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#sksksksk i hate myself

ficnation · 6 months

Text

Chapter 4: Bon Appétit

Series: “Eat Your Heart Out” Pairing: Hannibal Lecter x Female! Reader x Will Graham Word count: 4,6k+ Warnings: canon-typical warnings, 18+, SMUT A/n: I'm really putting off the inevitable here sksksksk. Enjoy and let me know your thoughts <3 Btw this is my first time writing explicit smut (unedited)

This is also another late piece to @the-slumberparty Bingo Card event (prompt: proposal) - > Events Masterlist

Main Masterlist || Hannibal Masterlist

PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

When Will comes home that night after promising you he’ll only be gone for a few hours, he’s doing anything in his power not to look you in the eyes. He kept his word, coming back exactly three hours and twenty-six minutes later. You stare at him, intrigued. You don’t understand why he’s acting this way, but your mind screams at you that it can’t be anything good—it’s right, like always.

“I resumed my therapy with Doctor Hannibal Lecter,” he informs you after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. He still doesn’t look at you, as he takes off his jacket and boots.

“You did what?” You blink at him in confusion—utterly dumbfounded. The meaning of his words doesn’t even register in your brain.

“I’m going to keep on seeing Hannibal,” Will repeats in the same monotonous voice.

It hits you like a train, and your stomach churns at the thought of them sitting across from each other, talking about emotions and Will’s life. Your expression turns to one of disapproval as the man expected.

“After everything he’s done, after everything he put you through, why would you do that?”

Will doesn’t respond right away, and you can tell he’s struggling with his words. “There are things I need to learn about myself,” he says finally. “About what it’s like to be me.”

You stare at him, burning invisible holes in his head, trying to decipher what is truly happening here. The guilt that emanates from his person, the fact that he still can’t meet your gaze—it’s more than suspicious. The realization hits you even harder than the fact he wants to be anywhere near Hannibal Lecter.

“Why are you lying to me?” you ask, voice on the verge of breaking. You hate yourself for ever thinking that he trusts you completely after all those years apart. The tears gathering in your eyes are more angry than sorrowful.

For a moment, Will goes silent. The silence is thick, full of tension as the two of you remain in your positions—you watching him, and him with his back turned to you.

Then, he closes his eyes tightly, as if fighting against a headache. He finally speaks, but only after turning slowly to face you. You immediately notice the pained expression on his face, the guilt that drips from his very skin.

“I have to keep seeing him.”

You go to protest again, but the sound of your voice cracks, and no words emerge. Will doesn’t wish to ever hear this noise from you again. It feels criminal—being the one who caused it. His heart breaks in a way it never did before—it stings like someone delivered it one thousand cuts.

You both remain silent for what feels like an eternity. Will doesn’t look away from you, and your eyes are locked on him, on that misery and pain staring right at you. No one moves, no one blinks, no one probably even breathes. Everything is still, except for your heart which aches even worse than it did before. The silence gets so thick you can almost feel it—touch it. For the life of you, you don’t want to be the one to break it.

You want to speak, beg, convince him to stop these mind games, to give you an explanation you could understand. But you choose to keep your mouth shut, slumping further into the cushions of the armchair.

Will’s eyes don’t leave you. They remain fixed on you as if willing you to speak, to tell him something that would make all of this suddenly go away. Anything.

He wants you to read his mind, and understand his pleas, but you can’t— and even if you could, you wouldn’t. You don’t do anything, don’t even move a muscle and after a few moments of waiting, Will finally breaks the silence.

“I don’t want him to do this to anyone else,” he says. His words are soft and quiet, but they carry a weight that you feel in your chest.

“Yet you didn’t start with that. You chose to lie.”

Will sighs. He looks exhausted as if you’ve been here asking him questions for hours, even though it’s been twenty minutes at most.

“I didn’t want you to stop me. There, I said it,” he says. “It was hard. Harder than anything I’ve ever done. Can you just cut me some slack over here?”

You don’t answer right away. You don’t know what to think or what to say about this whole situation. It seems absurd, and you have to remind yourself that you might’ve paused your story with Will Graham, but for him time has passed, things have changed.

You’re not proud of the words that leave you next. God, you wish you could just catch them in the air before they have a chance to reach his ears and put them back in your mouth.

“Change your fucking tone, Will.”

You’re shocked with your own words, but Will doesn’t seem annoyed or offended, not like most people would. He’s still staring at you, but you notice the slightest hint of amusement in his expression as if this new side of you intrigued him rather than annoyed him.

“You don’t like me speaking to you like that, my dear?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. He makes no attempts to sound serious—just enough to make you laugh, but his words carry weight. He’s genuinely curious.

Will Graham just called you “my dear” and your whole face warms up at this term of endearment as you observe him fall to one knee in front of your person.

“What are you doing?” you choke out, confused, butterflies fluttering wildly in your chest.

Will takes his time to reply, his eyes scanning you and your reactions. He seems to enjoy the sight of you flustered, barely keeping up with what’s happening right in front of your face. His heart skips a beat more than twice in the span of a few seconds.

“I’m proposing.”

The words seem so absurd that you half expect him to break the tension with a quick joke, but he doesn’t. His gaze is glued to you, his words as serious as they can be. You don’t know what to say, don’t know how to react. Your mind is frozen.

“What the fuck, Will?”

Will grins at that and shakes his head as if he’d expected your reaction to be no different. He keeps his stance, one knee on the floor, as he stares at you affectionately—with so much love you’re surprised he doesn’t explode from it. The man is enjoying your confusion and the fact that he managed to pull it out of you. He’s not ashamed to admit it, either.

“That’s the kind of reaction I was hoping for,” he says quietly and in a matter of time, his hand is on your thigh, tracing invisible circles on the soft fabric of your pajama pants. “You were always going to say no for the first time.”

You blink at him, trying to coax out words from within you, but you don’t find any. That only makes you even more confused, and your expression turns to a frown. Is he really… asking you to marry him?

“I know, I’m quite the romantic.” He pauses, trying to stifle his chuckle. “Do you want me to ask you the usual way?”

“Will, are you serious?” you ask, your voice so gentle the words barely sound like they’re yours. Will only nods his head. “I don’t want you to ask at all. I want us to get married as soon as possible.”

He reaches down to grab your hands in his. “I never believed in marriage. I’m not sure if I do now either,” he admits awkwardly, playing with your fingers. “But I really want to hear people call you Mrs. Graham.”

Your heart jumps as he speaks as if you’d been waiting for him to admit those words for years. The words sink in slowly and your eyes become distant, as if you’d been taken back in time. A warm feeling spreads across your chest like you just swallowed a whole bottle of wine in one ginormous gulp.

“You know I can’t say no.” Your words are quiet and soft. He pulls you down onto his lap, his hands still around your fingers as he brings them to his chest. “Can I call you mine too?”

“Always,” Will replies, his voice low and quiet, but full of love and emotion. “It’s been you all along.”

A soft smile rests on your face as you look down at him. Your head is right above his, but you decide to close the tiny distance between you by leaning forward and pressing your lips against his. You feel your heart race as you do so.

“Did you come up with this to distract me?” Your voice is playful, but the air around you is thick and humid.

Will leans forward and wraps his arms snugly around your waist, hugging you tight. Your fingers play with his curls, his head back on your chest. The whole weight of him hangs onto you like all the sins in the world, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Maybe,” he replies, a smile tugging at his lips, even though he seems serious.

You can feel his body shift, and suddenly Will presses you firmly against the growing hardness inside his jeans. The whimper that pushes past your lips as you feel it through the thin layer of your pajama pants is downright desperate. You both can’t hide the fact that your breaths are becoming more irregular, muscles tensing under each other’s hands.

“I like being distracted like this,” you whisper, your nose nuzzling against his temple.

A low growl comes from the man’s chest. You’re close enough to the source of the sound to feel the vibration against your body. He presses his face to your neck, taking in the scent of your skin like he’s oxygen-deprived.

“Should I distract you too, Will?” you ask him quietly, tugging at his tousled hair.

“You’ve done enough, dear. I’m already distracted.” His voice is soft, and his words catch in his throat. Will doesn’t seem to have a single rational thought going through his head. It’s like all he can process is his need for you, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say this was a spell cast on him. “I want you.” His hand moves to your hip, and he presses into you harder, your breath catching in your throat. “Please.”

And who are you to deny him of anything his soul could ever want or need? You don’t wait for more encouragement as your fingers start working on hastily unbuttoning his shirt. They trace the smooth lines of his chest, the scars that mark his skin, and every little detail of him—every part of his history that he once saw as a defect. It’s not. It’s who he is, who he’s always been—his past is a part of what made him the Will you know and love.

Your fingers slowly make their way down to his belt and unclasp it too in one go. You graze over his hardness on accident, already feeling its heat through the thin layer. You let out a whimper and your whole brain starts to short-circuit.

“Slowly.” Will’s voice is hoarse and raw, his fingers digging deeply into the skin of your hip. “I want to see you.”

The man doesn’t waste any time in waiting for your reaction as his hand moves up to your face. His touch is gentle as it pushes back your hair, his fingertips rubbing against the skin behind your ear before they start pursuing the shape of your neck—every muscle and tendon.

“Slowly,” he repeats, and you can’t help but groan.

Nevertheless, you obey, letting your hands explore every surface of his flesh again like he’s the perfect puzzle that you need to solve. His own mirror yours, sliding below the thin layer of your t-shirt, grazing over your navel, and pushing upwards.

Every move you make leaves its mark, causing his body to tremble even more. His breath becomes so uneven, you think he might fall apart at any moment. The mere sound sends shivers down your spine.

“Yes, like that,” he mumbles, and his lips are right next to your ear as he whispers these words. His hand moves again and starts to tug at your shirt.

You help him remove it in one go, left in only your plaid pajama bottoms. Will’s touch is familiar, one you could never forget—not like the dozen strangers through the past few years, you never even remembered their faces come tomorrow morning. But his touch sets you ablaze—burns and soothes at the same time, it’s unforgettable.

Will reaches up to pull your head against his so that you’re staring straight at one another. His touch is gentle, but there’s an intensity to it that you can’t mistake. His lips slowly approach yours with such an intense need that you can read it in his gaze. Even though he doesn’t say it, you feel that this kiss is more than just desire—it’s a need to be as close to you as possible, to never let you go again. His tongue delves inside your mouth, and you sigh into it.

The feeling of your skin pressed against his leaves Will desperate, his mind so overwhelmed and in a haze, he can’t even form the words to describe the sensation. His hand keeps moving as if your flesh were an addiction. The sound that leaves from his throat is something so close to a purr—he’s almost embarrassed.

You feel his body tensing, his muscles flexing against yours, and your skin feels hot and all too sensitive. He’s taking advantage of this moment to touch you anywhere he can reach. His fingers leave no inch of your skin unexplored as he slowly begins to lower your pajama bottoms.

“God, you’re beautiful.” The sound of your voice draws Will’s eyes closed as he inhales deeply.

Will’s fingers glide down toward your legs, and he looks as if all his dreams are coming true at once. You see his eyes flicker open, and he looks at you with such intensity, such concentration, that it’s hard to breathe as you’re pulled along by an invisible force. He finally lets go of your chin so that he can drag your pajamas down further until they’re thrown across the room.

You take his hands in yours, placing them over your breasts. And it’s only when his teeth drag across your neck, from just above your collarbone down to the crook of your shoulder, that he loses it completely.

There’s no being slow or gentle when he pushes you away, standing up and pulling you to your feet. You take hurried steps back as he nudges you toward the bed. Soon enough, your calves hit the mattress and you fall back onto the blue duvet. You don’t even have a chance to take a breath, Will is hovering over you, elbows on each side of your head.

“You’re gorgeous,” he mumbles, looking deep into your eyes—so deep you’re afraid he can see the broken soul behind them.

You help him push his jeans and boxers down the length of his legs. The second they’re no longer an obstacle, Will’s fingers delve between your thighs, circling your clit teasingly with the gentlest of touches. Your lips part in a gasp, hands falling onto the covers to clench them in your fists.

“Will, please,” you plead between whimpers. He was the only one who could ever bring you to the point of begging, and you hope he knows it somewhere deep within.

The man faces you with glassy eyes, swiping the tip of his tongue over his bottom lips. He doesn’t need you to say anything more, he just nods feverishly and lets your fingers guide him inside. The sensation of your heat gripping him tightly makes him groan, lips falling agape. You wrap your legs around his hips, crossing them behind his back, and pull him even closer.

“Will,” you moan his name against his lips.

It spurs him on, makes him even more eager to please you. He draws back almost completely, then buries himself inside you again in one smooth motion. Your thighs tremble visibly, and it almost makes him smile. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him deeply, fingers tugging on his curls.

Will rocks into you deep and steady, one of his hands digging into the meat of your thigh with so much force it hurts—but goddamn, you love this kind of pain. And he makes it feel even more heavenly when his thumb begins to trace circles over your clit.

It doesn’t take him long to take you over the edge—hard and fast—turning you into a mindless, hot, whimpering mess. You mumble his name over and over again as your heat pulses around his length, making him come just a few moments after you. He claims your mouth with his, making you taste your name on his lips. God, does it taste heavenly.

Night came quicker than you realized, covering the sky with bright stars and a full moon. Despite it, it’s not pitch black outside. The shimmering snow reflects the shining lights, fighting off the darkness well enough. It doesn’t make you feel any less threatened, even though it should.

You’re wrapped only in the blue duvet that covered the bed, as you lie on your side, facing Will, who’s already asleep. His bare thigh is right against yours, and the heat of his skin is almost impossible to resist. You let your eyes wander across his body, his physique—he looks like a sculpture, a masterpiece of flesh and bone.

Your body still aches from his touch, and you feel like you’re a puddle of emotions with the sole mission of holding love, affection, and desire for him. You’re about as far away from being “fine” as possible. You didn’t even get a chance to tell him you’ll be working together from now on. He doesn’t know he’s allowed back in BAU, and you wonder if you should leave him unknowing for as long as possible. It’s not your greatest idea, but the idea of him breaking beyond repair terrifies you.

You try to calm your heart as it races and skips a beat every time his body shifts—the smallest movement seems like it could wake him up. But as you lie there in the darkness, his hand reaches out and finds its rightful place on your thigh again, his fingers barely grazing your skin. The sensation makes you almost jump out of your skin, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“Why are you awake?” he asks with half-closed eyes.

“Can’t sleep,” you reply softly, wanting to touch him back, but not sure if you should.

“I figured,” he murmurs. “You didn’t sleep much yesterday either.”

You sigh sadly, you didn’t think he’d noticed. His hand moves up your thigh, almost instinctively, until it touches you just below your hip. It stops there, and your eyelashes flutter at its warmth against your skin.

“You can touch me.” Will’s voice is so quiet it’s almost inaudible, and you don’t have to be told twice.

Your fingers slip under the duvet, so the fabric doesn’t block your touch, and you begin to trace the outline of his leg with the tips of your fingers. Will’s eyes finally open, and he looks almost nervous at the intimate touch—until you find the spot where he’s ticklish. He lets out an adorable whimper, so naturally, you laugh and keep going.

“No, no, please stop,” Will moans, trying to fight back his chuckles, squirming as he tries to get away from your touch. The whole time he’s half-smiling, his fingers digging into the duvet for stability. He tries to grab your hands, but it only makes you laugh harder.

You find another ticklish spot on the side of his torso and continue to tease him. Eventually, your cheeks hurt from smiling so much as you watch Will scoot back, out of your reach. Your sour mood from before is gone in an instant.

Will moves up so that he’s sitting up against the wall, practically on the edge of the bed, and he looks almost offended by your reaction. Your gaze shifts, so you can get a fuller view of him.

“I’m not as ticklish as you think,” he says, his tone serious, though you can still hear a tremble in his voice. “If you wanted to see me squirm,” he adds, “you could’ve found a different method.”

The words send a shiver down your spine, and you immediately pull the sheets up to cover the bottom part of your face, trying to hide your flustered reaction from his eyes.

“You’re so cute,” he says, his voice just a whisper, almost as if he was afraid that anything above a murmur could wake the dogs sleeping by the fireplace. “So adorable.”

Will’s hand rests on your head, his fingers playing with the strands of hair that cover your ears. You can feel him studying you—how your nose twitches and your eyes almost close as you wait for his next words. Something about it feels intimate as if he’s taking in every detail of your expression one by one. It’s been a while since he’s done that, you didn’t even realize how much you missed it.

“You can pull it down, you know,” he says playfully, his hand still in your hair. “This must be suffocating.”

“I know,” you say quietly, as you pull the sheets down from your face.

Will’s fingers interlace with yours, and you can feel his thumb circling your wrist.

“And yes, it is a bit suffocating.” You pull the sheets down to your collarbones, and a chill runs through your body as the cold air touches your arms. “Maybe you can warm me up.”

Will smiles—a small, sweet smile, with a bit of mischief thrown in. “Maybe I can,” his tone is playful as he pulls you close, your cheek finding a home on his chest, right above his heart.

After a few long minutes of silence and listening to the steady drum of his heartbeat, you turn to face him, resting your chin above his pec.

“We’re back on the team, you know?” you mumble almost mindlessly.

Will looks down at you, his expression gentle as he caresses your hair.

“I know.”

His gaze trails down your face and lingers on your lips for a brief moment before it shifts again. There are so many things Will wants to say, but he can’t bring himself to do it—he fears it would ruin these quiet, peaceful moments between you two.

You don’t question how he already knows that, choosing instead to voice your other thoughts—ones that’ve been on your mind almost the whole day. “What did Alana want from you?”

Will’s hand pauses against your face when you bring up her name, and for a moment he seems speechless, which is rare a thing for him.

“I…” He trails off but then speaks again as if he’s found the courage to say the words. “Alana wants me to stay away from Hannibal,” he says quietly, his fingers moving on your cheeks, your brows, your chin, as if his hand isn’t allowed to stay still for a second without touching the flesh it can. “She’s sleeping with him.”

“Why does she want you to stay away?”

“Because I tried to kill him.”

You don’t even blink at his confession, there’s no fear in your gaze—no ounce of surprise. There was a time in your life when this revelation would’ve shocked you, broken you in half, but after your father’s death, when you’re faced with it, it’s… easy to handle. Will expected this kind of indifference, he knew you well enough to know you wouldn’t judge nor be afraid.

“How?”

Will lets your question hang in the air for a long minute before he speaks. He takes a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts.

“Not by my hand—not like that,” he starts. “Hannibal has a lot of… a lot of hold over me,” he pauses again, “he made me want to do it.” It’s probably the most vulnerable, the most genuine explanation Will has given anyone. He’s speaking to you from the heart and in pure honesty. “An opportunity fell on my lap to send someone after him, so I took it.”

You nod your head in acknowledgment—it makes sense to you. “It’s a shame it didn’t work out.”

A hint of a smile appears on Will’s face. He moves his fingers to the nape of your neck and to caress the lines of your ear—it’s something he always used to do when he was thinking and you were nearby. “Alana’s very upset with me.”

Will’s other hand slides over your thigh, his fingers teasing the skin, almost as if he was trying to test it, like a cat with a piece of string. He’s still thinking when his hand starts to move upwards, closer to your hip.

“Don’t take it to heart,” you advise him, leaving a soothing peck on his jaw. It was the best you could do.

“I’m trying.” He laughs in a low rumble, his hand moving between your legs and your whole body tenses. “I’m trying,” he says again.

The touch is so soft and gentle—almost teasing, yet your body seems to be craving it. It makes him nervous, but also excited, and when he closes his eyes his head just falls back to rest against the wall, his teeth showing as he breathes in deeply.

“Would you have done this if I…” his words trail off into silence as the man doesn’t seem certain about how to finish his sentence. He looks at you, his face revealing all the questions that he doesn’t dare to ask.

You grasp his jaw between your hands, encouraging him to speak his mind, but being unconditionally patient at the same time. He tries to say something again, then changes his mind. It’s as if he’s playing a constant game with you, trying to reach into your mind without opening his mouth like most people do.

“If you…”

“If I was still the same,” he mumbles out finally.

“Will, you are still the same person. Perhaps a little more broken than before, but it’s still you.”

Will stays silent and still for a minute with his eyes closed, his hand still between your legs. The tips of his fingers keep barely touching you, almost a caress, although a bit harsher than before. His lids flutter open, so you can see his face as it’s lit by the moonlight.

“There’s something I’d like you to promise,” he says cautiously as if every word is carefully thought out before he speaks it aloud. “Promise me that you’ll keep trusting in me... even if you don’t understand.”

Will’s hand moves up from between your legs so that he can touch your waist and hold you in place. The fingers of his other hand stroke your face down to the side of your neck, and you can feel how your heart starts to beat faster and faster with each touch.

“I will always trust you, Will. Just never lie to me again, have a little faith in me too.”

Will lets his eyes fall down to your lips again, and he can’t help but bite his own in response. As if he was trying to hold himself together but the urge to kiss you was almost too strong, the way his gaze kept shifting.

When his lips touch yours—it’s a long, slow kiss, deep and gentle at the same time. He holds you in place, your hips pressed against his as if he doesn’t want you to move, even a centimeter. And you don’t dream of being anywhere else but here—by his side.

“I love you, Will.”

#eat your heart out #smut #mdni #hannibal lecter x reader #hannibal nbc #hannibal lecter x reader x will graham #hannibal lecter x will graham #hannibal lecter #hannibal #hannigram #will graham x reader #will graham x hannibal lecter #will graham

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florencewellch · 6 days

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the number of times I have to stop myself from posting "yall are so annoying god bless" about certain people *cough taylor antis and certain swifties cough* in a day is actually a lot higher than I'd like to admit 😭

I was holding back last night from talking about how annoying they're being, but since I have to deal with annoying Taylor hate posts that aren't good faith criticisms (especially since I go out of my way to not jump on hate train of artists or media that I dislike because I know it's annoying having to scroll past a bunch of posts like this when you're getting new content), I've decided to just stop holding back today since that courtsey isn't extended to me. I am holding back on talking about the Swifties who are getting on my nerves, because pissing off both camps in the same day is not a good idea sksksksk

#asks #melone

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chaeul · 8 months

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wip tag game

I consider myself tagged by @alittlebitofrainbyyourside :)

Why work on and upload one fic it when you can work on multiple fics without ever uploading anythig at all? sksksksk

Joking - I hope to finally upload my very first fic some time before the new year. Sounds like a managable plan, right?

Reflection: To reward Phayu after a stressful week at work, Rain lets Phayu rail him as hard as he can. No holding back for Rain's sake anymore; he wants to be used, wants Phayu to take what he needs. And boy does he.

Wet Dream: Drunk Rain has a vocal wet dream. Phayu has a hard time dealing with the effect that has on him.

Insomnia: Phayu turns to self gratification when he can't fall asleep one night. Rain wakes up and wants in. As in in between Phayu's thighs. He'll take good care of Phayu.

Non-penetrative sex, cum sharing and cuddles- what's not to love?

Balletcore: Phayu signs Rain up for ballet class- which turns out to be more fun than Rain thought but he may have put too much strain on his groin, trying to keep up with the girls during stretching.

The next day he is sore. Phayu can help with that! Of course his massage has... side effects. Which Phayu intends to ignore.

Love Belt: Rain has been an absolute brat all day, practically begging for Phayu to set him straight. Once Phayu's had it, he wordlessly rolls up his sleeves, pulls off his belt and stalks over to where Rain's nailed to the spot.

Nothing like a few well placed burning hot red streaks across Rain's ass to make him good again, make his mind go quiet for once.

(Title inspired by Jonghyun's Love Belt)

Golden Hour: A late afternoon cuddle turns into very lazy sex. Rain may have wiggled a bit too much, settling in as the little spoon...

So why not take the arising oportunity to cuddle in a more intimate way?

Enganche: Rain and Phayu have been rivals on the argentine tango dancefloor for years. They hate each other's guts but one day they find themselves forced to either drop out or compete as a couple when both their partners have suddenly fallen sick.

They slot together so perfectly, their bodies seamlessly becoming one as soon as the music starts. Synergy surges through them, palpable to everyone around.

They were made to dance with each other.

It's infuriating. It's exhilarating.

Cue hate fucking in the dressing room that's so addicting it becomes a habit for them to sneak off together after competitions.

Kitten: After months of Rain begging for a kitten, Phayu ("Pets are too much work and they stink blabla") gives in and surprises Rain with the cutest fluffy baby. Contrary to his expectation, Phayu falls in love with the cat and becomes insanely jealous when cat an Rain bond immediately while all Phayu gets is hissing and claws stuck in his hands. Rain to the rescue! He'll teach Phayu all about cat body language and how to gain their trust.

I'm tagging @maenecoon, @coffeelovesdramasalatte, @jez-bez, @gonardo-writes, @khashanakalashtar - no pressure though, as always. Feel free to ignore ♥

#I love how this list is various levels of smut with elements of mental torture and then suddenly KITTEN #btw these are all mostly workig titles #I have a few more ideas but I wouldn't call them wips just yet #personal #tag #tag game #PhayuRain #comfort couple #writing

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beej-hunnicutt · 4 months

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First drawing of 2024‼️ 🥳

This coloring/drawing style is just ripped from like one of my favorite Courtney's (wuntrum on here) drawings!! I didn't at ALL come close to capturing it. Need to either draw smaller or have my brushes bigger. And tbf I don't think I picked the best time to try it outfit wise. But oh well, I still really liked how this turned out, regardless!!

I really tried to let myself stay loose, even a little wonky (though her nose is still a lil too wonky, I may tweak it lol)! And I am really happy with it!!

Here's the Courtney art!!!!! Genuinely SOOOOOOOOOO good, would love to try again sometime because I just love the style SO much.

This is like hashtag nonspons, BUT genuinely, if you use procreate and feel a little stumped with detailing, I HIGHLY recommend getting courtney's procreate brush pack if you have a couple of bucks!!!!!!!!! I didn't even use procreate like ever, it's been on my iPad since 9th grade and just never used it until August of 2023.

I was using CSP when I made the official switch from my drawing tablet to my iPad after my surgery, but kept getting stumped when it came to detailing. I just couldn't get it to flow well with my process. But then I decided to buy their brushes and give procreate another try and honestly it rlly clicked!!! Since August, everything with color has been done on procreate with only their brushes!!!!!!!

I still use medibang to sketch, as it's the best for me!! I hate actually drawing on procreate (doesn't feel good to me, can never find the right brush and what not), if I do sketch it's veryyy loose there (minus one Donnie sketch!). But it had been still a lot of work trying to get use to fully detailing and whatnot again, but now it's fun!! And I genuinely feel excited and satisfied with some of the work I am able to produce!!

I really hope this year I can continue to work and play and use textures to my advantage and explore it. But as you see, I always end up keeping it flat, I don't know why sksksksk

#m.a.#a #but rlly i am not kidding when i say im in a mary kick babes!! sksksksksks

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poohwhin · 10 months

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TY @fruit-of-infidelity AND @darker-overlord FOR TAGGING ME ILY 🫂

tagging: any digital artist ever that sees this you are obligated!!

November 2021 (first ever sketch i did of gwen, my og dl oc <3 )

didn’t know what i was doing ever. i have a love/hate relationship with my old art SKSKSKSKS also had no clue what i wanted for their design

June 2023 (just now BAHAHSHS. did a ~5-10 minute sketch on my phone.)

did a test run on drawing myself (i’ve been making a lot of s/is recently in my free time, and need to practice catching my ‘essence’ ig without nailing down each exact detail of my appearance sksksk) — which i think i did okay on considering this was 5-10 minutes, AND i’m on my phone, which im unfamiliar with <3

I THINK THIS IS FUN. i always love seeing my improvements, and my confidence in my lines. i love knowing that i could make smth 10x better with 1/3 of the time SKSKSKS. i wanna do this again with works that’re actually done, but y’know.

#tag game #ive def gotten better at indicating curly/coily hair without too many lines #at least i think do #which is a goal for me 😞🫶

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alexi-01 · 1 year

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Some people were hating on lando for posting his female friends while having fun (generic party pics if you ask me sksksksks) for objectifying them smh so we are not far with the argument that Lando would get shit for things like that while others would never.

they are so generic party pics!! at least in the uk they are like i can stroll through my instagram feed and see these type of photos or worse from my friends and myself 😭

i think we’ve long discovered that lando can’t do anything that other drivers do without getting hate and it’s honestly pretty pathetic

#ask response

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ahsxkatano · 2 years

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Update on WICF

so my summer classes end tomorrow. I have to finish a final draft for a paper and finish up some labs.

then I’m going to a concert on Thursday.

So the next update might not come out until Saturday or Sunday ;-;

but who knows, I also hate myself and don’t sleep sksksksk

#del updates #wicf #where i can't follow

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strawhatboy · 1 year

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Hi Gab,

Sorry for the late reply I think tumblr ate my last ask sksksksk ?? So I hope you don’t mind me sending it again.

Yeah I found it fun! It’s just when you are on the ice rink it’s so hard to skate but it’s definitely fun :’) Ah I seee that’s interesting! I know in certain parts of the world like Australia and New Zealand, for instance, this time of year is quite hot. I find it kinda fascinating tbh :o we don’t get much snow here either tbh, but recently we got a little (like today) since it’s colder than usual. Still not quite enough to build a snowman :’)

I see I like Dabi and Zuko as characters too, I think by the end of atla though he definitely had his redemption arc and became ‘one of the good guys.’ That makes sense I don’t like perfect characters either, I like flaws and depth. And well-written villains.

I like both! As long as they are well written on both sides, but I find myself leaning towards antagonists sometimes it depends on the storytelling. But I’m also put off by poorly developed villains so there’s that.

My week has been good! I got a little sick but I’m feeling better now, just a winter cold :’) I hope your week has been good, it’s getting closer and closer to christmas so I can’t wait for you to see what I make!

hi my dear santa 💓 i missed you 🥺 and I didn't get your last ask :(( I hate when tumblr does that

I actually live in Brazil! most of the time the weather is nice and warm and even in winter when temperatures drop drastically it never snows (at least where i live)

OMG I LOVE DABI!!! have you seen the latest episode of bnha? I was so proud of him :') I really want him to be happy (not sure if horishoki thinks the same but I hope so)

I'm glad you're feeling better now <3 please take care of yourself, you deserve it ❤️

well, december is going well so far, I finally got a few days off from work so I'm resting and watching my favorite shows hehe

yes christmas is so close <3 the best time of year, can't wait to see what you made 🥺 I'm 100% sure I will LOVE it

#secret santa #im so excited #see you soon have a nice week <33

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gayroman · 3 years

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Be careful, you are not in Wonderland. I've heard the strange madness long growing in your soul, in your isolation but you fortunate in your ignorance. You who have suffered find where love hides, give, share, lose, lest we die unbloomed. KILL YOUR DARLINGS | dir. John Krokidas

#sksksksk i hate myself #i love them so much #this movie is amazing #kill your darlings #movieedit #dradcliffeedit #daniel radcliffe #dane dehaan #lgbtq movies #lgbtq edit #mygifs #userlee #moviegifs #allen ginsberg #lucien carr #pls appreciate

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emotchalla · 5 years

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me to me: you don’t have to listen to Arctic Monkeys every time you write Peaky Blinders fic

also me: *queues up entire discography*

#sksksksk i hate myself #emotchalla talks #shut up ebby #emotchalla writes #peaky blinders #peaky blinders smut

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theinfinitedivides · 9 months

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HELLO AGAIN 🙌🏻

was patiently waiting to see your takes on ktl ep 12 because lord what an episode that was.

i paused so much during the last scene just to take multiple deep breaths to prepare myself because istg i was literally dreading the whole thing. god, those maid outfits.. i can't.

the image of the plate breaking and sarang's heartbroken eyes are still so vivid in my mind, i literally cried the moment the episode ended because did i expect conflict and angst? yes. was i prepared for that? nope. not at all.

i feel like it hurts even more because we've had episode after episode of them being madly in love and now we see won seated at the table in his house being served by sarang in a maid outfit with the daughter of the other hotel's chairman sitting right next to him and we hear his dad say he wants them to get married within the year. like wow. that's just a stab to the heart.

absolutely can't wait to see how the rest of that situation plays out, but more than anything, i'm terrified about what's going to happen to sarang for breaking a plate because the manager kept mentioning how "the dream team" never makes mistakes and it's stressing me out.

on another note, that whole scene where sarang opened up about her mom to won at the sea was so beautiful. also, won's reaction to sarang telling him what she found out about his mother and giving him her picture.. i honestly couldn't quite figure out what won was feeling in that moment and don't think he did either. the way he was just so overwhelmed with emotions and had to walk away to look at the picture and process everything.

also, my heart broke for pyeonghwa. her backstory literally made my blood boil. WHO TF DO MEN THINK THEY ARE?

on a similar note, can daeul please take chorong and leave her husband and his shitty family. the amount of patience she has to tolerate the treatment they give her is insane. ofc that's easier said than done though and the heartbreaking reality is the stigma divorce has on women which shouldn't even be there in the first place.

lastly, hwaran. she surprises me every episode because somehow she manages to get worse and worse. terrible mother, terrible sister, full of greed, absolutely heartless, manipulative, cunning.. the list goes on. now she wants sangsik on her side too and i honestly can't predict this one but i'm putting my trust in sangsik. please do not let us down. 🙏🏻

no idea what's going to happen in this week's episodes but to everyone who complained about there being barely any plot in ktl what were you watching, first of all, and i hope you're happy because the drama is drama-ing rn. 😭

love how we're both having basically the exact same thoughts about all of the sh*t that went down over the weekend and now we get to pick it apart while still having somewhat of a meltdown, sksksksk. going to put this under a read more bc i don't know how much is going to be collapsed on the dash and i can almost guarantee that this will get longer than the last two asks i answered although i will try to avoid that, my apologies

i stand by my previous statement that bringing Sa Rang there to that specific meal as part of the Dream Team when the arranged marriage was going to come up was Hwa Ran's doing bc that overlapped too f*cking well to be a coincidence. she knew what that would do to Won, not only bc of his trauma but bc of the way he defended Sa Rang from the assemblyman (when he raised his voice at her *cough*) and she really came out here and said she'd milk that for all it was worth bc he handed that extra weakness to her and f*ck. she's one of the worst people in this series but hats off to her for going for the f*cking jugular and doing it well (and endangering Sa Rang's job in the process, bc hey what happens when you're part of a team that doesn't make mistakes and then you make a mistake? nothing good i'm assuming). i especially hate how this comes after they went to visit the sea and Sa Rang opens up to Won about her mom (and tells him about his own mom in the process, but we're getting there), bc we all know how much she has wanted to work at King Hotel, how much the memories of her mother are entangled with them. working at the hotel is like the causeway in the midst of the sea, the last connection she has where Won has none, and if this plate breaking is part of the catalyst excuse for Hwa Ran to try and force her out of the company (though i doubt that will be the only reason she'll use, we need something more substantial) it will be like the tide has returned and she is back at that beach, trying to go and see her mother, crying bc she is not able to, bc no wind turbine can bear the weight of her, and that will definitely f*ck me up more than anything else has so far. (writer-nim don't do that to me pls i don't think i'd be able to make it)

but Won. his dynamic with the memory of his mother flays me open and lays me out to dry and they really dug into that with the photo, bc the first thing i thought of when i saw his face (notice that we did not see hers clearly enough, that was a strategic choice; are they trying to say that he is a reflection of her in that as well, a la 'and they will recognize all the lines of your face / in the face of the daughter of the daughter of my daughter (son)'?) was Lucille Clifton's brilliant poem "oh antic God", seen below (screenshotted) and linked as well—

really and truly i can't pick any lines bc the whole thing applies (except for the part where she talks about her current age) and i hope you can see why, bc as much as he says he does not want to know anything about his mother i think something shifted when he took the photo from Sa Rang and he saw. Junho does so, so well here with all of the microexpressions, since that is what part of what makes the scene—there's a certain time where you think he could be angry, almost, at Sa Rang for going ahead when he told her he didn't want to but then she tells him that she does not want him to have regrets and he has to walk away from her. be careful or you'll end up like her, Hwa Ran said, unimportant and forgotten, but here is Sa Rang speaking of someone who remembers her, and she was good, and she was kind, and she was brave and beautiful and loved at least, and he doesn't know what to do with that information and we don't either. and so he steps forward, braces himself (i see this as a callback to his stance in ep 3 when he leaves the interview, bc i don't know why everything keeps coming back to that panic attack but i sincerely thought that the way things were going we would get his hands on his knees in the same way), and for a moment i looks like he is trying to say something, anything, lips parted, but there is no sound, no noise, only the single tear on his cheek, and God the camera cuts away from him—

i am trying to be very normal about this but uh. my brain is screaming 'COSMIA COSMIA COSMIA' (Joanna Newsom for the second time my beloved but this version too) interspersed with 'wish i knew / wish i knew the words to this one' and that's kind of complicating matters don't you think

as for Pyeong Hwa and Da Eul—ykw i think they deserve a little murder. they deserve to go batsh*t. just as a treat bc the men????? that they have consistently had in their lives????? no woman deserves that but especially not them. honestly i don't know who i want to go after first Pyeong Hwa's ex-boyfriend (#1 candidate for scum of the earth) or Da Eul's husband (ties for #1 candidate for scum of the earth and who also had the audacity to come out here with his ass and say she'd have bad karma come back on her bc she [rightly] complained about the invasion of privacy his family is perpetuating), but tell me when we decide on one bc i have the ammunition for it. wouldn't be surprised if that mf*cker is cheating on her too bc we did get a partial allusion to that in the earlier half of the series, albeit it could just be him choosing his work associates over his own family and not necessarily having a woman on the side. either way this sh*t needs to stop and i 100% support Da Eul taking Cho Rong and leaving. f*ck divorce stereotypes all my homies hate divorce stereotypes just make sure his ass pays that child support

and now for a bit of Hwa Ran character study to round this off (yay for me i actually followed the outline you set out in your ask asfdgjnlcisdwbkkq). as we continue to observe her and the way she interacts with her father, her half-brother, her husband (who is desperately trying to become her ex) and her son, i feel like the screenwriters are pushing the narrative that even if she is a horrible person she, too, is a victim of the system. and i get why they would do that, bc they do have a point. i touched on it briefly in the tags of this reblog, but i think there's a part of her that is doing these things in regards to the company bc she thinks she knows best. she believes that this is the way to not become irrelevant, not to stoop to the level of her father and her brother in becoming so sentimental at times they lose sight of the real goal (in her view, both times it has been bc of a woman). she puts herself out there so she can have power, since such a inbred, patriarchal society does not listen to you otherwise, and in return she is sacrificing her relationships. and even then, she still thinks that there is no other way to do this and survive. she has convinced herself of this, of so many things, that it has become a part of her, so the minute it looks like she is about to lose her control she looks for the closest thing within her grasp to regain. here, with the inheritance fight, it is the King Group and her leash on Won, and Sang Sik, bright eyed and ambitious as he is, looks like an extension of that leash to her. (after all, didn't he say he's the only one who can handle Won?) considering that Sang Sik has been by Won's side since they met, however, i don't believe he'll switch sides, but more that he'll weigh his options and play double agent in the process since they have spent basically the entire series showing us where his loyalties actually lie (and which she underestimates). tl;dr, Hwa Ran's personal arc is somewhere between Who Are You, Really? by Mikky Ekko, Spite by Vandaveer and Blood // Water by The Neighbourhood, and if they take her the way i think they're taking her (read: she spirals) then she's pretty much f*cked as a result

i am biting my nails rn with regards to the upcoming eps bc hey!!!! this threat of my OTP falling apart for fifteen seconds isn't the plot i asked for!!!!!! i don't need this kind of anxiety i decided against watching Revenant live bc of that!!!!!! just praying we get through with minimal damage that's all i can say

#inbox #q: anon #tv: king the land #king the land #lee junho #junho 2pm #im yoona #girls generation yoona #yoona snsd #kim seon young #kdrama #local gay watches KTL (and gets diabetes in the process).txt #local gay watches k-dramas.txt #'this is going to be a shorter ask' i said to myself. 'i will not write another essay for the KTL anon' i said. i failed in both aspects #i really should be getting academic credit for this kind of analysis but it's summer and i'm not taking classes for that sh*t atm so uh #y'all get to have it ig #anyway i'm putting too much brainpower into fictional characters with trauma but then again when have i ever not

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letstalkaboutfandomsbaby · 2 years

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Oh god, but now im thinking about 18/19 year old Nanami who's so in awe of me and infatuated and he sees me as his perfect senpai that could do no wrong and he thinks about me when he jerks off :(

#☀️ shitposts #god i hate myself sksksksk

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