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scriptureofashes · 6 years

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Can I make a prompt request? Peter (a student) is stressing majorly over an essay he has to have finished in a few days, and he’s sleep deprived. After his 3rd all nighter, while pouring his 5th or so cup of coffee, he dozes off and pours hot coffee all over his hand. He plays it off as a joke and tries to go back to typing, but Tony and Steve are having absolutely none of it.

okay okay okay I’m sorry this took a while but it came out longer than I expected so I hope that makes up for it

(also my computer sucks, it keeps rebooting and deleting my Word drafts so I had to switch to Google docs aijsuhdhdudhdhsydhu)

side note: I assumed you wanted a stony fic, so I’ll just go ahead and say that this is post CW and IW, everything is dealt with, apologies were made, you know the drill. Also, since you just said Peter is a student, I went ahead and toyed with the concept of Peter in college, if that’s okay??

Peter always thought it was a joke. An exaggeration, he means. Something blown out of proportion to make college life sound harder than it actually is, to the point where it was pretty much a running gag rather than an actual phenomenon.

Staring at his laptop, eyes white-hot and fingers vibrating on the keyboard, he realizes he was wrong. He was so wrong about what he thought college was going to be like. Easier, a place where you’re in your element and all that prejudice you suffer through high school becomes utter and complete crap, and a time your life starts to forge itself at last.

He was so, so wrong about the easier part, college really is the land of hell and sleep deprivation, he thinks to himself, and cracks open his third can of Redbull. The numbers 3:07 stare at him almost impatiently from the corner of his too bright screen, as does the blinking text cursor on his newly opened Google document. Keyword: newly.

He has an essay due on Friday, which is in two days’ time, and he hasn’t even started it yet.

He’s been so caught up between his surprisingly demanding job at the Bugle as a photographer for Spider-Man and his work as Spider-Man every night that he fell behind on a monstrous pile of college essays and papers for all of his classes, due in the same week.

He doesn’t know when he started to carry coffee around everywhere, or how he’s pulled more than a couple all-nighters after some particular nights of rough crime-fighting. Then there’s May at the hospital, a can of worms he’s not opening.

He’s been managing, to say the least. Meet required attendance. Go to eight AM lectures. Report to Mr. Stark (after the events of the so called Infinity Wars he now reports to him directly) about Spider-Man. Report to Jameson. Get screamed at. Check up on May. Get possibly screamed at again. Put on the suit and patrol the city. Get beat at. Stumble into his dorm room (with new scrapes and bruises over the healing ones). Check due work. Drink coffee or energy drink (or both, twice). Get to work.

Lather, rinse and repeat.

But it’s either this, or give up one of the following: college or Spider-Man. And his thoughts on that go without saying, so he just sighs, shakes his head to clear the psychedelic outbreak of colors in his eyes, and burns the midnight oil.

During lunch on Thursday, Mr. Stark texts him an invitation to hang out at the compound. He’s attended a nine AM lecture and his follow-up morning classes on zero sleep, has yet to eat something since coming back from patrol last night and is on his way to visit Aunt May.

He misses his mentor. He still keeps in touch with Ned despite different college choices, occasionally passes MJ on some hallway and Harry’s inbox is always available, but it’s Tony Stark he can talk to about anything and everything. He knows what he’s been through. He knows what it’s like. He knows.

Aunt May has always been his rock—a guiding hand at his right. Mr. Stark’s is at his left.

Peter texts back his acceptance, figuring he can just take his laptop with him to the compound and finish his essay there.

“Didn’t you pick the place and the movie last time?”

“Yes, yes I did, because my good tastes take us to the best Italian restaurants in the city and movies with actual plot instead of some Morgan Freeman wannabe narrated documentary about mosquitoes.”

“That was one time, Tony.”

“My pants legit zipped themselves up, Rogers. Sexy beard or no sexy beard. Mosquitoes.”

Peter regrets a lot of things in his life. Uncle Ben is a no-brainer. Hopping on a donut spaceship is another. Going to college is now one of them, and so is his decision to study biophysics, which comes with the one to stay up for three nights in a row fueled by nothing except four cups of coffee and at least five different energy drinks.

He also regrets being stupid enough to get bit by a radioactive spider. His enhanced metabolism can go jump in the lake, because it makes the caffeine he’s been relying on utterly useless. He’s downed enough coffee to induce cardiac arrest—were he a bit more on the human side—yet the buzz he needs lasts only enough for him to type about fifteen words in before exhaustion comes back to rear its ugly head.

It’s happening now, he notes, as words swim in his eyes and the sound of Mr. Stark and Captain Rogers on banter about their eventful dates drowns out. He grasps the Starbucks Happy bought for him when picking him up, and it takes him more than he’d like to admit to register the hot splash and the sudden, searing pain in his right hand.

“Why are we even discussing this? You said you wanted to see Ocean’s 8 last thurs—Peter!”

Oh, so the scream really was from him.

“Jesus Christ, what the hell happened?”

Mr. Stark is off the couch’s arm and by his side before Peter can blink away his tears, holding and inspecting the back of his hand. Peter just shakes his head and his burning hand, more concerned about the coffee he just spilled all over his keyboard.

“Nothing! I just spilled coffee on my hand, it’s no big deal.”

“You just spilled hot coffee on your hand, no big deal my ass.”

Mr. Stark starts to pull him from his seat on the kitchen island, and Peter wants to reassure him it’s fine, he’s fine, even as he feels his hand blister and tears run down his face. He needs to finish this essay, he’s been slacking too much, his grades—

It’s when he hears water running and Captain Rogers saying, “Even Spider-Man needs to rest, kid,” that he realizes he’s been talking out loud. Mr. Stark’s hand is back on his and holding it under the water, ice cold and mind-blowingly relieving. Peter’s breath, uneven and like so unnoticed, steadily slows down enough for him to sigh and rub at his eyes.

Mr. Stark stares at him through the whole process. “When’s the last time you slept, Peter?”

“I’m not sure,” he lies. Mr. Stark gives him a look. “Three days ago?”

“Three days ago?”

“How have you managed to stay awake?” Captain Rogers asks. He’s cleaning up the coffee on the table and the computer. He’s also frowning at the screen.

“Coffee? Like,” Peter rubs his eyes again, “Lots of it. About… five cups a day, I think.”

“Five cups?” Mr. Stark repeats, turning off the faucet. He’s angry. “You’ve been drinking five cups of coffee a day? Kid, do you even realize what that does do you?”

“Uh, pot meet kettle?”

His mouth actually snaps shut at that. And anyone else would pass it for imagination, but Peter hears Rogers snort from his spot in front of Peter’s laptop.

“Okay, no. It’s one thing for me to do it. And in my defense, I don’t do it as often now.” Mr. Stark produces some sort of ointment tube out of a cabinet and wastes no time in rubbing it onto Peter’s hand. “You, however, are too young to start doing that already.”

Peter swallows back a remark on Mr. Stark’s age and says, “I had no choice, okay? You know that my metabolism is sort of shot through the roof. One or two wasn’t gonna cut it.”

“And you couldn’t manage to sleep a couple of hours in three days to recharge and write the essay?”

“No. It’s been… I… Between eight and nine AM lectures, patrolling the city and Aunt May in the hospital, I just… I didn’t have time, I kept trying but I always get back to my dorm so late it’s practically early, but my grade depends on this essay—”

“Okay, okay, okay.” Mr. Stark’s free hand rubs his shoulder the moment Peter’s anxiety makes a clear stand. “I understand, kid, I understand. But you’re allowed to cut back if your grades are slipping. You know that. You didn’t cut back in high school and it wasn’t pretty, remember? You have to cut back.”

Peter nods his head along. “Yes, yes I do, I know, but the due date is tonight at midnight and I haven’t even met the minimum required words, and I still need to visit Aunt May—”

“What’s your degree, Peter?” Captain Rogers interrupts smoothly. “If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

“Uh, biophysics.”

Rogers nods. “And what’s the essay about?”

“Ah, well, you see—”

“Honey, you know I mean no offense when I say I might be of more help there—”

“Yes, I know, it’s okay. It’s just that,” and Rogers looks like he wants to smile but tightens his lips instead, “I’m reading some of what you wrote, Peter, and I’m pretty sure the recipe for chicken nuggets has nothing to do with Physics.”

Peter stares. Mr. Stark stares.

“What.”

“Okay, so here’s what we’re gonna do,” Mr. Stark starts, now wearing a similar expression to the Captain’s, already maneuvering Peter around the kitchen counter. “We’re gonna get you some chicken nuggets—”

Peter laughs a bit too hard at that. His burn is now a dull throb, thanks to his advanced healing and Mr. Stark’s quick reaction.

“Now, seriously. We’re gonna get you to bed so you can sleep like the dead, I’m going to go through your work and help you out—”

“No, Mr. Stark, you don’t have to do that—”

“I said I was gonna help you out, as in leave a few pointers. I’m not going to write it for you, kid. Lord knows you can probably do a better job than me.”

Peter opens his mouth to counter that, but then it’s Rogers guiding him out of the room instead, Mr. Stark sat in front of his laptop. The Captain’s hand on his shoulder is gentle, so gentle he’s remembering how tired he is. It’s even gentler when he sways on the spot and it steadies him.

“You’re going to get some sleep while Tony works his magic,” Cap says with a reassuring smile. Mr. Stark is already typing as he speaks. “We’ll explain everything to your aunt, she’ll understand. And we’ll wake you up before midnight, enough for you to finish this essay and for us to have a long overdue talk about how to properly balance your school life and Spider-Man.”

“I’ll arrange a time schedule for you and all that jazz,” Mr. Stark adds. “Complete with tips on how to control one’s spidery alter-ego, how to study something that one twerp professor makes you hate with every fiber of your being and how to keep yourself from murdering your snoring roommate.”

Peter blinks. “You listen to my voicemails?”

“I happened to stumble upon that one. And the one about how you scaled a building just to get to class in time and climbed in through the window five seconds before the professor and the security guard arrived. Now that’s a story I gotta hear.”

He stops typing and stares at Peter for a few long moments.

“Go catch some Z’s, kid. You’ll be okay.”

Then he goes back to typing.

As he’s steered in the direction of his complimentary compound bedroom, Cap leans in and whispers, “Yes, he does listen. And he always reads your texts, by the way, even if he doesn’t always reply.”

“I can hear you two conspiring, Steve!”

They reach the open door of his bedroom, the bed so inviting Peter nearly throws himself on it, shoes and jeans be damned.

On his way back, Cap ruffles his hair.

“Sleep well, Peter. Everything will be okay.”

Later, as he works the last two paragraphs of a much more impressive essay on zilch caffeine and six hours of sleep, Mr. Stark at his side with a mug of tea much like his own and the Captain’s, a half-empty family box of KFC and the Discovery channel on background, Peter thinks it really might just be.

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theadmiringbog · 7 years

Photo

In this book, you’ll naturally look for common habits and recommendations, and you should. Here are a few patterns, some odder than others:

More than 80% of the interviewees have some form of daily mindfulness or meditation practice

A surprising number of males (not females) over 45 never eat breakfast, or eat only the scantiest of fare

Many use the ChiliPad device for cooling at bedtime

Rave reviews of the books Sapiens, Poor Charlie’s Almanack, Influence, and Man’s Search for Meaning, among others

The habit of listening to single songs on repeat for focus

Nearly everyone has done some form of “spec” work (completing projects on their own time and dime, then submitting them to prospective buyers)

The belief that “failure is not durable” or variants thereof

Almost every guest has been able to take obvious “weaknesses” and turn them into huge competitive advantages

Christopher Sommer, former U.S. National Team gymnastics coach and founder of GymnasticBodies

Coach Sommer dislikes the fitness fixation on “diet and exercise.” He finds it much more productive to focus on “eat and train.”

3 Movements Everyone Should Practice

J-Curl

Shoulder Extension:

Lift a dowel behind your back (standing), or sit on the floor and walk your hands backward behind your hips.

Thoracic Bridge:

Elevate your feet enough to feel the bulk of the stretch in the upper back and shoulders, not the lower back. The feet might be 3+ feet off the ground. Ensure you can concentrate on straightening your arms (and legs, if possible), holding the position, and breathing.

Good Goals for Adult Non-Gymnasts

The following goals incorporate many different aspects of strength and mobility into single movements:

Beginner: J-Curl

Intermediate: Straddle Press Handstand

Advanced: Stalder Press Handstand

QL Walk—An Unusual Warmup

Ag Walks with Rear Support

Pike Pulses

Cast Wall Walk

Dr. Dominic “Dom” D’Agostino, PhD

The ketogenic diet, often nicknamed “keto,” is a high-fat diet that mimics fasting physiology. Your brain and body begin to use ketones (derived from stored or ingested fat) for energy instead of blood sugar (glucose)—a state called ketosis. The diet was originally developed to treat epileptic children, but there are many variations, including the Atkins diet. You can achieve ketosis through fasting, diet, exogenous ketones, or a combination.

The primary resource, as you’ll come back to this: Dom’s top go-to resource for the ketogenic diet, including FAQs, meal plans, and more is ketogenic-diet-resource.com

Why Consider Fasting?

Dom has discussed the idea of a therapeutic “purge fast” with his colleague Dr. Thomas Seyfried of Boston College. Per Dom:

“If you don’t have cancer and you do a therapeutic fast 1 to 3 times per year, you could purge any precancerous cells that may be living in your body.”

Fasts of 3 days or longer can effectively “reboot” your immune system via stem cell–based regeneration. Dom suggests a 5-day fast 2 to 3 times per year.

I’d always been repelled by yoga: too much mumbo-jumbo, too little excitement. AcroYoga is a different beast.

Questions to ask

These can be modified for any skill or topic, not just sports. Just replace [SPORT] with what you want to learn, and track down your mentors. You can often find past gold and silver medalists willing to answer these via Skype for $50 to $100 per hour, which is an incredible steal and could save you years of wasted effort.

Who is good at [SPORT] despite being poorly built for it?

Who’s good at this who shouldn’t be?

Who are the most controversial or unorthodox athletes or trainers in [SPORT]?

Why?

What do you think of them?

Who are the most impressive lesser-known teachers?

What makes you different?

Who trained you or influenced you?

Have you trained others to do this?

Have they replicated your results?

What are the biggest mistakes and myths you see in [SPORT] training?

What are the biggest wastes of time?

What are your favorite instructional books or resources on the subject?

If people had to teach themselves, what would you suggest they use?

If you were to train me for 12 weeks for a [FILL IN THE BLANK] competition and had a million dollars on the line, what would the training look like?

What if I trained for 8 weeks?

Peter rarely eats breakfast and has experimented with many forms of intermittent fasting, ranging from one meal a day (i.e., 23 hours of fasting per day) to more typical 16/8 and 18/6 patterns of eating (i.e., 16 or 18 hours of fasting and only eating in an 8- or 6-hour window). Going 16 hours without eating generally provides the right balance of autophagy (look it up) and anabolism (muscle building).

“If you’re over 40 and don’t smoke, there’s about a 70 to 80% chance you’ll die from one of four diseases: heart disease, cerebrovascular disease, cancer, or neurodegenerative disease.

“There are really two pieces to longevity. The first is delaying death as long as possible by delaying the onset of chronic disease (the ‘big four’ above). We call that the defensive play.

“The second is enhancing life, the offensive play.

“[Studies] suggest to me that there’s something about highly refined carbohydrates and sugars—and potentially protein, though it might be for a different reason—that seems to raise insulin, which we know, by extension, raises insulin-like growth factor (IGF). And we know that IGF is driving not just aging but also certainly driving a lot of cancers, though not all of them.

“There is value in exercise, though, and I think that the most important type of exercise, especially in terms of bang for your buck, is going to be really high-intensity, heavy strength training.”

For Loose Skin or Stretch Marks

“There’s an herb called gotu kola that—I learned this from Dr. Mauro Di Pasquale, who was one of my early mentors—will get rid of what we call unnecessary scar tissue or unnecessary connective tissue. The truth of the matter, though, is that you will see zero progress for the loose skin for 6 months. So people say it’s not worth it, but I tell people, just keep doing it for 6 months. And then it’s almost like overnight. . . . “There are some compounding pharmacists who will make you a gotu kola bioabsorbable cream. That works a lot faster.”

On Good Doctors

“The length of time they spend with you on your first visit is probably your best indicator [of their quality].”

The Slow Carb Diet

The basic rules are simple, all followed 6 days per week:

Rule #1: Avoid “white” starchy carbohydrates (or those that can be white).

This means all bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, and grains (yes, including quinoa). If you have to ask, don’t eat it.

Rule #2: Eat the same few meals over and over again, especially for breakfast and lunch.

Good news: You already do this. You’re just picking new default meals. If you want to keep it simple, split your plate into thirds: protein, veggies, and beans/legumes.

Rule #3: Don’t drink calories.

Exception: 1 to 2 glasses of dry red wine per night is allowed, although this can cause some peri-/post-menopausal women to plateau.

Rule #4: Don’t eat fruit.

(Fructose → glycerol phosphate → more body fat, more or less.) Avocado and tomatoes are allowed.

Rule #5: Whenever possible, measure your progress in body fat percentage, NOT total pounds.

The scale can deceive and derail you. For instance, it’s common to gain muscle while simultaneously losing fat on the SCD. That’s exactly what you want, but the scale number won’t move, and you will get frustrated. In place of the scale, I use DEXA scans, a BodyMetrix home ultrasound device, or calipers with a gym professional (I recommend the Jackson-Pollock 7-point method). And then:

Rule #6: Take one day off per week and go nuts.

I choose and recommend Saturday. This is “cheat day,” which a lot of readers also call “Faturday.” For biochemical and psychological reasons, it’s important not to hold back. Some readers keep a “to-eat” list during the week, which reminds them that they’re only giving up vices for 6 days at a time.

Mini-parallettes

3 High-Yield Exercises

Pavel’s “Simple & Sinister” Kettlebell Program

One-arm swing

Turkish get-up (TGU)

Goblet squat

Do these three exercises in some form every day, and you are guaranteed to get a great return on your investment. The TGU is also excellent for diagnosing deficiencies.

“When in Doubt, Train Your Grip and Your Core”

“Strengthening your midsection and your grip will automatically increase your strength in any lift.

Among effective midsection exercises are ‘power breathing,’ hollow rocks, Janda sit-ups, hanging leg raises, and ‘hard-style planks.’ To do the last, hold a plank for 10 seconds under max contraction, not for several minutes. Hold it like you’re about to be kicked and breathe ‘behind the shield’ of your tensed midsection. For a challenge, consider putting your feet on the wall, a few inches from the floor.”

Kettlebell windmills

The Top Mobilizations to Do Every Day

“Here are a few things you should probably do every day:

Everyone can benefit from something that looks like the cow stretch (also sometimes called “cat-camel” in yoga classes). It’s a low-level static stretch that gets you into this extension pattern, and out of the other pattern of sitting in the rounded flexion position.

Spend as much time in a lunge as you can.

‘Smash’ your gut (i.e., roll on it) for downregulation before bed with a medicine ball.

Internal shoulder rotation is so crucial. Doing the Burgener warmup will help show you if you have full internal rotation of your shoulder.

“Don’t systematically shorten your kids’ heel cords (Achilles) with bad shoes. It results in crappy ankle range of motion in the future. Get your kids Vans, Chuck Taylors, or similar shoes. Have them in flat shoes or barefoot as much as possible.”

“What am I continuing to do myself that I’m not good at?” Improve it, eliminate it, or delegate it.

"When it comes to the future, it’s far more important to be imaginative than to be right.”

Alvin Toffler.

Honey + ACV: My go-to tranquilizer beverage is simple:

2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar (I use Bragg brand) and 1 tablespoon honey, stirred into 1 cup of hot water. This was taught to me by the late and great Seth Roberts, PhD. Some of his readers also noticed large and immediate strength improvements in exercise after a few days of using this pre-bed cocktail.

#4—Prepare “Titanium Tea” (this name was a joke, but it stuck) (2 to 3 minutes)

I prepare loose-leaf tea in a Rishi glass teapot but you could use a French press. The below combo is excellent for cognition and fat loss, and I use about 1 flat teaspoon of each: Pu-erh aged black tea Dragon well green tea (or other green tea) Turmeric and ginger shavings (often also Rishi brand) Add the hot water to your mixture and let it steep for 1 to 2 minutes.

Separately, add one of the following to your drinking mug: 1 to 2 tablespoons of coconut oil, which is about 60 to 70% MCTs (medium-chain triglycerides) by weight or 1 scoop of Quest MCT Oil Powder, which will give the tea a creamy consistency.

Try one or more of Chade-Meng Tan’s suggested exercises, starting on page 154. They are simple and brilliant.

With “Just Note Gone” we train the mind to notice that something previously experienced is no more. For example, at the end of a breath, notice that the breath is over. Gone. As a sound fades away, notice when it is over. Gone. At the end of a thought, notice that the thought is over. Gone. At the end of an experience of emotion—joy, anger, sadness, or anything else—notice it is over. Gone. This practice is, without a doubt, one of the most important meditation practices of all time. Meditation master Shinzen Young said that if he were allowed to teach only one focus technique and no other, it would be this one.

Loving-Kindness

In many of my public talks, I guide a very simple 10-second exercise. I tell the audience members to each identify two human beings in the room and just think, “I wish for this person to be happy, and I wish for that person to be happy.” That is it. I remind them to not do or say anything, just think—this is an entirely thinking exercise. The entire exercise is just 10 seconds’ worth of thinking. Everybody emerges from this exercise smiling, happier than 10 seconds before. This is the joy of loving-kindness.

Chris elaborates: “Generally, what all of this comes down to is whether you are on offense or defense. I think that as you survey the challenges in your lives, it’s just: Which of those did you assign yourself, and which of those are you doing to please someone else? Your inbox is a to-do list to which anyone in the world can add an action item. I needed to get out of my inbox and back to my own to-do list.”

Go to as Many Higher-Level Meetings as Possible

TIM: “If working in a startup environment, what should one do or focus on to learn and improve as much as possible?”

CHRIS: “Go to all the meetings you can, even if you’re not invited to them, and figure out how to be helpful.

In 2009, Chris did a charity bicycle ride with the Trek Travel team from Santa Barbara, California, to Charleston, South Carolina: “I had a phrase I kept repeating in my head over and over again, which was, ‘Tonight, I will be in my bed. Tonight, I will be in my bed. Tonight, I will be in my bed.’ . . . It was something I repeated to remind me that the pain of what I was going through was temporary and that, no matter what, at the end of that day, I would be in my bed that night.”

“Raise Prices”

This was Marc’s response to “If you could have a billboard anywhere, what would it say?” He’d put it right in the heart of San Francisco, and here’s the reason:

“The number-one theme that companies have when they really struggle is they are not charging enough for their product. It has become conventional wisdom in Silicon Valley that the way to succeed is to price your product as low as possible, under the theory that if it’s low-priced, everybody can buy it, and that’s how you get to volume,” he said. “And we just see over and over and over again people failing with that, because they get into a problem called ‘too hungry to eat.’ They don’t charge enough for their product to be able to afford the sales and marketing required to actually get anybody to buy it. Is your product any good if people won’t pay more for it?”

TIM: “What advice would you give to Marc, the 20-something, at Netscape?”

MARC:

“I’ve never for a moment even thought about that.

Basically, his entire thing is ‘forward.’

TIM: “So that’s how you feel?”

MARC: “Forward, like: We don’t stop. We don’t slow down. We don’t revisit past decisions. We don’t second guess. So, honestly, that question, I have no idea how to answer.”

“Strong Views, Loosely Held” For a long time, this phrase was in Marc’s Twitter bio.

Born Standing Up: A Comic’s Life

Marc highlighted one takeaway: “He says the key to success is, ‘Be so good they can’t ignore you.’”

TF: Marc has another guiding tenet: “Smart people should make things.” He says: “If you just have those two principles—that’s a pretty good way to orient.”

“My goal is not to fail fast. My goal is to succeed over the long run. They are not the same thing.”

“To do original work: It’s not necessary to know something nobody else knows. It is necessary to believe something few other people believe.”

“Andy Grove had the answer: For every metric, there should be another ‘paired’ metric that addresses adverse consequences of the first metric.”

Arnold: “My confidence came from my vision. . . . I am a big believer that if you have a very clear vision of where you want to go, then the rest of it is much easier. Because you always know why you are training 5 hours a day, you always know why you are pushing and going through the pain barrier.”

Derek has read, reviewed, and rank-ordered 200+ books at sivers.org/books. They’re automatically sorted from best to worst. He is a huge fan of Charlie Munger, Warren Buffett’s business partner, and introduced me to the book Seeking Wisdom: From Darwin to Munger, by Peter Bevelin.

“What if you asked, ‘When you think of the word “successful,” who’s the third person that comes to mind? Why are they actually more successful than the first person that came to mind?’ In that case, the first would be Richard Branson, but ...

“What if Richard Branson set out to live a quiet life, but like a compulsive gambler, he just can’t stop creating companies? Then that changes everything, and we can’t call him successful anymore.”

Ricardo Semler, CEO and majority owner of the Brazil-based Semco Partners, practices asking “Why?” three times.

I believe you shouldn’t start a business unless people are asking you to.

“From the early days of WordPress, we would always think: ‘Okay, if we do X today, what does that result in tomorrow, a year from now, ten years from now?’ The metaphor I think of the most—because it’s simple—is the dog chasing the car. What does the dog do if he catches the car? He doesn’t have a plan for it. So I find it just as often on the entrepreneurial side. People don’t plan for success.”

The normal QWERTY keyboard layout was designed to slow down human operators to avoid jams. That time has passed, so try the Dvorak layout instead, which is easier on your tendons and helps prevent carpal tunnel syndrome. Read The Dvorak Zine (dvzine.org). Colemak is even more efficient, if you dare. Within Automattic, Matt has held speed-typing challenges, where the loser has to switch to the winner’s layout. So far, Dvorak has always beaten QWERTY.

Search YouTube for “Best of Liszt” (Halidon Music):

“Franz Liszt is one of the great romantic composers of piano literature. He was really held as the super-virtuoso of the 19th century.”

As Tony recounted, Buffett told him,

“Investing in yourself is the most important investment you’ll ever make in your life. . . . There’s no financial investment that’ll ever match it, because if you develop more skill, more ability, more insight, more capacity, that’s what’s going to really provide economic freedom. . . . It’s those skill sets that really make that happen.”

This echoes what Jim Rohn famously said, “If you let your learning lead to knowledge, you become a fool. If you let your learning lead to action, you become wealthy.”

Doesn’t Always Have to Be Hard “I have come to learn that part of the business strategy is to solve the simplest, easiest, and most valuable problem. And actually, in fact, part of doing strategy is to solve the easiest problem.”

Reid’s First Principle Is Speed

“We agreed I was going to make judgment calls on a range of issues on his behalf without checking with him. He told me, ‘In order to move fast, I expect you’ll make some foot faults. I’m okay with an error rate of 10 to 20%—times when I would have made a different decision in a given situation—if it means you can move fast.’ I felt empowered to make decisions with this ratio in mind, and it was incredibly liberating.”

“I think we need to teach kids two things: 1) how to lead, and 2) how to solve interesting problems. Because the fact is, there are plenty of countries on Earth where there are people who are willing to be obedient and work harder for less money than us.

Altucher

“We all have, let’s say, two or three dozen massive pain points in our lives that everyone can relate to. I try to basically write about those, and then I try to write about how I attempted to recover from them.”

To me, the quote above explains how James went from unknown to millions of readers faster than most writers gain a thousand readers. James made his specialty exploring his own pain and fear, and he shows the light at the end of the tunnel without ignoring the darkness in the middle.

Some of my most popular blog posts since 2007 have been the least time-consuming but the most uncomfortable. To produce these, I usually ask myself: “What am I embarrassed to be struggling with? And what am I doing about it?”

If you can’t get 10 good ideas, get 20 ideas.

On the Value of Selective Ignorance, After Working at a Newspaper

“You’re basically told, ‘Find the thing that’s going to scare people the most and write about it.’ . . . It’s like every day is Halloween at the newspaper. I avoid newspapers.”

TF: Many productive people do the same, including Nassim Taleb.

1,000 True Fans

To be a successful creator, you don’t need millions. You don’t need millions of dollars or millions of customers, clients, or fans. To make a living as a craftsperson, photographer, musician, designer, author, animator, app maker, entrepreneur, or inventor you need only 1,000 true fans. A true fan is defined as “a fan who will buy anything you produce.” These diehard fans will drive 200 miles to see you sing; they will buy the hardback and paperback and audio versions of your book; they will purchase your next figurine, sight unseen;

Here’s how the math works. You need to meet two criteria: First, you have to create enough each year that you can earn, on average, $100 profit from each true fan. That is easier to do in some arts and businesses than others, but it is a good creative challenge in every area because it is always easier and better to give your existing customers more, than it is to find new fans. Second, you must have a direct relationship with your fans. That is, they must pay you directly. You get to keep all of their support, unlike the small percentage of their fees you might get from a music label, publisher, studio, retailer, or other intermediate. If you keep the full $100 from each true fan, then you need only 1,000 of them to earn $100K per year. That’s a living for most folks. 1,000 customers is a whole lot more feasible to aim for

Here are some specific phrases that he uses, which I’ve borrowed, and you’ll notice that pseudo-commands are sometimes more effective than questions:

Prompts to Elicit Stories (Most Interviewers Are Weak at This)

“Tell me about a time when . . .”

“Tell me about the day [or moment or time] when . . .”

“Tell me the story of . . . [how you came to major in X, how you met so-and-so, etc.]”

“Tell me about the day you realized ___ . . . ”

“What were the steps that got you to ___ ?”

“Describe the conversation when . . .”

Follow-Up Questions When Something Interesting Comes Up, Perhaps in Passing

“How did that make you feel?”

“What do you make of that?”

General-Use Fishing Lures

“If the old you could see the new you, what would the new you say?”

“You seem very confident now. Was that always the case?”

“If you had to describe the debate in your head about [X decision or event], how would you describe it?”

Every single thing in your company breaks every time you roughly triple in size.

You get to 10 people, and everything kind of breaks again. You figure that out, and then you get to 30 people and everything is different, and then 100 and then 300 and then 1,000.

His dad, a very successful entrepreneur, gave Chris advice when he was a freshman or sophomore in high school: “I distinctly remember him saying not to worry about what I was going to do because the job I was going to do hadn’t even been invented yet. . . . The interesting jobs are the ones that you make up.

“That’s something I certainly hope to instill in my son: Don’t worry about what your job is going to be. . . . Do things that you’re interested in, and if you do them really well, you’re going to find a way to temper them with some good business opportunity.”

#Tools of Titans #Tim Ferriss #book review

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biofunmy · 4 years

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The Rebooted Carmelo Anthony: Same as He Ever Was

NEW ORLEANS — Carmelo Anthony came to shoot on Tuesday night for the Portland Trail Blazers. And then he shot some more, often from midrange. There was some Good Melo, like when he bullied a defender and hit one of his patented pull-up jumpers from just outside the foul line. There was lots of Not So Good Melo: bricked, inefficient shots combined with turnovers and fouls. But whatever it was, this was the quintessential Anthony experience. As the catchphrase associated with him might put it: Anthony stayed Melo.

“I’m here now. That’s what’s important,” Anthony told reporters after the game. “Portland pulled the trigger and no matter what happens, I will always appreciate that.”

While the Trail Blazers waited until just before the game to announce that he would be starting, Anthony said that the team’s brass offered the starting job up front when they called at the end of last week. Right when Anthony’s long career appeared to be over, Portland offered a lifeline: a one-year, veteran minimum contract that only becomes guaranteed if he stays on the roster past Jan. 7.

“That was a miscommunication about my past couple seasons about what my role would be and what they were expecting from me,” Anthony said, seemingly referring to his two most recent teams, the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Houston Rockets, the latter of which cut him after 10 games. “That was a big point, me talking to those guys. Let’s be transparent. It’s not nothing that I won’t be able to do, but just let me know up front.”

It was clear after Anthony’s first performance that he is a work in progress. He shot 4 of 14 for 10 points, along with five fouls, five turnovers and several lapses on defense. Asked whether Anthony would remain in the starting lineup, Coach Terry Stotts said before the game, “I don’t see why not,” and added that it had not been necessary to have an extended discussion with Anthony about what his role was.

It’s easy to chalk up Anthony’s first performance to rust, but he didn’t actually look rusty. He was able to get to his spots — often posting up or in the midrange. He just couldn’t convert very often. His stat line from Tuesday wasn’t too dissimilar from what he was doing for Houston a year ago, and Anthony acknowledged he had some adjusting to do.

“Within a year, the game has changed. The physicality of the game has changed,” Anthony said.

What is clear is that Anthony is not going to fade into the background the way veterans like Vince Carter, Ray Allen and Andre Iguodala have done in their later years.

In Carter’s prime in particular, he was faced with many of the same criticisms as Anthony. But by picking his spots and accepting a bench role with zero complaint, Carter has extended his career well into his 40s.

But that’s not Anthony.

He’s not one to be tentative on the floor. Good or bad, Anthony’s presence is to be felt. On Tuesday, his 14 shots were the second most on the team, despite his playing only 24 minutes with minimal familiarity with his teammates and the offense. He had zero assists in Portland’s 115-104 loss to the New Orleans Pelicans. (Part of his high usage was because Damian Lillard was out with back spasms.)

This means that Portland, in a season already teetering on the brink with a 5-10 record, needs to be careful about this gamble. Anthony has nothing to lose. He’s 35 years old without the same athleticism he had a decade ago — and plays a style of basketball more suited for that decade. How much string does Stotts give Anthony if he doesn’t adjust quickly? And what if, despite Anthony’s protestations to the contrary, the ability to adjust is just not there? But as of right now, Stotts is all in.

“I would anticipate that he’s going to play the way he’s played his entire career,” Stotts said after the game. Given what we’ve seen in recent years from Anthony and how basketball has changed, is this a good thing?

In some ways, Anthony, a no-doubt-about-it Hall of Famer, is a perfect fit for this year’s version of the Trail Blazers. He made his living in his prime as a prolific scorer who thrived in isolations — meaning players opting to go one-on-one against man defenses — at a time when this type of game was in vogue.

Portland is second in the N.B.A. this year in isolations, according to the N.B.A.’s tracking numbers, behind only the Houston Rockets. This kind of attack puts less emphasis on ball movement, cuts to the basket and set plays. It has resulted in a league-average offense for the Blazers. Maybe Anthony is the antidote to this, but last year, Portland wasn’t even in the top-10 in isolations and had one of the best offensive teams in the N.B.A.

It’s clear that Portland needs something. Coming off a Western Conference finals run last year, the Blazers are mired in a rut. They will hopefully get back Jusuf Nurkic at some point this season, a bruising center who, in the midst of a career year, fractured his leg last March. But the franchise still looks significantly different from last season: The team traded away role players like Meyers Leonard and Maurice Harkless. Seth Curry and Al-Farouq Aminu left as free agents. None of the players that left Portland are lighting up the stats sheets on their new teams — but culturally, they fit in with what Stotts was trying to do.

In their place is Hassan Whiteside, an excellent rebounder and shot blocker with limited offensive capability. He has been the frequent target of critics who have said for years that his effort is lacking and that his statistics are empty. Other players, like Anthony Tolliver and Mario Hezonja, are also new additions trying to help take the load off Lillard and C.J. McCollum.

So maybe Anthony is the answer. The Blazers certainly need another playmaker, and Anthony is willing to make plays. Sometimes that’s enough to juice an offense. But it is worth considering whether any inefficient shot that Anthony takes is one that might be better taken by someone else — perhaps a better shooter like Tolliver, who did not see the court against the Pelicans.

On Tuesday afternoon, Anthony offered some insight as to why he chose the jersey number “00” instead of his typical No. 7. He posted an image to Instagram — one side of it was his face with a hoodie on (Anthony’s sweatshirt wearing has become ubiquitous enough that it’s part of his image). Opposite that was a list of lines apparently relating to his new number. They included: “A number greater than any assignable quantity or countable number,” “Without end” and “Process that never stops.” There were other, more abstract lines like, “The mysticism of our past and the possibility for an eternal future give the infinity symbol a sense of awe and wonder,” followed by “Infinite Nature of (God)7.”

But one line stood out more clearly than any other: “The chance to have a new and great beginning with the past left behind where it belongs.”

Anthony, and several of his friends from around the league, are thrilled he’s back. As they should be: Talents like Anthony are rare, and it’s a treat to see them when we can. It’s just a question of whether this will lead to wins for Portland.

After the game, Anthony discussed his “low point” since the Rockets exiled him to a Basketball No Man’s Land in November 2018. Teams weren’t calling. His Hall of Fame legacy was at stake.

“There was a time where I actually thought that I was about to let go a love of my life,” Anthony said. He talked about being at peace with whatever became of his career, but that he had to first “get over that hump mentally and emotionally.”

But he got past that point. The exact moment?

“The call, 72 hours ago,” Anthony said with a smile.

Sahred From Source link Sports

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#IFTTT #WordPress

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jen--ne--sais--quoi · 7 years

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So it’s 12:29am...

and I just woke up from a nap I decided to take from 10:45-12:15.

Because I got shit to do tonight but today at work was so fucking exhausting.

A List From the Shit Show:

-I walked in to work to see that the manager that spent the week in jail for cooking meth in his basement (a month after being arrested for the very same offense) is...somehow free and employed??? And I have to listen to what he says???? (This was actually a highlight cause it kept making me giggle)

-Mindy, my fellow hostess, called off today, which we thought wasn’t a big deal until the dinner rush came. It’s the middle of September--we are supposed to be in the off-season. So why the FUCK did we have a half hour wait???? That’s 15 parties waiting, and more coming in, with zero explanation why ANY of them are in town. Me, More Experienced Lauren, ....and the trainee.

-One of my acquaintances from high school and her family came in, needing a table for 7 people. I said, “I’ll go get a table ready and be back.” The Mom said, “That’s alright, take your time.” Turns out a perfect table just needs bussed off, so I start doing that at like a moderate pace because why wear myself ragged when it’s not busy? (yet, like I said it came for us hard). By the time I got the table ready, maybe 3-5 minutes have passed, with servers stopping me to ask questions, stopping by the lobby to tell the party that it’ll take a couple extra minutes and Mom replying “Like I said, take your time” and the ever elusive spray bottles doin their best to hide, etc. I go to the lobby and open my mouth to talk and Mom goes, “Do you need ME to wipe the table?! I’ll wipe it down for you if it helps make things go faster?!” So I just say, “Party of 7 your table is ready, right this way” and pretend she wasn’t just aggro AF to me after pretending to be patient.

-Side quest: As I was getting that table cleared, the servers mention that the current floor plan is wrong, and that an entire section actually has no server assigned to it. A section I just sat. Again. But not to worry, the floor plan changed! But...where the fuck is it?! In the 15 minutes it took Meth Manager to make a floor plan, five tables got sat and needed to be picked up by random servers, making the first hour of the dinner shift confusing as hell.

-Back to Mom and Acquaintance: As I seat the table, I notice that Acquaintance wearing an All That Remains t-shirt, and I jokingly said, “look at you being all emo today” in a friendly voice. She said, “You know it.” Ten minutes later my manager (the one who ISN’T cooking meth) goes, “What the fuck did you say to 66?! They’re PISSED! Something about being emo?” And I had to explain that Katie is a friend acquaintance from high school and that I was just making a friendly joke, and why the fuck would she tell on my to my boss instead of, I dunno, sending me a message or coming to talk to me by herself??? WHY IS THIS SUDDENLY A PROBLEM FOR MY WORK AND NOT A PROBLEM BETWEEN FRIENDS. So then I had to go over in the middle of their meal and be like, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings I’m a giant boner of emoness myself so I thought it was cool, your shirt’s neat” like a fifth grader on the playground.

-Power in the enter restaurant went out for a solid minute....and then came back on which was the biggest disappointment of my life.

-The power outage fucked our computer system SO HARD. For the rest of the night, it went through 4 error screens, two reboots, a freeze, and stopped letting credit cards go through. We had to use the old ass carbon-copy receipts to take down the card info, get a signature, and then not close out the checks so by the end of the night the “Take Payment” screen was getting crowded AF

-Our friendly neighborhood liberty-spiked punk line cook pushed the doors open mighty hard on his way out. I didn’t see anything--I only knew it was him because I heard the chains on his pants rattling on his way. Apparently he walked the fuck out. He’s literally one of the best cooks, and if you thought the host stand was short staffed...ha. The kitchen got FUCKED. The server doing expo had to jump on the cook line, a server from the deck had to jump on expo, and suddenly everyone wants to sit outside to watch the sunset, and there’s only ONE server covering 10 tables--which no one thinks to tell the people who control seating, why should WE know something like that?! I hear about it because the lone deck server is bitching in the kitchen when I go to grab some soups.

-One of the servers was thisclose to a panic attack all night, and no one had any free time to help her at all, and she could barely get shit done :(

-I told someone one of our pizzas can be vegan if she asked for no cheese. Apparently, it’s not. You can’t remove the cheese from the crust (On the bright side: She didn’t call to have me killed).

-I sold over $500 of food by myself within an hour. Our tips? Shit.

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thezachrogers · 7 years

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The worst 10 movies of 2016

2016 was really the year of stinkers than it was for good movies. Fortunately, I knew to stay away from most of them. If the trailer reveals too much and it’s so star-studded and CGI driven it almost looks stupid (because it is); then check yourself before you wreck yourself; do NOT watch those movies. The movies I called to be stinkers that I did not see and friends told me they did stink are:

Passengers

Assassin’s Creed

Now You See Me 2

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2

Mother’s Day

Zoolander 2

Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (total reboot, yet Sigourney Weaver, Dan Akroyd, Bill Murray, and Ernie Hudson all appear in the film as different characters; stupid.)

INDEPENDENCE DAY 2: RESURGENCE: If Will Smith said no to it to do Suicide Squad (TOTAL STINKER) instead, then it had to be bad.

The 5th Wave

The Divergent Series: Allegiant: Before the third installment to this less than mediocre franchise released, Lionsgate announced they were selling the rights to Disney and were going to release the final film (4th and 5th installment) as a TV season with a whole new cast…yea, no thanks.

Warcraft

London Has Fallen

Gods of Egypt

Max Steel

Noticing a trend here folks?

Every movie with the exception of Passengers is not original. Either a sequel to a mediocre movie, or a movie based on videogame or teen novel. Do not waste your time on these films. They are crap, all of them, no matter who is in them.

Yea, I love Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Pratt, Jeff Goldblum, and Mark Ruffalo; but that’s what Marvel movies are for folks!

The following top 10 list is based on what I saw! Again a few of these movies were not terrible, just not the best. #9 and #10 were movies that I could have waited for TV and/or Netflix.

10. X-Men: Apocalypse 3 Stars (7.1/10 on IMDB, 48% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Not a terrible movie, not the worst in the X-Men franchise; just not the best. With the follow up to the BEST X-Men film (Days of Future Past), and the second film in the X-Men Cinematic Universe in 2016 (Deadpool being the first), there were high expectations on this film. It just didn’t meet them.

Apocalypse is not The Last Stand or X-Men Origins: Wolverine; it is not flat out terrible. It just did not meet anyone’s expectations. Oscar Isaac; as good as he is, played a terrible villain, which is so disappointing because he was so good in 2015’s Ex-Machina. Fassbender’s Magneto is still so kick ass as well as Lawrence’s Mystique. Hugh Jackman has hands down the best five minutes in the entire movie. And the post-credits scene was a very exciting set up to March 2017’s Logan. Again: not a bad movie! Just not the greatest. There was WAY too much CGI and WAY too much 1963 Batmanesque cheese lines. Same bat-time, same bat-channel, lots of crap like that. I would wait for this to come out on FX in 2018 to watch. The only reason I would watch is continuity to set up Hugh Jackman’s finale in this beloved franchise; Logan.

9. The Secret Life of Pets 2.75 Stars (6.6/10 on IMDB, 74% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Great airplane movie or TV movie. Not missing much if you don’t watch on rental or in theaters. I love animated films, and some great ones came out in 2016, but this movie just tried too hard in all the wrong places. Kevin Hart’s bunny was over the top as expected, no problem there, but Jenny Slate again in an animated film with animals who can talk? Really Illumination? You want to be Zootopia that bad? And you want to try AGAIN with Sing? It’s pretty pathetic. You’re going to get Albert Brooks to voice a character too (Marlon in Finding Nemo/Dory) The placement advertisement for NBC/Universal shows and movies like Fallon, Saturday Night Live, Seinfeld, The Voice and a blatant movie poster on a public transportation bus for Sing was so shriekingly stupid, I wanted to hold my middle finger up to screen. The good sides of this movie was that the dog characters were cute and the animation was good. That’s it. Illumination should wait a little longer before branching out of Despicable Me and Minions. I wouldn’t have seen this movie in theaters or on iTunes. Wait for Redbox and if you can on TV in 2018 folks.

8. Me Before You 2 Stars (7.5/10 on IMDB, 58% on Rotten Tomatoes)

I love Emilia Clarke, but she cannot choose a good film script to save her life. This movie makes me have very low expectations for the standalone Han Solo film due out in 2018. What a piece of crap this move is. What a piece of crap this story is. SPOILER ALERT: she fails at motivating the guy to live and love again. He commits suicide and gives her money in his will. What kind of a story is that? Why the hell would anyone want to read or watch this trash?

The acting felt like a chick-flick/rom-com with these two young up and coming actors, but the story just did not help. A matured and handsome Neville Longbottom was about the only upside of this movie. Lord Tywin Lannister himself (Charles Dance) couldn’t even deliver. This movie was trash. Wife hated the ending. I quote her saying “The end makes me want that two hours back.” There you go folks. If you like depressing romantic movies with lifetime movie/porno acting and no happy ending, this is your film! If not, don’t bother.

7. The Huntsman: Winter’s War 2 Stars (6.1/10 Stars on IMDB, 17% on Rotten Tomatoes)

I originally thought Snow White and the Huntsman would not have been garbage if it wasn’t for Kristen Stewart’s fugly frozen face with no emotion. I was wrong. The Huntsman was an even bigger turd. This movie was set up as a prequel/sequel to its predecessor. Yea, I know it doesn’t make sense, it didn’t work on screen either. I had to Wikipedia what exactly happened with the story after I finished the movie. This was another movie with too many A-listers and CGI to be any good. This movie was Warner Brothers throwing more money in the garbage to compete with Disney’s live action remakes. Warner Brothers takes another loss with their comic book universe (OH WE WILL BE GOING THERE TOO). Do not waste your time with this movie. Doesn’t go down as one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen because Jessica Chastain and Emily Blunt are just too good for that; but I prefer you just to watch Zero Dark Thirty and Sicario a second time than to waste your time with this turd.

6. Alice Through the Looking Glass 1.5 Stars (6.3/10 on IMDB, 30% on Rotten Tomatoes)

With Disney doing 16 films in 2016, surely not all of them were destined for greatness. Alice was the rotten one of the bunch. Another sequel/reboot to a mediocre film, Alice Through the Looking Glass was crappy CGI thrown up all over the silver screen with good costumes! I got it; it’s Attack of the Clones II! Horrible, horrible, horrible. 2016 may be the worst year of Johnny Depp’s life. With his mother’s death, his divorce, and his ex-wife’s domestic-abuse accusations, I don’t see how promoting this crap film made 2016 any better. I’m praying for big things for Johnny in 2017 (Seriously); I pray his career is resurrected with the fifth Pirates film, he enjoys touring with Alice Cooper and his super-group, and he has some a new year’s resolution to drop off some beer weight like myself. One of the worst of 2016, this film is not one you want to waste your time or money on.

5. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice 1 Star (6.7/10 on IMDB, 27% on Rotten Tomatoes)

What a piece of crap. This movie was worse than Daredevil (2003), worse than Batman & Robin, worse than Punisher: War Zone, worse than Fantastic 4 (2015), worse than Ghost Rider. Yes, I need to say more. Screw Zack Snyder (director). Honestly, what a douchebag for making me hate a movie that comes out in modern day with all the brilliant actors and incredible technology and source content we have. Batman is my all time favorite character. I’ve been watching him as far as I can remember; since I could not walk. And Zack Snyder ruined every piece of what could have been good with this movie. To all of your Burton/Keaton fans, Campy Adam West fans, and Batman TAS fans; I’ve had enough of your garbage; Christian Bale’s performance and Christopher Nolan’s trilogy is the best on screen Batman ever. When we have something like that…why would you try to reboot it only 4 years later? And especially to not give Batman his own movie first…you put him in a Man of Steel sequel; it’s really offensive. All Batman fans should be offended by this turd of a movie. Superman has yet to have a fantastic live action movie. So why group Batman with that mess? It pisses me off. Henry Cavill’s Clark Kent reminds me of Hayden Christensen’s Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars Episodes II and III; such a whiny little wuss. Bro, YOU ARE FREAKING SUPERMAN; stop whining about why nobody likes you. Bro (Hayden Christensen), YOU ARE FREAKING DARTH VADER; stop whining about sand!

Ben Affleck does make a good Bruce Wayne; but his Batman costume is just the worst. Drawn on abs. Really? Bring back the nipples too please. As you can tell, I’m not going to see Justice League Part 1 due out in November or the Batfleck standalone. I’m done with DC. I’m done with WB for firing Nolan. My allegiance is with Disney-Marvel’s MCU, they haven’t disappointed me yet. If you want beautiful comic driven visuals, this movie has it. But, no one wants JUST THAT for 3 hours. Go smoke a bowl and read your comics instead, it’ll probably have the same effect.

4. Suicide Squad 1 Star (6.4/10 on IMDB, 26% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Gosh I hate the DCEU. I love the source content so much for me to rank this as #1 worst of 2016, but if it wasn’t for that, I would say this may be the worst movie I have ever seen. It’s hands down, the most disappointing movie I have ever seen. I knew Batman v Superman would suck, but I thought this movie would revive the DCEU, I was wrong. Warner Bros. marketed this entire film around Jared Leto’s Joker. And Jared Leto promoted the film centered on his character. WB made Leto’s character a measly cameo. Yes folks, in this 2 hour and 17 minute movie, Joker has 7 minutes of screen time. And it was 7 minutes too long. His character had nothing to do with the actual Suicide Squad other than Harley’s origin. Will Smith’s Deadshot was the real protagonist of the movie. It centered around him. So we get another Will Smith stinker. Yea guys, let’s be honest, Will Smith sucks now. He raised his son to be the biggest abomination to ever come out of Hollywood, and he has not done a good film in a decade (I Am Legend). His character was another (aw hell naw) felt misplaced, and Smith’s attempt to be gangsta, when he just isn’t. Your Hitch bro, just stop.

Margot Robbie is too hot to not watch this movie. Of course we all saw it, and we cannot admit that it sucks because of her. She is one of my favorite up and coming young actresses and she absolutely kills this role. She did such a good job it’s hard for me to rank this movie as the worst of 2016. The problems with this movie; where do I start? The marketing, the amount of plot holes, the villain, a character they literally created to kill off, the reason Joker was even in the movie, the ZERO respect they had for truly representing the source content for Harley and Joker’s relationship. Harley is supposed to a commodity/accessory to Joker’s madness and that’s it. But they made Harley Joker’s girlfriend and it just didn’t work. It also does not help that Jared Leto had to follow up to Heath Ledger. Ledger’s performance is arguably the greatest villain of all time. Leto was tatted gangster that wore make up and chains; that’s it. Not crazy nor sadistic, nor chaotic or psychotic; just a gangster. His character was a complete and utter joke. If you love the source material too much to not watch this film, I understand, if you just want to see Margot Robbie in short shorts and high heels and kick ass, I understand; but if you want to be entertained, do not watch this movie.

3. Sausage Party 1 Star. (6.4/10 on IMDB, 84% on Rotten Tomatoes)

For the record, I did not watch this film by choice, my wife rented it, and I watched it after I finished Hell or High Water. My ignorance got the best of me in that I knew nothing about it. And, I mean come on, Rotten Tomatoes gave it an 84%, how could it be bad?

Oh my gosh. Where do I start? The amount of childish sexual innuendos makes this movie look Donald Trump look like the Pope. This movie is full of “locker room talk.” This movie is point-blank offensive, immature, and stupid. And it was written by Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill; go figure. The animation is nothing great, the humor is cheap, not anything creative or new. Rogen’s attempts at making me laugh is quickly dying. Cussing, pot, and sexual humor gets old quickly. You cannot make the same movie over and over and put it in a different box and wrap with a nice shiny bow filled with a-listers. Seth Rogen must be stopped. This Is the End was the last movie he’s done that has made me laugh. The nostalgia of Pineapple Express, Freaks and Geeks, and Knocked Up is the only reason that movie caught my attention. This movie, I had no desire to see. Wife grabbed it at Redbox without my knowledge and I walked in on her watching it. I’d honestly rather walk in on her watching porn, at least we can have a good conversation from it. This movie was just a big “why?” She didn’t have an answer, and neither would I if I were in her shoes.

It is an R-rated animated movie with A-listers which is ironic, since we 99% see the opposite when it comes to the source content (G and Disney for dummies). Don’t see this movie, you’ll thank me for it.

2. Quentin Tarantino’s 8th film .5 Star (really his 11th, I know the guy can’t count) The Hateful Eight (7.9/10 on IMDB, 75% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Tarantino said he would make 10 films and be done. He said this is the eighth BECAUSE: Kill Bills Vol 1 and Vol 2 is counted as 1, he’s not counting Death Proof as it fell under the “Grindhouse” 2 film presentation with Robert Rodriguez, and he is not counting his very first film starring himself. So, I’m hoping he doesn’t do any more stupid little projects and speed up to 10 so we can rid him from Hollywood.

Tarantino is over the top, he exaggerates reality making his own one, apparently all of his films are in the same “universe.” I don’t think Tarantino has given me any smiles since Inglorious Basterds. Another movie with Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Madsen, Tim Roth, and Walter Goggins, this movie with over the top bloody scenes did nothing for me. At least Django and Kill Bill were action packed, at least Inglorious Basterds had an incredible cast and was hilarious. I love that he used an Italian composer to try as hard as he could to make it feel like a spaghetti western; but it didn’t.

The whole movie takes place in a room, that’s right…in a room folks. Lots of blood, lots of not-so-mysterious mystery and lots of famous faces. This movie was like Tarantino was parodying his own genre of movies. It was so freaking dumb that it just pissed me off. Came out on New Year’s Day 2016, it kicked off what would be a pretty hateful year for many. Do not waste three hours of your time with this movie. You will want it back.

1. The Lobster .25 Star (7.1/10 on IMDB, 90% on Rotten Tomatoes)

Sometimes you cannot trust Rotten Tomatoes. Nine out of Ten times they are right, this was the one time they were wrong. Top three worst movies I have ever seen in my life. This movie is a witty Cohen Brothers-esque adult version of The Hunger Games that was just plain weird. No, it was not funny, no it was not creative. It’s stupid. But guess what fam; STUPID GETS GOLDEN GLOBE AND OSCAR NOMINATIONS these days! Be honest with yourselves; if you saw it, HBO’s The Normal Heart was not good or well-acted. But in today’s day and age if you make a movie about gay people, you’re getting an Oscar nod. So, I guess now if you make a movie about something that’s just weird and stupid, you’ll get one too.

Here’s the synopsis: In a near-future’d dystopian world, to prevent over-populating, if you do not find a husband or wife at a certain age, you check into a hotel where you are forced to meet one in two months, if you don’t your body well be shredded an recycled for research and you will be turned into an animal (but not really, they will kill you, they just tell you that so you agree to the “transformation,” ie execution).

Yes, it is as stupid as it sounds. I never even finished the movie, I wikied the rest when there was about 25 minutes left, it wasn’t worth the rest of my valuable time.

I write this blog not to vent on how bad movies are, but I know YOUR time is valuable and it should be treated that way, not with garbage movies. Please take my word. I hope this blog was helpful. Please follow, like, share, comment! Bigger and better films to come in 2017! I will be your source! I have about 10 more films of 2016’s I will review before I crossover into 2017; stay tuned for those blogs!

Thanks guys!

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