#so a lot of weird as fuck shit idk

[spade-club]

Let’s play, “was I abused” game! Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you’re not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)

(I found this and thought I might as well do this to help myself with denial later!! obvious abuse tw!! also I have a lot of stuff that came from outside the house too, but this is like. parent stuff yeah idk!!)

Physical abuse

parent slapped me to prove their point/teach me a lesson

parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good

parent pulled on my hair to force me to move

parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me

parent trapped me into a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them

parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them/tried to confront them

parent used a twig/stick/belt to lash at my body

parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them

parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping

parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life

parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries

parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say

parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat

parent made an attempt at strangling/drowning/burning me

parent banged my head/body into the wall/furniture

parent forced me into sexual activities

Emotional abuse

parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once

parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice

parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun

parent insulted and devalued something really important to me

parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me

parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once

parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault

parent shamed me for my physical appearance

parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough

parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all

parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I got hurt from their insults

parent never comforted me/got angry if I reached for comfort

parent punished me for crying/showing fear/showing trauma symptoms

parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness

parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter

parent got angry at me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal

parent blamed me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal

parent compared me to cousins/other children to prove how I’m the worst

parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them

parent told me that I was crazy/delusional/need to be locked away

parent threatened me with kicking me out/sending away if I don’t change

parent refused to accept my sexuality/tried to force it to change (gender but same deal)

parent required for me to act normal to protect family’s reputation

parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy

parent assured me that nobody will ever want me

parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse

parent made me responsible for their well being and made me the caretaker

parent insisted that their harmful acts were all made “out of love”

parent demanded me to be available for their requests at any time

parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries

parent destroyed my belongings as a revenge

parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence

parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me

Psychological Abuse

parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I wont achieve anything

parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks

parent would change their side of the agreement in crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start

parent stalked me/distrusted me without any reason/invaded my privacy

parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument

parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched me do it

parent threatened to leave me

parent accused me regularly of behaving the way they did

parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions

parent always demanded they are right without any proof/explanation

parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof

parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me

parent gaslighted me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did

Neglect

parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly

parent didn’t notice I was sick/didn’t care for me while I was sick

parent didn’t notice I was injured

parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes/shoes I needed for school

parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma

parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed

parent didn’t notice I was depressed

parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself

parent didn’t notice I was suicidal

parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused

parent didn’t notice I was being bullied

parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed

parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care

parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive (hardly even that)

when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it

Financial Abuse

parent made me feel ashamed for needing money

parent made me feel like I’m a financial burden to them

parent only gave me minimal money to survive

parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me

parent took the money I earned from me

parent used the money to blackmail me

parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions

parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything

parent refused to get my medicine/get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves

parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not

parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity

parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age

parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them

#oh man uh. hm. #literally im not kidding TODAY my parents told me I had it so easy compared to them #like. okay. you didnt hit me #congrats on that im sure that was so hard for you?? but like. that doesnt erase the everything else. #they literally started talking about the abuse they went through as kids and I was just like. I cant participate in this conversation. #and then my dad said its because I had it easier and im like. yeah sure well pretend thats why haha #anyway thank you emotional amnesia for allowing me to do this post easily. you suck but ily xx #also there was nothing for *dragging me through the house to get me to do what they wanted* but thats okay ig #also idk what forcefully undressing me and shoving me into shower classifies as either #so like. yk. there is some physical stuff too its just idk what to call either of those #oh also for the food one its bc I was allergic to the stuff they were feeding me and I told them that but they didnt listen!! #so pretty epic double whammy there #OH AND my mom would tell me after every fight *you better not be telling people about this* #to the point that I stopped telling people because I was scared she would find it and freak out #alsoalso the only reason she knew I was sh-ing was because she read my texts and then she demanded me to tell her everything about it #so she could *help me* or whatever. and then she promptly never brought it up again as if it never happened #so a lot of weird as fuck shit idk #also the way she checked my texts to make sure I was okay but didnt notice me being groomed online lol #and instead just taunted me about the crush I had that she found out about through that. fucking. okay. #okay thats enough oversharing I will just hit post now hehe

[mumpsetc]

Hey Cheerilee Hey Cheerilee!

#mlp fim #My Little Pony #Cheerilee #MLP Cheerilee #My Little Pony Friendship is Magic #Dreamy Art #Just Drawin Whatever Recently #Ive Been in a Weird Place So Ive Mostly Been Disregarding Stuff I Dont Find Fun #A Lot of What Ive Been Posting Has Been Fun This Was Fun #Ive Been Experimenting WIth Digital Painting Techniques n Shit Cuz Im All Inspired By PleinairApril... One Day Ill Do It #But Yeah No Whatever Cheerilee! I Like Cheerilee #She's in That Category of Earlier Characters Who Never Really Got Expanded On Even as MLP Added One Billion Bullshit Things #Which is Kind of a Shame? Idk What Else Theyd Really Add to Her But #Idk #Maybe Shes In the Friendship School Ive Not Watched That Shit #Cuz It Looks Fucking BAD!

[cowboyinternist]

what makes sam and jackie compelling/interesting as a ship to u? /gen :O (not related to anything ive been meaning to send u this ask for a while and only just got round to it lol)

i think a big part of it is that the way jackie talks about sam makes them a lot more interesting as a character?

because objectively, sam sucks! as we see them about 90% of the time, they’re incredibly self serving and negligent. and that’s putting it in as simple terms as possible.

but we get these small implications as time goes on that there’s something beyond that! which is most notable in the interaction they have with dana in episode 83 (another thing i could talk about for a million years (i could also go on a whole other tangent about how them showing their face is another really huge example of this but that’s off topic rn)). but none of them are necessarily set in stone, outright saying who they are. like MAYBE sam isn’t completely horrible, but who can really be sure?

but then Jackie says this in it devours,

sam is nice! really nice, actually! outside of the specific context of them being the sheriff and instead them,,, fundamentally as a person. and it isn’t like jackie is this one off character whose judgment we can’t trust. we spend an entire book getting to know her! and i feel like jackie is reliable in this aspect, especially post novel 1. this is the first and really like,, ONLY time we get info on sam from somebody who actually knows them personally. and interestingly enough, the next time we get insight on this aspect of their character, it can be linked back to jackie. they only decide to stand up against the university of what it is once they threaten josh, who is jackie’s half brother. and it is IMMEDIATE they are,, FRONT and fucking center in that movement. like their relationship is so interesting because jackie saying something as simple as that shakes up everything we know about this character.

and this all makes it very interesting to explore just,, what makes sam so fucking horrible outside of that? like what is it that drives them to be that way. and there are so many possible answers to that question and i have my own extensive thoughts on that but again,, off topic.

i love it all so much because it plays into the major themes of perspective that wtnv has? which i think is my favorite thing about the podcast. cecil has his own perception of sam, so does dana, so does jackie. and none of those perceptions are necessarily false, because they’re based on those people’s individual experiences.

also i enjoy the way their relationship is foreshadowed in the novel because i think that with the way she describes it, sam is like the LAST character you’d expect her to end up with lmao.

but yeah TLDR; i find them compelling because sam is absolutely awful and jackie is not, but she describes them as a really nice person anyways ^-^

#tysm for asking!! i’ve been wanting to talk about this :3 #i was gonna put a cut on this but no… in 2024 we are irritating…. #they’re also both just really weird but in different ways which is funny #number one obscure wtnv ship in my heart #i think what sams character gets reduced to a lot in the fandom is like. their weird art shit and their ~opinions~ on desert bluffs? #but they literally have not done the art thing since episode 93 (EIGHT YEARS AGO) #and they have implied (really implied) character development on the desert bluffs thing #guys they’ve done other bad things too okay 🙄 #idk they’re very multifaceted. #also this is mostly unrelated but i’m SO UNBELIEVABLY UPSET that sam won’t be in the live recording for the attic #like i was so so so excited i was gonna analyze the fuck outta that #it’s okay though #wtnv #welcome to night vale #sheriff sam #jackie fierro

[dennisboobs]

.

#the reason cisswap lesbian macden does nothing for me is bc i get my dose of lesbianism from canon charden <3 #i say it (jokingly) all the time but i think if the sunny fandom was more open to charden y'all would have more fun #everything ppl do with macden to make it ~more fun~ is literally. already there with charden #macden is a lot of fun in its own way but if i want butch/femme lesbians i have charden already-- #this is literally why i ship both. if i want to fuck around with gender i can throw charden together #if i want to fuck around with weird codependent loser roommates i can throw macden together #they have different dynamics and both bring different shit to the table #also idk such a massive part of dennis is his (often unapologetic but still stifled) more 'feminine' gender expression #so making him a cis woman who likes being feminine is like. yea. that sure is. cis woman dennis. #as someone who has an extremely complicated history w expressing femininity or anything that is even seen as being remotely femme #it doesn't grab me #the genderfuckery is not there #but TRANSBIAN CHARDEN???? YEAAAAAH #i think mac being so focused on upholding traditional mascilinity IS a very interesting dynamic to have next to. you know. dennis. #wheras charlie could not give less of a fuck #i think gender exploration with macden would take a completely different form but still be extremely interesting for both of them #but there's a lot less initial acceptance and a lot more hiding on den's part #especially if the two are in a relationship #because mac coming to terms with being gay took so long so dennis being at all feminine or even transfem is like #mac needs to do. more introspection #which is an entirely different set of issues to charden gender exploration where like #charlie being nonconforming. not shaving. not caring abt using she/her pronouns. being nontraditional in every way and not giving a fuck #would be absolutely fucking absurd to dennis who is very conformist after she comes out #and would probably be content to conform to whats expected of her as a woman with mac IF she did manage to come out at all #bc dennis would have to actually manage to come out. instead of hiding the fact she's trans > looking at carmen and the way mac treated her #i think both paths have additional challenges and that's. you know. whats interesting. #is cisswap den butchy? does she hide her masculine interests? is denise transmasc...?? #cisswap mac being butch is like. you know. nonconforming so it doesn't quite do the same thing as canon mac either #mac being Traditional and catholic and having to push past homophobia (internalized and externalized) to be himself is. pretty huge #would cisswap mac be a tradwife. like. thats sort of the equivalent

[dandyleyen]

I really need you guys to put on your thinking caps and be very normal about how y’all treat Zelda as a character.

She was a 16/17 year old in BoTW. She wasn’t an awful, spoiled Princess. She was a young girl who had the fate of her entire people and country on her shoulders. She was thrust into a destiny and duty that she didn’t want, but knew she had to go through with. If she didn’t, everything would be lost. She wasn’t ready for the Calamity, but NO ONE WAS. All the Champions (including Link) had their skills ready and they knew what they were going to do and yet they were still all caught by surprise and overwhelmed. If it wasn’t for her and Link and the sacrifices they have made, Hyrule would never even have a CHANCE of recovering.

Link isn’t her servant. He has no obligation or duty to follow her around or stay by her say after BoTW ends and he saves her. The monarchy is all but dissolved by the time Tears starts and she’s [Zelda] is honestly more of a figurehead than an actual monarch. She’s not forcing anyone to follow her. People follow her because she is a smart and caring woman who wants to help the people of Hyrule (all races included) prosper and come back after having suffered so much. Link stays by her side because they care about one another. Whether you think that’s romantic or purely platonic doesn’t really matter, because the care and love is still there. She clearly respects him (you literally hear how highly she speaks of him in her interactions with others in Tears) and he respects her too.

Stop hiding your thinly veiled misogyny towards her behind “oh she’s a bad character who doesn’t respect link and is spoiled blah blah”.

You’re literally just engaging in character assassination and hating her for a personality that you’re making up for her. Can you guys genuinely be normal about her.

#idc if you dislike zelda tbh you can like and dislike whoever you want #but getting on here and spewing bordering misogynistic shit over her just because she gets in the way of your ship #is dumb #at least dislike her for her canon personality and not stuff you make up #literally everyone talks so highly about her after they’ve met her #BE NORMAL #shipping genuinely has nothing to do with my like for her so don’t even bother bringing that up #she’s a good character and she’s incredibly strong willed and kind #a lot of you are genuinely being disgustingly misogynistic #idk man wishing death on a character for simply existing is weird IMO #zelda #tears of the kingdom #loz tok #the legend of zelda #be normal about zelda #rant #y’all genuinely have me fucked up

[wildflowercryptid]

something that's been weighing on my mind ever since learning about the situation with ezra / toonimal is seeing how these predators will take the active hostility that is frequently directed towards minors in online spaces to their advantage and use it to prey on vulnerable children. i think that we as adults in online fandom should probably come together and maybe rethink the language / manner we go about interacting with kids bc clearly the way things are rn is causing active harm.

like obviously, if you're an adult and aren't comfortable with minors interacting with you or your content, you should be allowed to set that boundary and should be vocal about it, ( especially if the content you create isn't safe for them to consume. ) but i don't think talking to them like they're a blight on all that is good and holy is the way to go about it. maybe just saying you're an 18 plus account will suffice, you don't have to tell them to fuck off.

#i'm opening myself up for ppl to leave the stupidest takes on this post but whatever i need to get this off my mind #before anyone says anything about the kids on that website. they're grooming victims. they're literally kids being taken advantage of #show them some fucking kindness and be understanding that they're the victims in this situation #idk what it is about becoming an adult that causes so many ppl to lose their empathy towards minors it's weird #like yeah kids can be annoying and pushy on online spaces sometimes but a lot of them are old enough to know online etiquette lbr #alot of us were annoying kids on the internet at some point we should understand that you don't just. get a handbook for how to act online #that's shit you learn overtime but ppl seem to forget that #they also seem to forget that talking down to kids isn't gonna teach them shit they're not gonna listen to you if you treat them like idiots #what i'm trying to say is that we really need to talk to minors more respectfully and maybe give them a little grace #( obviously there will be situations where some of them need to be yanked up by the collar but there's ways to go about that >>> #without treating them like shit ) #these kids need to know that there's spaces for them to be online safely without having to stumble into places that'll pray on them #we all know how much it sucked to be a kid online we should want better for the ones coming in after us ya know #sorry if this comes across as preachy it just breaks my heart and boils me blood to see kids being taken advantage of like this #especially when there's ways to prevent it idk #how do i even tag this.... #mj.txt #there's trigger warning on the linked post btw #tw csa mention

[anotherpapercut]

I know several people who like LOVE seasons 5-7 (11th doctors run) and think the storylines and moffats writing are brilliant and I don't get it!!! what am I missing??? why does literally every single episode have the exact same stakes: Rory/Amy/the doctor is dead. forever. so dead. but wait!!! what if they aren't!!! why do so many of the explanations for why they're not actually dead feel so rushed like they were added at the last minute!! why does every single queer character act kind of weird and awkward about being queer!! why does the doctor casually say that women are inferior when no one's around!!! what the fuck!! hello!!!

#why is rory continuously proving himself as the Only Man To Ever Exist only for the characters/narrative to continuously imply hes lesser #amy tries to kiss the doctor?? at her wedding?????? #when amy is stuck for 36 years why is she like i forgot how much rory loved me?? GIRL HE WAITED 1000 YEARS FOR YOU???? WHAT???? #he is CONSTANTLY the butt of the joke despite being unequivocally without a doubt the best character from this era #what the fuck was up with river being their kid #THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY???? WHAT?? THAT SHIT WAS WEIRD RIGHT??? #does anyone else find it annoying that moffat changed the opening theme and the tardis and the sonic and the doctor ALLLL at once #and then retconned the entire storyline the early seasons are based off of?? #WHY IS THE DOCTOR SO GODDAMN ANNOYING?? LIKE SO MUCH MORE ANNOYING THAN THE OTHERS #and fucking sexist!!! so sexist!!! #anyone remember the characters who were like 'were the short fat and tall skinny gay men why do we need names' LIKE HUH??????? #gay people still have names steven 😭 #i feel like im going insane bc i have no one else to talk to abt it until my partner catches up #but you guys still think these seasons kinda suck right? like coming off of martha and DONNA and her AMAZING storyline #these just kinda pale in comparison right?????? #the last centurion is probably the last really good plot of that era imo. none of the other plots come close to having an ending that cool #like rivers story couldve been amazing and then it was just uh. kinda weird. a bit confusing IDK #i dont want to be a dick when talking to people and like shit on smth they love but i genuinely have a hard time #finding kind things to say abt a lot of this era #also and this might just be me but i do not like amy and clara v much 😭 theyre so fuckin mean and not even funny #why were martha donna and rose sooooo well written and they all have rich backstories. we know their fuckin families!! #literally its never even fully explained what the fuck happened to amys parents 😩😩 they just move on. the only friend of theirs #ever shown is fucking river??? as a kid?? #am i the only one who found all thay confusing

[brookheimer]

been seeing some weird takes ab the shiv pregnancy. like being ambivalent about how the writers will play it is one thing — it could end up being an incredible exploration into shiv’s internal life and her as a person beyond her relationships with men, but there are also a lot of ways to fuck up a pregnancy narrative and most are exercises in thinly veiled sexism, so it’s only natural to feel uncertain. we just don’t know how it’ll go yet!

…..buuuut. saying that pregnancy playing a role at all in shiv’s life/arc/character inherently reduces her to being The Woman just feels soooo like … rooted in internalized misogyny to me? that’s kinda doing the same thing as everyone always does — thinking less of a woman once she shows signs of, y’know, actually ‘being a woman’ quote unquote. a female character won’t stop being fully-fleshed-out, strong, independent, and interesting the second she get pregnant. pregnancy isn’t, like, just a sexist trope, guys. it’s a real thing with real importance in the lives of many, many people! pregnancy isn’t reductive to women, it’s just a part of life for some women! a lot of the time it feels like ‘good female characters’ are only seen as ‘good’ so long as you can almost forget that they’re female, so long as they act so ‘masculine’ it’s like they’re just a regular complex male character repackaged in a female body. but to be a complex female character, you’re going to have a relationship to your gender! that’s inevitable and necessary in order to actually create a good female character, rather than a good character who just so happens to be female. and this isn’t even touching upon the weird essentialism of being like oh womanhood = pregnancy & vice versa like…. y’all are complaining about the show ‘reducing shiv to womanhood’ but are you sure you’re not doing that? and besides what do you even mean ‘reduced to womanhood’? was she not a woman before? is she only a woman now that she’s pregnant? just some fucking bizarre takes all around.

the rest is under the cut because this got long, sorry !

i mean, why are we acting like the decision to explicitly explore shiv’s relationship with motherhood and femininity is bad writing and rooted in misogyny — like, not even the way it’s done, just the decision to make shiv pregnant? like, making a female character pregnant is not sexist in itself, at all! that is just part and parcel of some women’s lives! the only reason you would think pregnancy as a concept for a woman is sexist is if your internalized misogyny makes you think that pregnancy weakens or devalues a ‘strong woman’ !!! why are y’all acting like pregnancy is this terrible emasculating trope that puts the curse of Woman on characters like you sound like the roy men

and, like, maybe the storyline will suck! maybe it’ll be shitty and weird and not-so-secretly misogynistic. maybe the way they end up writing it will be yet another Career Woman Grows Heart And Has Kids or the equally bad Career Woman Feels Forced To Reject ‘Womanhood’ Entirely And That’s Supposed To Be Empowering narrative. but maybe it won’t. maybe it’ll be fucking great. maybe it’s fucking needed — maybe it will try to unravel to undo this exact centuries-long prejudice against pregnancy, against women who ‘act like’ women, whatever that’s supposed to mean. we just don’t know yet. so, like, while it is so fair to feel ambivalent about this development, maybe try to figure out what the root of that ambivalence is — is it fear that the writers will fuck it up, or is it your own pre-existing biases about pregnancy and stereotypically ‘feminine’ experiences and traits? because, yknow. it just feels kind of weird to act like the mere existence of pregnancy in the arc of a female character is inherently diminishing and reductive to her — after all, what you’re saying between the lines is not only that pregnancy diminishes and reduces independent powerful women to just being women, but youre also literally reducing the entirety of womanhood to pregnancy and the entirety of pregnancy to womanhood, and all of that feels just, like. a strange stance to take, maybe

#this is not about anyone or anything in particular!!!! i’ve just seen a lot of random weird posts and tags that just have these undertones #of internalized misogyny and judgment towards pregnancy and a lot of things that i just like… don’t think people really meant to say #if that makes sense. like it’s not purposeful there’s just some really weird language being thrown around that just feels very like… judgin #a woman for ‘acting like’ a woman #which is inherently a weak bad thing #like womanhood and strength are not diametrically opposed guys. you don’t have to choose between self-respect and femininity #actually this is getting into another arg about the unempowering nature of a lot of abortion plotlines these days but that’s for another #time so i digress #might delete this later i’m not trying to like start drama. i’m just thinking thoughts ab shit i’ve seen on reddit twitter sometimes here #sometimes articles…. idk. just thinking thoughts here fr #succession #succession spoilers #shiv roy #casey shut the fuck up about shiv roy #100

[radiation]

(Some people will kill me for this) I watched Neon Genesis Eva back in 2021-ish and the more I think about the show the worse the show gets, I think its a very pretty show, Especially with the strain the animators were put under. But the character writing is pretty awful regarding all of the women in the show, and even disregarding misogyny as a element (Which it IS) The show builds so much momentum just to do nothing with it, This show has a lot of potential it throws away to focus on asuka or whoever shoving her ass in the camera. The themes of human connection are surface level at the best and misguided especially for a audience of 14 year olds at the worst.

Its such a mixed bag I enjoy talking about mostly cause I can find no one who agrees with me, half of the people I encounter just enjoy the cool art anyway and I can get behind that, I just find it impossible to ignore the many many issues with the writing.

.

#Yeah I agree the show did not do it for me at all #I can usually roll my eyes and ignore fanservice but with such a serious story and such emotionally fucked young characters #It felt so so so deeply fucking scummy it near singlehandedly ruined the whole thing for me. Other weird writing shit on top of it too #I liked end of evangelion a lot tho #Maybe I’ll do a rewatch someday but idk I also feel that the themes feel a lot more surface level than ppl make them out to be #I’m sure that stuff is really appropriate powerful for someone at a different stage of their life than me #But Im not that person so I’m like…Well yeah. Feel it’s hard to connect to if you’re not A Shinji. Banks on a sizeable amount of projection #Art is beautiful thoigh and has tons of things I do really enjoy but. Man idk #Sonny Boy does for me emotionally everything that evangelion was intended to. I’d rather just rewatch that

[deadqueernoldor]

Nghhh chewing on finweans and realizing how self-sacraficial is so deeply instilled in that family, and that that particular trait is prevalent in each generation.

Finwe knew he couldnt win against Morgoth, but he could try and protect his grandchildren. He fought regardless.

Fingolfin knew he couldnt twin against Morgoth in 1-on-1. He fought regardless.

Finrod knew he would die on his quest for Beren, and still fought the wolf to save his friend. He did.

Celebrimbor knew he could protect others by dying, protecting the knowledge about the rings. He did.

It stands to reason that Elladan, Elrohir or Arwen, would have come upon a similar fate.

#sometimes it just hits me with a sledgehammer like that family (esp the feanorian side) is portrayed as selfish a lot #(instert 'justice for caranthir for tslling Angrod to fucking stick with the people who arent hiding in Menegroth from Morgoth'-agenda) #(insert 'feanor was a selfish prick by abandoning the others in aman and forcing his sons to re-swear the oath upon his death' rant) #but i still think they are actually more opputunistic when you REALLY want to put a word ending with -istic there #feanor saw the opportunity to leave aman. fuck the brother he never liked. feanor only needs the people who'll be loyal to his family anyway #curufin saw the opportunity to get support form those of nagothrongld after he and celegorm had to flee like cowards from the dragons #which. for two people who i think have immense pride in their battle skill and strength must have been a HUGE ego blow #celegorm saw the opportunity to either: fuck over doriath and thingol by keeping luthien as political leverage (i dont think he's have #forced himself on her intimately. so fuck that. idc man. leave that shit away from me. he's an asshole but not a rapist imo anyway) #or: get a silmaril out of this mess SOMEHOW. #maedhros saw the opportunity of a possibly successful assault on angband after the silmaril quest of B+L and immediately began warplanning #and realistically speaking you cant tell me that maedhros didn't see the opportunity to casually drop the fact that it was HIS brothers and #HIMSELF holding basically all the eastern lands of beleriand in safety by closing off the Gap of Maglor while... where have you heard vague #rumours of turgon and ⅓ of the nolofinwean people maybe possibly not having died after suddenly disappearing? yeah. thought so. #just the opportunity to make slight political jibes available to shut anyone up about them being selfish #this is a weird post idk where this is going i stopped thinkig halfway though the second sentence #somehow that tag rant veered from self-sacraficial to opportunistic. didnt have that on my bingo card

[arts-i-enjoy]

AHHHHHH

#this post brought to you by: me #i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses #i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP #like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready #anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT #and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk #and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message #even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL #AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!! #i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year #i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17? #ive had a good well paying job since i was 18. #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job #which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind #so theres no point staying here. #i might never have this kind of job security again. #but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something #on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now #on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT #but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to #richard started yelling and swearing el oh el #might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible? #but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option #the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going #idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks #this is why i want to get out of here #also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about #not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey! #if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[yailea]

thinking about making my old pokemon ocs into a blog rn

#they all used to just be one person but like. from different timelines #and then there was a whole multiverse thing #and arceus and the player itself was involved #it was fucking weird #and. a lot of cosmic horror got unexplored due to the rp they were in ending #i love cosmic horror but idk how i'd intergrate that into a pokemon character rn #also would only have to choose one to make into a blog for now #maybe bail? i absolutely loved that little shit #or orchid but the main guy who made them Like That doesn't exist anymore #so a Lot of repurposing would have to happen #i think i'll go with bail if i do it. the simplest one to pull off #except for maybe zel or lus but. not much for them to do #lus already had that issue. they were an instigator for cosmic horror and rage #and zel is kinda just a really fucking traumatised kid who doesn't have much motive outside their brother #but the brother isn't available either #sooo. i think it's gonna have to be bail #even then. a lot of repurposing is gonna have to happen #i could keep the experiment parts. like they were a psychological experiment to see if a person's personality could be replicated through #being genetically related and having identical personalities. but then the team rocket link gets messy #tldr is that they were an attempt to get basically a clone in terms of personality to proton so that team rocket would be able to remain #in the situation something were to happen to the main guy doing the dirty work #so they got a newborn kid who was genetically related to him and tried to replicate his childhood to make the kid act the same #it makes a lot more sense in the context of the rp that was happening #hmm #i will think on it

[imwritesometimes]

not to be dramatic but getting myself a wax warmer was one of the best things I've done for myself in terms of 'little things to make myself happy' I am terrified of open flame in the house due to past life events but really love scent as something that can soothe and calm and idk I just love that I can fill my house with scents I like and that are soothing but there's no fire and I am focusing on more like this for 2024. Welcoming little simple things into my life that I may have said 'no, that's frivolous' to before.

#plug in air fresheners often caused migraines like. a lot. A LOT. and just. weren't good. scents very limited. #spray air fresheners same thing but with the added worry of the shit landing in the cats' water & food dishes #I got a wax warmer for my room and loved it. got a christmas one for the living room. my mom got me one for the living room year round #hell my brother even got himself one for his room #they are so soothing and not overpowering and there's such a range of scents #I smelled like. all the ones at the store and I was surprised by how few were like oh god no migraine town (for me anyway) #considering how many scents there are. with the plug ins it's usually the opposite like 80% send me to migraine town #idk I am just. so happy rn. chilling out in my living room. that smells. just pleasant! not overbearing. no flame! no weird shit in the air #just pleasant. and soooo much cheaper than candles too omg #fully leaning into coloring again #idc how ridiculous it is everyone made fun of me in high school for still coloring now there's 11 billion ~adult~ coloring books out there #fuck yeah little things! #erin explains it all

[ichorblossoms]

guys i'm on my bullshit again

#finished a 20+ hour illustration in a week for work i have been DEPRIVED of drawing them #also these are Hella thumbnails and therefore incomprehensible #i need to figure out where to take this from here oigh #i think i'll prolly end up re-sketching this in part bc i realize my comic pages tend to not have a lot of panels #which is not a bad thing but i'm trying to see if i can bring more..idk nuance into it? #i feel like my comics are so PLAIN. i wanna get weird and shit with it. but at the same time...the patience.......... #naturally i have no clue how i will be coloring this. or lining it for that matter i am fucking. balling #wip

[cyeayt]

Back on my bullshit answer my questions

while doing some rudimentary research for this poll it has come to my attention that pins and needles are a feeling felt while the limb is asleep, not the period of intense sensation/tingling/sensitivity experienced while it comes back online. or maybe it's both? the stuff i read referred to it as tingling that happens while the limb is pinned/under pressure/numb. i cannot find anything that references what i have come to think of as "the agony" but ive referred to it as the pins and needles in the options for this poll anyway.

Mild: limb has muted sensation but can be moved and used carefully, pins and needles begin almost immediately after limb is moved from whatever position caused it to fall asleep. Pins and needles not painful and do not appear painful, and last a few seconds, person affected is capable of speech and moving other parts of their body during pins and needles, which last a few seconds.

Middle intensity: limb is numb or partially numb and can twitch but not be moved precisely. Pins and needles begin a few seconds after limb is unpinned or when it is moved. Pins and needles not painful but intense and appear uncomfortable, taking a lot of the affected person's attention/capacity. they last between 5 and 7 seconds.

Intense: limb is numb and cannot move/be used, pins and needles begin 5-7 seconds after the limb is unpinned. pins and needles are intense and may be painful or not painful but 'unbearable', causing the affected person to cry out, grimace, or otherwise appear to be in pain. Person cannot speak or move their other limbs during pins and needles, which last 10 or more seconds (without shaking) and have residual tingling for a few seconds after limb regains movement/becomes bearable to move

obviously this all depends on how long the limb was pinned but just answer whichever is the most common for you, and if you want you can put in the tags what positions make your limbs go numb/how you deal.

#polls #poll #tell me your secrets #idk i was just shaking out my hand but im sick/tired rn so i was actively crying out and was thinking #that limbs falling asleep/pins and needles are a very common and intensely unpleasant experience #and its kinda fuckin weird that we as a society dont talk about it more #and that it can be brushed off or be a single line in books n stuff #and like theres a lot of things that get done dirty in books for how intense/scary/dangerous they are irl #like the first time i got the wind knocked out of me and thought i was dying cause its only ever described as #getting the wind knocked out of you #rather than you can't feel the air coming in and out of your lungs #and the only way you can tell youre not dying is that you aren't experiencing air hunger #which can happen when you are dying in certain situations so fuck if i know #and like headrush like i see new colors/lose track of reality/twitch or faint when its real bad and in books its always like #a bout of dizzyness or some shit #and before i get called out yea i know what an iron deficiency is #also rip to all book characters who've been knocked out for several hours after a head injury or passed out from blood loss lol #anyway #then theres shit like my psycosomatic faux asthma symptoms or swallowing issure or the foot thing that are unique to me as far as i can tel #and boy howdy does that suck shit #but to conclude #bodies are weird why dont you tell me how yours works.