#this art took me way less time. probably because the clothes are a lot less detailed

[bugscreating]

I finished more art, I was playing with colored line art. I can’t tell if I like it. I have so many ideas for this

#kusuo saiki #kuboyasu aren x saiki kusuo #aren kuboyasu #kubosai #ballet au #original art #this art took me way less time. probably because the clothes are a lot less detailed #I still don’t understand shadows #I like the bodies but overall idk #I think it’s the eyes outlined in color and shadows #also the Aren on the right should be off the ground #I think I will do a more finished piece of a performance on a stage #also it’s important to state in this AU PK is a ballet school #after school the characters all head to the ballet studio #I am thinking that maybe the psikickers are all also in a hip hop class #and they all have powers still #but the real reason Saiki hangs out with them in this AU is because of their classes #I think maybe only Nendou and Kaidou go to the same school as Saiki

[baiyubai]

weilan university students!au anyone? I almost dumped this on the WIP stage but then @the-marron bribed me into finishing

the bribe is under the cut

Zhao Yunlan is barely awake this morning, which means that his awareness of anything leaves a lot to be desired. The fact that he managed to stumble into the right train with only minimal amounts of bumping into people is already far above Zhao Yunlan’s own expectations for today, so he feels excused that it took him an embarrassingly long while to notice he is being watched.

It's not exactly a new feeling, truth be told - Zhao Yunlan does attract attention, absolutely willingly and with intent, but he is fairly sure that his awake self is much more interesting than the zombie chewing on the lollipop in his mouth that he sees instead of his own reflection in the train’s window.

And yet. Someone is looking.

Subtlety is an art available only after noon in his experience, and so Zhao Yunlan looks around in a way that is as covert as he can make it - with dead stare and absolute lack of any finer thought marring his forehead, when he sees him - the Pretty One.

Zhao Yunlan has been aware of the Pretty One for a while now. He’s noticed him a few weeks ago when he was getting on the train with his eyes glued to a book in his hand. Zhao Yunlan's first thought was ‘oh, a nerd’. The second one was just ‘oh’, because the man raised his eyes to search for some space where he and his book would not be a bother, letting Zhao Yunlan see his face clearly.

And what a face it was.

Classic poets didn't know shit when they described otherworldly beauties because this guy is just perfect.

And now he is staring at Zhao Yunlan.

He is seated a bit away, by the window, staring at Yunlan rather unashamedly. Maybe he truly believes in the zombie impression and doesn't think he’s been noticed.

Maybe he is simply judging Zhao Yunlan's clothes - he is pretty sure he wore the same hoodie yesterday, and since apparently he and the Pretty One share their everyday commute to the university, he had to notice.

Well, it is the only one not stained with coffee, so the Pretty One would have to deal.

Trying to make this a bit less awkward, Zhao Yunlan looks down at the book in the guy's hand and almost jolts. Biology?

Shit. This one is smart.

Pretty, but out of Yunlan's league and most probably an asshole - all the sciency types were either assholes, or insane or both.

Well, better to check than regret, Zhao Yunlan thinks.

Even if he decides that Zhao Yunlan looks like an idiot. 

***

Zhao Yunlan looks as great as usual, Shen Wei decides, feeling heat in his cheeks and his neck.

Of course, he looks his best when he is animated and talking to his friends, surrounded by people who adore him, smiling and sharing his knowledge with a smile and a joke - Shen Wei sees him often on his way back from the tutoring sessions, after Zhao Yunlan leaves his own club. He’s never managed to come closer, intimidated by Zhao Yunlan's usual circle, and besides, in the evenings Shen Wei only shares a two stations-long ride with Zhao Yunlan, because of his job.

That's why Shen Wei prefers the mornings.

The mornings are just for them - they get on the same station and leave at the one closest to the university, parting ways when the crowd of other students swallows them and carries them towards the gates.

But before that, Zhao Yunlan is more often than not just within the reach. Today, he looks tired - there are shadows underneath his eyes and his gaze seems a bit unseeing: it’s stopped on Shen Wei, but there is no light of recognition, no surprise at some random guy watching him like he is the best part of his day, and so Shen Wei allows himself to look some more.

He cannot help but feel a bit worried - is it lack of sleep? Illness? He doesn't know.

He doesn't even know what Zhao Yunlan studies really, he didn't catch that when listening to the conversations for such a short time. All he knows is the other man’s name, his route, and the fact that the mere sight of him makes Shen Wei’s heart do stupid things.

It's plenty enough.

Shen Wei should look back to his book - the discussion will most likely rest on his shoulders again and he should be better prepared for Professor Ouyang’s questions, but his eyes refuse to move.

There is something thrilling in having Zhao Yunlan's attention, as illusory as it is. Shen Wei is not fooling himself here, he knows that Yunlan is looking past him, just letting his unfocused gaze rest on something, but even so, Shen Wei is glad to have this semblance of a contact.

With his coursework loaded as it is, with the tutoring sessions and the part-time job at the museum, Shen Wei doesn't have time to make friends.

All he has is this train ride and Zhao Yunlan's handsome profile.

He wonders what would happen if they talked. He probably wouldn't like Shen Wei much, losing interest after a few sentences, realising that Shen Wei is just as boring as he looks, but maybe he would smile before that? He would offer his name, a handshake maybe?

Something changes in Zhao Yunlan's eyes suddenly, and Shen Wei looks down onto his book immediately, feeling caught.

He feels Zhao Yunlan's gaze on himself for a long time, staring at the words without comprehension, but it's better than seeing accusation or disgust in Zhao Yunlan's eyes.

For the first time in forever, Shen Wei is glad that the train reaches the destination. He packs his book and adjusts his glasses, heading straight towards the door. He will not check if Zhao Yunlan is here.

Once outside, Shen Wei breathes a sigh of relief. He doesn't know where Zhao Yunlan is, but it's fine. He can observe him again in the evening after all, even if for a short while.

“Hello there,” someone behind his back says, making Shen Wei’s heart leap like a rabbit. He knows that voice. “Want to go together?”

When Shen Wei turns, he is faced with Zhao Yunlan's bright, friendly smile, the lollipop stick still in his mouth.

“Go?” He repeats dumbly.

The answer makes Zhao Yunlan chuckle.

“To the uni. I am conducting an experiment!”

Shen Wei blinks. People are milling around them in haste and some small part of his brain insists that they should move too, or they would be late, but that part seems not to be aware that Zhao Yunlan. Is. Talking. To Shen Wei.

“Ah. What is it?” He manages heroically, not stumbling on his words even once.

Zhao Yunlan grins.

“The ‘how many eye contact until date’ experiment.”

Shen Wei’s mind comes to a very violent halt.

#I invested all of my skill points into making a white line around characters and none into backgrounds #guardian #镇魂 guardian #weilan #shen wei #zhao yunlan #fic rec #my art

[lilacsareinbloomagain]

Yandere wind headcannon or Yandere legend please

How about some yandere legend headcannons please

Alright, alright! You got it, buddy! Thank you for requesting :]

Notes: Platonic!Wind and romantic!Legend separate.

"&" means platonic relationship. Yes, AO3 is influencing me.

I'll probably bring more Headcannons in the future but that's all I have for now.

I'm against using the dots but these are headcannons.

TWs: Yanderism, mentions of needles (sewing needles), mentions of swimming and bodies of water.

LU!Wind & Reader || LU!Legend x Reader

Yandere Legend Headcannons

It's not a surprise to say that Legend didn't like nor trust you when you first met. It took a while, and I mean a while for him to start being less mean to you, like, at least a few months.

After that he was still mean, but more so in a teasingly way, like how he is with the others but worse.

Because of the sheer amount of time it took for him to trust you, it may have been a bit upsetting for you to see how he treated you differently to the others.

You see, Legend doesn't like to be open about who he likes, he is a prideful man and also very cautious. He felt like you were a weak spot to him, and if that information went into the wrong hands you would be in danger just as much as his sanity currently was.

Either way, Legend isn't good at acknowledging the strength of his words, so of course, you naturally wanted to distance yourself from him.

However, something kept you from distancing yourself. While Legend may be sharp and hurtful when it came to his words, his actions were quite the opposite. Legend acted like an absolute simp when it came to you.

The other would tease him a lot regarding that, it was really funny watching these situations, it almost made all the hurt from his words worth it.

Legend would be angrily yelling at a laughing Four who just called him out on his bullshit all the while not stopping his fingers from knitting gloves for you after he heard you complain about feeling cold at night.

Ah yes there's also that, I feel like Legend likes knitting, sewing too, but knitting mostly since you really seem to like the pieces he knit.

Legend has anxiety after everything he went through, he's paranoid even when the team is somewhere safe. It gets almost impossible to fall asleep when he can't stop shaking his leg or scratching his arm, his mind also refuses to shut up, sleepless nights rendered him useless both physically and mentally since he just didn't get any rest, spending the whole night twisting and turning in his bed roll.

He needed something to relieve his anxiety and calm his nerves while also being a way he wasn't wasting time. Sewing was useful for repairing his and the other's clothes, now knitting? He had never heard of knitting before.

That was, before the day he decided to buy a needle and a ball of green wool thread out of curiosity.

You two were inside a small shop of arts and crafts together, he was looking to just buy the sewing stuff he needed and leave. When he turned around to call for you though, you were looking around in awe at things you were interested in on the shelves of the shop, you mentioned something about finding knit pieces cute, that was all it needed to make him buy these things with the purpose of mastering doing it.

Of course, before leaving he also made sure to buy all the things you said you liked in the shop.

He ended up really liking knitting, making errors was stressful and it took a long time for him to learn the skill, but, at least the needles weren't sharp like the sewing ones, which meant he didn't hurt himself. His hand did end up sore, but they were already calloused so it didn't hurt as much, and he preferred that pain a lot more than staying up all night every night. The gratitude on your face when he gifted you his first perfected piece, the green socks, made it all worth it.

Legend likes to keep you around his line of sight 24/7, not seeing you makes him 20 times more paranoid, the others bent to his will easily after noticing how bad he could get, keeping you in the same space he was just tuned out easier for everyone.

Since Legend won't allow himself to be vocal about how much he loves you, when you guys spend time together which is basically always and he doesn't feel the need to act mean he will just be silent. It's not rare for him to sit close to you and lean on you during those moments, he tries to not initiate touches but it is hard for him to keep himself from at least doing this.

He adores when you initiate physical touch though, and you did so a lot after discovering that it is easy to use that.

Anything could be happening, your mere touch, a brush of your skin, anything you do can make him just freeze. After getting a hold of you it is hard for him to let you go, he will hesitate before remembering why he needed to keep his liking towards you a secret in the first place.

So yeah, he can melt just from physical touch, don't hug or cuddle with him close to other people, those actions can make him almost cry so it would be quite embarrassing.

Links may seem different but they are still reincarnation of the same person.

That's why kisses can make him flustered like Sky.

Really, when all of this is done and his enemies are gone, if you choose to just live the rest of your lives together, he'll definitely become just as gentle as Sky.

He wouldn't give up his friendly teasing though, that's his charm.

He is soft inside but he isn't known as the veteran for nothing, the world has turned him into what he is now and the dangers that made him into the person he is today are still around.

His protectiveness comes from that, his main objective became making sure you'll stay safe, he doesn't want you to be hurt like he was, he doesn't want you to change. He'll gladly take the pain of the both of you for your sake.

Also, Legend has a lot of trinkets and jewelry.

You're in luck if you like those things, he'll give them to you no matter whether you accept them or not.

He'll feel very proud of himself if he saw you using his jewelry as well.

You may be shocked seeing him just part with his prized possessions like that, but in his mind it is simple.

After all of this is done, you will end up with him, whether you like it or not so if you'll marry in the future you're basically already married. If you're married, his things are yours just as yours are his, so you using his things is just like him using them himself.

Also, you don't have many possessions, so the least you can give to him is yourself, isn't that right?

Platonic Yandere Wind Headcannons

Whether you like children or not didn't matter, it didn't take long for you to become attached to him.

Wind is a typical teenager, even if he acts more like a child sometimes.

He likes teasing but he isn't as mean as Legend, mostly just the normal playful teasing everyone in the chain is used to, including you.

I see wind as a distracted teen whenever he isn't in combat. Like the person who makes stupid questions and annoying remarks that most of the time aren't supposed to actually be annoying or stupid, most of the time he just doesn't pay attention and needs to just make sure he actually heard what you guys said.

Wind is used to being the older brother, so when you decided to be his older sibling he was unaccustomed.

He more than welcomed the attention and affection though, it's been a while since he got it. All in all he is probably the Link who most needs it anyway.

When you're not the one actively making the effort to spend time with him he is the one doing it.

You know how to swim? Great, he will bring you swimming with him.

You don't know how to swim? Congratulations you have just got yourself a very invested teacher.

You're afraid of swimming or of the place where he swims? He will insist you come just to sit close to the body of water he's in. By the end of the day he has a pile of things he found while he was swimming (trinkets, rocks and seashells), prepare your pockets because you're the one leaving with them.

He's a chatterbox, and will talk your ear off about his adventures, the sea and his life before that, like the island he's from, his small family… Anything and everything really.

Like I mentioned a while ago, before he left the island, washing the dishes used to be his chore. Now when you wash the dishes to help Wild there's a big chance of him being there to help you. Helping may also mean chatting with you while doing nothing though, there are always two possibilities and the outcome depends only on how interested in washing dishes he is that day.

I feel like Wind is more inclined to sabotaging any type of relationship you may have with other people, he probably doesn't mind The Chain wanting you romantically or anything as long as he deems said Link as deserving of you, differently to other people the team are always together so he can easily get to you anytime he wants. He just doesn't want his time with you to be interrupted.

He's loud, when he's talking about something he likes he starts talking even louder without noticing.

Please call him to work on something together, things like making necklaces with the seashells he finds will channel his attention which will result in him being silent for longer.

Despite being a normal teenager pretty much, Wind has a longer attention span. At least, with things he likes to do, and with that I mean hands-on activities. He will ignore any attempts of reading, may even throw a tantrum.

He is not against the idea of fully throwing himself against you anytime he wants your attention and you won't give it to him.

Wind is a growing teenager, and he spends a lot of time with you. Don't be surprised when he starts picking up little bits of your personality, likes, mannerisms, habits and even your way of speaking. Most of these will happen without him or you noticing, it is funny when The Chain just sees you making some sort of pose and him just doing the exact same pose for no reason.

Wind would be a son of Poseidon, do tell him that, he'll love hearing you talk about it. He loves the mythology from our world, no matter which mythology you tell him about.

Expect him to do things for you as well, he may make it seem like he doesn't want to do it, but even if you ask him to bring you the heart of Gannon or something he'll eventually bring it to you.

Wind may act reckless sometimes too many times, but then again he is a child. He'll act like he doesn't like it, but he loves when you treat him his age. Wind had to take way too many responsibilities in a much too young age and the fact you still treat him the way he is supposed to be treated despite his hero title will make him cling to you like his life depends on it.

Different from Legend Wind doesn't mind you being away from him as long as you're there the moment he wants your attention. In fact, he'll be the first to tell everyone to leave you in the camp when they're fighting monsters.

You know how siblings are fighting all the time and make fun of each other but still get mad whenever someone else does it? That's Wind, he will get funny annoyed expressions when other Links try to tease you, he's constantly at war with Legend.

As much as he doesn't mind if you have a relationship with the rest of The Chain he'll playfully tease you guys.

If he sees you're uncomfortable (and trust me, he can tell) he'll immediately do a 180° and become very protective, he'll defend you with tooth and nail from anyone, even the golden goddesses herselves.

And he's a gremlin, too, so if physically he can't do harm he'll turn said person's life into hell.

And once again, everything he asks of you in return to what he does is your attention, 200% of it.

#yandere x reader #tw: yandere #yandere linked universe #link x reader #linked universe x reader #the legend of zelda #yandere link x reader #lu legend #lu legend x reader #lu wind #platonic yandere #tw: needles #tw: water

[zombiefishmonster]

My Personal Kickin' It Headcanons

- yes another kickin' it post. i'm making as many as my heart desires. enjoy.

- Rudy Gillespie

+ big anime phase in highschool, specifically dragon ball z and naruto

+ had a HUUGE crush on bobby wasabi in grade school. his dad showed him his first movie, and he was obsessed. he doesn't feel romantically towards him now at all but he still holds him in a higher regard.

+ trans rudy bisexual rudy.

+ ty, lonnie and him have "guys nights", they sometimes invite bobby and phil but only sometimes.

+ the reason why he became a sensei and cares so deeply for his students is because his parents were neglectful, so he's determined to be there for any other kids who need it.

+ he definitely goes to all their weddings/events

+ i'd like to think he and ms. applebottom stay together.

- Jack Brewer

+ definitely had a crush on jerry at a point

+ he really likes percy jackson (this is me projecting)

+ the only social media he has is instagram, and it's just because everyone made him get it.

+ we know about his haircare, but i think he'd also take incredible care of his skin. he's also very naturally tidy, despite having his less than classy moments

+ divorced parents, but they really try despite having busy jobs

+ his grandpa mostly took care of him growing up

+ he got his first tattoo at 18, he got it for his grandpa

+ bisexual jack.

- Kim Crawford

+ the most Normal home life

+ i can't decide if she's pansexual or straight.

+ has mostly guy cousins

+ she's such a lowkey nerd. but like in the way she doesn't realize she's nerdy. she's really interested in the history of martial arts

+ she stayed in contact with sloane, and they moved in together, with jack, after high school

+ her room is a clothes MESS.

+ even though her parents are normal, most of her cousins and extended family are batshit

+ i also think she draws, mostly just sketches of things around seaford

+ even though she can't dance for shit, she can sing (this is kinda canon)

- Eddie Jones

+ repressed queer

+ he left seaford because his mom got a better job offer

+ unfortunately, this made him fall out of karate but he got way more into dancing

+ he has REALLY nice handwriting

+ he has an older sister, like 10 years older, but they're still really close

+ literally LOVES tv dramas. he really likes greys anatomy

+ his mom has a cat that she got a few years after he was born

+ he tries to keep house plants alive, but it always ends up dying

+ he keeps in contact with milton and jerry a little

- Jerry Martinez

+ he's a big frequenter of the hospital

+ he had a crush on jack at a separate time

+ he and milton move in together after highschool, that's when they start dating

+ takes milton to dancing lessons/teaches him himself

+ started dancing wayyy before karate, only started karate in middle school

+ he has dyslexia

+ like eddie, he's close with his sisters (wiki says he has 7 unnamed sisters; i think 3 younger, 4 older, making him pretty much middle)

+ he's not "good" at painting, but he enjoys it

+ he has a strong appreciation for country music

+ eddie got him in to greys anatomy, they text each other on episode release days

- milton krupnik

+ the MOST online of them all, he definitely had a tumblr

+ surprisingly, he made the first move on jerry

+ despite the fiasco in "the commercial," he continued baking and actually got wayyy better

+ he's got a single dad, who does really try but he struggles a lot

+ probably the most mentally unstable. i can't explain it but it's his vibes. (im projecting)

+ he got more into hair and makeup as he got older

+ after julie, he realized he was gay and likes jerry

+ he had a warrior cats phase

+ he helped the rest of them study for all their finals, and he doesn't like to brag, but it's DEFINITELY the only reason why they passed

+ he spends the most time at the dojo, his dad works a lot, so it's just easier for him to stay at the dojo and help out with different classes / help around the mall

+ huge huge HUUUGE HUGE. enjoyer of the ocean. i can't explain it but it's true.

#kickin it #kickin' it #rudy gillespie #jack brewer #kim crawford #eddie jones #jerry martinez #milton krupnick #aka me projecting for a whole post

[snek-panini]

At long last, I have a new book to share! Feels like forever since the last one. This is Vita Nova, a fantastic Good Omens fic by @philoomenaa that I asked to bind way back in October. It took me a while to get here and I learned several new techniques for this bind but it was so very worth the wait. It's an excellent pre-season 2 story from 2019-2020, involving the fandom's favorites dealing with an unexpected bout of both humanity and memory loss. It's just...really really good and I love it.

More photos and process talk under the cut! There are a lot of details to see with this one.

One of the things I learned for this bind was homemade book cloth. I used the heat n bond method and had pretty good results with this satiny bronze cloth that I found in the Joann's remnant bin. The making of the cloth was fairly straightforward but it handles very differently to regular book cloth. The satin is really slippery and absolutely would not hold a crease at the hinge. I think it also shrank a little at the gluing stage? Which sounds weird but I left my usual amount of space for the corner turn-ins but still had teeny tiny gaps on three of the corners, which has never happened to me before. I also had an issue with glue seepage when I applied HTV to the cover and spine. You can see this in the images above, and here in the spine photos:

Part of the reason it has that fancy art nouveau frame on the cover is an attempt to hide this. I think it's the heat press re-activating the heat n bond to cause it. I found out two things here: that fabric requires less press time than book cloth or cardstock, and that if you move the heat press slowly but constantly like an iron it is way less likely to do this. I was super disappointed that it happened but now, a few days later, it doesn't seems so bad. I guess some items just come with a little personal history already baked in.

Here, have some more glamour shots:

The geometric endpapers were chosen specifically to go with this cloth. I found them at the same craft store and knew I had use them together, they look so incredible. And I learned edge gilding for this project! It was very annoying. The final result here is with heat transfer foil, and I did about six tests on scrap text blocks before I got a result I was at all satisfied with. I tried rub n buff (great coverage, not shiny enough, kept coming off on my fingers even after curing for 2 days) and an actual gilding kit (flaked off as soon as I separated the pages). The heat foil still has some patchy spots but was by far the best-looking result. I also learned double-core end bands for this project! Because I wanted some kind of match for those opulent endpapers and didn't want to settle for just two colors. I think they came out pretty well for a first try and I'll definitely be doing them again.

Couple of photos of the ribbon I chose for the bookmark. It's probably a little too wide for a book this length; you can see in the end band photo that I had to fold it in half to get it to lay in the spine properly. But it looks so good with the other design elements that I couldn't resist. Luxury all the way on this one.

Speaking of luxury, have a look at the interior:

From left to right, we have the title page, the ornament I chose for the chapter numbers, and the scene break divider. All the images came from rawpixel with just the lightest amount of editing from me. The chapter image is the same as the star on the title page, but I made it gray and took out the center to turn it into a frame for the numbers. The cloth and endpapers really set the tone for this one all the way through, and all the other design choices followed from there. It's really gorgeous, guys. I love it so much.

And that's it! That was the last work in progress I had from 2023, and I'm so pleased to have finally finished it. Hope you like it, AMidnightDreary!

#bookbinding #fanbinding #snek makes books #good omens #i can't believe it's done it's been a wip for like four months #i am still a little sad about the glue but it really is gorgeous and I'm proud of it

[girlfriendline]

15 People 15 Questions

ty for the tag @babygirlboberrey 💛

1. are you named after anyone?

no, but i was very almost named after perdita from in 101 dalmations until my dad stepped in and said absolutely not to the pregnancy hormones. ftr my mother maintains to this day it wouldn't have been a bad name. can you imagine. perdy.

2. when was the last time you cried?

within the last week for sure. it's just such a wonderful time of the year.

3. do you have kids?

nope, and that's never going to change. i neither want kids, nor would be a good mother, and i have a hard enough time looking after myself lmao.

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

i used to competitively swim through high school (although not in the way i think that equates to in the us), and i played football (soccer) on and off. the big one was show jumping, i made it all the way up to competing internationally for gbr. i used to wake up and ride at 5am before school and then again after school which, looking back, was quite frankly insane. i took being the weird horse girl Very Seriously.

5. do you use sarcasm?

more than other people probably appreciate.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

i've honestly never considered this before this question but i think maybe clothes??? or colours of clothes? i'm not sure why either, i never remember them.

7. what’s your eye color?

blue ish

8. scary movies or happy endings?

if i'm alone, happy endings. if i'm with a bunch of people, scary movies. i'm a baby. i need emotional support.

9. any talents?

i'm very good at horses. i've never lost anything when i've been drunk. i can type much faster than i should physically be able to considering i use three fingers total. i can water ski (fairly useless tbh). i'm also very good at bringing animals home from the streets (my family would argue this is not a talent but a curse). i can sing, sort of.

10. where were you born?

uk

11. what are your hobbies?

watching hockey. suffering through f1. reading. running. hiking. swimming. playing guitar (badly). apparently lately building my own furniture. rewatching the same three tv shows over and over again. making gifs when the divine inspiration strikes. playing sims. baking.

12. do you have any pets?

four cats: a grumpy ginger and white old aged pensioner called spike (actually. maybe this is just claude giroux in cat form); loulou, who looks way too posh to have come from the streets; mishka, the love of my life my sweet angel baby darling who never does any wrong; and pasha, demon void cat who followed me home 3 months before i moved countries (and wasn't that a headache and a half) and who's probably going to send someone (me) to an early grave.

two dogs: indy, looks exactly like a fox, found her in the desert outside the rescue centre and they refused to take her in. she's my little mountain dog. and alfie, who we rescued 6 months ago, and who is best described as 'imagine there's a velociraptor in your home but the velociraptor is on fire and also your home is on fire and also you are on fire and also'. he's majority german shorthaired pointer. iykyk.

13. how tall are you?

between 5'8 and 5'9

14. favorite subject in school?

i used to love maths because it required a lot less brain power and subjective answers than everything else. in uni, my forensic science classes, or the only enjoyable thing from my first time round at uni, some fake ass course to build up credits called 'the universe as an art' which consisted of going outside to look at the stars and writing a poem about the moon.

15. dream job.

training horses. which sort of was my job that i had to give up when i moved here :)

i think a lot of people have already been tagged but @yabagofmilfs @amandaleveille @girldewar @tblueger @masonshaws @babygirlspurgeon

#tag games

[mcrmadness]

4, 7, 10, 13, 16, 20, 29 and 30 for the artist ask 👀

Thanks!!! That is so many (and I am delighted!) /gen

Also get some snacks or something because this is going to be a long, LONG post :D You know how much I love talking about arts!

4. Fav character/subject that’s a bitch to draw HORSES. They make no sense, the anatomy is fucked up, and they are impossible to draw well!!! I drew them sometimes as a kid, then I started actually practicing drawing them after the age of 11 thanks to the DreamWorks film Spirit: the Stallion of the Cimarron. (Or whatever the fuck it is how the name is written, I never remember the articles correctly!)

It took me years to draw them using references and I think I did reach a point where I could draw the legs semi-well without references, but honestly, I still don't understand the legs. AND I AM A HORSE GROOM. I have been STUDYING horse anatomy for school, I had to study and learn and be able to name the bones and tendons in horses' legs, and I have stared at images and photos of both horse skeletons as well as alive horses, and also photos of horses with a skeleton painted on their fur, and I have been looking at and handling real horses' legs from up close many many times - and I still cannot grasp how on earth the bones between the knee and hoof go when drawing. I don't know what is it, the second I see the skin and fur and hoof there (since there is no muscles from the horse's knee down, only skin and bones and tendons), my brain starts adding there bones and joints that are not there.

Here's my so far newest horse drawings, after over 20 years of practice:

And they are drawn without any references and I'm pretty proud of the legs even tho they're not exactly correct. But I guess I still have it even when I don't draw them that often anymore!

7. A medium of art you don’t work in but appreciate Oil paint and acrylic paint, or painting in general. I have never ever been a painter, but more of liked to work with pencils and markers and just anything that is capable of precise tiny details. As a kid all my drawings used to be so so detailed and tiny that it took me one water colour lesson in middle school to understand that hey, I possibly cannot finish this painting ever if the paper is A3 and I draw there objects that are less than 1cmx1cm in size, and I especially cannot colour them properly with water colour because it's not made for small details at all. I have always struggled with bigger sized artworks, my comics etc. are always quite small, but photorealism is usually on papers sized A4 cos there I then again suck at drawing e.g. faces that are smalled than a hand.

But yeah. Painting, it looks awesome and the paint (especially oil and acrylic, but also guache and in some cases water colour) blend in ways that pencils and markers are not capable of. They are great for landscapes for example, cos abstract brush patterns work great as leaves etc. for trees, but that is something that is difficult to achieve with my tools of choice that work with detailed images better. I did lots of acrylic painting in school and art school, and I never ever liked it because it's so messy and I was probably too young to understand how to work with them properly. I probably should give them a try again one day, because I have slowly been trying out water colours again after learning to hate them at school due to wrong supplies (too thin paper, or a rubbish brush for example), and it's not as bad as I remembered it. Maybe I could view acrylic paint differently too as an adult, and while having the power to choose my topics.

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw Hmmmm. I'm not a fan of drawing clothes, all the loose fabric is very hard to imagine, but I also don't want to draw characters naked so I'm just gonna draw them clothes XD Back in the day I would have said: shoes. But my current drawings have very boring shoes - except for that one time when I drew Rod with his New Rock flame boots which were so much fun to draw as a New Rock shoes fan! :D It was this one:

But I think my actual favourite to draw is the blue 80s jackets Bela and Farin often wore, they are SO MUCH FUN to draw with markers! And this is why:

Okay in general anything coloured with this blue marker works - but I just LOVE IT how it reacts to the blender marker (lifts off colour very efficiently!) and how you get this texture that actually makes the colour look like the jacket was 3D! (This one is taken from my Richy Guitar comic from 2022.) I don't know why it doesn't work this well with other colours tho.

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn’t your thing There is this one Japanese... manga? artist whose works I sometimes see on my dash or in videos about art. They are often in black&white, made with ink or something. I really like the technique in those and in a way it resembles it how I sometimes make my b&w marker drawings. All the art I have seen from him looks really neat and the topics are interesting, but it's just that manga/anime style that is not my cup of tea and what causes it that I haven't gotten into his works. I can't even remember his name but it's possible that someone might recognize whom I am talking about if someone else is reading this, that's how popular he is also among the western world.

16. Something you are good at but don’t really have fun doing I am gonna say: photorealistic portraits of people. I have many of them because every time there's been a while since the previous, I start to think about how I wanna draw another one but I have always forgotten about how the drawing process is actually not that enjoyable. It's so restricted. I have to draw a grid or my brain and eye will fuck up the proportions. My brain has temper tantrums even when following the grid because it claims I'm doing it wrong, but in the end the grid was always correct and I just can't SEE the proportions right. I can't improvise pretty much at all because then I will fuck up the proportions again. I need the faces to look like who they are supposed to be, or I will hate myself and feel like I disrespected the person I'm trying to draw. So it's stressful. It's lots of redrawing and erasing until the paper it so worn out the colour is no longer lifting off and there's nothing I can do about it.

The succesful end result always looks neat, but oh so boring. I can recreate a photo with a pencil, so what? It can't get any more boring than that. It's just boasting with "hey look I can copy an image with my hand!" but there's nothing else to it. There is no soul to the drawing. There was no learning going on, unless it was something for the tools or techniques, but no learning about how to draw something specific. It's just redrawing until it looks close enough and lots of blood and tears. People online really like photorealistic drawings because many non-artist people don't understand how it's done, but for me photorealistic drawings and paintings have become really boring to look at, and progress videos are boring because I know how that is done and I know how it's gonna end up looking like. There is no surprise to me, because I understand the key elements of drawing: shadows, midtones and highlights.

I really want to have a semi-realistic style that would look neater and less confusing with my shippy drawings, but I just suck at drawing proportions and faces so I'm unable to draw them so that they would look like my targets. That's why photorealism is not fun, because it just reminds me of how I can't draw human faces even without a grid.

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy People often hate drawings hands and avoid doing that because they find it difficult to do, but I actually enjoy it. They're still difficult, but that's why I often use my own hands as a reference. And if I can't see my hands in a posture I want from my own POV, then I will just take a photo with my phone and use that. The easiest way of getting references ever, no need to google for the exact specific posture when I can just grab my phone and there I have it. This has also allowed me to memorize stuff in the muscle memory and especially with my comics I need the references less and less, which is nice. I think my style in drawing hands is evolving and I'm enjoying the results more and more. (Fun fact: people in my comics always have 5 fingers instead of 4!)

This is from one of my newest drawings:

I like so much how this turned out! Tho the cost was that the 3 other hands did not turn out that well - but at least this one did and I really like it :D (And also how it reminds me of my own favourite comics from when I was growing up - aka the French and Belgian comics such as Asterix or Lucky Luke!)

It's from this drawing which I have posted on Tumblr as its own post before:

29. Media you love, but doesn’t inspire you artistically Oh there are so many medias I enjoy but don't do any kind of fanart of, if this is what it's asking. My fandom behaviour is so weird cos usually I channel my artistic tendencies on just one media or hyperfixation at a time, and the others don't make me want to draw a single thing about them.

And then what comes to medias created through visual arts... such as cartoons, animations or comics. Well usually I am drawn to the visual side of them too. That is one big reason why I don't watch anime and don't real manga, because the art style is not my cup of tea at all, so I would find it hard to focus on the stories either. The same goes for most modern-day cartoons, I just hate the art style majority of them uses, and I'm so visual person myself that I just can't even think about trying them out cos I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to get used to them even if the story would be somewhat funny or interesting.

You can see lots of influence in my art from the comics and cartoons I grew up reading and watching, occasionally I feel like you can even see the Dream Works (or Pixar) animations in my art because I, also, grew up watching some of those films. That is what I do, when a media is artistically appealing to me, as a tribute I will take inspiration and pieces of it to my own art but make sure to not base it fully on anything. My art really is a collection of all the art styles I like, and I feel like if lookng at them closely, you can see "cameos" of art styles from everything from Asterix comics to, say, Tim Burton characters.

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated Everything? :DDDDDDD No but, every single piece that makes me go "OMG THIS IS PROBABLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER DRAWN" and which always gets the most quiet response ever. Those I feel are the most underrated pieces. Often the ones that get the most feedback or notes/likes are the ones that make me ask "but why this? what's so special about this? " and I never get any answers.

Anyway, as of today, I still think this is the most underrated piece what I have drawn. I'm still so proud of this, the puns(?), and how much there is going on, and how no one can tell what my original idea was. Even I can't tell, because I'm not sure. It can be interpreted in so many ways, and I like each of them.

THANK YOU SO MUCH it was so much fun to answer to these!!! /gen I hope you also have fun reading these :D

#fichtfoxfuchs #ask games #mcrmadness draws

[fox-bright]

Right after Easter, twenty years ago this month, my mentor sent me a one-way ticket to Pittsburgh, PA, and saved my life.

I'd been more or less disowned a year and a half before--my mother threw me out on the ninth of September, 2001--and I was drowning in sand. I am not a creature of the desert, even if I was raised there, and my hometown was not a loving place for almost anyone to be. And while multiple friends and coworkers had by that point felt it necessary to stop me when I was idly talking about my week and say you know, you don't have to accept this treatment. You know, I believe she loves you, or thinks she does, but that's not GOOD ENOUGH when she treats you like she does, I hadn't yet really come to accept that my mother is who she is. I was miserable, and lonely, and not even allowed to visit  my siblings unless Mom was there, because "I don't know what you'd talk to them about, and I don't think you're righteous."

(I might, it's true, have talked to them about how I was queer. I was more likely to have talked to them about Final Fantasy or something, but I guess we'll never know.)

Mom threw me out when I was nearly nineteen. At twenty, Diane sent me a plane ticket. Her voice down the phone--I'd never heard it before, in the years that I'd been part of the young writer's forum she moderated, the internet back then was mostly text--was warm and gentle and peaceable. I found a room for you, she said. I have friends who can help you get a job. She sent me a Greyhound ticket to Phoenix (along with thirteen dollars in cash, because you could pay extra and give the recipient up to half the value of the ticket) and a plane ticket from Sky Harbor to PIT. I was scared and unsure, but I was so, so tired of being hungry. So tired of not knowing for sure where I was going to sleep next week. And sick at heart from my mother's behavior ("Did you sleep with him?" she asked me, about my fiance; when I quietly but unashamedly said I had, she pulled me forty feet by my braid, her acrylic fingernails digging bleeding grooves into my scalp that ached for months, scars I probably still have). I'd been so comprehensively heartbroken already that I didn't know how I'd survive it, and the trick to surviving suicidality is, do anything else. Even if it means you leave your whole life behind.

And I knew I'd miss my siblings, but fuck, I missed them already, so what the hell.

I got on the bus. I got on the plane. I touched down in the aftermath of a late snowstorm, and I didn't have a coat, and the air felt sharp and tasted like clouds. And Diane was there, smiling, and she started talking and didn't stop until she'd deposited me in my new home.

And then, having gotten me to Pittsburgh, she gave me everything. Took me to this meetup and that interesting park, introduced me to everyone she knew, constantly finagled and jostled and gently prodded me through anxiety and discomfort and into growth and learning and maturity. She took me to doctors and the dentist, which my mother had neglected or denied me when I begged (I was twenty the first time I ever went to a dentist; that's four or five solid years after I started telling my mother that I really needed to see one). She took me shopping for work clothes, and made suggestions about styling and my hair that would help child-sized, baby-faced me look a little more formidable. She didn't, ever, overstep; she always seemed magically to know when it was time to let go and watch me baby-stumble for a while until my feet were steady under me. I was such a very young twenty, half-feral, poorly-socialized and just about absolutely ignorant of how people should behave, and she never once made me feel ashamed of myself.

I've been thinking about this a lot this week. Twenty years. Half my life, just about precisely. All the things I've gotten to do since then--travel; take up a martial art and train and train until I competed on the national level; become an artist's model in paintings all over the world; perform lion dance for a ballet with the love of my life literally supporting me, throwing me into the air; learn to garden and to preserve my own food and to quilt and crochet and put up drywall and take down ancient varnish and unfreeze a pipe and make sourdough bread from starter and so, so many other things--I've gotten to do because of her. Because if she hadn't gotten me out of Cottonwood, within six months I would have been dead.

I love my life. I've had a lot of grief, in twenty years; lost a baby, lost friends to illness or just bad luck, lived with a boyfriend who was the very definition of psychotic and who burned my life down around my ears, chose other partners who weren't what I deserved, until I learned to require the right things. But I worked in my garden today under an unseasonably hot sun, moving wood-chip mulch with a wagon--

--okay, so the garden, right, and the mulch. I wanted this house because of its garden; I spend a lot of time in it, through much of the year. I grow a lot of food and a lot of flowers, and the air is full of birds all day and fireflies all night. Last year the next-door-neighbor on our left had tree people in to take down a couple of trees, and I looked at the deep dumptruckful of fresh tree chips and I wanted it. I knew that a lot of the time tree services have to pay to dump their wood chips somewhere else, and that they find it tedious. And I thought, Diane would just walk on over there, and say hi-ii  the way that she does, and ask for it. Diane would just smile, and--

I raised my chin, and I walked over, and I gave my winningest smile, and I said Hi-ii, I'm Gen, I live right there in the house with the blue roof, and I was wondering, do you guys want a place to dump all that? and fifteen minutes later I had a couple of tons of premium hardwood chip mulch behind my house. I've been transporting it to various places in the garden since, scoop by scoop with a shovel and my little black wagon, and have thickly covered a couple of hundred feet worth of beds so far. I put twenty wagon-loads up front of the house today, making twenty or thirty feet of new garden bed for native pollinator plants to go into in three weeks, and the whole time I was literally singing with how good my life is, how lucky I am, to have my husband, to have my home, to have a place that has kept me safe, to have learned so many things, to live somewhere that I get to experiment and watch things grow and produce baskets and baskets of food from a handful of seeds. Because of work and lessons and effort and continuing to put one foot ahead of the other, yes, I've worked hard to get here. But ultimately--because of Diane.

I don't really know what good parents are like. Dad is a word that means "hurts you and hurts you and hurts you and then disappears," and Mom is a word that means "will eat your heart from the inside and complain the whole time about the taste." But because of Diane...because of her, I do understand, a little.

#my actual life #fox writes #it is good to mark time for the good things and not just the sad ones

[ot3]

biggest art inspos?

@lycheestew sorry it took me three and a half months to answer this you sent it to me right around the time i finished my composition writeup and i was like 'good god i can not spend another two seconds thinking about art right now ill answer this later' and then well i just kept not doing it

but anyway. heres uhhh some stuff that was formative/that i am presently into.

Ever since I was in middle school I have been OBSESSED with tracy j. butler's work, she does the webcomic lackadaisy cats and everything she draws is just masterful. Her fully polished paintings are beautiful but I'm choosing to show some of her pencil sketches here because... well... just look at them. like holy shit. I think you could probably trace my love of drawing more stylized proportions with a disproportionate amount of detail on the clothing to her stuff. she also just does magnificent character work and i have a print of her expression tutorial that i kept hanging right by my bed to look at for years.

i was also, as you all know, incredibly incredibly deep into homestuck fandom for the majority of my Learning to Draw years so there were a few artists who were big during peak homestuck posting era that were very formative for me.

in particular i was really into @xamag-homestuck's stuff because i just found the way she stylized characters super pleasing. i spent a bunch of time trying to emulate that.

there was also someone who went by putoshop, i don't know what their current socials are if any but the old blog's gone, and i can specifically site their art as being the thing that got me to start trying lineless stuff

i also have loved loved loved everything @ggdgart has ever done and in particular their use of color in cucumber quest imprinted on me a ton and is something i have drawn a lot of inspiration from over the years. on top of that they have a wonderful sense of fashion and their character designs are just great. cucumber quest rules.

i also was a kid who was really into western cartoons and didn't start watching anime with any regularity until i was in college so a lot of those meant a lot to me. a lot of my early drawing was done trying to copy/trace avatar the last airbender screenshots and while i think it definitely got me started i honestly feel like it had less of a long-lasting impact on the way my art looks than other stuff that i didn't even watch a ton of. i was never super deep into either show as media but i always absolutely loved the aesthetics happening in samurai jack and my life as a teenage robot. they both had that excellent geometric midcentury vibe. more recently in comparison to those two, i also feel in love with the background style in gravity falls and would say that was pretty influential.

right now as for present inspiration i'm absolutely obsessed with everything that deb jj lee does because, well. once again i find really the only adequate thing to say is 'holy shit'

their stuff rules soooooooo hard

i'm also extremely in love with angela sung's art.

the textures! the colors! the shapes! no misses here

im sure theres more stuff i could bring up but this is what's coming to me at the time so ill leave it here

[missjanjie]

High Stakes | Crystal x Denali

Title: High Stakes Summary: Denali is caught up in her pre-competition training, where the stakes are as high as ever. Crystal works at the skating rink and is fairly certain Denali is the one that needs to be as high as ever. (this is a commission for @thecollectionsof ) Word Count: 1103 Relationship(s): Crystal Methyd/Denali Foxx Rating: T

-

Denali caught her breath as she came to a halt. “Fuck, that’s not a first place landing, that’s third at best,” she muttered, then looked around and saw everyone start to file off the ice and realized the zamboni was about to do its round, so she promptly made her way out as well. She sat down on the bench and decided she had earned a break and took her skates off, sighing in relief at the release of pressure. “Fuck…” she exhaled, then, upon getting a look of disapproval from a nearby mother with two small children, offered a quiet ‘sorry’ before getting up and moving to the concession stand.

“You know, I think you were here before I was even awake,” Crystal remarked as she rang up Denali’s order. “You renting space in the back office or something?”

“Honestly, it’d be a pretty convenient living arrangement, at least for the time being,” she mused as she paid for her meal. “I have a qualifying competition for the national figure skating championship in two days. Gotta milk out every bit of practice while I still can.”

Crystal looked at her skeptically. “Well, good luck, but I don’t think over-exerting yourself is gonna get you the results you’re hoping for,” she told her, adding, “but I barely passed gym in high school, so, what do I know, right?”

“Right,” she laughed softly and shook her head as she took her tray and found a spot to sit and eat. Sure, she knew deep down that she was being too hard on herself – even her coach said she should spend the last couple of days resting up before the competition. But she couldn’t help herself, it wasn’t her. She needed to know she was doing everything in her physical capacity to ensure her placement in nationals.

In less than an hour, Denali was back on the ice, where she remained until the zamboni came through again, then got in a bit more practice before the rink was set to close for the night. She showered off in the locker room and left the rink in a clean set of clothes.

“Were you seriously in there for all ten hours?” Crystal asked from her spot, leaning against the side of the building. “I’m starting to think you’re part robot. Or, like, a vampire or something.”

“I don’t think I would need to practice so much if I was,” she retorted, then looked the other girl over. She appeared to be close to her age, maybe a couple years younger, so she asked, “you go to college around here?”

“Art school,” she nodded. “You know, racking up debts I’ll never pay off because I’ll probably be doing this for another ten years before they promote me to manager out of pity. Typical, right?”

Denali leaned against the wall with her, setting her bag at her feet. “With that attitude, maybe,” she teased, then noticed an unlit joint in Crystal’s hand. “You lighting that up now? I could really go for a hit.”

Crystal laughed. “Right outside of my job? C’mon, give me some credit. This is just where I buy my weed. Too bad you didn’t finish your impromptu bootcamp training ten minutes earlier, she could’ve hooked you up. But you look like you really need it, so, if you give me a ride, I’ll share with you,” she offered.

She perked up and nodded enthusiastically. “Oh my god, yeah, totally,” she took her by the wrist and weaved her through the parking lot until she stopped at a light blue Mini Cooper littered with various stickers – mostly ice skating and pride ones, Crystal noticed. “Lemme just toss this shit in the back,” she said and put her duffel bag in the backseat and got into the front, driving the two of them to Crystal’s apartment.

“My roommate and her band have a gig tonight, so I don’t have to share with her,” Crystal remarked as they got up to her bedroom. She cracked a window and picked a tye-dye patterned lighter up, taking a drag with a content sigh before passing it to Denali.

During her off season, Denali would definitely admit to being a stoner. But during competition season, she would try to cut back as much as possible, even though it was when her stress and anxiety were at their highest. “God, my coach would be making so much fun of me if she knew I was getting high after practice.”

“She wouldn’t be mad?”

“Nah,” she shook her head, taking another hit before passing it back to Crystal. “She says I’m the most dedicated skater she’s ever had but, like, to a fault and that I’m ‘chasing unattainable perfection’ and shit.”

Crystal nodded as she listened and smoked. “Okay, let me guess – your parents hate that you’re gay, so you overcompensate by being this superstar athlete so they’ll overlook the fact that your existence doesn’t live up to their ideal.”

Denali blinked in surprise. “What gave it away?”

“Takes one to know one,” Crystal shrugged, “except instead of sports, I tried to show them that I could make a career with art. Y’know, winning competitions, getting scholarships. But you never stop being the weird, gay, stoner artist. That’s why you gotta start living for yourself. Do you even like skating?”

“What? Yeah, I’ve loved it since I was four. But… I guess you have a point, making myself crazy has made everything a lot less fun. Sometimes I forget there’s more to skating than just collecting medals.”

Crystal beamed proudly. “Oh, I love a good weed-velation,” she hummed, then clarified with, “a revelation you get when you’re high. It’s so much more satisfying. Like sex! High sex is amazing.”

Denali tilted her head. “Are you propositioning me?” She wasn’t going to act like she hadn’t thought about it, but even as bold as she was with girls, she was taken back by the comment.

“No! I mean, unless you’re interested. In which case, please don’t be bothered by the fact that I haven’t changed my sheets in, like, two weeks.”

“First of all, gross,” she crinkled her nose, then shrugged it off. “Not a dealbreaker, though. I’ve had sex in far more questionable locations. Don’t ask.” She took another hit from the joint and motioned Crystal closer, waiting until she was close enough to pull her into a kiss and exhaling the smoke into her mouth.

Crystal felt breathless and pleasantly lightheaded when the kiss ended, a smile spreading ear to ear. “Fuck, I should’ve said something to you a lot sooner.”

#fic commission #rpdr rpf

[roachclit]

hi ! Sorry if that's weird to ask this, but I honestly don't know who to talk to about this .

Okay, so I saw in your bio that you're an ex nb. I've identified as a trans guy for like, 5 years, and decided to detransition because I don't agree with all this and want to live as a woman. However I still have dysphoria and it's very hard for me. I don't know what to do, what is normal, I'm kinda Lost and not sure if what I'm doing is good or bad.

How did you do ? How did you live this yourself, and do you have any advices ?

So yeah. Thanks for reading .

Hi anon! First off I’d like to clarify that I’m desisted, not detrans, meaning that I never made any permanent changes to my body. So my answer will be coming from that perspective.

I wouldn’t call your decision “good” or “bad.” I don’t think morality has anything to do with the decisions you made. You weren’t bad for identifying as a trans man, and you’re not bad now for reconnecting with your womanhood. You’ve just had a major shift in your worldview and your view of yourself, so things probably feel really scary and uncertain right now. In times like this when your foundation feels shaky, I think one of the best things you can do for yourself is build a community of support. And when I say community, I don’t mean in the way that many trans circles view community, where everyone has to have the exact same opinions. Something that I’ve noticed since joining radblr is the attitude that we’re all learning and it’s ok to be wrong. It’s ok to question things. It’s ok to struggle with perceiving yourself as a woman and a lot of us are here for that exact reason.

Reidentifying as a woman took a long time for me. I kept bouncing back and forth between woman and non-binary/transmasc, second guessing myself over and over. I hadn’t called myself a woman in five years, and it felt like such an alien word to me. This might sound cheesy, but I really did have to say to myself, out loud, “I am a woman,” for it to really sink in. I’ve been desisted for almost two years and it still feels strange to say sometimes.

What really helped me during this time of uncertainty was centering women in my life in as many ways as possible. I read books by female authors, listened to female musicians, looked at art by female artists, and tried to interact with only women as much as I possibly could. And what I discovered was that women could be anything. There was no right way to do it. You could be the most grizzled, masculine, hairy woman alive, and it wouldn’t make you any less female. I looked at photos of butch women and fell in love. I used to hate the way my breasts and hips looked in men’s clothes, but seeing butches just existing with their undeniably female bodies, while presenting however the hell they wanted, was a huge source of inspiration for me. I couldn’t possibly hate myself for having the same qualities that these women possessed. I discovered self love through my love of other women.

Physical activity was also important in alleviating my dysphoria because it helped me reconnect with my body. Dysphoria is perceived as a disconnect between the mind and the body, but this mind-body dualism is a fallacy. Your body is not just a vessel for your mind, it’s not a meat puppet that you pilot like a robot. You don’t just own your body, you are your body. Lifting weights, hiking, practicing yoga, doing activities that made me feel strong and capable - these all helped me appreciate my body for what it was. Instead of dissociating from my body, I felt grounded and present. I started to accept that my body is me, and I can’t run away from myself.

It was also critical for me to learn about the experiences of other detrans and desisted women. I think the first detrans person I listened to was Elle Palmer on YouTube. This was back when I still identified as nb but was starting to have some doubts. I was on a waitlist for top surgery and in the process of getting prescribed testosterone, and it finally truly hit me that I was planning to change my body permanently. I felt like I needed to examine my desire to transition more deeply before I committed to it. I honestly can’t remember how I stumbled upon Elle’s channel, but I’m so glad I did. She was insightful and kind and, most importantly, learning how to forgive herself. I’m linking one of her videos here because I think you might need to hear it. She was a great source of comfort for me in times of uncertainty.

https://youtu.be/E6US5tpfKvQ

I realized that having dysphoria didn’t make me less of a woman, any more than it did for her or any other detransitioner or desister I came across. Redefining my dysphoria as a female issue, rather than a trans issue, helped me feel more solidarity with other women. Trans people told me I had to change my body to be happy, but these women learned how to make peace with their bodies despite wanting to escape them. I don’t think any woman feels completely at home in her body under patriarchy, and that’s something that everyone female has in common, trans or not.

I think it’s important for you to talk about this to as many other women as you can. I’m really glad that you reached out to me, but keep in mind that I’m just one person, I’m not even detrans, and my experience is probably quite different from yours. I’m mutuals with a handful of detransitioners and desisters who all have their own unique perspectives, and hopefully some of their experiences will resonate with you. Some blogs I can recommend off the top of my head are @testosteronebutch @macroclit @riverxdaughter @swag-fem @shedwarf @annielesterf and there are so many more out there! You’re not alone in feeling this way, and you should be proud of yourself for finding the strength to reclaim your womanhood despite your dysphoria. It’s not going to be easy, but with time, support, and self-compassion, it will get better. You will feel like you’ve come out of hiding and returned to yourself, and that’s an incredibly powerful feeling. I wish you luck on your journey anon ❤️

#I’m sorry this got super long #if there’s anything I’ve neglected to explain pls don’t be afraid to shoot me another message! #but also don’t be afraid to send messages to others #I hope you find the answers you’re seeking #ask

[dojae-huh]

I saw a recent ask and got curious and went back to read what everyone was discussing and saw people mention TaeTen. I wanna put aside any speculation of anyone's sexuality to say something. Do you trust that what we see on camera is everything about their lives? Because it isn't. The polaroid was a mistake. Ten never *showed* it. It was caught by fans in the background of a very good 4k cam. It was a private part of his space that he didn't realize he filmed(and never made that mistake again), where pictures of his family were, along with a Gengar figurine right next to it (Taeyong has posed with a Gengar recently and Gengar-Kitty art). Ten is a private person. Also, you say he only talks about Johnny. Since when? When was the last time he did? Cricket noises. And if Ten did like Johnny more than a friend, would he have mentioned him as a "bro" best friend in the past? (Always "bro" just like he talks about Mark). Or would he have kept it a secret? There is a good reason TaeTen is the biggest Ten pairing in Thailand, Ten's homeland where his most dedicated fanbase is. They pay more attention to Ten and how others and SM treat him than anyone else. They keep closer tabs on him than us. They know more than us. Ten has multiple friends he's never seen interact or mention much. And that's true for all neos. Taeyong and Yuta are very close friends but the fandom narrative is DoTae are the besties, when it's Yuta who kept close to Taeyong while they toured LATAM. Who entertains him enough to pose with Taeyong shirtless and probably took the pics so Taeyong could show off his new tattoo of two cranes, an animal who form long monogamous relationships with their mates. Taeyong, who also has a tattoo in Thai. Anyway, no neo owe us disclosure of their personal relationship details. And FYI, Ten recently picked Taeyong as the member he has most chemistry with. But nothing TaeTen does ever trend much outside of Thai Twitter, except when they perform BDS. They are a small ship and that's why people who aren't invested in both of them don't know anything about them. NCITY is stuck with 2016-2020 NCT interactions and don't seem to realize neos are people who grow and change. Taeyong is not some little helpless bubu who was to be controlled, he literally never said that. He's almost 28, a grown man, who tells us through his music he's a monogamous person. When people talk like Taeyong in this tired ass narrative like he's a tiny defenseless twink I just know they don't pay any attention to his art and self-expression. It doesn't feel like anyone here can have any meaningful conversation about Taeyong or Ten as individuals because not everyone is up to date. Much less a conversation about TaeTen or their sexuality. It's just not an informed conversation that people are having.

You are right to say that there is life behind the cameras and that the relationships portrayed before the camera are not always exactly how they are in reality. Idols need to demonstrate good relationships, be able to work together even if there is tension, or, other way around, pretend they are not as close as behind the scenes.

However, another member of the same group is not a non-celebrity friend. And bts videos and variety shows are not scripted controlled interviews. Idols are singers and dancers, not actors, they will inevitably betray a lot of things about their relationships through body language, verbal slip ups, the way other members react to situations and jokes, etc. Taeyong especially is a person who isn't good with keeping his composure (his giggles when neos flirt with him or he needs to hug Doyoung) or controlling his body (his hands always need to occupy themselves with clothes or poke a neighbour). That's why I asked anons who advocated for TaeTen or Taeyong being gay to give me supportive evidence (interactions, interviews). Toys and clothes can't be independant arguments, only supplementary material.

A TaeTen photograph can mean Ten's one-sided crush. Why is it interpreted as a photo of lovers? Gengar is a Pokemon. Taeyong can like this pokemon, Ten could have introduced the pokemon to Tae and persuade him to like it or inspire him to take pictures of it as "hey, this figurine reminds me of you, friend". Again, it is not a 2+2=4 "they are in love".

Where did I say Ten only talks about Johnny? I said when NCT meet for projects, we see more of JohnTen than TaeTen.

TaeTen promoted in Thailand with a song in Thai alone. When Ten was in U at the beginning, neos did several NCT Life-s in Thailand (Bangkok and Chiangmai), they performed together as Rookies, they had brand deals. TaeTen is in Super M. Taeyong is one of the most popular neo. There can be many reasons why TaeTen is the most popular Ten ship in Thailand.

DoTae are besties. It's not fanon. There is no reason for Taeyong to ask Doyoung to get into the same retirement home with him when they get old. And there is no reason for Doyoung to cry about this offer. TaeYu only recently became closer again. Body language doesn't lie. You can tell who is closer to whom simply observing relationships over the years and not cherry-picking individual events. And Taeyong has no reason to lie about his friends either. DoTae were roommates during Neo City tour a lot. So why does the same argument of "spending time together" doesn't apply to them?

Cranes mean longevity, purity and peace in Korea. Johnny and Taeyong both have swallow tattoos, which JohnTae shippers interpreted the same way you did with cranes and TaeTen.

Taeyong has a tattoo of a bunny with a house. And a tattoo of his dead dog. Is Ten a bunny? Is a dog a lover?

This is the tattoo you are talking about. It can be number "6" in Thai script, or it can be entirely something else. The second symbol is not a Thai number or a letter. You didn't even investigate how the tattoo looked like, just latched on the "in Thai language". Mind you, the squiggles are beside a tattoo of a swallow, and Ten is "kingfisher".

You are talking about informed conversation but mention the same "signs of TaeTen" that anons advocating for TaeTen brought up in the past. Which, I think, is a mistake.

Ten is in WayV, however, Taeyong is in 127. A profound change in him or his relationship with Ten, will have a ripple effect on his relationships with other 127 neos (Johnny-Ten-Tae dynamic, for example). The same way JaeDo getting together had a huge effect on DoTae and JaeYong and brought a change in Yuta and made Woo stop with his "confident gay" game towards Doyoung.

I don't remember anyone saying here "little helpless bubu", it's some fanon you bring from the fandom and project on readers here.

[lovetaroandtaemin]

All I Wanted

Chapter 3: The Tables Turn

Osaki Shotaro x Reader Word Count: 1,395 Content Warnings: Mild parental angst, suggestive jokes Thank you so much once again to my beta reader @wonbons, your feedback has been incredibly helpful in writing this fic. Fic is under the cut.

“Ok so what’s the answer to the question?” you asked Shotaro expectantly.

“Um, C?”

“No, it’s B,” you said with a laugh. The two of you were studying for your exam tomorrow. You read him questions from a practice test, and he answered them. Then, you gave the correct answer if he got them wrong. He had just finished doing the same for you.

“I knew that. I was just testing you,” he joked.

“’Taro, come on, the test is tomorrow. Work with me a little bit!”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t get it.”

“That’s ok, why don’t we take a break? We could just listen to music and relax for a little bit.” Truthfully, you offered a break because you didn’t understand it either. Shotaro didn’t need to know that, though.

“Can I pick the music?”

“Sure, ‘Taro.”

He laughed as he ran to his computer and put on a playlist. Once the music was playing, he grabbed your hand and pulled you over to the couch. As you took your seat, you couldn’t help but think about how adorable he is when he’s happy. You weren’t exactly thrilled about it, but his contagious smile and his ability to find joy in any situation had you falling for him.

Once you started talking about something other than your upcoming test, you finally felt like you could breathe. Shotaro was clearly less frustrated too, because he was talking your ear off about his plans for after college.

“The economics degree is just because it’s what my dad wants me to do. And I do plan on using my degree to get a good job after I graduate, but what I really want to do is art. I draw a lot in between classes, and it makes me feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. All I want to do is make art.”

“I’m certain that you could turn art into a career,” you reassured him. “You’re incredibly talented, based on the drawings that you’ve showed me.”

“Thanks, (Y/N), I appreciate it,” he said as he flashed that beautiful smile. “What about you? What are your goals for after college?”

“Well, I really want to be a therapist. I love studying psychology because the human brain is so fascinating, and I think that becoming a therapist would be a great way to utilize what I’ve learned to really help people and make an impact.”

“That’s beautiful. You have a good heart.”

“Thanks, ‘Taro. I’d love to stay here and talk, but it’s getting kind of late. I should probably go home so I can get enough sleep for tomorrow.”

“I mean you don’t have to go.”

“Yeah, I do, I need to sleep.”

“You could stay here and sleep.”

You knew it wasn’t the best idea, but you couldn’t say no to him. You always hated leaving, so you said, “I guess it couldn’t hurt, do you have an extra toothbrush?”

“Yeah, you just need clothes. Are you ok with borrowing mine to sleep in?”

“That works, I guess. Then I can just leave early and get dressed at home before school.”

“So, it’s settled. You’re staying,” he said as he blushed.

The next morning you felt better than you had since the school year started. You were worried about the test, but for the first time in a while you had woken up feeling rested. You brushed your teeth and put away the studying materials that had been left out the night before, then you decided to wake Shotaro before you left.

“’Taro, I’m gonna be leaving soon. I just wanted to say good luck on today’s test. I believe in you.”

“Thanks, (Y/N). Good luck today. You’ll need it when I kick your ass,” he joked.

“Bring it. I’ll see you in class,” you said before walking out the door.

Shotaro got out of bed and got ready for class, then used the extra time he had to study a bit more. There were a few concepts he wanted to practice a bit more, just so he could be certain he could keep his promise to you. It may have been a joke when he made it, but something about you made him want to do well anyway.

The test went quickly for you and Shotaro, and both of you wondered what the other’s score would be as you waited for class to end. The bell finally rang, and the two of you walked out together talking about what your plans were for after school.

Lunchtime came and you met Karina at your usual table. She was looking through her bag, clearly irritated, so you asked her what was going on.

“I left my makeup bag at Wonbin’s again.”

“Karina that’s the third time this month. Why are you at his apartment? What could possibly be so compelling about spending time with him?”

“His dick,” she said with a laugh.

“Oh my god.”

“What? It’s true.”

“I don’t doubt it. Anyway, how did your morning classes go?”

“They went great, what about yours?”

“So boring. I had a test in statistics today. I don’t even get why I need to take statistics, I’m a psych major for fuck’s sake.”

The two of you chatted about your classes until you were finished eating. Your afternoon classes had been cancelled for the day, so after lunch you decided to go home and catch up on your favorite show.

The next day at the end of class, Ms. Kim gave your tests back. You showed Shotaro your score, and he grinned.

“What are you smiling for? My score was 87!”

“I’m smiling because mine was 98,” he said as he showed his paper.

“Well, I guess you did kick my ass. Good job! I knew you would do well.”

“Thanks. I wouldn’t have been able to if you hadn’t helped me study, though.”

You gave him a hug and left for your next class, nervous about what your parents would say.

After you were home for the day, as if they knew you didn’t want to talk to them, your parents called. For the first few minutes, it was an ordinary conversation. They told you about work and what their friends were up to, and you nodded along. Then the topic of school came up.

“So how are your classes going?” your mom asked. You knew what she meant, though.

“My grades are good, mom. I got an 87 on a statistics test that I took yesterday, but that’s the only grade below 90 that I’ve gotten all year.”

“Well, we’re proud of you for trying,” your dad said. “It’s still a passing grade, and you should be proud of yourself for putting the work in.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“I know you can do better. You should be pushing yourself more, how else do you expect to get a good job after college?” your mom questioned.

“She will get a good job,” your dad said to your mom, “I know it. She’s a bright young lady, and she’ll be able to do anything she puts her mind to.”

“She is bright, but intelligence isn’t the only important thing. She should be working harder.”

Your dad turned back to you and quietly ended the call, telling you he loved you. You knew that they were going to argue for a while about your education. They had argued about their differing approaches to your school throughout your childhood. Your mom always pushed you to do better because she cared about you and wanted you to succeed, but your dad felt that pushing wasn’t always the best solution. He had always been better at identifying the moments when you just needed a break.

This was one of those moments. You decided to text Shotaro, since he always made you feel better when you were stressed out. When you sent the text he was drawing an elaborate landscape, covered with lavender-colored roses and lilacs, when the notification came through. He immediately dropped what he was doing to read your message. It simply said “Can you come over? I really don’t wanna be alone right now.”

As soon as he was done packing up his art supplies, he rushed to your apartment. He wasn’t gonna leave you alone when you needed someone. He cared about you too much to do that.

Thank you so much for reading! Any feedback is greatly appreciated. If you would like to be added to the taglist for this fic, either comment on this post or dm me with the username that you would like tagged. Thanks again to @wonbons for beta reading. You're the best!

#riize fanfic #kpop fanfic #college au #non idol au #shotaro x reader #riize x reader #riize x y/n #academic rivals to lovers #rivals to lovers #slight angst

[themultiverseinmymind]

My Drawing Process

So, finally getting around to sharing my process. I feel so bad that this took so long to finally do, but better late than never? Also, please bear in mind that I am mostly self-taught, so if I'm doing things funkily, that's probably why.

This is gonna be a long post, so I'm putting it under the cut.

First step is gathering references. This takes… So. Much. Time. Because it never feels like I can find the ideal one for what I'm picturing in my head? (Also, because I end up distracted and gathering ones I don't need, but the ADHD is strong in this one.) I usually end up using multiple references for various aspects and kind of Frankenstein-ing them together (like, one might involve the initial placement of two figures hugging, but then I'll find another to place an arm differently, or to help depict a different body type than the first reference. Oftentimes this involves using the "perspective" feature of "transform a layer or selection" on Krita for positioning a reference.)

I tend to keep different linework in various bright colors to help myself differentiate between them, keeping several separate layers, and later merging (and ideally labelling) them. For example, I'll have several hair layers as I add details and whatnot, and will only combine them into one layer once I'm satisfied with how everything looks. Linework involves a bunch of redrawing for me as I play around with things to get them to look the way I want, so I make a bunch of copies as I tweak different lines in case I bork something up and need to revert to an old copy (I'll periodically go through and delete old copies as I improve said lines.)

This is the point where I'll color my lines black, though if it's difficult to differentiate between certain lines, I might leave certain lines colored until the flat colors are done.

Next is getting my flat colors done, usually taking from the original color-scheme if it's fan-art of a non-original character. I usually keep a little labelled swatch like the one in the upper right.

Then we get to the fun part that I hate and love in equal measure: shading and highlights!

I'll usually start with adding pink-ish tones to the areas that have the concentration of blood-flow- cheeks, tip of the nose, etc. (Though, I don't think I did with this one, so I don't have an example to show, oops.) Then I'll move onto shading, following a reference typically for a basic idea of where the contours need to be, but a lot of this ends up being intuitive. I like to use a combination of the wet paint brush, the soft airbrush, and the basic blender- often setting it to a lower opacity as I blend/soften edges and switching the eraser setting on and off. I try to move my brush strokes in directions that follow the shape of the contours themselves - as if it were a 3d model (does the way I'm describing that make sense? I hope so.)

I like to play with different filters on the layer setting to get the color/concentration I want for this - "Shade - IFS Illusions" gets used a lot, though typically set to less than 50% transparency and often in combination with another lower transparency layer or two, I play with layers to get the looks I want.

Post-blending:

Then adding extra details- in this case, slight creases and stubble, etc.

Then highlights- I love using the "Luminosity/Shine SAI" layer filter for this- gives it a nice glow. Same as before, I might have several layers for highlights, at various transparencies to achieve a certain look.

Then I'll add more details, usually focusing on things like clothes.

Then the background. I do not love doing background stuff, but I am very grateful for finding FizzyFlower's Essential Brushes- it has sooo many helpful brushes.

Annnd that's about it. I hope it was helpful and not too rambly.

#art process #how I draw #drawing tutorial #i hope this helps

[measuringbliss]

Remaking Peter Parker: The Romita Sr. era (2) - Softening the Edges

MASTERPOST

Interestingly, the next two issues of Romita's tenure feature Jameson's son being victimized by the narrative:

In #41, he's kidnapped by Rhino, and in #42, he still can't catch a break and loses his clothes. I'm focused on Peter, but I feel this is quite notable; can't whump the same guy too much, after all. At least, not in this comic. And naturally, Jameson quickly puts on a space suit that heavily contrasts with his previous allure.

He puts on his tie! And then, MJ finally shows up and makes history.

By the time #44 rolls around, Peter appears noticeably less thin in his suits. It suits him perfectly.

MJ is also quick to show she likes to manhandle her men. I think it might have been part of the perception that she was "wild". Along with her weird vocab and party girl persona, probably.

This is also a weird sight: you rarely see Peter with such a specific area out of costume. It does make for good drama.

In #46...

In this specific panel, Peter is drawn very romantically. The gaze and the thumb on May's chin are almost too suggestive. It doesn't really matter: Peter shows tenderness, when it seemed almost impossible under Ditko's hand. He's closer to a proper gentleman.

Harry also made himself appear nonthreatening by removing his vest, if only for one panel.

Naturally, I had to talk about Harry too (#47!). They barely started living together and already show physical proximity, and in a casual way. Peter shaves! We never see that. At least, I don't remember seeing that where I am currently (1978), aside from here. It's a rare occurence, but of course, a proper hero must look clean and handsome. Next to him, Harry doesn't look so dapper.

Oh my, Pete, you stud! Your tie is all over the place, though. Careful about the tie!

Later in the issue, Norman get tied up by Kraven. His past (aka his gay drag queen acts) are catching up to him! Also, a position of weakness.

By #48, Romita has a much better handle on how he wants to order the pages. He doesn't imitate Ditko anymore (thankfully).

Muscles! (#49)

What. A. Slut. (#50)

Peter's feet appear several times in this era, and they're very pretty, for feet.

More importantly...

Oh wow, ASM #53! You took me by surprise, but it's a very good surprise indeed! Even with so many layers, Peter shows us part of his strained back. We also see his mask come out of his pants like a girlfriend's panties, and he puts his hands under his pants to hide them better. This is a lot! This is new, too. I love it, it's subtle, but definitely interesting.

#54 gives us Forearms!Peter, but Romita style. Lovely.

And Handsome!Peter with his thumb under his belt. Show that belly!

And that right panel has interesting framing. The bike is an extension of his body.

And some more forearms.

#57 features Ka-Zaar, who's always shirtless. Good for him! More importantly:

Bridal carry!

Interestingly, those issues put Peter through the wringer and whump him quite a bit. Memory loss and brainwashing of your acquaintances will do that to you.

Peter's even more of a romantic figure, look at his expressions! (#60) He's troubled, gentle, it contrasts quite a lot with Ditko's early Peter.

By then, the art is more similar to Romita's regular artstyle for the rest of his run, but the faces are still a little inconsistent.

In #62, Peter's poses are very casually sexy of him. It's remarkable because of how unremarkable it's made to look.

I just really love how his pants are drawn on the right.

In #63, he wears a turtleneck! It gives him a different vibe. A bit more serious.

Issue #69 presents us with an original sight as well:

That last panel is... interesting too.

71: Peter is more often shirtless, and there's a lewdness added by him doing his best so that Harry doesn't see him like that. In the penultimate panel, Harry undoing his tie is pretty neat too.

#73's cover is fun. Once again, the small view of Spidey's lower back is very enticing.

And we can finish this post with the end of the Clay Tablet arc in #75, when Silvermane drinks the formula... and starts getting younger and younger.

His silhouette is slim, his figure extremely handsome, he has cake, strength... I'm pretty sure he was a biblical revelation to me when I first read this issue as a child.

While the issues in this post don't feature anything as outrageously horny as the first Romita Green Goblin arc, they have a lot of subtle beauty that makes Peter a constant marvel to gaze at. Thank you for your service!

#spider-man #comics #peter parker #male objectification #beefcake #clothes #tie #suit and tie #forearms #comic books

[adurami-ekun]

I have another idea

I didn't mean to. Or perhaps I did - more of an on-purpose-accident, a series of wishes and fears and hopes and insecurities that stole my sleep from me until an idea hit me that I decided to run with. It's a big, complicated, and probably stupid idea, but God I just hope it actually happens.

What I'm hoping for - what I've come up with - is a project that will progress over the course of a year, broken up into 30 day chunks to make it easier to keep up with. It combines language learning with calligraphy, design, fashion, and performance. Things that I've dabbled in and dreams that I've had for a while brought together into one concept. The idea is to leverage my tendencies in order to achieve the ultimate goal.

1. Complex Simplicity

I am an overthinker. I make everything simple more complicated than it needs to be. This is because I see elements that contribute to an end more clearly than others, making details look more like mountains than molehills. I make connections where there are none, relationships where there is dissonance. I thus tend to be attracted to problems so that I can come up with solutions, inevitably creating problems where there is none.

This is a tendency that I want to leverage as a strength by creating a project with multiple elements that have to be brought together into one presentation. The complexity is embedded, making it interesting and less likely to either be overdone or forgotten out of boredom. But the result is simple - a pretty little package that will be seen by the audience as the final masterpiece, which I plan on using IG to display once it's ready. Here on Tumblr, my madness will be able to be unleashed.

2. Performance Art

I am a performer by nature. I pick up things quickly for the sake of presenting it in a palatable form for an intended audience. Even my education was a result of my performance tendency, leaving me useless in the profession I had gotten a degree in. Some people call it "people pleasing", which I see as an element but not the whole. Inherently I feel it is necessary to aquire more in order to create the perfect spectacle. It's hard for me to be content with what I have because what I want to give is generally beyond me - more lines, more skills, more clothes, what have you - I gather for the sake of presenting, but without a clear vision, it often ends up more like hoarding.

Leveraging this tendency creates a performance aspect to the project that I mentioned before. Creating for the sake of sharing, learning for the sake of connection, growing for the sake of being seen - I simply make the things I want for myself the steps for achieving a great performance. These things are: learning Yorùbá, the language of my people, creating a brand, building a business, understanding the fashion industry, reaching people for the sake of encouraging and bringing together, and leveraging my love for calligraphy. My tendency for overthinking is the only way that these somewhat disconnected hopes could be connected, and my need for performance value in everything that I do is what will make it happen.

3. Critical timidity

They call it "imposter syndrome", I call it "reality checks." I don't want people to know about me what I know about myself for fear that they will then think of me what I think of myself rather than what I've been able to convince them is true of me. I'm told I'm too hard on myself; my response is that they must not know me very well (or my subterfuge is successful). So you can only imagine my confusion when a man who has seen a lot of my brokenness and the things I despise about myself told me he loves me. I'm still having trouble believing him. But this tendency will also be leveraged as a strength for this project.

Critical timidity is the antidote for passionate ambition. It's patience and foresight in the face of rash action and overconfidence. I've started many things in the past that I've thrown out in less time than it took to begin them. By creating a long-term plan, my criticism has time to be satisfied before it presses the eject button once again and I'm back to rocking in the fetal position. Creating checkpoints of proof and elements of validation will leverage my critical nature to create the best thing I can before the performance begins.

4. Functional extroversion

I'm an introvert with a lot of energy who was trained from very young that this culture treasures extroverts. This was all fun and games until life happened and I started to rapidly run out of energy and turned into a hermit. But I can't get far alone, neither can I do it all on my own (which I despise, but even this tendency I plan to leverage).

I've so far only told one person about my idea - my dear àbúrò who started as my Yorùbá tutor before my criticism ejected that line of thought. But I plan on gathering a small team of loved ones who are better at these elements than I am. They will be my guest audience, my editors, my emotional support. I plan on asking them to remind me how much this means to me, but also to selectively rely on them. By doing so, this project becomes more than just about me. It's building relationships and connections which will support the pathos of the final project, and of course my capacity to achieve the end goal:

The Project: Adurami, a character-driven brand focused on encouraging people to dream, written purely in Yorùbá

The character is a tiger (yes, there are no tigers in Nigeria, and tomatoes are not native to Italy. Tigers are my daughter's favorite animal, and the Yorùbá language has a very thin line between the big cats "ẹkùn", so we're going with a tiger). This tiger will not be static; it's not a logo or an icon. Adurami is a voice, a story, a messenger of hope. It literally means "my prayer" in Yorùbá, and the goal is for the tiger to grow to receive the final version of her name, "God has answered my prayer", or Oludahunadurami. A long name, but each post will be an encouragement to keep asking, to keep trying, to keep starting until the prayer is answered and God's faithfulness is revealed... Just like I'm trying to do now.

Where does fashion come in? Technically that's phase 2, but will be researched in phase 1. Phase 1 is establishing the brand, the character, the language and appropriate translations, and creating a community around it. Phase 2 is the business side, where Adurami becomes a printable asset for clothes, bags, notebooks, shoes, what have you. Phase 3 is fine art - prints, large calligraphic epoxy art (my ultimate dream), and canvas art. Phase 4 is then education - sharing my process, sharing the skills I learned, making Adurami help others do the same if not more.

Each phase should take about a year. If I'm running with measured pace, a year is enough time to solidify the details needed to make this sustainable. I'll make posts that break down each phase, and then posts that detail my progress. This stuff will be useful in getting past the hard times.

Here's to dreams,

Adurami

#adurami #project #fashion #yoruba #dreams #prayer #leveraging