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greenchrysanthemum20 · 2 months

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Permanent Changes to Brain Chemistry (Or, This isn't the Genre you Think it is)

Hmmm, been thinking about Coffee Theory lately, and also the new wave of Aziraphale had a plan and was trying to communicate in Secret Code to Crowley but Crowley didn't get the part where it was in fact a code..... I have to wonder as someone who has been around the fandom block once or twice, I think both of these theories come from the same place: The Sherlock Hiatus. Yes, folks, we are in the new rendition of The Hiatus™. It feels weird to call it that, as Good Omens is not a show that regularly airs but that fact that we will be in a drought of Canon from August 2023 to 2026 at probably the soonest means that we are in fact in A Hiatus Season. Well, what the fuck does Sherlock have to do with Good Omens ??

I'm glad you asked! My New Thought of the week is that the Sherlock Hiatus permanently changed the brain chemistry on this website, or at least of fans of a certain stripe. Sherlock was a show that I obsessed over (rather late to the game, in 2017), and so did many others. With the cliffhanger of Sherlock's jump at the end of season 2, there was nothing for fans to do but theorize and theorize and theorize.

Sherlock was also a show that actively hated its queer legacy, and by extension, its fandom (looking at you, Steven Moffat). This is getting long so my point is, I think the off-beat super complex theories about GO and the final fifteen come from a place of being actively cat-fished by Sherlock, years ago. I mean, Sherlock S3E1 basically took all of fans' theories, tore them to shreds, spit on them, lit them on fire, and then presented it's own, Even More Crackpot theory as to how Sherlock survived??? The whiplash, maaaan.

So fans, having gone through All Of That, with Sherlock, have now come to almost expect mysteries in fannish shows to be overly complicated. And just, that isn't how Good Omens works?? Like, Neil and the rest of the cast and crew Do Love the fandom, and want to tell a story that is Doing Right by the fans. (Dottie and Sadie in Neil's asks are hard not to swing as the products of a good natured uncle winking and thumbing his nose at you). And second, I think these elaborate theories mistake the final fifteen as being part of a mystery show when in reality the final fifteen are part of a tragedy. Aziraphale is Hamlet. He is a tragic hero. We are to root for him, despite his flaws, or even because of them. It is because of Aziraphale's altruism that he makes the choices that he does. Altruism is Aziraphale's Hamartia, his tragic flaw.

He may be being played by Metatron, but because of who he is as a character, as a guardian and protector, Aziraphale cannot walk away from the chance to protect the earth and make things better in heaven without sacrificing a large part of his values and Who He Is. Metatron knows that Aziraphale is altruistic, as a constant, but that that altruism can be twisted and led astray.

In a tragedy, there is a point called Peripeteia, which means the point in which the tragic hero's flaw condemns them to a certain course of action. This is what we see Aziraphale go through in the final fifteen.

He is offered a choice, and he makes a choice, and in the end, it isn't a choice. Looking at GO through the lens of a tragedy, all of those statement can coexist, and they each have equal weight.

Crowley, on the other hand, is Orpheus. Don't look back. You are leaving, you are on your way out the door, you can sense her presence behind you. Don't look back. The cavern grows darker, the threat looms larger, you talk into the echoes, and every time you hear her reply, you cannot tell how far away she is from you. Don't look back.

You look back. You kiss him, furiously, in a bookshop. You have looked. She is taken from you. Crowley knew that that kiss was never going to have worked. But he needed to kiss Aziraphale anyway. He never could have told Aziraphale before the Metatron showed up that he loved him. (Can one blame Orpheus, for being a plaything to the muses?) (Can one escape a Hell that doesn't send Strongly Worded letters?)

You have to look. You have to love her. You have to let her know you love her, even as you cannot have her.

Obviously, Good Omens as a whole isn't a tragedy, but the final fifteen of Season 2 are one, and I think we have a lot to learn from treating them as such.

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kabira · 3 years

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02 | team project

pairing — spider-man!vernon x ofc

featuring — joshua, yeji (itzy), felix (skz), yangyang (nct)

word count — 2.6k

genres — spider-man au, marvel au, fluff, action, angst, humor

warnings — none

note — this is a little rushed, sorry ;-; i haven’t updated in two weeks despite only having posted the pilot so i was like !! ahh !! gotta update !! and here it is, your first ever (and very brief) appearance. i’ll edit it soon! as usual, send me an ask or dm if you want to be added to the taglist <3

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“Is this about me leaving Rhino on Midtown’s front porch?” Vernon demanded. “Because if it is, I’ll have you know that I left him in good hands—”

"Calm down, Wonder Kid," Fury said. He didn't look amused like Vernon had hoped, which meant that whatever he'd come here to talk about was serious. Well, what else should he have expected from the head of S.H.I.E.L.D.? "It's not about that. Well—not entirely. It's about the good hands you mentioned."

Vernon narrowed his eyes. He'd met Fury a few times before, and never during favorable conditions. The last time he's seen the guy, Spider-Man had almost been pummeled to death by none other than the Goblin himself. "They said something about bringing him to S.H.I.E.L.D.," he muttered. "I should have guessed."

Fury didn't respond, instead reaching inside his jacket to bring out an envelope. He threw the open envelope onto the table in front of Vernon, making a few pictures half spill out from inside. "You know what that is?"

Vernon glanced at him suspiciously before slowly picking up the pictures and going through them. Each of them was a glossy shot of various locations in New York, and all of them had a major recurring theme—the places were completely trashed. Overturned cars, building walls with holes in them, bent lampposts. Wearily, he set the pictures down face-up on the table, then looked up at the man, who stared back with an unreadable expression on his face.

A beat passed. "Was that a rhetorical question?"

"Jesus, kid," Fury muttered. "All of those pictures were taken moments after a fight between you and one of your fanclub members. Now, I'm not saying I don't appreciate you taking care of a couple of minor criminals in the city—"

"Minor criminals?"

"—but I can't let you treat the place like it's your neighborhood playpen," he finished. Next to him, the pretty agent-slash-counselor sat with her legs folded, her surprisingly stern gaze fixed on Vernon. The attention made him squirm. "S.H.I.E.L.D. is a global defense organization, for god's sake. We don't have the time to clean up after kids who don't know even know their three Rs."

"Let me guess," Vernon said, "rock, roll, ramble?"

"Even your wisecracks aren't funny anymore, kid." Fury shook his head.

Ouch. "That hurt my feelings."

The man glared at him out of his one good eye. "You can't keep going like this forever," he said. "You're on your way to be one of the greats—don't look at me like that, hell if I'm gonna repeat that—but the big guys take care of their messes. They don't leave poor innocent civilians behind to get new paint jobs on their Kias. All that damage your careless fighting left behind, who's gonna take care of that?"

"Insurance?" Vernon suggested. Agent Fox cracked a smile, warming his insides. Her sitting aside in silence as Fury chewed him out was a little unnerving. He wondered if looking on silently while high-rankers lectured kids was something she had to do regularly. You gotta have a heart of ice to sit through that.

"You are," Fury said grimly, and Vernon blinked. "And you're gonna start today."

"What was it that you really wanted?" Vernon asked, crossing his arms over his chest, making his t-shirt stretch tight over his biceps. He really needed to go shopping. "You can't tell me the world's best spy came all the way to some backwater high school just to lecture a kid about cleanliness being next to godliness."

"You're a special case, Parker," Fury said, and Vernon placed a hand over his heart, mockingly going aw. "And you're right. I'm not here just to lecture you about your repeated careless mistakes, I'm here to help you fix them."

Vernon looked at him suspiciously, already wary of what was to come next. "And how do you propose I do that?"

"You've already shown me multiple times you can't do it yourself," Fury said. "Look, kid, here's the thing: you have a problem, and I have a problem. I also happen to have a joint solution to both."

Vernon slumped in his chair. Here it comes. "What problem could you possibly have? Nuclear warheads threatening to destroy civilians' Kias in Manhattan?"

"You really gotta work on those one-liners." Fury sighed. "There's a group of kids in the Helicarrier like you—up-and-coming superheroes in need of some real-world experience. They've got the training you need to handle jobs with efficiency, and you have the practical experience. They've got the goods—just like you—but nowhere real to practice them."

"You mean those guys," Vernon said, sitting up and recalling the three who had helped him in the fight against Rhino. "You mean—you want me to teach them?"

"I want you to work with them," Fury said. "Train with them, fight with them, lead what could be the next greatest team of post-humans."

"So basically, your solution is to sic a bunch of newbies on me as some kind of damage control," Vernon said angrily. "And what if I refuse?"

"Nothing," the spy answered simply. "You're not under S.H.I.E.L.D.'s official jurisdiction yet, so I can't do anything to you even if I want to—unless, of course, I absolutely have to. You're allowed to walk out of here right now, but I can't guarantee that that's gonna work out for you."

Vernon considered this. He knew a threat when he heard one, even when it wasn't a yell of SPIDER-MAN, I'M GONNA KILL YOU, but he also knew that Nick Fury's threats weren't always real threats. However, he did not like his chances.

"As long as they stay out of my business," he muttered, knowing that was the one thing they were least likely to do. He knew how closely teams operated, and it didn't take his spider sense to figure out that this team was going to be much nosier than that. He recalled the annoyed scowl on that Nova guy's face, and internally shuddered.

"It's a deal," Fury said pleasantly, as if Vernon had any choice but to accept the so-called 'deal'. "I'll be checking in regularly, so bear in mind that I'll know if you ever kill one of your teammates and throw their body into the East River."

"I would never go to that much trouble," he replied equally pleasantly, getting up. Then he glanced at the clock, and scowled. "I can't believe you made me skip my biology quiz for five minutes of parental guidance."

"Oh, I'd never lie to a teacher, kid," Fury said, patting his shoulder as he passed him. "A counseling session I promised, and a counseling session you will get."

Vernon glanced at the other agent in dismay, but she only smiled—whether in amusement or reassurance, he couldn't tell. She clicked her pen, picking up the pad, her eyes twinkling. "Settle down, Spider-Man," she said. "This will only take forty minutes."

Vernon almost considered opting out of eating in the cafeteria, but changed his mind at the last moment, knowing it was the only time other than first period biology he got to see Joshua on Mondays. He desperately needed to vent, and his bespectacled friend was the only one who even came close to understanding to the layers of his identity, one of which was a deep-rooted hatred for the universal authority on superheroes.

So he stalked right into lunch, barely noticing the gunk of whatever-it-was thwacking into his plastic tray, and headed for their usual table in the corner of the cafeteria. He didn't need to go that far to get to Joshua, however, as the blue-haired boy almost walked smack into him as he made his way there.

"Woah, woah, steady," Joshua said, grabbing his bicep to prevent them from colliding. "Why are you making like a steamroller towards that innocent little table? And what the hell were you during biology? What was that about?"

Vernon cast a careful glance around the cafeteria, at the crowd of people, one of which could easily overhear them in the close range. "I'll give you the details later," he murmured. "The cusp of the matter is: Fury blackmailed me into signing up for a team activity."

"Wait, wait, wait, Nick Fury?" Joshua asked in awe as they walked over to the table, gripping his tray tightly and hunching his shoulders, leaning slightly towards Vernon in interest. "You mean he was here, in this school?"

"Not even the first time, Josh."

"Not the—" Joshua shook his head, as if shooing away the thoughts. "Okay. Filing that information away for further perusal later. So you're telling me Nick Fury, super-spy, came to this place—" he spread his arms, indicating the school— "to talk to you. Man, sometimes I forget Spider-Man's supposed to be a household name."

"Shut up," Vernon hissed, casting a furtive glance at a heavily tattooed blonde who passed them by closely. "But yeah. And he asked me to team up with these noobs from the S.H.I.E.L.D. future program or something."

Joshua frowned. "But that's kind of cool, though, right?"

"Not if they're gonna slow me down," he replied. "Spider-Man's always operated alone, and—wait, what the hell?"

He stopped in his tracks right before the table, a stunned expression on his face. Joshua raised his eyebrows, following his gaze to the table, which was, surprisingly enough, already occupied.

She was there, of course, at her usual seat, the third from the left, except she was not alone. There was another girl, with dark hair and piercing eyes, picking at a soggy fry with her lips pursed. Next to her was a brooding blond with freckles that stood out against his shockingly pale skin. Last, but not the least, was the boy with the tanned skin who was making Vernon's best friend laugh so hard she was doubled over, a familiar cocky edge to his smile.

"Ah," Joshua said.

Lucy Langdon was one of Vernon's, and therefore Spider-Man's, biggest pressure points. She was also one of the only ones who had been left virtually untouched by all his superhero shenanigans, and he wanted to keep it that way. Though she was smart enough keep up with a few new trainees, as far as Vernon was concerned, she was strictly off-limits. Even to superheroes who could fly and called themselves Nova.

Vernon stalked over to the table and slammed his tray on the surface so hard he made everyone jump. Then he glared at the boy sitting next to her, the one with the bronzed skin, as Joshua stood by awkwardly. "You're in my seat," he said pointedly.

The boy cocked a lazy eyebrow, gesturing to the unoccupied seats opposite him. "I don't see your name on it."

Vernon ground his teeth, raising his hand (no doubt to petulantly slam it down on the table next to his tray) but Joshua grabbed his wrist, giving him a meaningful look. "Don't start anything that can be easily avoided," he muttered to the boy, and Vernon relented, albeit grudgingly.

"You're late," Lucy said conversationally, though your voice was higher than usual, probably because of the sudden tension that had descended upon the table. Vernon sat down slowly, still glaring at the boy, and she glanced at Joshua, who only shrugged. "These are, uhm, they're new."

"I figured," Vernon muttered.

"Three in one day? And this late into the year?" Joshua wondered aloud, raising his eyebrows. "Now I'm curious."

"Nothing worth your curiosity, I'm afraid," the new girl replied. Her eyes, when they swept over Vernon, were watchful and aware. "Just a coincidence. I was supposed to join earlier but there was a family emergency. As for these two, I can only guess." Her smile was small but sharp. "I'm Yeji."

"Felix," said the blond. He looked gloomy, but maybe it was just because of the unhealthy-looking pallor of his skin.

"And I'm Yangyang," the last boy said, with an impish grin that rubbed Vernon the wrong way. He already knew who these three were supposed to be—actually, everyone was supposed to know Felix, since Iceman was already a pretty famous member of the X-Men. Surely dyed hair couldn't be the only change needed to disguise that face? "Me and Felix are cousins, actually."

"Felix and I," Vernon mumbled under his breath, and Lucy gave him a look which he ignored. "Since when did you start taking people in for charity?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Be nice," she said. "They were in my Home Economics class, and if it hadn't been for Yeji here, I might have blown up the marble cake I was supposed to be making."

Joshua frowned. "How?"

"A story for another day." She smiled an unreadable smile, dark eyes sparkling. "Now—"

"No," Vernon said.

She glanced at him. "Excuse me?"

"No," he repeated. Then, as jerkily as he had sat down, he got up, and jabbed a finger at the new arrivals in turn, before pointing over his shoulder. "You three," he said venomously, "to the corridor. Now."

"Aw, man, I can't believe you're being so sensitive about this," Yangyang—Nova—complained loudly, though there was a shit-eating grin on his face as he followed Vernon into the hallway. "So Fury transferred us into your school without checking with you first. Big deal. What are you supposed to be, the queen of England?"

Vernon gave him a spiteful look, but otherwise ignored his remark. Instead, he focused on Yeji, who was watching him patiently, because she looked like the most sensible member of the group. He stared at her for a long moment, struggling to find the words that would convey the exact measure of his indignance. "Why?" he asked finally, giving up.

She shrugged helplessly. "Look, we didn't ask for this, either," she answered. "We're under orders, so it's not like we can just up and leave. Huddling in the hallway isn't a smart decision, either—we already have all eyes on us because of being the three new kids who randomly joined on the same day, and this is only making us look even more suspicious."

Vernon glared at her, trying to think of a good argument, then gave up. He turned on Felix, who was standing off to the side with folded arms, still looking uninterested in the conversation. "You," he said, narrowing his eyes, "you're Iceman."

Felix looked at him neutrally. "Yes."

"You're not under S.H.I.E.L.D.," Vernon said, pointing an accusatory finger. "And you have enough real-world experience, so there's no reason for you to be here instead of with the X-Men—"

"Dude," Felix said frostily; no pun intended. "Drop it."

Yeji nodded, giving Vernon a meaningful look he could not decipher.

"Aw, come on, web-head," Yangyang interjected. "We saved your life and you didn't even thank us, but I'll let that go since your manners aren't exactly polished. But this is just boring."

"It is not," Vernon seethed. "I'll talk to Fury—"

Yangyang snorted. "Good luck with that."

"—or the principal—"

"The new principal," Yeji muttered. "Agent Coulson."

Vernon made an exasperated noise. "The only reason I even agreed to Fury's stupid offer was because I thought it would get him off my case!" he yelled. "School is the only part of my life that's separate from all the wacky crap I have to deal with otherwise, and now even that—" He clenched his teeth. "If I'd known it meant having you people barge into my life like this—"

"Then you couldn't have done anything about it, even knowing," Yeji said, gently cutting him off. "Face it, hero. You're stuck with us as much as we're stuck with you—whether any of us like it or not."

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jjrwrenn · 5 years

Note

ALL THE THINGS ✨

Since I’m a good sport, here it all is!

1. What is you middle name? Richard

2. How old are you? 22

3. What is your birthday? September 24

4. What is your zodiac sign? Libra

5. What is your favorite color? Cobalt

6. What’s your lucky number? I've always been partial to 12

7. Do you have any pets? Yes, a dog named Sheldon!

8. Where are you from? Massachusetts

9. How tall are you? 5' 11"

10. What shoe size are you? 10 1/2

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 5

12. What was your last dream about? Something about being chased by a goblin? I tried to punch it in my dream and punched a wall in real life instead.

13. What talents do you have? Good with math and computers, but those aren't really talents. Don't have much in the way of those.

14. Are you psychic in any way? Not at all

15. Favorite song? Hands down, Mr. Brightside

16. Favorite movie? The Lord of the Rings

17. Who would be your ideal partner? Someone I wouldn't get tired of talking with for hours on end

18. Do you want children? Eventually, I think

19. Do you want a church wedding? I'd rather get married in a courtroom first when I decide, to make it official as soon as possible. But after that, I'd want to have the church wedding, so others can celebrate it too.

20. Are you religious? Eh? No.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Multiple times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Never?

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Does the Patriots's special teams coach count?

24. Baths or showers? Showers

25. What color socks are you wearing? None

26. Have you ever been famous? No

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? No, because that'd imply I'd have to do something to be one and then I'd have to deal with what comes next

28. What type of music do you like? Teenage angst. Also EDM and alternative rock.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? At school, 1. At home, 3.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? Sleep on my right side.

32. How big is your house? Decent sized colonial

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Nothing, or if I have something, cereal

34. Have you ever fired a gun? Just a BB gun

35. Have you ever tried archery? Yes. I suck.

36. Favorite clean word? Acrobatics

37. Favorite swear word? FUCK!

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? A solid 60 hours Freshman year, I'd say, followed by me nearly passing out from low blood sugar

39. Do you have any scars? One on my forehead from when I was ~2 and slipped while climbing a rock. Lot's of blood, I'm told.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? If I did they never let me know.

41. Are you a good liar? Absolutely not.

42. Are you a good judge of character? No.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? No

44. Do you have a strong accent? No

45. What is your favorite accent? Australian

46. What is your personality type? My Myers-Briggs test says I'm INTP so basically that.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Probably my suit jacket?

48. Can you curl your tongue? No

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie

50. Left or right handed? Left

51. Are you scared of spiders? I'd don't like spiders, but I'm certainly not scared of them

52. Favorite food? Veal marsala

53. Favorite foreign food? Duck tongue (had that stuff in China)

54. Are you a clean or messy person? My body is clean, but everything I own flips between spotless and a dump.

55. Most used phrased? Goddammit.

56. Most used word? Like.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? After I get out of the shower, probably 10 minutes

58. Do you have much of an ego? Not at all

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck

60. Do you talk to yourself? Under my breathe a tiny bit

61. Do you sing to yourself? In the shower only really.

62. Are you a good singer? Not at all

63. Biggest Fear? Fucking up in front of others

64. Are you a gossip? A topic of gossip? A sexuality is. A gossiper? No.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Probably "A Silent Voice"

66. Do you like long or short hair? Both!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Yes

68. Favorite school subject? Math

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No

71. What makes you nervous? New situations, talking

72. Are you scared of the dark? No

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Too often

74. Are you ticklish? Very

75. Have you ever started a rumor? No

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? No

77. Have you ever drank underage? Yeah

78. Have you ever done drugs? Smoke weed every day (more like once a month)

79. Who was your first real crush? A girl I shared some classes with in high school

80. How many piercings do you have? 0

81. Can you roll your Rs?“ No

82. How fast can you type? Decent speed

83. How fast can you run? Decently fast, but not for long

84. What color is your hair? Dirty blonde

85. What color is your eyes? Blue, a bit gray at times

86. What are you allergic to? Melons, apples, strawberries, penicillin, pollen

87. Do you keep a journal? No

88. What do your parents do? Controller and Point of Care Specialist

89. Do you like your age? It's alright

90. What makes you angry? Losing

91. Do you like your own name? Yes

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? No idea

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? I'm happy with either

94. What are you strengths? Math, computers, programming, see where someone is coming from when they say or do something

95. What are your weaknesses? All social skills. Sometimes give up too easily

96. How did you get your name? I was named after both of my grandfathers

97. Were your ancestors royalty? No

98. Do you have any scars? Already answered this, bitch

99. Color of your bedspread? Blue, with white stripes

100. Color of your room? A shitty off white

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court-of-forever-undone · 3 years

Text

My Sister’s Love | Taryn POV Chapter 2

Summary: Taryn pieces together her memories of Cardan and Jude's early interactions as she reflects on how their relationship came to be and the events of the last year. As happy as she is for them, she can't help but feel jealous of the moments they share.

Tags: Taryn’s POV of Jurdan, Jealousy, Mild Angst

Read on AO3

When Cardan showed up at Vivi’s house after Madoc took Jude, thinking she was me, the distress was clear on his face. Vivi tried to stall him at the door, while I ran to hide; my heart almost burst at the thought that Jude had been caught and he was there to arrest me.

Cardan pushed through and entered the small apartment. I could hear muffled voices from where I was hiding in the bathroom. Vivi’s voice was more clear than the others. I pushed my ear against the bathroom door to eavesdrop, until Cardan called to me by name.

“Taryn, please come out. I know you are here and you are needed as well.”

I froze. I thought of a million courses of action. I could run but I would not get far. He likely brought protection. I would be sliced down before making it out of the complex. Running, or fighting for that matter, was a Jude plan, one that I would be unlikely to succeed at.

Before I could try a futile attempt at escape, he continued, “I don’t care about what did or didn’t happen with you and Locke. I promise when this is over, you will be found not-guilty of all charges. But right now, your sister needs you.”

Impatient as ever, Vivi came to the door and led me out before I could fully dissect his words for a trick. For the first time I noticed the disheveled look of his clothes. The dark color under his eyes told me that he had not slept well in sometime. He was accompanied by a gruff-looking goblin who stood silently in the corner.

Cardan explained what had happened: He played along with the switched twin charade, but when he took Jude to his rooms so they could talk, Madoc decided to launch an attack to save “me.” Jude was knocked out and taken somewhere.

Cardan��s jaw tightened as he recalled how he tried to stop Madoc from taking her. I recognized shame on his face before he turned away from us, angrily pacing in the cramped space.

He had hoped that I would know where Jude was, but I didn’t. Madoc had not contacted me for most of Jude’s exile, likely to protect me in case a letter was intercepted by Cardan’s spies.

The conversation only lasted mere minutes, leaving me with little time to process everything Cardan had revealed. Not only had Cardan recognized Jude from the moment he saw her, he kept her identity a secret and then tried to protect her. She had broken her exile, that he imposed, and yet he was desperate to save her from Madoc.

It made me wonder who Jude considered to be a bigger threat to her, the High King or our foster father.

My sister and Cardan agreed to contact each other if either of them learned anything. I wasn’t sure what sort of news we hoped for. The only thing we could hope was for Jude to keep up the act until she could rescue herself. But she couldn’t pretend to be me for long. If her missing finger hadn’t given her away already, her attitude surely would. A court is easily fooled, Oriana and Madoc not so much.

When it was time to leave, Vivi slipped out the door behind Cardan and the goblin, who I heard Cardan refer to as “the Roach.” I crept to the window in the living room that faced the front of the apartment. From my spot I could hear her lecturing Cardan.

“I know what you both did. I know what she is to you,” Vivi said leaning back against the building. She was turned away from me, but I could hear the smirk on her face. Cardan’s face revealed nothing other than exhaustion. The king turned to walk away, when Vivi reached out and gave his arm a light squeeze. Only Vivi would dare to touch the king, in front of his bodyguard no less.

“You might want to try being more explicit about your feelings the next time you have the chance. Or at the very least, stop giving her more reasons to distrust you.”

Cardan pressed his lips into a thin line. He nodded once before quickly descending down the stairs.

The following days were a blur. We had gotten a letter from Oriana about Jude. It looked like a trap, but it was our only hope. We hired Grima Mog, which apparently Jude had beat in combat, and the three of us, plus Cardan and the Roach went to save Jude.

The Roach had insisted that Vivi and I’s presence were a liability, while he also threw a few unimpressed glances at Cardan, who expertly ignored them. Without his crown or regal attire he was almost unrecognizable, still I can understand why the Roach wouldn’t want the added risk of protecting the High King during a rescue. I imagine Cardan had already played the king card to silence any further opposition to his presence.

Vivi had asked me if I wanted to go or not to save Jude. I said yes without hesitation, but as we traveled to the camp my thoughts were riddled with conflicting feelings as I played out possible scenarios. Jude was the one who sided against Madoc, so any fury he still had towards her was from her own doing, but Jude was in Elfhame because of me. My foster parents were my family, but if it came to having to pick my sisters or them, I would pick my sisters. I had hoped it would never come to that.

When we arrived, Cardan and the Roach went ahead, insisting that the lot of us could never sneak in undetected. The minutes felt like hours as we waited, listening and watching for any sign of Jude and the others.

I chewed a hole in my cheek as the time went on. I was thinking about what I would say to Jude when I saw her again when the loud clashing of metal had us all on our feet and running.

We were still too far away when I saw Madoc plunge his sword into Jude. My scream caught in my throat, as Grima Mog barked at us to keep running. We needed to get there before he delivered the final blow. If we could intervene first, maybe we could heal her. It wasn’t until I was at her side that I saw how deep the wound was.

I can still remember the heavy metallic smell of Jude’s blood pooling on the white snow. I could see the blood seeping out of the wound on her stomach. The color was disappearing from Jude’s face as she began talking deliriously about packing her wound with the earth and being accepted as the true queen. It was alarming to see the life fading from the face identical to my own.

My head spun as Vivi confirmed Jude’s nonsense and admitted that she was in on another of Jude’s secrets; Jude had married Cardan. The High King. Making her High Queen.

Suddenly, Vivi’s words on the porch clicked.

If Jude wasn’t minutes from dying, the sting of being left out again would have hurt more. But at the time, I could only deal with the absolute shock that my sister was the High Queen of Elfhame and we were relying on a miracle that the land would save her life.

I wouldn’t allow my thoughts to wander to the idea that if Jude died that night, it would be my fault. My fault for helping Madoc get his army. My fault for asking Jude to come to the palace in my place. My fault Madoc stormed the palace and brought her back here. I didn’t want to think of it then, but I certainly have thought about it since.

I regret trusting that Madoc was looking out for us. He taught us to look at everyone as pawns to use to win at our own games. I should have realized I was also a pawn of his. A pawn that helped him get an army that answered to his command. Jude was a disposable pawn as soon as she refused to obey him.

It was one thing for Madoc to make his move against Cardan, but another to be willing to kill Jude. But after all, he is our parent’s murderer.

Jude, of course, lived. The earth saved her. Through the red stained snow, bloomed the most beautiful flowers. I watched them grow around her as the blood flow slowed from her wound. I continued my stitches, trying to keep them as neat as I could given the circumstances. Slowly, life came back into her eyes, even though she was still in critical condition.

When she flew off into the sky on the ragwort pony, my legs trembled under the weight of my emotions crashing down onto me.

Fear. Guilt. Jealousy. Anger. Sadness.

All at once.

Less than a year ago, we both had been sitting in our lessons. We both had fears we didn’t talk about, but life was good. There was trust between us, even though we didn’t always see eye to eye. We ate our lunch on our blanket and joked and teased each other. I spent my free time practicing my needlework and Jude trained to be a knight. We had our family and each other.

Then everything started to change and Jude had climbed higher than any of us could have ever imagined. The High Queen of Faerie. It still seems impossible to think about.

And after nearly dying in the snow, Jude’s only thoughts were of protecting Cardan.

When did she begin to care about him? I am not sure even Jude knew the answer.

When we finally arrived at the palace, we found Cardan next to Jude, his face paler than normal. He didn’t bother to let go of her hand as we entered. Jude’s blood was stained into his tunic.

Cardan insisted Jude stayed in the royal chambers until she woke up; moving her would have risked reopening the stitches and likely caused her pain, still it felt wrong leaving her alone in Cardan’s bed.

Although, they are married after all.

Likely anticipating Vivi’s demands, Cardan ordered the guards to let us in any time we wished so we could visit her. Vivi, Heather, and I spent most of the day watching over her and only left when it was time to sleep. We had made residence in Jude’s old chambers since they had remained untouched since she left. It didn’t seem okay to have a sleepover in the king chambers, even if Cardan was never anywhere to be found at night.

Cardan made a point to visit whenever he was in between official kingdom business. Apparently, when Cardan publicly declared Jude his queen, it had created an uproar among the advisors and the lower courts were demanding meetings. He never stayed in the room long, but a few times he took a spot in the chair next to the bed and whispered to her so quietly that I couldn’t make out his words from where I sat across the room.

I thought it was a pointless endeavor until I heard her mumbling his name a few times as she drifted in and out of consciousness. An unmistakable blush spread across the king’s cheeks. A few moments after she slipped back under, he made an excuse about being needed elsewhere.

Once he was out of the room, Heather and Vivi burst into giggles. I wanted to join them, but I couldn’t bring myself to smile. Seeing Cardan so affectionate soured my stomach. It hadn’t been very long since Jude and I had been very keen to avoid crossing his wicked path. He may love Jude, but that didn’t mean I trusted him. At least, that is what I told Vivi when she raised an eyebrow in question. The real reason was too painful to acknowledge.

Jude’s lies and bloodshed brought her love and power.

Mine left me as a pregnant widow. It hardly seemed fair.

The thought sickened me more as I thought about my sister who remained unconscious, healing from what should have been a fatal wound. Both of our choices had led us to this moment, but while Jude dreamed of serving as a knight, she became a queen who could command armies. I dreamed of marrying and having a happy home full of children, now I am alone except for my tiny bump. Cardan promised to declare my innocence in Locke's death, but what future do I have? I cannot return to live with Madoc and Oriana. I could live with Vivi, but what life could I make for me and my child in the mortal world? If I could be granted ownership of Locke’s estate, I might have hope to provide for us.

Jude will wake up with the world in her grasp, while my future is more uncertain than ever.

The night Jude finally woke up, Cardan had invited us all to dine with him. Oak blatantly refused to go anywhere that would require him to dress up, so Vivi agreed to leave him behind with Tatterfell.

Together, Vivi, Heather, and I made our way to the banquet hall where we found Cardan sitting alone at the head of a small table, built for eight instead of the typical 12 foot long tables that normally occupied the space.

Heather broke the silence first, thanking the king for the invitation and complimenting his choice of decor. Vivi joined in the conversation as the first trays of food were brought out. Heather happily entertained all of Cardan’s inquiries into mortal life. For the first time since Jude's was taken, a spark had returned to his eyes as he listened intently to Vivi’s description of human holidays.

By the time dessert had been served, I could not hold my tongue any longer.

“Why did you marry Jude?” I blurted out.

The silence was interrupted only by the sounds of Heather suddenly becoming very interested in scaping all of the pudding from her bowl.

Cardan met my gaze with a daring smirk. “Sorry, we didn’t invite you. It was a bit of a last minute thing.”

His face remained unreadable. I tried again.

“But, why did you?”

Cardan leaned back in his chair and let out a sigh as if wondering why he did give a mortal girl the status of High Queen if not simply on a whim.

“Jude learned a lot about running a kingdom as my seneschal. It only seems fair she got recognized for her work too.” Cardan said with a shrug.

“Why did you exile her?” I could feel my face growing redder with every question. Oriana would be disappointed to know that both Jude and I had seemingly forgotten all her lessons. Here I was interrogating the king. Brother-in-law or not.

I could feel the air shift in the room. Suddenly I found myself clutching tighter at the shawl covering my shoulders.

When Cardan spoke again, his words were slow and deliberate. “I am sure you heard Jude dearest killed my brother.”

I flinched as a memory of my own bloodied hands pushed into my conscience. I looked down at my half-eaten plate. My words slip out no more than a whisper, “You love her though.”

I dared to glance up enough to see Cardan go rigid. All three sets of eyes were on him, waiting for his response.

“Your sister and I seem to make a habit of misunderstanding the other’s intentions. I hope to remedy that as soon as she wakes up." After a pause, he added, "We all do questionable things now and then, as I am sure you would agree Taryn.”

At that, Cardan rose from his chair and excused himself.

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