#that's pretty much me once or twice a week for 12+ hours at a time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heartfullofleeches · 10 months

Text

Practice

College Yan + Older Neighbor Reader [M + G.N]

Summary: A friend requests a favor from you after a rough night

Warning: Legal age gap, mentions of alcohol and drugs, emotional manipulation, groping

12 missed calls....

"..Hey, Y/n. Just realized you're probably still at work right now....l I just wanted to say thanks for everything. Without you - I don't think I'd be out here tonight.."

"Y/n - hey! Oh... just missed you I guess. I just arrived, and... honestly I'm really nervous. There's more people than I thought there'd be and I don't know anyone. You mind if I call again? Even if you don't answer - it's nice not being alone."

"Y/n... things are going pretty good so far. Someone just came up to me and handed me a cup. I've never drank before, but I have too many regrets already to have another. This goes out to you."

"Are you afraid of dying alone?.... it never crossed my mind until my grandad died a few years back. Nobody liked the guy so he just.... wasted away alone in his house. I don't want that to happen to me. I wish you were here."

"Y/n?.... fuck... please don't listen to that last message. Can you come pick me up? I sent the address to you earlier, but I forgot to tell you. I think I drank too much and I know it's late but... fuck."

"You're coming to pick me up...aren't you? You wouldn't leave me behind like everyone has... I'm so happy I-"

Message Saved.

You didn't need to hear the rest. Teddi was the sweetest guy you've met in recent years. A little rough around the edges, sure, but it's a given with everything he's been through. Once you cracked that shell, he revealed that dorky, loveable self of his who still cried when animals died in movies yet gushed for hours about his fascination with horror media as a whole. You thought you were doing the right thing by trying to get him out of his comfort zone - keep him from turning out like you.

Breathing through your teeth, you toss your phone into the passenger seat as you exit the vehicle. Beer glasses and someone's glasses left out in the field crunch beneath your feet as you cross the lawn up to the house and adjacent door. Poking your head through the crack; a sea of young adults and their peers overcrowd the living space - egging each other into boisterous acts and having the time of their new lives. Realistically you couldn't be a few years older than the older face in the crowd, but this wasn't your click. You walk up to the nearest, unattended person and tap them on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, looking for someone. Thick glasses, nose ring, blue...ish hair? Should've brought my phone out-"

"Oh!! You must be Ted's partner. Y/n - right?."

"We aren't dating. I'm their neighbor."

"My bad - he's just been talking about you all night so I thought - anyway, he's up on the roof. Said he needed the fresh air. Just head upstairs, the ladder to the attic should be right there.

"Alright. Thanks." You push past them and up the stairs - bracing your foot on the ladder rails that creek under your weight as you climb up into the attic. The room is foggy, musty fog filtered out the open door leading to the patio. You reject an offer for its source as politely as you could as you brush by the individuals occupying the space, pulling your shirt over your nose as you step out into the chilly night. Laying on a blanket made of someone else's coat, Teddi sits beneath the stars wearing the jacket you lent him about a week ago. He takes the blunt offered by a peer, breaking off its tip as he pulls it to his lips. You knock on the door frame twice - smoke violent exhausted from his nose and lungs as he turns around to see you.

"Y/n." Teddi staggers to his feet, legs tangled in his makeshift blanket as he trips and stumbles his way towards you. He sports a dopey grin, fixing your jacket to his shoulder. "Hey, we were just talking about you - this is.. uh.." He snapped his fingers. "Fuck."

"Trudy."

"Trudy! Right, haha - they're great, but not as great as you."

"That's great." You wrap an arm around their shoulder, turning them towards the door. "We're leaving."

Teddi slurs out a whine, leaning back - trying to pull you with him. "What? But you just got here. I wanna introduce you to everyone first."

"Maybe later. I need to get you home." Your right hand finds the small of his back, locking around his waist. "Car - now."

His pink face flushes further. "Okay...."

Loading Teddi into the car, his head slumps against the passenger window as you shut the door. The ride home is mostly quiet - his hand glued to your lap no matter how many times you nudge him away. His head rolls over to your shoulder and the alcohol on his breath fans your face as he speaks.

"Do you think somebody will ever love me, Y/n?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"I meant someone tonight."

He studies your face. No twinge of jealousy or sadness. You almost looked relieved. He swallows, buring the ache as he continues. "I meant someone and.... I know they're way out of my league. Kind....smart....when they smile it's like the whole room lights up. We hadn't known each other for long, but they've always been there and... I can't imagine life without them now that they're here. Despite our differences I know we are meant for each other."

You ease your foot off the gas. "....Ted. You're a good kid. If I had known a guy like you back when I was your age I would have loved to get to know him."

Teddi sits upright, looking down as he rubs his face. "Quit talking like you're so much older than me..."

"We're here."

Teddi glances outside. Always when he works up the courage to talk to you.. You park outside your house and round the car to help him get to his. Teddi clutches your arm as you face his yard.

"Please don't make me go home tonight, Y/n."

His nails dig into your shirt. "Please."

You sigh. Helping him up the driveway and into your home, you guide Teddi into your bedroom- afraid of what's happen if you give him the couch. Teddi relaxes as you cross the threshold into your living room. The familiarity of your home, just the two of you in this vast space - he wouldn't give it up for anything. The lingering stress melts from his face as you lower him into your bed, resting on the pillow you lay your head on every night. You set his glasses on the dresser and bring him a glass of water - wishing him good night as you turn off the lights. Hovering over the bed, he grabs your wrist as you turn to leave.

"Y/n..... please stay with me tonight."

He brings a hand up to your face, stroking your jaw as he pulls you closer. "Kiss me, Y/n."

".... how much did you drink, Teddi."

"Alot, but - I need you... to help me I mean. I've never kissed anyone before, and I need the practice if I'm ever going to tell them how I feel. You're the only person I can turn to for this. You promised that you would always be there for me."

You knew that would come back to haunt eventually. "Ted, when I said I'd help you with anything, I meant like teaching you how to do your taxes or change a tire. This isn't something we should be doing."

His cheek presses against your neck, fresh tears staining your skin. "We can forget about it in the morning.... They're all I have. You're all I have... Please don't leave me too."

"....show me."

"Huh?"

"How you would confess. Show me."

You sit on the edge of the bed. Teddi props back against the frame, tucking his hair behind one ear and fixing his shirt. He chews on his bottom lip - the moonlight reflecting off your skin basking you in that heavenly shine he always saw. He looks down. "I'm gonna use your name just to make it easier - okay?"

Teddi takes a deep breath. "Y/n - you... you're the most amazing person I've ever met. When I'm with you, it's like opening my eyes for the first time. You're someone I know I can trust through thick and thin... you've always been there for me, and I want to be here for you... forever."

He scoots closer, placing a hand on your lap as he cups your cheek - leaning in til his forehead rests against yours. "I like you...I love you. Please, stay with me."

Teddi slowly closes the distance; fingers restricted round your thigh as his lips fall flush against yours. It feels like a crime - your soft skin beneath his chapped, bitten lips. He presses deeper, engraving every each of you into his memory and being that his mind would allow. His tongue ghosts your lower lip, snaking against your teeth. His hand clasps the base of your neck as he adds his weight to your chest, pulling you up on the bed as he brings your hanging leg up to his side.

"y/n....."

He cards his fingers through at your hair - the taste of whiskey and desperation hot on your tongue as you wince from the abrupt tug at the back of your skull. The depth of your mouth is more indicating than any substance he had all night. His fingers sink into the flesh of your leg, working towards the curve of your ass as a moan vibrates through your teeth centered from throaty whine he makes as they close around his tongue. His lip ram yours as he tilts his head for a better angle with enough force to bruise, and by god he hopes it does. Biting down doesn't stop his tongue from barreling down your throat - ball piercing sucked to the roof of your mouth. He gives pause only when he finally accepts the stars dancing in view are from the lack of oxygen rather the magic of the eve- falling to your chest with a few links and kisses between greedy intakes of air and your scent. He giggles, hiccuping as his arms shoot around your waist.

"My first kiss...... I made sure to tear off the end when I smoked with that girl so I wouldn't lose it even indirectly. Was I your first too? Can you by my first in other ways too?"

You pull from under him as he nips at your shoulder. "You're not into Trudy?"

"Trudy?" The name rolls off his tongue with such disgust and confusion. "Heck no. The person I like is so much more special than her. I'm lucky to even be in their presence. I wanna give them the world. My heart. I love you.... them- so much."

You fall silent as he nuzzles his face against your torso, eyes growing heavy. "It's late, Teddi. Go to bed."

"Will you sleep with me?.... Stay with me until the morning?..."

".....Always."

Teddi cuddles up to your side as you join him in bed - fighting exhaustion to treasure your sleeping face beside him.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere x you #yandere scenarios #yandere blurb #yandere oc #yandere insert #yandere drabble #male yandere #Teddi my oc

918 notes · View notes

nocaptainonthisship · 6 months

Text

twenty questions for fic writers

thanks for the tag @wyrd-syster and @bad-surprise!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

9, as of this moment, but 10 by the end of the week.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Just over 85k which feels both low and absurdly high.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively, Rings of Power, though I've also got a Captain Swan one-shot, and dabbled briefly with Reylo.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(Artanis) -- my beloved. In which Halbrand is an international superstar, and Galadriel is the girl who broke his heart.

To Make A Queen -- the beginning of it all. I wanted to write a one-shot to remove the haladriel brain rot. It became a two-shot. 11 months later, we're here.

it will come back -- my longest complete work to date. I am immeasurably fond of it, and desire never to read another word of it again.

once, i belonged to you(and twice i was free) -- the rapunzel inspired dead-dove. in which galadriel is a princess locked in a tower, and halbrand is her jailor.

A Kingdom They Became -- what started as my own personal breakdown about my chronic pain became possibly the work I am proudest of to date. I am still overwhelmed by the response to this fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Eh. I certainly try to. However, my brain does a thing, you see, where 24 hours after I post something to ao3, the door is closed and my brain considers that fic officially DONE. After that point, responding to comments is a much steeper uphill battle. That being said- I do read and savor every single one of them.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hands down, its It Will Come Back. I had *intended* to write a happy ending, but the closer I got to the end, the more I realized that a happy ending would not have been satisfying. I'm incredibly proud of the ending I wrote, but it definitely hits the angst pretty hard.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Dangerous Creatures -- silly little aussie farm-life fluff. (But its haladriel, so Gal still kills something.)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. I have- up to this point, anyway- been incredibly lucky.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do, but what kind?? Still figuring that one out, so for now I'll say, "Whatever kind I can manage on any given day."

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't. I might in the future, but I do have a hard time taking crossovers seriously as a reader- I imagine that feeling would be far worse as a writer.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of, thank god.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but maybe one day!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Cowritten- no. I am a beta on a fic (this is not a come-on* in any way shape or form by the lovely @ophidion) which is a process I've more than once compared to being a midwife helping someone bring new life into the world.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

All time fave seems like a great way to get me to change my mind tomorrow(no, I'm not commitment-phobic, you are!) so I'll just say I like pretty, bitey girls and bad men who want to change but don't know how. In any permutation.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Everything that is out there currently, I am confident I will finish. The things I've thus far kept to myself? Only time will tell.

16. What are your writing strengths?

This question feels like a personal attack. Yikes. I think- I hope- the way I write sweeps you up like a raging river, uses rhythm and verbiage to transport the reader entirely into a different world. I'm good at the mechanics behind making you *feel* something, of manipulating an emotion to transport you inside what a character is feeling.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Speed. They say you shouldn't care about your first draft, because you can always fix it later. Well, jokes on them, I NEVER fix it later, so I damn well better do a decent job on my first pass. This makes me slow, and makes the thesaurus app on my phone one of my top used.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I do not do this, other than perhaps a words here or there(and that word is almost always going to be a pet name I make no apologies.) I think it has it's time and place, but it can also pull you out of the story entirely.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Lost (Skate Lives, bby!) beginning wayyy back in the summer of 2005. I was 12, so I thank the gods every days that lost-forum is dead and I never cross posted to ffn. (I also wrote for twilight back in the day, but we don't talk about that.)

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

The A Kingdom, An Empire, A Home series has, I think, my most beautiful writing to date, and despite being incredibly difficult to write(or perhaps because of it) it is also the most satisfying. It is a complex exploration of pain, redemption, and the complicated feelings towards parenthood. If I traveled back in time to just a year ago and showed past!cap that prose, I don't know that she would believe herself capable of it. Turns out she is wrong, and there is only better to come.

tagging: @alicuntismswrites, @lisenberry, @pursuitseternal, @hazelmaines, @mostlydriedmango, @maironite

(I do not know who has already done this, sorry!)

(Also, if you've tagged me in one of these games at any point in the last couple months and I've ignored: I'm sorry, don't hate me. My brain has been a mess, and these sometimes seem intensely overwhelming.)

#tag game #about me #my fic #cap shouts into the void: the void says hey whats your problem??

4 notes · View notes

wispmotherr · 3 months

Text

hey, hey, there’s a story time/rant/vent under the cut i just need to get this anger out of my damn system somehow haha

so there’s this girl i work with, we’ll call her N. she’s at least a decade younger than me, and she’s always kind of rubbed me the wrong way. my perception is that she has a tendency to act way too familiar way too quickly and i feel like she speaks to everyone in a weird mix of condescending and oblivious tone/manner all the time (stand out example being that she’d reply with “oh no, you’re good” when someone says “excuse me” to her in the “please move out of the way” context and then continue to stand in the way. drives me up the goddamn wall lol). but as i said, this is my perception and not really her problem so i try my best to interact with her as minimally as possible and be polite and civil at work.

things took a Turn a few months ago when she came in to work on a friday and was acting like she wasn’t feeling well. she asked to be sent home pretty early in her shift which was granted because i agreed to cover her closing shift for her, which gave me a 12+ hour day. i figured i was helping out a sick coworker and while i didn’t love having such a long day it was what it was.

when i came into work on monday, i found out that N had gone home friday night and then, a few hours later, had gone out drinking with her friends. i was furious. but as my supervisor and the facility manager knew of the situation (and were equally unimpressed) i just kinda let it go, but my general dislike of her festered exponentially.

that brings us to yesterday.

she comes over to me at my workstation and gets my attention and starts babbling that she “has an emergency” and needs to go home. i’m a little wary (once bitten twice shy, etc.) but because she caught me off guard and i don’t want to be an asshole and demand the nature of the emergency (especially if it’s something really bad or personal), i agree. it means another longer workday and it also takes a body (me) off of the workload that we are massively falling behind on.

turns out her “emergency” was that her roommate had to go to the emergency room (but was fine and didn’t need her) and N felt she needed to go home and watch the roommates dog and her approximately month old puppies.

and maybe i’m a callous bitch, but that does not constitute an emergency. at worst, put em in an enclosed room with the camera you already have for them and come back to work and monitor remote. from what i understand these dogs are in good health and haven’t needed much attention.

to compound my rage, i can’t decided how much worse it is that this girl called off today as well.

i feel incredibly taken advantage of and frustrated because this person just… doesn’t think. she doesn’t ever seem to consider how her choices are affecting her coworkers. she’s just so damn oblivious and i want to hope it’s just because she’s a little stupid and not a malicious thing but gosh help me either way she won’t be getting any more favors from me.

Add this on top of the creepy walking red flag coworker creating 4+ extra hours of work for others due to his fucking dumb errors and this week has just been… so good for my blood pressure. ha.

#this girl isn’t a bad person i don’t think #but she absolutely is an atrocious and infuriating coworker #personal #work stuff

2 notes · View notes

beanmom · 8 months

Text

I am about at my FUCKING breaking point rn. Found out yesterday The George Cat is diabetic, so my husband and I are going in this afternoon to learn how to give him twice-daily insulin injections and naturally I'm lowkey freaking out about what this will entail and whether I can ever be away from my house for more than 12 hours at a time for the rest of his life. (Luckily I'm not squeamish about needles and Georgie never even flinches when he's getting his vaccinations, so at least that's not a big worry at the moment.)

Younger kid, currently in Turkey with her Norwegian guy, is undergoing all kinds of bullshit related to the friend they were staying with, who unexpectedly altered their "stay as long as you like" invitation to "get out by the 9th," and what that all means vis a vis visas, flights, etc. Also last week they started researching what actions they'll need to take and forms they'll need to file to move towards marriage, and that made me pretty sad. It's not like she interacts much with me when she's stateside even though we live in the same house, but having her permanently on another continent will break my heart a little bit anyway.

Older kid ran their cute little 2012 hatchback over a fuckin tire in the middle of the highway on Monday night, causing a cascade of issues and headaches and dealings with insurance, and they're ping-ponging erratically between Adulting Very Well About It and then suddenly giving me the 😳 face about making a simple and crucial phone call, and I'm doing everything I possibly can to hold their hand through this because they are autistic and anxious and depressed but SO AM I goddammit. We're still working on getting it to a garage, waiting to find out if there's damage we don't yet know about that could cause the thing to be totaled, which would mean suddenly having to help them shop for a car, which is A Lot to be hit with out of nowhere.

And I'm not sleeping well and haven't been for months because I get hot flashes like every 1-2 hours all night that wake me up, and then of course lately once I'm awake I'm reminded of The Horrors, and I spent half last night just fucking SHAKING in my bed, not sure if it was from bad temperature control or terror, probably some of both.

#personal crap #the george cat #parenting #menopause

4 notes · View notes

llorando-en-el-cielo · 9 months

Text

doing the TC challenge bc i feel i haven’t really introduced my TC :))

1. describe your tc's physical appearance.

~ roughly 5’0, blonde hair with brown roots, wears glasses , has blue eyes and thin lips

2. what was the first thing you've ever said to your tc?

~ i was lost on the first day because i read my timetable wrong so she gave me directions

3. is your tc single or taken? or are you unsure? and are you single or taken?

~ married for 26 years but it’s okay i can fix her, i’m very single

4. is your tc more of the athletic type, the nerdy type or the artsy type?

~ mix of nerdy and artsy, very appreciative of culture, arts and literature, whilst also very interested in etymology and grammar.

5. if you and your to were in high school together, do you think you'd be friends?

~yesss we’re the only people at the school who like her subject so i think we’d have that in common, plus we have a very similar set of interests and want the same things in life sooo!!

6. name one song that reminds you of your tc and explain why that song reminds you of them.

~ Reel Around the Fountain - The Smiths

“It's time the tale were told, Of how you took a child, And you made him old”

“I dreamt about you last night, And I fell out of bed twice, You can pin and mount me like a butterfly. But, "Take me to the haven of your bed" Was something that you never said”

“Oh, people see no worth in you, Oh, but I do”

7. is your tc fashionable or are they more of the simple type? what is one outfit you'd love to see them wear?

~ very simple, just blazers and trousers with the occasional scarf (suits her so well tho, im weak in the knees fr), i’ve seen pictures of her in jeans tho and i’d sell my soul to see that irl

8. would you be willing to become a teacher and teach your tc's subject if it meant you two could be together?

literally what i want to do in the future

9 . does your tc drink or smoke?

~ she drinks but hates smoking and vaping

10. name one item that is always on your tc's desk.

~ idk man that thing is a mess, but she has like unnecessarily big post it notes that she loves sm??

11. has your to ever done anything that has either thrown you off, annoyed you, angered you or bothered you in any way? if so, what did they do?

~ deadnamed me 💀 but she apologised and now we’re bffs so it’s okay

12. does your tc have any past jobs that you know of, before becoming a teacher?

~ waitressing apparently?? but i think that’s just when she was at uni, she’s always been a teacher

13. does your tc have kids or siblings? if so, how many:

~ 3 siblings and 2 children

14. are you taking your tc's class next year?

~ thankfully yes, but it’s my last year with her im gonna be so sad :((

15. has your tc ever met your parents? if you were there, what was the meeting like?

~ yes several times, they’re all very kind to each other but sometimes i complain to her abt my parents so idk how she actually feels abt them lol

16. has your tc ever given you detention? if so, what was it like?

~ never i’m a child of god

17. has your tc ever failed you? if so, how did you react? if not, how would you react?

~ no , i revise her subject for hours a week so i’d be so pissed if i ever did

18. what are your tc's hobbies/interests? are they similar to yours?

~ we have similar interests bc we both like her subject and i’m pretty sure she enjoys photography. i think that she used to knit bc we always talk about that but idk if she still does

19. have you ever spoken on the phone with your tc? what did you talk about?

~ once but before i was attached to her, it was during lockdown and she wanted to tell me how much she liked my work

20. if you had your tc's class during quarantine, what were your zoom calls like? if not, have you spoken to your tc since quarantine?

~ i don’t really remember but i’d love to sit on call with her now LMAO

21. if you had the chance to go anywhere in the world with your tc, where would you go? what would you do?

~ i’d take her to the sagrada familia bc she loves it (and you can get married there)

22. does your tc have any nicknames for you?

~ no but she thoroughly enjoys seeing me in the corridor and just shouting HUMAN at me

23. have you ever cried in front of your tc? why? how did they react?

~ many times, but she’s very sweet and just lets me sit and process whatever is going on, or tries to distract me as much as possible, and it’s against guidelines to touch me but she said she wished she could give me a big hug sooo

24. have you ever walked/drove to/from school with your tc?

~ noo we live on opposite ends of our town :((

25. do you know which teachers your tc is friends with at school? if so, do you like those teachers?

~ i’ve never really spoken to them much but they all seem quite sweet and i can see why she gets along with them

26. why does your tc's voice sound like?

~ AREEGEJEHDHSJSJDJXJJSSJJS THE BEST NOISE EVER JFJDJHEHDKDJDJDDJ ASMR ISTG

27. do you like your tc as a teacher? are they a good teacher?

~ yes, very, a little disorganised but she has the spirit!!

28. does your tc prefer books, shows or movies?

~ she used to read a lot but idk if she still does, but i think she prefers movies to shows

29. is your tc stern or easy going, in class?

~ very strict, avid rule follower but she’s very sweet as long as you respect her wishes and it annoys me that people get so pissy with her about it?? just listen to her?????

30. how would you describe you and your tc's relationship?

~ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i hope she likes me and i do think she does and she always seems quite happy to talk to me?

31. do you address your tc by their first or last name?

~ last name, it feels weird to call her by her first name

#female tc #tc blog #tc community #tc confessions #tc feelings #tc post #teacher crush #tc #tc crush

6 notes · View notes

hoperays-song · 1 year

Text

Things Gooseless Did During Their Finals Weeks

(Because my school is bloody insane and my finals are over like two weeks instead of one. It’s like they want us to get ulcers.)

-----------------------------------

1. Spammed their english professor with literary memes.

2. Wrote frog comics on the bottom of the paragraph response forms in environmental science.

3. Somehow slept for 17 hours straight immediately after my first Friday exam... I typically have insomnia, I pretty sure my family thought I was going into a coma.

4. Got compared to Hunter from The Owl House because of my eye bags twice in one day.

5. Pulled a few all nighters to turn in late assignments that even my professors forgot I had. I still barely passed but hey, I passed.

6. Had a sensory overload and a migraine attack because I wasn’t allowed headphones in the silent testing lab. And no I wasn’t allowed to wear them after either. Yay.

7. Had to write the sentence, “Asian carp have invaded Lake Eerie”, on previously mentioned environmental science final and immediately thought about that one news dude who made everyone believe aliens were invading.

8. Wrote three essays about warrior cats books. :)

9. Put fun facts in my answer book when I got bored and didn’t know how to respond to the prompt... So for every prompt.

10. Bashed my art history professor on those essay response forms by listing everything I argued with him about all year. If you can’t tell, I’m petty apparently.

11. Drew a truly awful self portrait. Like next level horrible. :)

12. Wrote commentary on every question on my English (second) exam. Like actual running commentary on the questions. My teacher just sighed when she saw it (she laughed though, glared at me, but laughed while grading it).

13. Cried four times in one day. That was fun.

14. Found out that banana pudding has layers?!?!?! And is actually vanilla pudding with bananas?!?!?

15. Binged the whole of Netflix’s Queen Charlotte solely for the annoyed gay butlers trying to parent trap their bosses.

16. Found three of said professors emails and now have a way to get in touch with them after graduation (NEXT WEEK!!!!), because they honestly know waaaayyyyy too much about my life for me not to at this point.

17. Correctly guessed how many questions I would get right on my mathematics final (80% baby).

18. Baked four whole trays of cookies to give to my professors as an end of year gift. I was a horrible student. They deserve at least cookies.

19. Started planning out a tattoo for me to get. :)

20. Wrote two thousand more words of the continuation fic as well as started on a few short ones for a different fandom and the warriors au.

21. Took a very unplanned hiatus (still not back, sorry y’all).

22. Watched a total of twenty hours of movie and tv show analysis videos within three days.

23. Reached one year in one of my recovery programs and three months in another!!!!!!!!

24. Had to say goodbye to my friends and my daughter since now I won’t be in school with them next year (still in contact with several of them, daughter including, just can’t see her in person due to me moving). It sucked.

25. Worked on more character backstories that will be coming soon. Hopefully. As in once I get off hiatus, expect like four angsty backstories.

3 notes · View notes

dredshirtroberts · 1 year

Text

There are some things I don't think I will ever be able to forgive my parents for.

The internal voice in my head that blames my pain on what i did or didn't do - mainly didn't do, because of course if i moved around more i wouldn't be injured (let's just conveniently ignore/forget most of my injuries happened while at my most active). And obviously i don't move around enough because 1) they didn't see it and 2) i'm fat (derogatory).

This is, of course patently incorrect. first of all i am shaped like a gravitationally-powered time piece and have been since i was young. But apparently that is enough to be deemed "fat" by my family since i grew tits at age 9-10. Like and fat isn't a bad thing?? and you can be healthy and active while fat??? and i was! i was very active and...well i can't say healthy during that period of time because i was actively starving most of it because - as i was perceived as fat - i was berated about my food intake (at *minimum* it was commented on snidely) and constantly monitored about what i could have and when i could have it. My parents were on yo-yo diets constantly during my teen years when i was running Multiple Miles A Day, at minimum 3 days a week, or swimming actively anywhere from 2 hours a day 3 days a week to 3 hours a day nearly 5 days a week.

My knee blew out and swelled up to 2x its size while i was a councilor in training at a summer camp for 2 weeks. My shoulder blew out mid lap, mid practice and i finished the practice before i mentioned it and it *was* x-rayed but i never found out what happened to it. If mom heard back about it, she never told me. I *fell off* horses TWICE, once getting kicked in the ribs at 10, and the second one i tore a huge chunk of skin off my hand and had scrapes on my back from getting dragged through gravel. AFTER WHICH I WENT TO SWIM PRACTICE. And then there was the tap dancing which i did *along side training for half-marathons*. WITH MY PARENTS. I DID THIS WITH THEM. THEY KNEW I DID THIS MUCH.

but because i tended to stay pretty stationary at home (god why wouldn't i? even if i wasn't fucking DISABLED with a CHRONIC PAIN ISSUE from my CONNECTIVE TISSUE DISORDER (as of yet unnamed specifically - i *really* need to get my shit together and see a doctor) I was exhausted because i WAS RUNNING SEVERAL MILES IN THE MORNING AND THEN EXPECTED TO TEACH MYSELF MY OWN FUCKING SCHOOL WORK.

but yeah i was lazy and didn't move around enough and so any injuries i got, or stiffness and pain when i moved from my stationary position was my fault. My knee wouldn't have blown out if i didn't sit with it tucked up underneath me. My shoulder wouldn't have blown out if I...idk been more careful??? doing the same stroke i'd been doing the same way for several years at that point?

I walked FIVE MILES A DAY, EVERY DAY, FIVE DAYS A WEEK. at my most recent job *just to get to the damn job*, let alone the 10-12 HOURS ON MY FEET WHILE THERE before i burnt out (gee I WONDER WHY) and thankfully shortly thereafter i got a car so I could make it to the shifts I could still work at that point, ones that got shorter and shorter as my body just failed right out from underneath me. IN FUCKING FOOD SERVICE. (notably a rather physically intensive job)

My pain during my desk job years was from sitting still too long. My pain during training during my athletics was from not stretching enough, not being careful enough. My pain during the physically taxing jobs was because i didn't move enough during the day so of course i was going to hurt myself.

no matter what i did. it was my fault i hurt. it couldn't ever be that there was something wrong with me that they needed to help me look into. And i internalized the shit out of that.

I tweaked my back the other day. Don't know what i did. it's been like 3 days now, and i move really stiffly because it's my lower back, near my hips and tailbone, and it hurts to move. i've taken meds 2ce today and i am *really bad* at taking meds during the day. i stretch during the day, i get up and move around as best i can - i might not do it as often as i probably *should* but if you were in pain you'd do your best not to move as much too! it hurts!

but gosh if i only moved more, lost weight, could turn straw into gold and spin my hair into a rope to reach the stars. Then I wouldn't be in pain and really it's my own fault. Right?

#feeling salty today boys #salty and in pain #i've just taken 600mg of ibuprofen so hopefully that'll kick in soon #but god i'm so tired of blaming myself for the fact that i lost the genetics lottery in my family on this front #idk i just think maybe some of this could have been avoided - not all of it but like #some

2 notes · View notes

cody-apexart · 1 year

Text

Day 12

This is honestly more or less a shitting on apex post. I apologies, but srsly. My time in Saigon has been so enjoyable, I really love this city and most of the experiences I have had, but the organization and communication style implemented by apex is making this less fun! Im in a bad mood, and had a bad day. Here’s the play by play:

I feel like the zoom mediation class today really set my day up for failure. Ive been practicing mediation on and off for over half my life— at this point Im pretty particular about what I like, and have tried out a lot of different styles to figure out what I enjoy and what works for me. This zoom meditation class lead by some man in southern California really was more of an hour long lecture of this dude talking about how he used to be depressed but now he isnt, and maybe 15 min of mediation max. I was all about work, like work like jobs, like capitalist meditation. When he said the phrase “hiring managers read your energy body” I knew I had heard enough. Which was kinda for the best, because I started looking at my email and noticed two had just come in from apex! One contained information that said the pottery class on my sched started at 9am not 10am. I had been preped to get there at 10, and at the time I was reading that email, it was already after 9am. I called the studio and they said I could still attend, though I did miss an hour of workshop time. Also, once I got there they said the ceramics wont be ready for 2 weeks. In 2 weeks I wont be here anymore. Why wouldn’t yall schedule this class earlier in my schedule? Also it was noted in my sched that the class would cost 40000 VND, but it was really 400000 VND. I also got an email from apex that I was RSVPd for a tech company business mixer. I hadn’t noticed it on my schedule because it was set for the wrong time, the event was probably entered in EST, so it was coming up on friday instead of thursday and was kinda hidden by the other long event on my friday sched. This email was my first time hearing about it, and since I was already reeling from the meditation class and time change to pottery I was like wtfffff.

Like what type of weird ass shit is that? Send someone with no tech experience to an even that is intended for people working in tech and living in Vietnam? Its just like why send me to crash their party? I don’t really understand, there are so many other places I could talk to strangers without being so out of place, like out of place in a way that kinda feels disrespectful and disruptive to the event. I dont mind being out of place or having to talk to stagers, but it just feels rude to show up to an event I rly have no business being at. Since the story slam, anything that comes off eventbrite I am very skeptical of.

Idk why nearly everything on the schedule feels like its made out to be a riddle. The times are wrong, the addresses are wrong. I can never just do what the calendar says and expect it to work out seamlessly. I feel like I spend so much troubleshooting shit that should already be taken care of.

Also I still havnt been reimbursed for this plane ticket?! Even though I sent the necessary info twice, and it says in a number of places that I can request reimbursement whenever id like. Similarly, the agreement I signed notes 45 days will be given in advance to get a visa if necessary, I was given 6 six businesses days notice. Like all of this is just causes what feels like /unnecessary/ stress, unless that feeling is all part of the program too? Im trying to just learn a lesson in loosing control.

Anyway, I went a little rouge today and didnt go to capoeira. I was emotionally exhausted, and my ankle is a little weird and clicky from walking so much. This is the first activity ive skipped-- I probably wouldnt have skipped it if I didnt already do the class last week, but knowing how intense it was, and how bad I felt, it was the right decision for me today. I cant wait for this upcoming day off. Two weeks non-stop is starting to get to me.

I went to a later screening of the movie since my evening was free, and wow, another movie centered around a traumatic pregnancy experience. The main character miscarried during a robbery at 6 months. I watched the trailer this time to avoid this type of thing, but it didnt reveal that plot point. actually the whole movie was actually about really toxic abusive relationships, but the trailer made it seem like a comedy. Anyway this was less fucked up than the abortion horror movie, but still fucked up. okay, but also the main character did ceramics, and i did a ceramics class this morning...was that planned? how curated are these days? I think this trip is the only time I have ever been in a movie theater without a friend or companion. Watching movies alone is totally new for me, just like how ive literally never used a pottery wheel before today. Also mark making scares me so painting the ceramic bowl I made was notably difficult for me. I am incredibly grateful for these experiences despite everything i just vented about.

#Cody Herrmann #Outbound to Ho Chi Minh City

2 notes · View notes

suckitsurveys · 13 days

Text

1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week? Just working, which is a typical Wednesday.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hours sleep do you consider a decent amount? I run on 5-6 hours of sleep every night and its “decent” but definitely not enough.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves? I don’t know, a lot of shit.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together? My coworker who is in the room working with me.

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? Cold.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful? Not sure what you mean by “waterproofs.”

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? I have to get my nieces from school and then take them home and then I don’t have much else planned. Probably continue my Bob’s Burgers binge.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home? Probably like once or twice a year? During covid my sister cut it once.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? I’m wearing a hoodie, a tshirt, and jeans.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains? BEACH.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie? I did at one point.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home? I don’t remember; I was pretty young.

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? I see some of them maybe every couple of months.

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine? I do.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears? Yesterday because I am an emotional wreck right now.

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey? I'll probably do more. It’s slow today.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? I made a bagel earlier, does that count? lol.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows? I like all of those options.

19 - What caused your last injury? I don’t know what happened but I .

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them? I have 4 ear piercings and 1 nostril piercing and like 10 tattoos. The story is that I wanted them so I got them.

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you? Gardenias. Those don’t normally come in bouquets so I’ve never been given them.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? I haven’t ended a relationship over something “small.”

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetizer) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? Appetizers.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all? No one particular place.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? In my immediate family, not that we know of. But my niece had it once so I’m like 99% sure my sister did too, she just never tested because she never got symptoms.

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider? No and no.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? I enjoy both.

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you? Uhhh my earrings were; my sister got them for me for Christmas this past year.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment? Purple.

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed? Nope and nope.

#surveys

0 notes

magicmarker · 3 months

Text

15 people 15 questions

Tagged by @sixohsixoheightfourtwo—thanks! I'm not naming names but if you see this and feel inspired, please consider yourself tagged!

1. are you named after anyone?

My first and middle names are both derived from different names for the same flower—but neither are the best-known name for said flower, which is actually a much more common first name.

My blog (and queue tag) are derived from a Christine and the Queens song.

2. when was the last time you cried?

About a month ago, after a death in my family. It used to be that I never cried more than once or twice a year, but covid times definitely put me in a daily crying place for a while, which was wild (in a bad way).

3. do you have kids?

Yes.

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

I am more of a solo jock (indoor rowing, weightlifting), but briefly played in a floor hockey league that was extremely satisfying.

5. do you use sarcasm?

Only about intractable systemic problems.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

Vibes? I will forget your features immediately, but I will remember what mood you were in when we met.

7. what’s your eye color??

hazel

8. scary movies or happy endings?

I feel like this is a false dichotomy, but if forced—and love of c-drama bad endings notwithstanding—I'll go with happy.

9. any talents ?

Classic jack of all trades, master of none: I'm not noteworthy at any one thing but I'm an excellent pinch hitter in a lot of contexts (but not baseball, I'm shit at baseball.)

10. where were you born?

Southern California

11. what are your hobbies?

I cycle through hobbies at a frankly untenable rate. Guitar, learning Mandarin, and weight lifting have been in the mix the longest. I'm currently dabbling in home server administration and cozy video games.

12. do you have any pets?

Ask me next week ; )

13. how tall are you?

5'5"

14. favourite subject in school?

Physics

15. dream job?

What I do now is pretty good given, you know, capitalism. With different constraints I would love to do more different kinds of labor, and more work with direct local benefit, like 10 hours a week of writing, 10 hours a week of manual labor or light construction, 10 hours a week of collaborative project-based work. I am an ideal commune member, honestly.

#tag game

0 notes

survey--s · 5 months

Text

688.

Do you know anybody who is ambidextrous? I feel like I do, but I can't think of who.

Have you ever been 4-wheeling? No. It just doesn't appeal to me.

What’s the weather been like today? Miserable - pouring down rain and a weather warning on top.

What was the last exam you sat for? It was my pet first aid course.

Will you be attending any weddings in the near future? No.

Do you currently have any unread text messages, and who from? No, not at the moment.

Speaking of text messages, what colour is your cell phone? Blue.

Do you live anywhere near the woods? Yeah, I can see them from the front door, pretty much. I go most weeks when the weather is decent - unfortunately this time of year they just turn into mud so I don't really bother.

Would you ever consider a career in the tourism industry? It wouldn't be at the top of my list but a job is a job. Not everyone can afford to be picky about what they do.

Do you have any important anniversaries you celebrate? Not really. Mike and I don't really bother with our anniversary.

When was the last time you used q-tips? 3-4 days ago.

How does your hair react to humid weather or rain? It goes frizzy and horrible.

What’s your favourite flavour of iced tea? Raspberry or peach.

Do you understand music theory? I studied it when I did piano but it's been decades now. I'm not sure what I'd remember, in all honesty.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? About seven years.

Are you expected to act professionally at your job? I work with dogs so no, not really haha. Even with my clients I'm more polite/friendly than professional - it's not really the kind of job where you need an official "

Infomercials: entertaining or stupid? Both.

What’s your favourite brand of energy drink? I don’t like any energy drinks.

Do you have (or have you ever had) acne? Yeah, I've had it since I was about 12.

When was the last time you got pins-and-needles? Last night. I get them all the time as I always end up sleeping on my arms or hands.

Why did you click to take this survey? Because it was one I hadn't taken before.

If you have glasses, have you ever smashed them? No, they're really badly scratched though :/

How do you get new music? Buy or download or what? I pay for Spotify Premium.

Have you ever sent someone an abusive text message? In an argument, sure.

Do you require a lot of time to do things or are you quick? I'm pretty quick. I'd rather get things done than have them hanging over me.

What will be the next concert you attend? I have absolutely no idea.

Turn the nearest television on, what’s on? I'm watching The Big Bang Theory.

How often do you “wake up on the wrong side of the bed”? Maybe once or twice a week, but normally I get over it pretty quickly.

Can you rap? No.

What do you usually order when you’re at McDonald’s? Chicken nuggets, fries and sweet and sour sauce. In summer I get a McFlurry or milkshake and in winter it's a coffee and an apple pie.

Are there any textbooks near where you are right now? No.

What’s the time? 3.30pm.

Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? No.

How’s your body temperature right now? I mean, it's fine?

Do you use Celsius or Fahrenheit? Celsius.

What was the last thing you got a really good deal on? Dog treats thanks to Black Friday.

Have you ever studied any ancient societies? Yeah, Romans and Aztecs mostly.

Do you like to wear long, dangling earrings? No. I have a kitten who would rip them out of my ears in seconds, lol.

What was the last reason you took medicine? A headache.

Do you exercise regularly? Yeah, I walk dogs for a living. I cover 8-10km a day.

What is your coffee of choice? (flat white, cappuccino, etc.) Cappuccino or flavoured latte.

Do you pay any attention to your country’s politics? To an extent.

Are you feeling worried about anything right now? No.

Are you a gossipy type of person? Yeah, but not in a malicious way.

When will your next meal be, and do you know what it will consist of? Dinner and I have absolutely no idea. Maybe soup.

Tell me about the sickest you’ve ever felt. I've had a few bad viruses that have left me bedridden.

What’s your opinion on your in-laws, if you have any? They're lovely and really good people. I got lucky.

Do you make excuses often, or do you just get things done? For the most part I just get things done, but it does depend on my mood.

Have you seen your best friend today? Yeah.

What can you smell right now? My candle, which smells of coffee beans.

Any important birthdays coming up? Mine is tomorrow.

Fireworks: yay or nay? I like them but I wish they were limited to organised displays only.

Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? No. The weather is horrendous lol.

How about tomorrow? Any plans? We're meant to be going out for lunch but if the weather carries on like this I might not bother, in all honesty.

Do you know how to do your own laundry or does someone else do it? I do it. I mean, I'm an adult, nobody else is gonna do it for me.

If you could eat or drink anything right now, what would it be? I'm good.

What colour are your headphones? Black.

Think of the last long car trip you had, where did you go? I have no idea. Probably the Peak District.

Do you have a Twitter account that you use regularly? No.

Have you ever seen a horseshoe crab? They’re scary, right?! Only on TV. They don't really scare me but they are pretty weird.

What was the last movie you saw at the theatres? I don't remember.

Are there any new movies that you’d really like to see? I still haven't seen Barbie and I quite want to see Wonka too.

If you could play one instrument flawlessly, what would it be? Piano or guitar.

Do you overthink a lot of things? Not so much anymore.

Is there anybody you miss but can’t see again? Layla.

When was the last time you had a hangover? About four years ago.

#survey #surveys

0 notes

sailorsally · 8 months

Note

I have had kind of the same situation With a best friend and then a childhood friend. Who both times i was the one who ended it. The childhood friend was not giving me anything and in the end we where only friends beacuse we had know each other since we where kids. The other who was my best friend is a sore spot and still are. Its been 15 years since That friendship ended.. and i still think of them. But i can say im glad the childhood friend is no longer my friend, beacuse now she has like 5 kids and is part of a pyramid scheme and selling sand water With her husband…

Oh I am sorry you went thru this. For me it was the most painful breakup of my life. I was 22 at that time and had just moved back to my country after I dropped out of uni abroad and was severely depressed, it was summer and me and her literally spent the whole time planning our upcoming year and what we'd do and where we'd go, we were isneparable! and come september she tells me she's actually moving to study in the same country I had just left and that her flight leaves in 24 hours..... I have never felt more betrayed in my life. Obviously this wasn't a quick decision, so she had led me on for months. Let me plan and imagine our future together while she had plans to leave. It devastated me so badly, I cried for 3 days straight. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. It was a miserable time.

I was no contact with her for 3 years, spoke and saw her a couple of times since, once at her wedding. She was tereibky jealous and rude to my friends once, other times she messaged me offering to 'help me and set me up with a friend of her foreigner husband' (as if this was ever something I wanted lol) or countless advice on how to live my life in general. Mind you at this point we wouldn't even do much beyond exchanging pleasantries twice a year (usually on our birthdays). She didn't know me anymore and tbh from what she was saying she never knew me well at all. This realisation has given me a lot of peace. We had been pretty much inseparable for 12 years, but these were school years where we saw each other every day by default.

To be honest, I wouldn't even approach her to be my friend now as an adult. For a while she would randomly send me photos from our childhood saying how she misses "those times". Looking at those photos I don't get sad but I don't miss those times either. It happened and it was all good, I don't hate how things were. It's just I am not the same person anymore and that is how it's supposed to be. I am ok with being me.

This happened 13 years ago and you can see how well I'm handling it atm. It's just I know all these things on a rational level but on an emotional level it still makes me feel abandoned and that's why I don't wanna hear anything about her

I have ended one other relationship after this, it wasn't as painful as this but at some point you just get tired of always being the accommodating friend you know? Sometimes you wanna be accommodated for once as well. And it didn't happen so the sulky child in me that day stomped her foot down and says 'I am no longer friends with this person!' and honestly I think that was for the best.

My favourite way to end a friendship was this one time in middle school when I had a best friend and then we had summer break and when we came back the next year she was all girly and wanted to talk about boys and I was still a tomboy and wanted to play football and kick boys so we kinda naturally drifted apart in the comming weeks? There was nothing dramatic about it, we were very friendly towards each other before she moved to another school years later.

Generally I think you always gotta look forward, what happened brought you here and made you this person, what matters is what you will do next. People change. If you can be lifelong friends while also feeling like you can be yourself with them, that is great but sometimes people change in ways that aren't compatible anymore and you gotta move on. It hurts a lot to lose friends you grew up with because in comparison to adult friends, they feel more like a part of you, probably because you had a lot of first experiences together as kids which is a rarity in adult friendships. But eh, it is what it is. You will hurt someone, someone will hurt you, you will feel pain, or worse - won't feel any. That's life.

#Anon #this got so long. I didn't even know I had so much to say! freetherapy.#ask sally

1 note · View note