#soooo silly x3

[brooklynpaperbag]

i'm going out to eat with my parents on thursday probably and dad made a joke like "let's make sure we know what day it is so none of us eat anything else that day haha!" and i was like nooo omg awful😆😆

girl.... im not eating anything the day before and after.... cant wait to hear them talk abt how hungry they are bc they ate a small breakfast that day and in my head be like yay im winning bc i restricted way more<3<3

#soooo silly x3 #27.6.2023

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

OMG OPEN INBOX I THINK??? SO EXCITED!!!! COULD YOU MAYBE TALK ABOUT THE PUPPETEER OR HELEN,,, MAYBE TOGETHER POSSIBLY X3

RAHHH I NEVER GET TO WRITE FOR THESE STINKERS BUT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH <333

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

General headcanons!

The puppeteer

He's around 5'10

Im kind of 50/50 on his sexuality, I'd like to say hes bi, but idk i feel like hes straight

We'll go bi with a fem lean

Pronouns are he/him, he's cis

He's american

His aesthetic is a mix of grunge and mall goth

I feel like he'd be a vengeful spirit/ghost

He likes to pretend he's moved on from that first girl, but he really hasn't

He died at age 21, and would be around 26 if he would have continued aging

But due to him not letting go of that "unfinished buisness" he hasn't aged

He smells like general cologne and maybe a tiny bit of laundry detergent

He's kinda lanky and thin

Hes kind of annoying tbh

Soooo whiney and mopey omg

"If i never would have died I might've found someone new 😭 she took everything away from me 😔😔😔"

"Dude stfu im literally just trying to get some soda" -jeff probably

His proxy tattoo is on his right shoulder

He's supringly really clean

Literally everything else about him is fine, he's just a major bummer to be around

and also kind of an incel

His hobbies include listening to midwest emo bands, writing "poetry" and watching south park

Occasionally you'll see him warming up some pizza bagels and he'll try to pretend he's all mysterious and such a bad boy by shimmying away

Im going to be so for real with you, he probably idolizes jeff and tim

Theyre just so manly 😱😱

Also really wants what bella and edward have

Can you guess which one he wants to be in that situation?

Thats right!! Its edward!!

Like i said, incel

The bloody painter

He's 5'8

He doesn't really take a romantic interest in people, so most of the time I'd say he's aroace

But idk man, theres something in the way he looks at men and constantly draws them thats a little...💅...yk?

Like he'd never want to actually have a relationship with anyone, or engage in any physical intimacy with anyone, he just thinks that the male figure is especially beautiful

Pronouns are they/he, poor dude has had soooo many identity crises

The conclusion he came to was that he doesnt mind being a boy, he DEFINETLY does not wanna be a girl, but he does like expressing his gender with more fluidity

He's 22 years old, and he's french

He has a really heavy french accent, and pnly really speaks english when needed

He has an obsession with circle shaped choclate

Specifically circle shaped

He is kind of skinny, with long fingers

He smells like rose petal deoderant, paint and fresh cotton

His proxy tattoo is on the back of his neck

He also has a little star tattoo on his wrist

I feel like he'd be very in love with the idea of multimedia art pieces

He wants to make a fashion line someday, he just needs to learn how to sew

He has his very own art studio on the first floor of the manor, the walls are completely windowed and there is canvases and unfinished works everywhere

He's generally very quiet and observant, only speaking when spoken to

His few friends include jane, liu, and ej

His relationship with ej is complicated though

He wants to be his friend but also....he is in LOVE with his structure

Ej has such a perfect face shape for and pil painting, combined with his gorgeous skin tones and dreadlocks that frame his face oh so beautifully??

Mwah. Chefs kiss

But will helen ever admit that? Nope

He has a little bird he's named "eros"

Such a silly little dude <333

ALSO HE HAS LOTS OF TRAUMA SURROUNDING BEING FEMININE AND GENDER ILL ONLG ELABORATW IF PEOPLE WANT ME TO TJOUGJ

#creepypasta #slender mansion #bloody painter #the puppeteer #creepypasta x y/n #creepypasta x you

[psywebcomic]

Melody!!!!! Do you have any make-up tips?! Love you sm girlie<333

MELODY: AWWW love u too!!!! ^w^ hrrmm that depends on what kinda makeup tips youre looking for! like, i dont actually wear all that much makeup except for lipstick and the occasional artful eye tbh!! the only time i break out the foundation and actually do a full face is when i'm cosplaying or some other super special occasion :3 

what you really wanna focus on is skincare! getting a good combo of products that work for you is tricky and really trial and error, since everyones skin is different! soooo im afraid i cant be super helpful with THAT....

BUT!!! overall, a major tip i have for u is to get urself educated on color theory!! coordinating the colors of ur eyes, lips, and outfit  is soooo important to bringing a cohesiveness to ur overall look. it's not JUST about the makeup, but the overall LOOK! yknow?? 

also!!!!! it's SO important to remember that makeup is a SKILL, and youre probly not gonna be great at it right away. practice makes perfect as always!!! when i was first starting out, youtube and tiktok tutorials were EVERYTHING so DONT be afraid to use those and to look at other ppls makeup for inspiration!!!!!

most of this stuff is pretty ingrained in me by now so im not so sure whats helpful and whats not sooo i hope that at least had SOME helpfulness to it ^u^;; 

i leave you with this silly cosplay selfie cuz i was so proud of this look X3 

XOXO MELODY <3333

#extras #asks #Anonymous #character asks #melody paramore #psy comic #psy webcomic #AUTHORS NOTE: FUCK TIKTOK MELODY USING TIKTOK IS HER BIGGEST FLAW 😤😤😤 #ALSO U DONT NEED PRODUCTS FOR UR SKIN. JUST WASH IT WITH SOAP. NOT EVERYONE IS GONNA HAVE CLEAR SKIN #SEE A DERMATOLOGIST IF YOU HAVE MAJOR ISSUES <3 PEACE AND LOVE #BUT REAL U SHOULDNT BE WEARING FOUNDATION EVERY DAY IT IS SO BAD FOR UR SKIN #THE REST OF THIS IS REAL TIPS BY ME (CAT) #colored text

[ascxer]

@littlehazbins once again

check out my lil luci X3

https://www.tumblr.com/littlehazbins/746047020605784065/lil-luci-waddles-in-the-daycare-feel-free-to-ask

Omg he’s soooo cute! I’m going to have to draw him at some point. I also love your Adam, he’s so silly.

[kingspacebar]

HI!!!!!! i remember you from sketchclub around 2016/17 and went to check on your account again and landed myself here WHAHAHA i hope you had/are having fun with side order!!!!!!!!! it's cool how often you post on sc still even though it's practically dead now. the dedication is unreal. wishing you luck wherever your future takes you!!!!!!

HIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!! Thats so awesome, its a little silly but I kinda forget that 2016/2017 was so long ago,,, I really haven't left sc. I use it pretty much everyday (if you look at my TH and see all those on-base ref sheets I make they're all done with sc),,

I am less "dedicated" and more-so just using what I have. anytime I post on sc its because I was forced into a situation where I couldnt draw on my computer for a long period of time (in a car or plane, etc) and I don't have any other drawing apps on my ipad lol. even if I did, I've used sc for soooo long and learning a new drawing program sucks ass (I'm lazy and only switched drawing programs like 1 time which was sc to csp lol) ... plus like I said I already use sc pretty much daily for little refs and such it just makes sense lol X3

But regardless, yeah I have been having so much fun with side order, I love it very much!!!!!!!! Good luck to u and the future as well <3

[femmeclefable]

teen titans rules they’re like you know robin right from batman ? okay he’s here and he has a little team :) and also he’s incredibly obsessive and has a warped understanding of his role as a hero so sometimes he does some really ethically dubious stuff. And his friends are soooo silly x3

#and honestly the rest of them are all fucked up too

[strawberry-selfships]

my GOSHHH dancing with the chief is SOOOO FUNNNNN !!!!!!! it’s so much funnnnn I wuv himmm we r dancin around to the spice girls and to vocaloid songs and AAA ITS SUCH A BLAST !!!! x3 ❤️❤️❤️💥💥✨✨‼️‼️🎶🎶

he’s sooo cute when he dances too ;w; I wuv that he’s willing to let loose and be silly with me, it means a lot x,3 I wuv him to the moon and back!!!!!💕💕💕

#abt the chief #loveposting

[crimson-chains]

Could we learn more about William and Jonathan the deer? They're so cool!

Aah, I don’t have a ton of info on them, but I’m so happy you are interested!!! X3

Basically Jonathan is the CEO of the forest! He looks pretty intimidating, but he’s a real dummy and sorta silly at times! He likes to go jogging every morning because he’s worried that the desk job will affect his health. He carries a big brief case but it’s just full of like, leaves and things he likes to snack on during the day ^^

William is in accounting, he’s very good at what he does and is easy to get along with. He thinks Jonathan is very scary and gets worried since the CEO stares at him so much. William will write little notes on his reports, just normal stuff, but Jonathan things the handwriting is soooo cute! And just in general wants to get to know William better but is an awkward idiot, so he doesn’t know how to start the conversation.

#asks

[tuesdayscanons]

Multimuse Survey

Stolen from: @ducktales-wco-oo

Name of your very first muse: My first muse was an OC of mine, Cali. I've written her in a bunch of different AUs for years, though I started focusing on her "main" verse once I started with my webcomic. I was planning on writing her on another OC multimuse of mine, but I never really did anything with it and I started hyperfocusing on other muses. Kinda a shame considering she used to be my main muse, but she lives on in other places.

Name of your favorite muse: On this blog? Take a wild guess.

Maddie is the easiest muse on this blog to write for because I have so much creative freedom with her. Not like I can't add in my own touches for the rest of the muses on here, I often do, but I still tend to overthink things. I just feel like I have more of a responsibility with other people's characters, if that makes sense?

Plus, I can throw Maddie in pretty much any situation. She meshes well with other muses and her characterization varies depending on what path she takes.

It's almost like playing with Silly Putty? I'm starting to ramble now asdfghjkl

Name of your nicest muse: If I'm sticking with muses on this blog (which is a good idea because I have a lot of sweetheart ocs), Charlie is definitely near the top, if not AT the top. He had minimal contact with the outside world, so he isn't as jaded as someone like Loona or Squidward. I always smile when I see him in an episode because he's so well meaning and soft. X3 Bam is a good candidate too, and so is Nanny!

Name of your most troubled muse: Again, sticking with this blog (because my birb blogs are bottomless wells of angst), I think there's a good selection.

Maddie's troubles stick out the most for me—not only because I'm heavily biased towards her—but because she has to see the person she could have been had her life gone in a better direction. I don't think Maddie wouldn't have an identical outcome to Fessie, though she would have gone further with her education and tapped into her full potential. Maddie is also more vulnerable than, say, Loona. She reeks of loneliness and desperation.

Loona would probably be my next candidate, though I kinda want to save some of that angst for a reply I'm writing. Plus, this is starting to get long...honorable mentions are Don Diego and Squidward.

Character you have the muse for atm: Definitely Maddie. When I'm low on muse, her muse seems to come back the quickest. The Hazbin/Helluva content on my dash has also spiked my muse for Loona. My Animal Crossing playing also gives me more muse for Bam and Zell.

Two of your muses that would never get along: Goodness, this is easy...too easy. Squidward and Charlie wouldn't be compatible, though that hatred would most likely be one sided. Loona probably wouldn't get along with any of my muses, even Don Diego.

With Maddie specifically...she resents Fessie, though she doesn't completely hate her either. They annoy the hell out of each other, but they still care about one another (even if it hurts Maddie to admit it). Don Diego is a huge bully, but Loona would probably be worse because she has less restraint. I honestly don't know how Squidward would feel? On one hand, Maddie is really obnoxious and needy. On the other hand, she'd feed his ego to an absurd degree...

Two of your muses that could be best friends: Hmm...Fessie and Anais could bond over intellectual stuff. Goosewing could join them, but his paranoia would make him less fun to be around. Plus, Otto wants to drive a stake into Fessie's friend/love interest soooo...

I could see Maddie and Charlie complimenting each other well. He has a lot of attention to give her and he's an absolute sweetheart.

Two of your muses that would make a cute couple: Umm...a Goosewing/Don Diego ship could be interesting? They wouldn't be the most compatabile, though I like the vampire/vampire hunter angst.

I can't really think of anyone else? Most of my muses wouldn't be romantically compatabile with each other for a wide variety of reasons.

Name of the muse that you’d be best friends with irl: Charlie. Even though there are other muses I'd probably be friends with, I don't know if I'd have the energy/patience to interact with them irl.

Name of the muse you’d probably hate irl : Don Diego and Loona. Considering their track records with human beings, I'm better off not knowing them.

#ooc tag #dash meme #《 i know i probably forgot to mention one or two muses 》 #《 but I've been out of it the past couple of days and find it hard to keep track of them all 》 #《 plus; I don't want this to get absurdly long 》

[theorynexus]

77:   Why am I so hungry?

That subtitle was totally unrelated to this post. I just am. Okay, this is actually the next day, now. It turns out I wasn’t able to complete this post yesterday for some reason or another. Let’s get this show on the road, now. ...

I continue to appreciate the echoing effects of certain phraseologies, reactions, and conversations throughout Paradox Space, even when the same people are not the ones uttering them.

That’s soooo cuuuute!~   (The knitting, not Jane’s behavior. Though I could be sarcastically insulting her by saying as such, that is not what is going on right now.)

This is really all quite beautiful. Though it is a little sad that Kanaya laughs at Karkat’s eligibility, I suppose it is reasonable that she of all people would recognize the difficulty of his fit into the role.

Ohhh gasp! A new character!  And one who seems to be born for the role that they’re playing!  Very, very interesting~ More importantly: I am glad to see that Hussie is sticking to the idea that the gods influence their universe in some abstract ways following its creation.  Though this could also be as a result of her actually being in the world (after all, vectors of influence in a media-savvy, highly developed world can be quite potent, indeed!), I like to think that that is not necessarily the case, at least.

Honestly, that actually sounds quite beautiful. It’s something of a shame that she wants to swiff that way~

Yeah, I can certainly see why watching a bloated monster excrete eggs and bloody rainbow slime might turn one off from the idea.  Reminds me of the scene from Alien 4. The one with the Alien Queen that had been altered with Ripley’s DNA. You know what I’m talking about.   Bloody disturbing is what that is. Not that I can’t understand why it might be beautiful to trolls.  However, the thought of being a mostly sessile organism whose sole purpose is the release of eggs is something I’m sure most human women would not be too fond of, naturally.  Not that I’m meaning to kink shame any who happen to find that kind of thing arousing. It’s just, well, realistically... a bit problematic for my tastes.

To be fair, Dave’s always had a desire to be an influencer.  That said: his theoretical actions were also aimed as a necessary retaliation to Jane’s own departure from the proper equilibrium. I do not blame Dave for that decision, and honestly think that it’s actually the responsible thing to do.  The only thing that might allow evil to prosper in the world when there are people with the capacity to stop it is for those people to let the matter fester and rot everything around it. Those who have the capacity to stop its rise have a responsibility to do so-- or at least to try. To fail to have done so, and simply to have allowed Jane to run unopposed would be nearly as unethical as actively supporting her, knowing that her intention was to perpetrate a campaign of reproductive control and gradual genocide-- or at least that she was likely to do so, given all of the evidence that they had available.   As such, I can place no blame on Dave in regard to this.

This is because Dirk is subtle, and thus insidious, as much of the world’s worst evil happens to be. To bring him up is not something so obvious as to question the somewhat flagrant behavior of the one he would pull the strings of.

I think that it is probably good for her to be taking things slow and focusing on the “now” while she recovers, but I do hope she doesn’t reject that greater calling for too long. Worrying about things in general can be a very healthy thing. Particularly for a seer.  Her responsibility as a god did not cease when the universe was created.

Rose is right to question that. Just because things have calmed down for a moment doesn’t mean a long-term threat like ambition is going to totally fade.  Mind you, it may very well do so, considering Jane’s present desire to break away from things, but they do not know that to be in play. Besides, as I was saying, being gods, they have a very long-term horizon to consider. Honestly, Dave and Jane wanting to be concerned at least to some extent with the flow of the economy might not really be so bad, if neither of them was intent on essentially bending the wills of others to their own desires in order to see the path they had in mind be blazed by their civilization. Unfortunately, the level of interference a god ought to have in a society (especially one so peacefully-developed as this one is) is a matter that is sticky and somewhat difficult to properly establish as a hard-and-fast rule. Even so, 0 interference is something they couldn’t do even if they actively tried.

For one, they aren’t old. I do certainly know the feeling of a young person thinking that they are old right as they cross into adulthood, though, so I won’t begrudge them that. More importantly:  Pffft.  You think that marriage takes away the need/impulse to be cool?   What a silly one you are.  It just means the development of more in-jokes and maybe the redirection of where the coolness might have to go.  ;3 (I am a very silly person too, yes.) ... What the heck does “Bank’s closed” mean?

Cartoonishness aside, this is all a rather nice scene.  I appreciate the little touches like the fact that Rose is hesitant to dip her legs in the muck that Kanaya has already become comfortable with. It’s very interesting to hear that the grubs chew through their own eggs, by the way!   Also that the legs are off-beat, which I suppose might mean that the grubs have to get used to walking?  Very, very curious stuff!

You mean like grub paste?   Man, mulched flesh... that is a weird image. I guess it means like hamburger?

***can’t help but release intermittent giggles because of the incredible dramatic irony factors, here***     On a more serious note, though, it is really interesting to see that trolls having actual ancestors is a relatively rare thing, despite the emphasis that Highbloods put on the idea of everyone having one.

And also the hearts of all who read this in the foreseeable future, I’m sure.   Man... the idea of Vriska actually having a chance at a life with responsible and non-abusive parental figures is such a dream come true!   And honestly... this particular scenario is a very interesting one, in particular. Not one I would have ever considered possible!   Not sure it technically counts, but ‘t’is very interesting+captivating, nonetheless!

Yeeessss!~  Perfection! <3 Though honestly I am still not convinced that Vriska will not be eventually saved via Retcanon-involved dramatic dives and flourishes, but I do in fact believe that she is dead as can be right now, considering Rose’s vision.  Despite the fact that the Void of the Green Sun Black Hole should block most Light from penetrating its mysteries and escaping, I think that Rose’s powers would be the ones to be capable of it, if anything in reality can do so. 

And I’m sure that shall include when the little child gets up to just the right kind of mischief and messes with their various irons in the fire.   X3

#Homestuck Spoilers #Homestuck Epilogue #Homestuck Liveblog #Candy Epilogue #Vriska Serket #Kanaya Maryam #Rose Lalonde #Marriage #Happiness

[pepperstrawberry]

Adventures in actually being an Adult...

Soooo, I don’t often cook. Mostly live off fast food like a lame-o. Best I can normally do is maybe some pasta ronis (so easy to make) and once in a while I put in chicken breast in that. Poorly chopped, kinda overcooked, and dry. T3T gets meat into me, but bleh white meat.

So when I lost my job I bought a hole like 14 pack of drum sticks so that maybe I could eat better still in the short term. 

First they went into my freezer and I forgot about them. Then I remembered and I wanted to split them up (So I could cook what I wanted at my leisure)... but doof me didn’t have a way to contain everything. So I got bags, and forgot to do that for a while. Did it at last and set one of three bags in my fridge to let them thaw... a day or so later, attempted to cook... still raw, threw out. Bleh.

I forgot to do anything about the remaining three drums in that first bag, and after a few more days I didn’t trust it (didn’t remember exact day I bought it, or the exact past due date on the package and after thawing, yeah, safe side and all that)

So pulled down another bag, thaw, finally attempted a second cook today. Now I don’t have a baking pan, so my shake and bake is useless at the moment, but I do have frying pans (small), bbq sauce and butter. So set three to simmer. Longer cook, deeper cook. X3

And thus chicken was my dinner. Could I have done better? by far yet, but hey, I had meat that I cooked that wasn’t dried out an horrible... so win for me. XD

...

Sorry, random silly. Back to working on commissions.

[bekasstar]

buahah so i have question: why you are so so so cute? that it is illegal and you make me always melt and all? ajhakjahakjahak stoooooop you can't be so sweet for health of my small little heart. and also why you always argue with me saying you love me more when it is me who love you more? :D muahhaha see ask box attacku. :D haha sorry for this silly message but aw love you so much :D

baby hahaha i was waiting for a cute ask attack from you x3 but baby you are the cute one here

#personal #to keep forever #kistarly #yorekichan #rachel replies

[ginasaurrr]

If you follow me on any other social media then you have seen these photos three million times, but!!! I’m very excited!!! Yesterday I was Princess Anna for the sweetest three year old’s birthday. :3 And it was soooo fun and me and my Elsa were AWESOME and really sold it. x3 Anna was the easiest character for me to play yet because she’s not ~princessy~ or cool at all so I was able to just be silly and bubbly and make the kids laugh. :3 Also I’m a very fidgety person by nature especially in social situations so I try to mask it if I’m being a character, but as Anna I was able to bounce and fidget as much as I want because she’s also awkward and so I was in character! :’D

We took photos at the park after the party so I’ll be able to post some really awesome solo and with Elsa shots soon! ^O^

#I realize the three bottom photos are basically same face but I was excited to be Anna #and couldn't tell which picture I liked the most so have all of them pls xD;;; #my selfie tag has become nothing but cosplay??? #but tbh why take out of costume photos when you can take in costume photos! I get it now!!!! #my face #frozen #disney #cosplay

[sanguinesprout]

The sky is a beautiful blue today~ (Some updates, nicer things, random snippets of memories and why I write about weather so much lol)

I was thinking maybe I should write about something lighter, like the things I did recently, in particular the good things, my small triumphs and such c: 

I’ve spent a lot more time out with my sister (and sometimes her bf and my mum) recently, especially in the case of going shopping~! I bought quite a lot of nice tops with interesting and motivating text based designs on them (maybe I’ll photograph them sometime), and some of them were on sale too yay! :3 Usually I try and avoid going out too many times in a row or when I don’t feel mentally prepared beforehand but I went and it was alright! Though some of the times I had no choice as I had a doctors appointment, but instead of just going home I went to the shops or the supermarket afterwards and had a nice long browse around~ 

I used to remember a long long time ago when I was younger I really did not enjoy shopping and would always constantly be asking when we could go home lol but now it’s pretty fun (apart from the fact I’m actually really poor). Also a long time ago I would trail around after my sis or whoever, but now I go off on my own and look at whatever I feel but sometimes my sis trails after me instead lol and likes to moan about me looking at things too slowly quite a lot. It makes me anxious but I told her about it so she does it less or I’ll tell her to go look at something else, cause I like taking my sweet time yo >3< I don’t mean like I only started doing this recently haha, but it did take quite a few years before I felt confident enough to go around on my own and actually enjoy it. I would go shopping completely on my own and take public transport after college and uni sometimes and such, I feel I’ve kind of taken a step back since then but I’m not back at square one at least I guess, it’s something!

I still feel awkward and anxious when people are blocking the way of an aisle or when they’re looking at the same rack of stuff, but I’m gonna try and push these feelings aside, be more assertive and so and so. There were also times where certain unusual situations were kind of traumatic for me and maybe I’ll write or draw about them sometime, but they’re not important and I shouldn’t keep thinking back on them and feeling hurt. I still sometimes get that ‘lost kid that has to look down every aisle and worries everyone already paid and left’ feeling after wandering around when I go to the supermarket with my parents lol, because they are all about being quick so they can go home and get ready for work and stuff, but having a phone now unlike when I was a kid and didn’t have one makes everything suck much less hah take that!

Anyways, back to the present! The weather has been pretty flip floppy lately, on some few random days the weather was real hot and some super rainy and cold and some calm and neutral, like today. I really love when it spontaneously rains so hard and immediately after the sky is such a wonderful clear blue, I feel it’s analogous to when you have are suddenly overcome with negative emotions and once they pass you feel at ease and can think with clarity again aka. the calm after the storm. I really like the weather and making weird metaphors about it as you could probably tell already lolol. The weather is just something that’s always there, something that affects mood but is also so moody itself, something everyone experiences and uses for small talk and something so mundane but also wonderful and unpredictable (unless you look at the forecast everyday, I mean it’s real easy to check on the phone widget but I don’t haha, as much as I talk about it I don’t worship the weather channel or anything lol) ^^ 

Oh also in relation to this, when I said I was going to write this blog a bit more like a diary, it made me think of a time when I was little and my mum bought me a diary book. It was a simple Winnie the Pooh diary with a gold lock and guess what I wrote in it hahahaha I wrote in huge writing on each page a 3-4 word sentence of how the weather was that day LOL It was super wasteful and my sis and mum were like what even?! XD I’ve had lots of diaries since then and lots of attempts at writing about actual things but I’ve never been able to keep it up past a few days. I just hope this blog doesn’t die out like my past diaries or become a brief weather description collection either hahaha. Today’s post title is kinda like a tribute or slightly more advanced version of my kiddie diary x3

Okay enough about that lol! One of the days recently I went to the park~! I did say I wanted to go and my sister suggested it. It was some time in the afternoon on a weekday so it wasn’t to busy. It was pleasant and refreshing to go walkies sine I hadn’t gone there for a while, even though I really really hate all kinds of bugs (and things that have bugs in them, like trees) and shriek and flail at their presence lol. I saw some pretty flowers, sat on the see saw with my sis briefly (which I was nervous about cuz there were kids around and well I’m not a kid anymore *sob* but I will always be a kid at heart and so will my sis, so I did it anyways! Yolo, gotta sit my but on all the things next time XD). I also saw the duckies! Or well I think they were actually geese but they were so pretty and derpy and their little floofy babies omg! ;w; Soooo cute!! I definitely want to go see them again sometime :D I’ve come to kind of dislike zoos (and aquariums too) because I feel so bad seeing some of them so distressed looking and it feels unfair that they have to live in such a contained and artificial space without choice, but when there’s wildlife living free like the duckies in the lake, it’s just such a pleasant thing to witness.

Oh also some good today was I cooked my own breakfast...kinda... It was just a fried egg with tuna in it pretty much and there was rice too (made in a rice cooker not by me lol) but I cooked the egg part! It takes so much convincing for me to be able to do just this. My mum and dad don’t like me hanging around the kitchen because ‘you’re too slow’ and ‘you’ll make a mess’ etc. I know they keep babying me and want things to go smoothly their way... but it needs to change! I don’t want to be dependant forever :c I was persistent this time and I’m glad! :D And I also suggested that maybe everyday I could maybe learn something new from them, whether it be just some small technique or a recipe or whatever. I am lacking in well... life skills because I was never taught or allowed to do certain things, like cooking for example. I can make something easy like instant ramen or pasta, but they usually handle all meals and don’t let me experiment or cook for reals. The only thing they really trust me with is making tea and sandwiches and the only time I cooked something from a recipe was cooking class at school a long time ago lol. Sometimes I help my sister bake stuff, but they get annoyed at her too for being in the way and stuff, but she isn’t a weak spirited person like me so she just carries on haha.

I can watch video tutorials all I want but it’ll never be useful without actual execution and practice, you know! >< My dad is a chef and is particularly prideful of his cooking, and also quick to insult and get annoyed for small mistakes, so it’s gonna be tough but I’m gonna try anyways! Lately I’ve been trying harder to just chat and bond with my dad more, we watch drama/animation series together at supper which is nice~! (Even though he feigns reluctance to watch and that he’s interested sometimes lol). Conversation is particularly hard because of the language barrier, but if I make the conversation about learning language like I did the other day and maybe now even about learning cooking stuff, then maybe things will go at a much better pace :D 

I also drew some things I was kind of happy about lately, and didn’t give up on trying to interact online even though I really wanted to! I need to get my stuff organised and start posting stuff! I feel like the longer I leave it, the less it’s making me wanna do it, stop it perfection, you’re unnecessary! x^x I really hate having an empty account, it makes me feel like a creep (like on youtube it’s okay but on other places it’s unusual, right?) ;^; Something I keep forgetting is that there is no rules and no obligations for me (or anyone else) to do anything or feel anything. There’s no right or wrong, silly self! I need to stop worrying so much and just go for it! Yolo the hell out of everything (maybe that’s not quite the right phrase lol) and just stop falling into the paralysis by analysis trap! X3 Imma try harder! ò^ó

Uh uhhh before I end this, I have some update-y stuff on my therapy situation... I have my first appointment tomorrow! I’m so nervous!! xAx The funny thing though (or well, not really), is that when my doctor was giving me options on who to see, I could either go for the general therapist who works in the same facility or to go for the referral service for a more specific recommendation. I opted for the second in hope that I could see someone with a specialism in idk... AVPD or personality disorders (if there is a such thing), but it seems I’ve ended up going full circle and ending up getting recommended to the general therapist back here >< I mean, at least it’s convenient and better than nothing I suppose... Anyways, I don’t know how it’ll go so I shouldn’t make any assumptions or have any wild expectations. I can do this! It’ll be okay! I’m glad I got a female therapist, because I get even more nervous around guys and the one I had in the past was ahhh idk... maybe I’ll write about it with whatever I write about after the app tomorrow. I just hope it goes well! 

Don’t give up! You can do it! Have a nice day~! :3

#avpd #Avoidant Personality Disorder #therapy #social anxiety #anxiety #cluster c #dependant #feelings #past #personal #positive thinking #memories #family #random and spontaneous is the way to go! #no need for the post mantra #I don't need convincing #I know what to do! #Don't give up! #Let's try our best! :3 #Onwards to victory! #YOLO!