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greenunoreversecard · 2 months

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HEYYEYHEY CAN I REQUEST LLOYD (ninjago) HEADCANONS PLEASEEEE (ty :3)

A/N: Ofc!I'll do general character ones, as well as x reader ones :) hope ye likey likey:pp

Lloyd, The Greenest and Geekest mf.

General character headcanons:

Half Japanese half Chinese

His hair is box blonde dye and you cannot change my mind.

Left handed

Severely dyslexic and hands off all scroll reading and just reading oriented tasks to kai.

Def gen z vibes. Like, the others give off more inbetween z and millenial, so they dont always get his humor. And sometimes he uses that to his advantage and "Speaks in code" (uses as much slang as possible)

Has LED lights in his room set to forest green.

Has given himself a smiley face tattoo.

Cried over a dead goose once.

OK, just to preface i see cole as a stoner of Sorts and uses the excuse "it gets me closer to my element"

With that in mind cole let lloyd try it and now sometimes when he is told to unwind, of feels like he needs to take a chill pill he and Cole spark up

in the beginning of his leader ship role, he used to Say;"kick ass and take names" and if things went wrong he had the fuck it we ball mindset, but got better with time. There are still times they wing it, though.

if he isnt in his gi he almost exclusively wears his pajamas (aka a Hoodie, tshirt and sweats)

Vv tired, and now has a raging addiction to energy drinks due to his lack of Sleep.

He used to eat worms as a kid bc he Thought he it was evil.

Has a eyebrow piercing, and wants a tongue piercing.

Wears "reading" glasses, that he should technically wear all the time because he can't see up close and has a astigmatism,, but he says yolo. Zane then make him contacts after he almost ran into a moving blade and got his head severed.

Adhd and OCD, as well as the normal line up (anxiety, depression, cptsd)

Lloyd in a relationship:

Hes very distant in the beginning, it'll take time to warm up to you.

He tends to be orage cat vibes.

On the cat trend, he gets close for a bit Before becoming distant. Going through waves of affection, kinda.

He hasn't had like, any good relationships in his life so he tries to "protect" himself when he feels he gets to close to you, and so he pulls away.

He does the fuckboy face when your sad bc it makes you laugh, as well as That weird dice roll

He actually does the face/dice roll combo whenever he Sees you as he walks over, it's an inside joke now

primary giving love language: acts of service and quality time

Primary receiving love language: gifts and words of affirmation. But physical touch is also high up there.

Also, not expensive gifts. He hates those. Give him a stick you saw on a walk that made you think of him. He'll cherish it forever. And maybe cry.

He will cry.

will make noises at you and expects a noise in response or he'll be sad.

Also randomly bites you. He's a nommer

also sends you memes throughout the day.

As well as random pictures with the caption;"BABY LOK THIS IS S. US IF WE WHERE *insert whatever item here*

Called you babe, baby, love, shitface, asshole.

Expect kind and loving gentle bullying.

Doesnt know how to express his emotions to just expect him to come up to you, lightly shake your shoulders and aggressively say;"I love you bitch.i ain't Evea gon stop lovin you. Bitchhhhhhh" (vine reference)

Sends you .5 of everyone, himself included. He's addicted to Taking them. You will not get out of it.

Also sometimes just walks around in nyas stilettos for fun.

You two have fashion shows.

You also take over the Living room sometimes and build giant ass forts to watch shitty reality tv in and make fun oF The people

Overall, once he realizes you won't leave he's the most funniest loving chaotic guy.

But expect it to take a hot minute for him to realsie this

give him time,, but also have some deep talks..

Let him vent

and for the love of God don't hurt the baby's heart.

Expect inside jokes

#no beta we die like jason todd #greeny's inbox #Ninjago x reader #lloyd garmadon #lloyd montgomery garmadon #lego ninjago #Lloyd garmadon x reader #Ninjago x you #Male reader #gn reader #ninjago lloyd

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

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(NSFW) AITA for telling my gf that the reason I dont eat her put is because of her unsanitary bush?

This sounds bad, but please hear me out. Also this is going to be extremely nsfw, because I need to get into some... details. Though I'll try my best not to do so.

I'm (24NB) a non-practicing Muslim, which means that even though I don't wear hijab or say my prayers, I still believe in some core concepts of my religion. One of the main things my parents kept telling us was about being clean in very specific ways. For example, in most Muslim households, water will be installed in bathrooms. Being clean is a huge part of Islam, for those who don't know. I have cut ties with my family after coming out as queer, and I've learned that most of the things they have taught me and my siblings were traditions made for controlling us, and our bodies. I've been trying my hardest to unlearn this, but being clean is a reasonable thing, isn't it?

The main problem started when I started dating my ex (22F). Things were good between us until we started having sex, and I realized things that made me a bit uneasy. First of all, she never shaved. It's not a real problem for me, I also barely shave, but she didn't really keep it clean. Whenever I would stay at her place I'd notice that she doesn't wipe very well, and she had some hygienic problems before that caused severe infection and long-term treatment, but none of these made her change her ways. Whenever I tried to tell her to clean herself better, she'd dismiss it as part of my OCD (I usually don't mind getting reality checks for my OCD thoughts, but I don't believe it was my OCD speaking, if that makes sense) or she'd tell me that I shouldn't force my culture on others. She had a point, true, but I just couldn't bring myself to have sex with her anymore. I don't know if it triggered my OCD, or if it was the Islamic teachings I received and couldn't shake off. After a while she noticed, and confronted me. I admitted everything to her, but it made her very angry. She told me that I needed to work out my issues before getting into a serious relationship, and get over my "fear of the female body". She also said mean things that I know she didn't mean, and I also snapped at her. She blocked me on everything, and told some of our close friends. One of them came to me around a week ago, and told me that I may be aroace, and that could be the source of the problem. I honestly don't know! I may be aroace, but I don't really think what I wanted was wrong or because I'm sex-repulsive (which I'm not, but this whole ordeal has made me very confused, so maybe I am?). He also told me that I hurt her badly, so the guilt is killing me.

So, am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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rennervations · 4 months

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hcs

ABED he/any pandemi. trobed is cannon i dont care what the episodes say, troy and abed are boyfriends. Troy learned sign for when he goes nonverbal. umm he is demiaro but allosexual and has.the autism. I like to think him and Troy make up ghost stories at night aand troy gets scared of them and abed knows so they stop and abed comforts him and its silly and he reads him books yayyy

JEFF he/him Aromantic bisexual/heteroflexible lawyer i hate (love) him. I imagine him as one of those 80s kids who had a bowlcut in 6th grade who thought they pulled it off (no they ddi not) he has depression absolutely and takes anxiety meds pelase help my poor boy (i want to hit him with a bat). Definitely was tempted to hook up with Ian Duncan at least once or twice. Maybe they did, maybe they didn't.

BRITTA she/her unlabeled?? Some sort of wlw/nmlnm and is allo/allo ;D i think britta maybe has bpd?? Or dpd or both idk yet. Her thing with subway/honda was wild.. we dont talk about that.. umm she loves weed and rolls the absolute worst blunts and deep down just wants to be held. I need her to have a good ending in the movie.

SHIRLEY she/her she is so sweet i love her :( cishet allo/allo ofc, + christian Probably grew up as an only girl with like 5 brothers.

PIERCE i dont like pierce

TROY He/him gay himbo yippie i love him sm. He absolutely has adhd and anxiety and probably collects funko pops and loves spiderman. Alloromantic but demisexual? Uhh troy cuts abed 's hair for him because i like to imagine abed tried to once go to a barber but it was too overwhelming so troy learned how to do it the way abed likes it. and even though troy is a Jehovah's witness, he still decorate s the place with christmas things for abed!

ANNIE ANNIE BABY:( ❤️ she frl has ocd and probably bpd + anxiety (hence her whole "annie Adderall" backstory later) lesbian and experiencing comphet ?!?2/ maybbe graysexual?!?2?$? Idk. I love her sm. I imagine she pulls all nighters to finish the group's work and gets no thanks for it i just wish she was more appreciated my baby

#Granted I wrote this last year #It's a little out of date with my newer hcs #I'm also indulging in transfem jeff #Aromantic Jeff #community #community nbc #trobed #abed nadir #troy and abed #six seasons and a movie #troy barnes

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antiradqueerguy · 28 days

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coming to your inbox because i like your vibe and have literally no other safe place to rant abt this. sorry if this bugs you delete this if you want but im debating leaving the radqueer community because of ciel/hbki. ive already been wanting to leave for a while, but the thought of leaving has been triggering my ocd and ive not been sure what to do. but after i saw that guy running around and seeing how obviously horrible he is, and how people still somehow like him, i think im going to go through and just delete my blog or ditch it ive seen him talk about abusing his girlfriend on so many different blogs of his and then i go to look at hers and she is so obviously trauma bonded to him, and its so triggering. it makes me sick how shes admitted to not enjoying how he treats her, but says his treatment is okay because its "consensual" but i really dont believe its consensual. and i know its not my business but i literally cant avoid them in this community. ive blocked them so many times but every time they both get termed, i see them again, and get triggered. ive thought about reaching out to opphie, but every time someone does, ciel is alerted and he starts harassing the person reaching out. maybe i just have a savior complex but seeing the way they are together makes me feel sick. i see myself in her and i feel guilty for not being able to help. one of my friends even watched her change her name on a dime in her discord server just because ciel suggested it. its scary that the community just lets ciel get away with everything. i mean didnt he even admit to *graping* her? and people are okay with it because the victim swears up and down that its consensual? it doesnt make it any better that antis treat him like hes just some edgy kid. yeah its true that he is one, but there are also very very VERY clear signs that he is actually a harmful person and that he is actually hurting someone. opphie even posted a list of a bunch of horrible things hes done, and it looked like a cry for help to me, but radqueers were reblogging saying things like "couple goals" and "this is so romantic" i dont know anymore what to do. i know i have to leave that community but i wish there was a way to make other radqueers realize that ciel is not a good person to have in the community. if they want to beat the pro-abuse allegations, they NEED to point out actual abusers like ciel.

TW: using images from ciels past and current accounts and mentions of r4pe

with ciel he avoids everything to do with him and taking accountability for his action, (EH HEM, his past use of ableist slurs towards people)

me personally i believe that ciel is a abuser. he has had a history of abuse and I've documented AS MUCH as i possibly can. i will not let him escape this and his HISTORY of abuse.

to the people who don't know what nonnie is talking about with ciel admitting to r4ping opphie heres a pic

Now ciel has a cult following, his boot licker fans love him, like hmm idk this

he is invincible, unless his connection to tumblr and discord is cut off his fans will continue to protect him and glorify his abusive behavior

#ciel is a abuser get his ass canned

edit: also HIII CIELLL i know you will eventually read this since you have commented on posts made by antis talking about you before, so howdy doo!!!

#anti radqueer #anti #ciel is a abuser get his ass canned

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lexyychinchillaa · 4 months

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so i havent really be keeping up with the TOTA Takeover (i was watching doctor who all day everyday) BUT i will do this last one.

i think the show is wonderful. it discusses mental illnesses without making it the entire plot or entire personality of characters. it displays it realistically and doesnt romanticise (by this i mean they didnt just show positive things or ignore it completely) or... obsess over it, i suppose. it wasnt completely focused on the characters "flaws" or illness. while they were mentioned, they actually still made the characters relatable and realistic, as opposed to (imo) Heartstopper, which felt to me like it fetished queer people, but thats a discussion for another day.

it was nice for a change in media, because its not often that you get media from the perspective of someone outside of the mental hospital willingly going inside because they genuinely enjoy being there and the people there. thats one of the reasons i love Eddie, he isnt afraid of what people will say about his new job, or if he is, its not stopping him even though (im pretty sure?) he doesnt get paid for it. hes a kind and lovable protagonist and it was interesting to have his side and opinions on things.

the side characters (i suppose thats what they are) are easy to fall in love with because they have so much depth and are genuinely interesting as a whole. it had, i think, important representation of Rosalie's OCD. it was important representation because it doesnt seem like we get a lot of OCD in media anymore (not that we ever really did, at least not in the things ive watched). i personally dont know much about the disorder but the representation still felt... correct, i suppose, to someone who has little to no knowledge, which is still a good sign because it means it was easy to understand and, yes, still seemed realistic. it was easy to feel bad for Rosalie because of her story and because she was treated and written as a real person.

have you ever watched something and thought, "this character is a bit cardboard-esque"? doesnt it make it tricky to actually feel bad for the character in question? its difficult to sympathise or empathise with someone who is uninteresting or unrealistically written. like in the Twilight movies, for an example. its difficult to feel bad for Bella because shes a kind of basic protagonist. she has simple wants and has simple struggles. whereas in TOTA, the characters have different wants than is usually displayed. like Campbell for example. he wants to be a radio show host and whats stopping him? his struggle to find a place that wants to take him and, i would say, his fathers disapproval. while Campbell isnt openly warm with his father, its still difficult for Campbell to ignore him because its his dad, the man who was there, but not necessarily there for him, all his life. its still difficult to get over someone whos supposed to love and support you telling you that you wont be able to do something.

Campbell is another example of a well written character. it was easy for me to love him, and not just because he was played by DT. he was a funny character without just being comedic relief. his bipolar disorder was displayed well according to me, someone with again, little to no knowledge in the subject. it was nice to have a character who has specific wants that are different from other characters in other medias. he was interesting because he was, say it with me, written as a real person. Campbell was easy to love because he was written and played like someone i would personally want to be friends with. hes funny, caring, friendly, unique, and protective. he sort of immediately likes Eddie and is friendly and talkative with the older man. he doesnt hold back and doesnt bite his tongue when he wants to say something.

TOTA was silly and light hearted while still bringing up important subjects that i dont think a lot of media is willing to bring up. i think, unfortunately, it might have been before its time. i think if it was made recently or in recent years, a lot more people would watch it and talk about it. i think its a beautiful show that, while not laying too heavily on it, discusses mental illness in a positive way. it doesnt act like the characters disorders are flaws, it treats it as something the characters have that might make them unsatisfactory to other people but not like it is unsatisfactory and i think it was lovely.

overall, i thoroughly enjoyed watching TOTA. it was different from most things i watch but not in a way where i was reluctant to watch more and only liked it at the end. i thought the ending was brilliant, even if it wasnt a massive everyone-got-their-way sort of ending. it was honestly nice to have media that had only two characters that i can think of getting what they want. TOTA had some sad parts that were so well written i cried. and if something bad happened to a character (haha... ha... hm), i cared about the character and was upset because they were well written and i loved them.

i know i used the words "well written" and "realistic" so many times, but the main things that struck me about TOTA were those two things. while i love sci fi and fantasy, its nice to have a show that felt real, like it actually happened. i loved the characters and the plot. the writing was superb. its an amazing show that more people should watch.

(hi. sorry if this is terribly written, im not great at these sorts of things. i tried keep it focused but if i ever strayed away from the main point, i apologise)

#tota takeover #tota #eddie mckenna #rosalie garrity #campbell bain #takin over the asylum #francine boyle

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demis-alted · 2 months

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@askingkyborg's main here to being you another emo chip mini fic! Spoilers for 33-36 and SHHH i know it doesnt make sense timeline wise because they go straight to the vampspire from town but shut up no they dont

this will be posted on ao3 when i fix my account btws!!

also also heavilyly implied OCD chip because yes <3

TW: Suicidal actions, ideation, etc. also minor disordered eating talk.

‘Care to spar with me, mon ami?” Chip looks up from the campfire at that point, maybe for the first time all day. His eyes focused up on Mathilde, the bird's eyes glinting softly. Of course, if Chip was honest with himself, that was a flat out no. Chip wasn't in the mood for being tactical, which is normally his thing. The only thing he wanted was for everyone to leave him alone. His brain has been on autopilot for the past two days and all he's done is sleep, eat and walk.

Chip isn't dumb. He knows mathilde is just trying to get him to do something, but what's even the point any more?

“Sure. I’ll spar, but we both know I'll lose.” The forced smile on his face wavers a bit.

Chip stands up, popping his back with a deep crackle. He sighs gingerly, and unlatches his arm blade. He knows I'd be smarter to use his crossbow if mathilde is going to fly, but it's not like he was intending to win. Chip is not a bad fighter, of course. No, he's actually quite good. It's just hard to think about when your mind is static and ocean foam.

Absently he loosens his neck, one of his habits that never ceased to leave him from years of assassin work. He always seems to have a crick in his neck, but it’s not really surprising. Chip had found himself in and out of jails, hostage situations, and attempted murder more times than he could shake a stick at. His body was a wheat maze of scars and old wounds, of torture and strain. But it was all part of the job, or at least that's the half assed excuse he gave himself.

The other part of Chip's fight ritual was coming into his surroundings. He followed mathildes movements in the clearing with lidded eyes, focusing in on the world for the first time since-...

Mathilde was moving cockily, as they almost always do. Slowly and elegant, feathers smoothed and freshly preened, it looks like. Chip raises his heels up off the ground, eyes narrowing in, trying to get lighter on his feet. His own body is different, and he feels less familiar with it. He's lost weight recently- not having eaten in a few days- too sick to his stomach from the previous weeks to even think about it. It wasn't a lot, but his shouldie hung off him in a different way. It made him wish he still had his D.A.G.A.R suit for training. His hand smelt like wild onions, and the rest of him like ash. He's been lighting the campfires with his tiefling abilities lately, instead of using his boy scout training from his childhood. Using that fire always drained him, but he can't help but be glad it helps him pass out at night rather than lie awake. He needed to sleep, to sleep, to dream and fight it off for a while. It's been his only time of peace for quite some time.

A few more seconds till the battle begins, mathilde is counting down, but he doesn't dare let the sound get into his ears. You focus on your target and your target alone when you fight. He’ll read their beaks movements for days instead of breaking his focus if he needs to.

Chip repositions, moving his left side forward. Not only is it the hand he's got his armblade on, but it helps hide his weak spot- the crossbow wounds still healing from the previous night. Barney had given him some healing in between, but in the night he'd gently picked at it. The red stains have always calmed him down, and on himself no different. Red meant alive still, red was the enemy, but red meant weakened and ready to die. To embrace the people they miss… so…so…bad.

Mathilde moves, battle begins. He knows they're saying something snarky but he's too tuned out to regard it. He's watching and commanding from third person, and that's just how he wants it. Bob down, weave right. Mathilde lands a firm noncorporeal blow to his face, and he gasps out a little, breaking part of his concentration. A smooth trickle of blood drips from a now busted lip, and chip can't help but smile.

The chipper killer. That's what people used to call him, back in the day. Always had a smile when he killed, made jokes and jabs. This was basically the same, just less lethal. A laugh busts through chips teeth, and he smiles. Mathilde obviously looks a little shocked by his reaction.

Chip plants his left foot, pressing all of his weight on his toes and not his heels to keep him flighty. He takes a slash with his arm blade. His eyes shut, but fly back open in seconds. Mathilde has a sting of blood dripping from the cut over his chest, red plumage soaking even redder. Chip laughs, and he sounds wild. A snarky insult comes to his lips but he presses it down.He can't cause hesitation, you hesitate you die. He needs to get his target.

Chips' eyes are blurry, and he can hardly make out the figure in front of him. He's used to shots in the dark though. The blurriness backs up, and a sneer falls into his face. Kill. His ears flicker down a bit, and he moves forward. The kill drive of his nature was seizing him, hands steady and brain calculated. A stab at the shadows, voice howling in his own skull. “DIE!”

Blood was splattered onto his hands, and it didn't matter whos it was. There's shouting all around him. He wants his target dead. He wants everything to die. He wants to die-

“CHIIIPPP!” a high pitched squeak breaks his brain, and the haze fades. The dark shadows reform, and suddenly he sees mathilde, blood dripping down their front and hands in front of their face, not in cowardice but in preparation for attack. An attack from him.

Chips eyes shoot down at ellga, who was the one who snapped him out of it. His arm blade glistened in the draining sun, wet blood still on it. He looks up at mathilde, and the bird gives a sympathetic look at the absolute horror streaked across Chip's face.

“Mathilde i am so-’ “Don't be sorry, we were sparing, you just got a little into it is all. im fine, barney can heal me right up-”

“Already on it” the old man blurts, but looks at Chip with a spike of fear that makes the tiefling want to dry heave.

“I-I-”

Chip runs a hand through his hair, unable to talk. He knew his killing nature was catching back up to him with carol dying, but now he's going back to how he was.

Chip stumbles a little, back into ellga. He jumps forward and turns, pulling his hands all the way away. Sweat beads down in a streak off his chin.

‘IM- i- I'm gonna go forage-!” Chip announces with his most normal smile, his fakest smile, and turns on his heel. Mathilde makes a noise like they're going to talk, but just sighs, and it wills Chip into walking even faster in the opposite direction. He stumbles his way down the hill, moving away from the patch of grass they'd been at and into the main town of vania. He bumps into every person there, and several ask him if hes alright from the blood on his hands and his face. They don't know him, they don't know he's a monster. They don't know he's a friend hurter, or that he's the reason his wife is dead. They don't know anything, so Chip doesn't say anything. He just walks.

By the time the sun starts setting, Chip doesn't even know where he is. Vania isn't huge by any stretch of the imagination, but chip is already lost enough in his own mind to know where exactly he is in this unfamiliar place. After a while, he settles, tucked behind a building and hidden, breathing heavily.

He stares at the blood on his hands, and he twitches. Chip has never been a messy killer. Blood makes his hands itch, too wet then too dry. Dirty and disgusting. As much as he hates the smell of bleach, he always uses it for crime scenes. Blood was too dirty. Filthy, nasty, and wrong. He's been nervously rubbing his hands for hours, the blood mainly off, but still feeling like it's on there. He rubs some more at it, and curses under his breath.

He hurt his friend.

He's a bad omen. An omen of death.

He's killed hundreds.

He's a bad person. An omen of death.

He's the reason his wife is dead.

He's a bad husband. An omen of death.

He's the real problem.

A monster. An omen of death.

Why does he even bother being ALIVE?

Chip sighs, running a hand through his hair and then wincing. Now that's contaminated too. Everything about him is dirty and wrong. Tears threaten his eyes, pushing into the corners and making a soft noise as they roll over his cheeks.Days of lapsing suicidal urges and injuries have snapped him into a terrible, terrible place. Softly he presses his forehead onto his knees, feeling the cool scared up skin over his hot face.

He's not sure how long he rests but his dreams are uncomfortable. Swirling memories of killings past. Bad bad memories. They never bothered him before, but now he knows what it's like to lose somebody. Now he knows how much of a monster he really is.

He's only ever startled awake by voices. Mushing noises of high and low pitches. He opened his eyes, and they flooded over with brightness. He stifled a groan, headache and ready airdropping into his skull and ears ringing like a kenku scream. His eyes focus, and he sees several balls of gleaming light, and his party in front of them.

“What is tarnation…?” he grumbles, and the light speckles vanish, the sun's last entrails covered by mathilde spreading their wings. His eyes go up to his team mates who are staring at him with worry in their eyes. He winces distantly, feeling a spike of guilt as he sees mathildes feathers pushed out of place and puffed up.

‘Oh.. uh… hey guys..” He rubs the back of his now sore neck.

“Chip crétin! Je devrais avoir ton visage pour ça, pourquoi diable m'enfuirais-tu comme ça, Ellga était inquiète, Barney était inquiet, j'étais inquiet d'avoir crié à haute voix ! Ce n'est pas si mal, je vais bien, c'est bien!” mathilde scolds in panicked sounding French, grabbing Chip by the collar of his hoodie and yanking him up.

Ellga huffs. “Why’d you run off? It's fine! You two were having fun! It was a play fight. It's not real! Mathildes is not dead- well, they are, but it's unrelated!”

“I-” chip sighs heavily, shutting his eyes a bit. “You're right. Sorry. I guess…” chip searches for the words in his head, scrambling to think of what to say. Tiredness flushes over him in a wave, and he lets out a sigh, throwing his hands up. He lets his head embrace the wall behind him, and his horns click on it.

‘I'm just.. I'm just so..so..tired.” he gives. “I didn't mean to hurtcha’ mathilde, I just got lost in my own head. Guess my…killer ways are catching up with me…” “Well you’d never intentionally hurt any of us. You told me coming into town that you're a good assassin.” Barney tries to encourage, but chips heart falls. “Yeah, well…is there really such a thing?I'm still a murderer” he chokes, and his body tingles with the feeling of blood splats from past kills all surging up and bubbling under his purple skin.

“Nonsense. Words are all made up, mon ami. One isn't worse than another. An assassin is a profession, and a murderer is apparently a death sentence to ‘za living. It dos’ant matt’ar! Those titles don't dictate who you a’hre, the people who love you do. And I say you're perfectly fine. We all do bad t’ings sometimes.” Chip sighs at mathildes word, ever wise in their later later years. “I suppose.” he says, not at all convinced. Ellga frowns, and it makes Chip want to bury his head in the vanian dirt. She turns to the alchemist, who Chip had almost forgotten about.

“Mr alchemist, do you have any cures for sadness?” “Not…quite, ellga, but i have somethings that may help, if chip here is willing.” The room pauses, and all eyes form onto Chip. “Awh, what da heck..?”

“Give me your arm blade.”

“What?” Chip stares at Robert like he's crazy. “Just hand it to me.” Chip sighs, and unties the arm band to it and tosses it over to the alchemist, who catches deftly. He looks at it for a moment, and then tucks it into his bag.

“How's that supposed to help? That's my best stealth weapon.'' Chip finds himself grumbling.

“Exactly. That way if you try to hurt yourself, you don't have anything silent to do it with.”

“Oh.” He momentarily wants to fight off the claim, but the arrow wounds in his foot and his lower neck burn with a shot of pain to remind him.

“Okay.”

“Besides that-” Robert continues momentarily, digging around in his bag, tophat sliding down his head, “I've got a potion I want you to try. It should help.”

He extends out a vial filled with a shimmering blue liquid. Chip extends a gloved hand, and takes it. He removes the cap with a pop, and tips it back. He drains the liquid in a quick motion, and wipes the corner of his mouth.

“I don't feel any different. I just feel really tired and useless, mainly.” He says, and his head flinches back at his own words. Robert smiles, and taps the vile.

“Truth telling serum. Now you can't hide anything from us.” he pats his shoulder as he chuckles.

Chip goes to scold, but realises everything would get turned on its head when he says it.

Mathilde snickers. "There isn't any way to heal depression with a potion, but now our too clever rogue cant hide anything from us.”

“You guys are my favourite people.” chip sighs, exasperatedly. Ellga squeezes his hand.

“Come on, let's go to the vampspire. Maybe seeing my home will cheer you up.”

“Yeah… maybe it will.”

#tales from the stinky dragon #stinky dragon pod #chip haney #barney farney #mathilde confiseuse #ellga von brath #mini fic

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ego-meliorem-esse · 2 days

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dude but the whole face family is a mess of mental disorders and shit. At least if you want to nitpick. Australia and Murica are both ADHD, Canada a depressive lil shit, England is autistic and france bipolar as fuck. I'm still figuring out new Zealand so I can make bingo!

What happened to hi hello how are you 🥲

Im fucking kidding lets go

I have many thoughts on this topic. I just wanna say first that i dont really want to talk about specifically what mental disorder or whatnot each of these characters have. I have my personal hc that i keep private just cus ive strayed so far from canon or even the classic hetalia 2014 country stereotyping. They are my blorbos in the purset sense of the word. So, i feel like if i told you “yeahh murica is adhd on legs” i think it would come across as insensitive.

But on the other hand, in the past 2 years that ive been in group therapy on and off, i have come to be comfortable with talking about mental disorders and dont find it as triggering or offensive as i know some people do. Which is also very valid. People deal with things the best they can and when youre in the trenches of ocd, having a weirdo (me ✊😎) say a fictional character is going through it, it might not sit right. So i wanna keep this as non triggering as possible.

As almost everything i hc, this is something I’ve looked over. And i do agree to a point. Alfred is definitely someone who exhibits traits like excessive talking, impulsiveness, interrupting conversations, difficulty focusing at something that he finds little interest in etc etc. He is easily distracted and tends to find certain people boring. But he also does not have time management skills and he does not forget tasks and plans. Could this be adhd? Sure. Does it have to be? Of course not. So i tend to leave it up in the air. Some people might find comfort in interpreting it as adhd and some would rather stay clear. Both viewpoints equally valid.

I truly dont know about Jack or Arthur. Eleanor too. Honestly i dont really try to make up disorders for them. One thing i dislike is the labeling. If someone, even a silly character, does show traits of some disorder, id rather not have it outright mentioned. It can be cristal clear that Matt has a full on depressive episode, but let me figure that one out myself, chief. I am all in favour of making these fuckers complex and give them shit to shovel, but the moment we start throwing mental disorder labels around, i think the focus strays. But again, only my preference. To someone else, its a comfort.

However, as he is my knight of the highest order, my highest ranking babygirl, my worst punching bag: Matt is depressed as shit. He functions but, God, at what cost?

Does he have depression? Probably. Will i ever make a serious post about his depression specifically? Probably not.

Francois though. He has no disorders, no hardships or difficulties. Makes it easier for me to actively and effectively hate. We are currently negotiating a stalemate, as ive, just today, heard Sous le ciel de Paris after forgetting that song existed. Good fucking song tho. Willing to negotiate the terms of Francois’ surrender.

#ask meli #i passed my math exam today which i forgot we had :))))))))))))#genuenly proud of myself #anyway waht i wanted to say was if you want them to have soecific mental disorders no problem if you want to leave it vague no problem #fun to think about tho i agree #hetalia #hws america #hws england #hws canada #hws france #my headcanons

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brightlotusmoon · 7 months

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Hey there, big fan of you and your fanfiction and I just need to get this out and “vent” about this to someone, and I feel like you may be the only one to understand and validate this opinion lol.

In the tmnt 2003 series it just ANNOYS ME so much on an unreal level how Mikey gets treated by the show writers. One that really annoys me is just SAINW and the good genes arc. Good genes for obvious reasons, we were robbed basically of that whole thing by them changing Donnie to be mutated instead of Mikey, but I never saw anyone mention SAINW’s potential before.

I CONSTANTLY see the statement “Mikey adds nothing to the team” and its just because THEY NEVER SHOW IT!! THATS WHY!! His role is supposed to be the heart and the glue that keeps the team together. The one that brings light in their dark ass lives. They had the perfect opportunity to do this in either good genes or SAINW and they blew it. Everyone knows Donnie has a role to play, so why not let Mikey be teleported to that future instead and have him be the one out of time. It just makes so much more sense to have that, to actually SHOW people the role he plays in the team and family. He could still even be a badass in that episode if they wanted, but just let him and his audience have that moment of realization in his importance. It could have worked for Good Genes too!! I just dont get why they barely let Mikey do shit or have any angst moments when others get plenty of it. And yea I know Laird was in control of the whole thing and Don was his favorite so that obviously means angst nepotism but still. Its just frustrating to see how people wont look at the bigger picture to see how important he really is. Its just UGRHHHH!!! Its even worse that 2003 is most peoples goto for the franchise whenever 2003 themselves rarely did Mikey any justice!! Its like I have to resort to fanfiction instead of canon because they actually just GET IT more than the writers do. Like I feel like Im going insane on this topic to the point Im ranting to my therapist about it because of my ocd compulsions and reassurance seeking includes this shit.

Im really hoping mutant mayhem will be different since Seth Rogen’s favorite is Mikey, so hopefully he will actually do him justice; with his works being Invincible and The Boys, im having high hopes for the writing capabilities of him. Here is to hoping if that it is the case then MM becomes the status quo.

Sorry for the rant, this has been on my mind for fucking ages and I feel you might be the only other one that I can say this to lol.

Awww, you remind me a little of me back in 2016 when I started this Tumblr as a literal storage place for ideas on exploring Mikey's psychology.

We DO have to resort to fanfiction! It's actually been that way since the late 90s. Uh. I helped start it. Got diagnosed with ADHD, looked at 2003 Mikey, went "guys hear me out" later got diagnosed autistic with the help of the people who coined neurodivergence, looked at 2003 Mikey and his brothers again, went "Sure, it's all of them!" and sat on it for years before writing it here.

In that time, there cropped up some writers who just really preferred to play with his silly side more than the rest of him, especially after 2012. I think we're going to cycle around to more 03 fanfiction pointing out Mikey's unspoken skills beyond mouthy, crafty, irritating, or weird.

That reminds me, I have a chapter to write from Leo's viewpoint on that.

#i created this Tumblr because of Michelangelo

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morethanmeetstheass · 10 months

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YOU GET IT. BLITZWING IS NOT DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES HES DIFFERENT EMOTIONS. YOU AND THAT ANON TALKING HAD ME REAWAKEN MY BIGGEST DIE HARD ABOUT HIS CHARACTER AS SOMEONE WITH MOODSWINGS/DRASTICALLY OBVIOUS MOOD CHANGES THATS WHAT I SEE IN HIM. The idea that he's just Blitzwing if he wasn't you'd think his theoretical personalities would have different names, opinions, longer times out, etc it's the fact he's Always on the same page no matter the emotion he's feeling in the moment while there's so much to him especially three core aspects that heighten those emotions they showcase its the idea that that's still All Him; sorry I went crazy in your ask box sorry about that dude

you get me!!!!!

he is One Guy with multiple faces. the whole "icy hothead random" thing is extremely dumb fanmade and it just. doesnt rly make sense. like. he doesnt become a different bot, he just has a new face and gets in a silly goofy mood or punches someone or something. there is 0 disconnect between the different faces except for what he says and how he says it. they are not different faces. its all just blitzy

honestly i loved sharp-tooth face a lot when i first watched tfa bc it reminds me so much of my OCD intrusive thoughts as well as, like, the standard impulsive thoughts. blitzy just verbalizes them bc why the fuck not. dont we all have a sharp-toothed bastard inside us saying we should put our enemies into a meat grinder? bc i sure as hell do and blitzy is an icon for saying it out loud

#ask #i am forever grateful for the change in blitzy's depictions in fanfic #do i credit myself for it? abso fucking lutely #blitzy waking up at 2 am with a jagged smile: im gonna dye my hair pink #bee: ok babe have fun

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twsthc · 9 months

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scarabia angst headcanons 🌞💔

⚠️ warnings: food anxiety, self destructive behavior, possible OCD triggers, kalim

last updated: july 30, 2023

KALIM AL-ASIM 🦦

has C-PTSD from the constant threat of death

mostly gets nightmares, flashbacks, anxious, etc of when he was poisoned and kidnapped or when jamil was poisoned "for" him

has coughed up blood, has seen jamil cough up blood

really tries to hide how much it still gets him so he doesnt worry anyone

super light sleeper. a cockroach tap the wall and his eyes would fly open

has food anxiety

needs someone to test the food before he does, or he needs to know jamil prepared it or he wont eat it

after his first time getting poisoned he wouldnt eat jamils cooking either

after jamil's OB, he stopped cooking and contacting kalim and things really spiraled out of control

stopped eating/drinking anything until he was forced to

was literally bmi 0.001 until a teacher had to step in and force some goat cheese down his throat

parents would pay for material items for their kids but not therapy

i think kalim might have done some crazy shit to make his parents notice him out of the quintillion other kids they have

also he was raised by servants instead of his own mother

because of all this Mental Illness (specifically C-PTSD) he does get panic attacks, as one with anxiety disorders does

he uses pain to ground himself in stressful moments (mostly his nails)

digs them into his palms or thighs, whatever hes closer to

or he scratches himself until he refocuses

got especially bad after jamils ob. imagine the person who kept u safe and basically raising u coming out and saying he secretly hated u

me personally i would kms

probably cries himself to sleep

type of fellow to be super happy one moment then hear a sad/soft song then become svicidal (me when im having a great day then hear any song by Lamp)

JAMIL VIPER 🐍

fully believe jamil has NPD

after growing up in an environment where he was put behind everyone else, his brain desperately needed to be put first

its really hard to find good symptoms of this disorder without seeing bullshit like "10 signs your partner is a narcissist" omfg

some ACTUAL symptoms of a narcassistic disorder (for jamil):

he has poor coping skills, often projects his anger onto others, has trouble maintaining relationships, often requires praise or he might feel obsolete/depressed

too good at hiding his feelings even in shitty situations

has boiling anger issues but is able to keep them repressed (at his own cost)

after his OB, he distanced himself from kalim to process

after 2-ish weeks, they talked it out and set some boundaries

the first week jamil didnt force-wake kalim up, kalim was consistently late to all her earlier classes and struggled a shit ton with work loads

she couldnt even pick out her own outfits without jamil going "that ones fine, now hurry up" every few seconds

had to establish that kalim needed to learn how to live without jamils coddling

kalim agreed ofc but still felt a little lonely without her usual schedule

also has anxiety from being poisoned, and still has lingering memories of being so worried when kalim was kidnapped

i also think jamil has OCD :3

"if i dont do ABC then kalim with XYZ"

has other impulses (flicking lights on and off, needing to feel "even" on both sides)

i hope someone w ocd reads this and understands wtf im talking about

when someone steps on your foot so you have to step on the other one or youll throw up because you dont feel the same amount of pain on both sides

#twisted wonderland #twst headcanons #kalim al asim #jamil viper #scarabia #angst #ocd girlies wya #twsthc

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quodekash · 11 months

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EPISODE 2 BAD BUDDY OS2 LETS GOOOOO im so freaking excited holy hell

i still cant believe that patpran and earthmix are going to INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER??? AND EXIST IN THE SAME SPACE???? HOLY HELLLLLL

wait hang on

will we get longtae?? pls give us longtae i need to see my boy

WAIT hang on how does this work. how do bad buddy and 1000stars exist in the same space if drake plays korn and also rang. i need to make some kind of murder board of the connections between shows holy hell

tut tut, phu, you need to take care of yourself for goodness sake

pran is too autistic for this, he doesnt know how to Social Situation and communicate what he was actually trying to say and now they think he wants to be a teacher

also im gonna slide past the phutian relationship problems bc i dont want to think about it. my dads are not getting a divorce, and thats final

hang on. there’s new kids now??? where the hell did they come from?

tian’s teacher frustration is so real

autism

HEY

LOOK AT THAT

ACTUAL REPRESENTATION OF SOME KIND

THATS AWESOME

I KNEW HE WASNT NEUROTYPICAL

FJEHSBGKVJREB

i know ocd is an anxiety disorder but there’s a lot of overlapping symptoms and apparently autistic people are more likely to experience ocd

and even if its just ocd, im still allowed to hc him as autistic

but either way HELL YEAH REPRESENTATION AND ITS CANONICAL AND ITS NOT JUST IN HIS HABITS ITS AN ACTUAL CANONICAL DIAGNOSIS GJERBDHBDRT

MY BOY!

(definitely didnt completely forget about him)

his gaydar is going off so much he can smell it (i made the screenshot too big and now phupha in the foreground is making me laugh so hard omg- i swear its the funniest thing ever. im probably tired. its 1:30am)

THE LOOKS PATPRAN GAVE EACH OTHER WHILE PHUTIAN WERE INTERACTING- THE GAYDARS THE GAYDARS

(yes, i know they already know about phutian bc of tian’s online diary thingy, but it still counts)

i wanna read this diary so bad but i cant read thai. and also idk where i would find it. its probably online somewhere. it might be a merch thing. who knows man

GEHRKDBGV THE FLASHBACKS WHILE HES READING

IM CRYING

“why would a good guy come to watch me take a shower?” THE LOOKS PATPRAN JUST GAVE EACH OTHER- OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

THE LOOKS THROUGHOUT THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE

ITS SO FUNNY

I LOVE THIS

iconic

i love everything about this so so so much

the amount of joy that just this one image brings me? help

ive been wondering why they keep making those movies

wait hang on

guys i think we might actually be onto something

on another but related note: what do you guys spend 25 minutes doing at 2 in the morning when you should be sleeping? cos apparently i make beautiful atrocities like that.

anyway.

theyre like little kids, “he liked me first” “NO HE LIKED ME FIRST”

this is starting to sound very familiar

pran screaming at the waterfall reminds me of patpran screaming off the top of the hill at the beach

THEY ARE PLAYING IN THE WATERRRR I LOVE THEMMMMMM

“i think they kissed” “agreed” “they certainly did” “i agree” okay they didnt but they absolutely should have and we all wanted them to

they so in loveeee i love themmmmm

IM SCREAMING AS QUIETLY AS I POSSIBLY CAN, HOLY HELL THE FREAKING PARALLELS

hah, you bloody americans, they probably had to google what 18ºC is in fahrenheit, but i, a superior australian, know that that is... warmer than it has been recently. its currently 13º. its really weird, im not used to it getting this cold, even in winter, and winter only technically started two days ago. anyway, enough about abnormal australian weather, back to patpran

i love them so much

pat, i-

HELL YES

OISHIIIII

FINALLY

the kid demanding payment through sips of oishi tea? thats my kinda style

id adopt that kid if i had to.

i hate kids

but ice tea? it bonds people.

lucky kid

i rly like this karaoke idea, i was wondering how they were gonna incorporate the ost but i guess pat’s gonna sing it

P’AUUUU

I THOUGHT I RECOGNISED HIM IN THE BACKGROUND EARLIER AND I WAS RIGHT

HELLO P’AU HOW ARE YOU

“actually, my boyfriend and i also fought about who fell for the other first. but in the end, it isnt important. what matters more is that we love each other” AWWWWBHFGHBR

ITS THE SONG

ITS THAT SONG

GEIURHGUKERJBGHJK

YAYYYY PHUTIAN ARE SNUGGLINGGGG

IM SMILING SO HARD ITS DIFFICULT TO SEE

i love him

THE SIGNATURE FISTBUMP RJDGBJR

i love them

NOOOOO THEY STILL HAVENT MADE UP, GOSH FREAKING DARNNIT

ooooo phu vs pat drinking challenge, this’ll be fun

i really like how the young ones are giving advice to the older ones for a change, its very nice. and also just goes to show how powerful patpran are

omg this kid is everywhere, i love him

the pure RELIEF when they both see that they are, in fact, wearing pants.

BRO THAT WAS STRESSFUL

PRAN NEARLY DIED

its so funny to me how intense the music is rn

OF FREAKING COURSE

well at least we know that means we’ll get more patpran next week, we dont have to say goodbye to them today

anyway that was wonderful, its 3am and i feel fine currently, cant wait to feel like a dead banana peel tomorrow, goodnight folks, see you next time!

#quodekash watches our skyy 2 despite desperately needing to sleep #our skyy 2 #our skyy x bad buddy #our skyy x a tale of thousand stars #our skyy x bad buddy x a tale of thousand stars #os2 #bad buddy series #bad buddy the series #atots #1000stars #a tale of thousand stars #patpran #ohmnanon #phutian #earthmix #ohm pawat #nanon korapat #earth pirapat #mix sahaphap

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nicosraf · 5 months

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hi i have a bit of a personal ask, feel free to ignore. i developed a theology hyperfixation this year. it started with just being into the imagery and then specifically angels and then i read your book which made me start reading the bible (as well as start learning about other religions). im personally not religious, i was even raised christian but it never stuck to me, as soon as i was away from my christian school it felt right and free. i never doubted how i felt. but now that im engaging with all these religious texts and keep hearing how if i dont believe in this god or that god then im going to suffer for eternity it... has made me feel very anxious haha. i dont believe these gods exist but ive been having "what if what if what if what if" stuck in my brain and its making going about my usual life difficult. (i have ocd which doesnt help). anyway... you seem knowledgable and full of wisdom im just wondering if you happen to have advice for my situation. maybe the answer is just to stop indulging this interest but i do genuinely find it interesting lol. thanks so much for your time!

Hello! I think it's difficult to answer this without getting personal myself but I want to answer because I really get it! I go through some phases of obsessive-compulsive (+ I can really struggle with reality sometimes), and religion is a huge one for me. When I got into theology, I think I was partly motivated by the idea that if i delved deep enough, I would find something that would make me stop feeling bound by what the Bible says. As in, I would find something that would make me go, "Ah! It's all fake!" or "Ah! This god is so evil that I'm better off burning in hell!"

Well, I did do my deep dive, and it didn't really turn out that way. The canon Bible is interestingly nuanced and so is theology. So here is what helped me not feel terrified of the "What if" :

Frame theology in a way that brings you comfort, instead of just taking its warnings at face value. Interpret liberally. If it is real, then you will be okay. The Bible is pretty wishy washy about the suffering of non-believers and god is supposed to be forgiving/understanding. Maybe he'll get it. Maybe he likes you. If it's not real, then you'll be fine; you were for a long time, after all. If it is real, you'll be fine too.

On the point above — if hell scares you, then read about hell. Most theologians can't agree on it at all! When I read the theory that hell might be empty, it brought me comfort.

Read on other religions. I can't emphasize this one enough!!! Expand your horizons. Read about every religion in the world, especially smaller and indigenous ones. Read about how Abrahamic religions have split off and what motivated the splits. I think remembering the human role in what eventually gets to the final doctrines really helps. The Christian elite would want you to get the most fear-mongering version of the text; they don't want to lose you!

You can definitely take a break. My therapist recommended me to stop indulging, but that's easier said than done. And it might be the healthiest option, but I wanted to provide this advice in case you think it might help... I'm not full of wisdom!!! I make nothing but mistakes and I am still learning... but I hope I can reassure you that you're not alone! We struggle together

#mine #ask #theology

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sirenofthegreenbanks · 8 months

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i dont think zzs has relationship ocd, but i can see a lot of myself in him. his insecurity regarding what other people (people he cares about) might think and feel of him, this obsessive need to find out the „truth“ and this almost conspiracy-like conviction that there always is a „hidden truth“ beneath. this crippling fear that others might lie to you and you might not be able to see it. this conviction that others lie, even when they do not, because the sincerity of their emotions, their honest expression without traps or fallbacks or holdbacks, is just too unbelievable to not be artificial. this seeing patterns where none might be, and obsessively following clues that might lead nowhere. thats why i prefer the reading that zzs essentially misunderstood both jq and ljx (ch.47 and ch.61 of qi ye respectively), and that for the latter, it signed zzs‘s downwards spiral. if u interpret their last conversation in qi ye as zzs viewing ljx as rejecting him and as all ljx does is trying to save him from himself and understand him, zzs‘s later habits post-tianchuang and how he views some of ljx‘s words from that conversation (ch.20, ch.27) (and the discrepancy as can be seen in ch.76 of qi ye in what zzs believes ljx‘s very last words on this earth were vs what they actually were, which lends strength to this reading as it fits the „theme“), his failure at reading ppl he feels personally a lot towards, even though he technically has all the facts or there might be an easier explanation that is not as abstract as the one he favours, makes a lot of sense. now, i have started a new reread of tyk and im seeing wkx in a somewhat different light. he is incredibly odd and off-putting and even i, who knows the final and should know his character, have a hard time getting a read of him almost all the time during much of their earlier interactions (ch. 6-13). what is wkx doing here? is he lying or does he believe what he says? is this an act or are his thoughts truly this jumpy? how much of his „im an odd ghost im odd“ persona is a persona, how much is a reflection of the truth? that means zzs‘s conviction that wkx is trying to deceive him is not that off-track, and considering that wkx gives me the strong impression that he IS instrumentalizing the one weakness he found zzs, that glib vagrant, to have (being flirted with), and seems to maintain it all the way until he realizes zzs is going to fucking die (ch.29, moment i personally view as wkx‘s breakthrough), im not even faulting zzs for, well, picking up on it. still. you can tell that his thoughts and his explanations are obsessive and self-destructive, that this is less about whether or not wkx is playing him, and more that zzs does not believe he is worthy of love and sincerity (ch.18, first time he actually spells it out). so, i do not think zzs has some type of ocd in that regard; he only needs a heart-to-heart with wkx and then he is „cured“ (ch.65). but i do think his narrative reflects a lot of what it can feel like to live with relationship ocd, to be in the mind of someone who has ocd, and all the convulted and bizarre actions and conclusions such a person is comitting and drawing, because of their twisted worldview

#tian ya ke #qiye #there is a slightly different interpretation ive been cultivating that overlaps with this one #but that does not read zzs as being ‚afraid‘ rgearding others #where potential misunderstandings might be not a source of any anxiety #and potential lies might be not destabilizing #like i dont think zzs is afraid or destabilized up there in my post either but i do think he is easily ‚turned‘#he is shy. he likes to believe others lie more than that he would believe they are sincere #and he spends too much time in his own head and too little with really talking to others #so. it is a little too easy for me to. project a little on him #(my theory is that zzs is actually a fearless motherfucker who is both shy and incredibly steadfast. what a fucking concept!!!)#zhou zishu #faraway wanderers #tyk #meta #lord seventh #wen kexing #liang jiuxiao #天涯客 #七爷

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toonfinch · 2 months

Text

this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

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