Title: A Hint of Something Magical
Pairing: Jerejean, Alvarez/Laila
Rating: T
Word Count: 4059
Ao3
Summary:
Being with the Trojans is a very different experience for Jean. They're happy and friendly, everything Jean believes he's not. He soon learns that even someone as bright as Jeremy Knox has a deep, unexpected obsession.
The first fic in a small jerejean series i’m working on about them at disneyland <3. Full fic under the cut
Standing in the middle of Main Street, U.S.A at Disneyland, Jean feels overwhelmed. There are too many people hitting against his shoulder, bumping into his side, and he tries not to panic. Kids dash in front of him, laughing, not paying attention. By the front store to the left, a baby starts wailing and Jean resists the urge to cover his ears.
The worst part is, he's here by mistake. Not that he casually stumbled into Disneyland, but he made the mistake of saying he had never been in front of Jeremy Knox.
And unbeknownst to Jean, rule #1 of being a Trojan is to never mention Disneyland in front of their captain.
Which, of course, happened earlier in the week.
"You know," Jeremy explains, "Indiana Jones. The ride at Disneyland. Bumpy, dark, a little thrilling, totally worth waiting in the line even when it breaks down. One of the best rides in the park."
Jean's not sure if this is a compliment or an insult. "Are you comparing my play style to a ride?" he asks.
"Uh, yeah," Jeremy smiles, so genuine, so real. Jean's still not used to his demeanor; his whole sunshine personality is overwhelming. "One of the best in the park! Or do you disagree?"
Okay, apparently it’s a compliment.
"Uhm," Jean shifts his weight and he catches eyes with Laila and Alvarez who immediately start swiping their hands in front of their throats. He's not sure what that means, but he looks back to Jeremy who's blue eyes are eagerly shimmering, waiting for his answer. "I have never been to Disneyland."
"I knew it," Laila says.
"Uh oh," Alvarez sighs.
"We're officially doomed," Laila mutters, leaning against Alvarez dramatically.
Jeremy's eye twitches and he shakes his head. "No," he laughs awkwardly. "What? You've been in California this long and you still... you mean even before this you've... never..."
Jean tilts his head, confused by what Jeremy is doing. It looks like this is impossible for him to process. He blinks a few times, staring incredulously at Jean.
"Jeremy.exe has stopped running," Alvarez snorts. "We tried to warn you, Moreau."
Ah, the hand signal must have been some sort of warning. He logs that away to remember for the future.
Jean glances at the girls, but it seems this situation is a lost cause. "I wasn't allowed to leave the Nest unless..." he trails off, not wanting to expand on that topic anymore than he has to. He has been avoiding discussing the Nest in depth. There are so few happy memories there, and the last thing he wants to do is bring down the Trojans with his unhappy stories. They deal with his outbursts and frustrations enough.
"Shit," Jeremy mutters. "You really haven't been." He looks like he's still in shock. Shaking his head, he slams the bottom of his stick against the court and Jean jumps back a little. "This is unacceptable," Jeremy says, and shoves his hand into the pocket of his shorts. He pulls out a little card, decorated with the faces of Mickey, Donald and Goofy. "This weekend, we're going to Disneyland."
"I knew it," Laila says, a soft sigh slipping from her lips.
"Do you really keep your annual pass in the pocket of your shorts?" Alvarez snorts, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah!" Jeremy smirks. "You gotta be prepared for impromptu Disney trips at all times."
Jean blinks, watching the scene unfold. So far Jeremy has been one of the most relaxed exy players he's ever come across. He's incredibly talented, focused, a light of positive energy on the court. He has this way of making Jean feel he can do anything, even when he's angry and trapped in his old habits. Jeremy makes him feel like someday he can break them.
But this...
This is the most intense Jean has seen Jeremy in a long while.
"It's okay-" Jean begins to say.
"NO!" Jeremy yells, immediately cutting him off. He leans in towards Jean, gripping the pass in his hands. "It's Trojan tradition to go before the official start of the season anyway. We'll buy you a pass, and you can experience the happiest place on earth!"
Jean doesn't like the sound of that. It seems like the opposite of everything he is. He swallows and glances at the card. "Aren't those expensive?"
"Jean, don't worry about it," he says, placing a hand on Jean's shoulder. He gives it a gentle squeeze, the most physical contact Jeremy ever has with Jean. He sees him hug the girls and many of their other players, he high fives them and pulls them into huddles, but he always leaves Jean alone, letting him have whatever space he might need. This is as close as he'll get to physical contact right now. "I think you deserve a little happiness."
Jeremy smiles, and Jean still doesn't know how to say no. When Jeremy gets all smiley and excited, Jean's not sure he wants to.
And that's how he ends up at Disneyland, surrounded by far too many people, trying not panic.
"Jean!" Jeremy waves, and rushes back to where Jean waits at the top of Main Street, Laila and Alvarez right behind him. "What are you doing?" he asks. He's got on red and gold Mickey ears, the USC colors adorning his head. Jean thinks he looks kind of foolish, but then again, the majority of the people are walking down the street with varying colors and styles of these strange ears.
"I... Je... Je... me sens dépassé," he whispers, switching to his mother tongue. He doesn't want to disappoint Jeremy, especially when he seemed so excited to take him here.
"Okay," Jeremy says, obviously not understanding "I was gonna wait, but I do have a surprise for you."
He flips his backpack around, unzipping it to pull out a matching pair of ears. Laila and Alvarez have the same ones, the Trojan colors. It must be some sort of team thing they do. The ears look stupid, but Jean doesn't want to complain.
"Tada!" Jeremy says, reaching upward to place them on his head. "I got these custom made for you, so you can match us. Official Trojan member," he smiles. "You have to wear them when we come to the park!"
Jean blinks, adjusting the awkward way the headband sits on his head. "Have to. I understand," he mutters. This must be another sort of Trojan rule. In many ways, the Trojans are the exact opposite of the Ravens, but he supposes they do have some things they do as part of their team rituals. He can't complain. As silly as the ears look, they're not painful to wear, and Jeremy seems excited about it. Jean can handle this.
"Yup!" Jeremy smiles and nods, until he stops suddenly. "Oh. Oh! No!" he gasps and lunges forward, yanking the ears off his head and throwing them in the opposite direction, the headband flying down Main Street.
"Not again," Laila sighs.
"I chased after the last pair he threw," Alvarez grumbles.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm going," Laila says, jogging after the headband set.
Jean blinks, glancing from Jeremy's upset face to Laila jogging down through the crowd. He has many questions, unsure of what just happened, and why it, apparently, has happened before.
"Jean," Jeremy says, looking intently in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I... I shouldn't have done that. You don't have to do anything. Never. I promise. If you hate the ears you don't have to wear them."
Swallowing, Jean stares at Jeremy, still completely baffled. "...What?"
"I don't ever want you to feel like... you have to do something. We... I, will never ask you to do something you don't want. We are not the Ravens."
Jean doesn't know how to respond. No one has ever said anything like this to him before. The Ravens always looked through him, just as Riko instructed. He was their property. No one has ever looked at him like he's a person; with feelings and thoughts, opinions.
It's overwhelming.
Everything about this place is overwhelming, and yet something about the sincere way Jeremy is looking at him grounds him. 'You're not there anymore. You're here. Isn't this place perfect proof of your freedom?'
"I..." he starts to say, but Laila jogs up, gripping the headband in her hand.
She pants, rolling her eyes. "They made it all the way to the Starbucks."
"I think that's a new record," Alvarez mumbles.
"Here," she says, holding them out to Jeremy, but Jean leans forward and yanks them from her hand before Jeremy can grab them.
"Hey- Jean! I just said-"
He places the headband atop his head, the red and gold ears looking just as ridiculous as they do on everyone else. "I will wear them." He supposes he's starting to fit in.
Jeremy's cheeks flush, or maybe the sunlight hits his skin at just the right angle. He's a beacon for things like that, Jean's noticed.
"O-Okay," he stammers. "But only if you want to."
Jean nods, and Jeremy stares at him, as if he's waiting for Jean to change his mind. When he doesn't move, Jeremy clears his throat and zips up his backpack, flinging it over his shoulder.
"Anyway, we're riding Indiana Jones first, because I need Jean to understand what I mean." Jeremy says, leading the group down Main Street.
Jean continues to follow them down the street. It's hard to believe this is a place people actually enjoy and find fun. Kids are wailing to their parents, the colors on the buildings are practically blinding underneath the California sun, loud music plays over the speakers and it’s so artificially happy.
Laila snorts, bringing Jean back to the group. "Yeah, because one ride on Indy is really going to give Jean the full scope of what you meant."
"What did you say anyway?" Alvarez asks.
"Bumpy, dark, a little thrilling, totally worth waiting in the line even when it breaks down," Jean repeats the words perfectly.
"Woah, you really took that to heart," Jeremy says, glancing back toward him.
Jean nods, and Jeremy twists his lips. He looks nervous and Jean wonders if maybe Jeremy thinks he's upset about the analogy. He's not. He just doesn't understand it, though knowing Jeremy, it's anything but offensive.
"I don't know if Jean will get the full experience if the ride doesn't break down," Laila says, forcing Jeremy's gaze away from Jean.
"Who are you kidding," Alvarez scoffs. "Indy breaks down once a day."
"True," Jeremy nods. "If we're lucky, we'll get stuck on the ride." He laughs loudly, far too excited about something that sounds bad. Maybe there are some things about the Trojans Jean will never understand.
"That's a good thing?" he asks tentatively. He can feel a story bubbling on the edge of Jeremy's lips, can sense it in the twinkle of his blue eyes.
"Oh yeah," Jeremy says. "If you get stuck on the ride, sometimes you get-" He pauses dramatically, looking toward both of the girls.
"Ride evac-ed..." The girls say in unison, rather flatly.
"Ride evac-ed!" Jeremy repeats with far more energy than the other two.
"Ride... E... vacked?" Jean says, trying to repeat the word back to them but it's next to impossible. He prays this isn't him being terrible at English.
"A glorious moment we all hope to achieve," Jeremy sighs.
"It's when the ride closes down and you get stuck on the track so they have to escort you out," Laila explains.
"And that's cool because sometimes you get to see backrooms of the ride you wouldn't normally see," Alvarez adds. Neither of them seem to be on the same level of excitement as Jeremy.
Then again, Jean has never seen anyone this excited about a theme park before. Actually, maybe he's never seen anyone this excited about anything. Riko's excitement was twisted and deranged. Jeremy's is pure, like the many children rushing around them.
"It happened once on Indy before," Jeremy says.
"But we got stuck right at the beginning so they just walked us back to where they load the ride," Laila sighs. "Jeremy's dreams, thwarted."
"Only partially!" Jeremy interjects, turning left under a wooden sign that reads Adventureland. "We were stuck there long enough for us to take selfies with Mara! It's on my Instagram!"
Jean has no idea what Jeremy's talking about, but he's obviously proud of this achievement.
The three continue to chat casually about the ride and other rides they've gotten stuck on. Jean is mostly confused by the fact that they've seemingly entered some sort of jungle. Some monkey noise echoes from a speaker and Jean jumps, glancing around.
"Different parts of the park have different themes," Alvarez explains, noting Jean's clear confusion. He's noticed Alvarez is talented at reading people, though she often seems standoffish at times. It makes him wary, like she could peer into his soul and know everything about the Ravens and Riko, just by looking at him. "This is Adventureland. There's Frontierland, Fantasyland, and Tomorrowland. Then there are other sections like The French Quarter," she pauses and blinks, "like, uh, New Orleans, not actual France," she says, gesturing to him.
"Ah," he mutters. It would've been interesting to see what their take on France would be.
"Yeah, if you want actual France you gotta go to Florida," Laila interrupts. She turns around and links her arm with Alvarez, the two now walking side by side.
"I thought if you wanted actual France you would just... go to France," Jean says.
Laila nods. "Yeah, but I mean if you want Disney France-"
"Disneyland Paris?!" Jeremy suggests.
"I prefer regular France," Jean states.
"Well, yeah I'm sure France is... amazing. I wanna go someday!"
Jean swallows the words he was about to say. 'I'll take you.' He doubts Jeremy would want to go to France with him.
"I gotta stop at Disneyland Paris," Jeremy sighs and suddenly halts, looking up at a sign. "Hey! A 45 minute wait. Not bad."
Jean blinks. They're about to be in this line for 45 minutes and that's 'not bad.'
He really does not understand Disneyland.
"Hell yes," Alvarez smirks. Her and Jeremy high five, making their way into the long, winding line.
"Oh, Jean, you should know, it is Jeremy's dream to go to all the Disney parks around the world," Laila explains. "You should keep that in mind."
"Keep that in mind?" he asks, stopping before he enters the line with her. "Why?"
"Y-Y'know," she says, shrugging. She doesn't stop to let Jean answer either. She dashes off, Jean following behind to not get separated from the group.
He wants to ask where the other parks are, but decides to just look it up later. He knows if he asks, it'll become a long and involved thing.
It seems he's found Jeremy Knox's crazy and it's Disneyland.
The line shockingly doesn't take as long as Jean expects. Once they get to the indoor part of the queue, Laila yanks on a rubber pole, making the room flash with light. Jean jumps, but Alvarez jumps more, punching her girlfriend in the arm. The two of them laugh, and Laila leans in for a kiss, but Alvarez pushes her face away. Jeremy's laughing with them, in on the joke despite being the third wheel.
There's something... enjoyable... about listening to Jeremy, Laila and Alvarez chat. They're friends. They enjoy spending time with each other, and it's not forced. No one says they have to do this. They're choosing to 'hang out', all of their own volition.
It makes Jean tense. There's no way he will ever be able to live like this.
"Hey," Jeremy says, interrupting his thoughts. "You okay?" He walks up a set of stairs backward, the line splitting off into two. "I know you've never been to a theme park, but I promise the rides here aren't that bad. I mean, kids like 'em."
Jeremy babbles a little when he's nervous, Jean's noticed. Usually when he thinks he's upset Jean, or is doing something wrong. He rarely is, but somehow he cares enough to get nervous about it.
The ride hasn't really crossed Jean's mind. He assumes it'll be over faster than he can blink, and he assumes he'll wonder why he waited 45 minutes for 10 seconds of minor thrills.
"I'm fine," he says. "You do not need to worry about me."
"Again, I just... don't want you to feel like you're being forced to be here," he says.
"I don't," Jean nods.
Jeremy smiles, clearly happy again, Jean's words erasing his worries. "Okay, you can be honest with me though. Just, uh, want you to know that."
"I will be," Jean says. Whether or not he can actually speak up is a whole different story. But they came here to ride some of the rides and that's what they'll do.
They get loaded into the back row of the large car and Jean pulls the seat belt over his lap. He's in the middle, between Jeremy and Alvarez. Laila has to sit on a certain side of the car because she "hates the snake part."
"Oh!" Jeremy says, and he reaches up to pull the ears off of Jean's head. His fingers touch the tips of Jean's ears and he sucks in a breath rapidly, not expecting the touch. It's always so gentle, but still Jean flinches. "Here." Jeremy places the ears into the backpack in the small pocket in front of him. "I'll hold onto these."
For some odd reason, Jean's heart is throbbing in his ears. It must be the anticipation of the ride.
The ride is, more or less, exactly as Jeremy described. It's bumpy, for sure. Dark. And just a little thrilling. The car whips them around and Jean grips the bar in front of him, worried he'll be flung from the car. The snakes part isn't even that scary, so he doesn't get why Laila was so freaked out. Most of the ride is a little cheesy, fake flames, skulls, and bugs. However, Jean screams at the end, ducking his head when it looks like the boulder is about to roll toward them.
"You thought we were gonna get hit," Jeremy teases, stepping off of the ride.
"No-"
"You did, Moreau," Alvarez says. "You held your head and ducked."
"And screamed," Laila adds, a devilish smirk appears on her lips.
Jean pouts, glancing away from the group. He folds his arms over his chest.
"Don't worry," Laila laughs. "I thought the same thing the first time I rode it."
"Yes, but you were also scared of the snakes," Jean points out.
It's Laila's turn to pout and she lets out a sigh. "Betrayed. And here I was helping you look better."
The group starts the long trek back up on the exit pathway and Jeremy runs ahead with Laila, the two of them racing up the slight incline after complaining about how it's the longest exit path of any ride in the park.
Alvarez walks back with Jean and he notes how her gaze doesn't leave Laila, her dark eyes glistening with joy. She doesn't seem as outwardly emotional as Laila, but the two of them balance each other well.
Suddenly, she glances toward Jean. "You know, this is Jeremy's happy place."
"Isn't it called 'the happiest place on Earth'?" Jean snorts, watching as the sunlight pours in from the spaces on the partially covered walkway. Jeremy is jogging, just barely ahead of Laila, and his blond hair brushes against his forehead. It looks like his cheeks are glittering, and his smile is somehow outshining the California sun. He looks like a walking commercial for this place.
"Well, yeah, but especially for Jeremy. I think it would make him so happy if you really enjoyed it with him," Alvarez says, her gaze turned back towards her teammates. "I know you don't wanna talk about it. None of us are gonna ask, but we're here for you. We want you to have a good time here in California. Jeremy especially."
Especially? There are many questions burning on his tongue, but Jean doesn't want to speak. He doesn't want to ruin this sliver of happiness by bringing up any old memories.
"Yeah," he mutters.
"You don't have to say anything. Just have fun," she winks, and starts to run with the others.
Jean doesn't feel like running, but he does it anyway, meeting the group at the exit to the ride.
They stand, chatting away, laughing and Jean freezes. He almost doesn't want to approach them, scared he's going to barge in on something that doesn't involve him. The Trojans feel like this foreign entity, unfamiliar, uncharted water. They are people, so normal, so calm, and he is... him.
He doesn't really know how to be a person.
Jeremy turns and waves at him. "Jean!" he calls out, urging him forward. Jeremy wants him there, doesn't want to leave Jean behind. As much as Jean fights against it, or doesn't understand it, Jeremy makes him a person.
"Doesn't that hill suck?" Jeremy asks, and the question is so simple, yet genuine.
Jean honestly didn't even notice the walk back up, but he nods anyway. "Yeah," he says, the hint of a chuckle in his breath.
"Let's ride Pirates!" Laila cheers, thrusting her hands into the air. She grabs Alvarez's hand and starts pulling her towards the pathway.
"Hell yes!" Jeremy says, but freezes for a minute. "Hey..." He purses his lips, as though he's stopping himself from blurting out a barrage of thoughts. "Uh, hopefully now that you've ridden it you see what I mean?"
Jean blinks. Right. The whole reason they went on this ride in the first place was because Jeremy compared his exy playing style to this very ride.
"I really did mean it as a compliment, so if you hated the ride then I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"Jeremy," Jean says. It's rare he says Jeremy's name out loud, but when he does, it feels really smooth on his tongue, like it was meant to roll off it without any problems. "I get it."
"You do?" Jeremy asks, perking up like an adorable puppy.
"Yeah... I know I've been difficult-"
"No!" Jeremy says, quickly interrupting him. "I-I mean... look I just... I know it's not gonna be smooth sailing right away. I don't expect it to be, but that's part of the ride. It makes things interesting and fun, and Jean I just... I really want you to know I think you're worth it," he says.
Jean's cheeks feel like they're burning. No one has ever said he was worth anything, not in this way. He was property before, but Jeremy means it differently. His voice is gentle, his expression tender. Jean has no idea what to say.
Maybe Jeremy understands that, or maybe he's not looking for a response. Either way, he digs into his backpack and pulls out the red and gold ears. "Here, these are yours," Jeremy smiles.
Reaching out, Jean takes the ears back from Jeremy, their fingers brushing together for a moment. Jeremy's hand is so warm and Jean wishes he had the courage to lace their fingers together, squeeze Jeremy's hand so tight, and thank him as genuinely as he can.
'Thank you for looking at me.'
'Thank you for not giving up on me.'
Instead, Jean grips the ears in his hand, holding them tightly. "I'm glad I didn't lose them."
"Yeah," Jeremy laughs, smiling the widest he has all day, if that's even possible. "I'm glad you didn't either." He stares at him again, his blue eyes taking all of Jean in. Normally someone's gaze would make Jean cringe and curl in on himself, but Jeremy pulls him in with a warmth and a comfort Jean wants to cling to.
"Let's catch up with the girls," Jeremy says, gesturing towards the path they ran off on.
Jean nods and slowly lifts the ears onto his head, following after Jeremy.
He's not sure if he's a Trojan yet. Maybe he won't ever be one fully. But if Jeremy keeps offering him his hand, Jean is going to keep reaching for it. Jean likes to think that's a step in the right direction.
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