#the solution of course is lots of healthy communication and maybe therapy

[laurasimonsdaughter]

Came back wrong this, came back monstrous that

What if they came back loving? What if they came back in love. What if the necromancy worked and you cheated death and it's everything you've ever wanted, but now they love you in a way they never did before and you cannot know if that is because they finally know the lengths you are willing to go for them, or because something in this deathless magic bound their soul to yours to guide them home and it left them no. choice.

#a rare sprinkling of angst from me #call that necromantic~ #laura tumbles #the solution of course is lots of healthy communication and maybe therapy #as it so very often is #necromancer #necromancy

[modern-oedipus]

Covid Vent

No one: Nila, who goes out maybe once in a month due to covid: *listens to coffee shop sounds in youtube to get in mood*  It’s really hard to maintain social isolation now that it has been 5 months. But the cases are going up and up and up, hitting my friends and their families. I myself had to split houses with my mother because she had covid cases in her work place. I don’t think I’d isolate myself this much if I wasn’t in the risk group, but I am. Knowing that I am most likely to go to intensive care and experience the trouble breathing again like I did during the asthma treatment is not good. The potential permanent damage on lungs, for someone like me whose lungs are already more prone to sickness compared to healthy people, is also a big no, considering that I’m only in my early twenties and if everything goes well and I live a normal life I’d live around 50 more years.  50 more years with a disability or isolating myself at home? Isolation, obviously. But this pandemic doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. I am only indoors because both my internships are online & college hasn’t started yet. I know that I’ll eventually have to go out if my college doesn’t switch to online education. It doesn’t scare me at all, though, I am not like, “anxious”. I’m concerned, disturbed, alert, but not in a paranoid anxiety. If I end up catching covid, I’m at least mentally prepared to deal with it. I’m also eating healthy and exercising and don’t really have health problems except for that past-lung-treatments that more or less put me to a risk group (risky enough to concern me, even though I don’t have a chronic illness), so who knows, I might just pass it like a flu as well. No one knows. It’s not good overthinking covid, all I can do is to keep social distancing & mask & hygiene, as always. I’m just so suffocated. I’m more prone to be an extrovert. Before pandemic, I’d only use my house to sleep I’d keep being out in public, attending events, ORGANIZING events, going to coffee shops, club meetings, lots and lots of stage plays, tours, everything. I’d sneak into my friends’ dorms and change cities and just so many more “normal” fun things. I was barely starting to enjoy my life again after the depression healed. Now, I’m mentally ok, but physically trapped. The “watch netflix, read books, stay home” thing is kind of overdosing me right now. I like this shit for a week maybe, not for 5 months. I don’t know how to not risk my mental health while keeping my physical health anymore. Of course, to even HAVE a mental health I need to stay alive, so I’m not complaining- health care workers, people who go to job everyday (including my parents), etc. are in such a harder situation. I know. But my own life is also valid, and while not as troubling and concerning as lives of others right now, well, I think I’m still worth caring, at least by myself. I don’t expect any extra outside compassion or validation (we all are in same situation), me writing my thoughts here is more of me just trying to see my thoughts being worded on screen so that maybe I can come up with a solution to these things as I go. Because I’ve always been a problem-solver rather than just merely venting. (I can’t always solve problems though, I need to work on accepting this fact.) Anyway, I just thought, maybe spending more time outdoors in the natural park that is close to my house could be a good thing. But it’s crowded since it’s outdoors and I really don’t want to share any commonly used areas right now. (I used to be more than okay with this before covid, as I said, I’m mostly extroverted and I like community gatherings, but I like being healthy more), so like... Idk, maybe I can just sort of have phone calls and videochats with my friends as I sit outdoors. Except I don’t even know I have that many friends anymore. I mean, I do- I surely do have bestest of friends in my life that I’m grateful for, but like. I am somehow an introvert magnet and while I’d die for most of my best friends (both irl and online) I don’t really think they are as hype about just chatting as often as I am. (I know that this doesn’t mean they love me any less. They love me in their own way & I love them in their own way so that’s OK.) So like. Maybe Nila, have this BRILLIANT idea of making more friends. Except. Like. You’re at home so you aren’t in much of social gatherings [you aren’t in any! That is insane!] and you don’t really know how to make friends from home. I mean, yes there are online friends but like. EVEN WITH THEM. How can I just *trust* them right away? I can’t, so like. I don’t know. I’m bored af.  On the bright side, today one of my bff from school called me and said he’s back in town and that we should catch up, he’s literally one of the greatest company ever and he wants to see the doggo, so I’m positive we can just have hour 9242309204 hours long in-depth chats again without getting bored (amazing to have people like that in my life). Anyway. I guess the moral of this is:

- I need to accept “the new normal”

- I need to protect myself but try to keep my mental health as good as possible because I like myself more when my mental health is fine and I can also come up with better creations then

- I need to finish my course work (internship) so that I can relax before school starts

- I need to spend more time outdoors but in isolated areas (good luck finding them!) 

- I need to recharge

- I “want to” make more friends or just check up on existing ones! I can’t use the word “need” for this because this would degrade the freedom of the other party. Friends are appreciated, and to some extend, a necessity for social creatures like us, but no “need” will make it happen. I will just make an effort to check up on my existing friends more frequently-- I’m quite selective at this, though, I prefer generally upbringing people who are mature to a certain extend (aka, no obsession, no passive-aggression. yes to personal boundaries, yes to an overall nice attitude [we all can have problems and that’s ok and that’s normal. what /I/ personally don’t wish to be around [with my all respect] is this mindset of “life is a disaster let’s be depressed” thing. I just love love my current friend circle because even if my close friends are just around 7 people, and even if we get depressed or sad or scared, our general look to life is nicer, we don’t make disasters out of regular days, we enjoy talking and chatting, which overall increases our life quality and makes it better. We also communicate & respect & listen to each other and all. I mean. It’s not like that with everyone, and that’s ok, but as I said, this is my personal preference. I prefer having bonds that are good rather than toxic and I am doing my best to be equally good, rather than being toxic to my friends. [I’m sorry I post a lot of Banana Fish to those who don’t know Banana Fish, ok. I know ur bored but like I just cannot help it. I’m trying to tone it down but BANANA FISH.] sOOOOOOOO, SOOOO that’s why it’s not how “i have 29420343204 friends uwu” mindset, like, I noticed I need to be reasonably picky with those I’m close to so that I and people I love can overall have a nice, fun days, which is point of friendship. (I mean. As I said. I’m here on bad days too. But I don’t feel mentally healthy enough to carry the burden of someone else’s depression. It hasn’t even been two months since I’m out of therapy yet, and my mental health is, while not bad, it is fragile. I’d rather not be around those who can [mostly, unwillingly] effect me badly. SO LIKE.  - that’s one hell of a long post nila, but long story short FRIENDS or you’ll die out of boredom

- also just finish your coursework i beg you

- thanks for coming to my ted talk, I actually always offer potential solutions on my vent posts, but this time i wanted to write this publicly [i dont think anyone will read this and i dont mind it] because like. why not? it’s just me thinking and I feel as if this could be of use for some people who are reading this & isolating themselves too. anyway, i love u, stay safe. 

#quarantine #covid19 #social isolation #social distancing #mental health #friendship #health #nila stuff

[chupitulpa]

It's me again, permaswitch guy.

TW: depression, suicide

The same anon from the last post asked:

Hey, thanks for your reply and for uploading it so fast. I come here to answer your reply and add a little something after.

First of all thank you for your acceptance and kindness, as a tulpamancer but also as a depressed person. Come to think of it it is ridiculous how long we took to reach this point, over 6 times longer than most, but then it’s logic too because of how randomly I forced over time. To lazy or extremely lazy hosts, there is hope. I don’t encourage laziness on anyone of course, but you can still achieve progress if you give it enough time. This may sound counterproductive, but trying so badly can cause a lot of stress and doubts, while giving your brain time to accomodate to a new mindset might be helpful. Ideally hosts should find a balance between forcing and letting the mindset in.

Next let me talk about your proposed alternative solutions. I find it strange that you encourage me to step further into my comfort zone. It’s probably because I haven’t told you anything, but this is already what I’m doing as much as I can and I keep being told this is only making things worse because I have to step out of it to make changes and go anywhere in my life. However in contrast, you think more like me. I’m so much going into my comfort zone that I’m avoiding talking to anyone or leaving home ever. May expand on it later. About groups to fit in: I don’t work well on 1-to-1, leave alone on groups. That’s why I prefer being away of tulpa Discord servers. I always go unnoticed and/or misunderstood. Looking for friends or relationship outside of our system is something I’ve finally given up on, after continuous failures. May expand on it later. Lastly I’ve been to therapists for almost all my life and while this sounds like nonsense, they and medications have never proven to help me personally. I find a simple talk with my tulpa to be much better than years of medication and therapists.

Before I go with the last issue I’d like to say that unlike many would think I have morals too, so yeah, it’s probably a better idea for us to switch than for me to create another tulpa yet for the sake of switching.

Now, I’ve had this issue going on for my entire life and specially since 2020. This is not strictly related to tulpamancy but I think many tulpas will be able to relate to this, unlike most hosts. I, however, am host, and am dealing with this.

Many people like to think of themselves as something else than humans or even feel as if they were also something else. Most notably the furry community, which I’ve been interacting with for years, is full of people who besides humans would like to be a fursona, or even feel more as if they were their fursona than a human. I, however, take this to the next level. I have been both unvoluntarily and voluntarily distancing myself from the concept “human”. It is not something positive to me being one. As such I’ve been suffering of “species dysphoria”, or am trans-species. I bet many many tulpas who have fronted have had this issue if they weren’t made after humans to begin with. However I cannot say the same for hosts. Indeed I’m the only host I know so far who thinks they aren’t human and would rather be some yellow dragon drawn by a furry artist. This issue is easily fixed with a switch. Not saying I’m switching because of this, but it is something nice knowing that I can stop being trapped in a human body and just be myself. Believe me, species dysphoria can get to the same points or even worse than gender dysphoria. Fortunately I never had the latter. So maybe now you understand why I am isolating myself too.

Looking back at my old asks here now I know much more about tulpas than I used to back then. Yeah I’m happy we made progress too, but I wish things would have been different. I wish I could be more consistent and this wouldn’t have took or take nearly as long. Not only for seeing it as a chore, but also because we run out of time to survive. Some pressure to live on. Thanks to my tulpa I’m more hopeful and relaxed, and we’re trying our best to delay another suicide attempt for as long as we can. But we can’t do that forever so ultimately it’ll happen. Thanks to him I also think about it twice since now it’s two of us.

Say, may I ask if you’re religious? What do people tend to think on tulpa afterlife? It’s not a topic you hear much about in the community.

Oh I almost forgot. I want to get rid of this life, the human life, 100%. This means after switch I don’t care what happens on this side. Giving the fronter full permission to do as wanted, as opposed to other cases where the original host wanted to leave but also still cared about their human body’s life, bringing unnecessary worry and ultimately a regret of permanent switch. I think this is something important. I always think of this life as a burden that was put on me, and have been despising it since 2008. As such, I see my parents in the same eyes as you would see a tulpamancer who creates a tulpa solely to have them switch. Totally unacceptable behaviours. Of course, I understand a child can never choose to be born or not, while a tulpa can choose whether to switch or not. But my parents could have refrained from having a son in the first place, specially if they were going to be neglectful parents. This world is one unjust place.

My reply:

Don't worry about how long it took to get there. Some people barely force at all and have a talking tulpa in a day or two. Others work at it for years before hearing a peep. Laziness happens too and definitely contributes. Stress, doubts, laziness and working too hard at it can all produce slower progress. And depression contributes to all of the above as well.

As a depressed and socially awkward person, I have to say I can relate to the urge not to go out or talk to people. The current situation in 2020 has not helped either. Like you, I didn't get a whole lot out of meds or talk therapy. Tulpa stuff does help a great deal, but I keep falling off it and back into the awful depression.

I do think that full isolation isn't healthy. However, as far as I can tell, this doesn't seem to apply as much to tulpas if the host/whoever is fronting interacts with people some. Whether the tulpas are fully active and thinking or just snoozing in the background, they seem to benefit from the interaction the same way the host/fronter does. Or at least that's our experience. I don't know whether it works like that because they're in the background experiencing it to some degree, or if it affects something that's shared between all of us; my tulpas seem to think it's a combination of the two.

If the tulpa you already made is able and willing to try switching, give it a shot. I don't know how many other tulpa systems this applies to, but I think there's a special bond between the original host and their first tulpa: You discovered all the stuff you know about tulpamancy together, encountered and overcame the obstacles together, and discovered a lot about your minds together. If he's unable, doesn't want to, or tries it and decides it's not for him, you could (together!) try making another. But be sure to value them as a person and friend first and foremost, and emphasize that the switching thing is entirely optional.

I actually know more than one person who, for one reason or another, wishes that they would wake up in a world where they're a dragon, pony, canine, etc. The species dysphoria is certainly tied in with depression one way or another though I'm not sure which starts first. I can see why you won't care to interact with humans if you don't identify with or relate to them.

I am not religious. If there is an afterlife though, I would certainly want to be together with my tulpas in it. I haven't seen a lot of discussion on it, particularly since I've really just been involved with Tulpa.info which takes a secular, scientific viewpoint.

I'm curious. What would you like to do after switching? Be basically like a tulpa, doing your own thing in your wonderland and interacting with the new fronter when he has time?

Since you mention suicide, I feel obligated to mention the crisis text line. Text HOME to 741741 (US), 85258 (UK) or 686868 (Canada) to start a chat with an understanding person who can help you through your moment of crisis. I know people who have used it and they had positive experiences. Or there's 1-800-273-8255 (US) if you'd rather talk. Or a list of similar services in more countries than I can count.

#submission #question #tulpa #tulpae #tulpas

[pruebopruebapruebe]

30 days of autism acceptance 2020 part 4

Day 16.  Talk about treatment.  Have you been through any therapies?  What ones did you like?  Which ones didn’t you like?  Do you think autistic people need therapy for their autism?

Treatment? What is there to “treat”? I don’t think we need therapy for the autism. I do think a lot of autistic people need therapy because the system abuse us and that’s a way to keep ourselves mentally healthy. 

I have went to therapy with different professionals before my selfdiagnose. I don’t have a good relationship with professionals from the mental health. I have went to them since I was a child and no one ever told me I was autistic, and sadly you can not say that they could have “missed” it. One of them knew me for about ten years, as a kid and a teen.

I used to have this mixed feelings… that professionals didn’t want to help me, and if they wanted, they didn’t know how to do it but weren’t telling me. Or, alternatively, they didn’t know how to help me, and if they knew, they didn’t want to. I had this feeling that I was being not helped, but studied and observed for their own interests. But I have always thought about it as me being paranoid because I knew I am a case of study [almost for reasons unrelated to autism].

They tried behavior therapy and other cognitive approaches, but I always felt something odd and wrong about it. I wanted to talk about my emotions and feelings and understand them, but they changed the topic always to the behaviour and that made me feel suspicious. Sessions drained me from the remains of energy I had and I didn’t notice big changes in me. They helped me, of course, somehow, but not enough. I went to therapy because of family issues and trauma, keep going because there was something strange in me, and now I’m going to balance my life, at least, after understanding what was really happening to me.

When my hope was disappearing, when I got stuck in my process and therapy wasn’t adding anything to my recovery and was hell, I took the decision to take it in my hands. I knew it was difficult for me to put my thoughts and emotions in words for another person, let alone a professional, in an unfamiliar room. I knew there were things I was keeping for myself that I could not say into the world, nor write. I knew there was something different, something we weren’t working on. I started investigating, reading, analysing myself in a new level. After all, I already had that kind of thoughts, I was just touching the surface, maybe if I dipped in and worked those thoughts to scratch, to the bone, I could take them out of my mind.

At this time I had already made a big part of the journey. For years I knew about unconnected issues that I couldn’t quite name, that worried me. I had worked on them, identifying them and giving them solutions. I felt tired of life, I had worked so much and I didn’t see an end for my existential dilemma. I knew I didn’t have much more energy for keeping on healing and living. So I decided to use that last charge to the maximum, and push farther than I ever did before. My mind was always my last lair, and I was afraid that the last safe space, the only safe space that I could ever count with, was corrupted in it’s roots. If that was the case, I had to discover it by myself because no one else could say it from the outside, or else they would have told me, right?

I used different “techniques” to analyse my cognitive process, response to triggers, feelings and emotions. For example, I knew victims of abuse never recover completely, but I also knew that exposition to triggers was a hard but effective therapy. I needed to recover memories, to control reactions, to normalice concepts and ideas, to understand the biology of trauma, to identify sequels and their mechanisms… And I was totally decided to go hardcore with this. It was my last charge of energy so I was going down with it, I was giving it my 100%.

Now I have a therapist who does put the attention on my feelings and not on how do I have to behave and I appreciate the change, I like this kind of therapy more than the old ones.

Day 17.  Talk about empathy.  Many people think autistics do not have empathy.  What’s your experience with empathy?  Are you hyper empathic or not empathic at all?

Empathy is used differently in different contexts. I think that people that thinks that autistics do not have empathy are conchasdesusmadres [motherfuckers] with no imagination nor empathy themselves. First of all, they are conchasdesusmadres for thinking that the worlds revolves around them so if “we” can not undertand them, is because “we” are incapable of feeling like them, and never cross their mind the idea that this goes both ways so they themselves lack empathy with us. I mean, they talk about us as if we owe them undertanding but they do not owe us shit.

I am hyper empathic, or at least I can put myself in other people position and know what they are feeling by logic and my knowledge of them and feel something from it. I can pick moods by body language, but when I fell in the abyss of extreme burn out I felt like my capacity of “naturally” read people was in the floor.

I don’t want to talk more about this, it makes me sad and gives me suicide thoughts. The first reason my therapist gave me to disregard autism was my empathy. Days after that a teacher told me “you are ASD, aren’t you? [yeah idk uhmm] You don’t have empathy [yes I do]. No you don’t”. I have this shit stuck in my mind in a loop and it’s been half a year.

Day 18.  Talk about functioning labels.  What is your opinion about functioning labels?  Where are you on the spectrum?  If you don’t like functioning labels how would you describe your functioning ability?

Functioning labels are a myth, promote discrimination, are a problem for diagnose and are a fucking lie. I hate them. Me? I was passing. I am “high functional”. And because of that I could have live a miserable life or commited suicide. But I was lucky, because all the mental, emotional and phisical overwork I did last year [for my second career] “lowered” my capacities. I didn’t know what was happening to me, to my body, but at some point I wasn’t high functional anymore. Autistic traits came one by one (or previous traits got out of control or become more intense). That allowed me to self diagnose. That would not have happened if functioning labels were real.

I think that we are more or less functional depending on the context and environment and that funcioning labels are better suited for being used by everyone of us as a personal, daily measurement, under the premise of it constantly changing based on mood, energy, environment, health, stress, etc.

Day 19.  Talk about your struggles and strengths.  What things are difficult for you because you are autistic?  What are the positives of being autistic?  Do you have a special skill or talent?

Being new in places with a status quo is difficult for me. People sometimes think I’m mad when I’m not and that isn’t good for relationships.

The positives of being autistic are all me. All of me. Everything in me. Everything that I am. My soul, my mind, my values, my experiences, my body, my senses, my relation with the world and humanity. And, of course, my skills.

Day 20.  Talk about communication.  Are you verbal? Nonverbal? Partially verbal?  How do you usually communicate?

Communication can be very hard specially if the other part is… like most people: bad at communication. BUT, maybe because of it being difficult, I do communicate when is needed. Anyway at the worst point last year it was extremely difficult for me. Words failed me and my voice was failing too.

This may come as a surprise to people I know irl, but I have came to the conclusion that, while I like to talk and I have a good vocabulary, it can be difficult for me to know what I want to say and then say it. In fact, I can lose speech or have problems remembering the words, so I would say that I am semi-nonverbal. I have even noticed that I do, indeed, use a lot of sounds to talk [onomatopeias]. I have also discovered that I have a lot of stimmings that are, in fact, concepts I want to communicate, and even before knowing about autism I noticed that [all the times? most of the times? sometimes? depending on the times?] it was easier for me to write than to talk. It still is, apparently.

#texto #30daysofautismacceptance #autism #tw: suicide mention

[bookfreaky]

A Small History of Chemical Beings

An average adult suffering of major depression can present the symptoms of hypersomnia and / or insomnia. During the hypersomnia periods said average adult can sleep for about anything from 12 hours to 3 days without a waking moment, and still feel tired. The depressed brain feels tired because it is overworking to produce your daily dosage of dopamine (a hormone associated with pleasure, joy and motivation) and serotonin (a hormone associated with well-being, satisfaction, and self-esteem), these substances need to be produced because they make you happy. As it happens, being happy is very important for humans, as their enormous brain are in constant search for meaning to add up to their complex ideas that they think that constitute the world in their perspective, such ideas like politics, money, religion, philosophy, arts, and whatever else they create.

Warning: humans should know that the world is actually made out of earth, water, air, some other gases, and living carbon species. But somehow, they insist on the money thing.

The problem with a brain that cannot produce the right amount of dopamine and serotonin is that human brains generate a stupid association of pain and illness with sadness, and happiness with well-being and health. So, depressed people actually feel pain. That’s their brain telling their body that they are really fucking sad because they must be really fucking sick or wounded. Probably, when our ancestors were hurt by a lion or something, their brain learned how to make this association, because it doesn’t make fucking sense to be happy while attacked by a lion. That’s why today, when you’ve been 6 hours watching Big Brother without moving in the dark of your room, sometimes it feels like you’ve been hurt by some carnivorous animal.

This association between hurt and comfort, pain and health, sadness and happiness that human brains do make people crave for another substance, one that is much littler, but very addictive. Endorphins. Endorphins are a hormone associated with pain-relief and immediate pleasure, that’s the substance you get when you eat a chocolate bar. But there are things that can produce much more endorphins than a fucking chocolate bar: drugs. Humans love drugs. And there are a lot of options for drugs. Like for example, nicotine has a 200.5 concentration of endorphins per minute; while cocaine has a 700.6 concentration per minute; and methamphetamine has a 1001.1 concentration per minute. While food has mere 75 concentration for minute. Endorphins are cool because they offer a temporary relief to pain and sadness, but since it is temporary your overloaded brain asks for a next hit of it as soon as it stops working, that’s what we call addiction.

Generally, humans deem addictions to be bad thing, which really sucks because humans tell each other that drugs are a good thing. Contradictory. Addictions can be socially acceptable depending on their legal status, their price, and their association with certain ethnical groups and cultures. Some drugs take a slower burn in your body, those are more well accepted mostly: like weed, alcohol, coffee, nicotine, painkillers. The other ones, the heavy drugs are normally considered bad because they generate such a flow of endorphins in your brain that they can cause addiction in a short usage, fucking up your brain’s ability of producing happy hormones on its own, making you waste all your money on them, lose your job, sell your house and end up on some charity rehab – oh, here’s the money thing again. – Yes, heavy drugs such as coke, synthetics, heroine and crack aren’t only addictive, they are also very profitable.

Okay, it’s clear now that a shitload of endorphins isn’t exactly the most plausible solution to our poor depressed, dopamine/serotonin deprived, brain. So, humans, the smart ones I guess, invented other drugs, the controlling drugs. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference, like heroine was used as an anti-psychotic for many years, and we all know how it went. The controlling drugs are used not to inject a substance in your brain, but to assist on its production or maybe block the excessive production of hormones (that can also fuck you up). There are many of them in the market and they are quite expensive: Prozac, Xanax, Carbonated Lithium, Paroxetine, Sertraline, Clonazepam, Haloperidol, Seroquel, Lorax, Lamitrol, Sumatriptan, Tegretol, Lexotan, so on, so on. They usually work with a right combination of them along with a healthy sleeping cycle and frequent exercising.

The shit thing about them is that they are also addictive, most them at least. That’s why is so important to keep visiting your doctor. In a way, they are like your drug dealer but they are a little more concerned about your mental health, or at least they should be. Unfortunately, for chronic cases of mental illness, which they are various: major depression, dichotomic depression, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, bipolar affective disorder, anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, schizoid-paranoid disorder, craziness, craziness, craziness. For most of these cases the solution will be one or two of these drugs, allied with a lot of therapy. Psychotherapy is basically two or more people talking but one of them is trained and charges you money for it.

Still even, it’s not uncommon that our little depressed brains, although with a lot of therapy and a lot of drugs (the right ones, duh!) still relapse, collapse, break-down forever and eventually die because that two substances are not in correct balance. And there’s no explanation, no real data that determines the criteria for telling which of these sad brains that will get happy, and which will remain sad. Excuse me, though. Looking back in evolution, natural selection has given us another powerful little tool that can help us.

Oxytocin. This is the hormone associated with love, physical contact, childbirth, breastfeeding, it is the hormone that is produced when humans commune, when they share food, when they have sex, when they kiss, dance, play or do whatever it is together.

When the first mammals started to walk together in small groups, they realised that they had better chances of surviving than if they’re alone. The problem is that living together often sparks aggressiveness due to a competition for food, reproductive partners and whatever. So, their little primitive brains started to produce a hormone that would not just cause joy, but affection. Affection is any manifestation of emotion, but normally used in the meaning of the manifestation of love. Human females discharge a huge amount of oxytocin during labour, and also during lactation, so the baby human is involved in this hormone. Oxytocin is responsible to our ability to form life-long bonds, this is not fucking endorphin, I’m talking life-long bonds.

Whenever oxytocin is produced the brain also produces levels of dopamine and serotonin which causes pleasure, calmness, butterflies in the stomach, and a basic sensation of being loved. It’s proved that just by looking at the smiling face of some you love can make a healthy brain produce oxytocin. Yes, no need to swallow it down, to smoke it, to drink it, not even touch it. Of course, touching makes it much better, hugs, kisses, cuddles, caresseses in general are great oxytocin deliverers. Sex is the up-most oxytocin deliver, but not any sex, only good fucking sex. That’s the reason why humans can’t stay around each other having sex for too long or they fall in love.

Perhaps the secret solution to our depressed brain isn’t just stabilizers of dopamine and serotonin, moderation in your intake of endorphins, but also a little oxytocin production every now and then. A little company must help.

#chronicle #mine #mental illness #depression #mental health #comedy

[the-captains-ayebrows]

I’m intrigued by the therapy one and the studio?

The Studio AU was supposed to be a three-parter Modern AU. The first part is modern deckhand!hook backstory. It’s all him and Milah and Gold. That’s the only part I’ve written so far. Part 2 and 3 were going to be Emma and Henry’s backstories, respectively. All of them are told as flashbacks and the stories dovetail into each other so Killian, Emma and Henry meet at this recording studio where Emma works and Killian is a guitar player. I may post part 1 just on it’s own, since it’s actually finished. IDK.

The therapy one though...Oh lord... *blushes* That sprung from a GIF of Bernard Curry as a high school principal.

The basic premise is that Emma is in court-ordered anger management counseling. Liam is her therapist. Emma has been angrier than usual lately because her new neighbor wakes her up cheering at football matches that air at 4 am. She also may be having a few questionable dreams about said neighbor. Little does she realize the neighbor is her therapist’s brother.

Here’s what I’ve got thus far:

“I don’t need therapy.”

The doctor slid on a pair of reading glasses, and began thumbing through her paperwork. “That may well be Miss Swan, but Judge Spencer seemed to think otherwise. Hence, making it a condition of your probation.”

Emma rolled her eyes. God, this was irritating. “Geez, you slam one slimeball’s head into a steering wheel…”

The doc paused his perusal and looked up at her, blue eyes peeking out over the top of the lenses. “Just the one?”

“I mean,” Emma gestured vaguely with one hand, “there may have been a few skips that I had to get physical with, but they all earned it.”

“Mmhmm. I see.” The doctor closed her file and removed his glasses, sitting up straight to face her fully. “Still, as well-founded as your reasons may have been, the Superior Court of the state of Maine believes that you may have a bit of an anger management problem. And they shan’t reinstate your bail bonds license until I’ve cleared you.”

“So, here I am.” Emma made a sweeping gesture with both hands, encompassing the large tufted leather couch upon which she was sitting as well as the elegant wood-paneled office in general.

He nodded, one corner of his lips tilting up slightly. “So, here we are. Anything you’d care to talk about?”

No. She cocked her head to one side and said the first thing that popped into her mind. “How did America end up calling it ‘soccer’ when the rest of the world calls it football?”

The doc’s eyebrows made a little peak over his nose. “An excellent question to be sure, but I’m afraid that discussion won’t bring us any closer to discovering the root of your anger issues.”

Emma snorted a bitter laugh. Shit. She’d meant to say something random and meaningless. But no. He was infiltrating her thoughts again.

“What’s funny?”

“It’s just…” Emma gave him a tight smile.”You’d be surprised.”

“Ah, well then enlighten me.”

Emma leaned forward on the couch, resting her elbows on her knees. “I don’t have anger issues. I, uh - I haven’t been sleeping much lately. I guess it’s making me kind of…” She leaned back on the couch again and raised her arms helplessly. “prickly.”

The doctor narrowed his eyes. “And this is somehow related to football?”

“I’m getting to that. I’ve got this new neighbor, see? He’s from your side of the pond, and no offense to your countrymen, but this one’s an asshole.” Emma crossed her arms over her chest. “He’s all arrogant and smirky and clearly thinks he’s hot. Okay, so he is hot, but the point is he knows it. And he seems to have made it his life’s mission to annoy the shit out of me.”

She didn’t like the way the doc was raising his eyebrows or the tone of his, “Mmhm.”

“Look. All of that I could ignore, but it’s the damn soccer or football or whatever the hell you call it. Apparently my neighbor is a rabid fan of the English Premier League - oh, I’ve googled all of this since I’m fucking awake anyway - and what the hell kind of sport starts at 9:00 a.m. on a Saturday?”

“That doesn’t sound too early…”

Emma leaned forward for emphasis, slamming her hands down on the couch cushion on either side of her. “In England. 9:00 a.m. in England which is 4:00 a.m. here. I swear to God if I hear ‘Glory glory Man United’ drunkenly slurred through my wall when the sun isn’t even up yet one more time, I’m going to go over there, tear his scruffy head off, and shove it up his-”

“Right. Got it.” The doc crossed his legs and tilted his head, seeming to study her. “I don’t supposed you’ve tried asking him to keep it down?”

She fidgeted, taking particular interest in a loose thread sticking out from the seat cushion of the couch. “No,” she finally answered.

“Why not? That seems the simplest solution.”

Emma really didn’t like his insufferably reasonable tone. “That would involve talking to him.”

“And that’s bad.”

“Yes. That’s bad.”

Crap, now he was starting to look worried. “Do you find him to be threatening or harassing? If so, I can-”

“No, no no.” Emma waved his concern away. “It’s not like that. He’s not a creep, and even if it was like that I can take care of myself.” Her fingers fiddled with the thread some more. “I could definitely kick his ass,” she added under her breath.

The doctor fixed her with a wry look. “You realize you aren’t doing a lot to convince me about those anger issues, Miss Swan.”

Emma glared at him in a manner that clearly communicated she could kick his ass, too. He raised a hand in surrender and gestured for her to go on. She didn’t know how to go on. God this was stupid.

“It’s just- he just…” She exhaled heavily. “Flirts with me.”

“And you don’t like that.”

Damn, that thread just really needed to be plucked or clipped or something, and how cliche was it for a shrink to have a leather couch like this?

“Miss Swan?”

Emma pressed her lips together. “Hm?”

“You said that your neighbor flirts with you, and I asked if you don’t like it when he does that?”

Emma felt her cheeks warming. She turned her head to the side and gave a nonchalant shrug. When she glanced back at the doc, he was smiling at her like he’d made some big discovery.

“I see.”

Emma glared again, emphasizing her point with a jab of her index finger in his direction. “You see nothing.”

“Miss Swan, do you have feelings for your neighbor?”

Emma huffed in exasperation. “Of course I have feelings for him. It’s like I just told you: anger, hatred-”

“Sexual frustration?”

“Ew!” Oh, God. What am I twelve? Who says ‘ew’?

“Oh, really?” His eyes were wide and it looked like he was trying to suppress another ‘eureka’ kind of smile.

“It’s-” Emma shook her head and looked at the top of the bookshelf behind him. “It’s nothing. I’ve been having kind of a dry spell, and he’s there, and he’s-”

“Hot? I believe you said he was hot. Your word.”

“It’s nothing. I’ve been having these dreams. It’s kind of the other reason I’m having trouble sleeping.”

“And in these dreams…?” he prompted.

This was getting ridiculous. Emma exhaled sharply and sat up, looking the doc square in the eye. “I have wild crazy monkey sex with my neighbor. Who I hate. Anyway, it’s confusing and I don’t want to talk to him.”

“Fair enough, but Miss Swan, you do realize you have to deal with these issues and perhaps get some sleep before you’ll be able to resume your livelihood?”

“I don’t have issues.” Emma’s voice sounded petulant and unconvincing even to her own ears.

“Lass, I’ve known you for less than half an hour and in my professional opinion, you’ve got a fair few. Trust, intimacy, anger management, denial-”

“Okay, okay. I still don’t want to talk to him. Can’t I just move?”

“Disregarding for the moment whether that’s even a remotely psychologically healthy attitude, is moving a financially viable option for you?”

Emma slumped. “No.”

“Then I’m afraid you’re going to have to face this.” The doctor shifted in his chair, and furrowed his brow. “Now, you say you’ve been having sexual dreams about your neighbor. Have you engaged in any self-release?”

“Self-re...oh my god.” Emma’s head dropped into her hand, covering her eyes. This wasn’t happening. She wasn’t about to get the talk at age 30 from a stuffy Brit in a sweater vest and blazer with elbow patches. He must’ve taken her reaction as embarrassment, and maybe it was, kind of. The second-hand variety anyway. He kept talking. Emma checked out.

“...and that’s why masturbation is perfectly healthy.”

Emma finally raised her head. “Stop. Please. Look, I’ve… self-released before. But, I’m not feeling myself up while thinking about my neighbor. I’m not a creep.”

He extended a hand toward her in what she supposed was meant to be a reassuring gesture. “I’m not suggesting you make it habitual, only that it could be a safe way for you to confront and explore your confusing feelings for this person. Particularly since you seem so resistant to confronting the actual person causing them.”

Wait, that - that actually kind of made sense. “So…” Emma narrowed her eyes. “Like banging one out, only solo?”

“Bit of a gross oversimplification, but yes, I suppose so. Much safer at least than picking up a stranger at a bar and projecting your feelings onto him or her.”

Well, that hit close to home. “Have you been reading my diary, Doc?” Emma asked coyly, trying to make a joke out of it.

He chuckled. “Analysis is my job, Miss Swan. And you, I must admit, are a bit of an open book.”

“Huh.” Emma considered her options. As much as she thought it was dumb and unnecessary, she had to do this therapy thing if she wanted her license back, and this shrink didn’t seem like such a bad guy. A little awkward, maybe a little judgey, but not awful. He didn’t seem put off by her which was unusual enough, and she suspected he might even have a sense of humor in there somewhere. She guessed she could suck it up and deal with this. It was all confidential anyway. It’s not like he can go blabbing on her, right?

“Well, if we’re gonna be discussing every intimate detail of my life, I guess you better call me Emma.”

He smiled again. Not an ‘ah-ha!’ kind of smile like before, but a friendly one. “Very well, Emma. You can call me Liam.”

#captain swan #ask box games #WIP game #cs ff #cs fic ideas #god posting unfinished fic is weird #lifeinahole27

[tkmk]

i worry about emotional labour a lot. not the actual definition of emotional labour (although that too, but not within the scope of this post), but the variation of the term people use on here and elsewhere of people (typically men, but not always, depending on how deep into the discourse you want to get) exploiting the emotional resources of their friends.

and i am definitely not trying to detract here away from the validity of having discussions about these topics. people treating their friends selfishly is a problem, and even with the best of intentions, boundaries aren't always clear regarding what is or isn't appropriate. furthermore, people on the receiving end of this kind of selfish treatment don't always know the best way to communicate how they are feeling or why it matters. conversations about these topics can hopefully create a better consciousness for being aware of how you treat others, as well as opening the door for people to raise concerns when they have them. it's important to be considerate and not treat the support of friends, family, colleagues etc. as one way traffic.

with that said, it's interesting, and a little bit stressful, the differences in the ways people communicate about this sort of thing. the generalised discussions that i see tend to feel very negative in tone, almost as if there's a presumption that wrongdoing is the default, and that it's just this one particular type of wrongdoing that exists.

two things to say to that: firstly, people are bringing attention to a problem, of course it's going to be negative in tone! secondly, i think a lot of this has to do with my own flawed interpretation of the conversations.

you see enough people talking about a topic, and they talk about it that in applies to people who bear at least a tangential similarity to you, and it's easy to assume that the discussion applies to you, specifically. that's obviously quite self-indulgent of me to think in that way - most of the people making these posts don't know me, and whether or not it applies to me bears no relation to whether or not it's a topic worth raising generally speaking. which is what most of these posts are designed to do - reach a general audience, and raise awareness. there's no guarantee - and there should be no expectation - that any particular individual will be described by any of this stuff.

there also tends to be a discrepancy between what i see as generalised advice/criticisms and what people tell me specifically.

the psychologist i was seeing last year, in one of our final sessions, told me that i need to "use" my friends, family, and support networks more. in those exact terms, and in normal circumstances, there would be nothing controversial or remarkable about saying that. but it was a really jarring thing for me to hear because "use" in my mind is synonymous with "exploit" and my instinctive reaction was "i can't do that! i can't use people for my own benefit!"

but she obviously was not suggesting that i start selfishly exploiting my support networks. i do already do my best to be a supportive person and a sympathetic listener, and i think she took it as given that i already hold up my end of the mutually supportive deal that social relationships should be.

i seem to have it very strongly internalised that anything that is positive for me must be taking away from others - almost as if i'm some sort of social parasite. when i put it in those terms, it sounds like i'm being really unpleasant towards myself! so it's possible that the message i need to be reached by is different from the one that i commonly see on the internet (which is why things like, you know, therapy are useful). because people talk a lot about bad friends oversharing, dumping their stresses on friends and not providing any support in return. but the reverse of that situation - keeping yourself isolated, keeping stresses to yourself, and rejecting support even when it's offered - isn't healthy or useful for anyone either. i've received a lot of negative feedback in the past about being too closed off, people seem to get upset at times that i don't seem to trust them with my difficulties. but that is never the problem; it's that i don't trust myself! i don't trust that the things i struggle with are worth communicating about.

the key message throughout all of this is that it's important to be considerate of other people's feelings and their boundaries. that is a mind-numbingly obvious thing to say, but the details of what that looks like aren't always clear to me, and it becomes very easy to overthink a lot of this stuff. you could sum it up by saying "listen to and trust your friends" and remember to do that in a way that is specific to the people you actually know and interact with.

i guess the other aspect of this that i'm not very good at is asking questions. sometimes if you're going to provide people with support, to make sure you are giving back as much as you get, then sometimes they need an invitation to speak, because people don't always feel comfortable volunteering information about themselves because they, too, may have worries about oversharing.

people have kind of criticised me before for not asking enough questions, and maybe that's a part of the equation - that part of providing your fair share of support is to show that you are actively interested and that you care. but the reason why i find asking questions difficult is because i am actually very interested and invested in the minute details of other people's lives, and i worry about seeming too interested, too creepy and invasive.

again the solution to that is pretty simple. you can make the effort to ask questions, and if someone says that they don't want to talk then you respect that. i don't appreciate it when people make speaking to them feel like an obligation, and i don't want to ever put someone in a position like that.

and in general, these things are always ongoing and developing systems. you listen to and give feedback and you use that back and forth to understand boundaries and how all people involved get and give equally. that's how social relationships are supposed to work, right?

#wow tom please post more essays on tumblr dot com that's a really constructive use of your time #my excuse is that i wrote the bulk of this while at airports/travelling and had nothing else to focus my attention on #there are scrupulosity-related things in here for anyone who dares venture inside

[blakelywintersfield]

tw ed

have you heard about the major sweep of ed blogs? i can't believe that tumblr or some misinformed do-good-er is reporting & terminating them! i feel so bad for all the people struggling, practicing harm reduction, & supporting their friends. I would feel horrible if all my vents were deleted & all my emotions go back to being bottled up. It sounds so bad to have your harm reduction drafts all deleted. i wonder if they migrate to ed twitter which is so much more toxic, or maybe ed tiktok where their posts can't be filtered & might end up on some 12yo's feed. It sounds so scary for them. I'm not an ed blog myself of course, im a main blog for fandoms lol, I just have respect for people who are struggling

Yeah... this isn't shocking news considering tumblr's shit treatment of disenfranchised people, but it's still upsetting to hear. There's a HUGE difference between encouraging dangerous habits, and giving suggestions for harm reduction and fostering a community of people who struggle with a particular issue. Obviously sharing tips on how to avoid getting caught, how to circumvent therapy and treatment, and romanticizing EDs aren't okay -- but, like psychological disorders in general, a lot of people will fluctuate between bad coping and healthy coping. Someone may have a post that talks about how they don't want to get better, followed by a post encouraging people to get better, followed by a list of small steps to help you get better. Recovery isn't a straight path -- this is a fact for every single chronic illness.

Wiping out communities that help support one another because of a handful of people who consistently encourage unhealthy is not the solution. Isolating those who are struggling only exacerbates those struggles. The only people benefitting from wiping out these blogs is tumblr, because that makes it easier to sell. Sterilizing a website of misunderstood communities helps is the easiest solution; they don't have to work to understand these communities, how they work, and the sociology / psychology behind them. It'll be their downfall tbh; this tumblr premium bullshit is proof that they're hemorrhaging money while refusing to admit their knee-jerk "solutions" failed, which started with the NSFW ban and has steadily moved across other demographics that are difficult to market to the American nuclear family dynamic. They've been deleting the blogs of outspoken people of color; they've been artificially silencing posts about sociopolitical issues; they've been banning queer people while conveniently allowing TERFs and religious extremists to remain. It seems like tumblr is basically trying to return the platform to what it was like originally: aesthetic photos, sterile Fandom content, and quirky funny posts. And they're doing that through weeding out what doesn't fit.

I can't believe I'm even going to say this, but. I wonder if Reddit might be the best place to migrate to; I personally don't know the environment of the ED related subreddits, but the communities I've joined have been... significantly less toxic and isolating than the ones on here, and moderation is a lot better since it's run similar to Facebook groups, and you don't have to wait for the website's staff to respond. There's also a lot more support and just... sense of community in general. Unless you're straight up encouraging people to do harmful things, the likelihood of being banned is... rather low.

[philosworkbench]

Yes And, A Good No, and the Dangers of Wing-Walking

I did a weird thing for an improviser to do today. I declined an offer.

“No” is something people say every day. Kids say it a lot. I don't have kids; I had cats, and they would often say something very much like no. But in improv, we're taught to say yes. Specifically, when someone on stage with you says something to define the shared fictional reality, we call that “making an offer.” When that happens, you're supposed to accept it and heighten it as far as it will go.

If your scene partner says that you're both monkey space pirates and it's time to capture the frigate of the talking bananas, well then you just better put on your monkey space suit, pull out your monkey space cutlass, and get ready to fight! Is it ridiculous? Of course, it is. (I mean how are you going to pull out your space sword after you’ve already put on your space suit? Stupid monkey pirate!) Nevertheless, you Yes And! It's banana hunting time! Take no banana prisoners! Eat all you kill! #YOLO #LivingThatMonkeySpacePirateLife #blessed

There was this guy with an interesting online tool for facilitators --  bizarrely enough, a different online tool than the one I talked about yesterday. (I’m networking a lot, y’all. And by y’all, I mean cold vastness of Tumblr.)

This guy was ready to make me his U.S. distributor-partner for his product. No buy-in, all commission, and the ripest territory on the planet. Perfect side hustle, if not a full hustle for the right person.

I said no.

It f*cking terrified me.

Beyond the pros and cons of the opportunity and the reasoning for my decision, what most intrigued me was my emotional reaction. I'm not destitute. My spouse and I are okay, even in the midst of COVID. Why did it freak me out so much to say “no”?

Honestly, I think there are a lot of reasons. Here are the ones that kept me up tonight.

Yes And is great medicine if you have the disease it’s meant for.

If your team or entire organization has become a stalled, “no but” culture, work on Yes And. When you and/or the system has become so stable that it's stagnant and momentum towards a vision has become inertia towards change, work on Yes And. When you need to shake things up and create opportunity for positive disruption, work on Yes And.

Cut to 20 years later.

I’ve done Yes And. I’ve taught it a lot. I’ve seen what happens when a room of people have to make a decision and their only experience running things is from a career spent in improv. It has come to me as no surprise that the hypocrisy of the improv community was laid bare by the #MeToo movement. A healthy respect for no is crucial.

This is when some improv people tie themselves in knots. “It’s not that we’re asking people to say ‘no’ to each other, but to say ‘yes’ to themselves.” Fine. Whatever looks good in your Bullet Journal. Even if improv didn’t need a worldwide reckoning around consent, it would still need to learn how to say a “good no.”

A Good No means Listening to your Full Self

To explain this, let’s go back to why we try to break people of “no” when they first start taking improv classes. It’s because their “no” at the time is usually based in fears.

I’m afraid of looking stupid so I say no to anything my partner says -- I just can’t risk it

I’m afraid of not understanding what’s happening so I say no to anything too crazy

I’m afraid of not being funny so I say no to anything to too normal

And, if you squint enough to read between those lines, you’ll see similar fears that show up in almost every meeting at work:

I’m afraid of looking less valuable so I say no to my peers’ ideas -- they might keep mine from being recognized

I’m afraid of putting my name to something that fails so I say no to innovation -- or at least no until we have all the necessary data (because by then the opportunity will have passed and we can blame a lack of good intel)

I’m afraid of not making a name for myself so I no to the simple, no-frills solution that will work, but that no one will notice

These are the bad noes. (These are not the Glengarry noes.)

There’s nothing worse than watching an improviser try to improv while fundamentally afraid of the art form and uncomfortable with themselves. Improv and all theater begins with a fearlessness around “nakedness.” Don’t really get naked when improvising. We get too many letters. Instead, take Peter Brook’s advice from The Empty Space:

“The creative actor also longs to cling on to all he’s found, he too wants at all costs to avoid the trauma of appearing in front of an audience, naked and unprepared—still this is exactly what he must do.” (Brook, 1968, p.142)

It sucks to be naked like this while doing bar-prov in front of a bunch of drunks at 12am, so we teach Yes And. It’s probably not so much “be more naked on stage,” but more, “it’s awkward to try to cover yourself on stage so we’re all going to just keep covering each other. Trust that your partners are there to keep the grossest parts from hanging out.” That’s Yes And.

When improvisers understand that, you start to see them use “no” again. But now, it’s not an awful, awkward, scene-halting “no.” It’s authoritative, exciting, and directional. A good no can be the best yes and. It doesn’t stop the motion, it transforms it.

Back At Work: Good Noes are Good News

Time to read between the lines again, to see how this translates from improv to the boardroom -- by which, of course, I mean Zooming with your team members while you all pretend to be wearing pants.

Once we have a foundation of Yes And, and our default setting is to rally around each other and support each other. Then, revisiting No makes sense. You can bring your full selves to it. You’re not making the “no” choice out of fear.

This is great news because then you can say no with complete candor but also complete support. You can say, “here’s where I’m at right now.” People know where you stand and can factor in your real, honest feedback. If the team knows that everyone on the team gets what “Yes And” means, they can hear “no” in a whole new way.

So why was I so upset about saying “no” today? Like everyone who's ever done therapy, I blame my stepfather.

The First Law of Wing-Walking

Amazingly, it is not, “you don’t talk about wing-walking.” You apparently talk about it a lot, especially while your stepson is growing up in your house.

My stepdad was in Organizational Development. (So, I guess you could say, I’m a “legacy,” or whatever. #NBD) 30 years ago, he would often say, “Matt, remember the first law of wing-walking:

Don’t let go of what you’re holding onto until you’ve got hold of something else!”

Years on the couch. (For other stuff. Not for that.)

I’m in a lot of transition right now. I’m trying to launch a new company. I’m trying to do right by the companies I work for now. And COVID feels like a bad time to be dreaming big, but I am.

But I don’t feel I am holding onto anything. I’m just keeping a ton of different stuff in reach. I haven’t “burned my boats,” and yet, they are drifting further and further from shore. Without me.

I have a beautiful vision for my future, but I haven’t gotten anyone to buy it yet.

And then comes this guy, and he has something to hold onto.

Getting Lost in the Role

One of the best moments in a long-form improv is when you find a truly interesting character that you can consistently play from scene to scene. You “have” them.

The audience is intrigued. You feel good at improv when you play them. And, best of all, you get to stop thinking about who you are for a while. All of your anxieties about “am I good at this? What should I do next?” have to leave a message at the beep. You’re somebody else now. And they’re busy.

But what about when you’re decidedly not getting lost in the role. You just feel “lost.” That’s kind of where I am at right now. Not as bad as the “upside-down,” but definitely the “in-between.”

And here’s this guy, and he has a branded polo shirt with my name on it if I want it.

But I don’t.

I want a branded polo shirt with my own company’s name on it.

And yes, in his mind, I could have absolutely built my own company while I did this for him as a sideline. There were plenty of Yes And reasons why this would have been a great partnership. He helps facilitators. I help facilitators. Except I’m not really helping facilitators yet. I just want to.

Whose Thing is it Anyway!?

So, now I think I can finally come to the point. Sometimes you have to pass up good things.

When you are not sure of your path forward or not confident the path you want will happen, the universe will sometimes send you lifeboats. And you may not realize you’re only saying yes to it because it’s a lifeboat. It’s better than flapping around in the water.

But is that a good Yes?

Is it going to bring you closer to your path forward? Or will it give you hours of distraction so you’ll have the perfect excuse not to move forward? What will you say when you look back?

“Yes, I really wanted to have my own monkey space pirate ship, but while I was building it, another monkey came by and offered me a chance to work part-time on his ship. I figured I’d get back to mine eventually, but I just kept doing so well on his. His is awesome now! As for mine, I don’t know. Maybe when I retire.”

Just writing that has me shaking a little, like an honest-to-god baby panic attack. Not a full-blown attack, but one you would serve around on a tray at a cocktail party.

I was terrified of saying no today because of all the fear of passing up a good thing.

But now, as I reflect on it, having spent the last 1700+ words ruminating on it, I realize that what’s f*cking terrifying is taking a good thing when it’s not actually your thing.

Don’t get me wrong; many of the best accomplishments have been the work of dedicated people working diligently for other people. If you see an organization with a mission you believe in, that treats you right, and treats the world right, jump on that.

But if you know you need to now do something on your own, even if it fails miserably. If you need to pass up the good thing so you can have the space to create your own, do it.

Say a good “no” to the stuff that isn’t truly for you. 

Even when it’s terrifying.

#improv #applied improv #business #anxiety #entreprenuership #long reads #monkey #space #pirates