#someone help me word this better

[bettertwin1]

Me and flower grew up very religious. By using flowers correct ‘neopronouns’, does that mean im going aganist my religion? If I myself do not use neopronouns, but still call other people their neopronouns, is that bad? I honestly don’t know when flower stopped believing in our beliefs, but I know she hasent told anyone but me. Flower told me she didnt want to be sent to a religious summer camp again. Does it make me a worse person to tell our family or not to tell them? I want her to be fixed but, I still want flower to trust me. And to answer your question if your using her ‘neopronouns’ right, i have no fucking idea.

-paragraph anon

Wait omg paragraph anon i literally forgot religion existed for a moment this makes so much sense now

Also super sweet of you to attempt using flowers pronouns in this one. That's a genuine start! Now lemme see if I can word this properly, if I don't i'm sure someone else will on my behalf

Religion is a touchy subject, I personally didn't grow up in an extremely religious household so I won't be able to fully relate or understand how this makes you feel.

But.

I don't think religion should dictate whether or not you should love someone for the way that are. There is a phrase "there is no hate like christian love" that reminds me of how you are reacting to your sibling wanting to use neopronouns. You may think what you're doing will keep flower safe, but it won't.

There is nothing to fix. That's just how flower is. No amount of prayer or religious camps will change flower. Rejecting flowers identity will only hurt flower.

I think it says alot about you if flower trusted you enough to tell you flowers identity, it probably means you're a wonderful person aside from what we've seen from you <- which now seems like a fear fueled hatred you have in hopes of protecting flower but I promise you loving flower for being flowerself will not make you a bad person, ever.

Flower told you cause they trust you, if Flower hasn't told your parents then you shouldn't tell them <- (your parents) about it, it's not your job to do that, it doesn't make you a bad person for not saying anything about it to them, you aren't disrespecting your religion for calling people by their preferred pronouns either!

It's really sweet how much you care for flower, anon, but the best advice I can give you is to just, love flower unconditionally and to learn more for flower instead of being afraid of how the world will treat flower. Be the shoulder flower knows they can lean on in a cruel world. Be flowers support! Supporting flower doesn't make you evil or terrible, genuinely

#someone help me word this better #but srsly anon u need to stop being so aggressive towards this i know ur scared for flower #but this isn't the way

[stoopidstapler]

SO IVE BEEN GOIN INSANE SINCE THIS TRAILER DROPPED. JUST. SIMON. SIMON. SIMON.

#simon petrikov #fionna and cake #adventure time #goin insane over him #thers no words to describe how im feelin #i wish i could draw somehtin better but i am goin INSANE #FINALLY. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. we are being FED. #ALSO?? HOW THEY SHOWED HIM EXACTLY WHEN THE LYRICS GO ''WHATS WRONG WITH ME'. LIKE HELLO??????? #ive seen so many good theories PLEASE GOD WRITE FICS I AM BEGGIN I LL DRAW U FANART BLS HEL P #IDK WOT IM GONNA DO FOR A WHOLE MONTH #SOMEONE KNOCK ME OUT TIL THE 31ST. HIBERNATE ME. HELP. #also i need to put it out there the first thing i thought when i saw this trailer was simon is tryina rewrite fionna and cake #which is why their world keeps changin so much? idk idk #ive seen so many different ideas and they are all so good please help #ALSO GOD. THIS MAN IS JUST GOIN THRU IT. AND ITS ONLY BEEN A QUICK TRAILER. #im sorry for so many tags idk where to put these help #maybe i should make an actual blog for like. whatever. n reblogs. help.

[starry-bi-sky]

i think i'm hilarious -- aka i made blood blossom danny au memes

all of these come from my DpxDC prompt "i am pushing the batdad agenda--" and it's corresponding additions in the reblogs ksdjlf.

i am. rotating them in my head. forever and always. personally i think there should be more batdad aus in dpxdc, their dynamic could be neat. :)

#THAT FIRST ONE TOOK ME A HOT MINUTE TO MAKE. i have never been more careful with a trackpad. imgflip doesnt have an undo button #i think its fucking hilarious #its a batdad au #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc #dpxdc crossover #dp x dc crossover #dp x dc #dc x dp #mmm i need to come up with a name for this au #found family ftw WHOOOO. i could just do a generic 'blood blossom au' tag but i want a specific one because i like being unique #eldest batkid danny au #chronically ill danny au #danny: im grateful he's helping me but im still kinda apprehensive... #battinson: vaults over a car to escape reporters. likes rock music. isn't fucking evil. punched a cop. actively looking for a cure #danny: ...huh. okay. #furiously pushing the batdad agenda for my own gain. just look at them guys. they're funny little guys. #unofficial witness protection to adoption pipeline. #bruce wayne accidental teen acquisition. save a teenager gain a son #its about the adventure of them going from strangers to friends to family :) #im bored of the bruce slander guys in the words of hermes from hadestown: #“[its] about someone who *tries”* #danny saw a funny man in a funny costume eat the side of a dumpster and has never related more with someone on a spiritual level #“brother eugh i feel that. oh heY WAIT HERO BUDDY?? SAME HAT??? SAME HAT?” #danny's been the only hero he's known since he was 13. on god he is leaping at this opportunity. like YES. PLEASE BE ANOTHER HERO #HELP ME GET AWAY FROM CERTIFIED CRAZY MAN. HELP. YOU'RE SCARY AND HIDING IN THE DARK. EVEN BETTER. HELP A BROTHER OUT HERE #blood blossom au #for the time being thats the name

[5ummit]

So there's this post with a troubling number of notes going around insisting that "dead dove" is not a genre, it doesn't inherently have anything to do with darkfic, and that the tag could be applied to fics that are "100% fluffy where everyone's having a good time" if they happen to contain some abnormal (though entirely non-problematic) content like an unusual kink. The claim is that "dead dove: do not eat" is simply a "courtesy tag" that means "this is a very specific niche, mind the tags." And that's just... wrong.

I wrote up a whole rebuttal to this post since I can't stand misinformation and frankly OP was being kinda rude and judgey on top of their wrongness. But right after I posted my reply, OP turned off reblogs because, and I quote, “some fuckwad added some dumb shit onto this post and it is no longer educational” (the “fuckwad” being me and the “dumb shit” being proof that they were wrong). A couple people have asked me to make a rebloggable version of my response, which I've decided to do because this isn't the first time I've heard similar claims and I want to help set the record straight. However, I'm not linking the original post on the off chance this gains traction because OP did the right thing by turning off reblogs, preventing it from circulating further, and I don't want them to get hate for being unfortunately misinformed.

For those who don't know the history, "dead dove: do not eat" was originally proposed as a catchall "hydra trash party" alternative label for any fandom to warn that the content of a fic may be considered problematic or potentially upsetting and to read the tags carefully so you know what you're getting into and won't complain later. Specifically, DD:DNE was intended to convey that the Bad Things in the fic would likely be reveled in and not explicitly condemned by the narrative, which some people tend to get up in arms about, hence the need for the extra warning in addition to the tags. Don't believe me? Here's the original proposal (note DD:DNE can be found on a handful of fics dated before 2015 but this is when it really took off and became a Thing).

There are currently around 50,000 fics tagged as "dead dove: do not eat" on AO3 and close to 50% of those also include the rape/noncon warning (which of course is not the only type of "dead dove" but is one of the most popular and most consistently tagged). The normal percentage of noncon fics in any given fandom? Around 1-3%. That's a HUGE disparity. So don't tell me that dead dove is just a general "courtesy tag" and doesn't or shouldn't have dark connotations. Even the context of the original joke on Arrested Development has a dark undertone. Micheal Bluth casually finds an animal carcass in a bag in his refrigerator with the label "do not eat", as if eating it would be any sane person's first thought. The whole situation is kinda fucked up. And this fucked up vibe very much carries over into fandom usage too, as was intended.

The claim that dead dove has nothing to do with the content's genre and could just as easily be used to describe a 100% fluffy fic in which everyone's having a good time is straight up Wrong, or at the very least, severely warping the original meaning. Also, when someone these days says that they like/dislike "dead dove" most people in fandom automatically understand what that means because of the consistency of its usage over the years and the way language evolves. Whether you like it or not, "dead dove" IS a genre now and the term does carry a specific connotation. I do agree that DD:DNE should definitely still be used in conjunction with other tags, when applicable, to be explicit about the exact type of fucked up content you may find, but to say that the term is meaningless on its own is patently false and I'm tired of people who don't know what they're talking about pushing this narrative and causing even more confusion.

You want a generic term that also means "mind the tags" and doesn't have any inherently dark connotations? Just use good ol' "what it says on the tin" instead of trying to force dead dove to be something it's not.

#fyi I've tweaked my response slightly to remove specific references to OP and make it read better on its own #I hope I don't regret making this post and inviting The Discourse #but dead dove is a topic that is very near and dear to me #I feel like someone has got to say something and put a stop to all of the misinformation around it these days #fandom #long post #my words #psa #wendy's help desk

[sherokutakari]

Okay okay okay but like

Everyone out here talking about Crowley's hinted at memory problems. How he remembers Heaven and making the stars, but not working with Saraqael. How he remembers going into battle, but not with Furfur. How he doesn't seem to remember Aziraphale in Eden, even though it turns out they met at the Pillars of Creation. How he knows what it's like, looking where the furniture isn't. Memory fussing. Clearly something Heaven Does.

But no one is talking about that Heaven's memory wiping was only mentioned once directly. And only in reference to Gabriel, who was explicitly not being cast down to Hell, but demoted.

Like some Cherub-turned-Principality, which could be either a promotion or demotion, depending on what Angelic Hierarchy you subscribe to?¹

What if the reason Crowley and Aziraphale's meeting in Eden seemed so first-meeting-ish not just because only Crowley's memory was messed with?

What if Aziraphale's memories had been also?

Neil said that these two had known each other for a LONG time between the s2 meet cute and the beginning of actual time/their meeting in Eden.² Surely Crowley would have given his name at SOME point if that were the case. And we know Aziraphale had a hard time switching from Crawly to Crowley, so even if he assumed his newly Fallen friend had intended to choose a new name, there's almost no way he *wouldn't* have just called him by whatever name he already knew him as. Why does he wait for Crawly to introduce himself, instead of just referring to him as Raphael, or Baraqiel, or Kokabiel, or Jophiel or whatever your favorite Proto-Crowley Angel Name is? And why does it seem like they don't even know each other, even a little bit?

What if they knew each other super well in Heaven, and after the Battle, both had their memories mucked about in, and both got Demoted??

What if in Eden they were meeting for the first time again, and they still ended up choosing each other over Heaven and Hell????

What if nothing the powers of Heaven and Hell can do can keep these two Inefffable Idiots apart????

Please help I'm .__o.>-<

#Good Omens #Good Omens 2 #Ineffable Husbands #bls im finally breaking my moratorium on go2 spoilers for this thought #someone with better words help me braaaain #like i feel like im just barely tickling the edges of a theory here i can't quite pull together #hhhhj #Good Omens Spoilers #Good Omens 2 Spoilers #go2 spoilers #Spoilers #links to tiny numbers will be provided in reblog #bc this site eats posts with links #liberal use of italics

[spaciebabie]

hmm okay but like imagine. springtrap is in every sort of pain you can imagine daily. physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, and he spent 30 years trapped in a broom closet so bro is probably very mentally unstable. so like. imagine how he would feel upon receiving affection for the first time in all those years. i think his brain would explode. all this agony that he walks around with daily, and then one day hes given a hug and the gentle press of another person against him. holding him. makes him feel sturdy even though he's basically falling apart. maybe a quiet remark of fondness particularly stabs him in the chest. i mean, he would come undone. he hasnt felt good like this in years.

he wouldnt be able ta get enough of this good feeling. seeking out physical affection whenever he can, even when its just from brushing past each other or fingertips lingering for a split second. always needing ta be near. finding solace in being an arms length away. the praise he would try ta draw out. "hey look at this thing i did i truly am the best at this sort of thing," the way he would cherish being spoken about in any positive manner. just the way it would feel so good ta have someone give him some much needed attention and praise. and ta feel such positive emotions abt and around them in return. the way that even with all the agony he experiences he is blessed to be afforded a single break from all of it. if only for a moment, to feel it all melt away...

#all of this is ta say that i think um #im bleeding from my eyes #guuuuuuhhhh #uhm and also that i think that he would be obsessed with being around someone who could #make him feel such...for lack of a better word‚ #pleasure not only physically but emotionally too!!!! #spacie spoinks #i think that after that long of being tortured day in and day out a simple hug would make him see stars #you know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #sorry im soft rn #hhhh #him. #ive been thinking abt this for days someone help me #he would be such.....a cuddle bunny...... #im going 2 die. i think im really gonna die this time.

[blmpff]

Okay, I know the red and blue lights were from the police cars, but there were red and blue lights because it's them, right?

Because it's Phaya and Tharn, it's garuda and naga, it's fire and water right?

#*puts tinfoil hat on* #or did i overdo it #am i doing the spotting color things correctly #please someone help me put this in better words #do you see ehat i mean #the sign the series #episode 4 #favorite scenes #blmpff

[cathodic-clairvoyant]

Oh hi there transfem discussing her experience in the trans community i just had a quick question about your post

What does tme mean?

Oh okay i see i understand, thank you.

What does transmisogyny mean?

Ah I see, I get it.

What's a trans woman?

Oof scary. One last question.

What's a woman?

Thank you for being my own personal google (not like you had anything better to do right?) and derailing the point of your post for my own personal education. I will now add nothing of value to this post in return. Bye bye!

#channel 3 #ignore me i'm bitching #it's just like. somehow the word tme/tma magnetizes people who refuse to do a second of thinking EVERY SINGLE TIME #like on one hand i almost feel bad for bitching #because generally if someone is unaware enough to ask theyre probably not aware of the precedent of multiple tme people asking on every post #what tme/tma means #BUT ALSO it happens so often it straight up feels like it's intentional #and like even if you don't want to look it up i feel like it's easy to guess by context clues #but like regardless of that #could you imagine going to literally any other discussion like that and asking them to define basic terms #'hi thank you for sharing your math thesis with us. just one question what does that t shaped symbol mean? this one: +' #'hi thank you for your in depth analysis of whether the cubs win this year. just one question. what's baseball' #'hi thank you for this in depth character analysis. just one question. what's a book?' #like in all of these cases we can agree that either a. they're a bad actor or b. they're not doing the bare minimum to engage with the post #why is it that people think it's still okay to do that on posts by transfeminists? (<- knows the answer) #(also i'm sure this also happens to cisfeminists but i think more people know better than that now) #like. if you do this i don't think you're evil or like transmisogyny incarnate or whatever but like. in the nicest way #i want you to think through what you expected to happen with. like sincerely and ask yourself was this productive to anyone #did this add anything of use to the post or to anyone else #explaining tme/tma doesn't add use to the post because transfems have explained it billions of times elsewhere #and knowing what it means is generally the bare minimum for interacting with a post discussing transmisogyny #so who does it help to ask? further who does it hurt to ask? in what context might my question be taken? #whagever who give a shit

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[seaweedstarshine]

Okay so The Star Beast was fun and I'm hyped for Wild Blue Yonder and everything but I am shattered over the new episode of Eleventh Doctor Chronicles.

Broken Hearts is some of the best dark!Doctor Expanded Universe exploration I ever consumed, and that includes The Eleventh Doctor Year Two comics. I am sobbing. I am in tears. I am broken as thoroughly as the Doctor broke Valerie Lockwood.

Me when I can't find any Broken Hearts/Curiosity Shop stan posts to reblog or fic to read to get out the angsty energy...

(fic. I'm writing fic. and yes this is an open request for reading recs)

#'you can't be scared of me' 'YOU JUST SAID ITS TAKEN YOU CENTURIES OF PRACTICE NOT TO BE MURDERY! SO SCARED OF YOU? A LITTLE BIT- YEAH!' #that's my Valerie. that's my Doctor. one of the best tardis teams- audio dramas or otherwise #Valarie lockwood #eleventh doctor #eleventh doctor chronicles #where my Eleventh Doctor Chronicles peeps at?? someone help me #(I mean. im at work. but I can't stop thinking abt it since I listened. AND THERES NO BROKEN HEARTS STAN POSTS TO RB) #words by seaweed #btw I understand them not bein as popular/mainstream! they're prohibitively expensive #I bought this one because I couldn't wait. and big finish deserves more $ than bbc but I... have pirated maaaany doctor who audios #I love how horrible eleven is in his EU stuff. idk if I mentioned. it suits him really well. #he's horrible in the show too. but he doesn't get enough shit for it from his companions <3 #love Rory and River for their service buuuuut #Alice and Valerie are better than Amy and Clara sorry #(I do love Amy and Clara to DEATH) #that said Alice also forgives him reeeally easily. which is fine! but the fact that she 'trusts him implicitly' in year 3 is irrational. #at least with Valerie the Doctor had excuse of having been recovering from brain damage. #anyway eleventh doctor chronicles broken hearts is great and flawless and the perfect followup to curiosity shop

[smallest-moon]

what if vash was a god, a benevolent god loved by many, who worked hard everyday to listen and attend to everyone's prayers and kept spreading himself thinner and thinner but it was okay as long as his people were safe right?

then something horrible inevitably happens and no matter what vash attempts to do, he cannot fix this! the people turn against him, where was their god? wasn't he supposed to protect them? why couldn't he save them?

useless, useless, u s e l e s s

he falls from divinity but he's not a common man, he is something else... something lower, something despicable. destruction and devastation followed him like a shadow no matter where he went and despite all this he never lost his kindness and heart

he falls from divinity but he's not a common man, he is something else... he is more human than humans could ever be

what if wolfwood was dangerous and deranged... his early life being of pain and misery, the only thing he clings on to is the orphanage. the place he was raised and helped raise many like him. he does not believe in gods because if they truly exist then why do they suffer so much? how many more children are going to turn out like him? bitter, cold and resentful

he is always kind to the children there, he never ever let's them see his true self they already suffered enough.. he wouldn't hesitate to burn the world to the ground but he'd sooner set himself on fire if it meant he would keep the children from harm

so it is no surprise that when calamity strikes and the orphanage gets razed to the ground, that in wolfwood's final living moments his grief, pain and rage that burn hot in his heart don't allow him to cross into the afterlife and he turns into a vengeful ghost

he is weak but quickly grows strong. he chases the transgressors like a vengeful god, for if the gods themselves do not destroy their pathetic scummy existence, do not make them pay the consequences for their actions then wolfwood would take care of it himself... it doesn't take long for people to grow fearful of The punisher

what if a too-much-of-a-human divine being met with a former human whose heart stopped beating turning him into something cruel? what if the faithless man that kept praying to protect what he loved despite not believing in gods met a broken god crushed by guilt and love who was trying to attone for his own sins with one act of kindness at a time?

#what im actually saying is basically an over glorified hualian au except make it more uh.. catholic?? #or i guess more western is probably the best word? #im not sure but if you also love tcgf and hualian like i do you see what im getting it right? #obviously not actually a tgcf au but you know heavily influenced by it #god blessed me with having galaxy brain ideas in the middle of the night but i still havent figured out to make myself write them #anyways heres another for the back burner until i can figure it out on my own #or i bounce back and forth enough ideas onto someone so that they can help and kick my ass into writing it #trigun #nicholas wolfwood #vash stampede #vashwood #uhhhh dunno if this some of these things counts as spoilers but anyways better safe than sorry I guess??? #trigun spoilers #once again this is probably incoherent but i had to write this down before i had forgotten AGAIN

[gerandor]

He looks at his wrist, at the leather bracelet and the wooden cross with the crucified Jesus on it digging into his skin. It’s the only worthless piece of jewelry he ever wore, Lalo kept teasing him about it. Called him mi Jesúsito personal as Lalo went down on him. Asked if he had been sent from Heaven to absolve him as he fucked him. Told him Jesus was a pawn, a decoy, a sacrifice as he devoured him; but his Nachito was better than that, wasn’t he? So why don’t you just take it off?

The bracelet was a gift from his father; it didn’t have any meaning beyond the comfort and the sense of calm it brought him. Nacho told Lalo he got it from the corpse of a man he strangled to death who wouldn’t just shut up during sex. Lalo laughed, took his words for it as he always did and called him mi paraíso lindo as he plowed him.

#here's another part of that missing scene bw nacho n mike im writing #im such a slow writer its embarrassing #hope the Spanish words i used are correct! #if not id be really grateful if someone could help me with them #also i dont remember if the origins of the bracelet was ever discussed #so i just came up with my own headcanon #special thanks to @obbel for suggesting mi paraiso lindo #nacho varga #lacho #lalo salamanca #lacho fic #better call saul #bcs

[stinkypeanutbutter]

ranpoe but they both become flustered idiots when the other makes a move

#I’m drawing this totslly #Please trust #Ranpo flirts and poe dies inside #Poe flirts ( accidentally most of the time ) and ranpo dies inside #Someone draw this as well actually #ART LSL #I’m writing this to cope with the fact that my pookie Ranpo is apparently close to death guys wth where is he what is happening #If he is about to die I’m going to kill myself #MARK MY WORDS #I BETTER NYOT SEE THAT !!!!!! #Anyway I really want to draw ranpo #And Karl . Karl is the silliest fr fr #I don’t think I’ve been this obsessed with a character in a while #Character ai is going haywire #Someone help me before it’s too late please pelapslsll #I’ve sunken in too far HELP ME I CANT I HATE HIM !!!!! GET HIM OUT MY MIND !!!!!! #This is an illness why am I like this #Why do I always like the super silly characyers #2 types of mine apparently : Silly silly and silly why #I’m doing this to cope okay #Anyway they are so baby girl #Yosano is also babygirl fr fr meow I mean who said that #ranpo edogawa #bsd ranpo #bungou stray dogs ranpo #bsd poe #edgar allan poe bsd #edogawa ranpo #bsd ranpoe #bungou stray dogs

[exausta-verytired]

this is far from the worse one it's the example I give for not being explicit but like I fully internalized the word "nymphet" when I was young I thought that was a real thing and a normal way of refering to myself because I could tell there was something different between me and the normal happy kids but I didn't know how to say "adultification, religious racism and anticomunism made men objectify me and the fact I was already 'broken' made them comfortable enough with just being another rapist instead of the first one" so I just used that instead

#which was the LEAST offensive narrative about me the sex demon brought as divine punishment for my family was hmmm a choice from neighbours #just... can we think a little about what the word grooming implies #I had it good it wasn't incest #'had it good' might be dramatic I just mean breaking narratives that justify abuse it's even harder when it comes from the household #I've worked with many girls who explained me what they thought of as 'father-daughter caress' #but don't worry I don't rank trauma me and my ex has that weird competitions of 'you had the more fucked up childhood' it did wonders for m #so whenever I say 'at least it wasn't incest' i can hear his delulu voice right next to me saying 'oh yeah? having only one rapist is #objectively better than multiple. I'm a man you're a woman. checkmate!' okay babyboy that works so well about your bio father you live with #weird insane teenage rage would never allow anyone else to talk about me like he does but it was good for us #because the real joke is you can invalidate any victim about how it was 'not that bad' if you talk long enough which people do #but I'm going on too many tangents today #but if there's too things I've learnt is that you can be traumatised by sex you technically 'consented' to #but also every rape victim feels guilty about 'participating' too much especially when it's a repeated abuser #and we blame ourselves for stuff we recognise as manipulation/threats/coercion easily when it's someone else #my will to delete this one versus the fact every time I mention our worse fight me going 'oh yeah cuz an 8 year old would win an argument #against his only parent that is threatening the other kids' versus him 'oh but you should win at 10 against the man who threatened to arrest #your father' and me screaming 'DIFFERENT' but having my brain rewritten... has had people telling me 'thats helpful' more than once ugh #also i fucking hate the way rapists talk to children I cant count on a single hand how many cases of 'entertain me or I cant promise I wont #do anything to the younger ones' I have PERSONALLY witnessed. #.txt

[goldkirk]

as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and (tw for murder/crime/killings) the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd

#i can't wait to find out what red flags I didn't see in my own self back when I last read this thing in 2015 hfdhfdhjsfd #also. there's gonna be like a good sentence here and there and then CRINGE. the whole rest of everything is just me still trying to copy th #breathing pace (essentially) and ways-of-describing-things of mainstream authors like I thought I was supposed to #so this'll be somewhat painful but also god what a joy and a gift and an honor and a delight to get to hold this close to my heart #and witness it with understanding and empathy and slow reflection and care like my past younger self deserves #i'm so lucky i'm alive to be here and do this #i'm so grateful i'm headed towards welcoming back and embracing the last little girl i was that still felt a lot of things #so excited for her focus and precision and tenacity and constant curious joy and movement to be back someday #i'm afraid people won't like the me i was before rule after rule and then dangers #but my god it'll feel so good to be the fully-flowing energy machine and dance and conduit again how will I have enough bother to care? #people who are good to each others' nervous systems cumulatively feel better and better #if i'm not good for you and yours then you really truly SHOULD go elsewhere and find someone who makes YOUR self feel right and light + war #anyway now that i wrote an essay in the tags as usual [nervous laughter] #personal #add to journal #words n rhythm #WHY DID I FEEL CAPABLE OF UNDERTAKING A STORY LIKE THIS #cradling my past self gently but also BANGING my HEAD against the WALL lmao #i'm proud of myself for writing and sharing this and its creative ideas. even if i don't like it now or feel ashamed or see mistakes. #anything. it mattered that it came to me and it mattered that i explored it and it mattered that i poured myself through it to help shape i #and it mattered that I left it on the internet so that now it still exists. i'm going to honor this story no matter what current me would #objectively think about it if it was written by anyone else. #this is a gift i give myself now. #this is a lot of what I learn and learn to do #trauma evolution #mosswrites

[menshusband]

What does a man have to do not to live in constant dread

#this is about school #mostly #i hate it here chat #what am i to do #someone.....if you have any advice... please #i have an oral test tomorrow i have to learn by heart two texts in chinese and learn 100 new vocabulary words #help. drowning #literally #can no longer keep it up #for the record I'm demotivated because my efforts never take me to satisfactory results #and yea sure nothing changes overnight #but like. I've been trying for at least 8 years now? aren't things supposed to get better after a while I'm trying? #I've tried changing methods eh #anyways. unsatisfactory results. and it gets frustrating because I feel so disappointing because I know before starting that I won't be abl #to do The Thing. get to complete homework? memorise something? BE ABLE TO FUCKING TALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WHO KNOWS HOW TO TALK??? #you name it. i just can't do it #in school specifically but outside too #only outside of school i don't whip my ass about it because who fucking cares #but this is something that will influence my future chances of getting jobs too #like i cant talk the way i do in a job interview nobody's going to think i have basic communication skills or even basic human skills at al #ah nevermind it's fine #I'll find a way #some day #i guess #the unsilly