#she doesn't have that much time for it anymore because of work

[flowerandblood]

I don't like many of the authors' decisions here – sometimes their tropes, sometimes their choice of how they present events, dialogues, sometimes their characters, relationships between them or their appearance. It's not a bad thing. I have a right to feel this way.

But I would never tell them about it. Not because I don't have the courage to do it but because it would give them nothing, nothing good. You criticise when someone asks for it – when someone doesn't, then you should keep quiet.

Why? Because perhaps someone does not want this criticism and it's their right too. I, for example, don't care and I don't want to know how much someone dislikes something in my work. I don't need the fake appreciation of others, just as others don't need mine.

If I don't like someone's stories, I just leave them alone. God bless all of them! Write and be happy.

No one here is an oracle or judge, and some people feel that way. If you don't like what the authors are writing and their choices, give them a holy peace or else all you'll achieve is that they'll be discouraged from writing – they'll think: maybe nobody wants to read this after all, look at my characters, maybe it's pointless, maybe everyone thinks about me and my writing this way.

Sowing doubt and passive humiliation is very popular here for some reason and I find it incredibly annoying. People don't know when to shut their mouths and when their private opinion to which they are, after all, entitled hurts others, making them uncomfortable.

Our right to free speech should not cut someone's wings and mock them. This is an expression of disrespect and basic culture.

Not everyone has to want to change, to develop if it is not their profession but a simple hobby.

Anonymity does not make malicious gibberish sound any smarter, and a large audience or reactions under posts does not make anyone entitled to post an opinion in which they criticise works of others for their choices.

"Why do you write with only small letters? It's so annoying. This character would never do this, are you dumb? Aemond would never betray his family! Oh nooo, next Visenya on a big dragon? Why these OC's are so boring? Reader insert is just for you because you are desperate to fuck. Why do your OC is fat? Why do your OC is slim? Why do make your OC look like this, why won't you try something new? Why do you put Alys in your story as a third wheel when she is Aemond's real love interest?"

Shut. The fuck. UUUUUUP. GOD.

You say – you don't agree, don't read, I have a right to my opinion. Well, I say: your right does not absolve you from thinking about the feelings of others.

You are hypocrites. You cry and make a hiatus when someone sends you a nasty anon writing that you write crap, but you devote 2,000 words on your blog to why a certain trope doesn't make sense, why other authors don't have a right to make their OC's look the way they want.

What you write is not private, it's public. Who are you writing it to? Is it an expression of your frustration? Those you write it about can read it. They may feel very, very bad about it, they can think to stop writing at all or make themselves to do something against their will. But that's not your concern anymore, right?

Taking responsibility for your own words only when it's convenient for you is an expression of immaturity and that's what I see in this fandom – most people here are afraid of adulthood and the clash with it. Because in adulthood everything we do has consequences to face.

But it's easier to say that we simply have the right to express our opinion, no matter how hurtful and unfounded it may be.

I want to be clear – I will see anyone reblogging or write this kind of posts – I will block them. Even if I like you, if you are with me for a long time. I don't want to see this kind of toxic behavior on my wall ever again. Enough is enough.

#hotd fandom #gibbering about others oc's #gibbering about aemond x strong niece trope #gibbering about readers inserts #gibbering about smut in the fics #shut #the fuck #upppppp #plz #writing #writing advice #writing fandom #writers #criticism #writers on tumblr #fandom

[deadbeatbirdmom]

I think I've recovered enough from watching the episode to actually say something about it, or at least more than I managed right afterwards.

I loved it.

It's great to see chibi-ish!Ruby used for comedic effect again, for the first time since Volume 1 I think. First acting playfully mad with Yang, and then in her excitement at the boba.

On that note, it's great to see and hear Ruby excited again. It's impressive how high her voice can go without breaking, especially considering Ruby's VA's normal voice seems to be lower pitched than Yang's voice.

I'm not surprised Ruby's uncomfortable with the cult that has sprung up around her message to Remnant. She always wanted to be a normal girl, if one who became a huntress, which is a fairly normal thing in Remnant. Especially for someone born to a family of them.

It's good to see that refugees from Patch can set up their business in Vacuo, and even better that it lets Yang and Ruby carry on the tradition they had before Beacon. That it was something they did with Tai also ended up revealing why he isn't there with them: he's on assignment, according to Qrow. What is more important than being in Vacuo, where the majority of Remnant's population is gathered? And more important than being with his daughters, who he might have heard were presumed dead and miraculously reappeared.

I've seen the suggestion that Tai's guarding the Crown aka Relic of Choice, but I've also seen the great point that if that's the case and Salem finds him, there's not much he can do to stop her, no matter what his Semblance is. Although I guess Raven might feel that he's in danger and open a portal for him to escape through. It's not confirmed that's how her Semblance works, but it explains how she knew when Yang needed saving in Volume 2.

Anyway, back to Yang and Ruby! I love that Yang brought up what happened in the Ever After. That she's understands, or at least understands enough after what Yang herself has been through, and the important thing she gets across to Ruby is that she's not alone. That she's not going to carry the weight of leading them alone. Not anymore.

It's also important that they've figured out a code word to signal that Ruby needs help, because she doesn't always know how to reach out. I figure that they will tell Blake and Weiss about that, or it could confuse them:

Ruby: "Boba!"

Weiss: ...

Blake: :3 ???

Yang: Hugs Ruby. "I'm here for you."

Weiss: "Is. Is this another weird Xiao Long-Rose thing?"

What I particularly appreciate about it is that Yang acknowledged her mistake but didn't actually apologise for it, and Ruby didn't mind that. Because the important thing isn't saying sorry, it's changing things so that Ruby never feels that alone again. Actions speak louder than words.

It's also equally important that Ruby recognised she still has issues saying when she needs help. They're a team and they need to work together.

It just reinforces RWBY's message of hope, and to keep moving forward, and that no one is perfect but that they learn from their mistakes.

Asjhgsdkjghfdkshjkakjhdhlsj FEELS AUGH

Also that last line kinda hints that Ruby likes to go shopping with Yang, but they haven't got around to it. Shopping for new outfits, perhaps?

#RWBY spoilers #RWBY Beyond #Yang Xiao Long #RWBY Ruby #the sisters Xiao Long-Rose #the sisters of all time #deadbeatbirdmom posts

[multifandom-nerds-blog]

I'm rewatching Trollhunters in the background right now, and the disfunctional mother son relationship between Jim and his mom is making me crazy.

Like, he's taking care of the household and his mother for years as a teenager and before probably. She is sometimes giving half hearted comments about him not having to do so much, but very obviously she's not gonna make him stop do all the cooking and cleaning. Y'know. Both because they've been living like this for years, and because it's obviously also very comfortable to have someone do all the house work.

Then Strickler comes into the picture, and if we ignore the whole Troll and changeling side of the story, Barabara gets very offended cause Jim doesn't want her to meet him privately. Again, ignoring the whole magic and trolls stuff, STRICKLER IS JIMS TEACHER. If Jim hadn't figured out that Strickler was a changeling he probably wouldn't have a problem with it, but the fact that he does, no matter the reason, should be enough for Barbara to put a stop to the relationship. Her child is clearly uncomfortable with her seeing/dating that guy, for whatever reason, and even clearly vocalized it. But she doesn't care about, or rather, she tells Jim that she "wouldn't expect something like that" from him. Obviously not, cause she may see him like her child/teenager he is, BUT DOESN'T TREAT HIM LIKE ONE.

And then Jim, unknowingly to Barbara, becomes the Trollhunter, and his behavior changes. He's suddenly doing reckless stuff, sneaking out, getting bruises, landing in detention and even at the police station, barely avoiding a police report. What does she do? Asking him what's going on? If everything's alright at school? If he has any other problems? Maybe trying to lower his workload around the house, which again, he's doing most of that as a teenager and longer probably.

Nah. She doesn't do anything until he lands in the hospital. Except for again, dismissing him rather negatively at the one topic he's openly expressing any negative opinions about (Strickler). And after he lands in the hospital she now starts not asking questions, but demanding answers. Demanding answers from a teenager in a difficult situation who is also now acting much more like a teenager than he ever did before, from her point of view at least. Except she obviously doesn't know how to deal with a teenager, cause she has never had to raise or live with a teenager. She instead lived with a child pretending to be an adult for years, that was partly much more of an adult than she was, who did way to much work even before Jim became the Trollhunter. So she throws punishments at him and grounds him, but does he listen?

No. Cause why should he? Not only is he dealing with things much more important than being grounded, yknow, saving the world, he's trying to protect her from the sheer knowledge of the supernatural and physically protecting her from getting harmed. And again, for the majority of the time since his dad left he pretended to be an adult. He was and is the main adult in the household, dealing with important things she doesn't even know about.

The only one's treating Jim like a teenager are teachers, other children and Blinky and Aaargh sort of when they're not in the middle of Troll business. Strickler, in the first episodes where Jim doesn't know about his true identity, is much more of a parental figure to Jim (also after his redemption later on tbh) than his mother.

In summary: Barbara is treating her son like an adult, almost like a partner, instead of a child/teenager. And when that isn't possible anymore she doesn't know how to properly treat him. She also doesn't really care that her son is uncomfortable with her being around Strickler, or Strickler in general. And it takes Blinky telling her (when Jim is 16) that Jim might be affected by his father leaving when he was five years old.

Jim meanwhile is treating his mother more like a child/teenager instead of the adult and MOTHER that she is. Seeing her as his responsibility. Cooking for her. Cleaning for her. Telling her to rest and take breaks.

They obviously love each other other. And their relationship might not be toxic, but it's very much disfunctional. In a way that is mostly negative for Jim.

#toa #toa trollhunters #trollhunters #jim lake jr #jim lake junior #barbara lake #walter strickler #trollhunters strickler #tales of arcadia #blinky #aarghhh #trollhunters blinky #Barabara; just because Steves mother has a relationship with one of his teachers and it working out between him and her son #Doesn't mean it's gonna work out for you #If you're a parent and your child is uncomfortable with a partner of yours #YOU BREAK IT UP #Especially if your child is still living with you #Seriously #Okay I know trainer Lawrence probably only became Steves stepdad later in the series #And they also had to work some things out first #But at least they didn't try to kill each other and trainer Lawrence was actively trying to be a good parent/friend to steve #And don't get me started on “A vespa costs so much”: YOU'RE A DOCTOR #Don't know much about new jersey or wherever the show takes place but doctors earn good money almost everywhere #Especially with how much nightshifts and over time hours she has #Not being sure about your 16 year old driving I understand #But don't try to excuse it with money when you're obviously not poor and he's been wanting it for so long that you could've easily saved up #The money till his 16th birthday #Okay I ranted about this long enough #Also the fandom is dead so nobody will read this probably #Byeee

[kdices]

why isn't my father answering...

#☆ text #i know this may sound silly and childish #but it's just #i have something about people disappearing while i was talking to them (at least the people who normally don't take long to respond) #also has this with when my mother used to leave the house for a few hours when she said she was just going to buy bread #she doesn't have that much time for it anymore because of work #but free days and holidays... #also when i feel some bad feeling #as if something bad was going to happen #i felt this bad feeling while he didn't respond #i'm worried

[uselessnbee]

what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.

or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!

and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes

and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you

#i am not trying to victim blame or anything i love Sally and she did her best and didn't deserve any of the crap life gave her #but there's just something so tragic about the fact that she married a vile man and suffered abuse to protect her son #just for her decision to hurt him anyways just in a different way but the only other option would probably be Percy ending up dead #so she can't really truly regret it but she just wishes those weren't their only options #that she didn't have to do this just so that her child could stay alive #thinking about it makes me go feral #they had no choice but to suffer there was no way for their lives to be without this much hurt and trauma and it's terrible #and they didn't deserve it but there was so much love too #but the horrible thing is that that love just wasn't enough to save them from all that pain and i need to be sedated bye #percy jackson #sally jackson #pjo #hoo #percy and sally #percy jackon and the olympians #whatever you do don't think about a six years old lonely Percy sitting in a corner waiting for his mom to come back home from work #and he knows she loves him but he misses her so much when she spends so much time in work and that hurts #don't think about a ten years old Percy being sent away to a boarding school and he knows his mom loves him #but what if she's sending him away because he's just too much? or not enough? and what if she doesn't want him anymore? #and he knows that's not true but what if? #i'm thinking it #okay i think that's enough

[stupid-dyke]

I can tell i am now experienceing actual real sleep deprivation and not just the omnipresent idiopathic hypersomnia fake sleepiness that my stupid lying body never shuts up about. I can tell because I am fallijng asleep in class regardless if I take my medication and I feel like everything is so, incredibly stupid and horrible, and everyone giving me homework or telling me to do anything is attacking me. And I can;t hold a conversation. And people are noticing my strange manner and pointing out that I seem wrong. And yet here we are AGAIN I have AGAIN stayed up late AND not gotten any work done. And on top of that I broke my fucking glasses tonight because I left them sitting on my fucking bed. And I'm freaking my parents out by crying over the phone and also I think I actually injured my shoulder last week its been hurting for four days now. and I'm so sad and mad at myself for not sleeping and not working but I can't work because I havent slept and I cant sleep because I havent worked. And every single time I get in a bad time like this my dad worries im going to die because i was suicidal for like a week in 2019 and then he gets mad at me for worrying him and I feel so so so guilty. Im so so sad.

#and I dont want to fuckign sleep even though i really need to and I spend every fucking seconf of every fucking day being sleepy #because even when I get enough sleep im still FUCKING sleepy so what is the FUCKING point. Why not just NOT FUCKING SLEEP. #Im so fucking sick of myself and my body and my pain and my stupidity. #AND ITS SO STUPID BECAUSE HERE I AM MISSING ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS SCARING MY FAMILY WEIRDING OUT OTHER STUDENTS AND MAKING MY PROFS HATE ME #BECAUSE IM FUCKING SLEEPY. stupidest fucking sounding reason on earth to have a fucking crisis. #no one ever hears me say im sleepy and thinks oh thats really serious i really want to help you now its literally just annoying to ppl #haha wait til you have kids or get older or a full time job ha ha #cool I am fuckign terrified of the future because I know how mad everyone gets at me when im too disabled to do what im supposed to #and I know its going to get to a point where I can't and there will probably be no one left to help me. I'm almost certainly going to outli #outlive my parents and my sister and even if i ever get married ill probably also get divorced so I'll be all alone #friendships aren't safe becuase you can love someone so much for 5 years and she just tells you one day she doesn't want to be burdened #by you anymore and you never hear from her again #its a dark scary fucking world and you want me to be passionate about a field of study or something?? jesus christ can you all just fuck of #I dont want to go to grad school i dont want to work i dont want to live alone i dont want to live with my parents forever #my head hurts so much goodnight guys sorry for ranting its literally fine im literally just really sleepy sorry for being melodramatic

[commandercoriandersalamander]

she responded to the antibiotics, her energy/enjoyment levels went up, and my dad cancelled (or possibly never scheduled?) the appointment.

she's still in the end stages of her life and we're not going to do much besides comfort care at this point, but we get to keep her a little bit longer.

#cw pet death #...except not really #this is objectively good news and I am happy honestly #but at the same time kind of stunned #like I really prepared for her death and I think somewhat emotionally closed off? like in preparation? so when my dad texted me #i didnt know how to feel #still working it out honestly #because I love her so much but at the same time when he told me part of me was like 'oh. okay. now I don't have to be bracing for this news #anymore' and of course now I am again #but like. if she's happy I'm happy. and dad says she's improving for now. #it doesn't feel real? like this is the kind of thing you dream while your phone is in your hand waiting for the text to tell you its time #(which is how I slept last night lol))

[salsflore]

ummmm

#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~ #my favorite image on this device btw ^ #cw negative #cw vent #you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than- #-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so #but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but #my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i- #-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something- #-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because- #-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles- #-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all #i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me #i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years- #-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and- #-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great- #-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do? #how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time? #i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though #so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun- #-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!! #how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol #everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit #i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden

[abyssalpriest]

Working with Leviathan be like

Leviathan: *completely both rewrites a severe trauma trigger back into something neutral and freeing, and further reconnects me to the Sky and myself off plane and pre-incarnation in the space of 24 hours* yeah nice, anyway we should play video games now I'm tired

#ramblings // #Emphasis on he works over the span of months but he really is a uh... A pool of water that doesn't drip into your mind until you open the #door. And you think you will be drowned when you do but he is so soothing. And he walks with you #And sometimes what he walks you through is really painful and it's like what the actual fuck am I doing but he stays there like #duh it's what I said would happen it's fine trust me #And you do and then it's like. Holy shit. Look what I walked through. Hope you're proud of me #leviathan // #ramblings // #Anyway. Friendship ended with Despise A Certain Game now Ending Of The Game Where She's Soothed And The Rain Fades is my friend #And. I didn't realise how much I'd become afraid to talk about me. I talk about Leviathan all the time as the sky but I don't.... Like #talking about myself as a part of the day sky and what that means. I have. Thanks to him. Had gateways opened to astral memories #that I was too scared to touch and.... I'm.... I think I'm ready to start recorroborating my info between brains in astral and physical #bodies..... I think..... I'm ready I'm... I am So fucking End Of Game Where Rain Fades right now and that makes me want to fucking bawl my #eyes out because a) I wasn't allowed in the cult I was in to go near that part of the game bc they told me the character there was alive and #she hated my guts and thought I was disgusting. And b) god the storyline involving her is just so so so so so relevant to my life post-cult #:( you know. Just :( #Diary // #The child returns to her mother the cycle is done the rain clears the ocean is infinite the workings of the cult I mean church are undone #And that doesn't scare me anymore? The cult was so.... Had me thinking that any time that game was brought up they were in control of it #and they would see me and it was their game and they made it alone and I could never just enjoy it as a video game.... It #Still hurts a little but leviathan walked me through allowing it to be neutral and admitting that I see myself in it. Because I tried my #hardest to not admit that thinking that if I did they'd be in my head but mo #No* it's... Its a communal thing. It's allowed to be relatable to a wide audience for neutral reasons. I don't have to break down when I see #it. And I'm allowed to talk about the Sky and I'm allowed to talk about where and when I met Leviathan and I'm allowed to not hide what I do #with him because others may take it as gross exaggerations for bragging rights - I'm allowed to be neutral. Just because at one point in my #life I thought astral projection was only for a select few does not mean now that I do it I have to hide it in case someone like me #takes their insecurity so far that they see my neutral declarations as an attack on them............. Anyway #The Day Sky. My beloved. You mean so much to me. I won't forget my purpose in this incarnation I will not hide it #Thanks Lev #I love that arguably calling him Lev is more controversial than calling him Tengri but it's Not just a nickname lmfao

[elytrafemme]

everyone please manifest that i wake up a normal person tomorrow because i am treacherously close to going on a fucking warpath

#nightmare.personal #omg ha ha ha classes are starting soon orientation is over isn't this going to be so fun <- on the verge of killing someone #it's not even classes that's the issue it's the fact that college is like. oh time to reinvent yourself #but like that's so not working. people aren't LIKING me. #and it's not that people hate me like i've made good connections with a decent group of people #spent all day with these two guys basically. my roommates seem to appreciate me. have a few others in the bag. #but they're not liking me that much. like. okay. i'm just going to say this #because i have a girlfriend i don't WANT people to try shit with me #and because i have a girlfriend people DON'T want to try shit with me #and that is The Fucking Problem I Think #because i can't feel attractive if nobody is telling me i'm attractive #because it sounds so. fake. from my girlfriend. like she obviously doesn't see it. obviously. #but people finding me attractive is the basis of how i can function as a human being #it's so fucking frustrating. i'm doing EVERYTHING i can. i'm being adaptable and spontaneous and reliable #and i'm funny and honest and i'm validating. i'm hitting everything. #and it's not working well enough. and classes will start and nobody's going to give a shit anymore #and it's like if i killed myself or something literally nobody here would care. because we don't know each other yet #and nobody at home would know for a handful of days aside from my family like obviously they exist so that's an issue #also i like being alive so that's kind of the main barrier to this plan but the point stands that like #something could happen to me and nobody would care #also side note it's really cool that i've balanced online stuff and real life stuff so now #i barely talk to the people i know online who would actually support me and mostly talk to real life people who probably wouldn't #isn't that so cool. hashtag living. being on tumblr makes me actually want to kill myself i want to delete discord SO bad #because that actually wouldn't make a difference for more than like 3 people here. what's my argument actually i'm contradicting myself #the reason i'm not being liked is because i'm not a likable person and that is definitely the crux of this issue #but if people don't start wanting me right now it's actually going to be so bad for so many people #if i go into college with no friends i cannot express to you in words how much i will take down with me #i will library of alexandria myself i do not even care. someone call me attractive and mean it. give me a fucking chance #suicide tw

[unhonestlymirror]

Maybe it's for the better that I don't remember what I had at home

#I remember I had hundreds of books which I wanted to reread someday #I don't really remember what they were about #some illustrations #Lots of clothes #Several big anatomy atlases which costed damn too much #My guitar #My two guitars #It's just when Im having a breakdown while lying i remember how i was lying in a corridor and crying the same way because #russians were constantly bombing the building 'with neonazis' near us #not counting my mom i was the only person who cried from time to time im a bit embarrassed of this fact #My siblings and my dad didn't cry at all #So many people have being dying FOR WHAT for some russian ego?? #I remember how i read that a student from my uni was shot to death his name was Shmagliy Danylo #everything loses it's value when genocide comes to your home #I remember how a girl I can't stand sent a video with helicopters and fuck #Just because we are work enemies doesn't mean she deserved it #My another classmate lives in Brovary it's near Kyiv and I was so scared because she didn't respond and it was when Bucha happened #She's ok and her family as well #It is the time when people you barely know or even dislike write that rocket hit their house or someone died again and #It's the time your 'dislike' doesn't matter anymore #Nothing has so low price and nothing can be more valuable at the same time than life

[tam--lin]

feeling sad about camp today

#It's like a weird breakup #Where I'm not working here next year because I simply can't do it anymor #But I live here because my partner is a director here #And the exec director i like as a friend but she makes me want to pull my hair out when she's in any position of power #Like. This is what sent me to therapy! This is what caused the various Bad Brain Times last year! #I am only doing better because of therapy and Zoloft and the fact that I worked really really hard this last year #At saying no #And naming and holding my boundaries #And expressing my needs #But like. Good grief. As a liberal white woman. #Somebody's gotta stop the liberal white women from getting too much power #This place brought me so much joy but now I have to hold it at arms length and I hate hate hate that #Partner doesn't even know if they'll last here past next summer. They're mostly here just trying to make things better. #*screams into a pillow*

[philtatosbuck]

the sooner we (read: you people) realize kie’s parents aren’t shitty for wanting better for her the sooner we can be normal

#kie carrera #kie has literally been slumming it up and pretending she's poor #and her parents. Want Her To Be Safe? That's Literally It #i love john b & jj & pope but let's be so fucking real #they act like they don't have much to live for #and to be HONEST?? that's because of how they were raised #pope with parents who work all the time just to provide #jj with a dad who was abusive as hell #john b with a dad who was half there #there is a fundamental difference between the boys and kie #they actually have nothing but each other #and kie loves them without a doubt but she doesn't #Get that the pogues didn't start just as a way to cause trouble #they literally had nothing else #kie IS a pogue but she also has good parents who fucking care about her #and she constantly disrespects them #her poor people posing does not actually mean her parents don't care #they don't want her to be friends with three troublemakers? god forbid #they don't want her to get involved anymore with an alleged murderer? God Forbid. #outer banks #i'm Sick of people acting like actual good parents are awful #for wanting their kids to be fucking safe #kie literally slept with pope partially to be able to throw it in her mom's face #like. come on. #kie's mom has never been ashamed of her husband she literally just wants her daughter safe

[mayonakano-archive]

you never realize how much exhaustion impacts you until every little thing feels agonizing and everyone is putting pressure on you to do more

#leoposting #vent in tags #literally like... 99.9% of my family gets on my case for not working. they say me being tired 'isn't an excuse' #my mom sees it as me focusing on my studies and honestly? good enough. at least she doesn't push me to get a job #everyone else does. whines at me for choosing not to work and feeling incapable of it #who would hire someone who's dead on their feet half the time? who can barely keep awake after doing basically nothing all day? #i know i need to research colleges for application deadlines and study the overseas application process and write my essays and the such... #but i'm just... exhausted. i barely do anything yet every day i just get more and more tired #i can tell that there's something wrong. it's agonizing that nobody else sees it that way. #my doctor asked if i wanted to do a sleep study to see if there was something wrong. i had to say no because all i saw in my head #was the cost and the time taken out of my dad's day. he thinks pretty much everything to do with me is a waste of time... #it's a bit... frustrating? i guess. to know that i could've said yes. that i could've had a solution. #but the way i've been raised and conditioned lead to me knowing the only option was to brush it off. because its a waste of time #there's no victory condition here. regardless of what i do i end up suffering in one way or another #at least i can somewhat deal with being tired. and having what's likely diagnosed mental illness and potential neurodivergencies... #sigh. whatever. it's pointless to whine and cry anymore. i should at least try to do something productive...

[theydoctor]

;-;

#as much as i like my therapist #she doesn't really know much about neurodivergencies #like. i have an adhd diagnosis. but that's from another professional. #and honestly none of the people i go to have any idea wtf is going on with my brain lol #so it's like. i probably have adhd? i'm probably autistic too? #but nobody can say anything for certain #and i know self diagnosis is valid but i have sooo much imposter syndrome #like i'm slowly coming to terms with being autistic and that it's fine for me to self diagnose #and now i also have to work on coming to terms with having adhd at the same time? #it's confusing. because i've had my adhd diagnosis for over a year now. #but everyone keeps saying i probably don't even have it and it's just depression instead #and idk what to believe anymore... #i don't want to falsly claim being adhd while i'm really not aaah #the same goes for autism obviously #yeah idk where i'm going with this. i'm just confused and have a lot of imposter syndrome. #charlie rambles

[vitiateoriginator]

I've been going thru a major creative block recently and I'm really depressed over it

#there's so much stuff I want to do but can't #I'm trying to finish some valentines adopts that I want to sell but Im struggling to finish the linearts as well as find good colors #for the characters #I've also gotta publish the next chapter of my book which is late AGAIN #but every time I open the word document to write I cannot put down anything interesting or coherent #I tried to switch to preparing some draft one shots for ockiss week but even with that I'm facing the same issues #I talked to my therapist about my creativity block and she said I just need to carve out time for myself #like. alone time where I can be creative in a way where it also doesn't feel like a chore to make things #but I don't have the ability to make that time #between work and my datemate almost constantly being around I have no way to get that #and even during the times I do get to be alone all I want to do is scroll thru tumblr and reddit or watch videos #I can't even imagine amvs to music anymore for fuck's sake! #I'm literally always fucking tired and mentally drained #I can't do the things I once loved anymore because it feels too overwhelming to put in the energy #I've tried ti meditate too to see if that would help but my brain is constantly thinking #so that doesn't help at all #and I have nobody to talk to or interest in any media to help get the creative juices flowing again #AND on top of that everyone in my life just seems set to make sure I'm as miserable as possible 24/7 #ok maybe that last part is just the depressing talking but it does still feel that way #I feel so lost man. I just want to sleep for 2 months straight #sam's rants about life