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#this is inspired by but not limited to being upset at transphobia
daybringersol · 2 months
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really need to internalize the idea that just cuz something someone says hurts me deeply doesnt mean theres a part of it thats true. like theres loads of reasons things people say can hurt, i dont need to spiral into obsessive introspection just cuz something hurt me. usually, that just makes the pain last longer, and i dont even learn anything new about myself.
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interactivesummer · 2 years
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Research
Content Warning: Mention of transphobia and sexual harassment.
While The Social Experiment discusses a well-known topic, it was crucial to conduct both in-depth research on the specific issues that would be covered, and how to create an effective form of verbatim theatre.
Genre and Source Material
Right from the offset, I decided to first research into verbatim theatre, specifically into the importance of interviewing participants and adapting responses sensitively and effectively. Given that the show covers some upsetting topics, such as eating disorders and transphobia, I felt it was necessary to learn how to approach such topics, so that I could still educate the audience without upsetting any members. From research, it soon became apparent that ‘[the] process is about asking questions and being open to the answers, rather than approaching it with a preformed ‘story’’ (Belfield, 2018: p08), and so, I needed to first let the responses guide me, rather than coming straight in with a plan for the show. In regard to selecting appropriate material from the interviews, I discovered it was important to both ask the interviewee if they had a preference in what could or couldn’t be performed, followed by a quick questionnaire which provided non-interviewed participants, with the intended topics of discussion so I could clearly see what I could adapt. This research into the genre really broadened my understanding on how these interviews that are performed help with the self-awareness of the actors and audience members (Peters, 2019: p40), creating one unified community, as there is something that everybody could connect with on a personal level.
Relevant Context
Context is key for this performance. While there was limited knowledge coming into this project, truly understanding the issues was important. Given that my character discusses the topic of being gender non-conforming, I felt that it was important to research into trans and (gender) queer experiences online. As many are now sharing their own pronouns on their social media profiles to normalise gender discussions (Wereham, 2019), it was important to research both perspectives that support and are against this, so that I could personally format my questions to interviewees in an objective way. Further researching into this topic also allowed me to provide help to the creation of the final script as I has a broader understanding on the specific terminology that could or couldn’t be said to a live audience, as it could be outrightly homophobic and/or transphobic. I also researched into online sexual harassment, particularly in young people, and how rife victim blaming is. Through various online articles and the 2020 Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma, I was able to understand how common attitudes towards sharing sexually explicit photos online and how companies like Instagram and Twitter, for example, handle it. Having this knowledge helped me contribute points of character development not only for myself but to the other characters in the show.
Influence[s]
While context was a massive influence for the show, there were two other inspirations: Katie Mitchell and The Egg Assembly. The show was primarily influenced by director Katie Mitchell’s usage of multi-media to communicate specific messages (Gillinson, 2017) and ideas across to their audience. Given the nature of the performance, I felt that the show would use multi-media effectively, particularly in the sense to directly address the audience and to highlight our own specific messages. This was particularly evident in the montage that is played at the beginning of the show. Another example of this influence can be found in the screensharing of the characters using their various accounts, showing posts that directly link into the themes and to the overall tone of the show. Similarly, The Egg Assembly primarily helped us understand how to adapt theatre digitally and looking at their examples was a useful way to understand how to adjust framing to create something that was entertaining and not too stagnant. I was particularly influenced to physically move my camera to adjust my own framing, rather than just moving myself.
Total Word Count for this Section: 647
Bibliography:
Belfield, R. [2018]. Telling the Truth: How to Make Verbatim Theatre. [Online: eBook]. London: Nick Hern Books. [Accessed May 11, 2021]. Available from: https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/bathspauni/reader.action?docID=5286795
Gillinson, M. [2017]. An introduction to Katie Mitchell's theatre. [Online: Website] The British Library. [Accessed May 13, 2021]. Available at: https://www.bl.uk/20th-century-literature/articles/an-introduction-to-katie-mitchells-theatre
Peters, S. [2019]. ‘Verbatim Theatre and a Dramaturgy of Belonging’. Australasian Drama Studies. (74). pp. 39-63. [Online: Journal]. [Accessed May 13, 2021]. Available from: https://eds-a-ebscohost-com.bathspa.idm.oclc.org/eds/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=1&sid=d950f7ad-1f39-40ae-8497-7673c539f455%40sdc-v-sessmgr03
Wareham, J. 2019. Should You Put Pronouns In Email Signatures And Social Media Bios? [Online: Website]. [Accessed May 11, 2021]. Available from: https://www.forbes.com/sites/jamiewareham/2020/12/30/should-you-put-pronouns-in-email-signatures-and-social-media-bios/?sh=2f52270f6320
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prince-darkleboop · 7 years
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14, 33, and 48 for the oc asks!
I’m going the TF2 OCs route.
14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory  
... oh
You know, I occasionally talk about one particular trans BLU Spy, Lazare. Drink knows the full story about him (just about, there’s little tidbits that are split and vary depending on plotlines, but Lazare is A Mess(TM))
Welp, let’s get started! (Imma suggest people press j/scroll past if they don’t want to read about transphobia and all sorts of abuse. I mean it, like primarily physical, but there’s some sprinkles of heavy implied sexual, emotional, and all the other abuses you could think of)
So he’s born as the ‘daughter’ of a merchant and banker in what’s called the Pyrénées-Atlantiques area, likely in Lower Navarre (so he’s French and Basque), so he fits somewhere in the middle class. He’s got a younger sister, a mom, a dad, and a couple of random ass family members and very good friends that typically make up a family of nine (usually). He’s got black hair, and heterochormia irridium: one eye green, one eye blue (used to be just green but I apparently like bi colored eyes for him)
He always knew he was a boy. Too bad his mom wasn’t very amused, heated up a spoon and burned it on his hand when he was about... 9 (It’s either 8 or 9 but pretty sure it’s 9)
During the war (he’s roughly 14~16 during this period of time), his father is dead (he was told dubious things), his mother and younger sister flee to Britain (limited transport, could only do two), and he’s with his uncle he doesn’t really like. That’s kinda okay, he’s around two really friendly priests that were friends of his father. Good ol’ Father Mendoza and Father Maxime, was really great friends with his father and became great friends with him. Stayed around during the war, despite how it might’ve been more than a little dangerous (since they’re really close to Basque and visit once a week from Basque, they’re likely Catholic) 
Too bad his uncle’s a fascist.Who knows what the uncle’s reasoning was. Lazare already disliked his uncle because said uncle followed through with his mother’s stringent requests (post collapse, it’s likely a French based middle class family would have had time to arrange themselves into a semi-comfortable position, but Lazare recalls a lot of cooking and gardening and a lot of women’s tasks that used to be left to the servants). It likely got worse post German occupation. The intention was resistance fighters got in the way, and the uncle was going to teach Lazare what happens to those who rebel.
Lazare got to him first, purely because the utter betrayal of his home and country (twice) made him angry. Besides, Lazare knew he could take risks.
Recall the father I barely mentioned? And his good friends Father Mendoza and Father Maxime?They’re all First World War Spies. Lazare didn’t know the Spy bit, but because of where he lived at, his father insisted that everyone know Spanish, Basque, and French. His father thought Lazare was slacking in Spanish.Nope, Lazare was just your typical rebellious kid who had too much a penchant for listening in on secrets. Well, Lazare knew that his father supported “the Monastery” and there were all sorts of religious terms used to talk. But Lazare wasn’t actively encouraged to read the Bible until it suddenly became banned by his uncle.And all the quotes started to make sense in a “this is a code” way.
And those rebel fighters included a mishmash of people, including who would become his best friend, Dima Rishmawi (who later became known under the codename Nube (though I’ve constantly misspelled it as Nuba, gj me))Dima’s got her own story so just know two things 1. she’s around Lazare’s age and 2. she’s a sniper (her papa was a sniper and taught his twin daughters)
Dima stayed behind because she realized Lazare had nothing and they essentially had to make sure stuff was unusable. Helped that Father Maxime and Father Mendoza come over and help. They were a little upset at the two, but figured it would happen (damned fascists). Well, sometimes the best spies are ones that have to be tossed in blindly. Not to say Father Maxime and Father Mendoza didn’t help, but both Dima and Lazare took massive risks.
But I will say that this is likely when Lazare is 16 (and Dima’s a year older, roughly). This is... roughly 1941~1942 (which does account for resistance fights and the like, but tf2 world is weird anyhow so I do fumble around with years). His primary Spying is 1943~1946(ish). He’s young.The main reason I accent this, is his worst enemy and influence is Father Mendoza. This is a man who partially flayed his arm, because Lazare didn’t have the stomach to flay one of his enemies. And it’s not the worst done to Lazare.The barest I will say, because while I want people to understand that Mendoza is horrifying, but at the same time tumblr is a crapshot and I can’t quite put tagged warnings (there’s probably a way that I do not know).. Mendoza deserves worse than what he will ever get.
but Mendoza trains him as does Maxime, and he learns a lot of tips from The Monastery (I will explain this in a bit). Lazare and Dima wander the countryside, Lazare with new knife skills and a Dead Ringer, Dima with her sniper rifle. They trade secrets for bullets and rations. Lazare becomes known as the mysterious nun, often uses the modifier ‘The Queen of Navarre’ as a signature (it’s a bit of a joke). Their luck runs out 1945, when they were captured by Italian fascists (so the event was they were being paid better than normal to find out what the fuck was going on at some outpost that agency Spies couldn’t sort out. In short: bad shit.)
An assortment of things happen, and a mixture of contrivance and someone’s mercy let them live.Only Lazare is pregnant. He’s genuinely Catholic aligning, does not believe in abortion period. He’s miserable, but he’s having that baby.
Aside from being forced into semi-retirement (he knows a lot of things and that gets him from a hospital in Italy back to Basque, because the Monastery could help him), he encounters a different problem.
Agency Spies.
So this is essentially when the War starts calming the fuck down, but there’s still key people that need taking down and out. The Monastery is a ‘monastery’ full of First World War spies that kinda had nowhere to go. A bunch are old agency Spies that were left by the wayside. Some are missing limbs or an eye or are too stricken with PTSD and other illnesses that make Spying too difficult (impossible by agency standards). Some may have made a questionable decision that sent them to an early retirement, instead of climbing the ranks of the agency. Some more than likely should be dead (for whatever reason). Very few are horrible people, Mendoza is the exception because he’s good at hiding. So you’ve got the Monastery, and likely they’re not the only collection of non-agency Spies. There is an agreement between the Agency (as a whole) and the Monastery. The Monastery wants to be left the fuck alone because they’ve been abandoned, and it’s better to have non-agency Spies in your pocket, than have a group of very disgruntled Spies that may decide revenge over the good of nations.
You’ve also got the Agency. There’s a bunch, some nations have multiple (think the US), but many just have one within a nation. The agency in France regained control and they needed people. The agency in Spain was always in control, at the cost of many men and women.
See, they’ve heard about the Queen of Navarre, and Lazare could not hide his eyes. So. He gets harassed by both, while pregnant. Almost gets kidnapped once.Essentially Lazare knows the game: he’s going to get offered a contract. It’s not gonna be good. It’d essentially demand him until he dies (or he stops being good at being a Spy, but hah, that’s essentially death). Also noting that Lazare is 20~21, and pregnant. Lazare knows the stories from the Monastery Spies, the outcome is not gonna be good for the little one. Likely would become a Spy too, when the little one is really young. Younger than Lazare young.
Thankfully, the Monastery kept that from being a horrifying reality. And Father Maxime and Father Mendoza. Lazare does get to have a relatively peaceful birth and a couple months with his daughter (names her Teresa, there’s some French play he took inspiration from). Then, he had to leave. It was a tough decision, and he left for an assortment of them. But post giving birth, the Agencies gave him space, but they didn’t leave him alone.
So he leaves Teresa with Father Maxime (who honestly always wanted a family of his own so it works out) and Lazare and Dima go out.
Life does turn up for Lazare. He gets back at the people who wronged him and Dima. He gets to transition (took a bit, but he does do so). Eventually gets the Agencies off his damn back (transitioning helped a bit). Life is good as a small time fraud organizer and cooperate Spy (let’s just say some of his info includes businesses that were ill gotten and he influenced a bunch of closures and purchases and fractures because fuck those who profited off pain). But most his fraud was tax havens. He had a lot of businesses: taxi scams, hookah bars, tea houses, restaurants, even a mechanic’s shop he eventually pivoted to a legitimate business.
hell his religious conviction does lead to his name: Lazare. He sees himself as reborn. (I do think he’s had a crisis of faith at times, but he’s generally still Catholic leaning)
Ah, but how did he join MannCo?
So there was a small city in France (I picked Grenoble for some reason), a bunch of politicians were getting off a massive crime. It triggered an emotional response in Lazare, and he killed them. In public.there he was, in prison. likely was going to get sentenced to death for his crime there.And along came Miss Pauling.
(in terms of how it goes from there, I do have a written part that was based around gallows humor in AO3, but like, what happens is kinda up in the air, depends on what kind of plot in MannCo I shove him in. But mostly he’s in an unfavorable contract that’s got some basis of being half decent and like a prison sentence. Like a 10 year contract long. He gets signed on at 35~38, typically. This is kinda where things depend on plot.)
also a RED Medic took off his head and may or may not have done other unscrupulous things (depends on the plot, the Sniper/Spy one that’s on hold is a “likely a lot happened”. The Medic/Spy one was more a “just the head and the rest was mild, all things considering”)
33. Your shyest OC?
Someone I actually would like to toss around more into RP plots it’s a trans Sniper. Ah Lawrence. Generally not a people person, somehow manages in the Australian Army (mostly a translator, but he did have sniping skills)
48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure
My trans female Scout, Justine. She just wants to live her life, and wants her uncle Lazare, who adopted her as a niece, to be happy because lord knows he deserves it. (I actively want to write more centering around her. When senior thesis isn’t killing me, I’ll write all the Christmas stuff)
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lord-pigasus · 7 years
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No Pride For The Police
(content warning: this essay contains conversations on police brutality, homophobia, transphobia, racism, mental illness, and rape that may be upsetting. it also uses reclaimed slurs)       Pride is our day to be out and be loud. To many, these events are the only face of the queer community. They're loud, colorful, and celebratory.  Seeing my people celebrate their queerness all over the country is inspiring. However, these marches often fail to focus on important political issues that affect more vulnerable queer populations.  Among these issues is the trend of increased police involvement.       Police are everywhere at pride parades, they escort the marchers, they block off the route, and they patrol the area. At the last pride march i attended, the police even paraded alongside the marchers in their cruisers, waving rainbow flags at the audience. Police love to play like they’re supporting the community. They smile, crack jokes, and pose for pictures. To them, pride is a way to build clout in the community. A way to get people to trust them and rely on them. Once pride is over however, they aren’t so friendly to the queers.       Mya Hall, a 27 year old black trans woman took a wrong turn off the highway and ended up headed towards the Baltimore NSA headquarters. Before she reached the gates of the facility, police open fired at her car. Kayden Clarke, a 24 year old trans man, called the police for help during an Aspergers-related meltdown. Instead of attempting to talk him down the police fired their weapons. Both of these people had their lives end at the hands of the police. Stories like these are shocking examples of how police interact with queer bodies. Police violence is a constant threat against us, felt most by trans people, people of color, and differently abled queers.       Black trans women especially are targeted. They are profiled as sex workers or drug addicts by the police who use the law as an excuse to harass, beat, sexually assault, and arrest these women with no repercussions.  According to the National Coalition of Anti Violence Programs, Transgender people of color are six times more likely to experience police violence that cis white people, and the Office of Justice Programs says that thirty two percent of black trans women report being sexually assaulted while in police custody or jail.       As a community, our number one priority should be to ensure the physical safety of our most threatened members. Any queer organization that supports or works with the cops does it in the face of every queer person targeted by them. If a group doesn’t fight for the protection of all queer people, especially trans women of color, then it is fucking useless.       When the modern gay rights movement began, police violence was one of the main points of action, and we would not have the rights that we have without our spiritual ancestors’ anti-police resistance. Unfortunately, that history of resistance has been lost or erased by the mainstream community.         In the 1960s, the queer community had to work underground to avoid police harassment. Raids on gay bars and restaurants were regular, and sometimes even scheduled.       Organizations such as the Daughters of Bilitis and the Mattachine Society worked to create public acceptance of homosexuality, but were very restrained and quiet in their tactics. They excluded trans people, demanded formal dress, and did their work from the closet using respectful and non confrontational tactics that were slow-working and ineffective.       In 1966, police attacked a group of trans people at Compton's cafeteria in San francisco's tenderloin district. Fighting soon broke out as queers smashed windows and threw plates, cups, and furniture at the police. this quickly became a battle between police and trans folk and spilled out into the street. Those riots showed the community that they had the power to fight against the police. It inspired queer militancy all over the country, and helped create a network of fags in San Francisco that would organize and fight for queer rights in the coming years.       More well known is the 1969 Stonewall Uprising. When the police attacked the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar popular with homeless queer people, they were met with bricks, fists, and shouts of "gay power!" In the aftermath of the battle, queer people began organizing into groups such as the Gay Liberation Front (GLF) and the Gay Activists Alliance (GAA). These groups borrowed tactics from black and anti-war activists, and advocated for queer people to come out and protest their unfair treatment.       On the first anniversary of the uprising, gay activists marched in the Christopher Street Liberation Day parade from Christopher Street to Central Park. Similar marches were organized in Chicago and Los Angeles. In the coming years, these marches had spread across the world and became the pride marches that we see today.       As we achieved more and more rights, the tone and politics of these marches changed. They became bigger, gained the support of city governments, corporate sponsors, and the police. The legacy of militant resistance was erased, and the participation of trans people, and queers of color was discouraged. Today's pride events hardly have any resemblance to the anti-police spirit that created the movement and gave us our collective power.       The only way to achieve queer liberation is to resist capitalism and the police that support it. Simply asking the system to give us rights can never ensure our safety, because the violence against us is a fundamental part of capitalism.       Gender and heterosexuality are constructs created by capitalism to assign labor roles on the personal level. Capitalism is strengthened when it can promote straight nuclear families that work for the benefit of the wealthy. If you were assigned male, you are pressured into doing wage labor for the wealthy so that you can support your family. If you were assigned female, you are pressured into unpaid labor in the home, supporting your husband in his wage labor and raising the next genderation of workers.  Gender is a life given to us at birth without our consent. Any deviation from those assigned roles is a threat to capitalism. As queer people, our bodies and sexualities are fundamentally opposed to the social order. We are the targets of violence because our very existence represents a loss of capitalism’s control over its workforce.       Police exist as the enforcement arm of the wealthy. They were created to protect the property of slave owners, and are the only group given permission to use violence. Their main goal is to protect the power of the wealthy under the guise of justice.  Because we’re a threat to capitalism’s control over the workforce, cops set out to terrorize and destroy vulnerable queer populations whenever possible. They don’t attack us because they’re homophobic, They attack us because it’s their job. No sensitivity training, policy change, or civil discussion can change their purpose. The police are fundamentally opposed to our existence and in order to achieve liberation, we must put an end to them and the capitalism that gives them power. Once we understand the nature of our oppression, it becomes our responsibility to resist capitalism and ensure that our community does the same.       In the 2016 Toronto pride parade, Black Lives Matter was asked to march as "honored guests". As they reached an intersection, the float stopped and the marchers sat down. As the entire parade came to a stop, the group demanded that the event's organizers agree to a list of demands calling for more inclusion of black and poc issues, and an end to police floats and booths. Within thirty minutes, the organizers agreed to these demands and police were not invited to have a float at the 2017 march. This tactic was effective because it was confrontational, direct, and gave power to the protestors. They spoke truth directly to the spectators, and obtained bargaining power that allowed their demands to be met.       We need to have open resistance against the police at pride events. Our tactics must be confrontational and dramatic. Pride is a stage that can be hijacked for a radical message. It’s easy to take the stage. even if you can't get permission to march you can jump in as a group and pretend to be a sponsored float. If you have banners and signs, none of the spectators will think twice about you being there.       At the risk of bad publicity, Police will be hesitant to use force at pride. Remember they're there to make friends and they're not trying to drag fags off the street. In a confrontational situation, there's nothing the cops can do to look good. They either do nothing and give us space to educate and agitate, or they react with clumsy aggression (the only way they know how) and end up looking like the gay-bashing fascists that they are.       There is no limit to the protest strategies that can be used at pride. You can set up booths, perform theater, hand out literature, and use your bodies to bring police outreach to a halt. You can chant, sing, dance, or speak. An organized group of twenty or thirty fags can easily turn a pride march into a radicalizing experience. In fact, it was a group of just a few fags dedicated fighting against the police that started the movement. Use your imagination, and don't forget what you're fighting for.       The mainstream movement has blood on its hands when it works alongside those who jail, rape, and murder our queer family. we have become obsessed with positive visibility and personal validation at the expense of ignoring the violence that continues to hurt us. Our liberation cannot come with rainbow flags and good intentions. Liberation can only come through action. -asher p. savio, 2017
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