#they finally talk to each other alone

[clockwork-ashes]

All You Have Is Your Fire - Part VI

Find Part I here :)

Summary: 'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' For the briefest of moments, Lucien wondered if his mate would know exactly when his heart’s steady rhythm came to a sudden stop.

Note: A huge, huge thank you to the lovely @bettdraws who literally deserves all the credit and whose post inspired me to start writing this. I could not stop thinking about this head canon, and it was so kind of you to let me try and make a story from it :)

And a huge thank you to everyone reading!

Tag List: @anishake / @nocasdatsgay / @mybestfriendmademe / @talibunny30 / @halfbutneverwhole

Part VII >>

Elain held tightly to Lucien’s arm, her fingers linked with his, her other hand clutching at his wrist. An anchor, his heartbeat a comfort as they were led down the winding halls of the ancient Forest House. 

Lucien looked entirely unbothered, hardly troubled now that he was no longer in the presence of his family. Elain asked herself how, considering she very much felt as though she had woken from a nightmare. Her thoughts were foggy, her knees shaking in relief with every one of her steps. Elain wanted to sob. 

Lucien’s thumb traced the curve of her knuckle and Elain breathed in deeply to calm her nerves. 

It was almost humiliating, being paraded past the Autumn guards stationed at every corner as she clung to Lucien. She had to remind herself that it was expected of mated couples to behave so attached, that she was not amongst human nobles that would judge her for any open affection that was displayed. 

Elain briefly wondered what Cora had done in her absence, and whether the other woman had been made aware of the change in their plans. Elain’s thoughts turned quickly, though, to what her sisters would say. Elain was sure that Nesta, more than Feyre, would be furious. 

Elain assumed she would have the Inner Circle’s complete support, but she could only guess at their displeasure with how the night had unfolded. 

Elain had told a High Lord that she was marrying his son, and she was only just beginning to realise the weight of such a promise. Elain felt her stomach flip, panic starting to creep along her spine. 

Just when Elain’s anxiety started to take root, Lucien’s hand gripped hers more tightly. Elain felt as he tried to reassure her through the bond, and her annoyance was enough to redirect her thoughts. 

The Forest House was strange and unlike any place she had ever been to. The rough stone walls were a warm grey, closer to the colour of sheep’s wool than to the cool toned rock she had become used to in Night. 

Elain was surprised to see all the wooden furniture considering all the torches, flames dancing and sparks falling but never setting anything alight. She walked by a couple elegant fireplaces set into the walls, but she saw no chimneys, no soot or ashes. 

Like the roots of an ancient tree, hallways connected and split off into different directions, an unnavigable maze. Elain wondered how anyone was able to find their way around. 

One of the guards shoved Lucien towards a flight of stone steps, urging him to turn. Elain frowned when she felt him tense, thinking perhaps he had been offended by the gesture. It was only as a voice rang out beside them that Elain guessed Lucien had scented someone’s presence. 

“Your services are no longer needed,” the words were rough, a demand. “I can take the prince and his lady to their shared suite from here.” 

Much to Elain’s surprise, the guards obeyed. In the time it took for them to leave, Elain had turned her attention to the new arrival.  

The man was handsome, Elain could admit. His short hair a more copper shade of red, his eyes a bright hazel. He was pale, like most of the people she had seen in Autumn, and he looked battle-worn. A slashing scar cut across his throat, just visible above the fabric of his jacket. 

Even if Elain had not just been in a room with Beron Vanserra, she would have still been able to see the resemblance between the High Lord and the man who so obviously was another one of his sons. She took a step beck, knocking into Lucien’s side. 

The man raised a brow, but other than a passing glance, he paid her no mind. His focus was on Lucien, the torches on the wall flared. Elain wondered if that always happened, if flames simply responded to those in Autumn, a reflection of their emotions.

“Where’s Eris?” He snapped, like he had no patience for either her or Lucien. 

Her mate’s shoulders were stiff. “Is the loyal dog looking for its master?” Lucien’s drawl was taunting, as though he was expecting a reaction from his brother. His words were obviously meant to offend.

Elain could feel Lucien’s shock flooding the bond between them when his brother merely shook his head. 

“You always did cause so much trouble, Lucien,” he frowned, looking very much like Eris. With a sigh, he angled his chin to the flight of stairs in front of them. “Follow me.” 

Not like they had a choice, Elain thought. She could feel as Lucien turned to look at her, to check in, but she stared at his brother as he led them to a pair of thick oak doors. His attempt to comfort her was appreciated, but Elain truly thought she could not look at him without her anxiety once more taking hold. With a wave of his brother’s beringed hand, the doors opened to reveal a cosy space. 

The fireplace was already lit, comfortable carpets covered the stone floor, and by the arched window on the room’s other side was a large bed, fit for two. Elain blushed, forgetting for a moment that Lucien and her were to be married, of course their shared suite would have only one bed. 

Elain watched as Lucien’s brother waved his hand once again, this time lighting the candles littered on some of the wooden tables and nightstands. “I hope the rooms have been set to your liking. Should you need anything, let one of the guards know.”

Elain spoke for the first time since having left the throne room, “My lady’s maid was with me, I was wondering…” She trailed off, unsure of what to say next. 

“I’ll let Eris know,” the Autumn prince offered. “I’m sure he’s thought of everything.” There was no bitterness to his words, only an acknowledgement of his eldest brother’s very thorough planning.

Elain dipped her head in thanks, but he had already begun to leave. Elain looked to Lucien as he watched his brother warily, and he hardly seemed surprised when the other man paused at the room’s threshold. 

“Congratulations to the both of you on your engagement,” he said flippantly, over his shoulder. Elain could hear a flicker of doubt in his tone, perhaps a suggestion that he was not entirely convinced by their act. She wondered if Eris had mentioned it to him, if they were close enough to have shared such information. 

Elain noticed the irritation that flashed in Lucien’s eye, how the other one whirred. “Thank you, Callum.” 

It was clear to Elain that there was bad blood between the brothers, and while she was curious, Elain also knew that it would probably be very rude to ask Lucien about it. She watched as Callum left, glad that she no longer needed to play the role she had given herself.  

The doors slammed shut behind the Autumn prince, and Elain promptly let go of Lucien’s hand. She already missed the feeling, but to reach for him would be like an admission of how she so often longed for his touch when he was near. She put distance between them, almost tripping on the edge of the carpet in her rush. 

“Gods,” she mumbled, running her fingers through her curls. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. Lucien’s scent, apples and summer mornings, lingered in the air. 

What have I done? 

Elain decided that she was a fool for coming to Autumn. She had no idea what she had gotten herself into, had been so desperate to save Lucien’s life that she had doomed them both. 

When Elain opened her eyes, she saw Lucien flexing his fingers, like the memory of her hand in his was enough to unsettle him. He had dark bruises along his jaw, clenched in what she thought was concern. There were blood stains, brown and aged, along the collar of his white shirt. A smear of dirt was on his temple and Elain could tell he had been treated poorly until she had come. 

Lucien was still the loveliest man Elain had ever seen, and she hated herself for believing it.  

“How in the hell did Feyre convince you to come for me?” Lucien asked, voice tired, like his own thoughts were weighing him down. 

Elain furrowed her brow, frowning at him. “Feyre?” She echoed, incredulous. 

At her question Lucien seemed to anger, only for a moment, before he spoke once more. “Rhysand, then, made you do this?” 

“No one made me do anything,” Elain hissed, keeping her voice down, remembering how careful Eris was with his words even when they had been alone. “I came for you because I chose to.” She was frustrated, angry that everyone assumed she could not make decisions for herself. It was with great effort that she kept her hands at her sides, that she did not begin pointing at Lucien with an accusing finger. 

“Why would you do such a thing?” Confusion and disbelief lingering in his words. 

“Because I felt like it,” she snapped, feeling very much like a child. Elain did not share with him that after so much death, so much change in the last few years, she did not think she could bear more. “And you should be thanking me, not questioning my motives.” 

Elain watched as he bent ever so slightly at the waist, the smallest of bows. He did not take his eyes off her as he said, “You have my thanks, Elain.” 

At the sound of her name falling from Lucien’s lips, Elain took a step towards him, the movement almost involuntary. “You shouldn’t call me that,” the impropriety of it all had Elain blushing, she attempted to tell herself that was why she could feel her heartbeat quicken. “You don’t have the right—”

“I think I do,” Lucien said with a shrug, “considering we’re about to be married.” 

It looked like he wanted to say more, but Elain interrupted. “It means nothing,” she was shocked at how snarled the last word was. “Nothing has changed between us,” her words held a finality to them.

Lucien ran a hand through his hair, “Not for one moment did I believe otherwise.” He sounded exhausted, Elain noticed. 

Briefly, Elain felt guilty for being upset with him.

Lucien shook his head, and as he spoke he did not look at her. “You shouldn’t have come to Autumn.” Elain could not say it with certainty, but she could have sworn fear leaked slowly down their shared bond. 

“Next time I’ll let you be killed,” Elain waved her hand dismissively. “What’s done is done, I can hardly tell your father I’ve changed my mind.” 

“I think we’re well past that,” Lucien confirmed. The silence between them was awkward, and Elain wished they had separate rooms, despite knowing it was for the best that they were together.

She could feel Lucien’s gaze on her, but Elain was looking at the comfortable armchair by the fireplace. She cleared her throat, “You take the bed.” 

Lucien did not argue with her, a testament to how utterly drained he must have been, Elain concluded. 

“Thank you, Elain,” he said softly, sincerely.

Elain was left with the impression that Lucien was thanking her for more than just the bed.

#acotar #a court of thorns and roses #elucien #elain x lucien #elain archeron x lucien vanserra #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #autumn court #vanserra brothers #they finally talk to each other alone #ashes writes sometimes #all you have is your fire

[sneeb-canons]

Headcanon #500:

Mind is afraid that when he distances himself from or above the others, that he will be too far gone to come back down. That when his paranoia gets the best of him, he'll shut everyone else out and then be completely alone with no way back to where he was before.

Heart is afraid that if Mind is right, with the idea that what he does isn't genuine, that he's being manipulative without realizing it. Then therefore being Whole without himself there is the better option. That he'd be thrown out because his ideas would then be "not worth it" or even "vile"

Soul is afraid that no matter what he does or how good things will be, they'll always eventually split up again or even end up worse. Even then he has no clue what he's supposed to do or be during everything, and so because of that he'll never be whole. Or worse that he'll never really "feel" whole.

#kiiiiiiiinda just saying what is a bit talked about in the album but eh #i like this #fun fact: i made this & saved it as a draft back when it was just barley over 100 #finally being posted at 500 #wanting to post my own at each hundred mark cos why not #i say that but there's only one more submission in the queue atm soooo #send me your headcanons now to make my own ideas for special occasions get it like special hahaha [please send more i only have so many] #[idk what to do after I run out help] #haha anyway #next are my old tags from when i first made this post #cj soul #cj mind #cj heart #chonny jash #wow did KJ just attempt to make an angst headcanon? never thought that would happen #anyways idk how much this makes sense but eh it works #if theres anything to get from this or how my ideas with them work #mind can be overly paranoid. heart can be too protective of himself. and those idea make them believe the other has it out for them #soul has no idea how to really deal with that let alone what he's supposed to be #or something along those lines #idk its 5am man idk what im talking about #i need to go to bed pfft #chonnys charming chaos compendium

[lovegrowsart]

no matter whether ppl are trying to make zk's canon relationship out to be sibling coded or associative friends or whatever else ppl make up i feel it all comes from this place of people that don't ship it being unable to handle zuko and katara's canonically deep and intimate friendship at the end of show without (whether subconsciously or not) perceiving it as some kind of threat to whatever katara or zuko ship they DO ship (usually either k/a or z/s or m/z)

they don't know how to acknowledge/write zk (and i don't think them being a m/f ship is divorced from this) having their canonically close friendship alongside whatever they ship because that closeness, no matter how platonic, can't supersede the romance of their own ship. so they just lazily write it off as "siblings" or convince themselves they weren't ever that close in the first place or that katara still secretly hates zuko or something in order to get out of the bind of allowing them to be close friends even if you ship them with other people 🤷‍♀️

#holly talks bs #zutara #atla fandom critical #hot take maybe but i do genuinely believe zk have one of if not THE mutually closest relationship in the gaang #because it's not about screentime spent together it's about the depth of what those scenes communicate about the characters and #their relationship #katara is the only one zuko ever marginally opened up to about his scar and his banishment and what he thinks and feels about it #zuko is the only one in the gaang katara talks about her mother in depth to #yes she's acknowledged the loss before and uses it to connect with ppl like haru and jet #but zuko is the person katara tells the whole story to #in fact zuko is the person who hears all three perspectives of kya's murder #and is yknow the person that actually GOES WITH HER on her journey to the centre of her deepest and most defining trauma #and then there's just the whole finale where they's essentially attached at the hip and he jumps in front of fucking lightning for her #brb just gonna jump in front of lightning for my associative friend #no big deal or anything we can barely talk to each other without someone else in the room #even tho zk have several scenes alone together while yeah they're not making out but they ARE usually talking about something #deep meaningful and personal #they spill their guts out to each other at the first sign they've found someone who might actually understand them

[kineticallyanywhere]

"I shouldn't take up all the emotional space"

Normal I am BEGGING you to take up emotional space

#listen Link is also not okay and I acknowledge that and that concerns me #but also he's FUNCTIONALLY not okay #normal is NONFUNCTIONALLY not okay #Anthony's 'how far can I bend Normal till he breaks' challenge has bROKEN ME FIRST #I CONCEDE ALRIGHT #LEAVE HIM ALONE #AUGH #im actually more fine than ive been in the past about the Holiday Cliffhanger #cause its kinda more of the same? waiting to see if normal will finally pop off this time #gonna simmer for a month in normscary comfort #about how they both pleaded to each other using 'youre just a kid' the PARALLELS #anyway delicious episode and genuinely glad the lego gag was in it we needed that #dndads #dndads 2 #dndads spoilers #me talking

[raiiny-bay]

monster boyz thoughts...

#ok so. basically i woke up thinking about teeth & how he would show his love for red #bc 1. he can't talk & so he can't outright say he loves him but also. #2. neither of them really understand love or that what they feel for each other is love yk #so i was thinking. teeth probably always leaves the actual act of killing their prey to red or #at the very least. makes sure red is watching when it dies bc he knows that's like... uh. he knows that's the ''important'' part to red #if that makes sense #also! i think the only reason teeth eats people is bc of red #if he hadn't met red i really don't think he would have survived all that long bc he's not particularly fast (bad leg) #& he's not particularly smart either. so he most likely would've gotten taken out by monster hunters if he was alone #though he is very strong so the hunters wouldn't have been left unscathed #& i think red wouldn't have survived all that long either bc he was never particularly careful about anything until he met teeth #he was doing increasingly risky & dangerous hunts bc he simply didn't care yk. but teeth gave him like. a reason to be careful & calculated #which just further proves they're bound by fate yk. #um. i also had some breakthroughs with teeth's origin story so. i maaaaayyyy work on those today. i might actually make red's finally #we'll see. i might end up drawing all day again. idk. n e way. #rainyrambles

[kaizokuniichan]

Anyone want an Attention Part 4 crumb? No? Too bad here’s one anyway

#Dev’s decrees #I’m excited to have them finally alone and talking to each other #they’re so 🫠🫠🫠

[foreversaba]

in case anyone worries that I just said I've discussed walrus fairy with my partner for two hours, it's not a fight discussion, we're just two autism-bained academia suckasses and we LOVE getting into long profound discussions, and right now is "how the fairy/walrus dichotomy of humans reflects their stances on religion (my argument, I vote walrus) and ultimately proves how dangerous thought patterns lead to the prevalence of scams (his argument, he votes fairy)

#everyone in both families is always so thrilled that we found each other to finally leave the rest of the family members alone #one day if everything goes wrong in our lives we can always start a podcast lmao #neither of us shut up ever and I love us #im tagging all posts about this with #walrus fairy poll #so that I can bring this up to friends later at parties hahaha #oh my god this subject and our drunk also debate-freak friends are going to fuel HOURS #like Im gonna say possibly twelve? #once at a party him and one of our friends stayed up ALL NIGHT discussing with a religious bloke who believed in miracles #and by all night I mean the party ended and I had to sleep over at the homeowner's couch because they talked until the sun was up #we arrived there at like 10pm and we left 8 the next morning #and the discussion was not over #so believe me fairy walrus is gonna last FOREVER #They've spent 3 or 4 hours last time discussing the effectiveness or harm of farmers killing snakes out of fear

[rainymoodlet]

Kiss Me in Komorebi+ 🌸

[Ep. Eight] Date at the Museum!

Congratulations to our first surprise winner, Josiah Bolton! Based on my own visit to a natural history museum in Japan, Daniel took Josiah out for a day at the Rekishi no Kioku Museum of Komorebi History!

They spent the first half of the day exploring the small museum’s many offerings, enjoying healthy debates about the use of ancient tools, judgement of the décor, and held so many deep conversations that they tarried on for hours!

@retro-plasma

[ Part 1/2 ] 🌹

#ts4 #ts4 gameplay #ts4 screenshots #ts4 challenge #ts4 bachelor challenge #;kmik #sim: daniel #josiah bolton by retro plasma #|| #ahhhhHHHH FIRST SOLO DATE OF EIGHT BABY!! 😩 #i got four queued up i am literally buzzing with life rn #i am so in love with how these two act on their own - it was so interesting finally giving the guys space to socialize by themselves #in the house everyone is constantly vying for each other’s attention (not even just dan’s) #and so it was nice to give everyone a chance to be alone with our guy 😌 #josiah and daniel enjoy eachother’s company so much omg they never run out of things to talk about #josiah kept splitting out of conversations to go and judge the décor or admire art which i thought was adorable #and then dan would literally trail after him like a lil puppy and start talking #i think daniel definitely felt more flirty than josiah through this date: he was Inspired and while daniel enjoyed the date #i think he did regret bringing a professor to a history museum fhdhdh #but ultimately they snuggled and looked into one another’s eyes and honestly?? #with how josiah is (very restrained and dignified in the house tbh he speaks very little and is often the sim #smiling and looking between everyone) that being flirty this soon isn’t really his jive #and it just fits so well and i just loved being david attenborough and watching my dan #trail after this guy 🥹 he really is fascinated by josiah and his inteligence and mind #and i just UGH i love this lil life sim GAME #more at 6:30!! i’m at work rn but i hope you all enjoy! #these upcoming dates have some of the best shots of the series and i am SO excited for you to see them 🥹 #also river mattodore; kisses u for givin me leave not to do dialogue bc i was feelin hella guilty but omg does this feel so nice and clean #dhhshdhs #have a cookie 🍪

[stizzysupremacy]

…

#like okay I refuse to shit on anyone’s queer rep parade #and apparently so does everyone else who agrees with me #because I see so many posts about the alleged healthiness of Stede and Ed’s relarionship #and I know I am not crazy. nor am I alone in thinking ‘what healthy relationship???’ #in the finale they are At Best taking their first solid steps towards a healthy relationship #but they haven’t achieved that shit yet. they are actually still the men who didn’t talk to each other. who ran away from each other. #you want to hope for the best. but it throws me off when ppl act like what we got was the best #posts like ‘oh even when he is furious enough to smash a chair into a wall he still wouldn’t hurt stede’ #the scene that reveals that Atede didn’t explain anything and Ed didn’t allow himself the closure of hearing explanations really should be #NOT considered evidence of healthy relationship #okay I’m done I just get sick of seeing that gifset with its reblogs saying that and #’oh they did so well balancing the inherent violence of pirates against healthy relationships’ #girl WHAT healthy relationship?? there’s not a single damn person at that dinner table that knows what a healthy relationship is! #(wait. forgot about Buttons) #(I want to ship these two losers but I want to ship it for the cringefail ongoing train wreck it is #not the perfect queer happily-ever-after-SOMEHOW fairy tale that I don’t think canon supports)

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Really love how the mother of Zoey101 Star, Christopher Massey, is trying to defend Dan Schneider with saying blame the parents, when by her own logic, she's taking the blame then for not only Christopher being an abuser but also her other son, Kyle Massey, for being a predator.

#if you wanna do that lady please be my guest #your acting like we wont questioning some of the parents after quiet on set anyway #since drake bell's mom is still questionable for literally being TOLD by drake's dad to not leave drake alone with brian #as the man was literally seeing the red flags by this point #but what did she do? proceeded to let drake be alone with brian more then once #let alone brandy's mom admitting she didnt even call the police when jason was being predatory with brandy #because she feared being called a bad mom for allowing the two to talk to each other #meaning he got to keep working in the industry and be around children until finally caught #but to act like the shit with dan is the parents fault and not dan's himself...get the fuck out

[kisuminight]

c!George and c!Dream have a bond that lets them feel each other's emotions. It is not a fix-it solution.

~

There is a bitter ember is George’s resonance with Dream. There has been for a while. It started as a small thing, back when Tommy first joined the server. But it grew and grew, until it was a bonfire that George could feel in the center of his chest, winding out from his lungs and strangling his throat like the thorns of a creeping rose.

Dream never named it, but George could guess. It was obvious, from the way it might flicker and wane but always, always flared up again whenever George tried to rely on him these days. First when Tommy burned down his house. And again, when the Badlands attempted their assassination. It’s been an acrid coating on his tongue, worse than brewing potions with spider eyes, since Technoblade… well, since Technoblade.

(George isn’t jealous about him. Isn’t jealous of the way Dream had been excited when Technoblade first arrived on the server, and admiration clicked and fizzed like redstone, even as the bitterness swallowed his appetite and choked at his breath).

The ember has grown into a proper inferno now, like the constant hissing of lava roaring in his ears. It’s hard to hear what Quackity is saying, but the resonance is winding tighter about him because Dream is coming. Dream is coming, and today George is going to demand answers.

-

“Just say you hate me.”

-

Sapnap is dragging George away, away to Mexican L’Manberg. There’s enough lava to drown the whole Nether, a conflagration that could swallow the whole server is burning him from the inside out and he is gasping around the feeling of thorns tearing him apart from the inside. Is this what it feels to swallow a wither rose?

“I don’t—how could he do that? George, let’s go. George—shit, George!”

Sapnap is there. His hands are on George’s arms. George can’t feel it through the armor. Just a bit of pressure as his whole world shakes apart around him. It’s painful, and George can’t breathe. The world is in and out and he can barely make out that they are out of the castle. There are grass blocks underfoot and no walls to lean on.

“C’mon, breathe with me. In one, two, three, four—” Sapnap’s voice curled about his ears, rhythmic and worried. It helped, a little. Gave George enough stability to sooth his own reactions until he could manage something more than panting sobs.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Shut up, George. Keep breathing.”

“I’m fine. What is this?”

Sapnap’s hands squeezed, keeping George from pulling away. He looked worried, the corners of his eyes crinkled and uncharacteristically soft. “It’s a panic attack, George.” The corners of his mouth dragged down. “Of course the first one you’ve had was caused by Dream.”

“No? It’s not my panic attack?” The pain ebbed as the heat did. It didn’t quite die back down to an ember, but the bitterness receded into something more sour, as the roses in George’s throat wilting into something easier to breathe around.

“Really?” Ugh. Sapnap made a face, and George made a face right back. “Okay, sure. Let’s just get to Mexican L’Manberg.” He turned away, but kept one hand tight around George’s wrist to pull him along.

“You are ridiculous,” George told his back, pretending that the sun wasn’t drying his cheeks into a sticky mess. He used his free hand to rub at his goggles. He tugged at the tangle of emotions in the resonance, feeling it spool out as they got farther away from Dream.

Whatever. It didn’t matter that the wilting had turned into the same soupy-bog in his lungs as when Sapnap killed Spirit. George didn’t care about the return of the almost-pneumonia of grief that settled like a fever and made Dream uninterested in the world for days or even taking care of himself. Maybe Dream would feel George’s fury like a fire in turn, and come apologize to bank it.

Tomorrow, probably, because he was so busy with Eret today. Tomorrow, George could get his answers. Demand what Dream was even thinking, and why he was even being this dumb when it made all this wrongness curl about him like a miasma and twist the emotional bleed into something dark.

Dream didn’t come home that night. Or the next. Tomorrow stretched on into the taught, painful pull of a distant resonance, like barbed wire strung between their hearts.

#dsmp #c!Dream #c!George #c!dnf #DSMP Blade System AU #just because you can feel each other's emotions #doesn't mean you understand what you're feeling #communication is important in relationships #but this is DSMP where everybody is allergic to talking about or explaining their true feelings until everything is ready to explode #technically part of a larger AU that has been eating my brain for a week #but it's an okay stand-alone so I figured I'd post it #I've finally got inspiration to write #but this is the first thing I've written for this fandom so forgive me if the character voices are a bit weird

[aritany]

i’m beginning to think there’s a kind of indestructibility that comes with the territory of your first heartbreak being from your parents.

like, what are you going to do to hurt me? my superheroes chose religion over me. good try though

#alex talks #not writing #idk how to tag this #parental trauma #toxic family #no contact #if anyone has suggestions for how to better tag this lmk #i was just thinking about how i am relatively unbothered by people hurting me like yes it sucks but is it Worse? #i’ve literally been divorced because the idea of me post Hypothetical top surgery was not worth staying married to #and that was like. ok damn ouch. and it really hurt for a while #but nothing will touch the og hurt!! #(i am thinking about this because i had two facetime calls with my parents in the span of a month #in which it was reiterated that i am an Unreasonable Child for asking that my sexuality and gender id be Acknowledged let alone respected #and that the Love Of God is our example and we can love each other through differences of opinion #finally got to vocalize how hurt i’ve been over the last decade by their bigotry and got Literally ignored) #🙂 (heartbroken) #i’ve been trying to decide whether to even post about this where anybody could see it because it feels very real and raw and scary #but you know what i have no qualms about my own side of this story being public #and i think that if my parents didn’t want to look like villains they should have behaved less villainously #thank u for coming to my ted talk that is all #wait no it isn’t #if you’re reading this and your parents have ever made you feel like who you are is not important: they are NOT always right #you deserve to exist as you are #and that isn’t possible for everyone but it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to take up space #ok that’s it for real

[placid-styles]

ok i just finished s15… i’m literally shaking in my boots i’m TERRIFIED of s16. like i am so afraid of s16 macdennis idk if i can handle that becoming real to me

#them looking at each other in the s15 finale when frank is talking about when you love someone you never let them go… #i was screaming #i think that’s what he said… i wasn’t listening bc i was watching them be gay #just based on gifs and vids i’ve seen in tumblr im terrified of even just the gang inflates #let alone frank v russia #idk how i’ll make it through #macdennis #iasip

[shortsighted-owl]

The fact they showed all the massive traumas as toys/paintings and the sniper shooting was left out, alongside Eddie never appearing alone with buck in reality or the coma dream - now that’s a damn choice that’s been purposefully made

#buddie #911 on fox #911 spoilers #Eddie Diaz #evan buckley #the sniper #6x11 #911 speculation #my bet? #buck and Eddie aren’t really gonna have time alone to unpack this trauma or the sniper #until they’re forced to be alone together #i.e. the potential collapsed/trapped underground in the final #from the bts #when they’re both working on themselves #and they need to talk about them #the unit #their trauma #and that’s when it slides into place #falling into each other after orbiting closer and closer #over the event horizon

[shitty-davesprite-daily]

thinking about pepsisprite,,,, man

#specifically earth c #theyre just so. AUGH #the PARALLELS #THE BOTH BEING LOST AND DIRECTIONLESS AFTER THE GAME AND ISOLATING THEMSELVES FROM THE WORLD #davesprite helping john finally acknowledge that he feels like shit and hes *allowed* to feel like shit #and john doing the same for davesprite because theyre both hypocritical dumbasses #them having someone to finally talk to about their trauma and just let themselves feel Bad and then find ways to cope #while also not being alone and not isolating themselves anymore #and helping hold each other up #and theyre just so. MAN #and then they both transition and fuck nasty t4t style /hj #im mentally ill #man i love them #if i wasnt so tired id be rambling so hard about this shit btw #or. more than usual i guess #me.txt #really need to get around to writing that fic of them #or finishing that davesprite and hal or #*one #OR finishing that davesprite and dave one #< both combos im lethally mentally ill about as well youre lucky im too tired to ramble about them right now #god #i need to shower

[rpfisfine]

my friend pisses me off soooooo bad

#i text her first to ask abt how her essay is going wish her luck 2 times and she doesnt even like the message or say anything she just #changes the topic and then leaves me on read. okay #plus shes been getting so weirdly paranoid that im talking shit abt her to other ppl just bc ive finally made some other friends that arent #her after 1.5 years of suffering alone at my uni #(which i seriously to be honest do just bc shes been getting on my nerves with a lot of things lately) #but like man . throughout the 1.5 years that weve been talking to each other we havent progressed enough to call each other by #our first names to get the other to turn around etc i dont think we r close enough for me to abandon the wonderful religious practice of #sometimes discussing the things that your 1 friend does that piss you off with your other friends but then still hanging out with them #not because youre some sort of irredeemably evil two faced motherfucker but because thats just a normal part of having social relationships #mp #like i get that insecurity sucks and its a shitty feeling etc but ive literally dealt with this my whole cringe embarrassing childhood & #teenage years LOL like as long as your friends still make a conscious decision to spend time with u & u have fun together #then i think you dont need to worry. which is what i do so #the sun will rise again tomorrow