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asakurahaos · 9 months

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tw animal death, tw pet death

long vent/rant bc i need to sort my thoughts.

right. so, my family has a house in the village my grandpas from and we go there whenever we have time. and whenever we go there, our neigbours' cats flock to our yard.

two years ago one of the cats had kittens - and out of all of them only one survived. (theyre all outdoor/barn cats; no one even thinks of having a cat as a pet, or in the house at all, and dont really care for them)

well, that one came over to our yard for the past two years and he would be tangled in our legs before we could even get out of the car.

last week, my grandma and i stayed in the village while my parents went back to the city. hes there, bothering us for pets and food constantly, and other cats are laying about, relaxed. everything is fine until thursday morning.

i woke up and my grandma immediately mock complained about him not eating like usual (he always ate a lot) and said that the lazy ass wandered off to sleep like usually. he ate, bothered us, slept, ate, we bothered him, he slept... you get it. we didnt think anything was wrong at first.

then i found vomit on our porch. we thought it was one of the other cats - she ate a lot that morning, and shes the one who hunts most mice, so with the amount of vomit and a mouse in it, we figured it was her. but she seemed fine, and he didnt show up at noon, evening, night. he was always ready to eat, so him not showing up for an entire day was worrying.

then he didnt show up the next day either, and one of our neighbours came over to tell us another neighbour passed away, and while he was there he wondered where the cat was because he was unused to the cat not bothering him while he was there. grandma explained his not eating + vomiting + disappearance and the neighbour told us people use poison for mice and that the cat mustve eaten a poisoned mouse and got poisoned himself.

i tried to comfort myself: hes a young cat, decently sized, well fed. healthy. the mouse he threw up was nearly whole (if youre squeamish look away - the head and body were separated, but it seemed like he gulped down the entire thing in one bite, which wouldnt even surprise me if he did, and didnt look like it even started dissolving. it was like he swallowed it and threw it back up almost immediately). so, because of its state and him throwing up what seemed like everything he ate, i thought. maybe hes fine. maybe he didnt get poisoned. it shouldnt be possible when the mouse was nearly intact and he threw up everything... right?

and we waited and waited and expected to see him waiting for us either on our doorstep or in the shed where we feed him, like he did every morning since he was a kitten.

we returned home today (sunday afternoon) and were still hoping he will be there, tripping us up on friday afternoon, when we go back to the village. at this point, its been four whole days, and hes never been gone even half as long, but were hoping.

my grandma took it really hard, and its making me worry. i feel like mom is trying not to think about him, and im stuck between 'hes fine, hell return', completely ignoring the situation, and remembering him every time i start laughing or feeling positive and becoming sad, and crying over him and every other kitty weve lost, and all the kittens were inevitably going to lose soon.

on the other hand - a young cat(f) came to our yard for the first time yesterday, and another cat(m) we thought was dead showed up after months of not being there. hes so skinny its heartbreaking to look at (last we saw him, he was hurt pretty badly, which, along with his long absence, is why we thought he died). seeing him was bittersweet, since we love him too, and hes alive but hes so skinny + the timing of his return.

if hes dead i wish that it was quick. and im sorry that he was alone. if hes not, then im bringing him back home, fuck my allergies and apartment-cat trauma. the thought of never getting to bother him again or carry him like a baby and him never bothering us again.... i want him back

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aesthetical-bucky · 4 years

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Hungry Heart

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Requested by: @hailmary-yramliah - Also if you’re taking requests, could I get a Bucky x reader where they’re dating but he suddenly breaks up with her bc he’s tired of all the “couple stuff” you can make it end with fluff or angst. Up to you :)

Warnings: angst, sadness, heartbroken reader, happy ending I think?

Word Count: 1,521

Authors Note: Thank you for your request honey!!! I hope this is good for you :) I decided to go with a fluffy ending ;)

Dating Bucky made you the happiest girl alive in the world. He was attentive, caring and loving. A wonderful boyfriend who kept your needs before his own. Bucky was the protective type of boyfriend who dared anyone to so much even breathe in your direction and they would be castrated. The many nights you spent alone together, watching movies or listening to Bucky’s favourite jazz music from the 40′s made your heart swell in pride, just because he wanted to share this with you. His girl.

You recently celebrated your six month milestone for your relationship. And Bucky treated you to dinner at the most expensive restaurant in New York. He cherished you, made love to you the whole night. He told you every single day - multiple times a day that he loved you. Which was why it confused you when he sat down with you one evening - and told you he wanted out.

You remembered that day like it had just happened yesterday, when in fact it was only three days ago.

Three days ago, it was the last time you ate, slept and the last time you took a shower. You were completely zoned out alone in your bedroom. Fresh tears kept falling down your hot cheeks and you rocked back and forth on your bed with a blanket draped over your shoulders. Replaying the conversation over and over in your mind.

“I’m sorry Y/N, but I just don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.” Bucky sighed and clasped his hands together.

“Did I do something wrong?” You asked with tears welling up in your eyes. Bucky shook his head no.

“I’m just so tired. I feel so tied down and I’m just sick as fuck with this couple bullshit. The dates, the constant cuddling and kissing. I don’t want it anymore. I just want to be a free man.”

“Bucky, please -”

“No Y/N. If you’ve ever loved me, you’ll respect my decision. I’m done with this conversation.” and just like that, Bucky stood up and walked out of the common room, not even sparing you a second glance as your heart shattered into a million pieces in your chest and you wailed in your hands.

You loved him so much, and now you didn’t know how to deal with the emotions. It was almost like a piece of you died. You were usually a strong person with walls built up so high, but the minute you met Bucky he had managed to tear them all done. And well, they were just pieces of rubble when you eventually started dating him.

You had never felt so alone. It didn’t help that the entire team were busy on their missions that it was just you and Bucky alone at the compound.

Your phone buzzed on the table by your bed, you blinked a couple of times and more tears fell. You lazily wiped them away and opened the home screen. Your breath hitched and you tried to swallow the thick lump in your throat. It was a selfie you took of you and Bucky one weekend at the beach at the start of your relationship.

You locked your phone, completely ignoring whatever notification it was that made it buzz in the first place. You laid on your bed and tucked your hands under your head. You exhaled a deep shaky breath and closed your eyes for the first time in three days.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Two weeks after Bucky unexpectedly broke your heart. You were somewhat functioning. You mumbled a good morning to the team who sat around eating their breakfast. You stumbled over to the coffee machine and poured some of the hot liquid into a mug.

“Good morning.” Bucky greeted the team and you turned around to face the soldier, a blonde woman hanging off his flesh arm. His eyes avoided yours and your chest felt compressed. “This is Jenn.”

Why did this have to hurt to much?

Everyone could sense the tension in the room. You sighed and took your coffee to your room to be alone.

It went like that for weeks. You would do your best to avoid each other and you didn’t feel motivated to do anything. You didn’t want to be here anymore.

That’s when you made the decision to talk to Tony, one on one in his lab.

“You’re what now?” He asked, shocked by your sudden resignation.

“Tony, I can’t deal with it anymore. I need to get away. I need to live a normal life.” You sighed and spun around subconsciously on the stool.

“You’re giving up your dream just because of Barnes? Y/N. You know very well I do not like the guy. What the hell you ever saw in him-”

“Tony.” You warned.

“Right. Look kid, I’ll stand by you whatever you decide. I’m just saying don’t throw away your dreams over a guy.”

“I’ve never been surer of anything more in my life.” You smiled. He sighed but nodded, knowing he wouldn’t be able to change your mind.

You asked F.R.I.D.A.Y to gather up the Avengers in the common room. After you left Tony in his lab, that’s where you headed.

“What’s going on?” Sam questioned you as you walked in. Your eyes landed on the team, even Bucky was there. Your heart clenched and wondered if Tony was right.

“I’m just letting you guys know that I’m resigning.” You said simply. You just wanted to pull the band aid off and get it over with. The team in front of you gasped and some mumbled.

“WHY?” Sam yelled. Your eyes flickered to Bucky’s and his eyes were sad. You saw the way his Adam’s apple bobbed.

“I need a fresh start.” You clasped your hands in front of you. “I have to go and pack and hand in my resignation to Fury. But I promise I’ll answer any of your questions that you have later.” You apologised and excused yourself to your room.

A knock echoed through your room and you sighed. I said later, guys! “Come in.” You yelled instead and the door opened. You didn’t look behind you to see who it was - since you figured it was either Wanda or Natasha here to come and talk you out of it.

“I hope you’re not leaving because of me.” Your heart dropped into your stomach at that voice. A voice you didn’t hear for two whole weeks. “Doll?” His hand rested on your shoulder and you flinched away.

“You don’t get to call me that. Besides, don’t you have Jenn to attend to?” You asked bitterly. Bucky scoffed.

“Look. I said I was sick of the couple stuff, not that I was sick of you. I’d still love to be your friend Y/N.” Is this man on something???

“You’re kidding right?!”

“I don’t have the patience to stand here and argue with you. I just hope you’re not leaving because of me. If anyone should be leaving, it should be me.”

“You’re right. Leave my room.” You pointed towards the door, but Bucky stalked towards you. Prompting you to step backwards until you stepped into the bedside unit, the lamp crashed to the floor.

“I’m not leaving.”

“Then I guess we have a problem.”

“Why are you so hung up on me? What was it about me you loved so much that you’re willing to throw your career in the bin because of me?” He stood in front of you now. Toes touching as he peered down at you, his hair curtained his face.

“I don’t know. I didn’t just love you, I was in love with you. You made me the happiest girl in the world and- why does this matter?!” You groaned. Wishing you had more control over your mouth.

“Maybe I’m not done with you.”

“You’re confusing as hell, one minute you don’t want me then the next-” You were cut off his by his lips on yours. His stubble pricked your chin and his hands grasped your face. You didn’t mean to, but you melted right into the kiss. It wasn’t a hungry kiss - it was passionate. One you had never received from him before. Bucky was the first to pull away - his forehead rested against yours.

“What does this mean?” You asked through hooded eyelids.

“I don’t know. We’ll figure it out.”

“What about Jenn?”

“Doll, I swear if you mention her name one more time.” He warned. “Forget about her. I need to convince you to stay.”

Taglist: @criminal-cookies @hailmary-yramliah

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #angst #lovers to nothing #reconcile???#requested #breakup #bucky barnes angst #fanfiction #aesthetical-bucky #one shot #imagines #fanfic #hungry heart #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #bucky barns x reader

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