#theres no point in me existing at this point but the guilt keeps me alive. i dont want to be a problem by killing myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bansheeoftheforest · 3 years

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Uh, is there still an angst break? Ignore this ask until your ready if so 👉😎👉

What was the au where Jekylls pushed down the stairs and experiences a skull crackening again? Oh well but I've been thinking of a branch of that where Jekyll doesn't know hes dead like all day. I also cant remember if that was already discussed or not

The lodgers patch him up, he complains of a headache, and goes on his merry way! He's confused why all the lodgers are so nervous and being nice to him all of the sudden, why creature is looking at him with a stange mix of empathy and pity. He was told he fell down the stairs, fell unconscious, and obtained a bit of an injury. He cant fathom why Frankenstein is "The only doctor who can treat him" why he has to constantly go to her for checkups. Why Maijabi is suddenly following him practically everywhere.

Hyde squeezes back control for a moment and tries the potion but it doesn't work. Maybe a bit of pain but certainly no transformation. Jekyll assumes his injury or whatever medication they're giving him to treat it somehow negated the effects

Jekyll complains about "suddenly blacking out" the lodgers know its because his soul is slippery. They tell him it must just be a side effect of the injury and not to worry

How long can they keep it secret from him? When does he find out? Does he? Does it get to be years only for him to realize that he hasn't aged? That he still needs checkups from Frankenstein? Does he learn sooner? Does a lodger crack and say it? Does he rot? Does he notice how so very cold he is. How animals act around him? It's all very interesting,,

I actually did think a bit of Jekyll's kidnappers for the amnesia kidnapping au! When drawing that lil sketch of Henry and O'Leary meeting Robert I had considered making it so O'Leary was suspicious of Lanyon like "Oh theres no news anywhere of someone matching Thomas' description who's missing. But some random people walk up claiming to know him? Begging to take him back with them?" And he'd think they were the kidnappers. But ultimately I decided against it as I felt Lanyon and Rachel were pretty clearly, genuinely concerned for "Thomas" :p

I tried playing assassins creed once, the first(?) one. But the controls were confusing and everything was sorta thrown all at me at once, and I got bored of it quickly

But! I went to the store the other day and just so happened to notice Syndicate was being sold for 15 dollars 👀 So I bought it because funky Victorian assassins and your influence! It's a bit less confusing then the first ac game I tried but why is going down or dropping so hard bdksnks. I'm having quite a bit of fun! If you dont count my rage and annoyance-, the B button refuses to cooperate with me unless I'm looting corpses >:(

The b button being the bane of my existence aside, I AM having fun! I like the funky outfits and I want to play as the girl twin (evie?) forever because her clothes are good and shes better at attacking than jacob(?) For some reason. Probably the stun her weapon has? Oh well! I have not unlocked any new outfits yet, nonetheless I wish there were more.

Also! I was thimking, and my current quests are taking place at 1868? Did I get that right? And Jekyll is like 35 in 1885. So in game he'd be 18! An au like I believe you mentioned sounds very interesting 👀 but I must play more to know what's going on and daydream about it

That would be the resurrection au <3

But god, I really like that branch! Especially combined with the hc that he can't feel pain bc the HJ7 and the transformations made him immune. Frankenstein patched him up and made fleshweaver to heal the crack in his skull but it still has to be bandaged, he surely broke a few bones, yet all he has to do is to be careful because it doesn't even hurt. He doesn't even realize how severe the injuries are because it doesn't hurt, it very well might just have been that he accidentally slipped at the bottom of the staircase and accidentally hit his head on the railing during his fall, rather than getting physically pushed and flying down the stairs, shattering his skull upon impact with the marble floor. Y'know what would be extra fun? If he only starts getting a bit suspicious about how severe the injury was once he realizes his lungs stop breathing for minutes at a time when he gets distracted, or his heartbeat stops dead in his chest. I know that that's not how biology or even creature works but lets say the HJ7 is funky, Zombie Jekyll my beloved. Perhaps he would only fully grasp what had happened once he blacked out too much and 'passed out', but his soul slipped out enough to leave his body unconscious on the floor while his soul/ghost was just... Watching. And it's not until Maijabi (who, as you said, follows him everywhere) immediately calls for more Lodgers saying that Henry's soul is getting unstable and Frankenstein's lousy job is starting to shine through that he fully understands that it was not a mere hit to the head. Or maybe it is when days, weeks, maybe months has passed and the headache never goes away, he only feels how his body starts feeling so much more... Fragile and delicate, that the guilt has eaten Helsby up alive and he corners him and spills everything, knowing he is going directly against what the group agreed to but not being able to keep it a secret much longer-- or maybe Creature would tell him immediately, once Henry is, for once, alone perhaps days after the initial accident. He cannot see Henry struggle to understand what is going on when he already knows what's happening to Henry, his mind, and his body. He doesn't listen to the plan that Frankenstein and the Lodgers has set up and immediately tells Henry the first moment they are alone. That would certainly be horrifying, I can only imagine how the Lodgers would find Henry after that, once he actually knows and manages to process everything. He would be so mad, not only to have been killed in the first place, but also because he was robbed of an afterlife because the Lodgers were selfish and could not accept the consequences of their actions. He would be mad, he would be so pissed and I have no doubt he might actually be mad at Maijabi too for even agreeing to help Frankenstein and the rest of the Lodgers. That anger would not stay long, though. That anger would soon turn into misery and sadness and paranoia so even as Henry has tried to push Maijabi away, Henry still ends up on his doorstep begging him to help him make sure he is not rotting, because no matter what anyone says, he is sure he can see rotten spots and patches on his skin and he is just so scared and jdhfjsdfdsfsfs... <3

Ooooooohhh, I was actually daydreaming about this just this morning! Granted, I woke up at 5 and began to daydream to fall asleep quicker but I still like the thought of O'Leary being suspicious of Robert/Rachel/Jasper/the Lodgers bc he is protective of 'Thomas' and doesn't want anything bad to happen to him and especially with the idea that Henry still has hallucinations and they both think he was abandoned by his family, left to rot at a mental asylum. O'Leary might very well think that it might be Henry's friends and family that dumped him that Henry had 'escaped' the hospital and that's why they knew he was missing since the Asylum itself obviously wouldn't have posted the news... I really liked Jeks idea, okay? Like a lot, I absolutely love it <3

Oh, the oldest AC game I played was Unity bc it was free after the Notre Dame fire, and I can confirm, I played 15 min and could not get through it even if i would have wanted to, it absolutely sucks so i have no doubt the older games are just as frustrating <3

BUT!!!! I'M SO GLAD MY CORRUPTION IS SPREADING AND YOU BOUGHT AND PLAYED IT AND ARE ENJOYING IT SO FAR!!! Trust me, Syndicate truly is an absolutely amazing game and is definitely one of my top 3 games of all time. I sometimes play it w my friend watching me play and trust me, I know that rage of trying to do smt but the character does smt else... or you try to do smt but the game doesn't react and you miss your chance... Oh well, still a wonderful game <3

My friend loves to play as Evie as well but I'm definitely playing Jacob every chance I get and I honestly get a lil pissy when I have to play as Evie bc I always prefer to play male characters, plus, I just like Jacob better bc he is a sweetheart. He is also canonically bisexual as hell!!! Have you met Abberline yet? The police officer? Him and Jacob together is one of my fave ships for the game. I also bought the ultimate/golden/whatever name it was edition so I had a bunch of extra outfits, I love the sherlock holmes outfit for Jacob but my friend keeps bullying me for it </3

Honestly? The time difference is the bane of my entire idea for the au bc if it's during their time Henry hasn't even graduated yet, and definitely not well-known enough for them to actively meet for whatever reason, and if you use the timeline for the jack the ripper dlc (in 1888) a lot of... Less than pleasant things happen so it wouldn't really make a lot of sense for a crossover to happen at that point but maybe it's just bc im a pussy and refuse to play the dlc. Rn, while imagining the au, I just imagine the 1868 timeline to be the same as the TGS timeline. I like to imagine the Frye Twins hearing about Henry and the Society and promptly breaking into his office to ask him to make poison and stuff for them. I also have a feeling that Jacob would flirt wildly with Henry and that Henry would be less-than-amused. It would also be a very fun thing with the fact that there would be two Henrys, with TGS Henry Jekyll and AC Syndicate Henry Green, soo... XD

#Man I really want to hear your journey through syndicate!!!#Oh man I cant wait until you meet Maxwell #and Crawford for that matter #he was the guy I based the crawford in the fic off of bc i had no idea what else to do <3 #OHH there would also be a lot of mixup with Lucy Thorne and TGS Queen Lucy #oh i can imagine them being rivals #that would be fun <3 #ask #darling-dolly-darlene #banshees au #resurrection au #amnesia kidnapping au

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enby-freeman · 4 years

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You 🤝 Me

*holding Hlvrai* You could make a warrior cats au out of this.

Anyways tell me tell me pleaaaase

DHEJWJAKQQ Its really easy to make warriors aus and really fun, I think more people should jump on it.

I made a post a long while back with sketches of the cast for the au and small descriptions of each of them, but never went further because I couldn't think of a decent plot until recently.

For the main cast of the AU we've got Gordon - Rustpaw / Dogfang - Medicine Cat Benrey - Former Bloodclan Cat, Rogue Tommy - Sunpaw / Sunkissed - Deputy Coomer - Owlclaw - Senior Warrior Bubby - Former Kittypet - Senior Warrior Darnold - Poppyeyes - Medicine Cat Forzen - Former Bloodclan Cat - Kittypet Gman (Tommy’s dad) - Gracklestar - Former Clan Leader Gman (HL Gman) - Ravenclaw - Ravenstar - Clan Leader The entire plot of the au is pretty basic? Gunna put it under a cut because its a really long uh..post...but its most of what I sent in a group + some other stuff.

Gman and Gdad both exist in this au because I said other characters would simply exist so theres more than one clan. These two in particular along with a small few of other hl characters and the hlvrai cast, exist in this particular clan. Probably Shadowclan.

Ravenclaw fucking sucks, go figure. Gracklestar doesn't suck, he was the clans original leader with Ravenclaw as his Deputy. You can only assume what happens here. Rustpaw is Gracklestar’s apprentice, Rustpaw really looks up to Gracklestar, having always frequently asked for advice and help when things were just a bit too rough.

When out hunting one particular day with Gracklestar, Rustpaw goes to look for his mentor to show him his catch so they can head back to camp, and unfortunately finds him very not alive by Thunderpath. At first he hesitates, assumes he died being hit by a monster, but theres the lingering scent of someone else. Rustpaw, while absolutely terrified, I mean the guy is only an apprentice and thats his leader dead right there, goes up to investigate a little more. Getting a better look at his leader its obvious he did not die to a monster. But instead died to another cat. That cat being Ravenclaw Ravenclaw walks up behind the young apprentice and threatens him, saying he looks just as guilty as himself, and the clan would better believe their new leader over a small apprentice. So Rustpaw keeps it a secret. Rustpaw keeps this entire situation a secret for many, many, moons. He lives a little anxiously, but Ravenstar hasn't tried to do anything yet so whose to say he'd do anything at all, right? Ravenstar goes to Benrey, a former bloodclan cat, and plans out a way to get rid of the problem entirely without looking suspicious. Rustpaw, while out in the forest a few days later gathering stuff for Poppyeyes, runs into what looks like a kittypet being chased down by a dog. Rustpaw’s attacked and the others find him a tad bit too late. Paw twisted beyond repair, among several other problems, theres no chance Rustpaw will become a warrior now. Ravenstar, while disappointed the apprentice didn't die, calls him Dogfang just to shove salt into the wound and expects him to die just to his awful leg injury alone. Dogfang does not die. Dogfang becomes a Medicine Cat apprenticed under Poppyeyes. Poppyeyes offers to possibly change Dogfang’s name when he becomes a full fledged med cat, but Dogfang turns it down. Ravenstar later receives a prophecy from a cat that looks like his dead brother stating that 'The fangs of an injured dog will be your demise' Ravenstar doesn't fully understand it, and hes much more wary and alert of everyone and everything. I haven’t fully figured everything out properly after this? But I do have a few key points for ideas so far. - Dogfang meets Benrey while out gathering herbs, the cat wont leave him alone. - “Aren’t you the cat that got attacked by that dog?” “Yeah no thanks to you!” - The two of them start to get along more through moons and Dogfang really warms up to Benrey, eventually explaining his situation to him about Ravenstar. - Benrey realizes he fucked up! - Benrey lets that guilt eat at him until he breaks and tells Dogfang. - Dogfang snaps at him, goes to Sunkissed, tells Sunkissed about Ravenstar, Sunkissed snips at Dogfang for ever accusing his family of such things. - When not even Sunkissed will listen to him, Dogfang runs off for a few days, eventually making his way to Moonstone and going to Starclan itself to ask why they’d ever let a situation like this happen to begin with. - Hes greeted by Gracklestar, and eventually breaks down entirely, being comforted by his once mentor. - Grackelstar tells him that Starclan can’t help, but Dogfang can only do whats right for the clan, even if it seems wrong. He then tells him of the prophecy that had been given to Ravenstar, and that running away isn’t exactly the right choice here. - After a few more hours of conversing, Dogfang eventually agrees to go back, and tells his former leader goodbye. Hoping he’d see him again some time. - When Dogfang does come back and settle down for the night, hes woken by Ravenstar threatening Poppyeye’s life if Dogfang doesn’t use the death berries to take his own or leave the clan. - *Insert some amazing speech from Dogfang here* - Dogfang attacks Ravenstar and the two go rolling out of the medicine cat den, other cats come out of their own dens to see what all the commotion is, and Poppyeyes quickly tells them that Dogfang is not the one at fault here. No ones sure what to do, so they simply watch the two fight, hoping one of them will give in and eventually run. - Neither of them run. Dogfang is clearly at a disadvantage with the paralyzed leg, but with enough force ends up with the upper hand and takes the clan leader down once and for all, nearly losing his own life himself.

#HLVRAI #half life vr but the ai is self aware #HLVRAI Warriors AU #Crow Chitter Chatter #In this house we respect Dogfang for saying 'no no f*ck this'

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

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One other thing I did yesterday was post on a rl account about feeling shit and stuff. But like...in detail. Feeling like I need reassurance all the time and feeling pathetic about that and ending up drinking instead and wanting to just die etc etc. And I actually even got nice responses. A few friends have messaged me nice things and idk. It does help. I'm still struggling with conversation but it's nice to hear.

It just sucks that I have to get to that point before I can get what I need. And its not like that's me fine forever, I'll need that reassurance again soon enough. But I only got it this time because I got drunk and overshare-y enough to spill my guts all over the internet pretty much saying I will die if I dont get any attention but also I feel manipulative for saying that so I dont know how to go about anything or if my needs are unreasonable etc etc. I cant be getting that bad every time I need some validation. It felt like a last resort. I didnt want to be that vulnerable and needy but I felt like theres just nothing to lose because if I keep feeling like this I really will kms one way or another (probably through liver failure if I dont end up doing anything more instantaneous) so I might as well be honest and see what the truth is while I'm still alive? Rather than hope I get to be a ghost and see what people say after the fact.

But it seems to only be times like these that I get that, a lot of the time. Other than that one other friend with BPD, because I think she knows the feeling. I want to hope that others will know now too, that it's an ongoing thing for me, but I'm scared they wont. And either way I'm scared it's too demanding. If I keep having some kind of breakdown saying I want to die and then people say nice things, doesnt that look like I'm doing it for attention? I mean I guess technically I am. But it's true. It's not that I'm just bored and feel like seeing who I can trick into complimenting me. But I guess it looks like that.

I dont want it to be that people feel like they have to check on me like a chore. I just need that regular reassurance that people are glad I exist or just that it's okay for me to be here, and I guess normally youd get that from just like friends asking you to hang out or whatever, but shit's ridiculous in 2020-21 and it's difficult to do that. I rarely have anything interesting to show, unless I've made another set of nails, but I only really know one other person into nail art, and nobody who likes it like I do. So I dont have those little affirmations very much, and then in the end I feel like I just shouldnt be alive and it takes a lot to try to not feel that.

I dont know. It's the guilt again. I feel better when I read a nice thing from my friends. They tell me I'm honest and insightful. One even says one of the favourite things is when they say something stupid and i start laughing. It makes me feel better. And then immediately: 'They're only saying it so they don't have to deal with a suic*de. They'll say it once and not want to say it again. Its unreasonable to want that kind of thing all the time and they'll get annoyed next time.' My mind wont even let me properly feel the nice things I've really been needing.

#self therapy

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cur10uscr0w · 4 years

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Character Analysis: Nahiri

With the return of web fiction, many Magic fans are celebrating the return of their favorite characters to the rich, exciting format that fed the rich boom of Magic fandom such as it was in 2016. Spoilers ahead for Episode 1: In the Heart of the Skyclave.

Read here: https://magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/magic-story/episode-1-heart-skyclave-2020-09-02 written by @AtGreenblatt on twitter / atgreenblatt.com

It has been a long time for these characters, both to grow in story, and for the fans to keep up with out of story. Nahiri is an oldwalker, a planeswalker born before the Mending (an event 60 years ago in canon that dramatically changed the Multiverse and those with sparks); Nissa sparked just as the Mending took place; and while Jace is only a human in his mid-twenties, he has lived through some pretty intense experiences that have shaped how he sees the world around him.

Episode 1 of Zendikar Rising begins with Nissa and Nahiri meeting on Zendikar, their shared home, and discussing how Zendikar has been gravely injured by the Eldrazi's presence. Their conversation is a foundation for showing who these planeswalkers are today, revealing how the past has morphed their ideologies and particularly their relationship with guilt and protection.

Both characters view themselves as Zendikar's guardian. This identity is essential to the choices they've made all their life, and it is directly tied to the Eldrazi threat, be it 6000 years ago or just a century ago. Let's look at the beginnings of this self-imposed duty and focus on Nahiri this week.

Nahiri sparked and found herself at Sorin's mercy. Planeswalkers used to be ever more dramatic and dangerous in the old days, godlike in power and territorial of their worlds. There were strict protocols to enter other people's worlds, and intrusions were met with distrust.

"All I see is a tantrum," he said. "If you came to meet an equal, you should have come under truce, following the protocols for parley with a fellow Planeswalker."

Stone and Blood, 2016

"There's no 'we' here, dragon," said Sorin, rising. "There's us, and theres's you. And Zendikar is under her protection."

"Hello to you, too, Sorin of Innistrad," said the dragon. "And on the contrary, when it comes to this problem, 'we' means everyone, everywhere."

He turned his great head toward Nahiri.

"I am Nahiri, guardian of Zendikar," she said. She looked up into the newcomer's inscrutable eyes and tried not to seem afraid. "Whoever you are, you're here at my sufferance."

"Of course," said the dragon, bowing. "Well met, Nahiri of Zendikar, and thank you for your hospitality."

The Lithomancer, 2014

Sorin and Nahiri trained together, and became friends, though Nahiri knew she could not fully trust him. They embarked on fantastic and tragic journeys spanning decades to fight the eldrazi, and in that time, Sorin trained a deep distrust in Nahiri.

"May I have a word with you, Nahiri?"

The clipped, dry voice was right behind her, close enough that she should have heard the man walk up to her, should have felt his breath on her neck. But he walked like a cat, and he drew no breath, and the thought of his lips so close to her throat made her shudder. Vampire.

She'd known he was there anyway—he was walking on bare stone, after all—but he himself had told her not to let anyone know all her tricks. Not even her friends, which wasn't at all sure he was.

She turned to face Sorin Markov—Vampire, fellow Planeswalker, protector of the plane called Innistrad, and the closest thing she had to a friend in this place so far from the world of her birth.

The Lithomancer, 2014

Even so, he was the closest thing she had to a friend. Despite their at times antagonistic friendship, they both appreciated the other and were relieved to see each other was doing well upon their reunion. Nahiri had worried for him, and he was pleased to see her, even dropping his brooding exterior enough to joke and clasp her shoulder.

"You'll have to forgive my rudimentary attempt at shaping stone, young one."

She spun. Sorin!

White hair, black coat, those strange orange eyes. How terrible his aspect, how dire his gaze—and yet she could not keep herself from grinning.

"My friend!" she managed to say at last. "You're alive!"

He smiled back at her, walked toward her, and put his hand on her shoulder. From him, it qualified as elation.

Their time together highlighted her belief in what it meant to be a protector. She saw herself as Zendikar's, and together they tried to protect the Multiverse so the Eldrazi wouldn't harm their home planes. Nahiri views her part in all of this as one who must protect all life. Watching even one settlement suffer on a foreign world causes her heartache, and she strives to instill hope and provide comfort and safety—even in their last minutes.

"You've made their camp for them," said Sorin. "Again. I think it's time we left them to their own efforts."

"No," said Nahiri. "We're here to save them."

"You're here to save them," said Sorin. "I'm here to stop these creatures, on this world, before they spread to others—to mine, or to yours."

Down in the river valley, dark shapes writhed. The sounds of camp life were muted.

"I can't stand to watch them suffer," she said.

"Then turn away," said Sorin, "and look at the bigger picture."

The Lithomancer, 2014

She is ridiculed by Sorin, told by him—and later Ugin—to "think of the bigger picture". Nahiri is 1000 years Sorin's junior, and informed that Ugin is even older than him, and they treat her as a child for her idealistic worldview of preventing all harm, allowing no one to suffer needlessly. She follows their plans however, respecting Sorin's judgement.

He raised a hand and conjured a small, ghostly image of the enormous thing they had seen on the horizon of that doomed world.

"You were watching us," said Nahiri, realization dawning. "And you didn't help."

"There is a whole Multiverse of people to help," said Ugin, "and a multitude of ways to help them. While you were trying to stage a grand battle, I was watching, and learning, so that these creatures can be stopped in the long run. This is a goal the three of us share."

"That's my goal," said Nahiri. "But I question the moral judgment of anyone who views the destruction of an entire world as a research project."

"What have you learned about them?" asked Sorin, ignoring her.

Wonderful. The grown-ups were talking. He had done this to her before, when meeting with other Planeswalkers. But she trusted Sorin's judgment, for the most part. She would hear the dragon out.

The Lithomancer, 2014

When Ugin presents his plan, it is to trap the Eldrazi on a plane that meets the requirements Zendikar does. To find another world would take time, and Nahiri has seen the devastation the Eldrazi wreak.

"Nahiri…" said Sorin, in what she thought of as his aggrieved-parent voice. "You saw what they did to that place. You can keep it from happening again. You heard Ugin. If we succeed, Zendikar survives."

"Risked," said Nahiri. "Damaged. What gives me the right to put everyone here in danger?"

"What gives you the right not to?" asked Ugin. "I am telling you that we can risk one world to save all others. And all worlds, including that one, are already at risk. The choice is obvious."

He lowered his head to look her in the eye.

"If you would prefer not to put your own world in danger, we can take the time to find another plane that meets our needs. If it is defended by a Planeswalker, we convince its guardian to cooperate—By force, if necessary. If it is undefended, we simply begin."

The Lithomancer, 2014

She reluctantly accepts this hardship on behalf of her plane because she believes in Zendikar's strength, and Ugin points out that Zendikar has a protector—her—that can take care of the world while it holds onto the sealed titans. It's the right thing to do, and she acknowledges she couldn't handle the guilt of shoving away the responsibility onto another plane.

They would come here eventually, if they were not stopped. They would come, and when they did, she would not be able to protect her world. And if she trapped them on some other world, to save her own, how would she forgive herself? The air of her beloved home would hold a guilty tang forever.

Zendikar was strong. It could withstand the Eldrazi long enough to trap them. Zendikar would be their prison, Nahiri their jailer, one world and one Planeswalker standing steadfast to protect all others.

The Lithomancer, 2014

Five millenia pass, Nahiri sleeping within the world of Zendikar and keeping vigil over her prisoners. At this point, she has spent nearly all of her existence toiling to keep the Eldrazi at bay so the Multiverse may live in peace. Sorin, Ugin, and she worked together for a few decades setting up the trap, and she had some time with Sorin before that, but she has dedicated 5000 years to holding the Eldrazi for the benefit of the Multiverse because that was the best way to ensure her beloved home Zendikar survived. She still viewed time under the constraints of mortality during the hedrons' construction.

It had taken forty years to establish the hedron network—what had seemed like a lifetime to her then, when she was still immersed in her connections to ordinary mortals. Crafting one single hedron would not take nearly so long, though she did it alone. The hardest part would be shaping the surface without Ugin's guidance.

Stirring Slumber, 2015

In her sleep, the kor misremembered her words about the titans, making a prophet out of her. Vampires have begun to roam Zendikar, and they disrupted the hedron alignment enough to release Eldrazi broods against Zendikar once more.

Above the male figure's head, an arcing banner proclaimed the subject of the artwork: "Nahiri the Prophet, Voice of Talib."

She turned her back on the sculpture and strode out of the building. Outside, she raised her hands and clenched her fists, and a cloud of dust billowed around her as the building collapsed in on itself.

It was her fault. She had been the first to call Kozilek a god, and apparently the kor had remembered that word more than they had remembered her dire warnings about the gods destroying the world. She felt sick.

Stirring Slumber, 2015

Even as she approached, she could tell that this was the point where the hedron network had been disturbed. Right under her nose, while she sat alone in the Eye of Ugin. Fury boiled up in her, directed as much at herself as at whoever had done this.

Fury—another feeling she had forgotten. It felt good.

She strode toward the building, each step shaking the ground and causing trickles of gravel and dust to run down the walls. As she drew near, three dark figures came around the building from the other side, crouching into combat stances as they spotted her.

Stirring Slumber, 2015

The figures seemed human, but she didn't recognize their clothing from any culture she knew. Flimsy gauze barely covered their chests, revealing the stark red paint adorning their ashen skin. Sharp hooks protruded from their shoulders and upper arms and, as they snarled at her approach, she saw slightly protruding fangs.

Vampires? she thought. There are no vampires on Zendikar.

Stirring Slumber, 2015

Nahiri deals with this resurgence and the people who brought it upon them, though it is difficult, and she must do it alone. She had agreed to sleep away her life within Zendikar, promised that should she ever need Sorin or Ugin's help, they would aid her.

Worry blossoms in her, and she is moved to help her friend, Sorin, if he is unwell. It feels good to give in to overpowering emotion again, having fallen into an apathetic halflife during her vigil. She seeks to bring meaning to her long slumber.

Other feelings she had all but forgotten, concern and anxiousness, swelled up in her heart and they made her smile even as they made her ache. They made her feel alive—the sensation of her heart pounding in her chest, the sound of it in her ears, the movement of her muscles as her brow furrowed and her jaw tightened.

What had Sorin been doing all the years she had been cocooned here in the Eye of Ugin? Was he still alive? Had he forgotten her and her vigil over Zendikar? Had he succumbed to the same apathy that had held her for so long?

She would go and find him, wake him up if she needed to, remind him of her and Zendikar and the friendship they had once shared, remind him what it was to live, to feel, to care. She had saved Zendikar, and now she would save him. And then she would return and walk among her people again, she would teach and laugh and love again, and it would matter again. It would all matter.

Stirring Slumber, 2015

Her reunion with Sorin begins alright, he is clearly pleased to see her and she is relieved he is doing well; however, she becomes wary, uncertain, as to what could possibly have kept Sorin away from fulfilling his promise to come to her aid.

This is also a pivotal moment in how she sees herself in relation to other planeswalkers; she realizes that they are now much closer in age than when she entered sleep and are something akin to equals rather than student and mentor.

She reached up to cover his hand with hers. She was awake now, her body suffused with the warmth of life. His fingers were as cold and dead as ever.

"You never came," she said. "On Zendikar, when I activated the signal from the Eye of Ugin, you never responded. I feared that—"

Sorin withdrew his hand, frowning.

"The Eldrazi have broken free of their bonds?"

"They did, yes."

"Where is Ugin?" he asked.

"He didn't come either," she said, trying not to let bitterness reach her voice. "But I handled it. On my own. With all the strength I could muster, I managed to reseal the titans' prison."

It struck her, suddenly, that she was now far older than Sorin had been when they had met. In her memory he towered over her, her ancient mentor, a thousand years her senior. Now, what difference did a thousand years make? They were equals. At least.

Stone and Blood, 2016

When she inquires why he didn't come, he reveals his magic protecting Innistrad may have possibly prevented her call from reaching him. He speaks to her patronizingly, and she realizes the possibility that he chose his plane over hers and left her to rot, having used her for her service to the Multiverse.

"It's not inconceivable," he continued, sounding bored, "that your signal from the Eye was unable to break through the magic that protects this plane."

Sorin's own spellcraft had kept her from contacting him? She felt a sudden sense of vertigo, and picked her next words with care.

"Did you know at the time that that would happen?"

"It did not occur to me," he said. "Though I see now that it was a possibility."

Stone and Blood, 2016

Get up? she cried. You broke my arm!

So fix it, he said. He wasn't even looking at her.

Fix it? Fix it? How in the hells—

Only then had he finally explained to her that she was no longer mortal. That her body was a convenience, a projection of her will.

You should have told me that to begin with, she said, holding back tears of anger.

Ah, he said, in that bored but benevolent voice. It did not occur to me.

He was using that voice now, talking down to her. But the girl he had mentored was long dead, buried in a tomb of stone. Only a Planeswalker remained. And a Planeswalker would not be condescended to.

Stone and Blood, 2016

"I don't want your enmity," said Nahiri. "All I ever wanted was your help, Sorin. You made a promise. Come with me."

"Not now," said Sorin, with infuriating calm. "Later, perhaps. This is a critical time—"

"A critical time!" snapped Nahiri. "The Eldrazi almost escaped. You're thinking in terms of eons, but for all I know the Eldrazi are loose now. All that we worked for will be lost, your own plane will be in danger—don't you care about that?"

It hit her, then. The imprisonment of the Eldrazi had become her life's work, a constant effort that had kept her bound to her plane for almost her entire existence. But for him it had been an eyeblink—forty years of mild effort, five thousand years ago, in exchange for millennia of peace of mind. And now, with his new countermeasures, perhaps Innistrad wasn't in danger. Perhaps Nahiri and Zendikar and a hundred million carefully placed hedrons had served their purpose, in the mind of Sorin Markov.

Stone and Blood, 2016

Their argument escalates to blows as Nahiri's pain at being used sharpens into anger. She trusted Sorin. She allowed Sorin and Ugin to use her home, and sacrificed so many years of her life to protect the Multiverse. Sorin still sees her as a child planeswalker and won't even come back to Zendikar like he promised to make sure their work doesn't go to waste.

"Don't dismiss this," she said. "I was willing to jeopardize my home by luring the Eldrazi to it. I promised to chain myself to Zendikar to watch over them as their warden. I spent millennia with those monsters. Do you know what that's like? All you had to do was come when I needed you."

The ground began to shake, the bedrock below them vibrating in sympathy with her mounting rage. Of all the stone and metal nearby, only the silver Helvault seemed beyond her reach.

"Don't presume to own my actions, young one. I am obligated to nothing. I owe you nothing! When your Planeswalker spark first ignited, it was I who discovered you. I could have ended you there, but I spared you."

He turned back to her, orange eyes full of malice, face inches from hers.

"I took you under my wing, and molded you into what you are," he said. "If you find it necessary to pester someone, go find Ugin. I have no patience for it."

No patience. No patience. Pain gave way to anger in a white-hot instant.

Stone and Blood, 2016

Strands of eager silver closed around her body, drawing her in. Shards of rock whirled through the air, the bedrock beneath their feet shifted at her rage, but the Helvault itself did not care.

"Damn you!" she screamed. "I trusted you!"

He loomed over her, now, the angel's wings spread behind him, and he spoke one last time before molten silver flooded her ears. He sounded almost sad. Almost.

"I never asked for your trust, child. Only your obedience."

Then the Helvault claimed her, and she vanished into a darkness vast and total.

Stone and Blood, 2016

She spends a thousand years trapped in the Helvault, lost in a sea of darkness and demons. Nahiri gave everything for the Multiverse, and her thanks is to be threatened with madness as she wastes away in a void.

It was not like her cocoon of stone back on Zendikar, the slab of rock where she had slumbered for five fitful millennia. In her cocoon, dreamlike, she could sense all of Zendikar, reach out to any part of it, appear wherever she wished.

This was much, much worse—only darkness, and falling, and the unmistakable scent of Sorin Markov.

Sorin would pay for his treachery. She would escape from this prison, and she would make him pay. She'd thought they were allies. Friends! Now she saw him for what he truly was: a monster, plain and simple.

Stone and Blood, 2016

She comes to realize Sorin is a monster that she should have never trusted, and she isn't the only being wronged by him. His own creation, Avacyn, has wound up in the Helvault and Nahiri recognizes her to be twisted with hate, and Sorin's puppet.

The angel rose toward Nahiri—slowly, slowly, in this timeless void—until they were side by side. The cloud of demons had dissipated as Sorin's protector gained the upper hand. The angel looked over at Nahiri, and for a moment their eyes locked—and finally Nahiri understood. Sorin hadn't enslaved an angel. He hadn't tricked her or coerced her. This angel stank of Sorin, just like the Helvault.

He had made her. Just like the Helvault.

The angel recognized her, from their long-ago fight. Dark eyes flashed with fury—fury Sorin had instilled. He had created her in his own image, twisted her from the beginning. Made her hateful. Made her his. Nahiri shuddered.

Another being grievously wronged by Sorin Markov, one with no chance of vengeance or redress. No chance of freedom. A porcelain doll, to replace the student he had lost.

Stone and Blood, 2016

When she is finally broken out of the Helvault, she returns to Zendikar, a thousand years since she first realized the hedron network was being messed with, and finds her home to be a husk of what it once was. She knows what titans can do to a plane, eating the mana and corroding the land to such a degree the world itself cracks. She resigns herself to the fact that she can't destroy them herself, that Sorin's selfishness has led to the destruction of her home and all the Multiverse, and that she intends to take revenge on Sorin first.

Nahiri fell to her knees, pressing her hands into that lifeless dust.

If this was loose on her world—

If what happened here could happen everywhere—

If she had no preparations, a thin shard of her old power, and a hedron network centuries out of true—

Then the Zendikar she knew was dead. There was no saving it. One might as well try to stop the sun in the sky. She closed her eyes and saw her Zendikar, Zendikar as it had been. The world she had let Sorin Markov destroy. Hot tears of rage ran down her face and landed in that awful dust with a hiss.

"As Zendikar has bled, so will Innistrad."

She opened her eyes and looked down at her hands, at hands that had shaped stone and trapped titans. They were covered in gray dust.

"As I have wept, so will Sorin."

Stone and Blood, 2016

In these six millenia, we see Nahiri give everything, even her sense of self, for the protection of Zendikar. She is thought naïve and a bleeding heart for her unconditional care for those who walk all the planes of the Multiverse. She is routinely told by her mentor, her friend, her ally, that she must focus on the big picture. She is told that she is sacrificing herself for the greater good, to keep balance, and she is congratulated in this endeavor after decades of hard work.

Looming above the highlands of Akoum, the three Eldrazi stood petrified, surrounded by a web of floating hedrons. Nahiri knew the earth here. It was already reacting, growing around the great Eldrazi like a scab over a wound. The teeth of Akoum would swallow them, and the inhabitants of Zendikar would scour the plane of their brood. Zendikar had survived, ravaged but whole, and its people would learn to live in the shadows of the hedrons.

"Well done, Nahiri," said Sorin. "This was your work. Your sacrifice."

The three of them would test the strength of the lock, make sure the titans were secure. Perhaps Sorin and Ugin would help her scour the land of the Eldrazi broods. She hoped so. And then, sooner or later, the two elder Planeswalkers would depart, and Nahiri—and the Eldrazi—would remain.

She stared up at the silent, stony shapes. Ramparts of stone already crept up around them. Perhaps in a thousand years they would be forgotten, their destruction fading into legend. But Nahiri would not forget them, and neither would the land itself.

"This was our work," she said. "My work is just beginning."

The Lithomancer, 2014

When she wakes up from a watch that lasts thousands of years? Her response is to relish in emotion because she has let herself be encased in stone for so long. She laughs through pain because it's so novel, and she thinks of her friend who should be helping her. Nahiri worries for his safety, wonders if he has come upon a similar fate as she had, vows that she will bring love and laughter to his life once more as she dreams of walking through markets and experiencing life again.

His betrayal is a knife in the back. As far as Nahiri is concerned, his words all those centuries back were hollow. He never considered the pain she may be in, nor the fact she may not hear her call for help, as he rose defense around his home. She saves Zendikar from its first Eldrazi resurgence and rushes to save her friend, only to find he has moved on and doesn't care about her.

In a Multiverse where she has failed—the Eldrazi have escaped and will eat all of creation one way of the other—she has nothing to lose. She only has hope that she can exact revenge, and buy as much borrowed time for Zendikar while she does. She knows from her work with Sorin and Ugin that the Eldrazi can be directed, and will ignore other planes in their path.

The hedrons were lure as well as trap, sending out pulses of magical energy that drew the Eldrazi like the scent of blood draws sharks. Slowly, ponderously—and, Sorin reported, ignoring other worlds along the way—the Eldrazi approached Zendikar.

The Lithomancer, 2014

Nahiri destroys Sorin's bloodline, his home, and traps Sorin in rockface, leaving him captured in rockface so he cannot planeswalk away. She leaves him to watch the destruction of everything he holds dear. She leaves him trapped like he left her.

Innistrad is no longer her concern, she's been gone from Zendikar too long. Zendikar had been her salvation to get her through her millenia-long jailing, imagining it in its entirety. Her duty to Zendikar becomes forefront once more, having written off Innistrad, and she is dismayed by just how much has changed in her absence. While the Gatewatch trap Emrakul and halt the Eldrazi threat, Nahiri is focused on how she can help her beloved world, afflicted by the Roil.

Her whole life has been dictated by duty. She sees Zendikar as hers, because when she walked the Multiverse before her slumber, planes belonged to the planeswalkers that claimed them. It is also her obligation to fix what has become wrong because in her absence, her work has irrevocably changed Zendikar and its inhabitants. Her words have been twisted into idolization of the Eldrazi and her hedrons have become a sacred piece of kor spirituality.

Through episode one of Zendikar Rising, Nahiri is easily angered. Her guilt is expressed through fury, because she sees her work on Zendikar as failure. Skyclave fell, and the world is so unstable she can barely get through a short conversation without the world trying to swallow her. When the Roil was new, she likened it to a scab festering over a wound, and it seems 6000 years has only made her disgust of it more severe.

She speaks to Nissa with the same casual dismissal that Sorin and Ugin treated her to, because all her very long life, older planeswalkers treat younger planeswalkers as children. She manipulates conversation to put herself in a place of knowing and leading, not revealing everything so that Nissa must follow if she wishes to aid.

"I might have a solution," Nahiri replied, inclining her head toward the Skyclave. "Something that will heal Zendikar."

Nissa blinked. "You do?" she blurted in surprised, and then awkwardly added, "Sorry, I mean, you're not exactly known for healing. After what you did on Innistrad . . ."

Nahiri raised an eyebrow. "Says the person who set the Eldrazi free."

"I didn't—"

The elf stammered, but Nahiri raised a hand.

"We've both done things that have caused great damage. Let's try to undo some of it."

In the Heart of the Skyclave, 2020

"Look around you—this Skyclave is healing. The Roil stopped below us, and the land is calming. People will be able to rebuild here!" Nahiri said gesturing at the Skyclave's repair.

"At the expense of Zendikar's life," Nissa retorted. She reached out her awareness to the plants and moss that grew in the corners and cracks of the Skyclave, but they didn't respond. Nissa knew then that everything that lived in that ruined fortress was dead.

"You don't know what Zendikar was like," Nahiri said, her voice tight with anger, "you don't know how stunning and bright its people and cities used to be."

"And you don't know what Zendikar is like now. It's still beautiful, Nahiri"—Nissa reached out her hand—"give me the key."

In the Heart of the Skyclave, 2020

She has spent so long trying to protect Zendikar, and she is willing to do anything to have back the Zendikar that she remembers. To return the Skyclave to the kor. To return Zendikar's stone to the peaceful earth it was before she let herself be duped by an elder dragon and vampire she thought was her friend.

She grieves the world she left behind, unable to see the beauty of the world that she now stands in. On Innistrad, she thinks to herself that a thousand years in the Helvault is rest enough for several lifetimes, and her rage has been building in all that time, rekindled after she let herself fall apathetic for too long.

The sacrifice of some elementals—of even a person or two as we saw in the trailer—is worth it for The Bigger Picture, that she has been taught to seek.

We will have to wait and see how the story unfolds and how her fury carries her through.

Check out Magic Story next week Wednesday for episode 2, and I will be following up on Thursday with a character analysis of Nissa!

#Nahiri #The Lithomancer #magic story #magic the gathering #mtg #character analysis #zendikar rising #mtgznr

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dead-ghouls · 5 years

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Theres no way that i could ask for a break down of what you see in his ftes in ask format is is there?? I already love korekiyo, but I'm really curious about what you have to say.

I can do that! The only thing is that most of what he says I’ll be quoting from memory, but direct quotes can be found in his FTEs and in-game dialogue on wiki. I’ll do my best to provide as many screenshots as I can, but I doubt I will be able to find all, it’s a very long process and I dont have the whole day.V3 spoilers below, ofc. Also TW various types of abuse, you know the drill if you played the game. Long post!Let’s start from what we know about Korekiyo. What makes him Korekiyo, what makes him stand out, what’s special about him.

- Unique outfit- Long hair- His deep knowledge of anthropology- His interest in occult/speaking to the dead- His deep relationship with death, grief and how he looks at it- His love for ropes- Being a serial killer

Now let’s break down every trait he has and where it comes from.

Unique outfit

FTE 3, he tells us his sister made it for him to suit her tastes, claiming his school uniform doesnt suit him.

Long hairI don’t remember if it was mentioned in-game, but it was mentioned in V3 manga anthology, that his long hair is a memento to his sister, since she had long hair, so he refuses to cut it. It is stated that events of manga obviously not canon, but I dont think this claim was outside of his canon characterisation.

His deep knowledge of anthropology

In the same FTE he mentions that Sister was the one who “pushed him to research as much as he could”

His interest in occult/speaking to the dead + his relationship with death and griefI dont think i gotta find proof for that, he mentioned travelling looking to speak to the dead, the whole ch 3 with Caged Child + he mentioned having near-death experience after a seanse (see next bullet point), and that’s how his Sister came to him.He speaks about human mortality and coming to terms with it, but he himself cant do that.

He doesnt fear death, maybe he even seeks it - to reunite with his Sister [cut to him enduring his execution and seeing his spirit happy and free, ready to meet her] but no way he could properly cope with human mortality and his own grief. That’s where all the occult stuff comes in - him telling how he tried so many things and how nothing worked (?). He says it during ch3 investigation, if you wanna look for a direct quote. Him being into occult, speaking with the dead, being possessed by his Sister - all of it is just his ways of coping with loss. He was very dependant on her (I’ll talk about it more below) and couldnt stand being alone.

His love for ropesOf course it can be a kinky thing but also look closely at this exchange:

This incident with ropes is what actually ended up “reuniting” him with his Sister. Of course he’d hold a special interest to this kind of activity after.

Being a serial killerWell this one is obvious. Who did he kill? Girls. Why did he do it? To bring friends to his Sister. Simple as that.

Now look back at every bullet point and tell me: do you see a pattern? Yep, every aspect of his life, likes, personality, experiences, even his looks - it all traces back to his Sister. Controlling what he wears, what he does, what he likes; even after her death he is deeply affected and is devoted to doing everything in her name. Now try to recall one single thing about Korekiyo that wasn’t his Sister influence. Something he likes maybe? Something he enjoys on his own free time? Even his official dislike is a reference to a gift you might give in-game, an air refreshener that exorcises ghosts [He believes that he is possesed]. All I can think of is him telling he prefers green tea over black in one of FTEs. Korekiyo that we see and interact with in game isn’t his own person, just a reflection of grief, his Sister wants and needs. His whole existence is just a devotion to his late Sister, and it was the same way when she was alive.

Sister’s personality

From what I mentioned you should already hear the faint bells ringing in your head. “Pushed me to study” “Told me my uniform doesnt suit me” “I will kill people because her spirit told me to”He respected her, depended on her a lot. No shit, Sherlock - he was his Older Sibling. A side note, he never mentioned anyone else from his family, only said that they “had to hide their relationship from others” once. Sadly, I cant remember where it was said. No matter if he had any family present or not (having no family would worsen the case, but with family present its still fucked up) he still depended on her a lot, maybe considered her a parental figure, or at the very least - a role model. Korekiyo’s analysis on youtube brings up a very valid point - anthropology couldve been her passion as well, she just couldnt actually fullfill it because of the sickness. Explains her “pushing” him to research it.Basically we have an older sibling holding power over a younger sibling, presumably, from a younger age. More of her personality and influence can be seen in his trial. “You mustnt lose composure, you mustnt become flustered, you mustnt waver”Im linking this bit, but I strongly recommend rewatching the full version where his Sister appears. She appears to be his guardian, keeping him in check, making him act right. Telling him what to do and how to act. She appears in moments of distress when he needs comfort. He depends on her, he listens, he does everything she tells him to. Im not gonna get into the whole tulpa thing, so if youre not on board with it, I recommend reading into it more, even wiki has a brief explanation. Basically this possession is just his mind, but it does hold her true personality. So Sister is: assertive, calm, plays a role of guardian, has power over Korekiyo due her age, his respect and dependance on her, probably her being his parental figure.

Now tell me, how this power dynamic could be healthy, consensual and (a very popular opinion in the fandom) this relationship was started from Korekiyo’s advances? How a younger sibling, that was so dependant and devoted could be in a consensual relationship with his older sibling that always tells him what to do?Korekiyo was groomed, he’s a victim. Most people in fandom hate him for being creepy and a sister-banging freak, because he doesn’t fit your cookie-cutter perseption of abuse victims. Everyone thinks that abuse victims only come in “i hate my abuser, i am currently away from them and i am healing” package. Korekiyo was never given a chance to realize it was wrong, he never got a chance to heal. He was groomed, abused, used and forced into relationship. Told that it was secret and sacred, that theyre breaking the boundaries, that’s why he mustnt tell anyone about it. Of course he believed her - its his Sister. She convinced him that his love and dependance on her was romantic/sexual love.

The same analysis brings up a good point of his Sister guilt tripping him because of her illness. Never getting a chance for romantic love, never getting a chance to make friends.

What breaks my heart is that after all of this, after devoting his life to his Sister, studying what she wanted, wearing what she wanted, killing for her sake and even being executed because of her - he says that he wasn’t enough.

TLDR - Their power dynamic is very obvious from his FTEs and the trial, he was clearly groomed and abused, never got to recover from her manipulations. And fandom either fetishisizes their relationship, excusing their nasty kinks by saying it was consensual, or hates him because they never took the time to analyze the content. He was abused, he was manipulated, god knows what else was done to him when she was alive, and he died driven to insanity, full of grief devoted to his Sister and blaming himself for not being enough. As a side-note: it is completely okay being uncomfortable with his character/everything that happened in ch3. You dont owe anyone interacting with the piece of media depicting such topics. Your comfort and safety comes first. Kodaka is a shitty fucking writer. What is not okay is hating a character for being a victim.

I probably missed a lot, my brain is very disorganized, so feel free to ask more questions/add your own opinion.

#danganronpa #ndrv3 #korekiyo shinguji #long post #mochizuke #ask

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macklives · 5 years

Text

session 63 end

okayyy. neat-fucking-o. thats done and boy OH FUCKING BOY i have a lot to say. and this is going to get mildly serious. sorry. theres a lot to uncover this session which basically is just one huge overall plot point. the whole timeline shindig. the thing that has messed me up for a few hours ngl.

man.... this is gonna be a long one. im not even exaggerating. (still, a tldr at the end)

so, the main thing besides from the time shindig plot, which is both important and essential and precious: DAVESPRITE <3

k cool. ill expand on that throughout this whole note, but would rather like to make a whole analogy first before i do so.

so, to start off from last session, dave went back in time to fix jade and john’s death.

but i guess, from what ive read, GC never realized what she did was bad. she basically screwed everyone over and dave had to go back to fix things, which yes, does sound bad. but honestly? i dont think she really realized how bad it was until davesprite had the talk with her. and now they are both friends i take it, shocking development. but thats between davesprite, rather than dave himself so there may be two different views on how he sees GC. anyways, it was pretty bad. i wont just forget that. i love her character but she killed off two characters (who thankfully are now alive), making dave a sprite and future rose to just not exist anymore. or... well.... she does, but she seemed to have fused with PRESENT rose. which i guess we’ll figure out how that works the next time we see her. which will probably be on derse.

but, tbh, GC wanted to apologize and felt bad about the whole situation. so im giving her the benefit of the doubt here.

now.. man...

can i take a second to analyze davesprite? and a little bit about the concept of john/dave’s friendship (just a tad)? ie the two greatest things in the world? thanks.

i think the thing that hit me the hardest was how davesprite (im calling him that to distinguish which dave im talking about but keep in mind i should be calling them both dave. but this makes it easier to write up.) well, davesprite explained how he’d continue to reset the timeline until john and jade are alive. which basically means he would use himself as a sacrifice to allow their survival. which ALSO means he cares more for them than he does himself. he’d throw his life away for them. he knew there was a possibility of him ceasing to exist if they reset the timeline again. he literally said it in such a nonchalant way that it makes me wonder how much his friends really mean to him. which in retrospect, is a lot. now pls keep this in mind for the next part.

now, dave also has so much appreciation towards himself. but not in the cocky way, of course. rather in the way that shows self love?? kinda?? like he genuinely wanted to hang with davesprite, brainstorm his comic and vice versa bc they both think their alt version is that cool. i know it should sound kinda narcissistic, but listen. a lot of people dont often appreciate themselves for who they are. and what i really want to emphasize on that here, is that this comes back to the whole putting himself before others thing. because that specific line i mentioned before is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. since dave thinks so highly of himself as a cool guy, rad dude, arent we so awesome type kid that he LITERALLY didnt care for his life in that one hot second. he made sure he was a pawn used to help out his friends rather than an actual human being who should worry about his life as well. he didnt care if he survived or not in the process of making sure everything was going alright. which is such a fucking leap from this whole self-respecting thing. its as if that didnt matter anymore. and that takes a fucking beating. that shows how much dave truly loves his friends. do you know how fucking BIG THAT WHOLE DEAL IS?

take john for example. dave didnt give two shits who the person on the other line was. he found out GC was the troll who killed john and basically threatened her with every inch of his life to make her back away from him. he knew what it would cause and said “fuck you” in bright and bold. all because he didnt want to see his friend die again. which? fair enough. and if we look back at the last session, god that could mess someone up. especially someone as young as 13. rose even got the worst end of the stick bc she flat out ceased to exist. but then again, thats in the same boat as jade/john. bc they all technically died. yet davesprite didnt. he remembers it. davesprite isnt just going to forget. he’s going to have surviver’s guilt for a long time, because being dave’s guide will forever be a reminder that he’s the version in the doomed timeline. he’s the only one who knows what happened, and he wont become the “true dave” in a sense that he’s now just considered “davesprite” and nothing more, since he cant just be dave since his timeline ended up fucked. not to mention he technically said he was fine with it, bc since it meant the others survived, he wouldnt care what happened to his life. even tho he should and it still probably hurts him idk. and that kills me a little. actually, more than a little. this is personally the most gut wrenching scene in homestuck (but i may just be speculating too much). but that wont stop him from helping dave and giving him all the answer, and also protecting john with everything he has.

and, man, i feel as if he’s gonna be such a good guide for dave. he already gave him the loot, the rundown and is very open about questions dave already has because he knows how tough it probably is to have a shitty guide. considering he was stuck with calsprite for 4 months. so obviously he’s going to help as much as possible. since he probably had little to none and didnt learn as much as he should have through the course of sburb. but now, as a guide, he can easily access all the info he lost during the pathway of his timeline. and share it with dave so he doesn’t struggle and actually completes the game rather than end up in a doomed timeline like himself.

but yes. dave’s blatant adoration for john basically saved them both in a way. and it seems as if its a little mutual considering john told dave he’d always believe him no matter what in the end. how he reconsidered everything, remembered the note and realized how good their friendship is to just give it up like that. and then vice versa. dave couldnt continue on the game without him or jade, so he went back in time. and showed his pissed-off protective side in order to save john again. which warms my heart bc they both mean so much to each other. and both got each other super sentimental gifts and wrote each other such touching cards.

and thats a good way to end the session, i think.

so there we have it. ive never wanted to hug a character so bad than i do with davesprite. i just hope everyone at least acknowledges him in some way, and gives him some amount of respect for what he did for everybody. ive only met him for like 10 pages, but i think he’s the most emotional character so far. and i guess since he’s dave himself, and i feel for dave based on his situation with bro, its safe to say i would protect him with my life. which i dont want to be *that* person but hey, its true. its just that he’s been through so much bullshit, and davesprite is the only survivor of his timeline, always will be reminded of it whenever he sees dave/john/rose/jade playing the game, is now a fucking sprite who wont be able to live his own path but just be a guide and god, i feel for him. i really do.

i shouldnt have written such a long note about davesprite.. but his whole story as to how he became a thing really got to me, alright?

i should write a tldr, cool. here yall go; i actually love davesprite, he’s been through some shit and he deserves hells of respect. GC is forgiven and we’ll find out next time how both version of rose.. fused together?

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #hs63 #hs63 end

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mrsroryhuntzberger · 4 years

Text

hi im back on my borderline unhealthy love of a book from my elementary school days

if yall dont know i love cryptid hunters by roland smith and like i always do about twice a year I was thinking about it the other day. the hard thing about reflecting on books from childhood is how much fucked up shit happened that is not properly addressed. so under the cut is my rant/things i would change if someone ever gives me my dream job of turning my favorite books into tv shows (@ CW i’m looking at you i may hate riverdale but this would probably work in a similar fashion i was the co-authored of a great thread on twitter about turning cyberchase into a riverdale like show so you know i got skills)

the plot is basically teens sent to live with uncle they didnt know existed who is searching for dinos and theres a bad old white guy who hates people and animals and also mystery

1. how tf does grace have a passport?? i know wolfe’s friend was in the US gov and wolfe also did work for the government so does that mean grace has a bunch of false documents??? what happens when she applied for colleges?? does she have a social security number??

2. did we ever find out what wolfe did that made the us government agree to give him a fucking island??? (idk if roland smith mentioned it in the 4th book, i read it once and havent read it again bc its my least fav and i didnt like the hitler stuff)

3. no hitler. if i remake this into a tv series theres no hitler connection. blackwood is just gonna suck on his own and we wont have any clones or hitler. i want roses mother to be some random chick blackwood knocked up (if we are going dark its an intern or young employee) and then paid off to keep the baby and then probably had killed because hes evil.

4. rose is an abuse victim. this is one of the more serious changes i’d make because in my head i have a whole four season tv show plan where season 3 focuses on grace at noahs ark and we also get flashbacks to when rose was alive and there. in my tv show/headcanon blackwood is hella emotionally abusive, rose could leave but he gaslights her and guilts her and is awful and basically makes it so while she could leave she can’t really leave. rose meets wolfe, they form a bond, and he helps her get out, then they run away and eventually go to the congo (#honeymoon). this abuse is echoed with grace and blackwood but grace wasnt ya know raised by him so it has a different effect. the abuse is one of the main reasons why rose doesnt want grace to ever be with blackwood because he is awful.

5. Blackwood is the worse that needs to be highlighted but also hes not a cartoon villain. he also has a power complex thats why he has a whole display of taxidormy animals and thats why he wants all the rare animals to be his cause he wants power over others thats also part of his abuse

6. grace is very conflicted throughout all of this because she found out her parents arent her parents, her mom is dead, her thought to be parents are still missing throughout all of this!! and her grandpa is a fucked up madman who wants her dad dead and she also has preexisting anxiety. i would want to showcase her inner turmoil and this idea of her being unsure of who she is in the later books/seasons and this plays with her relationship with blackwood, not that shes on his side or anything, but maybe how manipulative he is and how desperate she is to learn about this whole other side of her apparent family. grace didnt get enough attention in the later books. also doesnt she straight up think marty and luther are dead at one point in book 3? girl is not walking away from all of this trauma free she doesnt need to have a breakdown but shes confused and should be allowed to be confused

7. reluctant dino parent grace I SAID WHAT I SAID i just have this humorous headcanon that grace has always been a bit afraid of dinos (repressed from ya know the dino that killed her mom) (also she couldnt watch juarassic park as a kid and mentions that whenever someone references it because no one is gonna be dealing with dinos and not quoting jurassic park)but she and the dinos bond at noahs ark and she ends up in a comedy relief bit where she has to feed them and gets annoyed at them in season/book 4. this may or may not be inspired by me and my dog

8. yeah marty and luther have a thing lets be real here

9. more laurel

10. im sure i have more but i have class tomorrow and ive already spent too much time on this thanks for reading (and im sorry)!!!

#cryptid hunters #roland smith #marty o'hara #grace wolfe #noah blackwood #emily talks #what do you mean 22 year olds shouldnt still have obsessions with a book they read when they were 8??#wtf that was 14 years ago i need to lie down

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thisdiscontentedwinter · 5 years

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Stella and the Wolf - Chapter 11

You can read it here on AO3, or check out the Tumblr Chapter Index here.

Stiles knows one thing for certain. He knows that if he and Stella get into the SUV, they’re not getting out again. He also knows that you don’t argue with a person with a gun, however much she’s smiling.

“Okay,” he says, hating the way his voice cracks on that simple word. “Okay, we’re getting in.”

Stella makes a small frightened sound beside him.

He steps forward and opens the back door of the SUV. There’s nobody in the backseat. Good.

The open door gives them a few seconds maybe, where the woman thinks he’s obeying her. And a few seconds where it obscures her vision of them. A few seconds, but he has to use them.

“Run,” he mouths to Stella, and shoves her. And says, aloud, “Okay, we’re getting in.”

A few seconds, and then he’s turning, and running, keeping himself between Stella and the woman. Keeping himself in her line of fire.

“Back up!” the woman yells at the driver. “Back up!”

And the tires of the SUV screech, and the open back door wobbles back and forth like a loose tooth as the SUV spins around in a speedy three-point turn to face them.

“Help!” Stella screams as she runs, and how does she have any breath left in the lungs at all? “Help! Help us!”

Her shoes slap on the pavement as they bolt back toward Deaton’s.

Stella hammers on the glass front door, and Stiles hems her in as the SUV closes on them.

Oh God. They’re sitting ducks now, aren’t they? Stiles shields Stella—tells himself to fall forward to cover her when he’s hit—and then he is falling, but if he’s hurt he can’t feel it, and there’s a strange popping sound, and the SUV is speeding off back into the night.

It takes Stiles a moment to figure out what happened.

It helps that he’s lying on the floor on top of Stella, and Deaton is staring down at them, eyebrows raised.

He opened the door, Stiles figures, and they both tumbled through like skittles.

Deaton isn’t their only audience though.

A man wearing coveralls with the name of the tire place across the street is hurrying toward them too.

“What the hell’s going on?” he asks. “Shit. Is that a bullet hole in your window, Alan?” And he holds up his cell phone. “I called the cops.”

Stiles should panic about that, he thinks, but at the moment he’s way too relieved to actually be alive.

***

Dad turns up, lights and sirens heralding his approach. Well, first Tara turns up, but the second she sees who’s involved, she calls Dad, and Stiles knows there’s no use telling her that it’s not necessary. It’s a lie anyway, because the moment Dad turns up, Stiles goes weak at the knees, and can barely hold himself up long enough for Stella to get her hug before he’s stumbling into Dad’s embrace as well. He’s shaking, and he can’t stop, and Dad rubs his back and makes angry, growling kind of shushing noises that fall somewhere between ‘You’re okay, son’ and ‘I’m gonna kill a motherfucker.’ Stiles finds both sentiments equally comforting, to be honest.

“Heard the little girl yellin’ as she ran down the street,” the guy from the tire place is telling Tara. “By the time I got over here, Alan had already got them inside.”

Stiles inhales heavily. Dad smells of coffee and aftershave.

Dad peels Stiles off him gently. “Talk me through it, kid.”

Stiles sucks in a breath. “We were, we were leaving the clinic, and the black SUV pulled in behind us. I didn’t get the license plate. And the woman in the passenger seat asked if we wanted a ride. I said no, and…” He shudders.

“She pointed a gun at us!” Stella exclaims, sounding more outraged than upset. “So Stiles pretended we were getting in the car, and we ran back here instead.”

“You ever seen this woman before?”

“No,” Stiles says, but he’s got a pretty good idea who it was. “She was blonde. Maybe in her thirties? White. Slim build, I guess. She was wearing a dark jacket, and I didn’t get a look at the driver. I think it was a guy.”

It’s paltry, really, the language used to describe suspects. The woman’s face is burned onto his retinas, but his ability to translate it into words is almost non-existent.

“She had a necklace,” Stella says, and Stiles doesn’t even remember a necklace. “It was silver. It had a dog on it.”

Not a dog, Stiles is suddenly sure. A wolf.

There’s no doubt in his mind the woman was Kate Argent, and he’s going to trawl Allison’s Facebook later to made certain.

“And the license plate started with a six,” Stella adds. “I didn’t see the other numbers or letters through.”

Dad looks to Deaton.

“I’m sorry,” Deaton says. “By the time I got the door open, I only saw their tail lights.”

Stiles watches as Dad’s gaze is drawn to the bullet hole in Deaton’s window.

Attempted abductions are rare, Stiles knows. And so are attempted abductions that end in attempted murder. Sooner or later Dad’s going to have to give voice to what must be a growing suspicion that Stiles and Stella are mixed up in something weird, and that they both know more than they’re telling him.

Stiles hopes it’s later.

“But what were you kids even doing here?” Dad asks, shaking his head helplessly. “I thought you were at home.”

“We, um…” And Stiles has no idea where to go with that.

“They brought me a stray kitten,” Deaton says, rescuing him unexpectedly.

“You found a kitten?” Dad asks, his forehead creasing.

Stiles nods.

“It was lost and sad,” Stella says, making her eyes go big. “We couldn’t just let it go hungry, Dad! I’m calling it Matilda, and can we keep it, please?”

***

Matilda, thank god, is not an imaginary kitten, and Deaton is able to produce it from out the back. It is, however, a boy kitten. A little orange tabby boy. Stella sits on the floor and pets him and coos over him while Dad and Tara go over everything with Stiles and Deaton and the guy from the tire place again.

Despite Stella’s insistence on immediately adopting Matilda, Deaton tells her he’s not quite big enough to go home with anyone yet, but that if Dad is okay with it then they can come and collect him in a week or two.

Dad, Stiles thinks, would agree to absolutely anything at this point. Stiles can tell he’s shaken at how close his kids came to being seriously hurt—or worse—tonight.

He drives them home in the back of his cruiser, and Tara drives Stiles’s Jeep.

“If there’s anything you need to tell me,” Dad begins, and then shakes his head and stops, like he can’t quite bring himself to ask. Like he can’t accuse his kids of lying, even though it’s got to be at least starting to point to that for him now.

Stiles swallows down his guilt, and plays dumb.

***

Dad heads back to work, because one thing about being the Sheriff, Stiles knows, is that it never stops. His kids were almost abducted tonight, but Peter Hale and his nurse are also missing, so Dad doesn’t get to stay home. There’s always something. And lately, in Beacon Hills, all those little somethings have been snowballing into bigger somethings. It’ll be an avalanche in a minute, Stiles thinks wildly as he locks the door behind Dad. An avalanche, and Stiles only hopes that the people he cares about aren’t caught in its path.

Who is he kidding though, really?

The avalanche has already begun, and theres’s no escaping it now.

***

Derek doesn’t answer any of his texts of phone calls. Not even when Stiles tells him that Kate Argent (thanks, Allison’s Facebook!) threatened him and Stella with a gun. Stiles tries not to feel the sting of betrayal.

Maybe Derek’s lost his phone.

Maybe Derek’s dead.

Okay, so Stiles would definitely prefer the first option to the second one, but he can’t deny the fact that the second option would also fully explain why Derek hasn’t answered. And Derek’s not exactly the guy with the best luck in the universe, is he? Who would be surprised if he was dead?

Stiles ignores the jab of pain in his gut that comes with even entertaining that possibility.

But it’s there.

He doesn’t sleep much that night.

***

Dad works through the night, and stops in for breakfast before heading out to work again.

“You go to school,” he says firmly. “You pick Stella up, and come straight back here afterwards. No going out for takeout, or trips to the mall, or kitten rescues, or anything.” He sighs, and rubs a hand over his forehead. “You’re not grounded, kiddo. This isn’t a punishment, okay? I’d just feel a hell of a lot better if I knew you kids were home, instead of gallivanting off around town.”

“That’s us,” Stiles says. “Pair of gallivanters.”

Stella snorts.

“We’ll come straight home,” Stiles says, and means it too. “No more running around town, I promise.”

“Well, except tonight,” Dad says.

Stiles goes completely blank.

“The dance, kiddo,” Dad reminds him. “You’re dropping Stella off with Melissa, remember? And you and Scott are going to the dance.”

Right.

Right, somewhere out there teenagers are having normal werewolf-less lives. Stiles used to be one of them, not that long ago. He even entertained ideas of asking Lydia to the dance—and constructed vivid fantasies where she actually said yes—and somehow he’d completely forgotten it was tonight.

“Oh,” he says, because he is not at all prepared. “Oh, shit.”

“I got your suit cleaned last week,” Dad tells him. “Also, language.”

“Mrs. McCall is going to show me how to make a blanket out of scrap material,” Stella says. “We were going to make it for my bear, but now we can get a basket and put it in it, so we’re ready for when we can bring Matilda home.”

“It’s a boy cat,” Dad says.

Stella looks at him expectantly.

Dad raises his eyebrows. “Matilda is a girl’s name.”

“Well, he doesn’t know that,” Stella points out. “He’s a cat.”

Dad considers that for a moment. “You know what? That’s a fair call, kiddo.”

Stella looks pleased.

“Be good at school,” Dad says to both of them. “Stay safe.”

He says that a lot, but there’s usually not such weight behind the words.

Stiles and Stella both stay in Dad’s hugs for a little longer than usual, and Stiles locks the door after he leaves.

“Are you really going to the dance tonight?” Stella asks once the coast is clear.

“I guess,” Stiles says. “Like, we’ll act normal, right? And sooner or later everything will all blow over?”

Stella’s eight, and the look she gives him tells him that even she thinks that’s bullshit.

“We act normal,” Stiles says, as though repeating it will make it true. “And we just hope that Derek’s okay.”

“And Peter,” Stella says.

“What?”

“We hope that Peter’s okay too.”

“Peter has a body count, Stella.”

She shrugs. “But we’re not on it.”

Like that makes any difference.

Except maybe… maybe it does? Because Peter Hale could have killed them both back in that hospital room, but he didn’t, because they didn’t fit the pattern.

Neither did Laura Hale though, right?

Or maybe Stiles has just been looking at the wrong pattern this whole time.

#discontentedwinter #my fics #Stella and the Wolf #sterek

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perfecttravelerdinosaur · 5 years

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The feeling when you hate existing to the point you sit in your room avoiding contact with everyone because you're so insecure and don't know how to handle social interactions anymore, only to drive yourself deeper and deeper into that feeling, because no one chooses to be born and you don't want any of the responsibilities associated with existing in this world. But you're torn between feeling that and the guilt that people have life much worse than you do and people love you. I'm never sure whether I actually love people. It mostly seems just a good thing to say back to people so you don't feel guilty and they like you. Lust and love are different, but either way they are just a twisted compulsion to breed and create groups. I wish I could have the mindless drive to achieve human goals like other people do, I barely feel alive, nevermind human. Is keeping people with mental and physical illness alive any good for the human race? We just prolong our deaths and cause more heartbreak than is needed. But what is life without heart? Empty as it is without love. I don't have any drive to be healthy anymore, I just eat what feels good, sit at my desk and feel sorry for my own existence. I hate myself for not liking life, sounds stupid. I hate the arrogance people have.

It sounds stupid to say I never asked to be born. No one chose to be born. Why is it so bad, the idea of people killing themselves? They have made a choice with their own body and they think it is a good idea. I still fear an afterlife and it's honestly one of the reasons I haven't done it myself. The other being it hurts to imagine my family and friends finding out. I don't want my parents to blame themselves.

Why do I have to fixate on trying to sleep with people so much, It hurts feeling so alone all the time. Life feels desperate. A lot of the time I just put my foot down in my car for as long as i can, kind of makes you feel more alive, part of me wonders how hard youd have to hit something to just die. But I don't want to be crippled, then I am likely to just kill myself. Always odd how little someone can care for their own safety and push limits at the same time. The feeling of panic once you realise what you did was stupid, the horrible cold/hot sweat that shudders round your body after you nearly hit something.

I wouldn't want to hurt other people, what's the point in making someone else's life miserable, that makes me feel worse. I don't want to be a burden. Other people seem to like life so much.

Why does it feel like I want to be miserable some times? Arrogance makes me want to bite people's throats out. I wish I was joking. Why do I feel like I have no right to anything? Does anyone have right to anything? Does right even matter in a world where people can and do just take or do whatever they want? What the fuck is the point in subsistence.

Is having a child selfish if there's a good chance they'll grow up to tell me they don't want to live either? I wish I had the ambition I used to have. How long have I been depressed for? Did I used to be depressed when I was a child? I remember feeling like life wasnt real. I remember a few steps I took in figuring the world out. It felt confusing, a lit of it took a while to understand. I always feel like theres another layer to existing, something I'm not seeing, people aren't saying, or no one knows about. People have a LOT of ways and sentences to rationalise the irrational. You dont even have to be right, if you can make a compelling argument, you may just make people believe you, that's dangerous. Hormones are strange, they make you act so impulsively. I understand it from a survival point of view, but it's a strange thing nonetheless.

I feel like I want to just step out of the way of people who care so much about existing, I dont do things the way they want a lot of the time. I'm terrified of people who care about existing some times, I guess that's confidence I'm afraid of. At least confident people. Baffles me to think someone can be so sure of themselves. But I would imagine they often might be baffled to think people dont feel so sure of themselves.

I wonder, if I was given great power, would I use it for good or evil? Part of me imagines becoming a beacon of hope, but the rest of me imagines destroying everything I could and sealing myself away. Enjoying life requires proactivity. Old me would be spinning in his grave.

So I subsist, make jokes about mental health with people, carry on with college course, try to sort out my life somehow on little to no motivation. Why the fuck would I harm myself actively? Surely this just instantly makes you suffer more. I realise by eating how I do I'm harming myself, but I dont like pain, I want to minimize pain. Surely we all do? I dont even want to eat proper food anymore, avoiding leaving my room while I can.

Antidepressants are strange. How does a pill stop the horrible weight on your skull? How do hormones dictate the meaning of life in someone's mind so much. There is no meaning as much as there is all the meaning in the world. To some people the notion that there is no meaning is meaning enough. If we ever even reached a decision on what the meaning is would we ever be able to come up with an answer everyone could accept? Do we put life on a pedestal? Are the fears we have towards existence justified? Is there something telling us to die for the good of people? I dont see why this is not as great as the compulsion to survive, they each can serve a purpose to improve the world. Is the idea of dying and feeling nothing greater than living to see if you enjoy the feeling you end up with if you survive?

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unknowncrashingthroughthewindow · 5 years

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very huge spoiler warning for v’s after end! just wanna give some of my Thoughts

it is very late over here and ive juuust finished one of the endings (560 hourglasses! miscalculated before! holy shit!) and i have a few. feelings. about it. gonna keep it all under the cut so check it out if youre interested uwu

now i’m gonna start at the top with all the Good, and then we’ll keep descending down the line ajhdgcvkjgf

The Good:

- the artwork! god bless everyone on the art team!! it was all Spectacular and the shading could break into my house and stomp me dead and id thank it

- the voice acting! theres a lot of high-tension scenes in this end, and i think everyone handled them all amazingly! i feel like at this point they’ve all gotten a really good grasp of how each character responds to each situation, and you can really hear the different ways they approach their character’s mannerisms and aiughjsjc Basically Its Very Good

- the translation work! if anything this after end gave us a lot of really good and - uhhh for lack of a better word - Deep dialogue, and the translations definitely captured the sentiment to a poetic T. rarely did any lines sound stiff, so definitely props to them there! translating is So Hard guys and they did so well!!

- the reunion between the two Forbidden Twins! AMAZING and SHOWSTOPPING and BREATHTAKING and even though it was SHORT it did exactly what it was trying to do!!!!! which is!!!!! make my sad little heart feel emotions!!!!! i was feelin pretty numb and confused for most of the after end but then the two twins saw each other and my heart jumped out of my chest and it went skinnydipping

- im a SUCKER for “where are they now” montages and v’s after end did about the most cliched ‘they get a kid’ version but YOU KNOW WHAT the kid was ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT and she is a tiny little criminal goblin who stole my heart and wont give me any refunds

- lucy: makes any kind of noise me, absolutely sobbing: fuck everyone else i respect YOU

The Not So Good Ouch Parts:

i actually only really have one big complaint about this ending and it’s that. i don’t really know why it exists like. i don’t get why it unfolded this way. it kinda overshadows the conclusion of ray’s route and now im gonna try explain myself in human language instead of annoyed monkey speak

- two things that happen in v’s after end -- the twins reuniting, serving the Tea abt the prime minister -- were promised to take place in ray’s after end, and it was ray’s route that properly and primarily set up the foundations for these events to happen. because yknow. the prime minister was a key player in ray’s route. and i may be remembering incorrectly but i don’t think he was mentioned at all in v’s.

- while i am On The Moon to know that saeran’s alive, it really just seemed like more of a copout than anything, especially considering the amount of time they spent establishing seven’s guilt and his torment regarding his brother (and the pacing seems somewhat stiff when you take into account that they spent 3 episodes on Seven Going Sicko Mode and a fifth of an episode on Seven Seeing Saeran Again). bringing him to life (wake me up inside) undid a lot of that emotional setup. it relieved a small bit of tension for a Temporary Moment Of Really Nice Things, while simultaneously creating a lot more questions in the process.

- basically all i’m trying to say is that if they’ve already covered all these plotpoints - even including rika’s redemption arc - then my concern lies in what they have left for ray’s after end. it seems a bit like they’ve taken the elements that made ray’s after end worth anticipating, and shoved them into v’s after end for... user satisfaction?

- i get in theory that ray’s route was meant to expand on saeran’s character as a whole, but ray’s route also had the alluring concept of the twins reuniting, and they also spent a good chunk of time establishing the Prime Minister Pandora Box subplot, as opposed to v’s after end just shoehorning in rika’s youtube speech (which Definitely gave me ray route vibes)

- all in all, it just feels a bit like the existence of v’s after end nullifies the need for ray’s route in the first place. although saeran isn’t exactly in Tip Top shape in this after end like he’d be in his own route, he still gets to the same destination: road to recovery, reunited with his brother. if v’s route has already explored this, then is there really anything for ray’s after end to bring to the table?

- thinking more optimistically, though, i suppose ray’s after end would focus more on the twins, rather than rika. thats still content! just not exactly what i thought itd be

tl;dr: v’s after end was aesthetically pleasing but overall very confusing and v wasn’t even there for like 90% of it

#not a quote #long post #half of saeran's lines were coughing and that speaks volumes for this after end JHBVJDGHCJVKFGH #in the end im just a bit bitter because i Love And Treasure Ray's Route #But I Am Also Unsure Where We'll Go From Here

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souichipresents · 7 years

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Souichi Presents: Tomie, tOmie, toMie....

Kyahaha! Welcome, welcome back to Souichi Presents! The home of a true madman's task... to one day have reviewed every single Junji Itou story ever made! However... perhaps if you’ve noticed, even leaving aside the holiday hiatus, there’s been an unusual uptick in Non Mr. Itou Reviews.

Why would this be? Well, I could say that I try to take in new horror as much as possible, to keep refreshed... but if I had to be honest in myself, it’s possible... I might be avoiding something.

THERE'S JUST SO MANY OF HER. THEM. THESE STORIES. There’s so many of them. But that can’t stop me in my sacred duty because I swore an OATH... well I had a random idea when I was a freshman in college which I picked back up again for absolutely no reason I can recall and I’m sticking to it.

Of course this is a labor of love, make no mistake. And there’s still a lot to love, as we get to...

JUNJI ITOU’s, TOMIE: THE BASEMENT

(See part 1, MORITA HOSPITAL, here.)

Alright so if you weren’t here for the last part of this series, here’s a QUICK rundown.

A girl is in the hospital while her not-boyfriend visits, until oh no! Tomie does that weird thing she does where her only enjoyment in stringing dudes along eems to be tormenting girls about it which isn’t weird at all. Sad hopsital girl is very sad, and also absolutely dying from Vauge Anime Organ Failure. But luckily for her, she’s able to get a transplant! Bad news, it’s a Tomie, signed off for the transplant from the sketchiest man alive claiming to be Tomie’s father. Again. Which is creepy because he is 100% actually the teacher from the very first Tomie story who may have impregnated her, was absolutely dating her, and 1000% killed her. So that’s creepy.

Then it ended with ‘everyone with a uterus screamed internally during THIS bit’, alternate title ‘Aliens but with Tomie’. Now that we’re all caught up...

(remember this is one of the very early translations, back when official publishers mirrored the art, so it’s left to right. God forgive us.)

Oh right, so this is early EARLY translation here, so it’s left-to-right again. My favorite part of this is that if theres a RUMOR about this, it indicates two things, really: one is that a patient happened to SEE this, which is just hilariously terrible. You get up, maybe getting some water, see- oh hey they’re operating and hhHOOOPS THATS A TINY HAND BYEEEE.

Or option two: just some real gossipy nurses. “You would not BELEIVE the shit I put up with... yeah between this and whoever put the plastic wrap over the toilet seat, I’m out. I don’t care if it includes dental.”

...sorry, the heck is this?

Why it’s Fumihito! He’s... totaly unrelated to the story so far, and any future stories! But he’s sure here now. Good for you, Fumihito.

Sure I make fun, but I’m pretty sure he might actually make it out of this ALIVE. Maybe the secret to surviving Tomie is to lack personality. Well he has one personality trait: checking out creepy things for No Reason. It might not get you very far at a party, but it;s gangbusters for moving a horror plot along.

Well so much for my recap. This one’s probably more factual. Also can I just say I appreciate how in stride these doctors are taking this? Maybe they got all their ‘NO, THIS CAN’T BE’ out of their systems earlier.

Well this has to be better then the goldfish bowl of hydrocloric acid the last tomie head was in. But whatever THIS is is... opaque... but not from... this side...?

....Mr. Ito, did you just have worries about drawing the doctors through the water at an angle? Well, god knows I wouldn’t want to.

Now this is interesting, because it’s really the only go at a scientific explanation for Tomie’s... tomieness. But all he’s *really* saying is, hey, she can regenerate! I don’t think the real secret to this story is that Tomie turns out to be a large pile of planarians. ...though that would be amazing.

...though it does speak badly for earths survival rate... do you eventualy wind up with a Tomie ‘apocalypse’? Crowds of tomies... gigantic tomies, like terrible lighthouses of adoration? Who knows, maybe every second tomie just kind of wanders into the ocean to keep overpopulation down... but still, you imagine it ends poorly.

Yes well luckily rules don’t apply to NOSY MALE PROTAGONIST MAN! Able to use his amazing powers to satisfy his own vauge curiosity with a single bound.

“And why are you in my room exactly?” “Plot contrivance! Need a character to follow to see the story happen, you know.” “...Isn’t that *me*?” “Don’t... don’t worry about it.

This really highlights the difference in horror as a genre, you know? In most other stories someone being able to miraculously heal from major surgery would be a GOOD thing. Or at least even odds.

See also: reading mysterious books, talking to strange new people, investigating odd noises. Don’t blame horror protags for doing those things; any other genre going into the magic furniture leads to narnia instead of hell.

Similarly, only in horror is it possible for cancer to not be the worst outcome.

Now, I do feel the urge to make a joke here about just deciding to irradiate the monster why not, but they do actually have a logical train of thought here. They’re assuming something like cancer is happening; so they’re trying to see if radiation therapy could destroy the cells.

WHICH is in turn interesting to me, because the “rules” of Tomie aren’t... clear. But they do seem to work. For the record-

Acid works. Fire works but you gotta be REAL thorough. Cutting is the opposite of working, bludgeoning not really much better. Water- laughable. Poison- untried. Concrete- ???? Radiation... well you’ll see in a minute.

Meanwhile we get more of this. You wanted more of this, right?

Tadashi sucked. Suuuuucked. This guy... exists.

This does clarify a little more about her- it sounds like she has kind of a lonely life. ...I’m also going to throw this guy a bone and assume whatever he said in the original japanese might have been more of a “Oh, is that right?” then... that.

Oh right, the monster. Radiation turns out to just make Tomie go from a kind of head-disaster to “barbie doll left on the stove.” Why? It’s a little late to want a scientific reason why THIS happens, because tomie already endlessly self replicates with no apparent need for outside energy... kind of.

More then a few times we see her eating things (people) to regenerate from, but theres also times where nothing like thats around. Maybe having outside energy just speeds it up...? Or maybe she’s a nonsense curse monster.

You know, I really didn’t think I’d like RE7 when the demo was out, but I like a lot of what they wound up doing with it in the main game.

...And you are....?

Okay. Y’all. My dear friends. I love these comics. I love mr. Ito. I do. But we spend FOUR PAGES on, essentially, “Freddy hears noises behind the door, and briefly sees a walking figure.” I’m hitting the fast forward.

There she is. The crux of this mystery- this and so many more. A living ghost? An endlessly self replicating memory? The guilt and fixation of a murderer imprinted into a endlessly replicating form? The grief of a murdered (pregnant!) teen girl horrifically cut down by a man?

If nothing else, a strange naked girl, in a fishtank, in a hospital basement he just saw a dude walk out of. What a strange sight. What a genuinely beautiful panel, highlighting a subtle, aberrant moment.

...well. I mean, from a meta point of view, he took the safest available route, but... you can’t help but be disappointed, right?

Well Tomie has better things to do anyways. People to see. Short haired girls to loom over.

No seriously, always with the short haired girls. Tomie has a.... type? Is that even what you could call it?

I’m not sure it really is about Tadashi, Tomie. I’m not really sure it is.

Speaking of which, this is actually really unusual for Tomie. While she tends to generate terrible violence and suffering around her, I can’t really think of any time when she actually directly attacks someone. Usually she would have male ‘lackeys’ that she’d assign or manipulate to kill someone for her. This is an unusually direct motion on her part.

Hey remember when she had slightly curly hair? We’re in the odd midpoint art wise where her design takes a odd turn. I can never figure out if it’s just a drift, or if it’s closer to how Mr. Ito wanted Tomie to look.

Anyways it was nice knowing you, Dr. McDoctorson.

Meanwhile, this is going to get a lot worse, and never get better. Note the interesting framing of the flowers here. I wish I knew if this was made before or after Dying Young. It feels like a very similar story thread, but Dying Young focuses more cleanly on the specific idea of ‘an illness making you beautiful, but at a terrible cost’. While this is... well. Tomie tomie tomie tomie.

In the meantime, the doctors have been debating if tomie material can be used to cure illnesses (spoiler: hhhhooo boy no), and our main character went to visit John Smithee here. Who... does... this.

...What the hell is he talking about? Her only personality change is she’s suddenly a little happier, and flirting with him. Also, he’s the one who’s been nonsensical in her grill hitting on her? Is this supposed to be like, ~oh I liked you for how you looked before~.

I hate that. I hate every half-witted story where some boy is praised for seeing a girls ~natural beauty~. Like the discover of a girl is more important then whatever her plans for how she wants to look and feel are. And while this isn’t exactly because she just straightened her hair and got makeup, he doesn’t actually know that. So it just... grates on me. Endlessly.

WHY IS THIS DUDE IN THIS STORY.

Like this is supposed to be GASP TOMIE IS TAKING HER OVER but the problem is I don’t LIKE him, and his reason for turning her down is as shallow as anything Tomie has literaly ever said.

It’s not sweet! And he has no functional personality. This story is supposed to be about her, but because she’s going through this transformation, it feels like he’s there so we see it from outside her point of view. But he just... sucks.

Me too, totes-not-Tomie.

Yeah his investment in how much more docile and quiet she was before really makes me feel the emotional weight of this terrible transformation coming over her. Which I guess is really my problem.

This horrible thing happening to HER is being framed in how it’s affecting HIM. How HE feels about how she looked and behaved. And I could not care. Less.

WHY CAN’T WE SEE MORE OF HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THIS.

meanwhile, Tomie accidentally saves many, many lives by getting rid of the other half of Kidney-Kaijulet, because these morons were going to inject more people with Tomie.

Then this happens, and it kind of sucks. Even though it’s ~tomie~ and she’s evil or whatever... it... just kind of sucks. Which I guess is what winds up wearing me down in this series. We’re not short of media where ladies get hit and killed a lot. And I fully recognize there is context for this series as existing in japan that I’m not privy to, and will never actually be able to speak to.

But to me, what the Tomie series has thats genuinely something different gets overshadowed by the monotony of the violence in it. For how little Mr. Ito work in later years includes outright slasher type violence, Tomie just... keeps goin.

Also, she keeps dying but Creeper Teacher Dude here keeps being alive still, which also Just Sucks.

Blink and you’ll miss it, here’s the whole reason any of this happened! It’s... this shithead again. Womp womp.

Unintentionaly this might be the funniest page Ito has ever made. Poor bearded doctor just.

WHY ARE YOU CUTTING HER UP? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WI- WHY THE FUCK DO *YOU* HAVE A CAN OF GASOLINE. WHY IS ANY OF THIS HAPPENING. I SHOULD HAVE JUST TAKEN THE JOB IN KURÔZU-CHO.

Also.... “squeak squeak?” That cannot possibly be the right sound effect.

...alright this guys a total shitstain in five directions, but this is also pretty funny. He’s basically doing a Loony Toons exit in a dark horror story.

youtube

Don’t listen to that too long by the way, it’s kind of hypnotic.

And this... this one page makes, to me, the whole rest of the story....

The intensity of the reveal. The tight closeups from her face to his, the way she seems contained inside the arc of the fire. The slant of the panels around them- leading to such a sense of unease, and drawing the eye.

This. This is a beautiful horror moment.

What a strange moment. Do they leave together? I don’t remember if he comes back again, though I suspect he must. What happens to her....?

Is she really completely gone?

And that, at last, is the end of BASEMENT.

This is a really muddled one for me. I feel like theres so MUCH in it I could enjoy, but somehow it both has too many ideas, and feels stuffed with filler.

I’d loved to see some of these ideas. A hospital researching tomie? A girl being corrupted BY tomie and slowly losing her sense of self...? Those are both amazing ideas that I wish had been their own stories. I wish the girl becoming tomie had kept the lense on HER. On how she felt, on what she was doing.

I think in a way I find this pair of chapters to be more frustrating then others because... if there weren’t good moments, I could just freely mock it, and maybe even skip past it. But there is a good story in it! There really is.

It just feels like it’s happening somewhere else, while the ‘camera’ follows this unrelated person. With a level of decompression that... doesn’t work for me.

I suppose thats a greater problem I have with Tomie. It can just feel like so MUCH, but it almost never gets bad enough i can comfortably abandon it.

Almost.

That’s all for this week, folks! Join us next time won’t you? I’m hoping to get to more Ito, and talk about the hauntingly strange short “Madame Tutli Putli”, and possibly talk about the great classic of horror cinema, Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. And of course, the souichi presents patreon is now on monthly donations, and I’ll be updating it’s milestones soon! Even a dollar or two makes a really big difference.

And as always, Souichi WILL... return.

#Junji Ito #Tomie #Souichi Presents #Horror #Horror Review #review #comic review #blood warning #death warning #dismemberment warning #fire warning #hospital warning

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