#serious sunday thoughts

[ronearoundblindly]

I've been working on the finale of Dignity of His Choice for over a year now.

That's hard to say. It's hard to admit that this story I feel such excitement and passion for is just *not coming to the page* like so many others have with less excitement and passion. The Stark Legacy has been the same way, except it's been a year and a half.

I have...responsibilities that aren't writing though. I own my business and have no employees. I live alone now and pay for everything, clean everything, maintain everything. It's just me. I think I used to write Fools Rush In with the hope that having to think of both perspectives in a relationship would somehow change mine, if only shift my thoughts to why my marriage was probably fine and I was making too big a deal.

But it wasn't fine.

I don't mean this is a dramatic way (because a relationship between two people will always be evolving and have growing pains, even when everyone is communicating and moving towards the same goal with mutual respect), but I was being lied to. It was a simple lie, sure, something that wouldn't and didn't fully impact our entire lives until the tiny friction point snapped like two tectonic plates, and then in an instant, rattled and confused, we were gone. The layout of my world just *changed* and wasn't going to go back to normal. Normal never existed. It was just then and this is just now.

It's been so difficult to feel that happen in my real life and not fear for my characters--which I get is projection at its finest, but still--how do I protect them? How do I make their life seem real without snapping it in half and then lying about putting it back together? I couldn't do that. I'm alone. What do I know?

Except...I've been writing Fools Rush In for nearly two years, and I never actually knew what communicating and moving towards the same goal with mutual respect really looked like. I was wrong. I've been wrong the whole time. My life, exactly like my art, was fiction. I fabricated happiness in my home and on the page, and in one of those places, I already failed.

There was no finish line or last sentence; the whole story just vanished with an unhappy ending that proved the entire thing was some sort of fever dream. I had put a decade of effort into absolutely nothing. Worse. I worked for that long on hope when there was none.

I've often thought that I relate to Steve/Sketch as much as Reader/Keeps in the FRI series because I play more of a narrator role in life. Steve had a story to go through: survive illness, become a soldier, lead others to victory and safety. In canon, we often see him...not living his own life, and it's even commented on frequently. I think I've been taking on a similar role. You have no idea how difficult it is for me to consider myself the protagonist; things happen to other people, I want good things to happen to other people, but I am not the one who experiences them.

I didn't expect to ever be in the same place as this character when I imagined the 'fake death' story two springs ago, but my life is in tatters after I made the wrong decision for all the right reasons. I struggle to read comments like "how could Steve do this?" and "I could never forgive him" without taking them very personally. Of course, I know that no reader means them that way, but it's still painful to write Sketch and Keeps the happy ending I know they deserve when me...? What the hell is gonna happen to me? Who do I return to after this death-of-the-life-I-had?

I don't know the answer.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry to those who are waiting for Dignity's very happy ending (which I promise it very much is happy). The narrator is just lost at the moment, stuck on all the stories and none of the stories at once, wondering which of the fiction she told herself led to this ending, and...truly unable to trust in 'hope' again.

#ro rants #serious sunday thoughts #it's just a long ass ramble gang sorry #still working

[crybaby-bkg]

cw: this got long sorry 😔 but creepy/perv bakugou, recording, film major bkg x art major reader, masturbation, coercion, dubcon before it just becomes con, voyeurism/exhibitionism

as an art major, you typically did some works for a few students on campus; for their plays, as background pieces while they danced, a cover for their released songs. it wasn’t out of the ordinary for people to ask you to create something for them, and you enjoyed it more often than not. but, you weren’t usually the art itself.

Bakugou is a friend’s friend that you’ve seen a few times, ran into at the library or at coffee shops. he’s a film major, and always looks so unhappy about the whole thing, as if he didn’t choose it himself. you joke to Mina that you think he’ll graduate and become one of those directors that hate everything and yell at the actors constantly and later on get sued for being a dickhead. you never say it to him though—you’ve never spoken more than a couple words to the man.

it’s why it shocks you when he approaches you one day. it’s after one of your painting classes, and he stands outside the door with a frown and his hands shoved in his pockets, his eyebrows scrunched as if pissed at the mere sight of you. he asks you, in that low and gruff tone of his, if you could star in his final project for the semester. says it’s supposed to be a film made with this criteria and that, but, you’ve kind of checked out on the conversation after the first sentence.

“You mean, you want me to create something and that be the star of your film?” you ask him, feeling so intimidated at his stature. he always seems to loom, his hair shadowing the lights above, creates a cast over a portion of his face, makes his eyes look…unsettling. like they’re looking straight through your flesh, can find the marrow in your bones. he scoffs like you’ve offended him, rolling his eyes into his skull, mouth pulled tight.

“No.” his voice is firm, gaze concentrated only on you, like the halls are empty and you’re the focus of his lens. “I want you to star in it.”

his words confuse you—you’ve never presented yourself as an actor before, never alluded to wanting to be in the spotlight if not for what you create with your hands. but he shuffles on his feet, looks desperate even. there’s some hemming and hawing for a minute or so—why not choose Mina?—she’s busy—why choose me?—‘cause you’d be perfect for my short film—what’s it about?—you’ll find out once you get the script.

and even after you hesitantly agree and get the script—you still don’t understand what you’re doing. why you’re here, why you’re the only person, why it has to be a solo film, why there’s damn near zero lines in the entirety of the have-to-be forty five minute film.

the scenes are all so long, and maybe it’s because movies aren’t your forte or chosen major, but you just don’t get it. one scene; you’re staring at yourself in the mirror while Bakugou holds a small, black camera over your shoulder. he’s eerily quiet behind you, whispers out a faint fuckin’ go when you have to wash your face in the sink, makes you do it over because your movements are too jerky and unnatural.

the rest of the scenes go that way; you doing regular at home activities, being put under a lens, quietly barked at to do this and move that way and fix your hair and remember to frown.

“Isn’t there another way to film this?” you ask him on the fifth day of shooting in his spacious loft. there’s a bubble bath scene coming up, one you dont understand the importance of, but Bakugou tells you it’s the most necessary part of the entire thing.

“No,” he grunts out, looking at you from under his lashes as he sits on the lid of the toilet. “But I’ll make it soapy, so the camera won’t see much.” the camera? much? you weren’t worried so much about what the camera captured as you were the man behind it. he looks at you with such intensity, you feel naked already despite the robe you wear that’s suspiciously already your size.

he leaves the bathroom when you sink in the hot water, returns before you can say it’s okay, hears the water splashing and thinks that’s good enough. he kneels on the floor beside you, camera pointed directly in your face, makes your chest hot and your skin feel prickly. the scene passes on regularly enough; you run the water over your arms, tilt your head back as you sigh, whisper the few lines scripted, lean back and close your eyes, sigh again. it’s almost relaxing, makes you forget about the friend of a friend recording you naked right now. almost.

“Touch yourself.” Bakugou suddenly demands, hushed and quiet behind the camera. your eyes immediately shoot open, looking to him in question, how he’s eerily still in his spot hovering over you.

“Huh?” you ask, unsure if you heard him correctly, looking around the rounded lens in your face, trying to ignore the red blinking light. but Bakugou only frowns.

“It’s a masturbation scene. Touch yourself.” he repeats, voice louder, more demanding this time. your stomach twists at the thought of doing something so intimate in front of him. he’s a handsome guy, for sure, even made you consider asking him out after this, figured he was just serious about his work and awkward about certain things. but…something had been off about this entire thing since the start.

“But—but I don’t, I’m not,” you stutter, sitting up a little, the bubbles covering your chest starting to disperse with your movements. but Bakugou only sits a little higher on his knees, finally pulling the camera away from his face for the first time since he’s asked you to do this for him.

“You want me to fail?” he asks, booming voice eerily quiet in the silent bathroom, carmine eyes dull, shaded over with something terrible. “Then do it.” he tells you when you shake your head quickly.

you stare at him until he gets back into position again, camera back pointed at you. when he doesn’t say anything else, you swallow thickly, wondering if the art that will come out of this will be worth it. so you listen, sneak a hand under the water, start touching yourself in a way you never have in front of anyone.

is it bad to say that it’s exhilarating? being watched and recorded by someone who breathes so heavily every time your voice hiccups? being directed to touch your chest next when the suds start to disappear and your nipples start to peek through? is it bad that you want him to send you this portion of his film, only, just so you can watch yourself again and again? make a portrait of yourself with your fingers on your nipples and your knees raising from the water and your head thrown back from the intensity in oil pastels?

“That’s a wrap.” Bakugou announces when you finish, head spinning and still panting. you look over to him, how he closes the camera, the obvious bulge in his pants. “I’ll get you a towel.”

you wonder when’s the next time he’ll need you. or better yet—maybe he could be the star in your final drawing project? you had finished it already but, what was the harm in starting over with him as your muse? as naked as you are? camera not blocking his face so you can paint the similarities of his blushing cheeks and eyes when you direct him to look at you? to touch his chest? to play with himself just like that?

#this got. so long. sowwy #but I thought about this ummmm Sunday night #but I was DRAINED from writing 7k words of scorned past midnight and then having to edit it skdjfkf #so I was like. okay. put this idea in the drafts. NOW ms dory memory #anddddd I love this so very much #would’ve loved to turn this into a full fic #but it’s so exhausting trying to write long fics recently bc of this multichap #I’m just not used to it and I can’t do two things at the same time #and I already have like 9 fics on my list to write!!!! lol #but there is something so alluring about film major bkg 2 me #I think hes awkward and comes off as mean but he really is just that serious about his work #but he’s #also a creep for you LOL #definitely think he agrees to become ur muse for art as like a trade off #and you get that boy into SO many humiliating positions 😵‍💫 #I need. to lie down. anyway. #I wrote this at 1am and was scared to post it then cause I didn’t think anyone would see it #so here it is in the morning :) #bakugou treats! 🍬 #—new treat in the streets! 🍫

[kaeyapilled]

kid kaeya sitting quietly on a pew during mass in the favonius church feeling so distinctly alienated from everyone else in there that it borders on despairing

#yknow? #what are our thoughts on how religious the ragnvindr family was btw i need to know what you think #i cant picture them going to church super often. ljke take jeans family for comparison they were definitely in there more frequently #but yknow maybe every sunday? or every special occasion. do mondstadtian holidays include mass too #unclear tbh all of the ones we know about just include day drinking and singing #but there HAS to be more solemn/serious holidays. where youre supposed to go to church #they're catholic coded after all #barbatos died in the cross for our sins etc. ok enough. can you imagine though #Is Venti/Barbatos Jesus-Coded? #this was NOT MY ORIGINAL POINT uhhhhh #yeah kaeya and the gods man. kaeya and religion #kaeyaposting #kaeya alberich #my posts #this post is projection but only mildly because kaeya has such worse relationship to going to church #like im normal about it i just remember sitting in church camp while everyone was having a Moment With God and thinking #(not feeling god's presence at all) Man ... what the hell am i doing here..

[violentviolette]

some of u are telling on urselves in the reblogs of that somno poll and i have to keep reminding myself that as part of the minority species of tumblr users who actually fuck irl i need to leave the forever alone virgins to their hand wringing in peace

#jack.speaks #'its iffy irl' #pls return to this thought after u have been in a long term relationship with the same person for 15+ years #and understand how to communicate #i promise it will seem much less ~morally iffy~ #to wake ur wife up with a bj on a comfy cozy sunday morning #its not that serious i prommy #like legit i think some of u are so deep in the virgin brainrot u forget that long term relationships with decades of communication exist #i know what my wife likes and doesnt like and im deeply intimately familair with her boundaries because weve had *years* of convos #and decades worth of sex to understand one another #like when uve been fucking the same girl for almost half ur life its really not an issue #to fuck her in ways u know she likes to be fucked

[forabeatofadrum]

Happy Sunday. Thank you @artsyunderstudy and @aroace-genderfluid-sheep for the tag. It was my birthday yesterday and today I am back to reading philosophy papers that I cannot comprehend. Anyway how is your weekend?

I am happy you all love Mimi. I also love Mimi. I still haven't gotten to the getting together part of this getting together fic, and I still don't know how to get there, but I think we're all content with dog content now.

“Just kneel in front of her and stretch your arms. If she’s willing, she’ll jump into your arms, so you must catch her.” Kurt tries it and Mimi is eager to be loved, so she leaps into his arms. “Look!” Kurt turns to Blaine, with Mimi pressed against his chest. “I’ve never seen her warm up to someone this quickly,” Blaine sounds a bit amazed. Blaine helps Kurt get up and Kurt carries Mimi to the living room. Blaine gives him a small tour of his place and he asks if Kurt wants coffee. Kurt can’t say no to that! Kurt cuddles Mimi and Blaine talks from his kitchen. He tells Kurt how he adopted Mimi. A friend of his had a dog who unexpectedly got pregnant, so Blaine and his friends adopted all of the babies. They still have reunions with Mimi’s mom and siblings. “I have pictures!” “Please show them!”

PUPPIES

And now, the weather: @quizasvivamos @blurglesmurfklaine @coffeegleek @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @moodandmist @whogaveyoupermission @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @ionlydrinkhotwater @1908jmd @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen​ @cutestkilla ​ @nausikaaa ​/@wellbelesbian ​​ @martsonmars ​ @facewithoutheart ​ @shrekgogurt @boyinjeans @rockitmans @bitbybitwrites @blackberrysummerblog @whatevertheweather

EDIT: lmao my mind was fried, I knew it was Sunday and wrote "happy Sunday" but also thought it was Wednesday, used the WIP Wednesday banner and didn't give a shit about trying to get 6 sentences. I fixed the banner. What is my mind doing???

#help me tho i am so stuck on this fic i am down to fucking clown about this in a serious way cause i have no clue what to do #also also my totk inspired snowbaz fic is back in my thoughts #AND i miss MCD so much #ugh #but i am too busy to write cause uni is kicking my ASS #tagged in #six sentence sunday

[hellolitty]

IM SORRY I LOVE YOU ABKDJDKAKDJNRAJDKD SORRH SORRY THIS IS WEIRD OF ME. JUST THANK YOU I LOVE YOU YOURE SO NICE IM LIKE GIGGLING ANNDJSJDJENDN im so sorry youre making me blushksakjdkd

TEEHEEE NO SHEPNICOLO I LOVE TOU SO MUCH YOUVE LITERALLY MADE MY SUNDAY BETTER JM SK SERIOUS!!! LIKE LILY VALLEY CHANGED MT LIFE ACTUALY ILL BE THINKING ABOUT IT FOR DAYYYYYYS.

n e ways!! i srsly am obsessed with your writing and i will be exploring your works & everything more during this upcoming week. literally trust & just wait my user will be ALL UP in your notifs.

i was literally reading your story like blushing and giggling and kicking my legs. laying on my stomach. literally got so warm over it i had to kick the covers off. then boyhood UGH don’t get me started i GOT sad i almost started crying too. but like lily valley of a whole something about her being literally like MY AGE, and in like MY EXACT predicament almost… mind blown and i’m attached. so attached it’s like you dug around in my mind when you were writing lily valley.

#i love you shepnicolo #like #i’m so serious when i say lily valley reader is me #and i am her #like UGHHH #you dug around in my head you sniffed out my thoughts and you took my emotions and you wrote and you made the lily valley world #and i am living in it #I LOVE YOU!!! #and i hope you have a GREAT sunday and a GREAT upcoming week #and i’m sending you good vibes and good thoughts and SO MUCH SUPPORT #asks #shepnicolo

[scp3999]

i think god hates oil daniel

#twbb #there will be blood #eli sunday #daniel plainview #my art #based on some simpsons screenshots that i thought were applicable and so doodled this #was gna draw serious fanart but im a little sickly guy rn. i do not have it in me #happy eli sunday thursday #i was originally gna draw the oil rig on fire but i am so sleepy and i thought this was funnier

[glamgoblin]

We should have known Korn was evil when he started following Kardashian naming conventions

Korn, Kinn (Anakin), Kim, Khun (Tankhun) the signs were there ALL ALONG

#besties we thought he was bad with his chess metaphor #he’s been planning his evil empire since his kids were born #he and kris kardashian meet up for martinis on Sunday brunches #and burn money for fun #kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #side note this is obviously not serious #there has been an influx of people thinking I am serious #what I do not understand is what I am supposed to do with that responsibility #i have no brain cells only sass cells #korn theerapanyakul

[orbmanson7]

So update that no one wants

The drill did come in, but it arrived a day early and I was literally using a textline at the time and they were encouraging me to just throw the package away

So I did

Didn't feel better, honestly felt bad about wasting shit like that but oh well

But then an hour later, my stepsister said she would be busy this weekend and asked me to take my nephew to my place to stay overnight

And I was so over the moon to finally get to spend time with my nephew again that I instantly cleaned most of my house, went and got groceries that my nephew likes, and actually felt the best I've felt in several months (not great but definitely closer to my neutral baseline where I can actually function again)

All this, mere hours after literally being seconds away from purposefully trying to put a drill through my fucking skull after spending two awful weeks in one of my absolute worst spirals ever (like I've never called out of work that much until now, I tore down all the safety posters I made at work because they were fucking useless, I set up interviews for other jobs knowing I couldn't fake my way through them, like I was starting to go far more over the edge than I ever have before, tbh)

It's really that fucking easy, though, huh

Just.... I get to see my favorite person in the world? Oh okay everything is better now 🌈

Jfc

But I mean... I am still here, I am still trying, obviously shit's not perfect but I no longer have the drill at least, so it's a start

#yeah no its been a very trying two weeks #i normally just kinda always have a plan but this was much more serious #it was.... extremely difficult to throw that thing away #like holy shit #but hey its gone now and i get to see my nephew all day tomorrow and sunday #so things are better #orbs thought bubbles

[bunnyb34r]

Oh my god I forgot to talk ab the stupid boxes!

So from like New Year's- like two days ago, my area hasn't gotten anything new in. But instead of leaving under my table empty, I had been leaving my boxes, keeping them taped up and put a little X on em so I know they're empty. Why? Bc NewLady is so insanely anal ab boxes under her table ONLY being the box for the item on the table above it. Now mind you, she has 4x the table space I do. She will CONSTANTLY try to push the womens hanging rack item boxes under womens (fine, NetflixCoworker has room) and children's under mine. Mens is RIGHT ACROSS the hanging rack. FOUR TIMES THE SPACE.

So to make it seem like I have noooo room under my table for new boxes, I'd been keeping the old ones with the Xs right? (Which didn't even help bc the one day I took off, she put TWO hanging rack boxes in the middle of my box space like BEHIND the boxes)

So we're doing the audit and I had noticed earlier in the week that some of her boxes had Xs. Cool less for us to count.

THEY WERE STILL FULL SGGDGDGDG SHE'S JUST MARKING Xs FOR NO APPARENT REASON!! at least with mine, it's so I know "dont grab this box, unless you need to put something IN it."

I stg I think she saw the Xs on my boxes and was like... trying to fit in??? Idk but I almost fucking lost it laughing I was so taken aback like what the goddamn hell is her deal?? Seriously a 60 going on 6 situation with her good lord

#marquilla #RC literally stopped adding items to her count midcount and looked at me and went 'are you fucking serious?' AGSGSGDGDGGD #like good fucking lord you could have asked what the xs were. id lie and say so i have onhand boxes for liquidation but 😭 noo im #gonna just mimic bc im fucking SIX not sixty 😭 #like theres no clear reason for it bc when she uses other boxes to put overstock in she puts a sign on em and this was #like on normal boxes 😭 #and i KNOW it wasnt done during the audit bc i saw this sunday. we didnt even know ab the audits til Tuesday #like for the love of god please go back into retirement. go take up a fucking hobby. go volunteer. go work part time somewhere #just get the fuck out of retail bc you're not good at it and you cant work with people at ALL 😭😭😭 #but 'i was a manager at target.' mhm sure jan. sure you were. #work talk #she supposedly retired like in 2022 and went back to retail in 2023 like girl please im begging you to like learn tai chi and knitting learn #to fucking be alone with your thoughts and RELAX 😭 go away

[donuts4evry1]

Since we're talking about Sakuya, I just noticed someone liked one of his older posts so I'd just like to ask if anyone remembered the Drama CD scene where Sakuya totally offered to sell Yuuya to Shuu.

It's not really related to anything that anyone's talked about today but y'know what it's funny.

#Truly it's a Sakuya Sunday over here #In his defense I'm not entirely sure if Sakuya was being 100% serious here #He trusts Shuu and I don't think he thought Shuu would /actually/ do it #Still kind of weird tho #hatoful boyfriend #yuuya sakazaki #sakuya le bel shirogane

[chqnified]

When your doctor says he'll prescribe ypu stronger painkillers for your chronic joint pain, but he lies and prescribed you antidepressants. He claims there's no side effects but when you read the instructions there's a WHOLE LIST of side effects

#no because is this fucking doctor serious. he said i was mentally ill and that i was basically making up my pain #then lied about the new prescription. #and on what planet does a medication have NO side effects #he was a massive cunt. #a doctor who tells their patient ' well. what do you want me to do about it' when you tell them your in pain #i couldn't move or walk on Sunday. and there's this piss take telling me 'i can't come up with a magical cure. what do you want' #word for word that's what he said. #and they say to me. just go yo the doctors. why do you not want to go? #because when i go. i get patronised and told I'm so mentally ill I'm making everything up. #he gave me the phone number for the rheumatoid department then said 'you ring them'..... #BUT THE BASTARD COULDN'T EVEN GET THE PHONE NUMBER RIGHT. HE GAVE ME THE FUCKING HOME NUMBER. THE ONE THAT IS LISTED AS MY CONTACT DETAILS #he was genuinely so flipping rude. and I'm glad Ash was there to tell him what he thought lmao #Avi. is very much. ready to go down the doctors and give them a piece of his mind. but atst. where does that get us? nowhere...

[caruliaa]

deciding if i want my text post about my father for today becuase too many would be whiny to be about how i get very terrifed anytime he raises his voice and thats prob not normal (which i already knew but yk) or a snarky "how come my dads on discord i though that site just pushed and agenda and tricked people into thinking theyre gay? that why i wasnt allowed it right?"

#see i was writing this post from the perspective that the first one was very concering and the second one is funny. #but yk i j realized to people that arent me theyre both concerning. ok. #my immediate response to seeing my dad on discord btw was to leave the official acnh server j bc thats like the most official server im in #and i got Scared. which is dub bc my dad doesnt play acnh why wld he use that server. but i Got Scared. #also ill tell u like the story of this first one which is that like. basically my sibling connected their phone to the internet at school #to reasearch smth and when they did they got a message from our mother abt watching a movie which was prob from sunday bc #apparently my mum was watching die hard then nd they joined for a bit idk but the fact that they got it now meant they kept being like #'thats weird do you guys think my phone is haunted i tihnk it might be' not entirely seriously #i also very like casually kept being like @na its probalby just a glitch those happen' #nd at some point i was very lightly like 'yk i dont think getting into the who thing of if ghosts exist is worth it when u cld just ask abt #the text message later' and rthe thing is fucking !!! my dad was literally agreeing with me !! but like he also seem somewhat actually like #upset and mad over my sibling saying their phone was haunted or at lest he was raising his voice and like seem mad to me #(i think he thought they were bieng fully serious abt the phone being haunted. nd that tht Not True bc it doesnt align w our religous #beliefs. but also idk if he brought up religon at all) #but the thing is my sibling was literally fine but like. auugh i got scared and freaked out #at some point i just put on my headphones nd tried to ignore it until he had moved on yay. #this happended in the car btw u guys need that context bc cars are eveil places for this reason parents are always Saying Shit there . augh #its so dumb like. this is why even when my parents r being fine i cant like. be around them. because they have caused me actual fr trauma #like intense trauma that impacts me every day bc i see them every fucking day. and i cant get away from it. so fun. #anyway. sorry this became a vent. SAD ! #flappy rambles #vent

[the-yearning-astronaut]

Might be looking at another expensive vet visit here in the next day or so. Fuck

#tbd #fuuuuuuuck i feel like such a shitty pet mom #i hope its her bladder crystals and stones breaking up from the Rx food and causing irritation and nothing more serious #i tried reaching out to the vet but its Sunday and the clinic is closed so he probably has his work cell turned off #i can barely afford the cost of the clinics emergency visit #im not sure i could afford the actual ER vet if it comes to that #fuck fuck fuck #fox thoughts

[thethingything]

I know the point of that ask game is that you can't respond to the asks, but at the same time I do want to say thank you to that anon for the bit about hoping we're doing alright. We do go through a lot of rough stuff and luckily we're better equipped to handle it than we used to be but it does feel like the universe decides to just fuck us up every few months - 🍬

#personal #thoughts #I know we've briefly mentioned that something happened on Sunday and that might be what prompted you to mention it #we're coping a bit better now but it's just going to be a while before things calm down I think #but luckily unlike a lot of other incidents we're actually safe and in a position where we can try to process things #sorry if this sounds vague and ominous but we just kind of agreed not to go into detail about it on here #partly because we don't want to be too open about our triggers and partly because it could be really triggering to other people #but yeah it does kind of feel like we get a few traumatic incidents a year and we'd like to unsubscribe from Trauma Quarterly thanks #(also god it feels really weird writing out something in a serious tone like this. Well except for that last tag) #(we genuinely do really appreciate the concern though and there are a few people who know what happened who've been amazing about it) #🍬 post

[hotmess-exe]

trying to accept I might be good at creative stuff other than writing

trying to accept I might be good at comedy

trying to believe in myself

#comedy club owner just told me they're doing scholarship admissions for this crazy week long intensive this summer #and im like aw shucks he didnt mean anything by it #but like #yes he did that's why he told me about it before it's been confirmed/announced #i didnt even perform in the showcase this sunday 😭 #am i arrogant?? #am i beating my ego up for no reason rn? #i am serious about performing comedy way more this year #just performing in general #and the instructors are from out of state ansnsjsjsksnd #idk its cool and exciting and i think imma do it #i cant wait to no longer be recovering from surgery #just thoughts