#so now IM full of rage!

[ursamajori]

[id: a picture of the “full of milk” cat meme, the cat is edited to look like kurapika from hunter x hunter. his eyes are red and he is angry. there is an arrow pointing to him that says “full of rage”. end id]

so i’ve been reading hxh recently. pretty good stuff

#hunter x hunter #hxh #kurapika #kurapika kurta #image described #i’m on ch 51 started last night so i’m getting through quickly enough #love this guy. #also when tagging hunter x hunter like once i put the x in a ship for a certain owl character and someone Gross came up #so now IM full of rage! #FORGOT TO TAG HIS FULL NAME THATLL PROBABLY HELP #no fuck it okay this is art #astrophel art #starspeak

[thevampirearchive]

There’s something I've been meaning to say but I haven't had the words till now. There is something that deeply upsets me about witnessing stories where villains, who are literal killers, fall in love and somehow become good or act outside of what is expected from them. I love love, love is beautfiul, it is powerful and it can truly change a lot. But to sit, and write a killer suddenly go "actually, this one can stay because I am in love for the first time" is such a weird concept to me. Is this happening because as a sociaty we're trying to convince ourselves that deeply disturbed people can be cured by the power of love? That if they just find the right person, they would stop the masacer? or at least no longer feel the need to kill how they were or at least let their person live? And I am not mad at the love, I do belive anyone can fall deeply in love, but my issue is with how it ends. I want to witness the unthinkable — I want to see is exactly what we expect but hoped won't happen, happening. A gut wrenching truth that stays true to who we have been witnessing, despite the "I can change them" dance. And perhaps people hate this idea because they want to belive that anyone can change if only they meet the right one, or that we can change the monsters in our lives with affection, but trust most likly is that they cannot be changed. And I can understand that to some this is then seen as an illusion. "oh then this was never true love", why can the two not exist? Do we not hurt those we love? Maybe not kill them, but someone elses hurt could feel like a small death to me, and vice versa.

Examples, so that you are not confused as to what I am reffering too;

Killing Eve; I stopped watching when Villanelle was shown shooting Eve. It felt true to her character, even if it hurt. She is a killer, we knew that and so did Eve. Regardless of her love, that was what was always going to happen so why were we given additional seaons of this fanatsy of a declawed Villanelle?

Hannibal; It should have ended with the death of Will, and possibly Hannibal consuming him. Didn't Hannibal say that the consumption of Will would somehow join them in a deeper way?Something so disturbing that only could make sense to a serial killing-cannibal. And I would have watched with wide eyes, and gone to sleep staring at the ceiling.

Interveiw With The Vampire; Louis' death in the hand of a Lestat would have made sense, and despite his dramatics, Lestat would have not committed suicide but instead burried himself in deep regret untill he was too numb to his own feelings that he could return to the world of the living. He would have never forgotten Louis, nor what he did, but he would have moved on beause Lestat is not a good person. He's deeply disturbed and Louis knew this. I don't even aknoclege that beatdown episode because Lestat may be a killer, but he's a drama queen first and formost. Louis' death would have been poetic, beautiful and grusom like a greek tragedy without an audiance.

Bonus - Twilight; I could not end without adding my own favorite, and despite this path never being teased to the audiance the same way the other's were, I would have loved the book simply ending because Edward did as he said he would - drained Bella like a Caprisun on a hot summer day. Because what is love agaisnt animalistic urgase (I understand why it is much hotter that he is simply so retsrained and devoted that he resists her, but I'd pay good money for an AU)

At the end of it all, I think want I want is for sociaty to get over the idea that a good woman, love or any form of kindness can change who some people are. Love can do many things - look at crimes of passion! And to some extend I belive that these villain's love were true, possibly not the way we imagine them - which is less so "I love you too" and more so, "wow, finally someone I can manipulate and obsess over. Someone who I can mold, someone who is alone in the world like me" only to realize that is not true.

So why do we make love into what it isnt? Even when the scene is set for us to be shown the truth, writers and the audiance always make the plot lean towards whatever fits so that we can have that "happy ending".

Honorable mentions;

God should have killed Lucifer, I know the bible and christianity is not technically fiction for all, but the idea that he is forgivin but lets the biggest meanness HE CREATED terrorize everybody is evil. Take him out or let somebody else do it homie.

#thoughts #twilight #hannibal #killing eve #interview with the vampire #vc #horror #thriller #Not to mention I don't belive a lot of these characters love their love interest instead its as I said obsession / Lonliness / Control / Co #consumption* gluttony #envy and the love interest love being the center of their univers or at least a patr of their world #not for a second would bella have been intrigued if edward just left her alone lmao yes he's hot to her but thats it #second she finds out hes a vampire her eyes get big and she's ready to die just to join! Its all giving cult! #Hannibal was ready to take will as a apprentece at the end with the way Will was going full force #Louis finally was the deep dakr monster that hid underneith it all - rage he couldnt unleash but now as he is a vampire its a free for all #but see how will hates it? how louis recognizes that he is not truly evil just has urges to act in evil ways? #bella is unhinge so like I cannot defend my first born lesbian daughter that was her thru and thru lmao she was tehre for strap (edward) an #anti anging (vampireism) if id written it she woul dhave said fuck them kids and simply terminated lmao had carlile change her and live her #best life with alice purr #jasper being a racist is also on par lmao ppl always mention it and im like yeah bestie they are ancient vampires id be suspsicious if one- #wanst a KKK member and they were all white lmao #its not funny haha but imma still laugh

[soldier-poet-king]

Jesus wept.

#i was reading more of that aids and catholics book over lunch #i am so fuckin angry. and i am weeping with rage and sorrow #yeah yeah i KNEW i didnt get it and I'll never really get what it was like. #i was born in 96 at the final peak of aids deaths before we see a downward trend #ofc i dont understand. not really #but i am full of so much anger and grief and i am sick with it #for the longest time i have thought of the sacred heart inextricable from the hozier lyrics from foreigners god #now my heart is heavy with the hate of another mans belief #and ryan McQuade has a piece like this i adore. the sacred heart framed by the pink triangle #if i wasnt yknow. in thee glass closet. i would buy and frame it #anyway. i have to go cry in the work bathroom for 5 min before i can. get back to work #i picked up the grief of stones again. im going to need it.

[savageboar]

i have to keep telling myself it'll get better. my life will get better. i just have to live long enough to see it.

#because of my mom just completely getting worse and worse in her emotional abuse for no fucking reason #im like so close to having a full blown breakdown one of these days #and if she keeps treating claire like trash over natural territorial behavior i just might #she's my baby. we've had her for over ten years now. #she's getting old. she doesn't deserve this. #she's the reason i haven't killed myself yet #i don't understand people who treat animals like toys #i can't take it anymore #she's the reason i fucking drink!!! it makes everything hurt less!!! #she doesn't fucking see what's right in front of her eyes because she refuses to admit that she could be the problem!!! #when she dies i don't even know if i could fucking contain my rage at her funeral #fuck her i hope she rots and finally has a use as food for the maggots #hades.txt

[neurotypical-sonic]

thinking about bpd amy

#scenario in my head of amy splitting on sonic and its really bad #its before she was diagnosed and shes full just so much hurt and rage and hate thats its PAINFUL and she doesnt know WHY #and sonic doesnt know what the fuck hes done wrong to make her act like this to him and its. yeah. its not good #after shes diagnosed shes so scared to tell her friends because she thinks having bpd makes her a bad person and theyll all hate her #and leave her #which makes it worse sjdjdjd but she eventually does tell them and it goes okay!! #sonics like 'i have no idea what that is so nice ig?? or sorry that happened??' shdjdn #but they all understand it better and shes better at coping with it and recognising when she needs to leave until she calms down #shes on mood stabilisers now 💗 #her relationships with her friends become more stable and healthy especially with sonic theyre FRIENDS now!! #she takes responsibility for her past action and apologises and explains why she was like that and why she is the way she is now #he accepts her apology and they work on becoming better friends and how to support each other better #im just!! EMOTIONAL!!!!! #egg.txt #amy #sonicposting #bpd #neurodiversity

[triptychofvoids]

i just know that ganondorf can hold a calm neutral outward demeanor when needed but will be completely losing it internally over some petty inconsequential shit. just absolutely seething and for what

#king of 'im so calm and relaxed right now' (full of rage) #ganondorf #the doc is in

[arcadequeerz]

I just do not give a single shit about lg-bt-q disc-ourse anymore.

#Cade.Txts #sorry i jsut do not care. #i dont give a fuck about what flag someone does or doesn't use #i dont care about what people call themselves. stop trying to decide shit for othrr people #shut up and fuck off n leave people alone. u dont havr to 'understand' to be respectful #Idc if people use the blue 'gay' flag who cares. use whatever flag u want. #shut the fuck up about mspec gay people we're doing nothing wrong n if i have someone try n start #some shit w me about how i personally identify i will maul them through the god damn internet. shut up. #eat shit. i dont owe a explanation to u about why i'm abro ply gay n if u demand me to explain #im going to tell you to fuck off. #who the fuck cares what people call themselves. u might not like being called queer or whatever n thats cool #but some people do and thats nit a fucking slight aganst u. #and i say 'you' as just in general i guess. this isn't pointed at a specific person. #i dread pride month every year because people r going to throw some shitfit about something snd i jsut #i dont care. can we care about shit that fucking matters instead. #if u legimately call urself a exclusionist in 2023 your a shitstain and do nothing for the community. #grow the fuck up or get the fuck off the internet. #sorry i saw shit n i got mad lol. i'm so tired of peoples bullshit. worry about shit tht matters n not #how someone else identifies or what someone calls themselves- or what flag someone uses. #i'm just going to be unabashedly full of rage now. #i'm queer n trans n im pissed the end.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

I desperately need to be a scene kid for Halloween this year

#idk y but i suddenly realized that im an adult and could potentially buy the goth bullshit at hot topic #that 12yo me desperately desired. and then i was like oof but i like the contrast of color #like i think i really wanted to be somewhere between scene and emo really #but thrn i was looking at scene outfits and im like woof. this is the kinda cringe i love. all thr fucking patterns. all thr colors #i even have thr 1nvader z1m graphic tees in my closet... i think #i just dont kno how tf to do that to my hair and also i dont have actual makeup lol #but i must be a scene kid for Halloween. i want the most ostentatious outfit. oh god im gonna have to go to the mall #i havent been to the mall in ages. i need to go to hot topic and claires. is pacsun still around? do they still sell skinny jeans? #i feel like everythings all bland now in stores. where tf do i go to get early 00s and 2010s clothes #good will maybe??? oh god. its like 3.30am and my hormones r all fucked up so i was experiencing like the type of fear you have when youre #like a little kid in a dark room by yourself. its not fair. when my hormones shift it goes: im so depressed to im full of rage ill kill u #to the world is so fucking beautiful im gonna kill myself. like in a not worrying way idk how else to express the feeling. to the type of #unhinged and undirected fear that belongs to a kid who doesnt kno shit. also lil heart palpitations and sometimes feeling like im gonna die #its bullshit. y does my body hate me? ugh. at least ive got a Halloween plan now #unrelated #oh god. dont let me cut myself bangs. im trying to grow my hair back out lol. im an emo with no bangs

[roachemoji]

ME EXPERIENCING THE SYMPTOMS BECAUSE OF ALL OF THE THINGS

#bo posting #i literalLY cannot catch a break #i cant catch a break i just #wanT #to #breTH JESUS #like i AHHHHHHHHHHH #holy FUCK #good fuckAKSDJHSHAKJDKJHASAHKJLSD #AUGH #i am full of rage right now #if one more thing happens #i genuinely don't know what im gonna do #like i am being so fucking serious right now at the end of my fucking rope!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i cant DO this anymore. #GOOD FUCKING LORD

[cinnamon-notes]

the worst day ever.

#was denied lunch break at work #been starving since dinner last night #they're paying me only if i give 90% of my paycheck back #they're trying to force me to stay longer than i should and im definitely not giving in #my landlady's being a jerk and i need to move out for my own safety but i cant because there are no apartments available rn #it's just not apartment hunting season #my mother is mad at me because im being too condescending and compliant at work and she thinks i should leave but i actually cant #cuz my contract forces me to stay for another six months #my father is mad at me because he thinks im a failure and i run away from my problems instead of dealing with them and he thinks im a total #loser because if i were assertive none of this would've happened and i cant just wish i could leave now because i put myself in this place #so i deserve to live in it because im doomed to it and theres nothing i can do and leaving would make me a coward #rather than an emotionally smart person who can recognize where the previously drawn line is being overstepped #and obviously i couldnt study today because ✨work✨ and “what else do you have to do in your life beside work???” #so yeah- im mad. and angry. and full of rage. full of repressed fuck-yous #cinnamon vents #cinnamon notes

[villalunae]

my doctor literally told me i had way more platelets than normal and i was like huh thats weird. anyway time to deal with my weekly nosebleed

#personal #and then i DIDNT TELL THEM ABT IT #i am suuuuuuuuuuch an idiot why didnt i bring that up fr #i got another around 2 hours ago and fuckin. like THATS WHY. THATS WHY. MY NOSE IS FUCKED THATS WHY #why did i just realize this now i am sososososoos stupid ughh #like ohhhh you have too many platelets thats weird. its levelling out a lil tho! OH IS IT NOW #like UGHHHHHHHHHHHH. AND MY NEXT APPT IS IN 6MONTHS #legitimately i am fucking banging my head into my desk like GOD. ITS SO FRUSTRATING #anyway i only realized bc i started getting woozy and my throats like. closed up and i was like oh haha im low on blood! haha crazy #fuckin. wonder why. if i dont wake up tomorrow Theres A Reason Its Called Im Big Idiot #top ten reasons why i didnt go back n draw like i said i would thas cuz Im Dizzy Sitting Down :))))) <-full of rage GOING 2 BED

[calamitys-child]

In terms of album orders designed specifically to hit the core of what the fuck is wrong with me it's gonna be hard to ever beat FTHC from Fatherless through Resurrectionists in that order but VERY close second place shoutout to Biffy Clyro Ellipsis going Animal Style // Re-Arrange . Fundamentally that is. That is exactly what the fuck is wrong with me tbh

#animal style is a frantic screaming song about. how could it take you so long to realise who i am? im a fucking animal dont waste your time #all i want is chemicals and violence and i will rejoice in being this beast #immediately IMMEDIATELY followed by a really slow gentle earnest pleading song about how im so full of love #and i dont know how to express it and im so full of rage and i dont know how to contain it but i promise you i love you #and i will never hurt you but I cant be a normal person and i wont hurt you but how can you love this #anyway. this album fucks hard #also fthc goes like #song abt feeling rejected by your family and neglected as a kid #song abt being guilty about your unwitting complicity in the bigotry of the world #song abt a friends suicide right next door to where i grew up as a suicidal teen using phrasing way too close to a friends final message #song abt your neglectful parent coming out as trans and learning to reconcile and love each other as adults #song about what happened to all your dearest old friends you thought youd change the world with and now you just hope everyone is happy #and in that order. they just make me fall down and sob until im sick

[catfoodsminmo]

grief fills you with the kind of misery that just makes you want to slam your head against a hard surface for like...........idk an hour

#authors note: i am fine i am not a danger to myself but OHHHH MY GOD THE SADNESS IS SO ALL CONSUMING #THE EMPTINESS IS FUCKING EVERYWHERE #all i want to do today is go full monk mode #that said if i am notably not responsive right now this is why #im not mad at anyone for anything i just have a deep rage about being alive and aware of it #im personal posting

[bugflies00]

eugh he pulled up dream's shit ass song i closed my twitch tab someone tell me when that song's over

#so full of rage #alex.rambles.txt #its like hes interacting MORE with that freak now than EVER BEFORE im so fucking tired #liveblogging #mcyt #cc!tommy

[mothsandbutterflies13]

The Sins of the Sages

1. Messing with my head without my permission

2. Messing with time

3. Their time-meddling is literally killing my friend!

4. They're Gods-damned arrogant asshole bastards. Enough said.

5. "If we continue any further, there might be casualties." Oh, so NOW you're worried about casualties?! I'll SHOW you casualties!!!

How many Hydro, Dendro, and Pyro characters can I fit onto one team?! We're committing arson tonight, boys!!!

#genshin impact #Sumeru Archon Quest #spoilers #but at this point maybe not really #only for the really new players #Arson #Arsonists #I'm fully committing to this label here and now #i dont even care about the books anymore #i dont care if the first Dendro Archon comes back and punishes me for this #these sages have corrupted her principles so badly i dont think even SHE'D be down with them! #as you can tell im full of rage and raring to go against these mofo bookworms.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes u have a day thats just so. i cant even. its seems 2023 is my year of rage #directionless rage. i guess im mad at me but instead of being directed inward it just goes out into empty space #im just fucking. im at my saturation point #its a good thing i stopped taking measurements yesterday and went to the store tomorrow bc im so fucking #mostly bc i noticed a problem with the code for a paper that is fucking less than a day away from being locked in on acceptance #and now its like fucking i have to go through and change a lot and im also less than 48hrs away from another massive project starting #that will occupy my whole fucking waking nightmare of a life. so its a good thing im level headed. its a good thing i can accept my fuck #ups with honestly. bc im so fucking. ive had it. im up to fucking here with everything and i just want it to be done #im fucking full of bitterness and black bile and i want to break things. and whose fault is it? fucking mine #bc im too fucking exhausted constantly all the time to fucking pay attention to what im doing and notic that a fucking function isnt #working properly. fuck u fuck u fuck u. so what r we gonna do abt it? #idk well see what my boss says. i already texted her that news and its good bc at least i caught it but god its so fucking irritating #god. will i b told off for this? maybe. i probably deserve it. haha if so that will send me for an absolute tailspin. i cannot stand to #feel ive done something wrong. even when i kno i have. last time i had a total freakout meltdown and made v bad choices and that wasnt even #this bad. so its a good thing im currently fairly stable bc the desire to make bad choices is very strong #im just so sick and tired of everything and i want to let things implode bc im vindictive against myself. but we must not do that we must #be reasonable. so idk we may have to withdraw the paper. whatever i dont give a fuck. itll get accepted elsewhere. i dont fucking care #leave me alone to dissolve into the dirt and set my data ablaze to be helpful to no one. erase my Prospective impack. i don't fucking care #anyway today sucked. i might have to stay up all night trying to fix this. ensuring that i fuck up the start of the looming project yayyyyy #i hate it here. i stopped having fun over a year ago #itll b fine. im just fucking. im full im impotent rage #unrelated