#tallahassee zombieland
Text
Ride it, my pony
Summary: Your fantasy to ride a cowboy comes true.
Warnings: SMUT Swearing, PIV, car sex, age gap, oral (m & f), protected sex, rough sex (mentioned not detailed), some dirty talk, interrupted masturbation.
Pairing: Tallahassee x f!reader
Word Count: 2667
You hadn’t meant for this to happen, neither did Tallahassee. Not that you didn’t think about it. You did. You met Tallahassee 3 weeks after the apocalypse started. You had travelled down to Austin, Texas to find your brother. When you get cornered and dropped your map, you get lost. You carry on driving until you run out of gas. You came to a stop at a junction, you got out your car, gun in hand to check the other cars. Suddenly, a car pulled up. The sound of the motor broke the heavy silence of the dead day. You tensed, your heart racing. You had faced many zombies, but you were yet to encounter a human. As the bright sun blinded you, you could make out a figure stepping out of the car. He was wearing a cowboy hat.
Immediately, your nerves heightened, and you raised her gun towards the man. He mirrored her action and raised his own gun towards you. You were filled with panic and confusion. Who was this man? What did he want?
The man spoke, his voice gruff. “Put down your gun.”
You hesitated, your finger twitching on the trigger. After a few moments, you did as the man said and slowly lowered your weapon. He tilted his head towards his car, silently telling you to get in. If your mom could see you now. Getting into a car with a stranger.
When you reached the car, you set down your bag and extended your hand to the man, introducing yourself as Phoenix. “I’m Tallahassee,” he said gruffly, shaking your hand.
That’s how you two met. How you went from ‘friendly strangers’ to ‘apocalypse fuckbuddies’ came two weeks after. You two were in a store, Tallahassee, of course, went to the sweet section, hunting for Twinkies whilst you went to the health section for some products, you were still a woman after all. The apocalypse unfortunately didn’t take away the monthly visit from the red devil. As you were grabbing the essentials, your eyes were drawn to something else.
‘Really? Now?’ you asked yourself, shaking your head. Not that you hadn’t thought about it. Tallahassee was an incredibly attractive man, and you always had a soft spot for bad boys and cowboys.
But just as you picked up the box, Tallahassee rounded the corner and when he saw what you were holding, he quirked an eyebrow, “Condoms? You expecting to get lucky?”
You shrugged, unsure of where your surge of confidence came from, but you looked up at him, “It's been a while since I've had sex. Could do with a good fuck,” his eyebrows raised even more. If they went any higher, they’d be hidden by his hat.
“Me?” he asked gesturing to himself, “You want me to fuck you?”
You shrugged again, “Always wanted to ride a cowboy,” she spoke shyly, looking away from him, your confidence quickly depleting. Why did you say something? He’s completely repulsed by the suggestion. But your thoughts were wrong. A smug smirk rested itself on his lips as he looked you up and down.
“All you had to do was ask, sweetheart,” he said, grabbing your arm, and as many boxes as he could before leading you out of the store. In no time, you were back in the car, and you found yourself in his lap.
And so, it happened. You unbuckled his belt and pulled down the zipper. You reached between you and took his half-hardened length in your hand, stroking him until he was ready for you. Tallahassee couldn’t wait any longer. He gripped your ass tightly, holding you up as you moved your panties to the side and guided him inside you. You moaned as you sank down, taking him fully in your dripping wet hole. The sounds and curses that fell out of Tallahassee’s mouth only turned you on even more. You arched your back, getting the maximum pleasure from the position you were in. A sharp pain shot up one of your cheeks and you shrieked in both pleasure and surprise.
"Oh my God!" You cried out, sweat dripping off your forehead as Tallahassee drove deeper and deeper. You slammed yourself down harder, meeting his thrusts, using Tallahassee's cock to pleasure yourself.
Each thrust sent shockwaves through your body. You watched him, meeting his gaze as the intensity of the pleasure threatened to overwhelm you. Tallahassee felt you clench around him, and he knew you was close. He leant forward, whispering in your ear, “let go for me, baby…”
His fingers dug into your hips as he felt his own orgasm approach, the feeling of your muscles contracting around him pushing him over the edge. Finally, with one last thrust, you screamed his name while he released himself into you, leaving you shaking and breathless.
You climbed off him, throwing yourself back into the passenger seat, feeling the soreness that would most definitely still be there tomorrow. She had gotten what she wanted. She glanced at Tallahassee and smiled.
“Thanks,” she said quietly, blushing as she looked away.
“Don’t thank me yet. That was me going easy on you,” Tallahassee told her, his voice firm yet gentle.
“Y-you want to do it again?” you stuttered, your voice barely a whisper. You were still surprised you were able to get him to fuck you this time.
“Don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he said, starting the car. You smiled to yourself; it seemed Tallahassee had a softer side after all.
He wasn’t joking when he said he was going easy on you. Over the next couple of weeks, he proved that every chance he got. No man had ever made you feel as good as Tallahassee did, especially not with just his fingers. His mouth was even better. He told you that you tasted almost as good as a box of Twinkies.
He loved exploring every inch of your body with his tongue, tasting, and teasing you as if you were a delicacy. Despite what you told yourself at the beginning, not to get attached, you had. You had fallen for Tallahassee but there was no way you were ever gonna let him know. You knew he didn’t want to form attachments in case something happened the next day. It could. You couldn’t see into the future. You could be a zombie tomorrow for all you knew. So, you kept your feelings to yourself and just enjoyed being close to him. Enjoying the endless pleasure he gave you. Well until you stumbled upon something unexpected.
Your brother.
Your curly haired, nerdy twin brother was now in the car with you, and you were in the backseat. You love your brother of course but you couldn’t help the frustration you felt when you realised that the chances of feeling Tallahassee’s hands on you again were looking very slim. The chance only shrunk when two girls joined you.
After saving the two idiotic girls from Pacific Playland and your brother finally losing his kissing virginity, you all went back to Bill Murray’s house for the night.
You headed up to a room, not really paying attention to which room you were in, you were just too annoyed and frustrated to care. You peeled off your jacket and chucked off your shoes before climbing onto the bed. If you couldn’t have Tallahassee’s hands, you could still have your own. You unbuckled your jeans and slid your hand underneath them. Of course, as you placed gentle strokes over your clit, you imagined Tallahassee’s big, strong hands. You nearly screamed as the door opened and there he was, tall, dark and handsome—Tallahassee. You froze in place, too embarrassed to move, as you realised you had been caught mid-pleasure.
His eyes lingered on your body for a moment before he asked, "Were you just masturbating?"
"U-uh..no, I was just...." you hesitated, unable to meet his gaze.
With a smirk, he approached you, running his hands over your thighs, just as you had been imagining them, "Want some help?" you nodded, probably too quickly but you were too horny to care.
Tallahassee tugged his shirt off and climbed onto the bed next to you. His kisses were hard and passionate as if he had stored it all up just for you. His hands gripped your jeans, yanking them off with ease. Breaking the kiss, you pulled your shirt over your head, revealing your tight, toned body.
“What the fuck!” screeched a voice from the door. You recognised the voice and quickly covered yourself up. An array of emotions cascaded through him—shock, anger. Disappointment?
“Don’t you knock!” you shouted at your brother, “I could’ve been changing,” you picked up Tallahassee’s discarded shirt and pulled it over you to cover yourself at least a little.
“Could’ve but no you’re here, fucking a guy 20 years older than you,” Columbus yelled, with absolute fury averting out of his eyes.
“So?” you asked, so what if Tallahassee was older. It's not like you had many options in Zombieland. Even if you did have other options, the only man you wanted was Tallahassee. You loved him.
After you and Columbus stopped yelling at each other, Tallahassee took a deep breath, and stepped up beside you, gently grabbing your hand in his, “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, man. But you should know, I love your sister,”
His revelation shocked both you and your brother. The man you loved, loved you back, tears threatened to fall as you looked at him, "You love me?" You asked in a voice barely above a whisper, afraid that if you said it too loud, you'd wake up from the dream.
When he nodded in response, surprise and joy flooded you. While his words had been perfect, what meant most to you was said in his eyes. You could see his love for you in them.
Releasing his hand, you wrapped your arms around him and felt his heartbeat against you cheek as your head rested on his chest, you said the words you had been too scared to say for so long…
“I love you too.” You told him before you placed a gentle kiss on his lips but you put all your love into that kiss. You pulled away and looked over to your brother, “You got 5 seconds, Col,”
“Okay, fine but at least keep it down,” he said as he walked out the door.
You walked over to the open door, “No promises,” you said slamming the door, shutting him out. You wasted no time crossing the floor and bringing Tallahassee into a kiss much rougher than the one you had just shared.
You wanted him. With a swift movement, you unbuckled his belt and pushed his jeans down to the floor. He stepped out of them, and you put your hands on his bare chest, pushing him backwards towards the bed.
Tallahassee was surprised when he felt hands around his wrists, pinning him to the bed. You recaptured his lips in another rough kiss. Your hips moved sensually against his, pushing your core firmly against him. Tallahassee felt his breath quickening as you continued to kiss him hungrily. His hands moved to your waist, pulling you closer. His hands crept up your shirt, his nails softly dug into your back, slowly dragging down.
You broke the kiss, sitting up to take off ‘your’ shirt and chucking it to the floor. Not wanting to be away from him any longer, you lent down a caught his lips again.
He inhaled sharply, but he didn't move. Instead, he waited in anticipation as you slowly trailed your fingers along his waistband. Then, you smirked and boldly palmed the area through his pants.
You let your fingers glide beneath the waistband of his boxers. His body arched as you touched his skin and he let a satisfied sigh escape his lips. His hands tangled in your hair and he lazily lifted his hips as you gripped the elastic to remove his boxers. You pulled them slowly and seductively down his hips, marvelling at the sight of what lied beneath. Every other time you two had sex, it was a rush. Now, in the safe confines of Bill Murray’s Mansion, you took your time to truly appreciate the sight in front of you. His cock sprang straight against his stomach. You smiled slyly at him, your hand now caressing his member. You ran your fingers around the tip before leaning in and licking the pre-cum that covered the slick tip. you ran your tongue along the length of his cock, and he was powerless to stop the moan that rose up from within him. He attempted to remain composed, though it was much easier said than done. Every few seconds, a moan or gasp would escape his lips as your mouth moved up and down the length of him.
He moaned and ran his fingers through your hair as your mouth explored that most sensitive region of his body. You were unyielding in your pursuit, your lips and tongue dancing around his length. He felt his body tremble as you gently licked and sucked his shaft. His hands moved from your hair to your wrists, you whined as he fell from your mouth, “Your turn, Babygirl,”
“What?” you asked.
You felt an excitement and anticipation course through your body as he uttered the words, “Don’t be shy now, sit on my face.”
You quickly got off the bed to remove your underwear. You proceeded to slowly lower your panties, bending over in the process. Tallahassee watched, captivated, as they slipped down your legs.
“Don’t keep a man waiting, Darlin’,” he said grabbing your waist and bringing you towards him, his whiskey covered breath fanning your face, “I’m starving’,”
You giggled and moved to straddle his face as he lay back on the bed. Your hands lay flat on the wall above his head. You let out a small gasp of pleasure as you felt the first stroke of his tongue. Tallahassee moved expertly, alternating between slower, languid licks to harsher motions that sent your head spinning.
You shivered as he flicked his tongue across your pleasure button, an almost electric shock rippling through your body. You moans growing louder as the sensation increased, your hips starting to buck and writhe against him in order to maximize the friction.
It felt like your whole body was one giant nerve as his skilful tongue continued to tease you. Your breathing grew heavier, your eyes fluttering shut as you relished in the sensations coursing through your body. Until finally, with one last moan and cry of his name, you felt your muscles tense and your orgasm wash over you.
You lay down beside him, your breathing still heavy. Before you knew it, you were being pulled against his chest. He pressed a loving kiss to your forehead as you listened to his heartbeat. You closed your eyes, feeling safe and at home in his arms. You didn’t want this moment to end.
“Are you guys done… cuddling!?” You hear your brother’s voice echo through the mansion, “We got food,”
“That little spit-fuck is getting me back for the other day,” Tallahassee groaned throwing his head on the pillow. You giggled and kissed his chest.
“C’mon let’s go,” you smiled sitting up. He followed, pressing one more kiss to your forehead before you joined the others.
Your brother looked at both of you, barely able to control his laughter. “So you two are still a thing?” You gave him a warning look as Tallahassee grabbed your hand, leading you to the dining room. Once there, you watched as he laughed and joined in on the conversation. You kept quiet, content to simply sit in his lap and cuddle. You may have been in the same mansion as them, but you were worlds away, safe in the arms of the man you loved.
171 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Woody Harrelson as Tallahassee in Zombieland (2009)
requested by @taintedrebel
#zombieland#zombieland series#woody harrelson#tallahassee#my gifs#filmedit#comedyedit#zombielandedit#horroredit#wharrelsonedit#requests#taintedrebel#movies#flashing gif#comedy#horror#horror comedy#character sets#2000s
848 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝐉𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐘 | 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐨𝐧𝐞
♡ 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
♡ * 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈, 𝒔𝒆𝒙𝒚, 𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆, 𝒛𝒐𝒎𝒃𝒊𝒆-𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑱𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏. 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒔. *
♡ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦 (𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐨𝐟 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐬, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐬, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐞𝐭𝐜.
♡ * 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒚: 𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒍 *
𝐎𝐍𝐄
Amazing how quick things can go from bad to unfathomably fucking bad.
Waking up on that fateful day, you thought you'd go through your normal routine.
Eat your honey-bun breakfast, show up late to your brother's car shop, starting working, and then return to your shitty apartment for a horrible TV dinner and a movie.
Not once did you plan for him to try to bite your face off, and not once did you plan on chopping off your only brother's head because of it.
It didn't take long after that for the entire world to go to shit, which made you grateful that your father had the paranoia of a redneck.
After taking a quick stop home and packing a duffel full of goodies, you headed off in a stolen pickup truck as far as you could from Newark.
Which was now a zombie war-zone.
A couple months and various zombie scares later, and here you were, walking the interstate in the middle of Texas, your recent mode of transportation having broken down a couple miles back.
"Might as well take inventory," you grumbled to yourself, taking in a deep sigh as you plopped down on a barricade.
You found it comforting to talk every once in a while, even if it was to yourself.
Life in the apocalypse was lonely.
If you didn't, you'd probably forget how to talk all together.
Unzipping the duffel, you rummaged around, counting what you had.
2 grenades, a shotgun, a rifle, and a couple more magazines.
Not too shabby.
You suddenly heard a noise. A rumbling one.
It was a car engine.
Snapping your head over to its source, you could see a black Cadillac Escalade with a snow-plow attachment heading straight for you.
Fast.
Pro, driving means no zombie.
Con, sometimes humans are worse than the zombies.
Pro, they got a working car.
Con, might also have a working gun.
...
"I got guns, too," you smirked, pulling out your glock from your pants and staying seated, shifting so whoever couldn't see the weapon.
To your surprise, he pulled up right next to you, stepping out the car.
You held up your gun, pointing it between his eyes, and he cocked his lever action shotgun, pointing it at your chest.
Finally having the chance to get a good look at him, you took in his outfit.
He had on brown cowboy boots tucked under the hem of his blue jeans, a black v-neck, a leather jacket, tacky shades, and to top it all off, a brown, real deal Brazil hat.
He used his other hand to toss his shades, allowing you to see his blue eyes as the two of you stared each other down.
He was actually kind of handsome...in a rugged, apocalypse sort of way.
You raised a brow, removing the safety off your glock to show you were serious.
And he did the same thing, cocking his gun with a smug expression.
Still trying to hold out, you kept your position, but he raised a brow, making sure you really wanted to go there.
You caved.
With a sigh, you returned the safety, using your other hand to hold up a thumb.
He lowered his weapon, nodding toward his truck as he walked off to do something.
You threw your bag over your shoulder, trudging towards the passenger and opening the door.
Using your gun, you did a quick check of the car, making sure there wasn't anyone or anything present that could harm you.
"What're you lookin' for?" The man curtly asked with a country twang as he plopped down in the driver's.
It seems like he returned from kicking over a motorcycle.
"Danger," you answered, sitting down and shutting the door, turning to him with cold eyes.
"Nothin' back there but my duffel bag," he half-assured, something about the look in his eye letting you know he was telling the truth.
"Good," you nodded, turning to face the road.
He stared at you a moment, almost as if he was studying you, and what to do next.
"You say more than one word at a time?" He cocked a brow.
You turned to him seriously, "...Yes."
He sighed, accepting that that was probably the best he was gonna get, and turned the key to the ignition.
You tried to suppress the feelings of guilt, deciding to turn and look out the window.
But it kept clawing at you.
'This guy's doin' you a solid. Show at least a little gratitude, pig.'
"Thank you," you caved, keeping your eyes trained on the window.
Slightly taken aback, he turned to you, before snapping himself out of it.
"Don't mention it," he nodded, pulling off.
And as you started to find a steady speed, your eyes managed to catch a glance at the bottle of Jack Daniels that sat in the cup-holder.
God, you hadn't had a good drink since you raided that liquor store a couple weeks back.
"You mind?" You asked, cutting your eyes at the bottle as if you were a lion and it was a juicy gazelle.
He slightly smiled, "Knock yourself out."
You grabbed the bottle by its neck, taking a hard swig and relishing in the delicious burn with a sigh.
"You got a name?" You asked again, not letting the liquid courage go to waste.
"Stop," he quickly shut down, keeping his eyes on the road, "No names. Keeps us from gettin' too familiar."
Realizing he left his humongous knife on the armrest, he picked it up, tossing it in the back.
"Whatever you say, Crocodile Dundee," you shrugged, taking another swig.
He gave you a quick look, noting the comment before moving on.
You noticed this with a small smirk, but covered it by passing off the bottle.
"Where you headed?" He asked, taking it from you and knocking back his own swig.
"Jersey," you answered, scratching your head with the tip of your gun, "You?"
"Tallahassee," he replied.
A wonderfully terrible idea popped into your head.
"Y'know, Jersey and Tallahassee are both east..." you tried to lead.
"So?" He asked, turning to you.
You sighed, "So, Tallahassee, you wanna stick together? 'Til we reach a crossroads."
"Here's the deal, Jersey," he started, "I'm not easy to get along with...and I'm sensin' you're a bit of a bitch."
Your eyebrows furrowed at the last part, and you shot him a quick glare that told him to watch it.
"But...I'm willin' to take this relationship as far as Texarkana."
You shrugged, resting your cheek in your palm as you watched the window again, "Fine by me."
He scoffed with a smile, "You're a little ray of sunshine, aincha?"
"Like you're all peaches an' cream, Tex," you rolled your eyes, "Just drive."
"I can tell already you're gonna get on my nerves."
"Feeling's mutual."
𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅
After driving an hour or so, picking up some scrawny kid on his way to Ohio, the three of you got to know each other slightly better.
Which made you realize just how fucked you were traveling with these two idiots, and how stupid you looked right now.
"We look fucking stupid right now," you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.
"What are we doing here?" Columbus, the scrawny kid, asked, turning to Tallahassee.
"Well, take a look," Tal scoffed, "It's a goddamn Hostess truck."
And he was right.
The three of you had pulled over on the side of the road, where a large Hostess truck had fallen into a ditch.
"So what?" Columbus raised a brow.
"I could use a Twinkie," Tal proudly nodded, stepping forward to go down the hill.
You rolled your eyes, but followed, holding your gun at the ready.
Until you realized you were missing someone.
"You comin'?" You asked, turning to Scrawny.
"Yes. Yeah. Just one second," he puttered, suddenly starting to do squats and lunges.
You and Tal turned to each other, sharing the same disbelieving look before turning back to the idiot.
"You fuckin' with me?" Tal asked.
"No, I'm not," Columbus grunted, doing some sort of marching, "You should actually limber up as well. Especially if we're going down that hill. It is very important."
"I don't believe it. You ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a gazelle?" Tal scoffed.
Columbus paused, "...Fair enough."
You rolled your eyes, starting your descent and reaching the truck already.
"With the time you ladies take, I'll be dead before we get back on the road. Could we hurry this up?" You sighed.
The two men quickly joined you, and once Columbus was at the ready, you opened the door.
Only for hundreds of packages of Sno Balls to come pouring out.
But not a single Twinkie in sight.
"Sno Balls? Sno Balls?!" Tal began to rage, frantically sifting through the pile, "Where's the fuckin' Twinkies?!"
"I like Sno Balls," Columbus smiled with a full mouth, already chowing down.
"I hate coconut," Tal scoffed.
You gasped, but he was quick to correct himself.
"Not the taste, the consistency."
"Nearly had me," you mumbled, taking a bite of your own Sno Ball.
'I don't think I could travel with someone who doesn't like coconut.'
"Oh, this Twinkie thing, it ain't over yet," he assured, turning around and storming back up the hill.
You sighed, shifting your gun over your shoulder by it's strap, following him.
"Hey, this may be bad time," Columbus started, trailing close behind, "but I gotta take the Browns to the Superbowl."
"Again?" You cocked a brow, turning to him, "Might as well take the shitter with us."
𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅
"I've heard there's a place that's untouched by all this crap," Columbus started, laying down in the backseat.
"Back east, yeah?" You chimed, looking up into the rear-view.
"Yeah. You heard the same thing?" He perked up.
"No. I came from the east. Shit over there's just as terrible as here," you scoffed.
"Out west, we hear it's back east. Back east, they hear it's out west. It's all just nonsense," Tal shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road, "You know, you're like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of year."
"There are no penguins on the North Pole," Columbus corrected.
Tal turned, "You wanna feel how hard I can punch?"
You snickered, but hid it by turning to the window, deciding to zone out the conversation.
Until you missed a key shift.
"Wait, the last time I laid some pipe?" A sentence stuck out.
You were listening now.
"Last time you went twenty toes, put Percy in the playpen?" Tal tried to clarify.
"Who's Percy?" Columbus asked.
"Wallpapered the closet? Passed the gravy? Went heels to Jesus?"
"He can't understand you, hill-billy," you rolled your eyes.
"Oh, made love," the boy suddenly realized.
You and Tal winced at his...oddly intimate wording, "Well, just sex."
"It was three weeks ago. In the back of an abandoned FedEx truck," he caved.
"Shut up," Tal gasped in disbelief.
"I, uh, I was headed east. She was headed west. And we took shelter in the back of the truck. It was full of undelivered packages."
"What was her name?" You cocked a brow, skeptical.
"Uh...Beverly. Beverly Hills," he quickly scrambled.
"You dog," Tal nodded, proudly.
"Yeah, right," you shook your head.
"Why don't you tell us the last time you got fucked, Sunshine?" Tal asked, purposefully being blunt to embarrass you.
You glowed red, but quickly tried to play it off.
"I-." "Aye, aye, aye," he suddenly interrupted you, his attention turned to the she-zombie devouring the poor bastard in the middle of the road.
'Oh thankGod.'
It would've been embarrassing to admit you hadn't had sex since before the outbreak, especially after how much you were ragging on Columbus.
"Oh my God," Columbus grimaced, "You know, it makes you sad, it makes you...it makes you think if you can go back to the way things were right now...y'know you'd be out in the backyard, y'know, trying to catch fireflies. And instead...this."
"It makes you-." "Hungry," Tal admitted.
"Read my mind," you agreed, wishing you'd packed more Sno Balls.
"I'm worried about you two," Columbus sighed.
"Look, whatever you have waiting for you in Columbus, I promise you it ain't prettier than our friend here enjoying her Manwich," Tal explained, stepping on the gas.
Just as he drove past her, he kicked out his door, hitting her square in the head, knocking her over with a laugh.
"You're fucked," you chuckled, watching her roll like a tumbleweed in the rear-view.
"Hey, these fuckers destroyed the world. I'm allowed to have a lil' fun with 'em."
𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅
79 notes
·
View notes
Text
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
TALLAHASSEE - Zombieland
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wanna be yours
quick little story about Tallahassee from zombie land, its not necessarily a x reader but it can be goes by town names main characters name is jersey, I dot really have a summer but its about the song I wanna be yours, enjoy <3
Falling in love in the apocalypse wasn't easy, you weren't supposed to love somebody when you never knew if you never knew if you'd ie another day, he fell for her fast, the first day they found her actually, names were to formal to them but calling her by her home town really suited her, Jersey worked well for her, almost to well. he had this need to be by her side and protect her.
I wanna be your vacuum cleaner, breathing in your dust.
they grew closer during the time they had with her, fighting side by side. staying up late nights while driving, she would fall asleep in the back of the truck with him when they would switch drivers, as time went on Tallahassee really felt something for this girl, he never thought it was possible.
I wanna be your ford cortina, I will never rust.
he saved her one to many times, it was something he felt like he had to do, he couldn't lose her before he got her, being in love was scary but not knowing if the person loved you back or not was scarier, he wasn't the kind of man to let his emotions show, but he was up some nights thinking about it, did she really want him or were they just friends.
if you like your coffee hot, let me be your coffee pot
she loved him more than he would know, she fell for him the minute he got out of the truck when they found her walking the interstate, she felt like she could trust trust him, something about Tallahassee drew her more into him, like a moth to the flame, he was beauty in mortal form, she wanted him to be her's forever.
you call the shots, babe, I just wanna be yours
over the months she tried to amen her feelings more apparent, going out of her way to help him or get him something he needed, Jersey would be first to tend to his wounds, always making sure he's well and taken care of, he would do the same for her, Tallahassee helped her with her aim and taught her more self defence moves.
Secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought, maybe I just wanna be your's, I wanna be your's
the group started to notice the change in their relationship, the way jersey would take to him and the way Tallahassee would look at her, something about how they acted with each other verses others spoke volumes, they both wanted each other but they were both to scared to scared to make the first move, maybe time would tell.
I wanna be your's, I wanna be your's, I wanna be your's, I wanna be your's,
she almost got bit and that made Tallahassee realize they might not have forever together, he almost turned a cold shoulder to her, he still cared but stopped acting like he was in love, Columbus and Wichita helped Jersey through a lot of stuff since Tallahassee wasn't in her corner like he used to be, Jersey felt foolish, how could someone like Tallahassee love someone so basic like her.
let me be your 'leccy meter, and I'll never run out.
turning a cold shoulder to her felt wrong Tallahassee wanted nothing more then to hold her and tell her it will all be fine, he just wanted to be there for Jersey and live in domestic bliss with her, having a life in the zombie apocalypse was hard but he still wanted to try and have one with her, he just didn't want either of them to be hurt.
let me be the portable heater, that you'll get cold without.
Tallahassee tried to get back to what it used to be but it was hard, her walls were back up, he knew it was his fault he pushed her away, Tallahassee hurt Jersey trying to protect her, he learned two things that day, you can't protect somebody who doesn't want it, and that everything comes with a cost so why not risk it to feel something for once.
I wanna be your setting lotion, hold your hair in deep devotion (how deep).
it all went back to normal one night, they all had drinks at their temporary home, Jersey's true feelings slowly came out, she would lay on Tallahassee a bit more, nuzzled her face into his neck at points and hold eye contact with him with a look she never had before, she had followed him to his room that night.
at least as deep as the Pacific Ocean, now I wanna be your's.
Jersey laid on Tallahassee clearly wanting more than just cuddling but Tallahassee couldn't bring himself to do anything but hold her, he didn't want the women he loved to hook up with him while hammered, Tallahassee wanted a first with her that meant more than sex, he held her that night as they stared at each other, Tallahassee played with her hair till she fell asleep, he fell asleep with Jersey and never felt more in love.
Secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought, maybe I just wanna be your's.
waking up bids Tallahassee made jersey feel safe, the feeling of him gripping her hips and holding her securely against his chest made her really feel like she was in love, she didn't want it to end, the sweet feeling of bliss, but she didn't know if he felt the same, what if Tallahassee just pushed her away again when he got up.
I wanna be your's, I wanna be your's, wanna be your's, wanna be your's.
when Tallahassee did wake up he just held her and kissed the back of her head, Tallahassee didn't want to leave the bed, he wanted to stay in that moment as long as he could, jersey was the one for him, they never knew if tomorrow was promised and he didn't want to wait anymore, he wanted to call jersey his.
wanna be your's, wanna be your's, wanna be your's.
Tallahassee finally asked Jersey if she would be his and if he could her's, she said yes and they spent that morning laying together both wanting to soak in the bliss, but of course they must stay on the move you can never truly get comfortable, everything felt better now, Columbus had Wichita, Little Rock found comfort in seeing her sister happy, they all had peace, as much peace as they could get.
Wanna be your's, wanna be your's, wanna be your's.
being on the road was always a highlight, Jersey, Tallahassee, Columbus and Wichita spent time singing songs together while driving, making some up or just trying to remember songs the group used to like, it felt like they were truly a family. Jersey never thought she would find what she was looking for in a black truck on the interstate that day but it was.
I wanna be your vacuum cleaner (I wanna be your's) breathing in your dust (I wanna be your's)
they all wanted somewhere to call home, somewhere to feel safe and have relaxing days, not having to stress about the outside world unless they needed food or medical supplies, the started searching threw LA for a place to live they planned to stay together they didn't want to split up, they grew close over the months they spent together.
I wanna be your ford cortina (wanna be your's) I will never rust (wanna be your's).
after finding a home in the hills they all started to settle into a routine and normal life, Jersey and Tallahassee would be the ones to go out and collect supplies, it gave them both a rush they craved, they both wanted the feeling of freedom it brought to walk in a store grab what they want and walk out.
I just wanna be your's (wanna be your's) I just wanna be your's (wanna be your's) I just wanna be your's (wanna be your's)
Tallahassee and jersey had the peace they needed and the love they both craved, finally Tallahassee had someone who matched his energy, jersey finally had a man that let her be herself and not feel a pressure to be a perfect girl, they really were made for each other, Tallahassee had never been happier that he fell in love and stuck with the feeling, he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
I hope you guys like it this is my first fic I've posted if you have any feed back or want any more let me know <3
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
I hear Nebraska's nice edit video So Rick is telling Columbus I hear Nebraska's nice which Columbus thinks Wichita is better and Tallahassee disagrees with both of them so he just's makes fun of them and laughs it off unmute to hear.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Cowperson if the Day is: Tallahassee from Zombieland (2009)!
Suggested by: @activekind
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's a bad life if you don't weaken, pt 9 (Tallahassee/Reader)
pt 1, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7 (explicit) pt 8
Out of all the morning after-breakfasts Tallahassee had ever had, this might go down in his personal history as the most uncomfortable one. Columbus had at least had the decency to leave almost as soon as Tallahassee had come in, but the stare he’d subjected him to before he refilled his coffee and headed out the door would’ve been enough to unsettle anyone.
Tallahassee couldn’t exactly decipher that look, but it did seem clear that there’d have to be a serious talk sometime in his future, one way or the other. That’d be something to look forward to...
Little Rock could never be trusted to take a hint so he didn’t risk trying to shake her. The kid could get very clingy for someone who insisted she was too cool to care and he could tell by her way of talking that the more he tried to exclude her, the sooner she’d challenge him or demand he tell her why.
At least she was busy bragging to him about all the symptoms of her hangover, half of them made up, and didn’t seem to have enough attention to spare to read the room. She was never one for leaving an uncomfortable stone unturned, and any time she paused and looked at him, he braced himself for being questioned on his body language or his relative quiet.
If only he could act natural. Kid around like usual, slip in a hint about what had happened to catch your attention and make it appear like he felt it was no big deal.
And you... he couldn’t read you. You’d drifted over from the dishes to sit across the table from him, which was a good sign, but you barely looked at or spoke to him.
You were clearly embarrassed, and that was no surprise, but what else were you feeling? He wanted to see you smile at him - and he realised then how often you had smiled at him before, sometimes cheeky, sometimes shy, but always real - but you just pecked at your food and sipped your drink and shot him the occasional quick glance.
With a sinking feeling, he realised that, right now at least, it actually mattered. What you thought and felt when you saw him again, it mattered. Tallahassee helped himself to some crackers, coffee and canned fruit, working on autopilot without knowing what he did.
What had happened to him? You were cute, sure, you were a lot less annoying than most people he’d met, but why the hell was he so unsettled by all of this? The two of you hadn’t ‘made love’, you’d fucked - there’d been no tender sighs or unbroken eye contact, ‘feelings’ hadn’t been mentioned by either of you, other than the ones of the flesh.
And you’d done the right thing by leaving before he woke up. In any other situation, sneaking out like that would be a pretty unequivocal signal - if he hadn’t been so exhausted, he would’ve woken up early to sneak out himself. So why did it bother him?
True, he’d had nothing much on his mind besides you for well over a month, but what else was there for him to think about?
It’s not as if he could ignore you, you were the only woman around. Given the circumstances, it couldn’t possibly count as obsessive. And yes, technically he had dreamed about you every other night, but that was only because half the time the two of were literally drifting off in each others arms, huddling together for warmth.
It must be the hangover fucking with his head.
It hit him like that sometimes and then it usually took him until noon to stop going over everything he’d said and done when he was drunk, even if it was no more stupid and inappropriate than what he said and did when he was sober.
What was it Columbus’d called it? Oh yeah. Hangxiety. Damned stupid expression.
Still, knowing the cause didn’t make those impulses go away. He felt it now: his hand itched to reach over and hold yours. Give it a squeeze, hope you’d squeeze back and give him the smallest signal that everything was still normal between you.
Ghost a finger over your wrist and see if he could make you shiver again... Jesus, this was pathetic.
“...you look sick.”
“Huh?” he managed. Yep, Little Rock was staring at him now. Great.
“You look like you’re going to be sick. If you are, you should just go ahead and get it over with. You know, like you always say... better out than in.”
You were glancing his way again now, waiting for him to smooth this over.
“That’s just the sight of your face on an empty stomach, kid.”
“Uh-huh. Good one.”
“I guess none of us can recover from a party like we used to,” you said with an apologetic little smile.
Shit. By now it’d be too late to backpedal and pretend like Little Rock had imagined it.
Tallahassee sighed and took a deep drink of his sour, black coffee. He’d been so sure he’d be able to play this cool, shrug this off, treat the whole thing like just a bit of harmless fun, and he was doing a miserable job at it. But even that wasn’t true, was it?
The truth was that he hadn’t thought about the consequences at all, good or bad. It hadn’t mattered as long as he got to have you, to the point where he’d forgotten that there’d actually even be an after.
And instead of getting you out of his system, now the old familiar pressure was building in him again faster than it ever had and all he wanted was to hurl Little Rock head first out through the kitchen window and then pull you down to the floor.
And until he could have you again, he wanted you to smile at him, hold his gaze instead of slipping away, let him skip all of this awkward shit, skip the talking stage and let things be okay.
Oh, he was fucked.
He cleared his throat. “I dunno. I’ve definitely had a lot worse.”
There it was, a flicker of a smile. He had to bite down hard on his lower lip to stop himself from grinning with relief like a complete idiot.
Little Rock watched him with narrow eyes and Tallahassee quickly shoved an entire cracker into his mouth. This way, if she questioned him again he wouldn’t be able to respond.
#tallahassee#tallahassee x reader#zombieland: double tap#zombieland#zombieland 2#my fics#I think this needs editing#woody#just a short one this time#but I think the next part might need some more work
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have been watching, reading, and playing so many things recently so here is some content you can expect to see from me soon-ish (hopefully)!
ZOMBIE-LAND
• Columbus (duh)
• Tallahassee (if you guys behave, istg 😭)
BORDERLANDS (Tales From The Borderlands)
• Rhys (Obvi, honestly obsessed atm)
• Vaughn (🩷)
• Hologram Handsome Jack (maybe some angst 👀)
• August (I know, I know, don’t judge!)
BASEKETBALL
•Coop, Remer, and maybe both of them at the same time again 🤭
REQUESTS!
I have received a BUNCH of requests lately, and I’m super happy, I’ll make sure those are my priority as I am thrilled to have your support! But just know I have seen them and I am/will be working on them!🩷
Thank you for all the love and support, seeing you guys enjoy my work means the world to me 🖤
#x reader#x you#fanfic#fluff#x you fluff#zombie#zombieland double tap#baseketball#joe cooper#coop#doug remer#remer#borderlands#rhys strongfork#vaughn borderlands#handsome jack#columbus#tallahassee#doubletap#columbus x reader#tallahassee x reader#rhys x reader#Vaughn x reader#handsome jack x reader#doug remer x reader#joe cooper x reader#requests
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tallahassee spent so much time worried about eating a Twinkie, he neglected the perfectly good twink right next to him. Stop shooting up general stores for a hostess cake and shoot up Columbus' intestines. That's not the only cream filled cake he should be eating.
#welcome to zombieland#tallahassee#columbus#tallahassee/columbus#tallahassee x columbus#shitpost#mandy is drunk#mandy is lowkey on drugs
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
DBF!Tallahassee x f!reader (AU)
Summary: When you find out your boyfriend has been cheating on you for a year, you go to stay at your dad's place only to find his best friend there, dog-sitting.
Warnings: Smut, possible cringe cus i still suck at smut, oral (f receiving), PIV, age gap, rough sex, use of pet names (baby girl, daddy) 🔞 18+
Word count: 3159 (This one is longer than I expected)
Fandom: Zombieland
Pairing: DBF!Tallahassee x f!reader (AU, no apocalypse)
[A/N] This one seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I'm about to post it and I think it's bad 😭 but Imma post anyway.
You couldn't believe it. It had been sudden, like a rug yanked out from under your feet. You had just returned home from a long day at work, a day that was filled with stress and deadlines. All you had wanted was to unwind and cuddle up to the person you loved, Liam.
You entered your shared apartment, feeling the weight of the day still pressing down on your shoulders. You dropped your bag on the floor, let out a deep sigh, and called out for Liam. No answer. You frowned, wondering if he had gone out to grab some groceries or was perhaps taking a shower. You decided to make yourself a cup of tea while you waited for him.
As you stood in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil, your gaze wandered over to Liam's phone, which was charging on the counter. It was then that you noticed the screen had lit up with a new message notification. Curiosity got the best of you, and your eyes fixated on the screen. The message read, "I'll come over when she's asleep."
Your heart raced as you re-read those words. Your initial reaction was to dismiss it as some kind of inside joke, something you just didn't understand. But the sinking feeling in your chest refused to be ignored. You knew you had to investigate further. Your hand trembling, you reached for Liam's phone, and without thinking, you unlocked it. Your heart pounded, threatening to break free as you opened the message thread.
What you found was a string of messages that unveiled a heartbreaking truth. It was a conversation with a woman named Emma, a name you had never heard Liam mention. The messages painted a vivid picture of an affair that had been going on right under your nose. Your stomach twisted in knots as you read the sexual exchanges between the two.
You felt a rush of emotions coursing through you – anger, sadness, disbelief, and a deep sense of betrayal. How could the person you had loved and trusted more than anyone else have been unfaithful to you?
Tears welled up in your eyes as you scrolled through the messages. You felt your world shatter, and it was as if the ground beneath you gave way.
Your mind raced with questions. How long had this been going on? How had you missed the signs? And the message that had initially caught your attention – "I'll come over when she's asleep" – it was an indication that not only did the betrayal take place right in your own home but you were actually there. Sleeping. It was too much to bear.
There you stood in the kitchen, holding his phone in your trembling hands, the kettle behind you whistled, but you didn't move. You couldn’t. The hot tears streamed down your face as the truth continued to sink in.
***
Your hands were still trembling as you stood in the kitchen. Your heart felt heavy, and your mind was a swirling pool of emotions. The kettle behind you whistled impatiently, its shrill sound piercing through the deafening silence of the room. But you barely noticed it.
Moments later, you heard the soft click of the bathroom door, followed by the patter of Liam's bare feet on the tiled floor. He emerged, wrapped in a towel, his hair still damp from the shower. His face broke into a warm, unsuspecting smile when he saw you, who, in that moment, was like a deer caught in headlights.
"Liam," you finally managed to say, your voice quivering. He raised an eyebrow, his smile faltering as he sensed the gravity of the situation. The air in the room grew thick with tension as you held up his phone, displaying the damning messages.
"What's this, Liam?" you asked, your voice breaking with a mix of anger and hurt. "Who's Emma, and why is she saying that she'll come over when I'm asleep?" your eyes bore into his, seeking answers that you dreaded to hear.
Liam's eyes widened, and the color drained from his face as he realized what he had walked into. Panic and guilt flashed across his features before he quickly composed himself. "Y/N, it's not what it looks like," he stammered, his voice unconvincing.
You took a step closer, your expression hardening, "Then please, Liam, explain it to me. I deserve the truth." Your hands clutched the phone tighter.
Liam ran a hand through his wet hair, his eyes darting around the room, searching for a way out of this predicament. He let out a deep sigh before admitting, "Okay, you're right. It's not what it looks like. Emma is just a friend, and those messages... They're taken out of context."
Your brows furrowed in disbelief. "Out of context? Liam, it says, 'I'll come over when she's asleep.' What other context am I missing here?"
He dropped his gaze, avoiding your intense stare, his shoulders slumping. "I should have explained earlier. Emma is a coworker, and she was just talking about helping me with a work project. She knows we have opposite schedules, so that's why she mentioned coming over when you're asleep. It's purely work-related, I swear."
You scoffed, “Work-related?” you scrolled up the message thread a little bit and paused on a picture. A picture of a blonde woman, in lingerie, “Is this work-related? Your half-naked co-worker. Let’s see what was said before this,” you scrolled up a bit more, “She says ’I bought this for you, your favourite colour,’ Is that fucking work-related?!”
He looked up at you with regret in his eyes. "Baby, it means nothing, she means nothing,"
“How long has this been going on?” you asked, your voice trembling, afraid of the answer but you needed to know. He didn’t answer, he looked down at his wrinkled fingertips, avoiding the daggers in your eyes, “How fucking long, Liam!”
“About a year,”
You took a shuddering breath, your voice barely above a whisper. "A year? How could you do this to me?"
"Did you ever love me at all?" you asked, taking a step back every time he took one towards you.
“Of course, I do. I’ve always loved you,” he said,
“Then why?” you paused, trying to gather your voice to ask the next question, “Why wasn’t I enough?”
“It started when you went on your work trips, you were gone weeks at a time baby,”
“Ooh, I’m sorry, was my job getting in the way of your sex life?”
“So you're telling me you never fucked someone when you were away?' he asked, your face reddened as the heat of anger rose within you.
“No! I fucking didn’t. I wouldn’t do that,”
“Y/N, I'm sorry,” Liam started. He slowly stood up and tried to move closer to you but you just stepped back. “I should have never done it. I was so lonely and I don't want to lose you. I wasn't thinking,” he said, ashamed.
“Oh really?” you asked, he nodded, “If it was just because you were lonely, why the fuck is she coming here when I’m here, huh?”
“She’s different,”
“She’s different?” you shook your head, rushing past him to your shared bedroom to pack. You couldn't stay in the same apartment with him, not after this.
With tear-stained cheeks, you entered the room, memories of happier times assaulted you. The bed you had shared, the photographs on the wall, the whispers of love and laughter that had once filled the space – they all seemed tainted now. You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to focus on the task at hand.
You moved with a quickly. You began to gather your belongings, selecting only the essentials. Your clothes, toiletries, a few cherished mementos – these were the things that mattered to you now. The tears that had streamed down your face earlier had given way to a steely resolve. You wouldn't let this define you. You deserved better. You zipped up your suitcase, a heavy sigh escaping your lips.
You paused for a moment, taking one last look around the room. Your eyes landed on a framed picture of you and Liam. With a trembling hand, you picked up the picture and threw it at the wall.
You slung your bag over your shoulder and walked back into the living room. Liam was still sitting there, his eyes red from tears and his face a portrait of remorse. But it was too late.
You stood before him, your voice steady, "She can come here whenever she likes. I'm leaving. We're done," you declared, your words echoing with finality.
He watched as you walked to the door, your footsteps and the slamming of the front door marking the end of your life together.
***
You arrived at your father's house, hoping to stay there for a while whilst you look for an apartment. You let yourself in, as you usually did when you visited the house and was greeted by the joyful barking of your father's dog, Buddy. You smiled through your tears as the fluffy golden retriever padded over to you. You dropped your bag and fell to your knees to give him a big hug.
You scrunched your eyebrows as your father’s best friend Tallahassee emerged from the kitchen with a warm smile, “Hey Tal, where’s my dad?” you asked, raising from your kneeling position but still keeping a hand in Buddy’s golden mane.
“He’s on a work trip,” he replied, he then nodded towards Buddy, “I’m dog-sitting,” when you were standing straight, he saw you tear-stained face and tired, sad eyes, “What happened, sweetheart?”
You didn’t answer, you just broke down in tears. Tallahassee stepped forward, his tall frame dwarfing yours. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you towards him. You melted into his embrace, sobbing into his shoulder, your body trembling with the intensity of your tears. Tallahassee stroked your hair and whispered soothing words, "It's okay, Y/N. Let it out. I'm here,"
His presence, his smell, the strength in his arms, and the soothing rhythm of his touch all worked together to calm you down. In that moment, you felt safe. So, you focused on him. The feeling of him. You probably shouldn't, he’s your dad’s best friend but right now, you didn’t care.
As the minutes passed, your sobs gradually subsided, and you pulled away from the embrace, you met Tal's gaze, your eyes still filled with vulnerability and in you fucked up emotional state. You kissed him. And for a crazy second, you could’ve sworn he kissed you back, but he pulled away from you, completely. You suddenly felt naked at the loss of his arms around you and you longed to have the back, “We can’t do that, sweetheart,”
“I’m sorry,”
“It’s fine, you’re just upset. You’ve had a hell of a day,”
His rejection strangely hurt you more than everything else you’d been through today. Sure he was a handsome man and you used to have a massive crush on him, but you thought you were over that. But it must have been because of Liam. When you were with him, you only had eyes for him. No one else mattered. But with him eradicated from your life, old feelings came rushing back.
Tallahassee cleared his throat, breaking the silence and said, “Why don't we make some food?”
You gave him a grateful smile and nodded. Taking your hand, Tallahassee led you to the couch and sat you down, “Relax, watch something and I will make you a delicious meal,”
He disappeared to the kitchen where he began to gather the ingredients for a simple yet comforting meal for you. The clinking of pots and pans, the sizzle of vegetables in a pan, and the aroma of food cooking filled the air.
He returned to the living room with a plate of steaming food for you. It was a hearty, homemade vegetable stir-fry, it’s delicious scent inviting you to eat. "Here you go," Tal said, placing the plate in front of you. "I hope you like it."
You smiled gratefully as you picked up your fork. You took a bite, savoring the flavors, and found yourself moaning at the taste of it. Something that was a compliment to his cooking, but was torture for Tallahassee. Despite telling you ‘no’ earlier, he wanted to say ‘yes’ but you were vulnerable and surely that was the only reason you kissed him, so he had to say no. But he couldn’t help his wondering mind as you wrapped your lips around the fork as you ate, savouring every drop. Thinking how good you’d look with your pretty mouth around his cock, disappearing as you take him fully, to the back of your throat.
Tallahassee entered the kitchen the next morning to you rummaging through the cabinets with nothing but a long t-shirt and your panties on full display. Your panties were thin, and practically see-through, leaving barely anything to the imagination.
He stood in the doorway, admiring your curves as you tried to reach a top shelf. He couldn't resist any longer. He slowly crossed the room and pressed his bulge up against your ass.
He grabbed your arm and pinned it to your back, as his other hand grabbed the back of your neck and pushed you face first onto the counter. You gasped, but then a moan escaped your lips as she realized who it was and that turned you on.
Tallahassee knew that he had crossed a line, but he couldn't stop. He kissed your neck softly, then slowly began exploring your body with his hands. You moaned and arched your back, desperate for more. Desperate for him to touch you where you were already soaked.
His hand lets go of your arms, "Keep them there," he ordered. You nodded as best you could, the sweat of your face causing your skin to stick to the smooth surface.
Tallahassee hooked his fingers in your underwear and pulled them down, his body following them until he was face to face with your dripping heat. His warm breath sends shivers down your spine.
His fingers started to trace a slow circle around your clit, “This for me, babygirl?” He asked as he dragged a finger down your folds, collecting some of the juices pooling there. He put his finger in his mouth, sucking your wetness from his finger and making a satisfying moan.
“Yes, god yes, it’s for you,” you panted, practically moaning in anticipation of his next move. You were surprised at how turned on you were and he’d barely touched you.
“Thank God, I’m starving,” he said, you didn’t have time to reply before he dived in, licking, sucking and biting your clit. It was unlike anything you ever felt before. Sure, Liam ate you out, but it never felt this good.
The pleasure only got better when Tallahassee started pumping two long fingers into your seeping hole, as deep as they would go, hooking them every so often. A loud moan escaped your lips as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. The familiar feeling began to build but it felt stronger this time. Different. Your body was on fire, unlike anything you have ever felt before.
“Tal.. I’m gonna-”
“Cum for me, baby girl,” he mumbled against your clit, and that was it. Your orgasm hit you hard. Your legs became weak. In a matter of minutes, Tallahassee had turned you into a whimpering mess. He smirked against you, his strong arms secure your body, so you don’t fall. He felt your warm liquid spreading over his two fingers still buried inside you.
You had never felt anything like it. You tried to catch your breath as the last of your pleasure drained away.
“Did he not touch you like that?”
You reached out to touch him, your fingertips desperate, as you let out a whimper, “It didn't feel as good as you,” you said softly, your voice heavy with desire, “Please fuck me,” you begged, your body quivering as you waited for his answer.
Tallahassee rose from his knees, standing behind you, “Are you sure?”
“Please,” you whimpered pathetically.
He pushed your head back against the kitchen counter as his hands quickly wrapped around your neck to hold you in place. His grip was strong and tight, allowing no room to move. He moved his lips to your ear, “Any time you want to stop, we’ll stop,” he whispered, placing a gentle kiss behind your ear.
He kicked your legs further apart and suddenly he impaled you with his cock. You moaned at the sudden intrusion. It felt big. Bigger than your ex, than any ex.
As the pleasure coursed throughout your body, you begged again, “Use me, daddy.”
He complied with your request, his hands clutching your hips tightly as he pounded you hard. He was using you to take care of his physical needs and you loved it. It was exactly what you needed. Sure sleeping with the first guy you see probably isn’t the best way to get over a break up but if they fucked you stupid like Tallahassee was doing right now, it’d be a miracle if you remember your own name.
He grunted, pushing himself deeper and deeper inside of you with each hit of his hips. You closed your eyes, your body writhing and trembling as you got closer and closer to your second orgasm. You moan and gasp as the pain of his rough thrusting only turns you on even more.
One of his hands move to your hair, creating a makeshift ponytail whilst the other hooks under your chin, pulling your body up off the counter and towards his chest. The new angle allowed him to hit you in just the right spot and soon you felt yourself clench around his shaft.
“I’m right behind you, baby girl,”
With one final thrust, your entire body shook. Strings of curses left Tallahassee’s mouth as he quickly withdrew before he came inside you. Oh, how he wanted to fill you up but he didn’t want to explain to his best friend that he got his daughter pregnant. You whimper at the loss, suddenly feeling empty. His huge arms wrapped around your torso as he brought his lips to you silky smooth shoulder.
He effortlessly picked you up and carried you to your bedroom. He went to get up and leave but your arm stopped him.
“Please stay,”
For a moment he told himself it was a bad idea, and that what had happened shouldn’t have, but your sweet, small voice was like a siren, beckoning him towards you. He finally climbed in next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you onto his chest.
For the rest of the night, you stayed there, tucked safely in his arms.
#zombieland#reader insert#female reader#tallahassee#tallahassee x reader#dbf!tallahassee#dad's best friend
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
At my work we will sometimes have a question of the day. The other day's question was, "If you could have the help of any fictional character during a zombie apocalypse, who would you choose?"
This is the conversation that followed:
Tatum: "can it be anyone from zombie lore?"
Me: "Yeah, definitely. Why? Do you want the twinkie guy from Zombieland?"
Michael: "You mean Mark Zuckerberg? What's his face... Jessie Eisenberg?"
Me: "No.. I meant the guy that's obsessed with twinkies."
Tatum: "Tallahassee?"
Me: "yeah him! Wrong kind of twinkie Michael"
All of us: *dies*
So, in case you didn't know, Mark Zuckerberg is a twinkie 💕
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝐉𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐘 | 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐨𝐧𝐞
♡ 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
♡ * 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈, 𝒔𝒆𝒙𝒚, 𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆, 𝒛𝒐𝒎𝒃𝒊𝒆-𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑱𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏. 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒔. *
♡ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦 (𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐨𝐟 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐬, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐬, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐞𝐭𝐜.
♡ * 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒚: 𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒍 *
𝐒𝐈𝐗
The next morning was...shocking to say the least.
Columbus and Wichita were close to kissing last night, but Tallahassee, being butt-hurt that he got cock-blocked, decided to pay it forward.
If he couldn't get kissed, no one could.
And apparently, it was a wake up call for Wichita, because come morning, her and Little Rock were gone, along with a couple guns, some snacks, and the Hummer.
Tal and Columbus got into an argument over whether or not they should go after them, and it ended with the two deciding to go separate ways, you siding with the cowboy.
So now here you were, helping the man pack one of Murray's many cars for your trip to Mexico, which Tal's next stop in his search of a Twinkie.
As he loaded the last box, you turned around, walking over to Columbus, who was saddling up on a motorcycle.
"You sure you wanna do this? Y'know, there's always a seat open for you. Tex might not wanna admit it, but he enjoys your company," you started with a sincere smile, keeping your voice low, "...And...maybe you're not a complete pain in the ass."
He smiled, slightly taken aback.
That had to be the nicest thing you'd said to him...ever.
"Thanks," he smiled, "But, I wanna be with Wichita."
You sighed, but understood, "In that case....try not to die."
He nodded, and turned to Tal, who had just walked over and leaned up against the wall, clad in the snake-skin jacket he stole from Bill's closet, since you were currently wearing his.
"I'm, uh...I'm not great with farewells, so..." he sighed, "that'll do, pig."
You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose at the horrible reference.
Why you liked this man, you would never know.
"That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard," Columbus shook his head, already half-way expecting something like this, "and you stole it from a movie."
Tal walked past, giving him a firm pat on the back, before heading towards the car, "Tell they girls I said hey."
You followed, giving him a much softer pat and a smile, before heading over to the passenger seat.
"Y'know," Columbus started as he strapped on his helmet, making Tal turn around, "their pictures were someone's wallet, too."
And with that, he rode off.
...
Right into the bushes.
You turned to Tally, your face saying he's not gonna survive two minutes without our help.
The two of you hadn't exactly hashed out what you were after last night, but you hoped, and halfway prayed, that your word still held the same merit.
He sighed, biting the inside of his cheek as he shook his head.
That boy was going to be the death of him.
He looked over to you, nodding to get in the car, and you smiled, quickly hopping in.
As much as you'd hate to admit it, the little geek had grown on you.
And as hilarious as it might be, you didn't want to see him get mauled by a zombie as he tried and failed to ride a motorcycle.
Tal turned on the headlights and pulled up the car next to the boy, rolling down the window.
"Hop in the car, Evel Knievel," he smirked, "Let's go ride the rollercoaster."
Columbus smiled as he stood up and dusted himself off, grabbing his bag and hopping in the backseat.
"Thanks," he nodded.
"You didn't break anythin', didya?" You asked, holding back your snickers.
He sighed, already knowing what was coming.
"No, Jersey, I didn't."
"Good, 'cause that shit was hilarious."
𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅
As the three of you pulled into the parking lot of Pacific Playland, your eyes went wide, and you turned to each other in surprise
Surrounding the park, and even inside it, was a large horde of zombies, seemingly agitated by the bright lights and loud sounds.
There was no way the girls had enough firepower to get themselves out of this.
"Columbus? Jersey?" Tal started as he stepped out the vehicle to get a better look at the murderous crowd of monsters.
"Tallahasse?" The two of you answered.
"I think they might actually require our assistance this time."
You and Columbus nodded in agreement, and he sat back down, shutting the door and switching gears.
"Buckle up."
"Yup, way ahead of you," Columbus nodded, tightening his seat-belt.
You rolled your eyes, clicking in yours, "Dork."
Once everyone was secure, Tal smirked.
"Time to nut up or shut up," he slammed the gas, breezing right through the open gate and towards some zombies.
"Holy shit," Columbus gasped, surprised by the sheer amount there was.
Quickly grabbing Tal's uzi, you rolled down your window, decimating the crowd with a smile on your face.
And Tally finished the job by rolling them over, making sure to crush all their skulls.
Columbus grimaced, reminded of how much you two truly scared him, "You guys are like...apocalyptic Bonnie and Clyde."
"Damn right," you smirked, already starting to load up the shotgun.
"My momma always told me someday I'd be good at somethin'," Tal smiled, driving through the park, "Who'd have guessed that somethin' would be zombie-killin'?"
"Probably nobody," Columbus nodded.
Noticing a destroyed game booth, Tal pulled over, and Columbus quickly got out the car.
"Oh, no. No," he panted, his breath picking up as he stared at the harbor.
You cocked a brow, slinging your rifle over your shoulder and picking up your AK, walking over.
Only to understand.
The Hummer was in the water, nearly completely sunk.
"Holy shit," you winced, wide eyed.
Where they in there?
Where they all right?
How the fuck did they crash the Hummer?
"Hey! Hey! Ohio!" "Help! Over here!" Two familiar voices shouted.
Looking around for the source, Columbus found it at the top of the drop tower.
They were stuck at the top of the drop tower.
"Oh my God," he turned around, walking over to Tal, who was suiting up his bullet-proof vest, "They're up there. They're okay."
"What are you waitin' for? That's your gal," Tal smirked, pulling out an airhorn.
He honked it, starting off in the opposite direction.
"Come on!" He shouted, "Come get a piece of Tallahassee!"
You rolled your eyes, grabbing your last two grenades out your bag and turning to Columbus.
"Go get 'er, Romeo. We'll be waitin' for ya when you get back," you assured with a smile.
He smiled back, giving you a firm nod.
"Anybody hungry?! Tallahassee's nice this time of year! Come on!" Tally continued to shout, honking the goddamn horn, "Come on, you ugly bastards!"
And like a giant dinner bell, a crowd of zombies came running after him, along with the horde that surrounded the drop tower.
'Shit.'
"Let me go before this man gets himself killed," you sighed, biting off the pin and tossing one of your grenades at the group.
Throwing your AK over your shoulder, you counted off in your head as you sprinted towards the duck shoot.
Jumping onto the counter, you grabbed onto the edge of the roof and hoisted yourself up, laying down on your stomach and propping up your rifle.
The grenade blew, and zombie bodies went flying everywhere, burnt to crisp.
You got way more than you expected, but there were still quite a few left, and all of them were now running towards your booth.
"Line up, duckies," you smirked, closing an eye as you took aim.
And with that first kill, you were gone.
You went crazy, looking, aiming, and shooting all in one motion, like a well-oiled machine.
Five on the left. BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
Three on the right. BAM! BAM! BAM!
Eight heading straight for you. BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
A fat one was hobbling quickly towards you, and you smirked.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
"Triple points," you smiled.
Just then, you heard a growl come from behind you.
Whipping around, you saw that a zombie was hoisting itself up.
Surprised, you pulled the trigger, but it made that heart-wrenching click.
You were out, and had no ammo on you
"Fuck it," you spat as it ran at you, jumping up and hitting it upside the head, cracking its skull.
Now that it was off balance, you kicked it off the roof, making it smash what was left of it's head on the concrete.
Expectantly, you turned around, drawing your glock from your pants and shooting the three zombies about to jump you.
Running to the edge of the roof, you jumped, grabbing your rifle and using it to zip-line down the string lights attached to the ground.
You tumbled, but quickly got back up as the sound of more of them was already drawing closer.
Quickly, you grabbed your last grenade, looking at it one last time.
"Make me proud," you wished, giving it a quick peck before pulling the ring and tossing it over your shoulder.
Now you kicked it into third gear, sprinting away as fast as your legs could carry you, turning every few seconds to shoot the last bit of ammo from your AK.
"Shit, shit, shit. Any second would be great!" You shouted, as if the grenade could hear you.
Luckily, it acted like it did, going off the second you finished.
The zombies were caught in the fiery explosion, killing them instantly, and allowing you to finally slow down and catch your breath.
"Finally," you panted, annoyed with the monsters' persistence.
'You'd think bein' all decayed an' shit would slow 'em down.'
"Why hello there, ma'm," a familiar voice smirked, you looking up to see Tallahassee standing on top of a booth with a mound of dead zombies next to him.
In a sort of sick way....it was kinda hot.
"Come 'round here often?"
You smiled in disbelief, impressed, as you walked up the dead bodies to get to him on the roof.
"I bet you feel like the belle of the ball," you smirked, crossing your arms.
"Darlin'," he grabbed you by your waist, pulling you into his chest, "You know me so well."
Your face suddenly felt flaming hot, and you threw an arm around his neck to ground yourself.
"You ain't had nothin' to drink, have you?"
You smiled, remembering the reference from last night.
"Not one drop," you assured, leaning your forehead into his.
He smirked, "Good."
Without a moments hesitation, his kissed you, so rough and passionately that he had to hold you by your back so you wouldn't go falling over.
Allowing your eyes to flutter shut, you rested your hand on his cheek, leaning to it with a smile.
It really made you regret not doing this last night.
He kissed you like you were the last woman in the world, and the only woman ever.
Because you were to him.
You were a strong, sexy, rough and tumble, zombie-killing Jersey woman.
And you were his.
Opening your eyes for a moment, about to separate the kiss, when you caught a glimpse of something too good to be true.
"Hey, cowboy," you smirked, pulling away and flicking the brim of his hat.
Tal cocked a brow.
"I think your search is over," you smiled, nodding behind him and towards a small store that sold fried Twinkies.
He whipped around, a wide smile spreading on his face as he got a look at the sign.
He turned to face you, "Imma have to put a pause on this-." "Go get your damn Twinkie, Tex."
Without another word, he jogged down the dead zombie pile, running into the store.
You followed him at a walk, meeting up with Columbus, Wichita, and Little Rock.
"Where's Florida?" Wichita asked, surprised he wasn't with you.
The entirety of the group, including Tallahassee, knew that the man was pretty much your husband and wherever you were, he was never too far away.
"He's gettin' his jollies," you nodded to the store, walking in with the group following you.
"Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards!" Tal shouted, kicking over a lollipop stand, "Where are you?!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Columbus tried to calm him down as he picked up a glass jar.
"False advertising!" Tal shouted, throwing the glass at the sign that said Deep Fried Twinkies.
It didn't satisfy him enough.
He threw a jaw of gumballs as well.
"Jesus Christ," you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.
Columbus walked over to Tal as he approached the back room, "You want a Sno Ball or something?"
Tal turned around, giving him an annoyed look at the very mention of that disgusting excuse for food.
But before he could say anything, something moved in the back room, making a loud clang.
And jumpy as ever, Columbus shot at it, making two large holes in the door.
Tal approached, slowly pushing open the door and turning on the light, only for a couple rats to run out.
But he paid them no mind, going straight for the box that Columbus shot, sticking his hand in and pulling out the decimated remains of whatever Twinkies were left.
'Oh, shit.'
Tal held them tightly in his hand, slowly turning to Columbus with frustration stretched tightly across his face.
"Words cannot express," Columbus held up his hands in surrender, probably more sorry than anyone's ever been sorry.
But Tal shook his head, "It's too soon."
"Do you think you could just pick out the buckshot and just kinda eat around it?" The boy suggested.
Tal immediately threw it on the ground, and Columbus got the message.
Just then, you heard the rev of an engine.
Whipping around at the noise, you realized the girls were gone as well.
'No. Fuckin'. Way.'
"No!" Columbus exclaimed, running out the shop, you and Tally close behind.
When you got outside, right there was the car, about to be driven off with.
"I'm sick of this," you scoffed, pulling out your glock and aiming for one of the tires.
But, just as you were about to shoot, the car stopped.
Wichita stuck her head out the window with a sly smile, and Little Rock popped her head out the sunroof.
With a smile, Little Rock tossed Tal a single Twinkie, him catching it with a look of utter joy.
Opening the package, he took a bite, looking like he was about to be brought to fucking tears.
You rolled your eyes with a laugh, approaching the car.
"Thank you so much," Columbus followed.
"You had us goin' there," Tal agreed.
The three of you filed into the backseat, and then slowly pulled off, about to head who knows where.
Until some random fat zombie ran over, banging into your door.
"For fuck's sake," you yawned, quickly kicking out the door and knocking it down, shooting it three times in the head.
Lazily, you pulled the door shut, clicking the safety and tucking the gun in your pocket, leaning over to fall asleep on Tal's shoulder.
Not even noticing the look he was giving you.
...
He was in love.
No doubt about it.
You had literally just solidified it for all time.
Who knew that it'd take a zombie fucking apocalypse for him to find the love of his life?
𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅
62 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Thank god for red necks! This is a really big truck, and these are really big guns."
-Tallahassee
-Zombieland
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
If they ever make a Zombieland 3, I vote that their Metallica intro song be Enter Sandman
#'sleep with one eye open gripping your pillow tight'#is that not a mantra for life in the zombie apocalypse??#also if Colombus and Wichita have a baby then the lyrics 'hush little baby dont say a word and nevermind that noise you heard'#could work too#(or Tallahassee and Nevada try starting a family- thatd work too)#idk i just really like the idea of this song being used even though im certain there would be other Metallica songs that'd fit better#Zombieland#zombieland saga#Metallica#horror movies#zombie movies
6 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
maoyeamh
🍣memorandum
paddypikala
paddy writes
electric-rabbits
Young, dumb, and full of Existential Dread
miumiumandoodz
orat oret