#this assignment feels never ending ;-;

[ohitslen]

College (uni??) AU catering to my own interests as it should always be hehe :)

#projecting my major on Vash because them mfs who have changed from the med field majors to that one have some tragic things to tell #and also because I think that Vash would be such a wonderful designer I don’t know why it’s a gut feeling #Nai the law major because of course he would have you seen the guy #he would be a personal injury lawyer because lore #fun fact Nai rested for a semester after the incident with Vash while Vash took two.He never told Nai he would be changing majors #so it was a big big shock for him. they fought again but yk I’ll explain more on that if anyone is interested #as to Kni and WW I thought it’d be funny if they shared a common subject that required a lot of team assignments #and they can NEVER work out together. being an absolute nightmare to the rest of their group #separately they are great to work with. even if Kni can come off as too bossy sometimes he is actually a great leader #and WW would always deliver things on time exactly as it was asked from him #but Kni and WW just never really matched. Kni was too rude at times when WW made a mistake and WW would always clock him if he passed a line #like insulting his reasons for wanting to study security #one day Kni tells him at the beginning of a new semester where they both have unfortunately landed on a shared subject again #“you are not suited for that sort of job Wolfwood. you should simply give up and why don’t you go play role model to your little kids’’ #then WW beats him again and then is like hey yk what you’re kinda right. and changed majors and he feels so much more at home studying #education/teaching than security. he fucking hates some things but the end goal makes it worthy #Trigun Uni! AU #because I don’t know how differently a college and a uni work #trigun #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun stampede #vashwood #trigun fanart #wolfwood #vash #Nai saverem #millions knives #lenssi draws #pen!

[wiezumbeispiel]

Had an idea that was like. Well what if instead of crows glados had 3 baby porygons?? They’re kind of like birds. Kind of. Anyways all you need to know is that she loves them very much

#portal #portal 2 #glados #pokemon #porygon #they’re so cute…digital duckies #you can apparently breed porygon (with a ditto) despite them being genderless which is an oddity for these games #i had more that was going go go with this image but like ??? i don’t feel like spending more time on the idea even if it is cute #so I’ll just describe them to you: #basically atlas and p-body were sent to go find chell out on the surface #the reason being….glados cannot figure out how to hatch these eggs she’s like wtf i tried a heat lamp and everything what’s WRONG with them #chell who somehow has knowledge of pokemon says usually they’re huddled between other monsters to hatch #so she gets assigned the sitting-on-eggs job. because body heat lol #glados is super confused when they hatch she has never seen them before in her life. and her internal database has no informat #chell whips out a pokedex that tells them what a porygon is (how she got one i have no idea) #glados is thrilled about her new babies because they’re even deadlier and more dangerous than a regular burd #also yes the two of them end up taking care of the hatchlings together #also the blue one is named mr. chubbygon (: #2023 #digital

[silverskye13]

Will enby Helsknight/trans Tanguish/top surgery scars/stubborn avoidant Welsknight in a gender crisis make it into the main story of RnS? Like, a full acknowledgment of it? Because yes, us on tumblr are aware (and happily bully RnS Wels for it) but I’m curious to how it may be brought up in the main storyline instead of rambles and drabbles. (Don’t get me wrong, those rambles and drabbles are what get me through the day. But my best friend, who isn’t in the MCYT fandom whatsoever, just caught up with RnS and doesn’t use tumblr, and besides spamming her with tumblr posts I wanna know how much I can revel in the glory of the skrunkles with her!)

That is a great question, actually. And the answer is I don't really know.

So this is one of the downsides to writing things chapter by chapter. If I had gone into this going "oh heck yeah they're trans", this would've come up in the plot way sooner. It's nice information 1) for all the trans folks reading and 2) because it has the potential to inform the themes in the narrative. This whole story is about two chief things I think: death [the inevitability of] and identity [what defines you and why]. Why should you care if literally no one else (including the universe) does? That would be so cool to speak about in terms of a trans allegory! Why do you care about gender when it's just one thing in a world of crazy things? Or at the very least, how does it inform your identity? But this is a change I made on a whim suddenly, and I know Exactly Where I Want This Plot To Go, so trans topics and allegories as Plot Points probably won't happen.

On the more technical side of introducing trans characters -- how do you do that without just dropping "oh btw they're trans" in? Like, how do you make it a relevant thing to talk about, that doesn't feel forced or shoehorned in, especially this late in the story? Probably me overthinking, but I read it done wrong so often. It gets tired. And if I ever work on my original stories, there are trans characters in there! If I can figure out how to Do It Well in a fanfic, then I can figure out how to do it in original fiction someday maybe. So I kinda wanna take the introduction seriously? I've actually been thinking about it so much I've thought about rewriting the intro to the next chapter ahaha [it already needs rewritten in general, there's a lot going on, but the intro was going to be Helsknight waking up from something, and he sleeps shirtless, and not addressing top surgery scars then would be kinda silly I think.]

I can say at the very least, Gender Avoidant Wels probably won't factor in the story much. He is a character, but I don't think he'll become Enough of a character to faithfully address something like a trans self discovery arc. At best his issues with gender might be mentioned in passing.

Sorry! I know you probably want a better answer! My answer is basically: I don't know I'm still working on it. I want it to be there, but the capacity it's there is undecided.

That being said, I've been sitting on this glorious ask since the shenanigans started and the temptation to just Do That grows every time I read it:

#rns asks #trans tanguish #nonbinary helsknight #anonymous #no one asked but i think to date #the best intro to a trans character ive seen #is from the book 'what moves the dead' #where the mc explained they were a soldier and when you join the army you get assigned pronouns that only soldiers get #and they explain some people join the army to fight and some join because their old pronouns dont fit #and i dont think the mc ever defined why exactly they chose to be a soldier #but hey thats their pronouns now take it or leave it #them being a soldier has impact on the plot which means #even if the story isnt a trans story [about being trans] their pronouns still have weight and importance #the long pronoun explanation has a very compelling reason and never feels odd or forced #and it gets even more interesting in the second book 'what feasts at night' #where the soldier's PTSD has a direct effect on the ending of the story #[sighs dreamily] goddamn it T Kingfisher how do you always write so good #anyway enough about my writer crush on Kingfisher

[magnolia-sunrise]

the halloween special, i mean, Medieval AU continues>> the arrival of the grievously wounded Kingsguard disrupts Bastien's very isolated, very drunk rural village life - but in much different way than he expected. somehow, miraculously, Wolfgang slowly recovers, and the two of them spend many evenings sharing wine and stories by the fireside, finding each other to be pleasant company.

but how long will the vampire be able to resist the call of the priest's blood >:3

#oc art #original characters #art #sketch #medieval au #wolfgang #bastien #wolfien #comics #god this turned into such a meme fsifjs please i hope you enjoy #i had way too much fun sketching these #next time we will find out what happened in Week 3 #to give you more context about bastiens little life he had plans of rising through the ranks and becoming a respected and rich bishop #instead he ends up assigned to a fuck off village in the south where the people dont really like him and he doesnt really like them #he spends his days tending to the few animals he keeps and tending to his shitty wine #when a knight comes knocking on his door hes like fuck. its the cops and they finally realized we havent been paying taxes #luckily for him this particular knight is in worse trouble than his whole village #i never know how much people want to know so i try to write succint posts but i have Lore for each of these interactions. feel free to ask

[loafbud]

Just took my first biology exam and got a pretty decent score of an F! 🎉🎉🎉

#i already have an F in biology anyways #HERE'S WHY THO #learning the course material for me is manageable #WHAT FUCKED ME UP WAS MY ASS FORGETTING OUR PROF HAS US DO ASSIGNMENTS ON ANOTHER SITE #(and my missing a full week earlier on by forgetting- which just HAD to cover 2 chapters worth of content yaaay) #but also that this is the most disorganized course i have #our prof is new so idk if that plays a part in it #but like??? theres no regular updates like 'hey guys dont forget to do this and that!' #like i get it #its college #they emphasize self-discipline so really its on us #but like uggh #what fucked up my overall class grade too (which is already an F btw) is the missed hw #like???? just?? hw that was never included in the module???? like BAM SURPRISE 0 GRADE NOTIFICATION SPAM ON OVER 10+ ASSIGNMENTS U MISSED!! #absolutely wonderful #deadass wanna drop out of this course and just take it again in the next term #so i can get another prof coz i dont like how disorganized this one feels tbh #literally my only complaint about college #but again the blame's on me too for not actively looking so i take accountability #the exam itself was a breeze at the beginning and end #it was just 80% was of the fucking week i missed #my bad for not doing a study speedrun whoopsies I SLIPPED

[yellowocaballero]

I loved NewWave and it's nominated for my top reads 2023, BUT THE JASON FICLET??? I thought it was going to be a light read but it hit me full force in the face because I didn't expect to identify so much with Jason! When I read your Jason it was like I was reading myself and I want you to know that I started reading it early at night and finished it at dawn because I constantly had to stop and cry because of how much my heart resonated with his! loved it

HI THANK YOU <3

I'm glad you identified with him! Jason is very much a character who's a little like me too. He's a born writer, and his way of using fiction to put the world in a framework that he can understand is very relatable. It leaves him a little out of touch with the reality of situations, but that's a feature and not a bug.

I can't relate as much to the racial undercurrent in the story, but I don't want to understate it. It has to suck for Jason to feel constantly compared to the blonde haired blue eyed 'perfect sidekick'. She provides something seen as valuable and ideal that Jason never could. Coming from Steph's viewpoint (and considering canon) the idea of her being unattainable perfection is deeply funny, but it's very real to Jason. Adding in Tim - who's identical to Bruce and comes from the same social strata - makes Jason feel like it's every man for himself.

That's what makes his connection with Bruce even more important, though. He's the polar opposite of Bruce in every way, but although Tim and Bruce are similar in a lot of ways, Jason and Bruce have a deep connection and understanding that Tim and Steph don't. They're both dreamers who make the world a stage, their need for justice comes from a place of great pain, and they love in quiet ways.

Jason's a special kid. Like Steph, he has so much value that he doesn't see. Unlike her, he wants more - he's hungry for it, that life with meaning and kindness. He's finally attained something good, and he's scared of losing it. He has so much to offer that he can't see, and the happiness of the story is when he's seen.

New Wave was my way of giving a character who's been routinely fucked over by canon and sidelined by fandom the spotlight. She's special and perfect and loved and recognized and important because...she's none of those things 'in real life'. I wanted to give that to her. Steph's a character I related to when I was her age, and I wanted to give that to myself too.

Jason came from a similar place. I do think canon & fanon are like...overly obsessed with him lmfao. There's a billion 'Jason joins the manor' stories and it's why I almost didn't write the story lol. But he's rarely given the chance to be a kid, one who exists in his own right - to join the Batfam out of his own choice, which is something bizarrely rare in fic. And kids like Jason are the forgotten ones, and it will always be Jason's dream to show the forgotten children that they're as much Robin as he is.

I'm glad it meant something to you ;-;. This story meant a lot to me too, which is why I can go onnnn about it lol. Thanks for reading and enjoying! <3

#tbh the only reason why the jason story was written besides my demons was the fact that #ive read a ton of jason joins the manor stories and its kinda nuts how in none of them #jason and bruce are like. friends #jason is always downright kidnapped to the manor and he's terrified of bruce until bruce Dad Proposes and theyre happy #its always 'jason realizes bruce is a good dad' and not #jason likes bruce as a person and wants to be around him and decides that this is where he wants to live his life #same on bruce's end. i never feel like there's an actual reason for why he shares his ID with a random street kid #it's always written with an element of soulmates if that makes sense #what makes jason so special? well he's jason todd the second robin #theres no actual in unverse reason why bruce picks jason #and i dont like a kid being someone you 'picked' #anyway similar to how i didnt want bruce to be a straight up father figure to steph and tim #this story was meant to show how bruce is now ready to be an actual father #and how thats shown by him forming a genuine connection born from friendship and resonance #i feel like bruce is chronically assigned Good Dad and not rly given an internal life #he wasnt ready to legitimately parent tim it was something he had to learn #idk the minute a nonPOV character is parent coded they lose all inner life and motivation #which i feel like says something about how fic writers view parents lmofa #that's another rant though #my writing #my asks

[alwayshappyhoursomewhere]

Cup of China 2023 - Adam Siao Him Fa and Shoma Uno during the men’s victory ceremony

#this photo is everything to me I want to frame it put it on my wall stare at it forever #i’ve been lowkey hoping for something like this the whole off season watching adam’s ig and following him posting about his training #I love this boy and I love that he’s the kind of person who keeps quiet and works hard to get what he wants (like shoma) #and I do love his skating - his two programs were my favorite last season after shoma’s #but he really clicked for me at worlds on that first monday of practice (ik I will never shut up about this sorry) #was it the last group of men? it was pretty late and adam went in the group after shoma #and I was already shaky after seeing shoma practice with my very eyes #the way shoma practices is really like a machine - relentless and single-minded and unstoppable #and that night he was really hitting it (and popping a lot of jumps but he was still not holding back) #I think it was the night shoma did more jumping passes than the rest of the other men put together #and then adam’s group came out #and I ended up being unable to look away from adam because I saw much of the same qualities in him #and it went through my mind that of all the guys I’d seen there he was the one that reminded me the most of shoma #(lol it’s always shoma in the end isn’t it) #(and I love that shoma had already recognized his qualities too) #(I was so devastated when worlds went the way they did for adam sdghjkk) #but last season he still didn’t have what it took to fight at the same level with the guys at the top - or the consistency #that’s why this win feels so precious and meaningful #adam kept it together and delivered once more - it wasn’t just another one-time win in france #and to do it like that! tired from back to back assignments jetlagged and with boot issues!! On bad ice!!! #he knew that if shoma went clean it would have been hard or impossible for him to win #but he went for it with all he had and fought hard - i teared up towards the end because I was so worried he’d let his sp mistake get to hi #can’t wait for gpf but no matter how adam does there I’m so proud of him 😭 #this was hard for me to watch because I also wanted shoma to win but I think Adam needed it more and it ended up being a deserved win #and I think it will motivate shoma for nhk and I’m so here for it! or literally: will be so there for it afsghjjfghgdh aaaaaaaaahhh #adam siao him fa #shoma uno

[natasha-in-space]

Why am I suddenly thinking about a butler!SE Saeran/princess Natasha au.......

#mia babbles #god this might be my next fic after i finish my current one for a different fandom #i have..... thoughts...... #natasha treating him as an equal and a friend despite her status #saeran knowing things about her that nobody knows because he is always by her side #and yet they are miles apart #her feeling so trapped in her life with people who never accepted the real her #feeling like she will never be accepted or loved for who she truly is - forever stuck upholding the status forced upon her #like there is something inherently wrong with her #and saeran who has given up on his life and is just going with the flow apathetically #he knows his place in life and he doesn't care anymore to be angry or upset about it #he just does his job #he is assigned to her since he is good at what he does - he is expected to keep her in check #but they end up relating to each other in a way neither of them expected #the fleeting touches... the hidden glances... OUGH #thinking of him doing her hair and tying her corset around her waist #his fingertips ghosting over her skin in a way that probably no one but him has done #a forbidden thought that they both stiffle as soon as it appears #GOD I AM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH

[crossbackpoke-check]

18 + swaymark!!

oooo thank you!!

#18 - pleaser, wallows + swaymark

okay i know they are canonically obsessed with each other but. the song is in some ways about feeling like you’re failing in your relationship and being not quite as obsessed with them as they maybe are with you, and in this video of them talking about being a tandem, there is the slightest pause before swayman answers “do you miss him?” that makes me want to probe a wound. we’re not talking irl reasons of how that’s an absurd question (how do you miss him. you’re coworkers you’re seeing each other all the time) we’re talking that maybe this whole goalies-in-love thing got blown out of proportion and now swayman’s having to buy into the bit too hard. linus loves it & everyone’s asking about their bromance & how they love each other so much and the thing is—linus is safe. he’s got a wife and plausible deniability and jeremy? jeremy is gay. sure, he can crack jokes and people-please but the more people ask the more they're going to find out until maybe they find out something jeremy doesn't want them to know. and the longer this goes on, the more jeremy has to sit at linus' dinner table with linus and his beautiful wife and pretend like he isn't a little bit in love with him. and you know what? the longer it goes on and linus doesn't dial it down jeremy does stop being in love with him, because it just feels cruel, until he finally is done enough that he stops biting his tongue and ruins the moment.

#…this so is not a five sentence summary but ALSO this manages to perfectly align with something i was obsessed with (that media video) #like yeah is that pause reasonably a buffering time to a weird question? yes!!! do i want to read into it & make swayman a bit uncomfortabl #also yes!!! sorry i decided to give them tragique but they were assigned by spotify. the other option for this song was an ED fix-it fic #about healthy sex and learning that it can be a part of a normal relationship!! sex is weird and fucked up!! but like. that’s just because #i have always interpreted this song as a) unrequited best friend love & you’re worried you’re gonna fuck it up b) virgin who doesn’t know #what sex is and is scared to tell anyone and then option c) people pleaser keeps going along with it but can’t anymore #also OBVIOUSLY they end up fine. whether that ends up being jeremy finally telling linus (oblivious) i don’t want to do this with you #i need to get over you & them creating a platonic space & sway ends up with someone else OR linus has the oh. true. i simply never #considered that i could be gay for you option OR the one i have just invented but is now my favorite because i love a good polycule is that #linus & his wife simply add jeremy to their relationship. and then this song becomes jeremy scared to have sex with linus’ wife at first lo #liv in the replies #the interviews in that video doing the lord’s work fr but also that ‘do you not miss him’ feels SO uncomfortable. say no! but then he leans #in with the dirty jokes comment & i know i’ve made like eight variations already (sorry. that’s how my brain works) but it is soooo fun #to me personally if they are broken up but now have to act nice & keep doing all these rituals & sell us on the narrative & they’re just #trying to see who’s going to crack first. needle each other into laughing or getting irritated enough it shows through & the other one wins #do even more aggressive hug rituals!! get a medical warning from the athletic training staff!!!

[stupid-dyke]

stayed up til 3 when I have an 8am again. I do this because I hate myself so sos sososososososososo much. It's really funny because I don;t fall asleep in class thanks to my meds but I've noticed every time I go to class after 4 hrs sleep people act weird around me which is how I know im acting really weird. And I am so extremely angry at myself. I spent 4 hours. well 8 hours. Well all day. Pretending I'm going to do homework and distracting myself with various other things on my laptop or crying on the phone to my parents. Got zerooooo work done at all i stayed up most of the nihght for literally no gain whatsoever this is pure self harm. Which I do becauase again I hate myself. Because I didn't do my work. Which i won't do tomorrow either because i'll be so tired I wont be able to string a sentence together even though I'm supposed to give a presentation haha. My favorite activity is staring at the clock on my laptop getting later and later and later. new high score etc. Who's a hypersomniac now. Imagine how much easier this semester would have been if I'd gone to bed before 2am ever. I'm so fucking angry at myself I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep now even. If I fail my classes again my parents are gonna make me live at home forever and say im too crazy to live on my own. I know I was supposed to get a therapist but I hate them all so, so, so much. I think people get that job bc they feel powerful telling some pathetic person what to do knowing I literally cannot do it and will come back week after week admittingn failure and paying

I know I was supposed to take the new experimental FDA approved drug for IH but the list of side effects is fucking terrifying and I live and sleep alone so i really don't want to take a super powerful sedative that can make you stop breathing. So I'm gonna keep taking stimualnts and lying to myself that today is the last day I stay up extremely late for no reason.

#it's really sad I'll skip the meds sometimes to try to sleep and it doesn't even help. I just feel worse while awake. #The real reason i can't sleep is because im screwing myself over by doing no work and im terrified im going to fail my fucking classes #and theyre all going to say im crazy if I fail my classes. theyre going to say im crazy and I self sabotaged on purpose #bc i dont want to succeed. Dad says that every day #Dad loves telling me everytjhing wrong with me multiple times a day every day so i never ever forget #hes so helpful. He's trying so hard to help. If i dont answer the phone he starts worrying ive committed suicide #again i was suicidal one week in 2019. Get the fuck over it. You've literally threatened to kill yourself multiple times. Fucking hypocrite #a bunch of my friends are going to graduate this semester and best case scenario i graudate next semester and then I'll lose touch with eve #ybody #and then the good times are over and life is boring and hell forever and ill get more disabled every year until I can't work and then I'll #run out of money and die #you know when I talked to my genetics professor about the alzheimer's results he said somethign will kill you eventually and it #wont be that unless you live to old age which will be good! #so true bestie. so ture #Guys lets be real here. Why the fuck. Do we live. why. It is so goddamn hard. Maybe it;s easy when u get sleep . But that hasn't happened t #me for a while #all my classes end next week and i havent done most assignments since spring break #also over spring break my parents met w a lawyer to revise their will adn afterwards dad told me im executor and explained to me what will #happen after each person in my family dies. #the assumption is that I will outlive everyone. they don't think my sister will live to old age adn they are already old #the lawyer apparently has clients with the same disability as me and all of them had the same thing happen. Once they get another disabilit #and get older it becomes impossible to manage IH and they cant work til retirement age #i just spent an hour typing this shit instead of sleeping. 4am-730am sleep lets go. I should kill myself #i hate my parents fucking advicce bc they;; be like well when i was ur age I was married it sure must suck to be single!!!! fuck you guys f

[romaritimeharbor]

guys i have no idea when this happened but i have like, multiple new genshin ocs bouncing around in my head

#✧— aphe's musings. #hestia is the name i've chosen for one! #she was la signora's personal assistant before she died and has since deserted the fatui. idk if i talked about her yet or not #the others are unnamed #i've got an expelled vahumana scholar. truth is they are just a silly little guy (gender neutral) who cannot be constrained + #+ they were never going to hurt anyone!!!! they just got a little carried away bro they SWEAR on it!!!!! it was an accident they + #+ really didn't mean to commit like. all of the sins :( they didn't mean it :( (they did mean it. btw. yeah) #(^ they *genuinely* are just a little silly and they happen to have a very strong moral compass. they were *never* going to hurt anyone.) #i have like 5 million fatui ocs HAHA #anyways :) another fatui oc upon ye: #alongside the one who got their limbs torn off and then replaced by dottore there's another fatui agent oc + #+ who joined the fatui following an altercation between pantalone and their former rich guy boss who was in + #+ massive debt that he had not repaid. and they did not know anything about it? and they were basically like + #+ “get fucked loser” they did NOT like him. uhh something something that one quote from yelan's story quest + #+ “give a dog a bone and it will guard your home for the rest of its life” pantalone & oc-core #you guys can pronoun assign all these ocs (except hestia) because idk what pronouns to give them LMFAO #anyways how do you guys make those cute genshin oc posts that make it feel like a canon + #+ character profile..... please teach me 😔 #also expelled akademiya student ended up falling into the abyss prior to their expulsion; it was learning of the sins the gods committed + #+ that made them intentionally do things that the akademiya forbode. they and hestia are friends also btw! #they both are working towards the same goal so they help one another out sometimes #they probably kiss idk. maybe queerplatonically i think.

[kellystar321]

.

#aw man isat is getting complicated (by which i mean i reached two dead ends in act 3 and feel frustrated hfhgfh) #maybe i should just watch a playthrough. jace r. statlight is not a cool gamer and never will be </3 #i want to backtrack and get all the secrets and everything but im such a tired little guy with no time on his hands (<- siff voice lmao) #my sweet baby boy i worry for them extensively u-u #anyway i have finals and sht due soon. im really tired all the time. gotta wash the dishes tonight. #gotta do laundry tomorrow. finish my asl assignments. my papers are all due. #MY SHITASS UNCLE IS COMING OVER TOMORROW AGAIN I HOPE SOMETHING INEVITABLY DEVASTATING HAPPENS TO THAT MAN #urghhghh im so tired. wish life were a little easier. wish managing executive dysfunction was easier. #boygirl so tired all da time </3 #falls to da ground and languishes. #periodical life updates

[ahalliance]

what is with the slight uprise in stupidly gendered memes lately . why are people trying to reinvent the binary boxes but quirky

#like . one meme on its own isn’t a big deal but i feel like it’s becoming a sort of trend #and it’s so ??? why are people SO eager to have a divide between men and women #people act like men and women are inherently different in fucking attitude and personality and it makes me want to scream #like i’m so glad that YOU as a man/woman never felt uncomfortable within your arbitarily assigned sociocultural box but not everyone wants #to be stuck in it with you . not everyone is content with that #idk it’s just . you run across these types of people sometimes who aren’t at all bigoted but who genuinely think men n women are Different #in some way #(and then theyre surprised that many trans people do end up abiding by gendered norms . but i digress) #and it’s just so tiring . like good for you if you are genuinely happy as you are thats great but that line of thinking does harm down the #line #jay rants

[arcaneyouth]

got so mad about the futile task of preserving everything mankind has ever known i just spent the last 2 hours writing up a script for a comic about it. i am normal and can be trusted to have normal opinions about inevitability and endings

#'its so tragic how we cant preserve every tiny thing' everything ends bitch it comes free with your fucking existing #preservation work is so important. if we keep holding onto grief over not being able to preserve everything im going to start killing #like i get it i get it so much preservation work is fucking vital #but sometimes it feels like everyone just wants to mourn everything thats ever ended #and everything that will ever end #is it not meaningful that it was once alive. #does death counteract the value of it was while it was here. #does the fact that death is possible assign meaning and value enough to it to never let it die. #are you perpetuating an endless cycle of grief you will never escape because you refuse to find joy in the forgotten. #like its ok you can empty your recycle bin on your computer its fine

[idkhowtopickausername]

I’ve really not been functioning well mentally lately 😔

#I can’t seem to do my assignments and everytime I sit down to I just space out again and again and forget what I was even doing #I missed my bus stop last week and didn’t notice for a while and had to bus back at 11 at night #i made two kind of scary mistakes while driving today that I would usually never make #even an event I wanted to go to I ended up missing because I spaced out and was 20 minutes late and by then they’d left #I kept forgetting what I was doing in the middle of making dinner and talking to my mom on the phone #I haven’t even eaten dinner and it’s 3am and there’s soggy pasta in the pot that I never got to straining or putting sauce on #I have turned in very few assignments and I keep getting zeroes and I’m pretty sure I flunked a midterm because I couldn’t focus when I #tried to study #I’m worried I’ll genuinely fail out of college this time but I don’t want to leave bc I at least sort of have friends here now who is miss #*I’d #people keep recommending me like focus apps and setting timers and stuff but I forget about those too #I just feel like I’m on a completely different wavelength like I’ve procrastinated before but this is different #like I don’t even remember that I’m supposed to be doing something until I suddenly remember and start to do it and then I forget again #this has never happened before I don’t know what to do #personal

[wereh0gz]

.

#ramblings #neg #i'm so fucking tired #i've barely started college proper and there's already so many things i feel are looming over me #college assignments and essays and shit i just don't care about #i'm doing all of my classes online and i feel like being in my room is slowly becoming more suffocating #i feel like i don't have the time or energy to do anything #even drawing is just too tiring #i feel guilty whenever i'm not doing anything #nothing feels right i feel like i'm constantly falling behind on everything #and it's not like i can go anywhere because i don't even know how to drive yet #at this point i would rather get a job than do this. i started college because i wanted the exact opposite #i want to drop out so bad but i'm scared if i tell anyone they'll be disappointed in me #or make me keep going #and i'll just end up suffering through all this for a degree that probably wouldn't even get me anywhere #i'm not happy with this i wanted to be done with school and never have to think about it again #i don't want to think at all i want it to stop i want my brain to stop #god dammit