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skylermadness · 4 months

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Cosmic Adoration (Ophion TF/PMC)

(Original Date of Upload: February 14, 2024)

Hey look, I'm uploading something in the same day it gets uploaded on my other accounts. Woah.

Original Description:

Happy Valentine's Day! I've sort of become infrequent when it comes to holiday-themed TFs, but this was actually a story I've wanted to write out for a long time! Quite literally since I started writing it back in January of last year before getting burnt out and never finishing it... until now, anyway. Now I have it done and I can upload it publicly for all to see! I'm quite proud of how this turned out. I typically don't deal in PMC but I feel like that would have been the best route to take this story, and full MC would have tarnished what little themes I was trying to convey with this. I don't think I have much commentary besides all of that though. I guess I could mention there was going to be a reality change segment in the furthest end of the post-TF, but with how I led that segment of the story along I couldn't really fit it in without it feeling needless and awkward.

Valentine's Day.

Initially the very concept of the holiday had eluded Hugo for a good chunk of his life. This had mainly been because he had trouble discerning the purpose of the holiday. Why did such a holiday need to exist to celebrate love? Especially when such a thing could be celebrated on any day of the year. To him, at least originally, it was just a way for stores to boost sales. The most he'd usually acknowledge is the price drops of confectionaries after and that was it. So as far as he cared the holiday was nigh-nonexistent…

That pattern of thought lasted for about twenty-five years. Then he met… Jace…

Dating had always been outside of Hugo’s range of social skills. He had originally thought himself as never really feeling the desire for it. He was content with being single, or at least he tried to tell himself that as to avoid confronting any weird feelings he might have. This thought pattern had quickly changed over the past ten months however, and it was all thanks to the introduction of his boyfriend into his life.

It was… strange, really. Having first fallen in love all that time ago. Was it love at first sight, or was it gradual…? Hugo had originally just been sitting in a coffee shop waiting for his order before going to work, but had encountered Jace after they seemed to recognize him as someone whom he shared a few high school classes with so many years ago. He'd be lying if he said he knew what the guy was talking about, but the thought of being recognized so randomly was quite pleasant.

Their encounters at that shop became frequent, almost weekly. Casual talks about life between the two, sharing their interests and enjoyments to one another. Admittedly Hugo had been the more reserved one of the two, but he always enjoyed listening to Jace talk about their own life. He loved hearing his voice, he loved hearing him speak so passionately about things, he loved… him…

It was definitely a little awkward whispering those very words beneath a breath while in mid-conversation. And even more so when they decided to take things outside and less public so they could talk it out. That awkwardness had quickly faded though, their conversation shifting more into the hypotheticals of dating each other. It was silly and lifted Hugo's spirits up a bit after what he felt like was one big act of making a fool of himself.

Then Jace said he would like to date.

Hugo was surprised, stuttering and sweating and being filled with complete and utter confusion. Jace then gave him a small kiss on the cheek, the man's mustache ticking the skin and making Hugo feel even more flustered.

That was enough to settle everything though. They were officially getting together… but now Hugo had a new problem.

It's been ten months of them dating now and he felt… inadequate? He always felt like his way of expressing love was lackluster in comparison to Jace's. Jace was the more expressive and outgoing one of the two, meanwhile Hugo always had trouble trying to properly express his own emotions in a way that didn't sound like he was forcing it out of himself. He just always had trouble trying to say things properly. Trying to determine what to say, what to do. Was he romantic enough? Was he receiving without giving back in a perfectly equal amount? Of course Jace had been left unaware of these concerns. Hugo had chosen not to tell these fears to them, which in truth might not be a good idea…

He shook his head, then whispered to himself. "Why am I such a mess…"

Realizing he had his head down in thought the whole time, Hugo raised it and looked forward. He was currently walking down the sidewalk of the city's shopping district. It was currently February 13th, the eve of Valentine's Day, and Hugo had decided that with the day of celebrating love fast approaching he should do something for it. It wouldn't necessarily be something grand, but he at least wanted to give his boyfriend something that would commemorate his own love for them.

That's easier said than done though. Fortunately Hugo had a plan! He was on this particular street for a reason, to visit an antique's store and locate something of value there that would be enough to encapsulate his passion. Unfortunately, that was also easier said than done. He wasn't even sure he'd find something there, especially considering how… odd the wares seemed to be, at least just by a casual glance at the store's website.

Still, it was an adequate starting point. His steps began to slow as his peripherals caught onto the deep brown wood of a building. Hugo turned, gazing into the windows and finding shelves lined with various peculiar objects. Too many to discern properly. He lifted his head for one final check, staring up at the letting that spelled out the store's name.

Maurice's Audacious Antiques. The very place he was looking for. Perfect…

A bell above the door silently rang as the young man walked in and the wooden floorboards softly creaked beneath the new weight introduced upon them. The place had an odd and comfy feel to it. Hugo would describe it as cabin in the woods-type vibes. And considering the rusting of the shelves to his left, this place definitely has age to it.

His eyes then caught a singular person here. To the right, behind a counter was a rotund man with a balding head and a thick, tied up beard. His head constantly went back and forth between two objects, a laptop and a notebook with poorly scrawled wording in it, while mumbling random things that Hugo couldn't discern. Hugo took a few steps forward before he was in front of the counter, the younger man noting that the older one hadn't seemed to notice him yet.

"Uh, hi…?"

The burly bear of a man raised upwards with his eyes wide, sharply inhaling. "Got damn, ya' startled me!"

Hugo rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Sorry about that… sir?"

The man's face suddenly shifted from startled to smiling. "No need fer formal'ties! Jus' call me Maurice!"

"Er, right. I just uh, came here to…" Hugo started to trail off. Should he say the reason why he's even here? Will it even help?

Maurice raised a brow. "Ya' alright, son?"

Hugo blinked a few times, then swallowed the forming lump in his throat. "I-I'm fine! I just uh, wanted to find a… gift for someone close to me."

The older man nodded, stroking his beard in thought. Silence filled the space between the two for a few seconds before one of them spoke again.

"Don' think I've gott'n a reques' like that before. Ya might be able to find somethin' in one a' the furth'r shelves though. They have all kindsa trinkets 'n knick-knacks." Maurice advised. He then repositioned his hand to lean his head on its palm. "With our recent batch a' stuff, ya' should find somethin' you like!"

Hugo nodded in response. "Th-thank you… Maurice-"

He turned around and went to the area he was advised to go to. The store's amount of stock was unimpressive with only a single row of five shelves filed one after another, but he had settled on checking the fourth one for anything interesting. It looked like it had small stuff in it after all. Although he was a little curious about the store owner's usage of should and would. It felt like they didn't know their own stock. They tried to ignore that though. They had to focus on finding a gift for Jace.

It was now that Hugo truly saw how strange the objects on these shelves seemed to be though.

Some seemed pretty normal. A few intricately designed rings, sets of jeweled earrings, and weird looking necklaces with a design-scheme that felt expensive to look at. However, oddities seemed to pop up left and right. A red, glass-looking orb; sitting beside it was a blue orb with gold metal zigzagging across the middle. Some weird sharp pen-looking thing, a golden chalice of some kind, and… was that a marble pauldron???

"This is so weird…" Hugo whispered to himself.

Finding a gift was already hard enough, but the pure absurdity here made things feel more challenging than they needed to be. At least finding something perfect was a non-issue. He casually picked up one of the many spheres, one that looked like it contained an entire galaxy inside, and stared at it in utter confusion.

He whispered again, "What is your purpose??" while pushing his face close to the object. He then set it down again, suddenly worried that he might break it.

"This isn't going to work…" he sighed, slowly stepping closer to the shelf's end and the window beside it. He sounded off more objects in his head as he continued forward. Weird blue crystal, a pair of sunglasses, a censor thing, some kind of… cap??

For an antiques store all of this felt absurd-

His confusion was momentarily broken as the peripheral of his eye caught onto something glistening. He turned his head to look and found… another necklace? A fairly simple one at that. It was a single golden string with a white elliptoid object on it. For some reason he felt compelled to pick it up, gently cupping the elliptoid and putting it in his hand.

"What is this…" he asked himself, lifting his hand towards his face a little. The elliptoid looked almost like an egg. Its shell was adorned with beautifully designed spirals, rigid enough that rubbing a thumb over it allowed him to feel them out a little. It felt nice. Nice and warm. He wasn't sure why it was warm, probably because of the sunlight, but it was oddly calming to him.

"It does look pretty neat," he said with a smile. His mind was wracking over all the possible representations this single object could hold. The warmth he feels around Jace, the way they have slowly have made him try to come out of his shell, the newness he felt upon realizing his love for them. A small laugh escaped his throat. All of those sound so cheesy, damn. But… they're the truth, are they not?

It feels so embarrassing though. His smile falters, his emotions dimming. What if it's too cheesy though? What if it comes out horribly and he makes a fool of himself in front of Jace? Damn it, damn it, damn it, he felt so fucking stupid!!

He sighs. "I-I'm overthinking this, I have to… I have to calm down. I just…" he looked out the window, sighing. "I just wish I could better show my feelings…"

Right as these words left his mouth the egg on the necklace began to glow. Bright gold shone from the unknown material, the object slowly shaking as it seemed to move closer to him. Hugo had felt the object moving in his hands and looked towards it, but barely got any time to process it as the object practically flung out of his hand and around his neck.

"Wh-what the hell-" he exclaimed, feeling a tickling around his neck as the string tied around it. He reached up both hands to try and grasp the mysterious egg-like object and pull it off. However, the moment his palm made contact with it he felt an intense warmth run throughout his entire body. He took a few steps back, bumping into the shelf behind him, as an intense golden glow entered his irises.

"What is… hhhaaa…."

A hand opened, fingers unfurling away from the elliptoid as they began to twitch. A strange energy was filling his body, coursing through it painlessly and warming it to a strangely comforting degree. All the while strange changes was beginning to form into his form.

His hands were the part of his body that first made contact with the necklace, which meant they were the first to have begun their transformation. As Hugo's fingers twitched his nails began to lengthen. They grew longer, the tips getting sharper and curling as if they were becoming claws. Their translucency was lost as they gained a golden tone as well. The skin on his hands started to lighten, a cream color entering them as the softness hardened. A leathery texture had steadily etched into them while their composition became less fleshy and more scaly.

As the cream-colored scales started to form across his hands, their size was beginning to increase as well. Both hands had stretched out to become larger and thicker. His fingers were getting plumper and meatier. As his hands got larger in size he gripped both of them into fists, his knuckles proceeding to ache for a moment before short, sharp golden spikes erupted from beneath the scales.

The scales quickly started to move upwards to his wrists and forearms. The area increased in size to match the proportions of his hands. However, this new enlargement had also been due to a gain in muscle mass. Comforting heat surging into his forearm muscles as they began to gain bulk. At the same time the coloration of his scales had steadily shifted, hue changing from its soft cream to a brilliant gold. All the while more short golden spikes erupted from the back of his forearms at evenly spaced intervals before seemingly ending at his elbow.

His elbows got larger, the scales rapidly transitioning to his upper arm and running beneath the short sleeves of his polo shirt. The sleeves proceeded to constrict, his muscles now bloating beneath the lustrous scurf he was gaining. His biceps bulged beneath the fabric to a quickly noticeable degree. His triceps mirrored those changes as well, Hugo's once skinny arms now having been mostly consumed by his newfound musculature. Rips started to form within the fabric of his sleeves as his delts ballooned, his shoulders widening drastically as everything soon began to flow into his body proper.

Hugo leaned on a shelf, breathing deeply as he stared down at a hand. His mind was feeling… conflicted, to say the least. A fraction of him wanted to be afraid, wanted to attempt to pry off this necklace from his neck. His other arm was slowly raising itself up to fulfill that desire. But his fingers that were slowly curling around the elliptoid never closed the gaps between them.

There was still another fraction of his mind. Curiosity as to what was going on, as to what this object was doing to him. A strange desire to let that curiosity flourish and let these changes progress. What was happening to him, why was it happening?

His breathing slowed just slightly. "What does this necklace want to do to me!?"

It had to be the necklace's will after all. Such a thought felt so absurd, but in the back of his head he felt it was correct to assume to.

A sharp exhale exited his mouth as he felt a sharp heat enter his torso for a second. His shirt began constricting even more as he felt his own collar bone widen, his entire frame being made more wide and broad. The one button of his polo he had fastened started straining as a result, his frame clearly getting larger than his shirt had been accustomed too. Shortly after that the comforting warmth entered his torso as well. The light of the necklace's egg glowed brighter for a moment, Hugo beginning to feel a strange feeling well up inside him as it did so.

As the scales started to converge on his chest their color lightened back to its previous cream tone. Meanwhile, his chest began to swell in size. His pectorals got larger and rounder, packing on mass at a steady rate as his polo filled out more and more. It wasn't long until their thickening pressed up against his shirt, steadily testing its limits each passing second as his cleavage got deeper and more visible within the fabric. The new roundness of his pectorals were quite visible in general. The one fastened button of his shirt would suddenly pop off, unable to hold itself against the slabs of meat that were now his pecs.

Meanwhile the changes were running down his back as well. The back of his shirt was tightening as his trapezius muscles broadened and enlarged. A sudden surge zipped down his spine, the vertebrae decompressing and getting thicker steadily forcing his height to increase by a few inches over the course of the next few minutes. But the strongest feeling was in two points of his upper back, a massive pressure slowly mounting into them. Two bumps slowly rising from the skin-turning-scales, hard spikes emerging from those bumps and beginning to poke holes in the fabric of his shirt. This pressure only seemed to increase as time went on, Hugo stumbling forward a bit and hunching. He gripped his abdomen with his left arm while he grasped onto a shelf with his right, the sound of metal crunching piercing the air thanks to the strength of his grip and sharpness of his claws.

Hugo practically growled at the mix of senses he was enduring right now. "F-fucking hell-" his voice cracks slightly, sounding slightly deeper as it crackles. "W-where'd that comfort go…"

The warmth he was looking for still remained, albeit now drowned out by the insurmountable pressure in his back.

His abdomen started to churn, the region rippling as his entire lower half was consumed by scales. Hardened slabs of muscles arose from the area, abs pushing forward row by row. His shirt was riding up his belly during the process, his new muscles being granted increasingly better visible. It wasn't long until a solid eight-pack of abs formed. An even stranger addition occurred in his abdominal as well, golden gemstones formed on the perpendicular folds of his muscles: a massive diamond-shaped one at the bottom of his pectoral cleavage, a smaller one at the base of his first row of abs, and the smallest at the base of the second row.

Beneath a hand he felt his side getting indented as well, the muscles in his obliques shifting and gaining in muscularity, strengthening as his chest was barrelling out. All these changes tightened his polo shirt to an even stronger degree, the threads on his sides unstitching due his much larger body size. The size of his newly formed muscles had resulted in the crevices his muscles had produced being visible from indents in the fabric. Due to his increasing height the hem of his shirt continued to rise even more as well.

By this point, the holes in the back of his shirt has been stretched even larger by the formulating spikes. Although at this point the spikes had grown larger enough to prove themselves as the pointed ends of an external bone growth. This growth had continued to extend and expand, a pair of large triangular bulges swelling up at his back. Pressure just continued to build up as these bulges got larger and larger. More and more of the back of his shirt continued to tear, and the bulges gained more and more definition in their shape to point that they were proven to be more than just bulging scaley growths. But after a few more seconds of pressure building, everything came to one big feeling of relief.

“GGRRRAAAAGHHHH!!!” Hugo roared, the sound of splitting fabric piercing the air as his back was finally granted escape from its discomfort. What had emerged from the region was a pair of magnificent wings. They were draconic in appearance with the flesh and membranes possessing the same golden scales that the rest of his body had formed. Furthermore his newly developed wingspan was noticeably large, and as the new appendages curled into themselves it became evident that the fingers of his wings were long enough to descend down to the ground.

The young man could feel the heat of his blood pumping through the newly emerged wings. Strange tingles and sensations coursed through his nervous system as his brain was forced to get accustomed to them, and in truth he could feel his muscle memory rapidly getting used to having them there. Once all the pressure and tightness had subsided, Hugo shakily straightened his back and looked behind him.

“These… things…” he stated, his voice continuing to deepen in tone as he spoke. Like the feel of something commanding was seeping into it. “Why does… having them feel so… nice…?”

Finally unhanding the shelf in front of him, he moves a hand over to give his new wings a gentle caress. That desire to be afraid had been dispelled now, the man filled with a feel of familiarity at the sight instead. These wings were his, and this body…

This body is yours, a stray thought pierces his brain. The Celestial Egg is granting what you desire…

Hugo blinked a few times at the thought, and the pupils of his eyes seemed to get thinner which each blink. He then stops caressing the wing and pulls his hand over to rub a thumb on the egg that adorned the necklace.

“The Celestial Egg…” he whispered, the meekness of his earlier tone of voice almost completely replaced by an almost deific level of deepness. Meanwhile his mind dwells on the object and thinks about what it's done, what it's doing to him, and as he does so he feels a tinge of pressure at the base of his spine.

Instead of sitting around waiting for what he knew was about to explode from his body, he decided to just move his other arm behind him so he could push down the back of his pants a bit. It was a little hard considering his legwear was already at the point that it could barely fit around his waist, but he managed to push the top of his jeans just enough that he could let whatever pressure in his rear relieved itself without having to fight against his pants.

The act had unveiled a small, pointed growth at the base of his spine. Its size wouldn't remain diminutive however as pressure continued to build up within it, that pressure causing it to quickly extend downwards. At first it started out being rather thin and small, like an unimpressive snake slithering out from above the waistline of his pants. However after a few inches it became noticeable that the lengthening appendage was beginning to get segmented, and each segment was slightly larger in diameter than the last. Come ten segments long and it was undeniable that Hugo was gaining a tail, and it was only getting longer. Twelve segments, fifteen, eighteen, twenty two; all with a sequential increase in diameter by almost an inch. Come the mid-twenties and the tail would be about a ruler in thickness. A few more seconds and the segment count reaches the thirties, in which the rate of growth begins to slow down. Thirty two, thirty three, thirty four… then it comes to a halt at about thirty five segments. By then the tail’s width was about a ruler and a half, and the length itself could only be about four times that long. It also formed with the tail’s aforementioned pointed tip, a series of spikes running across the top of certain segments, and a shine from the golden scales adorning it.

Concurrent with the growth of his new appendage were the swath of changes entering into the lower half of his body. The sea of scales cascaded down all sides of his body, flowing down his waist and hardening the skin of his legs to match the nigh-reptilian nature the rest of his body was garnering. Beneath the shifting scales on his thighs were his muscles which, just like in his arms, were in the process of bulking up and discarding their once skinny appearance. His quads and hamstrings grew in conjunction with each other, absolutely bulging in strength as the denims of his jeans were forced to strain against his rapidly developing musculature. At the back of his legs were his gluteus muscles, them too in the process of swelling up to the point his rear was rounding out a fair bit.

Pressure surged throughout the bones in his legs, and the bottoms of each pant leg rose up the crus of his own limbs indicating that more height was being added to his body. All the while a low heat burned in his calves, those muscles also ballooning out of the back of the lower half of his legs. By this point all the crevices that divided his muscles were indenting into the material of his pants, splits and tears forming in the sides of his jeans and revealing the shining gold his body had attained. It was like the changes had finely sculpted his form to a body type akin to the Grecian marble statues, except looking like he himself was worth billions.

The final change in his body’s lower half came to his feet. By now they had already undergone a process to have grown in order to fit his new bodily proportions, larger and wider and thicker. His chunkier toes were pushing up against the fronts of his shoes to such a degree that the footwear themselves was bulging in its attempt to contain them. The heels of his own feet dug into the back of his shoes, and the sides pressed up against their sides. Even a few rips could be heard as the strings began to snap against the bridge of his feet.

And then came the sea of scales…

Once beyond his ankles the hardening of his flesh went from the pristiness of the rest of his form to getting mixed with a shade of vermillion around his feet. As his soles were covered in scales an almost reddish-orange hue formed in the area. Meanwhile the top of his feet seemed to practically harden as a scute-like segmenting broke apart the skin, perfectly dividing itself to align with the ligaments of his toes. And by the time this plating extended to the ends of his toes, an almost bronze shade of brown dispelled the translucency in his toenails as they gradually restructured and sharpened. Rips could be heard from the cloth of his shoes as a quintet of pointed claws emerged from the front, curved and pointed and almost bestial.

Yet none of the sounds of his clothing shattering or the feeling of his form practically improving on itself were as much a distraction for Hugo as they could have been. All during that segment of the transformation his mind was instead focused on his own thoughts. Because the longer the changes are pressed on, the more his body becomes less human, the more information his brain seems to attain. The more the Egg puts into his mind to make his mentality compatible. And he knows it's the Egg that was doing this. His mind registers it as his unique Sacred Artifact.

“Holding all that is and ever was in the very palm of my hand…” the changing man speaks cryptically, a low and deep chuckle escaping his throat after he makes the comment. He could practically feel the power of his own voice resonating through the walls of his throat. Although that could also be from the scales rising up his neck.

A grin then forms on his face, any emotion he was feeling earlier cast away as a feeling of pure confidence had overtaken him. “…and out of everyone within you you're making me one of the most powerful there is? I should feel honored considering just who I used to be~”

He could only grin wider as he felt pressure wracking his very skull. He lets out a laugh of triumphant glee and exclaims, “Yes! Give me that visage and make this Ophion complete!” For a moment the Celestial Egg around his neck glows brighter as if in response to him, then Ophion (who has at this point cast out the name Hugo) continued to grin as his face finally began to push out with his entire skull structure shifting alongside it.

The way his skull was restructuring was a complicated series of events to say the least. The lower half of his face was being pushed forward, and his lower jaw seemed to be extending and growing to be a bit wider in size in comparison to the upper portion. That portion of his face would only continue to push out more and more into a muzzle, the very features of his face being reconstructed to fit this new development. His nose melted into the muzzle’s tip as the nostrils became holes at the furthest end, meanwhile his lips quivered as small portions of them reshaped into points and hardened as they did so. By this point his new snout was looking to be one that belonged to someone draconic in nature, much like how the rest of his body had. This was further proven by how the dome of his head was being reshaped, humanity rapidly being lost under a deluge of shifts that made his entire skull structure that of an entirely different species.

The shape of his skull wasn't the only thing changing either. As the scales washed across his head, rushing past his neck and circling the base of his muzzle, bony protrusions began painlessly erupting from certain areas of his face. On each side of his head a triad of bone spikes would emerge. The series of spikes just barely obscured his ears, which themselves were in the process of repositioning themselves to protrude at the sides of his head while also gaining an almost elfine pointedness to their structure. His eyebrows were quick to fade beneath the scales, quickly replaced by juttings of golden spikes that layered over yet another set of bone spike triplets that would rise from his browline. Even right in between his eyes a very small spike would emerge. And although these weren't spikes, a pair of short and pointed protrusions would extend out of both ends of his chin.

All while these changes had occurred, Hugo’s somewhat lengthy hair was being steadily sloughed off. With each inch of his scalp the sea of gold claimed clumps of hair would slip off his head. It's once luscious fullness thinned out, each follicle being shoved out at the root by his magnificent scales. As more of his hair continued falling off it would also reveal one last set of growths on his head. The first of which was rising from the middle of his head’s apex, a series of short brown spikes that would soon run down the middle back of his head. The second of these changes however was significantly more substantial. Two brown points erupted from a portion of the upper region at his head’s back, and those points were quick to grow outwards and upwards. Unlike the rest of his face’s pointed protrusions, these ones were noticeably less bony despite possessing an appearance of hardness to them. And as the duo of brown growths continued to rise out from his skull, diameter getting a little larger as they got longer, it was evident that he was gaining a pair of horns.

Perhaps the last major change came to Ophion’s teeth. The omnivorous nature of his humanity was quickly shifted, incisors and molars quickly sharpening to fit his new species well. The most drastic change would come to his lower canines though as the reasoning for his lower jaw’s protrusion finally came into tangibility. Much like the horns atop his head the left canine of the two lower teeth would extend upwards a fair bit while sharpening itself and, after a few seconds, shift into being more like a prominent fang. The rightward canine didn't get that luxury however as instead it seemed to practically atomize and leave the gum to harden and scar in mere seconds.

The pressure that had enveloped the anthropomorphic dragon’s head finally began to subside. A glint of red overtook Ophion’s irises as the pupils finally properly slit like a reptile’s. “This feels so… good,” he muttered to himself as he raised up a hand and gently caressed his own face. “Makes me wish I had a mirror to see just how divine I look now!”

Because at this point that's just how he felt: absolutely divine! His brain can register memories of a world beyond this one, a life beyond this one, all of which has been meshed and mixed with his own thoughts of his previous humanity. The Egg had taken his desire and, inevitably, went a bit overboard in fulfilling it. But Ophion hadn't cared, the personality overhaul he had garnered was absolutely wonderful! No more pitiful fears about how he acts, no more staggeringly low amounts of self-confidence, no more worries about… about how he can show his love to…

“Jace…” he whispered beneath a breath. The very name carried the same familiarity that it had when he was a human. And thinking about it… about him made Ophion’s brain register the same emotion the dragon had towards him: an intense feeling of love. But now that intensity practically burned inside him, he felt a devotion that not even those atop the System of Olympus could fell. It was an unquantifiable feeling and was something he just couldn't hold himself from expressing!

“I can finally do what I've wanted for so long~” Ophion proclaimed. He turns and takes a step forward, but is stopped in his tracks almost immediately as he feels a knee of his pants split over his own. It was at this point that the dragon had finally taken full notice of his extremely ill-fitting clothing. His polo was somehow still hanging on for dear life, meanwhile his jeans were a few stitches away from ripping apart at the sides.

“I'm going to need something better than this if I'm going to look more presentable…” he sneered.

The Celestial Egg sparkled a bit and glowed for a few seconds, prompting his clothing to sparkle themselves as a bright light enveloped them. A few seconds later and his clothes would begin to grow, expanding over his form so they could all cover him properly. The hem of his shirt was quick to descend over his abdominal region as the entirety of it enlarged enough that his muscle mass wouldn't indent so intricately into the fabric. But then a different change occured, a deep brown beginning to overtake the coloration of the shirt at a rapid pace. As it did so the small placket of the polo began to extend down the middle, golden buttons lining it but not even bothering to fasten themselves. The once small collar would also lengthen, popping itself upwards as it raised higher and higher. And as the shirt’s split finished its full formation the entirety of the shirt would open to now fully reveal his muscled torso. Meanwhile the back of his shirt was seemingly being restitched, the giant hole formed by his wings altering to become more intentional rather than a byproduct of the appendages tearing through it.

The sleeves of the shirt weren't left unscathed as any rips were fixed almost instantly. The constricted feeling was alleviated, changed to a more snug feel as they more comfortably outlined his upper arm muscles. By the time the sleeves were enveloped by the brown coloration they would also bulge as if they were simultaneously extending in length while still trying to contain themselves to their shortness. This would eventually manifest in the form of his shirt sleeves now taking a rolled up appearance.

A similar discoloration had entered his enlarging pants, although this time it was more beige in tone that was enough to shift the denim into a different and finer material. The shifts within his legwear were a little less intense as they would also only enlarge enough to allow movement yet still be tight enough to outline his muscles, all while fixing themselves of the damage his unexpected growth in muscle had incurred. The button that held the jeans closed gained a golden tone, as did the zipper, both of which being left completely open despite the fact his pants fit him now. And with no belt the only thing that held the jeans on his body was a pair of suspenders that snaked from over his shoulders and down his torso before promptly buckling on his legwear.

The last piece of his attire that remained were his shoes which after being enveloped by the Egg’s magical light… straight up dematerialized into motes of light and leaving his feet bare. The motes of light didn't disappear however, instead floating upwards and behind the dragon before seemingly rematerializing into something else entirely. Fine silken material layering onto his back, amorphousness quickly dispelling as it gained a menagerie of whites and browns, all with trims of gold lining. It was hard to fully realize at first but it would seem that some kind of suit jacket had manifested behind him, being worn casually as it was just clinging onto his shoulders.

With that the Egg’s glow finally dimmed, Ophion now sporting a look that could only be described as both distinguished and casual. With a smile he held the Artifact with two claws and brought it to his face. “Really abiding by all my wants today, hm?”

For once the Egg didn't shine in response. The dragon wasn't expecting any though, so he unhanded the object and let it drift back to hang over his chest. He then sauntered forward, making his way out of the aisle… and into the eyeline of a very awestruck Maurice who was still behind the counter.

“Was wonderin’ if I needed to check on ya’...” Maurice commented as he made eye contact with the anthropomorphic dragon.

“Does this not happen often?” Ophion inquired as he stepped forward towards the counter. “I can practically smell the stench of anomalous magic from this place now…”

“Err…” Maurice looked away.

Ophion chuckled. “Do not think I give much of a care with what you do here. Although I do give thanks for your wares allowing me to attain such a brilliant form~ I don't think I've felt this great in ages!”

“Uhuh…” Maurice nodded, face still in a mix of awe and surprise. “Well, that’ll be-”

“I'll be deciding the price here…” the dragon practically demanded. He fished around a back pocket for a bit and pulled out a wallet, although upon opening it he was greeted with his former self’s image in the ID photo window. “…and I have a feeling I won't be here for much longer.”

Ophion then placed the wallet onto the counter, then turned to make his leave. “Thank you for your help, Maurice! Your actions shall be etched into my memory for as long as time flows!”

Maurice is just left dumbfounded as he watches Ophion leave the store and, after a good few seconds, jet into the air as one would expect a dragon to do.

“...still not quite sure how to process that,” the storeowner muttered as his gaze drifted to the wallet the dragon had left behind as payment.

----------------------------------------------------------

The sound of a blender pierced the air of the apartment, Jace idly watching as the fruit within the object was shredded into a fine paste. He was never quite sure how to spend days off from work whenever he was left alone. Especially since he had his hopes on spending the day with Hugo, but it was almost 5PM and Hugo hadn't gotten back from his mysterious shopping trip yet.

The apartment falls into silence and Jace eyes his phone. Not even an indicator that his last text was read. “What could he be doing…?” the man muttered in concern.

Then the melancholy serenity of the room was broken in an instant by the sound of a thump from the apartment balcony. A giant shadow being cast through the glass, easily visible from the kitchen’s adjacency to the balcony door.

“Uhhhh…” Jace backed up a bit, eyeing the shadow with a slowly building fear in his chest. He couldn't make out what it was, it was just large and… monstrous?

He then hears the balcony door slide open. A sound that prompted him to turn around and scramble for a knife or something to-

“Jace…” a deep voice called out, interrupting his actions. Jace promptly squeaked in response, heart rate skyrocketing. He very slowly turns around to see the form of a golden-scaled musclebound dragon anthro staring straight at him.

“Wh-what are you?!?”

The dragon tilted its head, a spiky brow raised. “How undignified, I probably should've…” he shoved a hand in a pant pocket and pulled out a phone. “Please give me a moment.”

Jace just stood there in fearful silence as he watched the dragon futz around with their phone, the sound of claws tapping on glass being the only thing fully heard in the apartment. Then after a few moments a look of satisfaction formed on the dragon’s face.

“Here,” the dragon held the phone out, its wallpaper fully visible to Jace. The man’s eyes widened as he saw the image: a picture of himself and Hugo. This was Hugo’s phone.

With a shaky step forward Jace began to verbally panic. “Where did you- what did you-”

A look of realization then formed on the dragon's face. “Jace, my love, it's me. Hugo.”

“Your love???” Jace exclaimed, eyeing up the golden dragon with some level of fury in his eyes. “I don't- you can't be! For one, Hugo’s a human!”

“Was, I was a human,” the dragon corrected. “It would be hard to explain it all fully but,” he raised up a hand and tapped what looked to be an egg that was hanging around his neck. “This? This changed me into this glorious form.”

Jace was far from convinced though. “Please, people don't just suddenly transform into dragons! You- you have to have done something to him-”

“Our anniversary is in two months, the receipts for the bracelet you bought me for it are in the dresser next to our bed, and you’re still trying to reserve a date for that one restaurant with the shrimp,” the dragon listed out in rapid succession. He then stepped forward with his arms outstretched. “Now do you believe me, my love? Or must I go into your personal confessions?”

Jace swallowed a lump in his throat. All those things the reptilian spoke of were correct, and there's no way he could've garnered that information unless he was somehow spying on the two of them. “I-I was hoping you wouldn't have noticed any of that!”

“We live in an apartment, love,” the dragon, Hugo apparently, stated as he leaned over the kitchen’s island. “It's almost impossible to hide such sensitive information.”

Jace just nods as he stared into Hugo’s eyes, and just looked at his draconic visage in general. He appeared so nonchalant, so calm, and his face seemed to look more tender the longer he looked at Jace.

“I'm… still trying to process this,” Jace began leaning onto the counter behind him. “How the heck did you get that… thing that transformed you into this, Hugo…?”

“I'd like to start by saying I go by Ophion now. In truth I was trying to find an adequate gift for this coming Valentine's Day,” Ophion began to recount. “I found an interesting antique's store a few days back and decided to pay a visit today. Although in truth it seems that place is some kind of front for magical artifact vending but well…” a somber look formed on his face as he took hold of the necklace’s egg and held it into view. “Truthfully I've always felt like an inadequate lover to you. I was hoping to get you something that'd prove myself, and perhaps make up for my lackluster approach to our relationship. Once I picked up the Celestial Egg it resonated with my desires and made me into this. Transformed me physically, mentally…”

The dragon leaned a little closer, a fervorous look in his eyes. “Perhaps it even deepened my love for you…”

Jace let out a sharp exhale, then stepped forward to gently caress Ophion’s face. “Hu- Ophion. You don't have to give me some trinket to prove your love to me. And truthfully for me, I never found you lackluster at all! Perhaps a little neurotic but, you were always still a wonderful person…”

He then gave the dragon a kiss on the snout.

“...but I should really ask if you feel better about yourself?”

“I do,” the dragon confessed. Ophion lifted his head out of Jace’s grasp and straightened himself up. His form from the waist up was visible from behind the kitchen island: strong muscles, glistening scales, those weird crystals embedded in his body. Jace couldn't even help but give a glance at Ophion’s wings, the man wincing at the thought of having to suddenly grow those. Nonetheless, the golden reptilian had a certain confident aura that Hugo seemed to always have trouble mustering.

“I can't say I'm the same person I was as a human,” Ophion admitted. “The way this Egg works, it put so much into me to make me fit an identity I desired. But I will also admit a fraction of that was because I wanted to be able to better show how much I love you, my love~”

“I don't think you had to change yourself into a literal dragon to show how much you love me,” Jace said with a laugh. “I'm glad you're happy though. I will admit I'm getting used to being called your love, it's so dignified!”

He then paused. “Now how will we explain to the landlord that my boyfriend has become a real life scalie…”

Ophion let out a hearty laugh. “We don't need to deal with that now…” he then walked around the counter to properly stand near Jace. “It's just me and you, today~”

Ophion then brought Jace into a warm embrace. This mostly meant Jace was being pressed up into the dragon's meaty pecs as he was put into a hug. It made the man blush a bit…

“Now then…” Ophion’s voice lowers to a whisper, and Jace could feel himself being lifted. “How about I show you how a universe can be made…?”

Jace raised a brow. “What's that supposed to mean?”

Ophion just chuckled, and Jace turned his head and found himself being moved out of the kitchen. It took a few more seconds for him to fully register what was about to happen as he realized they were moving into a hallway, and everything finally clicked.

They were heading to the bedroom…

#character tf #tf #transformation #muscle growth tf #species tf #bara tf #male transformation #reptile tf

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canonkiller · 5 months

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health stuff update for the new year

this is an update that I'm gonna crosspost in a few spots, so sorry if you have to pass it multiple times. I'm not going to go into super detail (I appreciate some degree of privacy) but it is medical talk that relates to my art + online presence

For the physical: The long and short of it is that I have a neurological degeneration that is, at present, affecting almost all of my spinal cord. At this point, the specialists I've seen believe that it is the cause of my vision issues, as well as the loss of sensation in my legs and chronic pain. There is no expected recovery for this - it's either going to stay as it is, or get worse - in part due to how long it took to discover (thank you, Canadian medical system delays!). This, along with nutritional deficiencies related to it, is causing the bulk of my physical issues and is the expensive part to deal with as I try to accomodate a lifestyle with little movement and less sight. "Polished" art in the usual definition is something I simply can't do any more. Looking at screens hurts, especially if I have to look up towards them, as does daylight. I hurt, a lot, all of the time, and so far the treatment plan suggested for that has been to cope, which I am trying to do.

For the mental parts: I'm excluding neurodivergence from this summary, because while I've made some important discoveries in the past 12 months I don't feel as though they're impacting my work dramatically, at least not in the completion way. Unfortunately, separate from those, I've been experiencing a metric Fuck Ton of brain fog; basically, every other week, the concept of time is quite literally beyond my perception. I know things are happening in the moment, but the actual durations of things just disappear. This, of course, makes my queue backlog long as hell and my communication spotty, as the time I think everything is taking is doubled to everyone else. My current care provider has been neglecting to address or investigate this, so I have been trying to find a replacement, but that takes time, and time is difficult for me to keep a handle on right now. I have been doing everything I can to ensure I always have a list somewhere if the things I need to get done; know that if I owe you work, it is likely not forgotten, but just unknowingly delayed. I am trying my best to stay on top of things, but I am doing all of it on my own, and it's been a lot to deal with lately as things continue to worsen.

I'm sharing this more for understanding than sympathy; I don't want to be pitied, but I also want it known that I am not trying to con people or maliciously avoid completing work. All I ask is that if you have questions or concerns, about owed work or otherwise, to reach out rather than assume I'm avoiding it intentionally, and to let me know if you want refunds or compensation for subscriptions or paid work that you feel are justified.

Here's to surviving another year.

#not art

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bookwyrminspiration · 11 days

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(warning: this is... long. i had to put post dividers on this to make it readable. i would have put a read more but i can't in an ask, sorry.)

i think the most puzzling thing of all about this drama is that like.... i've been doing this forever. i've been posting keefe/fintan stuff (not regularly, but still!) since at least feb 2022 on the dolentsnows account. hell, i KNOW i've even talked about tam/linh specifically before then, though i can't remember if it was public or not.

and there was no problem! people just blocked each other and filtered and it was fine!

i'm frankly just. SO confused as to why that post of all things is what set it off. like guys. what.

also, re: "it normalizes pedophilia/incest/abuse/whatever" my posts get like ten notes max, most of those being likes from my dear mutuals who dont necessarily love the stuff i do but still wanna show they support me anyway.

if you'd just think for a minute, i think it's pretty easy to see that no one's gonna be converted into a sex freak any time soon.

and the fact that people are calling me a pedophile for... *checks notes* writing about characters that are the same age as i am or older in relationships with adults is. something. especially considering that:

in all the ACTUAL content i've made, excluding ONE post about alvar being keefe's gay awakening, the characters have been over the legal age in france (my country), so even the "it's illegal" argument falls apart.

why do you immediately assume i'm imagining myself to be the adult here? you don't know what's going on in my life. you don't know my reasons for doing what i do. i started shipping those kinds of ships ever since i was a pretty young kid, and i don't have to explain myself to anyone. (note: i am not a victim of csa, just want to make that clear. i've got other shit going on. but also you guys don't actually care about survivors and it's obvious.)

and fun fact: incest is legal in france as well, as long as it's between two consenting adults. i have decided, right now, effective immediately, that linh and tam are both over 18 in those drawings. since it's legal it means there's no problem right?

all this to say, let's just drop the whole "legal = moral, illegal = immoral" train of thought right here.

i do have one thing to apologize for, though: i didn't properly tag the first post. that has since been rectified and i've added community labels for good measure. i have and will apologize again for that mistake because it was entirely on me. i'm genuinely sorry to the people who saw that with no warning and i won't make that mistake again going forward.

but i also know that there are people who clicked on some of my posts even after i added the community labels and then complained (in my ask box, no less!) and to those i say: just read the tags, guys. they're still visible even with the community labels hiding the post.

sorry for the angry tone, but i am kind of miffed about all this. mostly that it turned into such a big deal when it really didn't have to be.

to conclude: stay strong out there guys, hopefully modern fandom will develop basic internet skills one day.

No worries about the length or tone, you're good.

I believe the reason that one post sparked issue is because, I don't know if you're aware, there's actually been a pretty significant surge in new fans in the past few months following info about Unraveled.

So while you have been here and posting your stuff for a while, for a good chunk of the currently active people, I think that was their first time seeing you. And also possibly one of their first times seeing art/ships like that up close, since keeper tends to be a first/earlier fandom.

Hence the stronger reaction. Though I don't think it's fair to blanket statement say they don't care about survivors. That's the sort of strawmanning/ad hominem talk that leads to shutting down/self-defense that doesn't get us anywhere. We can all rise above logicial fallacies <3

But anyway, the worst seems to have passed, unless we all feel like regressing for some reason :)

#kotlc #kotlc discourse #quil's queries #commonghost #long post #colored text #not responding to everything mostly just letting it stand so others can see #i suspect my blog will be one of if not the last to be fully cleared of discourse #so that heads up I gave earlier is still in effect #i'm not bothered by that I was expecting it/aware it was a possibility #and am fine (at least currently) to be open about it and talk about it and let people talk to/through me

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maconthepen · 8 months

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What a bagel taught me about how to live.

There's a small grocery shop at the end of my street.

When I say small, I mean tiny. In fact, I often avoid it on Saturdays. Not being the smallest person in stature, I tend to get stuck awkwardly on boxes of fruit the owners haven't unpacked. All would be forgiven and fine if not for the withering stares of the designer activewear crowd who, like circling sharks, single me out as Not One of Their Own. Saturdays just aren't made for that kind of negativity, so I tend to make myself scarce.

But the staff in the shop are lovely and they pride themselves on stocking the best baked goods in the area. Specifically, their bagels. It's no word of a lie. Those bagels stand tall and proud, whether they're plain, poppyseed, sesame, or blueberry. If a food had a sixth sense that it was about to be bought and devoured, these bagels would have it. If I were to get hopelessly anthropomorphic about it, I'd say they exuded smugness. I can't blame them. Were I that perfectly formed, I'd be smug too.

The kicker is that they aren't stocked every day, and today I really, really wanted one. I wanted to pile it high with cream cheese and salmon and to garnish it with care, like it came from a cafe. The idea fixated itself as soon as I was awake, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

The grocery shop was bagel-less.

Instead, trying to delude myself into believing I could salvage the situation, I went to my local chain supermarket and bought a subpar pack. Little did I know how subpar they would be. My lunch in the picture above looks amazing — and its toppings were exceptional — but underneath was a blasphemous affair. These were the worst bagels I'd bought in my life. They were small and dense and probably overbaked, and I missed the high, chewy, pillowy goodness of the ones from down the street.

Make no mistake: I ate, and I was grateful for the food, but this exceedingly ordinary experience taught me a lesson I've been halfway to learning in the past few weeks:

Everything has its season.

I'm still learning to go with those seasons. A long bout of depression has meant that, for months, I haven't been especially keen on leaving the house. I've delegated all grocery shops to delivery services from major supermarkets, and when the fresh produce that arrived in stiff paper bags seemed bland and tasteless, I assumed it was the fault of my taste buds.

Little did I know, until I started on antidepressants and began going to counselling again, how fine a thing it was to wander out into the world — to the market, the park, the small grocery shop down the street — and really see what was there. To smell the in-season fruit. To taste air that wasn't stale. To buy bagels one day and almond croissants the next, because that's what the world is offering up, and it was finite, so I'd best enjoy it while it lasts. I've been cooking with the weather again, taking care to make soup on cold days and face-meltingly spicy, fresh salads when the sun is out.

I've been caring for myself better, but I have also been caring more about the world. In doing so, the world and I feel back in sync. The people in it feel closer. About a week ago, buoyed by all the new conversations I've been having with people, I realised that I didn't know the name of the man who owned the grocery shop along the street. For years, surrounded by a fog of my own brain's making, I hadn't asked.

It turned out his name was Dan. He asked mine in return, and I told him.

"You're lucky this morning," he said, smiling his usual warm and genuine smile. "That's the last of the sesame ones."

Then, as I was leaving the shop, he called: "Oh, I nearly forgot! You're a Swans fan, aren't you? Good luck today."

Bewildered, I turned back around to face him. It was footie finals season. I wasn't wearing my team's scarf, but I had been some months ago when I dropped in for a packet of chips on the way to the game. I'd been in and out of the shop in thirty seconds, but Dan remembered the scarf all the same.

I felt the hot sting of guilt return. I couldn't believe I'd never asked his name.

But then I recalled a visit on a freezing June day. Dan, nameless back then, had been rubbing his hands together near a small space heater under the counter. He'd been wearing a black and white hat.

I ventured, "We might be playing the 'pies next week. Here's to both our teams making it through."

He nodded. "Sounds like the perfect occasion for a loaded bagel and a beer."

It was a Saturday. I wish I could say the activewear crowd parted like the red sea, but they just looked on, as impatient as ever as I left through the shop's sliding door. The sun was out. It was a beautiful day — the kind that still felt like a novelty after a long winter — and I realised I didn't give a shit what anyone thought of me. I had Dan's name and his bagels, and my life was in a season of joy.

#original writing #writing #mental health #recovery #my writing

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firstyok · 1 year

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- Our Skyy 2 x The Eclipse End Notes -

So, I had to do this because I've never been happier in my life, until I witnessed my babyboys akkaye returning back with a passionate love sequel this month. You have no idea how much I adored, loved and enjoyed these 2 episodes bit by bit, it filled my entire heart with ecstasy, love and joy. So, here I am again, ready to appreciate the hell out of these outstanding episodes for my AkkAye babies. Stay with me, and hear me out on this.

Below, I've addressed the core main things of these episodes which I loved, enjoyed and adored the most. Honestly, every single second of these episodes were a chef's kiss for me, but of course I can't write single thing out there. I would run out of images, and I hate making part two's. So, here I am, with the best and main things about this show, for which I'd basically keep watching these episodes over and over again until I witness SanRay.

BEST THINGS ABOUT THE EPISODES

1. Message on Perspective and Communication in a Relationship

Let's rule out the complex part first. The Eclipse original show ended with Akk and Aye getting together, and it was the most thrilling moment to experience that time. But now, since they're already past that, AkkAye are in a relationship for quite a while now, and these two episodes were truly valuable in terms of how "romantic relationships are not always about rainbows and butterflies". It takes a freaking lot more to maintain and cherish the relationship you have with your partner, than to simply end it or start a new one. I think maintaining a relationship is the hardest thing of any kind of love, and this show portrayed it in such a simple yet beautiful way. Yes, sure - the birthday thing could be quite a common silly problem, but it is a very realistic one.

For someone like Akk, who underestimates himself and cares so much for others, and what others think of him - it was very likely of Akk to react that way. Deep down, he is excited about his birthday like anyone would, but meanwhile he doesn't want to bother anyone for him, especially Aye. He is not an expressive person, due to all the events that impacted him in Suppalo, but he has softened down and feels comfortable alot more than before. He doesn't say anything about his birthday, instead he expects Aye to remember it by himself, and not by Akk, which is normal. But on the other hand, Aye has other plans.

Aye is secretly planning a surprise for Akk's birthday, and everyone in his friend group is aware of that, except Akk. He was truly invested into carving that special song for him for the last few days, that Akk notices him paying less attention, while his birthday is approaching. So, Akk feels extra worse. On top of that, Aye acts completely oblivious to the birthday, he acts as if he completely forgot and has no idea of it's arrival. I understand Aye's perspective for keeping the surprise and gifting it to Akk like dropping a bomb, but he is so engrossed in that future part, the he is unseeing how much hurt Akk is going through right now. Aye, who believes Akk should stop caring about others too much, and think about himself - Aye wants Akk to talk about it, but also interrupts him simultaneously. Because he doesn't want the surprise to go all out beforehand.

There you have it. You cannot completely put the blame on either of them, and also you cannot give any credit as well. Because both of them are at fault. People aren't perfect, and that's what makes life so beautiful and flawed. While Aye is preparing beautiful things for Akk - Akk sulks, believing that Aye actually forgot his birthday. It's extremely common in real life, don't you think? Even if it sounds stupid, if that thing happened to me, I'd too question whether he forgot my birthday or not, or I'd similarly be too excited for the gift that I forgot how much pain I'm giving to the other. They assumed things, and created a gap of communication, which is understandable but also something to be repaired - every couple, every being needs time to rewind and reset. I think it was a dramatic and lovely presentation of how Akk and Aye are definitely the two sides of the same coin. They are different, they have different perspectives, different communication and love styles, but despite their differences, they balance each other out. That is why - Akk needs Aye, and Aye needs Akk.

2. Wasuwat's Short Film

Another important theme of these two episodes was definitely around Wat's short film and the new shooting scenes for them. I loved how the show portrayed Wat's new beginning in his career due to his love for Indie films. I believe dreams should be chased and followed, no matter what the consequences bring us. The entire process of Wat bringing his group of friends to the Theatre place, and those quirky fantasies in the minds of the Akk, Aye, Kan and Thua, were quite dramatic and also enjoyable. After that, the preparation of the script along with the research from both the duos, was meaningful. It's like the central messages of the show were combined beautifully - the message on perspectives along with Wat's dream. They merged both the things cleverly.

Another dialogue from Akk, which struck me hard - while Kan and Akk were assuring Wat for his big day of Short Film Competition, Akk said that it was enriching and fortunate enough that Wat has got to follow his dream. That dialogue struck me super hard. I was like, damn that's right. It doesn't matter whether the dream of us succeeds at the end, what matters is the satisfaction and peace that we've done, we've tried to go after that dream atleast once in our life. I believe so too. We must follow or atleast try to chase the dreams we have, no matter how impossible it seems. Trying something never hurt anybody. Apart from that, I loved that constant support Wat got from Teacher Sani and his friends - they played a massive role in Wat's life, and if it taught us something - it is how we should never discourage anyone for their dreams, no matter what it is. Later on, when Wat won the award, I was genuinely so emotional, like that boy deserved it. He also got exposure to his favourite director P'Nut, which is far more ecstatic. In short, Wat's film played a huge role when it came down to the message of following your dream, because you love it.

3. Genuine Friendships

Real Friendships are dead rare to find in life. Let's be honest, how many friends do you have who truly have the best interest for you? Having a real friend in life is like winning half tha battle. Friends and family are always responsible for carving out your beliefs, morals, values and who you'd be becoming in the future. The beautiful friendship of Akk, Kan and Wat is outstanding, and when Aye, Thua and Namo joins the squad, it just becomes more fun, exciting and stronger. When it comes to our oldest trio; Akk, Kan and Wat - I absolutely adore their friendship.

Have you seen how different Akk is from Kan, and Kan is from Wat? Everyone in the friend squad is different, possessing different interests and goals in life. Technically from an objective perspective, you'd see they are incompatible. But then, what makes their friendship so strong and deep? The answer is respect, love and understanding. Yes, Wat loves indie films, which Akk and Kan aren't interested in. But what they do is encourage, motivate and assure his friend of his talent, and worth, and pushes him forward to follow that dream. They cheer for him, write scripts for him, eventhough they can do other things.

Now, that's what I call a true friend. No two people are completely similar - even the most compatible friends have severe differences, but what makes friendships beautiful is acceptance. You accept and love the person the way they are, and strive to make them their best, by constantly supporting them and wishing good-intent. Having a group of these friends is like a biggest blessing they could ever find. Aye helped Thua with his family issues, even though he didn't even know him well that time. But he still chose to help him.

That's why I call a good intent. Aye and Thua writing the script together and subtly hinting Akk, but not talking behind his back - it is another strong point how these friends are genuine and real. All of them wish the best for another, and it is just so fulfilling to see. When Namo, who is not an actual member of the group, was upset about his dating life - did you see how Akk and Aye were concerned and went to check on him? I truly adored that scene. It portrayed how they care for Namo too, who is not that close to them like others, but seeing Akk care for him, really melted my heart. If true friendship isn't this, then I don't know what is.

4. AkkAye Night Pool Scene

You've no idea how much I adored and enjoyed every second of Akkaye's night pool scene. The moment was private, intimate and romantic, all at the same time. Eventhough they were still having a their silent fight, but the moment was just wonderful - maybe because it felt so realistic, sweet and vulnerable altogether. Firstly, the setting is outstanding - the quiet night, along with the faint tint of dim lights from the rooms far away, and the soothing water sounds from the pool. Every aspect created a sensual and lovely ambiance for our couple. It began with Aye asking Akk to play the guitar, which created another air of romance. But Akk was still upset with Aye, so I was glad that he atleast subtly confronted him. Eventhough Aye didn't give a satisfactory answer, since he wanted to hide the surprise but the way he handled Akk was extremely heartwarming.

He knows how Akk is warm for his kisses and love, and simply uses it to calm him down. The moment was ethereal and natural - when Akk was reaching his edge and was about to cry while venting out, Aye held him and kissed him. That was the moment, I became freaking soft. In no time, Akk melted again, and the kiss was beautiful to witness. The remaining moment when Akk slept on Aye's lap, and kept playing around by calling him friend - it was such a fun and playful moment, packed with three passionate kisses. I kept repeating that part, it was so charming, romantic and also sensual with twist of fun - I lived for that thing. I absolutely love how Aye handles Akk, it's just so perfect. The last part when they both hugged and slept right near the pool till the morning, was adorable. They were all jittery and nervous once they woke up, being so obvious to their friends. The entire pool scene was one of the best moments in thr entire show, for me.

5. Aye's Surprise Song for Akk

Before I say anything else, let me begin by how mesmerising and heartwarming the song is. One of the best Osts I've ever heard in Thai BL shows, for sure. It is soothing, enchanting and most importantly full of heartfelt lyrics and soothing melody. This song will make your day easily. Now, coming back to the scene - it was so painful to see Akk feeling devasted on how Aye forgot his birthday while being in the club with his friends. To add more salt to the wound, Nami mentioned that Aye maybe meeting someone else - which obviously Akk wouldn't believe, but the way his insecurities are increasing, this man felt the worse that ever. He was completely hopeless at this point. Exactly then, the stage lights turned up and we could hear the guitar strings. Believe me, the joy and hope on Akk's face was everything I was looking for. The way he was relieved and cried emotionally while listening to Aye's song for him; I truly wanted to give that boy my entire heart and hug him so tight.

That part made me an emotional mess. I loved how Akk got to sing his part as well, I love his voice so much - that beautiful duo song was everything that i wanted after so much doubt, pain and insecurity on Akk's side. Finally, my babyboys have made peace among themselves and my Akk baby is now all assured. What could make me happier than this? But something did. The tiny, sweet kisses that Akk kept pestering on Aye made me the weakest. Such a pure love with so much endearment. I don't even know what to say, after this scene - everything just kept getting better and better. How Akk and Aye shared their old rule of one punch and one kiss, along with accepting each other as one another's space - every single thing freaking made me crazy, happy and giddy. I love them so damn much, it hurts.

6. The Love-Making Scene

The way the story of AkkAye ended - I think it was the most perfect way that this show could've ended. I'm sure nobody else can manufacture a better ending for these two than this one. From their sensual shower scene to their hot passionate making out one - my eyes had a total delicious feast of meal, and I'm all up for it. It's true that the scene will typically be remembered for their intimate moment, but I'd like to point out the amount of vulnerability it presented, which made the love-making more meaningful and deep. The shower scene was domestic and had the aura of a warm, cozy and home-like vibe where a couple is simply having a blast just being around one another.

I adored when they were drying one another's hair, playing guitar and just having a wonderful time together before going to bed. It was so satisfying to witness. Later on, another best moment was when my baby Akk asked Aye to tell he loved him; I was incredibly soft that time. Akk is someone who has a hard time asking something, or wondering if he's a burden to other people, he put other's needs first.

For someone like him to open up and ask something for himself was an achievement, indeed. Aye teased him and tried to delay his answer to that, which made Akk insecure once again. But I'm glad that Aye responded him with his actions - I absolutely loved that slow deep kiss from Aye with a soft 'I love you'. It truly spoke millions - the kiss seemed like a strong promise with lots of emotions packed with it. That's why I felt goosebumps in that moment. I won't lie but my heart was skipping the entire time. Akk was being extra playful when he denied to say it back and the expression on both of their faces was just iconic.

I cannot stress enough how much died at their kisses and making-of scene at the end - my heart was weak, and wasn't coping up well with those passionate lip kisses, thigh grabs and the sizzling chemistry. I could feel the tension right through the screen and I'm not complaining at all. It was such a rollercoaster journey to watch AkkAye evolve from their Suppalo days into this - I feel so freaking proud of them.

7. The Kisses and the Locations

The Locations of the episodes were stunning and gorgeous? The kisses from Akkaye were steamy, sexy and delicious? I don't know what else should I add on. Like, have you noticed how seductively they both kept kissing and making out at every gorgeous location of the episode? From the first shot in the Brokeback Mountain, to the to another one in that Bicycling Location where they wore caps. Like, please get a grip you two - they kept doing passionate kisses for long moments at every beautiful scene, which constantly made my heart flutter. The scene where they were running and chasing one another at the flower field - I was so freaking soft the entire time, there was a lovely cheek kiss from Aye, but the rest of it was adorable, packed with pastel aesthetic and fluff moments.

Their smiling faces with so much happiness and love was all I needed for making my day. Even if we rule out the locations, the cinematography was on point. It was soothing, soft and absolutely ethereal witness. The club where Aye sang with Akk, or the Movie Theatre location where Wat won his award - all of the places and locations were worth watching the episodes. Especially, how can I not mention the trip place where they stayed in their rooms. The magnetic night time under the moonlight near the pool, I love everything about this show. I don't know what to say anymore, I'd probably peace out now.

I'd truly miss AkkAye with the bottom of my heart, until I witness SanRay again. The characters, the show, the deep raw emotions - everything that this series has brought to the table is a masterpiece and has set high standards for future bl shows. All I want to say is this show has given me enormous happiness and joy. I want to FirstKhao to keep getting versatile roles in many more series in the future; whether as a couple or individually. I just want my babies to shine brighter and keep getting ahead in life.

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trainerbede · 7 months

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As a Palestinian living abroad, I've been feeling so incredibly hopeless lately. I don't know if words can really convey the depths of that hopelessness. Coming online every day, reading about and seeing pictures of dead children and genocide and other atrocities with no consequences, it's been... incredibly hard.

I was especially afraid that people would stop caring after a few weeks or so. That's almost always how it's been with Palestine, in the past. People look away despite the same crimes occurring, because they get bored, because it's old news, because something else happened, despite no progress having been made.

But I was surprised to find that didn't happen. It's been more than a month since this horrible escalation of a genocide that was already happening, and instead of looking away, I still see people talking about Palestine regularly. I still see protests and events being held in support of Palestine, all around the world.

It's heartening. It makes me feel less hopeless. It makes me feel like maybe this nightmare really will end. Every time I see people continuing to talk and spread awareness of the situation, it makes my chest feel just a little lighter, even if there's still so much work to be done.

I don't really know why I'm making this post except to say, thank you to my friends and mutuals who are still talking about Palestinians. That's all the Palestinian people have asked for: that people not look away from their struggle, that they not avert their eyes, that they spread news of their story on behalf of those not allowed to speak. It really does feel like change will come thanks to all of this solidarity.

#and to my Jewish mutuals who I've seen supporting Palestine and fighting against Zionism #(and I have seen so many over the last month)#I especially want to thank y'all. your support especially in all of this is indispensable and I have so much respect for all of you

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zionchubby14 · 4 months

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I wasn't sure if I was going to make a post about this, but this is something I feel like I need to do, especially for those who know and care about me (I know, people care on here? That's crazy.). I'm definitely going to struggle typing this all out, but...here it goes.

_____

So over the past month (and quite possibly earlier), Mom has been dealing some abdominal pain that radiates to her back. The pain would be so bad that it would cause her to throw up at times. She barely ate and slept while this was going on. On January 6th, things finally came to a head and we made the call to take her to the hospital.

When she first came in, she was diagnosed as suffering from pancreatitis (for those who don't know, it's inflammation of the pancreas that, if left untreated, can cause a high amount of pain and nausea to the person. There's two types of pancreatitis: acute, which is very treatable and will go away after a while, and chronic, which will last a lot longer and hurt more). They were able to treat her and she felt better for a while, discharging her after 3 days. When they released her, they wanted her to get a endoscopy test done up at a hospital in Royal Oak. With neither Mom or I having a car, this was difficult for us to do. But we would come to know why soon enough.

Mom came home and for a day or two, she seemed fine. She ate well and was able to sleep soundly, which I thought was the important thing. But the pain and nausea eventually came back with a vengeance We tried every the hospital doctors had told us: heating pads, soft to liquid diet, pain patches. Nothing was working. Her primary care doctor even had her go on some antibiotics and a stronger pain med than she had, but nothing seemed to help matters. We took her back to the hospital this past Saturday, January 20th.

When we initially got there, after they had done a CT scan on Mom, they said that the pancreatitis was gone. But what was left was a mass on her pancreas. Scared and unsure as to what it may be, they admitted her and has been in the hospital since. On Tuesday, they took her to the University of Toledo Medical Center for the endoscopy and see what the mass might be. They did the scope and drew fluid from the mass for testing.

On Wednesday, we get the news that it is cancer. More precisely, metastatic pancreatic adenocarcinoma. In layman's terms, it's Stage IV pancreatic cancer, not curable.

I could not believe it...

We don't really know how long she may have left, but the rough and harsh estimate is less than 6 months...

Needless to say, I broke down, not in front of Mom or my brothers (who have been with Mom and I throughout this whole thing).

I can't imagine being here on Earth without Mom and I'm somehow going to have to figure out how to...I panicked and wanted to run away...a moment of weakness...

I don't know what will happen between now and the inevitable day, but we all agreed that we're going to try and make the most out of the days she does have left. I know that there will be bad days ahead, and there'll be good days as well.

But it's tough, knowing that the last few years I've been taking care of her (and complaining about her behavior, which is making me feel guilty about, now that this is happening) and it's going to come to an end.

_____

I know this isn't the greatest of things to post on here, but I needed some therapeutic way to get some of the emotions I am feeling right now out and to inform you all of what has been going on. I thank you all for the thoughts and positive vibes before and coming in the future. It's going to be a rough time ahead and I hope you will all bear with me in the meantime.

I love you all.

#therapeutic post #needed to get things off my chest #fuck you cancer!

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foreverrogers · 2 years

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Hii Hayes!!!

Congrats on 1.5k!! 🥰🥳 Very well deserved indeed. I love your work ❤️

I'm here to ask for some austen if you feel up for it. I was out of ideas for quotes so I went into my notes app and I found this from The Cruel Prince by Holly Black:

It turns out that having kissed someone, the possibility of kissing hangs over everything, no matter how terrible an idea it was the first time.

I was wondering if you could write something on it with Jeb Pyre (or any of your other characters I love them all).

Love ❤️🥰

thank you thank you hun!!! i don't think I've ever written a blurb so fast, this quote is so perfect!

cw: post utboh, smoking, drunken kissing, allusions to loss of faith, very brief mention of hitting knuckles as a punishment {1.5k}

austen - the queen of romance. send me a favourite quote of yours (can be anything! books, poetry, plays, songs) and I'll make it the theme of a little blurb/dialogue

he had been drunk. the first time, at least. he still wasn't used to being drunk, had spent so many years being told it was a sin.

maybe it was a sin, but he didn't care anymore.

wanting you felt a little bit like that, too. like it was wrong, like you were something out of bounds he should feel bad indulging in, made him feel like a child sneaking treats out of the pantry when nobody was looking, waiting for somebody to come scold him, hit his knuckles until they couldn't reach anymore.

it didn't help that you were younger than him, not much but just enough for it to make everything feel a little scandalous, the pretty young thing at the front desk who had caught his eye on day one.

he had felt worse about it, then, when you had first met, about seeing you and immediately wondering what you felt like, what you smelt like, what you tasted like.

he got to find out all those things, eventually, in the alley of a cop bar at midnight during a retirement party. he had watched you slip out of the back door, finds you lit by the dim, flickering yellow of the street lights and the faint glow of your cigarette. god, you were bad. bad for him. a bad idea. reaching, knuckles waiting to be hit.

you smile at him when you see him approaching, all wide and warm, red painted lips curving deliciously.

he smiles back, smaller, a little less sure. he might be drunk, but he wasn't far gone enough to not realise he was encroaching on dangerous territory just by being here with you, alone in the dark. he still wasn't even sure if you thought about him like that, the way he thought about you, takes all the half glances he had caught over the past couple of months and calls them circumstantial evidence at best.

there's no greeting as he slides next to you, back pressed to the steady brick wall. all you do is offer him your cigarette, already burned halfway down and stained lightly with your lipstick.

"i don't smoke, but thank you, though."

you don't relent, keep your hands stretched between you, ash swaying slowly to the ground. "can you be tempted?" by more than a cigarette, yes.

he looks from the cigarette to you, watches the flutter of your lashes and those doe eyes looking up at him and thinks you must be doing this on purpose, putting on a show to draw him in, doesn't think anybody could look this beautiful without trying.

he takes the nub between his fingers without looking away from you, brings it to his lips with a long, steady inhale.

you start to grin at him, at some point in the seconds of his inhale, giddy realisation that he's done this before.

so maybe he had smoked, just a little, a few puffs behind the station when things got especially stressful, enough to take the edge off but not enough to come home smelling like smoke. you wouldn't mind, he thinks, if it was you he was coming home to.

"thought you said you didn't smoke."

jeb exhales, unwavering, relaxes against the building, proves to calm the hot anxiety spreading through his veins at this new proximity to you. "it can be our secret."

your smile softens, and you study his face so intently it makes his throat close up a little.

"needed a break?" he asks, just so he can change the subject, so he can break you out of whatever puzzle of him you were putting together in your mind. "from in there?"

he offers you the cigarette, and you accept it with a hum of agreement. "i don't think the wives like me very much," you mutter, look away to breathe in one last drag before snubbing it out against the brick. "don't trust me. think all i am is a skirt and a smile to distract their husbands."

jeb doesn't know what to say, and so he doesn't say anything.

there's nothing to do now, with the cigarette gone, has to give you his whole attention when you meet his eyes again. "do you find me distracting, jeb?"

there's silence, long and heavy.

jeb doesn't know what to say, and so he kisses you.

there's no delay, no surprise. you kiss him back like you had been expecting it all along, hooking your fingers into his loosened tie and pulling him to you until he's pressing you against the wall.

you're soft, like he knew you would be, soft where his hand comes up to cup your cheek and his arm moves to wrap around your waist. you taste like smoke and liquor and sugar and you smell the same, too, the sweet cut of your perfume and your lip gloss.

jeb doesn't remember the last time he kissed someone, but he sure as hell knows he's never kissed anyone like this, hot and hot and hot, molten honey dripping from your tongue.

the heavy back door opens with a screech, and by the time the two drunken officers stumble out of the bar jeb's already sprung to the opposite side of the alley.

they both fall past without noticing you, or the thick tension they walk right through, tripping over their own feet and into the deserted main road.

jeb's not sure if he's blanched or if he's blushing, but either way he's glad you can't tell under the dim lights.

he knows by the way you watch him as he walks into the station the next morning that you remember everything clear as day. jeb can, too, does more than just remembers it, can still feel you all over him like a haunting reminder of his indiscretions.

if he thought you were distracting before, he was unprepared for how distracting you were when you were trying. and you were really trying, always coming up with new ways to corner him, to get him alone in the copy room or the break room or even just walk past him in the corridor, brush arms without catching his eye.

every time he would try not to look at you, and every time he would fail, would find your eyes already lingering and the quirk of a smile on your lips. he tries not to watch the curl of those lips, tries not to think about kissing you again.

he gets the overwhelming feeling that you're playing with him, a dangerous game of cat and mouse he's certain he's losing, on the precipice of getting eaten alive.

it's a deserted night, a sunday, and with no one to go home to jeb stays at work long after the sun has set over the mountains.

when he walks into the car park you're leaning against the hood of his car. you smile at him, like you had in the alley. you're even wearing the same lipstick. "i was starting to think you might be living at your desk."

"just, uh..." jeb furrows his brows at you, steps slowing until he pauses a safe distance away, taken aback, undeniably confused. "had a lot of paperwork to catch up on... are you... okay?"

"yeah, 'course i am," you're still smiling, sickly sweet, tone almost too innocent, the type of innocence that only exists to hide something wicked underneath. "i just didn't really feel like going home by myself, so i was wondering if you wanted to... do something tonight."

he almost misses it. by myself. "... together?"

your smile brightens, amusement in your eyes now, and you breathe a gentle laugh as you tilt your head. "yes?"

jeb has to clear his throat, tries not to draw too much attention to the way he loosens his tie a little, an attempt to remember how to breathe again. "uh, what did you have in mind?"

"i don't know, anything, really. dinner? movie?" and, after a few beats, "or you could just take me home, if you'd like."

jeb gapes at you, just slightly, the lightest purse of his lips, and he doesn't mean to but he also can't seem to stop.

"don't look so scared," you smile, back to playing that faux innocence. it's sheer now, though, jeb can see exactly what's underneath, and it takes a lot more restraint than he's willing to admit to not give into it immediately. you take a slow step forward, and then another, soft clack of your heels against the concrete ringing in his ears. "i don't bite, promise."

jeb still hasn't closed his mouth, and now you're close enough that he thinks you might actually act upon it when you look at his lips. he speaks, only because if he kisses you again he's not sure he'll be able to stop. "dinner sounds nice."

come join my 1.5k sleepover!

#jeb pyre #jeb pyre fic #jeb pyre fanfiction #jeb pyre x reader #utboh #andrew garfield #hayes' 1.5k celebration #foreverrogers' 1.5k celebration #hayes muses #under the banner of heaven #queue <3

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wyrmguardsecrets · 4 months

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(sorry for the length) I haven't been seriously RPing since 2018, and I had taken a full on break from RP all together for this past year and just played the game without it. I have been here for over 10 years in our RP community, ever since Emerald Dream was the place to be. And yeah, I've been through hell and back in terms of drama especially when I was a teenager (I'm not excusing myself btw, I was a piece of shit on a few occasions and I recognize that, I got caught up in drama and wasn't able to maturely handle it).

I decided to jump back into RP this past autumn because I missed it, so I switched from WrA to MG just to test the waters and I've just got to say: I've had a wonderful time. People have been so friendly and welcoming to me and have shown genuine interest in my character and writing. We're building little friendships and plotlines and I am so happy. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm older and have had the time to regulate my emotions and stuff and be more mature in my own writing and interactions, but I just care so much less about OOC drama. I care so much less about being The Best or the most interesting character. And I'm having fucking fun, the most fun I've ever had RPing on this game in more than TEN years of this hobby.

The key is not caring disproportionately. The key is being mature enough to understand the OOC dynamic of this hobby and what you should rightfully expect from other players and knowing what they rightfully expect from you. The key is being able to separate yourself from OOC drama and view this hobby as what it is. It sounds obvious and easy, but it is not, emotions get in the way, people take things personally, it gets away from them. But for example; I used to read this blog like the morning paper and go feral over OOC secrets years ago, and now I skim it and can't even be bothered to give a shit about 90% of them. I peek at it since I've come back out of curiosity but I just find I cannot give a shit about the RP secrets, and it makes the community look way more toxic than it is - I'm not denying that there is very real pestilence among us but you understand.

I've been RPing for about 3 months now again and I've only had a great time and met so many people, been to so many community events (MASSIVE shout out to the people who organize these!! You rock!!) You have a hand in what you'll put up with and how you react to it, and when you figure that out everything changes.

Stay having fun, stay being creative <3 We're all just a bunch of losers playing pretend in a video game. And to my new friends: thank you, even though you won't know this is about you. I'll thank you in person myself anyway. I love reading your writing, I love diving into your stories. I love being able to share creativity with such awesome people all across the world.

If you're frustrated and drained and not enjoying this, remember why you loved it and maybe take a step back. Under the bowling for soup song there is real good here and really great people. (since people read into things with negative intent i would like to state clearly that holding predators and abusers accountable is not at all what I'm talking about)

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ds-defunct-council · 2 years

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(This is actually a roleplay response but dwbi - all you need to know is that this is Dreamswap with some headcanons/new story elements ekdjdjf)

Dream continued to delve back into memories of his childhood. "We weren't usually allowed out at night by our adoptive mom when we were young. I do remember my brother begging me to sneak out at night to stargaze when we were younger," he chuckled. "We did end up being caught, but I told her I kept him safe."

More old memories, like of when Nightmare accidentally tripped with a bucket of milk when they were seven years old came up. His adoptive mother Faith was concerned about the milk, but Champion - his late best friend and Faith's son, not Dream's current husky pet - helped distract her while he helped patch up Nightmare's scrapped knee.

"Our mom wasn't strict, but she didn't like us getting into trouble. Nightmare never really cared and would get into a lot of trouble, especially when we were teens..." As Dream trailed off, another old memory popped up.

Nightmare had gotten into a lot of trouble. A lot. He had stolen one of Faith's roosters right before they were meant to be slaughtered, and he could hear and see the argument from across the room. Dream was casually playing a game of chess with Champion. These arguments happened often.

A small whimper was heard as a smack ringed into the air. Dream barely looked up to see that, as per usual, Faith had smacked Nightmare, and a little blood clung to where her dull claws probably scraped his cheek as well.

Nightmare had quieted down after that and was promptly told by Faith to go do some chores outside, and Nightmare left with metaphorical tail tucked between his legs.

Champion had glanced over only once during the entire argument. Neither of them were bad kids, and Dream could count on one hand for the both of them all the times they had an argument with their mom, and in all of them they had never got smacked.

Nightmare was just a delinquent that made everyone suffer with his actions. Dream was determined never to follow in his footsteps.

A few hours later, way past dark, Nightmare came back home with his sleeves down. Dream had seen them down more often than usual recently, but chalked it up to it being cool outside.

The candle by the nightstand flickered as Nightmare came over. Dream had been reading a book. "Uhm... Dream..." Nightmare asked as he got into his own bed.

Dream gave a hum in response.

"D'ya ever think maybe that, uh..." Nightmare trailed off for a good minute. "Maybe being smacked isn't a good thing?"

Dream huffed. Nightmare had said this so much they could trade another ten cows. "Of course. It's not meant to," he huffed. "Nightmare, you keep doing things to make her smack you. Champion and I never got hit once by her," Dream lectured without even looking at Nightmare. "Maybe you should stop making her do that, and things will be better for you."

He didn't see the sad, heartbroken reaction Nightmare had. He never got a response from his words - he rarely did - but Nightmare got up and mumbled something about locks and the bathroom, and effectively left their shared bedroom.

(Dream never did know his brother used sharp objects on himself, much less on that same day. Nightmare would have gone to the grave never telling him.)

And within that same month... Dream finally ate the apples.

After recalling those memories, Dream blinked. He'd hadn't really thought about his relationship with Nightmare before he ate the apples in a long time.

Tears began prickling into Dream's eyes. "... I've been a terrible brother, haven't I?"

#oc #dreamswap #dreamswap dream #dreamswap nightmare #ds dream #ds nightmare #also one oc and another #licht #newt #faith #champion #pre incident shenanigans #*dials kais number* hi can I adopt Dreamswap now #mod felis #also lots of headcanons

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iamthecomet · 9 months

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Hoot!

(Finally replying, heh)

I honestly really hope that the meds will work too. I‘ll keep on taking the same ones I take now and take the other ones in addition, but they actually benefit? each other (as in, both probably will work better when taken together)

I‘ll most likely start tomorrow, but it will take 4-6 weeks for them to actually make something change. And also my symptoms of like dizziness and headaches will likely get worse at the beginning (this will get better over time tho)

They can also make you feel more suicidal in the beginning (which is because they make you more aware, including more aware of problems) but that also gets better after those 4-6 weeks when the actual effects set in (the new one is a kind of antidepressant)

So like, I’m pretty nervous about that

Yeah, going outside is pretty good but also hella hard to do. Sometimes my friends manage to drag me along, which I very much appreciate (they also need to go slower when we go somewhere by bike because of me, but they do that without ever complaining, for which I’m very thankful).

And you‘re so right. In the past, I’ve sometimes not treated them very kindly because of my insecurities and how I’m scared of being a burden, which is also why I isolate myself a lot, but whenever I feel a little less bad they always welcome me with open arms (they‘re also the reason I can watch movies/series, because 2 of them are so aware of my phobias that they will make me feel safe whenever something triggering happens. It’s literally so damn good, because when I’m watching with them, I can actually enjoy watching without being constantly scared that something triggering could possibly happen)

Also seriously, the way one of them immediately offers her hand for me to squeeze while simultaneously covering my eyes is just the sweetest thing ever

But like, there are other good news I think!

I‘ve been thinking about using a cane for at least months now. I sometimes feel very dizzy, to the point of pre-syncope (even though I never actually fainted before) and especially in the past few days, I feel even more unstable when walking than I usually do. I‘m very scared to go outside, especially on my own and just really don‘t feel safe. And especially during disability pride month, people where explaining what mobility aids can be helpful for what, and dizziness was often mentioned for canes.

And I honestly really think that it would help me a lot, and give me a sense of standing/walking more safely.

I always wanted to wait because I was/am scared that I’m just telling myself all that because I want a cane to get attention.

But my dear ex roommate (and one of the sweetest people alive) actually was like “well if you‘d benefit from it, who cares even if would be partly for attention? What about attention is so bad?“

And I think that they are very right. (They also added that canes do look cool as hell and they are also very right about that. I cannot wait to put stickers all over mine if I actually get one)

So on the next appointment I’ll have with my doctor, I’ll ask her if I can get a prescription for a cane.

Oh god, this got long again. Sorry about that

At least it included a lot of (pretty) positive things I think

At least for me, engaging a lot in fandom content helped me with my post-Ritual depression (as far as it was related to that cause I got regular depression going on as well xD)

But it seems like you‘ve been doing that /pos

~ @owlishanon

Finally digging this out of my drafts SORRY! ♥ I'm so glad things have been looking up! I hope that your meds aren't too hard on you during the adjustment period, and that your side effects are minimal. I'm glad you're friends have been so supportive, and are so good to you. I've probably already said it, but real friends are going to be there for you no matter what--they love all of you (even the not as fun parts) and I'm glad you have some like that. I'm with your ex-roomate on the cane stuff. If it's going to help you, you should do it. Who cares what other people think. If it makes you feel safer, more stable, you shouldn't hesitate to get one. I hope that your conversation with your Dr. about it goes well and you can get one and that it helps! Lots of love to you, I hope things are still going well!

#comet comments #owlish #comet's anons

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countrymusiclover · 1 year

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16 - Children Can Be A Pain

Part 17

A God Worthy Soulmate

@queenieala

A few days later

I was standing out on the balcony from Ken's chambers staring into space consumed in my own thoughts. A few days had passed since the visit to the city and things had been tense.

Ken had been gone for days and was nowhere to be found, " Must be bedding some beautiful woman, probably it's not like I can satisfy him though I hoped I could but I can't. I'm not some goddess or some lovely lady I'm just a nobody and always would be one ``I thought.

It wasn't like I wanted to see him either. He clearly doesn't give a crap about his people. So why in the world would he care about someone like me. Lizzie may have had the right idea all along. It might just be best if I went home instead.

But if I did, Lizzie and the rest of the school would be in danger… I promised him I would stay for a month and it was soon coming close to the mark.

I continue to get lost in my thoughts not noticing a pair of hands wrapped against my waist. Until whoever it was whispered in my ear. "I've missed you." I recognized it as Ken and it made me make my hands into fists in anger.

" Yes, you sure mean it by leaving me here alone for days " I barked, pushing myself from his grip and walked past him stepping inside the room.

" I'm sorry, my love " Ken signed.

" So, tell me have you've gotten any new lovers lately, or brought any new woman into your bed? " I teased.

" What, no I told you there is no one else ? " Ken exclaimed.

" Huh, is that so I'm just surprised I assumed since I didn't satisfy an Almighty powerful god like yourself would hunt for a woman that perhaps you already did " I chuckled sarcastically.

" I haven't touched any woman but you. '' He states, causing me to blush a bit but I regain my composure.

" Honestly, I couldn't care less if you did, I'm not really the type of girl made for this so maybe you should find someone more else that can be, someone more beautiful and glorious like you " I added closing my eyes thinking how foolish I was to think I was cut out for this.

He pulled away, allowing me to turn around in his embrace. "Clarisse, you are all of those things. Do you still not trust my word?"

"It's hard to believe anything you tell me. Especially when you don't seem to put the same effort towards your people that you do for me." I spat towards him.

" Clari, it's complicated " He mumbled.

" How so? " I questioned.

" It just is, " Ken exclaimed.

" Can't you at least try to talk to them or support them? " I asked.

" If that is what you want I will " Ken said.

" No, I want you to do it because you want to not because I want you to " I exclaimed.

" I'll try " Ken mumbled and soon pressed his lips against mine.

He leans into the kiss wrapping his arms around my waist tugging me closer to him. The kiss slowly got passionate where I wrapped my arms around his neck deepening it.

" I want you, " I whispered, staring at him in lust.

"I'm not gonna touch you unless you're sure you're ready ."

" I want you to touch me," I spoke up. My eyes began to glow golden, my werewolf side beginning to come out.

Pulling away from him a little bit I slowly shrugged my shirt over my head dropping it to the floor in a pool at my feet. Watching Ken's eyes looking me up and down slowly.

I placed a hand on the back of my bra clip and slowly started to unclip the straps and threw it across the room before unbuttoning my jeans tugging down my waist let it falling to the ground.

I stood up straight staring at him in confidence not thinking of covering up, " Are you just going to stand there and gawk at me all day? " I said in a seductive tone walking towards him.

I placed my hand on his chest and started to undo the buttons of his shirt.

I began to rub my fingertips up and down his chest while eyeing him out of the corner, noticing his eyes were glowing golden.

"My love, I can't hold back much longer " He warned, trying to keep control.

" It's alright baby, just let go " I encouraged him by weaving one of my hands down his lower region.

He started pulling his shirt off but couldn't resist and crashed his lips onto mine. He grabs my legs when I jump, wrapping them around his waist deepening the kiss.

" Take me to bed, " I whispered.

" As you wish my queen, '' Ken smiled, walking me over to the bed, holding me tightly in his arms before dropping down onto the soft mattress.

He capture my lips against his once more and I placed my legs around his waist and wrapped my arms around his neck.

As we began to get lost in our own passion and pleasure, the door received a knock to it where we broke apart and Ken's eyes turned gold. "You're grace. There is urgent news."

"Go away boy!" He snarled but the door creaked open.

Yanking the covers over myself he looked like he might kill the boy for interrupting us. " I don't wish to be disturbed at the moment I thought I was very clear on that " Ken said his voice thundered loudly.

"I'm sorry sir. But it's about your children. They have been seen at the school."

Glancing from him and back to Ken I was curious to hear the mention. "What about the school. My friends, are they in danger?"

"I'm afraid to say they are inside the school. The rest we don't know." He replied back.

" You lied to me, you promised me you wouldn't harm them " I yelled, pushing him off me and wrapping the cover around me tightly.

I got up from the bed and made my way out of the room not even caring I was bare naked.

" Clari, wait " Ken yelled.

" Your grace, perhaps some proper clothes first would be best " the young boy advised.

" I don't care if I'm naked I have to get to my friends " I exclaimed quickly doing a spell that allows me to have a new change of clothes.

" Clari, wait please " He tried again.

Snapping off at him I waved my finger in his face. "There is nothing you can say. Just go!"

" I did not do this nor did I have acknowledge my children would against my orders " He defended.

I stared at him deeply and soon realized he was indeed telling the truth, " I'm sorry please take me to my friends."

He nodded, lifting me up into his arms and transported us in the air.

Within moments we were in the courtyard of the school, he placed me down onto the ground carefully.

Soon, loud noises began to come from inside the school.

We headed inside and saw destruction everywhere, I spotted Dr. Saltzman was standing there in the hallway frozen so I rushed towards him, surprised that he was just watching. "What are you doing here Clari, you should go now while you can " he said, turning to look at me but his eyes widened in anger when he spotted Ken next to me.

" I see he has fully managed to manipulate you " Dr. Saltzman commented, staring at the god coldly.

" I haven't manipulated anyone, " Ken defended.

" Ah, that's what all tyrants like you would say " Dr. Saltzman hissed.

" Where is everyone? " I asked.

" In the main hall fighting " Dr. Saltzman simply said.

I ran down the hallway and quickly made my way into the main hall where I saw almost the entire squad on the ground bleeding, in front of them a young man with a smirk standing over them holding a sword.

Across the room, Ben was tied up against the wall screaming at his siblings beginning for them to stop, his eyes landing on his boyfriend who was laying on the floor groaning in pain.

" Which one of you wants to die first? I may want to have fun with you all first " The young man chuckled.

"Evander, Just kill them and get it over with all this suspense is boring me " a young woman said, rolling her eyes.

" Little sister, you wounded me, " Evander commented.

" Hey " I yelled making my presence know stepping towards the young man.

" Oh, another one this should be fun " Evander stepped towards me.

" Clarisse, don't " a familiar voice ranged out.

My eyes soon turned to the sound and realized it was Lizzie, my heart stopped for a moment when I saw that my best was in, her face was all bloody and bruised.

" Lizzie " I said tearfully

" You're the bitch that seduced our father " Alvander growled at me.

" Ah, another one of father's mistress I honestly don't see what our father sees in you, you're quite plain, " the young woman snorted at me.

Clutching my hands into fists I transformed into my werewolf form knocking the woman on her back racking my claws down her body until I felt pain shoot through my body. Dropping beside the woman I looked up seeing Hope with her hand raised holding me back. "If you say another thing about her I will tear you apart!"

"Magic can't defeat a god!" The woman growled about to attack until the front door opened and we turned our heads seeing Ken.

He snapped his fingers, freezing everyone in their place slowly walking up towards the one named Alvander flashing the golden eyes. "Explain to me now boy why you came after my mates friends. I did not give you the freedom to allow such treason!"

" Father, I " Alvander tried to explain but nothing came out of his mouth.

" Father, this can't honestly be your mate… she's so plain and so not your type " the young woman exclaimed.

" Watch your mouth daughter " Ken scolded, staring at her coldy causing her to gulp nervously.

" Father, don't tell me you're honestly falling for this bitch here, she is just using you, " Alvander

Ken looked at me still laying on the floor in my werewolf form before turning back to his children. "She is my mate and you will all have to accept that. Now return home once you clean up this mess."

" I'm not some merve servant you can order about father " Alvander spat out.

Ken grabbed his son by the throat looking him deeply in the eyes, mind controlling him. "You will do as I say now!"

" Yes, father, " Alvander answered with no complaints.

Soon the rest of the gods did what their father told them.

" Why are you helping us? " Hope demanded, staring at the god coldy.

" I'm not doing it for you, child, I am doing it for Clarisse nothing more " Ken responded, staring at the Tribird darkly.

I howl at him softly staring at him. He walked over to me running his fingers through my fur watching me wag my tail like a dog. “I took care of it, girl. Once you change back, let me know if you still want to live with me.” Everyone watched the king of gods turn on his heels and leave without another word.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

#a god worthy soulmate #ken legacies #legacies ken #ken the god #luke mitchell #lizzie saltzman #jenny boyd #hope mikaelson #hope mikaelson tribrid #danielle rose russell #natalie alyn lind #oc : clarisse montana #legacies #legacies fanfiction #wattpad fanfiction #ask box is open for feedback #comments really appreciated

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my-excellent-bicycle · 1 year

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dailymotion

John Robins - "The Darkness of Robins" (2017)

I started listening to Elis James and John Robins' radio show around two months ago, and a recurring quality I noticed was the level of vulnerability that occasionally shined through in their banter, especially from John. Most of the time it's light stuff about what they did that week, or talk about topics I really couldn't care less about (like snooker), but other times John would give updates on his mental health. Some examples I'd heard in the past few weeks were him improving his workout regimen and trying new health items like Chinese herbs, going on a weekend meditation retreat that left him sobbing in a Turkish restaurant, and going out to the pub with his "gal pals" to celebrate his birthday, which also involved tears being shed.

Because it was a BBC radio program whose content could only be stretched so far beyond "family-friendly" territory, I always got the sense John would probably recount his experiences a bit differently if not for the format of the show. He's alluded to long-standing struggles with depression and alcoholism, and the willingness to approach these topics in a very matter-of-fact manner made me respect him immensely. Although I couldn't help but feel there were other avenues where he'd explore these issues with a more raw approach, outside the confines of a BBC radio show.

Which brings me to The Darkness of Robins. I've heard some talk about this special in the past, specifically about how it was vaguely depressing, and that it won an award at the Edinburgh Fringe that year, but I've never properly given it a watch until today.

Okay, a bit of a personal insert here, which I don't typically do on this blog, but trust me it's relevant: a few months ago, I was seeing someone. He was a guy who I'd been talking to on and off for a while, but we'd never actually went on proper dates on a consistent basis until last summer. I was 23, and this was the first taste I've ever had of a serious relationship, since being closeted in high school/college basically prevented me from dating, and my home life only sealed that deal. But this was different. We did almost everything couples our age would do. He accepted me for who I was, regardless of how I presented myself that day, or if I was feeling down. I was beginning to think, this could be the real deal. I was so lucky to have him. This felt special.

After a couple months, around December, I started having doubts about how he was feeling. Surely by now, seeing as we'd been together for half a year, he'd want to make it official right? Every time I'd want to allude to the question, he'd either hesitate or put off answering it directly. The only time I directly asked him if he wanted to make things official, he said we should wait until he's finished going through the paperwork for his new apartment, which should be done by February. I took this at face value, but it still made me anxious. It didn't help that he went away with his family for two weeks over Christmas, during which we barely talked at all, and every possibility ran through my head.

When he came back, we met up and had dinner, and he came over mine. I debated on whether I should even bring up the question again, since he'd already told me to basically wait till February, and I didn't want to annoy him or sound desperate. But I bit the bullet and asked again, and this time he told me flat out he didn't want a relationship.

He explained how he wasn't in a place in his life where he could have a healthy relationship, and emotionally laid out some issues in his past, relating to his ex, and therapy he had growing up. I of course understood, assured him I wasn't mad, and I let him out. For the following few days, he would check in on me through text, where I'd do my best to hide the fact I was deeply hurt by his decision. After a few days, I said that I'd want time to myself, and he understood, and that was the last time we talked.

The way this whole ordeal played out still never left my mind, and the more time passed, the more I felt led on and I never got over him, even months later. Everything I'd do, whether it was going out to eat, seeing concerts, or even watching Britcom and blogging about it, were just distractions from thinking about him. Two weeks ago, we'd stopped talking for around four months, and I made the fatal mistake of checking his Instagram for the first time since. I saw his arm around a girl. I read the caption, it had a hashtag, "girlfriend." Shit.

I was livid. Then I felt betrayed, and then destroyed. I couldn't help but think there was something wrong with me. What couldn't I offer in those six months that he flaked out on me, yet she could offer that made him want to make her his girlfriend in only three? All my years of self-loathing, anxiety, and feelings of unworthiness suddenly flooded my brain. I might have snapped at a few friends who were trying to listen to me. I wasn't happy with anything.

I've calmed down since that initial reaction, but the disbelief and negative emotions are still very much present, which brings me to today, and when I put on The Darkness of Robins. In short, this special revolves around John's breakup with his then-fiancee Sara Pascoe, and his ensuing depression and slip into alcoholism. Right from the beginning, John really wants you to know that his brain isn't functioning healthily. Rather than confronting his problems, he'd just slide further into more self-loathing and sadness, and desperately clinging onto a past which can't be recovered. There's images of rotting apples, rivers of tears falling into a toilet, screaming into mirrors. Even the jokes, y'know, the whole reason this is special is even called "comedy," are delivered as such that when you think about them for a second too long, they become more harrowing and sad than hilarious.

At points it felt like a dozen punches to my stomach. Watching John yell to the crowd, during at times even staring down the camera for what felt like centuries, as he plotted out his despair and anxiousness, felt like looking in a mirror. It felt cathartic watching him describe the hopelessness of regaining love once it's lost. Yes, I recognize both of us experienced extremely different degrees of pain, but the same emotions are there, and it's something anyone who's went through any sense of romantic loss or longing can relate to. He so accurately described what it feels like to feel such strong self-hatred that it snowballs from the most mundane things, like shopping for cabinets at IKEA.

I won't spoil the entire thing of course, but the last ten minutes of this special is something that'll stick with me for a very long time. John laying out the slow, agonizing process of his breakup was heartbreaking to witness, and it's structured so masterfully that I'm surprised he hadn't thought of turning it into a novel with that level of detail.

When it ended, I felt numb, and reflected on my own emotions. And then I remembered the present version of John Robins I regularly hear on his radio show every week, and think about how the John I just watched was from several years ago. For reasons I can't articulate entirely, it did give me some hope that it won't always be like this. Maybe these emotions can be managed appropriately, and with time. As the cliche goes, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

There was a particular moment near the last third of the special that stuck out to me. Looking down the camera, John pulled from his inner monologue, saying he realized that "every mistake you've ever made in your life is because of you." At this point in the show, we see this bit as a way John drives the point home that he's been in a cycle of self-loathing for a very long time. But weirdly enough, I interpreted it in a weirdly optimistic way. If every mistake you've made is your own doing, then there shouldn't be anything stopping you from trying to change for the better.

And that's the sense I get from listening to John in 2023. Little adjustments, whether it's getting deep into a workout or trying Chinese herbs, can make a difference. Maybe this will inspire me to try making small changes to my life, in the hopes I'll be able to improve.

But yeah, you should watch The Darkness of Robins, it’s free in its entirety at that link. But maybe approach with caution if you’ve recently had your heart broken.

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protectgeorgeweasley · 2 years

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hi! Hope you’re doing well and feeling better! Do we know when we can expect a lumos update:)

Hello!

First: Hi! I'm alive. The next update is coming, hopefully in the next few weeks!!! (Some people have expressed care/concern about my health, and I wanted to clarify that I have recovered and have been recovered for a few weeks. Apologies--it was not my intention to keep anyone worried or confused on that, or on the update scheduling!! <3 <3 <3)

This summer ended up being a bit less productive than hoped, writing-wise. On the flip side of that sad coin, that's given me time to "catch up." There have been some care tasks in dire need of attention that've been resting on the backburners for ages, and I've finally gotten around to a number of them (like cleaning out storage--a horribly needed but less than enjoyable undertaking).

The last few months have also been a strange mix of travelling to see extended family we almost never get to see, illness despite precautions, recovering from that, then helping some of the younger people in my family prepare to move out and away shortly (either after a summer home or for the very first time).

Those last departures especially have been cause for some delay.

As a "Bill" or "Charlie" in my family's birth order, I've been rather quiet about my younger siblings because I'm protective of them, and I value their privacy. But they are very much a significant part of my life. When I've vaguely alluded to "family things" in the past, it's usually had something to do with them. The day they leave, I think it'll rip my heart out a bit.

To say the least, I'm sort of soaking up time with them, helping them get their feet under them and what not.

Being an older sibling with a moderately significant age gap is strange. You're not quite a parent, obviously, but you're not the same as a regular member of the sibling cohort. It's something different altogether.

There are times when I run my mouth and throw advice at them without understanding what they really need. There are times they laugh and brush me off. And there are other moments, when something I've learned by struggling to sort it out proves handy, and the look of relief on their face makes that past struggle worth it and more.

This next phase is so exciting, and I know they're going to continue to grow and change. I'm so thrilled to get to know the new people they become.

Yet I can't help but mourn for the end of this era. When I'm not simply Treesap, but the older sister whose place they can crash at when they need to get away from it all, the accomplice that sneaks them coffee at school when their classes are more draining than usual, the person they often call when they're having a rough time, the friend who comes over and sits on the bean bag with them to watch cartoons because the world is brutal. We will still do some of those things, maybe, but it will be different.

I watch them leave the nest with my hands outstretched and shaking behind them. Not because I doubt they can fly, but because I've been catching them for so long (or at least trying to), that I don't entirely know how to step back.

But they are stronger--so much stronger than I was at their age.

When I moved out, I retreated inside myself. I hid away. I was constantly anxious and confused about the most mundane of tasks, and I was almost always too afraid to ask questions or seek much help. It took me ages (read: years) to venture out of myself more and to feel truly at home in my surroundings. I've been quite determined that it won't be like that, for any of my younger siblings.

They're so shiny and bold and young. My spine cannot help but lock up when I remember how harsh the world is. I am white-knuckled and wild-eyed and helpless in the face of it. Yet you cannot bubble wrap a person. (If I say it enough times, perhaps I'll believe it.) At any time of day, problem large or small, I can only hope they know they are not inconvenient.

I can only sleep with my ringer on.

In this moment, I'm a bit preoccupied holding my breath, whispering, "oh please, oh please, oh please be okay--" in between bouts of "That? No, that's a totally sensible question! Here, you can email this person, and--"

[I wish I could apply sandpaper to the world and smooth it for their journey, but I am not a carpenter, and I fear they would resent me for it.]

TLDR: Treesap is having a bit of a time, and it's had an impact on the posting schedule. I hope that's okay. <3

Very shortly, things will be quieting down, and the update should quickly follow. I'm hoping it'll be a few weeks.

On that note, this chapter's a bit strange, and I think it's benefitted from the extra time I've had to reflect on it. <3 I'm so excited to have it done and posted for all of you!!!! <3 <3 <3

In the meantime, thank you for all the support, kindness, patience, and encouragement.

All my love,

Treesap

#lumos #lumosfic #Treesap life update #This is a bit melodramatic but sometimes that's the way it goes #This post is for the Bills and Charlies

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jigensass · 1 year

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My 2022 Review: Section 3 - Vidja Games

In the last section, we ended off with a brief intro into what 'Obey Me! Shall we Date?' franchise entailed.

And I have, not so much a theory, just a correlation, that I will discuss after going into this gatcha franchise (more like 'water is wet' statement), as well as some discussion on mental health.

I've going to avoid all of the detailed stuff about it by linking this post I made earlier this year back when I was in the heat of playing the game and only having spent money to boost one card I liked, and maybe throw $20 here and there.

In summary: the plot has good premise, from parts Seasons 1 - 3 of the game {Season 1: Chapters 1 -20, Season 2: Chapters 21-40, etc.}. However, I have heard echoes from more well-versed fans of the series that Season 4: Chapters 61-80 were not great for multiple reasons in regards to the plot (I never made it this far into the game, I stopped around chapter 50), but the art and misc. content being put into the franchise is decent.

I've also seen a lot of people catch onto the....very questionable decisions that were picked up during dialogue. It's kind of dodgy and questionable, but they're the 7 princes of Hell, not some BTS crew who hasn't committed at least one war crime {this is a joke or assumption that all KPOP stars are precious little uwu angel boys because I know nothing about KPOP except the word BTS} (spoiler: all of the characters in Obey Me have committed at least war crime, yes even YOU the MC. Edit: probably the only character that has not committed a war crime and ironically is the only character you cannot date in the game and that is Luke)

(I mean, look at him, I don't have to explain why he's not datable.)

And ESPECIALLY stay away from playing the game IF YOU DON'T HAVE IMPULSE CONTROL.

Between the months of March, May, June, October, November, and into this month as well, my personal life has not been great and my mind has been in some bad places. And when so much stress and trauma seem to seep into my head, I tend to want to dissociate and forget that reality is a thing. Because literally two weeks after writing that article, a brand new event launched on the app and my investment on microtransactions to boost cards and get pulls that I wanted hit a four digit USD number. After Lucifer's birthday back in June, I had to stop playing or I was going to drain my bank account. I was that depressed and desperate for any kind of dopamine to hit my veins that I was willing to spend my life savings for happiness on fictional characters. I do regret the choice I made looking back, but in the moment I could have cared less.

The same thing happened to me when I played Mystic Messenger a few years back, but I knew where to draw the line sooner rather than later when I noticed the dent in my checking account.

Don't get me wrong, I still love the character designs and the characters themselves. I just don't want to get sucked into what is essentially, an addiction, like that, ever again.

PS I am making this not rebloggable so if you have any other hot takes on OB: SWD, please reply, send me a DM, or an ask in my inbox I would love to hear your thoughts. Conclusion: Don't play gatcha dating simulators when you're severely depressed.

Going to start off with the games I actually have finished.

Sherlock Holmes Chapter One

Okay, now that is out of the way, I can fully discuss the first game I played in full this year from the Ukranian Chads at Frogwares: Sherlock Holmes Chapter One.

This is kind of like a fanon prequel to the canon storyline where Sherlock grew up on this island known as Cordona, a melting pot of an island in the Mediterranean where you solve mysteries around the island, as well as into Sherlock's past of as to what actually happened in this re-imagined tale.

Warning: if you are very sensitive and get triggered from by-gone era culture, do not play this game. Even the game warns you up front what you are about to dive into, and even I, who has been getting less ruffled by triggering things over the years, had some 'yikes' moments when playing.

The reason I didn't give a full analysis the first time around playing is because I was a broken shell by playing the ending. Seriously, NO SPOILERS GO PLAY IT FOR YOURSELF.

okay maybe a few.

This is Sherlock, you can dress him up in multiple different outfits for funsies, and the writing is incredibly tongue and cheek.

youtube

If you are also interested in Lovecraftian horror, Frogwares is also remaking one of their older games where it a crossover of Lovecraft Horror and Holmes so, if that is your cup of tea.

Now only if we could get a remake of this....then my life would be complete.

I am currently playing through Sherlock Holmes: Nemesis and it's glorious, the Part 6 Lupin actually needed.

Disco Elysium

I blame Tumblr. Specifically that one gif of break dancing harry, this was the one that grabbed my attention to this weird little RPG.

I went in blind so I had little to no idea what to do, but loved how the game was set up all around D&D-style roll checks. I do want to play the game again to see what I missed the first time around, as well as mess around with builds to see what is most effective to getting what I want (note: I tried building Jigen and I think I softlocked myself out of progression because I couldn't pass any of my checks).

Funky Little Game that I enjoyed. 10/10.

Hades

I technically beat the game for the first time and now I'm on level 2 (I'm not good at rougelike it took me nearly 100 tries to get out the first time). But man do I love...everything about this game.

Favorite weapon is the spear. Favorite love interest is Miles Ed-I MEAN THANATOS.

And I can't wait to play the sequel when it releases.

The Great Ace Attorney 2: FINALLY FINISHED IT

I gave a lot of crap to this game duo set last year, especially to the last trial of the first game where it dragged and dragged, and dragged to nothing and everyone by the end of the trial, had admitted to committing one sort of crime or another.

But finally I got around to force myself to finish the second game right where I left off and....it was actually good? The plot twists (though I knew some of them, but not the two most important plot twists) had some logical thought put into them? And the ending case was excellent with how the game mechanics played out?

Why didn't we get this in the first game?

Powerwashing Simulator/House Flipper

It was annoying at times, and the plot (yes a simulator game had a PLOT) was bonkers, but I had a chill time with it. 8/10 for stimulation.

I've also been playing some more House Flipper lately to chill off which helped a bit.

Spider-Man: Miles Morales

I beat this game in a span of a couple of days, and I don't remember much about it, but I do remember having a good time for how short the campaign actually was.

8/10

Ghostwire Tokyo

My Diamond in the Rough of 2022 that was published by Bethesda. Japanese modern era horror? Sign me up! The atmosphere of the game is eerie, a contrast on what I was playing back in 2021.

8/10

Monster Prom, Monster Camp, & Monster Road Trip

I'm going to put these games all together since they're from the same series and I bought them in a set.

Note: These games are better with friends (I've...mostly been playing alone) and co-op is necessary when it comes to hitting the objectives in Road Trip so you can plan out your routes accordingly.

Overall, they're fun games to play if you have some down time.

Basically this trilogy of games is a visual novel dating simulator for monster fuckers. My favorite character? Milo Belladonna, hands down. They ooze aesthetic.

Side note: I have been planning to write this compilation review list for months now and the only thing that has been glued in my head to write down is this:

ICHIBAN IS THE WEED TREE!

Context: Magic Tree Mike is voiced by Kaiji Tang, aka Goro Yatagarasu from Lupin Parts 5-6 and KASUGA ICHIBAN FROM YAKUZA 7 (it's hilarious his running joke is telling characters that they're the chosen one)

Games I revisited/am currently playing now/games on hiatus that have not been mentioned

God of War aka Dad Simulator 2018

ProZd picking up a voice acting role in the sequel is what caused me to get into this 4 years later.

I'm not far into the game (I'm currently in Alfheim), and I'm enjoying it so far. The cutscenes are gorgeous and flow wonderfully together with the actual gameplay, which as it stands, is better than Yakuza. And I'm actually being presented a challenge when it comes to battling enemies. I've died a handful of times and I haven't gotten upset because they've all been my fault to just git gud. I'm hoping to enjoy this game to the end so I can get the sequel on the cheap side.

Dragon Quest XI S Echoes of an Elusive Age Definitive Edition

I started this game two years ago and picked it up again because I couldn't find something else to play and...so far it's nothing special, just your standard run of the mill JRPG. The only complaint I have so far is that the casino is entirely based on luck and requires no skill to play, unlike what I'm used to in Yakuza when playing Blackjack.

I just got all the party together and I'm off to fight a tentacle monster, but I hit another grind wall.

Stray

10/10 for cat.

8/10 for the very unsettling undertones of the overall plot. I'm probably not going to go back to it for the dystopian horror alone because it kind of makes me uncomfortable.

Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag

I've already been slandered earlier this year for what I said about Blackbeard, the Gentlemen Pirate, and Our Flag Means Death.

It's Assassin's Creed with Pirates, what more could you ask for? Although, I have played a bit of Valhalla and I can see that this game was the one that started the beginning of 'less assassins, more random countries with assassins as the side plot' because the main character of this game does not care about the plot that Ezio was fighting for in his trilogy years before the plot of 4 happened.

Crafting system is no me gusta. 6/10.

The Wolf Among Us

I will get back to this....eventually. Story is pretty decent and I like Bigby. 9/10.

World of Final Fantasy

I don't know if I will plan to complete this game from beginning to end, but I'm committed since I'm already at the halfway point. This game is just Pokemon: Final Fantasy edition so I'm not that invested in the plot, but I am interested as to what happened to these two twins. Like, are they even real or is this a Pokemon Scarlet and Violet moment?

Even if I do quit at some point, there is only one character I must interact with if I don't decide to carry on and it was decided the last time I played, which was six months ago.