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bloggingboutburgers · 3 months

Note

First of, I'm a big fan of your work. I love your comics and art and was happy to hear about the engagement 😁

As for my question, I love writing stories and creating OCs/characters. In your recent comic you called out that the only ace/aro rep always seems to be "the creator said so on Twitter" (a problem with a lot of rep. in media).

So I was curious, if I wanted to create an aroace character (and write a story with them), how could I naturally show them being aroace? Do you perhaps have any idea?

Thank you so much for the kind words!^^

Arguably my complaints are ironic because I myself haven't done proper aroace rep in my own fiction thus far – though I guess I'm compensating for that with my current comics, haha 🙈 But also, I've said it before and I'll say it again cus I'm annoying like that – Bojack Horseman did it, in my opinion, so that gives the rest of the media less excuses I guess.

So, again these are my personal views, and they're possibly demanding, but this would be my checklist for ideal aroace rep:

The aro/ace character needs to... BE a character. Actually have arcs, that matter within the story. Whether they're about being asexual or not doesn't really matter as long as THEY matter as a character.

...Ngl I feel they need to matter BEFORE they're revealed as aro/ace too, and obviously after. If they don't, they'll just feel like a placeholder who's just there to tick a box to me.

The fact that they're aro/ace needs to be addressed and not pushed under the rug or left up to interpretation. Leaving things up to interpretation will have so many people interpret them as allo for sure (just like in real life). And conversely, saying they're aro/ace may spark some curious questions and possibly awkward conversations (just like in real life). (...Again tbh Bojack Horseman was great at doing it naturally. The confusion from the ace character themself, the ace character's friend assuming they're gay because yeah that always happens, the MC having a friendly yet clueless "haha you're lucky that'd save me so many problems if I didn't have sexual attraction"... I could go on.)

By that I also mean... Actually NAMING the orientation at some point. If it's not named people who consume the media and don't know such an orientation exists will be none the wiser. (I'm guilty of that myself tbh. In one of my webcomics I had an alloaro character but never had the orientation mentioned within the story, I left it at showing he has sex and him having a conversation with his family explaining he doesn't have a favorite person because he just can't, but I feel like that's not enough, and I've been feeling a bit bad about it.) A good way of bringing that up fairly naturally would be to have the character figure out their orientation within the story, as a way to have the audience learn alongside them; but it could also be played for drama, which I don't think I've ever seen and would like to dabble with myself at some point – like, imagine you have a friend you hold dear who's key to your personal development and suddenly you find out they see you as sex / romance prospects and not as a friend like YOU do? That'd be crushing but that could definitely make for a good conflict. I should try writing that. I'm rambling anyway. Bleh.

Another thing that, to me, is key to the aro/ace experience is that the character may have some moments of questioning their place in the world. Our world is obsessed with sex and romance and fiction exacerbates that to the point where some characters barely even exist if they don't have romance. This could range from "Do I NEED to even identify myself as something" (again, Bojack Horseman did that great) to "Friendship is the most important relationship to me but not to my friends, what if they all abandon me once they find the one person they consider 'more important'". I dunno. I feel like there could be some interesting storylines there. I definitely would love to dabble into that myself a bit more, though I lack the time and talent – those concepts and the lack of things that are done with it live in my head rent-free.

...Actually I feel it could be good to show aro/ace characters as full of heart (if it fits their personality), having their own feelings and emotions outside of the usual romance spectrum, to show that they're just as human and compelling as the other characters. (...AGAIN Bojack Horseman did that great imo, I feel bad that I'm only ever quoting that show but that's still the best example I can ever think of.) Like – betrayal, loneliness, grief, kinship, literally ANY other form of love than romantic love... We feel all of those too, and those deserve to be addressed in stories just as much (if not more) than the pining or simping that's kinda everywhere.

Oh yeah and speaking of being human... Yeah, human. We need more human aro/ace characters. Making it so that only the aliens/gods/demons/robots/whatever are ever allowed to be aro/ace only serves to dehumanize these orientations.

...IIIII think that's it. I might be forgetting some things I'd wanna add on later but I think that covers everything that would make for ideal rep in my own opinion

#asexual #asexual representation #aromantic #aromantic representation #aroace #hopefully that helps! though again this is personal feelings #i'd be honored if they're shared but yeah #sinank0606

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hexidous · 9 months

Text

Pretty As You Feel

Part II to Silk and Sweat. I highly recommend reading part I for context.

Series Masterlist

Rating: Explicit (18+ MDNI)

Summary: You find yourself back at the club Joel manages and try your best to seem unafflicted. As hard as you try, you may end up playing it a little too cool.

Warnings: Depictions of stripping, general adult content, oral sex, fingering, spitting, praise kink, degradation kink, daddy kink, the holy trifecta, praise Joelsus

Word count: 4.4k

Slowly sinking down into the epsom salt bath you drew, you feel your tense muscles begin to relax in the hot water.

You imagine Joel behind you, enveloped in his strong embrace. His touch lingered on your skin, your nerves still whirring from his strong hands.

Enough, you think.

You had a rough night and he helped you get through it. Nothing more.

Unfortunately, you were used to men feeling entitled to your body because you chose to put it on display. They pay for a show and get angry when they want more.

When you were young and new to the life, you developed your own mantra to cope with the way you were treated.

What happens to Starla doesn’t happen to you.

You repeat it over and over, distancing yourself from the woman you pretend to be.

It works when it’s a random, rowdy customer causing you to question whether or not the money is worth the shit you put up with. It doesn’t work with Joel.

The way his face contorted into disgust and rage as he pulled that pathetic man off you flashes behind your eyes as you try to relax. How he beat a man bloody for you with ease, seeming to be holding back still.

You think of his face donning a similarly intense look, possibly indecipherable out of context, as he slammed his thick fingers into your desperate cunt.

Joel was a man no little mantra could force out of your head.

You mindlessly worked on whatever jobs came in, the days coming and going in a dull blur. A week went by and you had only petty design jobs coming in, alongside the occasional copywriting gig you’d pick up eagerly.

It wasn’t enough to pay the bills.

You trudged through five thousand words about cooling units and designed a logo for a shitty tech start up before calling it a day. Well, your day called itself because you didn’t have any more work to do.

“You got any rent money this month?” You ask the bemused cat laying on your desk, stopping mid lick of her belly to stare at you. “No? Shocking.”

You scratch behind her little ear before getting up from your chair. “I guess only one pussy is bringing home some money tonight.”

You start to put a bag together, rifling through folded dresses.

Which one would Joel like the most? You find yourself asking.

He strikes you as a man who likes a tasteful woman, not one eagerly putting everything on display. Obviously you didn’t have any modest dresses to wear, but you opted to toss in a few of the less skimpy ones.

Trying to breathe through your nerves, you watch as the bright red sign comes into your view. You park off to the side and grab your bag, clutching the strap tightly.

Play it cool, you warn yourself.

You greet the host at the front desk as you walk past her. You arrive a little later this time, the club already bustling with movement.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve got superstar Starla in the house tonight,” Tommy teases in his sultry club DJ affectation.

Joel’s head snaps up from the clipboard he’s holding. You smile and shake your head at him with a roll of your eyes, conveying your disbelief over Tommy’s silliness.

“Glad you decided to come back,” he tells you as you pass by his preferred spot on the floor, tucked away between the bottle service section and private dance room.

“My bank account didn’t give me much of a choice,” you half joke with a shrug before heading to the dressing room.

You don’t feel the need to find an isolated section this time. You take a seat at one of the many chairs lined up facing the stretch of illuminated mirrors. A couple other girls are seated along the row and a few flitter behind you, going to their lockers or on and off stage.

You slip your clothes off, folding them neatly and setting them on the counter.

The dress you decided on for the evening was short and black with long sleeves. The top came down to just low enough to tease at your cleavage. The dress was tighter on you than it used to be, but it hugged your curves nicely. There wasn’t room for a bra beneath it, but the back of it looked much better without one. It was a thick lace pattern, tightly woven flowers and loops dancing down your back, coming to a V-shape at the lowest point of your back. You strapped on some matching black shoes, grabbed your wristlet, and stashed everything else away in your locker.

You make your way through the narrow dressing room and walk up a few stairs leading to the hallway behind the stage, ending with the DJ booth.

“Ready for my spotlight,” you tell Tommy, poking your head into his booth.

“Here’s my superstar!” He bellows happily. “The night can finally begin.”

“Do I have to pay you up front to not torment me?” You joke.

“That was just a little first day hazin’,” he assures with a sly grin.

You turn from his booth and walk back down the dimly lit hallway, toward the pulsing red light of the club.

You exit just beside the stage, taking a good look at the dancer occupying it. She’s naturally brunette with blonde bangs and chunky highlights. Her face dons multiple piercings, one at the center of her bottom lip, a stud on her high cheekbone, settling like a sparkly little tear, and many in her ears. Her tattoos were all black and ornate, slithering across her body, perfect with her fluid, sensual movements.

You take your eyes away and head to the bar, turning slightly to continue to watch the dancer on stage.

Tommy’s voice dwarfs the song playing as it reaches an end. “Give it up for the fine, the feral, the absolutely fierce Fiona!” He bellows enthusiastically. “Now don’t be too scared gentlemen, she don’t bite… much.”

You’re ready for your first drink so you wave to the first man you see walk through the club like an old friend.

“I feel like it would be hard to forget a face so beautiful,” he says, putting a hand on the back of your chair. “But I’m terribly sorry to say I don’t remember you.”

“Oh you don’t know me,” you admit, pretending to look bashful. “But I’m new here and wanted someone to talk to.”

“Well I am honored you chose me,” he says politely before holding out his hand. “David.”

“Starla,” you tell him, shaking his hand softly.

“Oh come on, honey, I know your name ain’t Starla.”

“Look where you are, David,” you poke. “What did you expect? For me to say, ‘Hi, I’m Annie Mae, just a simple girl lookin’ for a husband.”

“Shit, you got me there,” he says after a beat, holding his hands up and feigning surrender. “So, you want a drink, Annie Mae?”

“Why, I’d love one.”

You don’t rush things with David, you know you’re not far off in rotation and it would be nice to have someone stage side for you.

Sure enough, you hear Tommy call you up for the next song as he transitions the music.

“Come see me up there?” You ask as you finish your drink and grab your small sequined clutch.

“Of course, darlin’,” he promises with a smile.

You take long strides to the DJ booth,

“Hey,” you say, getting Tommy’s attention. He turns to you but you cut him off before he can deliver whatever cheesy line he’s churning. “I know it’s not typical strip club music, but can you play Jefferson Airplane’s Somebody to Love?”

“Oh, my brother will love you for that,” he tells you. You cock your head, wondering if his brother was in the crowd, maybe David, but don’t think much of it as he starts to call you up.

“Alright gentlemen, get ready for the sensational, sensual, downright sinful… Starla!”

You take your cue and fling the curtain back dramatically as soon as the song begins.

You know the song well, adjusting your movements from soft and flowing to harsh and abrupt as the melody changes.

You climb the pole deftly before snaking around it and then finally dropping down down into a split on the floor.

Your eyes, I say, your eyes may look like his

You swing your leg around to face the small crowd and bend your knee slightly. You’ve got one hand gripping the pole beside you for leverage as you arch your back and lift your ass, rolling your pelvis slowly. David’s eyes are locked on you. Your gaze moves to the left, unable to help yourself.

Joel’s eyes are locked on you too.

You don’t break your stare until you see David making his way toward you. He sits beside he stage and you crawl toward him, flipping your hair dramatically before rising to your knees, playfully toying with your breasts. You shimmy your hips and bounce up and down like you’re riding an invisible ecock. He slips a twenty in the waistband of your thong as you hold it out. You snap it back and give him a wink.

You casually turn your head toward Joel and find him still staring. Your heart rate picks up, despite already thumping hard from your dancing. He had never watched you so brazenly.

You finish your song and thank David. You try to focus on steady breathing, fluid movements, and not looking back at Joel.

A few more men come up to tip you, though not quite as generously, until finally your set ends.

“I told you he’d like it,” Tommy jeers from his booth. You walk toward him, quickly throwing your dress back on and adjusting your suffocating tits.

“Who?” You finally get to ask. “David?”

“No,” he scoffs. “Joel. Didn’t know he was my brother?”

“Huh. I guess not,” you say in a flat voice, trying not to give hint to any emotion.

“Well you did the song justice. He doesn’t usually watch the girls on stage.”

You try not to blush or seem like you care at all, giving a quick, “Hmm.”

“Probably just zoning out, thinking about getting high in the basement while our parents were at work. I’d hear that shit blasting all the time,” he says with a laugh.

Your stomach drops. Maybe he hasn’t been staring at all, just lost in thought. “Yeah, that’s probably it.”

“I used to barge in, asking him why his room smelled so bad," Tommy laughs. "He'd get so mad, moodier than any teen girl."

You smile at the thought of Joel as an angsty teen. "Well I better get back. Think I got something real special with Dave out there."

"Get 'em, superstar," he calls out as you walk away.

You get a few dances out of David. He tries to get your number or buy you another drink, but you decline.

When you emerge from the private dance room, you're not really sure where to land next. It's slim pickings with most of the men already occupied.

You hear your stage name called by one of the girls sitting at a table of dancers. You walk over and sit down at an empty seat.

“It is Starla, right?” A pretty brunette asks. You nod in response. “I’m Tiffany.”

You exchange pleasantries with the women. You’d known almost all of their names already, it was easy when you heard Tommy announcing them every 10 minutes. But it was nice getting to know them, feeling like less of an outsider.

You chatted casually with the group, tipping them off to the still seated man you had just danced with.

“He just wants to think he has a chance in hell,” you scoff. “Easy money.”

One of the girls, a petite woman named Amber, stands up from her seat and makes her way over to him.

“God damn Joel looks sexy tonight,” Tiffany huffs from across the table, her eyes settling just over your shoulder. “He doesn’t even have to fuck me. Just spit on me. Anything.”

Tiffany notices your silence among the other girls agreement and calls you out.

“You seriously don’t think so?” She asks incredulously.

“I mean, he’s alright,” you lie.

“Right, you’re into Tommy,” she prods teasingly.

“No I’m not,” you scoff.

“He’s fun, but he’s easy,” Tiffany laments. “Joel is a challenge and fuck if I don’t love a good challenge.”

You try to quell the jealousy that begins to brew in your gut.

“Tommy will fuck anyone and Fiona will fight anyone,” another girl says with a laugh.

“They’re fucking but not exclusive,” Tiffany explains. “Doesn’t stop Fiona from losing her shit though.”

“Remember when Valerie blew him in the DJ booth? Bitch went full Monday Night RAW,” a tan, dark haired woman called Raven recounts, evoking laughter from the small group.

“You might want to keep it on the low, Starla,” Tiffany warns. “Fiona’s already caught whiff of you two.”

“Hand to god, nothin’ to smell,” you swear. You weren’t eager for Fiona to hate you but you were comfortable knowing no one had any idea of your infatuation for Joel.

“He’s got a nice dick,” Raven says with a shrug, a couple girls nodding in agreement.

“Before Mary Jane left she told me that Tommy is big but Joel is huge,” Tiffany admits. “Lucky bitch.”

Your cheeks run hot again as you picture Joel’s intimidatingly large bulge inches from your face. You also can’t help but angrily think who the fuck is Mary Jane?

“Well this has been informative, thank you ladies,” you tell the group as you rise from your seat. “But I better go find someone who’ll help my poor landlord pay off his Ferrari.”

The night is winding down to a late end. You hear Tommy play Closing Time as he tells the customers they don’t have to go home but they can’t stay here. It seems very on brand.

“Starla,” you hear Joel’s deep voice call to you. Your pulse quickens and skin becomes tingly from the mere sound of your stage name on his tongue. He continues once you step closer, “I must have tossed your paperwork by accident. Can you hang back for a bit?”

“Yeah, sure,” you tell him, unsure why it couldn’t wait another day. Not that you mind.

You’re slow to get everything together, taking your time organizing your bills and bag. It may just be missing paperwork, but you wanted the club to be empty on the off chance something more may happen. You give it another minute after the last girl leaves the dressing room before making your way to Joel’s office.

You knock lightly on the open door to announce your presence. He turns around and stares at you with an intense look written across his handsome face.

“You wanna suck my cock?” He asks, his demeanor taking a 180 since he last spoke to you.

Your stomach flips. “Yeah,” you reply, stunned. “I really do.”

“Tommy seems to think you wanna suck his,” his gravely voice speaks with a snarl. “That true, too? You just another slut tryna fuck every man who won’t pay you for it?”

“Nope,” you reply cooly, forcing your tone to stay even as your heart tries to escape your chest. “Just a slut who can’t stop thinking of you every time she makes herself cum.”

“Christ,” he mutters, running a palm over his growing cock. Your rapid heartbeat moves lower.

“May I?” You ask innocently, taking a tentative step forward.

“No,” he barks. You take a startled step backward.

He stands up and closes the distance between you two, towering over you now that your seven inch heels are replaced by a pair of comfy slip ons. His broad chest heaves as he stares down at you, the look in his eyes almost scaring you.

Joel brushes past you, leaving you alone in his office.

“Anyone here?” He bellows out to the empty club.

He’s met with silence so you follow him out.

“Wait here,” he tells you as he walks toward the club entrance. You hear the heavy lock fall into place.

Your head is swimming with anticipaion as he stalks back to you. Hell, your panties are too.

“Move,” he commands, pointing to the bottle service area. You do as he says, walking up the few stairs that lead to the semi private area.

The open facing entrance had the trademark red silk curtains strung open. Joel pulls them closed, leaving only the light filtering through the top of the curtains and three quarter wall to illuminate the small area.

“Alright,” he says, facing you. He rubs his hand over the thick cock straining against his pants. “Y’say you want it so damn bad, better make me believe it.”

“Fuck,” you whisper, biting your lip with anticipation as you take him in.

“Excuse me?” He says with a cocked brow, bringing his hands to his hips.

“I will,” you assure in a breathy voice. His brow stays cocked. “Sir,” you add meekly.

“Atta girl,” he says, his gravelly voice sending chills down your spine.

You slowly sink to your knees before him, looking up to meet his dark gaze.

Your hands shake as you bring them up to undo his belt. You don’t think you’ve been this nervous in front of a man since you were a teenager.

You reach into his soft, elastic boxer briefs and grasp his heavy cock, barely able to fit your hand all the way around it.

Your eyes widen as you take him in. His cock is literally mouthwatering. You press your tongue flat against his thick head, precum already beading at the top. You let your pooling saliva run down his shaft before tracing your tongue over the vein that runs down the length of it. You pump his dick slowly with one hand and while sliding his underwear down further, freeing his balls. You duck your head low and bring them into your mouth, gently licking at them.

You hear Joel groan quietly from above you. You look up to find him peering down at you. “Such a good girl,” he says breathlessly.

His praise sends warmth through your entire body. You return your mouth to his cock but gently cup his sensitive scrotum, squeezing lightly. Your jaw feels tight trying to fit his entirety into your mouth without accidentally scraping your teeth against him.

You remember Tiffany’s words from earlier and think how you love a good challenge too. Especially ones that paid off.

You feel the head of Joel’s cock reach the back of your throat and you gag a little before forcing a deep breath in through your nose. You do your best to relax as he starts to thrust his hips up into you, meeting your eager movements. Your free hand grips him at the base, gliding in time with your mouth. You use your thumb to add pressure to the underside of his dick, mirroring the action with your tongue as well.

Moans are escaping with his deep breaths. You look up again and see his eyes clenched shut and his mouth agape. The way his brows furrow and lips curl into a snarl the same way when he was enraged and aroused turns you on endlessly.

You quicken your pace, aching to feel him come undone.

“Wait,” he says weakly, getting closer. “Stop, stop, stop,” he pleads in quick succession.

But you can’t. You’re too drunk off his pleasure to ever quit.

His orgasm spills over, unleashing hot spurts of cum onto your tongue. You swallow him without hesitation.

You tilt your head up, pleased with yourself, but he’s not blissed out like you were hoping.

He seems… angry. Or turned on still. It was really fucking hard to tell.

“Thought I told you to stop,” he snaps.

“I’m sorry, sir,” you mewl.

“Sorry,” he scoffs. “Get up.”

You stand to face him, searching for something other than anger in his expression. He grabs you by the back of your hair, yanking back roughly. You let out a gasp.

“Since ya like swallowing so damn much.” You watch in awe as he spits directly in your open mouth. It partially paints your puffy, sensitive lip. “There you go.”

You swallow his saliva, sucking your bottom lip into your mouth. It’s ironically the closest thing you’ve had to a kiss with him.

“Don’t I get a thank you?” He half questions, half demands in a harsh tone.

“Thank you, sir,” you tell him softly, giving your best innocent doe eyes.

“I guess you didn’t want my cock buried in that pretty pussy, huh?” He taunts.

“I want it so bad,” you whine, “but I wanted to make you feel good.”

His expression softens. “You did, baby,” he says, moving his hand to cup your cheek.

Your heart swells at the pet name and newfound tenderness.

Joel moves his hand again to lift your dress and dip past the waistline of your panties.

“So wet from sucking my cock,” he hums. “I should just leave you like this. Aching for me.”

You don’t want to beg but you shake your head quickly.

“You need to be punished somehow, sweetheart.”

“However you want,” you pant desperately.

His eyes fall on the couch behind you. He takes a few steps before turning to sit on it. He extends a hand out to you.

Tentatively, you make your way toward him. He holds your hand in his as you stand between his open legs, feeling a shyness take over.

“Over my knee, baby,” he tells you.

You turn to the side and bend forward until your hips are resting on his strong thigh and your forearms are resting on the couch. Joel yanks your underwear down swiftly.

Before you can brace yourself you hear a loud smack and feel the sharp sting of his hand. You hiss through your teeth, wondering how many more you have left.

He slaps his hand down again in the same spot, causing you to yelp this time. As he continues, the pain begins to mix with pleasure. You keep yourself from rubbing against his thigh without his permission.

He delivers another blow and you moan loudly. “Fuck, Da-“

“Say it,” he coaxes. “Who am I?” He asks with another sharp slap.

“Daddy!” You cry out, tears threatening to spill over.

He lands one more smack before switching to a soft caress. Your skin is so sensitive, it sends a harsh shiver through your body.

“Your ass looks so pretty covered in my handprints, baby,” he says, continuing to run his fingers lightly over the reddened skin. “You did so good for me.”

“I’m sorry you had to punish me, Daddy,” you sniffle, the tears finally coming down.

“Come here,” he tells you, repositioning your body to face him, straddling his thighs. You study his face in the dim lighting. His eyes always looked a little pained, you realize. Deep set lines etched themselves in his forehead over the heads, softer ones around his eyes. Your gaze wandered over his prominent nose and strong jaw, covered in graying, patchy scruff. He’s not your usual type and yet you couldn’t think of a man you’d ever found more attractive. Your eyes landed on his full lips, dying to kiss them.

He doesn’t leave you wanting for long, closing the gap between your faces. His lips felt somehow softer than they looked against yours. You part your mouth eagerly and he takes no time to enter your mouth. His tongue expertly licks at yours. You moan desperately into his kiss, grinding your drenched pussy into his half hard cock.

“Please,” you beg him.

He chuckles gently at you. “You’re expecting an old man to fuck like a teenager.”

You let out a huff, wishing you had listened to him.

“I won’t leave you hanging, sweetheart.” He brings his hand down between you, rubbing your clit with his thumb for a moment before pushing two thick fingers into you with ease. “But you gotta get yourself off this time.”

You start slow, dizzy with lust as you move yourself up and down on his fingers. He curls them slightly, hitting your sweet spot perfectly.

“That feel good, baby?” He purrs.

“So good, Daddy,” you answer, quickening your pace and grinding down on his palm.

He brings his free hand up, pulling the straps down on your dress. He ducks his head down and his mouth is at your chest, surely salty from sweat. He licks and kisses over your breasts before dragging his nose up your neck, inhaling your musk.

The simple movement send you that much closer to the edge, the pleasure threatening to bubble over at at moment. You chase your release, bouncing and grinding on Joel’s hand while you think about the orgasm you gave him moments ago. The twisting coil in your center comes free as you cum on his fingers with a loud cry.

“Good girl,” he praises in a strained whisper before planting a warm kiss on your forehead.

You come down from your high with shaky breaths. He takes his fingers away, wiping them on his already ruined pants.

You throw your arms over his shoulders and bury your face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent, trying to burn it into your memory.

He lets you stay that way for a while, running his hand up and down your back.

“Come on, baby,” he murmurs in your ear. “We gotta go.”

You hate that you have to leave. You would sleep at the club if it meant spending more time with Joel. But you relent, climbing off his lap and retrieving your underwear.

Joel is first to exit the room, you follow slowly behind and see him emerge from his office with your bag in his hand. You hold your arm out to take it but he ignores your gesture, carrying it for you as he walks you to your car.

Yours and his are the only two left in the lot, well beyond close.

“Text me when you get home,” he tells you, giving you your bag back.

He pulls his phone out and hands it to you for you to put your number in. You enter it in alongside your real name and save the contact.

“I will,” you promise. “Goodnight, Joel.”

He bids you goodnight with another kiss on the forehead.

It’s late and you are beyond exhausted when you reach your apartment. You pull your phone out and see one new message from an unknown number.

Joel Miller

You smile, and send him a quick text back.

Home.

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal characters #joel miller series #tlou smut

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ponett · 9 months

Note

I saw in your FFXVI review that you'd played Tears of the Kingdom. What were your thoughts on Zelda's role in the game and story?

it was okay. i'll put this below a read more for spoilers. this will also talk more about the stories in general, because i feel like i can't say much about zelda's storylines without doing that

generally, i think i liked the execution a little better than how botw told its story. i loved botw, but it felt like the entire story was already 99% finished by the time link woke up. i didn't feel like i was developing a relationship to those characters as the player, i felt like i was being told about things that just kind of happened around link 100 years before i took control of him - things that he barely reacts to because of how little this version of link emotes in cutscenes. zelda was pretty fun at times, but her arc is really just "she's under immense pressure from her father to live up to her destiny as the reincarnation of hylia and save everyone... and then she does it, the end"

so i preferred the execution in totk, where it felt more like link and zelda had parallel adventures occurring in the present and the ancient past. zelda sets up a lot of things for you in the past, but you also have all the stories of the sages. they're not amazing or anything, but like, those are characters that YOU, the player, met and helped as part of YOUR adventures in the previous game, and now you'll continue to work alongside them and help them save their home regions. those storylines are built upon YOUR actions as the player, making you an active participant, as opposed to being told about link's relationships with the champions. and because link is completely absent from zelda's storyline, you're on the same page as him as you piece together what zelda was up to on her own, so i found that more engaging

the actual content of zelda's storyline in totk is, like... fine. she admittedly feels like kind of a passive observer for a lot of it, a mere point of view character for us to see what rauru was doing, until she finally has the idea to become a dragon and repair the master sword. but i thought that was a cool narrative move. that sacrifice feels like more of an interesting act of agency on her part than her living up to her father's expectations in botw

of course, yes, in the end zelda has to turn back to normal. she can't stay a dragon. it's cheap, but i dunno. did we really expect anything different? to me the only part that REALLY feels like a cop out is the fact that the tens of thousands of years she spent as a dragon are written off as feeling "like a dream" to her, rather than leaning into zelda waiting so many millennia to reunite with link. embrace that drama! but, like. it's a zelda game. they were always going to give us that happy ending where link and zelda are reunited and everything's back to normal

i think the thing to me is that, like. at this point in my life, at the ripe old age of 29, i accept that the stories in most zelda games are nothing to write home about. games like link's awakening and majora's mask are the exception, not the rule. zelda games have fun worlds and characters, they have occasional moments of brilliance, but they're straightforward hero's journey stories made to support the gameplay first and foremost. and most of the 3d zelda games at this point have some sort of ass pull in the final act - shit like zant being pushed aside for you to fight ganondorf, or tetra getting whitewashed and turned into a completely different character the second they reveal she's a zelda

i go to other games when i want a really nuanced, emotional story with a bittersweet ending. i'm not waiting up for zelda writing to blow me away like that, in the same way that i'm just playing other games with female protagonists instead of waiting up for them to make a game where you play as zelda

#fanofsmbx #ask

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luxe-pauvre · 3 months

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Now you’re becoming independent – responsible for your work and how it’s received. This transition from Apprentice to Journeyman entails two pivotal shifts. The first I’ve called ‘It’s not about you’, borrowing a phrase from magicians I’ve worked with. This requires a radical change in your focus of attention, shifting it away from yourself. Expert work involves doing something for someone else. Somewhere, there’s an audience – a person or people who experience what you do – though you don’t always see them directly. That audience may be obvious, as at a concert, a football match or a play. Here, expert and audience share space and time, and the work is synchronous. But in other fields, the audience is not there with you, and your work is asynchronous. When a potter makes a vase in a studio, there may be nobody else watching. But still the potter intends their work to be seen, whether in a shop, an exhibition or a display. Although the making takes place out of view, there is always an audience, even if theoretical, distant or completely unknown. Whether you’re an artist, a scientist, a clinician or a mechanic, this stage involves moving attention away from yourself. It’s the shift ‘from you to them’. ‘Them’ refers to the people who experience your work – your audience, patients or customers. This is a crucial transition, though it doesn’t always happen at the same point on the path to becoming expert. Sometimes it doesn’t happen at all. It’s possible to be technically brilliant but remain focused on yourself; to miss or corrupt the heart of what you are doing. In my profession, the occasional rogue surgeons who carry out unnecessary operations, or experiment without their patients’ consent, are often highly skilled. But they distort their work’s purpose, coming to think it is more about them than their patients. The second shift is Developing voice. I’ve taken this term from the world of jazz, where musicians will create a personalised musical fingerprint. As a performer, you reach a point where you are no longer a cog in someone else’s machine, but a creator of expert work in your own right. As you establish your style, you develop your individuality. Now, you are shaping your work and giving it your signature. You are taking responsibility for being yourself and establishing your own identity. That requires confidence and self-belief. It’s a subtle process, as it needs to develop in parallel with the transition to ‘it’s not about ‘you’ without making you arrogant or self-centred. You need to balance your emerging identity as an expert with a constant awareness of who your work is for. When this succeeds, you establish yourself as an individual, recognisable to those who experience your work. Alongside these two shifts runs Learning to improvise. By now, you are taking responsibility for the successes and failures of your work, and you’re responding to what life throws at you. You may be leading a surgical team, as I was. You may be developing your own research as a scientist, or setting up in business. You may be performing in public, writing a novel or heading up your department. Whatever your field, you’ll be faced with the unexpected, and you’ll have to improvise. When things go wrong, it’s up to you to fix them. At the same time, as a Journeyman, you have freedom. You can develop new ideas, challenge existing methods, put your own stamp on the things you make or do. As we’ll see, some of the most creative leaps come from serendipitous insights that nobody anticipated or planned. Improvisation is a hallmark of becoming expert.

Roger Kneebone, Expert

#Roger Kneebone #Expert

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sunhlland · 4 days

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This blog write all right. Idk how all his project outside mcu all get one way or another does bad or it's streaming numbers or box office. Idk hod it'd happened like probability so small,like we don't know it'd his team or it's him not knowing what hd doing. Did someone reading scripts alongside him to give advice? If u think about its somehow coming it's always something bad storytellers,pace,bad challengers development or something else?now he have bad reputation in Hollywood or big ppl not take him seriously. Plus mcu actors nowadays it's like swimming against stream,u like need proof to everyone and add some,all should be ideal and only then they will let go of his neck. I'm kinda sad for Tom. But on another dude he said himself that he don't wanna be actor 😔 like if it's not u passion why u forcing it dude idk working through pressing on urself. Idk idk like I stop expect anything, I wouldn't surprise if he retire after spiderman. Tom a man of unrealized potential

Ok.

First, when did Tom say he doesn't want to be an actor? Do you think that if it were like that he would continue trying and working on it? I think he has just been unlucky, remember most of his movies were released in the Covid19 season. Chaos Walking, for example (poorly executed, definitely, but would have done well at the box office if not for...zero promotion and covid).

Tom was very young when he started taking on a lot of unscripted projects. and I read somewhere that he wasn't sure about playing Cherry but the Russos convinced him (they bribed him lol, I'd say ) and since he feels he owes them part of his career, he said yes... The Russos have a name there out and (Advenger is a success to this day although it hurts those who hate the MCU) but it turns out that the direction of these men was bad in cherry. Now his performance, his acting skills (if you read the reviews) has always been praised... even today. (there is an agenda against him for being part of Marvel duh)

The common people love him, praise him... and even on Twitter they always defend him with..."the broh needs a better agent" "he always chooses bad projects" etc... they know he's a good actor. Those who say it's a flop...who are they? some Z fans who hate him bcuz he dates her and are jealous. Fans of other actors who for some reason feel threatened by Tom.... (and why do you think that is?😌) some idiots who think they're cinephiles and believe that hating everything that has to do with marvel makes them intellectual...🤪 ? LMAO.

You say marvel flop too? huh that will never be the case with Spider-Man, don't worry...Tom is not just any Marvel actor...he plays the most beloved character of all superheroes and the most famous. And people love it... 🤭

To this day his most watched movie outside of the MCU is TDATT, and most people always praise Tom's performance. And it's the most viewed bcuz it's from Netflix. If TCR .....

None of my friends have Apple TV and even I had to pay for 2 months of that horrible app just for him.. when I recommend the series... no one has Apple TV... I hate apple tv...Anyway.

I give you some advice, if you have such a poor perception of him, I think there are more actors out there for you to follow.

Tom is 27 years old...not 40. There are actors who were recognized just last year with 5 years older than Tom...and I am not going to mention names...🤐🤓

xo🤗

#tom holland

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writerkatsblog · 2 months

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Do you think Chase was ultimately a good mentor to Omi or nah? I would love to hear your full thoughts.

Considering the occasional fraughtness of Chase and Omi's dynamic, I think there's not really a way to qualify what they have going on between them as mentor-student as 'good' or 'bad'. Chase is firmly working for his own evil goals, and Omi is firmly on the side of good, with both wanting to pull the other over to the side they think is the 'correct' one.

What I think Chase Young is above all else for Omi is a necessary component of Omi's education and developing maturity.

Omi's temple teachings appear to be very rigid and strict, and Master Fung appears to work on a need-to-know basis. Omi's been clearly taught the distinctions between 'good' and 'evil', but with no sense of nuance between the two, hence why he started off the series with such a black and white view of everything he encounters. He viewed everything in absolutes. The Temple is good, and people who live and fight alongside the Temple are good. Omi has no concept of good people doing bad things or engaging in trickery or even just being mean sometimes. He doesn't even know that there are three other Dragons he's supposed to be fighting alongside until the day he meets all of them. Not to mention how he's clearly starved for positive attention since so much he does is in the interest of earning him praise and recognition by Master Fung.

When Chase Young comes into the picture, before he recognizes Omi's potential for what it is, he brings in a lot of nuance into Omi's education that even contact with the other three doesn't provide. He gives Omi information from a place of authority that can be recognized and teaches Omi about the nuances of interactions both directly and by example. It sort of helps contextualize a few things with Raimundo (the worst offender to Omi's prior conceptions of the world) too. If an evil person can offer sound advice and train Omi in the things he lacks, even knowing they can be used against him, despite being evil, then it can make more sense that one of his friends can do bad things but ultimately has a conscience that draws him back from the darkness and into the light again.

Of course, Chase Young is still evil and a corrupting force, so along with this education Omi has to learn by example just how far he should be willing to trust him while still wanting to accept his teachings and draw him in turn towards the side of good. And we've seen what happens when Chase Young pulls his tricks and manages to get Omi doing what he wants.

Overall, I think Chase was a very necessary, if dangerous, mentor to Omi, and Omi wouldn't have ended up maturing to where he ends up without Chase's influence.

#xiaolin showdown #asks #chase young #omi

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gingerylangylang1979 · 1 year

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The if Carmy and Sydney date it would taint him hiring her conclusion.

This is a take I’ve seen a few times. So, people have said it would mean hiring her would be shady if he was at all attracted to her in the beginning and would make them question her role. Now, I could understand if Carmy thought she was cute and hired her solely because she was cute and was plotting a seduction. But that isn’t what we have seen and if they ever do become a thing I don’t think it should negate any of the reasons she has earned a leadership role.

Carmy brought her on to stage before seeing her. She comes in the first time and he looks befuddled by her presence, then reviews her resume. Maybe he saw her and thought she was cute but do we really think perfectionist Carmy would just allow her into that chaos solely because she’s cute? So, if he doesn’t find her attractive, was that a go ahead to bring her on? Of course not, it wasn’t a factor. But, she is cute FYI. Anyways, her resume speaks for itself. He lucked out with her being interested in the role despite being way over qualified, just as she knows he is way over qualified. Even if he thought she was cute on day one was he supposed to not hire her because she’s attractive? Was he supposed to wait around for someone he didn’t think is cute and deny her the opportunity and himself the talent?

Sydney proves her worth immediately. She instantly got what Carmy needed on the line and spoke his language. There was no learning curve. By the time we get to E2 she has made a whole action plan presentation to further show that she is an asset. She then corrects Richie’s blunder. So, he hires her. Not because she’s cute, but because she earned it. E3 he leaves her in charge to implement a new system and tells her he trusts her “with everything else”. E4 he leaves her in charge while he and Richie do the catering gig. E5 she saves the day with outdoor service. Sydney is there because she deserves to be. She actually deserves way better than The Beef. They both know that. So by the end of the season he is like, hey let’s be partners in this new thing.

Now, while I do think Carmy has a brewing crush and attraction, if he does, he doesn’t even recognize that. There’s too many things going on. Even if he did recognize it he doesn’t know what to do with it, like his other emotions. He wouldn’t have the self realization that he likes her to be able to take advantage of his attraction. It would just be there alongside all of his other complicated emotions that he tries to ignore.

But even if he does acknowledge a desire for her, even if they were to get together I think it would be weak to view Sydney’s career trajectory as unworthy. That would lead one to be able to assume all of her other top placements could have been due to looks. Basically, it’s saying no other way would she be there and that’s just not true regardless of what happens in the future between them. Like she didn’t earn her achievements. That’s as bad as what Richie said about her blowing someone for her stellar review.

If Carmy were to express interest and she’s not into it and things got bad for her that’s different. It is a huge risk to even explore it, but they are adults. I personally know a few couples who met at restaurants, who are still together, and a few of those happened to develop when one partner was superior when they met. It happens. Sometimes it’s a mistake, sometimes it’s not and is the start of a wonderful romance. If two grown people decide to be partners on multiple levels, where is the exploitation?

If an audience can’t separate a love story about people who share a mutual passion and happen to end up working together as partners from some #metoo nonsense I think it’s on the audience projecting something sinister where it doesn’t belong.

#the bear fx #carmy x sydney #carmy berzatto #sydney adamu #chefs kiss #workplace romance

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greatqueenanna · 1 year

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Should Hans Make a Return?

One of the burning questions that some have for Frozen 3 is if Prince Hans, the twist villain from Frozen, should return in the next film. He was absent in Frozen 2, only mentioned in passing, which was met with indifference from most Frozen fans, but disappointment from fans of the character who believed he was getting a redemption arc.

This idea originally stemmed from an interview with Hans' voice actor Santino Fontana who had hinted at the possibility that he may return. He mentions that the writers told him that they want to bring him back and redeem him. You can see this interview here, the Frozen segment lasts from approx. 15:35 - 19:35.

However, F2 had Elsa say that Hans is an irredeemable monster, and the songwriters had once compared him to a politician they don't like - giving off the impression that this wasn't actually considered, or the idea was scrapped.

The option has once again presented itself for Frozen 3, and I wanted to discuss the possibility and if he should even make a return.

Hans After Frozen

Hans' last film appearance was Frozen Fever in 2015, where we see him shoveling horse manure before being hit by Elsa's giant snowball.

Later that year, Hans appeared in the novel A Frozen Heart, where his point of view was explored alongside Anna's during the events of the first film. We learned quite a bit about his backstory, but this book's canon is debatable due to it being retconned by A Forest of Shadows in 2019 (the book gives a different description of what happened after Anna was hit by Elsa's magic).

Speaking of Forest of Shadows, Hans actually does make a brief appearance in this book. He appears in Anna's nightmare, one that shows her fear of Elsa thinking that Anna is useless to her.

The dancer bowed, the silver wolf mask nearly tipping off his nose. “As you wish, Princess Anna.” The blood in her veins turned to ice. Anna knew that voice. It was a voice she didn’t want to hear again. She peered uncertainly through the dark eyeholes of the mask. “Prince—Prince Hans?” “The very same.” A diamond ring suddenly materialized in his hand. “Your sister said I should give this to you when I ask for your hand.” “My—my hand?” Hans grabbed her wrist and jammed the ring onto her finger. “Your hand in marriage, of course. Your sister has given her blessing. She has no use for you.”

-Frozen 2: Forest of Shadows

Hans of course makes an appearance during live shows, most notably during the musical, and is given his own song, Prince Hans of the Southern Isles. In F2, other than a brief mention during their charades game and Elsa later destroying his memory in Ahtohallan, Hans is, as said, absent in the story. As a side note, he also appears in Once Upon a Time's season 4 non-canon spin-off as a villain.

Other than these instances, Hans has yet to make a return as a character in the mainline story.

How Hans Could Benefit Anna's Development

One thing we have to consider is that Hans is part of Anna's story more so than Elsa's. Yes, the two interact, but Hans was always a bigger part of Anna's overall development. I bring this up because many Hans fans that are also Helsa (Hans x Elsa) fans tend to hyper-focus on how his return would affect Elsa - when Elsa would largely be irrelevant to his return in reality.

Thus, let's refocus the conversation back on Anna. After all, it was Anna who Hans hurt and manipulated. If we're talking about him returning either as a villain or with redemption, it would directly affect Anna in one way or another.

As of Frozen 2 - Anna is the Queen of Arendelle, is engaged to marry Kristoff, has Mattias as an advisor/General, and works with Elsa in the Enchanted Forest to ensure peace.

Anna being Queen opens up some interesting narrative opportunities with Hans. His main goal was for Anna to become Queen so he would be her King. Thus, now that Anna is Queen without him, how would Hans view this? How would he react?

More importantly, how would Anna react to his return? Would she immediately shun him and give him another punch? Would she be afraid or nervous, with the writers exploring any trauma Anna may have from him? Basically, if Hans is brought back, it would actually give some interesting development opportunities for Anna and, to an extent, Kristoff.

Thus, Hans could actually make a return if his story is somehow integrated into Anna's development.

Villainous Return or Redemption?

My personal preference would be for Hans to return as a villain and, as described above, to be a development point for Anna to overcome. It would also benefit the series so that we wouldn't have to introduce a brand new villain character to develop on top of the already over-stuffed cast list. Hans already has his villain backstory and relationship with Anna, so it would be less work to make him the main villain and explore his already-established lore. I would also love it if he had a pretty amazing villain song since the series has been lacking in this department for a while.

When it comes to redemption, I don't mind the concept at all but feel it wouldn't be as fun and just make things a bit more complicated. After all, a redemption arc is a serious endeavor and requires a lot of work and care. As I said in this post here, it is not as easy as making Hans do something heroic, say he’s sorry, and now he’s good to go.

And considering the lukewarm reaction towards the simplistic and avoidant approach the writers to Agnarr and Iduna's 'redemption' (if you feel that they needed redemption, the opinions here are very polarizing) in F2, Hans' redemption would be received even more negatively due to his serious actions if they chose to oversimplify it.

As I said in the above post linked, which I'll copy here, the following would have to be addressed if the redemption takes place -

---- ---- ----

1. Having the villain learn why what they did was hurtful so that they genuinely feel bad about what they did.

This is difficult for a character like Hans because he is a Sociopath. It is not impossible to redeem a sociopathic character, but it requires a bit of nuance that not only has to disregard this aspect but may be too complex for a children’s title. Thus, the best option is to either retcon the Sociopath aspect or find a way to address the nuances in a way a child can understand.

2. Giving the villain quite a bit of time to reflect on everything and actually have the audience go on this journey with them. Thus helping the audience themselves believe that they have changed.

The issue here is that the interest is very low from audiences in the first place. People don’t want to see a Frozen 3 or Frozen Series focus on a Hans redemption- they want to see Anna and Elsa. Thus, this arc would need to take even longer because it would have to be a side story - more fitting for a series.

3. The victim’s pain needs to be the main focus, not the villain’s. Yes, understanding why the villain did what they did is important in any redemption arc. However, if the focus is too much on their tragic past, then it tells the audience that we need to feel sorry for them and not the victim.

In the case for Hans, the focus of his redemption needs to be what he did to Anna without any sugar coating or downplaying. He manipulated her, emotionally abused her after revealing himself, and then went to kill her sister after leaving her to die. The narrative would need to address all of this and let Anna express her pain to him, without his excuses.

With all this in mind, we also need to understand that it is Anna is not obligated to let Hans be part of the sister’s family no matter how much he’s changed. Even if she forgives him, letting him back in and giving him that trust again is a lot to ask. Forgiving ≠ letting back into your life. Basically, Hans would have to get his redemption and then be on his way to finding his own purpose in life. A forgive but not forget the idea.

---- ---- ----

Conclusion

My personal view is that I would love for Hans to return to the series. He was a big part of Frozen's success, with both Love is an Open Door and his twist reveal, thus it would be a shame if he never came back. My personal preference is for him to return as a villain because the narrative opportunities would be much more fun, however, I am not against the idea of him having a redemption arc - as long as it is done with care and respect.

Even better if the writers can somehow accomplish both - bring him as a villain, but somehow redeem him haha. Just give me my villain song dang it.

#Hans #Prince Hans #Frozen 3 #greatqueenanna/analysis

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thelittlemermage · 1 year

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Actually, I do completely understand how and why Gen Z came to feel the way they do about internet/fandom culture. I just think their solution to fixing the issue is misguided and more reactionary than solution-oriented based on personal trauma. The open internet and fandom culture itself was never built for small children to be able to safely wander around in. There were specific spaces for children like Neopets, Disney.com games, stuff like that. You wouldn’t have a little kid on social media. There was no social media. You’d have forums and myspace at best. Youtube was literally built because the creator wanted to show an uncensored nip slip. So the idea of protecting children was not a necessity because children were not online yet in the way adults or older teenagers were online.

What happened was technology progresses at and extremely fast rate. Faster than you can move around content on the internet or develop a different culture where kids are expected to just be around. And this unfortunately happened alongside child-friendly sites being eliminated. I’d say even with those sites tho, no one should have ever been giving two year olds ipads with unrestricted internet access. None of these kids should have been in the position to be able to come across fandom porn without their parents noticing. That’s crazy to me. My parents would check what sites I was visiting on our family computer. I think these kids were failed by ignorant parents and just...our ability to create technology faster than we know what to do with it. I think it’s horrifying we have a generation of kids who were all exposed to porn at a young age. I think a lot of things they say and do are because it fucked up their view of sex. And that’s not their fault, but I think a lot of young adults probably need to be in therapy about it and idk if they’re aware. Attacking art on the internet can’t heal your inner child. But I’m getting ahead of things.

I think we can all agree a lot of shit came to a head with MLP fandom. Those guys generated an unprecedented amount of porn, even for fandom. And this was also at a time when a lot of kids were now online and looking up their favorite shows. I don’t think there could be worse timing for anything. I don’t even want to say MLP fandom was all bad, a lot of them dedicated time to rounding up nsfw images that show up in google search and reporting it. But it was definitely a huge shitshow that I think molded a lot of people’s ideas of cartoon porn on the internet.

I still find the idea of a “kid’s fandom” oxymoronic because until recently a fandom for any cartoon would not be a “kid’s fandom”. It would be a fandom of adults and teens talking about a show that as aimed at kids, but no one would find that particularly relevant. Because the people present were not young kids. Animaniacs was actually one of the first big fandoms on the internet and it was big with college students. (Btw I feel like someone is going to purposefully start something because I keep referring to kids and teens separately. This is because there is obviously a huge difference developmentally in what content say a 7 year old and a 17 year old can handle. Whether or not a 17 year old should look at adult content, it’s not going to fuck them up the way it would a prepubescent child. I think that’s obvious. Trust and believe I’d look at a lot of shit I wasn’t supposed to as a teen and that was a purposeful choice on my part. I don’t have any particular regrets about this and I don’t feel any disgust towards sexual content, nor did I at the time. But if I was a little kid and it was being shoved in my face at random, I imagine I’d have to shit to work through. So for clarity, that’s what I mean.) I think fandom in the current year would look at something like patb fandom and be like “yea, a kid’s show for kids. It’s a kid fandom.” Maybe it would be currently, idk, but until now everyone here was in their 20′s and 30′s because it’s a show from the 90′s. So I do think there’s a culture gap in the understanding of what a fandom even looks like.

Ultimately tho, and this is my opinion based on living through all of it so far, I don’t think the problem is with the type of content people make. Frankly, having grown up in a time when every other fic was untagged noncon (because believe it or not, it’s a very common fetish and I promise that has not changed as much as people act shocked and outraged by it now. The same amount of people are still into it. They’re just in an environment where all their friends would come after them if they knew and they aren’t stupid. So they join in attacking others, but just know a lot of your friends do read it on the side, regardless of what they say publicly. 🤷‍♀️I see those kudos.) and I’ve never been as disgusted and genuinely distressed by that as I have with how real living people are treated in fandom today. It makes me sick to my stomach the things people do to each other. Fanfic and fanart have NEVER triggered me. This shit does. That CANNOT be the solution. It’s an impossible fight to begin with to eliminate everything you don’t like from fandom. And really things have come a long way with tagging believe it or not. I can avoid things like never before. So actually going out of your way to attack something you don’t NEED to look at just because it exists is just stupid to me. I’m not sure how purposefully looking at stuff you hate actually helps you with not seeing the things you hate. People obviously won’t agree with me, but I don’t think your art defines your morals. Art can be/mean anything, and I don’t personally want to live in a world that dictates “immoral” art as illegal because it’s obvious where that sort of thing can lead and it’s not pretty. (I do not necessarily agree with everything people make. I just think censorship is ultimately worse like...as far as real world ramifications go.) What you do to other people determines what kind of person you are. It’s weird this is even an unpopular opinion, but it is. You can treat others like absolute trash and still be seen as a good person so long as they “deserved it” for making The Wrong Kind Of Art. Which varies depending on which fandom you’re in anyway. And I really can’t get behind hurting people for reasons that are often so arbitrary to me.

I think the issue is just. The internet exists and kids are on it and there’s no place for them. And I really don’t know what the solution for that is. Because fandom aside, the internet is the internet. There are random porn ads on any given site, tiktok can lead you down an alt right rabbit hole in a matter of hours, twitter is....twitter lol. It’s a hostile environment for anyone these days tbh. I don’t think kids should be exposed to any of that. I think childhood is shrinking in our culture. Kids don’t have a tween phase anymore. It’s like you’re a kid and then you’re expected to look and act like a mini adult. It’s sad to me. I think that’s why a lot of people want to recapture some type of innocence and childhood. You were pushed out of it way too fast. There’s some state I think that was proposing children be banned from the internet until they’re 18. While that would be cool for me, I think that’s dangerous in a different way given how a lot of extreme alt right parents are starting to homeschool their kids. I think it’s more about putting a stopper on information than about protecting kids. And I think this would have a devastating effect on queer kids in particular. So idk. There has to be something in between we can do.

More than anything I wish we could all work together to try to fix this because I don’t think people WANT to see kids get hurt. We’re all on the same side at the end of the day. But I think the environment is too hostile to actually achieve anything useful atm. 🤷‍♀️I think that sucks. I’d love for fandom to be a fun and close-knit community again. It’s something that always meant a lot to me growing up and I think it’s sad people can no longer have what I had. But I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

#these aren't in any way fighting words lol #I think it's a really important conversation and I do wish more people were having it #even if you disagree with me #tho tbh I doubt anyone who generally disagrees with me will be reading all that lol #people do not like when I get all wordy :p #Kind of funny imo. But I have a lot of thoughts on things so 🤷‍♀️#if any of you can be polite tho I do encourage conversation #generally I think people just fundamentally misunderstand each other

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thirdtidemouse · 4 months

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(In response to your losing your rant post.) If you ever get up to or feel like ranting about the art stuff and Kaisa’s interests in that again, I’d be very glad and also interested to read it. :) Art theory is great.

aww im thrilled someone is interested!!! i will have a go at rewriting some of it. just for you anon. i might do one about johanna, who's more inclined to illustration - like i said in previous posts kaisa is more anologue photography/fine art, and i embarrassingly don't actually know many photographers, but i have some more conceptual artists she would enjoy too.

long rant with pictures below, about artists, which you should totally read even if its boring because i would be soo happy (just kidding):

starting off with photography though:

Man Ray. these are 'rayographs', a cameraless photography technique, now more well known as photograms.

photography without cameras?!?! crazy!!!! Man Ray pretty much pioneered this technique into modern popularity with his much more surreal style, after William Fox Talbot was printing pieces of flora in the 19th century. photograms happen when you take an unexposed piece of photography paper, place objects on it in a darkroom, and quickly flash it with light. once developed, the shadows of the objects will be left white, and the exposed parts of the paper will turn black, leaving these beautiful imprints behind.

kaisa absolutely loves the darkroom, the more hands-on the technique the better (she might smell like chemicals). photograms work best with translucent objects. rubber gloves, strips of film, marbles, lightbulbs. as much as she loves black-and-white, these totally magical photograms by photographer Anne Hardy definitely would inspire her. i hope you can imagine some of the stuff she comes up with. it literally looks like magic.

if you haven't checked out @/hilda-the-librarians-wife 's hospital au, then first of all please do, but second of all can anyone else see the parallel with this artwork and pathologist dr kaisa underhill?!? these look microscopic, or like deep-sea fauna. this feeling of a glimpse into another world, which is something wife mentioned about cells and microscopy, is what i think kaisa would be fascinated by.

i'll mention some older art before i move onto installations - i dont know a whole lot about art history this far back, but i'm sure plenty of people will recognise Francisco Goya, so i have to quickly mention him. long painting below:

also known as the guy that did saturn devouring his son, goya's 'black paintings' (many of which were painted directly onto the walls of his home) bring that heavy nightmarish feeling that i think that moody moody bitch would love. i love goya's dog, the first painting. it is very imposing. and look at those depictions of witches - a little on the nose, but those dark, crowded scenes are just so much to take in!

now onto another quite macabre artist, Louise Bourgeois. you might again recognise her stuff - her spider installation, named Maman, went a bit viral at one point i think. the spiders were not a one-off thing and they crop up a lot as symbolism for, alongside other things, mothers and maternity. for context, she was born to antique tapestry repairers, and a lot of her work reflects on her childhood. these spiders, both threatening predators and industrious repairers, sometimes guarding hoards of eggs, give way to these ideas of maternal care and mending/weaving. her work carries themes of family, motherhood, abandonment, and fertility.

she describes these structures pictured above as 'cells'. a lot of her work is in cages. i really like the room made of doors, ghostly clothing hung up on cow bones barely blocking the view in. look at the tiny bed atop the tiny spiral staircase. it does a great job of making you think about who might sleep there.

i think kaisa, having a relatively lonely upbringing and complicated family, would both connect with Bourgeois' work and appreciate the unsettling nature of it ^_^

one last installation artist, because i'm a sucker for an immersive experience. this ones a doozy, probably a long one - Mike Nelson. i'm including him because of all the exhibitions i've visited, his Extinction Beckons genuinely scared me. not in some deep existential way, i was just truly unsettled. his stuff isn't nearly as dark or spooky as Bourgeois or Goya, but the way you are totally dunked headfirst into his imaginary parallel worlds really puts you off balance. and by god i think kaisa would love that.

i will describe to you, if you are at all bothered, some of the features of that exhibition!

the first i'll say is longer, the deliverance and the patience.

if you can imagine a large gallery room, please then imagine a set of constructed rooms within it, like a big box with an entrance and an exit. when you enter, the door shuts behind you; the ambience is literal nonstop creaking of doors and floorboards, from the other visitors wandering the structure out of your sight, interspliced with the humming of electric fans. the room you are in feels like the no-turning-back point. the next door invites you in.

this is where the atmosphere sets in for good. this is what you are greeted with, as you walk in from the door on the right hand side of the picture:

maybe i'm just a big baby, but i jumped. i think it was the gargantuan shadow on the wall, from the single lightbulb on the light fitting - it was definitely a figure, arms raised. this is an ugly ass room. the claustrophobic paint colours, doors either side of you, and nonspecific shrine on the far wall, all make for quite an uncomfortable feeling. you're in, and you have to push on. no one inhabits these rooms, all of the people present are visitors, and you expect none of them - despite the noise, it feels like you're alone, as if the only other humans in the building might be scare actors in a haunted house.

each door is a guess and each room is different. this one is a waiting room, without patrons, yellow wallpaper and advertisements; this one is the entrance to a seedy club, smudged mirrors and posters; this one is empty; this one is the captain's bar on an old ship, windowless like the rest of them; this one is empty; this one is empty. whose sleeping bag is this? whose are these cigarette butts? who will turn off the bare lightbulbs when we leave? there are large chunks missing from the drywall in the corridor. there is no one around the corner. the door handle is a shotgun, bolted vertically against the wood.

everything here is so old, like a domestic museum; there is writing everywhere. most of it is in a language you can't read.

the deliverance and the patience dunks your head into a different world, one without people, and then pulls you back out the moment you step out the peeling wooden door of the exit, leaving you feeling like you've invaded someone else's domain.

here's some more:

i, imposter (the darkroom) - in this picture above, you can walk into that tunnel! when we visited, my brother made the apt comparison of a slaughterhouse - animals are sometimes herded through curved corridors to prevent them from panicking when seeing the full road ahead. the door at the end is unlocked, but shut, and heavy - when you crack it open, the deep red light that emits from the room inside is less than reassuring. it's a darkroom - only red safety lights are lit, it's all factory-like with sinks and paper hung up to dry. it doesn't feel unlike a secret lair.

i am going to go to bed, and i don't have the energy to fully go into the amnesiacs - they are a fictional biker gang of Nelson's, made up of gulf war veterans, each having chunks of their memory lost to PTSD. he shows us their belongings, their home, their 'hide', their mindscapes, all through found object sculptures, in typical Mike Nelson fashion. they are more like approximations - a motorbike's handlebars are a pair of horns. more importantly, like any other work of his, they are infused with memory. this constant presence of someone, sometimes the artist, usually the character, sometimes the people who owned these objects before him.

back to kaisa, this is what i think she would be drawn to in his art. this total immersive experience, this otherworldly material. in this au, i think she loves art that is: transportative, textural, moody, surreal, unsettling, nostalgic, immersive.

i might do johanna if i have the energy. if you genuinely read to the end, i dont believe you!! thank you so much!! i'm sorry i went on for so long! i am a freak nerd about this! i'm sorry if you hate conceptual art. i hope i have convinced you to hate it less? i love you. if you have any ideas/corrections/anything at all send me a message or a comment or an ask. have a great day!!

#kaisa #hilda the series #hilda netflix #art school au #au #ask

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aspd-culture · 1 year

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So what would you say is crucial to aspd if the textbook criteria (usually based in ableism) isn’t always adequate? Because a lot of my issues stemmed out of pure, unadulterated rage that I (not inaccurately) attributed to developing bpd + npd as a kid and as we all know, those disorders can be intense on their own. I’m asking not out of “prove you have aspd if you don’t meet violent requirements” (idk people are weird and bad faith), but more so like seeing these anons who don’t fit the textbook criteria having realizations. I happen to be alongside the more violent urges and have been since I was a kid but I always attributed those things, again, to budding bpd and npd and autism dysregulation

I've discussed this at length in various posts throughout this blog, but pretty much every criteria of ASPD can be taken in much less literal ways than many professionals account for when evaluating for ASPD.

Aggression is a criteria, but you can be aggressive without being violent. The criteria mentions breaking social codes as a form of rule breaking/disrespect for authority, but many professionals only ask about law breaking and/or only violent crimes. Disrespecting authority doesn't always mean not listening to what they tell you (that particular explanation should be easy to find by searching baboon on my blog - I'll leave you to search for the post to find out why). You can manipulate without causing harm to other people. Lying is not always pathological and/or detrimental to anyone's life - sometimes it's as simple as BSing strangers when they ask you where you work and for some reason something in you begs you to say something blatantly untrue just to see if you can get away with it. Doing hard drvgs comes with significantly more risk to your life, liberty, and pursuit of convenience than just burning some leaves (whichever leaves are legal in your area) and/or drinking, so many of us just stick to that because why bother with the other stuff when there are so many reasons not to? Breaking my own stuff? Totally legal if a lil scary for ppl around me. Breaking other people's stuff loses me access to those people, that stuff, and possibly my own freedom, so why wouldn't I make sure if something's gonna be broken, it belongs to me?

All of these are "atypical" presentations of ASPD criteria, and yet I've found that the vast majority of pwASPD actually present "atypically" because we don't actually want to spend our lives dealing with the excess effort required to be intentionally malicious.

Something I think is seriously missing from the conversation about ASPD (traits not criteria) is the tendency it gives you to view everything you do in life from a matter of being as convenient and efficient as possible and going out of my way to be violent is gonna put me in jail which is massively inconvenient and therefore big lame to my ASPD brain.

I mean, think about it this way, why would someone with a disorder that hates boredom, can't stand authority, and has trouble with rules *willingly* put themselves into a box with bars, guards everywhere that control your life, and a strict routine you have to follow to get out of the box faster? All of that sounds like the last thing I want in life, so of course I use my limited effort to follow the law. The law is far less restrictive than the punishment for breaking it, and life is easier when I'm kind to people (and I can get what I want faster that way).

Overall, in many ways I think ASPD criteria misses the fact that most pwASPD are very aware of what the consequences to not following the rules of the game we call "civilized society" are, and know which of those rules we can break (mostly social code as opposed to legal code) without ending up dealing with more bs than when we started.

The current criteria acts like we have no forethought, and it just uses a really naïve, prosocial way of thinking about ASPD imo.

And none of this is meant to invalidate those with the "typical" presentation of these symptoms! I'm sorry if it comes off that way, because those are totally valid presentations as well. It's just frustrating bc a whole section of the community thinks that bc I prioritize avoiding behaviors that make life harder for me (would I be violent in a world that didn't consider that behind bar worthy? Yeah, of course I would), that somehow invalidates my diagnosis.

In short, I agree with many of (almost all of) the core concepts of the criteria but not the extremely literal and narrow ways that criteria is boxed into by some professionals and p much all elitists. The worst part is the actual wording of the DSM-V isn't so restrictive and does make space for non-violent and law abiding pwASPD, and some professionals ignore that fact and project their opinions of ASPD onto the criteria they use to diagnose.

#I hope this was coherent #I am literally putting my phone down and going to sleep right after this post #we'll find out lol #aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually antisocial #actually aspd #antisocial personality disorder #aspd #aspd awareness #aspd traits #anons welcome

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dykemerrilll · 5 days

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ep 2 rewatch thoughts

franklin & crozier’s conversation about nature vs its architect is sooo telling. crozier’s view is ultimately more in line with the show’s existentialism, that there is no architect to nature, it merely is - but i don’t think it’s completely correct, because crozier is pretty firmly convinced that the arctic is actively malevolent and “wants them dead”, when really what i think the show is getting at is more along the lines of pure existentialism in the sense that the arctic doesn’t really care at all. regardless though franklin’s insistence on an architect is really telling because that architect is one that favours him specifically, as the agent of the british empire, and has prepared the arctic for him to claim.

gore: “i pray it’s english tea merchants from canton who look upon this next” about the message in the cairn kind of underscores the whole problem with the franklin expedition in the first place. it’s not gonna be english tea merchants you dumb slut!

for all his bravado hickey looks legit scared when irving first leaves but it’s hard to tell if he’s scared of irving or of gibson freaking out

he was correct about irving though and his overall justification is really interesting - hickey views the world as chaos vs order, with himself in the side of chaos triumphing against the order of the british empire. he is superior because he thrives in that chaos and can work with it. but similar to how nature has no architect, the arctic is neither chaos not order, it simply is. it’s easy to read this as hickey correctly identifying the problems within the colonialist mindset, and he does of course work as a destabilising element throwing the expedition into chaos (mutiny). but even had hickey not weaved his dastardly plans the expedition would have failed anyway. and, of course, life can prevail in the north, but only in concert with nature. hickey’s attitude is just the other side of the coin of an imperialist mindset, in which order must be asserted over chaotic nature for the good of the empire - hickey will act against that order for his own gain. neither attitude is correct though, obviously, because you cannot tame or conquer the arctic.

obviously loaded conversation between franklin and fitzjames about how a man gets his position and what he should do when he has it. again we can see the tension between appearances and actions re crozier vs franklin; franklin claims to want friendship but can never actually deliver on it and ultimately rejects crozier’s apology next episode.

also “i’ll not let francis’s melancholy touch you. i’ll not have it, do you hear me?” genuinely there is something legitimately quite sad about franklin & fitzjames’ relationship because fj is actively quite attentive towards franklin’s emotional state in a way that’s not reciprocated. it’s another side to how crozier and franklin are foils to each other — crozier and fitzjames’ relationship is outwardly extremely poor, reaching violent levels when crozier’s alcoholism reaches its peak, but ultimately ends up as one characterised by extreme emotional intimacy and care. and this can only happen once the strictures of victorian customs break down; jopson is promoted to lieutenant, crozier & fj pull the sledges alongside their crew, contrasting sir john/james ross (can’t remember which one), and fj can even unburden himself to crozier in a manner that would be impossible were they not beyond the reaches of victorian standards of masculinity. whereas while franklin and fitzjames’ relationship is outwardly extremely positive that is really just artifice and vanity, and it lacks the actual emotional depth fj will later develop with crozier. arguably it’s also self-serving on both ends - fj benefits from proximity to franklin’s privilege, and franklin benefits from proximity to a younger, more popular officer (esp if, though the show doesn’t mention whether it’s using this, you include the fact that fitzjames was considered as leader of the expedition before franklin but was ruled out for being too young).

also i keep characterising franklin’s affection for his men as being motivated mostly by vanity and i think i’m overrreacting cause i despise him but actually it’s much more reasonable to say that he feels genuine affection for them but that it’s completely poisoned by his emphasis on imperial hierarchy. imperial masculinity at its finest - the complete conflation of the father with the captain/general.

tiny line but “i thought mohawks had carried you off” (franklin), “no, much worse” (jane) about crozier and sophia is soo juicy. i’m torn on how much to emphasise crozier’s irishness in analysis because i am highly biased here, and i don’t want to do a classic “woah he’s irish” and undermine his complicity in the british empire. but there is obviously the fact that crozier is from a colony, and this has capped his career in the navy completely - it’s a deciding factor in why he’s even on the expedition at all. and that he eventually joins the netsilik at the end of the show. to me i do think this line is showing that to franklin, the line between any ethnic/national groups external to england is much thinner than the line even between english and irish, no matter how much that irish man may have bought into the empire.

also that conversation shows how for all that franklin claims to want to extend the arm of friendship to crozier, what he wants is less to actually be friends with crozier and more for crozier to politely slip back into the hierarchy franklin is comfortable with. it’s also why he’s so much more comfortable with fitzjames, who by virtue of being so insecure in his own position, is very willing and indeed desperate to fit into that hierarchy.

“it must not before in its life have smelled anything like an englishman” (heather about tunbaaq). yeah cause you’ve all got fucking lead poisoning. also the real irony of this line is that yeah heather is correct but not for the reasons he thinks — not because englishman is an ontologically separate (and superior) category of being but because their inability to understand or respect cultures that have fostered a way of life in the arctic, and their desire to own king william land for owning’s sake, immediately marks them out.

also their insistence on calling silna, who is actively in her thirties, a girl, is so telling. i don’t think there’s a single moment in the show where anyone calls her a woman.

irving walking in on crozier & hickey drinking will never not be funny. would pay money to know what went on his head at that moment. the actual conversation between hickey & crozier is interesting but i don’t actually know how much people were into reclaiming the word mick so hard to tell whether this is an immediate tell that hickey’s lying. i do think that’s what the scene is going for though

dr stanley continues to be just the worst. this whole scene is so interesting, for reasons that are pretty obvious. it’s interesting that franklin straight up leaves though - he allows goodsir to try and save silna’s father but there’s just no room in his worldview for anything outside his own culture to the extent that he cannot even tolerate their presence on his ship. later on obviously also dismisses goodsir’s interest in why silna’s dad’s tongue was cut out by brushing off any concern in “these people” purely because he just cannot fathom that there could be anything of worth there. contrast goodsir’s assertion earlier in the episode that king william land is beautiful. though obviously we have to discuss the fact that goodsir is the one who kills silna’s dad in the end — he has the desire to help but his instruments cannot manage it. ironically this also kind of dooms them all fully because it’s what unleashed tunbaaq.

#the terror

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dairy-farmer · 1 year

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tim as thomas wayne's girlfriend! and bruce gets jealous. i mean, who WOULDN'T? until he realizes he can join them in their little tiny relationship 🤍

(these are a little close so i decided to group them together! hope you both don't mind!)

thomas wayne being the only other survivor in the alley alongside his son bruce!!!!!!!

it being one of the few universes where things are stable and....actually turn out really well becuase everything just happens to fall into place. sort of like a 'i dont know how, but you used the wrong formula and got the correct answer???'

in some universes both bruce's parents die. and bruce becomes this pained man who dedicates his entire soul for the pursuit of making sure no one else feels the pain he did when he watched bullets rip through his parent's bodies. a noble cause that is a dice throw on how his life and the life of those around him turn out.

if bruce dies in that alley the world loses a pillar of sanity and stability and everything just slowly and steadily crumbles. a world without bruce wayne is not a world that is sustainable.

but...sometimes...on occasion...there are flukes.

universes where bruce survives and one of his parents live.

some universes its martha. the bullet hits her clean and through and hits nothing critical. its the worst pain she's ever felt, gasping and bleeding and choking as her son clings to her.

its the worst day of her life. the police and ambulance take her and her son while her husband's body is bagged in clear view of her child. martha tries soothing him despite her pain and petting his lovely head. there are bits of her husband's brain and skull splatttered in her child's hair and martha has to call on every bit of will she has to not throw up.

things for martha are rough. she's in a rut for numerous years, focused on caring for her child and mourning her husband. but she returns to what she knows.

her family got mugged because a man was desperate for money. a person doesn't turn to crime unless they have no other option. martha funnels money into safety net programs for underprivileged areas of gotham. she donates money for textbooks and school supplies, builds playgrounds and community centers.

but money can only do so much.

she studies. she reads every paper on psychology and urban development, on how people become criminals in the first place. she tries to write a proposal to the mayor about establishing a buddy system for troubled teens, setting up health clinics within schools, limiting the prescense of law enforcement in schools.

she gets laughed out of the office. that day she calls an old schoolmate who is on gotham's city council and asks how she can get her proposals through the door.

martha has her eyes set on being mayor. meanwhile her son stews and thinks about how long it'll be before his mom's ambitions can come to fruition. it'll be years of climbing the ranks and campaigning before she gets to office and then even longer for her ideas to be passed and implemented and there are people who need help today.

batman is born of a boy's internalized pain and need festering and driving him to leave in the middle of the night while his mother and butler are out at another political mixer.

her estranged son returns the same year martha is elected mayor.

thomas wayne is not so lucky.

thomas is a big man and a big target. martha was knocked down with only a single bullet fired in her direction but it was enough to snuff out her life.

thomas is turned into swiss cheese after the first few bullets only make him stumble back. on some distant level he recognizes he's going into shock as he lays there staring up at a flickering streetlight.

he fades in and out of conciousness until he wakes up in the very hospital he worked at. his wife is dead and his son is traumatized.

and thomas's body is broken.

martha was lucky because she was able to recover physically and eventuallly mentally from that night. she focused on the future, like her son. on what she could do and control to make sure no one shared in her pain of that night.

thomas is also like his son.

sucked in by pain and blinded by the hurt he endured.

but thomas is his own worst enemy in his recovery.

he does not recover and does not heal like martha had. he does not latch onto his son like martha did. he does not find meaning in his work like she did.

thomas's recovery is long and painful and its so hard to remember he has a child who needs him when he's stuck in the horrible pit of dispair and feeling sorry for himself.

thomas is not the father he should've been for young bruce who had needed his dad to hold him and comfort him as they buried his mother.

instead alfred keeps a steadying hand on the young boy's shoulder while thomas lies in a hospital bed.

even when he is cleared to return home thomas does nothing to soothe his pained child who lies in bed, hugging himself and keening with such desperate pain. lying alone in bed, ignored by his father breeds a resentment that will linger in bruce for years to come.

martha had been the parent with the gentle touch, the one who knew what bruce needed. she understood emotions and feelings with an expertise that had drawn thomas in.

try as he may thomas had never been able to hone the emotional center of his brain. everything needed to be technical and plainly explained. it was why he'd fit in so well at medical school where all he'd needed to do was memorize large volumes of data to suceed and do well.

thomas wayne is not a man who has ever had tragedy affect him. he is not a man who has ever struggled or toiled in despair. so he is a man who does not know how to not feel...like this.

thomas was generous and kind before that night. but the pain of his injuries and the ache of his limbs, and the loss of so much taken so fast-

it changes him. and unlike martha, it's not for the better.

thomas needs round the clock care for more than a year after that night. for a man whose bodily autonomy had never been an issue before. it's agonizing. logically thomas knows he shouldn't feel like that. he's a doctor and he knows it's necessary. but the humiliation of having to listen to his long time colleague leslie and longtime friend alfred discuss with the nurse who helps change him every morning the schedule for his care...

that night took so much from thomas and it was still taking things from him. by the time he's well enough to potentially return to work he's been let go. the tremors resulting from his injury have made him a liability the hospital cannot afford to keep. thomas is a surgeon and if he's hit with a tremor in the middle of a procedure and the knife slips....

the thomas of two years ago would've understood. he would've agreed.

this thomas not so much.

thomas is not a man who had a substance abuse problem. even in medical school where his fellow classmates were bingedrinking to cope or taking amphetamine salts to do better on exams- thomas had never fallen into that slippery slope.

it's easier to after he loses his wife and his career. the alcohol makes him feel better. it makes him human. it helps him get through the day as he returns to work at wayne enterprise just like his father had always wanted for him to.

thomas exists in a haze. he knows he should seek treatment. all his doctor senses rang alarm bells everytime he woke up with a hangover. he's not coping. he's not. someone slammed a cardoor in the parking lot of wayne enterprises the other day and thomas had nearly thrown up from how hard he was breathing as he recalled what it felt like to have little bits of metal rip through his his organs and shatter his bones.

the alcohol doesn't cut it anymore. thomas knows what to say when he returns for one of his checkups at the hospital and talks about how the ache in his body makes it hard to get through the day.

thomas knows the statistics, he knows how quickly prescription drug abuse can get ugly. it's happened to a few of his patients before. but he manges to hide it well. he's a doctor afterall.

but then bruce is fifteen and breaks his arm riding his motorcycle. thomas only hears about it afterward when he hears alfred fussing over bruce as he helps him up to his room. thomas's eyes lock on the orange pill bottle gripped tightly in bruce's hand.

a few hours later and alfred is turning bruce's room upside down looking for the "misplaced" painkillers. he asks thomas for help. thomas knows it wasn't accusatory but something in him turns angry and defensive when alfred inquires if he's seen the pill bottle. he brutally scolds his son for losing the medication, accuses him of purposefully hiding it. bruce is blinking back pained tears from his broken limb, his lips are pursed tightly and something in his expression darkly shutters at thomas.

alfred needs to push him out of the room to get him to stop.

thomas toils in guilt for a little while but he pops one of his son's pills and the self hatred, the digust, and anger he feels go away.

a teenager "losing" powerful pain killers and needing a refill is not an excuse a lot of doctors are willing to believe. the doctor all but calls bruce a drug seeker.

alfred had asked thomas to drive bruce to the hospital and ask for a new perscription because these were his old colleagues and they might listen to him. thomas is in a haze and just stands by as a doctor he doesn't recognize lectures bruce and asks if he was planning on selling the pills to his friends or bringing them out to a party. it's unethical in every way possible to accuse a patient like that. thomas should be defending his child, demanding to speak to someone else, threatening to report this doctor. but he doesn't. he's in a haze.

bruce is tensed the entire time he gets reamed. he glares at the floor and doesn't say a word until they're back in the car. thomas is clipping his seatbelt and bruce opens his mouth and calmly, with barely contained anger says "i know you took them."

thomas doesn't retort and the pills make it so the panic doesn't bleed through. but his quiet is all the answer bruce needs.

bruce slams the door of the car when he leaves and thomas's hands shake as he drives back to the manor.

bruce doesn't tell alfred what thomas did. thomas isn't sure why. but something between him and his son changes after that night.

bruce knows that alfred had done his best to fill in for what thomas lacked after that night. alfred believed that a boy needed his father and he held out in the hope one day thomas would realize that. bruce knows that his father's downward spiral after that night saddened alfred deepy. and he knows alfred finding out thomas had stolen his son's painkillers to get high would destroy him.

when bruce was young he also held out for the hope that his dad would one day go back to the way he used to be. the way he was before that night...because sometimes...it almost felt like his dad had died that night in the alley and the man who passed him in the halls was just a stranger.

the thought hurts on the occasion that bruce allows himself to think about it for too long.

bruce feels a lot of things about his father. he feels hurt that his father abandoned him by closing off after that night. he feels angry at his father for never helping bruce after that night. he feels pity that his father had been reduced to this shell of a man. bruce's feelings are complex and messy and ugly and sometimes it's just better for him to ignore it and focus on something productive.

four more years of sharing a roof with that man and bruce doesn't think about his father at all while readying to buy a plane ticket to rio de janeiro so he can learn speedracing from a man named don miguel.

the last time bruce sees his father is when he leaves gotham to become...something else.

bruce gets older, bigger, stronger. he becomes a father in his own right. dick, damian, and jason all know that bruce's father lives alone in some stupidly expensive penthouse in gotham that bruce paid for. they also know that they're estranged and that bruce hasn't spoken to his dad in years. they know that fact always has alfred looking softly pained but resigned.

bruce never forbids them from seeking out their grandfather. but they never do either way. it feels wrong to go behind bruce's back like that.

the first time in almost two decades that bruce hears about his father is through the mouth of some small figured little thing that knocks on the manor door.

his name is tim drake and he's his father's live-in nurse.

as far as bruce was aware his father had been able to live relatively independently. that was the reason he'd moved to mooney towers in the first place when he retired and left the manor and WE to bruce when he returned from his sabbatical. mooney towers was a quiet luxary building in the coral district that housed nice features for an aged man like bruce's father to live a comfortable life.

groceries were delivered weekly to his door, his laundry was done by a pickup and drop off service, he had his own private driver on speed dial, and free access to the family jet that had it's own runway at gotham airport.

bruce's father wanted for nothing. however a 'live-in nurse' was not among the bills that bruce paid every month reguarding his father's care.

tim is attractive and young. he has long bangs that frame his face and a hair style that is a touch too long in the back. he dresses smartly with nice clothing in brands that bruce recognizes. he speaks sweetly from a pretty mouth that bruce's eyes linger on. he's too busy taking in the sight of him and building a profile in his head that he almost misses his reason for comeing to the manor.

his father isn't hurt. he's fine. tim came to deliver a message to bruce that his father wants...to have lunch with him?

bruce hasn't shared a table with his father since middle school. he makes that clear when he tensely informs tim that it will not be happening.

tim's soft expression falls slightly but he schools it back and nods, accepting bruce's words before returning to the car sitting in front of the manor. it's his father's car.

the live in nurse delivers messages for his father? and drives around in his car rather than being chauffered?

bruce feels a tingle of something in the back of his mind at the oddness.

his father's penthouse is bugged and has cameras. bruce has never checked them but he does a few days later when the odd feeling doesn't go away.

bruce isn't particualry invested in his father's life but he still feels a trickle of something like surprise followed quickly by disapproval when he stumbles across footage of his graying father fucking nurse drake on the living room floor.

that's when bruce gets a little more invested in his father's life.

a few more hours later and bruce has reached the conclusion that tim isn't really a nurse so much as he is his father's...girlfriend.

it's an odd realization. realizing his father is...seeing someone.

because its not just sex. bruce watches months worth of footage and he sees them kiss and his father wrapping tim into a hug. he watches them cook together, eat, read, watch movies, and live some....domestic little dream.

timothy drake is freshly 18 and not really a nurse but he has emt training. the catalogued footage stretches back years and bruce feels something heavy settle in him when he sees tim getting younger and younger. tim is younger than two of bruce's son's. the first instance of his prescense in his father's apartment is when he was around thirteen.

bruce wanted to say he was disappointed that this was how far his father had fallen but after the shit his father has pulled over the years he couldn't say he was surprised.

bruce does a deeper dive and finds out that tim's father used to own one of the units in mooney towers. tim used to spend his summers there which was how he and bruce's father origionally crossed paths.

the sweet neighbor boy befriending an elderly neighbor would'nt have exactly raised red flags. that must've been why tim's parents hadn't hesitated to make bruce's father an approved 'guardian' on his school papers while they were out of gotham. it made it easier for him to gain guardianship of tim when his parents died later that year.

bruce rubbed the stressed lines of his forehead as he read that. his father had taken guardianship of a young boy and he'd had no idea. a young boy that he'd eventually started fucking.

jesus christ.

in most cases a young and attractive person who kept an old rich man company did it because they were looking to have a sort of...exchange. the rich man got pussy and attention and the young companion got money and to be showered in gifts.

from what bruce could tell timothy was quite fiancially secure based on what his parents has left him.

he didn't need bruce's father.

and he was so young and so pretty. he could find someone else, someone better just by stepping out onto the streets.

bruce's father was a bitter old man who got mean when he drank and indulged in drugs just barely enough to not be called a full blown addict.

bruce's feelings for his father are complex and more often than not they just make him angry and upset and bruce doesn't want to feel like that little crying boy who'd curl up in the middle of his bed waiting for his dad to come and comfort him from the nightmares.

thomas wayne ruined the mood. he made you feel guilty just for being happy if he was in the room. people awkwardly averted eyes when he'd limp in, leaning his weight against an assistive cane and reeking of booze no matter how cleaned up he looked.

bruce's father was going to suck this boy dry. he'd make him bitter and hateful and twist those sweet eyes to be as cynical as he was.

bruce knew it was cruel of him to think that. if it were anyone else bruce would have more sympathy, more heart. his father had endured something that had sent bruce down the path he was on. they were both there that night and bruce knows more than anyone how much it continued to haunt him.

his father had buckled and left bruce to deal with it himself and a part of bruce....couldn't. just couldn't forgive him for leaving him like that. if it had been bruce in that alley with his sons he would never have left them to suffer like his father had.

maybe some part of bruce resents his father. hates him even. but another, smaller part, yearns for him. that little boy in his head that never stopped crying for his daddy. it's the part that keeps him watching surveillance videos and swinging by to the building across from his father's penthouse to watch movement in the windows.

he watches as timothy gently rocks on his father's lap as they kiss like a pair of teenagers. the sight grips something inside him.

bruce doesn't know why he hasn't handed the videos to gordon. a predator is a predator even if that person is bruce's father.

but...nothing explicit happened until timothy turned 18.

there were some touches that looked a little too intimate but nothing that went under clothing. chaste kisses were exchanged. bruce's father was definitly a creep no one would deny that.

timothy was an adult now. technically. and if he wanted to date a nearly 60 year old man no one could really stop him.

but that didn't mean bruce took his eyes off them. he watched as his father took timothy out to dinner and to sports games. he watched as a poured the still underaged timothy drake a full glass of wine until he gained a pinky hue to his cheeks. he listened to their soft giggles and chuckles as they fell into the backseat of the car.

bruce's jaw clenched as he listened to the wet slap of his father fucking his young girlfriend.

he heard the soft 'smack' of timothy's lips as he kissed his father's cheeks and murmured 'tommy, tommy, tommy' with such a soft reverance that it made bruce inexplicably upset.

the two of them fucked a lot. bruce had plenty of cowl cam videos as well as the bugs from the penthouse. part of him was still uncomfortable at seeing his father naked so he almost always focused on tim's body. the way his little tits bounced when he rode his father and how red they'd get when his dad would latch on and suckle them like he was a newborn lamb.

bruce's sons and colleagues constantly made comments about bruce's mental health and how he was a little off his rocker in their eyes but somehow he manages to tune those voices out while watching his dad and his...girlfriend have sex.

it becomes a regular thing. bruce watching them. so does tim coming to the manor and inviting him to join them for lunch or dinner. sometimes he even drops off a few treats like small cakes, sweet homemade candies, and loaves of bread. (something very much appreciated by all of bruce's children).

the thing is...bruce doesn't have the highest opinion of his father. a lot of the things he kept secret from alfred, leslie, and even clark regarding his father always made him seem like the unreasonable one for refusing to fix their relationship.

but with his father's girlfriend in the picture....it changed things. bruce couldn't, in good conscience, just allow timothy drake to continue his relationship without knowing the full backstory. bruce hadn't even confided in the rest of his family about his father's relationship with the very young timothy drake. he knew how it looked. he knew that alfred would be beyond disappointed. that jason would be shocked but then immediatly angered. that dick would be stunned and silently creeped out. but it's not as though they could do anything about.

timothy was a grown up. but that doesn't stop bruce from learning everything he can about tim. what he does, what he likes. his interests, his laugh, the way he speaks to bruce's father so softly and tenderly, how he holds bruce's father on his "bad days" so he's not tempted to seek out the drugs that he's apparently given up at some point, how he carefully empties out one bottle of alcohol from the apartment's minibar each night after bruce's father goes to sleep.

bruce develops an off fondness for tim. his feelings towards his father are still complex but it's nice to know his father hasn't managed to squander everything decent in his life. even if it's something he doesn't deserve.

bruce never really manages to quash that feeling. if it were a rogue, a criminal- bruce might feel a bit of happiness for someone who manged to turn their life around, who was getting better and had found someone to join them on their journey in recovery.

but with his father it's...different. it's personal and bruce has a lot of disappointment, anger, sadness, and hangups around his father.

the feelings he'd long pushed down start boiling to the surface and bruce...bruce admits maybe he snaps a little when, instead of being greeted by the sight of tim at the front door after the doorbell rings, it's his father.

it's a one-sided argument. bruce briskly asking and his father softly asking if bruce would like to join him for dinner one night.

to say it goes badly is an understatement.

that night when bruce checks in on his father, the sight of him curled up in soft timothy's arms and being gently comforted to just brings up bitter feelings in his chest.

timothy could do better. he could do so much better.

timothy is the one who continues to show up after that and eventually bruce loses the tension in his jaw after each successive appearance.

timothy notices that. bruce hears him tell bruce's father about it when he returns one evening.

bruce feels a flutter in his chest whenever timothy talks about him. talking about how bruce looks well, that he liked the lemon loaf cake tim brought last time, that he's nice to tim even if he always rejects tim's invitation.

bruce's father nods along, his expression tugged with resignation and grief as tim sits in his lap and recounts meeting bruce again.

bruce listens to them quietly talk with the bugs he's planted in their shared home. he listens as his father softly talks about how his regrets, about how he hadn't been there for bruce, how he'd been so caught up in feeling sorry for himself that he'd abandoned his child to drown.

bruce feels a tight wad of emotion form in his throat at the words.

but then his father says something odd. about tim. about how tim is the only way he manages to feel close and connect with his estranged son. about how he wishes there was a way for bruce to understand the depth of his remorse.

it's odd because his father is stroking tim's exposed thighs as he says it, calloused hands tugging on the short little night dress his girlfriend is wearing. it's a complete 180. bruce's father will be brushing away tears while talking about bruce and then the next moment he'll be playing with his girlfriend's pussy and rolling them over on the couch to fuck a pink little cunt. burying his grief with the rest of his load into his pretty girlfriend/bruce's possible future step mom.

something like realization blooms in bruce when after they're done fucking, his father is panting and kissing at timothy's reddened cheeks, murmuring about how he wishes he could give bruce something like this.

bruce has rejected every birthday and christmas gift his father ever sent him after he returned from overseas. but then next week, when timothy rings his doorbell in a new, slim-fitting dress and a pretty, red shade of lipstick- bruce, for the first time in a decade, accepts his father's apology gift graciously.

#anonymous #asks #answered asks

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