#the friend no one care to invite to shit

[seagull-scribbles]

'Best man' can’t even tie a bow tie 💒

#tmnt 2003 #casey jones #raphael splinterson #back to the sewers #rasey #listen #I can hear you now being all like how is Casey marrying April a rasey scenario #and I’m telling you I’m right #look me in the eyes #I’m right #the whole build up of best man was so cute even platonically you can pry it from my cold dead hands #sucks last ronin ralh didn’t even get to hear about the engagement I know he was robbed (of life) BUT THIS LISTEN #2003 New York gay marriage isn’t legal yet #April is like aro in that show and I don’t care what you think #but you know what is the same then as now HOW BAT SHIT EXPENSIVE NEW YORK IS #also 2003 back to the sewers wanted to try link the 2003 series with the 2007 movie #Raph is a mutant turtle who lives in the sewers no one can know he exists (except everyone who was invited to the wedding) #so I raise you Casey and April getting married but as friends for the benefits of housing and financial support #the good stuff that comes easier to being a married couple #but they’re really just glorified room mates #taadaaa #weather you ship Casey or April with a turtle or not that makes sense to me shush

[aconstantstateofbladerunner]

Another unforeseen frustration in my quest to find a romance novel I actually like: a huge chunk of college romances are written by people who have clearly never been to college.

#i can’t take this shit seriously #colleges don’t have clicks #no one cares of you are a virgin #no one cares how you dress #i took every single exam in pajamas #the real weirdos skateboard down the quad with a canoe oar #posers who think they are weird for liking books don’t get invited places #i’ve gotten more pressure to drink at a single one of my mom’s book club meetings #that my entire four years of college #when are you doing class work? #have you ever had to write even an undergraduate essay? #Do you know how long those take? #why are classes just called ‘english’ #and not something like ‘Literature of the Great Depression’ #Why is the professor asking the class if they predicted the two leads falling in love? #and not i don’t know any actual analysis!? #and why doesn’t anyone talk about their classes outside of them? #me and my friends loved discussing our lessons #both those from my department and from other majors #no talking out a project you’re having trouble with? #no struggling with the transition from high school essay writing to college level? #No stories about your favorite professors? #no gaining perspectives from a different major? #clubs? hangouts? soccer on the tennis courts at 3am? #i thought i would like these because i loved college and miss it #but these are all just high school without a bell #plus they’re mostly just bad in other ways too #i think I’m done with this genre #booklr

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is not understanding you're third wheeling until someone mentions it

.

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod alexander #oh lmao #i'm reminded of a tweet i've been seeing around lately #about someone who discovered the reason they always felt like the odd one out in their friend group #discovered the rest of the group was a polycule lmao #anyways yeah i feel this #axel notices shit like this but i Do Not #phoenix doesn't care. if he got invited he's going to make that their problem

[beauceronn]

Pain. Agony

#i guess i am going to the iabca show this weekend since i was invited to help out. #but the next akc show i am being pulled in 6 different directions and so scheduling must be done. #onofrio!!!! please!!!! it is less than 2 weeks away!!!!! #counts are as expected. i know most of the dogs entered in breeds i care about* #(* i care about all breeds but i only watch a few im genuinely interested in owning) #but i think there are going to be conflicts and these conflicts are going to be annoying to plan around #beauces SHOULD go first thing in the morning which would be awesome. if gsheps go directly afterward - awesome. #then i need to groom and be ringside for roughs. hopefully they go after lunch or just before. #but my friends would like some help with borzoi which i love to help with. but borzoi often go around the same time as roughs #late morning/early afternoon #and i need to set aside plenty of time to shoot the shit #i should honestly just get a hotel with someone instead of a 5 hr #drive/day #back and forth for two days #i should really go fri through sun for the specialties but i already took friday off the following week to volunteer for an independent #specialty #it really is incredible how one year ago i was looking for a dog show to go to - any dog show - and all i could find was one collie show #infodog you have changed my life in many ways. #oh and i am going ukc mode in november which will be fun. a friend might need some help with her girl (who i am obsessed with) #i dont like ukc as much as akc but it is nice to see klee kais and ambullies and silkens #its just too relaxed/unstructured 🤣 #obviously i like to know a plan WELL in advance.. lol

[ask-mrxmts]

//uhHh gunna go on a small hiatus due to not having internet+other (ill expln in the tags c/tw vent/rambling)

#// i owe like 300+ for my internet ($200+ to reactivate) reason i havent been able to pay it was due to paying rent/bills/groceries/gas #and medication(for my partner) and weve applied to a better job but we need funds to pay for the livescan to continue/finalize the hiring #process but sadly we wont be able to pay rent this month due to some circum's sothats sm ;u; #and aside from all that both of us going thru heavy depression and mental fog #we want to hang out w irl friends but feel like we cant cuz were always broke (our friends still live w their parents/have a safety net) an #we feellike a buzz kill cuz we cant pay for our own meals or afford to go out in general just feeling left out causing us to be depressed #and not wanting to go out/be invited out #we had one friend lecture us abt money when its like dude you&gf pay $200 in rent to ur parents; we live together(w my retired/disabled MIL #and we pay rent household bills groceries gas car stuff medication we get paid bi weekly so like first/ending monthweek checks are for rent #and the mid week check we have to save accordingly for rent but were cured w the pharaohs curse cuz whenever #we have money that we plan to get alil smth for ourselves something goes wrong w the car #like we cant do shit and honestly it feels like someones praying on our downfall or smth cuz its every fkn time we cant catch a break #so yeaa gunna go on hiatus dunno how long tho but wont be too long but i will still be drawing so maybe expect some art dumps #ily guys thank you for putting up w me i dont ghost on purpose im just always depressed and need to be distracted or else the urges comebac #trying to be okay but its hard but i need to grow up #//i have my parents but theyre going to financial hardships too so they cant help and my sisters cant help cuz older sis started a family #amd my twin sis lives w my parents #my mom started working but hadda stop due to having a grapefruit sized tumor on her ovary (which is the other main reason4 my depression #and dad could care less abt my moms condtion (hes the reason for her suffering but ahe refuses to leave him #vent post #sorry went off on a tangent #but istg if i lose my mom im going to fkn hurt him cuz i already lost my dad (my FIL) and i will not be able to mentally recover #like i was there when we got the phone call (couldnt be at the hosptial due to covid reg.) i dont ever want to go thru that heartache again #edit if youd like to help me out i have comms open and i have a cshpp if ur feeling generous ;; $altereghost

[paeonie-s]

genuinely so emo abt the fact that i have friends who want to do stuff w me now omg

#i was v scared for college bc i have had. such awful luck w finding ppl who want to do things w me #the closest friendship ive ever had was online lol and even that ended w me being ignored and pushed away so its a v foreign experience for #other ppl to v openly. enjoy my company and continously invite me to things just bc they want me to be there #like ik a good part of that is everyone trying to not be lonely as shit these first couple weeks but all of the friends im referring to #were part of a summer program where they got to show up like 6 weeks early and so they already have friends and ppl to hang out w #so its still rly cool that i showed up made friends w like 2 of them and now 3 weeks later im having to actively plan time to do hw and #watch my shows and stuff bc im being invited to eat and walk around and watch movies and do things all the time #shit is surreal !! im so grateful esp when my suggestions for things to do are well recieved like today alone i invited some of them #to go to the barnes and noble opening in a town near us next month + to a open house at our states observatory. and other ppl were actually #excited to learn abt those. its insane im so used to being ignored and treated like the things i care abt dont matter i love life rn omg #ppl are so cool and interesting sometimes i still feel like i am the most boring person in the room bc i never had the time money location #or motivation to explore a ton of my interests but when i tell ppl abt that feeling theyre like bitch me too !!! lets go snowboard and hike #and have observing nights and paint and dress up for halloween together and its makes me so happy. that is all #actually one more thing i was initially thinking abt dressing up as asa csm (which is. already an improvement from younger me feeling so #isolated she avoided dressing up for halloween for a decade bc she never felt close enough to go w anyone) BUT NOW im a part of a 2 month #old plan for like a dozen ppl to dress up as monster high girls AND im gonna be draculaura. literally such a slay i cant #🌸.txt

[violetclarity]

honestly: shout out to getting older??

reflecting today on how much more self-confidence and self-worth I have even since, like, 6 years ago. I don’t know if it’s aging in and of itself, or some combination of aging/maturing + better mental health management + having been on my own for a long time, but like...22yo me was terrified that everyone secretly disliked her at all times and was so concerned about what other people thought, and 28yo me truly does not care because I know I’m pretty fucking great, and I’m happy with myself, so what does it matter what anyone else thinks of me?

(don’t worry, I know 28 is still young - this isn’t about me thinking that I am now old, but about how nice it is to realize that this positive thing has happened as I have gotten older. can’t wait to see how many fewer fucks I give in another 6 years!)

#getting older #honestly something about this year/being 28 specifically has just slapped #I do not care about stupid shit anymore and it's *great* #like yeah my apartment is messy. and? you will get one (1) apology if I've invited you over but I'm not going to be judged for it #truly I used to be convinced that everyone including/especially my friends secretly found me deeply annoying and maybe even hated me #and now even when things happen w friends I'm like: we've been friends long enough that this isn't going to ruin things #or just: well if they decide they don't like me anymore based on this I still stand by what I said/did #it's so freeing!! #(fuck you specifically to the friend who spawned that worry; glad to know that 10 years on I've finally let go of that trauma) #anyway I could do without the way my knees have decided to protest Everything but mentally getting older gets five stars from me #if this is how inflated my ego is now who will I even be at 34?

[xdarkabyssx]

God it's so weird. I have a LOT of friends, I tend to keep in contact with people pretty well and I've made a handful of internet friends too. But like. None of them live near me. Or if they DO They're always busy. so like. I have this vast social life of people I communicate with regularly but it's almost all over text so it's like. The duality of being alone and surrounded by people???

Idk it's also weird to think that like. 30 years ago this wouldn't be possible. Pen pals are a thing but instant messaging and the internet weren't so I'd be mostly stuck with the people around me? For better or worse I'm in this weird place between isolation and surrounded by friends who I love dearly but rarely get to see. It's a strange world I guess 😅

#bums me out tho that only one friend made it for my birthday..... #like im sure these people care about me #but its just hard with adult life and work and stuff #and some of my closest friends ive met here and yall live FAR or are super busy and it would still be a long trip. #ah well #is what it is and all that #im not lonely but id like to be able to go places and do things with people #i miss that #like im going to two concerts soon and i just didnt bother inviting anyone cause it wouldnt work out #im doing things alone and thats fine #also i suppose i got used to doing things alone so now when im not alone people stress me out #everyone has their own quirks and shit and i guess i forgot how to handle that #idk #im rambling

[kalicocoa]

I don’t see enough talk about how literally one of the worst feelings in the world is knowing you’re no one’s first choice.

#Calico Chats #Like people really don't seem to realize the privilege of people even wanting you there #Being invited places or offered to join in on things: It's one of the best feelings in the world #Like it really shouldn't be taken for granted. Someone cares about you enough to have you around and that's something many don't have. #And I'm not talking pity shit like 'we have you around because it would be mean not to' #No I mean given the chance they need to keep or lose a friend and you're not on the keep list the moment they can remove you #Lonely doesn't even begin to describe it

[lilgynt]

going to a party and length entirely depends on this guy i was cool with but now annoys the fuck out of me

#personal #last time we hung out together he would not let me even get an inch of space whole fucking party #i couldn’t talk to anyone couldn’t sit down could walk around without him barely a step away and fucking leaning on me and like okay you #haven’t seen me for a while so has everyone at this party bc it’s was my first outing since the whole situation dude let me say hi to other #people #like could not talk to anyone else bc he was always just there!!!!!! #and i’m gonna be so honest #i cannot bring myself to care like #he’s being stand offish now after inviting me to the party #bc i was like oh hey don’t know if i can stop firestar or for how long bc i work today and tomorrow etc #and now he’s giving one word replies and it’s like dude what do you want me from me #we were work friends i got a different job my dad died and the last time we hung you either ask my best friend to make out #or hang off of me all night to the point i RAN out while you were pissing #like not even oh we flirted or oh situationship or whatever we were literally just work friends i don’t know where he’s banking all of this #shit but anyway if he’s clingy or weird or just gives me any shit baby i’m going home #but also excited it’s pink themed so hannibal eat me shirt >:) and also old coworkers AND people from my weed shop #when worlds collide #anyway wonder if it’s one of the workers who flirt with me wednmdmdnfjdnbcncjenfndnfnfnf g fjfnnfnfne #anyway if that one guy asks why i’m like so stand off ish or busy or whatever i’m gonna be honest ish and be dude i have a full time job and #my dad died 3 months ago. i got my own shit to deal with and i can barely care about anyone else’s stuff #like obviously i care wirh mh family and like. 3 best friends but everyone else im like if u catch me at a good time no worries but #i’m not gonna go out of my way for a lot of things emotionally or literally

[splatoonmaster69]

.

#vent time #so out of the 6 people im gonna invite to my birthday only 2 of them are people i want there #the rest are just cuz i dont wanna be a fucking asshole #more than that if you include my siblings cuz i want my sibling there but i dont want my little brother #anyways but yeah the 2 people i actually want there are my best friends and i love them and if they disnt wanna come id straight up cancel #theres my friend from school who i want to be there but i know her and one of my best friends wouldnt get along #my friend from schools friend who i hang out w enough that i should invite them but who i dont know that well #and who would absolutely get in a fight with said best friend that wouldnt get along with them whcih is not something i wanna deal with #theres best friends friend who is kindof my friend but i havent talked to him enough in years for him to feel like a friend #hut i invited him last year so it would be weird to not invite him #and then theres my friend who like. gets along well enough with my best friends but just #hes fun to hang out with but i cannot trust him to not make me cry and i am not crying at my birthday party 2 years in a row #and then if we count siblings my sibling obviously i want there theyre fun and actually care and shit #but my little brother. frankly i dont want him around my friends at all since that time he took his shirt off #and laid down in front of the tv. while my friends were there. right in front of them. #which is gross as hell but even if we ignore that he is so fucking horrible to be around all of the time #he would actively try to cause the one thing that is not supposed to happen at this party(me crying) #but if i tell him to stay in the bedroom while my friends are there im being mean and a bad brother and blah blah blah #if i wanna go extra far i dont even want my dad there beyond him buying to food since he absolutely doesnt care about me not crying #but even though i only want 3 of these people there all of them have to be there because otherwise im being mean #just thinking about it kinda makes me feel like crying tbh because i dont think ill even have the energy for that many people #but not inviting any one of them would be me being a huge fucking asshole #i hate it really really genuinely #id almost rather not have a party but my sibling would get upset and think its their fault #plus frankly. i want pizza #which is probably the worst reason to have a party but who cares #its even worse cuz the only day i can do it is a day when i work so i get to come home w an exhausted social battery #and then a few hours later immediately deal with 6 extra people in the house #and because theres 6 people none of them will even wanna talk to me because i am always always always the least favorite friend #so ill just. what. sit there. maybe play kindom hearts or eyes of heaven if i want attention so bad im willing to get it thru being mocked

[horce-divorce]

being ill has never not been isolating, to be clear, but I truly feel it's getting worse with time. It's never been so bad as it is now. And frankly idk what to do bc in the past id like join forums and groups and stuff but that's a thing of the past too. I joined some FB groups but it's not the same and I'm not going on FB just for that. I just don't know what to do

#me #idk if i can. talk to this friend anymore #we love each other very much and are rather important to each other #but i just. fuckin. cant do this #like his whole 'i deserve an abusive prick bc my feelings don't matter' thing is bad enough #theyve been traveling together and camping and doing all this fun shit that like #if i had someone who loved me enough to travel w me i could do that shit too but i don't and he knows i havent camped all fckn summer #he keeps sending me pics/vids of the camping trips and all these places i cant fucking go #and today it was vids from a big fuckin stadium concert. yhr likes of which ill never see again due to health. #my favorite band even. #i know that in his mind hes just sharing joyful things w someone he cares about. its sharing. #but idk regardless of intention it sure feels like rubbing it in on my end. #hey remember all those beauitful places you wanted to go that no one loves you enough to take you. #hey remember when you could be near a crowd and it wasnt a potentially life threatening event. remember concerts. remember dancing. #remember having people in your life who invited you places and took you to things instead of just showing you pictures after the fact. #how am i NOT supposed to be bitter about that. #so i just #say nothing #i say less and less over time and they find less things to send to me #and things drift apart #but it just keeps happening #even w some of the oldest and most solid friendships ive had #i have literally never in my life been so isolated and alone than i am right now #not even as a child before ever making friends. cus my parents were still invested in me back then. #prsnl

[i-am-hiding-in-a-turret]

.

#not to be emo on main here #but frankly I’m tired of being lonely #i wouldn’t choose the alternative #but part of me wishes we could go back to the ‘being an object of fear and hated’ #cause like believe me it Absolutely sucked having everyone you know either think you were some horrible eldrich monster come to corrupt them #or just Deeply wrong in some way #but at least it got me attention #not Good attention but way better than all this #being absolutely ignored when I can’t be providing service to people #like.. I really do love my friends #and I know they do care about me but just nowhere even remotely as much as I do #half my fucking messages are just me offering to get/make pepole coffee or do things for them and mainly still getting ignored because the #fun new interesting factor wore off in second term #like… maybe one of them would return the favour if I asked #I’m pretty sure they would actually #but none of them would Think to ask you know? #never get texted first or invited places or any of that shit and I’m just so so fucking lonely #i feel like I’m constantly trapped in this never ending cycle where I can’t ever be truly myself because I can’t afford the consequences #but my attempts to merge in never work for more than a few seconds #and each time I think about it I can feel all the wounds of before #i begged pepole to stab me and I’m just here festering after they took the knife with them #i just want someone to choose me #and like not because I’m useful in some way

[learn-and-accept]

.

#so yesterday I learned that i got invited to my partner's ex's baby shower and that shit feels so fucking messy #it is a bit weird they're still friends with their ex but they started out as friends and they're really close to her family so i get it #and they all know about me and her ex's mom even invited me on a ski trip so i feel really welcomed but it definitely feels messy #although im really glad that wasnt the first time i meet a bunch of people close to my partner because that shit seems overwhelming as fuck #i know it's gonna happen and i do want it to happen but fuck that shit is so scary #ive never had to do the whole meet your partner's family/loved ones before and i am nervous as fuck #though my girlfriend ended up meeting my mom and step dad like 2 months into dating so i guess meeting her people 4 months in is pretty fair #idk i think im just nervous im gonna fuck something up or they're gonna hate me #and then there's that added layer of it being their ex and her family #but im very secure in my relationship and i know there's nothing going on between them anymore and im not even worried about #it just feels weird to meet the person your partner loved before you and be worried about their opinion of you #because it does matter to me #i want them all to like to me or at the very least not dislike me #and honestly i think the only part that really concerns me is that the person who's basically a second mom to my partner is also her exs mom #like im essentially replacing her daughter #and i know that's probably not fair or even how she thinks of me and it's probably just my anxiety because she seems like a wonderful person #but it feels like i already have a strike against me #idk i think im just hormonal and insecure and tired and im definitely making this into something it shouldn't be #im just terrified of fucking this up because i love & care about my girlfriend so fucking much & i dont want the people she loves to hate me #i dont ever want to put her in a position where they feel like they have to choose between me and her found family #anyway this ended up spiraling lol #but honestly my relationship is going really well and im very happy with my incredible partner and she's truly my favorite person #they are so kind and considerate and funny and smart and truly one of the best people ive ever met #i feel so safe and loved and i am so happy to have her in my life #im just so used to people leaving me and having all the good things in my life end up crashing and burning down around me #and im so scared that's gonna happen #and honestly it might #i just really hope it doesn't because my life is so so so much better with them in it #personal

[psilactis]

I'm so tired

#Realized these past few weeks that people just.... Don't believe I'm feeling like shit #Like. I'm basically suicidal #I haven't said this to anyone #Not explicitly but I've hinted at it #What I have said however is that I feel like I'm in very real danger of being physically harmed in my current living situation #And that I live closed off in my bedroom to avoid interacting with my abuser #And that it would help immensely if I could just hang out with my friends you know? #Just get out of the house #See human beings that don't drive me into a panic attack by just existing in the same room as me #But everyone basically treats me like I'm insane for being afraid #No one invites me for anything #Everyone is always busy when I seek company #So I just become more and more closed off #I'm in such a depressive funk I'm barely trying to talk to anyone anymore #I just don't have the strength #I'm basically off the radar in every social media and chatting app. #And even the people who I've reached out to and asked for help haven't. Realized #Or cared #I'm so tired of trying to keep going. What even is the point anymore #A few years ago my first therapist told me we aren't supposed to be sad. Not all the time. Not like this #And at the time that gave so much hope that things would get better #But now a days it just freaks me out because it doesn't feel like I will ever be able to feel anything but this. #To exist in any way but this. Alone. No conexions. Only interacting with family who hates me wants me dead or resents me #This isn't even bringing all my health issues into account #Therapy isn't even helping #I'm thinking of quitting #I can only see the money going away and no improvement at all #Personal tag