#so I stayed up late doing nothing...

[wardingshout]

Viridian trainers for day 5 of spesilverweek! they are my most beloved but Lance is a cursed character who is impossible to draw or portray in any way to me

#idk what's up with him but I have smth like 20 different scrapped things that contains these 3 #and yet I almost always finish my doodles of just Yellow and Silver.... sorry Lance #he's such a funny guy to me esp as part of this trio I'm sorry I always give up on you #anyway yeah no I'm so late bc I wasn't happy with this so I wanted to draw smth else but I was doing chwismas today and was too tired #so I stayed up late doing nothing... #I so badly wanted to shit on Green's dumb cape too (affectionate) #spesilverweek #pokespe #pokespe silver #my art #pokespe yellow #pokespe lance #I'm just gonna tag everyone like that I guess #anyway I feel like having a Viridian trainers prompt was a gift to my soul but I rly struggled I'm so sorry guys one day... #pokemon

[teamunee]

alhaitham 🤝 me

feb 11th born kaveh stans

#IM LATE 😭 #was too busy doing nothing on my actual bday oops #stayed up all night to finish this so gonna pass out now #genshin impact #haikaveh #al haitham #kaveh #happy birthday alhaitham #!! #also kaveh was supposed to be cropped and blurred actually #but my (kaveh simp) friend convinced me not too #and hell im a kaveh simp too #so who am i to deny her

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play #till 10:30 at night #she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8 #this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house #and now that my brother is in class 7 #he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30 #he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like #one sentence #yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke #up in the house its all my fault #this is just so damn unfair #like literally insulting #im not a child what is her problem #what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate? #i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present] #and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up #my whole life i've been told abar late?'' #and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play #5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30 #and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude #with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play #im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi #after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other #she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit #and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12 #its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how #like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO #istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy #groceries #i can cycle

[m00ngbin]

I want to be really obnoxious and tell people over and over that I just wrote over half of something I've been thinking about for like a week but I don't Actually want to be obnoxious so: i made something shortish and (hopefully) I'm going to publish it tomorrow/today or the day after and that's all I'm saying about it. That's it. Done. Over. Bye.

#yay! #its not super impressive but IM proud of it so far #its mundane but i think its sweet #if i accidentally lie and it doesnt get done today/tomorrow or the day after its because i stayed up super late rushing to finish this #stupid review folder thats due on thursday for my upcoming exam friday #the exam that i havent shut up about for like a week #also bc i have to force (not really force) my friend to be my beta reader and idk when he'll get around to that #so #its a very soft due date #not guaranteed #hopefully! but i never know #you also never know #we never know together #i hope you like Shou #it was going to be tome-centric but idk how i would do that #we know like next to nothing ab her childhood and her family #WHATEVER tome will be in the next thing i write if there is a next thing

[not-poignant]

Hi there! I absolutely love your works and, having followed you for a while now, I also really admire you as a person and an author in general. Every update on AO3 and Tumblr is always such a delight. I'm sorry if this ask is coming out of the blue or if it's something you've been asked before, but how did you take the plunge from writing predominantly fanfic to posting original fiction in serial form and also self-publishing novels? I'm currently in the process of drafting two original works after writing/posting fanfic regularly for years, and I'm just lost as to how to set everything up. I have a general idea (post chapter-by-chapter on AO3 and offer early access and some exclusive content on patreon or some other subscription service), but it all feels so daunting right now. Any bit of info or advice on how you got started would be immensely appreciated <3

Hi anon,

Tbh, I went from writing fanfic to original fiction because I had original characters in my fanfiction and readers asked me about them.

I had no kind of...dreams of being an original author in this way, I was published via other pathways already, and fanfiction was really an escape for me, a chance to break with all the conventions of standard writing and just do what I wanted.

But I needed a broader cast than what the movie gave me re: my first fanfics, and I added my own OCs, and left them in the background as much as possible, but even back while writing that fanfic, even the OCs were getting fanart. Sometimes readers would send me anons about them, or ask me more details about them.

Finally, I decided to write some hatesex between them, just something to kind of...idk get it out of my system? Answer what the readers were looking for?

The flow through therefore felt natural. Game Theory flows very naturally on from From the Darkness We Rise & Into Shadows We Fall. And from there, moving into other original works has been easy, in part, because I've often being doing alternate universes from a core of original characters.

If I want to introduce new original characters, I introduce them in stories where pre-existing original characters have already been established.

I didn't even start writing original works with a view to making money off that. In fact I thought it was a very foolish thing to do. A lot of people on AO3 don't want to read original works on AO3 and refuse to do it or only do it if it's PWP / pornography.

I started my Patreon account because readers asked me to. I got asks from very very generous people who wanted to know my Paypal, or asked if I'd start a Ko-Fi, and finally a few people just asked if I'd start a Patreon. I said I didn't think it was a good idea, and they said it was up to them if they wanted to pay me or not, but I should at least consider giving them the choice.

From there, I found it all very overwhelming. I made lots of mistakes. I had to go on hiatus for a year because I promised too much and couldn't deliver on many of those rewards. And for many years I only offered one early access chapter per week for one story, and my main stories were never early access (and still aren't, Underline the Black goes up for everyone at the same time - and while that may change in the future, it's definitely unconventional).

I've always been transparent with my readers that with very few exceptions, if they just wait, they eventually get everything for free. But if they want to support this kind of writing and/or enjoy it, and can comfortably afford to send some dollars my way, they can ensure that I can keep writing this way.

I have for a long time offered no exclusive content at all, I believe that can do well, but it's not my preferred way of doing things.

This career has been incredibly reader driven, anon. I would not personally attempt it cold, without a really fantastic readerbase who encouraged me every step of the way in the first place, because I am a cautious, insecure writer who doesn't like to take risks. So I can't give you advice on how to build this career without the support of the readers there in the first place, and I believe the only reason why I had their support was, in part, because of the actual strength of the writing itself. Which isn't to say it's the best, it's not, it's what I needed at the time and it's what a few other people needed, and that's basically how this works.

If you turn up with the writing, and the audience comes, and they want the story, you have the career.

In terms of practical advice - you can introduce original characters in fanfiction, just be aware that readers tend to be hostile by default if they pull any significant 'screen time' away from the fandom characters (and readers are extremely savvy to authors trying to build a financial business through AO3)

It IS daunting, but the good news is you can do a soft launch. You can open a Patreon or Ream account tomorrow and tell no one. You can mess with your graphics and your tier rewards to your heart's content when you don't have any subscribers. Build a buffer of early access/chapters, and make sure you don't overpromise on anything. Whatever you think you can realistically deliver to readers, cut it in half, because the stress of chapter update deadlines every month can really add up and it's a very different landscape to novel releases.

You can take your time, you can build interest slowly.

Remember you can never ever mention any kind of site where you're getting paid inadvertently, sneakily, or directly on AO3. You can't mention Ream, you can't mention Patreon, you can't mention Ko-Fi, you can't go 'learn more about my writing here' and link to those places. You can't mention buy links. You can only mention sites like Tumblr, Linktree, Twitter etc. Places where the point of sale isn't happening. Not doing so risks AO3's Not For Profit status and risks your entire account, and it's not worth it.

I did an interview with Subscriptions for Authors where I actually talk about many of these things so you can watch (or listen to) the podcast here if you're inclined! It also talks about the importance of community-building, gratitude to the readers, and generosity.

I am here because my readers wanted me to be. So I'm very concerned with making sure I can give them the best writing possible within my abilities. This makes me not very suited to offering 'how to start in this career' advice because it was a happy accident. It's hard to teach something I have never done your way myself, anon, because I worry I'd give bad advice. My writing had people turning up, but I'm not sure anything else I did, added much! I think responding to Tumblr asks and replying to every comment helped too! But...I don't know for sure.

But this career path does make me pretty well suited to offering 'how to keep this going' advice, because I've been doing this for ten years. <3333

#asks and answers #pia on writing #pia on subscription #pia on fandom #i don't know how i got this lucky #but i do know that i stay lucky because i work hard on the writing #so the writing is where it's at #i've been thinking a lot lately on drafting some kind of course on #how to write hooky serials #but if you're writing novels/books that won't be very suitable to you! #i'm not writing serials to turn them into novels #i'm just writing straight up serials that are very messy and difficult to turn into novels lol #idk i do all of this ass backwards #and recently just pulled out of giving a speech on my success as a disabled author #because i actually feel like i'm not good at what i'm doing in a way that is tangibly useful to others #if nothing else anon #make sure you join the Subscription for Authors Facebook #and watch some of the podcasts on YouTube #Christopher Hopper's keynote speech is particularly good

[septimus-heap]

My parents r atheists with christian parents which means that me and my sibling r atheists with atheist parents. One side effect of this is that christmas is a Big Deal to my parents but I'm atheist enough that christmas has basically no meaning to me outside of "the time of year I get free stuff"

#sep talks #like it's nice to get presents and see family or whatever but there's nothing fundamentally special abt christmas day #as opposed to every other day #we could do christmas early or late and I probably wouldn't notice #idk. It just came up the other day when I was talking to my parents #bc my aunt is hosting and she doesn't have much room so I said oh well I could stay home #and my parents were like oh but it feels wrong for u to be all alone on christmas #and it's like well. To u maybe. To me it is just another day #it feels so weird. U atheist-ed too close to the sun and now ur kids don't believe in christmas as a special time #I have the same kind of feelings abt halloween like it's whatever. Doesn't rlly mean anything to me #but it feels weirder abt christmas. Bc I WAS brought up celebrating it. But its like none of it stuck ahdunfidndj

[toastsnaffler]

everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏

#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too #things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄 #jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that #having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically #and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me #despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence #and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik- #she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh #and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space #and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she- #likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man #i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them #theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road #theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill- #finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me #old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc #anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included- #bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately #also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that #im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it.. #ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too #its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes #regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a #fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling #and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........ #sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!! #.diaries

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates

[le-velo-pour-dru]

Just had an extremely rough night and now I'm about to get only like four hours of sleep :'3 Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay </3

#dru speaks #ugh. #i'm gonna try to do SOMETHING that makes me a little bit happy before i actually go to bed but. #i don't have a whole lot of time for that </3 #i'm actually so mad that i had to stay up this late and that i'm about to get such ridiculously inadequate sleep but. #there's nothing i can do at this point </3

[aroacesigma]

.

#ramblings #honestly ive had a really terrible holiday #like summer break is supposed to be good but seeing family wasnt fun like it usually is #the cousin i usually hung out with is an asshole now who didnt even want to talk #so the fun part wasnt fun #i havent seen any of my friends all holidays . i feel like shit and i feel fucking lonely #the only people ive interacted with really are my family and thats horrible because my sister acts like a stereotypical mean girl #ive got no fucking will to leave my room or to fucking eat properly or do just about anything other than sit in my room #and now im about to go back to school . ive accomplished not even close to enough of what ive needed to #ive forgotten everything from math . my tech is probably behind . english should be finished but its not #chemistry is completley half assed #and i know i should be getting up and fixing tht but i cant i fuckign cant do anything #its probably all my fault i have to stop staying up so late im so fucking tired #i dont want to go back to school i dont feel like ive had a break even though ive done nothing all holiday #im so fucking done with this shit #vent #ask to tag #i guess

[boypussydilf]

im not going to be able to watch the new fionna and cake episodes until pretty late tomorrow you all better taf yr fuckin sepopilsrs

#I COULD STAY UP LATE AND SEE IF THEY BOTH GO UP EARLY IF I REALLY WANTED. #OR WATCH IN THE MORNING TOMORROW. #BUT I HWVE THINGS I NEED TO DO THAT. REALLY REQUIRE ME TO BE ABLE TO FOCUS. #AND NOT BE VIBRATING OUT OF MY SKIN. #BUT IM SO SO SO MAD ABOUT IT IM SO MAD. I WANT TO WATCH THEM INSTANTLT GOD #on a different note taf yr sepoplsirs is nothing without the context #basilposting

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Me when I’m not tired: wow I feel good and normal

Me when I’m tired: I’m tired I’ve always been tired and I will be tired forever. where is my blankie. I’m eepy.

#blue chatter #it’s a real problem when I have things like. classes. #no I cannot skip every class today bc I’m tired #I do actually have to leave the house #bc in the back of my brain I know I’ll feel better when I get outside #however comma #my brain is convinced that nothing will fix me except laying down forever #which is good if I need the rest but sometimes it becomes ‘I’ve laid down so much I’ve made myself More Tired’ #I know this is bc I stayed up too late last night I am reaping the consequences #I will be okay I was just BUSY yesterday

[haemosexuality]

trying to work out how old i think betty is

#i feel like before everything went to shit she was prob like 2 or 3 years younger than simon #but then between the crown and a thousand years passing and time travel that probably got fucked up a bit #im using simon as reference cuz i have nothing else to go off of iwnfuwwfirg #ok im gonna improvise a petrigrof timeline rn #they met when they were post graduate students. according to google the average age of postgrads is like late 20s early 30s #so m gonna say betty was like 29 and simon was 32 #they stay together a long time i mean they wrote a book together. ill say like. around a decade. betty is now 38 and simon is 41 #at some point during that time they get engaged #then the crown happens and betty jumps into the future #a year after that the war begins (i dont think we have any indication that betty knew ab the war do we?? if thats a thing then pretend she #went to the future a year later idk) #also marceline was born 2 years ago. shes in this timeline too bc shes relevant to simons story #when simon is 44 and marceline is 4 the bomb drops #hes 3 years into the ice king transformation #so his mental aging is like... slowing down #and his physical age is speeding up #marcy is 6 and hes 46 when they meet #and shes around 11 and hes 51 when he leaves #then a thousand years passes and betty appears in the future #shes 38 and simon is insane #shes 39 when she gets magic mand and 40 when she gets golbd. damn that woman cannot catch a break i didnt realize before now how fast all #that happened #and simon is still over a thousand years old. until he gets reset to how he was before the crown! or at least thats what i think happened! #so as of cawm hes like 41 again. and betty is dead #damn ive been calling him grandpa but hes barely even grandpa aged. yet. he is by fionna and cake/obsidian time tho #ok yeah im satisfied w that #adventure time #betty grof #simon petrikov

[abusivelittlebunny]

I want to have hope so I can have motivation and courage but I'm terrified of getting my hopes up and hyping myself up only for it to be just crushed into dust. I want to believe but I fear that regretting the joy of it will kill me

#personal #my anxiety is killing me #for context i just decided tonight after talking to my sister that i should apply for an MA course in Hungary #so i could go home and take care of my dog and my family bc I've been worried about them (health deteriorating and close to the end) #and also learn to drive there finally (i don't want to learn in the uk) and relearn my mothertongue (its gone horribly rusty) #and i also am afraid of staying in the uk because of the rising prices i wouldn't be able to afford #but bc of my bf i decided to stay another year after my ba. i still don't know what to do with him but this course is also in English!!! #and we do the same thing so if he wanted to he could apply for it too which would be so cool #but now im scared that i won't be able to put together a good enough portfolio on time and won't get in and im hyping myself up for nothing #even though if i did get in I'd be able to spend time with my elderly family more and help out and see my grandparents before its too late #but im so anxious that it'll all go wrong

[not-actually-human]

a year and a half and i can leave. thats all i gotta make it through. thats it

#i hate it here #i need out #GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING ISLAND IM GOING INSANE #im actually slowly losing my mind and this fucking town is too much. #i hate my classmates i hate the people i hate how THERE IS NOTHING TO FUCKING DO HERE #I CANT i dont. i just. i get it. i understand why my parents moved here when they did and if they didnt meet here i wouldnt exist #but i will never forgive them for that. i will never forgive them for having to grow up here #my great grandma died today and i didnt know her at all. i went 16 years and never met one of my cousins #i want to know my family. i want to get out of this FUCKING TOWN #everyone else in my moms family stayed in the same state. same on my dads family #i love my cousins and extended family. i wish. i want to know them better but its almost too late for most of them #anyways i want out. my cousin said that one day i could maybe stay with her and stuff and god i want that so bad #atlas screams into the abyss #vent

[stinkrascal]

#vent tw #bc this turned emo #i feel like ive said this a lot so just ignore me if im repeating myself #but ive been so exhausted lately its ruining my days :( #i literally sleep like 13+ hours a day if not more #sometimes im out for like 20 hours #typically its not straight its like. i’ll sleep for 4 hrs then wake up for 30 mins then sleep again #and then by then end of the day its like 7pm and ive just woke up. i hate it #its 5pm and i just woke up but like thats basically my entire day gone now #i just feel so tired all the time. like i cant do anything but sleep. my motivation is zero #i hate it i hate it i hate it. i feel dumb #ik im complaining about stuff that seems trivial bc like most people have real things to stress about. meanwhile im just sleeping my days #away. but i still hate it. i wish i could stay awake and see thru the day without sleeping through the majority of it. :( #health wise i’m terrified there’s something like legitimately wrong w me. i mean mental wise too #it’s just that i’m so resistant to change and VERY resistant to getting help for myself that nothing gets done #i’m sorry ik this is heavy i’m just frustrated 😭 i don’t have anyone to tell this to so i’ll tell this to you 🤸 #kinda feels like i’m talking to a friend then. even if it’s just the tumblr void