#the worst part is I can’t get rid of the root cause so they’ve been tormenting me nightly since I was little

[jaejoongs-nipple-piercing]

Me: decides it’s bedtime, because I’m tired

My body: haha nope. It’s panic attack time

#just once I’d like to get ready for bed and go to sleep without having a panic attack first #I mean I think I deserve at least one nice relaxing peaceful night #right? #the worst part is I can’t get rid of the root cause so they’ve been tormenting me nightly since I was little #there is no medication for it #I have considered hypnotism or something like my great aunt did for a while and she said it really helped her but that scares me #with all my stress and anxiety-financially related or otherwise- and not having a healthy outlet for stress release #I’m kind of just stuck suffering #I would go outside and scream in the direction of the stupid woman’s’ house but either her or the others would probably call the cops on me #I’m just tired of crying or getting mad #I need a different way of releasing all my stress

[lizacstuff]

Your thoughts on the first episode of the new season? And can we talk about all those parallels? Also I'm loving the summer vibes!

I'm LIVING for the summer vibes! Doesn't everything feel like a breath of fresh air? I definitely feel like new life has been injected into the series. And that new location is so beautiful, I LOVE IT.

As for the episode, I thought it was masterfully done. You could tell Ayse was back and bringing the perfect mix of comedy, romance and drama. And the sparkle! The show sparkles again. The almost two and half hours flew buy, I was on the edge of my seat, and the performances from Hande and Kerem were amazing. Plus I just adore every moment between Serkan and his new nemesis (aka his secret daughter).

On the sober side, I don't care how jerky Serkan got while battling cancer, or how he may have pushed her away, nothing they've shown us so far even begins to justify Eda not telling him about Kiraz, and it certainly doesn't justify her continuing to lie when he's standing right in front of her making overtures (and her daughter is clearly longing for her father). Obviously, there are still many things we don't know and I'm sure there are many flashbacks to come, and Eda has been though so much, but still...I don't see how they will thread that needle and have Eda come out unscathed.

That being said, with this first episode they executed this story so well and it really does give new life to the series, so I won't dwell on the fact that Eda never would have done this. Never. We just have to move past it, accept that it's a soap opera plot device designed to give us an amazing second season packed with all sorts of amazing scenes and just enjoy every minute while it lasts.

(More under the cut)

I'll get to more on Edser later, as for everyone else... silliness abounds.

First... Erdem cheated on Leyla? WHAT!?!?! With whom? But I guess that was a clean way to explain Leyla leaving.

Engin and Piril, I love that Engin is staying home with their son, and that young actor is a cutie! As for Piril... GRRRRRR... she is still on my shitlist. Last time it was for betraying Eda (and Serkan) by enabling Selin's reign of terror, this time it's by betraying her friend and business partner Serkan! Good grief. If Piril just found out recently at the start of this project I could accept on her holding off because it's not her secret to run off and tell, but what I can't accept is her actively working against Serkan finding out. Even if in this episode she had gently said to Eda... "do you think maybe it's time you told him?" it would be a lot easier to swallow... but nope! She's acting like it would be the end of the world if Serkan found out. I sincerely hope that when everyone finds out and Engin finds out Piril knew, it causes problems between them. She deserves that.

She remains my second least favorite character. Who was my least favorite character this episode? Oh you know! Awful Ayfer is back! We got a reprieve from her in the last arc, but she's back to her annoying, controlling, Serkan-hating ways. Eda is a mother, an international award-winning landscape architect and business owner and she still has to lie to Ayfer because she's such a pain-in-the-ass? Watching her is going to be a trial.

Even though it feels like both Aydan and Ayfer were reset to zero character development, and Aydan has done worse (keeping the fact that Serkan was alive from Eda) I still find her a much easier character to take. Probably because Neslihan is a much better comedic actress, so she's a lot more entertaining. But... Aydan's been with Kemal for 5 years and hasn't told Serkan? WHY? I can't believe Kemal didn't give her an ultimatum years ago. I was loving, however, Serkan being in the way for both Aydan/Kemal and Engin/Piril. GOOD. Those people caused problems for him at one point or another or were in the way, it was nice to see him return the favor. I like Kemal and am still hoping they'll do a parallel "not knowing your father thing" and reveal he's Serkan's bio dad while Serkan is finding out he had a child he never knew about.

Melo and Seyfi were their awesome supportive, funny selves. It was great to see both of them, I'm so glad they stayed.

As for the new characters, love the kids. The new hotel manager is apparently ditzy and starstruck over Serkan, and I don't really understand how she's going to be integrated into the cast, but I love that she was used as a device to show us that Serkan has zero interest in any woman who is not Eda Yildiz. Eda's assistant seems like he'll be a fine side character. As for Burak, he seems harmless, obviously he has feeling for Eda that she does not reciprocate (fuck off Ayfer trying to push her on him) but hopefully they don't make him a psycho like Deniz. I did think he was a bit out of line to Serkan. Isn't that his cafe? And a customer has his glass spilled by a child in his care, and he insults him instead of apologizing? That is the worst customer service I've ever seen! He's a character that could wear on me quickly, we shall see. Kiraz can't help but be sassy because of genetics, but some of the adults in her life seem to be modeling rude behavior!

Now on to Eda and Serkan, I can't say enough about Hande and Kerem's acting in this episode. Phenomenal! They were both brilliant. Plus both are doing a great job working off of Maya (especially Kerem) those scenes were priceless. I don't often enjoy kids on shows, but so far I'm loving this dynamic.

As for Edser, while we don't know everything yet it feels like Serkan got to a point where he couldn't stand to see Eda in pain and putting her life on hold, he outright mentioned that she might not have graduated if they'd stayed together, and so that was part of the reason he reverted to his robot self and pushed her away. I'm going to guess she tried and tried and he was just unyielding. Saying he didn't want to get married or have kids in the harshest way possible. Perhaps even she went to tell him that she was pregnant and he went off on not wanting kids before she could even tell him. Time will tell.

At this juncture, my best guess is Eda's fear is rooted in rejection. It can't be that she thinks Serkan is a terrible person that doesn't deserve to know his child, or would be detrimental to Kiraz. However, she knows what it feels like to be rejected by Serkan, I'm sure she was beyond devastated, so I'm guessing now she's bent on protecting her daughter from feeling that same rejection. She fears if he found out, but wanted nothing to do with her, it would feel worse than him not knowing. She's not thinking clearly and perhaps it hasn't even occurred to her that the man she fell in love with is still under there and that man is fully capable of opening his heart wide to their child.

The fact that this child, a stranger to him, already has him wrapped around her little finger to the tune of being late to meetings while he waits for her to pick berries, speaks volumes.

The lies that Eda is telling Kiraz though... there is a fairy tale poetry to Eda saying her father is among the stars... but there was no way this would ever end well. Such a bad idea. Eda.... has made mistakes.

As for Eda and Serkan, their reunion was so bitter sweet. The way Serkan was sure he was hallucinating her and couldn't believe she was real, speaks to the fact that his thinking he saw her that morning was not an anomaly. It must happen all the time. She's never left his thoughts in 5 years. Especially since Engin makes it clear that women throw themselves at Serkan all the time, and he never bites. That's a lot of years celebrate, pining after a love he lost through his own actions. Though it's not that surprising that he didn't pursue other women, as he's never been a character who was motivated by sex. Which makes it hilarious that during his presentation that's where his mind was at, remembering their intimate times together. Serkan Bolat is an Edasexual.

Serkan seemed to want to brush past what happened between them, how they ended, but from Eda's pain, it's clear it was gut-wrenching and tragic and that's something he's going to need to recon with in the coming episodes. But how refreshing that they actually talked! That Eda actually expressed her pain to him! Wowza, that's a change from recent episodes when they didn't even have a proper conversation after he got his memory back.

The flashback scenes were a combination of pure brilliance and pain. Just rip out my heart why don't you. Serkan's angry reactions seem very believable for someone suffering what he was going through. I think it's typical to lash out at the person closest to you. And their fear and pain, their commitment to getting him better and seeing it through... those scenes were made all the more heartbreaking knowing that they didn't make it out the other side intact.

On a lighter note, I loved how even despite their intention and best efforts to remain closed off to one another, and away from one another, they couldn't. Physically, Serkan couldn't stay away, and every time Eda was in his presence you saw her resolve slip and her start to feel that old pull towards him. The fact that Eda thinks there's any way to keep this secret and get rid of him, she must just be in full panic mode and not thinking clearly. She's never going to shake him.

Thank goodness Serkan came back and actually issued a sincere apology for what he said at coffee. He definitely owed her one, but what was extraordinary is that it showed that the growth he went through when they were together didn't regress. He was able to apologize and explain that he was angry and hurt and that's why it happened. If you remember from the first time around, saying sorry was something he was just unable to do, so this felt big to me. He's not the same robot Bolat, she left an indelible mark on him.

As for him making her present her proposal, it's really not out-of-line for the professional relationship, however, we all know he did it just so he had an excuse to be around her. That man will take any excuse, plus he likes to get a rise out of her.

The dinner scene was breathtaking. How beautiful and achingly romantic was that setting? Wowza. And what a roller coaster of emotion those scenes were. It was great to watch them talk and laugh. Who didn't swoon when he deveined her shrimp and when she gave him fries? But we had to know it wouldn't last. Eda's speech had me breathless. Serkan had that coming, it hurt but it had to happen. What a relief to see them get things out in the open. Now I hope we get to see them really talk about what happened and why. Explain yourself Serkan!

As for the next episode, I was so hopeful that the Kiraz secret would be out after the final scene, but the first fragman makes it look like that's not going to happen, at least not at the start of the episode. My fear is that if Eda outright lies to him that just makes everything worse. The longer she keeps it from him, when they're back in each other's orbits and it's clear he's not running away, it makes her more and more at fault.

In any case, it looks like we're in for some fabulous scene so I look forward to the second episode!

#Sen Çal Kapımı #Sen Cal Kapimi #edser #sck discussion #edser discussion #sck episode discussion #sck 2x40 #edser meta #sckask #asklizac #anonymous

[crqstalite]

do it for them. [mind blind]

I sincerely apologize for any emotional pain I caused with this one. Kind of.

warning for suicidal thoughts on carmen’s part. it isn’t a large part of it, but be aware if you’re sensitive to that kind of content.

tagging @tayareum.

carmen wiseman (they/them pronouns) + nick wiseman. pre-game + chapter 4 spoilers. words: 4,083

-

There’s still dried blood on their knuckles from where they’d hit them. The rainwater hadn’t gotten rid of the evidence. Carmen turns their hands over, flicking the red spatter off of it. The office chair is hard, but they don’t complain. Nick’s stare of disappointment would be harder.

The bully in question has an ice pack over his nose, glaring at them and still sniffling something fierce in the chair opposite to them. Broken, probably, if the crack they’d felt when their fist connected with his nose meant anything. He deserved whatever came to him, tormenting them would get Benjamin nowhere. Their mind might be an unfenced daisy patch, but there was nothing in the rule book that said they couldn’t defend themselves. Sally wasn’t here to do it for them (Carmen was getting sick of the girl, she was everywhere. She was kind, but sometimes Carmen wanted to be alone. Sally didn’t know their personal space boundaries and their parents determined that Carmen would always be safer with her without even consulting them first) so they took matters into their own hands. At most, he’d left a few bruises from where his fist had connected with their chest.

It’s numb. They don’t feel it. They don’t feel much of anything these days.

Well, their parents would have some words for them over a phone call or something. That much they knew. They didn’t much care, but they knew.

The clock keeps ticking. The office secretary had said that Nick would be here soon to come and get them, and the principal would speak to him when he got here. Carmen’s loosely aware that means that he was probably in school when the school called their parents. Good for him then, they might as well just trudge home.

Another ten minutes pass. Benjamin’s mother is here now with the big heels that click and reverberate through the front office, glaring something fierce at them while on a call with her partner. Carmen’s eyes stay pinned on their hands, not interested in much else. Their phone is cracked to hell, it’d been in their back pocket when Benjamin had swung and they’d fallen back to the ground of the courtyard. The corpse sat in their bookbag by their feet. If they knew better, John would buy them a new one within the week. He was playing a losing game of earning Carmen’s trust back after leaving last year. Maybe he’d even buy them one of the new models.

Five minutes more, and Nick’s Aeon uniform passes by the office window. The door clicks open when the knob turns, and Carmen raises their head to look at him.

What happened this time? He asks silently, his matching grey eyes pinned on them. Relief floods through his body once he’s seen them, before frowning. Disappointed, but not angry. Worried. You’re not hurt then, thank God. Don’t tell me you started another fight for no reason.

Get out of my head, Nick, Carmen glares at their older brother, annoyed with the intrusion. He should know better by now, it isn’t as if they’ve been broadcasting how much they hate having him there, And it wasn’t for no reason, FYI.

Alright then, I believe you Carmen. I’m in your corner, you know that, He responds, giving them a soft halfway smile that tugs the corners of his lips up, We can talk about this when we get back home.

Carmen is a little taken aback that he doesn’t even sound exasperated with them. They would’ve expected it at this point, considering how many times they’ve been in this situation. This is just the first time since John and Hope left for Milwaukee, and the first time a kid had gone tattling to a school officer. Usually they got away with this, and Nick didn’t ask questions as long as they didn’t come home with a broken bone or something. Their brother is too good to them, and it stifles Carmen sometimes. It doesn’t make sense.

Another five minutes of Nick talking circles around Benjamin’s mother (who is stoically referred to as ‘ma’am’ by Nick. Carmen themself would have a much stronger word in mind), with occasional mind prods by everyone in the room but Nick. For once, they’re thankful he doesn’t use that power to make them even more uncomfortable than usual. Trampled over enough times, picking their brain for every little bit of information that they can pluck out of there (mostly on Benjamin’s part. Carmen should sock them in the nose again for good measure to shut up his nasally voice) until there’s nothing left Carmen can even say to protect themself.

It only reminds them that their mind has never been their own. They’re beginning to curl up on themselves again. They want to go home, they want these people out of their head. Ments have always been trouble, and today was no different.

Their hands start to shake in their lap as people talk over them, curling their form in on themself. It’s cold, the beginning of winter with the heating unit barely doing anything for the rapidly decreasing temperature in Chicago. Nearly Thanksgiving. The first one they’d spend without Hope or John. Just Carmen and Nick.

All because of them. The catalyst of everyone’s problem. Designated the problem child. And here they were again, in a school office, head thick with thoughts that they can’t control. 

What they’d give for two seconds to be normal. What they’d give to feel safe in their own home, in their own skin again.

Carmen doesn’t quite realize they’re quaking until Nick puts a firm hand on their shoulder, grounding them back to the present. His worried grey eyes are on theirs when they look up to him. Benjamin’s mother has her hands crossed over the chest of her obnoxious yellow pantsuit. The principal has his hands steepled on his desk. They hadn’t been paying any attention, it was easier not to when people could just read their mind.

They’re asking for you to apologize to Benjamin, Nick fulfills their question, maybe aware they’d zoned out as soon as they got loud, I know you don’t want to, and you shouldn’t have to for what he did, but you’ll sooner be home when you do.

“Sorry.” Carmen clips, not bothering to look at the pair. They aren’t sorry, he had it coming and they just delivered it. Benjamin had been bullying them since high school started, he was just the latest victim in a list of tormentors since middle school.

“Sorry for what?” Benjamin’s mother snaps. Carmen doesn’t know what the woman wants from them, other than to lie down and take whatever her son was dishing out, “I could sue, you know.”

“But you won’t. Because Carmen acted in self-defense, ma’am.” Nick retorts, “The only foul play was your son attacking them first. He’ll be fine, at worst he has a broken nose. That’ll heal.”

“I-” She stutters, before recomposing herself, “Just because you’re the Wiseman children doesn’t mean you can just get away with doing whatever.”

“We’re aware,” Nick glares back at her, as if asking her to challenge him again, “Again, Carmen wouldn’t have broken his nose without good reason. And from their testimony over the last few months, your son hasn’t been much better to them.”

She purses her lips into a line before gesturing to Benjamin, telling him they were leaving. Benjamin makes a show of being injured and struggling to pick up his backpack as the pair shuffle out the door. It clicks shut, and the tension flows out of Carmen’s shoulders. The principal and Nick exchange a few more words (probably a threat of suspension again. They skirt suspension every couple of months, at worst it’ll be another detention), before they’re able to leave the office.

Their knuckles had split upon impact. They only notice when they feel a twinge of pain spark up their hand when they throw their bag over their shoulder. It wasn’t Benjamin’s blood then (or not much of it), it was beads of their own that their skin was trying to scab over. 

It had started raining again as they trek out to Nick’s car. They choose not to stand under Nick’s umbrella, rain soaking them and their hoodie through. Blonde hair plastered to their face when they climb inside the small car. It isn’t until the doors are closed and Carmen is able to breathe again that he sighs, running a hand through his hair, “Button-”

“Don’t. Don’t use that damn name with me,” They snap back, their voice still quivering. He knows that they hate it, “I know John and Hope will be mad. I don’t care. They could come back down here if they want to, but I don’t owe them anything.”

He winces at the use of their first names, but presses ahead, “They never said what that kid did to you. I know you wouldn’t have done anything without reason, and I wanted to hear your side of the story.”

“I was thinking it, wasn’t I? You could’ve just plucked it out of there,” They pull their legs up to their chest, wrapping their arms around them, “You do it a lot anyway. It doesn’t matter what I wanted.”

He doesn’t meet their gaze for a moment, lapsing back into silence. Most likely internally berating himself all over again. Good, that’ll teach him not to go rooting around in their head without permission. That’s not unusual, hopefully he starts up the car so they can just go home.

He doesn’t and Carmen inwardly groans. They hate having these conversations with Nick. Their older brother wields guilt like a battering ram, and Carmen’s having enough of a time dealing with their own problems without Nick adding this on, “I know things have been difficult since mom and dad left. And I’m sorry if I haven’t always been here for you, I’m trying my best. No matter what, we’re family,” He hesitates, but gently reaches over to touch their shoulder. Carmen flinches away from the touch, and Nick retracts his hand with a disparged look. Hurt glances off his grey eyes, and guilt roots itself in Carmen, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be here for you when you needed me.”

“No one ever is. I don’t need everyone treating me like a child, Nick. I’m not stupid, and I’m not weak either. You and Sally are determined to think that I am,” Carmen responds in protest, their voice cracking, “One of these days you’re going to realize that, and you’ll back off. You can’t protect me. I might be a zero, but I’m not incapable.”

“No, you aren’t. I just don’t want you hurt, Carmen. You can’t punch everyone that...” He trails off, maybe thinking again, “Takes advantage. I know you can protect yourself, but who’s to say there isn’t another Alan Chung out there? I don’t know what I’d do if...”

He doesn’t quite look at them, but they get the idea. A shiver runs up their spine at the thought. Nick is right, there were Ments like Alan who were far more sinister that wanting them to shove a pencil up their nose. Carmen would be a fool not to acknowledge that.

“I know, Nick.” Is all that they answer. They know their older brother toils over that, especially after he found out. It’s an experience they never want to relive again, nor Hope’s...incident. 

27 minutes. Exactly 27, and they remember every excruciating detail of the ordeal. The thought of that happening again with someone that wasn’t Hope is the terrifying bit, being left for dead somewhere that their family couldn’t find them. Nick had been there though. He’d been the person they regained control to. They still remember the cold floor once they could feel again, and the tears that streaked their cheeks that Nick carefully brushed away. Even though they’d run away to sleep after that, he’d still been sleep outside the hallway in the morning -- in case they needed him during the night.

Deep down, they know that he cares. And that’s the only reason that he holds so tight to them. Their family was torn apart, and Nick and is the only person they have left. But Carmen can’t keep living in a world where they live in metaphorical bubble wrap in the form of their older brother and best friend. Independence is what they strive for, not codependence on someone else.

At this point? They wouldn’t mind if Gray stole him for days at a time. The guilt that Nick has thrown away what he could’ve had for them is probably the reason they’re so bitter. Or at least that’s what their therapist told them. How right they are depends on the day and just how introspective they feel. The therapist had once asked whether they actually loved Nick or not. That it was okay not to have feelings for him, or possibly ones that weren’t entirely tangible. 

Carmen knew their answer. It was harder to say it with the guilt scratching at their throat. Harder to even pronounce the words without remembering just how much stress he was under at Aeon and dealing with them whenever he came home. They weren’t the easiest person to deal with.

Somedays Carmen wonders if they just disappeared, whether Nick would be happier. He could live with their parents again, and they’d be a happy family of Ments. Without them.

Somedays they just want the pain to finally go away. That ache in their heart for normalcy never quite fades. Dull, always pounding away until Carmen can’t take it anymore.

Static fills their ears.

They wonder if the world would be any better if they weren’t in it. Sally could have other friends. So could Nick. That damn principal wouldn’t see them every other weekday.

“Button?” Nick pulls them back into the present before they can spiral. They’re thankful. They don’t need to start crying, not in front of Nick.

Carmen shakily sighs, regrounding themself in the car, “You hold so damn tight. I know why, but I don’t want to suffocate. I’m my own person. Seventeen years. I’m not a baby, don’t treat me like one.”

Nick smiles softly, if not also sadly, “You’ll always be my baby sibling, you know that. I can’t just turn that off, Carmen. No matter how determined you are to push me away, I love you. I always will.”

Carmen finally looks at him directly, resting their head on their knees, “I know. I-” heir breath catches, before they find their words. I love you too. They think it louder than they mean to, and Nick smiles upon hearing it, “And that’s what makes it so insufferable sometimes. I want to live for once, Nick. You shouldn’t have to hang onto me so much. I wouldn’t push if you didn’t force this.”

“Yeah,” He answers, shaking his head as he resigns to looking out the windshield, “Maybe I shouldn’t.”

They fall into silence again as Nick starts the car, the rumble of the engine drowning out any remnants of their conversation. Carmen unfolds themself enough to fasten their seatbelt across their body, propping their head up with their hand to look out the window as they pull out of the school parking lot. 

“Gray’s not over today,” He offers as a white flag when they’re halfway back to their home. Carmen is nearly happy to hear the news, “We could make cookies, button. Snickerdoodles.”

Nick has, inevitably, caught their attention. Probably exactly what he wanted to do. They hadn’t eaten today, not with the vultures of their high schools swarming around just waiting to get the drop on them. And cookies sounded far better than the cold eggs and hot sauce in their lunchbox, “Don’t you have to go back to school?”

“Classes have been out since I came to come and get you. I was thinking I could drop you off at home and then I could go shopping for this week,” He muses to himself, mood lifting, “It’s nearly Thanksgiving again. I have an excuse to make an ungodly amount of snickerdoodles, and not have dad asking questions.”

Carmen knows what he’s doing, by rattling off every cookie in existence and they roll their eyes. Considerate of him not to invite them to the shopping trip after the day’s events. Nick always makes cookies when he’s stressed, or he knows that they’ve had a bad day. 

Maybe it’s a mix of both today. 

Carmen’s altercations stagnate after that event. And every time, Nick is always there for them. Sometimes they talk, and sometimes they don’t. This time, they do. But he drops the subjects once they’re inside the house and away from the rain. They shake their heads like wet dogs. It nearly makes Carmen smile. 

He hesitates by their room once they shuffle their wet articles of clothing off and onto the hooks by the front door, “You should really get a shower. Or maybe bundle up, you’ll get sick.”

“I know.” They say, unzipping the sides of their boots and stepping out of them. The blanket that he’d bought them for Christmas last year has their name written all over it. They intend to climb in and hibernate for a bit. At least until the snickerdoodles are done. Maybe call Sally. They acutely wonder where she had been all day -- not that they could blame her for what happened.

He bites his bottom lip out of habit, before extending his arms to them in a silent invitation for a hug with a crooked smile. As if to say, ‘Please?’ with his eyes.

Carmen wants to retreat. They don’t like physical affection from anyone, especially with wet clothes as the cold seeps into their bones. Nor do they really want to hug Nick of all people.

His hands fall to his sides with a ‘Oh well’ sort of look, though the hurt still shines through as bright as a beacon. Before he can turn, they carefully put their arms around him, pressing their head to his chest. Startled, he doesn’t respond for just a moment before leaning his head against theirs and wrapping his arms tight around their form. Just for second, long enough that their shirt is clearly stuck to them and they pull away without a word.

Their brother is holding back a smile as he looks at them, then turning over his shoulder, “Let me change, and we’ll have a batch of snickerdoodles in no time, button.”

Carmen stands there for a moment, watching until his retreating form disappears into the rest of the house. They drag themselves back into their room, closing the door behind them with a soft snck. 

Now alone with their thoughts, it’s impossible not to slide down their door to curl up again, knees pressed to their chest as hot tears well up in their eyes. What they would do without Nick, they aren’t sure. They don’t know anymore. No one knows what lies ahead for Carmen, not Nick, not Sally, not John, not Hope, no doctor on the planet knows. All they know is that they’re a zero, that they’re powerless and they need to be protected. They’re loud and need someone to quiet them. 

They want to feel alive again. Crawling their way out of the hellhole that is their mental state these days proves more and more difficult. Ending it all seems like the clear choice. Putting Nick through that pain is what keeps them around. They couldn’t live with that.

Carmen flickers their cracked phone screen on after a moment, the light nearly blinding them in the dark and cold room as they sink into their hoodie, turning the brightness down. Six text messages from Sally in the last day, all some variation of her being worried about them. Another one vibrates their phone,

sallymeister (17:30): nicholas says ur home now. hope he gave a verbal beatdown to that ben kid n his mom. kinda hope you gave him one too 😤 sallymeister (17:30): wanna get on a call? its 2 quiet w/o u around

A pause,

sallymeister (17:31): or not. up to u. just want 2 make sure ur ok wisefry

Carmen fishes their earbuds out of their soaked bag, sighing at the use of the nickname. Once the call connects, Sally launches into a retelling of her day (nasally -- she’d been out sick). Carmen is nearly happy to hear her voice on the other end, filling the silence and encroaching thoughts in their mind. Her cheerful story at least reminds them that Sally cares. Even if they don’t want Sally to be the only person around, Nick calls them for the cookies an hour later, their eyes still burning, but now dry of tears.

Carmen passes by too many photos of their family on the way into the kitchen, the eyes they share with Hope following them around wherever they go. The room smells heavenly though when Carmen steps in, Nick already with a cookie in his mouth before silently shoving the plate of still warm snickerdoodles over the counter. He leans against it after untying his apron.

“I thought you were going out for groceries.” They say, carefully picking one up as it starts to fall apart.

“I was, but that can wait until tomorrow,” He answers, “That storm isn’t going anywhere.”

Carmen makes a noncommittal noise, chewing on the cookie and pulling themself up into a stool on the island. There isn’t much they can say, not when they were considering the unthinkable only a few minutes ago. What Nick would say if they told them exactly what bounced around in their head all the time, they don’t want to think about it.

Carmen doesn’t remember if they’ve ever seen him cry.

“Want me to redo your hair?” He asks, swiping another cookie off the plate, “Your roots are showing again.”

“Maybe.” They answer. They hadn’t realized. They hadn’t really cared either.

“Going for a different color this time? We could do orange. Or neon green.” He offers, chuckling to himself. The thought arrives anyway, as much as Carmen grits their teeth, Are you going to be ok, button? I heard you all the way in here.

Great, so I’m still loud? They ask, glaring back at Nick but too tired to put up a real fight.

No. I’ll always worry, it’s my superpower, he slides his hand across the counter, offering it to them with a smile, Let me be here for you.

After a moment of hard deliberation, Carmen accepts, slipping their colder, smaller hand into Nick’s warm and inviting one. His fingers intertwine with theirs’, squeezing, I love you button. Even if you don’t me, I always will.

-

Their backpack is by their feet again. A different one. 

They’re the one in the Aeon uniform now. They’re hunched over, they can barely breathe in that stupid hard chair by the bed. They wanted to leave, they don’t even want to be in this stupid cramped little room.

Their phone is cracked again, scars running up from the impact point. Fallen from a balcony, shattered the screen. For some reason, they feel like John won’t be buying them a new one. It wouldn’t be his priority at least. Carmen isn’t sure they mind. The phone doesn’t matter right now.

Their hands are shaking in their lap again, their body is so tensed that they feel like they’re a rope pulled taught -- just waiting for it to snap.

They’re the one reaching for Nick’s hand this time. 

It’s too still. These were the hands that hugged them, that made them cookies, that made them lunch every damn day. That had this morning, even though they turned it down.

That ventilator’s wheeze punctuates every moment they sit there hesitating. Every moment that they hear their heartbeat in their ears, knowing that if they tried, they wouldn’t be able to feel their brother’s.

Nick, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.

They can’t believe their last words were for Nick to just leave them alone. Their throat is closing up as tears bubble up at the corner of their eyes, threatening to spill.

Nick, I love you. Please. Don’t do this. I love you so much.

I need you.

Carmen intertwines their fingers with Nick’s, holding him so tight. His hand larger, but their hand fitting like a glove.

He doesn’t squeeze back.

#mind blind #carmen wiseman #nick wiseman

[marshmallowprotection]

Kait Reacts To The AE 10/?

Hi! These reactions are written out every time a Chatroom opens and it’s done over the course of the day. So, you’re watching me react in real time as it is for me. So, Spoilers AHOY. Expect Another post like this tomorrow, there is just too many chats to put it all in one post. So, hey, if you click this, you’re opening yourself to spoilers, you make the choice. If I do this right, there should only be two posts tomorrow. 

[21:39]

The chatroom opens again. Saeran knows the truth. He ran off. I don’t know how he handled it. I don’t. He said nothing. He just left. I had a feeling for a moment that he used this... grief and moment of weakness to make the distraction that needed to be made and I don’t know if I’m still on the good ending path or not right now because I didn’t think the game was going to continue to separate me and Saeran. I sincerely didn’t. It felt like maybe there was a shred of hope but now I just. 

I don’t know. I don’t know what to think here when I’m reading through this part and it hurts. But, I do appreciate the commentary in this chatroom because time and time again, the game lets you tell Rika she’s wrong. She needs to hear that shit whether she likes or not. Nobody can coddle her. She needs to facts and be honest. She needs to admit she did wrong. 

She cannot live a lie. I thought she was going to lash out. I don’t know if she will at this point but she and V leave the chatroom after this conversation so make of that what you will. There’s some dodgy moments there for a second as they try to figure out where he went and who should go after then. I really don’t even care anymore about what’s going on with them. I cannot trust them. I just can’t do that. 

They both hid this secret, and the bombshell is that V is there that day. He was close-by. Rika didn’t fucking hide it from him. He hid that. I didn’t know that, I did not even think that he knew. I thought maybe... he assumed, but I wasn’t sure if he actually knew. He didn’t know about Mika, either. So, this just proves that V has been hiding her and spurning this all along and Mika was there as well to push Rika deeper into what she already wanted to do and who she wanted to be. No wonder she crashed when she did, honestly. 

Saeran hits V with a text and that’s when I know this is the end. 

He only texted V something vague about where to find him. 

Once again! So, yeah, that’s one thing that caught me off-guard and now I can’t unsee or unread what I learned. V knew from the start that she was going down a bad path and he knows right and wrong, but he just... he didn’t. He didn’t stop her and he didn’t help her go to where she needed, we know that she blacked out when she killed Mother Choi. She was fearful for her life in that moment and likely wouldn’t have faced a huge punishment. 

But, she still took a life. 

And Rika herself says... “Even my abusive mother... if someone killed her... the devil would be the one that killed her.” Therefore, in that logic, she and V are the devils. V asks me if it’s a mistake. Let’s just make it clear how I handled that one with him. 

I race to Saeran as fast as I can in the visual novel. It’s... there’s no choice for me here. I have to leave him and the music is playing louder in the background and I just. I’m crying. “I don’t want to leave you. Please.” I try to see if he’s okay but he’s... at peace with the truth. I don’t know how I would have handled that in this situation. Does anyone feel relief when their abuser is dead? It tends to be muddled quite a bit for most people. 

Saeran tells me that he won’t change his mind, though. I don’t have the strength or the ability to type through my tears right now so I just copied the dialogue out from the game and pasted it here for you to see why I’m so fucked up. I can’t just forget you and leave, Saeran Choi. That’s not how this works. We’ve talked about this. Nobody can make me choose anything, just as nobody can make you choose anything. 

And, I choose you, forever and always. 

So, if you think that I could leave and never look back, you’re wrong. I can’t do that. I don’t know... I just. I can’t. I don’t know. Zen texted me after this and said even though Jumin said no, he wants to help me make a plan with Yoosung to be able to save Saeran. Maybe, that’s the key? I don’t know. 

[23:00]

I have never been sadder in my life than the moment that I heard Generously Hacked Bepop. Honestly. That song came on and I was just. I’m too sad for this upbeat jazz party. I can’t. The RFA is together and they want to know that we’re okay. We got out. Saeran stalled. He did what he could. We’re out of there and Saeyoung is going to be awake within four hours and we’re going to be at C&R within two hours. There’s not much to note, here. All I know is that we’re on the move. 

Zen and Yoosung want to rescue Saeran. Jumin... I don’t know. He seems to be thinking otherwise. I don’t like that. He and Saeran likely had a talk. I don’t know, I’m just... guessing here. He also says something that we shouldn’t forget, that the group wants to put on a big announcement in the morning. I don’t know what that means. I’m actually. 

The worst thought came to me when he said that because. 

I thought. 

What if the plan is to say that Saejoong Choi killed Saeran? To everyone, to all of those in earshot. I don’t know. It’s just a guess. But, when Saeyoung does the work for the agency and takes them down... he’s the only boss left to take care in a sense. Is that the plan? It has to do with Saejoong. I don’t. I don’t know. I just can’t figure it out. This is my guess... but I don’t know. They said that they will tell me when I get there. 

That means I may not like it. 

That means I could be right and. 

My track record of being right has doomed me thus far. 

Anyways, the visual novel is rather lengthy and it fucked me up. It fucked me up really bad. I just. There was the music, there was the emotional turmoil, there was just too much to process all at once for me to be able to handle what was even happening here. Rika and V really did get rid of the body together, they did that. I can’t. I can’t believe that. Saeran is... I can’t believe his level of maturity, I said that I didn’t want him to forgive Rika or V. But, he chooses to forgive them because that’s his choice. 

He doesn’t want to be angry anymore. 

He doesn’t want to think of the pain. 

He doesn’t want to drown in that feeling.

He just wants to be happy. 

He chooses that for himself, and honestly, it felt like he did that as he came to the conclusion that this was it. There’s a lot to unpack here so... I’m just going to let Saeran speak for himself for the most part as I recount my feelings on the matter. He’s... I’m proud of him. I know that he picked this for himself and I want to respect his freedom. He decided to forgive, and he decided that this was the right emotional choice for him. Don’t get me wrong, I doubt he’s going to let them into our lives. 

Forgiveness does not mean friendship.

It means that we can part ways as well and end that arc of trauma. It’s a choice that you can make. You don’t have to make it. If it helps you, make it. Saeran is the one that decided that he needed to do this. I respect that. I don’t know what V and Rika plan to do.

And for the worst, he looks at them with this look on his face and simply says: 

It was my worst fear come true and I don’t... I can’t. He is willing to die for this cause. I can’t. I can’t. Rika freaks out. She says that she is the root of all evil because this “never would have happened if I didn’t kill your mother.” She can’t change the past, and she has to live with that. If she and V do turn around here and do the right thing, don’t expect me to forgive them for what they did. Even if you do the right thing at the last second, you are owed nothing. 

I’m twisted. I know that neither of them want Saeran to die like this. I know that, but... after all that they’ve done. It’s just hard for me. Saeran is a bit more stronger then me, I guess. I admire that about him and I love him for it. He is so warm and so kind. I will never let myself forget that. But, this isn’t the end, and I am not leaving him to die. 

You can call him after this as well. 

His phone is about to die. He’s tired. He can’t move. He’s laying there on the grass as he watches the sky. He repeats his love over and over and over and over again. He says that he’s grateful for me being there for him when he needed someone and he’ll never forget that. He tells you every way that he loves you and every way that he is thankful and it’s hard to focus on it when you are crying. 

And... he just... 

Saeran: “I’m free. I’m finally free. My life was always a cage that I never thought I would escape from... but. I’m free. I love you... I will love you forever... I love you, I love you so much... I...”

And the phone drops the call when his battery dies and I die a little alongside that. 

Please, please let me rescue him before it’s too late. 

#KaitReactsToTheAE #Kait Reacts To The AE #SaeranAfterEnding #saeran after ending #saeran ae #mm #mysme #mysticmessenger #mystic messenger #saeran #saeran choi #choi saeran #mysme saeran #mm saeran #mystic messenger saeran #saeran mysme #saeran mystic messenger #saeran mm #mod kait #long post

[liesyousoldme]

2 🥺

the sentence for this prompt is “close the door” and this was originally going to be a part 1 and part 2 would be when they reunite as adults but i don’t know that i’ll ever get around to actually writing it?? so just imagine that after this they reunite as adults and live happily ever after 

this is...angst city. warning for homophobia, internalized and externalized, including slurs. also this isn’t specifically movie verse so it’s bi!richie in case that needs to be a warning for anyone

anyway enjoy these 15 year olds not knowing how to handle emotions!!!!!

Richie was meandering. Helet his hands drag along the tops of weeds as he walked slowly down the path,kicking rocks as he saw them. He didn’t have shit to do and decided anafternoon reading comics in the clubhouse could cure his boredom, but while hewas making his way there, so close he could see the rock they placed on thehatch so they could easily find it, he heard noises behind him. Scuffling,shouting, loud and quick footsteps. Slower footsteps.

Just because Bowers wasgone didn’t mean a new batch of bullies didn’t pop up as quickly as he fell.

Through the trees he saw asmall figure running full speed toward him and he sprung into action, rushingtoward the clubhouse and opening the hatch. When Eddie made it to the clearinghis face was bright red, his hair sticking to his face and neck with sweat. Richieheld a finger up to his lips, a silent shush, and Eddie nodded, skidding to aslower pace and practically falling into the clubhouse.

“There are stairs, youknow,” Richie said helpfully, standing on the top step.

“Close the door, they’refucking right behind me!”

Richie pulled the doorshut and the clubhouse fell into darkness. They turned on some rigged lights,as Eddie collapsed onto the ground, arms and legs spread and panting.

“Where the fuck is he?” Avoice asked above him. Eddie jolted into a sitting position, eyes wide.

“He’s gotta be hiding,”another said. “He’s little but he ain’t that fast.”

“It’s not even worth it,man,” the first voice said. He was out of breath. Richie moved closer to Eddie,sitting next to him on the floor. Eddie scooted closer, pressing against Richie’sside and clutching his arm.

“Yeah it fuckin’ is,” theother boy argued. “Girly-boy was runnin’ his mouth all semester. I couldn’t doanything about it til now or I’d get kicked off the team but ain’t no team in summer.”

“I’m sure we’ll catch himanother day, dude. Are we gonna spend our day chasing a fucking fairy?”

Eddie let go of Richie’sarm suddenly, shoving himself toward the wall of the clubhouse. Richie squintedat him in the dim light. He had his knees brought up to his chest and his armswrapped tightly around them. His eyes were shut tight, his whole face pinchedwith it. The voices got farther away until they couldn’t hear them at all, andRichie kept watching Eddie, who hadn’t relaxed.

“They’re gone,” Richiesaid, breaking the silence. “Are you okay?”

Eddie sucked in a deepbreath and let it out slowly, then did it again. He opened his eyes; they werewet with unshed tears.

“Dude, what happened?”

Eddie laughed withouthumor, looking away. “Nothing.”

Richie frowned. “Uh, clearlyit’s not nothing, you just freaked out for no reason.”

“Leave me alone.”

He stood and walked to theback of the clubhouse, climbing into the hammock. He didn’t grab a comic likeusual, just crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the dirt ceiling.

Richie scoffed at hisbehavior and stood as well, picking a comic from their selection and then goingto the hammock. Over the two years that the losers had utilized the hammock,they’d come to a mutual agreement that rather than arguing about time limitsand taking turns, they could both easily fit and each get double the time. Itwas a perfect system, even if it usually led to one of them sticking a sockedfoot in the other’s face.

Just as Richie picked his footoff the ground to remove his shoe, Eddie growled, “Don’t.”

“What?”

“I said, don’t,” Eddiesaid angrily. “I’m using the fucking hammock right now. Stop being so touchywith me, I don’t want you all over me.”

Richie’s stomach plummeted.He was pretty positive he was about to throw up.

“Okay,” he said quietly.He turned and started walking to the hatch, afternoon of reading comics forgotten.“I’m gonna go.”

He barely made it to thefirst step before Eddie’s voice filled the clubhouse.

“I’m not fucking gay.”

Richie grabbed the railingof the stairs and squeezed until his knuckles were white.

“I never said you were,Eddie,” he answered as calmly as possible. The throwing up was stillpotentially on the table.

“It’s all anybody callsme. I’m a fag or a fairy or a girly-boy or littlesissyqueerboy.” He said it inone breath, one word, the way Bowers used to. It was the first mean name he’dever been called, and Richie knew how much Eddie hated it.

“Okay but… We don’t saythat shit,” Richie said. “Those guys don’t fucking matter, man. The losers knowyou’re… That you’re straight.”

He stepped away from thestairs, unclenching his hand and ignoring the pain from clutching the wood.

Eddie was sitting on theedge of the hammock, head in his hands and elbows on his knees. Richie couldsee the tension through his entire body, like he was ready to snap and explode.

“They call us that, too.”

“But you’re other things beforethat. Fucking Bucky Beaver or Four Eyes or something about how you never shutup. But it’s the only thing they call me. It’s the only thing they’ve evercalled me. It’s who I am. So don’t act like it’s the fucking same because it’snot. They call you gay because they’re trying to goad you; they call me gaybecause they think I actually am.”

“So? So fucking what ifthey think that? We’re all dealing with shit, we all get bullied! That’s why we’refucking losers!”

Eddie rolled his eyes andcrossed his arms over his chest again. Richie thought about just screaming atthe top of his lungs, something to get all the nervous tension out of his bodybecause this was too much, this conversation was going in a dangerous directionand he just wanted to run. But he couldn’t leave Eddie. He never acted likethis, they never actually argued, and his insides were turning inside out overthe fact that the one time they do it’s about being gay. He’d imagined this.This conversation was headed toward his worst fucking nightmare, a train onbroken tracks with no brakes, hurtling toward a cliff with nothing to softenthe blow at the bottom, just rocks, sharp and unrelenting.

He opened his mouth,because he was an idiot. “Eds, we’re all losers. The whole point is that we don’t…judge. You know? Everybody’s an outcast for some reason or another. We couldbully the fuck out of Bill for his stutter, or Ben for being fat, or Stan forbeing obsessed with birds, but we don’t. And I don’t think… If any of us… Uh.”

He swallowed thickly.

“If any of us had otherreasons that… you know, that other people would judge them for… I don’t thinkthe losers would do that. Right? We – if any of us were,” he blinked back thetears and cleared his throat, “gay, there wouldn’t – I mean, it wouldn’t bebad. Right?”

This was it. He was goingto puke everywhere, he was going to sob, he was going to rip his fucking hairout at the roots.

“I just said I’m notfucking gay, Richie!” Eddie yelled, face bright red.

“That’s not – I’m notsaying that!” He insisted, because he hadn’t been. “I’m saying, or like…Asking. The losers would be cool if one of us was gay, right? The answer isjust supposed to be yes, Eddie!”

“Well it’s not!”

The fight in him drainedimmediately, and he blinked quickly to keep from crying. He wouldn’t fuckingcry right now.

“It’s the same thing as adisease, like a – like, people just have to try to get better from it. Likewhen you get the flu or something and you have to cough up a bunch of stuff andblow your nose a million times. That stuff’s inside you and it’s gross and badso you have to get it out and then you get better, so no, it wouldn’t be cool.It would – we’d have to help whoever it was.”

He stared at Eddie, whohad stood and begun pacing. Richie was sure the words had come straight fromhis mother’s mouth, and he was sure that Sonia thought she was giving her soninstructions on how to save himself, not anyone else.

“That’s such fuckingbullshit,” he muttered, kicking the ground and watching minimal dirt sift intothe air. “Is that what your fucking mommy told you? She’s full of shit, Eddie!Just like your fucking inhaler is full of shit! You can’t fucking cough up yourgay feelings into a tissue and call it a goddamn day!”

“That’s not – it’s notliteral! It’s a fucking metaphor!”

“Then tell me, Eddie, howdo you get rid of it? Hmm?” His hands were shaking. “Because I’ve triedeverything I can fucking think of and it’s still here!”

Eddie seemed to stopbreathing, his brown eyes wide.

Richie felt like there wasa buzzing beneath his skin, like this had been waiting to burst out of him.

“Church? Prayer? I triedthat! Seventh grade, remember? I spent every fucking Wednesday at Bible studyand I went early on Sunday and stayed late and I prayed every stupid day andnothing! Girls? I made out with Lisa Prewitt! I fucking went down on LisaPrewitt! And I loved it! But guess what? It didn’t make me want to suck a dickany less!”

He was screaming but hecould barely hear himself over the blood rushing in his ears. There was nostopping the tears now, but it was okay because Eddie stood in the corner,shrinking in on himself. He was crying, too.

“Don’t tell me it’s thesame as getting rid of the flu. You’re so fucking gullible. Your mom just doesn’twant you to be fucking gay.”

They stared at each otherfrom across the clubhouse, both with tear tracks on their cheeks. He hated thesight of Eddie crying. He hated even more knowing he was the cause of it.

“This is a stupidargument,” Richie finally bit out, breaking their eye contact. “I didn’t – I wasn’ttrying to be mean, just… I’m pretty sure I just lost my best friend so you’llhave to excuse me for being a little emotionally volatile.”

Eddie didn’t mock his SATvocabulary like he usually did, instead just stayed standing in the corner,arms wrapped around himself like it was the only thing holding him together.

“Can you say something?”Richie said quietly.

Eddie cleared his throat. “Idon’t know what to say.”

Richie laughed hollowly.

“I mean, you could startwith whether you even want to be friends anymore.”

Eddie looked pained as hestepped out of the corner, only halfway across the room. Richie couldn’t lookat him.

“I don’t know,” he answeredin a quiet voice. Words had never sounded worse in Richie’s ears and he chokedon a sob.

“Okay,” he said, trying tosound normal when it was clear he was crying. He sniffled, taking large stridestoward the stairs. “I’m gonna go.”

Eddie didn’t stop him thistime.

When he got home a fewhours later, after finding a secluded spot in the barrens and crying everythingout, he found his parents sitting at the kitchen table. They told him thatwithin the month they would be living in California.

Richie, for the first timein his life, couldn’t wait to be a country away from Eddie.

#my fic #ek x rt #Anonymous

[infinitydoublevenus]

like fern is just finn if he was bumped out of his own life and corrupted by a demon. it shows us different aspects of finn’s soul and personality, and how he would deal with all that - basically showing us his dark side, without fucking up main finn.

i had a whole long ass shpiel about why i disagree written out and then my computer decided not to listen to my mouse and it basically got destroyed

but in summary, 

- MAJOR SPOILER WARNING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE FINALE YET-

i dont think everything that made fern the way he is was the demons fault. like… imagine if you will, waking up one day in a body you’re unfamiliar with, but not realizing it until someone looking just like you claims they are you, your brother defends them and claims you’re not who you really are, calls you a demon, your “son” (BMO) is terrified of you for what you can only assume is no reason, you realize you cant do the things you loved anymore because this body isn’t capable of it, and since you’re unfamiliar with it, you keep fucking up to the point where you feel like you can’t do anything right. then you finally, FINALLY get a chance to prove yourself and you’re incapable of doing what you were supposed to. which makes you feel less than your doppelganger because they seem so much more successful and better at what you did then you were. imagine that you realize “hey, these memories i have of my entire life aren’t mine anymore” that would surely cause someone to question whether they really were that person or not. and as we see in Do No Harm, Fern clearly is on the side of “i’m someone else now. i have these memories that you share with me, but our personalities and circumstances are different. therefore i am not you. maybe i used to be, but i’m not anymore.” by his own admission, and i quote: “Whatever I am, I’m… not you.” and then you get another chance to at least prove you’re not worthless at least to one person, and you fuck it up. at this point you’re so frustrated you snap. some might even resort to self harm (see: Fern tearing his “ears” off. Clearly they’re a part of his body or they wouldn’t have regenerated like they did.) the person who says they’re you tries to comfort you all the time but it’s not enough, they never get to the root of the issue. you want to tell them. you want them to understand. but they’ve never been through something like this, so they don’t. imagine that no one else IN THE WORLD that you know of has the same problem that you do. imagine how lonely that must have felt for him. he literally felt like he was completely alone. the only person going through this hell that he was trapped in. and imagine that, in your head, this voice (the demon) is whispering to you, and urging you to do harmful things to others. you dont want to, but you want it to shut up. thus he suggests “sever his tendons?” when talking about how to deal with Sweet P. on top of all of this, the worst part is you feel like you’ve been replaced. like you were nothing. like you didn’t matter enough for people to care that you were replaced. you try to form your own identity around who you are now and not what you used to be, but you don’t know what or who you are or are supposed to be. you don’t know what you want, since the role you most wanted to fill, this person has taken now. it gets so frustrating you’re convinced the only solution is if they died. you’ve sunk so far into this depressing narrative that you’ve convinced yourself of that you don’t see any other way out. but you don’t WANT them to die. so you hide them away and give them food and an item for comfort (meatloaf being finn’s favorite food & Fern giving him a pan of dirt because he didn’t know how to make meatloaf even though he already gave him garbage he could sift through so he at least wouldn’t starve). your plan is that everything would go back to normal so you wouldnt have to deal with this shit anymore. but suddenly the person escapes and attacks you. they start interrogating your motivations like they don’t already know about the shit you’ve gone through. so you start fighting with each other, and then because of the violence thats broken out, the demons power grows stronger than it should be and increases your willingness to fight and kill. you have your sword at your enemy’s throat and they start pleading that “it doesn’t have to be like this. we can just go home and talk things out! nobody has to die!” but before you can get a word in - and also, there’s no way Fern could have known it was an accident - their razorblade weapon slashes through your stomach. everyone thinks you’re dead. someone you don’t know and have never seen before, but looks similar to someone you know, finds you and revives you. they live with a nice old lady and their nephew. your real parents abandoned you, your father figure only wanted to use you (the grassy wizard “This is great for me, personally! You have to do my bidding!”) and your mother was forced to quarantine herself because of an epidemic and can only interact with you through a screen, and now here you are, being offered family! family you genuinely believe wont abandon you! friends! people who might be willing to try and understand you! including a father figure, a thing that was missing from your life since you were a little kid! not only that, but they’ve given you the ability to be more capable in fighting, and killing, the thing you were trying to do to your doppelganger. they gave you armor and weapons and a place to stay! their only condition is to fight in war against someone you barely even remember. its not like they need YOU to be their knight anymore anyway, the doppelganger does that now. HE’S the one loyal to them. so you go along with it,. you finally have a chance to get rid of said doppelganger when the father figure tells you “not yet”. since you appreciate what they’ve done for you, you obey. the next time you see the person who’s replaced you he wants to negotiate with “your boss” as he calls them. they’re not just a boss to you, they’re a father. not only that but he came here with your brother. who might i add, attacks you. imagine being called a demon by your brother, still having hope he might not hate you, and then a few months later being attacked by him like you’re his enemy, when you two were best friends throughout your childhood. ithe old lady comes out of the building and tells you both to stop fighting. your “twin” compares her to your mother. “She’s kinda like mom, yeah?” this person, this person who replaced you, is referring to the mother that would have, should have raised you as their own mother. so you feel compelled to justify that you’re her son too. “She was my mom too!” and then the doppelganger says you’re like family, so why are you fighting like this? you know he’s right, but you don’t want to admit it, because it HURTS to admit it. so you pull your helmet over your head and leave. 

the next time you see them, they’re trying to negotiate to stop the war from happening. you don’t know what to think. they use a potion to put all of you in a shared dream, where your father figure orders you to kill the opposing side because maybe they’ll die in real life. you WOULD have, but then he straight up abandons you, just like your real father did. you’ve developed abandonment issues before because of that and they come to the surface now. you’re so upset you can’t move. the doppelganger tries to snap you out of it but he;’s the last person you want to see right now. so you try to get away from him, but he follows you. you get into another fistfight but before you can finish your brother reminds you that you have all the same traumas. but that your situations are still DIFFERENT, even though you share the same pain. your doppelganger and you have to face the music and he kills the demon, you’re finally free of it. “I’m me again.” this line can be interpreted in two different ways: literally, or figuratively. if we take it literally, he’s turned into finn again BUT like jake says, “it’s just a dream”. sure, it still causes you to die later on, but not everything in that dream became reality. and you only died because the demon was the only thing keeping your unfamiliar body from falling apart. if its interpretated differently however he could be seen as saying “finally, i’m back in my old body again, in a familiar body that i know how to operate in, and i am free of the demon’s curse and the impulses that were driving me to fight so violently.” they didnt say all that of course because it would be tedious, this isnt Hamlet where they can go on and on about how much they hate the planet for several hours. when you wake up from the shared dream, a strange entity is attacking everyone. you’re willing to defend your homeland “down to your last blade” as he puts it, but your body is starting to fall apart and isn’t suited for battle right now. you do your best, even fending off a giant monster, but you become so weak and frail you fall over (see: Huntress Wizard helping him during Time Adventure). you can barely move, but then the solution to defeating the entity comes to light. (singing) it’s something you can do without as much effort as battle would take, so you take part in it as well. but you’re almost completely broken apart by now. you can barely stand up. your doppelganger has escaped the entity that was trying to eat him. you’ve finally realized that he cared more about you than you wanted to admit. you know you’ll feel guilty if you die leaving him without a conclusion. so you get his attention. he’s distraught by the sight of you: weak, falling apart, literally dying in front of him. you try to lighten the mood, he offers to take you to your home so you can die in peace, but you see the expression on your brother’s face that says “that place was destroyed by the monsters”. you know he’d be distraught even more if you told him that now, so you comfort him with your last words. “It’s okay, just promise to plant me there.” 

in conclusion, this post was longer than i intended for it to be, but not all of Fern’s bitterness and aloof, somewhat-empathy-lacking personality stems from the Emissary’s corruption. it was also from feelings of being replaced, estrangement from his brother, and abandonment issues. as well as a feeling of worthlessness which could be interpreted as clinical depression once it got to a certain point. 

i don’t think Fern is just “Finn 2.0, we added misery in the latest update!” I think he’s a lot more complex than that. he realized they had the same traumatic memories, but they still had different situations: his doppelganger wasn’t being held captive by the Emissary like he was. they’ve gone through similar - even the same - shit, but he also has his own unique trauma finn’s never gone through. not the one we see after the episode where they revive Prismo, anyway.

he also sided with Gumbaldia not only because they offered him family and a home, “There’s nothing I have that you don’t!” but also because being equipped better for revenge gave him a purpose, something that his struggles with his identity partially stemmed from a lack of. 

so yeah i don’t mean to be rude or anything, i am 100% NOT here for discourse, i just wanted to elaborate on my opinion and why i made that post about Finn and Fern earlier. 

sorry if that was too long of a post to read haha… i just have a lot of nuanced opinions on a lot of different things. 

tl;dr: fern’s issues, i believe, were caused by more than just a demon screaming in his ear at his every turn. i dont wanna be an asshole i just felt like elaborating 

#adventure time #fern #fin #elaboration #text post #long post #opinions #headcanons #spoilers #major spoilers #adventure time spoilers #at #at spoilers

[janeorozco92]

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[lizacstuff]

EPISODE 34 - Sen Çal Kapımı/Edser Asks

(asks under the read more)

Anonymous said: Thoughts on the episode? I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel which is the end of this current storyline. Very much looking forward to Eda & Serkan being reunited at which point I will delete episodes 30-34 from my memories. This episode to me had the same vibe as 32 which overall had the feeling of actual progression for Eda & Serkan. It has been said before but the amnesia storyline and Serkan falling in love with Eda again could have been much more enjoyable with better writing and no Selin or Deniz but this is the plot we were given. So hoping for another Edser filled episode that includes Serkan professing his love to Eda in front of everyone.

YES, LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. Me too. I think we’re close to being rid of Selin and Deniz. 

As for the episode, it was a LOT better than the last one and was probably the easiest episode to watch since 28, but it’s still part of this unenjoyable arc. I agree that it had a similar vibe to 32, which was one of the best of this stretch. The writers seemed to have fixed the Edser screen time issue that plagued the last episode. I always want more, but there was enough in this episode to where at least I didn’t feel cheated. The episode was a lot lighter and had more of a romcom feel than any since Serkan lost his memory and I welcomed that as well. There were a number of very enjoyable Edser scenes AND the icing was very little Selin. 

That gave the episode room to breath, and room for Serkan and Eda to breath, which was much needed. 

Their bickering, starting at the station was fun to watch. And while I was pretty skeptical about an episode centered on Serkan trying to get Eda to admit her engagement is fake, it lead to some fun scenes. Him taunting her in the office about love gave us back some of that old romantic comedy sexual tension. Engin’s couple game gave us a few good moments, but, wow, it was really, really poorly constructed. Seriously, Serkan, you have to find someone savvier to do this sort of work for you. Leyla would have been better, even Erdem would have done better! Probably.  But the looks that Eda and Serkan were giving each other through that sequence gave me life. Squinting, peering one eye open, but always finding one another. Good stuff. 

As for the boxing, I’m glad they waited to do that sequence for a time when she had some anger at him to deal with! It just wouldn’t have been the same if they’d been playfully sparring. I equally enjoyed her beating the shit out of him and how hot her climbing all over him was. 

The catwalk was hot. Like really, super duper, 5 alarm fire, hot. I love that the editors made a 30 foot runway seem like it was 300 feet. And when they turned and she put her hand on his shoulder. I swooned. I don’t even care that it makes no sense to ask your architects to walk in a fashion show... though when one of your architects is as next level beautiful as Eda, you can see why they’d want her. (Sorry Selin, they probably saw you walk at the charity show too, but passed) Though why did they want Deniz? He’s not famous or attractive. It would have made more sense if they’d wanted the famous and handsome Serkan Bolat from the start. Though this way was more fun. GO MELO. BEST FRIEND EVER. Can we get her some sort of prize? She has her dada’s back, ALWAYS.  Serkan and Eda are going to owe her for life.

Having Eda fall off the boat was... extra. Especially since I’m sure she will be fished out no worse for the wear right off the top. Is it too much to ask that Serkan accuses Selin of pushing her? Please!?!?!?

Anonymous said: is it bad that deniz is now annoying me more as a villian than selin.. granted, last ep selin had very little screentime (thank god) and when she was there was usually playing third wheel to edser.. but deniz is slowly getting worse and worse.. manipulating eda into continuing their fake game and now basically pulling the puppet strings with selin. as much as i hated how ceren told serkan about the fake engagement, i WAS rooting her on when she yelled at him about him taking advantage of eda.

Deniz needs to take a long walk off a short pier. Good gawd he’s really turned into a psycho, hasn’t he? 

Look, I know Eda and Serkan are both awesome. They’re insanely good looking and charming and smart and successful, BUT, PEOPLE, even they are not worth losing your dignity and your sanity over. Balca, The Prince, Selin and Deniz... all gone crazy over them.

With Selin this episode, though, she sort of struck me as resigned to her fate. Like she’s still going through the motions of being a psycho stalker and playing the game, but deep down she knows she’s lost.  She’s seen this movie before, she knows what it looks like when Serkan is falling in love with Eda, and she knows it’s happening again and that she doesn’t stand a chance. She’ll keep trying on the off chance Eda gets hit by a bus (or falls off a boat) and because she is seriously not right in the brain, but she’s lost all her swagger. 

Think about all StalkerSelin has witnessed. In 30 she saw them having intense moments by the fire, in 31 she saw them having intense moments on the boat. She knows Serkan took off on her birthday to go help Eda with the project and they spent all day together. Then later that same day she was abandon by him before she could blow out her candles so that he could go save Eda, then she saw him sleep snuggling with Eda, all so they could come back and she could go spy on him planting terrariums with Eda and then he lies to her face and she watches him go to meet Eda for dinner. In this episode, Eda and Serkan were bickering about whether or not Serkan was staring at Eda and they didn’t stop when Selin entered the office and neither one even seemed to noticed her! Serkan is fixated on Eda and Selin knows it. 

She was acting defeated before she got the photos. Now that she has them... what will she do? Crawl in hole and die? One can hope!

Anonymous said: just general thoughts: i was able to enjoy this episode way more than the previous ones and not cause there was miracle occurrence in the episode.. but because there was minimal selin lol. the selin fatigue is real!!! it also helps that while yes, serkan was teasing and trying to rile eda up, he wasn't using selin to do it this episode. for some reason with how it's going (and with neslihan's emoji spoilers for next ep) i do believe he's gonna remember at the end of next ep.

The Selin fatigue is real.  They really ruined what could have been an interesting and good batch of episodes by inserting her unnecessarily into the plot. I really think amnesia was enough drama and enough of a stumbling block without this aggravating nonsense. Every second she is on screen is a chore to watch. 

As for him remembering at the end of next episode, it’s possible. A lot of people are out there selling spoilers (which almost every source of spoilers has been so wrong so many times, that I’m not sure why anyone pays attention to any of them anymore) that he remembers by the end of the next ep. 

Here’s the thing though, he has to tell Eda he loves her before he remembers.  That’s what all of this has been leading to, him falling in love with her again from scratch, so as long as that happens, it’s plausible. But any theory that involves him getting his memories back and then going after her... doesn’t ring true to me. I mean with this batch of writers anything could happen, (because they have some issues) but if they do that, then I have no idea what this entire arc has been about. 

Anonymous said: The mystery person has got to be Ferit, right? ever since that first episode back, they've been sure to throw in one scene each episode where he's delivering some sort of warning to Selin telling her to knock it off. Unless its a random new/returning character that we haven't seen as part of this arc yet.

I don’t know. He’s definitely a suspect, but here’s my thing with that theory, a) Ferit is not the sharpest tool in the shed b) Ferit is usually such a straight forward, honest character. I mean this is the guy that blurted out in episode 1 how happy he was that Serkan was engaged to such a beautiful woman because he considered him his rival for Selin. No filter. 

It’s hard for me to believe he’s become this diabolical and sneaky and savvy. I feel like if he had the photos he’d just hand them to Serkan. But we’ll see. 

He’s on my list of potentials, but I also wonder if someone hired a PI or someone to follow Selin, and on that list of suspects for me is Aydan, Babaanne, Alptekin and Serkan himself. 

Anonymous said: one of my fav scenes from last ep was weirdly the girl talk scene between melo, eda, and ayfer. them talking about eda's feelings and encouraging her was much needed. and for once in the entire show, ayfer actually spoke some sense.. guess her little stint with alex woke up her eyes to love or something lmao. we need more scenes like that where character motivations are laid out plainly.

Ayfer made up for a LOT with that one scene. Wow, she actually wasn’t thinking selfishly and put Eda’s heart first and didn’t immediately vilify Serkan. A miracle! 

It was a very good scene. And when I rank characters (in my head) from best to worst, she’s now above Piril and Ceren! Oh man, Ceren really out did herself with the way she framed Eda’s fake engagement to Serkan. I really don’t understand where her rage at Eda came from, but she better seek help soon if she wants any chance at redemption. 

Also I know it’s terrible, but when Piril was upset about Engin potentially cheating... I LAUGHED out loud. I think I might have also yelled, “SUFFER BITCH!” I really can’t stand her and I loved seeing her miserable. After enabling Selin she deserves the pain. 

Anonymous said: So I kind of felt bad for Serkan because of Eda’s strong reaction to him kissing her but at the same time, not. His out of the blue invitation to dinner and the kiss with no explanation was just never going to go over very well after his recent behavior. And of course she was going to think he got his memory back because in her mind it is the only explanation for him kissing her at this point. But at the same time it would have been really interesting to see how he reacted to her just pulling him in for another kiss. He clearly would have been totally into it and then who knows how the rest of the episode would have gone 🤷🏻‍♀️. They are stuck in a bad cycle, he overlooks her sensitivity to things due to not remembering their past and she is unable to overlook his insensitivity due to their past together. And the writers want to keep dragging this out so Eda & Serkan are constantly interrupted before they can talk stuff out.

They did a nice job of finally having Eda talk about what’s going on in her brain box. She wants her Serkan back just as he was before. Which is understandable, but she’s pinning all of her hopes on Serkan remembering and when he doesn’t she loses it. 

Thank goodness Melo and Ayfer were there to gently talk some sense to her. It isn’t his fault that he doesn’t remember and he’s not doing it on purpose. And as Melo said he’s falling in love with her again, him walking in and kissing her was a big sign of that. I think we all worried he was going to say something jerkish to her after the kiss, but he didn’t. He was just honest that he didn’t remember, and I think slapping him was a little harsh. I mean she’s definitely not in the wrong here, he’s been a whole jackass at times, but she’s putting all her effort into getting him to remember, and she’s not succeeding, but she should maybe recognize when she’s making other headway with him. You know, like him arranging a dinner and walking up and kissing her. Maybe ride that wave and see where it goes! 

As you said, if she’d kissed him again, things would have ended differently. Or if instead of getting angry she had said, “Okay, you kissed me but you still don’t remember, where do we go from here?” However, slapping him in that moment is very true to her character. We know she reacts emotionally, and her spontaneity and volatility are a part of her, and he loved all of her. 

Anonymous said: I guess the writers pay attention to some details - seems the project that got cancelled in 32 was the same Serkan said was going badly in 28. But not other details - Leyla puts down the papers to say the project was cancelled without telling Serkan, knowing that he'd see them on his desk right away, and he does. So wouldn't he have noticed the envelope the day of the surprise dinner? He had plenty of opportunity. I thought this ep it would be revealed he saw the pics but he didn't seem to know.

I find it hella hard to believe that those photos sat on his desk all day and he didn’t open them (in 33) or that they hit his desk this episode after Eda handed them to him and he didn’t open them. So, yeah, either he’s seen them or this was a big writing fail. (Right now I’m thinking it was a big writing fail).

Though personally, at this point, I don’t want them to be found until after Serkan declares his love for Eda. Let him make the decision and then lets have the evidence that makes everything guilt free and easier to humiliate and punish S/D.

Anonymous said: Is Deniz trying to trick Eda into a real legal marriage? is that what is about to happen here? I can't decide if he is worse than Selin now. I'm going to need Ayfer to bring back her threat to expose everything.

They can be equally psycho and bad. I’m not sure overall he’s worse, yet, but he was definitely way worse this episode. How has Eda not noticed that he has interrupted intense moments between her and Serkan too many times to be helpful? That’s one thing I hate about this storyline is that they have had to dumb down both Eda and Serkan to make it work. 

I have no idea what Deniz’s end game is. Is he going to trick her into marriage? But even so, what then?  If she thinks it’s a fake ceremony, but it’s real, what does he think Eda is going to do? Does he really think she’ll think his lies and tricks are charming, and stay married to him? 

Or does he think that if he gets Eda to the wedding day, and Serkan doesn’t make a move, Eda will just go “Okay, then I guess I might as well marry you for real.”  Good grief. The guy is delusional. 

I admit that I yelled, “FUCK YOU” multiple times during his scenes. This was a very vocal episode for me. I was so happy when Melo outmaneuvered him at the fashion show. Finally, someone was able to turn the tables on him. 

Anonymous said: I am so tired of hearing on Twitter that the Eda is entirely to blame for Edser not being reunited yet. Nope, that does not rest entirely on Eda or Serkan’s shoulders. The writers have created a never ending cycle of the two of them hurting each other directly & indirectly and also being manipulated by their so called childhood friend/fiancés. This Serkan does not even believe in true love and has been manipulated to think Eda is an awful person. Eda has been watching the love of her life getting cozy with Selin and he has repeatedly told her that they do not have a future together not to mention Deniz’s manipulations as well. Regardless of what they are each feeling, they do not think the other person feels the same way. The fake engagement with Deniz is awful just like Serkan’s real engagement with Selin is but again not solely Eda’s fault. And saying that Eda needs to be the bigger person because she has her memories is not fair. She does not know if he will ever get them back and again he has repeatedly said they have no future together & he is with Selin. Eda walks into that office everyday to be close to him and she puts up with his crap comments and the bs from Selin in the hope that things turnaround. And for the boxing scene, yes, it would have been great if Eda has poured out her true feelings but not 100% sure the writers would have let Serkan reciprocate in that moment not to mention Deniz showed up 3 seconds later. The real people to blame are the writers that came up with this plot where no one wins.

Someone said Eda is entirely to blame for Edser not being reunited yet? Where are you hanging out on twitter? You need to find better people to follow who understand that Serkan HAS AMNESIA and is being manipulated. No need to play the blame game on this one, it’s a horrible situation for both of them. 

Eda has been dealt a lousy hand, very lousy, she and Serkan are both victimes here trying to find their way out. That being say, she decided to go on the offensive and play a game, and in that game she’s made some tactical errors. Which is not laying blame it’s just saying she’s made some missteps. 

Where she’s going wrong, as I said above, is that she is doing everything to get Serkan to remember, and she isn’t focused in on the fact that he’s falling back in love with her regardless of his memory. That’s pretty extraordinary! 

I really think when she answered “Yes” to loving Deniz and wanting to marry him, that was one of those missteps. A big one. I’m not saying she should have bared her soul right then and there, but I think she probably would have been better off not answering the questions at all. Perhaps telling him that he can’t ask her that while he’s engaged to Selin. Turn it back on him, but saying she loves Deniz when they were having a very serious, raw moment... mistake. And that’s why the whole thing is going to go right up until the wedding day.  Let’s hope one of them puts their stubbornness aside before she’s shackled to a psycho. (Don’t worry, they will). 

#Sen Çal Kapımı #sen cal kapimi #edser #sckask #sck 1x34 #sck episode discussion #asklizac

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 13x07 “War of the Worlds”

in which I explain exactly why I don’t enjoy Buckner/Ross-Leming episodes (beyond obvious problematic issues and pacing), and why Meredith Glynn’s episodes are better imo

03:41pm

don’t know what to expect, so it’s gonna be SURPRISE

not expecting greatness since it’s the deadly duo, but i’m hoping this won’t become a “cas is leaving and won’t be back or mentioned for 8 episodes straight” thing

(or a “these writers are racist and misogynists” thing)

-

THERE’S A FLY IN MY ROOM

why do they never just fly back out the way they came in??? THE WINDOW IS OPEN YOU CURSED BEAST

-

03:44

whoop time to pull my window blind down ‘cause this show is so dark and i can’t see shit

-

03:45

i have yet to care about asmodeus

and i decidedly don’t care about lucifer

i care about mary in the sense that i don’t want anything bad to happen to her but i’m fine with her not being part of the main story

does that downtrodden black demon have a name?? i’m still rooting for him either way

also still can’t tell if michael’s vessel is a white dude or not

(edit: i think maybe no)

-

03:48

frankly i am still unsure why jack blasted team free will across the room, repeating his last mistake, given that doing that killed someone before??

was it like a “if gonna hurt everyone and here let me prove it” thing? or a “i’m getting you out of the way so you can’t grab me” thing??

-

03:50

*insert stock footage here*

-

05:53

cas lists all the worst possible scenarios

yea he’s a dad

-

03:54

why is david haydn-jones credited in this?!?!?!?! WHAT

maybe a flashback

WHOA WAIT OSRIC CHAU TOO WHAT IS HAPPENING ??!??!!? 

ARE THEY ALL ALIVE IN THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE

-

05:56

cas: “my contact is already anxious... won’t speak in the presence of a stranger”

sure jan

what’s the bet the writers have a pool of “reasons cas has to go alone” and they just pick one from a hat

-

dean: “so introduce me, then i’m not a stranger”

good. please.

-

UGH I AM SO SICK OF CAS DOING THINGS ALONE

but tbh i’m kind of amazed dean is healthy enough to let cas go alone and not worry that he’s gonna lose the guy again, given he just got back from the dead

-

04:00

the was asmodeus is purring “jaaaaaaaack” makes me imagine him as a snow leopard

edit: i could definitely see him on a tarot card, a snow leopard with a scarred eye, sitting on a throne

-

04:01

“the jack”

i enjoy that lil twist on his name. like the jack in playing cards

-

04:02

such manspreading

-

04:03

asmodeus: “say wW’hH~at !”

hurr hurr

-

04:04

i’m finding it hard to pay attention to michael and lucifer talking about stuff

these episodes always feel like uuuurughghhh gotta push through

-

04:06

OMG OG OM OGM KEVIN

CAN WE TAKE HIM TO THE OTHER SIDE AND KEEP HIM PLEASE

OH MY GOD I MISSED HIM

PLEASE GOD LET THIS BY THE DEADLY DUO TRYING TO UNDO PAST MISTAKES, NOT INADVERTENTLY MAKING THEM WORSE

P L E A S E  DON’T KILL HIM AGAIN

-

04:08

this kevin is very different

kinda twitchy

maybe autistic? (i mean... could he have taken that "worm” insult more literally?)

-

04:11

lucifer: “can’t you see michael is a monster? pure evil??”

kevin: “okay i’m confused, aren’t you SATAN”

*snort*

-

04:13

so lucifer just leapt through the rift

where is mary though

-

04:14

how did all those people not see satan fall out of a GIANT GLOWING RIFT

-

04:15

“no eye contact, beverley”

-

06:16

HEY ASS-MODEUS, LEAVE THAT RANDOM GUY NAMED KARL ALONE

-

04:17

random guy named karl is dead

>:{

yup thanks let’s add another non-white person to the deadly duo murder list

-

04:19

i just had a weird moment where i was like “ugh the filler episodes are so dull” and then realised this was a plot episode, and actually i like the filler better than the plot because the plot is just shoehorned in by buckner and ross-leming between interesting episodes

-

04:25

paused for a bit to feed my cat

and while i did i was thinking i’d like jack to meet kevin. i’ve been thinking about that for a few weeks, but it seemed impossible for obvious kevin-is-dead reasons, BUT NOW

I HOPE IT HAPPENS

-

04:27

wait

so the witch told the winchesters she needed protection, then left without explaining why

and then the winchesters had to follow her there, to a place that was hard to find

and then tell her “we followed you here”

and it was hard to find even though they followed her????

and they just enter the house not assuming it’s a trap of some kind

.................

⁽͑˙˚̀བ̇˚́˙⁾̉

-

04:32

i replayed it, sam says “but we followed you here”

that “but” makes a lot of difference okay we’re good

-

04:35

this cabin looks exactly like all the other cabins they’ve used as a cabin

-

04:37

hm.

look, in comparison, i love meredith glynn’s writing (e.g. the one where sam and dean visit the therapist, the one where dean loses his memories). because yeah, her stories are whimsical and i adore that - but sometimes they’re also gory and can get dark. yet her characters are soft and emotionally available. and they make decisions because of curiosity, or worry, or sadness, or grief or... y’know, something core-deep and with lots of different perspectives within those emotions.

whereas buckner and ross-leming.... every decision their characters make are fuelled by straight-up anger and fear. and it’s usually surface-level - reactive, or sudden, without narrative depth giving a clear reason for that anger.

and i’m not saying that anger-fuel can’t be interesting, it’s that it makes it hard to watch for me. the characters feel more closed off, more directly just going for a “kill or be killed” thing. they want to hurt people, get revenge, use force to get information.

it’s not necessarily out of character, it’s just that a) there’s a lot of it, and every character seems to function the same way even though they’re different people, and b) the setup to those scenes isn’t enough to make me understand why they all begin by fighting, or torturing someone before asking nicely.

no, i don’t like ketch at all, but skipping straight to the I’MMA PUNCH YOU UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR doesn’t work for me

at all, on any level.

and this scene where dean punches ketch?? it directly parallels the information-gathering methods of dean, ketch, and asmodeus within this episode, and that just puts dean in a bad light. and honestly i can’t even tell if it’s intentional or if the deadly duo didn’t know what they were doing and they don’t know how else people ask questions.

it’s not “different because it’s dean doing it”. it’s a villain’s move. they all did the same thing, and it was violent and unnecessary every time.

-

04:47

so dean and sam know the parallel universe contains familiar people, still alive (freakin’ bobby for instance)

but when they realise ketch doesn’t recognise them, why the heck don’t they even consider maybe he came through the rift

it’s not like it was ages ago

they lost their mother through that rift probably three or four weeks ago

wouldn’t they assume maybe there was more than one portal ??

-

04:50

“his twin”

right

-

04:56

ugh more fighting

i don’t wanna watch ‘cause lady angels are probably gonna die

man i hope cas would leave them alive after being told the angels are going extinct

angels fight to the death way too often

edit: ??????? nobody died???? i’m impressed

-

04:58

lucifer calls cas “cowboy”

mmmmmmmm that’s right

dean’s lil sheriff of heaven

-

05:01

lucifer: “meth-head kevin tran”

ah that explains the twitchiness

-

05:03

“agent russell”

as in kurt russell i assume

-

05:05

cas: “yesss i would like to see you too, the sooner the better”

cute

and awkward

-

05:09

asmodeus shows up

there’s so many characters in this story jeez

i have no idea how the casual viewer could keep up

-

05:16

whoa that ending was sudden

-

.................hrhghgh i dunno

i’m still of the opinion that one of this writing duo is better than the other

the scene with lucifer and cas in the bar was pretty well written

the plot reveal with ketch and rowena’s magically-undead spell made sense and was well-spread throughout the story, but i fail to see why ketch would tell the winchesters about it

i’m a lil :/ :/ :/ that ketch is back ‘cause dear god i thought we were rid of him already

where is mary??

everyone is so angry

i hope rowena is alive though

this was all a big jumble of plotlines and... to be fair it could’ve been a lot worse. the pacing wasn’t as messy as usual. for revealing a whole ton of info, it was pretty decent really

hmm 6.5/10 maybe

just cause it had almost none of the things i like watching, but it wasn’t necessarily bad...........

:/

MORE KEVIN PLEASE

#13x07 #war of the worlds #season 13 #spn spoilers #deadly duo #Elmie watches things #post of postiness #Meredith Glynn

[labourpress]

Jeremy Corbyn speech - Stepping up for Britain

Jeremy Corbyn speaking in east London today, said:

This morning I’m going to say a few words about you. And even some about me. But if you don’t mind, I’ll come to that later.

First I want to say that this general election more than any I have previously fought will define our times.

Last week, I said the dividing lines in this election could not be clearer.

I pointed to a clash of interests between working people on the one hand, and the privileged and super-rich on the other.

This is not about a government getting its priorities muddled. And it’s not simply a case of saying one thing and doing another.

It’s about presiding over a rigged system that shapes all our lives.

Of course that’s not something the Conservatives want to talk about. It’s why, I think, they’re so desperate to make this general election all about Brexit.

Don’t be taken in.

The Conservatives would much rather make incredible promises about Britain’s future outside the EU than talk about a scorecard of broken promises and neglect stretching back seven years.

Even their approach to Brexit betrays what they’re really about.

Unlike Labour’s jobs-first plan, it is both reckless and rigid. And entirely in keeping with their record in government.

Make no mistake; a Brexit for the few is being cooked up by this government.

One where any money saved is handed out as tax cuts to the super-rich and their corporations.

Where new trade deals with the US and elsewhere are used to drive down our working conditions, environmental regulations and food standards.

I think you can guess what is likely to happen to the many in a rigid and reckless Brexit. But what about the Conservatives themselves, and their friends and backers?

Do you think their personal prospects will suffer? Do you think their lives will get harder as wages slide and jobs become even less secure?

Unlikely, I think you’ll agree. And that’s because the Conservatives and their backers can afford to opt out when things go wrong. They’ve been doing it for decades.

They already send their children to the most exclusive schools and universities. They already dominate the upper rungs of every career ladder.

In truth, they have a get out of jail free card when the Conservatives are at the controls.

So I have a message for you all today: Unless you too have a get out jail free card, it’s time to Step Up.

And when I say Step Up, I mean register to vote. Claim your future.

You have till 22 May!

Over 2.4 million young people are missing from the UK’s electoral register. Barely 40 percent of 18 to 24-year olds turn out to vote.

The Conservatives are more than happy with this state of affairs. Apathy and resignation will secure them seats on election day.

I ask you to Step Up because when I talk to people all over the country, I’m struck by something troubling.

It’s not that our young people don’t have the energy and talent to succeed. Our country is full of potential.

But something hangs in the air. It typically goes unspoken.

It’s the unheard story of why so many of us are scaling back our hopes and dreams in favour of just getting by.

It’s the reason why this country is unable to unleash its potential.

Because as families, communities - entire regions – we are all being held back.

If you’re young – like many here today – it’s a familiar feeling:

If you feel trapped in a job that barely covers your rent.

If you feel anxious about keeping on top of credit cards and loans.

If your heart sinks each time you see the prices of homes displayed in estate agent windows.

Then you’re being held back.

In a Fairer Britain, government would be bending over backwards to unleash your potential.

You’re our future after all.

You’d be supported to be confident and equipped for higher paid and secure jobs.

You’d be able to look ahead without mounting debt taking away your choices.

And you’d be able to enjoy the security and rewards of one day bringing up a family in a home of your own.

Being held back means we can’t provide the life that we want for ourselves and those closest to us.

And it hurts. It makes people angry and worst of all resigned to the idea that nothing can be done about it. We end up blaming ourselves or each other.

This is life in Conservative Britain.

It’s why a Fairer Britain has to be the choice at this election.

It’s also why Labour will unveil plans to upgrade our economy.

Because unless we move from a rigged to an upgraded economy, there can be no Fairer Britain.

That is what June 8th is all about.

Don’t let the Conservatives hold you back.

Don’t let the Conservatives Hold Britain Back.

And now for a sentence I’ve yet to utter in my political life: Enough about you, what about me.

I’ve just laid down the gauntlet and asked you to Step Up.

Each and every one of us must Step Up for Britain. Including me.

In the 34-years since I became a MP, I have been attacked for what I believe in. But it has not changed my core values – and sadly many of the problems we faced then are still with us.

In 1983, I stood up in Parliament for the first time and used my maiden speech to condemn deeply damaging cuts in public services and the NHS.

It’s a tragedy that I could make a very similar speech today and it would once again hold true.

Between then and now I learned first-hand how the privilege of being an MP could help achieve change. Profound and lasting change.

At the time, young protesters were being shot dead on the streets by the racist apartheid regime in South Africa – Nelson Mandela and hundreds of ANC leaders were in prison.

The Conservative Government refused to impose sanctions, entertained the leaders of the regime and banned protests outside the South African embassy in London.

Being an MP helped bring attention to that ban and the wider cause of South Africa’s liberation - and got a group of us arrested.

But the space for people in Britain to organise in support of freedom in South Africa was defended and strengthened.

And I realised then that political leaders can, if they want to, create and preserve the space for others to organise and transform countries.

My role is different now but there is a common thread: we should act together, to overturn unfairness and create a better society.

It became my yardstick for measuring the performance of governments going back three decades, Labour and Conservative.

In that time, I’ve seen Prime Ministers and Leaders of the Opposition come and go.

But for all their achievements and failures, what I didn’t see was a sustained attempt to rid this country of what really holds people back.

I never heard a clear invitation for everyone in the country to work together and create a real alternative to our rigged economy.

So when I was asked to put my name forward in Labour’s 2015 leadership election, I felt I should step up.

I didn’t expect to win.

But under my leadership, we have forced the Conservatives into one U-turn after another: over cuts to tax credits, disability payments and their recent attempt to increase national insurance for the self-employed.

And I respect my critics when they make a reasoned case. They are doing what I have often tried to do – and that is to challenge leadership.

It reminds me of the 1990s when the political mainstream bought into Conservative ideas about markets, finance and the economy. It ultimately left us with no defence against a global financial crisis that had its roots in another country’s housing market.

Again, it taught me that if leaders go unchallenged, they can make some of the most damaging mistakes. And if party leaders put themselves ahead of serving the people, they stop listening and even put our country at risk.

Barely nine months into Theresa May’s premiership, there are clear warning signs that she and her closest advisers are slipping into that presidential bunker mentality.

Whereas it is the job of leadership to hold open the space for dissent, new thinking and fit-for-purpose policy.

So while it might not be the stuff of soundbites, I have always believed in standing firm and empowering others to make up their minds and come on board when they are ready.

It is the mind-set that gets community centres and nurseries built. And increasingly defends them from closure.

It is the mind-set that negotiates hard for better conditions in the workplace.

It is the mind-set that serves the many not the few.

For many years, I couldn’t see much beyond how so many political leaders manipulated us while giving in again and again to vested interests.

I didn’t want to be like that. And it wasn’t clear to me there could be another way.

But I’ve learned there is.

Whereas insecure leaders want to feel stronger by asking you to give them more power.

I recognise strong leadership as equipping you with more power.

And that starts with encouraging you to Step Up and register to vote - as part of a wider engagement with your community.

Because there’s no doubt that these are anxious times.

Individually, more of us face uncertainty at work.

Nationally, we wonder how we will make the transition out of the EU in a way that protects jobs and living standards.

And globally, we wonder how safe we are as extreme right wing movements and violent conflicts spread.

I hope you can see now that there is more than one way to respond.

We could seek a fragile calm. And hope someone in power knows what they’re doing and will guide us through.

That means looking to whoever’s in charge and welcoming their reassurance. We don’t look further, we don’t ask questions.

It’s the response the few have bet on the many settling for.

I’m in this job because I believe there is a better way to respond.

It’s about rejecting fake reassurances or simple slogans from government.

It’s about sharing ideas and deciding upon real and lasting answers.

We are not going to have free thinking shut down by a hostile media or an elite that scoffs at anyone who dares to step out line.

No, each of us has a contribution to make. We have ideas for a better tomorrow and we are going to respond together.

We are a party that wants to bring together people and ideas, and harness the thirst for real and lasting change.

If you agree our times demand a response from all parts of our society and all corners of our country, then I am proud to be your leader.

And if you want someone to hold that space open for you to help change the direction of your life and our country, then I am proud to be your leader.

Because it’s only through unleashing our talent that Britain will succeed on the world stage.

Since its foundation, the Labour Party has believed we are richer together. Seven years into Conservative government, we are poorer for being apart.

Across the country, people are being held back like never before.

Unless we change course, expect more insecure work for less pay. More stress for less time with our families.

It’s gone too far and the country knows it.

Quite simply, only the Labour Party can deliver a Fairer Britain.

But we need your help to do so.

Please register to vote.

Step Up for Britain and vote Labour on June 8th.

ENDS

[jesterlady]

Absolutely feel free to skip this one because it’s very long and very spoiler-y.

How can I explain Farscape?  No, I'm not going to do the Mean Girls thing, it wouldn't do it justice. I think what makes Farscape so special was that it wholly embraced its scifi-ness and yet somehow managed to invert most of the tropes therein, in such a way that still managed to make it seem ground breaking and yet completely scifi.  One of the ways it does this is the fact there's only one human on this show.  John Crichton is our guide to the universe and the eyes through which everything is filtered (totally making him like the companion on DW, lol) but the show is a big melting pot of alien.  Even the aliens that are humanoid or look human have very specific cultures, physiology, mannerisms, and values that make them completely alien.  It's a bit shocking to get used to. Before I watched Farscape the only thing I knew about it was that it was extremely popular and made with Muppets in Australia.  In fact during the first episode I got all confused because all along I'm been assuming John Sheppard from Stargate Atlantis was Crichton, whoops. The first episode itself didn't immediately make me fall in love but it didn't take much more than the first half of a season to make me completely involved, in a good way or a bad way.  Like I said, this show doesn't play by humanity's rules.  Crichton may be the lead of the show and he may influence them all in huge ways, but these are incredibly different creatures with extremely different morals.  One of the very first episodes deals with three of the characters cutting off the arm of the Pilot in order to secure maps to their home worlds.  I was so pissed off and I kept on being pissed off through the whole episode and you know what...they don't apologize or realize it was wrong and they weren't influenced by the alien bad guy like I thought at first, in fact, in the end scene D'Argo even says he'd do it again.  He was attempting in his own way to make it up to Pilot, but he wasn't backing down.  I fretted and fumed about it for a while and then started writing fic in my head to fix it, but the episode brings home an important fact.  This isn't Star Trek, these aren't people, this show does things differently, and the main characters might not always be likeable.  John and Aeryn both bring up the incident later when they're being accused of something to remind everyone that that they were the ones who were a. psychotic about reaching home and b. not exactly careful about treating Pilot well, but that's all you get on that front. So, yeah, it's an interesting show to get used to.  The cute little Muppet is a dirty, greedy, rotten old man who betrays them countless times and constantly deserves to get spaced.  When Chiana joins the crew later she's like a little alien street rat who uses her body and whatever else she can to get by, but even though the only thing alien looking about her is makeup, her physicality is so incredible.  The actress just makes her move and stand and be alien, it's amazing, she's like a living puppet on strings. It's not the greatest budget on the planet and the special effects weren't amazing, but using the prosthetics and the puppets, actually made it really cool.  I love shows set in Australia, they just don't care if they reuse actors a bunch or if everyone speaks with an Aussie accent, they just focus on making their show and trust it to deliver what the budget can't.  It's very inspiring. And like I said, it turns things on their head.  Our lead John Crichton is so very Southern and he's all action hero and all, but he's also a scientist, an astronaut, incredibly smart, peculiarly fitted to understand space and learn to live with aliens.  His plans are insane and they always work even though they require a lot of improvisation along the way.  He's a pop culture machine, always spitting out references, which we get, but the aliens don't.  It's always a joy to wonder what he'll say next and what new nickname he'll give someone.  Now, he's got a reason to act crazy.   Literally just being shot to the other end of the universe and living among aliens would do that, but then he is hunted by Crais, Mr. Head Peacekeeper, and then gets the most wanted tech in the universe, wormhole knowledge, encoded in his brain.  So literally everyone wants to capture him and when he does get captured, he's tortured and then turned into Mr. Nosferatu Scorpius's pet science project, up to the point of having a chip in his head and then neural clones.  Imagine living with your worst enemy in your head.  I mean, it's no wonder Crichton is insane.  To be honest, I love Insane!Crichton, he's hilarious.  But...it's torture to watch at the same time.  At the end of S2, when they're desperately trying to get the chip out and each time it doesn't work out, I was audibly begging the invisible showmakers to please let him get the chip out. Of course the torture didn't end with the chip, why would it?  What is most torturous and most wondrous about the show is John and Aeryn's relationship.  I mean, talk about a romance for the ages.  They're never fully together it seems, they're never actually apart, but it doesn't feel like a 'will they, won't they' type of deal.  They are bound by astonishingly amazing chemistry and it just builds and builds until their UST is enough to make you explode.   But even that's all backwards because they have sex like first thing in the first season, and then it's never a thing really.  But they talk and talk and talk and work well together and protect each other and look at each other and sometimes even cuddle in Pilot's den.   Now Aeryn is stiff and bred for war and was taught love was a weakness.  She is an outcast from her people and adrift amongst the very people she was born to kill and hate.  It's difficult, oh yeah.  All through S2 she's just fighting it like crazy.  There's this whole 3 parter where John actually gets married to and has a baby with some Princess but he'll never live long enough to see his child and Aeryn is off freaking out while he's being held hostage in this situation.  At the end...do we get a beautiful reunion?  Nope, we get them both knowing that they're compatible and smiling.  Finally, finally when she does admit she loves him, he's being taken over by the evil clone in his head and he ends up killing her. Oh, and then when she's brought back to life by Zhaan (so sad Zhaan died like that.  I mean, it was beautiful, but I hated that she was gone) Aeryn admits to John she loves him but she won't be with him because Zhaan gave her life for Aeryn and Aeryn won't risk feelings because it would get people hurt.  Trope annoyance alert! I hate the whole 'I love you but I won't be with you because I would lose focus and it would hurt more if one of us died' bits.  You're gonna be worried about him anyway, honey, you might as well enjoy the fun part of love. Anyway...S3 was all sorts of fun and angst.   Because they twin John so now there's a copy and an original.  As soon as they didn't resolve that by the end of that episode I knew there was going to be angst about it, I spent like 10 episodes analyzing everything they each did and trying to figure out who was the copy and who I should root for to live and be with Aeryn.  By the way, they never reveal who the copy is.  So I will never know if John Crichton actually died in the Uncharted Territories.  This show, this show. But what they did was actually really clever and interesting.  They split the crew up for most of the season on two ships.  One Crichton on each. So they got to develop some interesting storylines that way.  Of course, as soon as Aeryn ended up with one of the Crichtons on Talyn, you kind of felt he was doomed.  Red shirt alert!  Another trope not inverted but held for maximum angst.  Because of course she and that John got together and it was beautiful and perfect and wonderful.  Then in a dramatic two parter, that John finally unlocks the wormhole tech in his brain and gets rid of the Scorpius clone living in his head while with Aeryn in beautiful, tangible love so...naturally he dies of radiation poisoning. It wrecks Aeryn, she finally opened up and then she had to grieve so she clams right the hell back up.  I mean, I knew it would happen, but I was so sad for the other Crichton because he's been on Moya missing her like hell and the saddest moment in all of Farscape (apart from Zhaan and D'Argo's deaths) is when he runs up to the transport pod with the cutest love struck look on his face, so anxious to see her again, and she just cuts him.  Oh, it breaks my heart to think about it. Of course, then they have to work together and it's obvious they both still care.  I get it with her, but I'm just like 'girl, you have the best opportunity in the world, to watch the one you die and still be able to have exactly him.'  They've both had to watch each other die at this point.  At the end of the season she leaves and he tries to stop her but she can't deal and he lets her go because they freaking toss a coin to see who wins that argument.  Wow.  Of course, magically (this whole bit is kind of silly) he finds out she's pregnant after she goes!  (Neranti is just weird but again, a delightfully non human element of the show that they just stick in.) So next season when they get reunited and she's finally figured things out a bit, but she still can't tell him the whole truth or if the baby is even his (weird alien gestation alert) and so he decides he can't trust his heart to her.  Ack!  Then she's working on building his trust back up and he's taking drugs to dull his feelings for her.  I am usually with Crichton on their relationship stuff cause she's so bad at (unused to) it but this time I was about ready to smack that boy.  I was clutching a pillow and yelling at the screen for him to say no to drugs for so much of that season.  Turns out it was all a ploy to protect her and the baby from Scorpius (which is also silly) but then as soon as she called him on it they started a secret relationship and it's going to be fine but she gets kidnapped and tortured and he breaks all hell and makes a deal with the devil to save her and they accidentally start an interstellar war and the Scarrans are going to attack Earth and Crichton collapses the wormhole that would let him go home again and then the baby is his and he proposes and they kiss and are happy and happy and happy and then they get shot and turned into crystals and the series ends... Yeah, this show ends every season on a cliffhanger and they got canceled.  I actually only found that out at the start of S4 when I started to question if it would be okay.  I freaked out and googled it and found out they had a miniseries to wrap things up.  Heart quieted at that point, maybe it was knowing that the story would continue on, but actually the ending wasn't so bad if it had ended there.  I could have happily pretended the last two bits didn't exist and that it ended with them getting engaged and having a baby and defeating the Scarrans.  I don't know. What I do know is that there was a miniseries that wrapped things up really well, completing the arcs and wrapping up the wormholes and the Peacekeeper/Scarran war and resolving John and Aeryn perfectly, giving them the happy ending they deserved with marriage and baby. Not to say that everything ended happily because D'Argo died and I don't like that at all.  He kind of asked for it, resolving things with Chiana and Jothee like that. Now, bits of the show that were weird and involve all of that.  D'Argo and Chiana get together in S2.  It was a bit weird and out of the blue if you ask me.  Not that they couldn't be together, but I feel like it was fairly obvious that D'Argo and Zhaan were really heading somewhere and then it just...stopped.  D'Argo and Chiana were not an obvious couple and she's all innocence and sensuality and little girl (D'Argo always felt a bit like her dad to me).  D'Argo is all honor and loyalty and commitment.  Now...D'Argo has been searching for his son Jothee for the last two seasons and they finally reunite at the end of S2 and it's so beautiful and gorgeous, but all hell breaks loose and they have to fight a war and all that and in the chaos Chiana and Jothee sleep together.   WHAT?  Chiana's been freaking out about D'Argo preparing to ask her to marry him, but geez.  It's another example of how the show is not afraid to make its characters do things that aren't likeable and aren't human, but still, that one threw me.  I feel like there were so many other ways they could have gone with that.  I would have really liked to have had Jothee join the show and have him and D'Argo really struggle with getting to know each other again and, if they weren't meant to be, Chiana and D'Argo could have plenty of relationship issues without that huge betrayal.  Maybe Jothee and Chiana could even end up together but only after proper development.  But instead, they did that.  Jothee leaves and we don't see him again until the miniseries.  D'Argo forgives Chiana but they don't get back together until the end of S4 and then things get all good between them in the miniseries and then, naturally, D'Argo dies. John and Aeryn name their baby after him!  Sob! But like I said, the show wrapped everything up pretty well and they were extremely good about pacing, really, about telling a deliberate story with plenty of room for natural development along the way and making sure every character and relationship and story arc got fulfilled.  The only thing I felt like got dangled and forgotten was from S3.  Stark, I have a special place in my heart for Stark, not sure why.  Boy is legit crazy and sane at the same time.  Him and Zhaan could have been nice.   But they do this whole thing with him being on Talyn while the crew is split up where he finds out what Crais and Talyn are up to and there's this whole menacing threat to Crais and then when he leaves, he encodes a message for Crichton on his mask and when John starts to listen to it, it gets interrupted and we never hear what Stark wanted to say.  Even when Stark comes back, it's never referred to ever again.  It might have become a moot point because Crais and Talyn sacrifice themselves for everyone at the end of that season, but I still feel like it was a pretty big thing to just leave hanging like that. So...I can't describe Farscape and what it means to me.  The show completely wrapped itself in my insides and won't let go.  I just want to watch it over and over again and I wish there was more and yet I'm so glad it ended the way it did.  This show lived and breathed naturally and it wasn't afraid to make bold choices, assuming its audience's intelligence, and yet it entertained.  The episodes Crackers Don't Matter and John Quixote are so hilarious.  Every bit where John interacts with Harvey in his brain is so amazing and funny.  The acting is flawless, the writing brilliant, the creativity boundless.  This show is submersive, you can't help but be drawn in and caught up in the plight of the living ship Moya and her crew.  Found family is one of my favorite things and this absolutely encapsulates that.  I remember reflecting in S1 that I didn't think they could ever all be a cohesive whole because everyone was so different.   That never changed but even the unlikable characters (Jool started out so so annoying but I actually really grew to like her) and the people who did things that made you angry, somehow they're still a vital and amazing part of a family and they fight for each other, they're trying to survive.  They're caught up in a galaxy's machinations and politics and wars, and mostly what they want to do is go home and protect each other.  They have to do horrible things along the way.  They don't always win.  There's a truly awful episode where they go back in time and end up causing the slaughter of a bunch of nuns!  I mean, wow.  But in the end, you root for them and you will die rooting for them.  All the different interactions are important.  Obviously John and Aeryn are the heart and soul, but Aeryn's relationship with Pilot is so touching and tender.  Crichton and Chiana have this slightly sexual but yet not, brother and sister relationship that could be weird yet never is.  John and D'Argo's epic, bickering bromance is a thing for the ages.  It's just beautiful.  It's like Crichton, a plague that has ruined my life.

I watched 4 seasons and 1 mini series in 14 days.  It was perfect because I was on vacation for the first 10 days and I actually really took my time, feeling like I had the time. I started it casually, but it quickly consumed everything.  I lived and breathed Farscape for those days even when I was doing other things and I made sure I did other things.  My hands were shaking, my heart was racing, I clutched pillows and yelled at the screen, and I did happy squee flailing and monkey dancing around my living room on more than one occasion.  This show is not casual, it is a lifestyle.  I am so glad I was not watching it while it was on air because having to wait even a microt for between seasons would have been horrible and too much.  It is such a blessing though, the perfect sci fi show.  It's not a perfect show like Leverage is literally perfect and I would never change a thing about it and it's not fluff and happiness and comedy like Parks and Rec is perfect, but it is everything a scifi show should be and it has all the ingredients necessary to make it absolutely one of the best shows I have ever seen. 10 out of 10 recommend.  Make sure you have some time because binge watching is so necessary with this one but do it, do it, do it.

#farscape #text post #spoilers

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7 Tips to Prevent Lyme Disease

Lyme Disease Prevention is something that's sadly becoming a more and more prevalent topic these days. More and more cases of this horrid disease are showing up every year, with some strains of Lyme Disease even proving to be deadly, so having a lot of Lyme Disease Prevention Tips at your disposal is key to avoiding truly this horrid disease.

What? Did I really say “deadly”?

Yeah, how's that to make you sit up and pay attention, right? I mean, hearing about regular Lyme Disease is bad enough, but deadly?  Sigh.

It's enough to make me want to move to Hawaii where (so far) there have not been any cases of Lyme.

Anyhow, let's take a step back and learn about Lyme and Lyme Disease Prevention Tips so we can be better armed against this nasty enemy.

What is Lyme Disease?

Lyme disease is a tick-borne illness that has become a widespread epidemic in recent years. It’s known as “The Great Imitator”, because it resembles many other different diseases, yet does not respond to the treatments for those diseases. While it can seem like it's everywhere, it's not; and Lyme disease prevention is your best bet for avoiding this disease.

Lyme can really seem scary, especially when you see that there are over 300,000 new cases each year. It baffles doctors and patients alike, is notoriously difficult to diagnose, and can really cause serious damage in the people it affects. It is frightening. I understand; I’ve been fighting my own Lyme battle for the last 2 years.

The good news is; that Lyme transmission is easily preventable with the proper precautions. Though it’s possible Lyme can be transmitted through any biting insects, pregnancy, or even sexual transmission; your biggest chances of catching it is from a tick bite–so that’s where I’ll focus on Lyme disease prevention.

Is it Lyme Disease or Lyme's Disease?

Before we get on with tips about how to prevent Lyme Disease, let's make sure we're calling the disease by it's proper name, shall we :)? You will likely see Lyme Disease referred to in both ways.

However, “Lyme's disease” is not the correct name.

Lyme Disease (not ‘LYME's Disease') is named after Lyme, CT where the first major outbreak was, which is why it's called Lyme and not Lymes or Lyme's.

So though I'm not writing about “Lymes disease prevention”, we will be talking about “Lyme Disease Prevention”–get it :)?

Lyme Disease Symptoms

One of the scariest parts of Lyme Disease is that it's difficult to diagnose. Lyme Disease Symptoms resemble those of many other ailments and many doctors really don't know what to look for or how to diagnose Lyme Disease.

Many people think about the supposedly telltale bulls-eye rash when they think about Lyme, however, most people either don't get a rash or don't remember seeing one.

Often people with Lyme Disease don't remember getting bitten by a tick. But since some ticks are as small as a poppyseed (yes, it's true), that isn't surprising.

It's actually suspected that many people are bitten by a tick long before any Lyme Disease symptoms show up. As such, the thinking is that at some point after the tick bite, your immune system suffers an insult (excessive stress, another illness, etc.) and then the disease takes root and the Lyme Disease symptoms become obvious.

Typical Lyme Disease Symptoms:

Bulls-eye rash (however, fewer than 50% of people remember getting a rash)

Flu symptoms such as fatigue, fever, chills, muscle aches, and headaches

Neck stiffness

Chronic / Late-Stage Lyme Disease Symptoms:

Lyme Disease Symptoms that show up later and are indicative of a chronic case of Lyme Disease go far deeper, and can include:

Chronic fatigue & pain in joints and muscles

Muscle twitching

Chronic flu-like symptoms such as headache, fever, and neck stiffness

Bell’s palsy

Brain fog

Noise & light sensitivity

Insomnia

Blurry vision and floaters in eyes

Dizziness & tinnitus

Tremors and tingling in hands and feet

Chest pain & heart palpitations

This is not an exhaustive list of symptoms, and it also doesn’t include common symptoms from Lyme co-infections (which are very troubling indeed).

Confused about what to make of all of this? Yes, it's very complicated.

The best thing you can do is to pay attention to how you’re feeling and make note of any changes to address with your doctor. To find a doctor that knows how to treat Lyme disease, check out ILADS.

Lyme Disease Prevention Tips

While Lyme disease is scary, here’s the thing; you shouldn't let the fear of it stop us from enjoying the outdoors. Being in nature is good for the soul and for the body.  Keeping your immune system is key so that you can fight off all kinds of infections, including Lyme Disease.

Having a healthy immune system is the single biggest step we can take to being prepared for any type of invasion; and managing stress is a big part of that.  

Of course, avoiding tick bites is key. Following are tips for not getting bitten by those pesky ticks in the first place.

Lyme disease prevention is about addressing all possible avenues for transmission which means thinking about a lot of different angles.

Stay on the trails

If you know you’re going to be out hiking, it’s always best to stay on trails.  Not only will you be less likely to get hurt or lost, but the paths that are cleared out are usually wide enough to prevent ticks on weeds and grass from being able to attach onto you as you brush by.

These trails are maintained for a reason, so stay on the path to stay away from ticks!

Cover Up

One of the best Lyme Disease prevention tips is to dress for success, and I don't mean putting on heels or professional attire.

You can prevent simply by wearing tall socks and pants when hiking in the woods. The ticks can’t bite through the material, so it helps provide a barrier between them and your skin.

But always be sure to check your clothing when you return home before taking them off and immediately get rid of any ticks that you find before putting clothes in the laundry or anywhere else.

Also, light colored clothing is best so that you can more easily spot ticks when examining your clothes.

Bug spray is your friend

If you’re not going to be on wide, maintained trails, then bug spray is a great tool for Lyme disease prevention. DEET is a chemical commonly found in bug and pest spray helps repel bugs.  However, it’s also a harsh chemical, so I use this as a last resort.

One alternative to using DEET is using the gentler rose geranium essential oil, which helps to deter ticks from attaching to your skin.  But, essential oils tend to absorb and evaporate quicker than chemical bug sprays do, so be sure to re-apply frequently.

You can also buy a natural tick repellant with addition ingredients in it that are meant to deter ticks.

Keep your pets out of bed

If you think that avoiding hiking will keep you from getting Lyme, you are incorrect. Many people who contract Lyme disease don’t get it from the woods, but instead from their pets.

Keeping your animals up to date on their tick meds, and not letting dogs sleep in bed with you is one huge way you can minimize tick bites. This is especially important because ticks can hitch rides onto your family pets, and then sneak over to you at night and attach somewhere you may not see.

Eat to Prevent Lyme Disease

Some say that what you eat can help prevent Lyme Disease. It's not that these things do anything to your body to prevent a disease, but apparently ticks just don't like them so these are basically edible tick repellents.

Garlic

Apparently ticks don't like garlic. Not sure if that's really true or not but it's a delicious repellent at worst!

You could take garlic pills (those are odorless and you'll thank me for that!) or add extra garlic to just about everything you make to help ward the ticks off.

B Vitamins

Some say that ticks don't like B vitamins at all, and some say that B1 is the vitamin that they don't like. There are lots of testimonials online about how effective people have found B vitamins to be as a way to prevent Lyme disease. Here is one of them. This B vitamin complex is a great option for those with MTHFR issues and this is a B1 option from a trustworthy company.

Tick-proof Your Yard

Keep foliage under control

Mow the lawn regularly

Considering having mulch between more woody areas and the lawn

Stack wood in a dry area

Build a fence to prevent stray animals from bringing ticks into your yard

Remove any trash or debris from yard (rodents and ticks like to live there)

Check Yourself Daily

It used to be that checking for ticks after being out in the woods was enough.

Not anymore.

Again, panicking isn't the answer, but ticks and Lyme Disease are spreading, so being cautious is important.

Every day, especially after being outside, check your head, body, and clothing for ticks. Ticks can be as small as a poppy seed–so look carefully!

How to Remove a Tick

Even if you follow all of the Lyme Disease Prevention tips here, you still might end up with a tick on you, so it's important to know what to do next.

First of all, DO NOT put peppermint essential oil (or anything else for that matter) on the tick to get it to detach. This startles the tick, causing it to regurgitate into your body and bloodstream, which increases the chances of Lyme & co-infections infecting you.

There is one correct way to remove a tick

Use tweezers to remove the tick from your skin.

Using very fine-point tweezers (or a tick removal kit), grasp the tick as close to the surface of your skin as you can and pull upward firmly, but slowly.

Make sure the entire tick comes out and doesn’t leave any parts in your skin.

Once the tick has been successfully removed, send it in for free lab testing. This way you can hopefully find out which diseases the tick has been carrying, so you can get a head start on treating Lyme Disease or keeping an eye out for symptoms.

Lyme Disease Prevention After Tick Bite

If you have a tick bite, you’re at an advantage compared to those who never realize they’ve had one–you get a head start on Lyme Disease treatment (let's look at the bright side on this one–if there is a bright side of Lyme!)

Topical Treatment for Tick Bite

After a tick bite, the first thing you should do is clean the wound, and then make a paste out of andrographis tincture mixed with bentonite clay (there are many benefits of bentonite clay, but the possibility of a tick bit is only one reason this helpful substance should be in every house).

Apply the paste to the bite area and let it dry, then wash it off, re-applying every few hours for a couple of days so long as it’s not irritating your skin. Herbalist and Lyme expert Stephen Buhner recommends this as a way of drawing the toxins out of your skin before they have an opportunity to really get deep into your body.

Immune System Support after Tick Bite to Prevent Lyme Disease

In addition to treating the actual bite, you’ll also want to boost your immune system. This will help your body to be ready to fight off any invaders that may have made it into your bloodstream through the bite.

Buhner suggests supplementing with astragalus tincture (at 3,000mg daily (for adults) for 30 days). This is the best way to focus on Lyme disease prevention after a tick bite has already occurred.

Astragalus is great at boosting your immune system, but it’s worth noting that those with an active autoimmune disease exercise caution with astragalus.

Eating well is another way to support your immune system. Adding some of these foods that boost your immune system is one way to do that.

Conclusion & Encouragement

For more information about Lyme Disease, this post on Lyme Disease facts is loaded with lots of helpful information. Some of it is scary, but it's good to be armed with the truth.

However, keep in mind that if you get bitten by a tick and get Lyme Disease, it’s ok; just figure out what’s next. Deep breaths.

Lyme is not a death sentence, and it doesn’t define you. There are many of us in that fight together, and I can assure you, there is hope for healing.

So take hikes, go camping, breathe in the fresh air, and enjoy being in nature. Wear your pants and socks, and keep your bug spray close. Lyme disease prevention tips can be super helpful.

Then if you do end up with a Lyme Disease Diagnosis, partner up with others to get help on dealing with this disease, and get on with your life.

Have you done any of these Tips to Prevent Lyme Disease? Which Lyme Disease Prevention Tips will you try first?

Stefani is a boy mom and wife on a mission to provide natural healing hope for autoimmune disease and Lyme disease, and encouragement for raising healthy kids in a toxic world. She blogs over at Natural Paleo Family where she loves to cook real food meals, healthy desserts, and embrace the craziness that is life.

Source: https://wholenewmom.com/health-concerns/lyme-disease-prevention/