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nicknellie · 3 years

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Anonymous requested: I know in a post you said something about Alex getting sensory overload so for the requests maybe Alex getting sensory overload and Willie being there to do his best to help Alex out

Ahhh, I love this request so much! This is my favourite Alex headcanon that I have so I’m really glad you requested this. I wrote it as a mixture of what I go through when I get sensory overload and also what I’ve found through research so more people can hopefully relate. I haven’t proof-read it yet, but I’ll come back and do that later. Thank you so much for the request!

Title from All You’re Dreaming Of by Liam Gallagher.

TW: sensory overload, anxiety

When The World Is At Its Worst

Alex had three extremes: worrying himself so much that he overworked, worrying himself so much that he got nothing done, and worrying himself so much that he broke. Normally, he could cope with pushing himself too hard – at least that way he got things done, and when he ran out of errands to make himself run it gave him some time to relax and recalibrate. Getting little done was more stressful, but it tended to happen less often, so Alex didn’t see it as much of a problem. What Alex struggled with the most was pulling himself back together when he felt utterly ruined.

Sometimes – not as often as he worked too hard, but not as seldom as he worked too little – Alex would worry himself to the point where everything simply became too much. The point where every sensation was painfully overwhelming, distressing in a way nothing else really compared too. Lights shone too brightly, noises were amplified tenfold, and if something was touching him he could feel it like a hand clasped too tightly on his skin. His parents had said it was just him being sensitive, Willie had said it was probably something called sensory overload, but Alex just wished it didn’t happen to him.

The worst part was that it was usually caused by him working himself too hard, something he didn’t think he could have ever stopped if he tried. He would worry, which would make him work, which would worry him more if things weren’t going well, and then his mind would dissolve into a mess of disarrayed senses and feelings and it hurt. He would shut down, which only seemed to make his anxieties worse.

It hadn’t happened in a while though, so that made Alex feel a little better about the whole thing. Maybe, if he’d got lucky for once, those episodes were starting to go away. Maybe he didn’t have to worry about them so much now that they hadn’t happened in a few months. Maybe he could start to get on with his life as normal. He could hope, at the very least.

Exams week was coming up at Los Feliz. For Alex, when exam stress hit, it hit hard. He wasn’t even sure what worried him so much about exams. Perhaps it was the big fiasco that school always made about exams, having to sit in total silence with the threat of disqualification looming over you so much that it was nerve-wracking to even lift your head to look at the time. Perhaps it was the orderly rows and having an entire year group lumped in the hall together, making it feel so formal and suffocating and painfully important in a way it almost certainly wasn’t. Perhaps it was the unpredictability of it all, not knowing what would come up or what it would be best to revise.

It didn’t matter too much to Alex what was stressing him out – even when he knew what was causing his nerves, he had never been much good at combatting them. His strategy this time was to prepare for the exams as much as he could, force himself to soak in as much information as possible. He just wanted to give himself a chance to be confident that he knew everything because just maybe that would help him do well and calm down.

He had enlisted Willie to help him revise over the weekend. Willie was more than happy to do so – he had said he was looking forward to spending some quality time with his boyfriend even if it was just the two of them pouring over a biology revision guide for four hours straight. If Alex hadn’t been so conscious that he needed to be revising, he would have felt bad that he was spending time with Willie without spending time with him, but thankfully Willie truly didn’t seem to mind.

“Ten out of ten, hotdog,” Willie said triumphantly after Alex had given them his final answer to the quick quiz Willie had been giving him. “Third time in a row, too. You’re going to ace this test.”

Alex closed his eyes and rubbed his fingers against his temples. He didn’t say anything. Willie had sounded certain that Alex would do well for the whole day, but the truth was that Alex felt like he was guessing most of the answers and getting them right by pure chance. Either that or Willie was giving him the benefit of the doubt and saying he was right when he was actually miles off. Despite the fact that he had constantly shown he knew what he was talking about, he still felt completely clueless.

Willie didn’t seem best pleased with Alex’s silence. “Hey,” they said, gently taking one of Alex’s hands. “You know your stuff. You’ll be fine. And if you’re really that worried, you’ve still got the rest of the week to refresh your memory. We’ve got this.”

Alex hummed noncommittally. He heard Willie sigh.

“Why don’t we take a quick break?” Willie suggested, running his hand through Alex’s hair.

At that, Alex’s eyes shot open, he sat up and immediately stiffened, looking wide-eyed at a baffled Willie.

“No,” he said, “I don’t need to take a break. I’m not going to be able to learn all this if I take time out.”

Willie looked at him, his brown eyes sympathetic. “I don’t want to push you too hard. At least get up and get a glass of water – we’ve been sat in the same place for hours, it’ll do you good to clear your head.”

“I don’t need to,” Alex repeated. How could he get up and walk away when he still had five more topics to cover? When he needed to doublecheck he understood everything and still have time to solve some physics problems afterwards? He couldn’t just ‘take a break’. It would ruin everything.

“Are you sure?” Willie said. They didn’t look convinced, but Alex wasn’t going to back down. He knew what he needed to do and he was going to stick to it.

He nodded shortly and then flicked to a new page. “Test me on this,” he told Willie, who – with a reluctant sigh – began to ask him questions about the information.

The problem was that Willie’s suggestion had thrown Alex off-balance. Now all he could think of was not working and how that would be detrimental, it didn’t even cross his mind that it didn’t matter because he was still working now. He suddenly found himself unable to concentrate on the questions and the ridiculously long sciencey words Willie was using, his mind bogged down with practical methods and half-remembered equations that had nothing to do with what he was revising.

He quickly started getting questions wrong, saying the first thing that came to mind only to be told that the right answer was something he should have known because it was obvious. With each wrong answer he became more and more distressed, tears stinging his eyes, feeling stupid.

“Breathe, Alex,” Willie said. “Take your time with the questions, you don’t need to rush it. This isn’t the exam, it’s just you and me here. You have all the time you need.”

But, Alex wanted to say, I won’t have all that time when the exam comes and I need to get this right now. He didn’t get how Willie couldn’t see that. So he kept guessing, giving answers he was sure were wrong, but his mind feeling so fogged that he couldn’t think of anything else.

He didn’t even realise he had started crying until Willie reached out to wipe a tear from his cheek and the sensation wasn’t soothing – he could feel it so deeply that it almost hurt.

Without thinking, he shuffled across the bed where they were both sat, out of Willie’s reach. For a brief moment, Willie looked confused, but then they seemed to realise what was going on and he didn’t try to move any closer.

Alex hated this feeling and he had been so sure that it was going to stop happening. But he had clearly been wrong, because now that he was sat in a different place it felt wrong. The way he could see his bedroom, from a slightly different angle to before, felt so strange and so alien that it hurt. The bedcovers he was sat on now were too cold and coarse against his skin, so he pulled his legs against his chest. That moved his shirt slightly, and he became painfully aware of how the material felt, how it clung to his body like a second skin, and that hurt too. He realised that the lights in his room were too bright, far too bright, so he clamped his eyes shut and slapped his hands over his eyes.

He heard the ruffling of bedsheets, presumably as Willie got up from the bed. He heard him flick the light-switch off and pull the curtains closed – a click that he felt like a knife in his skull and a grating drag that pounded against his ears. He pressed his thumbs over his ears while still keeping his hands over his eyes, trying to block out the noise. Everything was too loud, too bright, too something to be comfortable. He couldn’t talk, he couldn’t move.

He felt trapped.

There was no telling how long it went on for. He couldn’t move his hands away from his eyes to look at his watch, not that it was really the biggest thing weighing on his mind. In fact, for the first time in hours, there wasn’t much on his mind at all apart from how he just wanted to go back to feeling comfortable. He wanted to hear without it being too loud, look at things without hurting his eyes, take that break Willie had suggested – and probably apologise to Willie too.

These things usually lasted quite a while. If Alex had to guess, it would have been about fifteen minutes since he shuffled away from Willie when he slowly took his hands away from his eyes and ears and drew in a great, shuddering breath. He blinked his eyes open and was grateful that Willie had turned the lights down. He looked over to where Willie was, perched on the edge of the bed, watching Alex’s face carefully. Willie raised his eyebrows, asking a silent question, and Alex nodded.

“Can I touch you?” they asked softly. Again, Alex just nodded, still not feeling able to speak.

Gently, Willie reached out his hand and did the same thing that had sparked the overload in the first place, wiping away tears from Alex’s cheek. This time Alex didn’t shuffle away, but he didn’t lean into Willie’s touch either; it wasn’t insufferable anymore, but it still wasn’t pleasant.

“What do you need me to do for you, Alex?” Willie asked.

Alex thought for a moment, then made himself reach out and take Willie’s hand. Willie held it tightly, knowing that light touches were often worse than firm ones. Alex let his fingers gently trail along Willie’s palm and their wrist. He looked tearily into Willie’s eyes and almost felt himself smile at the reassuring look on Willie’s face.

“You’re okay, hotdog,” Willie told him. “You’re through the worst of it now. Just breathe. Dry your eyes and breathe.”

He did as he said, wiping at the dried tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand. Willie squeezed his hand, close, reassuring, encouraging. He didn’t talk, he just let Alex calm down the way he needed to, saving most of the noise for when Alex was definitely ready.

“I’m sorry,” Alex croaked eventually. His voice box felt dry and scratchy.

Willie shook their head. “You have nothing to apologise for. You can’t help it.”

“I should be able to by now,” Alex protested.

“You might never be able to,” Willie said matter-of-factly. “That’s not a bad thing, it’s just something that happens to you. It sucks, of course it does, but this might be a part of you forever. You don’t need to apologise for something beyond your control.”

“It shouldn’t be beyond my control.”

Willie left a hesitant pause but then seemed to make his mind up. “Don’t let your parents get that into your head. Don’t let them make you believe that. I don’t care what they say about this – they don’t get it. Alex, there’s nothing about this that makes you weak or too sensitive or whatever it is they tell you. Lots of people get sensory overload, it’s not something alien or weird. It’s not something you can stop forever, so please don’t hurt yourself trying to.”

Alex looked at him, suddenly teary-eyed again. “I don’t want it to happen forever.”

“I’m not saying we can’t do things to make it better,” they replied kindly. “I’m sure there’s techniques that can make it easier to deal with, even if they don’t prevent it forever. Or maybe it’s time we looked at getting you some therapy or counselling. What do you think?”

“My parents would never let me get help like that,” Alex said, chuckling darkly.

For just a moment though, he let himself think about it. He let himself wonder what it would be like if he could see a professional and get the right kind of help. Maybe he would learn not only how to calm his sensory overload but also how to control his anxiety better in general. Maybe if he’d been getting the right kind of help before all this then he wouldn’t have had the exam stress anyway and he wouldn’t even be having this conversation. There were endless possibilities but he was sure he’d never see any of them come to light.

“If you don’t want to tell them about it then we could wait until you turn eighteen,” Willie suggested, squeezing Alex’s hand again. “That way you don’t need parental permission.”

“That’s not for another three months,” Alex said petulantly.

“So?”

“So what if it stops by then?”

Willie raised his eyebrows. “Do you think it will have?”

Alex couldn’t have given an honest answer. He said nothing, just pulled himself to Willie and hugged him tightly. He felt their arms instantly loop around his waist, their hands planting themselves firmly on his back. Alex buried his face into Willie’s shoulder, holding him as close as he possibly could, all of a sudden wanting to touch him as much as he could.

“You’re going to be okay, hotdog,” Willie said, pressing a gentle kiss to Alex’s cheek. “I promise.”

“I believe you.”

Taglist (if you want to be added or removed just let me know): @ace-bookworm @williexmercer @willex-owns-my-heart @itstiger720 @the-reckless-and-the-brave @that-one-newsie @bluedarkness @lookingthroughmirrors @tmp-jatp @salty-star @julieandthequeers @lmaohuh @sunnysbright

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sheliesshattered · 3 years

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Chameleons and Bowties - Chapter 2

In the weeks after his concussion, Adrian Smith of the Coal Hill English department becomes certain of two things: First, he has been in love with his colleague Clara Oswald for as long as he can remember. And second, Clara is most definitely having a secret affair with John Smith, Coal Hill’s Scottish caretaker.

Souffez and Whouffaldi canon-divergent AU set in roughly s9. Rated T, will be 11 chapters and ~25,000 words when finished. Chapter 2 is 2200 words. Posted for the #EmbraceTheRaven event week three prompt ‘genre shift’. New chapters will be posted every Saturday. Also available on AO3 under the same title and username.

Chameleons and Bowties - Chapter 2

They didn’t stay at the pub much longer after Clara left, and when Osgood walked him all the way to his front door, Adrian invited her in for tea or popcorn or whatever he could coax his kitchen into producing without burning. She happily accepted, seeming in no hurry to leave, and they ended up spending the evening on his sofa, watching Netflix and bad late night telly, throwing the worst of the scorched popcorn kernels at the screen and laughing until their sides hurt.

Osgood was good company, Adrian could see why she and Clara were friends. But it didn’t make him miss Clara any less, or keep him from wondering what she might be doing tonight without him, wherever John Smith had dragged her off to.

When Clara showed up on his doorstep shortly before noon the next day, take-away lunch in hand, dark circles under her eyes, and wearing the same clothes as the day before, Adrian’s hatred of the Scottish caretaker climbed to new heights.

She brushed off his concerns about the ‘minor emergency’ with vague answers, far more interested in hearing about the rest of his evening with Osgood than in talking about what she’d been up to with John.

“I’m glad you two had fun,” she said, smiling in a way that almost disguised the sadness in her eyes. “Osgood needs more of that in her life. She spends far too much time focused on work.”

“What is it that she does for work, anyway?” he asked.

“Boring government stuff,” she shrugged, the repetition of the phrase catching at Adrian’s memory. “Besides me, most the people she knows are people she works with, boring on top of boring, so it’s good for her to break out of that routine for a bit. She texted me last night, couldn’t stop gushing about how much she enjoyed meeting you.”

“Well, I enjoyed meeting her, too. And you were right, she does have excellent taste in bowties.”

“She’ll be thrilled to hear you said so,” Clara said, a sparkle in her eye that worried Adrian.

“Clara,” he started delicately, but she must have read what he meant to say in his tone, because she waved him into silence as she finished her bite of food.

“Don’t worry, I’m not trying to set the two of you up!”

“No?” he said, doublechecking.

She shook her head. “No, I can’t see that working out, certainly not in the long run. And anyway, the last thing I want is to be third wheel to my two bowtie-wearing best friends.” She smiled at him, and Adrian felt his pulse pick up. “I’m just happy to see the two of you get along so well is all. Oh! She mentioned something about some show you were watching, said she laughed so hard she could hardly breathe.”

When his description of what exactly had been so funny failed to paint an adequate picture, he pulled up the programme again on Netflix so Clara could enjoy it too. She laughed at all the same jokes, but Adrian found himself watching her more than the television screen, content in a way he hadn’t been the night before. When it ended she claimed the remote from him, insistent on sharing one of her favourites with him in return. She fell asleep with her head on his shoulder barely fifteen minutes in, and Adrian pulled the throw blanket from the back of the sofa to drape over her, careful not to wake her with his movements.

He stole glances at her while she slept, the television’s volume turned down and his attention only nominally on the show that he was sure she’d want to hear his opinion on later. Whatever she’d been up to the night before, it had clearly left her exhausted. He tried not to think about it. No matter what was going on between her and John Smith, she was here with him now, curled into his side like it was the most natural thing in the world, and Adrian resolved not to give the aggravating Scotsman another thought.

That resolve lasted right up until he walked in on the two of them bickering in the supply closet at Coal Hill on Monday morning, standing so close to each other that Adrian was surprised there was still room for their excited gesticulations. Their conversation instantly ground to a halt as they registered his presence, their heads swiveling to look at him in tandem.

“Really, Mr Smith,” Adrian said crossly, drawing himself up to his full height. It had to be the other man’s untamed curls that made him seem so much taller, that had to be it. “Miss Oswald has classes to teach, and I’m quite certain the school’s landscaping is suffering from your inattention!”

“Now see here, Mr Smith,” the caretaker shot back, but Clara stepped in between them, her hands raised.

“That’s enough out of both of you Smiths. Adrian is right, I have class starting in five minutes. John, you and I can pick this up again later.”

“Clara—” John Smith started, but she cut him off with a look.

“Later,” she said again, then looped her arm through Adrian’s and all but dragged him away in the direction of the English department.

“What the hell were you thinking, going into a supply closet with him?” he demanded before his brain could catch up to his mouth.

She let out a frustrated noise between her teeth. “You ridiculous man,” she said, making the familiar endearment sound more like an epithet. She waited until they’d rounded a corner then pulled him to a stop, glaring up at him. “There are parts of my life that are unnecessarily complicated as it is. Please don’t make it worse by picking a fight with John Smith.”

“I don’t like the way he speaks to you,” he growled.

“And I don’t like how much you’re letting him get under your skin!” She held his gaze fiercely for a moment, then sighed. “John is my friend,” she explained patiently. “I know that can be hard to read from the outside, but he is. He has my best interests at heart, and he cares greatly for— for this school. Please, just, give each other a little space, would you?”

“Don’t you deserve some space too?” Adrian grumbled, unable to let it go, the image of the two of them standing so close together seared into his brain.

Clara closed her eyes and clenched her jaw in a way that made him think she was reaching for calm, perhaps counting to ten in her head. “If I wanted distance from either of you, I would say so,” she told him evenly, finding his gaze again. “Could you, please, for me, just keep the peace?”

“Oh, alright,” he said, deflating. “For you, not for him.”

She shook her head. “You really are ridiculous, you know,” she said, then turned and continued on towards her classroom, leaving Adrian to watch her go.

It was his turn to supervise the students during their lunch break, and Adrian strode around the schoolyard, doing his best to keep his attention on the students and off the situation with Clara. He hadn’t seen her since that morning, which wasn’t nearly long enough to conclude that she was avoiding him, but the thought nagged at him all the same. He’d behaved badly, and his hatred of John Smith was a poor excuse for talking to Clara the way he had. He still wanted to be her friend, even if her heart inexplicably belonged to the infuriating caretaker.

Not that she had said as much, even when given the chance. John is my friend, she’d said, rather than any other descriptor that could have made the situation crystal clear for Adrian. He knew he didn’t have any right to dictate who she chose as a friend or a paramour, but it was not knowing the details of the situation that was eating at him. Maybe he should just tell her how he felt about her after all, let the chips fall where they may. If I wanted distance from either of you, I would say so, she had said as well.

Or maybe John Smith didn’t have any idea of Clara’s regard for him. He seemed like the sort who would be flippantly blind to something like that. Or worse, maybe he knew and was using that to string Clara along, manipulate her into standing toe to toe with him in tiny closets, and convince her to drop her plans on a Friday night and rush off who knows where with him. Adrian sighed and leaned against one of the school buildings at the edge of the yard. Or maybe he just had an overactive imagination and a jealous nature, and didn’t deserve Clara’s affection anymore than John Smith did.

“This is like Danny all over again!” Adrian heard in the unmistakable Scottish brogue of the man in question, and he poked his head around the corner to see John and Clara once again facing off, this time just outside the caretaker’s shed.

He quickly leaned back out of sight as Clara let out a frustrated noise he was only too familiar with. “Don’t you dare,” she snapped, and he was perversely pleased to hear her giving as good as she got, at least. “You promised you wouldn’t do this, you promised!”

The caretaker sighed, loudly enough to be heard over the noise of the students. “Clara, I—”

“Don’t you think this is hard enough on me as it is?” she demanded. “Having to pretend like this?”

“It hasn’t exactly been a picnic for me, either,” John Smith groused coldly, and Adrian had to force his hands not to curl into fists. He shouldn’t be listening in on their private conversation, he knew he shouldn't. But he didn’t trust the Scotsman when it came to Clara, and found himself unwilling to move away from his hiding spot as the conversation around the corner barrelled on like a car wreck in slow motion.

“We can both deal with the emotional fallout when the rest of this is done,” Clara said, sounding weary.

“Did I ever look at you like that? With that horrible soppy puppy-love?” he snarked. Adrian scowled at that, wondering if John was referring to him, wondering if he’d been that transparent.

Well, so what if he had? Clara deserved someone who really loved her. She deserved someone who looked at her the way she looked at John.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” she sighed.

“Maybe it’s an effect of the Arch, part of the cover,” John said obliquely.

“Can we not do this? I thought we’d gotten past all this last Christmas, honestly.” She sighed again, and Adrian was back to wanting to punch whoever could make her sound so unhappy. “Two years, he said he had jumped forward two years. You may not remember any of this, but you have to remember how you were feeling two years ago.”

“Two years for you, doesn’t necessarily narrow it down for me,” he returned snidely.

“Why are you being so difficult about this?” Clara asked, some of the fight returning to her voice.

“Because I don’t know where I stand with you!” John all but yelled, and Adrian blinked in confusion at the depth of emotion clearly hidden behind the caretaker’s apparent anger. Perhaps he wasn’t as indifferent to Clara as Adrian had thought.

“Will you keep your voice down!” she hissed back at him. “Of course you know where you stand with me! Why would this make any difference?”

“Because it’s him. He’s the one you really want. Always has been.”

“No. He isn’t,” Clara said evenly, words carefully enunciated. “I want you. I don’t know how much more clear I can make that.”

Adrian flinched, his heart turning over in his chest. She was right, it couldn’t be much clearer than that. He really should go, give them privacy in what was obviously a lover’s spat.

“But ‘Adrian’ is perfect for you,” John said before he could move, freezing him to the spot. “Especially like this.”

“He isn’t even really—” Clara started, but John cut her off before Adrian could find out where that sentence might have gone.

“You said he told you it might take months or even years for them to stop looking for him. Well, maybe we ought to let it. Maybe I should go off and try to solve the mystery, and leave you here to live a normal life for a few years. Leave you to be happy with him.”

“If you leave me now I will never forgive you,” she shot back, tears in her voice, dashing any fragile hope Adrian might have held. “You think that’s what I want, to prolong this? I am trying to protect you! You, and no one else. So, yes: go, solve it. Quick as you can, so we can move past this mess. But if you think leaving me is going to fix anything, you are an even bigger idiot than I thought.”

Adrian could hear her stomped footsteps coming his direction, and he quickly moved himself to the other end of the schoolyard before he could be caught eavesdropping, his heart heavy and his head overfull.

Chapter 3

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elliemuze · 2 years

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Am I the Asshole for Leaving a Negative Review?

So this was literally too long to post in the actual Reddit thread (3000 word cap, and this is apparently around 5000+). Since I'm a fucking hot mess right now, I'm resorting to posting it here instead of trying to chop it down. Verbiage will proceed as if it's still being posted on Reddit.

The title would suggest that this is a fairly straightforward debacle. However, if you've taken the time to click on this post, kindly buckle up and prepare to faceplant down the rabbit hole. I really would like to keep the prelude short, for brevity's sake, but fair warning this is gonna get long-winded.

Context: Around mid-November, I ordered a custom sculpture for my friend on Etsy, for her birthday in January. I had an in-depth discussion with the seller, having chosen them specifically for their unique style that I knew my friend would like. (I believe their shop showed up in my suggestions when I was looking for the right fit.) We went over all the details; cost, time requirements, etc. Photos were provided (as this would be a caricatured sculpt of my friend, with personal belongings). Our discussion was very cordial and pleasant. The seller seemed genuinely excited, which in turn made me more excited, and she created a custom listing for me. I put in the order as soon as it was up and everything had been finalized.

I used to run my own Etsy shop and, working as a freelancer, I understand how this process works. I eventually bowed out of the business when I developed some physical disabilities, since stagnating for long hours causes me a great deal of pain now. I've sculpted for my friend before, and though I'd never breathe a word of it to her, sitting at my workstation for that many consecutive hours and days really did a number on me. Hence why I sought to outsource her new sculpture.

For any situation like this, I tend to check reviews beforehand, quality of previous work, the usual. So at the time I was perfectly confident and my impression was that the seller was a delightful person to boot. She assured me late December or early January would be the shipment date, if memory serves. Which was perfect, because I'd be able to get it to my friend on time for her birthday, or very shortly after.

Upon actually seeing the custom listing, the projected timeline would have the item shipped out in late January, which was a bummer, but whatever. I assumed the seller was just covering her bases, in case of delay. Perfectly normal. The price was also a bit steeper than discussed, but I presumed I'd just misunderstood somehow and didn't want to rehash everything again. You don't know my friend, but she's one of the sweetest people on the planet and is worth every penny. Not to mention that quality takes time and effort, so I made no fuss at all. At the time, it didn't even occur to me to question it, tbqf. Given my own tenure in the industry, I'm viscerally aware of how important it is to compensate people fairly for their work. (Not that it should take a fellow artist to know that.)

So... time passes. I genuinely forget about the order because it's been so long. Around the time I do remember, the delivery date rolls around. There's been no update from the seller. I doublecheck my inbox on the app as well, just in case I wasn't receiving email notifications. Nothing. And the item still hasn't shipped. I give it another couple days and wait to hear something. Nada.

So I message the seller. Wait. Crickets.

Message her again. Zilch.

Well, shit. Naturally, I begin to sus that something's rotten in Denmark, folks. Time to click on the handy dandy "need help with this order?" button. For those who may not know, Etsy has you message the seller once more for information or follow-up and instructs you to wait a total of 48 hours before opening a missing item case. So, that's exactly what I do. I'm still patient, despite my concern. Still calm as a cucumber.

48 hours comes and goes. No response, no update on the order. I consider again if there's been a technical issue on my end, because it's happened in the past where messages simply weren't going through. This isn't the case, however, because Etsy now tells me I can open a case. They've logged no interaction or correspondence from the seller, and my attempt to reach out is on record. So, I open a case and choose the refund method. I obviously want the item, but shucks fam, it just doesn't look like that's happening. I did almost go with "I still want this item," but wasn't sure what all that would entail, if I'd have to further wait for a response that wouldn't come, subject myself to further headache, etc. I figured if there was a sincere excuse, like a medical emergency or something, I could always work it out with the seller and reorder. Because that was something else that occurred to me. Given the state of, like, everything in the world right now... the possibility of a health scare or irl obligation did not escape me.

However! Before I can even overthink myself into a plummeting void, I get the notification that my refund is processing. I don't know if Etsy is just that fast, had a specific reason to be that fast, or what. (If anyone has any insight on how these cases are decided, I'd be curious to know.) I'd assumed Etsy would wait to hear back from the seller or afford her a few days to get in touch on their end, but nope. My refund was processing within less than an hour I think after I'd filed.

Because I'm woefully discomfited if I don't have a clear understanding of any negative experience, I decide to check on her shop reviews to see if there's anything I can possibly glean. The latest ones, unsurprisingly, express similar frustrations as mine. Looking at the first page, there's one that's just 3 stars, no explanation. Another that's either 2 or 3 stars, noting a lack of communication, disappointment with their item, and a suspicion that the seller lied to them about something. A couple of others too which didn't seem to be overall negatively rated, but hinted at issues of communication. I'm just going off of memory with this in particular, and would rather not go back to the seller's page to check.

At this point, my mindset is: "Ah. So this person is a flake at best, and scammer in training at worst." Given that positive reviews are easily planted, and often artwork is stolen from other sites and used on Etsy to scam buyers, it's not that far a leap to deduce that's happened here.

Etsy then asks: "Care to leave a review on this item?"

Fine, I think. While I'm content to just move on, might as well let people know. Prior warning certainly would have saved me the time and effort. So I leave a review.

"Seller took my money, then never communicated. Never shipped my item. Had to open a case through Etsy to receive a refund. Either they're a scammer, or irresponsibly unprofessional. Two months. Delivery date came and went. Not a single correspondence. Shameful." 1 Star

At this point, I consider the matter done. I wasn't looking to drag anyone over the coals, just state facts. (That being said, I realize that sometimes tone can be lost over the interwebs.)

Cue the meltdown.

Since this thread doesn't allow for screenshots, I'll do my best to just copy/paste and format the text chain so it's easier to read. (I must apologize yet again for how excessive this is becoming. I guess that's why we're all here, lol, but I hate to inconvenience anyone.)

SELLER: Hi *My Username*, your item was being shipped out tomorrow. I would appreaciate if you removed your review until you received your item. Or at least sent some communication had you been so upset. There is no need for defamation and would appreciate your removal of defamation from my shop. I told you I had many orders and that time was tight. I had to take extra time for detailing and drying so that you can receive a proffessional result. Thank you for supporting a small business by being so understanding. Silence from our studio means we are working. Human to human, and profesional to client I have been nothing but polite and kind to you, I appreciate at least half of that back. Best, *Seller Username*🎨 I truly hope you find your happiness.

ME: I did message you. Repeatedly. In order to even open a case, it's required to message and wait 48 hours for a response. Not to mention I would never settle on the most extreme solution until I had tried every other opportunity first. I received no reply. That's on you. I've run my own etsy shop for years, as well as worked as a freelancer for many more. There is zero excuse for utter radio silence like you've displayed, and then trying to turn it around on me. You're at fault here. And suddenly after trying to message, after months, after the delivery date has come and gone, and only after I've opened a case, you finally respond and magically the item is ready to be shipped? No. I don't believe you. I've already received my refund. Our transaction is done and there is nothing else to be said. "I truly hope you find your happiness?" Condescension when you are wildly at fault? Not a good look. You were indeed very kind and civil at the start, and I both trusted you and looked forward to what you'd create. Post monetary exchange, there was nothing said at all - civil or otherwise. Own YOUR mistake, as a business owner. If you're truly not looking to scam people, step up. Take responsibility. Being busy is inevitable. That doesn't mean you let people send you money and stop talking to them. If you're too swamped, cap your orders better. There are plenty of solutions other than making terribly poor excuses for your behavior, or lack thereof. My review was not defamation or unkind, it was the truth. It was an exact summary of events. I paid you almost $300 for a product, and then heard nothing back since, past the promised date of delivery - which was still beyond the estimate you originally gave me during our discussion. Not until I went through etsy did you finally take the time to acknowledge me. And clearly I am not the only customer who's taken issue with your handling of their orders. I took the time to comb through them too, to reexamine if they seemed planted or if anyone else had to pull teeth to hear back. Lo and behold, I wasn't alone. Step up. I have no ill feelings towards you, and I am plenty happy in a world where happiness is in short supply. *My Username*🥔 I truly hope you find your business sense.

SELLER: It is ready to ship, I wasn't even notified that a case was open , until your emotional response. A couple of days after your message doesn't justify defamation and rage from your part. Our studio believes in being fair and have always been in the past. You have every right to be upset and express it, but as you know action can always be taken against baseless defamatory remarks against an LLC (me being a scammer and the rest of your defamatory personal remarks within your review and your messages. So yes, your item is ready and you have made it clear you do not want it. My best suggestion is to find another studio that will provide you a better quote for your project. Best of luck with your business and endeavors. And YES, I do wish you find your happiness. You can decide to take that in a condescending way but I wish it for you, your future, and your business since we after all work with humans. Best, *Seller Username* Also, as a experienced shop owner, you should know that reviewing someone's item you never received is just wrong, you inherently just wish to see my shop fail as you never held or seen a product of mine in person. Along with your remarks about the legitimacy of my business, not only is that wrong, I'll let you know it's unlawful.

ME: Calling it an "emotional response" is condescension. And yes, baseless defamation is absolutely a legal issue. However - this was not baseless. It was factual. I said nothing that didn't occur in reality. I also made it clear in my review that my issue was not about the quality of work, but the quality (or lack thereof of service. It is a legitimate complaint that future buyers would want to know, and a built-in feature of etsy for just such reasons. This has nothing to do with imagined etiquette because your pride was nicked. If I failed to deliver what was promised and made no effort to contact or reply to my buyer, I would not be shocked whatsoever to see their frustration reflected publicly, and they'd absolutely be in the right to leave me a negative review. I'd have broken an agreed-upon contract - it'd be my responsibility to amend the situation.) Had I known your communication would be non-existent, I'd have never wasted my time. That's the point of service reviews. No rage, no "inherent wish" to attack you. Simple facts of life. Since it appears I must reiterate: I hold no ill feelings whatsoever. I don't know you, and you don't know me. Crap happens - it is what it is. But when paying for a service, you have to trust the one providing it. It's an obligation to share bad experiences to protect other consumers so they can make their own informed decision, based on past experiences of others. That's how it works. If that's incomprehensible to you, then I don't know what to say beyond shaking my head. If you truly weren't receiving notifications, which I sincerely doubt, then you should have reached out to me and we could have discussed the matter like two grown adults. Instead, you accuse me of defaming you and try to shift blame to someone who had no control of your actions. You could have explained that there was some sort of technical issue. You didn't. You jumped straight to a bizarrely victim-blaming attitude. Which, based on other reviews, appears to be a common if unfortunate occurrence of late. I say again: I was prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt. I did everything correctly, and leniently. Because of course life happens, life can interrupt. There are emergencies. So I waited. I gave it a few days over the delivery date. I reached out to you. I checked other reviews. I waited again, for the suggested 48 hours. When I heard nothing, I went through etsy's proper legal avenues. There still was no response from you until the case was ruled in my favor. But of course THEN you suddenly were getting notifications again. Of course. And yes. I was given the option to leave a review, so I did. I reviewed the service I received. If you were to give someone a large sum of money and they never said a word since, for months, as the delivery date came and went, would you or would you not assume the worst? Would you not assume you were scammed, or taken advantage of? Even if my messages for some reason weren't going through, you still failed to reach out to me of your own accord to explain the delay and assure me my money was still well placed. I also remained somewhat ambiguous in my presumptions, concerning the review. I offered an alternative scenario. Because I still don't know if you're trying to scam people or just genuinely not a good business person. Once again - I don't know you. You DO know the truth. It's up to you to sort it out and own up to mistakes. No one is perfect at the start, mistakes will always happen, but if all you do is deflect blame, you'll never grow or improve. You'll just continue to alienate clients and make a terrible name for yourself. I am well aware what the laws are. I think you could stand to give yourself a refresher. Beyond this, I have nothing more to say to you. Either keep clinging to your nonsensical threats while trying to insult me via obvious projection, or take some responsibility. Regardless your choice, it's not my business nor my problem. Good luck. ✌

SELLER: Ms. *My Whole Ass Legal Name*, Thank you for making my case entirely. I am glad you are informed, as you are also aware that the moment you received your full refund was the moment your problem was resolved. That being said, your action and choice words after the fact were not only unnecessary but irrelevant as you already confirmed your resolve (FULL REFUND.) As for your illegitimate claim, " I still do not know if you are scamming people". You have the eyes and mobility to have gotten this far, which only confirms that the one who searched and reached out to my shop was you, not the other way around. My work and portfolio are clearly showcased, and if you did your due diligence and read my reviews before your purchase, I am sure you alone can answer your own "doubts". My mistake was being too busy to communicate to you that the wet finishes on your project caused a delay which was not not going to change regardless of what you said. Your error was choosing spiteful defamatory words to post on a public platform (after getting all your money back instead of messaging me privately, had you truly been so upset. You have the right to be upset, get your money back, but you do NOT have the right to slander and question the legitimacy of my LLC because you wanted attention, or to be spiteful.) I have had no problem helping clients in the past and yes, the order was running late, as these things tend to happen with my type of shop. Sculpting is a process, things need to be dry, perfect and detailed before I let them leave my shop as it is my name, and the good name of my ACTIVE and thriving business. If you do not understand my medium or what custom orders entail, I have no problem in filling you in. I have never had an issue that wasn't resolved in a civil manner, but every business has that small percentage of people. Again, Not only did you receive a full refund but have now wasted the time I have put into this project. After all, this is a traditional art studio where NOTHING is pre-made and everything is made from scratch in great quality. If you wanted a premade object or trincket you would not have come to my shop. Writing your aggressive, defamatory review gave no wiggle room for closure, resolve, and took away your right to have ANY of my work. This is the tone that YOU alone set. There is a way to carry yourself to not escalate matters and find resolve, but going 0 to 100 is not it. If I have to show you that there are real humans on the other side of this business, and that words have power in the real world, then I have no problem doing so. We have tried handling this in a civil manner, and have not only informed you of the defamatory remarks but have given you the opportunity to correct the baseless slander that you've decided to put amongst yourself. At the end of the day we have have proof of your completed project, your refund, and defamatory remarks. Now if you'll excuse me, I have understanding, respectful clients to work with and amazing projects to complete. We will be in contact. *Seller's Full Name* *Seller's LLC*

ME: I'd like to say I'll keep this as brief as possible, but boy, this is a lot to unpack. Do not use my full legal name. We're not friends. We're no longer linked as client/artist. My words were not irrelevant. Factually, they were not. They clearly hurt your feelings and wounded your pride. But not irrelevant. I did my research before contacting you, yes. Your attitude and portfolio at the time gave me confidence and excitement. Then you never spoke to me again and ignored my attempts to reach out. There was nothing spiteful nor derogatory about my words - neither in my review nor in our private exchange. Kindly look up the words you're throwing around so you might understand them better before making use of them. Additionally, I looked at your reviews again, to see that others were experiencing the same issues as me. No communication, lying, disapproval of quality, etc. Yes. Zero communication was your mistake. A shame for both of us, and a shame for my friend who's not getting her birthday gift now. But she's been perhaps more entertained by the absurdity of this exchange than feeling any disappointment. So it evens out. I do have the right to question the legitimacy of your business. You accepted my money and then ignored my attempts to reach out when your own delivery estimate came and went. Because I wanted attention? 😂 I wanted what I PAID for. I mean this completely sincerely, no sarcasm, no bs: you need a vacation. Or a therapist. Or both. This is not an attempt to belittle you whatsoever. From one human being to another, and going just off our limited interaction, seek help. From the bottom of my heart. I realize this is probably just going to set you off further into another spiral, but please. For your own sake. Do some introspection and get some help. You're clearly a frayed nerve. I've been there. There's zero shame in taking care of yourself. Once again, not my business whatsoever how you live your life or the state of your health, but now you've lowered yourself to harassing a former client who YOU ghosted, and you're inventing scenarios that just didn't happen. Tardiness on the item was not the issue. I would have been happy to wait if you needed more time or if there was an issue. When I reached out to you, I was perfectly pleasant. But I heard nothing back whatsoever. I checked your latest reviews, and others had experienced the same. You can't build a business on lies or pretty veils. Bad reviews are going to happen when bad service is rendered. I also would have amended or deleted my review if there was a legitimate emergency on your part. Health concern, real life needing to take precendence, etc. But no, you suddenly emerged from radio silence only to accuse me of the wildest nonsense you could come up with on the spot. I do understand your medium. I'm also a sculptor. Both by hand and by 3D. Delays happen. You know what I do when it does? I contact my client or whomever I'm making it for and let them know. Because I'm an adult and I'm considerate. Silence doesn't mean you're working, it means you don't respect the clients who are paying you. It's truly wonderful you've never had an issue that wasn't resolved in a civil manner. I mean that. If you're being truthful, I'm glad for you. But that has no bearing here. You're literally in the midst of harassing a former client because you didn't like a review. I hope even you can appreciate the irony here. I understand you feel I wasted your time, but that is not on me. I had no answers, no response from you. Again, I DON'T KNOW YOU. I had no way of knowing that you hadn't just taken my money and dipped, or if there was some medical emergency, or whatever else. Based on the information I had, or DIDN'T have, all I could do was open a case. How do you not comprehend that I had no evidence my sculpt was even ready or started? Your work is beautiful. There's no reason to pretend otherwise. You're incredibly talented. But I don't want your work. You don't need to assert that I've no right to it. No matter how beautiful art is, if the person

behind it is a misery to deal with, I'm not interested. That's just how it is. And that's my right to culture whom I purchase from and who I'm comfortable working with. "There is a way to carry yourself to not escalate matters and find resolve, but going 0 to 100 is not it." Yet again, that lack of self-awareness is... staggering. "We have tried handling this in a civil manner..." You really didn't. You may have all the proof in the world of my completed project. You know who didn't have that proof? At any point in time? Your client. Me. Good luck with your amazing projects. I hope they do get completed and I hope your clients actually receive them. No, we won't be in contact. We're done here.

SELLER: Miss *My Whole Ass Legal Name Again*. We are all humans here and this has also been acknowledged. Like you said, you didn't review a product, you slandered my shop. You found your resolve, you received your full refund, yet you felt the need to still slander and use defamatory remarks about my shop over the 1 message (screenshots and proof for this as well you sent after your project was purchased. If you would like to get technical and continue being dishonest, I did not "take" your money ,you hired me, you gave it to me, and our conversation will only prove that. My shop is ACTIVE, my abilities are polished, I love my job and will continue to do so long after this moment. I have already made clear to you and Etsy how we are moving forward.) As I said, you found your resolve and left a "shameful" slandering review to our LLC for an object technically "not purchased". Any further response will be considered as harassment and handled as such. I recommend you take this in all seriousness. Best of luck, *Seller's Full Name* *Seller's LLC*

At this point, I've stopped replying. This has been going on for days now. I have no intention to reply further, nor read any attempts to contact. Some manner of leftfield miscommunication is happening here, it has to be. I refuse to believe a living person is this... this. Even the wording of "I did not take your money, you hired me, you gave it to me, and our conversation will only prove that." Yes? Obviously?? I'm well aware I hired her. I'm well aware she did not rob me. I went through Etsy and received a full refund, and said as much both to her and in my review. I would understand her ire much better if she herself personally resolved the matter with me. For instance, if she and I had worked something out to my satisfaction and then I still left a negative review? Sure, that'd be a rather shitty, underhanded thing to do. But it wasn't her. She contributed nothing to the contention until after Etsy had already stepped in and refunded me.

Not to be outdone... the sheer, unhinged audacity of this sidebar in particular simply cannot be lost on me alone:

Her: We will be in contact. Me: No, we won't be in contact. We're done here. Her: Any further response will be considered harassment and be handled as such.

I've since updated my review, and filed a harassment dispute against the seller as well through Etsy.

Updated Review: "Seller took my money, then never communicated. Never shipped my item. Had to open a case through Etsy to receive a refund. Either they're a scammer, or irresponsibly unprofessional. Two months. Delivery date came and went. Not a single correspondence. Shameful. Update: Since leaving my review, seller has harassed me over the course of several days. (Capable of correspondence it seems only after negative consequences arise from their negligence.) There have been veiled threats, insults, and unhinged spam when the matter has already been resolved through Etsy. Seller deliberately uses my full legal name in these aggressions when I've asserted it's inappropriate. I've filed a harassment dispute against them now, and await interference. Use caution when purchasing from this seller. Displeasure will be met with hostility."

While I'm reasonably sure now that they're not actually a scammer, just batshit crazy, I was still uncertain whether I should edit the original portion of my review. No matter if I'm in the right or wrong, I don't know if it's the ethical thing to do, as it might be seen as an attempt to save face or something?

My Dispute Claim: "I ordered from *Shop Name* back in November. Recently, the estimated delivery date came and went with no contact from the seller since the date of purchase. I reached out to them, with still no response. Following this failure to communicate, I opened a case for a refund. Etsy ruled the case in my favor and I received my funds back. I then left a review that reflected my experience, and considered the matter settled. The seller has now been harassing me for several days (see attached photos, and I want it to stop. They've been using my full legal name, despite my assertion that it's inappropriate. They've insulted me, threatened me, and have been inventing scenarios and conditions that simply did not happen. (This of course can all be proven/disproven through both public and private interaction.) Overall, it appears they're trying to bait me into something aggressive or illegal, which for obvious reasons I want no part in. Furthermore, I want them to be barred from contacting me ever again. I don't care what goes on with their shop or personal account - I'll leave that matter to you. I simply want their interactions with me prohibited. At this point, I will let the attached photos provide the full context of this insanity.)As of today, they're still messaging me. It's my intention to ignore them. As this form only allows so many screenshots, you'll have to peruse our private logs for the rest. Do whatever it is you need to do, in that regard. If you require my permission to access them, you have it. I look forward to having this matter dealt with, so that my phone stops blowing up with this person's nonsensical outbursts. Thank you for your time. It's immensely appreciated."

Beyond this, it's Etsy's policy to treat matters privately - I expect for legal reasons. Whatever response or update I'm given through this dispute, I won't be able to share it here. I am permitted to provide additional remarks towards the case, though, so any advice or input here may encourage me to include more within the filing, if deemed necessary or pertinent.

Some background on me that may or may not pertain, may or may not be an overshare: I am not a social person, and I hate conflict. I'm autistic, have PTSD, and I recognize that there are plenty of shortcomings in my life that need to be worked on. Same as anyone else. In this specific instance, I know* I'm in the right. I know this shit is bonkers. But I also know where my weaknesses are, and sometimes I just don't get something. Sometimes I need things explained to me.

*Knowing doesn't always equal fact, which I acknowledge.

Furthermore, my PTSD involves gaslighting and victim-blaming, so in situations like these, I'm always floundering. No matter how certain I am. I've grown much better at identifying when someone is just a dickhead versus when I need some introspection, but I'll never be perfect at it. This whole exchange makes me feel gaslit as fuck, so naturally my defenses are up, and because of prior trauma I'm also second-guessing myself.

No hyperbole, this shit has cost me sleep and skyrocketed my anxiety. Not because of this one person going guano on me - I really have nothing of value to steal or stalk for, and my life is rather boring (just how I like it). Like, if they really want to go out of their way to try and sue me from across the country over a negative review, good luck I guess? Literally my only fiscal worth is disability, which I'm still fighting to get. My anxiety has taken such a hit I expect because of past trauma and the ever-prevailing fear that I've somehow fucked up a social contract or hurt someone who didn't deserve it.

My ideal scenario is chilling in pjs with my doggo snoring beside me, minding my damn business. Not declaring some random holy war on this person whom I've never met.

I've shared this embarrassment of riches with close friends and have been excessively assured that this woman is wildly out of line. While I trust them completely, I realize they're also my friends. They know me, they know the kind of person I am and know I'm not capable of whatever this is that I'm being accused of. However, I really feel like an outsider perspective would be beneficial here, and set my mind at ease. If nothing else, perhaps some legal advice could be imparted on how to properly handle this matter, should it escalate even further.

So yeah. I've never been the sort of person to just... air their shit aloud. Especially on the internet. I'm a very private person, often to a fault, and I guess we'll see if I actually press the post button.

If you've made it this far, I applaud you. You're an angel and a scholar. And may this also serve as a preemptive outpouring of gratitude to anyone who finds the time and fortitude to touch this mess with a ten-foot pole.

(ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ♥

[Disclaimer: I do have the screenshots and previously shared some of them here on Tumblr, but have since removed the post. The seller's name and photo were censored, as I've no interest in doxxing another person or subjecting them to possible harassment. However, given Etsy's silence requirement with the harassment claim, I think it best not to put them on public display at the moment. Whether identities are censored or not. I may be completely off base on this, time will tell. What I do know is that I want this person out of my inbox. Since Etsy doesn't offer a block feature, this is my best and only bet to be rid of her. If anyone has any input or suggestions about this, I'll be glad to hear it. Thanks, fam.]

#aita #am i the asshole #tw: gaslighting #tw: ptsd #tw: anxiety #tw: harassment #personal #reddit #etsy

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