#some things i cant say on here bc it might worry ppl or like

[krqs]

omg transbipolar tips please? (if that's ok ofc!) if u do ty sooooo much (and no worries if not! ty anyway 4 being on tumblr :3)

hiii hello :33 heres some transbipolar tips from a cisBP II guything :D

general tips!!

track 👏 your👏 mood 👏!! i'd suggest one mood tracker for the moods/emotions you're actually experiencing (to track progress for example) (i use Daylio, it's great!) & one for the moods/episodes you want to experience! for BP specific moods (mainly depression/mania) i use Bipolar UK!

exaggerate your regular daily moods! if you've been in a good mood all day but suddenly feel a bit down play it up! i've gone from cruising in a very high mood (perhaps even bordering on hypomanic) to absolutely crashing for days because of one bad mood swing :P

hypomania & mania tips!!! (note: ive yet to experience a 100% manic episode, so i dont have as much personal experience there!)

hypomania: hypomania is characterized, for me, by very very high energy, high productivity (but never finishing anything), lots of inspiration & creative drive and feeling wayyy more social than usual!

also, completely losing track of my finances, needing less sleep (like. 2-3hrs & i feel well rested where i usually need 8-9,,), less need for food, almost no actual feelings of hunger (once in a month long ep i only ate One Piece Of Bread per day with the occasional (once a week max) pizza & was "fine") & being more open to drinking (and/or considering trying to get my hands on 'harder' stuff like psychedelics) where i usually straight up dont like alcohol!

i'd recommend going off of what's alr there for you; so if you notice you've been in a pretty good mood recently, say that's a hypomanic episode now! go out a lot (clubbing if you want to/can!), make efforts to meet new ppl & make friends, be very motivated & high energy and do everything (and i mean everything!) in excess (talk fast af & never stop talking, be restless and pace around, constanty occupy yourself w/ smth bcs otherwise you'll be understimulated af)

for mania: crank up everything about hypomania by about 300%. it's like there's a million bees inside your bones, you feel restless cant be still do a thousand things in a day, lose all sense of responsibility & become extremely reckless, either due to your extremely elevated mood or because of delusions or other psychotic symptoms.

oh yeah, psychosis! in a mixed ep i spent a day convinced i had somehow accidentally ingested alcohol (i hadnt)! intrusive thoughts, extreme anxiety around it, physical, olfactory & taste-based hallucinations around it, the whole package.

other BP based psychosis ive experienced: visual hallucinations (insects & spiders for me), jumbled & rapid thoughts (it felt different to adhd fast thoughts it was so weird lol)

see this article (link) for other psychotic symptoms during manic (or depressive!) episodes in pwBP!

i'd probably recommend "picking a theme" for delusions & halluciantions & the like, to make it easier to focus on them? tho i havent experienced psychosis enough to know if i have a 'theme' :P

depressive episodes!!

my least favorite (also, i feel like more things are known abt depression) (ALSO- i have seasonal affective disorder too which influences my BP episodes)

depressive episodes mean extreme lethargy for me. im tired 24/7 no matter how much sleep i get (& i'll be getting way more than usual. 10-12 hrs on average with the occasional 13 hrs 🥶).

very little movement. physical, mental, emotional, metaphyical. i often get stuck in bed, if not physically then mentally. spending my day anywhere but in my bed will feel weird & wrong. i will feel pretty numb/wont have access to my emotions anymore & often compltely stop thinking abt & processing my day-to-day life

^ this usually results in strong amnesia around depressive episodes but that might be a plural thing so. take it w a grain of salt lol

depressive episodes also make me self isolate as fuck. im talking forgoing my physical needs if theres a Chance i'll run into my roommate.

oh, yeah, also i just stop taking care of my basic physical as well as i do when balanced. i need to be starving to be able to get up & eat smth, & god forbid i want to actually cook smth rather than eating frozen pizza or eating out/ordering in

i also usually stop doing anything more creative than daydreaming (hashtag immersive daydreaming gang/silly) but even those are less immersive and less frequent. i'll be artblocked 24/7, have no inspiration or motivation and probably wont even miss drawing :P

& thats it! i hope you can find smth usefull in my rambling :3c /gen

and good luck & have fun with your transition!! you have my full support :D /gen

#Anonymous #asks ☀ #rqc🌈🍓 #radqueer #transid #pro transid #transbipolar

[lettucedloophole]

hi apologies if youve alr made a post abt this (if u have, then maybe u can add a link to that specific post?) but i just wanted to ask for ur perspective bc this is smth i keep getting hung up on and i rlly only trust u to answer:

why would abolishing gender be harmful to trans ppl if transphobia stems from emphasis on traditional gender roles, and the abolishment would further their focus on relieving dysphoria thru physical sex change instead of relieving it by having to conform to sociological femininity and masculinity as a means to adapt in this patriarchal society?

thank you for taking the time to read and answer this <3

no worries! i haven't made a post about this before since no one's asked, but i'll answer it right here for you.

the answer is, it wouldn't be harmful. abolishing gender would ultimately be the best for everyone, but especially lgbt people & women. however... the contextualization of this point is what makes or breaks it. let me explain--

trans people have a negative reaction when people discuss abolishing gender not only for the same reason cis people might (a kneejerk reaction to protect the status quo), but also for the very valid reason of wanting to defend transness in a transphobic society. it's the same reason why some gay people will react negatively to the fact that homosexuality is a social construct, and therefore cannot be innate; most people use this argument to justify homophobia & patriarchy.

the thing is, to abolish gender, sex must also be abolished as it's the primary method of naturalizing gender. sex is a social construct-- it's not natural. however, terfs and any garden variety conservative will reify gender through the naturalization of sex. they'll say, "cis women and men are natural, but trans people aren't. therefore, they must be eliminated." similarly, "heterosexual people are natural, but gay and bi people aren't. therefore, they must be eliminated." eliminated can mean killed or, forcibly dissolved into the "natural" categories via bullshit self-loathing propaganda.

a really easy way to understand why this is so upsetting to trans people is just comparing their situation to gay people or women's, really, as they are so similar. if you walked up being like "wow i cant wait for gays to be abolished<3" ofc people will assume you mean it in a homophobic sense rather than a complicated, radical feminist sense, and if you're focusing on the abolition of minority groups in particular, it does likely stem from bigotry. not saying that you've said anything like that lol, but those examples are the best way i can illustrate the point.

also, everyone on the internet hates radical feminism, so regardless of how eloquently you explain your point & how sensible it is, if you associate it with radical feminism people will ignore what you say, misinterpret you so severely that it seems deliberate but could very well be internet stupidity, and also throw tomatos at you. 😭 radfems, matfems & a handful of marxist, anarchist, intersectional fems + womanists are the only ones i trust to not be covert antifeminists.

last p.s.: we don't know what a society outside of patriarchy looks like. assuming people will continue getting sex changes assumes the existence of a natural sex binary, though it's possible people may change "sex" characteristics as they please. trans people's issue is not only being forced into gender roles, but a hatred of transness which puts them into a catch-22 regarding survival under patriarchy-- they're "reifying patriarchy" if they transition, but plagued with dysphoria, martyrs to a post-patriarchal world centuries away from us if they don't. perhaps, a similar scenario would be if you told a gay or straight person to simply see people as gender/sexless and to experience attraction, to give affection as though we lived in a post-patriarchal society-- it just wouldn't be possible, and for the gay person who is particularly vulnerable under patriarchy, it would more likely be traumatizing. dworkin put it so succintly in woman hating...

i hope that wasn't too repetitive or long, i just wanted to be thorough. admittedly, this is kind of a loaded answer if you aren't familiar with sex as a social construct, so if you have anymore questions, feel free to ask!

#trans inclusive radical feminism #radical feminism #asks #ex-terf #ex terf #tirf #trans inclusive radfem #sex abolition #gender abolition #transphobia #i love to quote Dworkin Quote which expresses everything i wanted to say but shorter and better lmao #i am obsessed with this quote istg. but i also am with many other dworkin quotes and her in general... #her succinctness is truly something to be envied. i simply keep on rambling and talking in circles forever #i was gonna make a joke about how dworkin wouldnt mind because mackinnon was also quite long winded loll #but mackinnon is succint she just also uses a lot of big words that makes it seem . longer 😭😭😭 #reading mackinnon is kind of like when you put your tickets into the chuck e cheese ticket eater guy machine #because thats how my brain sounds like when i read mackinnon its a lot to process #very good but i am going to need some time and a dictionary to digest this #perhaps this is why i prefer dworkin and hooks-- the accessibility of them managed without blunting their incisiveness & insight

[thefinalwitness]

i slept all day and im still severely hurty but i think. we're getting there. o|–< im including a readmore to catch up new ppl who are curious bc ive found being open about my chronic pain has helped inform others to their own so!!!! i like sharing

i've had a gradually worsening chronic illness since 2019-2020—it's hard to say for sure when it started, but my physically demanding job at a retail store slowly went from perfectly doable to 'i cant even survive a four hour shift without multiple episodes of hiding in the bathroom just to let some of the pain subside'.

i ultimately had to quit that job in early 2021, and at the time had a writing job that i thought, surely this will be okay! i was wrong. it was so hard to work as consistently as was needed of me. i spent so much time just writing and then sleeping so i might recover fast enough to do more writing. i was ALWAYS late on deadlines no matter how hard i tried.

eventually that job closed down in general, so naturally i lost it, but i know in my heart i would have had to quit within 6 months otherwise. that was late 2021. i've been unemployed since, with no disability because despite ongoing, regular visits with doctors, we dont know WHATS wrong with me, therefore i do not have a diagnosis, therefore i cannot qualify for disability in my area. yippee!

so that's the backstory! i started pain meds last fall and theyve helped A LOT. i can have fun sometimes! i went to pride this year for the first time since 2019!! there's definitely still something wrong, and lately i do believe it's still worsening (at a slower rate than before i was getting treatment at all), but i've gotten through a lot of the guilt for being 'an unemployed, unproductive human being' and have learned how to be kinder and patient with myself. it's not my fault i'm sick. it's not my fault 'my best' doesn't look like other people's. my family loves me not for what i can do for them, but because they just love me.

it's hard to feel your ability to Do Things slip away. how i cant go to amusement parks anymore bc the trip would wipe my ass out for weeks. how i cant even go to a barbecue next door some days bc everything just hurts too much. the simultaneous RESILIENCE you build, the tolerance for your own pain that makes you second-guess if it's even real. it took me so long to realize what i was feeling was NOT normal, that most people don't have to RATION their activities, their chores, their BASIC HUMAN MAINTENANCE to make sure you don't screw yourself over for tomorrow by being in too much pain to move.

today was bad. i had a really stressful day yesterday, and woke up in so much pain it was literally all i could do to sleep. couldn't eat, couldn't go to the bathroom, couldn't sit up, could BARELY speak. it was like my body was screaming at me, "we should be in a COMA right now, we should be UNCONSCIOUS, this is not something humans were designed to consciously endure." and that's WITH 6+ months medical pain management. it genuinely scares me imagining what this would've felt like today if i WASN'T on my meds.

i'm still very in the woods, but i'm trying to make the most of my situation! i'm open to questions if you want to learn more about this, as one of the biggest things that made me realize i needed help was OTHER PEOPLE being open about their chronic condition. it's not pretty, by any means, i've left out the grossest realities here, but i think it's important to share, in case i can do for someone what those people did for me.

thanks for reading!!!! i appreciate being heard on this too. it's scary, i still worry people will think i'm lazy or a crybaby, so it means a lot when people take the time to try and understand.

<3

#yoshi talks #medical / #chronic pain /

[gayspock]

also more general #thoughts bc trying 2 keep liveblogging to a minimum so im not off on a tizzy constantly

FIRSTLY: it was nice 2 see inside the raider, and it being an unpiloted, partially alive ship!! like... ok ok ok bc heres my general thoughts like

bc thus far, i have liked bsg!! i think its got good potential. i really do. you know, strong set up that i can really invest in if they continue on this trajectory, esp with some really good more insular episodes to work with wherein theyre dealing with like. various crises. like i did actually quite like the episode before this- with the prisoner ship- and the conversations thatbrought up, but also like..

part of me does feel like its lacking a bit. like the show. & maybe thats a 2022 perspective in combination with my own personal tastes. bc i guess i like my scifi... a LITTLE quirkier? LOL. WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT. or not even quirky per se, but... i feel like THUS far bsg is lacking a lot in terms of creativity.

like maybe its bc we havent seen that much with the cylons, yet, but im kind of... uninspired by them thus far as antagonists. the most interesting thing abt them are the models that look like ppl- and whilst i like gaius' hallucinations, and boomer is who im most invested in rn, idk? other than that they havent really done much; theyve kind of just been serviceable. like do you know what i mean? nothing is stand-out to me, yet, bc theyve really just been held at a distance thus far and i GUESS that could be the shows pacing, too, but still. nonetheless, it feels a bit lacklustre in terms of its own identity for sth thats 5 eps + a miniseries in- but maybe again thats a 2022 perspective, yknow?

bc its not just the cylons but again. worldbuilding in general. even small shit, bc theres parts that REALLY INTERESTED ME to begin with- like the fact bsg itself was meant to be more of a museum??? a relic? and thats why it survived? god, cool- use that more! bc if i hadnt seen the miniseries, i wouldnt have even known, man.

and i respect if they wanna keep it kinda earth adjacent, but i still think theres more they could do to really give more depth to stuff like... the politics of this place, especially... theres been hints of it but eh. like it feels earth adjacent as a crutch, sometimes, and not a choice they wanted 2 make.

and i dont think they need to be crazy with it . i know a lot of thats my own personal tastes. theres deffo a way to make it work otherwise if the characters are really strong which so far theyre pretty good so i cant knock it there. early days i guess. early days

and also, i AM a little nervous in general, i guess, of where they might go with the cylons... just in terms of, like, my faith in sci-fi shows in general, especially ones with a military emphasis, and when it comes to developing "enemy races". i feel like its a really hard needle to thread, and theres been one or two lines that sent a warning sign off in my head.

you know what i mean. i feel like... ugh, at BEST its as i said: it can be lacklustre, and bland, and they can just kind of serve as an "enemy" (which that too is a bit ehhh) functionally speaking. at worst we get all sorts of horrific, clumsy ass analogies for racism and oppression which i am genuinely quite worried for -_-

like my point is. they have good pieces to work with but ALSO this setup could be so EYEROLL! if it breaks bad . or could really just peter out in which case i might shut it off bc ehhh IDK IDK IDK

nyways did i have more in particular to say

yeah i like boomer. grin . and gaius. and the president and her little guy. i think theyre my favourites... my finger is on their pulses. i cant wait 2 see what they get up to

#Egg.txt #bsg liveblog

[traumxrei-archive]

1) YEAAAAAHHHHHH LEONA WOOOOOO Love all of your leona fics, they are so, so good!!! Silly lion man, love him. you write him super well too!!!!! (also tumblr how dare you not give me a notif. /lh) Honestly your leona fics are what got me to actually like his character in the first place- i mean i liked him in book 2 (just not as much as i do now-) but idk they way some of the fandom portrays him- y e a h. Love him lots now so thank you for that! /srs

2) Enstars. ive had “come on baby america” stuck im my head for around 5 days now (thanks to my friends on discord- thanks a lot roblox hq.) To be completely honest ive never really been a big fan of rhythm games- at least before twst (i know it’s technically not a rhythm game but like. come on. its 1/3 rhythm game) But i’ve gotten slightly better at rhythm like things thanks to twst so looking forward to enstars!!! also cant wait to get attached to the characters, i know like literally nothing about them-

3) Yes okay thanks for pointing out the crossed out demon on Yu’s intro sheet!! Both of his parents are demons, (mother((Emiriko)) is a water demon, basically demons specifically adapted to living both on water and on land. father((Luka)) is a fire demon, adapted to living in lava and extremely hot places.) so it doesn’t really make sense for him not to be one. Instead, he uses potions (specifically made to not leave a magic scent/residue on the user) To hide his demon appearance, mainly his horns and tail, since its harder to hide those, however said potions do hide the rest of his demon features really well! (fangs, ears((which are normally like small elf ears and tipped in dark gray and black.)), etc.) i could talk all day about my boy, but for now im just gonna leave you with this.

Have a great day!!

-🍓

(leona fic goes brr)

1 - I'M GLAD YOU ENJOYED THE LEONA FIC !! it was also such a blast for me to write >:DD and that's...that's actually really touching :')) i'm kinda surprised that you fell for leona because of my fics and ahh saying that makes it sound unreal again-

but i can understand why some ppl choose to portray leona as someone who's just plain mean and lazy. bc that's exactly how he comes off. even after his overblot, he doesn't quite get the same wake up call that the others got. he didn't get the scolding like riddle, he didn't get the fact that his friends would always be there like azul did, and he most certainly didn't get the same emotional release that jamil. chapter 2's writing isn't the best twst writing out there, so it's easy to dismiss his character as just what he appears as. his flashback does give us some background on why he puts up such a mean and lazy front despite having potential, but well...some creators might prefer for him just to be that. i'm not here to critique them on how they portray him but it does make me kinda :') when i see that ppl don't like leona as much bc of stuff they've read around the fandom or bc they judge him too quick. n e ways enough abt leona we alr know how whipped i am for him-

2 - I'M SO SORRY FOR YOU BUT ME TOO- c'mon baby america syndrome is real everyone !! stay safe and don't watch cover song 1 crazy:b x undead usa which you can find at this link no matter what !!! /j it made me cringe so hard i had to take a break from watching it but it's so damn catchy TT^TT also you knowing literally nothing abt them was me 40-ish days ago. don't you worry !! you'll get to know them slowly hehe and if you wanna get to know them quickly you could read previous stories or their wiki pages ofc (you could dm me for resources if you'd like :D)

3 - and ooh !! yu lore drop !! how was he able to keep this all a secret from the rest of the ppl at nrc btw ? or does crowley + the staff know, but they keep it a secret from the rest of the student body ? and idk if this is a weird question to ask but did he have any problems like...making the potions ? since he's in twisted wonderland now and not his original homeworld, did the ingredients differ or was it mostly the same ? idk if that makes sense, anyway, i just like asking abt ppl's characters bc it's so interesting to see how many details you have abt him <333

hope that you're having a good day / night wherever you are, strawberry anon !!

#/trau replies #/🍓 anon #ok sorry for the lengthy ramble abt leona #BUT I'M GLAD THAT YOU LIKE HIM BC OF THE FICS *SOBS* #THANKS FOR GIVING HIM A SECOND CHANCE !!! #and yes enstars #in 3 days sobs #abt to start a fresh wave of mental illness in me sjfdkf #also yes i find ocs interesting #bc i'm trying to make my own #it's working kinda but i am still developing them !! currently

[vldkeith]

(i have read the faqs don’t worry!! )

why is it that you don’t like the dirty laundry fanfic? is it just not your type of ff or?

gonna copy and paste my answers from some older posts bc i mostly still agree with what i said then!

from one post i made before:

the whole fanfic was written by a white person, so their intense focus on portraying lance’s family as homophobic is….kind of racist? like just because it’s something that actually happens doesn’t mean white people get a pass to write an entire story centering around it, a story that is honestly just angst porn wrt lance’s family. like. it’s one thing for a hispanic person to write a story like this, but quite another for a white person who has not experienced it to do so, because they’re kind of just working off of stereotypes. i dont think the person who wrote it is racist at ALL but i do think that what they chose to write and how they chose to write it kind of exemplifies the racist dynamic of america & how many white liberals view hispanic people as hopelessly conservative wrt things like homosexuality. it’s really not their place to comment on it. there are also hispanic people who agree that it is racist, so it’s not like im going against the grain here. 

and from another, earlier post:

 i read this like….back in 2017 when it was still semi-new (and was there to see it replaced with the bee movie script after it got so much flack, and then when it was deleted altogether) and i have to say…as literally the FIRST klance fanfic i read (i always sort by hits/kudos) it was such a BAD INTRO TO THE KLANCE DYNAMIC!! like! god ok i don’t remember it being written that horribly but the plot points were just WHACK like. kenzie mentioned yesterday the like car fight thing?!?! what the hell was that??? and lance’s family being homophobic?? lance not rly accepting keith’s “love letter” (writing the words “keith’s love letter” was painful bc keith would never DO THAT) but then trying to make up for it by like…serenading him in a mcdonalds or smth?! idk if im remembering right and tbh the most i remember from the fic was like, the roadtrip and even THAT i don’t remember a lot bc it was kind of boring and bad characterization but tbh it was just so overhyped. ppl were like “wow this is the klance fanfic this is what the fandom is founded upon” and i just don’t see it and even back then i don’t think i saw it, though i acted like i did bc i was 17 and just wanted to fit in. again it was also one of my first experiences with klance so i didnt rly have a strong frame of reference yet but man….idkidk i dont think it deserved the intense hate it got but the vaguely racist(?) (stereotypical might be a better word? racist seems a bit intense but i cant think of another word rn) undertones of how lance’s hispanic family was portrayed definitely rubs me the wrong way thinking back on it now and i just dont think the author was equipped to handle such widespread popularity given that. 

i think i was actually too easy on it with this answer ^ from 2020 lmao.

it just plays into soooo many racist stereotypes about hispanic families/people and about the "drama" of gay male relationships (they get out of the car just to physically fight each other at one point like i mentioned up there) and if that wasn't enough to convince people it's just not a good fanfiction, the characterization of both keith and lance is very Off imo again as i outlined above. overall just a product of early klance fandom that is best left in the dark shadows of history, only to be resurrected as a demonstration of what you probably should not do when youre writing a mlm relationship between poc

#thanks for reading my faq gkfdshgdsfk #maybe i should include smth abt dirty laundry there .... #also thank you for the kind tone of this ask! #op💢

[munsons-maiden]

hi, i really need to vent rn and you are literally a safe space for anything eddie/joseph related and i just feel like i have to talk about it.

my heart is broken and ive cried my eyes out for a while now because joe wont be at the german comic con due to issues with his passport. ive spent so much money on tickets and the whole trip to see him. like, all i wanted was one of those hugs he gives everyone and i wrote him a letter and now its all for nothing.

i am so sad and frustrated now because i wont get my money back and i had to fight the entire week to get tickets for him. i almost got scammed two times and now this. no hug, no smile, no nothing :(

im still going and i at least got a ticket for grace, so as long as she wont cancel too, its at least something. but its still so disappointing and i feel so devastated. knowing that id meet him gave me so much motivation to do something and now its all gone again.

im still thinking if its a dck move to ask grace if she will take my letter and maybe gets it to joe somehow. the letter really means so much to me and idk if ill ever get the chance to give it to him now. but im scared that grace might think im only using her, if she even agrees. and if she did agree, maybe the letter would get lost somewhere and any chance of getting it to him is gone...

i really dont know what to do now and im trying to see the positive aspects but its so hard, considering everything i invested and all the hopes i had :(

sorry to dump this on you, i just needed to tell someone

same anon with the german comic con topic here... again i just feel like my last whining session sounded like im mostly frustrated that i spent so much money. and while that is true, i spent it gladly to meet joseph. just wanted to clarify.

the money issue isnt my biggest problem, its just the only thing i can actually be mad about rn, bcs joe has a valid reason to cancel. even if the passport thing is not the whole truth and maybe he ditched because the london cc wasnt going too great (some ppl speculate that he didn't wanna do another comic con so soon after) its his right to do so and i cant be mad at him.

its just so disappointing because i wanted to talk to him and see him interact with fans and ask him stuff. and now the opportunity is gone and it was pure luck that i even had this one chance. its just... i miss him, without ever meeting him? does that make sense?

i feel like his presence must be so nice to be around and i was so ecstatic when i finally got the tickets. and now i think i ruined it for myself because every time i overthink something, i make up 567 scenarios in my head, what could happen, what i could say and so on... and whenever i do this, i jinx it. and the little ppl controling my life, reading my thoughts, built me a path i didnt calculate.

its the same thing that happened this time, its the same thing that happens all the time with whatever situation i am confronted with.

to end this second rant on a note that is actually related to you and not just a random anon escalating in your asks... i could really use some new eddie content right now and i am over the moon, that worlds apart chapter 7 will be out soon and i can drown myself in my sorrow and the new chap ):)

Hi sweetheart! First of all, no worries, my inbox is always open🖤

I'm very sorry this happened, and I totally understand the sadness and frustration about the situation, it's absolutely valid. There's sadly not much of a positive aspect to this except for the fact that they're already talking to Joe about coming to another Comic Con in Germany in October - maybe it's worth a shot to try and get tickets for this one?

As for the letter; it depends entirely on what feels safe/comfortable for you. If you plan to get tickets for the October Con, you could keep the letter to give it to him yourself, since it seems very personal? In the end, you're the only person who can make a decision about that; you could take the letter with you and decide while you're there?

I hope you'll feel better soon, and should you decide to try for tickets for October, my fingers are crossed! 🖤

(And I hope Worlds Apart can contribute a little to comfort you🖤)

#kiki answers

[bysaber]

ummmm HIYAAAAA, is this SABER??? im jkkk , im so loving the new theme, im like vibing with it so hard you have no idea. the colours really compliment each other. im like so so so so sorry I haven't been in touch, I had so many ASSignments to do that my screen time became a mere hour and that was like catching up with my family. but lemme just say I just read/reread every single ficmas post today and mmmmh with a little cup of tea ( I kept going back for more bc your fics are so comfy to me) by my side it totally soothed me. and I just wanna say if anyones disappointed in you for dropping something that made you feel stressed and anxious , TRUST!!! , they can come fight me anytime of the day bc im DOWNNN. im so happy and honestly proud of the 15 days you accomplished because when I say that they were all beautifully written like , im NOT LYING and I could never, I have so many ideas in my head but honestly scared to even write a single paragraph and publish it bc I am my own biggest hater and critic. anyways I don't mean to put the spotlight on me but rather show you that im not just saying this for the sake of saying but I truly do mean it. Also Im not really accustomed to work without holiday since I haven't begun working yet but isn't Christmas like a worldwide holiday, and they still didn't give you a holiday???

also I just realised I never really introduced myself, i have like this thing where I never interact with my blog because it doesn't have much reblogs or works bc im like one of those kids who got introduced to the concept of the internet at like their late teen years so it took me a while to figure out how this app works or any app for that matter (yeah so like opposite of an iPad baby, we exist! ) so I think ppl might find me suspicious.. idk there's something wrong with the way I think haha.

but I totally would LOVVEEE to be mutuals with you, if you'd like the same.

this must be so much to read, sorry I went a lil overboard but yeah all in all, cant wait for all of your future upcoming pics which I know will blow my mind again and again and again. ( also I don't want this to seem like im putting pressure on you to release fics faster GOD NO, I just mean like I could wait an eternity if it means I could read your work!)

so wish you the ultimate best, saber, I hope everything is well in your life both personal and work and if not, I hope it all turns out to be fine and all in your favour. >>>>>3333

HIYAAA BOO <3

First of all, you don't need to apologize for disappearing! Life is a pain in the ass sometimes and we can't dive into our fantasy world (tumblr), I TOTALLY GET IT!!! But I hope everything worked out for you and that now you have time to enjoy some free time!!!

(more under the cut)

My old theme was getting on my NERVES, I wasn't satisfied (hehe) with it but I'm really happy with this one. And I brought the true Saber to life. I'm glad you liked it <3 it'll probably stick around.

IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT MY FICS MAKE YOU FEEL THIS WAY!!!!!! It's enough to make me want to keep writing because knowing one person appreciates what I write already makes everything worth it. I would LOVE to know who you are and become mutuals, and it's fine if your blog isn't filled with things.

At some point, I also was a "ghost" tumblr user.

Like, for years.

I guess I've been here since the SuperWhoLock era but only started interacting in the past three years -- then decided to create a new account and start again. I've been reading/writing fanfic as far as I can remember, but that was in my mother language and I had to gather so much courage to try it in english. But I'm happy I did. And I would love to hear your ideas and maybe see what you can write <3 it's never too late.

I'm with a few fics ideas including a series and I'm really looking forward to write them all, I hope you like them when the time comes!! And don't worry, I don't feel pressured at all <3

About my work!!! Yes, the holidays are worldwide as far as I'm concerned but since my job has a flexible working hours and it's remote, it sounds good but I actually never stop working. I work with advertising and we spend money to upload ads and even for every time someone clicks in our ads, so I have to check the data from time to time to make sure the incoming compensates the money we're spending. If not, I have to take it down and change the campaign 100% it's maddening

Ok now I feel like I TALKED TOO MUCH!!! I'm sorry. But thank you for your message and all the love you always give me, I have no words for you but I really really appreciate it every time you pop in my inbox <3 and please if you feel comfortable let's be moots.

#askaway #anon

[letslive-hwaiting]

miss my bff of many yrs. decided to part ways too. LOL i know it sounds strange but yeah, it happens. i have delayed response so.. it's after a few yrs or after at least a year where i start missing the person n think of patching up... but to many people, too much time has passed i guess? and it's awkward.

sometimes, i rly didn't know it then. just like how i have memories from long ago which i dislike now. delayed response.

so since i don't have a bestfriend to talk about all things including silly things to, i am here.

sorry for being judge-y and stuff if i am pls do not mind me... (but i bet girls talk about stuff like that and even more tgt ok).

do not take what i say seriously. i may not mean it. i may change my opinion the next second.

heart signal 4

jimin!! ^^ the younger people are, the more "pure" their liking for someone is ? ☺️🤭

people r different when they r with diff ppl haha and i guess people aren't always more charming with who they like

i think shin min kyu liked ji min from the start. he just didn't know it when he chose ji young as who he'd like on instinct. he should have known he liked ji min instinctively. at first sight.

people do fall in love at 1st sight. it's more common than u think. (not physical appearance , just .. fateful encounters? spark?)

the guys are all charming imo, frm a 3rd perspective when they rly like a particular female ☺️ the more they like the female, the more charming they appear to me hehee

ep6:

if i'm ji young, i would like gyeo re. if im jimin, i'd still like jiwon. for jumi , i can't rly tell her real feelings yet or she isnt rly having that much feelings invested... so idk but maybe i'd choose gyeo re? maybe ji won? or shin min kyu? idk? def the 4th female occupant idk yet. i cant put myself in her shoes bc not much airtime so idk abt her yet but maybeee if i m her i'd choose .. irdk

ep7:

whoo i love how minkyu is so serious about liking only jimin 👏👏👏 even though the other girls showed interest in him n he even knows jimin is into another guy. a-ma-zinggg i like 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻pls stay that way till the end of the show (bc forever is not too possible, i guess)

i knw ive been mentioning minkyu the most but it's bc this is still a public space n so i talked abt the guy i personally wouldn't fall for most, haha.(as an outsider. not putting myself in anyone's shoes. so doesnt mean im saying he is bad in any way. he's def charming - obviously since 3/4 women there like him)

ep8:

i think right, i might be least attracted to minkyu because we're a bit similar. out of the 8 people there, i'm most similar to him.

if people can develop romantic feelings for one another so easily, is that why people can't stay loyal? imagine in a world full of people... =0 nonono, let me stay out of such fragile useless game

ep11:

gyeo re felt that he was being led on by ji young?? was he in his own world?

thats y i find it hard .. like i want to have friends and sometimes guy friends seem more comfortable to have . but how much of a distance should i keep?? like.. what if i feel comfortable with an attached guy totally as friends and i am totally definitely not want to break a couple up, but my church believes strongly in distancing from other females other than the gf/wife.

n if i feel confortable w an attached guy friend , last time i thought, great! we'll totally b friends nth to worry about having those feelings. but now it's even more worrisome like i feel cautious about the gf/wife like try to make sure the gf/wife is okay w our interaction.

if he's single i want to b the one hearing about his attraction with other girls instead. or if i hang out w single guys, what if ppl think im trying to find a bf? or if i hang out w a particular guy im comfortable with , ppl think we are dating. can i have friends pls.

at some point, i became not so nice n kinda cold bc i didnt want ppl to think im nice n then think im not nice n think im fake. or if im nice to guys ppl think i like them n trying to attract attention or whatever. and also im actually v v v v v shy = kind of cold/mean. also ppl should understand certain situations/circumstance can cause us to react/act in ways. but since u r not me n i am not u , ppl do not understand and come to bad conclusions/judgement of someone instead. if you do not have a gd judgement of someone be a decent human and DONT GOSSIP ABOUT THE PERSON OR VOICE IT OUT TO OTHERS LA! keep it in your stupid head.

u may say, be nice to everyone lorr. BUT i am a human who likes a few people more than others must i treat every1 the same??? im not a teacher here yknow. i prioritise loyalty too so i believe in being obviously better to ppl who matter n who im responsible for and obv i want to be better to someone i like more whattt.. n some ppl make me more comfortable so i can laugh more n stuff??

i dont get comfortable w a lot of ppl even if we appear as friends.. like out of all my girlfriends my whole life incl those ive talked to and all, ive only ever felt comfortable with 2?3? maybe 1?

are the girls who turn out well those who receive a lot of love and do not have very bad experiences that affect them toooo much? jiyoung seems like someone who had good experiences and received love growing up and through puberty and life.

ep 12

ji won said love is be happy together, not he will make her happy.

.. 😂 it makes sense but... i want a guy to make me happy, not tell me to be happy with him? totally my opinion.

ep 13

i'm actually rooting for yisoo. bc jiyoung has the other 3 guys liking her already... even if she likes minkyu that much, i hope minkyu likes yi soo or even ji min or jumi instead. gotta be fair yknow..(n not like im jy's fan or anyth. if i like sm1 a lot thn i would root for that person regardless)

but got to give it up to her for being so faithful in her feelings to minkyu!! she didn't even sway when other guys liked her so much! she must have another set of criteria/things she's attracted to =0

and minkyu. . ah.. he's too passive, (like me, i'm even worse) . how can like that.. a little frustrating to watch. i think he's someone who chose the easier route, maybe bc yi soo was more obvious with her feelings and maybe bc he didn't like feeling like he was taking away jy when other guys liked her. or maybe he just wasnt rly attracted to any1 so ge was trying to navigate based on what he thought. or maybe bc jy said she wanted to rest alone.if i were in the same situation as him, i would have made the same decisions as him too drk y...

i feel that yi soo is not as strong as ji young.. she's actually a softer person if u get what i mean. n got to applaud her for liking minkyu so much when he's not that nice to her

😂 when people think they showed their feelings to the person they like, the person doesn't get the signal. and when they behave normally or otherwise with someone else, the someone else might get the wrong signal and take it the wrong way . 😂😂

[yumenosakiacademy]

dream diary (computer class w clear)

i was in a computer room like in a school like think those testing rooms they put us in in school w computers against every wall n some tables in the big wide center tht also hav computers n i think i arrived 2 class Late but i sat down next 2 2 girls n i remember tht the assignment or smth going on in/w the class was Weird n i kept getting distracted n so by the end of the class i only got like 2 paragraphs done

anyway at some point i was trying 2 eat spaghetti tht had vaccine on it tht we were apparently supposed 2 eat but then i remembered tht i had a p adverse reaction 2 the last vaccine so i stopped mid slurp of a few noodles n froze bc there was nowhere 2 spit out the noodles n so they kinda partially flopped on2 my white tank top, staining it (fun fact i was wearing a white tank top irl! my brain remembered my outfit i guess) n i went up 2 my nana n she told me a spell 2 get rid of the stain n told me yea, dont eat the vaccine noodles bc last time i had a p bad reaction.

so i went back 2 my desk n picked up my wand (which had smth coming off of it like tht 1 shrine thing yae has n a ball at the end. nothing like a tru wand) n i think i tried 2 do the spell but the girl next 2 me gave a Look so i tried 2 go off somewhere quieter n tried 1 of the dark siderooms (no door, think like tht side hallway in the middle school gym tht lead 2 the corridor 4 the p.e. rooms tht the drama class used when doing rehearsals/their play, except now its Shorter n has computers against the walls) bc there were less ppl in there but the teacher told ppl 2 stop going in the siderooms bc we might mess w the computers n i was wondering, “but arent these extra computers 4 our class? i see students workin on projects in here too??” but eventually the teacher decided 2 let some of the students go outside n so, like, 3/4 of the class left lmao all the computers got rly vacant. idk if this was recess or what. idk. class was still in session or w/e, bc me n the girls next 2 n ppl behind me (at 1 of those tables) all Stayed n i kinda went Lol n questioned why so many of them left

but bc some ppl left, i noticed clear (yes, from dm/md) at the table behind me n i was like !!! n after a minute, i turned around n moved enough so i was hugging him (mostly his midsection. like, my face was in his chest) n i kept saying tht i missed him n i sounded so loving n emotional as if he was my bf n we’d been separated until now 4 a while or smth n he said “i kno” but he didnt sound all tht loving but he was stroking my hair or w/e n i think it was bc he couldnt make more of a Scene but i think ppl were looking at us anyway but then he said tht i left him w tht ring around his middle finger n he couldnt take it off n started moving it up n down his finger (which i found odd bc it looked like he Could take it off, but mayb he meant bc it was an order he couldnt bring himself 2 bc robot &/or loyalty rules. btw the ring had words engraved on it but idk what words bc u cant read in dreams) n i think i lightly apologized but i was jus so happy 2 see him again. but i think i worried tht, bc ppl could see his ring while i was hugging him this hard, theyd think we were married or smth.

but then he took out a box n wanted 2 relay things thtd happened since we’d been apart n inside was smth mundane n he started singing his words instead of speaking them?? n i was like nono shhh shh clear ily but ur causing a Scene we can do this later ok n he stopped 4 a sec but then moved smth in the box n there was a sandwich n he started singing abt the lunch or breakfast he’d ate n i was embarrassed bc now More ppl were looking at us n eventually the teacher yelled 4 silence i think, then i woke up shortly after.

but hugging clear still feels so vivid... he was rly cute n it felt so genuine, like i loved him... dream!me prob did. but it felt rly nice.. clear was soft.

#dream diary #delete later #clear my beloved [sigh] #anyway i overslept again oops. but oh u kno.

[whumpasaurus101]

.

#skip this post plz nothing to see as a matter of fact ill sing you a song while you pass ummmm la la loooo leee la laaaaaaa laa la #loo lee laa la #*beatboxes* #*mic drop* #there #be gone #wazzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppp #oki im tired #but we gonna do some ranting #uhmmmm #idk where to begin hfgfhjf #some things i cant say on here bc it might worry ppl or like #idk #just seem worse than it is #i dont even know #i just #ugh #i have this constant thing #where i just feel like i annoy every single person ik #and like #ik i always post things saying that stuff #but nothing has changed #i cant find any way for people to reassure me #no matter what they say to me #i always feel annoying #cuz yk #you wouldnt acc say to someone if they were acc annoying you #so just a few things piling ontop of eachother #fun #fun fun

[yakult-kettle]

i wish one could just. be. on the net anymore without having everything have to be an “act” with “audiences” and “brands”

#what i mean is. #the internet doesnt feel like a safe place to just exist anymore #u have to monetize urself and BE some character and say and do and perform like a clown for the people who may or may not randomly #literally send ppl to kill u in ur own home #sometimes just bc someone is bored and thinks it'd be teehee funny to swat a rando #and then theres the ppl stealing art to sell it without u even knowing. sorry not ppl BOTS #or news sites screenshotting ur posts to add to their 'news' articles so ur little funni post about idfk pokemon #ur suddenly getting made fun of for by MILLIONS and sometimes U DONT EVEN KNOW #the internet just feels like high school again with cliques and unspoken rules and in-groups #and i rlly. rlly. RLLY. hate it #like sometimes i honest to god just want to stream a game out there that i like. say wind waker. #but i cant do that without worrying about it being a WHOLE ass thing with brands and ppl expecting shit from me and a 'persona' and if #i have an opinion as simple as 'wind waker is my favorite zelda' some one might literally be so mad they have a shit fit in chat #idk im just exhausted bc the internet rlly truly is just a consumerist machine now and yall are unhappily trapped in it and eat it up #dont think i dont see yall ecstatic about tumblr blaze. do u even see urselves #oops i joker ranted whatever everyone unplug. calm down. read a book. touch grass. for the love of god. #this will change nothing. what im saying here will change nothing but i dont care hear it. #me speak

[galacticlamps]

ugh i haven’t had much free time lately but i still cant stop thinking about this companion chronicle set that’s supposed to finally be coming out this month, and it’s not like i’ve got anywhere else to rant about it so lemme do that here real quick & hopefully clear out some brain space -

obviously i wanna listen to it as soon as that’s a possibility - i “held off” on pre-ordering it for “a long time” but even that was like. well over a year ago now (which is its own very big yikes, especially since i hardly ever do that) - and i really like the range & its format in general and it’s dwindled down so much now.... but at the same time - i really like the range & it’s dwindled down so much now, and i’ve been waiting for it for so long already - i definitely dont wanna just binge it all at once, and again, haven’t had much free time lately anyway - so i guess im hoping it doesnt come out too soon & maybe holds off toward the end of the month when i’ve got a better shot at having time to appreciate it? is that hoping for too much from a boxset that’s been torturing me with its release date for actual literal years now?

& maybe it’s just bc i’ve been paying more attention than usual, but i feel like bf just rapidfire released a bunch of pretty highly anticipated stuff in the last, like, week and a half (apologies if my perception of time is a little wonky rn i could be wrong w that) and tbh i was relieved every time i saw it was stranded and unbound and the new first doctor range.... and now the cc’s are the only doctor who range left with a release slated for april, yet we’re only halfway thru the month - but they’ve also got two torchwoods, a blakes 7, and a thunderbirds which could very well be next up given the gerry anderson promotion - so maybe they will hold off for another week or so, just to spread out the dw ones? not that that’s something they’ve been worried about this month so far of course... and then another part of my brain is like, they seem to like dates over there even if they don’t like announcing them, and there’s a jamie backstory(?) episode on the set.... it’s not impossible they’d put it out tomorrow, the in-universe anniversary of the character’s introduction...but then again again it’s the day before sea devils & they might not wanna put out anything at all too close to that, but then again again again im assuming they dont view sea devils & 2nd dr companion chronicles vol 3 as being aimed at the exact same audience (even tho i personally think they should, whatwith all the queer ppl in this fandom who enjoy letting this show ruin our lives) so maybe they could? judging by the, well, everything about this boxset, i feel like it’s safe to say it isn’t expected to be a tremendous draw, so maybe they’d see no harm in its release so completely paling in comparison to the tv special?

i dont know????

anyways there’s only one thing i know for sure & that would have to be the fact that i’m overthinking this, so hopefully typing it out will somehow export the question from my brain a bit since it literally. does not. matter. at all.

#honestly if tumblr had a poll function i wouldve asked everyone when we thought it'd be out ages ago #just to see if anybody could guess it correctly #ah well #there are soo many things i've been trying and failing to make time for in my personal life this is absolutely low on the list #much as i love it #but i've noticed every time bf put something out lately i spent a tiny moment panicking a little until i knew what it was #perhaps it's just a question of 'what does it even look like to live in a world where no part of my mind is waiting for this release?' #it's been so long i've forgotten what it feels like to not have it out there in the future nebulously #oh companion chronicles the things you do to me

[palbabor-writes]

dude uh so like dabi but as a father... like he would never but like no one day he gets left with this kid and he's not gonna abandon it bc he cant idk i just want to see dabi as a parental unit trying not to be a bad parent

lol, ppl ask me asks and i respond with a feature freaking film worth of words.  (//▽//) warnings: adult language, angst, mild spoilers for current manga chapters: 290 - 291

words: 3915 

notes: I answered this a little differently. It’s more of a longing for what could have been, rather than a kid of his own sort of thing. But, Dabi does his best damn it. Also, yeah, yeah, it’s another Greek title. I cannot be STOPPED. but i prolly should be. Not beta edited, so all mistakes are mine, and mine alone.

Pónos 

ponos /ˈpoʊˌnɒs/ or ponus /ˈpoʊnəs/ noun  Ancient Greek: Πόνος Pónos  the personification of hardship and toil

There’s a loud clattering noise that’s echoing along the polished floors and walls of the Meta Liberation Army’s base. 

Dabi hates these long hallways. They remind him of some kinda tomb, with all that reverberation and all those gleaming surfaces. They’re perfect for elongating and stretching voices and sounds. 

So whatever the fuck that racket is, it’s not like he’s going to be able to avoid it. He’d need to turn around to do that and he’s not about to fucking turn heel and retrace his steps. Besides, it would take him twice as long to go the other way. Nah, this path is easier, despite the looming annoyance of the commotion.

 He rounds a corner and catches sight of a young woman. 

She’s struggling with something as she reaches into her shoulder bag, and her back twists awkwardly as she leans both forward and sideways. Dabi can’t get a good look at her from here. But, he reasons, he also doesn’t care enough to bother with a second, closer, glance. Nope, all he’s gotta do is slip past her and he can be on his way. 

“Reo-- Reo! Please keep still. I need to get to my phone…” The woman’s voice sounds strained and that odd pattering noise that he’s been hearing since he stepped toward this hallway hasn’t stopped either. If anything, it’s worse. Is it her quirk? Is there somebody behind her? Does she have one of those remote talking devices? Like that the ones that the Doc gave to the League before all this fucking cult bullshit started. What-

Dabi’s thoughts wander to a screeching halt as a boy bumps into his shins. He blinks at the sensation and stutters to a stop, his eyes glinting at the small form. The kid, who looks about four or five, stumbles backwards and cranes his head, looking up at this new discovery he’s run into. 

The boy studies him and, for a brief moment, Dabi worries that his face might spook the kid bad enough to send him into a sobbing and crying fit. Dabi’s not exactly the easiest thing to look at now. But, the kid seems ok with gawping at him, his violet eyes goggled and wondering. 

“Reo-” the boy’s mother repeats, replacing her phone and scanning the hallway for her rogue offspring. “I--Uh, there you are! I’m sorry...Oh, you’re one of those new generals. I’m afraid I don’t remember your name. Ooh, oh my gosh, now that you’re here, would you mind watching him for a moment? I’ve gotta run something back to Skeptic…”

That woman is saying something but Dabi’s too involved in his strange standoff with the boy. Neither he, nor the kid, seem to have the wherewithal to pull their gazes away. No, they both just watch each other, the former maintaining his aloof scowl and the latter is putting on an amazing show of raw fascination. 

“So, just don’t let him get up to too much trouble and I’ll be right back. Won’t be more than a minute.”  

Huh?

Dabi whips his head up, suddenly realizing what’s being asked of him. Like fuck he’s gonna watch this kid. Wait...where did she go?

He twists and turns, his cerulean eyes flashing up and down the sterile hallway, but there’s no sign of her. What the hell? How can someone dematerialize that quickly? He didn’t even say yes, for fucks sake. What a negligent, irresponsible parent she is, to just leave her kid like this with a complete stranger. Pfft, stranger feels a bit weak, honestly. Nah, Dabi’s a walking, talking freakshow. Nothing about him looks safe or dependable. There’s a pull on his dark pants and he automatically shakes his leg against the sensation, agitated. What now? 

Ah.

Junior is blinking up at him, those chubby hands wrinkling the rough fabric between his tiny digits. “Hi,” he beams, his pearly baby teeth straight and gleaming, “I’m Reo!”

“Yeah,” Dabi scoffs, knocking the kid’s hands away. “I heard. Where did your, er, mom go?”

“What’s your name?” Reo prattles, following Dabi as he skulks a little ways down the hallway, his brow furrowed and shoulders tense. Now what is he going to do? He could leave, tell the kid to stay put and go about his business. He doesn’t have time for this, after all.

“Hey!” Reo calls and Dabi turns at the slightly frantic note in the child’s voice, his eyes sharp. 

“Whadda’ want kid? I’m trying to find your mom.” 

“I said my name is Reo-”

“And I said I heard you. Tch, you’re so loud there’s no way half of the building didn’t hear you,” Dabi snaps, looming over the little boy, his mouth pressing into a deep frown. 

“I told you my name, so..so now you gotta tell me yours,” Reo scolds, those violet eyes shining. Dabi can see that the kid’s tiny frustration is rising at the thought of some adult being so rude as to not answer his newly engrained social niceties. 

“Hmph,” Dabi snorts, a low laugh puffing out of his lips. “The name’s Dabi.”

Reo digests that, his nose wrinkling as he mouths the unfamiliar name to himself, like he’s wanting to get it just right when he speaks it aloud. It’s kinda cute, Dabi muses. You know, in a stupid sort of way.

“D- Dadi?” Reo mimics, stumbling over that all important ‘b’ in Dabi’s name.

“What? No. It’s DABI. It’s got a ‘B’ in it. Like, uh, b as in, uh, bear. You know what a bear is, yeah?”

“A bear?” Reo asks, biting his lip at the strange change of topic. “What about a bear?”

“You got my name wrong, kid. It’s Dabi, not DaDi. My name has a ‘b’ not a ‘d.’ Try again,” Dabi groans, sinking to his haunches and praying that this kids mom will rematerialize any goddamn second. 

“Dadi,” Reo mimics, still fumbling. 

“Ugh,” Dabi sucks his teeth and begins to stand again. 

“Hey! Pick me up?” Reo requests, his arms lifting, stocky fingers clenching and unclenching into his palms, opening and closing in a repetition of a familiar demand. 

“Pick you up?” Dabi repeats, incredulous. What the fuck is wrong with today? The only thing that could make this worse is someone seeing this odd performance.

“I’m not gonna pick you up,” Dabi growls, his lips pursing at the kid. “You’re just fine where you are. Besides, don’t kids like you need to practice walking? How old are you anyway?”

“Five,” Reo chirrups, puffing his chest out, like he’s expecting a rainfall of praise to fall on him now that he’s verbally acknowledged that he is indeed, a big boy.

“That’s too bad, kid. If you’re five, you’re definitely old enough to walk under your own power,” Dabi snorts, bemused by Reo’s chipper attitude. Doesn't that get tiring? All that smiling and pacing that he’s doing? Dabi’s never had much experience with little kids, well, other than his own contact with his younger siblings, but they were never this...chatty.

“Awe,” Reo whines, his head falling, little chin bumping as it hits his collarbone dejectedly. Dabi shakes his head at the dramatic reaction. Sulking is better than crying, he reasons, turning his head to look for the boy’s mother again. She said it would only take a minute? The fuck was she?

“Hey, kid. Where were you and your mom before you came here?”

There’s a strange, static-like quiet that follows Dabi’s question. That’s weird. He would have figured that his new query would have broken the boy out in another rash of talkative excitement. So for him to be…

Wait. 

Dabi turns back and his eyes scan the newly barren hallway for the boy. The fuck? Where did he go? His gaze is still whisking frantically when he spots the heel of Reo’s shoe disappearing beyond the next corner. Fucking wonderful.

He paces after the boy, his long legs pulling him quickly along. Again, he wonders why he gives two shits. It’s not his kid, not his responsibility. Yet there’s some nagging pressure that keeps beating at the back of his mind. It’s likely some pieces of a fragmented lesson that had been taught to him long ago. Back when he wasn’t like this. Long before he’d made the decision that sent him on this mindless trajectory, lingering in the obsession of his pent up rage and hurt.  

You’re the eldest. 

Take care of your sister. 

Easy, he’s still a baby. That’s right, hold him like that. You’re such a good brother. 

You’re the one who he can go to when he needs help.

Thank you, Touya. You did so, so well! I’m sorry I had to leave for a bit, but thank you for watching him. 

It’s a big job, and one that you’ll always have, so, can you do it?

You’re their big brother. They look up to you.

Look! She’s happy to see you, Touya!

Dabi snarls at those little flashes of memory, his teeth gritting. No one needs him. Fuck, he’d be more likely to kill them than help them now. Or, at least that’s what he keeps telling himself. Drilling it in, over and over, until he can repeat that vitriol like it’s some kinda twisted prayer. He’s not that boy anymore and he can never, ever go back. He’s made sure of that. 

“Hey! Hey kid! Get back here! You little shit!” 

A loud, male voice is booming up ahead and Dabi jogs the last few steps, his head already uplifted and searching as he rounds the corner. There’s a tall, unfamiliar man in the next hallway and he’s looking away, watching as Reo sprints from him. 

“Fuck, man. Why you gotta yell at him?” Dabi scolds, his cerulean eyes glaring. The man whirls around and Dabi notes the source of his ire. There’s a large stain, bleeding against his crisp white button up and an upturned mug is clutched in a tight fist. Kid must have bumped into him and knocked his coffee out. Well, that fucking sucks, but it’s no reason to freak out at the little guy. He’s five for fuck’s sake. Not like he did it on purpose. 

“He burned me! He ran around that corner and smack into me! Control your kid, you ass! I know you’re one of those hoity toity new generals but you gotta--”

“He’s not my kid,” Dabi snaps, already shoving past the blustering idiot. If he hurries, he can snatch the boy up before he gets too much farther. 

“You sure are running after him like he is!” 

The taunt chases him as Dabi stalks away and it makes him grind his teeth again. Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, he repeats, all he’s gotta do is get the kid and wait for the mom. Besides, he’s in too deep now. He can’t just abandon him. Fuck, with his luck, he’d run into the mom before he ran into Reo again.

The next hallway leads to one of the many common rooms. 

Dabi, realizing this, begins to jog again, suddenly desperate to catch Reo before he wanders into even more members of this crazy cult. Or worse, he gulps, a member of the League. He’d never live it down if the kid bumped into Compress or Shigaraki. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

As he skids along the next turn, Dabi catches sight of the kid. He’s wavering beside the double doors of the common room and he looks distinctly lost, his dark head turning every few seconds, those violet eyes of his wide. 

“Oi! Reo! Stop running,” Dabi calls, already lowering himself to a kneeling position, his long, mangled arms outstretched. He’s hoping he’s painting some kinda welcoming picture with this gesture and not just creating a terrifying pantomime of comfort.

Reo looks back and he lets out a little squeal of recognition and delight. Excited he is finally going to be picked up. His shoes tap loudly against the tiles as he dashes into Dabi’s oddly warm embrace. 

Once he’s got a good grip on the boy, Dabi rises to his feet, keeping the kid’s body securely against his. At first, Reo protests the tight hold, his back bowing and squirming, but Dabi stills him with a long, hard, stare.

“Don’t do that,” Dabi chastises, wincing against the pull on his marred skin. 

“Oh! Does it hurt?” Reo asks, carefully bringing his swinging feet to a standstill, noting the grimace of pain on Dabi’s scarred face.

“Yeah,” Dabi confirms, shifting Reo to his hip so he can free up his other arm to adjust a pinching staple. “My skin ain’t exactly healthy. Now, let’s get you back to your mom before she finds out that you fuc-- I mean...that you dashed off like that. Give people a heads up next time, huh? Making me run all over the compound after--”

“Oh! Who’s that you’re holding?”

“Gosh, he looks just like you! With that dark hair and those bright eyes of his. Is that your son?”

Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

Dabi tosses a glare over his shoulder, but the two women keep walking toward him, cooing at Reo’s pleased little face. One of them reaches up and ruffles the boy's hair and Dabi instinctively takes a step back, a snarl lifting his lips over his white teeth.

“He’s not my kid,” Dabi corrects, for what feels like the umpteenth time today. It’s only the second, but twice is two times too many. 

These women are being ridiculous. They don’t look that much alike. He’s just got dark hair, that’s all. If they knew what color Dabi’s hair really was they wouldn’t even make that connection. With his true coloring, Reo would be another kid and Dabi would be some fucking freak who’s left holding him. He’s not this kid's anything, least of all his protector. 

It’s not his job to look after this half pint, nor is it his job to care about him. Even if he reminds him of some sliver of what was, what could have been. No, Dabi is just some schmuck who somehow stumbled into this absurdity. It would be easy to unwind those trusting arms and lower this kid back to the ground, he’s not sure why he’s still holding him. He should...he should put him down...He... 

For some reason, that last thought makes his heart squeeze, pressing an irregular beat against his breast. He shakes his head at the sensation, burying whatever bubble of emotion that is trying to rise back down, pressing it deep, smothering and covering until he feels normal again. 

“He’s right! I’m not. Because he’s Dadi!” Reo confirms, simultaneously standing up for his new, haphazard, caretaker and throwing him under an oncoming proverbial bus in the same breath. Goddamn it all.

“That’s so sweet! Your son is beyond adorable!”

“He’s not…” Dabi begins, but bites his tongue. What good is it doing him anyway? These flunkies of the Meta Liberation are just fawning over Reo anyway. He’s honestly stunned they’re still talking to him at all. 

As they’re tickling and petting at the boy, a sudden thought springs into his mind. Actually, this might not be too bad. If he can get one of them to take the kid, he can fucking slink away, his responsibility finished, job done. 

“Oi, one of you can take him. He’s waiting for his mom. She said something about meeting with that Skeptic dic-- guy.”

“You want us to watch your son?” One of the girl’s questions, her head tilting at his demand. “Wouldn’t you rather wait for her yourself? You don’t know us and, well, not that we’d do anything bad...but that feels strange. Besides, you’re doing a great job! Look how happy he is. The two of you are so cute!”

Amazing. 

Apparently, Dabi, despite his hardened and rough persona, one that he has cultivated and built up for years, mind you, could now add, “cute,” to that resume of terror that he is building. 

Sighing, Dabi tries a more direct approach. “You seem to like him a lot, so just keep an eye on him until his mom comes back. It’s not hard. He likes being held, so just, er, hold him.”

Reo, sensing that he’s about to be deposited out of Dabi’s warm grasp, begins to wiggle again, his hands clinging to Dabi’s skin. He’s trying to be gentle, remembering Dabi’s earlier warning, his small digits tapping rather than digging, but he’s still scrabbling against the pull.

The woman clicks her tongue and smiles, tucking some of her long hair behind her ear. “Your son is so precious! He must really love you. Look, Han, isn’t this kid is the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen!” Her friend chuckles and agrees and the cheerful sound makes Dabi seethe. 

“Like I told you, he ain’t my kid. Now knock the wax outta your ears and take him,” Dabi snarls, still pushing Reo outward, hoping beyond hope that this calamity will just fucking end. 

“Dadi,” Reo pouts, his nose wrinkling as he burrows his face into Dabi’s arm, his skin hot against Dabi’s purple flesh.

“If he’s not your kid,” the woman named Han says, propping a fist on her hip, “why does he keep calling you daddy?”

“He’s not calling me that,” Dabi grumbles, his eyes lingering on Reo’s distressed slump. “The kid can’t say my name, which is Dabi. For some fucking reason the “b” is alluding him.”

“Fucking?” Reo questions, his brilliant purple eyes lifting, searching Dabi’s deep blue gaze. When he doesn’t get an answer, he repeats the word, lingering on those harsh syllables a little longer than he needs to. God, Dabi thinks, pulling Reo back to him, trying to muffle the boys bewildered tests of his new word. This is beyond ridiculous.

“Uh-oh,” another, male, voice resounds. Dabi scowls at the newcomer, watching as he steps beside the women, his eyes widened in mock concern. “That your kiddo?” He asks, his brow arching at Dabi’s now openly hostile form. 

“Fuc-- Again? I gotta answer this again?” Dabi snaps, shifting Reo back to his hip, just above his belt. “No. No, he is not mine.”

“Sure about that?” the man quizzes. “He’s sure got your hair and, uh, your vulgarity down.” 

“He’s that woman’s...Look, his mother went to go see that Skeptic bastard. So, you wanna help me out here? Any of you idiots want to do something useful? Hmm? Go into that big meeting room, the one past the common area and get her. I bet that’s where she went. When you see her...tell her, her kid is going wild. Stop...stop looking at me like that or I’ll torch you where you fuc-- where you stand.”

Instead of being cowed by his threat, the Meta Liberation Assholes just laugh, the three of them leaning against each other as they heave with their amusement. And Reo? Well, he’s seemingly amused by all the ruckus, giggling and murmuring little nothings into Dabi’s skin, nuzzling into Dabi’s inhuman warmth. Dabi feels that strange tugging at his heart again and in his anger and distant horror, he spews more rage onto the trash that’s daring to chortle so openly in front of him.

“Goddamn it, I’ll make each of you pay for this you...you stupid--”

“Dabi?”

Can a hole open up under him? That would be absolutely perfect and he’d be so, so grateful. He cranes his neck and catches sight of the last person he wanted to see. Fucking, Twice. His costume is making those white eyes of his comically wide and his hands lift to clap at his face, always dramatic and overblown to the last.

“Who is that sweet little boy? The hell are you doing with that child?!?”

“He’s--”

“It’s his son!” The ‘Han’ woman calls, still clutching her sides, her eyes wet from her mirth.

“No,” Dabi groans, his head dropping lamely. He wants nothing more than to fry each and everyone of these fucking pieces of shit. The desire is so strong he can feel the creeping of heat that’s rising in his palms and tickling up his piercings, scalding his skin against the metal. No, he scolds himself, he can’t do that. Not with Reo in his arms. He’s gotta be careful. He can’t hurt the kid. It’s not his fucking fault he’s been trapped in the care of a monster like him. 

Dabi gasps at his sudden, protective instincts. The fuck? This kid is nothing to him. Nothing. He doesn’t remind him of anyone. No, he’s nothing like his little brothers, all questions and sweet, brief hugs. He’s not...he’s not…

Reo’s hum of agitation breaks Dabi from his swirling emotions. The boy tries to lift his legs away from Dabi’s hips, his arms wrapping around Dabi’s neck, suddenly unsure and starting to whimper. 

“It’s too hot,” he complains, his voice small and soft in Dabi’s ear.

“I know,” Dabi concedes, taking another deep breath, trying to still that rushing rage that is lingering in the back of his mind. “Sorry kid, it should stop in a minute.”

“Ok,” Reo nods, his black hair mingling with Dabi’s spiky tendrils. 

Twice has stepped forward and he’s standing beside Dabi, his head cocked, looking from the shivering boy to Dabi’s haggard expression. “He does look a lot like you,” Twice ponders, his fingers tracing his chin meditatively. There’s something about Twice that Reo is bothered by and his face falls into the hollow of Dabi’s neck and shoulder, straining his body against Dabi, away from the black and red suited man that’s beside Dabi’s elbow.  

“Fuc-- Piss off, Twice,” Dabi growls, his blue eyes narrowing and hardening as he pats comfortingly at Reo’s back, twisting from Twice’s curious stare. “You’re freaking the kid out. Hey! Hey, don’t you assholes have some bootlicking to do?” Dabi snaps, his eyes lifting to the gaggle of MLA members, who are still giggling and whispering across from him. And, just as those words leave his lips, Reo’s mother, finally, finally returns. 

“Oh thank you!” She coos, raising her arms to Reo and peeling him away from Dabi. To Dabi’s shock, Reo still shakes his head, his arms retightening around Dabi’s tense neck.

“Oooh, he’s taken a liking to you I see!” 

“You gotta let me go, kid,” Dabi whispers into Reo’s ear, unlacing his little arms. Reo whines and pouts as Dabi presses him back to his mother, a sigh of relief shuddering from his mismatched lips. Thank fucking God. Now he can have this woman tell all of those shits that he’s not this boy’s father...wait...what the fuck? Oh...oh, now they all leave.

The MLA lackeys are drifting away, walking in a tight bunch as they re-enter the common area, soft grins still lingering on Dabi. And Twice? Twice is snickering openly and making his way down an adjacent hallway, no doubt off to tell Toga what he’s seen.

“Thanks again. Looks like you did a great job,” Reo’s mother repeats, shifting her son to a better position, trying to quiet his frantic scrabbling, his small arms still reaching, struggling for Dabi.

“Dadi!” Reo cries, a few tears falling from his soft face as he’s walked away. In another heartbeat, they’re both gone and all Dabi has left of that strange little kid is the lingering sting and warmth of his embrace on his burned skin.

Notes: Dabi is a grump. Or is he? o(TヘTo)

Tags: @spicy-skull, @xwildskullx, @evesmores

#asks #answered asks #pal muses #on dabi and his bad attitude #dabi #bnha dabi #touya todoroki #todoroki touya #bnha angst

[uchihashisuii]

god wait im tryna fall asleep and still thinking about v and vik and to shoot off that last ask where they said their v being with an older guy makes sense like god yeah it does. the parallel of v and vik is so good its a crime it isnt explored in the actual game. because v, regardless of her life path would also constantly be moving forward all her life and then once she hits night city its a constant gogogo. get a job, do it and do it well, on to the next. no slowing down unless its to sleep and we know she doesnt get a lot of that, and then w the relic and trying to fix it its more moving and fighting and sneaking and johnny talking in her ear, head splitting bc of him and what have you. and then she gets together with vik and she finally has a few moments of peace. and she knows she should get going, knows she cant spend the night but she does it anyway bc vik is sweet and solid and comforting, grounding just like his voice. and he takes care of her, and she hasnt had anyone do that in a long time, and she gets to feel loved and like she matters, like really truly matters in this city thats out to kill her for this small little bubble of time and we know that vik would make her understand that when shes with him she is the only thing that matters. and like, not to say v hasnt been in any prior relationships or anything bc theres no text canon wise (that i know of?) and then personal headcanons exist but like. v is supposed to be young right? like early twenties so whether shes had long term relationships or not you know that hers w viktor would hit different bc hes been around this block before, hes not here to play games. hes even said hes dropped all illusions, so hed know what he wants and be realistic with her, and would absolutely treat her right from the getgo. i feel like v would have a little 'oh' moment and that she gets it, that she think this might be worth leaving the living legend ideal behind (and then vik being an actual living legend and wanting ppl to forget it ties in here somewhere) anyway god their dynamic is just so good and sets up such a good romance of mutual comfort and Obtaining That Which Has Been Absent For So Long. god im just so emo for them 🥺

“WAIT also yeah end game vik convo but youre dating vik it would hit so much harder. like i dont think it would necessarily end the same but would largely be similar, at least at the start. him being angry and taking it out on v when its him and the situation hes upset about. and vik obviously knows the most about v and johnny outta everyone i mean he literally stitched her back together. but in all the romances you can kind of shrug the thing off and give vague answers about the relic, basically be like 'yeah ive got leads im following' or 'dont worry im working on it' because she doesnt want to worry them or get them caught up in this anymore than they are, but also keep some distance in case it really goes south. and v would do the same with vik, tell him shes working on it or that they dont have to worry about it right now, she just wants to spent time w him. and hed respect that at the time, but when the end game convo comes you know hed be upset also because he didnt push further, let her talk to him about it. he should have been helping in some way, i mean theyre dating. why didnt he say something sooner before it got this bad? and he cares for her so much and has for so long, and theyre reaching the end and they both know it. god the potential angst there is so good, vik wanting to pull away and be upset at her but he ultimately cant, and theres nothing he can do for her at this point but be there for her, but its right when she has to make a decision and not look back, so she cant really seek comfort in  him other than that one moment (and potentially for the last time ever). god they wrote such a good character and such a good dynamic we were robbed!!!! how did they not plan this as a romance from the start!!! 😔”

dawg i dont even have a gd word to say this is every thot ive had abt vik and v summed up absolutely perfectly your MIND dude im just gonna leave this as is holy shit

#viktor vector #viktor vektor #victor vektor #victor vector #this is so well put im #cyberpunk 2077

[badfey]

is there anything u wish u had known pre-top surgery? I’m trying to schedule mine next yr and I’m worried I rushed into picking my surgeon even tho I looked at a Lot. I’ve got a list of questions to ask but curious if there’s anything you can think of! Thanks, if u get a chance to reply 🥺

firstly congrats and good luck with your top surgery, i hope the wait goes quickly!!

There were a lot of things i wasn’t expecting about top surgery - not necessarily that i wish i’d known in advance, just that i didn’t anticipate. I wrote a document of them not long after surgery which ill post soon and link back to here :) right now ill go through the main stuff i wish i had known, and any questions i had (under a cut because it got long)

Stuff I Wish I’d Known

Some of this depends on how your surgeon does things. I had 6 days before my post-op appointment w chest reveal. 

That first week is tough. Ymmv, but for me it was really hard. I knew that post-op depression was a thing, i didn’t realise what it would feel like. For me it was a lot of being tired and not being able to sleep because of not being able to get comfortable (having to sleep elevated for a few days & pain), so getting more tired and bored but too fatigued to do anything in that classic frustrating cycle. Once i slept decently for the first time i felt human again (nytol is a lifesaver). It’s also tough bc ur sweaty n uncomfortable and u haven’t showered or taken off the post-op binder for a week, and with the dressings and swelling it doesn’t feel like its really happened yet? After chest reveal thats a lot easier

Sometimes moving around you’ll feel something like pull or pop and you get so so paranoid about pulling a stitch i seriously thought id pulled a stitch but its usually like the dressings adhesion or something, you don’t need to freak out. My best friend here was this uk trans fb group because i could search and find years of posts with ppl having the same problems, or ask and ppl would give advice and calm me down, so it’s good to join a community like that ready for if you inevitably get stressed about something (also good for post-op boredom)

You cant use your arms to move. Sounds obvious but like i never realised how much i reflexively rely on using arms to move sitting positions on a bed, and how you need to pay attention to override that impulse. 

Peeing after anesthetic is weirdly hard. It really helps if you practise consciously releasing the specific muscles to pee beforehand 

I was so hungry. I got fed sure (great food too) but i wish i had taken snacks. 

Questions to ask

Im gonna list some stuff that you may already know/have on your list but it might help fill any gaps :) 

When are your post-ops? Are they included in the surgery price? Mine were at 6 days (chest reveal) and 8 weeks (normally 6 weeks but my surgeon was on holiday lol) and both included in the price of surgery (which is standard for here i think). Its good to have rough timeframes in advance so you can plan around it.

Ask about revisions - are they included in the price, what is the timeframe you can get revisions for, how you would start the revision process if you need it? Hopefully you won’t need it but its important to know just in case & so you don’t need to worry about it. I think my surgeon got a bit touchy when I brought up revisions but i was just clear that if I’m getting this surgery and paying a lot of money for it i need to know this stuff in advance which as a professional he should be fine with.

Can you have a say in scar shape and/or nipple size? Usually you can, and this is often at the pre-op when they draw all over your chest before surgery. Don’t feel like you can't weigh in - this is your chest. Also even at consultation they might be able to give you an idea of what your scar/s will look like. 

If you’re getting nipple grafts, ask about their graft success rate!! I was super stressed about my nipples falling off, but my surgeon said that even though stats say about 10% of nipple grafts r unsuccessful, in practise he sees a much smaller percentage than that, and even ones that do reject often grow back (lmk if u wanna know more what i mean) or can just be easily touched up with tattooing. Also if theres anything they recommend for graft success.

Does your surgeon recommend using arnica? Arnica is a homeopathic remedy for bruising, swelling, and wound healing. There’s differing views on whether it actually works, but in my case i took arnica tablets 1 week before and 2 weeks post-op and i think it really helped. They also tasted nice. Some people use arnica gel to aid healing once you can start massaging. 

Where will you be for overnight recovery? Will you be on a ward or in a room? Do you have access to a TV? Do you have access to a plug socket or charging point? Do you get wifi? Chances are you’ll be bored at some point over the time you’re in there, especially if you struggle sleeping. It’s good to know whats available in advance so you can come with things to keep you entertained. 

Does your surgeon use drains? You probably already know/have an idea of this bc its something a lot of ppl consider when choosing surgeons, buts its good to know if you don’t. Also, it can change - I chose my surgeon partially because he only uses overnight drains so you don’t have to deal with them in recovery. When i was there i found out he has stopped using drains altogether for smaller guys so i never actually had them (pleasant surprise). 

Does your surgeon want you to wear a post-op binder? Do they supply the binder? Post-op binders r a good idea they stop swelling soo much, so even if your surgeon doesn’t recommend it i’d definitely ask if it’d be safe for you to wear one. You can't wear regular binders. If you’re sourcing your own, again trans groups r great bc they can give local recs and lots of people sell/pass on their old ones. I am happy to give anyone recs, but they’re all uk based. 

How will you communicate with nurses post-op? Most people don’t live too near their top surgeon, so you’ll probably check-up remotely. I just sent nurses emails of my nips and incisions and anything i was worried about the healing of and they’d let me know if it looked okay. 

If you have any conditions/disabilities/illnesses, ask if they’ve ever operated on someone with them/similar before. I have fibro + hypermobility and tbh it was reassuring to hear him talk about experiences other patients with chronic pain had had before and how they coped.

Okay sorry that was really long, but its pretty much everything i could think of question wise! I hope it helps! Let me know if there’s any other questions you have at all :)

#asks #anon #trans stuff #top surgery #top surgery advice #DI top surgery #double incision #transition advice #ok to rb #Anonymous