, Complete | Mostly lighthearted, episodic recounting of Kravitz and Barry’s rivalry throughout those first twelve years on Faerun. 24K. -->Extras: Lich Eyes, Fantasy Starbucks, Alt POV for Chapter 1 & Chapter 5, Sorry

They Say Fire Took Phandalin | Small-town supernatural/sorta-haunted-house AU |  Fresh out of grad school, Barry Bluejeans takes a job and a house in the rural nowhere-town of Phandalin. And it’s not like he thought fitting in would be a walk in the park, but the people there all act really weird, and it’s almost like they’re expecting something of him, too. 11K/~20K.

What Can’t Be Done Alone (Detective Squad) | Canon Divergent, Found Family, Fluff | AU where the voidfish works a little better, and Angus never finds the Bureau. Instead, he finds a strange lich in a cave, and he most certainly continues to work this case and not gradually get adopted instead. 18K/~22K. -->Extras: Drangus AU Oneshot

If I Wanted to be Funny I’d Name This Fic “The Time Belt” | Futuristic sci-fi AU feat. time travel | Taako meets the only people in years who recognize the Institute’s name. Known time criminal Barry Bluejeans continues to evade law enforcement. 2K/??.

Overgrowth / Undercurrent | Roleswap AU, Johnchurch, Pining, Twoshot, Happy ending optional | Overgrowth is a oneshot that follows John, the Starblaster’s chief diplomat, through a series of parleys with Merle, the center of the plane-consuming mass of plants that’s been chasing his crew. Undercurrent is a sequel about their post-canon reunion. 4K + 6K. --> Extras: PLAYLIST by @merle-casts-zone-of-truth

Davenport Remembers | Post-canon, Oneshot | Davenport meets with his crew members to try to reconcile his anger with Lucretia, or to decide whether he should. 1.5K.

MINI-SERIES

AU Where Taako is a Lich - Pretty much what it says on the tin here, folks!

Baritz (ask series) - A fusion of Barry and Kravitz, who took over my blog and answered asks for a while. (He originated in the Gallows/S&S lyric comic.)

Good Adventures (Good Omens crossover) - The Antichrist’s wishes summon the wrong boatful of aliens. Thankfully, it seems they’re apocalypse experts. [with plot-ideas help from @avijohann​.]

Omen Zone (Good Omens crossover 2) - Barry is a demon. Kravitz is an angel. Kravitz probably won’t ever admit that they’re friends.

Pokémon: Century Version (Pokémon crossover) - Stolen Century AU where they’re all pokémon trainers. Faerun spin-off: Double Trouble

Till Death, Don’t Let’s Start - Barry fucks up. Kravitz is present.

Very Normal Blog Posts (ask series) - In which Garfield is not at all dangerous, and I am perfectly fine. <alt: chronological link - desktop only>

COMICS & ART

Gallows/Steady and Stronger (Double lyric comic) - Canon-divergent AU where, as the world is ending, Barry gives up to Kravitz. [Image description version]

[Lyric Comics] - Other, shorter lyric comics based on single verses of songs.

Dear Scientist’s Log (series) - Illustrated ship logs from Barry J. Bluejeans.

Movie Madness (Comic) - Barry obsesses over the unforgivable.

Palette Prompts (Arts) - Art from art meme prompts.

Pregananant (goof comic) - You know the one.

REAPER (Comic) - Baritz fuses with Lup.

These Jeans? (Animatic) - Barry advertises jeans.

They’re Both Tessa Thompson (Comic) - Lucretia has a nightmare. Barry reassures her.

War (Goof comic) - prompt: "taakitz with CAT”

What’s bigger than this? - The Red Robe.

FICLETS

Back Soon - Kravitz leaves a note with unfortunate wording.

Bodyswap: Barry & Davenport - During Wonderland.

Casual - AU where the red robe talks like a normal person.

Command - Barry misuses his magic.

Davenport - There’s something unsettling about that butler.

Hangin’ Out - Lup and Magnus.

Harvest - Roleswap AU: Barry is the Hunger.

Healing Necromancy - Merle tries to teach Barry some tricks.

Hope - Barry knows she’s still out there.

How Long? - Taako is frustrated.

In Pieces - The staff.

Liches Forget Too - AU.

Lucretia Forgets - In which there was a mistake with the voidfish ichor.

Lup’s Robe - Gifts from Taako.

Mourning Glories - The flowers in Merle’s beard.

New Years - Celebrations and fears.

Parole - Barry and Kravitz bonding hours.

Phone a Friend - Baritz (the fusion from Gallows/S&S) meets Angus.

Raising the Dead - Barry has to use his crew members’ corpses. [sequel]

Robbie...? - Magnus breaks into the brig immediately after Petals to the Metal.

Second Apocalypse - Based on that one party liveshow. What was the rest of the crew doing, again?

3 Sentence Fics - Pairing + AU prompts.

Smartstone - Lup gets stuck in a Stone of Far Speech, instead.

Stir Crazy - Barry waiting for a new body to grow. Thoughts of Lucretia.

Writing Things Down - In case you forget (again).

You Remember - Taako remembers.

PROMINENT GOOFS

Barry’s Dead - But he’s fine! Calm down!

Character Development - Joke’s on you, DM!

Crystal Kingdom - An absolutely bonkers arc.

Dealer - Merle pun.

Decapitate Me - for making this post

Don’t Care - Taako during the finale. [bonus]

Epilogue - Bracer struggles. [bonus: 1, 2]

Explain the Hunger (Good Omens crossover) - Magnus explains the hunger to Aziraphale and Crowley. They react in varying ways. [with cursed art contributions from @avijohann and @mspainttaz]

Fifteen Dollars - Plus interest. [Bonus]

Fullmetal Kingdom - They’re the same, right?

Gender - And lack of roles.

Gnomes Don’t Exist - They’re all aliens, actually.

Hot Diggity Shit - Been a while.

Icon Confusion - The saga of people thinking my icon is a carrot. [chrono link - desktop only]

Incomprehensible Denim - Jeff Angel’s illegal pants.

In Case it Changes Anything - Taako, Kravitz, and lies.

Irresponsible Teens - Magnus and Lucretia get into trouble.

I Saw Seven Nerds - That’s the post.

Gogurt - Taako’s crimes.

Learning to Drive - i.e. Barry & Davenport Bonding(?) Hours.

Live Shows - The general mood.

Lucretia’s Efforts - A proper meme? On my TAZ blog?

Lup Said No Thanks - That time Magnus was in a tree.

Magnus’ Death - So many close calls.

Nearest Middle-Aged Woman - Clint’s characters’ friends.

Necromancy? - You must be mistaken!

Ned’s Aliases - The Truth.

Pirate Debt - Davenport during that one liveshow.

Punch Squad - SQUAD!

Reaper Cloak - Thoughts.

Relic Names - She probably changed them.

Responsible Necromancy - Good and bad ideas.

Resume - It’s not like they thought it would be relevant.

Schools of Magic - And the Sash was what, again?

Self Care - Respect the dead, please.

Server Shenaniganry (art) - TAAKO THE CAT, NO!

Soulmate AU - Where your soulmate’s greatest enemy is on your wrist. [alt]

Stern’s Truth - You Know.

Taako’s Last Name - Taako’s last name.

Team Composition - The post where everyone wants to argue with me about what qualifies as a wizard.

Third Option - Taako saves the day.

You’re Laughing - End of Suffering Game.

THEORIES/MECHANICS/THOUGHTS

Aloof - Holes Taako refuses to fill.

Barry’s Lucky Possessee - Graphic novel theory hopes & dreams.

Catpiling - Stolen Century thought.

Davenport’s Deaths - Sucks when you always wake up driving.

Death Leaves a Mark - Stolen Century AU concept.

Everyone Else - Some people didn’t get perfect endings.

Fantasy Nonsense - lore about the word “fantasy,” as in “Jesus Fantasy Christ.”

Fragments - Magnus’ memory.

Forgiveness - Old post about the crew’s thoughts on Lucretia’s actions.

Forgot to Erase - Lucretia’s errors.

FULL TIMELINE POST - the Balance timeline.

Gauntlet - (disproven!) Theory about the final relic, from before it was confirmed in the show.

Gnome Nicknames - Thoughts on Cap’nport.

High School AU - Some old headcanons.

Home World Names - The pattern in surnames (or lack thereof) on the IPRE’s homeworld.

Hour - This isn’t a thought so much as an Actual Thing That Magnus Said before the time loops had started, which is absurd.

Idiots in Love - The IPRE’s collective braincell was lost for all of Legato. [2]

Liches, Alone - Being stuck as raw emotion for an awfully long time.

Losing Julia - And subsequent developments.

Love - What was remembered and forgotten.

Love Without Fear - Thoughts on bonds during the Stolen Century.

Memory - Barry actually shouldn’t have remembered anything.

Nickname - Memory of Lup.

Paladin Barry Theory - Converging evidence on Barry’s multiclassing.

Paradox AU - blueprint for 8th, 9th, 10th, etc. Bird AU of your choice(s). (Extra)

Phylactery Mechanics - How liches differ.

Produce Flame - Mechanics of John killing Merle.

Recklessness - THB’s actions recontextualized.

Relic Schools of Magic - They don’t have them!!!

Relicswap AU - Where all the birds get swapped out.

Seven Birds as Gods - Ask-prompt thoughts.

Staring at the Sun - The birds and their light sensitivity.

Story, Song, & Sorcery - Effects on the young population.

Sword Tornado - Magnus Mechanics. [bonus: Time Warlock]

The Good Place AU - A series of crossover thoughts.

Tree Climbing - Davenport shenanigans.

Unique Magic Types - [and combo styles]

What Killed Maureen - hint: it wasn’t Fisher.

#the adventure zone #taz balance #mine #index #there were a fair few in here that id forgotten about too! #god i hope i didnt mess up any of these links

[internetremix]

In IR lore, what are the personalities of your personas? Basic likes and dislikes?

Kristen: Goggles is An Child and behaves as such. She's very cheerful, very curious, a bit mischievous and also 100% obsessed with making fanwork of her internet family... like a goddamn weirdo. She'll usually be hanging out with everyone, spot some sort of inspiration, squeak with joy and then rush off to write or draw. She's also the defacto leader of the Smol Squad, which is composed of herself, Shyner, Jojo and Chi-chi, and she's usually the one squeaking out ridiculous plans in muppet for dumb shit like stealing cookies and trying to trap people in fanfiction scenarios. She likes to help and can often be found doing such things as assisting Xander in his many schemes or just popping up to provide shit like charts or hold things for other people- basically whenever it would be funny to have some goddamn muppet backing something up.

She loves plush toys, particularly Crockernanner, and also loves sugar, star decorations, and cuddles. She likes being picked up and loves attention, and she's pretty consistently attached to at least one person, often her big brother Split if she's not with the Smol Squad. She is in eternal war with Phill since he bullies her constantly, and will occasionally try to set up elaborate traps for revenge only to fail miserably. Also she's a huge weeb. She does not like to sleep and will often go days without it before being dragged off by some bigger person to take a goddamn nap you ridiculous child.  She is also very afraid of thunderstorms, she doesn't like loud noises or the dark.

She also has... various flaws and problems. But those are spoilers and I have no idea when/if we’ll be doing story stuff with IRsonas so I don’t want to give too much away with that.

Sorry this is very long, I think about my child a lot.

Jojo: JoJo is also a very happy child... like, stupid happy all the time. Like, they don't really have a concept of being angry. they're either manic happy or a bit sad. They love to find any way to make anybody smile or laugh, whether it be a somber happy, or a crying fit of laughter. They thrive off of happiness. They're a bit mischievous as well, and will try to play pranks and swipe things to chew on. They'll just appear in random places you'd never expect. like, in the pantry, the vent, or in your drawer. They chew things all the time to keep their dragon teeth sharp! They do tend to come off as obnoxious and kind of useless sometimes? But that's ok.

They love happiness, rocks, swimming, sandwiches, Vanilla coke, coffee, pianos, stars, ghost stuff(horror genre), and laughter. JoJo is pretty similar to Goggles now that I think about it x_xJoJo is best friends with Phill, and will always be on him in some way. Like his leg, back, holding onto his scarf by their teeth, etc. They're also very close with Goggles and Shyner, and Scott (even though Shyner tries to chase JoJo off with knives, JoJo will take it as a game of tag or something)JoJo doesn't like being yelled at or being told to go away. They get spooked easily by loud noises. They always get paranoid when they think someone is mad at them and will go to ungodly lengths to make them not mad or slightly annoyed with them, which sometimes makes people more annoyed with them than they were before.

JoJo is just an exaggerated version of me XD

Atwas: Atwas is fairly easy going. They make light of things often, and often hide serious sentiments behind jokes. They’re the type to roll with goofy and silly situations, and are very “yes and” type that enjoys escalating things in the name of light-hearted fun. They enjoy playing pranks, especially ones that take advantage of their hologrammatic nature (being able to enter and ‘possess’ electronics is something that they take advantage of often). Being technically in the cloud and a part of the internet at all times, they will often chime in with fun (often unrelated or humorous) metrics about situations and people as they occur—and often forgets that having a HUD isn’t something everyone has access to.

Being ‘technically’ invulnerable, atwas isn’t phased by the more dangerous things that go on in the IR tower, but usually prefers being a spectator or commentator as opposed to being an active participant in general shenaniganry. They don’t have any particular animosity towards anyone, and will occasionally help manage technical parts and functions of the tower.

They enjoy things like tech, cold weather, tea, fun statistics, darkness; and aesthetics like Film Noir and Retrowave.

They dislike things like excessively hot weather, being interrupted, getting too personal, having to put in a lot of “effort”, and being out of the loop.

Shyner: Shyner can easily be summed up to a tsundere in denial, and is the definition of an agent of chaos. If something goes wrong, she’s the one pouring a trail of kerosene to let the fire spread. She's loud, impulsive, and really doesn't give two shits. While quirky and charismatic, she’s also sarcastic and witty, reveling in the amusement of making fun of others. She’s often stubborn and impatient, thinking highly of her own beliefs and angered by those who dare to challenge her ideals. She also lacks a filter, and enjoys garnishing her words with colorful profanities. Filled with gripes of past trauma, she’s engaged in a constant internal war of turmoil and grief. She’s incredibly cautious and closed off around those she doesn’t trust, and can be very selfish.  Despite this, she’s loyal to the few people she cares about, going out of her way to put them first if a dire situation were to arise. She’s also very sneaky and mischievous, often finding amusement in spying on others. Her MBTI is INTP-T.

Her hobbies include stargazing, ghost hunting, spying, and Satanic worship. She enjoys melancholy vibes, horror movies, animals, thunderstorms, and has an unhealthy obsession with sweets. Yes, this child will stab you without hesitancy if you take her cookies. She dislikes seafood, big crowds, kiddie leashes, and is afraid of experiencing intense emotion she doesn’t understand.I love my satanic smol bean very much. If I may be so bold as to dive into the nitty-gritty psychology, Shyner possesses many flaws, a lot of which I personally struggled with growing up. She is a reflection of my past self, some gripes with my current self, and the perception of how I could have turned out if I hadn’t met my family at IR. Hiding behind the exterior of being a merciless bully, she still has an intense internal desire to be a good person, but gets frustrated and often derails herself in the process of fighting her desire to act on impulse. She keeps most relationships with people at arm's length, fearing that if someone were to think highly of her, it would only be a matter of time before they’re disappointed. If we were to go full-fledged story mode, she would most definitely have an intense character redemption arc, making the revelation that being shitty to those who care about her isn’t the way to run from her problems and hide away from her own sense of self-insecurity/hatred.

Phill: Phill likes mischief, bad jokes, sexual undertones, Jojo, sexual overtones, bullying Kristen, and the colour pink. That's it xD

Jojo: :D yay

Alex: Alex don't give a shit but is for whatever reason the bossman and is also as powerful as silver age Superman, just don't try actual murder of the crew and he won't yeet you into the sun

Moon: 2019 Moon is an idiot. If we didn't know any better, we would assume he was born from nothing but an old head of lettuce in Satan's refrigerator. Think like Scott from Monster Prom, but different. He knows his right from his left, but the compass is still just "NESW" to him. Impulsive, lovable, and kinda loud, this muscley dumbass will do practically anything you tell him to if he finds it enjoyable. When paired with a few people, he works well as a second to many dynamic duos. Brodingles and Moon/Split and Moon are two really good ones, dangerous shenanigans ensue. Can and will rap like a beast, any challenge to a freestyle will result in a career ending and a death being sentenced. Extroverted people pleaser, definitely shooting high to perform and when adapting to a character, goes a little too hard. This man played Gander in Charlottes Web and didn't stop making goose sounds for months. Did I mention he's also a disney princess? Singing, animals, mortal enemy falling to their death? Everything

Dawn: ToonWolf/Dawn's personality falls within the confines of recklessly adventurous who doesn't think things through entirely. They like to try and rope others into going on various hikes, treasure hunts, mythic/cryptid searches, etc. Unapologetic sailor mouth. They will fight for friends and family. Various animals, trinkets, treasures, and cool but useless garbage are brought back to the tower often (oops theres a liiiiiiitle bit of hoarding). Sometimes those animals consist of dogs, cats, lizards, bears, wolves, The Great Noble One, horses, lions, elk, you get the idea (Can I keep them?Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaseeeeee??????????).

Overall they are most comfortable and relaxed in/around water and likes a whole lotta things including sailing, swimming, adventure, stargazing, animals, mythology/legends, friends, family, and drawing.

They dislike waking up early, limitations, being talked down to, boredom, desert/hot/humid/dry weather, coffee, and the movie "Cube"

Tex: Tex is an avid cryptid detective + has a surprisingly good intuition when creating conspiracy theories about them to follow. Mm lots of memes and disguises. Smart, but usually just off on their own thinking about other stuff.Totally has a wall in their room dedicated to figuring all the cryptids out with like, red string and everything.

#whole crew #ask the ir crew #irsonas #sorry I know this isn't everyone we have a big crew and not everyone is up to answer this stuff #Anonymous

[imagine-food-souls]

Could you do a scenario where MA confesses his love for Dorayaki who thinks they've been crushing on his sister instead.

Master Attendant was considered something of a prodigy, Dorayaki knew. After all, they had managed to summon two Food Souls at such a young age.

Therefore, it was only natural that Master Attendant excelled over him in so many activities. From calligraphy, to flying kites, to even yo-yoing, almost everything Dorayaki could do, Master Attendant could do it better.

That fact in of itself was already irritating for him. But when compounded with the fact that Taiyaki had been spending more time with Master Attendant than him, well… it was difficult to keep up manners around them.

He finally had enough, he decided one day. He finally had enough of Master Attendant separating him and his sister apart, taking up more and more his sister’s conversations, and showing off their superiority in only the rudest of ways.

Dorayaki only felt more emboldened as he stomped down the hallway, to the private room where he knew Master Attendant was practicing poetry alone. Finally, Master Attendant wasn’t attached to Taiyaki like they always were. Now was his chance to put and end to Master Attendant’s shenaniganry.

However, he had to resist the urge to wince as he slammed the sliding door open too loudly. For a moment, he felt a pang of doubt. Judging by Master Attendant’s confused expression, they had no idea what was happening. Dorayaki steeled himself and marched forward, only stopping when he was right in front of Master Attendant.

He bent down to bring them to the same eye level, and jabbed a finger in Master Attendant’s chest. “Master Attendant!”

Master Attendant only nervously laughed, still looking wildly bemused. “Yes?”

Dorayaki narrowed his eyes. How could they continue to behave so amiable even now? He couldn’t understand.

He folded his arms. “Master Attendant, I think we need to discuss something. Your relationship with us, your food souls. I don’t appreciate the way you’ve been taking up all of my sister’s time, or especially how you keep on doing everything you can to keep us apart!”

Master Attendant had set their brush down, listening intently as Dorayaki ranted and railed about their monopoly on Taiyaki’s time, or their attempts at creating a rift between the siblings through gossip. And they didn’t even flinch when Dorayaki slammed a fist on the table for dramatic effect. Dorayaki felt very confident that he was getting through to them.

So it was a little bit of a surprise for Dorayaki when Master Attendant started chuckling, first quietly, but eventually, progressing into big laughs.

“Huh?”

“Oh, Dorayaki, I think you got it wrong.” Master Attendant giggled, wiping away a stray tear.

Dorayaki felt his ears grow warm. “Hey! What do you mean I have it wrong?”

There were a few seconds of nothing but Master Attendant’s snickers before they had calmed down enough to reply.

“Don’t worry, Dorayaki, I would never be interested in Taiyaki that way,” They smiled. “Er, not that Taiyaki isn’t pretty and smart.”  Master Attendant sheepishly averted their eyes away from Dorayaki’s rapidly darkening expression.

“But, Taiyaki’s my closest friend, I don’t think I could ever see her in… that way, you know?”

“But…” Dorayaki tried to push past his embarrassment. He had been so sure! “But what about all of your conversations?! The whispering around me? What was that then?”

Master Attendant flushed. “That’s… That was just talking! I was just asking her for advice!”

Dorayaki scowled. “What kind of advice? Advice on how to get rid of me?”

Master Attendant quickly waved their hands, shaking their head. “No! Nothing like that! Dorayaki, why would I ever want to get rid of you?”

Dorayaki closed his eyes. Behind his eyelids, shadowy memories of past times appeared, before they faded just as quickly.

He didn’t know how he would move on. How he would manage to keep going. But he found an answer when Taiyaki smiled at him, and he felt purpose again.

He opened his eyes again, and glared at Master Attendant. “That what it seems like it. Stop ignoring my question. What were you asking for anyway?”

Master Attendant seemed to be looking in any direction that didn’t have Dorayaki in it. “I… I was asking Taiyaki about someone.”

Subconsciously, Dorayaki moved a bit closer, staring at Master Attendant. “Who?”

“It’s someone I really admire…” Master Attendant was playing with their hands. It was a little strange to see the “prodigy” hesitant and shy. “They’re always determined, even a little stubborn.” They chuckled, blush coloring their cheeks.

“They’re really loyal and protective,” Master Attendant’s finger traced circles in the mat flooring. “And they’re so hard working when they want to be.”

They looked up with surprise when Dorayaki snorted. “Master Attendant, do you really think just anyone could be you equal?”

Master Attendant sputtered. “Well, I mean, I’m more not sure that I’m not their equal.”

Dorayaki sniffed. “Of course you’re not! They sound just ordinary to me.”

There was a pause. For a moment, Master Attendant only had this peculiar incredulous look on their face. Then, it broke as they started laughing again.

“Perhaps, Dorayaki, perhaps.”

Internally, Dorayaki was shaking his head. What was with Master Attendant and these moments of quiet before they began laughing?

Master Attendant’s laughs died off. “Well, Dorayaki, I think they’re really special.” Master Attendant was staring off into the distance, not really looking at anything.

Master Attendant looked so solemn like this, Dorayaki thought. Lit by both the room’s dim light and the night’s cool moonlight. It was even a bit hypnotizing, so much so that he was a little startled when Master Attendant quickly turned their head him.

“That’s enough rambling.” They wryly grinned, before shuffling a bit in their seat. “I guess I should tell you who then…”

Their light-hearted look remained, but the darkness made it look… hesitant, fearful even. “I mean, it’s only fair.” Master Attendant didn’t seem to notice how their voice cracked a little at the end.

Dorayaki felt that pang of guilt again, but this time, it felt more like a flood. That’s when he decided.

“Stop.” Dorayaki held up his hand. “Master Attendant… you don’t need to tell me.”

Master Attendant’s face was blank for a second. “What?”

“You heard me.” Dorayaki averted his gaze, feeling strangely flustered. “It’s not my business to know. And I’m wrong to just… burst in and demand you to tell me everything.”

He bowed his head slightly, trying to imitate how he had seen the adults do it. “I’m sorry for being so rude, Master Attendant.”

Slowly, a small smile grew on Master Attendant. Yet, Dorayaki couldn’t help but feel that it was a little sad, somehow. “Thank you, Dorayaki.”  

Before he even realized what was going on, Master Attendant had embraced him in a tight hug, tightly wrapping their arms around him. Dorayaki closed his eyes, and hugged a little bit back too.

Whoever Master Attendant was talking about, Dorayaki hoped they admired Master Attendant as much as the human seemed to admire them.

#ff dorayaki #master attendant #food fantasy #ff writing #ff taiyaki #no beta we die like men #mod chewy

[tanoraqui]

actually the best part of an AU where Annatar simply does not revert to evil, but does eventually admit to having been evil, is if he stays on good terms with Khazad-Dum forever and one day in the mid-Third Age the dwarves palantir-call him like, “Hey, Annatar, we think we found one of your old guys? Could you come get them out of our mineshaft?”

Celebrimbor, leaning over Annatar’s shoulder: ‘One of his old guys’ as in a Maia, or as in an evil monster?

Dwarves: Yes. That is, it killed Durin, and the survivors of his party say it was a nightmare of fire and darkness.

Annatar: We’ll be right there.

Annatar a couple days later, peering down a deep, deep mineshaft both physically and spiritually: Holy shit, it’s Dave. [to Celebrimbor] Star-gem, stand back. Everyone else, too. [leans further down the shaft] HEY, DAVE, KNOCK IT OFF! I’M TRYING TO RUN A FAIR AND STABLE GLOBAL ECONOMY UP HERE!

#lotr #second age shenaniganry #annatar #sauron #celebrimbor #listen I’m sorry but the only logical conjunction of ‘sauron maia of math’ and ‘still seeks world domination but is being polite about it’ #is 100% ‘sauron creates/encourages globalized economy controlled by him’ #though in that au that I haven’t finished writing I’m not actually sure they build a new ost-in-edhil or anything #traveling magicians inventors advisors to kings…and sometimes that thing baru did on that one island with shares in the local crop… #also a balrog now I guess

[tanoraqui]

ideal Celebrimbor film or tv take is that he has an ominous minor chord leitmotif a la Anakin in Revenge of the Sith that just. never develops into a full villain theme. ever. but also never goes away. Celebrimbor is the “pink-haired teenager desperately dodging heroic plot hooks” of Middle Earth villainy. bloodline? check. secretly evil, seductive-corrupting mentor/work partner? check. major recurring theme across every Tolkien work of moral corruption of pride, greed, jealousy, lust for power, etc. in those skilled in any sort of smithcraft, or even just tangentially related to notable jewelry? double and triple check.

Celebrimbor: [continues going about his day]

#celebrimbor #I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR #the silmarillion #second age shenaniganry #eldar #feanor and feanor's kin

[tanoraqui]

[spins the Silm Headcanons Nobody Else Shares (Yet) wheel]

Though Elrond was, inevitably, involved in the politics of building Lindon, he was not only NOT Gil-Galad’s official herald yet at the start of the Second Age, but he was only tangentially involved with the new government. Instead, Elrond spent the first few centuries of the Second Age as an adventuring anthropologist/archeologist.

He traveled around Lindon, and inland and up and down the shore, talking to all variety of refugees and recording the histories and cultures of their people, from ancient myths to recent war stories to how this group of Men (or Elves or Dwarves) cooks their porridge vs how that one does. He dug and sometimes dove into ruins of forts rent by Light and Shadow, often with foul lingering malaise, to retrieve papers and goods warped by flame, sea, and worse.

Because Elrond’s childhood was filled with many refrains of loss, and one was,

“This is how we baked nutcakes in Menegroth!” his mother explained, hands sticky with chestnuts and honey. Under her breath, not meaning her even stickier sons to hear, she added, “I think.”

“Oh yes, there were…” Eärendil’s fingers twitched as he counted in his head. “…eleven different major fountains in Gondolin! One for each Great House, though all were managed by Lord Ecthelion—oh, no, but then that must be ten…?”

“Now, in a proper course of musical education, I would be starting you on basic dancing songs today. But Filúriel is the only one of us left who knows how to dance a good gavotte—”

“Filúriel died three years ago. Orcs on the way back from Sirion.” Maedhros didn’t look up from the daggers he was sharpening. Only his words gave any indication that he was even aware of the lesson taking place across the room.

“—But there is no one left who knows how to dance a good Tirion Gavotte.” Maglor never missed a beat. “So instead I will start you on basic Songs for striking fear into the hearts of your enemies. Have you both done your warm-up exercises today?”

[smash cut to 200 years later]

Elrond: Are you telling me. That there is a chance. That a portion of the Great Library of Thargelion, greatest collection in Beleriand of books and art brought physically from Aman, is still intact?

Random improbably still alive Nargothrond-Fëanorian #6: If the cases were water-proof as well as orc-proof and fire-proof…if they were orc-proof and fire-proof at all…especially dragonfire-proof…or dragon-ice-proof… If they stayed hidden, if we even shut them all properly in the first place, as we evacuated just ahead of the— my lord, where are you going?!

Elrond, sprinting past them down the corridor: Deep-sea diving!

(In the late Third Age, the Library of Rivendell is widely regarded as Arda’s single greatest repository of historical records of life in Middle Earth. This is incorrect—the single greatest such repository is an ever-growing library on Tol Eressëa, to which Elrond spent 3000 years sending copies of everything from Hobbit almanacs to Dwarvish epic poems to account books from three Elvish kingdoms to an Age’s worth of Dúnedain Ranger journals. Anyone Sailing with extra cargo space has been cajoled into taking at least a few tomes. People and places may be lost to time, but part of why he chose an Elvish life is so that they will not be forgotten.)

#Elrond #peredhil #lotr #lord of the rings #the silmarillion #second age shenaniganry #eldar

[tanoraqui]

I’m all for angst, betrayal and death, obviously, but I really think the funniest Eregion fixit dynamic is “Annatar” rolls up to the city gates all smugly planning to seduce Fëanor’s last (and most craft-skilled!) heir to his villainous will, and Celebrimbor consciously looks the former Lieutenant of Angband in the eye and lays down an Uno Reverse card.

#celebrimbor #sauron #annatar #silvergifting #second age shenaniganry #the silmarillion

[tanoraqui]

I mourn the fall of Númenor as much as the next Tolkien girlie, but, given that they were canonically a massive slave-holding imperial power, I kinda wonder sometimes if a lot of people on the mainland, no few elves among them!, weren't in the end watching Sauron corrupt them into self-implosion like

#numenor #fall of numenor #sauron #second age shenaniganry #not elrond though. elrond was mouring the entire time; and fighting tooth and nail to help the faithful

[tanoraqui]

ideal silvergifting dynamic is hubris4hubris. Imagine looking at the former Lieutenant of Angband and saying, “I can fix him.” Imagine looking at not just any Finwëan (the most stubborn family in Arda except maybe Elwëans) but one of exactly 2 Finwëans who famously said, ‘actually No, this is going beyond my personal moral code and I’m Stopping, Now’ and then did stop, and saying, “I can totally convince him that world domination, by force as necessary, is a good idea.” I’m not even addressing the shared inclination to affix raw natural Power into rings.

#celebrimbor #sauron #annatar #silvergifting #the silmarillion #lotr #second age shenaniganry #shiiiip #yes you can see my girl genius fandom peeking through #sparks

[tanoraqui]

@shrikeseams re: your tags on this post: yea verily, in days of yore, when Fëanor had been in his workshop for 5 days straight, Nerdanel would set up a trestle table outside with a richly spiced steak and wine, and a tiara bent out of shape or with a loose wire or something, with a wirecutter, magnifying glass, etc; and station one son to waft the scent of the meal into the workshop where he’d notice the next time he had to pause to consider something, one to slam the door shut behind him when he came out to investigate (and get briefly distracted by the tiara), and herself + a third to tackle him, pin-wrap him in a blanket like a grumpy burrito, and not let him up until he’d eaten and slept. Celegorm (fastest) was usually on door duty, Maedhros (biggest/longest arms) on blanket, and whoever was available on wafting.

Fëanor did the same, obviously, for her, with poorly knapped stones instead of jewelry supplies. It worked on the rest of their children, too, and it needed to. I’m not going to headcanon all of that, but Curufin (also jewelry) fell asleep fastest from rich fruit ciders rather than wine. Maltrinbor, Celebrimbor’s mother, preferred fish to steak, and could be reliably distracted by poorly organized glass cullet. [note: I’ve previously conceived of Maltrinbor as a Noldorin bronze-smith, but I’ve been toying with the idea of a Telerin glassmaker.]

Celebrimbor himself was always a basic steak/wine/jewelry smith. This was a known and often-used method of saving one’s friends from themselves among the Gwaith-y-Mirdain. In brief days of joy, Celebrimbor would sit outside Annatar’s workroom and badly do math aloud until the Maia stormed out to stop him.

#feanor and feanor’s kin #second age shenaniganry #my fic #headcanon accepted #noontide of valinor

[tanoraqui]

(AO3)

There are no books banned from the Great Library of Tirion. There are, however, books which are generally agreed to be dangerous to read. There is a section for them, officially called “Unadvised” and informally called “Cursed Knowledge”, “Shelves of Spiders”, and “the Things The Valar Don’t Want You To Know section.”

There are no spiders in it, Dark or natural; the library staff are careful of that. There are many tomes, scrolls, and other writings which are literally cursed.

There is a slim, perfectly natural volume bound in pale grey leather like any other publication from the Metaphysical Studies department of Tirion University. It is notable only in its contents, described by its title:

The Craft of Necromancy

A study of the manipulation of fëa in life, death, the terrible neither and the tormenting both.

A note from the single author on the fourth page, after the title page and publication information, reads,

On sources and citations in this volume:

This is, I must confess, an unusual study. For one thing, while I wrote it for classic philosophical principle, that knowledge closely held ought be shared instead, I also wrote it for the relief of that sharing, as advised by acquaintances wise and well-versed in healing. To my loving advisors: I was perfectly fine before, but I do feel even better now. I’m glad you’re satisfied.

I do not believe this affects the rigor of the discussion herein. I only share it because context is always part of knowledge that ought be shared, to maximize understanding.

More relevant to the question of academic rigor is: where possible, I have included standard citations of other works on the topic, academic, biographical, and other. However, most of my knowledge on this topic was gained firsthand, either through personal experience, tutelage, or both (demonstrations upon my person, patiently explained before, during and after), and I can provide no verification save my own memory and the reputation of my primary tutor.

My memory has been confirmed to be clear by nurses of the Gardens of Lórien. My tutor has been known by many names, among them, Gorthaur, Lieutenant of Angband and Lord (and creator) of Werewolves; the Necromancer of Dol Guldur; the Lidless Eye; and Sauron the Deceiver.

Despite the last, I have perfect confidence that he was not lying to me anymore by the end. He enjoyed showing off too much for that.

With that in mind, I hope you will forgive my academic negligence in referring to him henceforth only as “a source.” It is a matter of not humoring his ego, even after his dissolution.

All that said, I have endeavored throughout this study to clearly distinguish not only between fact and theory, but between facts which I can verify through personal experience (eg, the trapping of a fëa within its hröa past the reasonable point of death), facts which were expounded upon to me at length but which I cannot confirm beyond my certainty of the source’s genuinity in his intentions to taunt and/or tempt me (eg, the warping of a fëa to suit a hroä other than that its natural own), and facts which were told to me, or to others of my association, in contexts of deception but which were later re-examined for truth (eg, on the binding of one fëa [or ëala] to another). As with any work, readers are encouraged to take the knowledge enclosed herein and make their own interpretations—though I do NOT advise practical experimentation with these matters.

This study should be taken as my final word on the matters therein. While I usually applaud curiosity and thoroughness in investigation, do not seek me out with questions.

Additionally: in light of the sober and sometimes disturbing contents of this study, I have been advised by my editor to reassure the reader (somewhat redundantly, I would argue) that I did, in fact, escape the captivity of my primary source, and I am thoroughly and happily recovered from the various torments, betrayals, etc. inflicted upon my person. My source (and tutor, creative collaborator, friend…) is confirmed to be, at the time of this publication, reduced to a scrap of a shadow soon to fade utterly from the world that is, thanks in large parts to the efforts of others. For accounts of those heroes, I recommend “The War of the Ring: A Hobbit’s Very Extended Journey There and Back Again”, B. Baggins, F. Baggins; “Nine-Fingered Frodo and the Ring of Doom”, trans. B. Baggins; and “Garden Plants of the Western Shire”, S. Gamgee.

I recommend the last particular for aspiring gardeners. My floral and herbal window-boxes are all flourishing with the advice of Mr. Gamgee.

Yours in scholarship,

Celebrimbor Curufinwë

The volume is about 100 pages, mostly text with a handful of illustrative drawings scattered among the chapters. In the space in the back pages reserved for commentary from early readers, there is only one comment:

Concerningly accurate throughout.

– Aulë

#the silmarillion #second age shenaniganry #aman ever after #celebrimbor #for emotional presence I should also tag #annatar #sauron #my fic #ficlet #I JUST THINK CELEBRIMBOR SHOULD GET SOMETHING FROM THAT WHOLE EXPERIENCE #AND WHAT HE SHOULD GET IS FURTHER ENHANCEMENT OF HIS ABILITY TO BE A SUPERVILLAIN #NOW VIA EXTENSIVE (UNPRACTICED) KNOWLEDGE OF HOW TO DO NECROMANCY #listen look me in the eye and tell me half the torture wasn’t just the ongoing villain monologue #that was half parody of the teaching and intimacy they’d once had #and half promise that they could have it again if only Celebrimbor stopped being so UNREASONABLY stubborn

[tanoraqui]

item: collection of Númenorean art titled (variations on) “The Ascension of Azrubêl” through the centuries, shifting over time from depicting Eärendil as receiving the Silmaril from Varda, to receiving it from Elwing, to crowning himself with it by his own hands.

#numenor #earendil #gil estel #the silmarillion #lotr #second age shenaniganry #fall of numenor #peredhil #mythologize ALL the heroes! #my fic