#the phone at the beginning of 5 says it’s September 2021 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

idoobeg · 1 year

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I posted 5,830 times in 2022

That's 452 more posts than 2021!

16 posts created (0%)

5,814 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sterekotp1

@cobrilee

@feelsforsterek

@lamberts

@jolly-polly

I tagged 47 of my posts in 2022

#idoobeg speaks - 13 posts

#the amazing devil - 9 posts

#critical role - 5 posts

#ruin - 3 posts

#laudna - 2 posts

#jesus - 2 posts

#exu calamity - 2 posts

#dimension 20 - 2 posts

#the old witch sleep and the good man grace - 2 posts

#love run - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 100 characters

#and i hate picking up after her and literally doing her job while she just sits on her phone all day

My Top Posts in 2022:

I was messing about with one of those AI art apps, putting in various Amazing Devil lyrics and I present to you The Old Witch Sleep and The Good Man Grace

9 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

Spoilers for Critical Role Campaign 3 Episode 34

After watching episode 33 last week, I knew tonight's episode was going to ruin me. But I didn't expect it would the way it did. Watching Imogens face as she dealt with the death of her best friend and someone she loved and treasured was horrible. Laura seemed truly heartbroken as she played it out. It never even occurred to me that Marisha would roll a Nat 1 on her death saves and Laudna would actually die. I was just so scared and worried about Fearne and Orym.

I also truly felt so sorry for Ashley, making the choice on who to save between 2 of the party members. If only some else had revify or if Sam had any spell slots left.

But most of all, I commend Marisha. Not once did she try to sway anyone in making the decision to bring her character back. In fact, she didn't even say anything about it. She just told everyone that she wanted to stay out of the groups decision.

And while I am extremely relieved that Fearne and Orym survived, I really am gonna miss Laudna. It's gonna be hard not seeing Marisha at the table next week until the party either find someone who can bring Laudna back or a new character gets introduced. The undead is now dead.

13 notes - Posted September 20, 2022

Hi! I’ve watched a lot of dimension 20 and never watched an episode of critical role, but I’m really curious about the cr miniseries with lou wilson, aabriya Iyengar, and brennan et al, will it make sense if I watch exu as a stand-alone? Is it more of a “you’ll enjoy it more if you know the world” or do I absolutely need to have watched some other stuff to even grasp what’s going on?

Hi! I had a similar situation when I first wanted to watch CR having not seen Campaign 1 and 2 but after doing some research I learned I didnt need to have watched any before getting into it. And fortunatly, EXU Calamity is technically a prequal to all the other CR main Campaign stuff so you dont really need to know much in order to watch. All you need to know is that the Calamity was a War fought hundreds of years before the begining of Campaign 1 and no matter what happens in the miniseries, its still gonna happen cause if it doesnt then the whole history of Exandria (the wonderful World created by Matthew Mercer) technically wont exsist. I will say there is a few nods to somethings that happen in Campaign 1 that I didnt completely understand but it in no way took any enjoyment or understanding from this particular storyline.

So in conclusion, no you dont have to have seen anything from past CR episodes to watch Exu Calamity. If you really want to, there are many videos, blog posts, articles, and even a whole Wiki dedicated to Critical Role where eveything can be explained in further detail if you really want to know more.

I'm also going to say that if you love Dimension 20 and its cast members, you will love CR, and youre gonna absolutely fall in love with Travis Willingham, Sam Reigal, and Marisha Ray.

Hope this helps and makes sense! If you have anymore questions, feel free to drop me a message and Ill help any way I can!!

(Edit: just going to add as well that CR streams first on Twitch at 7pm PDT on Thursdays and then up loads the episode onto YouTube on Mondays at 12pm PDT. I wait until the Monday upload cause of timezones 🙂)

16 notes - Posted June 12, 2022

Critical Role Campaign 3 Episode 33 Spoilers Ahead!

Not me just quietly sobbing for the past hour from the most recent episode of Critical Role. The thought of losing both Orym and Fearne is leaving me heartbroken. They're both my favourite characters in the party! I don't wanna say goodbye to them yet! I also don't want to wait a week to find out what happens. I cant imagine how Liam and Ashley are feeling about all of this either.

And what if they do both stay dead. Whos gonna tell Dorian?? Or even the rest of the Crown Keepers?? Or Fearne's family?? Or Keyleth and the Air Ashari??

But all that aside, it was otherwise a fantastic episode. It kept me at the edge of my seat for nearly 4 hours. And it was such an emotional roller-coaster, what with the seige and getting Treshi out and then the horrible boss fight with Ottahan. Matt Mercer, I salut you. You are one incredible Dm!

24 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I'm only recently getting into Critical Role but I've been a fan of Dimension 20 for over a year now and watching Brennan GM for CR is amazing. His style is so obviously different from Matt and Aabria, who are both very talented GM's in their own right. But theres something in the way each player at the table gets so enthralled by what he's saying that is just so beautiful. The way Brennan tells a story, how he pitches his voice, every inflection on his words is just pure talent. He really is a born storyteller and I'm glad those in the Critical Role fandom who aren't apart of D20's and arent familar with Brennan get to experience it

121 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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readingwriter92 · 1 year

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I posted 9,750 times in 2022

That's 1,062 more posts than 2021!

621 posts created (6%)

9,129 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gaydhdstiles

@thatgenderfluidaroace

@rai-knightshade

@bruciemilf

@all-things-fandomstuck

I tagged 1,739 of my posts in 2022

#xddd - 53 posts

#shut up sarah - 30 posts

#hey sarah look at this - 26 posts

#the owl house - 23 posts

#toh - 19 posts

#xdd - 19 posts

#xdddd - 15 posts

#goncharov - 11 posts

#^^ - 9 posts

#ml spoilers - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#slightly paranoid i’m not reading these right but i don’t care bc i’m super excited and fuck it i don’t care if those aren’t the start or

My Top Posts in 2022:

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Bridgewater (Podcast) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Anne Becker & Jeremy Bradshaw, Jeremy Bradshaw & Vipin Khurana Characters: Jeremy Bradshaw, Anne Becker, Vipin Khurana Additional Tags: Overworked Jeremy, tired!Jeremy, Mom!Anne, Hurt/Comfort, Vipin is done Summary:

The bags under his eyes had their own bags, his hair was a mess - as though his fingers had run through it a few hundred times - and his clothes were the same as Vippin had seen when he’d said his goodbyes on Saturday.

He sighed. Clearly the professor hadn’t left. This wasn’t the first time the man had done this, but it had been a good year. And recently with his frequent excursions with Anne, Vippin had thought maybe he wouldn’t get so sucked into work but alas, there they were. “Professor?” “Vippin?” Jeremy looked up from his work, squinting up at him as his glasses were absent. Seeing him head on just emphasized his gaunt look. “What? What are you doing here? It’s…” He trailed off, lifting his phone to check the date, only to see that it was dead. “It’s Monday- were you...here all weekend?”

~~ Jeremy overworks himself so Vipin calls Anne-

9 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

Ahhhhh programming a great joy wherein I spend FORTY MINS trying to figure out why two strings don’t equal all bc there was an extra \n at the end of one

10 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

Me: I’m gunna write

Also me: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

10 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

Do I know anything about batman? fuck no. but do I have a genius level theory? yes.

Robin #1: Dick Grayson What sounds like Grayson? Jason Who's second robin? Robin #2: Jason Todd What is the first letter in Jason's last name? T What letter does robin number three's name start with? T Robin #3: Tim Drake Now you see. They didn't want us to catch onto this theory therefore What letters do they avoid having in the beginning of Robin four's name? T and D What is robin four's name? Robin #4: Stephanie Brown [ignore the fact that I'm not actually sure if Stephanie is Robin four or not I was too lazy to read an entire bunch of articles for this] Now but you see they needed a robin five. what do we call him? Well what letter has appeared in all of the first three robin's names? D What letter only appears in robin four's name? W Who is robin number five? Robin #5: Damien Wayne Thus I am just right

11 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Fucking quaking over the sneak peaks from wfa season two where Bruce is having a hella moment and I dragged the image from the polygon article to save it bc it’s beautiful and it fucking says ep 56. Batman scarecrow and guys I am totally okay and normal and fine about this information

14 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #I stand by my Robin theory I’m fucking hilarious #also…9 thousand posts huh

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theworldaccordingtochrissy · 2 years

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THE WORLD ACCORDING TO CHRISSY

September 20, 2021

ADDICTION & BAD CHOICE CAN BE TURNED AROUND

At the end of 2017 and the very beginning of 2018 I experienced few traumatic events that would alter my life .In a couple of short months I had gone from feeling like I had many close friends and family to feeling almost completely alone . One friend , Amy , tried to stick by my side ... and I was so alone , bitter , hurt and angry that I gave her quite a bit of unwarranted grief . At this time in my life I had also been clean from my drug of choice for 17 years , but unfortunately that was about to change.

The loneliness was eating at me and the depression was growing rapidly ... I also started having extreme panic attacks that were way more debilitating than any i had experienced before..... these would include hyperventilating and passing out ... so I spent the entire next year as a shut in... I would occasionally visit one friend , but only late at night and only if she would pick me up ...and , I relapsed and used drugs ... I was a total wreck .... very thin ... I was 6ft1 weighing in at 133 . I rarely ate or slept . The only thing that I was clinging to was my transition... I had spent my entire life knowing that this was what I was supposed to be , but at 47 yrs of age finally living the way I was supposed to be . I had never really gotten in any legal trouble... so didn't have the fear of jail in me at the time... the way I saw it.. I rarely left the house at all... I'm wasn't going to get caught doing anything ... ha ! Boy was I wrong...

After about a year of using it happened... I got a ride from an acquaintance to go visit my friend ... and this person's wreckless driving got us pulled over by the police . I had multiple baggies of drugs on my person... so I spent 11 days in jail then was put on probation and was told to keep my nose clean. When my apartment manager found out about my charges I was evicted ... with no money , no friends after the arrest and I was scared to death. Well I had one friend , but it was a friend that also had a drug problem ... so in staying with her for a bit I started using heavier than ever. A couple months went by and I just kept using until one night the friend locked me out and I was hanging around a local park after hours... I saw the flashing blue lights approaching and my heart began to beat out of my chest... I had a bag on me , hidden in my phone case . Needless to say I went back to jail... this time for 3 months . It was horrible... I tried to make the best of a bad situation... it was hard , but atleast I had a few people to talk to. When I finally did get out I had already decided that I was done with dope... I hit ROCK FRIGGING BOTTOM , and the only way was up !! I was court ordered to go to to rehab... because of my insurance though I had a very hard time finding one ... but I finally did.. about 5 hours away from home or so . My insurance would only pay for 10 days tho , so I stayed there for that, then stayed with my sister for a few days before coming home. Now at this time I had been in early transition for about a year but had been a shut in... so not many people saw me.. not sure who knew.... but now , EVERYONE was gonna be meeting Chrissy... During my visit with my sister ( which went well ) I had a phone interview with Oxford House , a sober living house. This was hard for me because I just knew that I was going to have issues with placement because of my being transgender ... but I was accepted by Oxford House .... but it was a man's house . I was there for 2 weeks , it was very very awkward .. about a week into my stay there I was harassed by a new roommate for sexual favors... He was disgusting, and I was so scared that my anxiety almost got the better of me and I really began to fall apart.. this was my ONLY option , other than homelessness. Then God fixed everything for me , and I was moved to a woman's house ! Now compared to my previous housing situation , the womens house was BLISS ... Over the 6 or 7 months that I was there there were indeed a few estrogen battles , but all in all it was a good , positive experience !

While I was living there one of the rules was that you have to work... I had been on disability for years , so they said I had to volunteer somewhere...20 hrs a week...so I began to search. I made so many calls that it was crazy... but nobody ever got back to me... I've always thought that my gender was probably the reason... people didn't know how to take me... I then thought about the homeless shelter that I had spent a few nights in... I knew that they operated as a community food pantry during the day and regularly needed volunteers.

I called them and started volunteering the very next day !!! It actually felt good to give back , but it was more physical at times and was a little hard on me...even so I kept going for a few weeks . On my third week working the food pantry the assistant director came in and saw me . She was so pleased that I was clean and doing so much better . She began asking me if I'd rather work at the shelter in the evenings...

I thought this felt right , they were the only one of 3 shelters that helped me when I was homeless... and I know for fact that it was because of my gender identity. So for about 5 months I worked about 20 hrs a week at the shelter while living at Oxford House... it was physically easier than the food pantry .. then a new opportunity posed itself... The shelter i worked at had tried a House Mother position once before and was eager to try it again ... no monetary gain , BUT... it did include a rent free private room and meals ... I was required to work 20 hrs a week and be on call for emergencies...so I said my first goodbye to Oxford House .. The atmosphere in my particular house was feeling a bit toxic , so for my own sanity I moved forward in my new role as House Mother ! My plan was this this would be the new start I desperately needed... but I had no clue how much my life was gonna change over the next few months ! This would've been Jan thru Feb 2020... so for 3 months I was the residential house mother for the homeless shelter and tried to take my role seriously...

enter Jacob ... who was to become my husband in May 2020... just 3 months later !!!

He really is everything I've ever wanted !!

So I'm sitting in my room at the shelter one early afternoon in Feb 2020... afternoons were actually pretty lonely there.. the shelter didn't open until early evening , the food pantry was closing and I was alone . "Ding Ding Ding" , sounded my phone in its flashy cheetah case ..

I had received a couple messages... they were cute , and flirty little chats . So I looked at the profile pics and limited information available per the social media app . "Oh my gosh ... hes 29 years old " , I thought to myself as I was checking out the fellow... I was 48 at the time. Then I took a closer look at the photographs of the mystery man .... and I cannot lie...I think I melted a bit ! First thing I noticed was that he was a ginger... I so have a whole ginger thing.. and he was so cute... but more than just cute , he was handsome , and had a certain something that 2 yrs later i still can't quite describe.♡♡♡♡ We exchanged numbers and chatted a bunch for about 2 weeks ...he was funny , charming and always good with a line lol... Honestly though he was a gentleman for most of those 2 weeks ...skipping a tiny bit but may go into details later.. by mid March 2020 WE had to change our relationship status on the app we had been chatting on ... I swear I didn't see it coming , a boyfriendn19 yrs my junior .. and in the early part of us nobody really understood the way we got along... it was amazing ! Was i scared you ask ?...OH MY GOSH , "YES!".. I was terrified... not of the age thing... but scared of having my heart broke.... but we still kept it going... he was so sweet and thoughtful.. sure he was a bit of a wild card , but we really worked ... so in April 2020 when he showed up on my shift at the shelter and proposed ... right in front of all the shelter ladies .. I said YES !! So a month later we did the deed !!! I didn't realize or think about it but getting married actually caused us to both become homeless..There's so much more but more details on us will be coming up in a future post.

My reason for writing this blog entry was to show people that so much is possible.. you have to try to live right , trust that God will provide and be patient.. Recovery isn't always easy ... for me it didn't happen right for a year... its life change , not just about not using.

We are in such a better place now..Jacob has a great job , we have our own place .. with a very spoiled snorkie puppy named Rotten when 18 months ago we were homeless .... ANYTHING is possible !!!

XOXO,

Chrissy

#transgender #western kentucky #Spotify

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heloisedaphnebrightmore · 3 years

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Heloise's 3.5k Followers Sleepover [Closed!] and Writing Challenge [Closed!]

Hello my lovelies <3

On Wednesday we reached another milestone once again! I can’t tell you how happy I am to know that so many of you have been enjoying my writing. All the support I’ve gotten from my followers has been beyond my expectations and I’m just so very grateful. I never imagined getting 50 let alone 3500 followers. Mind blowing really! I wanted to do something fun for such a huge milestone and as it’s a writing blog, I thought, let’s write. I want the writers to enjoy writing and the readers to enjoy reading. However, on the other hand, I didn’t want to leave out my non-writer followers so a sleepover should be in place as well.

Therefore, welcome to⁠—

Heloise’s 3.5k followers Sleepover and Writing Challenge

Part 1. Sleepover [Closed!] (Please click on the link above!)

Part 2. Writing Challenge [Closed!] (See below the Keep Reading option!)

Let's have fun and send your Ask! ^^

Heloise's Map | Masterlists

Heloise’s 3.5k Followers Writing Challenge Masterlist

Part 2. Writing Challenge!

Disclaimer! I do not own any of the prompts listed below, they all belong to @screnwriter and @dreamy-prose and each prompt list I have used for creating this event are listed at the bottom of the post. [Numbers] next to prompts refer to the prompt lists you can find them at.

Rules!

➵ You don’t have to follow me to participate, although it would be much appreciated. ➵ Chose as many prompts as you’d like. No limits. ➵ Write for any universe and any pairings, I basically read everything. ➵ No incest, racial, religious, or sexual hate openly, not related to the story line, but to hurt others. If you have any of the above in your fic, I will not reblog it. ➵ Fluff, angst, smut, anything goes, just please use appropriate Warnings! ➵ Use the Keep reading option above 500 words. Tutorial from phone is Here! ➵ No deadline for submission, but deadline for entry closes on 27 September 2021. Clarification: You can submit your fics even next year if you wish. End date is only for entering the event. I will not be able to accept entries after 27 September 2021. ➵ If you would like to participate, just send me an Ask with the prompt(s) and character and Reblog this post. ➵ Please use the tag #heloises3.5kcelebration and tag my name @heloisedaphnebrightmore when you post your fic. If it's not reblogged in 48 hours, please send me an Ask or DM. My tags seem to be funny at times. ➵ And most importantly, Have fun! :)

I decided to use both Scenario prompts and Dialogue prompts to take on a different approach compared to my last writing challenge.

Scenario prompts

Enemies to lovers / Tension prompts

1. “I’ll kiss you right now to prove that I don’t feel anything for you.” “Okay.” The two characters kiss, and whoops they felt something, followed by lingering, as they’re catching their breath, trying to make sense of what just happened, and the feelings rushing through them, and then there’s this urge to dive back in for another kiss. [5]

@goddessofdawns (x) Loki Laufeyson x Reader

2. Your enemy has never let anyone touch their scar, until you come along. [7]

@natashxromanovf (x) Bucky Barnes x Reader

3. Character A and B kiss each other to prove there's nothing going on between them, but they get so caught up in each other, they prove the exact opposite. [2]

@wearywinchester (x) Dean Winchester x Reader

4. For one night, Character A and B give into temptation and sleep with each other, hoping it will solve the tension building between them. It does the opposite. [2]

5. Character A and B avoid each other after sharing an intimate moment, be it a kiss, a hug, holding hands, or just looking at each other's lips longer than appropriate. [1]

@wearywinchester (x) Dean Winchester x Reader

6. You're upset one night, and you don't know where to go, so you end up at your enemy's house, and as they open the door, you stay silent for a second, before saying “I don't know where else to go.” Your enemy doesn't say anything, instead they pull you into their arms, giving you a shoulder to cry on. [1]

@goddessofdawns (x) Bucky Barnes x Reader

7. The best friends to lovers “Let’s just kiss to see what it’s like.” They kiss, followed by the characters pulling away, eyes still closed, forehead against forehead, lingering… and then they go in for the second kiss. [5]

@goddessofdawns (x) Newt (Maze Runner) x Reader

8. You threaten your enemy, and when they close the distance between you, you realize how attracted you truly are to them. [1]

9. Pinning your enemy against the wall. Or straddling your enemy’s hips whilst they pin your arms above your head. [1]

@theravenclawgal (x) Sirius Black x Reader

10. You end up on your enemy's lap, and you yank the belt from their pants “Let's just get this over with.” [1]

11. You're about to leave the room, but your enemy slams the door shut, and with one hand on either side of your head, barricade you against the wall... (cue the reckless make-out session). [2]

@band--psycho (x) James Potter x Reader

12. You’re sharing a bed with your enemy and being told “Stay on your side or I'll set this whole bed on fire”. Only to wake up the next day with your enemy's arms wrapped around you. [2]

@forever-and-more (x) Lorcan Salvaterre (Throne of Glass) x Reader

13. Your enemy has been badly wounded, and somebody needs to bandage them up, so you agree to help them, and suddenly they're shirtless, and you can't help but admire their body, something that cheeky bastard takes notice of. [1]

14. You've been wounded, your face is all bruised up. Your enemy puts a finger under your chin, bringing your eyes to theirs, asking “Who did this to you?”. When you don't answer, they ask you again “Who did this to you?”. [1]

@band--psycho (x) Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

@grimdevil (x) Regulus Black x Reader

15. You've just been hurt, you're bleeding out, and your enemy is freaking out, dropping the “I love you. I can't lose you” card, begging you not to close your eyes. [2]

@goddessofdawns (x) Loki Laufeyson x Reader

@forever-and-more (x) Lorcan Salvaterre (Throne of Glass) x Reader

16. Two characters look at each other, a tense silence between them and then bang, lips crash into each other as they can’t resist anymore and then one of them pins the other against the wall. [6]

@forever-and-more (x) Lorcan Salvaterre (Throne of Glass) x Reader

17. You had a really good time on the date tonight, and your date is asking for a good night kiss. It was only meant to be on the cheek, but then you pull back, our eyes meet, and there's a gravitational pull pulling you closer again. [6]

18. You’ve never been kissed before so your friend volunteers, but you decline because you’ve been best friends and it would be weird. But a couple hours later you lay awake in bed and can't stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss them and suddenly you regret what you said. [6]

@queen-of-brokenhearts (x) Hermione Granger x Female!Reader

Intimate / Domestic prompts

19. You are wearing your lover’s clothes when they say, “Can I get my shirt/hoodie back?” and you say “No.” or “Come and get it.”. [4]

@oliverwoodmarrymepls (x) Oliver Wood x Reader

20. You're talking on the phone and your lover quietly comes up behind you, wraps their arms around you, and starts gently kissing your neck. You begin to lose focus on your phone call as you concentrate on not making any noise. [3]

@band--psycho (x) Fred Weasley x Reader

21. You’re supposed to be mad at your lover but they’re holding your face and smiling, and you just can't resist it when they're pouting like that. [6]

22. You and your lover sitting next to each other at a table, and they rest their hand on your thigh, gently rubbing their thumb back and forth. [3]

23. Looking at your crush or lover only to find them already looking at you and when you make eye contact, they smile at you. [3]

@iliveiloveiwrite (x) - Benedict Bridgerton x Reader

24. You think mistletoe kisses are lame, but your love interest brings you under one, regardless of the season and suddenly you're all for it. [6]

25. You and your lover are in bed, when you say, “It’s time to get up.” and your lover pulls you back down, wraps their hands around your body, snuggles up close, preventing you from getting out of bed. [4]

26. Your lover is resting their head on your lap, falling asleep whilst you are playing with their hair. [4]

@oliverwoodmarrymepls (x) Oliver Wood x Reader

@band--psycho (x) Young!Remus Lupin x Reader

27. Having a piece of hair brushed off your face as you're reading or looking down. [3]

28. You're sick, and you can't kiss your lover, and it's an absolute torture. [6]

@msmarvelouswinchester (x) Jensen Ackles or Dean Winchester x Reader

29. Being asked “Are you sure?” (There's nothing sexier than consent) [3]

30. When it’s a slow burn, and the characters just look at each other like “Fuck it, I’m done with this.” and they finally kiss. [4]

@acourtofbooksandfantasy (x) Azriel (ACOTAR) x Reader

Dialogue prompts

Flirty / Sarcastic prompts

1. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing I like the sound of your voice, because you don’t seem to ever shut up.” [9]

2. “Is that a challenge?” [9]

3. “You’re cute when you’re nervous.” [15]

@will-be-a-fineline (x) Harry Styles x reader

4. “When have I ever put you in danger? Actually, don't answer that.” [11]

@wearywinchester (x) Dean Winchester x Reader

5. “I dare you.” [9]

6. “If you don’t shut up, I might as well kiss you to put that mouth to good use.” [9]

7. Character A: “Do yourself a favour, get laid.” Character B: “Why, are you offering?” [9]

@grimdevil (x) Draco Malfoy x Reader

@theravenclawgal (x) Sirius Black x Reader

8. Character A: “What if bite you?” Character B: “I’m into that.” [10]

9. Character A is returning a priced procession to Character B and says, “I want something in return.” Character B “What?” Character A “You.” [2]

10. Character A: “What changed your mind? “ Character B: “You.” [7]

11. Character A: “What do you want?” Character B: “You.” [9]

12. Character A: “Just admit it.” Character B: “Admit what?” Character A: “I’m the best you’ve ever had.” [13]

13. Character A: “You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” Character B: “And yet for some reason your mouth just keeps on going.” [8]

@wearywinchester (x) Dean Winchester x Reader

@theravenclawgal (x) Sirius Black x Reader

14. Character A: “I shouldn't have kissed you” “ Character B: You're right. But I should've.” [7]

15. Character A: “Do you flirt with everyone?” Character B: “Unfortunately, you’re the only one who caught my attention.” Character A: “Unfortunately?” [8]

@sexysirius (x) Sirius Black x Reader

16. Character B: “I like to keep my options open.” [8]

17. “I hate you. Oh, I hate you so much right now.” [11]

18. “Jesus Christ, you're annoying.” [11]

First kiss / Confession prompts

19. Character A: “Come over here.” Character B: “Why?” Character A: “You said you’ve never been kissed before. I’m planning on changing that.” [10]

20. Character A: “Just… don’t make this weird, all right?” Character B: “Meaning what?” Character A: “Meaning, don’t treat me like I haven’t been kissed before.” Character B: “But you… haven’t been kissed before.” Character A: “Look, I just want this over and done with, okay. I don’t want to be treated like a delicate flower. Kiss me like you mean it.” [10]

@band--psycho (x) Damon Salvatore x Reader

21. Character A: “I love you.” Character B: “I know.” Character A: “You knew?” Character B: “You haven’t exactly been discreet.” [15]

@band--psycho (x) Natasha Romanoff x Reader

22. “Listen, I know you’re busy, but… it’s important.” [15]

23. “I love you, and I don’t care if you don’t love me back. I just need you to know that I do.” [15]

24. Character A: “Do you have feelings for me?” Character B: “What?” Character A: “Do you have feelings for me?” [14]

25. “Is that truly, all it is? Just, two friends, hanging out?” [14]

@pregnant-piggy (x) Sirius Black x Reader

26. “I need to ask you something and I don’t want you to brush off the subject or turn it into a joke… I need you to be honest with me.” [14]

@grimdevil (x) Young!Sirius Black

27. “Are you… are you in love with me?” [14]

28. “I can’t stop thinking about you.” [14]

29. “All this time I thought you didn’t want me.” [14]

30. “If there’s something you want to tell me, now’s the time.” [14]

@wearywinchester (x) Dean Winchester x Reader

31. “There’s nothing going on between me and Character C. because the person I want to be with is standing right in front of me.” [14]

32. Character A: “I want this to work. I really do.” Character B: “Then we’re on the same page.” [16]

33. “I’ve missed you so much. I didn’t even think it was possible to miss someone this much.” [16]

34. “I know we're not together, but I might die today so I'm going to kiss you just in case there is no later.” [6]

Reassurance / Sweet prompts

35. “You could stay here, tonight. For as long as you'd like.” [7]

@oliverwoodmarrymepls (x) Oliver Wood x Reader

36. “Could you ever love someone like me?” [7]

37. Character A: “I've never been in love before.” Character B: “Then let me show you.” [7]

@goddessofdawns (x) Sam Wilson x Reader

38. “I can’t get up. You’re gonna have to carry me.” [11]

@goddessofdawns (x) Sam Wilson x Reader

39. “Are you okay with me kissing you?” [12]

@deanwanddamons (x) Jensen Ackles x Reader

40. “I feel safe with you. I always have.” [12]

@band--psycho (x) Newt (Maze Runner) x Reader

41. “I need you to know that you can always come to me.” [12]

@iliveiloveiwrite (x) - Benedict Bridgerton x Reader

42. Character A: “You’ll wait for me?” Character B: “For as long as I need to.” [12]

43. “I’ll always be there for you. Don’t you ever doubt that.” [12]

@band--psycho (x) George Weasley x Reader

44. “Don’t hide from me. you’re even more beautiful in the morning.” [13]

@will-be-a-fineline (x) Harry Styles x reader

45. “I’m going to kiss you until you’re sick of it.” [13]

@goddessofdawns (x) Sam Wilson x Reader

46. “Just hold me. I’m not ready to wake up.” [13]

@pregnant-piggy (x) Sirius Black x Reader

If you have any questions, don’t be afraid of sending me a message. My inbox is always open for everyone :)

Prompt lists used from @screnwriter and @dreamy-prose

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16]

#milestone #heloises3.5kcelebration #writing challenge

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mimisempai · 3 years

Text

Wait for me on the other side 8/8

Summary:

The long awaited end! Will they finally overcome all the obstacles?

Here we go! Enjoy the journey!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32948254/chapters/82452802

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 (End)

The months and seasons have passed for Mobius and Loki.

Mobius moved out of the house on the cliff and into an apartment above the store. After Ravonna's death, Casey saw no reason to stay in TK and joined Mobius at Miss Minutes.

With his client base expanding, Mobius needed someone to help him and thought of Casey, who had been more than enthusiastic at the idea.

They had formed a curious friendship with Sylvie and life was flowing smoothly.

Casey could see that at times Mobius' eyes seemed lost. His face wore a melancholic expression. But Mobius said nothing, smiled and Casey pretended he hadn't seen anything.

On New Year's Eve 2022, Mobius, Casey and Sylvie were celebrating together and as the fireworks started, Mobius couldn't help but think of other fireworks with nostalgia and wondered what Loki was doing, where and with whom.

January 2021 - Miss Minutes

It was already late and Mobius was hunched over his drawing table, looking focused as Casey poked his head through the door.

"Mobius, I'm going in. I've got it all locked up, you'll just have to close the main door and the blind."

Mobius focused, simply replied, "Hm..."

Casey, seeing that he hadn't been listening, approached and looked over Mobius' shoulder at what he was working on.

"A new project?"

Mobius looked up, a little embarrassed, "Oh. No. It's just... a personal thing."

Casey shifted to get a better look at Mobius' work.

Mobius tried to hide it.

"Mobius, let me see."

"No, it's nothing."

"Come on."

Mobius gave in and Casey's eyes widened at the drawing.

It was the house on the cliff but re-imagined. There was a terrace that ran along the back, and stairs that went down to the water - the stairs that Mobius had described to Loki. There were trees planted along the way, and lights shining in the trees. The house was just as extraordinary as before, but much less austere, much warmer, almost romantic.

Casey said softly, "I like it."

Mobius asked casually, "Do you like it?"

Casey nodded enthusiastically, "Before, it looked like a place you would go to be alone. In this one, I can imagine taking someone there."

Mobius nodded. Casey looked at him with his piercing eyes, and asked softly, "Who is he?"

Mobius answered without hesitation, "Loki. His name was Loki."

"When you lived there?"

Mobius nodded and Casey continued, "I knew it, that there was something or rather someone. What happened?"

Mobius replied simply, "I lost him."

"How?"

Mobius replied with a hesitant voice, "It's hard to explain. It's mostly... it was... bad timing."

"You miss him?"

Mobius couldn't deny it and Casey insisted, "Make him come back."

Mobius ran a hand over his face, "It's too late. Or too soon..."

"What?"

Mobius shook his head, "Nothing. I don't even know where he is. And even if I did, I couldn't walk up to him and say, ``Hey, I'm here, let's pick up where we left off."

Casey defiantly asked him, "What would you have to lose?"

Mobius didn't answer.

**********

Loki was still living in the same place and the tree had continued to grow in front of the building.

He spent a lot of time with Thor, who had apparently decided to take him under his wing.

He was alone, but he had a friend, friends even, that he could count on, and if sometimes one or the other tried to encourage him to date someone, they never insisted.

He devoted his life to his classes, the students liked him a lot, and Kamala who kept coming to see him after class had brought other members of the gang with her, and the discussions around Norse mythology had turned into a reading club.

Early February 2023 - Loki's apartment

Loki had decided to clean up, because in two years, he was starting to pile up things, and it was time to sort out.

He was organizing his clothes when he came across the outfit he had never put back on since the missed date. His throat tightened as he was about to put it in the pile of clothes to be thrown away, but he couldn't bring himself to do it and put it in the back of the closet.

Later, as he was vacuuming, he noticed a creaky floorboard. He bent down to examine it and found that it could be lifted quite easily.

Loki pulled the floorboard and to his surprise, there was an empty space underneath. He bent further to examine it. He saw that there was something there, put his hand to grab it and pulled out a package wrapped in dusty plastic. He opened it. His heart leapt out of his chest, it was his copy of PERSUASION.

One page was marked with a rose, now dried and withered by time. He opened it to the marked page and saw that a sentence had been underlined.

There could have been no two hearts so open,

no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison.

He stared at the words, breathless.

February 14, 2023 - September Academy

Thor and Loki, along with the other teachers, were sitting in the school's conference room waiting for the presentation to begin.

Thor leaned over to Loki, "Hey, since Jane won't be able to spend this Valentine's Day with me, how about a hallmark movie night with some popcorn and good beer?"

Loki smiled softly, "Sounds good to me, but in the meantime we've gotta get through this presentation."

Just after his words, a short dark-haired man entered the room and took his place on the stage, greeted by Natasha who spoke up, "Hello everyone, thank you for coming. We are pleased to welcome Casey Fish, from Miss Minutes."

Loki startled slightly, the name ringing a bell.

"Casey is here today to introduce us to a new line of electronic organizers for students and teachers, allowing for better communication between the various parties. Thank you for giving him your attention."

Casey cleared his throat and began to speak, "Hello everyone! Thank you for your welcome Ms. Romanov, Miss Minutes is basically a small watch store, but over the years we wanted to expand its business to include time management in all its forms, and its founder had the idea a little over two years ago to create this."

He pointed to the screen that just displayed a small rectangular device, much like a flip phone.

"Let me introduce you to The Tempad. The Tempad, thanks to its small holographic avatar, allows you to be connected at any time with your colleagues, with your students."

He clicked on the remote control to bring up the next image.

"This is Miss Minutes for you."

Loki gasped, of course he knew Miss Minutes, it was exactly like the little picture Mobius had drawn when he had written to him about his store.

Thor, sensing his friend's confusion, leaned toward him and whispered, "Loki? Are you okay?"

Loki nodded.

He listened to the rest of the presentation in a daze, and as Casey was packing up his things on the stage, Loki rushed in without further ado, almost shoving some of his colleagues in his way.

February 14, 2021 - In front of Miss Minutes

Casey and Mobius came out in their winter coats, but they realized it was surprisingly warm.

Mobius growled, "Honestly, what the hell?"

Casey shrugged as he replied, "Global warming."

Mobius asked Casey, "Do you want to come to my house for dinner tonight?"

Casey replied with a small air of pride, "I can't. I have a date tonight, it's Valentine's Day."

Mobius continued forward for a few steps, then stopped.

"What?"

"What, is it so weird that I have a date on Valentine's Day night?"

Mobius looked around. The day was really hot. People everywhere were enjoying the sun. He turned to Casey, a strange look on his face.

"What's the date?"

"Valentine's Day I told you, so it's February 14."

Mobius repeated, "February 14, 2021."

Casey looked at him, curious, "Yeah. What's up with you?"

Mobius with pensive eyes replied, "He told me about today."

"Who? You mean the guy?"

"Yes!" replied Mobius excitedly, "There's a letter that says where he's going to be!"

Casey understood less and less, "He wrote you?"

Mobius nodded quickly, "Yes. I could see him today. You said it the other day...what have I got to lose?"

Casey replied matter-of-factly, "What are you waiting for?"

"I just need to find the letter!"

Mobius ran to his apartment above the store, rummaged through his old boxes, until he remembered that Loki's letters were still in the house on the cliff, in the attic. He looked for the spare keys to the housel, ran to his old pickup and drove off at full speed.

February 14, 2023 - September High-school

" Mister, uh... Casey, can I ask you something. Miss Minutes' founder, who is it?"

Casey, with a surprised look, answered him, clearing his throat, "He's a friend, Mo... Mobius M. Mobius."

Loki repeated, his heart pounding, "Mobius..."

Casey replied, "Yes. Do you... do you know him?"

Loki nodded, "Yes. He... where is he? Could you tell me how I could contact him?"

Casey suddenly looked very sad, "I'm sorry. You don't know?"

"What?"

Casey replied with a tight throat, "He died. Two years ago." He swallowed before resuming, "Two years ago today, in fact, there was an accident..."

Loki, shocked, gasped, then whispered, "Where?"

A few seconds later, Loki ran out of the school and headed for his car under the rain that had started to fall. Thor was behind him, bewildered, and called him, "Loki! Wait! What's going on?"

As he continued to run, Loki told him, 'It's an emergency! I don't have time!"

Thor asked, "Is that him?"

Loki, while running, replied, "Yes!" and heard Thor shout back at him as he climbed into his car, "Go Loki! Get him!"

Loki drove out of the city toward the house, rain pouring down on his windshield. He weaved between lanes, passing cars, driving recklessly, as fast as he could.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2021

Mobius stopped in front of the lake house. It was closed, empty. He ran across the path and unlocked the front door.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2023

Loki arrived at the house and stopped skidding in the rain in front of the mailbox. He pulled out a notepad and began to write, desperately.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2021

Mobius ran to the attic. Inside was the only box he had stored there when he moved out. He opened the box and searched frantically. He found the bundle of letters from Loki. After a few moments, he found the one he was looking for and read it.

Last February, I remember it was Valentine's Day, but it was really hot for a day in February.

I was at the fountain in Valhalheim Square.

He said aloud, "The Valhalheim Square Fountain."

House on the cliff - February 14, 2023

Loki finished writing the note and jumped out of the car. He put it in the mailbox and raised the flag.

He stayed there, and fell to his knees in front of the box, soaked by the rain.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2021

Mobius jumped into his pick-up , and quickly drove away from the house. He passed the mailbox.

Valhalheim Square - February 14, 2021

Loki closed his eyes for a moment, letting the sunlight warm him. Just aware of the surrounding sounds, the water in the fountain, the splashing and laughter of children playing in it, an old man grumbling about global warming, pigeons landing nearby.

Mobius could see the fountain from inside his pickup. He looked for a parking spot, finally found one and jumped out. He started running towards the square.

In his hand he clutched a piece of paper, the words of which echoed in his head.

Dear Mobius.

I know it now... it was you at the fountain that day.

It was you on the square. Please, don't go there.

Something terrible will happen if you go there.

Mobius continued to run toward the fountain.

He stopped at the curb, separated from the fountain by a dense road full of traffic. He looked away, searching for Loki beyond the noisy traffic, among the crowd in the park.

Please don't look for me.

He finally saw him, a distant figure, eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the sun. He smiled.

Don't try to find me.

They are now only separated by distance.

Don't run to me.

The traffic became less dense and Mobius had a clear view of Loki, straight ahead.

Do you understand? Please. You must wait.

Mobius stepped off the curb, wanting to get closer to Loki.

Forget everything I said before.

We both have to wait.

If you love me and if I love you.

I love you, it's taken me this long to say it but I really love you, so wait for me.

Mobius saw Loki open his eyes, as if drawn in his direction. He looks alarmed.

Wait with me. Wait until time catches up with both of us and we can be together. Please. Just... wait.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2023

Loki soaked, was in tears at the foot of the mailbox and only whispered, "Wait, wait..." and continued to cry.

The rain continues to fall.

Loki, finally, having lost all hope, tried to pull himself together and began, very slowly, to get to his feet.

He looked at the box and gasped, the flag was down.

With trembling hands, he did not dare to open the door and when he did, he saw that his letter was gone.

Valhalheim Square - February 14, 2021

Mobius was standing on the road, straining to see Loki and at the last second, he backed up to the sidewalk, safe. He continued to watch Loki, he desperately wanted to run to him, but he didn't, he folded the letter, put it in his pocket and reluctantly turned and walked away.

House on the cliff - February 14, 2023

Loki looked at the empty mailbox, his face soaked with tears and rain.

A hand came up from behind him and gently closed the box. He slowly turned around.

Mobius stood silently and looked at him, holding the worn letter Loki had just posted. Loki stared at him for a moment, trying to convince himself that this was real.Then Mobius took a step toward Loki and smiled, shyly.

"Have we waited long enough?"

Loki, still shocked, his eyes filled with tears, whispered, "Yes."

Mobius approached again, and smiling more openly this time, brought his hand to Loki's face and wiped a tear with his thumb.Loki rested his head in his palm and then finally they fell into each other's arms, squeezing each other, inhaling each other's scent, prolonging the embrace again and again, making sure it was real. Making sure that each of them was real.

Then Mobius finally pulled back and captured Loki's lips in an endless kiss. For long minutes they separated only to catch their breath before kissing again, over and over again, indifferent to the rain that fell around them.

Much later, they separated to catch their breath and Mobius took Loki's hand to lead him home.

Loki gasped. The house on the cliff had changed.

In the two years of Mobius' life, the life Loki had saved, Mobius had transformed it.

He had brought to life the design he had shown Casey two years ago, with the deck, and the stairway to the water they had talked about, and the trees planted along the path, lit and glowing in the rain.

Loki laughed, astonished, and turning to Mobius he took his face in his hands and kissed him again.

Then they walked together along the path, stopping often to touch and kiss.

As they passed the door, Loki held Mobius by the sleeve, "Wait."

Mobius turned around and couldn't help but touch Loki's face with his fingertips once more.

Loki grabbed his hand and interlaced his fingers with Mobius' as he said softly, "I don't want to wait to tell you for real this time." He paused and with a trembling smile and bright eyes, he told him, "I love you."

Mobius didn't want to wait to tell him in turn either, "I love you."

They hugged each other tightly again, tasting the happiness of hearing those words spoken by the beloved voice.

Then much later, they entered their home, ready to start a new life where everything was still to be discovered. Together.

**********

The house on the cliff - Summer 2024

"Cwoki! Cwoki!"

"Lila! Go slowly honey and wait for your little brother!"

"Wait my love, I'll help you." Clint came to support Laura who was struggling up on the small path leading to the house on the hill. She huffed a little, laying her hand on her belly rounded by her 6 months of pregnancy.

They watched, fondly, as their two children gave gentle pats to a Croki who seemed to enjoy it.

"Lila, Cooper, stop spoiling Croki, he'll keep coming to us for petting afterwards."

Both children stood up and grabbed onto the legs of the man who had just spoken.

"Uncle Mobius!"

He picked them both up, carrying them each in one arm.

"What about me, don't I get a hello kiss?"

Each of the two children placed a sounding kiss on Mobius' cheeks at the same time.

"Should I be jealous?" a voice behind Mobius spoke up.

"Uncle Loki!"

Cooper was already reaching out to Loki, who didn't hesitate. The little boy gave him a big kiss on the cheek and wiggled to be put back on the ground.

Loki and Mobius, side by side, welcomed Laura and Clint.

"Clint, Laura, Welcome!"

They all embraced and then headed to the terrace.

Loki guided Laura to a comfortable chair, stuffed with cushions for her. She sat down with a sigh, "Thank you." then looking around, she continued, "I may have been here many times before, but I'll never tire of this view."

Mobius motioned for Clint to sit next to Laura, before taking a seat as well.

Loki was about to sit down when he heard the unmistakable sound of a car pulling up in front of the house, Mobius started to get up, but Loki motioned for him to stay seated. "Stay seated, love, I'll welcome them."

He walked down the path toward the cars that had just arrived.

Thor was the first to walk over to him, "Loki! My friend!" before hugging him. Loki was now used to Thor's overflowing affection and allowed himself to be patted on the back.

Soon Heimdall, Bruce, Carol and Natasha joined them and followed his lead into the house. When they arrived on the terrace, everyone greeted each other, and sat around the table chatting happily. Lila was in awe of Natasha's red curls, and Cooper laughed out loud as Thor spun him around at arm's length.

"Is this the direction for the little party?"

Heads turned to the source of the voice as Mobius exclaimed, "Casey, we weren't expecting you anymore!"

Casey laughed lightly and added, "Where do I put this?" he pointed to the cake in his hands.

"I'll take it." replied Loki. He took the cake into the kitchen and there he felt suddenly overwhelmed by emotion. He waited for a while before returning to the terrace.

"Hey handsome, what are you doing here alone?"

Loki looked up and smiled, "Mobius."

Mobius, who after more than a year had learned to decipher Loki's expressions, noticed that something was wrong.

"Loki, sweetheart, what's going on with you."

Loki wanted to start talking, but the emotion was too strong,

"Hey, come here." Mobius took him in his arms and gently stroked his back, waiting for the worst of the crisis to pass.

After a few moments, Loki straightened up, a trembling smile beneath the tears, "I'm sorry, I don't know, I'm not sad, not at all, on the contrary, but I suddenly had this irrepressible urge to cry."

Mobius nodded, pushed a strand of Loki's hair back behind his ear.

"Just too much emotion maybe? What were you thinking?"

"I... I was putting the cake on the table and I thought, if you hadn't read my letter, none of this would be real. I wouldn't be here. There wouldn't be all these people on our deck. And it freaked me out for just a short moment, to realize that I almost lost everything."

Mobius, also visibly moved, pressed a tender kiss on Loki's mouth and said softly, "But on the contrary, you have, we have gained everything. You saved me, gave me a new life, and in doing so you gave us all a different and more beautiful life."

Loki nodded his head, then shook it as if to collect himself.

He kissed Mobius tenderly in turn, then stepped aside and grabbed Mobius' hand and pulled him toward the terrace, a confident smile on his lips.

"Come on, let's go celebrate!"

As Mobius let himself be pulled along and they walked through the living room, his gaze fell on Ravonna's book. His first family. His sister. Then his gaze slid to Loki in front of him and by extension everyone else on the terrace. Their new family. Not by blood, but by heart. All because one day, Loki had posted a little letter.

Dear new tenant.

Hello and welcome to your new home and congratulations, blah blah blah. You have made an excellent choice, New Asgard is a wonderful place and this house is a gem, as you may have already noticed.

I'm sure you'll love living here as much as I do.

Loki had not known that these words would be so prescient, even though they came from the future and were addressed to someone from the past.

Oh yes, Mobius loved living here, but not because of the house, because of the love that filled it. Because of Loki.

Together. For All time. Always.

_________

That's it, everyone is happy, including me. I hope you enjoyed it to the end. 1000 thanks to all the comments left, it's the fuel for each chapter. I love you all!

#lokius #Developing Relationship #no powers au #Alternate Universe #Letters #penpal #loki series au #loki #mobius m. mobius #lokius fics

14 notes · View notes

nomadinia · 3 years

Text

Chronicles of an unfortunate athlete (part 1)

I waited a long time to write this review because I wanted to make sure I had all the facts. I was originally going to give CareAxis a 1 star rating, but the physiotherapist I met with was beyond amazing, hence the only reason for my 2 star rating. Note, this review is more about my experience as an athlete with one of the doctors running this program than the program itself.

There is so much to say that I don't really know where to begin, but let me start by saying that dealing with the CareAxis neurosurgeon's office was one of the most frustrating medical experiences I have ever had. Since my situation is quite peculiar, I have dealt with my fair share of unhelpful doctors, but this neurosurgeon in particular is the epitome of medical nonchalance in my eyes.

This has been a 5 years odyssey, so I’ll try to be as concise as I can throughout this review.

I am a former competitive varsity athlete and some of my teammates have gone on to become Olympians. Needless to say, my body has endured some grueling training. I trained at a competitive level from the age of 18 to 23, and one thing about grueling training is that it makes one very attuned to their body, so I’ve always known automatically when something was up with mine. I always wanted to continue my competitive career at a professional level, but unfortunately due to debilitating back and shin pain and incontinence (keep that in mind), I had to retire from competitive athletics at 24. Fitness and competitive athletics were everything to me, I had a fitness blog with over 62,000 followers, I was about to start a fitness channel, and I was putting in the hard work towards becoming a professional runner.

My deteriorating physical health took a huge toll on me mentally, but despite my early retirement, I still clung to my dreams of returning to competitive athletics. So for 3 years, I had endless appointments with my family doctor to try to find the cause of my symptoms. However, at 27, I was tired of getting nowhere, so I started pushing for diagnostic tests. I am fortunate to have a family doctor who understands my drive and doesn't mind sending me for diagnostic tests as long as I pay for them.

In June 2020, I had a full body MRI and that's when we discovered that I had moderate to severe congenital lumbar spinal stenosis (L4-L5-S1). Thinking it was the source of my ailments, my doctor and I were ecstatic. I was even more ecstatic knowing that there were still hopes of qualifying for Boston 2022 if I could get surgery in 2020. Since I knew how ridiculously long the wait time for a neurosurgeon is in Quebec, I searched the Internet for private neurosurgeons in Quebec. I was very happy to CareAxis initiative and thought it was really great after reading about it. Besides, because the program included an orthopedic surgeon, I was even more excited, thinking, "let's kill two birds with one stone - we can find a solution to my back pain and also to my shin pain”. All in all, I had so much high hopes.

One thing leading to another, I self-referred myself to the program, met with a physiotherapist (to whom I gave a copy of my MRI report and a flash drive containing the images thinking that would be sent to the neurosurgeon (keep that in mind). I have to commend CareAxis because I was contacted fairly quickly after my assessment with the physiotherapist (2-3 days). Unfortunately, I couldn't make it to the appointment because I live 2 hours away from Montreal and I'm a public servant, so I can't just give a 2 day notice to my manager. I opted for a phone consultation.

Now that's where the whole debacle begins...

1) At our first consultation, the neurosurgeon did not have my MRI report or MRI imaging study. I was baffled because (a) this information had been provided to the physiotherapist, and (b) I distinctly remember leaving a voicemail for one of his receptionists with the information of the clinic where I had my MRI.

I was so excited for our first phone consultation, but it really turned out to be unfruitful. Side note, he is very punctual in terms of his phone consultations. I was very disappointed though since our first consultation lasted less than 15 min if I remember correctly. Although disappointed, I was not mad because it was more of an administrative error. I couldn't really blame the neurosurgeon, but it should have been a red flag call to the many communication flaws in this program. Before ending our phone call, he asked me to send him a copy of the MRI images and the report and I did so promptly.

2) Since the clinic where I had my MRI did not provide me with a CD, as patients have access to an online portal, I downloaded the images onto a flash drive and sent it to the neurosurgeon. On our first phone call, I mentioned this and made sure that sending the flash drive was okay. He confirmed that it was ok. Everything was sent by express mail, so I knew he would receive it within a week.

I waited a whole week and no phone call.... Knowing how busy neurosurgeons are, I let the time pass (a WHOLE month) because I figured he had a lot to do. Besides, no one likes to be seen as a clingy patient... Of course, after a whole month of no response, I finally called his clinic and to my surprise, his secretary informed me that he had not been able to open the USB drive... Internally, I was very annoyed because this meant that if I hadn't called his clinic, no one would have informed me of the problem. Once again, I brushed off the issue and told his secretary that I would contact the Vancouver clinic to have the CD sent to them.

3) I contacted the Vancouver clinic and had the CD sent to the neurosurgeon’s office. I think it was sent to him fairly quickly. Unfortunately, he was once again unable to see my images as his clinic did not have the necessary technology and once again nobody informed me of the problem. Again, I wasn't really mad because the technology used in Vancouver to perform my MRI required a specific type of software (DICOM).

I found it strange though that a hospital could not open a DICOM file given that (a) I was able to see the images on my computer after downloading a DICOM software and (b) other clinics were also able to open the images. Anyhow, I was not too bothered by this problem, what irritated me was once again the lack of communication from neurosurgeon’s office.

4) Since the neurosurgeon could not open my MRI images, he scheduled me for an MRI and, yes, you guessed it, again, no one called to inform me. It was a total shock to me when on Christmas Eve (December 24) I received a letter in the mail informing me of an MRI scheduled for December 26. I live in the National Capital Region, which meant a two-hour drive that I didn't mind, but for God's sake, it was the holidays and people make plans at this time of year. Of course, when I tried to call the radiology division to tell them I couldn't make it, I was greeted with an auto message saying they were closed, so of course I couldn't talk to anyone. That's when I started to get more than a little annoyed.

Fast forward, I ended up getting the MRI he ordered. While I really despise many aspects of his program, I have to give credit where it is due – the MRI rescheduling was done pretty quickly (February 2021). Now we are getting to the part that really was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Because of all the shenanigan going on, it took the neurosurgeon about six months to tell me that it was not my spinal stenosis that was causing my shin pain and incontinence. I don't mind him not knowing what was causing my shin pain and incontinence, but the fact that the whole process took six months is unacceptable!

From the time I referred myself to CareAxis (September 2020) to the time the neurosurgeon was finally able to get an MRI of my spine (February 2021), six months elapsed. For many people, 6 months may not seem like much, but for a high-performance athlete who wants to return to their sport, it's half a year. In the world of sports, especially high performance sports, so much can be accomplished in six months, especially in terms of training or rehabilitation... Keep in mind that since I was out of my sport for such a long period of time, I could have really used some of that time to reacclimate my body to a high and demanding level of physical training. Those six months of shenanigans really could have been cut in half if only there had been ongoing communication with the patient (i.e., myself). I could have been proactive on so many aspects throughout the process.

Since the neurosurgeon was quite baffled by my situation, he decided to make an appointment for an in-person consultation to better evaluate me (in May 2021). However, I remember having a strange feeling during our last phone call - as I explained my symptoms to him, I could sense the disinterest in his voice. At that point, I realized that he is the type of doctor who won't do much to help an athlete get back into their sport.

After our last phone conversation, I fell into a depression because I was disappointed that my spinal stenosis wasn't the cause of my shin pain and incontinence. I was really at my wits end with all the diagnostic tests and medical appointments. Eventually, I picked myself back up and, because I didn't want my judgment to be clouded, I cancelled the in-person consultation with the neurosurgeon and decided it would be best if I did some research on my own. I also asked my doctor at the time to refer me to a sports medicine doctor.

Long story short, after doing extensive research, I felt confident enough to meet with the neurosurgeon. So I called his clinic to make an appointment - his office never returned my call (it's been 7 months now). Dr. Santaguida never sent notes to my doctor either and didn't even try to refer me to anyone else. He simply forgot about me. Fortunately, I was always proactive, and during those 7 months, I had asked my doctor for a referral to another neurosurgeon, but more importantly, I sought recommendations from experts. I contacted a Norwegian MSK rehabilitation and injuries specialist who reviewed my MRI images and recommended the right spine surgery. Furthermore, I obtained a second opinion from Sandford University, Jefferson University, UC San Diego, and the Global neurosciences institute. And we were able to shed some light on the incontinence.

With a proper physical exam and detailed sports history, we could have easily shed light on most of my ailments. Moreover, I could have had the necessary additional tests quickly and been on my way back to a very physical lifestyle. It turned out that in addition to spinal stenosis, I have chronic exertional compartment syndrome – CECS (shin pain) and a sports hernia (Gilmore's groin, athletic pubalgia, whatever you want to call it) in my right groin that causes the urological symptoms (incontinence). And to top it all off, I have PCOS.

Imagine having PCOS along with moderate to severe spinal stenosis, CECS and a sports hernia that irritates the bladder. Life was certainly not joyful... While the chances of the CareAxis neurosurgeon suspecting CECS and athletic pubalgia would have been very slim, he worked with an orthopedic surgeon who could have given him excellent advice on how to manage a former athlete... This neurosurgeon could have even referred me or suggested that I see a sport doctor. I went through many extra hurdles that could have been avoided.

While I can't fault the neurosurgeon for not knowing about CECS and sports hernias, as these are occult sports injuries that only a sports physician or team of experts would suspect, I am definitely irritated that I had to endure unnecessary pain and that proper treatment was delayed.

#me

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owlinabasket · 3 years

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I realized that either March or April was my one year anniversary on Tumblr and it made me feel a little emotional... so I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for being a part of my life. I am incredibly thankful for the wonderful people I have met through this website and the amazing community and friendships I've found on Discord.

Coming back to fandom has been such a positive impact on my life, and I am eternally grateful to each and everyone one of you for your kind words and support in the past year.

Longer story under the cut but if you want a TL;DR: Owl was in a very rough place and this silly little website was the best thing to happen to me in the dumpster fire that was 2020. (CW back injuries, depression/anxiety)

In March 2020 I hurt my back shoveling snow in our driveway and was in physiotherapy for over half a year trying to fix it. But I couldn't see a physiotherapist until three weeks after the initial injury because of the pandemic. When I was finally admitted to see her in-person (after several unsuccessful treatment over the phone) I received an official diagnosis: mechanical back pain and a disc bulge in my lumbar. Well, fuck.

I couldn't sit, bend over, lift anything over 5 pounds, or lean forward to wash dishes/my hands/face/etc... I quickly discovered the sinks in our house are very low. And boy do you not realize just how much you have to lean to do things until you are unable to do them!! Even after a year, I still can't sit comfortably for too many hours without re-aggravating the injury. The pain could linger for a few more years at least, and I know I'm going to probably have issues with it again when I'm much older.

While I was treating my injury I passed the time comfort watching shows (either standing up in the living room or sprawled out on my bed), which included a re-watch of Strange Magic. When it was time to stretch out and do my physio exercises, I'd pass the time reading fanfic while the heating pad did its thing.

I originally joined Tumblr for the Undertale community. And I met some lovely people! But my god is it a huge fandom. I found it was really hard to keep up sometimes. (And the sheer volume of AUs is honestly overwhelming...) Still, I was excited to follow some of my favourite authors and meet new artists. Eventually it occurred to me that I can do the same for Strange Magic. So off I went!

...say, these authors sure mention Megamind in a lot of their posts. </foreshadowing>

2020 sucked for everyone. Last year I felt helpless, frustrated, and worthless, with my anxiety skyrocketing every day. I couldn't sit long enough to draw, and I didn't have a reliable setup for my ancient tablet. Thank god I was able to borrow the standing desk from work for a while; I don't know what I would have done otherwise. (I ended up having to buy a sit/stand attachment for my desk anyway because sitting down to draw put my dumb ass back in physio again in December!! Goddammit!)

---

I have struggled with my mental health for a good portion of my life, but that is a saga for another time. In January last year I started seeing a really great psychologist (hey it only took ten years to find a therapist that actually helped) and she is a huge part of why I'm able to function creatively again. She helped me identify some major mental blocks in my own creative process, the worst of which is my incredibly harsh inner-critic. If I talked to anyone else the way I talked to myself... hoo boy. Someone would probably punch me in the face! XD

I forget what the lead-up was to her question (probably about working through my intrusive thoughts) but one day Therapist asked "What's the worst that could happen if you shared something with the world?"

And the realization I eventually came to was: The worst thing is not doing anything.

Huh.

That was a total shift in my mindset.

---

Back to the saga of Owl's fucked up back, I could finally sit somewhat comfortably in a chair again by the Fall- but only for a while. So one weekend in early September, I sat down in my chair and booted up Netflix.

That same movie with the blue-headed dude was on the front page, so I finally said "sure, I'll give it a go. It seems like it has a lot of the same tropes as Strange Magic, I might like it."

And suddenly everything changed.

My creative inspiration skyrocketed. I wrote (and shared!!) my first fanfic in almost 15 years, and I found a group of wonderful, incredibly supportive people from all over the world and I can't ever begin to thank you all enough. Seriously. You have no idea just how much I appreciate you folks.

2021 has been kind of shitty too, but at least I'm not alone. I finally started taking SSRIs and it feels like I almost have my life back. The voice that has controlled my life for the past ten years is mostly silent, and everyone in my life has commented on the positive changes they've seen.

If you've made it this far, thank you. Seriously.

#real life adventures #all of my love to the Megamind fandom #anxiety #depression #mental health struggles #back injury

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lostmoonbunny · 3 years

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Greetings from a Panini World

Yes, I did call this a "panini". I'm hesitant to use the word "pandemic" as I feel many of us have a knee jerk reaction to hide from everything once hearing or seeing that word. However that's the current stat of events. The year? 2021 Where I am located its very much so post quarantine and society has attempted to "return to normal" but its impossible. Between the anti- maskers, anti-vaxxers, and everything else it truly is impossible. "What do you mean?" you ask, well allow me to take you on a journey of a human that has gone through this "history in the making" and share what its been like since January 2020 to September 2021 from the eyes of someone that lived it. -I will preface this with saying, there will be gaps, I have trouble with object permanence, concept of time, and I have memory issues due to past concussions so bear with me as we stumble through the memories of my experiences.

So here we go... Let's travel back to January 2020.

2020..Ahhh the big year of "Clear vision".. HA! No, not today. What I remember was being concerned about this horrible virus but didn't think it would make its way to where I lived.. ( I would be unsurprisingly corrected shortly after this.) I worked, had my birthday, and it was quickly February. The virus was quickly spreading and making its way downtown walking fast faces past.. oops..sorry I got sidetracked, it was making its way down throughout the nation. We celebrated my partner's birthday, and soon after the month was over. February always flies by. March...ahh March, this is where everything started changing for me. Many states were shutting down around us fairly quickly too. ( I have opinions about how the US should've shut down sooner, but we're not here for politics...but yes it should've happened sooner.) My partner, younger brother and I made a last minute trip to the next state for a day trip. Which was fun don't get me wrong but the places we went to shut down for the state's quarantine the next day. My state would follow barely a week later. I was furloughed. That..that was an experience. All of us received the same message as it was a group message. It stated that we were all effectively unemployed ( so we could apply for benefits if we chose to) and that if and when we reopen that they hoped we could come back. I immediately messaged my boss and the boss that messaged us all and double checked learning that I was on the "short list" for rehires. That made me fee a bit better but I was still sad. My partner was considered "an Essential worker" so they worked through the entire lockdown. I swear Animal Crossing New Horizons is one of the only things that got me through that.. from this all the days blended together till June. Not don't get me wrong, plenty of things happened on a personal growth side that was beneficial like I started going to therapy, got even closer to my cousin that lives on the west coast, I played with my cats and dogs more, I caught up on sleep, all sorts of things but the way it had to happen sucked. Also in this time period, my favorite uncle contracts the virus and is put in the ICU on a ventilator. I don't remember how long he was in there but he made it. He is now healthy and survived the virus. So lets fast forward to June. My place of work reopened under specific guidelines. Now I don't know if I've ever mentioned this but I live in the southeast. The southeast, in summer is AWFUL. Its hot, its humid, and then if it DOES rain that humidity just goes up and it gets worse. To give you an idea while the temperature might say its 84 degrees F but the real feel might be 95F. I don't know why they don't just say 95F but that's how it is the southeast... So imagine if you will mid June, being reopened with special rules, masks required for everyone 5 years old and older, and no buildings but restrooms open to the public. The amount of rude, hateful, uncaring people almost made me lose my complete faith in humanity, and its not very high to begin with. Also for context, I work in retail. I feel that says enough there. These rules extend till the end of the year and into part of 2021. While all of this is happening the US is having their presidential elections and everyone has crawled out of the woodwork that you had hoped would stay there. At this point I'm hoping for the best because we really need a paradigm shift in society. We need to truly need to change as a society and in many way, catch up to the rest of the world. I finally gave in a got to tiktok and realize that it is very much a time devourer. I've realized that I feel as if the term "Cassflux" fits how I feel about my gender best, and fully accepted my journey on the path of being a witch.

Lets move in to October, October I ( and my partner) travel to Texas (cautiously) for my cousin's socially distant wedding and our anniversary. That was amazing and the slight escape from reality was truly needed. On our way back we made a stop in NOLA and it was a fun visit, but I realized my baby witch self hadn't veiled or warded myself nearly enough and it got all of "spidey senses" all out of wack. knowing now what I should've done, I do want to go back. The rest of the year went by both incredibly slow and yet in a flash. The US elected a new president, I was working as hard a possible to avoid the virus as much as possible and my partner had gotten a new job with a different company that was making them more happy. So this brings us to 2021. This is the year that I feel that I am truly coming into my own despite living in the middle of a global Panda Express. January brings my turning a landmark age and celebrating it with a new hair style, new outlook on life, progress made in therapy, more self acceptance, and just overall more happiness. The world is still the same, better, but also worse. The vaccine is being produced, distributed, and made accessible. February brings another birthday with my partner's birthday. March rolls around and we jokingly celebrate our work's closing a year prior and then continue to work. The vaccine is made available to retail and food workers so I go and get the first round of the "Dolly Parton" vaccine with my co workers. (If you were wondering its Moderna) We go and receive the second dose later at the correct time. April and May kind of blend together for me because that the ramp up for the busy season at work. June & July are busy but everything is moving forwards. I finally take a step more into the current era of technology and upgrade my phone and computer. ( After several years of going back and forth of not wanting current gen tech or not, because that stuff be expensive!) I reconnect with an old friend and we have a much healthier friendship.

August....hecking August.. We are short staffed at work, busy as heck! My partner is also hecking busy by being called in for almost every problem. The world is deffo changing. The US is in a state of nah nah a boo boo with vaccinating vs not, virus outbreaks having an uptick, universities starting back, Texas deciding that the government gets a say in a woman's reproductive rights... sorry I'll try to not get political. My ( like many others) using tiktok as a means of escape from this reality.. I'm so beyond mentally exhausted by everything that I just want to be somewhere that I can breathe a bit more easy... Its deffo not the southeastern US. September: I. am. exhausted. Working a bunch. Dealing with people doubting the virus, the usual Karens and Richards, counting down my days to vacation. My partner is beyond exhaustion. They've worked more in the past six weeks that they have in two years. The 20th year of 9/11 comes and goes. Not to sound like a country song, but remembering where I was at the moment the planes hit is something that has stuck with me...despite my concussions. I was in my English class and its was between classes and they had the tvs on. So many parents were coming and calling their kids out the school got to the point they weren't going to let kids leave.. ( if the parents complained enough they did.. I was a poorer kid in a more affluent school) My parents weren't going to take me out of school so I finished the day out in a state of confusion, not understanding the gravitas of what was going on, and not understanding was the emotions I was feeling watching the crashes were. I don't claim to even comprehend the emotions of this date to people who lost loved ones in the crashes, or in the oncoming days of the country going to war, I just know how it felt as a child to see something so major happening. I feel its like the kids now living through this panic at the disco. [[If you read this and you lost someone due to either of these horrific events please know that I in no way am invalidating or belittling your feelings or experiences. I merely am trying to describe all of how I feel throughout 2020- roughly current day 2021 and these are the things I was thinking and feeling on this particular day.]]

The days start to blend again as I attempt to countdown the days till my short vacation. Once that starts I get to finally relax as does my partner. The amount of sleep my partner has gotten is incredible and they deserve it dang it! This brings us to today, The last day of September 2021. This are changing at work and I'm not wholly sure of how I feel but I know it will be an interesting discussion for me to have with my therapist coming up. That's all I've got for now.. Hopefully I'll pop back in sooner to give more perspective on what its like living through all of this chaos. Just keep moving forward.

#lostmoonbunny #globalpanini #livingthroughaglobalcrisis #itsachaoticworld #life update #my life #grow #hopeful #becoming me #very tired

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the-fire-bubble · 3 years

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This is gonna seem odd but like... If I had the ability to time travel, I would use it just to tell the one person who ever did right by me about what my life is like even though he's gone.

Dear Grandpa Tom,

It has been.... 15 years, 2 months, and 5 days, since you moved on from this realm. I don't know when the last time I tried to talk to you was. But uh... the world sure is a lot different than you remember it right now. There's a global pandemic. This disease called Covid-19 has been waging war against all of humanity for the past year and a half maybe? Idk. It started about March 2020 and it is now.... September of 2021. So probably a year and a half. It's changed a lot of things. There are mask mandates, and vaccines, and people who insist the vaccine must be bad but will go out of their way to get the vaccine for horses?? Idk. People are still crazy and dumb. That much hasn't changed. I'm married now. I'll be celebrating my first wedding anniversary in a month. I wish I could video call you to tell you about it. I'm also super disabled now. I know that never stopped you, but it's still scary for me. You didn't get to teach me how to not let it bother you. I miss you so much. You would like my husband. He's very smart (yes like me) and he also has very good sense of humor. I'm so scared, Grandpa Tom.... I know I'm going to be ok. But right now, I don't feel ok. The world is all divided and there's a plague of pestilence and I'm supposed to manage keeping my cool and not dying and now pain management.... It's a lot. I have college restarting in the fall. I'm... excited but nervous. I have a library job lined up for it too. You weren't afraid to be yourself in this cruel world. Even if you did go overboard on eating or your heart gave out on its own... idk. I didn't get to be there for the end and I absolutely resent that fact. You would have liked anime that came out after Dragon Ball Z.... It's like spongebob cartoon but different. I wish I could watch it with you again. I wish you could have prepared me for this.... disabled life struggle. I love you so much. You taught me more than I realized at the time but I still wish I had used my time with you better. Especially, avoiding you at the end. I can't remember the last time I hugged you. I know the last time we talked was most likely over the phone.... That's it.

Idk. I'm still going to college. I know it's what you would have wanted. It's what I want too.... I want to be able to be there for people in a way that is meaningful. I don't want anyone to feel like they've had to miss out on saying goodbye or beginning grief without gentle comfort instead of complete avoidance. I know I'm using a lot of big words. I'm sorry. I would have translated this with Google into tagalog if I had more patience, time, or energy. But I have work in 9 hours. I hope you can hear me when I kiss or hug your i.d.. I know your jacket isn't on prominent display right now.... But it would be if I could. I'm gonna let you go again for now but I love you so much and I'm scared but I hope you can send hugs my way because I need them. Thanks. *hugs*

And thanks for being my real Dad. I'm sorry I never said it or realized it while you were alive.

#personal #diary #diary entry #memento mori #letters to the dead #Dear Tommy

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nehawriter16 · 3 years

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2020 / 24

There are only 2 things I can do on an airplane – dose up on sleeping meds and pass out, or order one too many cappuccinos, keep my exhausted brain awake, and will it to talk to paper. The flight from JFK was in the afternoon and in the chaos of leaving for the airport early in the morning, I forgot to pack my pills.

Two cappuccinos in, my hands were shaking and begging to be typing out the Mrs. Maisel speed monologue that constantly runs in my head. Even though there is a month left in this year, I decided to do my annual New Years Eve post. Over the last 3 days, I’ve been drilling it down to go from gibberish to slightly readable.

Here it is.

Like the rest of the world, in January, I was blissfully unaware of the shitstorm that would follow. I got into several colleges on the East Coast for a Master’s in Finance degree. Every day, I would race down the stairs with my laptop and show my parents: another admit, another scholarship! On the surface, I was making pro and con lists for each one. Deep down, my heart had already picked Fordham in New York. It was New York. Nothing else would cut it.

The day after I turned 24 in January, I also met my (now ex) boyfriend on the internet. Completely by accident, he saw my profile because a mutual friend followed my writing. Two days later, she texted me and said he would like to talk to me. Did I want to talk to some boy studying in Paris? I was single and bored and already had my year laid out for me, so why wouldn’t I?

It moved quickly. Three months later, we had been speaking every day and were exclusive. We had not hung out in person. It was stupid, but I had never come across anybody who liked me as much as he did. In every relationship I had been in before this, I always knew I was more emotionally involved. I fell in love with his devotion to me – he would stay home (who stays home in Paris!) and choose to spend virtual time with me over going to clubs with his friends. I watched myself become the epicenter of his life and thought – this is how much I’ve always wanted to mean to somebody.

In March when the pandemic hit and India shut down, my father sent a car to pick me up from my internship in Bombay, where I had moved two weeks ago. I didn’t pack so much as my toothbrush – the driver brought me home and I had no idea that it would be months before I’d get to leave again.

Morales stayed high in the beginning – we thought it would end in 21 days, then 2 months, then 5. It has taken over the whole year now, and despite us gridlocking it into “2020,” we all know the first half of 2021 will also be filled with masks and sanitizers and not hugging your friends. I wonder if I will ever settle into somebody’s arms without cringing again.

March melted into April, that melted into one long drawl until suddenly it was August and college was beginning the following week. I found myself refreshing the US consulate’s website absent mindedly one afternoon, and all appointments that had been suspended suddenly showed you a tiny little bar that read “reschedule.” I screamed and clicked.

I had thought I would be spending the year stuck at home, awake and attending classes at odd hours. While my classmates went to happy hours in dive bars in Manhattan, I would be in my bedroom, still chained to my parents’ curfews and ultimatums. But then suddenly, I was standing before a US immigration officer in Bombay, and he was telling me I had been granted my student visa.

All that was left to do was book a flight to New York, and break the news to my boyfriend, who was on his way to my abandoned apartment at this very moment for our first date, 7 months after we first began speaking. He had come home in March when France went into lockdown, and it was starting to feel like a throuple with long distance, the third and very present member in our relationship.

I packed up the belongings I had left there, and we sat across from each other on the double bed. I kissed him first. There were roadblocks, and our personalities and views clashed on so many important things, but I loved him. Two days later, I said: I have to leave for New York in 3 weeks. He didn’t take it well.

In September, I landed at JFK. When the wheels of the plane made contact with the runway, I was smiling behind a mask I’d had on for 16 hours. On the Air Train to Manhattan, I felt a sense of happiness wash over me and toyed with the possibility that maybe I wouldn’t mind if it was just me in this city. I would be okay alone.

I found an apartment, a roommate, signed a lease in a beautiful building in Hell’s Kitchen, walking distance from college. I met lots of people from my class and instantly picked out the ones I wanted to become good friends with. I dove straight into academics and extra curriculars at college – after 5 months of nothing happening, life was suddenly exciting again.

When New York lit up every night, it felt like anything was possible. I started eating better and walking a lot. My hair grew out from the bad haircut I’d gotten the year before. Coffee was no longer just coffee, it was finding a new café and walking through Central Park. Drinks were not just drinks, they were about accidentally stumbling onto a secret bar in the East Village, finding favorite spots in the neighborhood, letting a cute waiter recommend a cocktail to me even though I was perfectly capable of picking one myself.

The boyfriend and I were fighting more than usual. I was getting tired of it. We had discussed a life together, but it was slowly and surely becoming clear to me that I would resent myself for making big compromises for a person who still had a lot of growing up left to do. As New York got cold, I did too – without trying. When one particular argument got really bad, I asked for a break from the relationship. He didn’t like it.

A week later, I woke up to a girl sending me screenshots on Instagram of her conversation with him (pre me asking for a break) on a dating app, and without getting into details, I will tell you it was not a conversation anybody with a girlfriend should have been having. I should have been broken in half on the inside, but now I could finally say, without feeling guilty – this relationship was not working, nobody was happy, and you were so unhappy you thought talking to other women was okay. I spent all of one day drinking with a friend in Central Park and sobbing myself to sleep.

But mostly, what hit me after the initial shock had died down was a tsunami of relief. I felt lighter, freer. I try not to think too hard about the trauma that comes from finding out that the person you think is so devoted to you, and definitely loves you more than you love them (or so you think) is being unfaithful, because it hurts a part of me that is already very bruised from all the things that have happened to me before. So I don’t.

But it was New York. I was young and smart and there was a wine shop down the block that sold $14 bottles of Moscato. I didn’t need much else to know I would be okay. At 20, I would have jumped right back into going on dates every other night to distract myself from what had happened, then never called any of those men back. At 24, this emotional speed bump resulted in a lot of quiet introspection in my bedroom. I spent a lot of time alone, on the phone with friends, and walking around the city. I had learnt to like my own company enough to not fill a suddenly empty void with anybody else’s, even though there have been several tempting offers in this past month, and sometimes, I have succumbed to them, but mostly I am very strict with who deserves my company.

It was nice to spend that second month in New York by myself. I owed absolutely nobody a single minute of my time. No one asked me questions, or called me and expected me to share my day unless I wanted to, and once I had worked hard and cleared out the things from my to do list for the day, time stretched out before me and I had the autonomy to decide the smallest thing down to who to meet, what to eat, how much to sleep.

I didn’t let my academics and ambition suffer – no matter what happens, I never do and I never will. The grades stay up – it’s built into my system. I am back home now and just 2 days in, I find myself wishing I hadn’t left New York. I was starting to build a life I liked there, and the only price I had to pay for it was a 4 pm sunset. It would have been slightly lonely, but I like the time I spend by myself. I worked hard to become like that.

This month, I will see my friends here at home. I’ve missed them. I can’t believe I grew up in this city and I already feel so alienated from it just from 60 days of living away. Is that how badly I wanted to leave?

I might be dramatic and fly back on my 25th birthday, so that I can say, “I was on a flight,” and ignore the slowly expanding bubble of dread that comes with turning that old. I like the ambiguity of airports and I’m the sort of inherently sad person who would love to be alone and unreachable on my birthday.

I acknowledge that my problems this year have been so small in the face of those of us who have lost family members, contracted the virus, had to give up internships or had jobs taken from us, been torn away from family, or had to make it through this alone.

I feel almost guilty that good things have happened to me in a year that has predominantly been bad for almost everyone else. I feel apologetic, even though from 2017 to 2019, I was treated like life’s sick joke so I should deserve these good things that I worked hard for.

I definitely feel myself growing up, though. Emotionally I find I have a clearer idea of what I want from relationships and friendships, and I don’t second guess cutting off anybody who doesn’t serve that purpose or messes with my mental peace. I still have days when self-doubt comes over for a cup of tea, leaves me weak in the knees, but most days are free of it. I am also moving out of that chameleon phase where I mirrored what I thought a room full of new people would want from me, and I am unapologetically myself, irrespective of who’s watching.

Last year I remember wishing for something stupid, like “I wish there was somebody to kiss on New Years Eve,” because I’ve never had anybody to smack lips with when it’s midnight. This year, I don’t care. I’ll kiss myself in the mirror, for all I care. I love her. She’s my homie.

It’s been a weird year. I know who I was in 2019, and I remember wondering if I was proud of her. Things were still in purgatory then. But I steered my life and brought it back on track. This year, I am proud of myself without doubting it.

There’s no measuring scale for personal growth, but if there was, I feel at least a couple of inches taller in 2020.

#personal 2020 writing

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emjenwrites · 3 years

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Emjen’s 2020 Fic Roundup

So...it’s 2021. I didn’t do much in 2020, but I did write a lot of fanfic. Here’s a list

(before you ask, yes, I’m too lazy to write a real intro.)

Total Published Word Count: 158,525

Total Published Works: 32

January

What are words? Six of Crows Rating: Teen Category: Gen 8,012 words (completed, parts 4/5 posted in 2019) Kaz/Inej, Jesper/Wylan, Nina, OCs [Fightingverse] Five conversations which took place before Maxim Vasilyev came to Ketterdam.

February

Baby, I’m not made of stone, it hurts Peaky Blinders Rating: Mature Category: “Shippy” 22,640 words Tommy, Tommy/Alfie, Tommy/Grace, Tommy/Greta, Tommy/Freddie, Ada, Mary, Polly, Lizzie Written for AroWriMo Things with the Russians and Section D had started bad and ended worse, and that was before Polly, Arthur, John, and Michael went and got fucking arrested. Or Tommy Shelby grapples with loneliness, guilt, health issues, and romantic orientation in the aftermath of s3.

March

I’ve been here before Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Gen 9,516 words Tommy, William Letso, Freddie, Johnny Dogs (But always hit the floor) Or the unhappy relationship of Tommy Shelby and tunneling

Bedlam Six of Crows Rating: Teen Category: Mostly Gen 1,730 words Nina/Matthias, Kaz The one in which the auction scheme goes terribly wrong. Written for the prompt "You're shaking" on Tumblr.

And I was thrashing on the line Six of Crows Rating: Teen Category: Gen 9,700 words Roeder, Kaz [Fightingverse] Of all the people in Ketterdam, Roeder was probably the last one who would be expected to end up running with one of the Barrel’s most infamous gangs. Or Roeder's fic.

Clippings Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Gen 3,891 words Tommy, Ada, Karl Ada gives Tommy a haircut. Heavy things are discussed.

Vast, Vulgar, and Meretricious Beauty Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Shippy 3,308 words Michael/Gina, Tommy Pre-s5. Michael Gray tries to get the girl, wastes a lot of money, and comes to blows with his paranoid and over-controlling older cousin.

May

Picnics and Bonfires The Raven Cycle Rating: Teen Category: Shippy with some Gen 3,671 words Blue/Gansey, Ronan/Adam, Henry, Declan, Matthew Written for TRC Spring Fling The day before Blue, Henry and Gansey leave for their roadtrip, the Gangsey gathers at the Barns.

When I watch the world burn Peaky Blinders Rating: Mature Category: Gen 7,597 words Tommy, Frances [Doom Days] Someone follows Tommy out into the field at the end of 5x06. It’s the last person you’d expect.

Needing Help Six of Crows Rating: Teen Category: Gen 1,128 words Kaz, Colm Colm Fahey attempts to "dad" Kaz. It goes about as badly as you'd expect.

June

Live-streaming the final days of Rome Peaky Blinders Rating: Mature Category: Gen 5,736 words Tommy/Lizzie, Jessie, Ada, Mosley [Doom Days] Tommy Shelby was running late. Or Tommy Shelby returns to London post-s5.

I think that things will change but I'm losing my belief Peaky Blinders Rating: Mature Category: Gen 4,300 words (incomplete, 3/4 parts posted) Tommy, Polly Written for Peaky Blinders Prompt Fest--Spring 2020 Tommy and Polly through the ages. Or how to destroy your relationship with your aunt in four easy steps.

July

Again Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Shippy 795 words Tommy/Lizzie Written for Peaky Blinders Rarepair Bingo Tommy rolled over. Again. Or Tommy and Lizzie mostly fail at this sharing a bed thing. Written for the 2020 Peaky Blinders Rarepair Bingo answering the prompt: "Sharing a Bed/There Was Only One Bed."

August

So I put my phone down / Fall into the night with you Peaky Blinders Rating: Mature Category: Shippy and Gen 4,954 words Tommy/Lizzie, Polly, Michael, Frances [Doom Days] Lizzie goes to the Midland Hotel for a report on Michael and Gina and everything that happens afterwards.

Screaming Star Trek 2009 Rating: Teen Category: Gen 595 words Spock Humans say that Vulcans have no emotions. They’re wrong.

Beginnings and Meetings The Raven Cycle Rating: Teen Category: Gen 2,463 words Gansey Written for Gansey Week Everything starts somewhere. Or Gansey Week 2020.

Well That Was Unexpected Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Gen 725 words Tommy, John, Polly, John/Martha, Tommy/Greta Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week “I’m getting married,” John announced. Or John has a history of unexpected and hasty marriage proposals. Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week Day 1: Pre-canon / The Great War.

September

I think I've seen this film before / And I didn't like the ending Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: “Shippy” 1,272 words Arthur/Linda, Tommy, Linda’s Mother Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week The truly awful thing about life, Linda was realizing, was that somehow, despite your best intentions it always ended up coming full circle. Or the tradition of Linda Shelby’s life. Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week Day 2: Tradition.

A Train to Catch Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Gen 628 words Tommy, Johnny Dogs Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week "I need to get some sleep" Or Tommy after the meeting with Madame Boswell. Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week Day 3: Nature/Animals.

Oh, Lazarus, how did your debts get paid? Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Gen 789 words Tommy, Polly Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week “Bold move faking Arthur’s death without telling the rest of the family,” Polly said. “Even bolder to assume I would go along with it.” Or Tommy and Polly meet to talk strategy after Arthur's "death." Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week Day 4: Missing Moments.

Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Gen 823 words Tommy, Jessie Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week “You look tired,” Jessie Eden says. Or Tommy and Jessie have a late night business meeting. Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week Day 5: Business.

It doesn't even matter how hard you try Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Gen 1,131 words Tommy, Ada Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week It was fall. The seasons were just starting to really change and Tommy had had a migraine for days on end when he finally gave into Ada’s pleas to see a doctor. Or where the laudanum came from. Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week Day 6: Seasons.

I'm here in your doorway Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Gen 2,717 words Charlie, Ruby, Tommy, Ada Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week [Never Tell Our Business to Strangers] Ruby was supposed to meet him in their father’s Parliament office. She wasn’t there. Or Charlie Shelby in 1938. Written for Peaky Blinders Appreciation Week Day 7: Family.

Plots and Power The Folk of the Fair Rating: Teen Category: Shippy 755 words Cardan/Jude “You said that you wanted Oak crowned king.” Cardan hissed in her ear. Or Jude and Cardan after Cardan's coronation. Written for the prompt "I lied" on Tumblr.

October

Something to Eat The Raven Cycle Rating: Teen Category: Shippy 803 words Ronan/Adam Ronan and Adam stop by Monmouth on their way to Cabeswater. Written for the prompt "Want something to eat?” on Tumblr.

Teleporting Cows The Raven Cycle Rating: General Category: Shippy 706 words Ronan/Adam Something unexpected happens one morning at the Barns. Written for the prompt "It was an accident." on tumblr.

Untitled Declan-Centric Pacific Rim Crossover The Raven Cycle/Pacific Rim Rating: Teen Category: Gen 2,928 words (unfinished WIP, not written in 2020) Declan, Matthew Posted for the Good Intentions Abandoned WIP Fest Declan Lynch lied his way through the psych eval needed to get himself cleared to pilot after Niall Lynch's death, and he has pretty sure that anyone could have called him out on it, but no one ever did. This is an unfinished, abandoned work being posted as part of the Good Intentions Abandoned WIP Fest.

Untitled Curse Workers Fic Curse Workers Rating: Teen Category: Gen 1,408 words (unfinished WIP, not written in 2020) Cassel, Philip, Barron, Grandad, Sam, Daneca Posted for the Good Intentions Abandoned WIP Fest Cassel's plans go awry, but fortunately someone arrives to rescue him. This is an unfinished, abandoned work being posted as part of the Good Intentions Abandoned WIP Fest.

Fault Six of Crows Rating: Teen Category: Gen 699 words Kaz, Matthias Kaz was making his way down below the deck of Ferolind when someone tackled him off the bottom rung of the stairs. His shoulder slammed hard into the wall. A warm, sickening hand was pressed against this throat, the thumb and forefinger pressing along each side of his larynx. Written for the prompt “Stop being so difficult.” on Tumblr

November

I know you inside and out Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Shippy and Gen 3,053 words Tommy/Lizzie, Ruby Written for Peaky Blinders Rarepair Bingo [Never Tell Our Business To Strangers] Tommy ends up in the hospital. Written for the prompts "Marriage" and "I’m trying to save your life."

December

Find somewhere the bad days / Don't come as often in this sad phase Peaky Blinders Rating: Teen Category: Gen 1,104 words Tommy, Ada Written for Peaky Blinders 12 Days Holiday Challenge The morning after John’s funeral they finally celebrate Christmas. Written for prompt 9 of the Peaky Blinders 12 Days Holiday Challenge: Fete.

Like a bridge over troubled water Peaky Blinders Rating: Mature Category: Mostly Gen 7,097 words (incomplete, part 1/2 posted) Tommy/Grace, Ada, Polly, Campbell Written for Peaky Blinders 12 Days Holiday Challenge It was a bit odd, that after everything else that had changed about their lives, the family’s Christmas routine hadn’t changed at all. Or Tommy tries to make it through his first holiday season after Grace's death.

#fanfiction #2020 fanfic breakdown

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atzbabyy · 4 years

Text

Struggles of a Blessing | KYS ~ Nari

genre: fluff, angst

summary: in which, after nari’s birth, you and yeosang take time to reflect on the whole process

age: Nari = 4 months

warnings: conceivement struggles, vomit, labour, long ass story

___________

14th September, 2023

“She’s down,” Yeosang whispered, coming next to you and kissing your head.

You smiled, laying on the sofa and allowing Yeosang to lay beside you, arm over your stomach, drawing shapes on your waist lazily with his finger.

Yeosang sighed, kissing your head, “it’s been so long since we were just like this.”

“Hmm?” you hummed, slightly confused, “what do you mean?”

“Since it was just us, together, quietly, completely content,” Yeosang said, content sigh escaping his lips along with his sentence.

You nodded, thinking back, “I guess it has.”

9th May, 2020

“Come on, come on,” you held your breath, looking up to the sky as you sat on the bathroom floor, “please?”

Your timer went off and you smiled, getting up quickly to turn it off before looking to the small white stick; negative.

You sighed, rolling your eyes as you walked out to see your husband stood there with hopeful eyes.

You shook your head, “nope, not yet.”

Yeosang nodded, pulling you into a hug and kissing your head, “it’s alright, we can keep trying, right?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, squeezing his hand, “we just have to stay positive.”

15th December, 2020

“What does it say?” Yeosang asked, “Y/N? Wait! If it’s good save it for a Christmas present!”

You sighed, opening the bathroom door and shaking your head, “no, Sangie. It’s negative.”

Yeosang’s shoulders deflated, his whole demeanour shrinking slightly, “you’re not joking, are you?”

You shook your head, walking into your husbands arms, “it’s okay, it’s okay. We’ll keep trying.”

“Y/N we’ve tried everything,” Yeosang said, his voice hitching in his throat as he buried his face in your hair.

“I know,” you said, rubbing his back as tears formed in your own eyes, “I know we have. But we have time.”

15th November, 2021

“So our results show that Miss Y/N isn’t producing eggs at the rate that most women do,” the doctor said, “which would explain the lack of conception.”

You nodded, “is there anything we can do?”

“If you desire, we can put you on medication, such as clorifene, to speed up your egg release. Otherwise, there are obvious routes such as IVF, or even adoption,” the doctor explained, “I’m sorry.”

You smiled, squeezing Yeosang’s hand, “thank you, Doctor.”

The walk out the hospital was silent, both you and Yeosang too scared to say anything. The ride back to your house was silent as well, only the radio playing quietly in the background.

It was silent until the moment you walked into the house, Yeosang putting the keys on the side gently as the two of you took off your shoes.

Suddenly, Yeosang grabbed your arm and pulled you into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, tears beginning to fall from your eyes and onto Yeosang’s shirt.

Your husband sighed, clutching you tighter, “it’s okay. We’ll keep trying, okay? We could even take the medication if nothing happens. Come on, shh.”

18th February, 2022

“No, Yeosang, I’m so tired,” you sighed as Yeosang grabbed your waist and you felt his hard-on against your thigh.

“Seriously?” Yeosang asked, “Y/N we said we’d keep trying.”

“Yeah, and we’ve tried every single day for the past two weeks, Yeosang!” you exclaimed, “I’m tired! I’m just so, so tired! Not just of this, of everything! I’m physically, mentally and emotionally just exhausted, Yeosang.”

Yeosang sighed, watching as you sat up, practically tearing your hair out, “I’m sorry.”

You looked back to your husband as he laid in bed, rubbing your back soothingly. The red birth mark on the side of his face was evident in the morning sun and you smiled slightly, leaning over and kissing it.

“I love you,” you whispered, kissing his cheek.

Yeosang smiled, tucking your hair behind your ear, “I love you too. And this will work. We’ll have a child.”

21st August, 2022

“So?” Yeosang called, a slight sigh in his voice, “Y/N? It’s okay if it’s not, look we’ve already called the doctor to ask about the medication, please just come out—”

“Yeosang,” you said, appearing out the bathroom, tears already streaming down your face.

“I know,” Yeosang sighed, “I know, it was the seafood, wasn’t it?”

You shook your head, laughing slightly, “Yeosang, I—I’m pregnant.”

“What?!”

“It says positive,” you sobbed, as Yeosang fell to his knees.

“Quick! Quick, take another one!” Yeosang exclaimed, “I can’t take it if it gives us false hope.”

“Look,” you sobbed, showing him the three pregnancy tests you’d done, all displaying the word ‘positive’.

“Oh my god,” Yeosang said, beginning to sob, “oh my god.”

You smiled, wiping away your tears as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing kisses to your stomach.

“Our baby,” he mumbled, “finally, we have our baby.”

18th November, 2022

“You alright, Y/N?” Hongjoong asked.

You shook your head, putting your plate down quickly and running to the toilet, throwing up everything you’d eaten, probably for the last two days.

Yeosang sighed, “do you want me to—”

“Nope!”

Yunho chuckled, “she’s very headstrong.”

Yeosang sighed, getting another slice of pizza, “this has been happening every day, I just think she’s used to it.”

“Like this though? Everytime she eats?” Seonghwa asked.

Yeosang nodded, “but the baby’s always hungry, so it’s kind of a vicious cycle.”

The boys all looked a bit sad as their wives just all grimaced.

“But they’re healthy right?” Mingi asked, “the baby, I mean.”

Yeosang nodded, sighing slightly, “yeah. Everything’s just... not as easy as we thought it would be.”

Hongjoong’s wife snorted, “wait till they’re actually here.”

26th February, 2023

“Yo!” Wooyoung shouted, walking into the house, “yo, where’s my best friend?”

Yeosang chuckled, taking off his shoes, “she’s on bed rest.”

“Bed rest?” Wooyoung repeated, eyes wide.

Yeosang nodded, sighing slightly as he went to the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m home! With Wooyoung!” he called.

“Shit,” you said quickly (and what you thought was quietly) before footsteps could be heard across the upstairs.

“Kang Y/N!” Wooyoung shouted, “have you been up while you’re supposed to be on bed rest?!”

Yeosang rolled his eyes, nodding for Wooyoung to follow him as he ran up the stairs, seeing you get back into bed.

“It’s so boring!” you exclaimed, making Wooyoung laugh as he jumped into the bed beside you.

“Is baby not well then?” he asked.

You shrugged, “they’re just taking precautions.”

Wooyoung nodded, “your child is being very stubborn about coming into this world.”

“You’re telling me,” Yeosang sighed, sitting at the end of the bed.

You sat up slightly, rubbing your back, “but they’re coming whether they like it or not.”

“Good to know Y/N hasn’t changed a bit,” Wooyoung laughed, cuddling up to you.

You hit his arm, “ya, what’s that supposed to mean?”

Yeosang laughed, rolling his eyes as he watched you two play fight. His two best friends (though one may have a tiny bit more bias).

4th May, 2023

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Two, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,” Hongjoong counted, “Mingi, too wide, you need to stay more in the middle.”

Mingi nodded, shuffling in a bit.

Hongjoong sighed, seeing all the member’s exhausted faces, sweat dripping down their faces.

“Alright, let’s take a short break,” Hongjoong said, getting a towel to wipe his own sweat, chucking a few others at the boys.

“Yeosang, your phone’s blowing up,” Jongho said, looking at the notifications on his hyung’s phone, “you might wanna get this, they’re all from Y/N.”

Yeosang’s eyes widened slightly as he jogged across the room, checking his messages first.

Y/N🤮🧡 - can we get take-out tonight ??? i want chinese (delivered 17:44)

Y/N🤮🧡 - just to let you know (bc i know you love me loads and want to know whats going on with me every second of the day) i have some pretty serious cramps (delivered 17:45)

Y/N🤮🧡 - yeah ngl these are serious (delivered 17:59)

Y/N🤮🧡 - hi just occured to me that i might be in labour (delivered 18:07)

Y/N🤮🧡 - just came off the phone with the doctor, i am in labour (delivered 18:09)

Y/N🤮🧡 - kang yeosang pick up your phone right now (delivered 18:12)

“Everything alright?” Wooyoung asked.

“No, my wife’s a fucking idiot,” Yeosang said, eyebrows furrowed as he called you back, “hello? Yeah, what the fuck?”

“Yeosang I need none of that I am in a lot of pain,” you said, taking deep breaths.

“Wha-What’s going on? Are we gonna go to the hospital?” Yeosang asked.

You sighed, “no, the doctor said I should wait until my contractions are every 5 minutes.”

“Oh,” Yeosang said, “and what are they now?”

“Like, 10?” you guessed, “I don’t know, I haven’t timed it.”

“Well time it please!” Yeosang exclaimed, “do you want me to come home?”

“Yeah, can we get chinese?” you asked.

“Y/N, you’re in labour,” Yeosang said.

“Yeah and I am very hungry,” you said.

“Order the food now, I ate with the boys,” Yeosang said, “call me if anything else happens, okay?”

“Okay, love you,” you said, hanging up quickly.

“What’s going on?” Hongjoong asked.

“Y/N’s in labour,” Yeosang said, “she said she doesn’t want me home but...”

“Go home, Yeosang,” Seonghwa said.

“Should I?”

The boys all nodded and Yeosang smiled.

“I’ll call you when we go to the hospital!” Yeosang called, quickly gathering up all his stuff, “oh my god. Oh my god it’s happening.”

4th May, 2023 (still) (now 22:54)

“Y/N please,” Yeosang sighed.

“No,” you said, shaking your head, “nope. Not happening.”

“Y/N, they’re like, 5 minute 45 seconds we can go! We, actually, need to go!” your husband exclaimed.

“Yeosang, I can’t,” you said, shaking your head.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Yeosang asked, “Y/N. You’ve taken a bath, you’ve eaten, you’ve cleaned the nursery, you’re water has broken and your contractions are 5 minutes apart. You can and you need to.”

“Right now?” you asked.

“Right now,” he said, nodding, “and we’ll get to the hospital and they’ll deliver our baby and we’ll have our baby!”

“We need to go,” you said.

“Thank you,” Yeosang said, sighing slightly as he picked up your hospital bag and the keys, holding your waist and slowly guiding you out the house.

5th May, 2023

“Yeosang?” you asked, gasping in pain, “can I have your hand?”

Yeosang nodded as you took his hand in yours, squeezing tightly as the other hand squeezed the bed sheets.

“Just breath, Y/N,” the nurse said, “keep breathing.”

“Can we go yet?!” you exclaimed, panting as the contraction got more intense.

“Do you want us to measure again?” the nurse asked.

“Please!”

The nurse nodded, walking over and measuring your dialation as you squeezed tighter and tighter onto Yeosang’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly, quite aware of how tight your grip was.

Yeosang shook his head, a polite smile on his face.

“Nearly there! 6cm,” the nurse said.

“6?!” you exclaimed, “I’ve been in labour for 10 hours and I am 6cm?!”

“It’s quite normal,” the nurse said, “don’t worry.”

You sighed as your contraction passed and you collapsed against the bed.

Yeosang smiled, brushing some of the sweat off your head, “you okay?”

“What do you think?” you asked, making Yeosang laugh slightly, “obviously not.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, kissing you gently.

You shook your head, entertwining your fingers with his, “don’t be. This’ll be worth it.”

Yeosang nodded, “of course it will. All to have our baby.”

5th of May, 2023 (still) (now 13:19)

“Okay, Y/N, 10cm,” the nurse said, “you can start pushing now.”

“I can?!” you exclaimed, “oh my god, oh my god, Yeosang, where’s Yeosang?!”

“I’m here, I’m here,” he said, arriving at your side, “it’s alright. I’m right here.”

“Okay, do you want to start pushing, Y/N?” the midwife asked, the nurses all walking around busily.

“Come on,” Yeosang smiled, “it’s alright. Want to hold my hand?”

You nodded, taking his hand tightly into yours.

“In the count of 3, yeah?” the doctor said, “1, 2, 3.”

You began pushing, your body already feeling tired from all the pain you’d been feeling for the last 20 hours.

“Come on, if you keep pushing soon you’ll meet your baby,” the midwife said.

“Do we know what the gender is?” the nurse asked as you began pushing again.

Yeosang shook his head, stroking your head comfortingly, “no. It’s going to be a surprise.”

“I don’t feel well,” you sobbed as Yeosang wiped away your tears.

“Do you want some gas? Or are you gonna be sick, honey?” the nurse asked.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” you said, panting.

The nurse got a sick bucket and held it by your head as Yeosang stroked your hair back away from your face.

“It’s alright, completely normal,” the nurse said.

“We ready to start pushing again?” the midwife asked.

You shook your head.

“Come on, then you can hold your baby!” the midwife encouraged.

“Once more?” Yeosang offered, “you can do it.”

You took a deep breath, beginning to push once again. After a few minutes of pushing they called more doctors into the room.

“Yeosang, what– what’s going on?” you asked sleepily.

Yeosang shook his head, “I don’t know. But it’ll be okay.”

“Okay, Y/N, we’re going to have to take you to the surgery room to do an emergency c-section, okay?” the nurse said, “we’re gonna have to do two more injections, okay?”

You nodded slightly as Yeosang helped you sit up, the nurses lifting up your hospital gown and injecting two needles into your back, Yeosang helping you to lay back down.

“I want Yeosang there,” you said, not letting go of your husband’s arm.

“I’ll be there,” he nodded, “it’s okay. I will.”

6th May, 2023

“Oh my god,” Yeosang breathed, the midwife holding the small baby in his arms.

“Would you like to do skinship while we finish off the surgery?” the nurse asked.

Yeosang looked to you and you nodded, “go, do it.”

Yeosang smiled, nodding eagerly as he and the nurse left the room, Yeosang taking off his shirt and letting the nurse lay his daughter on his chest.

“So by hearing your heart beat, it will help your baby to feel closer to both parents as she is obviously already aware of how her mum feels,” the nurse explained, “having your shirt off allows for her to her your heartbeat clearly.”

Yeosang nodded, looking in awe at the tiny baby on his chest.

“Any ideas of names?” the nurse asked.

“Um, we like flowery names,” Yeosang nodded, “like Changmi or Nari.”

The nurse nodded, “river lily.”

“Oh yeah,” Yeosang nodded, smiling, “Kang Nari. Our river lily.”

“You might wanna check with the Mrs first,” the nurse chuckled.

Yeosang smiled, running a finger down Nari’s back, “I’m sure she’ll like it.”

14th September, 2023

“I love you,” Yeosang hummed, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “you’ve been through a lot.”

You smiled, looking back and kissing his lips, “we both have.”

#kang yeosang #ateez #atz #dad!yeosang #dad!kang yeosang #dad!ateez #dad!atz #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez blurbs #ateez fluff #kang yeosang scenarios #kang yeosang imagines #kang yeosang fluff #kang yeosang angst #kang nari #dad!series #atz kids #atzbabyy

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disastrousjest · 3 years

Text

Confessions of 2020..

(tw: covid mention, mental health mention)

I wanted to post a little something that might put out some insight for my followers, friends, mutuals alike. With the recent battle I had with some personal blogs attacking me over some posts I made because of the images, regardless of the purpose of the post. I just wanted to let everyone aware of why that sent me over the edge and why I handled it the way I did. Please note: I will not be apologizing for what I said, I do feel as though those that tried to reach out to me did not realize the purpose of the post. And while I understand now I should just tag things like that differently, I will not be apologizing for stating the fact that this is a rp blog and I do not appreciate personal blogs attacking me over something like that. That being said, I will not be bullied off tumblr or this account. Because I love JJBA and Joseph Joestar. So for future reference, if you don’t like my content, unfollow it. Don’t bother sending me nasty remarks because I do not have the time for those types of things. But I wanted to open the doorway to some insight for you all who have been paying attention or who just might care to know why I came off so incredibly outraged by that little bit. Because to me it was just the topping of a whole bunch of bullshit as is 2020. This whole shithole of a year began in March. I got promoted at work to salary. That’s 35k a year my friends and that’s a hell of an upgrade for someone who barely makes a living wage right now and came from a working poor family. I really thought my life was gonna turn around. For once my fiance and I wouldn’t have to struggle so hard and we could afford to do everything we talked about doing. Well guess what--2 weeks after the announcement of my promotion my work place shut down because of Covid-19. Nothing new, lots of people and places were shut down. So fine, it pushed back my transfer and such. That wasn’t a big deal. Enter June 2020. We re-open and my manager calls me into his office to talk to him about said mentioned promotion. They are suspending it, means it could be pushed back until we could lift the restrictions. Understandably so, I would just have to keep my old position, an hourly one, until they were called back. Now the months pass, June becomes July and enter August. I find out about a week before the company announces it at the start of August, the position I was promoted to has been eliminated indefinitely. There is a chance they could come back, but right now they have no idea when or if that’ll happen. Which means that whole part of my department no longer exists at my place of work. I mean it’s a good thing I had my hourly position to fall back into or I’d lost my job. But that salary raise? Gone.

Rewind back to July. I get very very VERY sick. And have to test for covid-19 the first time. Only because I am so sick and have a roommate with asthma I have to quarantine myself for 14 days. So 14 days I am locked in my bedroom alone, sleeping alone after 3 years of being with someone in bed. My meals are being left at the door for me and the only room I am allowed to enter is the bathroom, but only after it has been sanitized. Only for my results to come back negative. And now... we enter September 2020. Two major things started in September. The first, our old, senior dog became very ill. Started losing weight, wasn’t eating, losing hair, etc. So we knew his time was coming soon enough. Mid-September, I wake up one morning while our dog is dying mind you, and I cannot move my body from the waist down. Every time I tried, I’m greeted with a shot of pain straight up my spine that feels something like a hot poker being stabbed right through my spinal cord. Very very painful. I end up bed-ridden for a day or two because I cannot move. So once the pain subsides, I go see a chiropractor. Shocking (not really) announcement that my sway back--to which I was diagnosed with 10 years prior from a bad car accident--has gotten worse. What does that mean exactly? Well--my spine bends in like a S for those who don’t know, which means my lower back dips inward deeper inside my body and my tail bone curves out. Now along that dip there are 3 or 4 vertebrae that are especially messed up. The bones have become staggered out of place on top of one another, just from the muscles pulling the bones out of shape since my spine doesn’t flex the way it’s supposed to anymore. (And it hasn’t for years). The pain before this was tolerable, it would ache from time to time but never like this. Now I am crippled more or less. Here’s what that means: my mobility became extremely limited. At first in the am when I woke up I couldn’t move from the waist down for the first hour or two after I woke up. Then when I was finally able to move, I had to use my forearms to literally drag my lower body upright (still painful). Once I was able to manage that, I had to gage how strong my legs were to support my weight. And at first walking wasn’t terrible, but as the treatments began--doctor appointments, spinal adjustments, and physical therapy--to correct my spinal issue, nerve damage became clear. So now on top of this horrible pain, I had to deal with weak legs. Because of nerve damage, my right leg especially became weak. On days my back would hurt especially bad, my right knee would collapse out from under me. Which meant falling to the ground and not being able to stand up or walk for sometime there after. Now imagine dealing with not being able to support your own body, not being able to hardly walk and your dog dying at the same time. So while I”m trying not to focus on the fact that my mobility is limiting me on what I can and can’t do, my fiance is upset about this. Our dog (then weighed about 100 or more pounds) could no longer walk either. His back legs and hips were giving out as his health declined. I did not have the strength in my own legs to help carry him because his weight hurt me too much and would cause me to collapse. I had to watch my fiance struggle with this practically all by herself while I sat on the floor, only able to use my arms to help with what I could because my legs and back were too weak to do the work. This carried on into October. Our dog passes away and that alone is hard for me. I still kind of wonder if I wasn’t so weak when he got sick if I could have helped prolong his life just a little longer. I couldn’t hardly look at him when he passed and I couldn’t look at anyone else. I was very angry that my legs and back had failed me. They had failed everyone. So yes, that weight still lingers over me. It was so bad that when it came time to take turns digging his grave, I struggled with the shovel. Because I couldn’t stand up or be bent over to move the dirt, I got on my hands and knees and I took that shovel in my hands and used my arms and shoulders to dig. I wasn’t going to continue to be useless because of my limited mobility. I felt I already let him down and everyone else by not being able to help take care of him while he was still alive and sick. This was the least I could do. November comes. Things are calm now, for a while. Not bad. I finally get some braces to help with my back issues (which still continue). I keep on with my physical therapy, trying to heal and help my fiance through her mourning over the dog. My mobility slowly begins to improve, though the doctor informs me it will be a very slow process. Small steps he says. But he is still confident he can fix my spine without back surgery so I can walk again, like a regular person. The limit I am able to stand and walk increases with the help of my braces and I begin taking herbal supplements and drinking herbal teas to increase the rate of my recovery. It seems to be working better than over the counter medication. The rest of 2020 seems promising. Here comes December. On the night my fiance and I decide to go out on a date to celebrate our 5 years together. I get a phone call from work. One of my co-workers tested positive for Covid-19 and I was exposed. I am now suspended from work without pay until my test results come back negative. A real mood killer for the night. It gets better, we get home and despite the dinner being pretty somber the rest of the night seems fine. We watch movies and spend time together, finish wrapping gifts for Christmas. Then we realize the cat is missing. He’s been missing all day and all night. Nobody has seen him. Two days prior, I had taken my cat to the vet because he was sick. Again, weight loss, losing hair, etc. I was worried he may be sick. Well it’s cold outside and here it’s been snowing so it’s very cold. I set something of mine outside and a literbox for smell. And then a plate of food. ....that was almost 4 days ago. There’s been not a sign of him. I called the county shelter and they didn’t have him. My fiance suggests he was sick so... maybe he got out of the house and went somewhere to die. My gut tells me he’s not coming back. And my heart is breaking, again. Again. I am wondering if I did something wrong. If I would have kept a better eye on him, I knew he wasn’t feeling right. I somehow feel like I let him down. And then I logged into tumblr and saw those comments. Those asks people were sending about the damn images I posted for the 12 days to Christmas. And they just kept coming. I deleted the other ones, I stopped replying to them and finally just deleted the post. The Christmas spirit had been sucked out of me. I feel as though the world has began to mock me for believing the year could get better back in November. I know one thing, the holiday won’t be as bright this year. Not for me. I hope everyone stays safe and has a good holiday. Maybe 2021 will be more promising, but I”m not banking on it. Not anymore. Thanks for reading. I hope you all understand now why I have been so slow with my replies lately. As my mood goes up and down because I have been struggling with the weight of all this and depression, just trying to hang on from losing hope that for one I will be able to walk again normally and then just the loss of my animals... everything. I can’t write and I refuse to send bad quality responses and starters for you all. I hope this puts some insight on why I was so horribly upset the other day. So thank you to all my friends and everyone who has been so patient with me on all my blogs. Jotaro (dmgdstar) and Johnny (rotatingstar) and this one of course. I will be catching up to everything very soon. I’ve already made a good dent in them. Your patience is always appreciated.

#ooc #L speaks #my 2020 confessional #this is my yearly story #just a fragment of my cursed life

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