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theheightofdishonor · 2 years

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to commemorate my newest hyperfixation, i decided to make a top 10 asian dramas list (mostly bls). Like always, there's no order to this

bad buddy - my first bl and whoever said that this show would spoil you for bls was right because it's still my favourite. Absolutely nothing tops. This also kickstarted my obsession with nanon, so thank you bb. Praying for a sequel.

we best love - By itself it wouldn't be this high up but I loved the sequel and together, they're easily a contender for top 3. Great dynamic, great acting, great plot in the second one, Loved it.

3 will be free. I was in it for the polyamorous relationship and I got what I wanted. 10/10. Would rewatch (something even other shows on this list will not be getting)

Word of Honor.- I just in fact rewatched this because I was so obsessed. Top tier and I still hold that I liked it better than the Untamed.

the gifted + graduation - no lie, wouldn't have made it through if nanon wasn't in it but he is and it's a classic super powers at school thing so i really liked it. Also, watching blacklist (terrible, terrible show, easily top worst) made me realize how well they did in comparison and made me like it more

f4 - the shift bright's character made to liking gorya happened wayyyy too abruptly and I hate it but everything else was great, loved ren and gorya's friendship specifically. Bit too dramatic towards the end, even for me but it was a pretty fun time so.

kinnporsche - The more I watch this show, the less tolerance I have for the plot but it's a really fun watch, really high production, god tier chemistry for all three main couples and a killer theme song. Free Fall is easily my favourite bit of music out of everything i've watched, right in front of uwma's score which i'll mention later on and just a friend from bad buddy. Special shoutouts also to the editing on ep 11 because the tonal whiplash between each scene was hilarious.

my beautiful man - I didn't think i'd like it and honestly, wasn't a fan til the last couple episodes but they did win me over. Love it when a show does something new with a trope.

until we meet again was really hard for me to watch because pharm was like SO sweet and pure and whatnot and i like my main characters to be less, hm, nice, if that's the word but the story is so fucking good and it unfolds so well and Fluke;s acting has me on the verge of the tears everytime I so much as look at episode 17 so while this is a skip-watch, it still makes the list. Oh and the score for this show are killer, esp that piano piece they use to build tension in ep 16.

couple of mirrors. - it's a mystery, it's a lesbian romance, it's literally everything to me. I don't even have the words to explain how much i adored this show. definite rewatch

(i'm not watching the eclipse until it's finished which i don't think it is yet)

#listen if my hyperfixation wasn't tiding over i'd go and stalk through chimon's discography and then it'd be something of his on the list #or gun i really like gun but i didn't like any of offgun's stuff nor did i like his character in the gifted so #we best love by itself wouldn't be that high up but with part 2 it's easily a top 3 #a lot of the stuff ends up falling in the middle #i started out not having enough shows to put a top 10 and then had 11 #rip semantic error i replaced you with kinnporsche #history 3 > semantic error hot take of the decade???#there were a lot of shows like matter of death i liked but just not enough #bad buddy #kinnporsche #history 3: trapped #we best love #the gifted graduation #the gifted #word of honor #my beautiful man #3 will be free #f4 thailand #until we meet again #man if you told me uwma would be in my top 10 after how hard it was to watch i'd have laughed you out the door #couple of mirrors

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bonetrousle · 9 months

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ok nobody asked but here are my feelings on good omens 2 (contains spoilers, obviously, though i doubt there is anyone on this website left who hasn't been spoiled.) but anyways. This gets a little long too haha I just have a lot to say

Well first off I just wanna say that it was so bad. So so bad. I honestly thought I'd come online after my spoiler-avoiding absence to find people posting about how terrible it was - not the case, it would seem! I was so bored and frustrated by the pacing, directing, editing, the score and the acting. Oh, and of course the writing. lmfao. There were multiple moments where we laughed out loud watching it because the edits/acting/directing were so bad. My general reaction was "that whole season was just like a fanfiction :/" and then I came online to find everyone saying "that whole season was just like a fanfiction!! 😍" like. I don't actually want my professionally-produced with a budget of more than $5 shows to be like a fanfiction, actually, thanks!!

The Beelzebub/Gabriel thing fucking blindsided me so bad and felt like it came out of nowhere. I hated it!!! I also hated the recast of Beelzebub! Like, no hate to the actor, but they were WAY too pretty to be playing Beelzebub. Why is it that they started a romantic plot with them and they also conveniently got more conventionally pretty. :/ Look how they massacred my boy!!! HATE!!!!!! This to me was the most fanservicey feeling part of the show, and I did not care for it :^) I could go on about this for quite some time in more depth, but I won't haha. all im saying is they did not do the mahi to get the treats. i'll leave it at that!!!

Sorry I hated the lesbians too. They were so annoying. Why did they have to be in every scene. shout out to neil for making me actively dislike a gay pairing, it's not easy to do!! Again, I could go on; I won't right now though!

TO THE POSITIVES: (spoilers ahead obvs) The last 15 minutes were genuinely so good, to me. So here's the thing. I was unwillingly spoiled for the fucking leaks by people posting on here about them without giving any warning at all. I had to unfollow a few accounts, but the damage was done. At least I didn't have any context for what was going to happen, but having avoided most promo, my assumption was this- there was only going to be a season 2, that was going to be the end, done and dusted. Aziraphale and Crowley would assumedly get together, and they'd all live happily every after, blah blah. Ok, fine! Great! I was super ready for that. My favourite experience of the show was the dawning realisation of horror during the most emotional part of the show that season 2 was not the end, and it was about to end on a fucking devastating cliffhanger. Like I was flabbergasted. In shock. THAT'S GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE!!! It also explained why the whole season felt like a bad movie 2 in a series of 3, in that nothing really fucking happened at all. Seriously. the plot felt so paper thin, there was really no need for every episode to be 45 mins +. Some tighter editing and it could've been 30 mins an episode. there just wasn't enough there to justify the run-time, to me!

Generally speaking of course, I loved all the aziraphale and crowley interactions, though some of them were unbearable (what was that shit with the laudanum in scotland, so cringe, auughh). In general I felt there could have been a bit more... subtlety in the acting and writing as a whole. It all felt very OTT, all the time. We went back and rewatched the cold open of season 1 episode 3 and it felt like it was emmy-winning in comparison in terms of pacing, directing, writing etc. SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Anyway, the setup for season 3 was delicious, so I have higher hopes for that season potentially actually being good. But I'm not going to get my hopes up TOO high after that. General consensus to me is that that season was so bad, but no one cares/wants to acknowledge it because of the gay shit, and everyone's gonna pile neil up with applause and commendations, which he still doesn't deserve, imo!!! I'm a hater from the rave to the grave! he shouldn't have got in a twitter argument with my partner online!!! He made it personal!!! I'M IN YOUR WALLS!!!!!

Anyway, maybe after a rewatch I'll find more to enjoy. HAH! expect me to reblog gifsets about it anyway.

#tl;dr i'm a huge hater but i did enjoy some parts obviously

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byneddiedingo · 9 months

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Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire in Follow the Fleet (Mark Sandrich, 1936)

Cast: Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Randolph Scott, Harriet Nelson, Astrid Allwyn, Betty Grable, Harry Beresford, Russell Hicks, Brooks Benedict, Ray Meyer, Lucille Ball. Screenplay: Dwight Taylor, Allan Scott, based on a play by Hubert Osborne. Cinematography: David Abel. Art direction: Van Nest Polglase. Film editing: Henry Berman. Music: Max Steiner; songs by Irving Berlin.

Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers of course spark real heat when they're dancing together: As the remark attributed to Katharine Hepburn about the team says, she made him sexy and he made her classy. But I don't find them terribly convincing as a romantic pair when they're not singing and dancing together, and this criticism was not uncommon even in their heyday. Which may be why RKO decided to try to spice things up by creating a parallel romantic team in Follow the Fleet, casting Randolph Scott and Harriet Nelson (billed as Harriet Hilliard) as the lovers whose problems echo those of Astaire and Rogers. The trouble is, Scott and Nelso generate much less chemistry than the lead couple. Scott had always been a sort of second-string Gary Cooper, but without Cooper's charm or acting ability, and Nelson was best known as a singer with her husband Ozzie's band when she was signed for this film, her first feature. She sings, rather ineffectively, two of the lesser-known of the seven Irving Berlin songs in the score, "Get Thee Behind Me, Satan" and "But Where Are You?" Follow the Fleet did nothing for her film career. It wasn't until she teamed with Ozzie for the radio series The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet in 1944, and later with their two sons, David and Ricky, for the long-running TV series of the same name, that she became really famous. Fame was in store, however, for several other members of the cast: Betty Grable and a blond Lucille Ball have small parts in the film, and Tony Martin, one of the sailors backing up Astaire, would later star in Hit the Deck (Roy Rowland, 1955), the original title of the play by Hubert Osborne on which Follow the Fleet was based. As for Astaire and Rogers, Follow the Fleet contains two of their most memorable numbers. They do a slapstick dance routine to "I'm Putting All My Eggs in One Basket" that shows Rogers's great gift for physical comedy to full advantage. And then there's "Let's Face the Music and Dance," which is one of their most balletic routines. Astaire does some remarkable footwork and Rogers is clad in an amazing dress that, thanks to weights in the sleeves and hem, swirls around her hypnotically. Once or twice, to be sure, you can see Astaire try to avoid getting swacked by her sleeves. (The designer credited with "gowns" is Bernard Newman.) At the end of this sublime routine, Astaire and Rogers slowly make their way off-stage and then suddenly exit with a breathtakingly unanticipated strut.

#Follow the Fleet #Mark Sandrich #Ginger Rogers #Fred Astaire

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baekhvuns · 1 year

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I do agree RM doesn't always know how to play Barca, but they used to know, like AGES ago a the beginning of football so what happened 😭 Bayern needs to teach them, remember when they defeated Barca 8:2 in 2020 💀 I also remember them winning 7:0 or something. Yep Ancelotti is not it... 🔫

⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ what was that Al Nassr vs PSG game lmao, just pure clownery

Since I'm older you should also respect me, meanwhile I'm faced with so much disrespect!

Ok thanxx, I have one video on Harry saved from a person I'm subbed to, but I'm gonna ad these two as well

I was never a huge fan of SuperM, but at least their songs have some substance, GOT is just so mid or bad lmao, it's sad to see. Even the choreography and performance wasn't great, ehhh.

Speaking of SuperM, Yangyang posted an edit photo of WayV, only 6 members and Lookass stans got so maaaaaaad. YY always at the scene of the crime, good for him 😅 OP deleted her stupid ass tweet, but this

I just had this webtoon saved for months and didn't expect it to be so fun, also didn't expect Eunhyuk to be so sweet and </3 so it's not confirmed, but I know it's true, he has terrible parents and his mother hurt him, so now he's deaf in one ear, no one knows about it, we just get the hints. I didn't see them at first, but now it all makes sense 💔 Like they were listening to songs together and he couldn't hear, but pretended to 😢

The HP movies got better in terms of quality and story-telling over the years, but I have a very soft spot for the first two movies, I used to watch them on... VHS

Idk if you watched Red Eye with Cillian and Rachel McAdams, but man looked so pretty and fucking terrifying at the same time

Red cards for fansites god I wish!

I know people who own snakes! My mother used to hate them and she's still not a big fan, but once she touched a snake she was pleasantly surprised hausuahahahaha

When people tell Shakira "you're pushing 50s, grow up" yeah she's petty, but I support her shenanigans, because Pique deserves it 😊

BTW WHAT IS THIS

Seonghwa didn't wear that YSL brooch to be omitted like that...

Hoshi x Usher? Another random western artist x kpop artist interaction lol

Baeeek why would you I'm a cannibal actually

Did NOT expect a place called Brampton to look like this?! Pretty sure there's a park in Newcastle called Brampton

Breathtaking shit

This photo is sending me into the oblivion. Yeah it does for sure

Omg hoooold oooon. And when we make a webtoon character based on Park Seonghwa so we don't have to headcanon him as every single guy skdjeiehhedhdh

Soohyuk x Hoshi dating rumours?! - DV 💖

helllo!!!

EVEN AT THE BEGINNING OF FOOTBALL BESTIE those 1920's copa del ray's got barca at 15-1 and 10-0's 😭😭😭😭 nAHHH BAYERN IS SOME MONSTER IDK WHAT THE FUCK THEY GOT AGAINST EVERYONE, BUT I BE MISSING THEM MATCHES BC THOSE ARE HUMILIATING 😭😭😭 maybe now that we have lewa, their top scorer and xavi's way of playing maybe we can do it 😭😭 but dortmund is the only one who can teach bayern a good lesson <3 yeAHHH ancelotti changed the playing and it clearly is not working w them, and now it's psg v bayern, i have bare to no hope in psg bfdfhgf they're moody asf <3

NOOOO THE PSG AL NASSR WAS SO STUPIDLY HILARIOUS FOR RONALDO 😭😭😭it wasn’t a friendly, it was PERSONAL 😭😭 bro scoring the penalty like it was the world cup in a FRIENDLY but what a day, top 3 football players of all time on the same match and on the same field for probably the last time <3 end of an era truly, from 2008 to 2023 but they had fun, giggling on the field when ronaldo scored fdhsjfjbm did u hear about the chelsea signing the ukranian neymar going to chelsea AND HE FUCKING PLAYS LIKE HAZARD ANON!!!! and juventus downfall ✨

Since I'm older you should also respect me, meanwhile I'm faced with so much disrespect! /// Ok thanxx, I have one video on Harry saved from a person I'm subbed to, but I'm gonna ad these two as well

sorry im a little blind

either way it’s pretty fucked up book with him telling secrets that are not his to tell 😭😭 tbh made me feel bad about charles, he’s emotionally closed a little and harry diminished every time he tried hard to show his fatherhood!

Baek coming in 2 weeks, I swear it was 2 months not so long ago. I liked a few recent Exo's b-side, but I haven't listened to them in ages tbh. Shinee tour... you mean, 5 concerts in Seoul and 5 concerts in Japan? 😭 //// I was never a huge fan of SuperM, but at least their songs have some substance, GOT is just so mid or bad lmao, it's sad to see. Even the choreography and performance wasn't great, ehhh.

2 WEEKS. 2 WEEKS, OH MY GOD OUR MESSIAH IS COMING BACK 🤲🏻🤲🏻😭😭 the 2 year wait is finally over 😭😭😭 the bsides were def better! i keep coming back to the tempo era songs,,, oasis is just different 🤌🏻 NO SERIOUSLY ITS ALWAYS THAT AND THEY GO OUTSIDE ONCE IN A BLUE MOON THIS IS NOT FAIR i do not get what it is with sm not having their bg’s not go outside asia for concerts except for nct,,, like tvxq ever coming america???? no seriously at least their songs had a little oomph to it, convinced it is bc of taemin baek and kai taking initiative otherwise it would’ve been a got2.0 <3 no yeah the stage presence isn’t there and the whole BoA being 🔫🔫 comment 3 ate her up ngl 🤚🏻

WAIT NO WAY??? no cause id be pissed to, one member ruining the career of the entire group and I CANT POST A PETTY PICTURE??? well damn 🤨 common w for yangyang <3

i am sorry what.

him trying to listen to music with her is so 😭😭😭 STOP I KNOW ITS SAD BUT THAT IS SO SWEET STOP IT 😭😭😭 STOP IT I STARTED AND IM ALREADY 📈📉📈📉📈

The HP movies got better in terms of quality and story-telling over the years, but I have a very soft spot for the first two movies, I used to watch them on... VHS //// Idk if you watched Red Eye with Cillian and Rachel McAdams, but man looked so pretty and fucking terrifying at the same time

you're right!!! BUT THE FIRST TWO UR CORRECT they're always the best ones; maybe it's bc everything was starting, it's nostalgic and magicay,,, something so comforting about them,, LMFAOO NO WAY ON VHS??? u have the physical copies, im gonna collapse,, I HAVE NOT BUT I HAVE WATCHED CLIPS OF IT,, cillian murphy is the definition of intimidating beauty it's not even funny,,, im so vv executed for oppenheimer to drop and scream over him and the insane cast <3 BUT DO U REMEMBER MICHEIL HUISMAN IN THE AGE OF ADALINE !!!!!! HE’S !!!!!!! SO !!!!! GODLY !!!!! I WOULD DIE FOR THAT MAN

Red cards for fansites god I wish! /// I know people who own snakes! My mother used to hate them and she's still not a big fan, but once she touched a snake she was pleasantly surprised hausuahahahaha

bodyguards should start carrying them, it would confuse them and then u push <3 omg how does it feel like, squishy? leathery??? 😵‍💫 i wish u could see my expression right now, it’s something like this:

When people tell Shakira "you're pushing 50s, grow up" yeah she's petty, but I support her shenanigans, because Pique deserves it 😊 //// BTW WHAT IS THIS

they all say that until it’s their turn and they end up in jail 🤨 pique deserves every bit of the pettiness, no one likes him,,, messi’s wife supporting miss shakira they def knew his jerkass,,, STOP IT HFMWBDKSHDKW THATS SO FUNNY 😭😭😭😭😭 THE INTERNET NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH

Seonghwa didn't wear that YSL brooch to be omitted like that... //// Hoshi x Usher? Another random western artist x kpop artist interaction lol

NO BECAUSE THAT MAN REPS YSL MORE THAN ANY IDOL, WHERE 🤨 him having those edits of waving and walking in between ppl with guards by him, when is it our turn to experience this. no do u rmr the ailee and ch*s br*wn thing 💀

Baeeek why would you I'm a cannibal actually //// Did NOT expect a place called Brampton to look like this?! Pretty sure there's a park in Newcastle called Brampton

LMFAOOOOO <333 i support this type of cannibalism only <3,,, it really looks like italy flew over ☺️☺️☺️ but it's genuinely a trashy place unless u live on the rich side, WAIT NO WAY??? we have a london, surrey, victoria, bath, edmonotn, oxford and paris too, u guys got a westminster too no?? THERE'S EVEN A LIVERPOOL HERE IM CRYING

Breathtaking shit //// This photo is sending me into the oblivion. Yeah it does for sure

he’s SO ethereal, AND THIS??? the hair in this is so

SEONGHWA??? IS AN UNCLE????? FBWNDH and if i cry 🫡

Omg hoooold oooon. And when we make a webtoon character based on Park Seonghwa so we don't have to headcanon him as every single guy skdjeiehhedhdh //// Soohyuk x Hoshi dating rumours?! - DV 💖

onG THAT ART IS GORGEOUS ?????£~€]&$£?!? i saw this the other day and thought it was a hwa 😭😭 I SUPPORT THIS COUPLE VERY MUCH, THE LOUD AND THE QUIET, IM INTO THIS, DISPATCH WHERE ARE U

anon😭😭

saw this the other day and thought of your friends dream 😔😔

do you remember this day, thus started my bbhwa obsession actually

😭😭😭

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

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ehronlime · 1 year

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My Favourite TV Shows I Watched in 2022

The Bear

The Bear came as a total surprise to me. Perhaps it shouldn’t have since I love stories about food and cooking and it did remind me of some of the cooking manga I’ve read. It’s not just a show about a restaurant, though it’s a huge part of it. At its core, it is a family drama about loss and grief; about the stresses of expectations and making up for the past. And yet it’s also often very funny, because that’s the way life is. You joke and find humour in absurd situations because that’s how you survive. And The Bear is about survival. Surviving the kitchen, surviving your family, surviving the temptation to let everything burn, and somehow in 2022 a story about survival is terribly relevant. Also, hey it’s basically ProZD’s Pizza Brothers Slice of Life anime with an absolutely stellar cast and impeccable editing.

Andor + A More Civilized Age

I gushed about this at the end of the November newsletter, and I'm still amazed at how good Andor was. Star Wars never had that hold on me that it seemed to have on a lot of people I know. I liked it enough, but it just never really grabbed me. I always thought of it as the "average", the standard against which most popular sci-fi could be measured. Was it more "serious" than Star Wars? Goofier than Star Wars? More earnest than Star Wars? Star Wars was the thing that was always there, Star Wars was background radiation. All I needed from Star Wars was for it to be "good enough" to still orient my understanding of the sci-fi genre around. I never thought that a Star Wars thing could be "great".

I think Andor is great. The care and attention to the storytelling, the plotting, the production design, the score, the dialogue, the themes, the capital-A Acting, the clothing, all blew me away. And the thing about Andor is, I think it's better for being a Star Wars thing. Yes, please give me great original sci-fi stories in new settings and worlds. But. There's something to be said about being able to lean on the weight and history of an established setting, to play with its preconceptions and burdens and carve out new ways of seeing it and engaging with it. I loved Andor this year because it gave me a new foothold to appreciate Star Wars. To see what skilled craftspeople could do with the daunting hulk of "franchise" and play a new tune on its pockmarked surfaces. The last time I felt this way about something was about Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, and I cherished the opportunity to feel that way again.

I also have to give a huge shout-out to A More Civilized Age. If you don't know what that is, it's a podcast that's supposed to be about re-watching and discussing all of the Clone Wars animated series (and quite a few other Star Wars things as part of their Patreon bonus content), but took a slight detour to cover all of Andor, week by week. I'm not that big of a Star Wars fan, but I am a big fan of each of the cast of A More Civilized Age, having followed their work from Friends At The Table, Idle Weekend and Waypoint (crucially, Be Good And Rewatch It which had an incredible series watching and discussing the 1995 BBC miniseries and the 2005 movie adaptations of Pride and Prejudice), which is why I've been a faithful listener even though I have never watched any Clone Wars. It's been a joy to follow along with them as they discuss and dissect each episode of Andor, pointing out allusions I missed, providing context from the history of Star Wars and the production of Andor, and delving deeper into the themes and politics of the show. It was such a great companion piece to the show itself that I can't really extricate them from each other. Thank you AMCA for putting out a great show, and making another great show that much greater.

And Andor wasn't even my favourite TV show of 2022.

Severance

When I heard Severance described as a dark comedy and saw that it starred Adam Scott, I was expecting more “comedy” than “dark” and boy am I glad I was so, so wrong about that. I mentioned in my write up of Andor that I would love more original sci-fi stories and settings and baby this is it. Ultimately this is what pushed it above Andor for me. It has equally strong performances from its ensemble (Tramell Tillman’s Milchick might be my favourite performance of the year, next to Ebon Moss-Bachrach’s whole deal), incredible production design and editing, but it brings something new and exciting to the table with the concept of severing your work-self from your personal-self, condemning them to an eternal purgatory of labour without meaning.

It’s weird and tense and funny and also surprisingly sweet. Much of the heart of the series is reflected in the burgeoning romance between John Turturro’s and Christopher Walken’s characters, and it’s really nice to see an older queer romance anchor some of the emotional stakes of the story.

Mobile Suit Gundam - The Witch From Mercury

If we’re talking about another series that plays with the legacy and expectations of being a franchise entry to carve out new space for itself, then it’s time to finally talk about my favourite TV show of 2022. You already know it’s not Andor. It’s fucking Gundam Time. No, it’s probably not technically “more accomplished” than the other series on this list; yes, it’s not subtle at all about its themes and need to also be a show that sells you plastic model kits, but damnit I love Gundam.

It's doing some interesting things with the formula, spending time on formalized mecha duels in a school setting very reminiscent of Revolutionary Girl Utena, while the adults try and maneuver events behind the scenes to an inevitable conflict. Oh wait, why does that sound familiar? That's because I already made a game about that called Spectres of Brocken. It's been unreal to get a new Gundam series that pushes exactly all the buttons that I want it to push. It's got young pilots getting to know each other in a school setting before they end up being pushed into a greater conflict, it's interested in the ways mechs are used as prostheses and as extensions of bodies, it's interested in the burdens of the past that we put on future generations, it's interested in how people relate to each other and end up using each other, on purpose or not, it's about some gosh damn cute lesbians being incredibly awkward with each other. They got me completely.

I'm really glad that it's so easily available to watch for free on YouTube (they know they're going to get that Gunpla money from us anyway), as it has allowed a lot of new people to jump on and discover Gundam. On top of being a really fun show to watch, it's been extra fun watching it week to week with friends and sharing theories, jokes, memes, fanart and gushing over little moments and cool mech designs. I look forward to every episode not just because I'm enjoying watching it, but because I can then join in on the Gundamposting with my friends on Discord and Twitter after. I haven't had a group watch experience like this in a very long time, and I'm so glad that I'm able to have it for a Gundam show.

Honourable Mentions: Defunctland, Masquerade (Kasou Taishou), Old Enough, The Sandman, Spy X Family, Schitt's Creek, Superstore

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pinky-the-elephant-room · 4 years

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SapioSexual

★☆ AN: So, this prompt is dedicated to anyone attracted to nerds and science. Look I’m terrible at chemistry so I made Kuroo a jack of all trades while still being ace at chemistry. Also, thanks to @succulent-momma and @drabbles-blurbs-words for editing this for me.

★☆ Summary: It’s not Kuroo’s fault, not really. It’s not his fault that every time he opened his mouth to talk like that you just wanted to throw yourself at him.

★☆ Warning: Explicit sex, Size Kink, and Rough sex. Read at your own discretion. Kuroo x Fem Reader.

★☆ ★☆ ★☆ ★☆ ★☆ ★☆

Kuroo considered himself fairly handsome and was well-liked by most people. Except by his teammates who nicknamed him "demon captain". And of course, Kenma who would frequently throw some jabs his way. But he was nice to girls. In fact, he was a gentleman to every girl he met, only accompanied by mild playful teasing when the moment required it. Most girls, in his humble opinion, wanted his attention and frankly desired to date him. Except for Y/N.

He would never forget that particular day in 2nd year when she turned him down in front of his team. Kuroo and Kenma were heading home after volleyball practice accompanied by Yaku and Yamamoto, who were heading out as well.

Kuroo, noticing Y/N, called out, "Y/N-chan!"

Y/N turned around to see Kuroo waving at her, to which she only frowned in return.

"So, Y/N-chan, when are you going to take up on my offer of going on a date soon?"

"Over my dead body," she murmured before flouncing away.

Yaku had burst out laughing, enjoying Kuroo's embarrassment. Yamamoto tried to spare his senpai's feelings knowing the pain of being rejected all too well. But it was just too satisfying to watch smug Kuroo get turned down. Yamamoto collapsed in howling fits. Kuroo could even see Kenma hiding a smirk underneath his long bangs while trying and failing to look absorbed in his PSP.

She perplexed the hell out of him. He didn't understand where he went wrong with Y/N. In fact, she only displayed uninterest most of the time he attempted to talk to her.

★☆ ★☆

However, he finally started making headway in his third year. Y/N, lo and behold, was in his class. Making it easier for him to talk to her. She was resistant to his efforts at first, but one particular day she let her guard down.

"Y/N-chan, how did you do on your chemistry test?" he inquired, looking at his 98.

He could feel her glare, and so Kuroo looked up to shoot a smirk at her.

"An 85. Probably better than your score," she huffed.

"Not today, sweetheart. Looks like I win." He sat back in his chair and radiated smugness.

Y/N leaned over from her chair to look at his score, and he could see her eyes widen in shock.

"How? You had two practice matches this week against rival schools back to back! When did you get the time to study?" Y/N blurted out.

"I'm flattered you know so much about my schedule."

She avoided eye contact and cleared her throat. "Don't get it twisted. It's hard not to know when that's all you've talked about for two weeks."

Kuroo's smirk just got bigger. "And here I thought you don't listen to poor old me. I'm smarter than you think I am. I don't need to study a lot to get adequate grades."

Y/N seemed a bit incredulous.

"Then why isn't your rank higher?" she challenged.

"Well, we can't all be ranked second like you. But you're right. My rank could be better if I tried more. But I don't need to because my grades just have to be good enough to play volleyball and get into a decent university. It's not like I'm going to be a doctor."

Y/N stared at him for a moment before requesting if she could look at his test to see what she did wrong. Kuroo shrugged and gave it to her.

He could feel Y/N's inquisitive gaze on him the rest of the day. But every time he turned to see, her long dark hair hid her face. It was puzzling, to say the least.

As the bell rang and he was about to leave for volleyball practice, Y/N stopped him.

"Kuroo, next time there's a chemistry test can we study together?" she asked him almost shyly.

A bit dazed by her request, he only nodded, to which she responded with, "great! See you tomorrow."

★☆ ★☆

Days began to fly by with Y/N still somehow talking to him, their topics ranging from academic to inane intellectual discussions.

"Ne Kuroo, do you think there's any truth to Jurassic Park? Like theoretically, can we bring back dinosaurs?" she asked him one morning after biology.

He blinked at the question and put his mechanical pencil down. Y/N reminded him too much of a particular beanpole dinosaur enthusiast in that moment.

"Not really. Because think about it, not only would we need to have a perfect DNA replica to duplicate, meaning the bullshit explanation from the movie of filling the missing DNA structures with DNA from modern species wouldn't work. But we would also need to recreate the environment these creatures thrived in. The current Earth right now is colder than they're used to. Then we would also have to recreate the same food sources. These dinosaurs didn't evolve to eat grass or cows. Plain and simple, they wouldn't survive."

Y/N's face brightened. "Exactly! Oh, and did you see the new dinosaur they discovered in Hokkaido? It's called Kamuysaurus. It's a different species of Hadrosaurid." She continued enthusiastically explaining to him what made the Kamuysaurus different from other Hadrosaurid species. It was kind of boring, to be honest; he wasn't much of a dinosaur fan, but he listened intently, feeling satisfied knowing that Y/N's attention was solely on him.

★☆ ★☆

The next week as Kuroo was walking home with Kenma, he noticed Y/N going inside a bookstore.

"Kenma, I'm going to go ahead, alright?" Kuroo said as he watched Y/N curiously.

Kenma looked up to see Kuroo staring at Y/N. "She's just going to yell at you again."

"Don't worry; I got it handled. See you tomorrow." Without waiting to hear his childhood friend's response, Kuroo ran to catch up to her before she left the store.

The store's bell jingled, and an employee welcomed him inside. He walked around for a bit before finally finding Y/N in the back, intensely reading a book. He walked up behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

Y/N jumped and let out a squeak. She relaxed, seeing his smirking face "Kami-sama! Kuroo, don't do that! You scared the crap out of me!"

He chuckled at her reaction and stepped closer into her personal space. Looking over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of what she was reading.

"Stars and constellations? Since when are you into astronomy?" he asked.

"Well, it's a fairly new hobby. Chichiue and I are planning a trip to the mountains to chart stars. I thought it would help me to know what we are looking at."

She tried to move away to put some space between them, but he just grabbed her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Hmm, need some help?"

She turned around and cocked her eyebrow at him. "Let me guess you know some things about astronomy too?"

He just ignored the sarcasm in her voice before going on a tangent. "Well, did you know at the center of every galaxy is a gigantic black hole that is gradually sucking everything inside? That's how we got the image of a swirling galaxy that we know today. Just in the Milky Way alone, there's about ten million to a billion other smaller black holes."

Kuroo stopped to glance at Y/N, who was looking back at him keenly, before continuing.

"And the name of the supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy is-"

"Sagittarius A," Y/N finished almost breathlessly.

Kuroo joked, "guess you also know some things about astron-"

He failed to complete his sentence when Y/N yanked him down by his school uniform and captured his lips. Her kiss was harsh and greedy as she tried to swallow him whole. He reached over and lifted Y/N to steady her against the bookshelf. He separated for a moment to observe her, captivated as her ample chest heaved up and down.

"Kuroo," she whimpered out while clutching his school uniform.

Y/N grabbed his red tie and tugged him closer. Unable to deny her, he slanted his lips over hers.

Kuroo was honestly so confused; why was she kissing him in a bookstore of all places? Did she have feelings for him? He supposed she had to have felt some attraction. Otherwise, she wouldn't have jumped him in the middle of a conversation. But if she did, when did it began and how? Because as far as he knew, nothing about himself had changed except they were talking more than usual. Their previous conversations included him being flirty and Y/N doing her best to walk away. But now they could spend hours arguing over their shared answers on their organic chemistry homework.

Still, all those questions disappeared when he felt her tongue intertwine with his and suck. Letting out a groan, he pressed her harder against the shelves and bucked. Y/N gasped and grinded back against his clothed cock. Kuroo could feel his member stirring at the soft sounds she was letting out despite gnawing on her lips. She was impatiently trying to rub against him, unable to get a satisfying rhythm.

"Here…here," he urged, grabbing her legs and tugging them around his waist.

She complied and clutched him closer before reigniting their kiss. Y/N was just so impatient and greedy, she coaxed him to get rougher by nibbling on his lower lip.

"Fuck, sweetheart. Do you always get so needy?" he panted.

He needed a minute. Just a minute to get himself together. Because if he made contact with her hot cunt one more time, Kuroo was going to lose it. He was going pull her panties to the side before plunging his hard cock inside of her. And he didn't think getting disciplined for obscenity in a public place was something either of them could afford right now.

SLAM!

The two of them startled and pulled apart to hear a customer apologizing to the bookstore's employee. A book was dropped on the floor.

He reluctantly lowered Y/N back on the floor and let her go. Y/N was looking anywhere but at him, as she tried to fix her appearance and make herself look presentable again.

Kuroo stepped forward. "Let me."

Y/N just nodded as she looked at the floor. He raised her chin to gaze into her eyes as he fixed her long-ruffled strands of hair.

"There. Perfect." His words meaning more than what he implied.

Kuroo waited for her as she paid for her astronomy book and followed her outside.

"Kuroo, it's still early. Do you wanna grab something to eat?" she asked once both had stepped out.

He blinked at her question, wondering if this was a date but decided to not let the chance slip by.

"Sure, I know the perfect place." He grabbed her hand and ignored her flustered pleas to let her hand go.

By the time they arrived at their destination, Kuroo had noticed Y/N had stopped all her protests. Finally, feeling relaxed and secure in his presence.

★☆ ★☆

Several months and dates later, Kuroo and Y/N found themselves at his house while studying for an upcoming chemistry exam.

"So, almost all stoichiometry problems can be solved in four simple steps. First, you balance the equation. Convert the units of the given substance to moles. Then calculate the moles of substance yielded by the reaction. Finally, convert the moles of the substance to the desired units. Sounds easy enough, right?" Kuroo asked, looking up from his notes to see Y/N eyeing her worksheet nervously.

"I-I'm going to be honest with you. I have no idea what any of that means," she grumbled.

He grabbed Y/N and pulled her close to him on the bed they were both occupying.

"Here. Watch me do it, and then if you have any questions, let me know."

Kuroo went through the process slowly. When he finished, he looked up to see Y/N gazing at him earnestly with a prominent flush on her face.

He stared back curiously, not understanding why Y/N was peering at him like that. Usually, she gave him those looks when she watched him play volleyball or if he acted particularly sweet that day. He shouldn't have been that surprised when she shoved her worksheet aside and pounced on him.

Y/N desperately clung and kissed him thoroughly.

"W-wait Y/N. We still have work to do," he gasped while turning his face away.

She didn't seem too perturbed and instead started nibbling his slender neck instead.

Hang on, why was he hesitating if there was a willing and rutting girl on top of him?

Kuroo tried to grasp her waist tightly and switch their position. But Y/N was having none of it and pushed his grabby hands away. She swung her leg over his waist and pushed him down. With her position, her skirt had ridden up and showed off her legs. He couldn't help it as he caressed her silky-smooth skin and started making his way up her skirt. But before he could touch her lacey panties, she once again shoved his hand away. Y/N carefully steadied herself and started rocking against his jeans.

It didn't take long before his dick started stirring with Y/N grinding on top of him. Trying not to upset Y/N's pace, he carefully unbuttoned her lacey blouse to expose her black bra. Kuroo shoved off the garment off her shoulders so he could knead her breasts through the cotton bra. Perhaps she got impatient from the lack of friction because soon enough, Y/N was unzipping his jeans and pulling out his dick. She pumped it a few times and asked Kuroo to help. While she was getting his dick hard, Kuroo pulled down her panties. She lined up him up quite nicely.

Y/N quickly rammed his cock inside of her, so fast that Kuroo almost missed the pained whimper from her mouth.

"Oy, slow down," he groaned while feeling her walls constrict around him. Kuroo tried to remove himself from her embrace, but she held onto his hips tightly. She started pushing herself up and down on top of him, letting out whimpers at the feeling of being so full.

He could feel her slick building up from the added ministrations and coating his length, making it easier for her to descend on him. Still, it was a tight fit. Bordering on pain and pleasure. He could see the tears in her eyes, so Kuroo once again tried to get her to slow down.

"Sweetheart, we got all the time in the world."

"Tetsu, I.. I need you so badly," she moaned while simultaneously shoving the rest of him inside her.

"Fuck!" he let out after seeing her be filled to the brim and her mound connecting with his pubic.

Y/N was a panting and crying mess, trying to accommodate a cock that was clearly too big for her.

He felt a little ashamed and guilty for liking the way she looked on top of him. But sex with Y/N was always so nasty and filthy. He remembered vividly how desperately she begged for him to take her virginity after school one day. So, Kuroo cut his practice short (the one rare time he did) and took her to the nearest love hotel where he proceeded to fuck her senseless for an hour straight. Still, he remembered feeling despaired afterward because he had wanted to make love after a romantic date for her first time.

His musing got cut short when Y/N started bouncing on his cock mercilessly. She let out choked sobs each time she slammed back down. The bedsprings began squeaking, and the frame of the bed banged against the wall. So much so he would no doubt have to explain about the dent later to his parents.

Soon enough, he could see Y/N becoming tired, her breathing becoming more and more labored.

She begged, "Tetsu, help me."

"I don't know, Y/N. You got yourself in this mess-" Kuroo let out a loud groan when he felt Y/N purposely squeezing his cock.

Kuroo pulled the cups of her bra down to reveal her heaving chest. He sat up on his forearms to thoroughly suck the peaked breasts while keeping one hand on her hips to control the thrusts. The wild bouncing was now replaced with rhythmic rocking. He knew from experience that she liked to stimulate her clit along with penetration. So, each time he entered her, Kuroo held her hips still so he could grind against her more. It worked, her body started shaking and becoming restless from the extra stimulation.

"Tetsu, I-I'm…" she didn't finish her sentence.

"Fuck, I can feel you milking me. Shit, that n-never gets old," he replied, feeling helpless as her orgasm spiraled out of control.

Feeling that the opportunity now was perfect, he quickly reversed their position. Kuroo rammed his cock back inside of her and made sure to rest her ankles on his shoulders. He had to bend a little to make sure his taller height was able to accommodate her. But the position was perfect for deeper penetration, especially when he pressed his chest against the back of her thighs. Y/N was still sensitive from her previous orgasm, so she only got louder and louder from the new angle. He covered her mouth with his hand; however, her muffled sobs were only subdued to a point. Her keening was still audible to anyone who might pass by his room. He let out a grunt when their bodies connected, creating a loud wet slap that only served to turn him on further. No longer able to hold back, Kuroo didn't stop himself from the telltale signs of his own impending pleasure. The base of his cock tightened, and he came inside of her.

He moaned and let Y/N go, settling his face nicely on top of her sweaty and warm chest. Kuroo thanked whatever deity out there that Y/N had been on birth control since their first time. He had the privilege of hitting it raw and hopefully would continue to do so until she said otherwise.

The two laid side by side for a couple of minutes, trying to catch their breaths before he turned on his side and clutched her closer.

Kuroo grabbed Y/N's face and started peppering it with quick kisses, "I love you. I love you so much. You did so good, baby."

Y/N was too tired to participate, so she returned the kisses halfheartedly.

"Not that I mind, babe. But what was that about? I thought we were supposed to be studying," he teased with a smirk.

Y/N shrugged and replied, "I think intelligence is sexy and a turn on."

The smirk on his face crumbled, and he facepalmed.

Y/N frowned at him. "What's wrong?"

"You shouldn't have told me that. Now we will never get any studying done," he replied with a groan.

#kuroo x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#hq kuroo #hq headcanons #hq fic rec #hq fanfic #kuroo tetsurō #kuroo tetsuro scenarios #kuroo headcanons #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo smut #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fanfic rec #nekoma #haikyuu nekoma #kuroo x female reader #kuroo x you #kuroo x y/n

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onewomancitadel · 2 years

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i think the reason i personally still read it as ar//kos being pushed/being part of the story is not because jaune is acting as an aggrieved boyfriend but more because in volume 6 (a highly important volume for bees AND renora, our closest-to-canon ships) is where we get "forever fall" which is the score that plays over almost every ar//kos scene (including their meeting during initiation) and no one can come to a conclusion of whether its from pyrrha or jaune's perspective (i **PERSONALLY** think it's pyrrhas but that was actually weirdly controversial during v6 😳😳😳)

THOUGH!!!!!! i think that if the island is meant to host spirits and give the fallen 6 closure it would be a very good way for jaune to finally put pyrrha to rest and stop feeling guilt over "what could have been"s. and yeah your blog is really fun for me to hang out on! i think we have rly similar readings of rwby overall and even where i disagree i dont mind enough to barge in and say how i think youre wrong or something LMAO.

anyway!!! this is getting kind of long winded so i hope youre having fun making your dollies kiss and i get out of school next week so im gonna catch up on skimming eye and maybe draw something based on it 😳😳😳😳

Oh wait what? I thought it was Pyrrha's perspective. That's not Jaune. I thought that was obvious given the 'Forever Fall' part, like I think of Pyrrha as symbolically 'trapped' inside Forever Fall, idk. That's me and I'm very weird. (Came back to edit though and damn, we both have such good taste and correct opinions). *smug*

Although with that being said of Volume 6, Volume 5 is where all the major ships have their meetings and reconciliation? RG, BB and.. well... well... WELL!!!!!!

Yeah I don't know, I think the island is a Special World but I'm not sure it's an Underworld, there is a Tree of Life but yeah. Very very suspicious on the readings of spirits being there. Although if they did go that angle, it would be nice if Jaune figured out he didn't actually want to be with Pyrrha lol. Like he spends time there with her and realises they never would have grown together, or she couldn't possibly grow with him, or he is Too Changed.

I have this horrible bitch opinion that actually it would NEVER have worked out, and the only reason everybody thinks it's great (fandom and, well, hem hem, in-universe) is because she died perfect, which is absolute fucking incredible irony, because she WASN'T perfect, and her actual struggle was feeling like she had to be perfect, and she was perfect, and she was going to be the handpicked, manipulated marionette Fall Maiden.

Like... there's some personal bias there because I think Jaune/Pyrrha is a laughably boring ship. It's boring, and I don't think they go very well together, and I think they only go together insofar as the anime trope demands that they do. The fact it ends as it does is the only thing interesting to me about it, because the show is basically like 'no moar anime trope 4 u', and there's also that wonderful, sort of vaguely evil and bitter element that Cinder gets to be the bestest awesomest Fall Maiden ever and Jaune is her soulmate, not Pyrrha's, lol.

I'm a terrible person.

I'm also not sure how much I, again, subscribe to Jaune having love-feelings for Pyrrha. I conferred with Best Mate who watched the show fresh for the first time, and has a long and storied anime history she would beat the shit out of me for mentioning on my blog if she knew, and she is of a similar opinion to me. It was cut-short before it was a love, which makes me less sympathetic towards readings that he was in Loves With Her Forevers and that informs every subsequent Pyrrha-related thing in the story, and also makes it impossible for him to move on. It'd be very weird if they did that.

Additionally weird on the front of Salem/Ozma. Salem never found anybody else, that's her wound, and she was always alone. It'd be really sad if he never had anybody because of the Beacon tragedy.

Yeah I am making my dollies kiss as always. Also never worry about length in asks. I only ask that if I do receive very long asks and it's on a critical topic, I get some context for what the person wants me to say and what their approach is. Otherwise I am baby and sometimes get confused. So in that case - longer is always better if you give me something to work with. On that note, your ask is not very long lol. I hope you enjoy the next Skimming Eye chapter. (o: I'm very interested in people reading it who are not diehard Knightfall fans, what does it do for you?

Also very glad you feel comfortable coming into my inbox. I know I can be a difficult bitch sometimes but as long as I’m given something to work with I’m generally always happy to chat. (o:

Also, I'm very flattered you want to draw art for it. That's so beautiful and I'm so touched, thank you. Please let me know if you end up posting it because I'd love to reblog it. What were you thinking of drawing?

Hope you have a lovely evening and work/college is going well!

#seraphina's asks #bitch jaune/pyrrha opinions #MINE not yours lol #user: rubyneo

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moodyvalentinestories · 5 years

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O Thomas Hunt, Wherefore Art Thou My Professor? | Chapter 80

Summary: It’s the premiere of Triangulaire. Featuring a fun surprise.

Notes: Spoiler alert – the surprise isn’t actually fun.

♢♢♢ O Thomas Hunt, Wherefore Art Thou My Professor? Masterlist ♢♢♢

This story can also be found on AO3 if you prefer reading fics over there.

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In the early afternoon, I headed to the theatre where Triangulaire would be shown to the public for the first time ever. I’d seen myself on TV screens before, in productions that were technically much larger than this one, but this was still my first film to ever be shown in a theatre. At Sundance Festival. With me in the leading role. Yes, I was quite excited about it. Especially since it was a film I felt I could be proud of.

Unfortunately, the film I saw today was not the Triangulaire I knew. For the most part, it was just minor edits. A change in the score here, a line or two cut there… nothing I minded all too much. Until the final scene. Because it never came. After the scene before that, that left things sort of open-ended but was on the happier side, the credits started playing.

“Son of a bitch,” I heard Holly whisper a few seats over.

Rawlins wasn’t happy, either. “No, that’s all wrong!”

At least I wasn't the only one surprised by this turn of events. This supposedly tragic film, clichéd as it may have been, had a happy ending. How had this happened? I knew exactly how. I’d known something was wrong when I’d seen Anders Stone at our table last night. What I didn’t know, though, was why he’d done this.

“I’m going to get some air,” I said and climbed out of my seat to leave the theatre. It earned me some glares as there was another short film playing right after, but I didn’t care much.

It shouldn’t have bothered me as much. I knew very well I was overreacting. If anyone had the right to be this mad, it was Holly. Or even Rawlins. This wasn’t my film. But I’d worked so hard, and I’d been so proud of that drowning scene. This didn’t seem right.

When I walked into the foyer, I heard footsteps behind me. Great. I didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was.

“I’m not in the mood, Hunt,” I said and kept walking.

He quickly caught up with me. “Didn’t I tell you not to run away right after?”

“Well, I’m sorry,” I snapped and spun around to face him. “But you saw what they did to that film.”

He nodded. “Yes, it wasn’t… ideal.”

Wow. The one time I would have actually wanted him to be honest to the point of it being rude, he wasn’t.

“It sucked and you know it. Fucking Stone.”

Hunt furrowed his brows. “Anders Stone?”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Apparently he was involved somehow. I’m sure this was his doing. I just don’t know why.”

Realisation flashed over his face. “It makes sense. He’s banking on commercial success.”

“What?” What about any of this made sense?

“In case you hadn’t noticed, you’ve been mentioned quite a bit in those gossip magazines lately. People might know your name, which makes it far easier to market this film.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Thought you didn’t read those magazines?”

He scowled but didn’t say anything.

“Fine, whatever. But why change the ending then?”

He huffed. “Do you never listen to me in class? Most people prefer a happy, or at the very least ambiguous, ending.”

“But that last scene was so much work. I had to pretend to drown in a lake. That was freezing cold, mind you! And it ended up looking great, too.”

“It was mediocre, at best,” Hunt said.

I raised an eyebrow. Really? Really?

“It was passable. Which you should know to take as a compliment.”

He was right. That was quite high praise coming from him. “Whatever.”

“I do agree that it would have been a better conclusion to the story at least.”

“So what do I do about it?”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “You can’t do anything about it.”

“But–”

“It’s not your decision to make,” he interrupted me.

I sighed. He, of course, was right. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t still angry.

“Can’t you give me some advice? You’re the one who keeps telling me that you’re my professor. Teach me something useful for once!”

It wasn’t fair to him. He wasn’t the one at fault here. And I regretted the words the second they’d left my mouth.

“Excuse me?” he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I’ve been trying to teach you all semester. And I would have thought you’d learnt something, seeing as you just made it into the top ten per cent of my class.”

My mouth fell open. Of course, I’d never had any particularly bad grades – the worst had been a C+ and Bianca’s terrible writing had been to blame for that! – but this was unexpected nonetheless.

“Oh, don’t look so surprised. I’ve made it quite clear that you’re one of the very few students I don’t consider entirely hopeless,” he said. “Besides, you could still fail your final exam.”

“I’m not surprised,” I lied. “This just doesn’t have anything to do with this situation.”

“You want advice? Fine. Learn from it. Get over it. Move onto your next project and make sure you know what you’re getting into.”

The look on his face told me he was speaking from experience. He’d been burnt like this, too.

“Okay,” I said. “And how do you suppose I do that?”

“You work with the right people.”

“And who would they be?” I asked. He’d taught me that I couldn’t trust anyone in this industry.

A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “You’ll find them.”

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Tags: @silversparrow02 @hopelessromantic1352 @alleksa16 @lilyofchoices @trappedinfandoms

#wherefore art thou my professor #thomas hunt #professor hunt #rachel #hwu #hwu hunt

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iamcinema · 3 years

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IAC Reviews #19: Wishbone (2000)

Hey, is anyone still alive out there? I hope so.

Coming off of last year was a disaster, and well, we didn't enter 2021 on the highest of notes. I guess you could say I've been burned out and not having a ton of motivation to do a lot, even with how much I've been grinding on Letterboxd over the past few months. I think I'm ready to come back, and since there's a storm is brewing outside, let's make today a movie night...and boy, do I have a treat for you.

I think I've made it kind of apparent that I have a weakness for terrible, low-budget, trash fires. There's something oddly charming about them where they always find a way to lure me in, and given the scene on Letterboxd, there's a bunch of SOV masochists out there waiting to get their next fix. While digging around for material to cross off my lists on titles to find and add, I was reminded of a terrible, low-budget film that was shot in my hometown over 20 years ago. I'm full of fear for what's to come, and you should be too.

________________________________________

Wishbone is a 2000 horror film directed by Timothy Gaer and co-created by Michael Fasciana, centering on a woman named Laurie who receives an unusual artifact from her eccentric aunt she acquired from a pawn dealer that causes those around her to disappear when they make wishes on it. Hmm, seems simple enough. Let's what we're in for, and I'm absolutely not ready because the IMDb page says this shit is over two hours long, despite a version on Youtube having it just a bit over 90 minutes. Let us pray.

Wishbone in One Gif:

This acting is might be the death of me, but I'm not sure what's going to be the catalyst that causes me to fall down the stairs and break my neck: the sound quality, the weird editing, or the music...oh, god what the fuck is the music doing? So much noise, noise noise!

Okay, so let's dig into this before I take too long of a break and I don't come back to this. I've already had to pause the movie a few times to catch my breath or just rewind and go back because there's a good amount that I keep missing because, apparently, the star of the film is the score and not Laurie. This is so, so slow. I've seen a lot of long horror movies, but at least with those, it feels like things are happening. Even Blood Lake had filler that did something to some degree, and with that, it was consistently bad. This movie doesn't even know what it wants to do. So, as a disclaimer, there's a good chance I'm probably missing some key details that I didn't hear because it seems that characterization isn't important if the music insists on talking over everyone.

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So, to date, this might be one of the worst horror movies (and movies in general) that I've ever seen and it might be one of the slowest things in the entire megaverse. This is over 90 minutes of, somehow, nothing and something happening simultaneously - if that makes any sense.

This takes its sweet ass time moving along and there's so little pay-off. The majority of the characters are either nameless or we aren't introduced to them in a way that matters enough for us to care about them. It's kind of like with Violent Shit and other low-budget slasher films where the majority of the characters serve no purpose but to be disposable. Next to the two main leads, Laurie and Joe, and maybe a few others, everyone is just forgettable and even then I couldn't honestly tell you anyone's name if it was explicitly brought up. IMDb isn't helpful either, and at this point it just makes me care even less. I'm not sure if my patience has been tested too much with this, but it's kind of sad that I'm more invested in seeing what the background characters are doing than Laurie and Joe - even though I can't really hear what the hell they're saying.

Yeah, I really can't move on without talking about the sound and the music. Why is it always the audio with these movies? This has an estimated budget of $100,000, or $154,779.43 today in August 2021. How do you have the ability to somehow not make this look like a potato for the most part, well for the day shots that is, but you don't have it in you to get a good mic and someone who knows how to mix and edit correctly? I would sort of understand if you spent the majority of the money on talent to cut corners, but this is just ridiculous. Did they use the cameras' built-in mics to catch the audio here?

I feel like I need to interrupt the movie constantly to tell them to speak up because if I turn up the volume, I'm just getting bombarded with this really weird soundtrack that doesn't fit. I shit you not, during one of the kill scenes, the music booming over it sounds like it was ripped from Kevin MacLeod's "lounge" library and then the reverse happens where ominous music is playing over a more touching scene - and that's not even a dig at Kevin as an artist. That's just how inappropriate and unfitting this editing is. The weird fucking thing about this specific kill scene is that it sounds like the audio is stacked, so there are two different instrumental tracks going on.

How do you fuck something as basic as tension up like that? The audio choices are so painfully inconsistent and it doesn't know what it wants to do. There are moments where you can hear the dialogue just fine, but then the music comes in out of nowhere to segway us into the next scene and it starts to muffle things out. If it isn't that, then the dialogue is just so soft that you'd think there was a pillow on the mic or we're hearing them from the opposite side of a sound-dampened room.

This is what I meant earlier when I said I apologize in advance if I miss anything crucial because I can't make out half of these conversations. So, I'm having to keep going back if I care enough or just having to pause and take breaks because there's only so much I can handle. This means that there's a good amount I'll blank on because I have to keep going back because I can't remember the majority of these no-named characters. Who the fuck are you people? Why am I supposed to care?

If I'm understanding the non-existent rules of the wishbone, you're connected to whoever dies in some way. So, why is any of this relevant to what's going on? If it's random, then it's another reason for me not to care just because some frat kids made a wish at some point. Again, who the hell are you and why am I supposed to lament over them? Why is there so much useless filler here? Did I mention that this is over 90 minutes long and there are *three* fucking party scenes? Party scenes are to Wishbone as ten-minute-long jetskiing and beer game scenes are to Blood Lake.

Oh, speaking of other shit that's annoying. Let's talk about general editing because the sound isn't the only thing that's a mess here.

I swear that almost every single scene in this ends with a fade-out/fade-in shot. Only one or two scenes come to mind where this doesn't happen, and the first time it did I thought my browser was freezing because it abruptly cut to black and then smash cuts to a party scene. I've never, ever seen a movie that abused this that much before and it's on par with something I would have seen made by a bunch of high school kids. So, when we have a moment where this doesn't happen and it plays out normally, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I'm sure this movie's run time could have been shaved down by at least a minute or two if this wasn't a problem, along with all the useless close-up shots that serve nothing to the plot.

It's such a waste of time. I'm so fucking tired. How was this movie's budget $100k? Did they spend most of it on renting the Scranton Police Department for a few shots or did it go towards their impromptu trip to Party City? I'm so tired and I don't care anymore.

Do you want to know what the real kicker is? With just barely twenty minutes left, the whole lore about the monkey's wishbone paw comes back and that's when Laurie and her friend Karen think something is weird. Isn't this whole realization trope that happens within the first or second act, not now with your Great Value brand version of the Dream Warriors?

Also, it's not specified how much time has gone by since the start, but it has to have been at least a week or two. It's incredibly weird how they paint the main characters and the unnamed background ones as such good friends that they don't think it's weird how almost all of them have disappeared - especially one girl who doesn't seem off-put that her boyfriend (or ex) disappeared after getting into an argument at one of the parties and none of his friends could reach him either at his own house.

The final showdown is an utter pain in the ass to get through because the conflict ends as abruptly as it starts and it's so unsatisfying. We get to see the face of our villain, I guess, and then more or less cut to our leads holding hands down the street set to the same looping lounge music we've been dealing with for over 90 damn minutes. Is everyone else who went with them dead? Did they live? Who cares! That's one thing the movie and I can agree on since we never see them again. We end on a shitty cliffhanger that's supposed to prepare us for a sequel, which thankfully never happened.

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And that was Wishbone. Holy fucking shit, I've never been so thankful for a movie to be over in my life. It's 11:07 PM as of tinkering with some minor revisions and I've been in purgatory with this for over five hours, and yet, it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.

I've raved about how bad Blood Lake was with its incredibly bad pacing, but this is next level awful and a testament to bad filmmaking if I've ever seen it. I expect a lot of the things I complained about from super amateur filmmakers who are shooting on an actual shoestring budget, not people who had that much money to fuck around with. How did they have that kind of a budget, and the most they can give us is bad audio, Windows Movie Maker levels of basic editing, three wrap parties, and a few crumbs of gore that we could see?

This was physically painful to see and I'm in much worse shape having endured it than I would have been if I sat through something liked Boardinghouse, and that has a two-and-a-half-hour-long version tied to it. This is just a marvel and I mean that in a so-bad-it's-bad way, not like how SOV enthusiasts who love this stuff pine over. If I had to give one thing going for it, one single granule of gold that I enjoyed from this, it's the limited shots we get of the area so I could make a game out of seeing what local spots I recognized. If playing I Spy is the only way for someone to endure your movie, then I don't know what else to say.

Wishbone is a hot mess where shit's happening, but also nothing is happening at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In fact, I wish this movie never existed or would die in the ether and never return to our mortal realm ever again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke and hope I don't get run over by a hearse tomorrow.

RATING: 0.5/10

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