#that won't make me feel horrible at all!

[coffeeworldsasaki]

Another thing that makes kaladin so painfully relatable is how much his mental illness hides his personality, because between depressive episodes and trauma he's this sarcastic little shit that smiles a lot at his friends and then the depression gets to him and all that disappears

#I'm dreading book 4 so much #my depression got worse while reading it the first time 😭 #also I don't remember exactly what but multiple times he says stuff that i think too often and having a fictional character say that l #ridiculous stuff caused by mental illness made me feel even worse #it helped! because it hit me how stupid it is and that i should avoid that type of thinking at all costs! but didn't i feel like shit for a #while #now i almost finished book 1 and book 2 has Shallan's past 😬😬😬😬😬 #can't wait to read again about her horrible childhood locked home with a violent father that take out his rage at her on others #that won't make me feel horrible at all! #it's not like i wasn't almost crying just at her getting an anxiety attack at the beginning #....these books feels awfully aimed at me fjskdks #the stormlight archive #cosmere

[vimbry]

jumping off the back of the post about genres of song lyrics, another thing about tmbg's lyrics in particular is that even when they write about pleasant themes, they still manage to frequently do so through a sinister lens:

the experience of having children and looking after them:

a nice little nightlight protecting a child muses on the shortcomings it would have outside its assigned responsibility:

fantasising about getting high in the park with your crush:

#tmbg #AND. I love it. #please feel free to add to this btw. I feel like there's more flansburgh examples but they're dropping out of my head #I've gone on and on about ''sleeping in the flowers'' already. so I won't repeat myself too much in the tags here #but I can also see how it's intended to come across as playful. like. #it's two people in love having a silly exchange between each other #I also like the little interlude from the nightlight's lullaby-of-sorts to the child to describing how it would make a really bad lighthous #''man it's a good thing I'm not one of those. I'm too small. if I did that then people at sea would crash and drown horribly hahaha #anyway good night'' #and actually re: nanobots. it only just occurred to me #I'd gotten 'newborn citizenship of the micronations'' being a verbose way to describe. babies lol #but is the start of verse about the actual birth of a child and getting so distracted by the preparation and stress #that you almost forget oh yeah. I have this kid now :) #and thinking about how even tho your worries around that are now over you'll focus instead on all the future responsibilities you'll have #how does something written in such a detatched way manage to be so sweet

[yuckydraws]

(Click for better quality)

Healing & Growth

(gif made by my friend @robanilla-arts is below - slight warning for flashing! Thanks again, Rob!)

#if you feel like reading it - I'm gonna ramble in the tags. #Don't really feel like having it attached to the post for forever... cause what if i just wanna reblog some fairysona art?? #anyways #this year sucked a lot. in a lot of ways. but im grateful for it. #healing is stupidly hard and annoyingly enough? not linear in the slightest. Yet infuriatingly - it is worth it. #I am far from done with healing. I've barely scratched the surface. #but im learning and connecting with myself along the way. #The biggest step I've taken this year is working on my people pleasing ways. it's a bad habit birthed from a lot of different traumas. #but it no longer rules my life. #I am not passive anymore - and surprise! that doesn't make me a horrible or evil person. #my kindness is no longer a weakness. its still a part of me and always will be. i won't let go of it. #but it is no longer to a fault #there are people undeserving of my kindness... i realize that now. I know what i will and will not put up with in every kind of relationshi #im still learning and exploring - and i've said a lot of goodbyes this year. I'm sure i will say more. #but that's okay. #some relationships are forever - some serve you for a while and teach you a lesson when they end. #and some relationships stick around and don't *have* to have a deeper connection #and that's also okay. #I didn't think I'd make it through this year in all honesty. I was very close to ending it all on multiple occasions. #But. for what it's worth - as of now im glad im here. #i will continue to struggle and have my hard times. im not naive enough to think depression just goes away. #but im okay for now and im moving forward. #there will be pauses and abrupt stops and likely some good ol' rotting involved. but when i can - ill be moving forward. #i will not speak a word of 2024 because no matter what it will have it's ups and downs. #but i will continue to keep working on myself. and that's all anyone can do in this weird life. #if you made it through all of that... uhhhh wow you got a crush on me or smth? /j/j/j/j #but fr - if you read this far... thank you. i hope you're faring well and that you have a happy celebration tonight. #sleep well and dream well when it comes to you #yucky draws #my art

[varjopeura]

.

#oh nooo not the post-campaign hangover #i KNEW the weekend was good enough to make me crash super hard when the high of it finally ends #and now when it's my day off of work and i'm home alone all day i just feel this... emptiness #just the horrible dull pang of having lost something #the people aren't here anymore. there is no next game scheduled. there won't BE a next game since the whole thing ended! #and like. no. gimme back the good times #i want love and attention and i want to laugh with people and be affectionate ; _ ; pls #sussitalk

[seenthisepisode]

~~~

#i am close to tears - beware there is a rant about my life in the tags ahead so watch out - it's nothing VERY serious but it's... well #also this is literally about supernatural convention so it's not like a serious problem but it is a problem for me personally #so anyway last year when they announced misha for purgatory con 8 in dusseldorf i was like yes yes yes and i bought the tickets because: #1. i had a whole year to plan a trip 2. going to spn con was this little dream of mine because i've been in this fandom for years so #so i thought hey i deserve a little treat. i want to and deserve to go to a con and they just announced misha and i'd love to go #(and then they also announced jensen. and then jared too so like all 3 main guys will be there so !! a Treat !! yay!) and also Why Not #because it's in germany so it's the closest i would ever get a convention because i am from poland [*] no conventions here sorry #so i was like yeah the stars seem to have alligned yeah AND I BOUGHT THE TICKET. and the thing is SOLD OUT. and 3 main actor men are there #and a lot of mutuals that i'd finally love to meet maybe if they feel like it or whatever but i'd love to meet tumblr people so there's tha #and now. i just spent 3 hours after work looking for flights and everything. and. the conclusion. after 3 hours of looking at every possibl #way for me to get to Dusseldorf at the days of the con. well. the conclusion is i have no way to get there. and i am stuck. #and there are flights and they are not even that expensive. but the HOURS are horrible. i checked different airports and even looked at #flights to dortmund and i literally have no way to get there in a way that makes any sense... because arriving at 4pm on saturday is #too late. and the other option is being there at 8 am - cool - but i have no way of getting to the airport at 4 am. i'd have to take #additional day off from work (not an option). and i literally don't know what to do. it's almost 1 am and i should be happily asleep and i #am trying to solve this problem lmao because on one hand i really want to go and i want to figure out a way to get there 1. on time 2. in a #way that won't cost me 1/3 of my paycheck ; and on the other hand i just want to email the organizer to return the ticket or resell it to #someone because i know there will be someone who wants to go because the event is sold out #WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS HARD...... #AS I WRITE THIS I AM FULLY AWARE THIS IS SUCH A FIRST WORLD PROBLEM i know!!!!!! fully aware!!!! #but i just :(( really wanted to go :((( but i am slowly leaning towards the option of not going :((( because money and time :(( #and the kilometers between me and the con place :((((( #personal

[meatmensch]

The people that have abandoned me really need to stop talking to me like they have any right to tell me what to do, or I swear to God, I'm gonna get the FUCKING hammer.

#inspired by my bitch of a mother sending me a text that basically said u need to get ur life together #as i always say! LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE! #this woman's life is a dumpster fire #and she specifically said 'i won't financially support u. i'll always be there for u but that's a conditional statement' #which is INSANE because that don't make no sense AND she has NEVER financially supported me? genuinely why does she think she has any #fucking right...😭😭😭 #meanwhile. my dad. during the shitstorm that has been my family's existence lately. is being way more lax about me getting a job and moving #out than he has been in the past. because some fucks despite being shitheads aren't total assholes #this post is also inspired by my insufferable sister who fucked off to another fucking continent when i was 7 and treats me...well. exactly #how u would expect an upper middle class dumb jock to treat her awesome nerd little brother. and is always telling me i'm making #the wrong fucking decisions and judging me. #these ppl r so funny bc they think this is normal and that i will endure it bc the power of love or what the fuck ever. wrong! i have been #on the brink of cutting off my entire family since i was fourteen. now that i actually have the power to do some cutting off i'll be honest #i feel pretty great #it is all of course a horrible nightmare and i wish things were different etc etc etc. but in the words of supernatural. i was always going #to end up here. #while i am thinking about such things what's my other sister's deal? she has not reached out to me for years. it was like i turned 18 and #she was like ok who cares abt this dude now #which was incredibly bizarre and makes me feel like a stupid idiot who did something wrong but i know i didn't. and she was always the most #supportive of my siblings. i don't know what her problem is #in her defense her life has been weird lately. but 'lately' has lasted long enough that it's just her life now. and whenever i try to be th #one to reach out she basically gives me...nothing. #while i am thinking about such things i will acknowledge the slays. my one totally kickass sister who is the only other one of my siblings #who understands anything. i am rly grateful for her and she has been so good to me for so long especially during the recent shitstorm #she is moving very far away and that has brought up my abandonment issues but i genuinely am so happy for her and her family and she is ver #adamant about me visiting and PAYING for the visit (or at least doing the scamming that pays for the visit so i don't have to pay lol) and #making sure i'll be ok. #it's not all bad! i am going to be ok! there r so many people in my life who love me and love me in a way that makes sense to me and doesn' #make me feel like the world's worst man #personal log

[unlikely-gravestones]

I love reading & writing theories and plot lines for season two, but tbh I am so happy that we got a season two- I don't care what happens. So long as Ed and Stede are ok in the end (as well as other couples obv), I trust David Jenkins with whatever the fuck he wants to do.

Is it fun making prompts and ideas for what might happen? YES. Is it fun going back and forth about sword-fighting reunion scenes and Lucius eating paper (I do firmly believe he's alive btw, we've collectively decided he's in the walls, right?) and Stede 2.0?? YESSSS

...Do I actually believe any of this will happen? No (besides the lucius thing...i mean c'mon it's genius). Will I be upset if none of it happens? Maybe, but not more upset than not getting a season 2 in the first place.

David created such a wonderful show in one season alone, I trust him with season 2. It's so much fun talking about what MIGHT happen, but I hope we all love what DOES happen even if it's not what we thought- it's super fun & interesting discussing these ideas for season 2, but only the writers will know what actually happens so...lets just not be disappointed if it's not what we built up in our heads, bc I'm sure it's going to be GREAT and I don't want its great-ness ignored bc it's not what we thought it would be

#I have every trust in David and the cast but watch me say this and then s2 is horrible #I am a cynic at heart knock on fucking wood that doesn't happen #I feel a bit bad about posting this bc I feel like I'm berating people but I'm not #I love all these theories and ideas #I just wanna check in and make sure we all agree we won't hate David if Ed n Stede dont sword fight #They might!!! I don't know #It would be cool but if it doesn't happen that's also ok #Bc I'm sure David will do something good anyway #Anyway there's my two cents no one asked for #our flag means death #ofmd #edward teach #stede bonnet #blackbonnet #blackbeard

[aberooski]

I honestly wish my birthday wasn't in 2 weeks. I always get really depressed around my birthday.

#october 23rd everybody mark your calendars! #it's a monday and I have sweeney todd rehearsal that night so I probably won't even get to have my birthday on my birthday #I'm gonna be 24 years old it really shouldn't matter so much to me anymore but it does #but I'm not a kid anymore. my birthday isn't special to anyone but me anymore. to everyone else it's just another day. #well it's all I've got it's the only time I ever feel seen and like people care enough to pay even the slightest attention to me #i just recently realized that receiving gifts is a love language for me too and i honestly hate that i feel like such an asshole #it feels worse because I haven't been able to get even a shitty job since i graduated college and my family is fucking broke too #so when my sister said she already had my birthday present my mom just jokingly says 'at least someone's getting you something' ! #i seriously almost started crying when she said that. i did not find that funny at all. she said the exact same thing about christmas #which i feel the same way about. I've just been having a horrible last like 2 years and now it's almost my birthday again and I'm still #exactly where I was last year. I'm trying so hard and I just can't make any progress. #I'm stuck and it just feels like there's nothing I can do about it at this point. #anyway sorry to be such a downer I'm gonna at least try to go to sleep #abby's self deprication hour #abby's insomia thoughts

[that-was-anticlimactic]

guess who tried cutting her bangs by herself again and did even worse than last time😀

#i look horrible #i kind of want to cry #everyone is going to laugh at me tomorrow #and i'm too sensitive for that #look. i normally don't really care all too much about how i look and all that jazz like appearance isn't even close to my number one thing #in life like i don't wear makeup i mostly wear crocs and sweatshirts but like... for the longest time my hair was like the One thing i #liked about myself and now it looks so ugly and i'm working with juniors in high school and i Know they're going to laugh at me either to #my face or behind my back and it's going to sting and like i'm not exaggerating y'all i cut them Way too short and they're so uneven even #tho i tried to make them even and it just. it looks so bad i just. frick. idk. idk idk idk i'm just feeling Awful right now #i should've just waited #frick #sorry #might delete this later #just need to rant to someone who won't laugh when they see my bangs because i Know my family would and someone who won't like. make me feel #bad for trying to cut them myself so. that means y'all get to see this sorry

[rosesradio]

one thing that i didn’t like from that 90s show was how wilmer was on the show after all that controversy with him and demi lovato. as far as “lesser of two evils” goes i’d much rather it be him and not danny masterson, but still, it didn’t sit right with me

#please don't come at me in the notes defending him and saying all that 'age of consent' stuff #17 and 29 is majorly fucked up and for demi to release the song and be met with the amount of shaming and victim-blaming i've seen-- #is horrible. (not to say it's only been hate i've seen a lot of support/similar experiences as well) #and yes i've looked into articles on it not just headlines but it doesn't make me feel any better. bad vibes overall #i'm just glad he probably won't be a regular #that 90s show

[scarletcomet]

ngl besties but i am not doing so great right now. anyone else not able to function because of constant thoughts of hurting yourself and crushing depression?

#im good dont worry #i don't even know how to feel better #all i do is try to keep myself distracted 100% of the time but that means I can't do things that i need to do #im in a therapy program 25 hours a week #but i don't know what to share during process group because there was no trigger for all of this. i just feel so shitty for no reason #i did a lot of cbt and dbt when i was younger so the skills aren't very useful to me even if i wanted to use them #when i talk to the therapist one on one i just tell her about how i want to kill myself and stuff #i don't even really want to get better because that means that i won't kill myself and have to be alive #but i know that i can't kill myself so i need to get better. i don't want to though. #i feel like no one can help me including myself even if i tried really hard because i just can't stop these thoughts #i can't go on like this. when you feel like this and don't feel safe then you're supposed to go to the emergency room #and they will probably send you to the psych ward. but i was just there and they barely helped me. #i know that i have a bright future ahead of me and i will get my degree next year from a good university in an employable field #i know i have such a good life and a bright future but i don't want it #i feel like a horrible person and so ungrateful for saying that #anyways i guess i just need to keep trying to get through each day even though i don't want to and it's so fucking hard #my suicidal thoughts are actually getting a little better but they are still almost constant and overwhelming #and sometimes i can't help but make suicide plans which i know if concerning but i haven't actually taken any steps towards carrying out #those plans #i just wish that that i could be dead. it would solve all my problems. but my family and ffriends would be sad. #if i can't kill myself and i always feel so bad how do i keep getting through each day? #i don't know how much longer i can live like this. ive already lived longer than i thought i would before i was hospitalized #but if i can't die and i can't feel better then what do i do? i can't function like this or do the things i need to do #and each day it gets harder and harder #i think i need to share some of this shit during process group tomorrow lol #i guess just about feeling stuck and like i'll never feel better and not being sure if i want to get better?

[arachnid-in-the-air]

Wait so many trophies do you have???

About twenty, I think. I don't want to clutter my ship with dull achievements. I chose my trophies based on how thrilling the chase was, if it was a 'first blood' or not, and general aesthetics. I've had many different trophies before, until I discard them to make room or realize that they don't deserve such an achievement. Typically I just go back to their planet and put their remains near their old residence, and if that's impossible, I just give them a quick burial on some deserted planet nearby.

People say that I've made entire species extinct. Truth be told, that's a mere exaggeration. While I have made a few species endangered, they were already very close to doing so. I'm not some macabre masscaring bot like Lord Megatron. It's undignified and cruel, even for my standards~ I don't mind the rumours. It's fun to watch bots run their processors dry from fear.

#ooc: airachnid for all her horribleness does believe in burials and will never desecrate a grave #ooc: she also won't commit massacres and prefers to do more personal kills. indiscriminate slaughter of that variety makes her feel ick #ooc: cause she knows that as a beastformer she could've been victim to such a murder and she ain't a fan of the senate #ooc: i also think that when they made her say she bought species to extinction it was to make her a big threat but then they just. kinda ma #de her a joke :// so calling it a little rumours taken in stride is just kinda me putting a bandaid over it #ooc: airachnid: 'because i chose a shit trophy im going to give their dead remains back to their family. this is a nice thing to do' #ooc: airachnid has morals but dear primus they are very shit ones #tf prime #tfp #transformers prime #transformers rp #tfp airachnid #airachnid #arachnid-in-the-air

[bugflies00]

i just think the beeduo updates account going FUCK TUBBO was too much. but maybe tahts just me

#i will not sya htis on twitterlmao #but like. ok so im not 100% i got it right. but my understanding of the situation is. #this old friend of tubbo once in high school copy pasted a copy pasta with slurs & just horrible shit in it bc he'd been sent it and #he wanted to show it to his friends? and then tubbo brought this friend back on stream and apparently thats a horrible thing? #like at first i was genuinely kind of like. anxious & disappointed bc from the echo it got on twitter i'd gotten the impression tubbo was - #-like reinviting a horrible bigot on the internet knowingly so naturally i was kind of like. Bro #but unless i've gotten the wrong info it appears the guy didnt even ?? approve of the copy pasta in any way?? #and like. ok i won't lie i did genuinely think ranboos tweet abt the no apology vague reasoning was shade at tubbo but- #-i deleted the post bc i think its silly now. and people in the qrts of the tweet reminding peolpe of ranboo litearlly saying to - #-Not Speculate abt him hating his close friends and ALL the replies are saying shit like who cares or 'yea but he said CLOSE friends' #like its just weird. and the beeduo updates account falling apart over THAT is a bit ? #especially bc they were so aggressive with it idk. going FUCK TUBBO for that seems excessive but maybe thats just me #srry i have a tendency of rambling in the tags when i am. very conflicted over something such as this #and also people Still calling tubbo a tory when its clear to me the queen comment was a fluke and he's genuinely like. willing to learn? #like idk just bc those 2 controversies happened in quick succession does not make him this like. irredeemable villain all of a sudden #like boobers talking abt 'getting the right parent in the beeduo divorce' just doesnt feel right to me💀 #but again. this is very confusing its hard to understand what actually happened #alex.rambles.txt #discourse

[the-cinnamon-snail]

.

#my intrusive thoughts don't make me Unloveable and disgusting #i say on repeat as my mind keeps thinking of the most vile disgusting things ever on this planet #how did this even get into my head and if I shared it would anyone want anything to do with me anymore #i don't want to keep this in my head but sharing it won't automatically stop it #but it will make others disgusted that those things could even be thought up in my mind wouldn't it #i feel. bad. and angry at myself. for even thinking of this. #i say I can't control it but the thoughts are in my mind. im still thinking it. #it's either pathetic that i can't control my own mind #or disgusting that I can think that and then subconsciously or something trick myself into thinking that it's not actually me. #and im sick and tired of all of these horrid thoughts but they aren't gonna go away soon #and hey it's usually not constant. im even able to (sorta terrifying considering what the thoughts are) #forget about it sometimes #so hey. can't be that bad right. ill push through it and be fine! im strong enough. #but I've said that multiple times before and it got worse and eventually was just a lie. #I'm horrible #sorry for the bother if anyone has to read these tags #i just. needed to think 'out loud' so to say

[coulsonlives]

.

#my friend and i broke up #she's still on w the whole 'i have this' malingering and attention seeking behaviour and i tried to be sympathetic but she shut me out #her parents apparently even let her see a psychiatrist (that shit's expensive) and she did but she got a different dx now she's mad #and she doesn't want to see a counsellor. i sent her resources for what she (thought) she had and she won't even look at em #she said it's 'big psychiatry' so she didn't trust it?? i wish i was making this up #the links i sent weren't even affiliated with any doctors or psychiatrists!! #they were literally support links and pages from a reputable site for people with this disorder and pages that helped confirm if you had it #SHE REFUSED TO LOOK AT ANYTHING #SHE ONLY WANTED TO SEE THINGS THAT REINFORCED HER DELUSION #heLLO YOU YOURSELF WANTED TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN BC YOU GOT THE WRONG ANSWER ITS A NO?? #i feel like i'm going to be sick i feel horrible #i'm angry and hurt and frustrated and i don't know how to help her outta this so i feel like a useless pos #i'm so done?? done done done #the sad thing is i can't even tell 100 percent if she's actually sure she has something based on super wrong symptoms or #if she's intentionally faking #i just went thru and blocked a lot of blogs too.. #because i'm starting to notice a LOT of this on tumblr too and it jumps out like a sore thumb now esp in certain communities #idk if i have it in me to see all these people in the same exact boat whether it's intentional or they actually don't get what's goin on #i'm not using certain community/label tags in my posts anymore and taking em out of my previous posts #mental health cw #rant #vent #tbd #malingering cw #munchausen cw

[sheerioswifties]

.

#so today i broke down and fully cried over realizing the reality that i probably won't be able to go see Taylor on this tour #and i felt so stupid for it like crying over not getting to see a concert seems so trivial and i mean so many reasons but like #and like i don't cry much anymore like I've been through and am in so much pain and horrible stuff constantly and so much stress and trauma #but I've built up strength to not cry over those things like if i did I'd just be crying nonstop so i channel my emotions into trying to #solve the problems and like still I'm so unbelievably stressed but like also as an empath i feel everything really deeply but usually lately #the things that make me cry are more like sweet animal rescue videos acts of kindness touching stories or really deeply inspirational or #relatable things in books etc but so like I'm like mad at myself for crying over this but #i checked the stubhub like prices for what tix are going for and it's fucking over 500 a pop for nosebleeds i just #it's infuriating the scalping and how many hard core fans are unable to go bc of that but rich ppl who aren't really fans i just. 1000 bucks #for 300 level is just no I'm sorry that's not ever gonna happen and i just #i really thought I'd just find tickets over time closer to the event like that's how I've done several concerts but then i looked and saw #that and I'm like oh my god and that's before fees and then there's the gas to get there the repairs that need to be done to the car to get #there all the other fees involved and in realizing oh my god like I've been overconfident and now i don't see a way and I'm so sad and i #just broke down its i know iy seems stupid but first this feels like something that might not happen again anytime soon if ever the way the #world is going out could be last chance and rep tour was the first time I'd been able to see Taylor to begin with and the experience was SO #amazing it's like the one thing i looked forward to this year that lifted me up in really dark times and again i feel shitty when there's so #many fans who never get to see her international too i just. I'm sorry I'm just like this breaks my heart on levels and like #i hate how money dictates everything i hate that i went to eds last tour tickets in the same venue were 30 DOLLARS and even the Taylor ones #i think were like 75 and now it's so high bc only scalping it's so fucked up and like I'm already in a really bad hole money wise bc of #an emergency issue that happened and I've got some scary medical things going on waiting on tests and having trouble with rent and food and #gas so like i can't even try to be like. you know? like justify trying to save up that much even when i got all this #i just.