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wavesoutbeingtossed · 4 months

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Screaming from the crypt (or how the past haunts the present on Midnights)

I know it's been discussed so much since Midnights came out but just.

I love how there is such a clear narrative throughout the album (and perhaps especially on the 3am/Vault tracks). About questioning and regret and choices and coming to terms with all of it. It is one long story about how we're all a mosaic of the choices we make, each one taking something from us and leaving something else in its place.

(And now a disclaimer: I'm looking at this mostly through a narrator/subject lens, and trying not to dive too deeply into real-life events or speculation except for in a general sense. For this purpose I like to look at the body of work as art, like literature, because I find it makes it easier to see the common threads in the different songs and cohesion in the narrative.)

In looking at the 3am+ tracks in particular, it's fascinating how some turns of phrases or themes repeat themselves in different songs, in different contexts. (I'm only focusing on the non-standard tracks because there are too many songs and I'd be here all day but I bet I could do a part two lol.) I know many people have pointed out the parallels throughout her discography already and I’m not saying anything groundbreaking by writing this, but I love how these parallels run through in the same album, because it makes it seem like it's one long story, or at least, one long rumination on many different stories that are coalescing into a single narrative.

Battle (let’s go)

For instance, the one that jumped out at me when I started writing this post the other week was, "Tore your banners down, took the battle underground," in The Great War and "If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners, you and I," in Would've, Could've Should've. It's a story about staying stuck in the same cycle of reliving trauma and coping mechanisms and bad habits over and over again and fantasizing about how taking the “antagonist” out and gaining the upper hand for good would bring closure (WCS), but the truth is that nothing ever will. All that cycle does, though, is repeat itself in other situations, and in this case pushes someone away the narrator cares for (TGW). The difference is that the imagined battle in WCS is a two-way street in her mind (that is ultimately unwinnable because it was never a fair fight), but in TGW it's one-sided -- she's the one fighting dirty, taking shots, the way she'd been doing in her imagination (or nightmares) all these years. But the person in front of her isn't fighting back the way the person in her mind in WCS would, because their intentions are honourable instead of exploitative.

And that's paralleled in another pair of lyrics from the two songs, "And maybe it's the past talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did," (in TGW) and "The tomb won't close, I fight with you in my sleep," (in WCS). In both cases, the funeral imagery makes it seem like this past event should be dead and buried in WCS, but it keeps rising from the dead, haunting her no matter what she does and in TGW, another (or perhaps the same?) tomb that won't close keeps unleashing new ways to hurt her and in turn the new person in her life. In other words, the trauma from the past continues to bleed into the present.

(Again from a literary point of view, I'm not saying the events of the two songs are linked IRL, but they're fascinating textual parallels on the album as a string of chapters, which is why Dear Reader is so compelling, but that's a whole other essay.)

To keep the battle motif going, there’s yet another parallel, this time between TGW’s "[You were a] soldier down on that icy ground, looked up at me with honor and truth," and You’re Losing Me’s "All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army.” In the former, the subject is laying down his armour in the war she’s projecting onto him, waving the white flag, and she realizes that she’s about to destroy something if she doesn’t put her sword down too. By the time we get to YLM, the roles are almost reversed; at the very least they’re supposed to be on the same team, but in this case she’s doing all the heavy lifting, fighting for their relationship in contrast to his apathy killing it. It’s also pretty interesting (if not outright intentional) that one of the 3am+ editions of the albums starts with The Great War, where they find themselves in conflict (even if it’s in her head) that ends in a truce, and ends with You’re Losing Me signalling the end of the relationship, evidence that the resolution in the first song wasn’t an ending but merely a ceasefire before the last battle.

Putting the rest under a cut because this is waaaaay too long now ⤵️

(There’s also another metaphor there in The Great War with its battle imagery: World War I, aka The Great War, was supposed to be the war to end all wars, because loss on its scale was never seen before and when it ended, most thought never again would the world embroil itself in such battle, the horrors and implications were so devastating. Two decades later, the world found itself in WWII, with an even larger scope and more horrific consequences, the intervening time between the two a period of festering conflicts and resentment leading to some of the worst acts the world would see. Bringing real life into it for a second, there’s something a little poetic, though sad, about The Great War the song being about a fight that could have ended the relationship that they ultimately resolved and was meant to be evidence of the strength of their love, but so too did it end up being a period of détente, the greater battle coming for them years later. But that is not the point of this post.)

If one thing had been different

Another major theme in these editions is pondering the "what ifs?" of life, but I think it takes on even more significance in the broader context of the album in the lyrics of "I'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, should've been you," in Bigger than the Whole Sky and the repetition of would've/could've in Would've, Could've, Should've (I would've looked away at the first glance, I would've stayed on my knees, I would've gone along with the righteous, I could've gone on as I was, would've could've should've if I'd only played it safe, etc.) In both songs, the narrator is mourning an alternate course their life could have taken* and questioning what they could have done differently, in the aftermath of trauma and loss, and the regret that comes with that loss, and with the loss of agency in the situation because ultimately it was never in their hands. In an album full of questions, wondering about the path not taken, or the forks in the road that have led to a different version of your life, it's digging deeper into the contrast of choice vs. fate, action vs. reaction, dwelling on the past vs. moving on. When you're supposed to let go of the past, what do you do when it is holding your future hostage?

(*I know there are different interpretations/speculation about BTTWS which I am not getting into on main. I'm just saying that whatever the song is about, it's grieving something that never came to be. The literal origin of the song is less important to the album than the sense of loss it portrays. Whatever the inspiration is, it's crafted to tell part of the story of Midnights of ruminating over how, to borrow from her previous work, if one thing had been different, would everything be different?)

(Also I was today years old when I realized that the words are inverted in the two songs. Apparently I've been hearing BTTWS wrong this whole time.)

There's also an interesting tangent in the role of faith in both songs: in WCS, the events of the story cause her to lose her faith (e.g. "All I used to do was pray," "you're a crisis of my faith,") and question all the things she felt had been unquestionable until that point in her life (e.g. "I could have gone along with the righteous"), whereas in BTTWS, she questions whether that very lack of faith is to blame for the loss in that song ("did some force take you because I didn't pray? [...] It's not meant to be, so I'll say words I don't believe"). It's like pinpointing the moment her life changed and upended her beliefs (WCS), but as a result then leaving her unmoored in times of crisis because ultimately there's no explanation or comfort to be taken from what she used to hold true before that (BTTWS). The words she once relied upon to guide her have long since lost their meaning, but in times of trouble it leaves her wondering if that faith she once held then lost could have prevented this pain.

(Shoutout to WCS for being Catholic guilt personified lol.)

To keep on with the vaguely faith-y notions, an obvious parallel is the line in Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve about, “I damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen,” and, "When you aim at the devil, make sure you don't miss," in Dear Reader. All of WCS is about her fighting with an antagonist who haunts her, with whom she wholly regrets ever becoming involved. DR could be seen as a reflection on that fall from grace, warning the audience that if you choose to go after the person (or thing) haunting you, make sure you do so clearheaded enough to be decisive. Again, these “devils” may not be related in real life: the IRL devil in DR could be speaking about her naysayers, or Kim*ye, or Scott & Scooter B, etc., meaning not to cross your enemies until you know you can win. But taking real life out of it and looking at it textually, I am intrigued by the link between WCS and DR, so that’s what I’m going with here. And perhaps that’s even the point in a wider sense; there will be multiple “devils” in your life, or threats to your well-being. If you’re going to commit to taking them down — whether it’s an actual person, or the demons inside you that refuse to let you go — make sure you have the right ammo so that they can no longer hurt you. (Of course, one lesson from these experiences is that sometimes you can’t win, and you have to live with the fallout.)

(Sidebar: I know that “dancing with the devil” is a turn of phrase that means being led into temptation and engaging in risky behaviour, as opposed to describing the actual person. Given the religious metaphors in the song, that could very well be/is the intention, particularly when it’s preceded by, “I would have stayed on my knees” as in she would have continued to follow her faith — in whatever sense that means — had she never met this person, which could also be a more eloquent way of saying she would have continued to be live her life in a way that was righteous (even naive) and seen the world in black and white. Either way, it’s a force she wholly rejects. Like I said, multiple devils, same fight.)

Regret comes up too: in WCS, she says, "I regret you all the time," obviously directed at the person who manipulated her and led to her perceived downfall, citing him as the one impulse she wished she'd never followed, because it won't leave her no matter how hard she’s tried. In High Infidelity, she tells the person to, "put on your records and regret me," and on the surface, it’s like she’s turning the tables, painting herself as the one now causing the regret in someone else, the one inflicting the pain this time. Yet the verse preceding it and the lines following it in the chorus depict a partner who is also emotionally manipulative and vindictive like in WCS (“you said I was freeloading, I didn’t know you were keeping count,” “put on your headphones and burn my city,”). It’s not so much that she’s intentionally harming the person (the way the person in WCS does to her), but rather that the venom in the subject’s feelings towards her seeps through; she’s imagining the way he’s going to feel about her when she leaves, hating her just for by being who she is. (There could be another tangent about how in both songs she’s there to be a “token” in a game for both of the men, who play her for their own purposes.) The regret is dripping with disdain. It’s as though she’s picturing how the person is going to hate her for doing what she’s thinking of doing the way she hates the person who first hurt her.

Sadness, unsurprisingly, shows up in a few lyrics. In BTTWS, “Everything I touch becomes sick with sadness,” sets the scene of a person so overcome with grief that it permeates everything around them; they cannot see their way out of it and feel like the fog will never lift. In Hits Different, it’s, “My sadness is contagious,” the result of a breakup where the person’s grief again touches everything and everyone around them, pushing them further in their despair and loneliness. The reason behind the grief in either case may vary, but regardless of the source, the feeling is overpowering and isolating. They may be different chapters in the story, but the devastation is hauntingly familiar. (As is a recurring theme in Midnights as a whole: there are situations and feelings that present themselves at different points in her journey and colour in the lines in different ways along the road. Like revisiting an old vice and realizing the hit isn’t quite the same as it was in the past.)

Death by a thousand cuts

She also writes about wounds on this album, which isn't surprising I suppose given that the whole conceit is that these are things that have kept her up at night over the years. WCS is perhaps the driving narrative on this never ending hurt when she sings, “The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign, I regret you all the time,” suggesting that no matter what she does, the pain of this experience has permeated everything she’s done afterwards. (Not unlike the overwhelming grief in BTTWS, for instance.) Elsewhere, in High Infidelity she sings, "Lock broken, slur spoken, wound open, game token," and in Hits Different, "Make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding.” Again I'm not suggesting they're about the same events; the line in HI is about a situation where a partner crosses a boundary, hits below the belt, picks at an insecurity (or creates a new one) and treats the relationship like it's transactional, opening the floodgates in turn. In HD, the wound seems to be more self-inflicted, where she's pushed the person away. (Over a situation real or imagined she feels she needs distance from.) But again, something has picked at her like a raw nerve, and just like in the past, she's hurting, even in a different time and place and person. Almost like the wounds of the past break open over and over again to create new scars. If one were to extrapolate further, it wouldn’t be the biggest leap to wonder if the wound open in WCS, then torn apart in HI makes the one in HD hurt even more.

(I once wrote a post about how I think as time goes on, WCS is going to turn into one of those songs that will be found to drive so much of her work, because it’s just… kind of the unsaid thesis statement of so much of her songwriting.)

Another repeated theme is that of the empty home and loneliness. In High Infidelity, she sings, "At the house lonely, good money I'd pay if you just know me, seemed like the right thing at the time," painting a picture of someone who may have everything they'd want to the outside world, but in reality feels metaphorically trapped in their home (or at least alone amidst abundance), a symbol of a relationship gone sour and a failure to build connection. She just wants someone to understand her, want her for her, but as she's written earlier in the song, she's just a pawn in the game, a trophy from the hunt. Home, in this case, is lonely, isolated, an emblem of her fears. In Dear Reader, she continues this thread, then singing, "You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking, to a house not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there, where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care, no one sees you lose when you're playing solitaire." It's the same idea, admitting to listeners that the gilded cage she lived in kept her distanced from her loved ones and real connection, keeping her struggles close to the vest but feeling desperately lonely amidst her crowning success. She's pushed people away and it may have felt like the right thing at the time, but in the end maybe felt like she was trapped. And when you push people away, eventually they take you at your word and stop pushing back; you’re a victim of your own success at isolating yourself. What starts out of self-preservation then further perpetuates the underlying problems.

(There's another interesting link about "home" also feeling unsafe with HI's "Your picket fence is sharp as knives," which further leads into the theme of marriage/domesticity feeling dangerous, which is a whole other thing I won't get into here because it's another discussion and may derail this already gargantuan word salad.)

In a slightly similar vein, we have the metaphor of bad weather for a rocky road or unstable relationship, in High Infidelity again with, "Storm coming, good husband, bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle" and You’re Losing Me’s "every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes.” They aren’t speaking of the same situation or even same kind of breakdown, but it is pretty interesting how the idea of clouds/storms/floods/etc. play such a role in Taylor’s music to signal depression, apprehension, fear, uncertainty, etc. In HI, I think the “storm” coming is the looming threat of commitment to a partner who makes the narrator uneasy (if not fearful). In this case, the idea of making a life with this person is not one that incites joy or comfort, but instead makes the narrator feel that dark times are ahead if she continues down this path. Perhaps in some way, the “storms” in YLM have made good on the threat in HI in a different way; it’s a different home, a different relationship, but the clouds have settled in regardless, and some of her fears have come to fruition in ways she did not expect. The person she once trusted no longer sees her or her struggles (or worse, doesn’t care), and the resentment and pain build with each passing day.

Coming back to heartbreak, one of the obvious "full circle" moments is the beginning of a relationship in Paris, where she says that, "I'm so in love that I might stop breathing," clearly enthralled in a new love that allows her to shut the world out and grow in private, capturing the all-encompassing nature of the relationship. This infatuation has consumed her in the most wonderful way (in contrast to the sorrow of some of the previous songs), and it feels like a life-altering (or even life-sustaining?) force that is so strong she may forget what it’s like to breathe. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) By the end of the album, though, in You're Losing Me, that heart-stopping love has become a threat: "my heart won't start anymore for you." In the former, her racing heart is full of excitement, but by the latter, her heart has given out completely under the weight of the pain she bears. (YLM is full of death/illness imagery which I already wrote about awhile ago so I won't hear, but needless to say that song deserves its own essay for so many reasons.) She's gone from the unbridled joy of the beginnings of a relationship to the unrelenting sorrow of its end, two sides of the same coin.

Love as death appears elsewhere in the music too, for instance, in High Infidelity’s, “You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough" and You’re Losing Me’s “How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? […] My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick.” Though not completely analogous situations, they both tell the tale of one partner’s apathy (or at least denial) destroying the other. In the former, the partner’s actions (or inaction) are more insidious, if not sinister; in the latter, the lack of momentum (or admission of a problem) is passive. In both cases, the end result is the narrator’s demise; it’s a drawn out affair that chips away at her morale and her health and her sense of self. (Breaking my own rule about bringing in alleged actual events into the discussion, but the idea that the relationship in High Infidelity, which was obviously fraught with unease and even fear, ended in a similarly excruciatingly slow and hurtful death by a thousand cuts as the relationship in You’re Losing Me almost did at that time must have been so painful. It almost feels like YLM is wondering why what used to be a source of light in her life was mirroring a situation that caused her such pain in the past.)

From the same little breaks in your soul

I said early on that part of what is so compelling about Midnights is that it feels like an album about ruminating — on choices, on events, on people — and the two final “bonus” tracks of the album depict that as well. In Hits Different, she sings that, “they say if it’s right, you know,” an ode to the confusion of a breakup and struggling with the aftermath of calling it quits. It’s a line that has always intrigued me, because the typical use of the phrase is in the sense of, “you’ll know when you meet the one,” but here it seems to have a double meaning, a reassurance perhaps from the friends (who later on tell her that "love is a lie") that she’ll know if she’s made the right decision in calling it off, but could also be her wondering if the relationship is right, she’ll know, and want to reconcile. In the final bonus track, You’re Losing Me, she sings, “now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time,” this time leaving no doubt about the dilemma she faces, though it’s no less fraught. She’s wondering, perhaps for the last time, if now is finally the moment to end the relationship for good. They say that if it’s right she’ll know, and now she’s wondering if that feeling inside her (that once told her her partner was the one, which is why it hit differently), is telling her that it’s time to go for good. Wait Alexa play “It’s Time To Go.” These are not only the things that keep her up at night, but the things that play over in her mind like a film reel in her waking hours.

Midnights as a whole is a deeply personal album, as is most of Taylor's work, but the 3am+ edition tracks seem to dig even deeper to a lot of the issues raised on the standard album. Almost like the standard tracks are the things she wonders about on sleepless nights, but the bonus tracks are the things that haunt her in the aftermath. The regret, anger, sadness, grief, relief, even joy— they’re the price she pays for the memories she keeps reliving. Midnights might be the most cohesive narrative of all her albums, and really does feel like we’re watching someone work through her journal over time, stopping short of outright naming those giant fears and intrusive thoughts (except for when she does) but making them plain as day when you connect the songs together, and perhaps never more clearly than in the expanded album. It’s incredible how the songs stand on their own to relay a specific moment in time, but that they are also self-referential to each other (whether thematically or overtly) to weave a larger web over the entire work. We’re so lucky as fans to have these stories and to keep peeling back these layers as time passes. (And my literature-analysis-loving ass loves her even more for it.)

This is obviously by no means an exhaustive list, and I know there are more parallels and probably even stronger links (particularly when you add the standard version into the mix), but these were the ones that particularly struck me and I’m just glad I’ve had a chance to sit with this and think it through. ❤️

#writing letters addressed to the fire #me thinking too hard about taylor lyrics #taylor swift #midnights #long post #lyrics analysis #song parallels #Gabby this one is for you friend <3 #here goes nothing #Happy Friday or something idk!#(also i know i said there are things i wouldn’t discuss on main but my dms are open lol)#this is not as structured or well plotted out as I wanted it to be #and turned out to be more stream of consciousness than legit essay #but whatever at least i got my thoughts out there and it can release some plot of land in my brain for other stuff to think over lol #If anyone ever reads this thank you! And I’m sorry?#The best compliment i ever got in school #was when we were doing an analysis of a poem in English lit in college #And i brought something up casually #and my prof went ‘I’ve been teaching this class for eight years and that’s the first time anyone’s ever brought it up like that’#’and that just blew my mind’#and i was like ‘who me?’#so that’s all you need to know about me lol #Midnights: The Great War #Bigger than the whole sky #bttws #Midnights: Paris #Midnights: high infidelity #would’ve could’ve should’ve #Midnights: dear reader #midnights: bigger than the whole sky

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glass-noodle · 2 months

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i like "confused innocent wittle android" connor but only when he's doing it on purpose. male manipulator.

same 😚

Although! I also enjoy him learning to navigate the world beyond what he can access via internet/social protocols and stumbling a little along the way. He’s aware of how the world works on an intellectual level, but actually having to experience life — going through the motions of surviving, of feeling emotions, of actually connecting with others on a deeper level beyond “pick an option from this algorithmically optimized list”, requires more nuance and forces him to show more vulnerability in order to learn and grow and connect. So I can imagine him being caught off guard, or having his intentions misread, or picking the wrong course of action, and feeling (at best) a little abashed and (at worst) mortified/guilty sometimes as a result. He’s confident and smart and adaptable, but nobody’s perfect, and I think he’s generally pretty hard on himself if his reactions to his failures in-game are any indication.

I still like to imagine him as more of an “ends justify the means” type of person, though. Imo he wouldn’t be above using deceit and manipulation to get what he wants even after deviating, but he’s also developing his own code of ethics separate from CyberLife’s that dictate when and how and to what extent he should use those tactics, and whether the consequences to his interpersonal relationships will be worth it.

Machine Connor on the other hand? He knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s here to wreck your shit 😌✨

#sorry for the long answer lol!!!! i know you probably didn’t ask for an essay but I guess I saw this as an opportunity to ramble 😂#I’ve had these thoughts rolling around in my head for a while and they’re still constantly changing and being reworked tbh #so I hope this is somewhat coherent #Connor #noodle talk #characters who are highly intelligent and always in control are fun #but thinking about the instances where they would lose that control is even more fun (to me)#especially if it’s a rare thing #also not to say machine Connor doesn’t have nuance. because he does! they’re still the same person #but he’s definitely chosen certain values over others #learning machines 🤖

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seriousbrat · 2 months

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what do you think lily's flaws were likely to have been? I hear so many people complain about her being a "Mary Sue" and I feel like it's true that the narrative doesn't really give us problems with her character in the way that it does for James/the other marauders.

Love this question!! I actually think we do see some of Lily's flaws in the narrative, they're just not quite as obvious (or grievous) as Sev's or James's.

In her conversations with Sev in the Prince's Tale, we see that she's willing to overlook pretty unforgivable behaviour because of her friendship with/loyalty towards Sev. He's friends with Mulciber and Avery, he calls the attack on Mary 'a laugh'. In the post-SWM conversation, she displays awareness that Sev calls other people 'mudblood'. Sure, she's not okay with it, but she still tolerates it; it's not until this actively affects her that she decides to end the friendship. I read this as a mixture of naïveté but also just willing blindness. She knows better deep down, but chooses to ignore it because of her love for Sev.

Another thing Lily-haters tend to harp on is her defending James, Sev's bully, to him in this conversation. And I do somewhat agree (although I think it's ridiculous to hold this as worse than everything Sev does to her) but I think it's another sign of her willingness to overlook certain behaviours that she shouldn't. She wants to believe that there's good in everyone because that's easier than facing reality. I don't read this line as 'you should forgive James for everything', I read it more as 'why can't everyone get along because that would be easier than dealing with conflict'. In some ways she's right, because there is good in both Sev and James-- it's somehow both her greatest strength and her greatest weakness. This blind trust is what gets her killed, it's what causes her so much pain in SWM, but it's also what saves her son in the end.

Another thing I think we see in SWM is her temper. Like I've said I think Harry gets his anger issues from Lily rather than from James, and I think she's impulsive, reckless, quick to anger. She leads with her heart. It would have been more rational to get a teacher but she dives into the confrontation personally. She insults both James and Sev pretty viciously in this scene (totally deserved, but still). Her giant squid rant is not some well thought out moral indictment of James's character or actions but an emotional response, a personal attack borne of anger. It's very similar to Harry's numerous all caps rages throughout OotP in which he takes out his anger on the people around him.

When thinking about Lily I think it's fair to extrapolate from Harry's character, because they're meant to be similar. Thematically, DH is largely about Harry realising that he's much more like Lily than he realised. Dumbledore says he was counting on Hermione to slow Harry down: Harry represents the intuitive approach, Hermione the logical. Too much reliance on intuition can't save the day, but neither can too much reliance on logic. It's about balance. Sev is the Hermione to Lily-- his learned ability to put aside his emotional needs and impulses for the greater good is ultimately how Lily protects her son through him.

#lily evans #that got long sorry but it always does when i talk about lily lol #or about anything. ive got to have my little essays #also i'm not saying harry's behaviour isn't understandable!!! it totally is im a harry defender 4life #but it is a flaw that he has.#i honestly see lily as more reckless than james weirdly enough. like i think james deep down is fairly pragmatic and thoughtful #he just represses this part of himself as a teen because he doesn't value it #this is the difference btwn him and sirius. sirius didn't think about the consequences of the prank. james immediately grasped them.#'the risk would have made it fun for james' not adult james. not james who faced voldemort to buy his wife and child time to escape #but sirius is so stuck in the past that he glorifies teenage james rather than learning the same lessons #again i think this is understandable given what sirius has been through. but ultimately irresponsible #meta #lily

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sapphicdib · 6 months

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hey random thought but I was looking at the overseer description on the rain world wiki and it said that the green overseers only spawn in outer expanse and subterranean and that got me thinking

unlike spearmaster who had srs watching over them through the red overseer (until pebbles zap it outta existence) Hunter didn’t have any overseer watching over them

That means that Nsh wouldn’t know for sure if Hunter succeed in the mission because Hunter never made it back home, either succumbing to the rot or passing on through the void sea and Siggy wasn’t watching his cat unlike Suns

Nsh probably thought that once Moon wakes up, she could message the entire local group again however, Moon’s collapse left her in a state where she couldn’t communicate with the other iterators even after her revival

I mean, to cut slack for Nsh. Pebbles did put the entire region into lockdown (see five pebbles dialogue for when gourmand first enters the cann) so he probably couldn’t get in with Hunter but still

from Nsh’s perspective moon’s fate is uncertain. His hunter’s fate is uncertain.

Maybe he saw the little messenger going through subterranean which meant that Hunter probably succeeded. Maybe the last he has seen if his slugcat was before the Hunter entered the region and Hunter hasn’t returned home yet nor did Moon showed any signs of activity.

Maybe his plan worked and the keys were delivered. He wouldn’t know for sure…

basically all I’m saying is that Nsh feels like the person who would had definitely thrown more (hopefully non-cancerous) slugcats towards Moon instead of tossing Hunter and the angstiest option for why he didn’t was because he thought his plan fail as Hunter will never go home in the base game and Moon couldn’t communicate her revive

UGH YES!!! i hc that you can still see sig’s overseers sometimes in subterranean/outer expanse is because she’s still…well, desperately searching. at first for a sign of hunter, and then for a sign of moon when he realizes hunter’s probably not returning, or perhaps a way to get into the facility to see if his plan even worked.

part of the reason i think hunter was so sick is just because by the time sig made her, his facility wasn’t in the best shape, and he was rushing, desperate to save moon. in the note she sends her it literally says “excuse the unorthodox delivery method, equipment eroding etc etc”. i truly do not believe sig is “bad at making slugcats” or “didn’t follow suns’ instructions” because his dialogue PROVES THAT HE CAME UP WITH THE CONCEPT FIRST. (sorry that shit grinds my gears when ppl brush sig off as either stupid or malicious when it comes to hunter) because like…this mission is SO important to her. why the hell would he make hunter sick, therefore limiting her time to get to moon and possibly causing her death before she could reach her goal?

hunter’s last wish in the void sea is to be back in sig’s arms. if he were truly malicious/didn’t show respect for her messengers, why would hunter want to return? so yeah, seeing his overseer out in the outer expanse, searching for hunter or a sign of moon being alive just ;-;

i don’t rlly think she sent more messengers after that, mainly bc he knows any slugcats he makes after hunter will likely meet the same fate due to the erosion of her equipment/the fact he thinks “there will be nothing left of moon by the time one is ready”. sig just breaks my heart because she tried and tried and tried, reaching out as far as he could, and still never knew if his plan even worked. i’m gonna stop here bc if i keep talking i am going to be writing a goddamn essay that would be better than anything i ever turned in in university LMFAO i have so many goddamn Feelings about no significant harassment rain world.

also me n ghost are actually doing an rp that’s kind of like this lmfao, and in it the reason hunter gets sick is because sig basically works herself so hard she ends up damaging his structure and the sudden power failure/shutdown affects his experiments. (obviously that has no basis in canon and is more just us writing fanfiction about what could have possibly happened)

anyways after all that angst, here is a screenshot from my game where sig’s overseer showed up and sees moon bringing sluppy hunter home :’) in my dreams i can pretend she made it back LMFAO

#THIS GAME HURTS ME SO MUUUUCH #GOD I LOVE IT #GOD I LOVE SIG #i could literally write essays about sig’s personality and motives and stuff like #do not get me wrong. i love the silly memey jokester personality the fandom gives her…but that is covering up so much grief and anger that #it’s clearly just a mask he’s using to seem okay…as much as i hate the whole ‘happy character is actually sad’ trope #i absolutely adore sig. i love making him goofy and sweet but god is he carrying so much angst on his shoulders #tbh he really gets the short end of the damn stick in game…at least suns gets their messenger back lol #anyways yeah. i love my goofy bioengineer who loves his friends and tries to keep the mood light but in the end just gets crushed w grief #HOUGH. HUNTERS CAMPAIGN IS MY FAV FOR A REASON.#rw #letters #sorry this took so long to respond to i wanted to make my thoughts at least semi organized

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blueskittlesart · 1 year

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me, thinking that i have at least a base level understanding of botw: :)

blue, about to write a 1,000+ word essay that is going to completely revamp my understanding of the game and interpretation of its events: bada bing bada boom

i dont know how you do it. i am incredibly impressed and using all of this for fic inspiration. keep writing

every time someone asks me how i do this shit i have to regrettably inform them that the real genuine answer is that i am fucking insane. my 2 passions in life are writing and video games and the place where the 2 converge fascinates me to no end and i am that special kind of crazy that is capable of latching onto something and not thinking about anything else for 10 years. so. the only thing i have cared about deeply for the last several years of my life has been the way video games are written and constructed. and zelda is one of the most interestingly constructed franchises i have found to date. these games are just like. the absolute perfect story for my brain to work with and i truly do not know who i would be without them. and i am genuinely incredibly grateful that ive been able to build a platform where people like. CARE about what i have to say and take the time to ask me to think about the games because like. i would be doing it ANYWAY but knowing that there are people who actually read my analysis and appreciate the amount of thought i put into this stuff makes me really happy lol

#i sincerely think video games are an art form and that so many stories benefit from being told interactively via video games #and i'm especially fascinated with the way loz chooses to tell its stories because the games are almost always designed so that the player #actively makes every decision in the storyline even though every game only has one preset ending. that's SO COOL.#ive found myself frustrated recently by rpgs that are super cutscene heavy and i was struggling to articulate why until i went back and #looked critically at the way zelda games are designed and i realized that there isn't a single cutscene in loz that openly takes away the #player's autonomy. cutscenes are almost always reserved for dialog or the beginnings of fight scenes but link almost never makes choices #without the player's input and that's a huge part of what keeps the games engaging! YOU are link. he's not a vessel you occasionally #control. he is you. his decisions are always yours.#and that's generally easier to do with a less complex storyline but the way botw kept that autonomy despite its complex story is SO clever #by making the cinematic cutscenes MEMORIES there's never any percieved loss of autonomy because the player understands that this is #something that has already happened so obviously there's no way they can alter link's choices. that's SO SMART #ANYWAY. i didn't mean for this to be a tag essay about video game mechanics sorry but tldr i am so so so passionate about this LOL #if you cant tell. very few people irl will listen to me talk for this long. this is why i love tumblr #asks

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marsbotz · 1 year

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Saw your tag saying FSM haters come fight you. Here I am! Frankly I'm not so much of a hater as I am just of the opinion "wow this guy sure Started All This Shit" but I'm absolutely willing to hear your view of the matter if you're willing to share! Love some Friendly Fandom Discourse (it's healthy tbh) come at me bro 👊 👊 👊

HI LOL.... my personal opinion is that the FSM gets a lot of hate for similar reasons to wu (which i also think are unjustified but that's a different post). like you said he gets a lot of the blame put on him for starting everything that's to come in the show, but i don't really feel like he intended to do any harm.

the FSM was born into a war. when he was still a very young child, he was forced to choose one side of himself, of his family, and destroy the other. and so he ran away. but this world he runs to is chaotic and dangerous. and so again, he is forced to fight for the right to live in peace along with the inhabitants of this world.

but even in this new world, he wasn't safe: the oni followed him, determined to bring him back to fight for them. and after them, the overlord. his whole life, especially when he was younger, he had been fighting, or running from forces that aimed to destroy him.

i believe the FSM was incredibly paranoid throughout his life, worrying that at any moment everything would be ripped away from him. this can be seen in how secretive he was, how much of his history is hidden away. the mech used to win the war against the overlord was sealed away where it could never be found. he granted elemental powers to select people to help keep him safe. even in his death, he hid away, in a place that even wu could not find.

this paranoia carries on through his sons. he taught them both to fight, to protect themselves, when they were also very young. one of the earliest moments we see of them is them fighting with swords! and though he loves them, they are not immune to his secrecy, or his fears. when they steal the scrolls and enter the serpentine territory, he never fully trusts them again. when garmadon gets bitten and starts to turn to evil, he's desperate to cure him. and i don't fully believe that the FSM intended to make garmadon feel broken or "wrong"... just that his fear has so consumed him at this point that he can't see the damage he's doing to his children.

it's also worth noting that despite garmadon's corruption, the FSM never truly hated him. he was left to protect the golden weapons alongside wu, he recieved the same protective enchanted gi, and was left the same clues to find him after his death. it's just that garmadon was unable to see this through the corruption (which is another post).

perhaps all he did was to protect his sons. that seems to be how wu sees it, at least. because wu repeats this same behaviour with the ninja, even if unintentionally. he brings these kids into a war because that happened to him, and his father before him. maybe he doesn't even realise it's wrong. he hides things from them not only because because he's ashamed of his past (again, another post lol), but because his father always hid things from him. it protects wu, but it also protects the ninja.

i don't believe the FSM was a flawless person. hes one of many grey characters in ninjago, and to boil down everything he did to "good" or "bad" is a disservice. maybe you see him as someone who only ever ran from problems instead of truly solving them, maybe you see him as a cruel and neglectful father. and maybe those are both true. but he's also someone who always tried to fight for peace, for himself and everyone in ninjago, and someone who truly loved his sons, despite the damage he did to them both.

so that's who i think the FSM was. an immortal, all powerful godlike being, yes, but also a scared child who just wanted to live peacefully, and would do anything to prevent another war. and maybe he is, in some way, indirectly responsible for every bad thing in the show, but i think this is more of an after-effect of the countless wars and conflict. he did the best he could, and considering all he went through, i think he did alright.

#also like. he died thousands of years ago so the fact that its only recently things have been kicking off is quite impressive LOL #ninjago #the first spinjitzu master #fsm ninjago #SORRY THIS IS SO LONG.... hopefully it makes sense i rlly didnt wanna spend ages on this but theres soooo much to say #its hard not diving into hc territory too LOL....#like always my thoughts on ninjago are complex and weave into each other... so its hard to make them coherent but hopefully it comes across #i have two other big essay posts im working on rn so yeah i didnt wanna spend.. AGES on it haha #if u disagree or r confused come argue w me pleasee i love sharing opinions abt this shit. its so fun. jsut dont be rude thats all i ask :]#asks #also i didnt know where to put this but worth noting: wu and garm entering the serpentine territory risked starting Another war.#so him being mad is fairlyyyy reasonable i think. even if he was extreme abt it #smth else i didnt know where to put: the theory that the overlord is the manifestation of fsms oni side/inner conflict over his identity #issue upon issues....#anyway. i think its a little unfair that ppl always talk abt how awful it is that the ninja had to fight so young and stuff #when the exact same things happened to wu garm and fsm

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the-girl-with-too-many-ideas · 15 days

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Does anyone else get the feeling that at their core, all of mxtx's works are about cycles of abuses.

#idea dump #ramblings of a sleep deprived girl #heaven official's blessing #tian guan ci fu #scum villian self saving system #mao dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #mxtx #mo xiang tong xiu #cycle of abuse #I don't only mean the passing down of trauma #I also mean the abuses of an established corrupt system #that systematically hurts people that are less fortunate than those who actively benefit from it #to me this one is more prevalent in mdzs and why jin guangyao downfall is so upsetting to me #because he was coming close to breaking the cycle of abuse of both the system and of his family #but unfortunately it was his past actions in service of perpetuating it that doomed him #if he had realized a lot sooner that his father was not worth it #and started pursuing his own interests from the beginning instead of his father's approval he could have changed everything for the better #not to mention that unlike his father he actually treats his spouse with respect and doesn't intentionally hurt her #emphasis on the 'intentional' part (if you know you know)#just like Jin Guangyao became the new wei wuxian Nie Huaisang became the new Jin Guangyao #so i'm of the firm belief that since the system is still in place the cycle will repeat again #and Nie Huaisang will replace Wei Wuxian as someone else becomes his Jin Guangyao #sorry for this long ass essay in the tags lol #it's 3am so I'll probably do the other two another time #also let it be known that I'm only running on spoilers/fanfictions/wiki when it comes to svsss and mdzs #so if anyone bothers to read my essay tags be free to correct anything if I get something wrong #side note why wasn't mdzs about breaking cycles???#why didn't yanli become sect leader. Jiang cheng remain coreless. or Jin Zixuan marry into the Jiangs to show worth outside the norms #you can be a strong woman without being cruel. cultivation doesn't equal worth. and powerful women are beautiful and should be respected

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maskedchip · 8 months

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yknow at this point i have drawn so many images i can draw pretty fast now. i think that's the best outcome after years of tormenting over how slow of an artist i was. mainly bc i really had no idea what i was doing, so i would spend HOURS on just a full-body character design or something of the like. of course all the practice and time spent studying anatomy or color makes things easy now (also obsession but we already know about all that)

i think its hard to learn that not all your art is precious and by that i mean of course u cant create masterpieces in a day and shouldnt torment over not being able to get something right the first time. the silly doodles all count towards something. i joke about having perpetual wips but i think my favorite thing is saving past ideas and reworking them later just to see how they changed. bc art, like people, is so dynamic. constantly changing.

and the best feeling is making the art u imagined years ago come to life or you get a bit closer to producing the work that you saw in your head. mmmmm growth.

#i think it took years of pain and frustration and i still feel uneasy about my art but i aim to improve always so i think thats a good thing #like these days i dont really care about quality or what the people will like. i just draw whatever idea and post for funsies #and i want to be able to do that for a long time 😭#all my vent post are about art bc i dont wanna be too personal online LOL but I FEEL BAD I JUST HAVE A SERIOUS CASE OF IMPOSTER SYNDROME #SORRY #but yea i read every tag and the essay length ones always make me happy like thank you. <3 for simply looking at my art. it means a lot #im at a weird part of my life sorry if i get all sentimental and wistful i just. woa. art 🧍‍♂️

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strawberryteabunny · 3 months

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for the lolita fashion ask: 1, 11, 19 💗

Thank you for the asks!! ૮꒰ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ꒱ྀིა

1: how and when did you first get introduced to the fashion?

I don’t know how I first learned lolita existed- probably through anime tbh- but I remember getting into it through 2 things; I was browsing Pinterest for historical costuming ideas and I kept seeing these Rococo and Victorian dresses, except they were super short for ballgowns which really confused me (I didn’t figure out that they were lolita but I thought they were so pretty) and second- I saw a girl wearing lolita on my college campus! I wore casual jfashion at the time (Liz Lisa, etc) but even though I knew what lolita was it felt super out of reach and like something only girls in Japan could wear. But there she was, in real life! It was a magical moment. I wish I could remember what exactly she was wearing or that I’d gotten a chance to meet her again but she completely changed my life! I put two and two together and realized I could wear these Victorian-esque dresses myself 🥰

11: what's one item you have that you would never sell?

This is tough, I have a lot of things I really love… I think probably my IW Renoir OP though. It’s definitely the dress I wear the most (it layers really well with like half my closet too..) and unlike a lot of other pieces I love I wouldn’t be able to sell it for a lot of money either.

Like, I would never want to sell my usakumya or my Milky Chan JSK but if I was in a bind financially they could be worth a couple hundred dollars each so if I had to it would make the most sense yknow?

I’d never want to sell my parasol either as it was a gift from my mom <3 and I have a couple vintage Gunne Sax pieces I’d never sell because with how popular the brand has gotten I’d never be able to replace them 😅 and I wear my Gunne blouses constantly too…

19: do you remember the first dress you ever saw? do you still like it?

Angelic Pretty’s Pompadour OP! I remember coming across it and not even realizing it was lolita, just thinking ‘huh someone made a version of Mme de Pompadour’s gown but they cut it so short, I wonder why’ haha. I’d love to own this dress! I’m a huge fan of the original painting and I think the color combo and design is so pretty. It would be a really nice convention/fancy tea party piece.

#mine #askbox #sadly mystery lolita chan was not in my comm and I never saw her again #just a mystery angel come to give me the gift of lolita lol #I don’t even remember what she wore I just remember it was navy colored #oh and I’d never sell my bunny chan coat! forgot about that #it’s just too cute I can’t let go of bunny chan…#probably also my Chelsea JSK not just because I love it but because it’s damaged too lol #so like she’s only worth anything to me but I love her #I don’t know if I’d say the Renoir OP is my favorite dress but it’s probably the one I’d save first in an emergency lol #it goes with everything and is so comfy #like that would be what I’d wear if I were a cartoon with one outfit yknow #(although I think giving a lolita only one outfit is a crime but w/e)#also yeah I probably found out about lolita through anime sorry lol #I had a middle school weeb phase like everyone else #I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be into lolita fashion and anime either as long as you realize most anime outfits aren’t actually lolita #is there still a stigma about that? there was when I started #also like I mean ‘short’ for pompadour in the sense of compared to floor length #bc I thought it was an attempt at historical fashion and not lolita lol #sorry for the essay haha

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itskeej · 2 months

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bro why you worry about maining someone? like I play a different person in r6s depending on what I feel like / the map / the location of site. actually when I first started playing the game all I would use is the random button! like unless ur in comp it really doesn't matter. one of the only reasons why I don't do random these days is because the button isn't in standard only qp. just like... click someone- except for mira or clash. banned.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT i've actually got like... little to no gameplay experience playing r6, most of my knowledge comes from watching other people play. I've played maybe about 2 hours worth of actual matches tops :P

after going through enough fps games with characters that have unique abilities/guns, i eventually figured out i learn a game best if i just pick a character and try to learn just them until i'm comfortable with their utility enough that im not trying to learn the maps, the plant spots, etc etc while also fighting learning my own ability and guns. x_x

I ALSO USUALLY JUST PLAY WHOEVER I WANT TO IN GAMES, apex i do that a lot, but i only really started to learn once i told myself "okay, i'm gonna just pick ONE character to play", and so i'd only play mirage until i felt comfortable in the battle royal format. now, i play a variety of legends! >:)

i do get you though, it's not like... a giant worry, starting is just hard for me LMAOOOOO. the r6 gameplay loop is so foreign to me and these kinds of learning curves i find i get over the fastest if character choice isn't an aspect im fighting against too, if that all makes any sense?

#keej answers #hrgnm #tumblr ask #wish i learned this sooner... i would have started enjoying valorant SO MUCH FASTER omfg #AND AGAIN IM LIKE basically a new player experience-wise... havent even touched like half the operators lol #still trying to find what i like >_>#long post.#SORRY FOR THE ESSAY AHAKJFHDSJK I DIDNT MEAN FOR THIS TO BE SO LONG but also i think i cant explain my brain in less words #IF IM GOING ABOUT THIS THE WRONG WAY i appreciate suggestions because mannn i know r6 is different than like....#overwatch or apex so maybe the strat is to just try shit and yolo it? idk. i find having some familiarity helps me a lot #so thats why im on the hunt for a main

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penultimatestalematewithdeath · 1 year

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tell me more about the development/ new clarity of lockwood’s character beyond the charisma & crushing!! like later in the series!! such an interesting train of thought you got there & i Need To Know More

Wait wait hold on let me grab my books because I could write an ESSAY on this!!

(this post turned out really long so i enabled keep reading lol. Tl;dr Lockwood and Lucy both grow a lot when Lucy is gone after THB and that absence fundamentally changes the way that the two interact for the rest of the series.)

kay, we have a distinct shifting in dynamic after the events of THB. Lucy leaving L&Co. and then returning fundamentally altered how they (Lockwood and Lucy) see each other and how they interact. We see Lockwood let Lucy in and be more obvious about his flirting, and we see Lucy start to actually allow herself to think romantic-adjacent thoughts towards Lockwood. Stroud (I think, someone check me on this) mentioned once how it took Lockwood to loose Lucy to really realize how much she meant; this is the moment where that happens. What really embodies this shift are the scene where Lucy leaves the company in THB compared to when Lockwood asks for her help in TCS.

In THB ch. 26 (pg. 372-374 in my version) we get Lucy leaving the team. Lockwood says two very important things here. "I'm surprised to hear that. I thought you and Holly -" is his classic deflection. Reading into it, one sees him knowing what's about to happen, and attempting to diffuse the situation by throwing Lucy's reasoning onto something he thinks he understands. She's leaving because of workplace spats; Holly's relationship with Lucy. Then we get "'Is that it?' Lockwood asked quietly. 'Is that really what this is all about?'" which is where we see him lashing out in a way. He's furious and doesn't know what to do with that emotion. He's been revealing more and more of himself to Lucy through this book, trusting her with his past, and now she's leaving? How dare she? Through this, Lucy doesn't describe what he looks like or what he's doing. She's avoiding him, ignoring him, ignoring any feelings she may have.

Then we get TCS and its only been four months but boy have things changed. Lucy describes his smile in ch. 5 (pg.51) as "warm but somehow hesitant, as if it hadn't been used recently. It was the smile I'd hazily imagined a hundred times; only now it was real, solid, meant just for me." And by god is that a LINE! And there's more quotes I'm not going to put here because this is already so long and then "Lockwood leaned forward, and I noticed a scar on the side of his neck - not large, but white and raised - one I'd never seen before" (pg. 59). And a bunch to read more into and then "I looked over at Lockwood as he sat shoulders-forward, head slightly bowed. He seemed more different than I'd ever seen him: not vulnerable, exactly, but certainly exposed." This whole scene is SO interesting in contrast to the last time we saw Lockwood! He's vulnerable, he clearly misses her, he (likely) is throwing himself Further into danger (see: scar) because she's gone! Its one of the times we see him fully stripped of his ego and charisma (there may be more in THB but I'm only starting my re-read of that now lol). He comes not as a boss, but as a friend, a fellow agent, an equal. Lockwood doesn't give her orders like he does in the earlier books. Things have Changed.

Then we get the first moment she meets the team as a whole again (around pg. 79) and she notices how Lockwood is "making more of an effort than usual" and she questions "For me? No. Penelope Fittes was far more likely." A moment where Lucy almost EXPLICITLY mentions wanting Lockwood to dress up for her? Unheard of before now! This is no longer an unconscious or avoided crush; she's got feelings and she's aware of them at this point.

And don't get me started on the scene with "'What the heck was that?' I said. 'The Shadow?' Lockwood glanced at me from under his bangs. 'Of course the Shadow ....' He shook his head" (pg. 326). I could say SO MUCH about those lines oh my god. The point here, though, is that it's a direct moment where Lockwood is CLEARLY being awkward because they just held hands, his feelings are obvious! He's not perfectly composed and charming! Lucy recognizes this enough to narrate it into the moment! They're awkward about it, and don't verbally communicate it, but they both recognize their own feelings in a way that isn't really seen before TCS!

TCS is also the point where Lockwood becomes Much more open about his past compared to TSS, TWS, and THB. Through Lucy's eyes, he becomes something more than just a charismatic boss who loves the spotlight. She sees his rough edges, his trauma, his flaws. She sees how broken he is, because he is offering the information willingly. We shift from blind admiration and oftentimes annoyance at his inability to open up to a knowing love that we readers love. Yes, Lockwood is still charismatic and Lucy is still crushing on him! But also! He's more human now! And Lucy is not just infatuated in a way she can easily ignore anymore.

Lockwood and Lucy both grow a lot when Lucy is gone after THB and that absence fundamentally changes the way that the two interact for the rest of the series. There's like, a bunch more I want to say and quote but like. This post is already super long so I think I'll leave it there.

#lockwood and co #the screaming staircase #the whispering skull #the hollow boy #the creeping shadow #(not the empty grave really because I talked too much about the others lol)#spoilers for the books!#quotes from TWS and THB #long post #i really should write like #an actual academic essay on this #(maybe when I don't have other Real assignments to do lol)#sorry professor I didn't email the purchasing office regarding additive aluminum filament #i was too busy writing analysis for a ya series for FUN

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sisterdivinium · 11 months

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It might appear somewhat essentialist at first if used to examine real, breathing human beings, but Carol Gilligan's "Images of relationship" can provide an interesting framework with which to understand certain facets of Warrior Nun. More so when coupled with David Hayter's comment on how the show's "women are always right and the men are always kind of screwing things up," for her article, dealing in systems of moral understanding, might point us towards the reasons behind this openly admitted narrative "bias".

In a nutshell, Gilligan observes the different strategies by which boys and girls seem to resolve moral dilemmas, deviating from traditional interpretation. This is because, Rosemarie Tong reminds us, "Gilligan challenged the Freudian notion that men have a well-developed sense of justice — a sense of morality — whereas women do not". By looking beyond these hurried and prejudiced conclusions of (male) researchers before her, she "argued instead that men and women have different conceptions of morality, each equally coherent and developed and equally valid". She bases this idea, then, on those resolution strategies that were found to consist of, for boys, a tendency to see the moral dilemma as "sort of like a math problem with humans", while the girls were more inclined to view it as "a narrative of relationships that extends over time" — so if boys seemed "logical" through their impersonal abstraction of a situation, invoking concepts similar to those of law and justice, the girls were more likely to follow a different, "personal" logic, through "an awareness of the connections between people", identifying "a web of relationships that is sustained by a process of communication".

Where this all intersects with Warrior Nun is that the male and female characters seemingly display these same propensities of moral judgment.

If we start with the men, we will quickly see that they are all caught up in their own abstract systems, prone to grand ideas and concepts while detached from the world and the valuable human bonds that make it up, just as Vincent sees the quest for a hypothetical "better world" as more important than the life of a very real, concrete woman he claims to love. Mr. Hayter himself, in the same interview conceded during the OCS Conclave of June 3rd, mentions how father Vincent and cardinal William are irresistibly attracted to the notion of power: "here's this guy who can do godlike things, so why wouldn't I follow him, you know? ... We gotta have some power ... that we bow down to or whatever". This is how he transmits a glimpse into these characters' psyches and we could safely argue that this behaviour and thought pattern extends to the rest of the men in the show, including Duretti, Kristian, Adriel and even Michael Salvius.

Whether these men mask their fascination with power through other words or not, theirs is a cause which easily calls for violence and a willingness to kill or die for it.

Earthly power inspires Francesco Duretti to have the current halo bearer killed if need be as he attempts to consolidate his bid on the Holy See; Kristian Schaefer would sacrifice the world as readily as he does his old acquaintance Duretti in the name of this power that lay entombed for a thousand years but communicated through the voice of a sick little boy; cardinal William Foster is inebriated with the idea of being a new god's right-hand man, so he brutally slaughters his colleagues to buy himself a place at Adriel's table, even if that means getting no more than his master's crumbs; father Vincent is so eager to find someone or something powerful enough to take the burden of "his darkness" from atop his shoulders that he convinces himself of there being divinity in the parlour tricks of a manipulator, killing a symbolic daughter in this trickster's name; Adriel would bleed humanity dry without a second thought all the while claiming to save it in draining its belief for the benefit of his own megalomania; finally, Michael subjects himself to the will and authority of Reya, whom he claims to be "unimaginably powerful".

Of course the women of Warrior Nun are mostly all ready to lay down their lives for their own cause as well, or else we wouldn't have their iconic motto of "in this life or the next", but the motivation behind it is what sets the men and the women wholly apart here. If the former are intoxicated by the concept of power, the latter are embedded in a family of sorts, in a dense network of relationships that they can identify with some ease, and which informs their decisions and actions more than just dogma or theory.

Most if not all of the female characters struggle between two different stances: one is an offshoot of the males' abstract organisation of the world, while the other is a more "hands-on", "organic" order; between "duty", or what is said to be their duty, and that which their own perception reveals, their "personal" logic by which the "self [is] delineated through connection", seeing one another as actual sisters instead of mere pieces upon the church's chess board. We see the dilemma take place within Beatrice, Camila, Lilith and Mother Superion, who are all faced with a choice of sticking to their place in a well-defined (artificial, abstract) structure or valuing instead the human connections all around them and that stand in opposition to this man-made categorisation of life.

And, one by one, they take the side of that one character who seems to have kept her lucidity and fidelity to her own understanding through it all: Mary.

Mary never lost sight of her priorities. Her focus on friends and sisters illustrates Gilligan's point rather well when she is the only one who insists on understanding what happened to Shannon all the while the OCS is made to concentrate its energies on the halo instead. Of course it blinds her to Vincent's betrayal, but that is his fault more than it is hers; her moral compass points at the right direction for the most part.

And, each at their turn, the nuns adopt (rediscover?) this same mode of thought. Beatrice's efficient, obedient soldier façade crumbles beneath the urgency of siding with Mary rather than following the arbitrary decision of some man invested with the power of an institution; Camila outright admits wanting to be kicked out of the church just so she can stay near to the people who represent her allegiance more than liturgy itself ever could; Lilith literally travels to hell and back to rejoin her sisters, regardless of how her subsequent mutations upset her loyalty later on; Mother Superion sheds her prominence within hierarchy, risking it all, by standing with "her girls". Even Ava, an outsider with no ties to the church but who so desperately wanted to "live", trades a vague, abstract notion of what "life" and "freedom" entail for the very definite, tangible reality of the family this group of women becomes for her.

Another outsider equally stuck between "bodiless" logic and the reality of human connection around her, Jillian Salvius, too, falters before choosing her side when faced with these two points of view: that of "pure" reasoning and that informed by the consciousness of surrounding relationships. Her quest for "knowledge" is not sufficiently strong so as to potentially sacrifice someone in her inner circle. Season one has her holding young Michael back from stepping into the machine she herself had created for this purpose when concern overrides calculation; season two gives us a powerful scene where she is tempted by Kristian into joining Adriel's ranks as he claims she is already a part of it all and dangles before her the forbidden fruit of the world's hidden laws, the elusive answers the scientist in her has always searched for. He tries to hook her in by simultaneously appealing to her intellectual interests as well as her understanding of the web of relationships when he claims she is another link in the chain that leads to Adriel...

And Jillian refuses him.

Kristian would never convince her of already being within this specific network of relationships because he was the one to rupture it first.

To these women, unlike the men, it's not about ideas — or, rather, about rationalisations, given how their interpretation of what is logical or reasonable is more than open to inquiry. To these women, it's not about loud, large but empty words vulnerable to tampering and shifting meanings; it's not about power.

It's about people.

Rosemarie Tong says "Gilligan believed that women's moral development takes her from an egocentric, or selfish position to an overly altruistic, or self-sacrificing position and, finally, to a self-with-others position in which her interests count as much as anyone else's" — and this seems to describe perfectly well the inner trajectory that these characters follow. We see traces of the selfish in Ava, Jillian and Lilith, as well as of the self-sacrificial in Beatrice or Suzanne, but they all appear to converge on this path towards constructing a "self-with-others" whereby they are all individuals inextricably tied to one another — and aware of it, acting accordingly. A sisterhood, a direct sisterhood that supersedes the very church structure which facilitated it to begin with.

Of course Warrior Nun is too intricately built to allow itself to be so smoothly explained; if Carol Gilligan provides a framework that helps us to identify what is so positive and deserving of attention in the female characters' attitudes as championed by one of the show's own writers, it also falls short on other points and her propositions can then be questioned by the show in turn.

We need but a few examples.

If Jillian Salvius values the significance of association with others more than she does a cold, distant overview of things (the latter being the stereotypical scientist attitude), then how is it that she seems so prepared to immolate Lilith at the altar of curiosity? One relationship takes precedence over the other, yes, and we cannot compare the love for a son to whatever affection or respect there is for anyone else, but the nature of Jillian's experimentation with Lilith, had it gone forward, is quite brutal even for the sake of a debilitated child. Jillian's stance is understandable, but this "self-with-others" thing isn't as clear-cut as we might think.

Lilith herself oscillates between those three positions of moral development described by Gilligan, going from selfish to "connected" by the end of season one, but ending season two in almost complete isolation, with only a hint towards her previous place in a web of sisters as she aids Beatrice in getting Ava to the ark... Shortly after having dug her claws into the warrior nun's flesh.

But perhaps Lilith is a more special case than we realise at first. Our early childhood experiences define much of our character, after all, and the words we use have a bearing on how we view and reconstruct the world in our discourse; Lilith's understanding of the relationships between people, of "family", probably doesn't reflect that of her sisters given the ill-treatment she must have received from her relatives. If one's primary web of relationships is so tainted, what model can it ultimately provide for later connections? Just as Ava's mistrust for nuns is justified by her previous, negative experiences at their hands, Lilith's experience with intimate or familial bonds surely affects her maturing sense of being linked to other people. If family is a positive value for Ava and Mary, for example, it cannot boast of the same meaning for Lilith, whose family is a source of stress and misunderstanding rather than a harbour of love.

The treatment she has received might have corrupted her grounds for moral judgment by communal lenses in a way Beatrice's rejection by her own parents did not, leaving Lilith adrift as long as she does not somehow attempt to re-signify what human connection ultimately means. To Lilith, as of yet, the web of relationships she necessarily belongs to mirrors the initial disposition she was brought up in, as a hierarchical structure where every link is tainted by the stench of power and domination — the OCS is a family much like her own... Where orders are given and meant to be obeyed.

We cannot know for certain what it is that she sees or feels after Adriel "unlocks" her wraith-vision, but there is something peculiar in how, reflecting this idea of abstract versus material views of the world we've been discussing, Lilith claims to see reality when she casts her eyes upon the nebulous demonic figures only few others can see. In her opposing traits are mixed, delivering a strange synthesis we cannot quite make out yet and making Lilith a hybrid both in body and in thought.

And while this fact alone seems to interrogate David Hayter's comment about how the women in the show tend to be correct, we can further complicate the statement by glancing at Reya.

There is frightfully little we know of her, but a lot of the information we do have is conflicting: Reya is unimaginably powerful, yet needs to manipulate two young people to do her bidding for her in fighting Adriel; her predictions are "meant to be" yet do not manifest in the way they were said to; she is described as some sort of benefactor by taking Michael in, but she sticks a bomb into his chest and the very sight of her sends him reeling; she is, as far as we know, a woman, yet she might very well be at odds with the other women we see in the show. How, then, are the women always right?

Perhaps they are so when following their conscience as guided by their understanding of community and sisterhood, when belonging to a network of relationships and acknowledging it. That would exclude a murderous sister Frances, a confused Lilith and a mysterious, distant Reya from the definition.

In this sense, then, even if the characters are not static or simple, even if they waver between the moral positions suggested by Gilligan and which do not seem all that definite to begin with, her text is still enlightening as relates to why the women are, "word of God", the moral touchstone of Warrior Nun.

Having been robbed of further development of the story and universe for the time being, however, precisely because of an abstracting, impersonal corporate logic that sees only numbers where there should be people and the wonderful effect this show has had on them, there is only so much we can conjecture on this subject...

#warrior nun #analysis and similar #exercises in observation #i should tag all of the characters since they're all more or less discussed but i am too lazy for that sorry #i can't explain why i took so long to write this it's been in my essay list forever. then the david hayter revelations hit #and i knew i had to finally write it strengthened by his words #it's fair to tell you i have about a trillion reservations about psychoanalysis and psychology and whatever #but you also know by now i'm a pragmatist. if the theory helps me explain something i will use it.#then again i suppose i should have read gilligan's entire book lol but my eyes wouldn't have survived #i had read her text in january of last year i think because it's in a collection of feminist texts i own in print #so yeah. grain of salt etc #i'm not sure i've properly exposed what i wanted to say but i've had enough of this text and i'm releasing it into the world lol

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destinyc1020 · 4 months

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i will say something that frustrates me a bit, tom could dominate hollywood like Zendaya and timmy if he chooses too. he's got the skills, hes got the charisma, hes got the looks, and unlike Z who had to work her ass off for where she is today, he's got privilege. if he just go to the right events and make the right connections, and choose the right roles, he could dominate hollywood. of course with roles, there will be hits and misses. i love tom, huge fan of his. he did wonderful with spiderman and uncharted even though people were rooting against, but his charisma and talent won a lot of people over. kid's got potential he just doesnt use it. either because he doesnt want to or doesnt know how to. but it is frustrating as of right now because theres so much potential. the good thing about awards shows and these types of events is that he can meet and talk to some major players in hollywood, he just doesnt want to go, and i get why, he said why but doesnt change things. Timmy uses his star power, and though a bit pretentious and hungry for fame which i dislike, hes (for the most part/ he made poor decisions over the last month or 2) smart. he goes to events, he mingles with people, he chooses to work with powerful and big name directors and you've got to give him that at least. same with JE. and i hate JE literally. hes more pretentious and obnoxious, no charisma but him and his team are super smart. i will give them that at least.

Thanks for your honest thoughts and opinions Anon.

You know, I kind of hear this type of sentiment from many Tom stans quite a lot, and I'm wondering if possibly what's going on here is that SOME of Tom's stans sort of feel like he started off on such a great foot with his earlier indie career, and then with Spider-Man, but then now...Some may feel as though Tom is kind of lagging behind his peers, especially when they see other actors around his same age (even up-and-coming actors) seeming to be "eclipsing" Tom (Dom's favorite word lol 😅) in the Hollywood industry career department.

I can sort of see why SOME of Tom's stans who actually really do love him would like to see him having the same prestige, film roles, or perceived "hype" in Hollywood that they see other young actors getting in the industry.

With all of that said however... I think fans need to take a deep breath, take a step back, and keep in mind first and foremost that the level of fame that Tom has is NOT something that is easy for most people.

Tom was announced as being the next Spider-Man in 2015, and then he was first seen in "Captain America: Civil War" in 2016....then from there he went on to film his OWN solo Spidey film, "Spiderman: HOCO" in 2016....and then, a year later, he was thrust and catapulted into a level of fame that he had never experienced before after his film HOCO came out in 2017.

Tom's popularity and fame has only INCREASED since 2017. Most of that is due to Marvel and being in some of the most highest-grossing blockbuster films in the WORLD, and another part of that is due to Tom's general likability, friendliness, and charismatic nature that just seems to come naturally to him. 😊

I don't even think that fans can really compare Tom's fame level to lesser-known actors, or even to Timothee Chalamet, who JUST recently reached 19 Million followers on Instagram, whereas meanwhile, Tom has 66.3 Million followers on Instagram. I just don't think that's really fair.

Timothee has also had the added benefit of being able to sort of "fly under the radar" somewhat. While Timothee is yes, very popular, has a huge fanbase, and has critical acclaim with tons of award nominations and a few wins under his belt, he also has usually primarily stuck to mostly smaller, indie films throughout most of his career, so Timmy's fame has seen more of slightly gradual increase in fame level, as opposed to becoming WILDLY HUGE overnight, as was the case with Tom.

I've always said that if I were to ever become famous, I would rather be SEMI-famous, and still be able to live a somewhat normal life, do my work, go home, and have a pretty basic lifestyle, vs being MEGA-famous, barely being able to walk out of my front door without being papped or chased by fans, or always being asked for a picture (or sometimes not even asked), and having my life constantly up for discussion. And a "Private life"? What's that?? I would much prefer the former rather than the latter.

I don't think fans realize that fame (especially large amounts of it) can really mess with someone's head. While at the outset it might seem fun, exciting, addictive and even intoxicating at first, fans don't realize that later on down the line, this level of fame can make you feel suffocated after a while. 😔

Many actors (and celebrities just in general) have suffered from anxiety, loneliness, DEPRESSION, paranoia, and worthlessness just simply due to having to deal with massive amounts of fame, hate online, and the constant feeling of their lives being under a microscope. 😔

Based on what Tom (and his dad) has said, to me it almost seems as though he would rather try to live a more normal life, as opposed to getting even MORE increasingly famous. We have to remember that unlike some actors who may have always dreamed of acting or being famous, Tom was sort of thrown into acting due to being spotted by a talent scout. He ended up liking it and just stuck with it, but it's not like he was somebody who was dreaming of being an actor or being famous one day, like some others might.

Dom has even said recently on a podcast that he doesn't even worry about Tom's career in Hollywood... He worries MOST about whether or not his son will have the ability to live a somewhat normal LIFE. To me, that was very telling. 😔

Personally?? I think that overall Tom will be okay. But like you yourself even mentioned, we need to ask ourselves if continuing to be massively famous is something that Tom himself even wants?? 🤔 To me, it seems like Tom has other more important goals in his life that take more priority. Jmho.

While Tom I'm sure enjoys acting, and might even wish to direct films one day, I don't get the impression that he is particularly all that comfortable with the huge fame aspect of it. That can be somewhat daunting for anybody.

I think fans need to have some mercy and grace, and realize that Tom is doing just fine, and he will be okay. 😊 Like you mentioned, he has some privilege in Hollywood that not all people (especially woc) are afforded. I know fans only want Tom to be getting accolades because we all know and see his talent, his potential, and want certain roles for him, or for him to work with certain directors/actors, etc. But we have to ask ourselves: "What does TOM want?" 🤔

#sorry for the long dissertation #I'm trying to do better lol 😅#but some asks just warrant an essay lol

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taikk0 · 1 year

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i dont think anon was referring to sps simple style, sp is a pretty controversial show. from what i've seen, it seems pretty bigoted? i could be wrong. sorry if this ask is rude, i don't mean to be rude, but yeah i think that's what anon meant

Oh no, not rude at all!! Sorry you have to apologize my response to that anon was a lot more srs than I intended I just wanted to get my point across, I'm all for open discussions :] to answer the bigoted question, I wouldn't entirely say no. but I can say that South Park was not made to make fun of minorities and spread harmful messages. The show presents bigoted behavior from the antagonists who are too stupid to realize they're wrong, it's up to you as the audience to realize that what they are the antagonists and that their actions should not be justified and supported. And even then, there are characters who outwardly speak out and work to fight against said bigots in the episodes they're in. However, the show also relies on shock humor. And this is a criticism on the fans part, but they really gotta stop saying "why are you surprised? It's South Park" as if being surprised over something gross or offensive wasn't the point in the first place. The ridiculous shit in the show isn't supposed to be normalized!! It's supposed to be absolutely ridiculous to the audience and catch them off guard!! You're not supposed to get used to it!! You're not supposed to like it, but you're not supposed to read too deep in it either, breaking down why it's wrong and why you found it shocking and why this is SUPER PROBLEMATIC!! Isn't the point. You just gotta acknowledge that "oh that's fucked up I cant believe they did that, that is so wrong" and just sit in shock for a bit and move on. Like, you can't tear the show apart for one joke when its purpose was for you to realize it's supposed to be ridiculous and wrong at the same time, and the show itself being aware of that fact. A lot of the offensive material circulating around on why South Park is bad lacks context. Cartman and Butters dressing up as chinese stereotypes? They are at a normal Chinese restaurant, harassing a Chinese family because they're idiots who believe that china will overthrow the world, they are asked to leave. Ike in a relationship with his teacher? Ike is a victim of a grooming that is not taken seriously by the police because the predator was a woman, portraying how male victims situations are overlooked in real life, the teacher dies in the end. Randy saying the N-word on live television? He is ridiculed and seen as a total asshole, he gets called "N-word guy" by the people around him and retaliates by making it illegal to call him that name, a satirical role reversal portraying the hypocrisy and sensitivity of white people (oppressors) where they make the "slur" against them illegal but not the slurs against the people they have oppressed for years.

But even after all this, I can see that there are other examples that I can't, and I am not willing to justify. At the end of the day, we all have to acknowledge that South Park was made by two cishet white men. (this was why I said I can't entirely say no) Their opinions will not always be right, and I'm sick of fans trying to justify some of their episodes and jokes just because they like South Park, South Park is not one of those shows you want to ride or die on. I personally have a few jokes and episodes I dislike and will absolutely never watch again, but that is not my main focus. Discrimination is not my draw, and I don't think that's the show's either. Now we're going out to discussion territory and more of personal opinion. I personally enjoy South Park because I feel very drawn to the characters and I find their character driven adventures and antics to be really entertaining. I don't care much for the social commentary. Not that I completely ignore it, it's just something I acknowledge is important in some episode's narratives, but not something I pay too close attention to.

I don't think I watch South Park for the intended reasons, and I don't think most of the fans over here on Tumblr do either. I can admit that I enjoy a version of South Park that isn't technically South Park entirely. I enjoy South Park for what it isn't, and that is a situational comedy with four little guys getting into all sorts of trouble <3

And the funny thing about this whole post is that I used to be a South Park hater.

I thought it was just a bigoted show where the only jokes it had were slurs and children saying fuck, right before I actually gave it a chance and was surprised to find out that it was more than I thought it was, and that I actually somehow enjoyed it.

It's kinda crazy to me that I'm technically defending SOUTH PARK of all things right now.

But uh yeah, I like South Park, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was, and I ended up hyperfixating on it. I'm not here to change anyone's mind and make them watch South Park because "it's ACTUALLY spotless and politically correct all the time, you're just sensitive ☝🤓" People are right to label South Park as controversial, and people are right to be offended by it when it's making fun of something it doesn't understand or without the proper nuance, and people are allowed to discuss and criticize the show for it. With all that said, The show is not emblematic of its own fans, and some of its own fans need to stop looking up to it like it's the bible.

Matt and Trey can be wrong, and even fans like me who enjoy it aren't too dumb and ignorant to recognize and rightfully not be in support of certain aspects of it when a line is being crossed.

This whole thing was supposed to end right after I attached the photo of the characters, but then I just decided to write more and so I puked this extra fluff out, sorry about that lol

#taikko asks #me and my homies hate matt and trey meatriders sorry 👎#<- the meatriders who defend them at every turn and justify everything they do. theyre grown ass cishet white men dude #meatriders who just have a crush on them.....you do you idc its none of my business LOL #SORRY YALL THIS IS LONG #do not ask me about my opinions (walls of text that is too long)#im new to the fandom/south park in general but i watched the whole series already so sorry if this screams 'NEW FAN!!'#be GLAD im a new fan i was too young and impressionable to watch it before #do NOT let 13 year old mikyomix near south park EVER #i dont usually write essays or stuff this long idk if i did good or not lol #south park

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