#staying in touch with your inner child does not mean shitting on things meant for kids

[satorhime]

grown ass people still angry about the little mermaid live action like idk how to tell u, but ur not the actual target audience

#they’re literally picking every aspect of this movie apart #and like #sure disney is for everyone #but this is a movie for children #and the little kids who will watch this movie next month will have stars in their eyes #that’s the most important thing #not some 48 year old who grew up with the original movie bitching about ariel not looking the same #we really need to talk about how children can’t have ANYTHING without adults inserting themselves #staying in touch with your inner child does not mean shitting on things meant for kids #it means being seated right alongside them and watching the fuck out of this movie #bc ik i will be

[remmyswritings]

Congratulations! Would you be able to do a Soulmates piece for Charlie and Jen? I’m on the shy side until you get to know me, I love to read and be near water (especially the ocean) and to travel. And I’m not sure if this is too specific (and I will gladly take anything that comes from your wonderful brain) but the idea of soulmate tattoos where a piece of the tattoo gradually appears each year has been floating around in my brain lately. Thank you! 💕

hey momma!! I absolutely loved this soulmate au idea, I had so much fun writing it. :) anyway, i hope you like the fic <3

words in my brain // charlie x jen

The first time you felt the outline of what you would soon learn was your soulmate tattoo was when you were 11 years old. Yours happened to appear on your inner forearm and the only thing you saw was a faint outline. When you asked your mother what that meant all she said was “You are going to need a lot of patience, little one, when it comes to meeting your soulmate.”

Ever since then a tiny bit of the tattoo would show itself. First, the skin itself raised slightly. Then by the time you reached your 4th year at Hogwarts you could trace the first word completely. It was written in cursive, draga. You’ve now reached the end of your 7th year and were finally able to trace the second word but it still hadn’t appeared in ink, mea.

“Tonks, I still don’t understand how you can be so patient about this whole soulmate thing,” you and your best friend sat on your bed when the topic of soulmates had come up. 

Her hair turned fuschia as she traced her tattoo, “Well I mean, I already met him… at least I think I did. It just clearly wasn’t our time yet.”

“You surprise me with those mature comments of yours Tonks,” you shook your head and laughed. 

“What?!” She dramatically gasped and placed her hand over her heart, “I can’t believe you would still see me as a child.”

“Tonks,” you stared at your friend, your “mom” voice as she called it coming out in full force, “You just got detention this morning for setting off a prank in the girls bathroom and then got another detention for disturbing McGonagall’s classroom as you ran away from Filch.”

She seemed to go deep into thought, “Ya… you’re right. Anyway, I thought you promised Charlie you’d go see him before the game.”

“Oh!” You looked towards the clock in your room, “Thanks for reminding me!” 

Tonks stayed behind as you ran towards the pitch, and luckily with time to spare. Before sneaking into the locker room, you took a deep breath in to calm your nerves. Nowadays, it seemed as though you could never be calm when you were around Charlie.

You went through the gap between the tents and checked to make sure nobody could see you as you walked into the boys locker room. When you finally reached him you gasped, unlike all the other times you came by to wish Charlie luck this time he was shirtless.

“Shit, sorry,” you turned around so that Charlie could finish dressing.

Charlie chuckled deeply- which made you wonder since when did his voice change- “Jen, you’ve seen my shirtless before, it’s fine. Just turn around please.”

“Ok,” you turned to face your friend who you could tell was also nervous, “Do you want me to just talk while you finish getting dressed?”

Charlie nodded, “yes, please.”

You couldn’t help but admire Charlie’s build as you recounted one of yours and Tonk’s adventure from over the summer. Only when you caught sight of a tattoo etched on Charlie’s ribs you stopped, dragul the partner to your draga. Standing right in front of you was your soulmate, you couldn’t believe it… but you knew it still wasn’t time, the tattoo hadn’t been filled in.

“Jen,” Charlie looked at you with worry, “you alright?”

You shook your head, “What? Sorry- um- I should get going,” you moved to leave the tent hoping Charlie wouldn’t recognize the rosy tint on your cheeks.

“You know we still have a couple more minutes until the rest of the team is gonna show up…” and even though he hasn’t said it you could practically hear the rest of his sentence in your head, and you haven’t wished me luck yet.

“I promised Tonks I’d save us some good seats,” you turned to face Charlie once again and brought him into a hug, “You are gonna do amazing alright. I believe in you!”

You kissed him on the cheek, just as you always did, and rushed out to the stands, hoping that Tonks was already there. Thankfully she was, and she recognized the look that passed your eyes.

“Did you finally find out that Charlie’s your soulmate?” She asked the second you sat down next to her.

You could only turn to your friend with your mouth open in shock, “You knew?!”

“Of course I knew! Charlie showed me his tattoo one day because he couldn’t really read it and he wanted to know what it said.”

Your head fell into your hands as you groaned, “How long have you known for?”

“Just since the beginning of the school year… so what are you gonna do about it?” Tonks' hair turned yellow in excitement.

The smile that you had since realizing that the boy you’ve had a crush on since fourth year slipped from your face as you remembered your mother’s words from when you were young, “Nothing.”

Before Tonks could ask for more, the two teams came flying out onto the field. Even from the other side of the pitch though, Charlie could see the frown on your face no matter how hard you tried to hide it. He figured he’d ask you what was bothering you after the game but never had the chance, because Gryffindor had won the Quidditch Cup and once the celebration was over Charlie would be leaving for Romania.

Sadly, you hid yourself in your room not daring to say goodbye to Charlie because it would finally make his plans of leaving Hogwarts real. You knew he had finally left though when Tonks came back with a bouquet of your favorite flowers in your hand and a letter from him. 

You spent the last parts of your 7th year just going through the motions. You already had a job lined up doing research for the ministry which thankfully also allowed you to travel the world. The only thing missing from this dream life of yours was a certain redhead who had followed through with his dream of being a Dragonologist.

The years passed and next thing you knew you were being called back to London, a child had just died in the TriWizard Tournament. You heard the whispers that year, about the Dark Mark that was conjured during the World Cup, the idea that Voldemort would somehow rise again… only now it was no longer just an idea.

That’s how you found yourself living with the Weasleys and fugitive Sirius Black in Number 12 Grimmauld Place. While you wished you could be out at that little place you had bought near the ocean instead, you knew that they needed you here. You spent your days helping turn the house into a manageable living situation and at night attended the Order meetings held in the kitchen.

You finally met Tonks’ soulmate, although it was a bit difficult to swallow how he couldn’t believe that he was someone who deserved Tonks’ love. It was after the school year had started that you had been met with a surprise waiting for you in the kitchen. Standing there with a bouquet of flowers in his hands was Charlie Weasley.

“Charlie!” You flung yourself into his arms, “what are you doing here? You should be in Romania.”

Charlie laughed, “What does it look like I’m doing, love? I came to visit my soulmate.”

“Wait?” You whipped your head up to look Charlie in the eye, “You knew?!”

He looked down towards his feet, a red tinge growing on his face and covering his freckles, “Ya, I knew since the day Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup our 7th year.”

“You-“ your hand smacked Charlie in the chest, “mean-“ another smack, “you-“ another smack, “knew-“ another, “this-“ another, “whole-“ another, “time!”

Charlie grabbed your hands in his, “ok, first… OW! and second yes I did know but I knew there was no point in telling you until our tattoos were filled in.”

“When did you get so smart when it came to soulmates Charlie?” You teased him slightly, remembering how he disliked the subject during school.

“Well,” he brought your hands up to his lips and kissed them slightly, “if I remember correctly, you seemed to love the idea.”

Finally having released your anger towards him you leaned yourself into Charlie’s touch. You hadn’t realized it, but his touch and his smell were definitely things you missed over the years.

“Jen?” You hummed as you looked back up at Charlie, “are you busy tonight by any chance?”

You shook your head, “No, why?”

“Um- well- gosh I don’t understand why I’m so nervous right now-“ you ran your hands up and down Charlie’s upper arms, “I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date with me tonight.”

You reached up and placed a kiss on Charlie’s cheek making sure to stay there a bit longer than you typically would, “I’d love to.”

#remmys writings #remmys 500 celebration #charlie x jen

[scottfuckingreed]

Truth or Dare - Part Five

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VERY REQUESTED (i’m sorry for the long ass wait)

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Warnings!: Includes swearing and detailed sexual images (female masturbation)

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Oh wow okay. His? I hate the fact that I heard ‘back to mine’ and internally started worrying about the fact that I haven’t shaved, I’m not mentally prepared at all, and I’m an absolute sucker for anything this boy does. It must be hypnotics or something. But I haven’t shaved. I’m not like a monster - I’m not that hairy - but I ain’t smooth. But he is. His words are too smooth. He must do this often. I mean, look at him. Imagine a guy looking like THAT and being unsmooth. It just wouldn’t happen. We get to his, and it’s this nicely done up house which is cosy and cute. It’s somehow exactly what I imagined. Not that I’ve imagined it too often... The fingers on my right hand rub against the top of a unit. They stop at a picture frame, which I pick up. “Is this you and your mum?” I ask, totally in awe at the adorable photo. Monty’s probably 13/14 in it. Both of their faces are smushed together with the biggest grins on their faces. “So cute,” I smirk towards him. I wish I could say I see a slight bit of awkwardness in his face, but he plays it off so cool. “I’ll get you a drink, you can make your way up to my room if you want,” he smiles. 1. That’s so cute. 2. Okayyyyyy. Photo frames line up the side of the stairs. They’re all so happy, and Monty continues to be so fucking cute as a child! There’s no shock there either I guess.

No part of me feels nosey, which it should, as I look around Monty’s room. It’s pretty basic. Baseball shit on the wall, trophy’s placed proudly on shelves. It’s quite tidy though. There may be a few clothes on the floor and some shit shattered, but it’s honestly probably tidier than my room. He hands me a glass, which is very clear. His eyes lock on me as I sniff the contents of the glass. He lets out a laugh. “It’s just water.” After confirming that for me, I take a sip. “Yours is water too?” I ask. I’ve never seen this guy drink anything other than alcohol. “I have practise later so.” And then there’s silence. Fuuuuuuuuck.

It quickly becomes less awkward. Me and Monty hardly talked 2 days ago, and now we’re laughing around in his room. It doesn’t just happen. But it did. “I didn’t know you were this good,” I say, not in a rude way, as I admire one of the trophy’s. “I’m no ‘Bryce Walker’, but I’m alright I guess,” humble? This is NOT the Monty I know. “Didn’t you used to be a cheerleader?” Oh god. Bring up the old memories why don’t you. I let out a small laugh. “I’m surprised you would remember such an insignificant thing like that, but yeah I guess. I was shit at it though.” “Well the main part of being a cheerleader is to be sexy and distract the players right?” A smile spreads across my face, shaking my head slowly at the words flowing out of his mouth. “It is, and I have to say I’m definitely distracted,” as he spoke his words, he started making his way towards me. He so irresistible. Ffs. He just there, right in front of me, smiling because HE KNOWS he has me right where he wants me. “You’re such a flirt Cruz,” I go to push his head softly and playfully, but my hand just stays placed on his cheek. “You’re so distracting Y/L/N.” Move Y/N. Say something! But I can’t say something. I can’t say anything. The Monty I knew- thought I knew- is not the guy sat in front of me. Where’s the guy who pushed Tyler Down into the lockers on multiple occasions. He’s always been the bad boy you’re not meant to like, but they’re always the attractive ones so you do anyway. This is too tempting. My words are stuck in my throat, not that I even know what to say. He knows what he’s doing. And it’s working! He moves his head slowly closer to mine, and I just wanted to pull it closer faster. The warmth of his breath sends shivers down my spine. Hovering lips almost touch then... my phone rings. His body throws itself back on his bed. Defeated. “Shit, it’s my mum.” I let out in a whisper. Every inch of my being wants to just ignore it, but my mum with never forgive me. EVER! “Hey mum!” I answer as enthusiastically as I can. She mumbles on about how she’s cooking tea before she’s goes out. And my little sister will need me. Blah blah blah. Way to kill a mood mum. “I have to go,” I break to him slowly. “I figured, I guess we’ll just have to continue another time,” I raise my eyebrows. Grabbing my bag, I go to show myself out. Something about leaving makes words I couldn’t find earlier come spiralling out. Words I didn’t intend on saying. “You can call me though, if you’d like,” I shrug. Confidence? Who is she? I don’t recognise me.

A strong, slightly chilly breeze guides me home. It’s nice to actually clear my head. To think so much has happened over the past few days, ever since that stupid party and an even sillier game. I’d like to believe that it’s for the best that my mum rang me when she did. Although I doubt it, maybe I’d regret flirting with Monty more. Who am I kidding, I’m pissed. But at least the sky is clear, even if my head isn’t. It’s muddled and tangled and, well, fucked. The best thing for me to do is push Monty, and all the other boys, out. I don’t care; It’s just a little game: As fun as it is, it’s a no.

“Where were you after school?” My 7 year old sister Y/S/N asks. I know all children are annoying, but she actually not too bad. Sure she smells and screams and just pretends to be angelic for mum, but I’ve seen worse. Oh and she’s nosey. Sometimes I think mum puts her up to this. “I was at a friend’s, why?” I smile. Purely out of happiness, not because I was hanging out with Monty. We sit at the dining table. Y/S/N has not moved from her seat since I’ve got home, so neither have I. Shes rather artistic. We draw and colour and doodle. It’s actually extremely relaxing. “Mummy thinks you have a boyfriend,” her tone is ‘know-it-all’ if that makes sense. At least I’m not lying. “Well I’ll tell mummy that I don’t. I wish!” I gasp, making her giggle. “Yeah, you’re lonely!” “Hey! I shout jokingly. “You just continue doing your colouring missy,” i reach my hands towards her, tickling her all over her body until she’s red in the face.

Do you ever just close your eyes and make up scenarios in your head? It’s sounds crazy I know! But I just lay down and visualize things that are just unrealistic sometimes. I did say that I was going to push Monty out, but I meant out of my life. Thinking about him is nothing. He won’t even know. The clock reads 11:57, and my head remains on hyperspeed. I can’t get the thoughts of Monty out. Images of him smirking. The sound of him being smug. The feeling of him underneath me as I ground on him. I squeeze my eyes shut, already regretting the movement of my hand. I could search for some willpower. If I did, I’m sure I’d find some. But I have no willpower to search for willpower right now. My hand reaches my vagina, shooting immediate pleasure through my body. I hold it still for a second, wondering if this will push me too far towards Monty. I don’t want anything, like this, to do with Monty. But he’s so fucking hot.

I let my fingers move. Flashes of Monty shoot through my head. It weird how you can imagine things that you haven’t seen happen. Like it’s weird how, laid here right now, I have the ability to imagine Montgomery in any way I’d like. As I rub soft circles against my clit, I visualise myself laid in sexy lingerie on Monty’s bed. It’s the same blue sheets with white lines all over them. I can feel the mattress beneath me. I can see Monty in nothing but white boxers crawling on top of me. My breath heightens at the thought of feeling his breath against my face once again. I change the rhythm of my fingers, slowly sinking a single digit into my core. A slight moan escapes my mouth. In my head, Monty kisses down between my breasts, his right hand squeezing one as he trails down my body: all the way down to the top of my panties. One finger turns to two. I can’t help but get wetter and wetter at my own vivid imagination. That’s all it is. I’m only imagining Monty’s slightly rough fingertips against my skin as he pulls my things down and throws them across the room. But it feels so good! Our eyes lock, and he’d say something like ‘are you ready baby’. The deepness of his voice would send me to a different dimension. He’d hook his arms around my thighs, pulling me down closer to him. I wiggle to get into a comfier position. The toes at the very end of my body begin to curl quite violently. His head would be buried into my pussy, which makes my top half of my body raise only slightly. My moans are mostly internalised, but the pleasure is all real. I pick up the pace of my fingers as juices begin to flood down my own hand. I should stop, but it feels incredible. Imagine what it would feel like from him? His hands, which remain latched around my thighs, would keep my core close to his tongue lapsing around my clit. I wouldn’t be able to help my right hand pushing him as deep into my vagina as possible, probably catching him a few times with my nails. I begin to focus more on my clit, as I imagine he would too, pulling my fingers out. The circular motion becomes quite vigorous. “Shit,” I whisper to myself as I feel my stomach start to knot. My thighs would attempt to close around his face, but he would pull them open and hold them with quite a bit of pressure. Both his forehead and his arms would bulge with a vein. I roll my eyes back into my head. The knot tightens more and more until I feel the need to release. My scream would be as simple as ‘Monty I’m cumming!’. Right now, I cover my mouth with the inner elbow of my left arm. My eyes squeeze tighter shut. I wanna scream out as I ride out my high. I know for a fact that Monty would lick up all my juices. He’d make a slightly dick comment about how he’s ‘just cleaning up’, but I’d feel him him against me, vibrating an incredible sensation up through my entire body. My arm collapses onto my bed, having that feeling of almost cramping. The racing of my heart follows my heavy breaths.

I’m sure the guilt will take over in the morning.

#13 reasons why #13rw #montgomery de la cruz #13 reasons why montgomery #smut

[aces-to-apples]

halo, spartans, and rvb deep lore

so

you wanna incorporate spartan lore into your rvb fic

okay then, first thing’s first: what you have to know, first and foremost, about the spartans (beyond a genuinely stupid amount of backstory) is that everything about the SPARTAN-II Program (not to be confused with the original ORION Project, or the subsequent SPARTAN-III or SPARTAN-IV Programs) from start to finish is fucking buckwild

tw: child abuse, kidnapping, mental abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, human experimentation, human rights violations, medical experimentation, child soldiers, slavery, murder, torture, ptsd, war, genocide, psychosis, non-consensual body modification, suicide (i missed that one, sorry), let me know if i missed anything

ORION Project (retroactively termed “SPARTAN-I Program”)

okay so picture this, it’s 2494. humans have been out there, colonizing space for a good couple hundred years. there’s a Unified Earth Government. there’s a United Nations Space Command. everything still runs on capitalism, and the military is basically the government. now up until now, because Capitalism, earth and its closest neighbors (the Inner Colonies) have been demanding more and more from the poorer and sparser working class Outer Colonies with diminishing returns for the Outer Colonies because space capitalism, and it’s been getting progressively worse and worse for decades. it’s very star wars, slow decay of the republic, because CAPITALISM IN SPACE, folks! so, 2494, after decades of trying to negotiate better conditions and compromises with a government that doesn’t listen and doesn’t care, finally the demands for independence start pouring in in earnest. these demands are, of course, denied, with prejudice. fighting breaks out; it’s unofficial war. the Insurrection. unbeknownst to you, humble average joe trying to live your life without GODDAMN SPACE CAPITALISM, the unsc (specifically ONI, the office of naval intelligence, which is basically the space CIA, who does all the really shady shit) saw the writing on the wall a few years before and put restarted the efforts to biochemically augment regular soldiers for more effective use. super soldiers, ya dig?

(full disclosure: they’ve been trying this for years, decades, like a century and a half or some shit but it never really worked out and last time they tried it, in like 2321 or some shit, they scrapped it and shove the initial volunteers back into regular duty and they all ended up mysteriously dying.)

so, super soldiers. stronger, faster, enhanced sight and hearing, enhanced brain function, the works. and work it does, sort of. the first 65 test subjects are a success, and deployed in 2496 because the Insurrection is picking up steam and actually winning battles and taking control of new territory and using spies and just basically freaking the shit out of the military. another batch goes into the works. things get worse. bombings continue, insurrectionists grow bolder, spies become harder to root out, civilians get caught in the crossfire, hatred for the unsc continues to grow. at its height, there are 300 active duty ORIONs, and they’re good at what they do, but it’s not enough. because of War and also Science, the ORIONs also become a game of diminishing returns, most of them growing too traumatized, too jaded, too sympathetic to the insurrection, or too sick (physically, mentally, and even genetically) to continue. 2502: the leader of the Secessionist Union is assassinated by the ORIONs, the Union falls apart but the Insurrection only gains strength from a martyr, and honestly when does any military actually stay smart and efficient? the ORION Project is quietly retired in 2506 and the remaining 165 active duty ORIONs reintegrated back into regular unsc.

(another quick aside here: the Insurrection refers less to any specific group of insurgents and more of the overall cause of independence from earth imperialism. the Secessionist Union was the most visible, organized, and effective of the bunch, having gather about a dozen world initially to all petition for sovereignty from the Unified Earth Government.)

(fun fact: ODSTs (Orbital Drop Shock Troopers) were modeled off of the ORIONs and became the most badass and effective soldiers in the UNSC, barring SPARTANs themselves.)

(another one: due to all the biochemical and genetic fuckery, the ORIONs who didn’t develop ridiculous scary physical/genetic health problems, or completely understand mental health problems, really did kind of end up like captain america-y super soldiers and continued serving well past when a baseline human would have retired or just gotten Too Old For This Shit. Avery Johnson, a notable and dare i say Iconic character from the Halo franchise, was an ORION and that led him to surviving: all of the ORION Project fuckery missions, the Harvest incident AKA: When Humans Met Covenant And It Went Poorly, the Fall of Reach AKA: When The Covenant After 20 Years Of War Found And Glassed Earth’s Next-Door Neighbor Signalling The Beginning Of The End Cuz When They Found Earth It Was All Gonna Be Fucking Over, the Battle of Installation 04 AKA: Halo 1, and the first Battle of Earth and the Battle of Installation 05 AKA: Halo 2. he was a key leader in the Human-Covenant Alliance following the Great Schism and participated in the Battles for the Ark and Installation 08 AKA: When The Elites Realized Their Religious Leaders Were Full Of Shit And Started Their Own Rebellion And Teamed Up With Humanity To Stop The Flood From Spreading Or The Halo Installations From Firing And Wiping Out All Sentient Life In The Galaxy AKA: Halo 3. also, the biochemical fuckery kept the flood, aka: space zombies via spores, from infecting him. the monitor, also known as epsilon’s ball-form, shot and killed johnson with his lazer face at the end of halo 3. i cried. this badass motherfucker survived like legit 55 years of war to be taken out by an a.i. who can’t wear pants having an existential crisis.)

SPARTAN-II Program (spiritual successor to ORION Project)

2510. shit’s been fucked for awhile. the Unified Earth Government and the United Nations Space Command have been fighting an unofficial civil war for like 15 years. people are Tired, they want the war to end, but they don’t want to admit that they’re in the wrong, so they decide to throw more firepower at the problem. enter Dr. Catherine Halsey, a motherfucking 18 year old civilian child prodigy scientist, I DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW THAT SHE WAS THAT FUCKING YOUNG WHAT THE F U C K, walks up to the Vice Admiral of ONI (remember, Space CIA, alllll the shady shit) and says “hey i got an idea let’s try super soldiers again but this time it’s Worse” and ONI fucking agree because ONI is Fucked Up and i fucking Hate them, fuck ONI. anyway, it’s “spartan episode 2: attack of the clones” up in here. oh, you think i’m kidding? you think i jest?

“the first problem is,” says arrogant petulant 18 year old catherine halsey who’s never been told no a day in her life because she’s just So Smart, she’s Emily Grey up in this bitch but without the perky attitude or respect for people’s wishes when they say they don’t want a robot arm, “the problem with the orions was that the genetic fuckery y’all did was done all willy-nilly, y’all didn’t even make sure the soldiers would be compatible. now you’re got avery johnson, real like Captain America, running around but also orions who retired and had children need to give their kids special injections on the regular to keep their genes where and doing what they’re supposed to be. so you gotta genetically test all your subjects before you fuck with their dna.”

“okay, that makes sense,” says oni, “go on.”

“right so the second problem is,” says halsey, who will eventually become pretty much the worst that Humanity has to offer to the Universe, in my opinion, “that some of your knock-off super soldiers developed a little touch of the ol’ ptsd, or caught some Feelings about the insurrection maybe being Not Wrong, so we gotta make sure to brainwash—i’m sorry, did i say brainwash, i meant indoctrinate—all your slaves—i mean subjects!—in Military Values and Warfare because who wants super soldiers with empathy. so they’ve gotta be pretty young, which ties in nicely with the genetic component which requires they be prepubescent. neat, right?”

“brainwash children,” oni replies, nodding and making notes, “got it. anything else?”

“ah ha!” says halsey, whom i hate possibly more than any other fictional character across the board. “so! after we find these really genetically specific children who are all in the single digits, all possessing not only genetic but superior physical and mental capabilities, and after we kidnap them and replace them with flash clones—which, i’ll remind you, are illegal to create because flash-cloning speeds up the development of the cloned fetus to such degrees that they almost unfailingly develop compounding biological and congenital defects that cannot be corrected us thus almost all of them end up dying awful painful deaths—so we abduct the children and replace them with clones almost guaranteed to die quickly, ruining untold hundreds of lives in the process, we’ll physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse them into compliance and ruin any chance of them functioning in society by turning them into child soldiers. and then! and this is the really fun part, and then when they’re fourteen we’ll subject them to the most despicable violations of their body that i can possibly concoct using chemical, biological, and physical let’s call them ‘augmentations’ to make them grow obscenely large and strong without their consent because they’re slaves—soldiers!—and really who needs consent or ethics or basic human rights, amirite?”

“entirely,” oni says, nodding in agreement. “so what’s the survival rate on that, by the by?”

“hmm?” asks halsey, distracted by her own fucking evil brilliance, “oh right yeah well you originally okayed that i steal 150 kids from their parents but then i added in that whole flash-clone bullshit to soothe my own almost non-existent conscience so you bumped it down to 75 and then, like, 30 of them won’t survive the augmentation process at all, and then like a dozen of them will become so painfully and tortuously disabled that we’ll just kick them out of the project—you guys can find a use for those wash-outs, right?—and like a couple of them will probably kill themselves so like…” halsey trails off, counting her fingers silently. “33, maybe? did i count that right? yeah so like between thirty and thirty-five i’d say. less than half, to be sure! that’s cool right?”

“…….sounds good to me!” oni agrees enthusiastically, because they’re irredeemable pieces of shit. “what happens next?”

what happens next, dear readers, is that after all the children are kidnapped when they’re six years old in 2517, they’re treated like *waves hand in above direction* THAT, until 2525, when the planet of Harvest was discovered by the Covenant. you know, that alien coalition that decides to wipe humanity out of existence for Religious Reasons. i won’t get into the politics of the covenant because even after all of this i think that’s Too Much, but suffice it to say that the leaders of the Covenant were Full of Shit and They Knew It Too. so, harvest happens, and Covies go on a decades long rampage, and the insurrection doesn’t so much die as it gets sort of pushed to the side because Genocidal Aliens. so the Covies are glassing planets left and right—despite the Cole Protocol which states that any UNSC or civilian ship must not make any direct slipspace jumps from Covie engagements to any human populated planet because they can track slipspace vectors and calculate where you’ll come out, and also if you have to evacuate then you damn well wipe all your data and activate the ship’s self-destruct so they can’t find more humans to mercilessly murder—and with the addition of Genocidal Aliens to the mix, the SPARTAN-II Program speeds the fuck up and introduces Project MJOLNIR.

MJOLNIR Power Assault Armor, a high-powered 1000 lb. combat exoskeleton system designed not just to protect, but to enhance the already substantial physical capabilities of the spartans (all now somewhere in the upper six-foot range, to my memory) and to house fully-formed smart a.i.

(a.i… are a whole ‘nother deal. quick an dirty version: a ‘dumb’ a.i. is programmed like any other and can continue on as it is pretty much as long as its physical contain can. a ‘smart’ a.i., on the other hand, is based on an actual human brain but due to the limited nature of its processing matrix, the longer it operates, the less ‘space’ it has in its ‘brain’. a smart a.i. times out around seven years, sometimes before, because it literally thinks itself to death. once it times out, they call it rampancy. remember that term? yeah, it’s cuz season 10 talked about the four stages of rampancy, which can be compared to human psychosis, at which point the a.i., having been gathering incomprehensible amounts of data for seven years, begins to break down and dip into, kind of, debilitating amounts of emotion. sigma wanted to achieve the meta phase because it was the closest he could find to being human again, but he needed all of the fragments collected again because merging together might make them a full a.i. and thus closer to achieving, or i suppose, regaining full personhood.)

right anyway mjolnir armor, the distinctive halo armor, makes spartans absurdly strong and difficult to kill. not invincible, but damn fucking good. the spartans, along with the ODSTs, run of the mill marines, the cole protocol, and human refusal to just lay down and die pretty much holds the line against total annihilation by the Covenant for *checks watch* twenty-seven goddamn years. for twenty-seven years the Covenant sprinted around the galaxy squashing every human colony and settlement they could find but couldn’t find earth or much of the inner colonies. two, three generations of people who never knew anything but war in some form or another is pretty fucked up, guys.

anyway so, fast forward through, Yikes, All Of That to 2552. 2552 was a big year yall. ngl, like twelve huge battles all happened pretty much concurrently right now, but wrt the spartans: the Covenant found Reach, which was pretty much Earth’s next-door neighbor (and, incidentally, where all the spartan ii’s were “trained”) and they found it right when all of the spartans had been recalled back to it for a super secret mission. most of them died. john-117, master chief, and his buddy (i……wanna say linda?) made it off the planet with cortana the a.i., kickstarting the first halo game, while a little group got up to their own crazy space-magic shenanigans that i……i honestly can’t even get into right now, i just can’t, it’s all so fuckin weird and spans like seven books and i honestly don’t remember most of it. so, master chief and cortana the a.i. who is based on halsey’s brain because jen taylor is a hell of a voice actress, go to halo and meet the space zombies and stop halo from firing and killing everyone by blowing it up and that’s basically halo 1 for you. same thing happens in halo 2, except now there’s alien politics and you also get to play as a sangheili soldier who comes to the startling realization that his religious leaders are Full of Shit and starts a civil war. halo 3 is all the crazy shit happening on earth and also more alien politics and honestly i enjoyed that game least so i don’t remember much of it tbh. like i said, most of the spartans die on reach, but john and his buddy who might be linda live, as well as a little handful, one of whom is definitely named fred.

SPARTAN-III Program (AKA: "Make the units better with new technology. Make more of them. And make them cheaper.“) (god everything about this universe is so fucking buckwild)

the spartan ii’s were a resounding success but there literally being less than three-dozen kinda cut down on their usefulness, and also halsey refused to train a second batch of spartans because of her goddamn “age requirement” and like i’m not complaining that more children weren’t abducted and experimented on but halsey really was a fucking moron really just out here to stroke her own damn ego, jesus fucking christ. not, of course, that the spartan iii’s were MUCH better, mind you. so, 2531, six years into the war with the covenant and an equal amount of time without a second batch of spartan ii’s, this asshole called ackerson goes, “pfft, i can make more of these fuckers and i can make them cheaper and i won’t have to kidnap kids, who’s with me?”

and ONI said, “wait we’re not kidnapping anymore?” and it looks kinda put out cuz it likes that shady shit.

“nah,” says ackerson, waving a hand, “we’ll just recruit orphans from glassed planets who have a grudge against the covenant. like, ya know, eight and nine years olds and shit. it’ll be fine.”

so the first batch of spartan iii’s was produced in 2531: alpha company, 300 strong, all of whom survived the augmentation process at the age of twelve because it, like, got refined and dulled down a little or something, it’s been awhile. so alpha company is doing good, real good, trained by a the guy who trained the spartan ii’s and even one of the spartan ii’s themself.

(kurt-051, also known as kurt ambrose, real name kurt trevelyan because the spartan program literally fucked him up so bad he couldn’t remember his family name so ackerson just fucking gave him one, oh my gooood. anyway, so kurt was the leader of green team and they were sent on a mission but ONI fucking, they fuckin sabotaged his jetpack so that it malfunctions while in space so that he’s presumed dead but actually ONI just abducted him so he could train the spartan iii’s without halsey knowing about it because MILITARY POLITICS I GUESS?)

right anyway so alpha company, they do good, they do good, and then nine months after deployment in 2537 all of them (with a few exceptions who got pulled out to do other shit in other branches) get wiped out in Operation: PROMETHEUS, a mission to destroy a Covie shipyard or whatever. ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT CASUALTY RATE. okay, so, this is fine, we’ll try again. 2539, beta company, 300 strong, we’ll train them even harsher than the spartan ii’s were, drill them even more on unit cohesion. what happens, can you fucking guess? 2545, DING DONG, YOU ARE WRONG, same thing fucking happens in Operation: TORPEDO. only two survivors of that massacre, and the handfuls who weren’t sent on the suicide mission en masse.

in halo: reach, the game that bridge halos 3 and 4, carter, emile, jun, and thom (who was the original noble six, whom you, the player, replace in-game after he dies) are spartan iii’s from alpha company. kat and the player’s character, spartan-b312, are from beta company. jorge is an og spartan ii. there were also rumors of a couple different teams of iii’s helping evacuate civilians from reach at the same time. the LONEWOLF Headhunters were also spartan iii’s: basically two-person assassin teams.

(also, just to clarify, because the appeal of spartan iii was that it was cheaper, not all, and not even many, of the spartan iii’s were issued mjolnir armor, because making a single suit cost as much as making a full battleship. because space capitalism.)

alright, so, gamma company, third time’s the charm. 330, average age of six years old, all of them survived augmentation in 2551 and were shipped out only a few weeks after the fall of reach, so around december of 2552/january of 2553, maybe. NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT PROJECT CHRYSANTHEMUM! Project CHRYSANTHEMUM was the name given to the NEW AND IMPROVED biological augmentations given to gamma company. you wanna know what makes them new and improved? why, fucking up your brain to make it wayyyyyy more aggressive, resistant to shock, and more able to access the “animal part of the brain in times of shock”! i mean, when you hear “depresses higher reason centers of the brain over time; requires regular doses of [special meds] to be taken to avoid uncontrollable aggression” doesn’t that just fill you with confidence and positivity and something that isn’t homicidal rage?? so yeah in addition to having the body of an adult olympic athlete at fucking twelve years old and stupid fast and three times as strong as a normal soldier, now your brain can’t regulate itself! isn’t that fucking dandy! take your smoothers kids or you might just murder everyone in sight!

delta company was scheduled to be a thing but was likely never put into practice. why they went out of order on the naming i’m not sure.

the spartan-iii program was disbanded after the end of the human-covenant war in 2553 and the remaining spartan ii’s and iii’s were folded into Spartan Operations, which was a brand-spanking new military branch designed specifically for oversight of spartans because…

SPARTAN-IV PROGRAM (AKA: And Look At That, We’re Back To Consenting Adults)

2550. listen yall. shit. shit’s fucked aight? has been for awhile. and like maybe, maybe super soldiers in walking tanks is too much to ask for? maybe just regular super soldiers, but ones that are already full-grown? yeah let’s go back to the drawing board on that one. yeah let’s just do some unauthorized testing—whoops! 10% survival rate, that bites. let’s just, uh, not tell anyone about that—

“hey there,” says lieutenant commander musa, former spartan ii candidate who was tortuously disabled by the augmentation process and carries a grudge the size of pluto against catherine halsey.

“we weren’t doing anything!” shouts oni, because fuck you, oni.

“i wanna help make more spartans,” says musa. “i hate halsey with every fiber of my being but spartans are doing good work, important work, and i wanna help them do it but only if they’re consenting adults.”

oni looks at that latest batch of spartan iii’s who, due to circumstances, had to go off their smoothers during a planetary battle and freaked out everyone and their mother. “yeah good call.”

so with ackerson dead and halsey fucking finally arrested for war crimes, musa and jun (spartan iii and only survivor of noble team from halo: reach) take the lead on the spartan iv’s, the candidates of which are pooled from fully-grown human adults in a variety of military branches, from grizzled veterans to promising young soldiers with experience under their belts.

2553, the first batch of 145 iv’s is live, include My Girl Commander Sarah Palmer who kicks ass and takes names. 2554, second class is initiated. SPARTAN-IV Program is headquartered in a dedicated facility on Mars; spartan iv’s are trained in a top-secret facility orbiting an unnamed dwarf planet.

as previously mentioned, spartans gain their own military branch, Spartan Operations, and remaining ii’s and iii’s are offered to be folded into the new branch. many accept, but some decline in favor of non-combat roles. hundreds of spartans are assigned to the UNSC Infinity, literally the biggest fucking ship in human history, i love it so much it’s great. in halo: 4, a big part of the plot is that john was missing for like four years and when he’s found again there’s this fuck-off big ship filled with people calling themselves spartans who are also fuck-off big but also Strangers. anyway i love the spartan iv’s and anyone who didn’t like spartan ops or halo: infinity are cordially invited to me in the fucking pit.

SO! i’ve been at this for literal hours and am going to bed now! hope you learned something helpful, i’m sure i forgot a lot of shit, not even including all the shit that i left out on purpose because it’s two in the goddamn morning.

#by apples #halo #red vs. blue #halo meta

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Bad Habits | Fostered Writing Update

Hey People of Earth!

I feel like it’s been forever since my last writing update, but I’m back to spill the tea on Rewired’s 23rd chapter, Bad Habits. I feel like I’ve been writing this chapter for a millennium, though I think it’s actually only been around a month? It would’ve been completed sooner had it not been for school, but I’m happy to announce that your girl has been accepted into her top choice university and is officially slacking off from school starting now! (Just kidding but I will definitely be a lot more relaxed... I hope.)

I titled chapter 23 BAD HABITS, and oh is she filled with piping hot TEA.

BAD HABITS is split into four scenes:

Scene A: 

Reeve is chilling in a bathtub, smoking cheap cigarettes and drinking even cheaper margaritas. She feels like a queen, heH.

This is what I call a Classic Reeve Scene. She’s feeling superior, she doesn't think she’s better than you, she knows she is.

Scene B: 

Reeve reminiscing about her being a powerful almighty being the night before (in her eyes). If you remember my last Fostered chapter update for Younger, you would remember I mentioned intoxicated Reeve infiltrated Darren’s motel room at 2AM to make a case for why he should marry her. This is that scene as it goes wrong, lol cuz why would it not go wrong.

 TL;DR: Reeve has lost her bONKERs AND knows that if she can convince Darren (who is sort of NOTTT interested) to do anything with her, she is #Jesus << her words not mine

Scene C: 

We hop back into the fictive present where Reeve has finished her goddess bath, and is politely reminded by Foster that everyone is waiting for her outside and she’s taking forever to finish. Little does he know, she’s not planning to go outside to meet them because she’s going #Rogue, kids.

Foster says none of this, he’s more like: um soo so sorry but we outside haha okay!!

Scene D:

This is just the wrap up of the chapter where Reeve outlines where she feels she’s mentally at (she literally thinks she is a deity), and what she’s going to do. Instead of heading back home to Boston, she decides to hitchhike to New York City and con people for cashhh. Of course. 

This is the start of the end of the book! The plans are as follows (I hope they don’t change lols): Reeve hangs out in NYC for the moneyyy, heads back home, does some witchy shit, and vanishes because she’s powerful like that. 

This chapter was soooo fun to write. I originally didn't have this chapter in the book because I’d skipped so far in the future, Reeve had already gotten home. But, upon realizing this time jump was too large, I tracked back to the motel and wrote this bad boy. I think it’s definitely a chapter with attitude that most people would be turned off by (basically Reeve is cocky as fuhhh) but I dig it. She’s really embracing her inner Bitch, and I dig it.

The chapter title, BAD HABITS, sort of signifies all the things Reeve continues to do wrong but that she’s now accepted, like how someone would accept their bad habit of biting their nails (just me?). Reeve accepts that she is basically a bad habit, and is like: you know, I’m toxic but at least I’m POPPIN. I love her. This chapter makes Reeve feel like she is a magical being that can literally do anything, and shapes her attitude into the next book. 

Excerpts:

This is the opening paragraph of the chapter and basically sets the Mood for what the rest of this tragedy is going to be. Also we stan that bathtub aesthetic:

In the morning, I soak in the tub and sip on a margarita. I’m part demi-god, part tequila and lime. The tiles are dingy with mildew, and cracked along the spines, but their flower decals still make me feel rich. In my mind, they’ve been painted by a Slavic watercolorist, and imported to the US by ferry. Desperate college kids that laugh like Darren taking turns eating rocket pops and sticking them to the ceiling with grout. One of my last Egyptian cigarettes hangs limp, like a broken finger from my lips. Someone’s left a Playboy in the basket under the sink, and I page through it glumly, the naked women boring and unsexy to me. The bathroom’s wallpaper could be mouldy, but I call it vintage.   

The next excerpt I PG-ifyed so its meaning is slightly altered, but it mostly reads the same! Reeve is incredibly flawed when it comes to her views of other women, which you definitely see in this excerpt. She describes a hypothetical of what she believes will happen to Darren as he “grows up” and marries his (now ex) fiancée, Jo. Intoxicated Reeve has an infatuation with Darren, so is incredibly jealous that Jo was even good enough to catch his eye in the first place. Although she has never met Jo, she makes (v/ unfair) judgements about her: 

In New York, I’ll buy him designer cologne. He’ll feel so expensive, he’ll be tempted to sell himself just for the six-figure profit. Darren will grow up and get married to Jo, and have a child he’ll call Cassiopeia because Jo is probably a paranoid astrologer. She’s a trust fund baby, the woman who brings a clutch to a party and doesn’t know where to put it, undersexed, overdressed, going to church every Sunday at eleven in button-down coats that reach her wrists because she’s modest like that, praying grace before supper because she’s too orthodox not to. She’ll drag him to the confessional once a year, maybe twice, and there he’ll tell the priest about the woman on his ceiling, crumbling from the stucco. The woman stuck in his bathtub with a margarita, and an Egyptian cigarette, and a Playboy, and his dripping bottle of cologne. 

This is so subtle but my fave part of this ^^ excerpt is the fact that Reeve describes what will happen to Darren when he grows up as if ain’t grown already. That subtle jab got me SHOOK.

The next bit is some dialogue because I rarely share it and I dig Reeve + Darren’s dynamic here:

“Where are your cigarettes?” I asked, my hair tangled with vomit. I clarified, “You have a lighter. Only smokers carry lighters.”

“It’s for emergencies.”

“Bullshit. The gas is almost out.”

“I already told you. I don’t smoke.”

“I just want a cigarette. It’s not that complicated.”

“You bought a pack from the convenience store.”

“And I want one of yours.” 

(also the fact that only smokers carry lighters might be *fake news* but Reeve is really going for it today isn’t she.)

This is a prime example of my wild descriptions (I can’t just say something... not morbid???):

His lips bloody from where he’d chewed too hard. I drank it like venom, like on my obituary, I wanted it to say I’d been poisoned to death by his blood. I wanted to. He shrunk in on himself, his bones like tiny wired cages, and I propped onto my elbow. I thought, if I just wished long enough, I’d understand why he was crying. I would osmosis myself into him, and vomit the truth. 

cw: this next excerpt is a lil blasphemous and def doesn't reflect my beliefs, but in case it might offend, I’m leaving this warning here! 

Like an eight-year-old, he looked up at me in wonderment, and maybe to him, I was the prophet come to save him. Maybe I wore a gold halo, and a white dress, and I was ready to shove his head under the water and clean him. I really was God to him. The latest incarnation of Mother Mary. 

This is Reeve being wild--she has CLAIMED black magic folks:

I blew smoke in Darren’s face because I wanted to humiliate him. I wanted to bewitch him, and make him admit I wasn’t the performer of black magic, but the magic itself. I wanted to make him regret meeting Jo and repent for even thinking about marrying her. I wanted him to realize I was the only one meant for him. I was the only person that ever mattered.

More Reeve being wild:

I slipped Darren down my throat like he was the antidote to my afflictions, which was untrue, because I was in fact the antidote to his. 

And can you believe it! She keeps going (cw: again for blasphemous content)!

I wasn’t like the Messiah to him—I was the Messiah. I was his shaman, and high priestess, and Aphrodite, and enchantress, and woman all in one. His converter, his lover, his naked Greek statue a masterpiece in the centre of the mattress. I wore a halo and a white gown, and I was his God, yes, his fucking God. 

Then we dip into scene C. This is a bit longer so lol hope its not awful ahaaahha. Foster has *just* knocked on the bathroom door:

“You smell nice,” I tuck a glut of soaking hair behind my ear. He’s ironed his shirt on the pull out board. Its cotton singe-y and sharp, perfect ninety degree angles.

“We’ll be in the car.”

“I have some extra,” I lie. “The tequila, I mean. If you want a drink. A little margarita?”

“I already had breakfast,” he says. He leans back, and pretends not to analyze the contents of the bathroom. “Are you okay, Reeve?” He’s talking about the empty margarita glasses, the burnt out cigarettes, the Playboy, the soaked cologne bottle. 

“I didn’t know margaritas could be so good.”

“Do you want me to call your mom?”

“Why does everyone keep asking that? She’s a drunk.”

He nods, but keeps his place, arms crossed protectively. “Well, we’re in the car.”

As he’s pulling back, I jar the door open farther, and catch him by the wrist. He snaps back like the spring of a slinky. I’m an acid burn to him. My fingerprints individual irons running down the perfect creases of his shirt. I tuck my towel tighter around my chest, and lean against the door, letting it fall back with me. Steam and smoke spiral out into the room, the spirits of previous tenants being let out of their bottles like fucking genies.

“I want you to take care of yourself, Foster,” I say, rubbing my fingers against the wallpaper opposite the cabinet. He nurses his arm like my touch is the equivalent to a lightning bolt. “You’re a good person. There aren’t many good people anymore. That’s precious. You’re fucking precious.” 

This is a line I liked because yaaas she’s accepting her flawsss:

My tequila mouth will stay tequila’d and never get sober. 

And we hit scene D as it opens with:

After the bath water has drained and my hair has air dried, I crawl out of the bathroom window and head west to the freeway. It’s dizzily hot and equally humid, but I feel like I’m on vacation in Cancun, and not climbing uneven Cincinnati pavement. Soon, Izzy will start complaining about how long I’m taking and send Foster back out again, and he’ll miserably knock on the door. When I don’t answer, Darren will join him, then unlock it with his spare room key, and I won’t be there, not under the bed, not in the tub, not spewing from the sink, or caught in the tooth of the chipped up margarita glass. 

And lastly: 

He’ll find the note on the desk. Be back, baby. Darren, I have your money. –R. Two hundred from his wallet, slipped into the elastic of my bra. He’ll cuss, as if Darren cusses, and they’ll leave because they won’t find me. Izzy will call me a motherfucker because I’ve stolen her sunglasses, and I am, and I like them. I’m the millionaire’s mistress, the politician’s prostitute, the substitute teacher who the high school boys fantasize about. I’m the clairvoyant who overcharges middle-aged women to have their palms read. The A-List celebrity starring in cheap R-rated chick flicks, who drinks spiked Shirley Temples and dances to pirated CDs on foreign cruise ships. I brush my teeth with 24-karat gold, and eat cucumber tea sandwiches on verandas in Paris, and watch the Tour de France with my boyfriend-for-hire who gives me orange oil massages, tells me my shoulder blades look like wings, tells me I’m his fucking angel. 

Aaand that’s it for this wild chapter, lol. While bits of it gave me a hard time, I’m rather liking the overall tone/atmosphere, and I’ll definitely miss writing in the motel!

I hope to be back with another update soon!

--Rachel

#writing #fostered #writerblr #amwriting #writingupdates

[royallyanxious]

Fingerprints. Chapter 2

Ship: Prinxiety

Word Count: 3200ish

Trigger warnings (read triggers goddamnit): mentions of suicide, mentions of death, mentions of abusive relationship

AO3 link here

Chapter 1

Virgil never wanted a soulmate. Or at least that’s what he wanted to believe in. He thought that maybe indeed, few decades ago it was a romantic concept to have one destined person but now it was nothing more than a money-making business which in addition allowed the government to control people. In many aspects Virgil wished that he and his soulmate had never met each other. He would rather be alone than be forced to share all his secrets with a stranger just because they had his fingerprints tattooed on their body.

However when Chelsea grabbed his elbow, he felt a fire that he had never felt before. He could feel her fingerprints sewing into his skin in the form of dark, navy tattoo, that would stay with him forever. And it didn’t terrify him. He looked up and saw the same on her. She was shocked, examining the place where Virgil’s fingers touched her for the first time. His fingerprints were already printed into her skin. The purple small stains formed without their knowledge or agreement. The girl smiled at Virgil awkwardly, he smiled back just same nervous. Her short, ginger hair was ruffled by the wind, her face was glowing but her eyes were hiding the shadows that Virgil was determined to uncover. And at that particular moment he really believed that the fate made no mistakes.

 But life is a crazy fellow, full of surprises.

 And when Virgil was standing in front of a tombstone, a mere week later, he firmly bid his goodbye to the idea of supporting whole soulmate-business. After of all, the person that was meant for him was buried few feet underground. And not only that. Because clearly she had taken her life on purpose, she chose to leave him alone. Despite knowing that it’s not his fault, that was still something Virgil couldn’t stand, something that made his heart whine loudly in the silence of the night. He had plans after all. Just a day before her death they were planning to go to the local department to register themselves as soulmates and by doing that- starting  life together. Did she know back then, that these were nothing more than empty promises? With her life she had taken away all the hope and plans Virgil had buried down in his heart. The only person who could stand him, that emo loner, was gone. Soulmates sucked. One person who was his chance for happiness, destroyed his life. He would rather never meet her, than lose her so quickly. Checkmate from the fate, ruthless opponent. At this point Virgil was only 25, meaning that he had at least 50 years ahead of himself filled with nothing but loneliness and marked with 5 dark tattoos in the shape of someone’s fingertips above his elbow.

 The touch of death on his skin.

 All these thoughts were slowly rolling through his head as he was standing on the edge of the cliff, letting the rain splash his face, watching the forest underneath him. If he jumped, he would die instantly and no one would notice, at least until his parents or brother would try to call him from the opposite side of the globe.

Virgil closed his eyes, eyelids heavy with the rain and deeply breathed in the evening air. He knew that he should go back home soon but he didn’t feel like spending another night all alone again. The trees, the nature around him lived, making him feel a little bit less lonely. He knew this forest like his own pocket. It was his friend. Perks of living on the suburbs and being anti-social. Ever since he was a child, he used to explore the mysteries of these trees and shallow caves, first with his father, later on- by himself. The sound of the rain falling at the leaves and wet ground was putting him at ease more than anything. He could breathe here.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, his ears caught a new sound. Virgil opened his eyes and swept his wet bangs to the side before looking over his shoulder.

A single man, wearing too big, green jacket was walking in his direction. Virgil turned his face back to the view in front of him. Maybe the man would just pass him, without initiating the conversation…? It was getting pretty late though... Virgil had already noticed that big bag the man was carrying. Did he intend to camp here? It wasn’t a good season to camp. Sighing Virgil turned around to see that the man had moved significantly closer. A shadow of fear fell at his heart. What if this man was a serial killer or even worse- an extrovert freak who sold pots, knives and other kitchen-shit?

The man looked at Virgil but quickly turned his gaze away and stood in the middle of the road, looking to the right and left hopelessly. He didn’t look like a camper or hiker. Virgil with interest watched his actions, until after few minutes of inner discussion with himself the male started walking to the right.

“Wait.” Virgil said not thinking much. The man stopped immediately. His hair was getting curly with the rain, making him look like an angel drowning in the tears of the world or a wet chicken. Both equally adorable.

“What? If you want to kill me just go ahead, you don’t have to warn me.” He replied, blinking slowly as if he was trying to comprehend the situation he had gotten himself into. Virgil wanted to shrug it off but the tone of this guy’s voice, the hollow look in his eyes, there was something familiar about that. Loneliness and having nothing to lose.

“Nothing awaits you if you go to the right.” said Virgil finally and the man laughed sadly.

“Nothing awaits me wherever I go.” He said quietly but hadn’t moved from his spot.

“I know a place where you can be served a hot chocolate and no questions if that’s what you’re looking for.” Virgil straightened up his back, surprised with his own courage. The man’s golden eyes brightened up with interested for a split of second. “I’m Virgil.” Virgil added after a moment and reached out his hand.

The man stared at him for a while, trying to process the proposition, weighting pros and cons of the offer. Finally he shrugged in the way that clearly meant that at this point he didn’t care anymore. His hand brushed against Virgil’s before he took it back quickly.

“I’m Roman.”

Virgil nodded and not waiting for the other man, started walking down the road. Something in his guts, was telling him that Roman would follow without a word. He didn’t look back. Indeed few seconds later someone started splashing puddles on the road behind him. Virgil smiled. This man really didn’t know much about the forest.

They kept the slow pace, until the rain started to pour more heavily and Virgil stopped to take an umbrella out of his backpack. It was the first time he turned around to Roman. His face was wet, and if Virgil didn’t notice his red eyes, he would have said that it’s just the rain.

“Come here, I don’t want you to get cold.” Virgil said putting the umbrella above Roman’s head. The other man silently moved closer, careful not to touch Virgil.

As they were slowly approaching the asphalt road, Virgil noticed that Roman grew a little bit more restless. His eyes were scanning the landscape but not in admiration but in fear. As if he was looking for something, something that could make him run away.

“Say, Virgil…” started Roman quietly, trying to hide the shaking of his voice. “Do you by any chance know Felix? Does he know where I am?” his breath was hitched and Virgil could hear that even despite the noise of the rain.

“Felix? Never heard of him, sorry.” he said honestly, cautiously not asking who Felix was. He promised no questions.

Roman nodded and Virgil once again pondered on the rules this man followed in his life. Apparently Virgil’s words were enough of evidence that he indeed didn’t know Felix.

“We should be home soon.” hummed Virgil. Roman sneezed in reply.

 ---

 Just like Virgil ensured they arrived at his little house on the edge of the forest, after less than half an hour. The owner frowned upon spotting that few flowers growing by the fence had been broken by the wind. When Virgil finally opened the door in front of Roman, both of them were completely soaked.

Roman stood awkwardly in the middle of small hallway, letting the water drop on the wooden floor. He was just as lost as before.

“Give me your jacket.” asked Virgil and, after taking it from Roman, waved his hand at the door presumably leading to the rest of the house “Make yourself at home. The light’s switch is on the left.” added Virgil before disappearing in the bathroom.

Biting his lips, unsure of what to expect, Roman walked into the living room, turning the light on. The room wasn’t big, connected with the cooking space on the right and with spiral stairs leading upstairs on the left. Too afraid of staining the couch with his sodden with rain jeans, Roman quietly sat on the chair standing next to the kitchen contour.

When Virgil came back few minutes later, he saw Roman staring at his own nails as if they were the most frightening thing on the world. Trying not to scare Roman off, Virgil knocked the door frame, marking his presence. Their eyes met for a moment before they both respectively turn their gazes away.

“Hey, you can use the bathroom now. I assumed that most of your clothes are wet, so I left you some sweater and sweatpants… feel free to wear them and clean yourself. You look like you’ve survived a typhoon.” Virgil clicked his tongue before passing Roman and standing behind the contour, back-facing him.

That’s when Roman with a pinch of sadness and maybe jealousy spotted five characteristic marks above Virgil’s elbow. His soulmate’s fingerprints. Standing up and almost by a reflex rubbing his hip, Roman smiled to himself. Arms, huh? That was one of the places where people usually had their soulmate tattoos.

He firmly shook his head.

“No, I won’t think about it now. I’m done with this.” Roman thought entering the bathroom.

Neatly folded clothes lied on the edge of the bathtub while the bag which Roman brought was under the sink. Out of curiosity, more than fear or anxiety, he checked if his wallet was still there. He hummed when he saw that nothing was missing. Roman took a quick shower cautiously avoiding the dark spots on both sides of his hips. He pulled on the sweater and sweatpants. It smelt nice, like fresh pines. Something about this scent was really relaxing even though he could barely remember the last time he spent so much time in the forest.

Roman sighed, ruffling his wet, dark blonde hair. He still had no idea what to do with himself or his life but it seemed that, at least until the rain stopped, he had a place to hide. Maybe he would figure out what to do next over a cup of tea? His brows furrowed. That was unless Felix finds him before Roman would flee away. He shivered and walked out of the bathroom, tempted with the sweet scent of chocolate that was reaching his nostrils from the kitchen. He was about to enter the living room when suddenly a small blackboard hanging next to the door piqued his interest.

“Welcome to the VERGE of the world :)”

Roman smiled at the obvious pun. He had a feeling that Virgil wasn’t the one who wrote that. Probably his soulmate. After all opposites attract, right?

 In the meantime Virgil had moved from the kitchen space on the couch. Two mugs with steamy hot chocolate were standing in front of him and fireplace was already lightening up the space, filling the place with pleasant warmth. Roman thought that Virgil hadn’t noticed him until the latter patted the place on the couch next to him, handing the mug as soon as Roman sat down.

They were sitting for a while in a complete silence, listening to the rain and watching the fire. Finally, Roman gathered all his courage to ask the question that was trembling in his mind for some time now:

“Are you sure your soulmate won’t mind me being here?” as soon as he finished the sentence he took a loud sip of his chocolate, trying to hide himself behind that dotted, green mug. He glanced at Virgil to see only a blank expression on his face as he still stared at the fire.

“I’m sure my soulmate wouldn't mind.” Virgil said finally. He rested his elbows on the knees, letting the warm light of the fireplace brighten up his face. The shadows were dancing across his face and Roman couldn’t tell if the darkness in Virgil’s eyes was real or was it just an illusion.

“That’s a weird choice of words.” Roman said before his head managed to filtrate what he’s saying.

Virgil smiled slightly.

“Well, that’s how you word it when your soulmate is dead.” he said.

Roman flushed red. Of course, he had to mess up the first attempt of a conversation. It had been a while since he was having a normal talk with another human without Felix somewhere around.

“Sorry, I didn’t know.” mumbled Roman.

“I don’t have ‘my soulmate is dead’ tattooed on my forehead so no worries.” chuckled Virgil before turning his face to Roman “Seriously, dude. I knew her for only like a week or so. I’m over this. No need for special discretion or whatever.” he waved his hand off as if he was speaking about forgetting to buy eggs, not the death of his soulmate. “How about yours?” asked Virgil after few minutes of silence, watching Roman behind half-closed eyelids.

“How about mine what?” Roman echoed, tilting his head cluelessly.

“How about your soulmate? Won’t they be worried?”

Roman laughed, the sound as empty as the look in his eyes, something that scared Virgil more than he thought it would.

“Felix? Oh, I don’t think that ‘worried’ is the right word to describe his emotions right now. But then, we may never find out about that.” Roman hummed happily the end of the sentence.

Virgil wasn’t sure if it was good choice to ask that question. Not only he promised to restrain from asking about anything but also...This man, Roman, was acting really strange. His eyes looked almost dead yet his voice appeared to be honestly cheerful as if the vision of being away from his soulmate was filling him with joy. Roman smiled at Virgil, noticing confusion in his eyes.

“He abused me.”

Three simple words and suddenly all the pieces of the puzzles fell into right places. Virgil gasped quietly. He didn’t know Roman for long but he seemed to be a good man. Not someone who deserved to suffer by the hand of his beloved one.

“I’m not good at this man, but if you wanna talk about this… I’m all ears.” summed Virgil finally. He didn’t want to seem too pushy facing a situation like this.

“Ha! There’s not much to talk about!” chirped Roman “After two years of… This realtionship, I decided to run away. Stupid decision to be honest but I just couldn’t do it anymore, you know?” Words were spilling out of his mouth like an avalanche “And look at me now! Not even few hours passed and I was surprised with the rain! Turned out I forgot to take my umbrella! And I got lost too! Map? Never heard of her!” he was almost shouting at this point, his voice trembling and rancorous. Virgil very carefully wrapped his arm around Roman’s shoulder bringing him closer. Roman laughed nervously but yielded to the feeling. “I have nowhere to go!” he continued “I can’t use my credit cards! My phone! Even my passport! As long as I have these prints on my body, I can be easily identified and tracked down and...and…” he was drawing the air as if he was drowning while Virgil slowly rubbed small circles at his back.

“There, there…” Virgil cooed patiently “Everything’s going to be alright.” He whispered thinking intensively. He couldn’t let Roman go away now. Virgil knew that registering with a soulmate in the department, meant almost zero privacy. With surprise he realized how brave Roman was. Standing up against the devil in his lover’s skin, the whole world and it’s messed up etiquette… Roman needed a rest, he needed to regain the peace of his mind.

Virgil put a fluffy blanket around Roman’s arms in order to make him feel more warm and safe. Seeing that it brought only a little bit of help, Virgil tentatively took Roman’s pale and cold hand into his own before placing it on the level of his heart.

“Focus on my heart-beat and breathe. Close your eyes. Yes, good. Very good. Think of my voice. You’re doing amazing.” Roman listened to Virgil’s quiet and relaxing voice. For once the control someone had over him didn’t seem frightening.

They followed Virgil’s calm and stable breathing pattern until Roman was able to straightened up and breathe in regular manner on his own again. Only then Virgil said:

“Look, I’ve been living here alone for years now. I don’t have soulmate, she’s dead. I have nothing to live for. So if I can help you in any way… please feel free to stay here with me. You need time, Roman. Don’t worry about money, forget about the world. It sucks. Believe me, this situation can be good for both of us.” He laughed bitterly “Actually, if I think about it, I’m being a little bit selfish. But, I guess I just…” Virgil stopped abruptly, weighing the words in his heart. He knew how he felt but saying it out loud, suddenly felt too hard.

“You just…?” encouraged Roman quietly.

“I…” Virgil’s head dropped down as he tried to put his feeling into word. Roman’s fingers delicately brushed the hair that was resting on Virgil’s ear, causing the other man to shiver. The crackling fire, once again, took the responsibility of filling up the silence in the room.

“You just don’t want to be alone, do you?” asked Roman finally, taking the burden of Virgil’s arms. They were sitting so close to each other that their arms were brushing and, as Virgil heard the question, he took Roman’s hand into his own once again, tangling their fingers together. It was an innocent gesture but the small squeeze shot a scoop of energy and hope, feelings long forgotten, down his spine.

Virgil nodded quietly.

“I just don’t want to be alone.” he looked at Roman, with his eyes dark with sorrow, pain and years of loneliness. The time that was spent alone in that small house with all its problems on his shoulders. He was on the verge of the world. His own world.

“I don’t want to be alone either.” whispered Roman quietly, before resting his head on Virgil’s shoulder.

And they didn’t even realize when, feeling so safe and secure, they fell asleep, taking by the handful everything the presence of other human could give.

Time was all they had.

Next part

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you can buy me coffee now or whatever

#goddamnit #that was hard #and bitch to edit #anyway enjoy this trash #but hey it's trash can not can not #pun older than me #hah #prinxiety #tw abusive relationship #tw suicide mention #tw death mention #let me know if there are any more triggers #let me know if you want to be added or removed from my taglist #angst #sanders sides fanfiction #prinxiety fic #soulmate au #vic writes #fingerprints

[prettyboiiharringrove]

Your alpha Stave and Omega Billy works are awesome. Totally living for it, reread everything more times than I will say but I wondering if your could go into the crime boss Steve with the dirty cop omega Billy or anything else?

( dsoh masterlist )

( alpha/beta/omega masterlist )

you are honestly so sweet i’m just delighted that you guys keep asking for more because i’m like i love this but it’s also garbage ?? but then people ask for more and i’m like i must give it to them !! serve up my subpar content lolol

okay so yes. now in that au it’s not abo as we know but i was ranting to my lady love @sightetsound the other day (as i do constantly) about all the what ifs with devious omega billy and his murderous alpha steve and let me tell you, it’s fucking beautiful (some of these were even her ideas, she’s an amazing genius). 

but like this is my time to shiiinnneee

( i think some headcanons mentioned in this could apply to just normal omega billy, especially the pregnant ones, and may even have been mentioned already but i tried ya’ll, i tried )

so let’s get this started

warnings: alpha/beta/omega dynamics, threats, assault, mentions of blood, mpreg, fear of miscarriage, heat cycles, some sexy shit my dudes, omega billy, alpha steve

People underestimate Billy his entire life. It’s fuckingsexist bullshit and he never accepts or gets over it. People constantly doubthim, talk over him, or patronize him whether it be in the town he grew up in,the police academy, at work, or just casually in public. He hates it, but thenhe meets Steve and Steve is different. Even when they were on opposing sides,Steve respected him, and now? Now Billy is mated to him, carries Steve’s markwith pride because his alpha loves him, sees Billy as his equal and not somewhore to be bred.

Ooh let’s talk about the first time they got together. Seebecause in my original dsoh storyline there’s always this sexual tension andcompetition with each other that fuels their rivalry, and then they end uphooking up because Billy’s pent up and Steve is always happy to help. He’dknown from the start that Billy was meant to be his.

What if the story is similar but instead of them randomlyfucking in a bar Billy goes into an unexpected heat. He just started a newbirth control and his doctor says it could mess with his hormone levels andapparently the combination of that and the stress from the trial, the one Stevejust walked away free from actually, triggers his heat early. So they see eachother at that bar but Billy starts to get hot and dizzy and nauseous and heknows he’s not that drunk, butthere’s not a chance in hell he can make it home on his own, it’s come on toofast.

Steve had walked in twenty minutes ago and he’d been allsensual touches and flirty smiles because he knew it both annoyed and thrilled Billy,but then he sees what’s happening, can smell the slick that must be soaking Billy’spants, gasps when Billy leans forward to rest his head on his shoulder becauseit’s not like Hargrove to just give in

Billy knows that the whole omegas losing their minds duringheat is bullshit, I mean he’d been going through them for fucking years and hehad never hopped in bed with the first alpha that offered themselves up, but hedoesn’t think he could deny Steve if he offered.

Weird thing tho, Steve helps Billy up and takes him out tohis car. He helps him walk out, carries most of his weight as Billy leans intohim, but he doesn’t actually try anything. Billy thinks Steve will finally takethe opportunity to get Billy out of the way, kill him and be done with it.

What he doesn’t expect is for Steve to give him a comfy bed,surround him with blankets and pillows to form a makeshift nest since Billydidn’t have time to do it himself and say “you don’t owe me anything for this,just stay as long as you like. I’m not going to force you to do anything, butI’ll tell you this much Hargrove, if you want my help, all you have to do isask.”

Billy doesn’t even have it in him to feel ashamed when amoan escapes him at the offer.

He doesn’t take Steve up on his offer until the next daywhen he brings him breakfast. He had thought about fucking Steve a lot, hadthought about calling him in for help, even if it was only for the sake ofalleviating those goddamn cramps, but he decided against it. He can’t rememberthe last time he spent his heat with an alpha.

Thing about the next morning though is Steve looks so damnbeautiful in the morning light, and as Steve brushes hair off of Billy’sforehead and he looks up at him with sleepy eyes, something in him clicks. Itfeels like an odd sense of worship, but it also feels so goddamn right. Billypulls Steve down onto the bed and Steve says “hey, none of that now. I told youI’d help, but you need to eat first sweetheart” and he doesn’t know why but itsomehow makes Steve even more desirable. It makes his inner omega purr withdelight.

After that first heat together, they have a sort ofarrangement, because no matter what Billy tells himself, his omega has decidedSteve is his alpha, and Steve has always known Billy was his in return. Billystarts to feel safe with Steve, likes that Steve holds him, takes care of him,kisses him, worships him.

Somehow they start having sex outside of his heats, andBilly starts staying over just to visit as opposed to just coming to ride outhis heat. Their relationship stops being an arrangement and becomes more of afriendship, and then Billy realizes he’s started protecting Steve instead oftrying to arrest him, he realizes that Steve has let him into a part of hislife a cop has no business knowing.

He realizes that Steve has just as much to lose as he does,because Steve has let himself trust. Worst of all, Billy realizes that he lovesSteve. That’s when things take a turn for the insane. Billy may not be mated,but he is Steve’s omega and there’s no denying that. Steve is his true love andhe will give himself without a second thought. They’re bonded, it’s just amatter of time before he has his bite.

The one thing that bothered Billy though is how fucking longhe waited to be Steve’s mate. Billy had to scrub off Steve’s scent everymorning and he hated it, but now Steve is his alpha and no one can take thataway from him.

Steve faking his death really fucks with their mating bond,hurts Billy so goddamn much he’s bedridden for at least three weeks, Tommy hasto come take care of him, because Billy can’t face any of Steve’s employeeswithout screaming or hyperventilating. So, that’s a whole thing to explore.

Y’all wanna talk some nsfw headcanons ?? I do !!

So to start this off if you haven’t heard already, we shouldjust get this out of the way, I picture male omegas having both a dick andvagina (click here to read about that)

All I’m saying is picture Steve fingering Billy so good hesquirts and Billy didn’t even know he could do that and he says as much like…noone’s ever been able to do that before and Steve’s just like “because nobodycan make you feel the way I do sweetheart” but it’s the PROUDEST MOMENT OFSTEVE’S LIFE

Billy being in Steve’s lap, legs wide open as Steve playswith his pussy, his cock twitching every time Steve teases his clit. He’s puton display but only Steve can touch. Everyone else can just admire the view anddesperately wish they had an omega that loving and eager.

“Damn boss, I’ve never seen anyone that wet outside of heat”“you hear that baby ?? you’re special. Tell him baby, what’s got you so wet ??”and billy whines and moans, but when he doesn’t answer Steve stops his playing.Billy’s hip stutter, an unconscious attempt to chase Steve’s fingers. “Come onbaby, tell him or you don’t get to play. Only good boys get to play.” “Alpha, my alpha makes me wet.” “That’s rightbaby, you’re just dripping, making a mess. So eager, just waiting for daddy’scock, aren’t you??” “Please !! Please daddy,I’m a good boy !!” “What do you think, he been good ??”

All the employees know that the only correct answer to thatquestion is yes, unless you intend to sign your own death warrant.

Billy sucking his slick off of Steve’s fingers as he fucksup into him and strokes Billy’s dick.  

Okay moving on.

Pregnant omega Billy and his murderous alpha that ispractically daring someone to look at Billy the wrong way. Pregnant Billy restingone hand protectively over his stomach and holding a gun in the other, coveredin blood and Steve finding him, terrified until he realizes it’s not Billy’sblood.

There was not a chance in hell Billy was letting anyone hurthis baby.

He’s calm, shut off, animalistic, that is until he’s inSteve’s arms, trembling as the adrenaline high starts to ware off and Billy canonly think about losing the baby, someone taking that little life away fromhim, of cradling his bloody stomach and praying that he fucking died so that hedidn’t have to live in a world without his baby, so that he didn’t have to faceSteve and tell him that he couldn’t keep their child safe.

He remembers the blade tracing his stomach, the slight cutto his flesh, a small message of what was going to happen; Billy couldn’t letthat happen but now, as he shivers in Steve’s hold, has a vice grip on hislover, and sobs into his shoulder, all he can think about is how close he wasto losing everything.

Billy finally stops trembling, he’s not sobbing anymore buta few stray tears fall as he finally looks up at Steve with a glazed over lookin his eyes. Steve grabs him by the face and kisses him gently before moving tokiss lightly at Billy’s neck and the nuzzle against his warm skin, inhaling thesweet scent and telling Billy that he did such a good job, that he’s such a goodboy, such a good dad.

Also straying away from the angsty stuff and dipping our toeback into nsfw for the pregnant edition, Steve may not look at Billy as abroodmare but he 1000% has a breeding kink. You know he does.

And Billy, Billy is such a submissive boii when it comes toSteve but it’s probably really prevalent when he’s pregnant because Billy’severy instinct screams ‘I’m tired and vulnerable please protect me. Protectus’. He knows he can take care of himself, has proven it time and time again,but he just needs Steve to coddle him and take care of him, to hold him closeand boss him around, to let his mind rest. Some days he simply needs to belongto Steve. He needs Steve to praise him, to tell him he’s doing a good job, thathe’s such a good boy. He needs it.

Here’s something else I think. We’ve already established Stevehas always loved people walking in on him and Billy, loves while Billy rideshis dick while he’s in the middle of a meeting, or gets down on his knees whilethe door is wide open. He loves putting on a show, that is until Billy getspregnant. The second Steve finds out Billy gets pregnant, every alpha instinctin him screams to hide Billy, to keep his omega and pup as far away from thesepeople as possible and he even starts backing off a bit, being less forward anddominant. It kills Billy, especially the submissive side of him that needs toplease and listen and be a good boy, because Steve won’t let him. They talkabout it (because the fuckers realize they have a communication problem) andthings fall back into place.

I’m actually working on a drabble about it to better explain how they get past the struggle of not wanting to touch or bother each other to being the typical clingy loving mess they are. I should have that out soon please be patient with me. 

Steve is so extremely in love with Billy, and daddy Steve isall about his pregnant omega, beams with pride every time he so much as thinksabout him.

Billy is a good boy, the best boy, and Steve is obsessedwith him.

No, I’m serious like he can’t fucking get enough of him. IfBilly is in the same room as him, Steve has to be touching him. It’s a fact.His hands are on Billy’s tummy all the goddamn time because he’s in love withthe bump, and Billy is curled up in his lap whenever possible.

Billy is always falling asleep in Steve’s lap and I promiseyou if someone woke him up there would be hell to pay. But picture Steve gentlystroking his stomach so the baby keeps calm and Billy waking up and whining ifhe stops, just a sleepy and breathless “daddy” and he’s burying his face inSteve’s neck like Steve can legitimately feel him pouting against his skin.

Another fun thing to picture is Steve coming home to Billyroaming around the house in his underwear, one of Steve’s suit jackets, andnothing else. The jacket is too long, it reaches his thighs and covers hishands and his belly is sticking out. Steve is in awe but all Billy notices isSteve staring and he’s like “Stop looking at me like that. Goddamn maid did allthe laundry and this is the only thing that still smelt like you. I’ll gochange but stop, Jesus.” Poor baby needed his alpha’s scent but all the sheetsand clothes, even the fucking pillow cases and Billy’s goddamn stuffed animalsgot washed and Billy was stressed. Steve obviously pulls him into bed andcuddles up to him before Billy has a chance to take the jacket off.

Billy probably feels tremendously guilty for gettingpregnant so soon after transferring to work with Hopper. He constantly fallsasleep at his desk because paperwork is the only thing he can do so he does alot of it. Hopper is calling Steve to come pick up his stubborn husband.

I imagine Hopper has to call Steve to come get Billy a lot.

Billy has been puking all goddamn morning but herefuses to go home because he’s not technically sick so he can still work.

Billy almost gets in a fist fight and it’s likeBITCH YOU’RE PREGNANT

Billy the baby is due in three weeks you saidyou were gonna go on leave two fucking months ago, stop coming to work

I think Kayla sums it up the best she literally just said“Hopper’s burden is profound.”

Hop is just like “Steve. Come get your husband I’ve neverbeen so annoyed for someone to actually do their job.” He feels like any secondhe’s about to step on a landmine because if he upsets Billy he feels like a jerk(don’t upset the poor bby) and all of his alpha and dad instincts are likedon’t upset him but also this boy is miserable why is he still here ?? Hop isliterally like if Steve can’t come get him I’m scooping him up and taking himhome.

Like Billy. Honey. It is not a crime to get some goddamnrest.

( Another great quote from my love “Apparently it is,according to Billiam.” )

Steve at one point lays down the law to protect Billy andthe baby because sure a lot of people work up until their due date but Billyhas been overworking, not getting any rest, he’s stressed which we know is notfucking good, and you can just look at him and know he feels miserable andtired.

Sadly, despite Billy’s need to be a good boy, he also feelsan obligation to help Hopper. Hopper gave him a job when no one else would justbecause he was Steve’s mate which meant he was family, and then he got pregnantso fucking fast that he’s like this is all I can do so I have to help, I haveto do everything I fucking can here.

And it’s like no honey, it’s okay, you need to take care ofyourself, please take care of yourself.

Steve would be so genuinely upset, you know he would, whenhe gets a call from Hopper saying “I thought the kid was finally taking hisleave ??” Steve is so confused, just like “…He is??” and Hopper just answersback with “Then why is he drooling on my paperwork instead of in a bed ??” AndSteve is not a happy boy like at all.

At this point it’s like troubling like do we have to stagean intervention ?? “I’m fine okay ?? I just like to help.” “You’re sleepingmore at the station than at home.”

Sleepy Billy when Steve comes to pick him up after that callfrom Hopper. “Hey don’t be mad.” “I’m pissed off Billy, you’re going to have toaccept that.” “Stevie, don’t be maaaddd.” “Stop it, you’re being a brat.”

Honestly though, Billy just wants to be helpful but this isnot the way honey.

Sleepy Billy is my favorite Billy, he’s such a bratty lilboy, especially that night.

“Steve, gimme your jacket.” “You have your ownjacket.” “Yeah, but I want yourjacket.” “Seriously?” “It’s softer, mine is all itchy.” “Then why did you wearit?” “Steve, the baby wants yourjacket.” Steve gives him the jacket.

“Cuddle me.” “I’m driving.” “Cuddle me plleeaaassee.” “I. Am. Driving.”

“Are you still mad??” “Yes.” “…What about now??”“Yeah Billy, I’m still mad.” “Okay.” “Okay…” “And now??” “Especially now!!”

“You know, I was fine, you didn’t have to comeget me.” “You know, I might believe that if I didn’t just watch youaccidentally staple your own hand.” “I was fiiinnnee.”

“Baby, you promised you were done.” “…okay Steve,not for nothing but I had my fingers crossed behind my back so it doesn’tcount.”

Billy he loves you but you’re driving him insane. Stevewants to scold him, tell him how ridiculous he’s being. Why’s he have to be sogoddamn stubborn ?? He needs to fucking rest Jesus fucking Christ. What thefuck is he going to do with this little brat ??

Steve stays home as much as possible and makes Billy come towork with him when he can’t so that he can keep an eye on him. Billy doesn’tknow if he should be pissed or delighted because on the one hand Steve isgiving him all of the attention but on the other hand he knows he’s in troubleand he’s pissed off about it.

Billy is such a handful, big time, and he goes betweenpouting and coming up with every way to get Steve to not be mad at him. He’llgrab Steve’s hand and make him feel the baby kicking because Steve can’t staymad when that happens. He’ll crawl in Steve’s lap and refuse to move. You knowdamn well he calls him ‘daddy’ to get his way. He borrows all of Steve’s comfyclothes and parades around in them because Steve absolutely loves when Billy iscovered in his scent.

The problem is that other times he’s a brat about it. He’lljust ignore Steve. He’ll refuse to sit with him. He’ll talk to anyone exceptSteve, even people he can’t stand. He’ll whine about every fucking thing. Itdoesn’t help that he’ll sit right in front of Steve and call Hopper to see howthings are going at the station.

I also picture Billy having to say “I’m pregnant you fuckingmoron” a lot. (this was mentioned in the other set of headcanons but I justlove it, it’s my favorite fucking headcanon)

Billy and Tommy don’t see each other as muchsince his transfer, so Billy calls him to tell him the good news. Tommysuggests going out for drinks to celebrate.

Some dumbass that does odd jobs for Steve everyonce and awhile sees Billy and comments “Damn Steve, your bitch really lethimself go”. Billy barely get’s the words out before Steve is grabbing the guy by hisneck.

There’s some serious shit going down and someonementions that Billy would be really good backup for when they go try to ambushone of Steve’s rivals.

It’s at this point Kayla and I started discussing how Billyfound out and what him and Steve’s reaction was. It’d be the same as in themain headcanons, except Billy is at work when he hears Flo and Hopper talkingand just drops his crappy breakroom coffee and hides in the bathroom. Oh andSteve freaks the fuck out when he realizes how involved Billy’s been in themore violent side of his work and how much he’s been hit and kicked and thrownaround that at his first doctor’s appointment he keeps asking “so you’re sureeverything’s okay ??” until the doctor has to take a few deep breaths so thatshe doesn’t snap at him and Billy orders him to sit down and shut his mouth orhe’s gonna kick him out.

#Anonymous #daddysteveofficerhargrove #omega billy hargrove #alpha steve harrington #sugar daddy steve harrington #sugar baby billy hargrove #harringrove #harringrove au #billy hargrove #alpha/beta/omega #prettyboiianswers

[peculiarlylost]

Who really is Rachel Amber?

Read till the end. It will be worth it, I promise.

I think the whole point of Rachel Amber is for her to be a person who you see, but you actually never get to know. She looks like the "It" girl. Perfect parents, perfect grades, perfect house, beautiful, talented, intelligent. She is the perfect student, daughter, actress, model, psychologist, school secretary. She is a star which shines so bright she literally blinds everyone. She is fire, a passion, a dragon.... and to the pain of everyone involved she is, ultimately, a human being.

The problem with Rachel Amber is that it seems like she is used to people thinking she is flawless. She is used to getting her way and never having to face the consequences of what she does, because who she appears to be makes up for it. I think Rachel is so used to people projecting on her that they never truly see her and all her dark behaviours are usually done in the shadow... she has to live pretending. Is not only the drugs, party and sex... but the fact that she can be genuinely evil and manipulative in her ways and yet, the real world never seems to reach her.

Besides being a girl whose life has been so perfect she can barely tolerate a scratch in it before having an emotional breakdown (aka, her father having an affair). I am impressed at how she cheats, messes with different people, takes her rage issues out on others, gets involved in situation which can severely harm others (like drugging Victoria`s tea or getting Chloe skip school with her when Chloe has already enough problems with her records) she even starts a fucking forest fire... and yet people in Arcadia Bay, Chloe herself and plenty of the game players are STILL making excuses for this person. Rachel is a dark being, make no mistake, the problem is that nobody actually SEES her. When she banishes hardly anyone, besides Chloe, wants to find her... that's because she was a scapegoat in which the entire town projected it's light, she was never seen as a person. She was a ghost, a dream. When it became too much of a weight for Rachel to bear (all the expectations of people) she literally lit herself on fire.

Rachel does not care for Chloe. Does not matter what it seems to be... the girls have known each other for literally two days. Rachel is an actress. Rachel uses Chloe as a person with whom she can explore her dark side, and also somebody she can manipulate to do things she wouldn't do on her own (like run away). Chloe clings on Rachel because she is extremely alone, and puts her on a pedestal. Chloe is extremely lonely and has abandonment issues. The one difference is that Chloe and Rachel are not comparable characters. Chloe has lost her father, her best friend, is having to adapt to her step father, has problems at school, people treat her like shit and her economic situation isn't the best. Chloe is literally trapped in emotional angst and she escapes into self destruction, art and drugs. Besides her mother, Chloe has lost what she valued the most. Rachel Amber does not come from such context and can not be compared.

Rachel probably senses her father is having as affair... and all of a sudden Chloe would make a great friend... and also be an emotional punching bag? These two knew each other for a while and Rachel knows what spots to touch to get to Chloe. Chloe only idealizes Rachel, the same as the rest of Arcadia Bay, and Rachel prays on this. Chloe is a "what you see is what you get" type of girl, she is loyal and extremely reliable and Rachel uses this for her own means.

Ultimately destiny has its ways and Rachel meets Mark Jefferson. Having strong motives to have daddy and mommy issues is not a surprise Rachel would be attracted to a father figure (him). He is probably the one person she cant read and who is actually a better predator than her... she goes into his house and he eats her. Mark Jefferson is the monster Rachel Amber was looking to encounter, and she did, because her own inner demons were not too different. She was a beautiful predator, who just got eaten by a smarter one. Chloe is warned by William in before the storm "the fire is beautiful, but if you aren't careful you will get burned too".

In terms of Rachel's character and personality, we can see she is interested in astrology / psychology / certain aspects of spirituality. Usually, people who look deeply into astrology do so to understand themselves and those around them, a serious understanding of astrology gives you a bit of a advantage over other people, as you can know things about people they aren't even aware exist within themselves. You must not have a very defined sense of personality, if you need the stars to tell you the truth of who and what you are. This interest in the esoteric arts gave me the impression that maybe Rachel is more empty than she seems. When Max and Chloe find Rachel's body, there is a sign from a restaurant with a crab on it. Astrologically speaking, the crab is a sign of motherhood, probably meaning that in a fucked up way... Rachel is now finally back into her roots... into the Earth where we all come from.

Chloe speaks with her father in her dreams. Through symbols he warns her on what might actually be going on. Rachel is a beautiful star... but she is dead inside... she is a lie... just a bright light that you think is taking you somewhere, but there is a deadly emptiness to her. The point of astrology is that we protect into the stars whats is inside ourselves... all that beauty and goodness that Chloe saw in Rachel, truly was inside herself. But we also project our darkness... being a savior (and having her sun sign sitting into the sign of Piscis... the victim) Choe protected and saved Rachel... and did things for her that she probably wished somebody else would do for her. Lacking William and Max in her own life Chloe makes Rachel into this person she isn't, its all a projection. A starry dream.. and she lives that dream until Max comes back. To be someone who is "real" Chloe has a lot of problems listening to her own inner truth. For who is Rachel? "A destructive person. Someone who could never be satisfied by anyone or anything" (in the words of James) or " Fire is jealous Chloe, it wants all the beauty for itself, that's why you need to be careful" (in the words of William) In the end Rachel owes her life to both, Chloe and Frank... and what does she do? She fucks Frank, then she fucks Mark Jefferson... and thats it. She end's up dead in a dumpster. Which goes to probe she wasn't the untouchable light child she was raised to believe she was.

We are our roots, we do step into the same river twice and life does recycle back experiences, it isn't an irony that Rachel dies of an overdose. Every mother contains her daughter, and each daughter her mother. Nature works in mysterious, yet observable ways. We are our ancestors. The fact that Rachel seems to lack a free will and just walks into the destructive steps of her mother... just goes to show that you can run from your past, but you can't hide. Rachel probably never bonded with her mother, and her dismissal of the mother figure is shown when she only cares that "James lied" but doesn't really seem to take Rose into account... or even care for her.

I do not dismiss the idea that Rachel might have activated a course when she burned the tree. Rachel and Chloe are both essentially fatherless children, with the same ruthlessness that James would do anything to protect his daughter... does the storm destroy arcadia bay. The father (james) would literally kill the mother (sera) to protect the daughter (rachel) yet... in the turn of events it is mother nature who ends up bringing about order. I also think the game draws a big contrast in the topic "mother/father" there seems to be a big obsession with father (Chloe's father is dead, Rachel is the daughter of the DA, Nathan Prescott's dad is rich, Chloe's stepfather is an asshole.... etc) yet... what about mothers? What about Rose, Joyce, Sera... etc? I think the game characters are too centered on the father to even notice the role mothers are trying to play.

On Chloe: she will not be part of any club that accepts her as a member.... funny enough, some of the people in this game who are more blunt and outspoken we tend to think are assholes... yet we make exceptions for Chloe. Chloe constantly tells lies to her mother... maybe to protect her? and David, who also knows of lose (his best friend gets killed) so... is it really a coincidence that David end's up and Chloe's house... or do they have a similar energy that bind them together? There are people in this game who clearly care about Chloe: her mom, Elliot, even David. I was very saddened when I saw game players call Elliot a "psycho" and an "asshole" just because he tried to talk sense into Chloe... Chloe previously hooked up with Elliot, and even if forceful... I think Elliot did see Rachel for who she was. But what happens to the one's who do see the truth? they must walk away. Elliot SEES the truth and speaks it, so he can no longer stay in Arcadia Bay... therefore he exits the game. It was also funny to me that Rachel burns things, beats up Daemon with a piece of wood, smashes stuff...and in the other game Warren beats the shit out of Nathan Prescott and nobody says anything... yet Elliot pushes Chloe and breaks a snow globe and now he is a psycho.... right.

Everyone obsession to protect Rachel is almost sickening... yes, she might be sparkly and beautiful... but why wont anyone allow life to touch her? why is she so special she must be protected from everything? In the end, no matter if you tell her the truth or not, the result is the same... Rachel and Chloe stay in Arcadia Bay... which means that Rachel never truly meant to run away with her. They had 2 years to get away.

Chloe is with Rachel, the same way James was with Sera... protective, obsessive... never wanting to face the reality of the other person. Truth is painful as fuck... but it will only set you free if you allow it to do so. It takes a very strong soul to be real with someone... there is a difference between loving and relationships. Love is sacrificial, exciting, painful... even deadly. Relationship are a transaction. Sometimes they are based on truth, sometimes on lies. Everything has a currency and an explanation (if you want a perfect example on how to do relationships... look at Rose... the woman is perfectly put together, ready to negotiate, make excuses, be polite) make no mistake, there is a place in life for love, and there is also a place for relationships. The problem is when you confuse the two. The one difference here is that Chloe loves, and Rachel does relationships. Chloe sacrifices, Rachel manipulates. The currency here is that Rachel only care about having a father figure (which masculine Chloe would fulfill... until people like Frank and Jefferson come along) and Chloe wants a best friend and some real company (which Rachel would also fulfill.... but she'll never be Max or William).

The fact that somebody wants the truth does not mean they can handle it, the fact that you think you deserve love does not mean you have earned it. Like Sera said... after years of bad decisions... you just don't get to walk away into someone's life, you are going to live the consequences of your actions. I find that the honesty of Sera is very refreshing for a change.

I think game players would do good to stop making Rachel into this "entity" and see the game for what it is... a place in which (like real life) you can try your best, but it is nature and life's wisdom that has the upper hand.

and who really is the big bad wolf in this story? you tell me.

All credits to: Moon Seeea

I don’t agree with all he said, but it really opened my eyes.

I know that what he said is hella fucked up, but at some point mine amberprice heart brooke a little.

I love Rachel Amber, she’s probably the most developed character I have ever seen, and I know that she wasn’t just one thing, but this hitted me hard af, cause some part really made sense for me.

I’m hella sorry y’all.

#amberprice #max caulfield #rachel amber #chloe price #arcadia bay #life is strange #before the storm #pricefield #hella sorry #hella gay #lis #bts #frank bowers #mark jeffershit #joyce byers

[pocket-luv101]

The Angel and The Witch || Chapter 1

Fandom: Servamp Relationships: KuroMahi, LawLicht Characters: Kuro, Mahiru, Hyde, Licht, Tsubaki

Summary: Licht was a noble angel. Mahiru was a penniless witch. Their lives were different but they both longed for freedom. After circumstances, they switched places and found freedom where they least expect it.

Note: On Poke’s crazy ideas train, she decided to make an AU based on The Princess and The Pauper.

(Ch.1) || Ch.2 || Ch.3 ||

“Lichtan, I know you’re in there! Unlock this door or else I’m going to break it open!” Hyde threatened and scowled at the door but he knew that it was pointless with how stubborn Licht was. He was Licht’s tutor but he felt more like an abused personal assistant sometimes. They butted heads more times than he could count because Licht was more interested in his piano than his duty as the future king.

“That’s it, I’m coming in!” He screamed when Licht refused to answer him and continued to play his piano. Hyde used his magic to unlock the door and pushed it open. Unfortunately, he was met with a wall of furniture blocking the door. Muttering countless curses, he forced his way through them and made his way to the angel in the center of the room.

“Licht Jekylland Todoroki, it’s time for your magic lesson! After that, we need to talk politics. Are you even listening to me?” Hyde groaned and rubbed his temple. “Angel Cakes, you’re going to be king soon so I need to teach you everything about your new duties. I can’t do that when you’re stuck at your piano.”

“What does a demon know about running a kingdom?” Licht scoffed but he stopped playing to face Hyde. “Let me play my piano in peace. I never asked to be a king and I certainly don’t want to be one!”

“Licht, you know this marriage is for your people and the kingdom.” He reminded him and Licht bit his lip. He couldn’t argue with what he said.

Licht was the second son of the king but he never expected the responsibility of being king to be thrust upon him. Earlier that year, his older brother had eloped with a common knight and left the kingdom reeling. No one knew where he was now. While his family was worried about their missing son, they also had a kingdom to provide for. The mines, the kingdom’s main trade, were in ruins after an attack.

In the aftermath, his parents decided that marrying Licht off for a dowry would be best. The marriage would also provide stability because his fiancé was the king of a wealthy, neighbouring country. But the union meant that Licht would have to give up the freedom he thrived in to become a ruler. He was never trained to be a king so he was scurrying to learn everything about his new role.

“I don’t want to waste a beautiful afternoon in one of your boring lessons. I’m already proficient with my wings and my piano. Those are the only two things I need.” Licht stood and strode onto the balcony. He stared up at the wide open sky and thought of all the places he hadn’t visited and the people he hadn’t played his piano for.

He had planned to leave his kingdom and explore the world on his twentieth birthday. That was only a few months away but he would soon be shackled to his castle. He loved his people and his kingdom but he also wanted his freedom. Caught between love, duty, and his dreams, Licht didn’t know what the right choice was. “I don’t want to marry a complete stranger.”

“Licht, I know this isn’t the future you wanted but think about your people.” Hyde moved to stand next to him. He had been his tutor for the past three years so he knew Licht well. “It won’t be that bad. Sleepy Ash likes music so he won’t forbid you from playing your piano. Arranged marriages are common and most of them end up happy. I’m sure you’ll learn to love him.”

“I’m already in love.” Licht whispered and there was a longing in his eyes that clawed at Hyde’s heart. It was rare for him to appear vulnerable. In all the years they’ve known each other, he never told him that he was in love with someone. The thought made him feel a little jealous.

“Do I know this person?” He asked.

“Idiot, I’m in love with this.” Licht climbed onto the balcony rail and gestured to the blue sky.

He balanced on the railing and let the wind wash over him. He unfolded his wings to let them breathe. A rare smile played on his lips. “I love the wind, the birds and playing my piano for the world. I can see it all in front of me and I can reach out my hand to them. But, if I marry Sleepy Ash, I’ll be trapped. I know it’s my duty but I wish I could’ve experienced the world more. I’ve never even been outside the castle…”

Hyde watched him silently. He did sympathize with Licht and he wondered if there was anything he could do to help him. An idea came to him but he didn’t know if Licht would agree to a kidnapping. He snapped his fingers and made a cloak appear over Licht’s head. While he was still struggling with the cloak, Hyde swept Licht off the balcony and into his arms.

“What are you doing, Shit Rat?” Licht screamed and pushed the cloak’s hood off his eyes to glare at Hyde. He held him securely against his chest as he went back into the room. He started to fight him but paused when Hyde walked to the dresser. His curiosity got the better of him and he waited to see what Hyde would do. With his feet, Hyde pushed aside the dresser and revealed a hidden door.

He had never seen the door before and he wondered if Hyde summoned it with his magic. Licht pushed at his shoulder and he was glad that Hyde gently placed him on his feet. He went to examine the door. He didn’t feel any magic around the door and wondered where it led. A key was dangled in front of him and he turned to see Hyde’s sly smile.

He placed a finger on Licht’s lips and whispered. “I’m sneaking you out so you need to be quiet. This is a secret passageway to outside the castle. Only the most trusted servants know of it in case we need to evacuate you quickly. No one ever told you because we know you’d use it to fly off. I’m willing to take you out for an afternoon of fun in the kingdom as long you promise that this stays between us.”

“Okay.” Licht reached out to take the key but Hyde stealthily wrapped his pinky around his. He pulled him closer and kissed his little finger with a grin. He chuckled at his bright blush and moved around him to unlock the door. He should’ve known better than to turn his back to Licht. The moment he opened the door, Licht kicked him through the passageway. “That was for kissing me without permission, Shit Rat.”

“I was only sealing our promise. That kiss had a spell to keep you from telling anyone about the door.” He groaned and rubbed his back. He closed the door behind them, pitching them into darkness. Despite the fact that it was hard to see ahead of them, he could hear Licht rushing forward and tripping on rocks occasionally. Hyde shook his head with a wry smile.

“Slow down, Lichtan, the kingdom isn’t going anywhere.” He knew that Licht was excited to leave the castle and he was running through the dark without thinking. When Licht would’ve tripped again, Hyde caught his arm. He summoned a small flame to help them see their way through the tunnel. Hyde led them through the underground maze using the marking on the walls.

They stopped in front of a stone wall and Hyde placed his ear against it. Once he was certain that it was safe, he opened the hidden door and gestured for Licht to follow him. Licht walked into a secluded alley and winced at the bright sun. He could hear the bustling marketplace outside the alley and bounded forward. His expression was like a child’s and Hyde chuckled at his enthusiasm.

“Just wait a minute, Lichtan.” Hyde wrapped his arm around his waist. He stepped in front of him and adjusted the robe around him more. “Your angel wings are beautiful but we need to hide them while we’re out here. We’ll cause a scene if the people knew that their prince and future king escaped the castle. You don’t want to return early, do you?”

“Fine,” Licht folded his wings behind him and hid them beneath his cloak. “Let’s go now!”

“I’m coming.” He followed him into the marketplace. Licht stopped at every stall to examine the wares for sale. While the castle held more luxury and exotic items, he was still fascinated with the simple plaza. Hyde loved watching his expression and curiosity as he asked him about the town.

Hyde bought a bouquet of dahlias from a vendor and handed it to Licht. “Lesson time, Lichtan. These are dahlias and its scientific name is dahlia pinnata. Flowers have a lot meaning. Even a single flower like a dahlia has multiple meanings but I think they fit you pretty well; elegance, inner strength, creativity, and dignity. They are also known to represent an everlasting bond so these flowers are used in wedding.”

Hyde took one of the flowers from the bouquet and tucked it behind his ear. Licht tilted his head at him but he didn’t take out the flower. Though, he did touch the dahlia in his dark hair and asked: “Why do I need to learn about flowers to be a king?”

“I think that it’s pretty useless too but figure heads are expected to know about these things. You don’t want to accidentally send an ally some roses that means love and cause a bunch of confusion. How about we talk politics next?” He held out his arm to Licht who placed his hand in the crook of his arm. Licht let him guide him through the street. He held the bouquet to his nose as he half listened to his lesson about taxes.

He heard a commotion behind him and Licht looked over his shoulder. The man running towards them shoved Licht aside and Hyde quickly steadied him before he could fall. Guards ran past them and from their yelling, he knew that the man must’ve been a bandit. Licht handed the flowers back to Hyde before he ran to chase the man as well. “Wait, Lichtan!”

His voice faded behind Licht as he ran after the man. Licht was an angel so he was compelled to catch the man to keep his people safe. He quickly passed the guards and he could see the bandit in front of him. He swore when the bandit scaled a wall and Licht struggled to follow him. Licht wished that he could’ve used his wings to fly but he remembered Hyde’s warning.

A black rope snaked out of the wall and wrapped around the bandit’s feet, keeping him in place. At first, Licht thought that it was Hyde’s magic so he was surprised when he saw a witch on a broom floating at the top of the wall instead. With a whispered spell, the witch forced the bandit to the ground by changing the gravity around them. He casted another spell and restrained the man with a rope.

The witch descended to the ground. He landed next to the bandit and took the bandit’s weapons. Once the man was unarmed, the witch turned to Licht. “We should stay with this thief and wait for the guards to catch up. My name’s Mahiru. I saw you chasing him and it looked like you needed help. Did he take anything from you? I’m guessing that was why you were chasing this man.”

“He didn’t steal from me but I had to bring him to justice. Why? It’s because I’m an angel.” Licht said proudly and made a pose. Mahiru didn’t know if he was joking or not but decided to shrug off his claims with a smile. “My name is Licht. That was an impressive gravity spell you casted. Are you traveling witch or do you have a shop in the village?”

“Well, neither. I’m working as an apprentice at Carp’s Potions and Spells. I practise my witchcraft as often as I can though.” He answered in a small voice. “I still have a lot of work to do before I can leave the shop. Then I can use my magic to help people. It has always been my dream to leave and use my magic for good instead of money. Just a few more years and I’ll be able to do that.”

“It seems like you already know some powerful spells. You can leave.”

“I wish leaving was so simple but I can’t abandon my friends there and I still need to pay off my debt to Carp. Anyways, it isn’t entirely bad. I’ve learned a lot of spells from his books.” Mahiru didn’t add that he would often be punished for reading the spell books without permission. But he loved magic and wanted to learn spells that could help people.

“What other spells can you use?” Licht asked excitedly and Mahiru decided to humour him. He waved his hand above his head and wrapped a shadow around himself. The shadow dispersed and Licht was staring at himself. He knew that Mahiru must’ve cast an imitation spell and he was astonished with the likeness. They only just met yet his magic was powerful enough to replicate his image.

“I know a lot of spells aside from illusion and creation spells.” Mahiru opened his hand and summoned a bunny made of ice. “Do you know how to use magic as well?”

Before Licht could answer, he heard someone call his name. He turned around and saw Hyde running towards them, out of breath. Hyde’s eyes widened when he saw the two and staggered. “There’s two now? One of you was already going to send me to an early grave, Lichtan.”

Licht kicked him for that comment and Hyde held up his hands in surrender. “Well, at least I know who the real one is now. Who’s your look alike friend? His spell is remarkable but it still needs work. The white strand in your hair is a little short and your eyes are a different shade of blue. Also, you look pretty calm while the real Licht here is ready to kick me again.”

“Because you’re being an insufferable demon!” Licht screamed and Hyde dodged his next attack. It surprised him that Hyde could point out minor differences between them that most wouldn’t notice. He watched the two men banter and then Mahiru laughed good naturedly.

“You two look like you get along well.” He commented and they, predictably, tried to deny that fact. Even if they said otherwise, Mahiru could tell that they were close. He heard the guards approach them and said, “I’ll stay and talk to the guards. They’ll most likely keep us here for hours with questions and you two probably want to enjoy your date.”

“I would never date this demon.” The bite his voice usually had was lost when Licht remembered that he didn’t have a choice in who he was with. He was engaged to a king he never met before.

“I think it’s time for us to go home, Lichtan. If the guards see us, your parents will know that we left the castle.” Hyde whispered into his ear and gently tugged on his hand. He pulled away and spoke to Mahiru. “Thank you. We’ll be leaving now.”

“The next time I’m able to sneak out, I’ll visit you at Carp’s shop! Bye, Mahiru.” Licht called to him as they walked away. Deep inside, he knew that it was unlikely that he would meet his new friend again.

“Now, remember you can’t tell anyone about today.” Hyde reminded him as he escorted Licht back to his room. It was late when they returned but they were able to evade the guards patrolling the halls. They stopped in front of his door and Hyde handed the bouquet to Licht. “This has to be my favourite lesson so far. It’s just too bad that we can’t do this more often.”

“I had a lot of fun today. Hyde, I…” Licht trailed off as he tried to decide what he wanted to say. In the end, he sighed. “Never mind. Goodnight.”

“Sweet dreams, Lil’ Angel.” Hyde whispered back to him and Licht entered his room. He closed the door, leaned against it and sank to the ground. He hugged the flowers to his chest and listened to Hyde’s footsteps disappear into the distance. A thousand different emotions turned his stomach and confused him but he couldn’t ignore them.

Hyde, I want you to stay by my side, was what Licht wanted to say. For years, he had wanted to say those words to him. He held himself back because he knew that he had to stay faithful to his engagement— an engagement he only accepted out of duty. He breathed in the sweet scent of the flowers and wondered what he should do next.

He heard something drumming softly on the glass door of his balcony and looked up. Licht saw a bird tapping on the glass and it was as if it was beckoning him to it. He stood with the flowers still in his arms and he walked to the balcony. He opened the door and the bird landed on his finger. “What is it, Mr. Bird? Do you want to come in and sing along with my piano?”

Licht tried to walk to his piano but he was jerked outside by thin, almost invisible stings. He realized that the bird must’ve tied them around his wrist and cursed. He dropped the flowers and tried to break free. “Hyde!”

His scream was cut off when someone’s hand clapped over his mouth. He strained out of the person’s grip but his body suddenly felt weak. Soon, he couldn’t fight anymore and lost consciousness.

The next morning, Hyde was looking over every detail for their guests’ arrival. Sleepy Ash’s advisors were scheduled to arrive that afternoon to finalize the arrangement. A week after that, the wedding ceremony would commence and then Licht would leave with Sleepy Ash. Licht would be gone from his life. Hyde feet slowed with that thought and he looked down at his list of duties.

He looked up when he heard a panic from Licht’s room. His heart stopped and he ran to the room. Hyde saw that his parents, their advisor, and a few guards crowded in the room. What worried him most was the fact that he didn’t see Licht inside. He pushed his way into the room and asked. “Did something happen to Licht? Is he hurt?”

“Hyde, do you know anything about this?” His mother broke away from the group and held out a letter to him. “I came to check on Licht but all I found was this letter. It says that he ran away because he doesn’t want to marry Sleepy Ash. I searched every room for him so please tell me you know where he is.”

“I don’t know…” His mind was racing as he read the letter. Hyde knew that Licht had reservation about the engagement but he didn’t think that he would run away.

The letter had his handwriting but something about the letter seemed wrong to him. He scanned the room and walked to the closet and threw it open. Nothing was missing and his brows furrowed. Licht wouldn’t leave without being prepared. While he was rash and reckless, he wasn’t stupid. If he didn’t run away, where was he? Then, he went to the balcony and saw the flowers he bought Licht scattered on the ground. There were other signs of a struggle. Had he been kidnapped?

“The advisors are arriving at noon. What are we going to do?” Tsubaki said, earning a glare from Hyde.

“You’re worried about the engagement when Licht’s missing? He could be hurt or lost. We need to send out a search party for him. I doubt he went far when he barely knows his way around the kingdom.” Hyde said. Tsubaki’s words laid heavy on his mind. The only reason one would kidnapped Licht would be to interfere with the wedding. “I think I know where he is. I’ll have him home by noon.”

Mahiru tapped his quill against his chin as he counted the inventory and then marked them on his scroll. He hopped off the small step ladder and stretched his arms. He winced a little because his sore body protested against every little movement he made. Carp worked him to the bone most days and he couldn’t remember the last time he was given a break.

“Are you okay, Mahiru? You’ve been working since dawn.” Sakuya said worriedly.

“I’m alright.” Mahiru forced himself to smile to reassure his friend. Sakuya and Tsurugi were the two small blessing he found in his exhausting work. They were his best friends and he wished that there was something he could do to help them but he was as trapped as they were. “Can you check on Tsurugi for me? I’ll finish up here by myself.”

Sakuya hesitated to leave but Mahiru pushed him out of the basement. “Are you sure that you’re fine on your own?”

“I’ve been working here longer than you Sakuya. The only thing I need you to do is make sure Tsurugi doesn’t throw up his medicine.” Mahiru was glad that Sakuya relented and walked up the stairs.

There was a commotion on the floor above him and a large thump caused dust to fall onto him. Mahiru swore beneath his breath and he threw open the basement window. It didn’t let a lot of fresh air into the room but it was better than nothing. He placed a box beneath the window so he could rest his head on the window sill. He breathed in the air and watched people walk by.

He saw a variety of people throughout the year; poor and rich. He saw the plait of everyone and he wanted to help them all. Every night, he would think of solutions to their problems. Mahiru knew that he would have to leave Carp’s magic shop first but he was trapped. When his parents died, they had a lot of debt to the wizard and it fell on Mahiru to pay it back. He worked for Carp ever since.

It started to rain and Mahiru went to close the window. A carriage caught his eyes as he did so. The wheel was broken and a man was struggling to fix it in the rain. He was quickly becoming soaked but nobody stopped to help him. Mahiru knew that he should return to his work but he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to concentrate if he left the man in the rain.

He jumped off the box but only so he could get an umbrella. Mahiru sneaked out of the shop, hoping that Carp wouldn’t catch him leaving. He opened his umbrella and quickly walked around the building to where he saw the man. He stood next to the man and held the umbrella over him. “Excuse me, do you need help?”

“I need to fix this stupid thing. I’m already late for my appointment.” The man groaned as he gestured to the wagon wheel. The wood was split and splintered so it would be difficult to mend it without supplies. Mahiru nudged him aside and handed him the umbrella with the order.

“Hold this for me while I fix the wheel for you. I know a spell that can reattach the broken pieces but it will take a moment for it to mend and set in place. But let me dry you first. If your appointment is important, you can’t arrive looking like a wet cat.” Mahiru ran his finger through the man’s ghostly, blue bangs and drew the raindrop from his hair and clothes. Then he made a warm breeze to help dry him further.

“My name’s Mahiru. Do you mind if I ask where you’re heading?” He asked. “I’ve lived here most of my life but I’ve never seen you before.”

“I’m from the neighbouring country. My name’s Kuro.” He took the hand Mahiru held out to him. Out of habit, Kuro kiss the back of his hand as he was trained to do from a young age. Mahiru knew that it was a customary greeting but he had to pull his hand back with a blush. “I came with the order to negotiate a stupid marriage contract.”

“I’ll make sure to fix this quickly so you can head to the castle then. That negotiation must be important.” Mahiru began to work on the wheel.

“Take your time and let me be lazy for a few more minutes. It’s not often that I get to relax.” Kuro leaned against the carriage and watched him fix the wheel. He caught Mahiru rolling his eyes before he placed his hands on his hips.

“Your king trusted you enough to send you to our kingdom with a very important task so don’t slack off. You don’t want to abuse that trust, do you?” He lectured him and Kuro couldn’t remember the last time someone chastised him. His tone was slightly amusing to him. Mahiru smiled after a moment and wiped his hands on his pants. “That should do it. Good luck on your job.”

“Thanks, Mahiru. Take this.” Kuro dropped a few gold coins into his hand. At first, Mahiru wanted to return the money because he helped him out of kindness and nothing else. Then he remembered his massive debt and knew that the coin could help buy his freedom. He was conflicted about taking the money and Kuro must’ve sensed that because he added. “I’m just paying a witch for his work so keep it.”

Being called a witch and having his work be acknowledge warmed Mahiru’s heart. He nodded and tucked the money into his pocket. He looked up at Kuro and noticed that his shoulder was wet. Kuro had held the umbrella over Mahiru more as he worked. While the gesture did touch Mahiru, he had to say, “I just dried you but here you wet again. Hold still.”

“Do you fret over every wet cat you find like this?” From Mahiru’s guilty smile, he knew that it must’ve been true. Kuro groaned but he stood still for Mahiru to cast another spell on him. He finished and Kuro thanked him against before entering the carriage. He watched the carriage leave.

Almost immediately afterwards, he felt someone take his witch hat and hit him with it. He turned around and swallowed his tongue when he was faced with Carp. “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry, Sir.” Mahiru quickly apologized. He took back his hat and followed the old wizard back to the shop. He knew that there would be a lecture once they were inside and Carp would give him a slew of new chores. Even though he knew arguing wouldn’t help, Mahiru said: “I saw someone who needed help. I was only gone for ten minutes.”

“A customer came asking for you. You’re costing me money if you’re only playing at being a witch. Unless you stop wasting time, you’ll be working here for the next thirty years.” He roughly pushed Mahiru into the shop. “This entire situation is your parents’ fault. They shouldn’t have borrowed so much if they couldn’t pay me back.”

“They did it to feed me! Don’t you dare speak about my mother like that!” He couldn’t stop himself from yelling. He refused to flinch when the wizard raised his hand. Someone came between them, stopping the man. Mahiru was a little surprised to see that it was the man he met the previous day.

“A highly regarded establishment like this shouldn’t abuse their workers.” Hyde said slowly and a silent warning laced his voice. From the corner of his eyes, he saw how relieved Mahiru was. He wanted to help him but he had to focus on finding Licht. “I would like to hire your witch, Mahiru. Is there somewhere we can discuss the details in private.”

“We can talk in my room.” Mahiru gestured for him to follow him. He guided him up the stairs to a small room that was barely large enough for one person. He closed the door and he could see how serious Hyde was. Furthermore, he casted a spell around the room to keep their voices from leaving the room. “You said you wanted to hire me as a witch?”

“Licht is missing. Are you able to create a locator spell?” Hyde told him but Mahiru could tell that there was more he wanted to say.

“I know a spell that can find a person if they’re no further than 500km from their home. I only need his full name and something like a hair.” It was a difficult spell but other wizards or witches could perform it so Mahiru didn’t know why he came to him for help.

“Licht Jekylland Todoroki. I have one of his feathers.” Hyde took out the feather from his pocket and Mahiru’s was stunned. He did say he was an angel but Mahiru didn’t believe him. Licht was the future king of their country and he spoke so casually with him. The rest of Hyde’s words dawned on him. The king was missing.

“I’d love to help but shouldn’t you hire a more experienced witch for something so important?” Mahiru asked.

“There’s one more spell I want you to cast.” Hyde’s next request couldn’t be more impossible. “I want you to pretend to be Licht while I search for him. I suspect that someone kidnapped him to interfere with the wedding but I don’t have proof. The wedding will be cancelled if Licht isn’t there to greet Sleepy Ash’s advisors today. I’ve seen how well you can imitate Licht.”

“You’re asking me to impersonate royalty?” Mahiru sat down on his straw bed. “I can’t do that. If they discover me, I’ll be put to death. It’s simply impossible. An imitation spell is difficult to maintain for a long period of time. Aside from that, I don’t know a single thing about being a king.”

“Neither does Licht. He’s still studying and he’s a slow learner. I’ll give you a list of his mannerism for you to imitate too. It won’t take more than a day or two for me to find and rescue Licht. All you have to do is entertain the advisors. Please, Mahiru, the kingdom needs this marriage.” Hyde pleaded. “Licht and I will pay you for your work, no matter what the cost is.”

“There’s a lot at stake.” He thought of Licht in danger and felt compelled to help. He wouldn’t have hesitated if Hyde only asked him to perform a locator spell. Mahiru closed his eyes and debated what he should do. “If I do this, I want freedom in return. Not just for me but also for my friends, Sakuya and Tsurugi. The castle will repay the debt we owe.”

“I’ll pay whatever it takes to find Licht.”

Mahiru dropped the feather into the bowl with a few gems and twigs. He recited the spell and blended everything together until it took the form of a dove. He whistled and the bird came to life. “This little guy will take you to Licht. Please come back as quickly as you can.”

“I’ll be back by sunset tomorrow.” Hyde promised. He could see that Mahiru’s resolve was faltering now that he was inside the castle. They already spoke to his parents but Mahiru had been quiet the entire time. He said that it was because he was tired but he knew that excuse could only last so long. “Licht doesn’t bother with politics so you won’t have to discuss much at dinner. Just go directly back to this room.”

“Okay. I just wish that I had someone to help me so I won’t say the wrong thing.” Mahiru sighed.

“If all else fails, just say: ‘An angel doesn’t need to explain himself. I’m going back to my room to play my piano.’” Hyde ruffled his hair before he left. He pulled his cape around him and whistled for the bird to guide him. Mahiru watched him leave with a sigh.

Once he disappeared from sight, he collapsed onto the bed. It was softer than anything he had experienced before but it only punctuate his situation more. What was he thinking when he agreed to Hyde’s outrageous plan? He thought of his friends and, even if it was near impossible, this was their best chance of leaving that shop. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be discovered before Licht returned.

There was a knock on his door and Mahiru stiffened. He forced himself off the bed and went to the door. He stopped at the mirror first and he didn’t recognize himself in the mirror. Mahiru took a deep breath and opened the door. A man with dark hair and red eyes stood on the other side so Mahiru did his best to look intimidating. “I thought I said I didn’t want to be disturbed.”

“Your mother sent me to escort you to dinner.” Tsubaki told him.

“Oh, I’m sorry for being so rude when you were only doing your duty. Thank you for coming all this way.” Mahiru said with a kind smile, forgetting that he had to act like Licht. He walked next to Tsubaki and tried to think of something to say so they wouldn’t have to walk in silence. “What are we having tonight? I can smell something wonderful. I haven’t been able to eat today.”

“Where did you disappear that you couldn’t eat? How were you able to leave the castle without anyone seeing you?” Tsubaki asked and Mahiru’s eyes dropped to the ground as he searched for an answer. He had rehearsed the story many times but he was never a good actor. He could feel Tsubaki’s gaze bore into him as if he knew the truth.

“Licht!” At first, Mahiru didn’t remember to answer to the name. Then a woman hugged him unexpectedly and Mahiru awkwardly hugged her back when he realized that it was Licht’s mother. It felt a little strange but Mahiru thought of his own mother. “I was worried that you would want to eat in your room alone after everything that happened.”

“Why would I miss a dinner with my family?” He said.

Even though he felt a little nervous, Mahiru walked into the dinning room. Most of the guests were already seated and his eyes fell on someone. He recognized Kuro, the person he helped earlier that day, sitting at the table. Seeing someone familiar, he sat next to Kuro and not Licht’s usual seat. But Mahiru made sure to place a napkin on his lap and appear dignified.

“Thank you for waiting, everyone.” He said and then beamed a nervous smile. “Please enjoy your meal. I’m certain the cook worked hard to make it.”

Everyone was silent and Mahiru wondered if he said something wrong. He bit his lip and hoped that no one suspected him yet. Mahiru decided that it would be best if he tried not to overthink things and ate his food in silence. While the nobles and advisors spoke among themselves, none of them asked him anything. That was a relief to Mahiru until the topic shifted to the wedding. They were discussing his marriage as if he wasn’t sitting in front of them and it felt as if he were some cattle being sold.

Mahiru was pushing his food around his plate when he heard one of the advisors’ comment. “I say the solution to the fruit bats destroying the fruit farm is to exterminate them all. We should burn down the trees they live in and force them to relocate.

“You can’t do something so short sighted.” Mahiru said and then covered his mouth. Everyone’s eyes were on him and he lost his confidence for a moment. He continued in a small voice. “Firstly, we can’t afford to cut down fruit trees and lose another source of income. Secondly, fruit bats do have their benefits. They eat smaller pests and they don’t eat seeds so the seeds they leave behind—”

“And what would you suggest we do? Let them destroy our fruit trees?” The man shot back and everyone expected Licht to attack the man for interrupting him.

Mahiru leveled his gaze with him and his back straightened. “I read of a containment spell that could be of use. We set aside some of the fruit trees and place the bats in there. If we regulate them, they won’t be a problem. A bat sanctuary will provide more jobs for our people and the seeds they collect will become a source of income. It’ll take a while for it to make a profit though.”

People continued to gawk at him and he wanted nothing more than to leave. He quickly stood and screamed, “I know this is the best action. Why? Because I am an angel.”

Mahiru did his best to imitate the pose he saw Licht make the day before. He never felt so embarrassed in his life and sank into his seat. Next to him, he heard Kuro chuckle softly. The entire dinner, he had been silent but now he was more expressive. Kuro leaned forward and there was a hint of a smile on his lips. “If the issue is resolved now, lets discuss something else. Sleepy Ash is going to arrive in a week but if Licht has reservation about him…”

“I came back because I realized that I was wrong to run from my duties. I’ll marry the king.” Mahiru reassured him. “Being outside the castle and seeing how much people need help, I can’t run away.”

“Then the marriage shall continue as planned,” Tsubaki said into his cup with an icy smile. He had been watching Licht for a while now. “Licht, how about you play a song for us? We haven’t heard you play since you returned. Shouldn’t you play for our guest so they know how talented you are?”

“I… I…” Mahiru’s eyes darted from the piano to the guests. He couldn’t play the piano. He never so much as touched a piano before! Of all the spells he knew, not one let him play the piano. But, with everyone watching him, he felt compelled to tread to the piano. He sat down and placed his fingers over the keys. They were trembling slightly and Mahiru said shakily, “I don’t know what to play.”

“The music sheets are right in front of you.” Tsubaki pointed out and Mahiru looked at them as if they were a foreign language. They might as well be. Mahiru pressed a random key repeatedly, hoping that he could think of a spell to help him.

A hand lightly rested over his and gentle guided his fingers through the motions. He looked over his shoulder and saw that Kuro was standing behind him, helping him play. Kuro let go of his hand and sat next to him on the piano bench. “I’ll play for you. You look too tired to play the piano.”

“Thank you, Kuro.” Mahiru relaxed and smiled at him. He didn’t want to return to the dinner table so he stayed seated next to Kuro and listened to him play.

Man, this is looooooong. I knew I would only be able to make one chapter of this so I tried to cram all of my ideas into it xD

#servamp #kuromahi #lawlicht #mahiru shirota #licht jekylland todoroki #servamp kuro #servamp hyde #fanfiction #'you cant make an au of this shit' bae said #poke accepted the challenge #no idea is too crazy and stupid

[agapeeternal]

I’m

Chester Bennington’s suicide has made me think a lot about my own attempts in the past.

Like a lot of people who gravitated to Linkin Park, and Chester in particular, I suffered from undiagnosed depression and suicidal ideation as a child. I had abuse in my childhood from a family member (though not to Chester’s degree). I never told anyone, because I was scared no one would believe me, so I held it in.

School was a hell I had to endure every day until the middle of 8th grade, when my depression spiraled. Years of bullying and not understanding why things were so hard for me study wise, I lost it. That was my first serious suicide attempt. I took a whole bottle of prescription strength ibuprofen and waited. I’m not sure if I passed out or if I just fell asleep, but I woke up and projectile vomited all over my bed. I didn’t feel that shame or the thankfulness that I had survived. I was pissed. I was pissed because not only did this not work, but now I had to completely strip my bed and throw everything into the tub until I could put it in the washer later. I ended up staying home from school that day, I mean, I was “sick”. It took an assembly about bullying and mental illness that happened at our school, a skit performed by a traveling anti-bullying project, to admit to my parents that I was depressed. But there was nothing I could do about it. I didn’t think at the time.

My depression didn’t get any better, it just got worse. Some odd happenings went on in school which included an absolutely outrageous suspension and a teacher who hated the shit out of me because she got caught in a lie. And that was the point that I left public school and went into independent study. I actually loved it; for once school wasn’t hell, it was just challenging. But the help I got there as well as the help I got from my family, it worked great. Sure, I still had to do summer school every year, but it wasn’t that bad. I thought, “I can do this now, I’m ready.” So, I tried high school, but three months later I was back in independent study.

I thought I was prepared to handle the demands of a 6 period day, and maybe actually make friend’s, or at least catch up with the people I had hung out with since first grade. But I wasn’t. The reaction I got after returning was less like “girl where have you been?! We kinda missed you.” and was more like “oh you’re back? Wow. Okay. Hi. I guess.” That combined with the depression that never really left, and how exhausting going to class was, I couldn’t do it. I failed at trying to come back and experience high school. People who I had known called a few times, offering to take me to football games or other things, since being in independent study allowed me to have a parent school and all activities and classes were open to me. But somehow they neglected to tell me that they couldn’t go or changed plans until minutes before the events happened. And those were the times I wished I hadn’t survived. I hated feeling disposable, I hated feeling like no one cared about me. And they didn’t. I meant absolutely nothing to them, at least nothing more than birthday cupcakes and valentines cards and field trips when we were in grade school that my mom would help give kids that couldn’t afford it. But after grade school, I wasn’t worth anything, and it stung. But I tried to shove that down, along with everything else, and just concentrate on school. I managed to graduate on time with a 4.0 and walk with my class. It was bittersweet, but at least that was done.

All that was okay, I even managed to hold a job until after I graduated. I took a semester off and when I started college, things went sideways on me, as it usually does when mental illness rears its ugly head, and that led, eventually, to more self-harm and finally, to therapy. By the end of my first semester, I realized I couldn’t do this anymore, without help. It was hard to say, “look, I can’t handle this anymore. I can’t do this on my own, I’m crumbling.” But I did. When I made my first appointment, I didn’t experience the embarrassment at first, that came later. I was like, “fuck it, it’s either this or��it’s this.” I saw my first psychiatrist and after a couple of meetings, he dropped the bomb I was hoping to hear; a diagnosis.

I was bipolar. II to be exact.

After all these years, it had a name. Bipolar Disorder. It was scary but also a big relief, to know that all that inner turmoil I was going through wasn’t just my imagination, it was REAL.

It turns out, all this time, I had been exhibiting symptoms, even as a child. It all made sense, all the ups and downs and tantrums then crying spells, all the trouble concentrating and daydreaming in school. Everything clicked. And now I had to figure out what the fuck to do with this.

I started medication and went through every possible cocktail. I lost my first two psychiatrists to retirement and went through one therapist. Somewhere in there, a breakup happened that disturbed both the process and my recovery, and I went through another therapist until I found my current one. They say you should click with a therapist, that, even though it isn’t easy, that your relationship should help you work through whatever you need to work on. Easier said than done, but I’m more than happy with her.

I was still feeling the depression more than the hypomania, that visited every once in a while, the mixed episodes that visited far too often. But I was doing okay. My baseline wasn’t great, but I knew where it was, and I was doing as well as I usually did. Until everything went sideways again. In late 2015, I went through a horrible breakup. It was messy and painful and I lost it. Again. My therapist had suggested group therapy for me for years, but I didn’t like the idea of having to talk to a room full of strangers. But I finally went to group, and later, to IOP. The little bit of work I had been doing seemed to slide completely backwards. I was actively suicidal, and I tried.

I literally couldn’t take it anymore. I was so depressed and dealing with the breakup combined with other messy things going on and my down cycle, it just snowballed. I didn’t want to die, I don’t think most people to commit suicide do. I wanted to end all the pain and depression and just be able to BREATHE. I wanted to get away from my own head. So I took a mix of my meds and just passed out. It left me mostly drugged out but semi-conscious, hardly able to do anything other than just lay there. I couldn’t walk in a straight line if you paid me. But I was alive. Fortunately, or unfortunately. I was still around.

So when does Linkin Park come in? 7th grade. I saw “One Step Closer” on CMC (California Music Channel) before MTV or VH1 had picked them up. The DJ was a friend of a friend of Mike’s I believe, and played it even though CMC was mostly–almost entirely–hip-hop and r&b. At that time, the only thing outside of hip-hop and r&b that I was listening to was pop music that was playing everywhere else. Papa Roach slipped into the mix shortly, but that was it. Linkin Park wasn’t something I would’ve been interested in. At all. But I didn’t change the channel, I just watched that ridiculous video, and as weird as it was, I found myself really hearing the lyrics. I liked them. They were different.

Then ‘Crawling” and “In The End” came out, and I had never connected with lyrics on that level. Even though I was only 12-13, they still hit home. Hard. I didn’t know how to address what happened to me when I was younger, I still hadn’t told anyone. It haunted me, especially having to see the person. It was only once in a while, but it brought everything back like a freight train. Dealing with that and the painful reality of not having friends, of being constantly bullied, I was confused and hurt. I felt like I didn’t have a voice.

But “Crawling” became my voice. I knew what it felt like to literally be crawling in your skin, to hate seeing your reflection, to despise everything. I felt the endless discomfort and insecurity that was all consuming. Every single line in that song, I felt.

Linkin Park became the outlet I needed. I needed to be heard, I needed to be understood. I needed someone to LISTEN. But I didn’t have to explain anything, everything was there for me, in black and white. I saw my feelings, I saw what I needed. I saw it all. And I was grateful.

Unfortunately, I lost touch with them for a while. Somewhere after Meteora, I strayed. There was no reason other than new songs and artists came out and my musical interests shifted some. But when I found myself in a hole, they were there. They were always there.

In 2017, my musical taste still hadn’t shifted back to them, not completely. I hadn’t heard most of their recent things. But I got into Kiiara. And when I watched her video for “Gold”, on the side it recommended a Facebook live with Linkin Park and Kiiara which threw me a bit. That didn’t seem like a combination that would go well together. But I also saw the video for “Heavy” and I clicked on it. It was hard to watch and I cried the whole time, because 2017 had, up to that point, fucking sucked (and would, inevitably end up being one of the worst years of my life). My head was a mess, everything was heavy, and I wanted to let go. The paranoia and heaviness was everything I was feeling. Once again, they became my voice, and I fell back into them for a bit before drifting away again. I still held onto “Heavy”.

On July 20, 2017, I was packing for my family reunion. I saw that “Talking To Myself” had gone up and watched it, dancing to it as I tried to remember everything I needed with me.

A few hours later my mom called me into her room and asked if I remembered Linkin Park. Of course I did. Then she dropped my worst fear; Chester was gone.

I couldn’t speak for a minute. It literally felt like someone had punched a hole in me. I felt that in my soul, like something was ripped away from me. It was like I lost my breathe (and still haven’t caught it). Chester had brought me so much comfort and peace. He had helped me through times when I was actively suicidal. He helped me when I just needed to put words to my feelings. He did that. He made everything less heavy and helped soothe the hurt. Without him, I don’t know if I would be here, I truly don’t.

I immediately downloaded the new album and listened to it, crying the entire time. The person who had been my voice for so long was suddenly silenced. There was hurt and pain in listening to the music, but at the same time, it was strange comfort. Because, even though he wasn’t here, he would always be.

There was never anger on my side. I understood that feeling, I understood how being in that moment was. It’s horrible. But there was a strange sense of pride. A pride in that he was still here, he made it as far as he did. Most people would’ve completely given up years ago. But he kept going, he kept finding a way. A lot of it was obviously the support system he had, but a lot of it was support that we didn’t see.

We didn’t see every aspect of his life, but what we did see was someone who was both strong and vulnerable, someone who kept going, even when he didn’t want too. He didn’t give up. He was going to fuse his armor back together, he was going to pick himself up if he fell. And he did, he picked himself up until he couldn’t. We’ll never know what happened, what that final catalyst was, what those last moments were like. All we know is that our hearts are a little heavier and the world a little dimmer without him.

There’s now a tattoo on my arm of the Suicide prevention ribbon, and at the bottom are the flames that Chester had on his wrists, along with the words “One More Light”. It’s both to honor and remember Chester, but also to acknowledge my own struggles and remind myself to keep going, to remind myself that my journey isn’t over, that I still have growing and changing to do. It’s hard, when mental illness is there to tell you “NO”, to try and keep you from living, to keep you from enjoying life until you think you only have one choice. But I can’t do that. I owe it to myself and to Chester to keep trying. To hear my Battle Symphony, to not give up, fuse my armor back together and pick myself up.

You’ll always be missed and always be loved Chester. I hope you’ve found the peace you’ve always deserved.

(This is my journey. It’s not over, not by a long shot. I’m still growing and changing, I’m still trying to figure everything out. I have a lot of work to do, but I’m trying, and that’s all I can do.)

#Suicide #fuck depression #Chester Bennington #make chester proud #Linkin Park #tl;dr #makechesterproud #fuckdepression #take care of yourself #be kind to yourself

[krazishroomlady-blog]

1. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? Oh yeah! I know this really pretty chick. 2. What side of the bed do you sleep on? Both, but I have to fall asleep on my right because if I fall asleep on my left, I have an instant nightmare. 3. Do you love someone on your friends list? Nope. 4. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually? I don’t think so. 5. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? Not yet; but I have kissed 2 girls. 6. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film? Yeah they do. I know that for a fact. ;) 7. How many people have you slept with? Slept with? LOL none. Saving that for someone special. But I have made out with a ton of people and had done stupid things LOL. 8. If you cheated on your lover how would you tell them? Direct and blunt like I always do. 9. What would you do if you were cheated on? Be pissed and upset. 10. What is one of your favorite quotes? Hmmm 11. What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity? Indoor: Reading and surfing the internet, as well as clearing my mind and observing everything around me. 12. If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? I’d throw a psychedelic party and trip the fuck out at a rental house for a week straight with all my peeps. 13. If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? I sadly don’t have anyone I’d consider that because I’m always the one being there for everyone. 14. If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? There are many so that’d be hard to choose; but I’d have to say May Weekend 2016 because party hopping until 7am was the best night of my life. One of the many best nights. That, and I’d def re-live that mushroom trip in VT. Most spiritual night of my LIFE!!! 15. Which celebrity do you get mistaken for? No one. 16. Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best? The time I got caught masterbating in public? LOL 17. What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? Hmmm I actually don’t know. It’s hard to make me cry. 18. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Can’t think of anything. 19. What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? Being on my own while abroad and tripping psychedelics definitely helped me grow as a person. 20. When was the last time you had an amazing meal? Last night! I love my food. 21. What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received? My sports car! And no worst gift-- I take all my gifts special to heart. ^_^ 22. What story does your family always tell about you? Who knows ha ha . My family is so broken it’s not even funny. But my mom does like to brag to strangers that I visited 12 countries and it annoys me so much because I know there are a lot of people out there who are not as fortunate as I am. 23. If you had a super power what would it be? To fly ^_^ Thus, I can travel better, for free, and to any destination! 24. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? I don’t have fear. I’m not an anxious person. 25. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? Hmmm.. To legalize psychedelics. It helps so many people on so many levels! 26. Have you ever expected ‘love in return’? Did you get it? Wtf does this mean? I’ve been in love before, yes, and it was wonderful, yet ended badly and now I have trust issues. But they’re getting better. 27. When did you last laugh so much, it hurt? When I tripped balls on mushrooms. That was the hardest I’ve ever laughed in my life and it’s hard to get me to laugh these days. I like never laugh anymore. :( 28. What’s the most marvellous thing you have ever seen with your own eyes? The world as seen on psychedelics. 29. What’s your number one priority? To be free and to forever live free. 30. Who do you need to get in touch with because it’s been to long? Jenny V, man!! I miss my older sis :’( 31. What relationships have ended? But you can’t let go? I let it go about a year ago but it hurt me for so long and was so hard. 32. Are you a starter or a finisher? Starter. A lot of things that I do out of hobbies, I end up never finishing. 33. When did you last do something for nothing in return? I always do that. 34. When did your heart last ‘skip a beat’? Why? I believe I last felt that when I was in love or had a crush on someone. 35. Who in your life do you wish you’d met sooner? I believe everyone comes into your life at perfect timing, so the answer would be no one. 36. Do you always want the answer to ‘what are you thinking about?’ Yes. 37. How are things going for you, now? Pretty good. 38. Is a year past more important than the next hour to come? No. The past can stay in the past. Better things are to come! 39. Do your practice ‘self love’ or ‘self loathing’? If self love is equivalent to masterbating, then yes. 40. What scares you about your future? Does it matter if it isn’t even here yet? Not being free and possibly being trapped in this state and trapped in the same old situation. I try to be patient because I know one day I will miss these days. 41. If you had to move country tomorrow, where would you go? Fuck yeah! Switzerland in a heartbeat!! 42. What aspects of you, do you keep hidden from close friends but expose to loved ones? How caring and romantic I am deep down. 43. Are you a goal setter or a ‘whatever will be, will be’ person? When I get bursts of energy, I am a goal setter. But if I already did something that needed to be done, then I am a “whatever will be, will be” kind of person. 44. How would you hate to be described? As a slut. Because everyone assumes just because I’m flirty and have “flings” that I’m not a virgin, but I secretly am. 45. Is trust more important than love, or is it the other way round? Trust must come before love or else love won’t exist. 46. If you could erase an event from your mind, which one would you choose? Verbal beatings from my past. 47. What makes you special, unique and talented? Get to know me and you’ll see ;) 48. What negative experience keep happening time and time again for you? When are you going to learn from them? Uhm not much except for boredom. I guess I can try new things, but it feels like I’ve already done everything. 49. Are you making your difference in the world or stagnating? I’d hope I’m making a difference, even if they’re the littlest of differences in life. 50. What are you thankful for, this moment? My life and the opportunities I’ve had. 51. What (or whom) drains your energy, why do you let it happen? Long road trips, ha. 52. Do you need to see things before you believe them? Yes. 53. Who are you? *** 54. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? Fun-loving, adventurous, free-spirited 55. Are you more child-like or childish? Child-like because I am mature. 56. Does time really heal all wounds? Yes. 57. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? Always. 58. What is the truest thing that you know? Deep down, we are all human. 59. Are you more of a giver or a taker? Giver 60. 24. Who have you hugged today or yesterday? No one. Shit is rare. 61. 25. Who has done something these days to show they care about you? Hmmm. Well, I’m used to my dad showing that but it’d be nice to see someone else come through for once. 62. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? A wise quote once said, “You forget what people say, but you always remember how they made you feel.” 63. What small thing annoys you so much it should be a crime? People who complain. 64. What qualities made you fall in love with your partner? I’m single. But I like people who are caring. 65. Describe your partner in one word? I’m single. 66. How did you know you had fallen out of love with a person? When lies were revealed and there was no-longer a connection. 67. Have you ever had something really good come out of something really bad that happened to you? Can’t think of anything 68. Have you ever MEANT to hurt anyone? I’d hope not. 69. Would you rather be guaranteed to have your dream job or never be heartbroken? First one because the second one already happened. 70. How many lovers have you had? No idea. I’ve made out with a ton of people. 71. You are alone with your lover’s diary. What do you do? Read it!! 72. What frustrates you? Nothing. 73. What gives you inner strength? God. 74. What causes you to panic? Nothing. 75. Have you ever saved someone’s life or had your life saved? Idk 76. Would you consider yourself to be romantic? Oh yeah 77. Is it better to be wanted or needed? Needed because wanting is desperate. 78. Who owes you an apology? My ex for all the lies. Fuck that. 79. What was the last compliment you received ? That I’m very beautiful! 80. Do you lie your way out of things? No. 81. How old were you when you went on your first date? I think 16 82. What would be the perfect gift for you? A ticket to get out of here. That or mushrooms. 83. What’s the worst thing you’ve done to someone you loved? Nothing because I loved with all my heart. 84. What is one simple thing that gives you the happy shivers? Mushrooms and traveling. 85. Have you ever fired a gun? Nope 86. Would you ever date someone outside of your race or religion? Yeah 87. Are you someone that others call when they’re having a problem and want to talk about it? BY. FAR. 88. Do you believe that there is someone perfect for everyone or that people just fall in love with who ever they are with at the time? Either or. 89. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have? I guess 90. Would you kill an innocent person if you thought it might mean saving a dozen other people? No idea how I’d react in that moment. Ask me after. 91. What are some of the wildest animals you’ve ever touched? ;) 92. Are you a hugger or a non-hugger? Why? Sometimes lol, because hugging is nice, but it would also be nice to feel again. 93. What’s something about yourself that you hope will change, but that probably never will? I have no idea. I love myself. But I do wish I could somehow, someway become more intune with my emotions. I hate feeling numb all the time. I think it’s because I’m scared of becoming hurt again. 94. Did you ever cheat on a school exam? Yup 95. If you could restore one broken relation- ship, which one would you choose? Oh God none of them. 96. How do you define “true love”? Let it define itself. Every love is different. 97. What’s unforgivable? Lying. 98. What do you suspect people say about you behind your back? That I’m a great listener, fun adventure buddy and a great friend who has tons of energy. 99. What’s an example of your passive-aggressive side? Not responding or replying to texts for weeks or months. 100. How have you dealt with loss in your life? Not good but I’ve accepted it and learned they all ended for the better and the people who died are watching over me. ^_^ 101. What silly thing have you done in the name of love? Can’t remember. 102. In relationships, are you more often the “heartbreaker” or the “heart broken”? Why? Either or 103. How many times have you really been in love? One. 104. How many times have you had a broken heart? One. 105. Who has loved you more than anyone else in your life? I don’t know lol I think my dad. 106. What brings a tear to your eye? When I really think about it, my past. But that doesn’t bring a tear to my eye anymore because that VT mushroom trip helped me get over that. 107. What’s weighing heavy on your heart these days? Nothing. But I am disappointed that so many people lost the true meaning of communication. 108. Is there someone in your life who has never (or rarely) let you down? How long have you known this person?  My dad. He’s always been there for me and has never let me down. 109. What do you want? Love and to feel emotions again. Tired of using mushrooms to feel. 110. Are you in love with anyone? Not at the moment. 111. Who was the last person you kissed? Was it Kevin? Wait, no, it was Gabriel, I believe. Jeez, LOL, I can never keep track. 112. Who you wanna kiss really badly? He heeee 113. The last person you talked to? Probably my dad 114. Do you still have feelings for an ex? Deep down, but thankfully, they’re almost gone. 115. Do you think about other people in your life and how you affect them? Sometimes. 116. Is there someone you wish to teach a lesson, and still haven’t? Nope. 117. Are you comfortable talking to strangers? Definitely. 118. What are the three basic factors you look for, in a partner? Caring, compassion, and understanding. 119. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it? My emotions because I’m afraid of getting hurt and lied to again. 120. Do you love me? I have no idea who you are. 121. Are you attracted to other people? Yeah. 122. What are your views on commitment and marriage? Committment scares me but I do hope to get married one day. I know. I’m full of contradictions.  123. Do I make you feel safe and secure? No idea who you are. 124. Does your first love still hold a special place in your heart? Forever and always will. <3 125. Have you been in a relationship before, and if so, why did you break up? Yes and it hurt.

[quowreadspact]

Breach 3.4

The steady ‘tock, tock, tock’ of the diagram was joined by confident voices, speaking in time with the ritual.  Each jerking movement of the ‘hand’ of the diagram was accompanied by a ‘tock’.  Less a sound, I realized, than a vibration, reaching through the floor and house.

Here we go, Laird family time shenanigans. Still super fucking ominous. 

I needed to know more.  What was the ritual, what was the goal, and how the hell was I supposed to disrupt this without revealing myself or getting them to hunt for a culprit?

Same Blake, but you should be able to. Play the dumb child. I believe in you. Find out what the hell this is for your sake and mine. 

“Al mamlakah,” Sandra Duchamp spoke, startling me a bit.  A loud, clear woman’s voice in the midst of the more baritone chanting.

“Al mamlakah,” the other Duchamps inside the circle replied, in unison.

Time to google this shit... 

It is 1. A tower in Saudi Arabia and 2. Means “the kingdom” 

Is the Thornburn “kingdom” gonna get fucked up? Like be sent in the past? 

Past the gaps in between people and in between legs, I could see the diagram shifting, as if it were an intricate device, tumblers falling into place, gears turning, components interlocking.  A ‘tick’ joined the ‘tock’.  Higher, faster, jarring my concentration.  I could see the connection Sandra Duchamp had made.  One word, an agreement or affirmation, leveraging some tie she already had to the grand scheme of things.  She’d been the ‘crown’.

If each of the Duchamps had a part to play, that meant they were one fifth of the way through already.  If I was lucky, there would be more tacked on at the end, or the Behaims might have their pieces to add.

Based on this it might just refer to the Duchamp/Behaim kingdom. So they are like, I don’t know, focusing their power to do something bad. 

I looked up at all of the adults who held the pads of paper outlining the ritual.

The simplest solution was often the most effective.

I selected my position carefully, so I could be sure to be out of sight of anyone who saw the two kids playing under the foosball table, and I walked up to one of the Behaims.  I tugged on her sleeve, insistent.  She looked down at me.

“I wanna see the paper,” I said, loud enough to be annoying.  One of the Behaims and two of the Duchamps in the circle gave me a dirty look.  Apparently they didn’t appreciate the interruption.

Hopefully this kid is usually bad behaved. I feel like kids in magic circles are taught early on not to fuck with rituals.  But hey if he gets access to the paper what does it matter. 

The woman shushed me, simultaneously dropping down to a crouching position.  She held out the paper so I could see.  It was already turned to the second page.  Words were written out like a sermon, written out in what I presumed was Arabic, with a phonetic transcription.

Being a child, I was allowed to be a little graceless.  I moved the first page, very deliberately rustling it, and held it straight up so I could read it with my head tilted to one side.

An illustration of the diagram, minus the clutter in between the key parts, with lines drawn out from each section to the respective labels.  Crown, coin, tome, sword, and cup.  There were points of power on the outer rim, where the Behaims stood.  Other labels marked the diagram as sectors and rings.

He was right, it is Arabic cause of the whole “Al mamlakah” thing. That was an Arabic word. All of the labels are usually implements. 

This is complicated but unfortunate neither I nor Blake know enough to make any sense of it. As is to be expected. Nothing is ever that easy. 

I could get the gist of it.  Power of a particular type, directed inward, given direction by the inner circle.  Astrological symbols on the outer rim, and then, as Laird had said, the realm, the space.  Community at the center.

Well I’m glad Blake is getting more out of it. 

The picture of the circle didn’t have all of the details.  When I looked, however, I could see a grid of lines, each with words running along them.

Sydenham.  Glade.  McArthur Crescent.

Street names.  The ones around the house.

Temporal distortion, centered on the house?  No.  Not the house, exactly.

Around the TOWN? Or putting the Duchamps and Behaims outside of time??? I figure they could break a lot of rules if that were the case... 

“Where’s Leanne?” the woman whispered in my ear, interrupting my thoughts.

Leanne?

Oh.  ‘My’ cousin?

I couldn’t lie, but I was pretty sure there weren’t any rules about gestures.  I shrugged and pointed at the far side of the circle.

“Pretty sure” isn’t sure enough Blake you really need to research these things! I know you love to play it by ear but that is dangerous in your world... 

“Husam,” one of the Duchamps spoke.  The first word at the top of the new page.

“Husam,” came the chorus, from the other four.

Unlike Blake, I can google. Lets see... 

It appears to be a name, but it also means sword. I guess we are going down the list of implement/sections of the diagram. 

Laird’s chant continued, a background noise, intense and constant.

Fuck Off Laird. 

The ticks and tocks continued incessantly, shuddering their way through me, resonating in my bones for the one and a half seconds it took before the next one hit me.  I was left just a bit breathless.  The woman next to me had to shift her position to keep from falling.  I had the advantage of a lower center of gravity.

But, at the same time, I was smaller, and that informed my perspective.

Okay.  More than a little unnerved, now.

I played the part, wringing my hands in front of me.  I was a little boy, insecure, and without filters or guile.  It seemed like the thing to do.

A hand settled over mine.  The woman next to me.  She leaned closer, whispering.  “Go and stay with Leanne, okay?”

She shifted the paper to one hand and started to rise to her feet.

I acted without thinking.  An opportunity sighted, a weak point I could target.

“But I’m scared!” I cried out.  Loud, again, to distract.  To justify the other thing I was doing.

They are gonna be so mad at this kid omg. 

I threw myself bodily at one of her knees, wrapping my arms around her thigh.

She teetered, struggling to catch her balance or stand upright, center of gravity thrown.

I released my hold, just as she tipped toward the circle’s perimeter.

A Duchamp woman standing next to her caught her by the upper arm, holding it high.  They very nearly fell into the circle together, but the Duchamp woman was taller, strong, and managed to plant one foot in front of her, not a half-inch from the edge of the animated circle.  Swinging from her rescuer’s grip, the Behaim woman very deliberately pulled her hand back and away from the circle, avoiding contact.

SO MAD.

I wonder what would happen if someone touched the circle. 

Why are they even letting kids in this room. Holy fuck. They are being so dumb. Even if their kids are amazingly well behaved kids can do dumb shit a lot. 

One strong jerk back on her arm sent her falling back onto her rear end, safely away from the circle.  The Duchamp woman straightened, and remained there, stone-faced, vaguely condemning of her rescuee and me both, not offering anything further in the way of a helping hand.

The chanting continued, Laird doing the lion’s share, but all of the occupants of the diagram were directing dirty looks this way, now.  Those looks, however, were focused on the woman who’d very nearly fallen.  She climbed to her feet, successfully this time, her face red with some mix of anger and humiliation.

Before eyes could turn to me, I put my hands to my mouth, my eyes wide, and scampered from the room.  The kid who knew full well he was in deep trouble.

Damn.

I’d failed.  If I got up to more shenanigans, they might get curious about the errant little boy who’d interfered with the ritual a second time.

Just run in and touch it Blake. I’m sure nothing bad will happen. (I kinda just wanna know what would happen. Stuck in time or something maybe. Or a wrong part of town is messed up. Or messed up incorrectly. So many possibilities.) 

I felt like a weight had been lifted from me, now that I was clear of the room.  Every step away from the circle had diminished the volume of the ticking as if I’d taken ten.  Being in the living room, I could barely feel it.  With the second sight, I could make out the movements of the spirits, as if they were caught up in a current, fighting a headwind.

Okay.  Interruptions were bad.  The ritual was relatively delicate.  The participants could be distracted, and the diagram could be interfered with.

Which didn’t make this easy.  It was an exercise in problem solving.  The problem being that I couldn’t interfere directly.  Even being one step removed from the interference would be dangerous.

I’d say start a fire, but I don’t know how his karma would be affected...

I needed help.

I had the goblins, but… they were a dangerous kind of help.  Help I couldn’t count on as being untraceable.

Rose couldn’t act.

Couldn’t get Maggie involved.

My eyes traveled over the room.

I spotted the phone in the front hallway.

With a child’s fingers, I hit the numbers.  Nine, one, one.

“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?”

Smart! And easy to not lie. Just gotta figure out the right words.

The cordless phone in hand, I made my way up the stairs and out of earshot.  I nearly tripped on the stairs.  Nearly tripped, mentally, trying to figure out how I was supposed to tackle this.  “I- um-“

“Honey, did you mean to call nine-one-one?”

“Yes.  It’s where I’m supposed to call when there’s something bad happening?”

“Yes it is.  Are you in any danger right now?”

“Not unless they find me.  I’m scared.”  Which was truth, if I admitted it to myself.

“Where are you?”

Where was I?

I kept my voice quiet, sitting at the L-bend in the stairs where I could see downstairs, while remaining mostly out of sight.  “I don’t know the address.  But I’m in Laird Behaim’s house.  He’s in charge of the Jacob’s Bell police.”

“I know, honey.  What has you this scared?”

Aw nice 911 lady.

I kinda forgot Laird is the police chief so this might not go as well. 

“I don’t know who else to call.  I came for this family party and a lot of people left, but the people who are still here are talking about getting rid of somebody, and I think it has a lot to do with the girl who got murdered.”

“At Laird Behaim’s house?”

“Please send police,” I said, injecting some emotion into my voice.  “Please?  With sirens on?  I want them to stop now.  I don’t want to listen to any more-

“Dahab,” one voice spoke out from the back room, just loud enough for me to hear.

“Dahab,” four other voices answered, muffled by the intervening walls.

“-any more of this,” I finished.  Balls.  What was that?  Three out of five?

“What’s your name, honey?”

Double balls.

Good stuff good stuff I’m sure they already sent police. Wait though if they discover Laird doesn’t it reveal magic stuff to the public which is bad and ugh Blake. 

I guess it is better than their ritual being completed. 

“They’re already on their way.”

“If they knock, and people don’t answer, it’s because everyone’s in the back room.  It’s Laird Behaim and Sandra Duchamp, and other family members…” I thought for a second.  “And one of them was saying… he said Mister Laird was talking about killing somebody.  Murder.  And now they’re all being grim and scary.”

“I understand, honey.  Help is on the way, don’t worry.  Why do you think they would hurt you?”

“Because…” I paused.  What to even say?

“Honey?  It’s okay.”

“Before, a few days ago, he said he’d get rid of me.  He… said he wouldn’t enjoy it, but I was dead already.”

A fractional pause.  “Are you somewhere safe?”

“No.  But if I hide, won’t they realize I called?”

“Maybe, honey.  But if you wait until the police come, they can make sure you go someplace safe.”

Problematic, in a way, but a good escape option.

“Some man was saying they make some of their kids get married to people they don’t want to marry, for favors and to get in good with the right people.  Maybe- maybe if the policemen come, they can ask the girls?”

“Maybe,” the woman said.  I wondered how she was parsing all of this.

“And the room they’re in is weird.  It’s at the back of the house, and…” I thought for a second.  “It’s got this glass case with all these sticks and things inside.  One of them had spikes on it.  I know he’s going to try to keep the policemen away from the room and convince them it’s not important, I’ve seen him do it before.”

“What happened before?”

Restless, I stood.  I made my way to the bathroom, and I saw Rose in the mirror.  “…He took me out and then he threatened me a little and left me to walk home in the dark.  Some Other people stopped me and they would have hurt me, but a friend of mine made them leave me alone.”

Yeah this is... crazy and I can’t imagine how Laird is going to react. If they get found out though I wonder how this will hurt Blake. I can’t imagine him getting off scott free.

God Blake is smart though.  I would have already panicked and be dead. 

What the hell did it say, that even with the oaths we’d made, the one thing I’d told the emergency dispatcher that felt closest to lying was the bit where I called Rose a friend?

:(   Guess Blake doesn’t like himself HEYO but forreal. :(

“Stay near the door.  When the policemen answer, I want you to go to them, okay?”

“If you ever let them know I called,” I said. “They’re going to try and do bad things to me.  Please.  I’m safer so long as you stop them and you don’t say there was a call from this house.”

“We need to get you somewhere-“

“-If they find out I called and something happens to me,” I said, injecting a bit more emotion into my voice.  “It’ll be your fault.  Make them hurry.  There’s no time.  Hurry.”

That said, I hung up.

My heart pounded, even in the aftermath of the call.  I could hear the sirens drawing closer.

“Hell of a gamble,” Rose said.  “You never said you could act.”

“I-” I started.  My voice hitched with emotion.

A moment passed, Rose and I both silent.

“You’re not acting.”

“I’m… I don’t know,” I said.  I did what I could to get my voice under control.  Fuck, fuck… couldn’t afford to let something slip, to show my distress to the Behaims and Duchamps.

I’d be panicking too Rose chill. 

“You’re drowning in glamour,” Rose said.  “The act is becoming real.”

“O-okay,” I said.  I was unnerved at how much I sounded like a little boy, when I wasn’t putting on the act.

“Hey, you wanted a partnership?  This is your partner telling you to get out.”

“I can’t leave right away,” I said.  I cleared my throat, then said  “As soon as I’m able.”

I wasn’t able to keep the full tremor out of my voice.

“Soon, Blake.  If it’s rooted deep enough in you to sway your emotions, it’s going to be hard to change.  If the glamour breaks it’s going to hurt.”

Yeah I’d get the fuck out at this point what is the point in staying. You either failed or succeeded. Damn it Blake. 

“Okay,” I said.

“And don’t layer anything on top of it, or you’ll have to dig deeper to get to ‘Blake’.”

“O- okay,” I said.  “No more changing?”

I turned my head.  I could hear the siren, trace it back to the cars… and see the cars arriving.

“That look on your face.  They’re here?” Rose said.

“The ritual might have finished,” I said, whispering the words.  “That took too long.  It’s still taking too long.”

“Did you feel the ritual finish?”

“No.  But I’m not feeling much of anything, outside of that room.  Is Granny’s- grandmother’s house safe?”

“Let me get back to you on that.”

Then Rose was gone.

Oh hell no Rose get back here and make Blake leave. How long does it take you to get to her house omg. 

I left the phone where it was, covering up the connection with glamour.  That wasn’t using glamour on me, right?  I descended downstairs.

There was no chanting.

The quiet was eerie.

There was a pounding knock on the door.  I jumped.

I was physically shaking.  I felt nauseous.

Why the fuck did it feel like I was vulnerable to everything?  Giving too much blood had spent far too much of myself, June had chilled me even through the protection of the circle, I’d totally fallen for Laird’s trap…

Oh noooooooooo its too late. He was too late. 

The knock came again.  I could see police officers circling around the house through the bay window in the living room.

A moment later, there was a knock on a window at the side of the house.

Behaims and Duchamps emerged from the back room as a group.

I still had the hair.  Where had I put it?  The boy’s hair…  I’d had it in my hand.

I found it in one pocket, with the paper goblins, sensed the connection, and found the boy.

He was taking the same path I had.  Back room to kitchen to living room.  I ducked into the hallway and headed towards the dining room, so we were at opposite ends of the house.  Being seen at the same time and place as him would be disastrous.  More than just about anything else.

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE

At the same time, however, it meant I was moving in the general direction of the incoming Behaim and Duchamp family members, I was shaking, I was about five seconds from bursting into tears, and I looked guilty as fuck.  Try as I might, I couldn’t tap into the stuff I was supposed to know, about hiding guilt and acting normal.

Worse, I still couldn’t lie.

I came face to face with the woman I’d nearly shoved into the circle.

Well, face to bellybutton, but the point stood.

They loomed around me.  Doubly imposing for the size difference.

Think, Blake Thorburn, I thought.  Fucking think.

“Are you mad?” I asked, in a hushed whisper.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“The police came, and it’s because of me,” I said.  I felt the tears welling out.  “I almost knocked you over and ruined everything.”

Or don’t. Jesus how do none of them suspect this kid yet, Blake is getting so lucky. 

“Police?” Laird asked.

“I saw them outside the window,” I said.

He brushed past me, his wife and Sandra Duchamp in tow.

I very honestly thought I might throw up, I was so…

What the fuck label did I stick on this hot mess of emotions that were filling my six year old frame?

So discombobulated?

Slightly ominous but I think he is ok... maybe the ritual did stop. 

“The police aren’t your fault,” the woman said.

I nodded.

I stepped back to get out of their line of sight as Laird opened the door.

“Mark,” he said.  “What’s going on?”

“Chief Behaim, sir.  Listen, something’s come up.  It’s awkward.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t want to make a fuss, especially not with your family here, but-“

“There’s been another accusation?” Laird asked.

“No, sir.  Not exactly.  It’s more serious than that.  If you come with me, I can explain.”

“Explain now.”

“We’ve been led to believe that a crime was or is in progress.”

“Where?”

“Here, sir.  Please understand, we’ve got to do this by the book.  All indicators suggested we needed to act immediately, which is why you got us.”

I think it will go badly if they find the room, if I’m being honest. As much as I’d love to see Laird in trouble I don’t think this will go well. 

His own police officers, arresting him?

I suppressed my smile, best I could.

“I think I see,” Laird said.  “Can I ask-“

“Sir?  If you could please come with me right away, without any questions?  The RCMP has been called, but I need to bring you into the station, without delay.”

“No delays,” Laird said.  “Alright.”

“We’ll also need to see… Sandra Duchamp?”

Peeking, I saw Sandra momentarily purse her lips, then nod.  “I’ll come.”

“And, with permission, Nathan and Ed are going to take a look through the property and talk to a handful of your guests.”

“Mark, we were having an engagement celebration.”

“I understand, sir.  But…”

Mark trailed off.

“But you’ve got to treat me like a suspect,” Laird said.  “I’ll be very interested to hear the background to this when it’s all cleared up.”

It took a minute for Laird and Sandra to get ready.  Two officers came into the house as they got jackets and boots on.

I caught Sandra gesturing at people I couldn’t make out in the living room.  A moment later, I could see the spirits around the cops being manipulated.  Distracting the cops.

Two girls, roughly my age, or the age I was supposed to be, passed through the kitchen to the back room.

There was no way to control this.  No way to really counteract the cover-up.

Maybe he stopped the ritual at least. I would call this day a success if he did. 

I watched Laird and Sandra leave, saw the cops head in the direction of the room with the circle.

A murmur ran through the collected group.

“The Thorburn boy?” a man asked.

“Very likely,” another Behaim practitioner commented.

“Is it okay?  The circle?”

“They’re the best of the new generation, when it comes to glamour,” a Duchamp matron said.  “Not to worry.”

Ha. I would say Blake wins the glamour contest. 

“So… does that make this two points for Thorburn?” I heard someone ask.

“I think it’s safe to say it’s two points.  Another point in this department, and he’s earned three.  A great deal more profound.”

A point for me… but the ritual?

The murmurs quieted as the door opened.  Another officer.

“Mrs. Behaim?” he asked.  “I’ll need you to write down every guest you have here.  Sort them by family unit?”

Identifying the children?  Trying to find the caller.

My counterpart was at the front of the house.  I slipped back towards the kitchen, peeking to see how things were going in there.

The diagram was gone.  There was faint music playing.

Glamour?  So fast?  Masking an area like that?

It’s not real, I thought.  It’s fake, it’s a trick.  There’s a circle under there.

So break it. Then leave. 

I could have blown things up, shattered the glamour, with just a few words.  I could have gotten away with it.  Theoretically.

But I couldn’t get over the fear that had seized me.

Fake fear.  Glamoured fear that I didn’t dare mess with, lest the entire thing fall to pieces.

UUUUGHHHHHHHHHH

“The RCMP is going to need to talk to some people,” the officer said, “Quite a few, really.”

“We won’t be able to continue with the party?” someone asked.

“The evidence we received was serious,” the officer said.  “We could do this by sending people home as we scratch them off the list, or we could bring the family units in question to the station, so those who remain could carry on.”

I backed away, sticking close to the woman from before.

“It depends on how many people you’ll want to talk to?”

“The families of Layton, Peter, Donald, John, Andrew, and Annabelle, please.”

I saw heads turn.  Connections forming.  The people at the center that I could make out…

All families with little boys.

“It sounds like you need to go with your mom and dad, okay?” the woman told me.

Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.

I headed towards the kitchen, rounded the corner, and stopped.

Wait… wait… catch my breath.

WHY DIDN’T YOU LEAVE YET NOW YOU’RE IN DEEP SHIT. 

A girl my height came to a stop right in front of me.  Auburn curls, a nice satin dress with a lace collar…

Leanne.

It took a second for something to click, for the mental gears to shift and click.

When they did, when she met my eyes, I felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to my face.

Couldn’t see. My vision was distorted, as though I needed glasses to see and they’d shattered.

The rest of me…

Unchanged.

“Huh?” I heard her say.

“Shh,” I shushed her.  “If you keep it a secret, I’ll show you later.”

I saw her head move.  I could only assume it was a nod.

Stupid, stupid.  Promising.  I reached out, fumbling, and grabbed her hand.  I pulled her in the direction of her waiting mother.

Great now fucking destroy the glamour of the circle and leave, if you can. If not just leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAA I wonder what broke his glamour. 

I was pretty sure it was her waiting mother.  What had just happened?

“Back already?” she asked.

“Can I spend the night?” I asked.

“The night?”

“Sleepover,” I said.  My heart was in my throat.  Still couldn’t see.  “Everyone might have a long wait at the station with lots and lots of questions.”

Oh it came back? Good. AND DON’T SLEEP OVER just fucking leave Blake. Holy shit. Where is Rose. Shouldn’t she be back by now? Go find a mirror. 

“This is a mess,” she said, to the nearest Behaim.  She looked at me.  “I’ll need to talk to your mom.”

“I can go ask,” I said.

“Go ask, then.”

I headed for the kitchen, rubbing at my eyes.

I felt the glamour rub away, instead of shifting into place.

I could see, but I was seeing out of a different set of eyes.

My own.  Were they the wrong color?

Were they too old, as eyes went?  Did I have bags under my eyes from recent nights with no sleep?

I touched the hair, found the boy.  Through him, I found the parents.  All in a tight group, two parents, son and older sister, the dad’s hands on the son’s shoulders.

“We’ve decided what we’re doing!” Laird’s wife called out.  “I’m sorry, but we’re wrapping things up for tonight.  If your name wasn’t called, we’ll have to bid you farewell.  We’ll have another event, sometime next week.”

What did that mean?  Had I bought myself a week?

Had I stopped the ritual?

Looks like it. Good stuff Blake. So leave now before your glamour breaks totally!

I was no less than ten feet from my double, the view of the two of us obscured by only a thin collection of people.

Through the connection, I could see that ‘Mom’ was more preoccupied, talking to another, heavy woman from the Behaim family.  I wrapped my arms around her leg, and her hand settled on my head.

“Do you love me?” I piped up.  One child’s voice in the din of conversation.

“Yes, of course,” she said, without even looking down.

With that done, I half-ran, half-skipped away, ducking between people’s legs to get back to Leanne and her mom.

“She said yes,” I said.

I received a tolerant smile in exchange.  “Alright.  We’ll make do.  Come on, let’s get you ready.”

It was slow going, wading through the crowd, staying out of sight, but I reached the piles of boots and shoes at the front door.

Through the boy’s connections to his belongings, I found the right stuff and got myself ready.

I could feel something else break as I tested the glamour.  Suspicion?

It dawned on me: I’d been too quick.  Too competent in getting myself ready.  I’d even done up my shoelaces with the kind of ease that came with twenty years of practice.

Reaching for my gloves, I saw the other telltale issues.

Cuts.  Scrapes.  A wound from a pen-stab to the soft bit beside my thumb on my left hand.  A strategic cut where I’d drawn blood.

And there… a dark hair, and then another, near my wrist.  Then five.

Dark, thick, adult body hairs on my hands and arms.

Or don’t leave and ruin this whole thing. Jesus. 

Time was up, it was all coming to pieces.  Rose had warned me it would be ugly.  Painful or drawn out.

I wasn’t sure how that would work in execution.  I’d been momentarily blind, and in rubbing it away, I may well have accelerated the breakdown.  What was next?  What did I face, in being disabled, inconvenienced or hurt, as the glamour fell apart?

I reached into my pocket and grabbed a paper goblin, then pulled on mitten with the paper nestled against my palm, ready in case something came up.  I yanked my hat down to help hide my eyes.

“I might have to duck inside,” Leanne’s mother said.  “Ask your parents if one of them can get your car seat out of their car.  Darn it, that’s going to take a while.”

“I don’t need a car seat,” I said.

“I think you do.”

“I was in a car a few days ago, and I didn’t have a car seat,” I said.  Pretending to be proud as punch.

I fucking drove a car a few days ago and I didn’t have a car seat.

“Your parent’s rules aren’t my rules.  And with my brother being chief of police…”

Was I going to be done in by fucking car seat laws?

“What if you drive real careful?” I asked.  “It’s not far.”

I saw her frown.

“It’s going to take a long time, with everyone there,” I said.  “If we have to go back in there and ask, we’re never going to get to your house.”

I saw her hemming and hawing for a moment.

“You look bigger.  Have you grown?”

I managed to stay stock still as I felt another hit to the glamour.  Another crack.

Bigger?

“He is!” Leanne said.  “It’s the first time he’s ever been taller than me!”

Ah, frick frack fuck.

“Yep!” I said, plastering a proud smile on my face.  “I’m all grown up!”

“You’re getting there,” she said.

“I’m a big boy,” I added, for good measure.  “I don’t need a car seat.”

“Okay.  Let’s get you two going, or you’re liable to be intolerable tomorrow.”

“Yay!” I cheered.

“Yay!” Leanne joined me.

Wow. Blake is one of the most reckless characters that don’t have the arrogance to go with it that I’ve ever seen. 

As we climbed into the car, I could feel my shoulders straining against the stolen winter jacket.

I could feel the growing pains, now.  The extension of my limbs, the shifting of my spine.

It was like the Glamour had soaked into me, and the change back was affecting me from head to toe.

I was sweating bullets, and this time, I could feel the sweat wiping away the glamour as I sat there in the back seat, behind Leanne’s mom.

“Did the thing work?” I dared to ask.

“The ritual was stopped,” I heard.

There was nothing else volunteered.  We drove in silence for a few long seconds.  I tried to keep from smiling.

“I’m going to show you the house I made for Elsabelle,” Leanne told me.

“What did you make it out of?” I asked.

“Magic, of course,” Leanne told me.

“No fibbing,” her mom called out.  “You know the rules.”

“…cardboard boxes, mostly.” Leanne amended.  “And I put all of my favorite music in there, and I put up pictures I drew, and I’m going to learn to sew and do dresses, so it’s all ready when she comes.”

Really gotta teach those kids not to lie, huh? I assume thats another good reason to wait a damn long while before awakening.  But yay ritual stopped! Why did you ask to sleep over... 

Oh man, this was starting to hurt.

“When… when does she come?” I asked.  Keep her talking, keep her excited with her focus elsewhere.

Or she might notice that I had stubble on my face.

“You know when I get to meet Elsabelle.  I told you!”

Thwack.  Another hit to the glamour.

“In six years, four if I’m extra super good, I get to have a magical friend like Donny and Ian and Heather, and she’s going to be a fairy princess, and I don’t know who she is or what she’s a princess of, and I’m only calling her Elsabelle because I don’t know her name yet, but she’s going to be perfect and nice and sweet and beautiful and she’ll be my best friend forever.  Because all Faerie are noble and pure and Faerie princesses are extra special in all those departments.”

“Four years only if you learn not to fib,” her mother said.  “Even a little.  And you need to read the books.  And she might not be noble, unless you work hard enough to earn the attention of someone special.”

“Yes!  I will!”  Leanne pronounced.

“And no making promises!” her mother rebuked her.

It was all I could do to sit still, to avoid groaning.  This sucked.

Wow this kid is gonna have her hopes ruined. ANYWAYS. Blake is just gonna have to leave and I don’t see how he is going to do that anytime soon. And they will know how he did it so he can’t do it again. 

Not everything was fixing itself in the right order.  My stomach was twisting, and my breath was short because my lungs felt too large for my ribcage.

I didn’t dare speak, because I was pretty sure it would be my voice that came out.

“Are you okay?” Leanne asked.

What did I even say to that?

“Need to…” I strained the words, to mask my voice.  “get to your bathroom.”

“I’ll hurry,” her mother said.

She was a practitioner, I knew.

If I fell to pieces here, I was screwed.  I’d be incapable of moving, and I’d have an angry practitioner looming over me.

We stopped, and I had my seatbelt off in seconds.  I yanked on the door handle.

Childproof.

A solid fifteen seconds passed, with me waiting for Leanne’s mother to get herself untangled and open the door.

I nearly fell as I climbed out of the car.  One leg shorter than the other.

She glanced left, then right, looking down the length of the neighborhood.

“House!” she said, in a stern voice.  “Open!”

I saw the connection, straight to the front door.

A demesne?

“Do you need help?”

I shook my head.  “I can go in?”

“Of course you can go in.  We’ll be right after you.”

Of course its a demesne. Run to the bathroom and leave through the *hopefully there* window. 

I hobbled for the front door, praying she wouldn’t notice how my pants legs were two inches two short for one leg, a good four inches short for the other, or how I’d kicked off the small boots and I was walking through the slush in socks.

But her focus was on getting Leanne out of the car.

I went inside, searched the rooms, and found the bathroom.  I could barely move my arms, with the jacket being so small.

In the end, I tore off my shirt, sweater, and the jacket, pulling from the bottom of each and turning them inside out.

I dug my fingernails into the edges of my tattoos, and scraped.

Slowly, systematically, I clawed off the remainder of the crumbling glamour.  I could only hope it would be easier if it was deliberately removed rather than crumbling.

It wasn’t.  I spasmed, felt more things shift into their natural places.  Muscles tensing and stretching out.  Bones, too.

Connections appeared.  My connections.  And a prying eye would be able to see them, identifying me.

As I’d done with the line of blood to ward off Jo’s connection to me before and after fighting the Faerie swordswoman, I used the nearest power at hand to ward off the connections that emanated from me.  With palsied, twitching fingers, I surrounded myself with a loose ring of the shed glamour skin and glamour infused clothes.

When I was done, I collapsed onto my side, twitching, dry heaving, doing all I could to avoid pissing myself.

All I could think was about whether I’d fucking overdosed on the stuff.

I just needed to bounce back.  To get over this, and get out of the house.

Dimly, I heard a knocking on the door.

Leanne’s higher voice.  “Are you okay?”

No?

I gasped.

“Do you want me to get my mom?”

“N- no.” I managed, trying to keep my voice higher.  “Out soon.”

Another damn promise, in a moment of desperation.

Shit.  I’d even told her I’d show her what was up, if she kept my secret.

Ok so open the door, show her what happened, and leave through the window. Holy shit. 

I waited.  Praying that the mother wouldn’t come in and find me.  Could she use a command to open the bathroom door, like she’d done with the front door?

I’d traded one dangerous prison for another.

It was a little while before I felt strong enough to stand.  I gripped the sides of the sink and used it to pull myself up.

Fuck me.  I looked even more drained.

I’d pushed this too far.

I reached out and grabbed the two toothbrushes from beside the sink.  One small one, pink, with a fairy on it.  One larger one, purple.

Yeah Blake no shit. 

The circle I’d drawn out blocked the connections.

Tentatively, I stepped out.

The mother was upstairs with Leanne.

Reaching down, I grabbed my shirt and sweatshirt and pulled them on.  I grabbed the tatters of glamour and dragged it behind me like a limp jumping rope, keeping it between me and them.

I didn’t have much strength as I walked down the length of the hallway.  Not the front door.  Too much risk they would hear or see.  The side of the house… a sliding door.

I stopped halfway there.

Bookshelves, this time without glass doors.  Another glass case, showcasing trinkets and instruments.  From the look of them, they were from past generations.

“Blake,” Rose said.  A whisper.

Rose looked at me from a mirror over the fireplace.

“Dangerous here,” I responded, my voice matching hers in quiet.  “Demesnes.”

“Only the front of the ground floor, I think.  Just like it was only the ground floor of Laird’s house.  They section them off, so different family members can have different areas for their demesnes.  I can’t enter the mirrors there.”

“Okay,” I said.  “Right.”

“You look fucking terrible,” she told me.

“Feel worse than fucking terrible.”

“Just leave, Blake.”

I love you Rose. Get him to leave. Please. 

“They attacked us,” I said.  “They attacked our home.”

“I know.  But you can’t fight.  The woman who owns this house, you know she’s strong.”

“She’s Laird’s sister,” I said.  “I guess each member of the family gets a little trove like this.”

“I guess.  Why are we even discussing this?  Get out of here.”

“They attacked us,” I said, again.  “Tell me, do you think any of these books are originals, or are they all copies?”

“I… some look old.”

“Some look old,” I agreed.

I drew the whistle from my pants pocket.

I blew.

Rather than a high pitched noise, there was only a low wet sputter, and Dickswizzle was spat out onto the floor.

“Destroy the books,” I said.  “Destroy the treasures.  Do it quietly, and you’ll manage more destruction.  Start with the oldest things, you’ll hurt them more.  Run if she takes notice.  Under no circumstances are you to harm anyone before returning to the flute,” I said.

Dickswizzle eyed me warily.

“Blake.  If you’re inside her house, because of hospitality-“

“I’m repaying their hospitality by sparing them.  They were… not unkind,” I said.  “But their family attacked our house and possessions.  We can attack theirs.  Eye for an eye.”

“If we took some of it, we could ransom it back?”

“It’s not quite an eye for an eye, and I don’t want them using it to track me.”

“This feels wrong.”

“But it’s fucking right.  Two very different things,” I said, my voice a harsh whisper.

I let Rose deliberate while I headed for the side door.  There was a boot rack, complete with a set of rubber boots.  I managed to squeeze them on.

I heard a tearing sound behind me as I unlocked the door.  I could see Rose’s reflection, faint, in the glass.

I walked out, dragging the tattered skin behind me.

Nice Blake. You did it! Went well all this considered. Score 3 for Blake? I hope Dickswizzle is ok. I’m sure he will be. 

Wonder how much damage he will do.  WAIT Blake you just stole their boots!!! FUCK MAN they could use THAT to track you!!!!!!!!!!! Dumb!

#text #breach #breach 3.4 #3.4

[chocobostrinket]

The reader is a servant of the Royal Lucis family and she discovers she's related to Noctis despite believing she was from another region. Noctis reacts and takes her under his wing.

You sat in a chair outside the kings throne room, waiting to be brought before him. Carefully, you inhale and exhale in controlled counts. In…1…2…3… Out…1…2..3… But it does nothing to get the icy feeling of fear to leave you. Rather, it makes it worse. The second you stop counting, you know you’ll panic. Maybe even try to run. Heavens know you’ve thought about it ever since the king’s shield PERSONALLY brought you to this chair and sat you down. And your mind had been forming an escape plan ever since because of it.

You’re fast. Faster than most. Plus, you know the citadel almost as well as the royal family since you’ve been a servant here since you were a child. You know the ins and outs of the place, and could make a bee line for that one window with the lose hinges. Far up from the ground for a regular servant but, as you’ve discovered, not for you. No one could catch you, you think, especially if you…

You cast the though from your head as soon as it enters. Warping is what got you here in the first place. You’d fallen from that very same window and, in a moment of panic, reached for something deep inside you that you’d never noticed before. And it was just by chance your pocket knife fell from your pocket when it did, reaching the ground before you did and giving you a focus point…

You’d felt like your whole body blinked, and found yourself laying on the ground. Of course, you’d felt sick immediately after. Something that was very common after warping you’d heard. However, you didn’t get a chance to recover. The palace staff converged on you, scraping you off the ground and rushing you inside. There, you were sat on the floor as one of the Kingsglaive rushed off to alert the adviser, shield, and king of what had just occurred. 

A servant had just warped. With no connection to the glaive, and no clear connection to the king. It hadn’t even been 10 minutes before you’d gotten to see the Shield’s intimidating form stalking toward you, and ordering you to follow. 

Like you were going to argue with him.

From there, he explained that you were about to go before the king and his inner circle for a line of questioning. You had no idea what about, but your heart was in your throat none the less. You shuttered in your seat and clenched your eyes closed in an effort to steady yourself. 

“It’s time. Rise and go into the chamber.”

You gasp in surprise, looking up into the face of one of your fellow servants. You didn’t even hear his approach. His face was grim and he would not meet your eyes. You couldn’t find it in yourself to speak, and only nodded, rising from your chair. He finally turned from the door he was meant to open for you, and looked you over. 

“Square your shoulders, and hold your head up.” he said quietly, “Only the guilty won’t meet the gaze of the king.”

“The guilty? But I didn’t…” 

He raised his hand for you to be quiet, and shook his head. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, but they’re set up for a trial it looks like. I don’t know what happened, but I’m telling you. Look the king in the eye when you tell your side. The guilty won’t met his eyes.”

“…why?” you whispered as he went to the door to pull it open.

He shrugged helplessly, and pushed open the door, holding himself prim and proper as it swung open, going back to ignoring you.

“The one in question will now speak.” The adviser said, and you took a deep breath, trusting yourself to truth. You did as the other servant advised, and stood a bit straighter, compared to the shrunken appearance of before.

“Please, explain from your point of view what occurred this afternoon.” The adviser began, speaking for the king.

You nodded and directed your answers at the king. You gave as much detail as you could, and then described the sudden blinking feeling. After which they asked where you were from. You said Galahd, as that was where your mother had said she originated. When they asked your name, and then hers, a murmur of surprise and shock went through the crowd, and they then asked if you’d known your grandmother’s name. 

And once you gave it, concern rippled through the room. 

You only caught whispers, but there was something about a missing maid? (Or was it mistress…You’re certain you;d misheard that.) You’d known that your grandmother was a servant here once. And your mother sent you back here because of it after…after she passed in Galahd. Eventually, someone said that you’d have to stay here until something could be investigated, and you were taken to one of the guest rooms on the royal floor. 

This…was worrying.

~

Time passed slowly in the room. And though everything you’d ever want was there, you felt as if you couldn’t touch it. It wasn’t for you, you were a servant. So you sat on the floor near the door of the room. Once this whole misunderstanding was cleared up, you’d like to keep your job. Which meant sitting on the floor so you didn’t mess anything up. 

And you swear, you definitely were not crying. Why would you need to? There was nothing wrong. But tears fell down your cheeks anyways. You were afraid. Just what had you done wrong? Perhaps the crystal had taken pity on you and saved you, and there was no other explanation. You were not a glaive, and certainly not royal, but…

You knew that the moment you warped, you became a person of interest to the crown. And persons of interest often never got their normal life back.

You were crying in earnest at this point, and didn’t notice the door to the room open. 

“Hello?” A soft voice called, and you curled into yourself, hoping that if you just stayed behind the door, they wouldn’t notice you.

The door swung open further and you watched over your knees to see who it was. His back was to you, but you felt despair rise up in your chest and buried your face in your knees again. That black hair was unmistakable. The prince was about to see your face after you’d just gotten done crying. Great.

“Noct? I don’t think anyone’s in here.” Called another voice from the doorway, who you mentally cursed twice in your head. Because you could hear the prince turn around to address the speaker. 

“I swear, I heard someone cry…Uh…” You could only guess that he gestured to you, and that the other guy must have taken a look behind the door. Because there was a yelp of surprise and on the other side of the door you swear you heard him fall over. Which surprised you enough to look up and meet the prince’s concerned and slightly panicked face.

Well shit. This was awkward. 

You rubbed at your eyes hurriedly, even though you knew it was no good trying to hide your tears. 

“Apologies, your highness,” you began, “I didn’t mean to disturb you and your friend’s day.”

“N-no. It’s fine. I’m just…” He turned away and as practically pleading with his eyes for the blond haired one to help him. 

“Are you alright?” the blond flat out asked, after peeking at you from the other side of the door. He still hadn’t gotten off the floor.

“I’m fine.” You said, and flashed a half-hearted smile. “But you shouldn’t be here.” 

The blond one glanced at Noctis, who was still just as confused as before. You continued, hoping to scare him away and leave you alone. “I’m being investigated by your father for something. You really shouldn’t be here” 

At that, a panicked look flashed across both their faces and you buried your own back into your knees. But to your surprise, when you heard the door close, instead of being alone the two boys sat beside you.

“Weelll…You’re in the royal guest wing, so that means you’re not considered dangerous.” Noctis began. 

The one beside him continued. “Besides! If you WERE dangerous, you’d have guards around. There’s no guards near here!”

“And your point?” You asked quietly, wanting to be left to your misery. 

“Point being, what’s wrong.” Noctis asked, nudging you with his shoulder. 

You sniffled and then muttered the cursed words into your knees. “I fell out a window, which should have killed me.” 

“That’s…geez, okay, so you’re crying tears of relief? I’d be if that happened to me.” The blond said, trying to draw a bit more out of you.

You shook your head. “No.”

“So….what are they investigating something like that for.” Noctis asked.

In annoyance, you looked over at him and looked him in the eye. “I only lived because I warped.”

Then you burrowed your head back into your knees, and hoped to stay curled up. What you were not expecting was the sudden burst of energy from the two beside you.

“What?!” The blond jumped to his feet and pulled you up as well after grabbing your wrists. “Are you part of the Kingsglaive? But you’re our age!”

Noctis had stood up in just pure surprise. You had to pry your wrists from the blond and drew them back to yourself. 

“N-no. I’m not Kingsglaive.” You looked between the two of them, just talking to them as if you were all normal teens. “It just…happened. I’m just a servant you see.”

They looked at each other, and you could tell were about to ask a million and a half questions, but then there was a knock at the door. They both paled, and you ended up shoving them behind the door where you had been sitting. After gesturing for them to be quiet, you walked over and answered the door, slipping into your professional demeanor….or, as best you could with tears stains running down your face.

“Yes?” 

“If you could follow me back to the council room, we have a few things we need to explain. Excuse our harsh behavior from earlier.” 

“W-what?” You dared a glance behind the door at the two standing there as still as possible, before leaving the room. “Explain what…?”

You followed behind and shut the door behind you, keeping the prince’s and his friend’s presence secret.

~

You were returned to the room that night, and had actually been forced to climb into the bed and lay down. Or rather…your body had forced you to, due to passing out at the unexpected news. And now you were just laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Your mind still would not let you believe what the king had told you.

Your grandmother had been King Regis’ father’s mistress. And apparently, she went missing one night. And they had dug up the reason why. You mother had been the half sister of king Regis. A secret your grandmother wanted concealed from everyone. Which made you…

You were suddenly startled by the thud that came from the balcony.

You sat up and looked over with a frown.There was the prince and his friend, looking like they were climbing down from the balcony above yours. From the way the blond was kicking his legs, he was losing his grip on the stone above him. The prince was below him recovering from his own fall. You could see what was about to happen, and winced when the blond fell on top of the prince. 

“Gracious Astrals…” You muttered as you got out of bed, noticing you were still dressed thankfully. You hurried over to them and helped them to their feet.

“Couldn’t you have come the normal way?” You asked in a whisper, as if you were afraid that you might be overheard.

The blond shrugged. “Noctis has a bed time.”

“Shut up Prompto.” The prince hissed, lightly smacking his arm. 

You let yourself laugh. The prince really was just another teenager…

“Noctis?” A voice called out from the balcony above yours. 

You turned and looked at the two with a raise eyebrow, as if asking why you shouldn’t give them away. They glanced at each other and grabbed you and darted into the hallway. You didn’t question it. You were just told that you were part royal, so going on the run with the prince might as well be a thing too.

“Honestly, Ignis has the six sense of a mother hen.” Noctis muttered as you all hurried down the hall.

“Just where are we going? And who’s Ignis?” you asked, willingly going along.

Prompto smiled, “He’s going to be Noct’s adviser…er….maybe both of yours?”

“So you’ve heard?” You asked, looking between them.

“Yeah, dad-I mean the king actually had me sit down with him and explained the situation. What a better way to introduce you to everyone than by sneaking around the palace right?” 

“Uh…I don’t know.”

“Noctis, Prompto, you stay right there!” you heard the voice from earlier call, and both their eyes got wide when they saw who you assumed was Ignis at the end of the hall. 

“Run for it!” Prompto yelped, and you all darted back the way you came. 

“Prompto, you’re taking one for the team.” Noctis said suddenly.

“What?!” 

“You have anything throwable on you?” he turned to ask as you both ran.

“Uh…a pen?” You reached into your front pocket and pulled one out. He in turn pulled out a small pocket knife. 

“That’ll work. Throw it on the count of three. One…two…”

“Noct! no fair!” 

“Three!”

You tossed it in the same direction as he threw the pocket knife and felt him latch onto your arm. Suddenly, the blinking feeling from before overwhelmed you and you found yourself pulled along with him to where your pen was. You got dizzy, but then he laughed upon hearing a shriek of fear from Prompto being caught by Ignis. 

You had to admit, this was kind of entertaining.

Noctis pulled you along, and you quickened your steps. You were really surprised to see a rather large smile on his face. 

“Prince Noctis?” 

“You don’t have to call me that.” He looked at you and was practically bouncing up and down in excitement. “We’re family. The fact I was able to warp with you proves it.’ 

“Huh?”

“When you warp, you can’t take anyone with you, unless they already have the ability to warp…But you’ll learn that.”

“Learn?”

“You’re related to royalty. Did you think that doesn’t mean anything?”

You stopped where you were and frowned. “I…I just assumed that I might go back to my old job honestly….”

He shook his head, also stopping. “According to dad, you’re going to start lessons along side me.”

“Lessons? Like…” You could hear Ignis, who was currently dragging a struggling Prompto along. 

“Like warping on your own. Go!” 

This time you followed Noctis with a laugh, and let him pull you into another warp to get away again.

~

As it turned out, Ignis was a lot nicer than Noctis had you believe. He was in charge of you both for now, until your own retainer could be found. There wasn’t a place for you at the court yet, but Regis had made sure that you felt welcome in the family. (Noctis made doubly sure.)

You both were in the same year of school, and at Noctis’ request you got to go to the same high school. Where he discovered that you were two years younger than him. 

“This nerd skipped two grades.” He’d tease when offically introducing you to Ignis and Gladiolus. 

It became obvious that after a few years, Noctis had begun to see you as a younger sibling instead of distant cousin. 

In your lessons with Gladio, he always made sure he didn’t harm you. In your tutoring session with Ignis, he tried to make you less overwhelmed. And surprisingly, Iris was chosen to be your bodyguard, something that she enjoyed. It meant she got to be near her older brother and Noctis on a daily basis. You’d yet to find a retainer. Ignis was in charge of you both still, much to his horror.

All in all, it was a good life. 

Noctis seemed to be thrilled with you around, and you didn’t ever voice it out loud, but you thought maybe it was because he didn’t have to worry about the future alone. Not anymore. 

And you weren’t so worried either. 

#Anonymous #ffxv #noctis #ignis mention #prompto mention #reader insert #kind of a weak ending #but I wanted to post something this morning. #Kind of want to continue this with an actually character rather than a read insert. #I still have trouble with writing second person tbh. #They're like #high school freshman in this #hence the shenanigans