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byronictrash · 3 years

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so I was thinking about the whole hbo supernatural thing and all I could think was how it would fit in my major spn interpretation which is TRANSFEM SAM WINCHESTER!!!!

• changed her name to samantha for pure praticity

• is a lesbian, so all the romantic part is pretty similar to the canon, monsterfucking and all

• in which dean got a little confused about the distinction of gender ≠ sexuality at first like “wait but why did you become a girl if you like girls?” (he doesn’t know a lot of queer people, give him some time)

• AND SPEAKING OF DEAN! the biggest ally of all times. at first he doesn’t understand lots of stuff that seems obvious to sam (“why are you putting on a suit?” “dean we’re going to a small town, the case will be way harder if everyone is staring at me”), asks indiscrety questions (“can i ask you something?” “it depends” “you wanna chop your dick off?” “NO YOU CANT ASK IT”) but over time he starts to get it more naturally

• despite his numerous hook-ups, dean has never spent so much time in his life in a company of a woman so even the smallest things are extraterrestrial to him (“hey whats that bowl in the microwave?” “depilatory wax” “OH CMON SAMMY I WAS GOING TO HEAT UP MY DINNER THERE”)

• of course, there would be a scene where they met some hunter friend of john who says shit about sam, misgender her etc and dean goes FERAL, fist fighting with the guy and stuff. later sam yells at dean, saying she doesn't need dean to protect her and the argument would escalate to all the times that dean treated her in a condescending way, dean yelling back that dad said it was his job to take care of her and sam yelling even louder that dad would probably dead by now (in this moment all the lamps in their room (and in the street) simply explode, but they ignore. it was probably some short circuit…. right?)

• ok lets talk about john. still the same asshole, still gave a gun to kid who was afraid of the boogeyman, still tried to summon azazel when his son was in comma in 02X01 BUT now he also has a whole series of microaggressions with sam. she’s not stupid, she know the dad she has so doesn’t come out until she’s in stanford, SO john finds out sam is trans in 01X16 when john see sam after two years wearing a skirt and holding a .45 gun. he looks at her up and down and doesn’t say anything however, suddenly stops calling sam sam and starts calling her strictly samuel.

• it got worse after s1 season finale with the whole azazel possessed john > sam had the opportunity of killing azazel/her dad > couldn’t do it > azazel escaped > the winchesters get hit by a truck. when sam questions her father about being worried about the colt while his own son is dying, john explodes with her “you know samuel this is all your fault, once again you couldn’t just man up and pull the fucking trigger, kill the thing, you had to be same old sissy and chicken off, if your brother dies its his blood in your hands”

• aaaaaanyway, lets go back to our girl :D

• her style is kinda a mess. makeup done in a hurry, most of her clothes are mid skirts, hoodies and long dresses but now and then she spends a week wearing baggy jeans and band t-shirts, like dean’s, and no makeup at all. when he asks her “where is the whole angry teen outfit?” sam would simply respond its “because of the praticity, it’s tough to fight with a vampire in a dress lol” dean knows its because sometimes sam’s internalized transphobia ft repression gets loud

• her music taste is mostly grunge, punk and some alt bands she discover in stanford but dean call all of it emo “oh fuck off sammy, i let you drive once and you already put this emo shit” “dean this is literally nirvana, you cant call everything made after the 80’s emo”

• when she came out to bobby his reaction was literally “so now you’re a girl?” “uh… yeah” “gonna change your name or something?” “now is samantha but sam is still fine” “okay, now look this sigil... (and went back to the lore they were searching)”

• sam’s catholicism being more portrained on screen and how the dilemma of being a Christian and queer filled sam with religious guilty

• her paranormal powers also showed up sooner and since the beginning she knew something was wrong. her throat felt sore every time she recited the rituale romanus and holy water made her skin itchy. the older she got, the harder those “symptoms” became and with her denial, desire to be normal combined with religious guilt, it was easier to just convince herself that all this was just god punishing her for living in sin.

• surprisingly, all the demons and angels (and most of the monsters) even being assholes treats sam with the right pronouns

• which make sam and cas fist encounter even more interesting because cas literally turns to dean and go “is this your sister, samantha winchester?” “yeah” “ABOMINATION”’

• samruby second (cause the real first was ruby killing the seven deadly sins and stuff) encounter on the other side was a little more like "why are you following me?” “because youre tall and tall women are sexy as fuck” (then sam’s brain was short circuited for a sec because her height make usually makes her dysphoric)

• between s3-s4, dean still in hell, there would be a scene of one of the first times that sam drank blood to exorcise a demon with her mind. so here they are, demon tied in a chair and trapped in a trap, sam with blood all over her chin and ruby looking at her all heart eyes. Sam tries to do the exorcism but it doesnt work so ruby says sam needs more blood. Sam responds that shes nauseous and if takes any more shes gonna puke (cause you know voluntary vampirism came too natural in canon and that disturbs me) so the demon, who's wearing a cheerleader as a vessel, laughs and says "you know sammy, for real women blood tends to be a natural thing". ruby kills her on the spot.

• speaking of the catholicism (and the blood drinking) again, sam prays every single time before/after drinking demon blood, ruby mocks her for it but she doesnt care. its a weird feeling because even thinking that what shes doing is right, that she needs to get strong to kill lilith, it still feels bad, unholy in some sense.

• of course lucifer tempted her in s5 not only appearing as jess but also saying things like "why samantha, after all, are you willing to sacrifice yourself for a society that treats you like scum, that looks at you like a freak?"

• no need to say that in 05x04 "The End" episode when dean faces lucifer using sam as his vessel, she's wearing an outfit way cooler than that abbey-road-john-lennon-white-suit (to know what i mean search amanda seyfried 2018 met gala look THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!!!!)

• even after being clean of blood drinking, sam still has some of her paranormal powers. she can't do exorcises with her mind anymore but she can move small objects with telekinesis (she doesn't do it in front of dean cause she knows it would scares the fuck out of him)

i also had a list of some episodes rewritten in this au but this list is already long, guess i'll post later

#daaaaaaamn i have so many feelings about this #hbo supernatural #trans sam winchester #supernatural #samruby #transfem sam #lesbian sam winchester #kripke era #yeah im projecting #headcanon #mine

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americachavez · 3 years

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did cas really tell dean to kneel before their new god? did that actually happen? i thought him beating the shit out of dean in that alley was the most unrestrainedly horny thing this show had ever done ACTUALLY you know what scratch that new question: top horny moments from the cw's supernatural (2005 - 2020)

getting this ask feels like my sins of the last week have been weighed against the Trials I Have Gone Through since the premier of supernatural on the wb in september of 2005 and I’m not sure if it is a punishment or reward

some notes before we begin:

the ep with dean’s male siren was like, conceptually horny but not actually that horny because the dude was uglie. I’m sorry to this man

all you sam girls out there. I respect you but I do not respect jared padalecki who is JUST tall and has zero sex appeal. but those eps where he’s like, drinking ruby’s blood and then eating her pussy are. you know. I’ll give you that

I am ONLY UP TO SEASON 10 so fair warning this is not comprehensive but the horniness does seem to drop off sharply after the mark of cain is no longer in play lol gotta love a good demon murder tattoo plot

this is easily the most insane thing I’ve ever done, including the destiel manifesto

S1 EP12: the scene where dean gets healed by the faith healer, on his knees with a hand in his hair and looking somewhere between religious ecstasy, brain death and an orgasm. starting this list off great

S1 EP22: azazel possessing john winchester. no I will not explain further if u know u know <3

S3 EP10: dean being taunted by a dream version of himself, this is where we first got the daddy’s blunt little instrument line. still burned in my hippocampus a good 13 years later thank yew

S4 EP1: dean crawling out of his own grave covered in grave dirt. hot. the HANDPRINT. HOT. also tangent but this reveal after the s3 finale was WILD back in 2008 I hollered in my dorm room after canvassing for obama. simpler times man

S4 EP 1: cas’ intro scene. the barn. the shadow wings. the hair??? getting stabbed in the chest by the man you just pulled out of hell. getting aaaallll up in that personal space. his little eyebrow. “you don’t think you deserve to be saved.” OUTRAGEOUSLY FLAMING

S4 EP02: “I dragged you out of hell I can throw you back in.” <<< this angel tops. mark dean down as scared and horny etc

S4 EP16: this ENTIRE EPISODE but specifically the part where dean tortures alastair as some kind of foreplay and then alastair kicks his ass. carved you into a new animal. jesus.

S4 EP16: wait I forgot about the part where cas also gets his ass kicked and looks all....hm. dazed and covered in blood while he’s on his knees and about to die. yeah.

S5 EP4: I mean this entire ep is unfairly horny considering everyone is dying of a zombie plague and hasn’t showered in like, 4 years but if I had to pick one hmmm. the dean/dean interrogation scene with the panty kink yeah I know it’s not original but hm. it happened. also misha collins just being able to convey that CAS IS A FLEXIBLE SLUT with a single roll of his shoulders. who SAYS this man can’t act!!!!!

S5 EP18: the ALLEY SCENE. DEAN DOESN’T FIGHT BACK. CAS HOLDS HIM UP OFF THE GROUND AND THEN THROWS HIM ACROSS THE ALLEY. WHY DID EVERYONE THINK CAS COULDN’T TOP. you all had brainworms.

S5 EP18: when cas locks dean in the panic room to stop him from saying yes to michael and “well cas not for nothing but the last person who looked at me like that I got laid” I hate this show. wait I think the blow me cas line is in this episode too what the fuck were they on here

S6 EP5: the scene where dean gets turned into a vampire. between the old dude who I think calls dean a pretty boy (??) and soulless sam....watching??? no ******* but there were just some absolutely foul energies in that scene and I still do not understand WHAT they were thinking

S6 EP20: cas doing a double smite on two demons by slamming them to the ground and then shoving another demon back in its vessel and then smiting him in the same motion. TOP. ENERGY.

S6 EP22: season 6 is possibly cas’ horniest season because he’s like, going through angel puberty after getting his first boner for dean, but the final cas eps are. whoof. cas eats a bunch of souls and proclaims himself to be a new god in order to handle said boner, and then the season ends with cas telling them to bow down and profess their love to him, their new lord, or he will destroy them. note: the way this is framed makes it look like cas is only staring at dean while he says this, even though sam and bobby are also there. the season ends with dramatic zooms on both cas and dean’s faces respectively. this made me actively regret ditching this show after s5 lol

S8 EP??: literally EVERY SINGLE PURGATORY FLASHBACK. cas dean and benny are all purgatory hot in the “pop 10 cranberry pills and risk the UTI” kind of way but also. dean being the hot girl bottom between two tops who hate each other. I really. whew. I need to go take a shower.

S8 EP17: if I get canceled for including the crypt scene on this list I blame you bud. but dean on his knees begging a brainwashed cas to stop killing him WAS sexy. how many times has dean been on his knees in this list wait there’s another one coming up next jsldjfsldkjf

S9 EP2: abaddon getting dean on his knees (YEAH) and pulling his hair and praising him for always coming when called HELLO???? the only thing that ruins this is dean says “I can’t tell if we’re gonna fight or make out” because this is the CW and they won’t let him say fuck

S9 EP6: ah. this entire episode is Emotionally Horny but the horny horny part is when they’re in the car and dean is telling cas to unbutton his shirt and. watches. I know this was on my destiel manifesto but I need it here too

S9 EP9: cas, covered in blood, slitting another angel’s throat and eating his grace after getting tortured. that shot alone made me understand why this website was so goddamn horny for misha collins for nearly a damn decade

S9 EP11: MARK OF CAIN BABEY. cain watching dean beat up a bunch of demons as an audition for taking on the mark, while crowley also is a fucking voyeur to the whole thing. cain is also a hot silver fox with daddy energies. I said what I said

S9 EP 16: dean getting the first blade. he’s chained to a pillar and being menaced by a foppish dandy who wants to add him to his “collection” (WOW). dean then kills him with the blade and whew. murder is sexy sometimes

S9 EP21: dean being pinned against a wall by abaddon’s power, then using the mark of cain to break her hold, calling the first blade to him psychically and then killing her. god the mark of cain is hot

S9 EP23: dean waking up with the demon eyes NUT

S10 EP2: demon dean beating up that dude with the boring backstory and kicking his ass. really was a go on baby I got your flower moment because I hated that dude and I love demon dean

S10 EP3: demon dean being chained up and taunting sam about how his brother is gone, then hunting sam through the bunker. demon dean in general was VERY fun for me, someone who loves trash

S10 EP9: dean going berserk and killing a bunch of pedophile rapists/child abusers. I’m sorry I know this show is trying to preach morality at me about monsters and unnecessary murder and humanity or whatever but we blew past that like 8 SEASONS AGO. also the mark of cain is sexy

S10 EP14: the rest of this list is really gonna be mark of cain stuff isn’t it look I’m here to have fun. cain and dean’s fight. cain continuously tossing his mane of hair back and taunting dean with the picture of what he’s going to become, who he’s going to kill. dean begging cain to tell him that he can stop, and then ultimately killing him. rip daddy.

S11 EP4: again I have not watched this however. every shot of this episode is PRESTIGE TELEVISION because driving a muscle car is sexy. and especially the shot of dean all beat to hell and begging his car to start and giving her a little kiss from his fingers to her dash. ugh. masculinity.

S12 EP10: the bearded salt-and-pepper daddy look returns, only it’s an angel this time and he’s wearing a vest and shirtsleeves and he swordfights with a hot redheaded lady in a suit and an eyepatch. this show is good sometimes!!! and oh fuck lol I just realized this is the same guy who played krissy’s hot hunter dad in s7 probably the first guy who’s hotter as an angel than a hunter. huh.

S12 EP 11: dean riding larry the mechanical bull to “broomstick cowboy.” I have no idea where this factors into the ep but I have seen. the youtube clip

S13 EP23: from what I can tell s13 is way more emotionally horny than boner horny, although dean burning cas’ body was sexy. but the horniest part was dean saying yes to michael and then michael taking over and saying “thanks for the suit.” we are going to ignore the silliest fight scene in existence as well as the final shot ending on a FREEZE FRAME like a goddamn tiktok

S14: not gonna pick a specific moment because I have not watched yet!!! but michael dean is hot. idk why michael is weirdly hot and I cannot stand any iteration of lucifer on this television programme. it should be the reverse but I’m forever an older sibling stan apparently. someone who is catholic could probably explain this better.

S15 EP13: genevieve padalecki and danneel ackles fight flirting as ruby and anael I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY HELD OUT ON THIS TILL THE LAST SEASON

I know I am missing things but this is already an absolutely incomprehensible screed. I know I’m missing shit from the latter seasons but give me time I’m pacing myself

#reply tag #spn tag #literally no one read this lol this is insane #Anonymous

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laufire · 3 years

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supernatural

the first character I ever fell in love with: way back when, over a decade go, my gal Ruby. Although the fact that I knew beforehand that she was a demon contributed lol (either way, chronologically it would’ve happened first upon that reveal, as Bela debuted in the next episode).

a character that I used to love/like, but now do not: I’ve had my ups and downs with Crowley. Any genuine fondness was gone with 8x17 on Meg’s behalf, if I’m honest. He still has interesting moments, especially with Rowena, but his writing in the later seasons was... subpar.

a ship that I used to love/like, but now do not: I think Dabb era Destiel is a borefest lol. It’s done more to lessen my interest in the ship that the actual shit they do to each other. I still like some moments and have plenty leftover feelings for the previous eras, but at that time, I really don’t care for it.

my ultimate favourite character™: Castiel. It’s so inconvenient smh xDD

prettiest character: it used to be Meg 2.0, whose face just speaks to me xD, but I fear Rowena has dethroned. She’s my ideal woman in so many ways!!! There’s not a single scene of hers where I haven’t gotten all heart-eyes about it.

my most hated character: sometimes Dean xD (I don’t call him my Schrödingers fave for nothing), always John.

my OTP: Megstiel, although Samruby will always have a special place in my heart.

my NOTP: John/Mary. Dear fuck I hate it. It’s horrifying.

favourite episode: I’m going to actually pick one for each season (that I’ve finished so far), because why the fuck not lol:

Kripke’s era: 1x16 (the reunion with John, Meg’s trap); 2x01 (hospital episode, ghost Dean, John’s deal); 3x12 (too many candidates, but it has both Bela -briefly- AND Ruby, with a vindicating plot for the later lol); 4x16 (4x09 comes close for obvious SAMRUBY SEX reasons, but this one has Samruby bloodsharing, Castiel inner conflict, Dean vs. Alastair, Anna being badass... c’mon); 5x10 (Megstiel’s first meeting! Castiel vs. Lucifer! Crowley’s gr10 introduction! 5x04 with the post-apocalyptic AU is another contender, obviously; 5x13 with the brothers travelling to see their younger parents, 5x18... But, yk. Megstiel xD).

Gamble era: 6x20 (AS IF I could pick anything else but Castiel’s POV episode slash betrayal reveal lmfao); 7x21 (Megstiel content, Kevin as prophet).

Carver era: 8x17 (for my girl Meg, Megstiel content, the Destiel scene... shotout to 8x13 “Everybody Hates Hitler”, too); 9x09 (for Castiel stealing himself some grace, yes. Like that demon Cecily, I thought it was very sexy of him xD); 10x17 (Sastiel and Rowena content); 11x10 or 11x12 (Sam in the cage, Castiel offers himself; or the Claire episode; Chuck’s & Metatron ep and the finale episode(s) are contenders too, because I actually love the Chuck-Amara storyline lol)

Dabb era (12-13 only): it’s between 12x10 (Castiel’s backstory! Lily Sunder! Jack foreshadowing!) and 12x13 (what Rowena does to Crowley in that episode is about one of the few interesting choices Dabb has made yet lmao); s13 is more about subplots as well lol -13x04 for Castiel’s stance against The Empty and how sweet Jack is; the Wayward sisters backdoor pilot not because it’s good (it was very green), but because there was ~possibility; and 13x19 for the Rowena and Samwena content. But really, in this era nothing stands out *as* an episode :/

saddest death: Meg’s. Ruby’s was infuriating, Bela was both tragic and vindicating... with Meg, I just miss her and what she brought to the show. I want her back :(((

favourite season: there’s no one answer for this one either lol. s3 had Bela and Ruby, s4 was intense, s5 had great moments but treated its female characters even worse than usual, s6 was Something, s10 was.... REALLY something xDD

least favourite season: s12. The BMOL plot sucks, Mary’s plot was a disappointment with how much I was looking forward to it, everything starts to really decline there...

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but I hate: sometimes Dean xDD. Though the issue is more that I fundamentally disagree with fandom’s view of him than about hate -sometimes I love him as a character, after all lol.

my ‘you’re a piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: well, I guess that’s Dean lmao. But I mean, I think most of the relevant show’s characters fit the “piece of trash” description xD

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Kevin, Claire, Bela, (I said what I said), Jack.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but I still love it’ ship: Dean/Alastair, for the opposite reasons for my conflicted feelings on every other Dean ship xDD. Castiel/The Empty. Gadreel/Sam a little lmao (the possession stuff... it gets to me). Also, this is 99% a joke, but if I were to ship incest in this show, it’d be Amara/Chuck lmao.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and I lowkey ship them, but I’m not too invested’ ship: Samwena (although I like it more and more and I prefer it to most of Sam’s canon ships); Claire/Kaia (but only because we didn’t see more lbr); Castiel/Jo (their interactions were cute); Chuck/Rowena.

#Anonymous #replies #talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #supernatural #ty!

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polaraffect · 4 years

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Top 10 mcr songs that you can apply to spn to make me sob

ISRA im gonna scream <3 Okay I'm gonna put this under a cut bc this is such niche content and also there are PARAGRAPHS ahead so be warned

send me a top 5/top 10!

1. Heaven Help Us: "I'm at this old hotel, but U can't tell if I've been breathing or screaming or sleeping, or waiting for the man to call" "And the punchline to the joke is asking, someone save us?" Season 5 vibes..... Everything abt the angel imagery and the fruitless begging for help. "The angels come screaming / Down your voice / I hear you've been bleeding / Make your choice / They say you've been pleading / someone save us" gives me STRONG early season Dean being told he's Michael's sword vibes.

2. Mama: We've established that literally Every lyric works but. "if you can coddle the infection / they can amputate at once" with the psychic abilities and this being John's view on it! like how he can just cut it off from Sam instead of acknowledging it. "and if you can stay then I'll show you the way / to return from the ashes you call" and how this whole song is Sam talking to Mary in 4.21 when he's going through withdrawals and he's battling the parts of him that think he's doing the right thing vs. him thinking that he's corrupted and fucked up!!!!! i Cannot stop thinking abt it.

3. Early Sunsets Over Monroeville: This is literally just same at the end of Heart when Sam has to kill Madison!! "not knowing you'd change from just one bite / i fought them all off just to hold you close and tight" "And if I had the guts/ To put this to your head/ But would anything matter / If you're already dead?" It's him contemplating if he should kill her bc she's been changed into a werewolf. literally i have So Many Emotions someone pls save me.

4. Vampires Will Never Hurt You: Sam talking to Dean/himself abt his psychic abilities & the demon blood! "And if they come and get me. / What if you put the spike in my heart?" him telling Dean to kill him if he goes dark side. "And someone save my soul, tonight / Please save my soul" Sam knowing he doesn't want to die like this and feeling like he has to rectify what he's done, "purify" himself... Yeah. Yeah.

5. Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back: Swan Song Vibes 💕 "I hope you're ready for a firefight / 'Cause the devil's got your number tonight (they say)" Sam deciding to say yes to Lucifer. "Who gives a damn if we lose the war / Let the walls come down / Let the engines roar" The walls are the barrier between Sam and Lucifer & the engines are the impala going into the cemetery! "Through the broken glass and the morning light / Be a burning star if it takes all night / So just save yourself I'll hold them back tonight" Sam to Dean before he jumps in the pit to save the world from angel war

6. This Is How I Disappear: The inbetween s3 and s4! "To un-explain the unforgivable / Drain all the blood and give the kids a show" "There're things that I have done / You never should ever know" obviously Sam starting to drink demon blood. "Can you hear me cry out to you? / Words I thought I'd choke on figure out / I'm really not so with you anymore" Sam feeling the absence of Dean! "And now, you wanna see how far down I can sink?" :(

7. On a completely different side, I Never Told You What I Do For A Living: it's a Castiel song. Hear me out. "You can say a prayer if you need to / Or just get in line and I'll grieve you /Can I meet you, alone" Cas talking Dean, maybe referring to how often the Winchesters die. "Another knife in my hands / A stain that never comes off the sheets" Angel blade, abt him killing other angels or maybe just in general abt how it taints him away from being an angel. "Touched by angels, though I fall out of grace / I did it all so maybe I'd live this every day" The fall!!! He becomes human and loses his grace. And then "I tried, I tried" well. That one's obvious.

8. I don't even think I need to quote Helena for it to make sense. Dean about Mary. He's grieving over her death "We are so far from you / Burning on / Just like the match you strike to incinerate". "So long and goodnight".

9. Isra you did Thanks For The Venom justice already but I'm going to re-emphasize: "I wouldn't front the scene if you paid me, I'm just the way that the doctor made me" abt the boy king content and how azazel made him to become the king of the demons! "give me a reason to believe" is Sam looking for reasons yo hunt and keep hunting and believe in the cause against evil "If this is what you want then fire at will" Sam @ Dean during the s4 fight, telling Dean to just kill him like Dad said. "preach all you want, but who's gonna save me?" Along the same lines, Sam talking to Dean abt working with ruby or the demon blood, saying there's no other way to kill Lilith... yeah.

10. Welcome to the Black Parade: i mean. C'mon. This is absolutely a Dean song. the direct parallels you could make to the band & hunting Hits like.... John indoctrinating Dean to hunting by being like "will you be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned?" "Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me" abt Mary. "I'm just a man, I'm not a hero. Just a boy who had to sing this song" Dean never really wanting to hunt but being told and forced to for so long that he doesn't have a purpose outside of it and only knows how to be a hunter. We are Feeling It boys.

#ask #dhawandyke #i am going to go INSANE #i have. so many thoughts <3 but i am so tired kshdkxks #im literallt just going to listen to mcr for says bc of this. i cannot believe u.#long post

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lovethediseasedkillerpuppy · 7 years

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Is Dean's Behavior is Comparable to Sam's?

This is in regard to your post about whether Dean’s actions have been just as bad as Sam’s, and why one might excuse Dean for let’s say, something like the MOC, but be angry at Sam for his S4 demon blood drinking/teaming up with Ruby arc.

First, let me preface this by saying, I’m sorry for the small book I am sending you!

Secondly, I guess I have a different story than most Dean fans. I came to the show WANTING to be bibro. In fact, I came to the show WANTING to like Sam specifically (because the friend who introduced me to the show liked him). I came for the epic bromance. I came with excitement and anticipation. I was sorely disappointed because Sam’s actions and his attitude were not conducive to what I’d consider good or even acceptable behaviors/attitudes [To add, spn is not my first rodeo. I analyze most everything I read/watch in this manner, and I watch A LOT]. So, I do tend to trust my instincts here. I don’t dislike Sam because I’m biased toward Dean and can’t cut Sam some slack. I dislike Sam because of how he behaves in the story. The one bias I do have, comes not from Dean, but from the narrative’s attempt to excuse or erase the behavior I find upsetting or distasteful. It only makes me MORE angry and incensed over it (and that sometimes makes Sam’s behavior seem worse to me). Worse still, is that the story often tries to do with through Sam, himself, which again only worsens the character in my eyes. It’s one thing to do something bad. It’s another thing to then excuse yourself for having done it and demand everyone else excuse you as well (including the people you harmed in the process).

I’m going to be as civil as I can, but I’m going to say that in no way is Sam’s behavior comparable to Dean’s in 90% of these instances.

I guess if you removed all of the context for these situations completely and decided that it didn’t matter, then perhaps they could be semi-equivalencies? But even that feels like a stretch to me, and I’m not understanding why context wouldn’t matter. On the contrary, I feel like context matters a great deal. A man shoots someone and kills him. It matters whether he shot because the man was threatening to kill his wife and he felt he had no other choice, or if he shot because he really, REALLY wanted the guy’s car to get away with the crime he’d just committed. On the surface, yes both men shot and killed another person. But while I would find understanding for the first scenario, I wouldn’t for the second (This is not necessarily meant to be a comparison of Dean and Sam, it’s just to highlight why context matters and why it’s something I heavily consider when judging an action).

That said, I’m all for examining why I think certain actions in certain contexts are understandable or even good, while I find others to be cruel or wrong. My reasons for being angry at Sam’s actions is often heavily based on the context of those actions, what Sam knew or should have known when he chose to act, his attitude and expressed reasons behind the action, and lastly his response to being confronted with his bad behavior.

So with that in mind, I’m going to dive in.

Sam’s stint with demon blood vs Dean and the MOC? These don’t seem very comparable at all. In this case, the actions themselves aren’t even comparable. One was done with a ton of prior knowledge, two years worth of lies and deception, a semi-cannibalistic addiction, violent physical assault, and lots of emotional abuse toward an already, notably broken brother. The other was done without any of that, with in fact coming to Sam, listening to his ideas on what to do about it, and working with Sam to correct it. One was a series of decisions that were made with multiple, on-going warnings, from multiple sources. Sam had plenty of chances to turn around, and a brother begging him to stop, even selling himself to give Sam another option, but Sam defended his choices each and every time and refused to behave differently. The MOC was a one-time decision of a hopeless and suicidal man that could not be taken back, even as he tried desperately to do so. One was done with plenty of notice that who was being risked (other innocents), while the other was done without any impression Dean would only be risking anyone but himself.

Here is a meta that explores it more in depth than I can here, taking a hard look at some of the context that is removed from S4 in a lot discussions. But just to add, here are a bit more context to show why Sam’s behavior S4 was so loathed and not really comparable to Dean and the MOC:

Sam’s knew that his powers were given to him by a powerful, evil demon with the specific purpose of having him lead a demon army in subjugating the world. He knew that the safety of others depended on him NOT succumbing to the influence of those dark powers. He knew that engaging those powers generally led to insanity/ murder/ going “darkside” and that with the single exception of Andy, ALL the other special kids who exercised those powers succumbed to the temptation. He knew that him going darkside would have serious repercussions for other people, not just himself. That it would at least lead him to murder innocent people and at worst lead to the destruction of humanity at the hands of a demon army. And yet he risked it anyway, not even so that he could stop a worse evil, but for revenge.

Throughout S4, both Dean and Sam were actively engaged in a war against demons and demon kind. Actually, one could say they’ve been in this battle since S2, and it’s just escalated to apocalyptic proportions by S4. Consulting with the enemy (even if you believe that enemy has defected to your side) while keeping it a secret from your comrades is…well wrong. It’s making the choice to share information FOR THEM, without their consent or approval. This would be different if Sam were off on his own, but he was not. He was working with Dean, the angels, and Bobby. Yet he gave a demon information about their plans and their activities without alerting them. This is a HUGE betrayal of trust (and would be considered treason in a RL situation). Ruby knew all their moves because Sam told her where they were and what they were doing. I understand that SAM decided to trusted her. But everyone else didn’t get to be part of that decision because he decided for them and lied to them about it.

Sam also knew that Dean was not comfortable with teaming up with or sharing information with Ruby. Dean had made it clear the he didn’t trust Ruby back in S3. It’s hard to imagine he didn’t know how much worse it would be after Dean returned from hell, the land of demons, where he was subjected to the worst suffering imaginable at their hands. Dean, who’d just spent decades of being abused and tortured by demons, did not get a say in telling one where he sleeps at night, was not consulted in the decision to tell a demon his whereabouts. Think about the level of violation that entails.

Sam started lying to Dean at the end of S2 and continued lying to him despite multiple opportunities to tell the truth. At no point did Sam tell Dean the whole truth. Even after Dean sold his soul for him. Even after Dean returned from the dead and begged for honesty. Nor after Dean apologized for over reacting to Sam’s deceptions, ceased commenting on Sam using his powers, thanked and worked with Ruby, and promised not to try to stop Sam from whatever Sam wanted to do. Sam’s lies were multitude (at least 12 that we see happening on screen), told with a straight face, and without remorse.

Sam used copious amounts of emotional blackmail to combat any questioning of his behavior and worse, to deflect any natural consequences from it after the fact. Dean, specifically, who was already in a vulnerable place, got to be the recipient of the deceptions, the gas-lighting, and manipulations. At one point, Sam graduates from emotionally abusive tactics and literally nearly strangles Dean to death.

NONE of this applied to Dean’s decision to take the MOC. Dean’s single moment of borderline suicidal decision making, which he had no reason to suspect would influence anyone else is…just not comparable. At. All.

I will also give you these links (part 1 and part 2) and this link, because they compare some other seemingly similar situations between the brothers, and highlight why I actually find them to be incredibly different, why I end up angry at Sam’s behaviors.

The next compare/contrast I was working on was going to be Amy/Benny anyway, so perhaps I’ll put something more together there. Until then, however, here is a brief bit of context surrounding the Amy situation that does not apply to the situation with Benny nor the situation with Emma (both of which Sam specifically compared to Amy).

When it comes to Amy, I do think Dean was wrong, not because he killed Amy, but because he lied about it. He said he wouldn’t and then he did it anyway. This is why I don’t really fault Sam for being angry (though the abandonment was a bit much, imo). However, Amy and Benny were nothing alike. Amy was monster who’d murdered four people in cold blood (despite her reasons), who Dean suspected may kill again. Sam was only barely acquainted with her. They weren’t friends and weren’t planning to be friends. Sam wasn’t going to stay in contact with her and had no plans to spend more time with her. Aside from the one, incredibly brief memory, they had nothing to do with each other. The one afternoon Sam had spent with her was not enough to really know her or vouch for her character, especially as that was years and years ago. I do not think Sam’s lie back then, though he kept it from John and Dean for years, was particularly wrong. Yes he let a monster go, but she had saved his life and wasn’t killing anyone. He had reason to believe she wouldn’t kill anyone, and reason to believe his father and brother would kill her none-the-less. That was all fine.

But Amy’s track record didn’t hold. That changed when she killed four people. And Dean, talking to a Sam that’s been hallucinating so bad he nearly blew Dean’s head off a few eps before, has NO reason to trust that she won’t do it again (or even that she’s really done this time and hadn’t just used her history with Sam to get away with it). Even if she was sincere, she’d murdered multiple human beings in cold blood and fed them to her offspring.Worse, she only stopped after she was irrevocably caught the second time. She deserved to be hunted. Dean should’ve told Sam the truth of that, and trusted that he could handle it, mentally unstable or not. But this to me wasn’t a heinous wrong, even if it was wrong. And what happened when he was caught? Dean apologized. Sam abandoned Dean without a word and gave him the silent treatment for several weeks. Dean was more than aptly punished for his digression.

Now, what about Benny? Dean fought beside Benny for a year, during a time when it seemed he was being abandoned to die in a land of horrors, by both his brother and his best friend. Benny became a true, invaluable friend, to Dean. Someone he knew intimately, someone he trusted, and the only real person he could talk to about blood washed reality of purgatory. First, he was forced to abandon this friend at Sam’s insistence, because Sam was jealous (despite Sam usually being the one advocating for “good” monsters). That alone was unfair and mean, and horrible considering Sam KNEW Dean had PTSD from it and he himself was doing nothing to help (he basically told Dean “your fine” right after Dean got done telling him how not fine he was. Plus, Sam kept trying to dictate that Dean had no right to be angry or upset over the abandonment, but that’s another issue). He basically forbid Dean from having contact with the one person he could turn to for support and then also offered no support himself.

During Southern Comfort, Sam prefaced his intention to kill Benny, again because Dean claimed Benny had treated him better than Sam had. Sam put an unstable man back in the field (Martin would’ve been a danger to innocents no matter what Sam had put him on) and sicced him on Benny specifically (because apparently he wasn’t satisfied with just keeping Dean and Benny apart). Benny was not killing anyone, wasn’t doing anything other than trying to reconnect with his relative. When Benny was suspected, Dean did not ask Sam to let Benny go if it were ever proven he’d killed someone, he only asked to have time to check to make sure he had. Sam promised Dean that, then rescinded, stood by while the mentally unstable hunter that he secretly hired to follow Benny knocked Dean unconscious. Then they both chained Dean to a radiator and went to kill his friend without any further checking. The only reason Sam didn’t succeed in his intended murder is because Dean interfered, something he was chewed out for from multiple people and later apologized for.

Do you see how these situations are not the same?

And what about Emma? I’ve written here, a little about my anger at the way Emma was treated, by Sam and also by the narrative. But I’ll also write a little more. Unlike Amy, Emma ALSO hadn’t killed anyone yet. Why did Sam suddenly change his policy on giving monsters a chance, especially considering the fact that 1) Emma was a child that had, through no fault of her own, been brainwashed and 2) she was literally Dean’s biological daughter? That alone, (for Dean’s sake) should have afforded her some mercy in Sam’s eyes, even if he’d completely stopped caring about giving monsters a chance (which we see later, that he hasn’t). 3) Sam paused and clearly heard Dean talking her down. She was not moving to attack. So why did he kill her?? The narrative, through Sam no less, suggests the reason is because of his soreness over Amy. It specifically has Sam justify his killing of Emma by bringing up Amy. And how does he do it? Sam shoots her in front of Dean—when she was not attacking, when he could have easily disabled her instead—and then proceeded to berate Dean for hesitating because if Amy died, so should she. This was Dean’s literal child, and yet he’s condemned for even WANTING to give her a chance. Do you see how that’s upsetting and NOT the same at all as killing a verified, serial killer who’d people’s brains to her kid and was not even a decent acquaintance Sam’s (b/c most acquaintances we’ve met more than one time)?

And I won’t even go into the Amelia/Lisa situation accept to say this: Dean did not abandon Sam to a terrible fate when he settled with Lisa, even though he KNEW Sam was technically dead. He looked for a way to get him out (that wouldn’t release lucifer again) and eventually found one. Sam did not have any sort of remains to suggest that Dean was dead (in a world with teleportation none-the-less) and he did nothing to check to see if Dean was in fact dead or not. He assumed, and he did it in a way he’s tried to do before (see S1 Devil’s Trap. Sam suggest they do the same to John, so he can justify abandoning their dad in pursuit of his own vendetta), and then quickly got rid of any way for others to contact him,. He did it so fast Kevin couldn’t even get through (and he even KNEW where Kevin was. He could’ve at least called someone else to rescue the boy). I won’t even talk about the aftermath of their returns here, and how Sam behaves when Dean returns because I’ve already gone on for far too long.

My ultimate point is this: context matters. It’s not just what Sam does, but how and why, his attitude and the way he treats those around him both during and after he’s done it (it’s also how he demonstrates a disregard for others in general). There are things I don’t really like from both boys, but can excuse because in context it’s rather understandable (Sam cutting off ties when going to college for example, or Dean being rough and unstable right after purgatory). But when it comes to things like Sam’s treatment of Dean throughout S4 and 5, Sam’s abandonment of Dean in S8, Sam’s attempt to murder Benny and him killing Emma, there is really nothing Dean does that I can compare it to. Even at Dean’s worst, his heart is clearly in the right place and he isn’t careless or selfish or cruel. I just can’t say the same for Sam.

#dean winchester #anti sam #spn meta #THIS ALL OF THIS CAN I MARRY A POST #dean deserves better #submission

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