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woman-loving · 4 years

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I don’t identity as a “bi lesbian,” but I feel there is room for a woman to identify as both bisexual and gay/lesbian, and I don’t agree with the arguments I’ve seen against “bi lesbian” identity.

One thing that annoys me about detractors of the identity is the occasional claim that it is basically an internet phenomenon that arose within the last five years or so. Actually, women have been claiming both bisexual and lesbian identities for decades. There have constantly been debates about how bi women fit within lesbianism, lesbian identity, and lesbian community since the gay/lesbian movements have been active. This isn’t something that has ever been universally agreed upon, and there never will be universal agreement on it.

Just for reference and historical interest, I’ve compiled a few selections from articles and books, mostly from the 80s and 90s, that are by or about lesbian-identified (or gay-identified) bisexual woman, or that at least mention them. Inclusion doesn’t indicate my approval of the author’s perspective or argument; this is to provide a bit of history on the discourse.

What is a Lesbian? To me, a lesbian is a woman-oriented woman; bisexuals can be lesbians. A lesbian does not have to be exclusively woman oriented, she does not have to prove herself in bed, she does not have to hate men, she does not have to be sexually active at all times, she does not have to be a radical feminist. She does not have to like bars, like gay culture, or like being gay. When lesbians degrade other lesbians for not going to bars, not coming out, being bisexual or not sexually active, and so on, we oppress each other.

--Trish Miller, "Bisexuality," Lavender Woman, Vol 2 Issue 5, August 1973.

The definition of lesbian that I suggest, one that conforms to the two methodological considerations above, is the following:

5. Lesbian is a woman who has sexual and erotic-emotional ties primarily with women or who sees herself as centrally involved with a community of self-identified lesbians whose sexual and erotic-emotional ties are primarily with women; and who is herself a self-identifed lesbian.

My definition is a sociopolitical one; that is, it attempts to include in the term lesbian the contemporary sense of lesbianism as connected with a subcultural community, many members of which are opposed to defining themselves as dependent on or subordinate to men. It defines both bisexual and celibate women as lesbians as long as they identify themselves as such and have their primary emotional identification with a community of self-defined lesbians. Furthermore, for reasons I will outline shortly, there was no lesbian community in which to ground a sense of self before the twentieth century, a fact which distinguishes the male homosexual community from the lesbian community. Finally, it is arguable that not until this particular stage in the second wave of the women’s movement and in the lesbian-feminist movement has it been politically feasible to include self-defined lesbian bisexual women into the lesbian community.

Many lesbian feminists may not agree with this inclusion. But it may be argued that to exclude lesbian bisexuals from the community on the grounds that “they give energy to men” is overly defensive at this point. After all, a strong women’s community does not have to operate on a scarcity theory of nurturant energy! On feminist principles the criterion for membership in the community should be a woman’s commitment to giving positive erotic-emotional energy to women. Whether women who give such energy to women can also give energy to individual men (friends, fathers, sons, lovers) is not the community’s concern.

--Ann Ferguson, “Patriarchy, Sexual Identity, and the Sexual Revolution,” Signs, Autumn 1981.

Individuals who came together a month ago to discuss bisexuality and its relationship to radical feminism decided recently to begin a serious, regular study group on human sexuality and its social/political/psychological manifestations in our culture.

There are eight of us in the group. For all, understanding bisexuality, both in our own lives and and in our society, is a primary goal. To this end, we decided on a format of readings and discussion, with a facilitator for each meeting, that would bring us through the range of sexual options available in the United States today, from male-identified heterosexuality to lesbianism, to a final informed examination of bisexuality in the context of all that we had learned. Throughout our exploration, feminism will provide both a point of departure, and a point of return.

We started by trying to define some terms, specifically "feminism," "gay-identified bisexual," and "bisexual". Alot of us were amazed to see how many different interpretations each term, especially "gay-identified," could have. Is someone "gay-identified" because they devote a majority of their time, energy and emotion to the gay community? Or does an individual's radical critique of heterosexuality make them "gay-identified"? And does "gay-identified" also imply "women-identified"? Some people felt that one could be gay-identified, and still not be woman-identified. And exactly how many Meg Christian concerts make you "lesbian-identified"?

We didn't reach any conclusions, but had fun realizing that being bisexuals, we are dealing with a whole realm of experiences that can be classified in any number of different ways; and that the variety of possible bisexual lifestyles is as varied as the women who are in the Network.

--Barb H, “Study Group,” BBWN, Vol. 2 No. 4, July-Aug 1984

I recognize that homophobia is at the root of biphobia. I came to lesbianism long before my sexuality was clear to me. I lived an open lesbian lifestyle for four years. I cannot deny the importance of this experience, nor do I want to. For me lesbian identity is more than, and/or in addition to sexuality; it is a political awareness which bisexuality doesn't altar or detract from. 10 years ago when I left my husband and full-time role of motherhood, it didn't make me less conscious of what being a mother means. In fact, it gave me a deeper understanding. I am still a mother. That experience cannot be taken away from me. In much the same way, my lesbian awareness isn't lost now that I claim my bisexuality. When I realized my woman-loving-woman feelings, and came out as a lesbian, I had no heterosexual privilege; yet there were important males in my life, including a son. I am bisexual because it's real for me, not in order to acquire or flaunt the privilege that is inherent in being with men. My political consciousness is lesbian but my lifestyle is bisexual. If I keep myself quiet for another's sense of pride and liberation, it is at the cost of my own which isn't healthy--emotionally, politically or medically. Not only is it unhealthy, it's ineffective.

Since I have come out I have triggered many lesbians to blurt in whispered confidence--"I have a man in the closet. You're brave to be so open. What am I going to do?" These are not easy times. AIDS has given biphobia free reign in the lesbian community (and admittedly with much less destructive effect than how AIDS is fueling homophobia in society at large), it is all right to trash bisexuals, not to trust us for fear of AIDS. Bisexuals are untouchable to some lesbians.

We have to deal with oppression in a constructive way or we will be factionalized forever. Time is running out. We have to see the whole and the part we play in it. Forming family communities with people who share your sexual identity is important, but trashing is nonproductive. The sexual choices we make are equally valid for our individual experiences. AIDS is not a gay disease; it is a human tragedy, a plague that doesn't recognize boundaries. I urge bisexuals to take a political stand, and to become a visible, viable energy force. It is important and timely to open this dialogue in each of our communities. Nobody belongs in the closet. The only way to get a sense of "our" community is for us to begin to speak out and identify ourselves. When we verify the connections and the networks of our oppression, we build a unity that avoids the, "I'm more oppressed than you" syndrome

--Lani Kaahumanu, “Bisexuality & Discrimination,” BBWN Vol. 3, No. 6, Dec 1985-Jan 1986; Reprinted from the 1985 Gay Pride March magazine, San Francisco

What makes the Third Annual Northeast Conference on Bisexuality what it is? The breakfasts and dinners--the entertainment--the excitement of meeting others who feel like family. My first event of the conference was stumbling onto a cocktail party just around the corner from the Registration Desk, which turned out to be part of the Woman's History Week! A bit embarrassing after greeting many people with wine glasses in hand, asking them how they heard about the bisexuality conference!

I'll skip now to describe my experiences at the lesbian-identified affinity group and the two workshops I attended. Why do women who identify as lesbians go to a bisexuality conference? There were about 10 of us in the room, each with a different answer. Most of our relationships at the present time were with women; after that the similarity ended. One woman had affairs with men when not seriously involved with women. Another, in a non-monogamous long-term lesbian relationship, had recently begun a sexual involvement with a man. one woman, now involved with a bisexual woman, was here to discuss her feelings about the situation. Some of us had led exclusively lesbian lives for a number of years and were wondering if we'd closed off important parts of ourselves. Whether or not we would act on our sexual attractions for men, acknowledging them were important to us.

Our personal herstories contributed to our diverse opinions. For some, coming out was relaxed and easy and relationships with women refreshingly egalitarian. Others found sexual awakening and coming out difficult, and lesbian relationships fraught with many of the same difficulties as straight ones. We also discussed reasons lesbians don't accept bisexual women, such as fear that she'd leave for a man or desire to preserved woman-only space. We questioned the reality of "heterosexual privilege," wondering whether any women could really have it. We discussed the sorrows in our lives, such as family histories of alcoholism, incest or physical abuse, and the joys of our relationships, our work and our lives.

--Stacie, “Lesbian-identified Affinity Group Workshops: Lesbian Sexuality & Politics of Sexuality,” BBWN, Vol. 4, No. 2, April-May 1986

[Robyn Ochs]: What is your current sexual identity?

[Betty Aubut]: I call myself a "bisexual lesbian." I will always politically identify as bisexual, which to me means opposing restrictive categories. Some days I feel real separatist, and other days I feel that I want to be involved with men. Being bisexual to me means that I see men and women whom I'm attracted to. A man would have to be very special for me to want to get involved with him but I will fight for bisexual rights whether or not I'm sleeping with men. I see the bisexual community and movement as a very important bridge between gays, lesbian and straights. As long as gays and lesbians are considered completely 'other' from the mainstream, we'll never have any power. I consider myself gay. I think bisexuals are gay and gay liberation is our liberation. I don't consider myself 100% straight and 100% gay; I am 100% gay. That doesn't mean I won't sleep with a man every now and then--some lesbians do that. I never used to identify as lesbian out of respect for women who made the lifelong choice never to sleep with men, but then I realized that was a lot of bullshit. Calling yourself lesbian does not necessarily mean you have made that lifelong decision. Now I mostly identify as a lesbian--so I call myself a bisexual lesbian. I don't sleep with men right now, but I have male friends whom I spend time with and cuddle with. I've even become socially involved with some of the men from the men's network. I'm proud of where I am now because it's been so hard for me. People who have known me for a long time can't believe the change.

--Robyn Ochs, “Bi of the Month: Betty Aubut,” Bi Women Vol. 5, No. 2, April-May, 1987

Sharon Sumpter is a bisexual lesbian activist and psychotherapist who works with women survivors of abuse, institutionalization and sexual oppression. Her book-in-progress, In Pieces, is dedicated to opening the closet doors for former "mental patients." "I went into my work to undo the criminal things that were done to me and that I saw done to other women." She thanks Deena Metzger and Asherah for this, her first published work.

--Contributors' Notes, Sinister Wisdom, Issue 36, Winter 1988/89

Representatives of lesbian-feminist separatism may feel singled out as special targets of our anger and distress. To the extent that this is true, the seeds of anger lie in lesbian separatism as a politic: In this reading of feminism, specific sex acts take on politicized meaning. These are said to have consequences for the consciousness of the person performing them. Lesbian feminism is arguably the most proscriptive gay or lesbian politic, generating in its adherents the greatest tendency to judge others' (especially sexual) behavior. Gay men, for example, seem more likely to cite personal antipathy or simple stereotypes about bisexuals as a source of their chagrin. A great many bisexual women, particularly those who are feminist and lesbian-identified, have felt both personally and politically rejected and judged by the separatist sisters. Even those with no such experience may feel wary having heard of other bisexual women's stories. No one like to feel attacked, even politically.

----Carol A. Queen, "Strangers at Home: Bisexuals in the queer movement," Out/Look, Vol. 4, Issue 4 (16), Spring 1992

Closer to Home successfully deals with these and other problems of self-identification. As most of the writers are "lesbian-identified bisexuals" (one of several labels used for the sake of convenience), the definition of lesbianism is also reevaluated. Is a lesbian a woman who relates emotionally and erotically with women or a woman who does not relate emotionally and erotically with men? Must a woman fit both criteria to be considered a lesbian?

The "Principles and Practice" section expands these main course theories of identity with side dishes of memories and personal feelings--feelings of not being queer enough; of breaking all the rules, even the gay rules; of being dissatisfied with the waste of energy from political infighting. It's odd for lesbian-identified bi's to find themselves viewed as politically incorrect. It's maddening to have one's past feminist work invalidated by the inclusion of a man (or men) in one's life. It's frustrating to find oneself faced with a choice of being honest or potentially losing support of women's groups. It's confusing to work for the freedom to come out of one closet only to be asked to stay in another. As Rebecca Shuster write:

"If we choose a lesbian identity, we are subject to systematic oppression and internalize that oppression in a package that includes marginality; invisibility; isolation...; and countercultural rules about how to relate to women and men. If we choose a bisexual identity, we are subject to systematic oppression and internalize that oppression in a package deal that include a feeling of not belonging or having a home; defensiveness; isolation...; and countercultural rules about how to relate to women and men. Precisely because bisexuality represents freedom of choice, society ensures that the identity comes with its own package of mistreatment and constraints."

----Beth Herrick, "Bisexual Women Pushing the Limits," Sojourner, Vol. 18, Issue 10, June 1993

The first step is to move toward building alliances within our bisexual communities. Many communities are united by a commonality of the oppression. This is not so in our community, partly because of the different ways people identify as bisexual: gay-identified, queer-identified, lesbian-identified, or heterosexual-identified. Some people are bisexual in an affectional manner only; some are bisexual both affectionally and sexually; and some are bisexual only sexually. Since there are so many ways to express our bisexuality, the first step toward alliance-building is to work internally to accept all members of our own community. It is imperative that we build alliances across our own differences; otherwise, alliance-building will fail. Acceptance of the diversity of bisexual labels within our community will allow us to pursue alliance-building with decisive strength in the heterosexual community and what many of us consider our own lesbian/gay community.[3]

--Brenda Blasingame, "Power and Privilege Beyond the Invisible Fence, in Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, and Visions, 1995

Personally, I am unable to separate out the various ways that I am oppressed (as a woman, as an African American, as a bisexual lesbian, as an impoverished single mother) and say that one oppression is worse than the other, or that I desire one form of liberation more than another. I do not want to experience threats to my life, my child custody, or my job security because of racism or homophobia. I don't want to be oppressed for any reason!!!

--Dajenya, "Which Part of Me Deserves to Be Free?," in Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, & Visions, ed. Naomi Tucker, 1995

A good deal of criticism has been written about heterosexuals who are surprised when they find out the true sexual orientation of someone who they didn't think "looked gay." These criticism assert what is of course true--that there is no such thing as a gay or lesbian "look," since of course, everyone who is gay, lesbian or bisexual, looks that way.

Unfortunately, many of my experiences as a lesbian-identified bisexual woman have said to me that having an appearance or demeanor that diverges from the expected means I will not be accepted as truly belonging in the lesbian community. Despite my attendance at gay pride parade, dollars spent at gay resorts and in support of gay causes, and numerous attempts to participate in gay and/or lesbian groups and volunteer events, I have often felt unaccepted by this community.

--Amy Wyeth, "Don't Assume Anything," Bi Women Vol. 13, No. 4, Aug/Sept 1995

Joan Tollifson relays her struggle to make sense of her life and her spiritual awakening in Bare-Bones Meditation. Born with only one hand, she grew up feeling different, found identity and purpose as a bisexual lesbian and a disability rights activist, but struggled with drug and alcohol addiction. She first embraced Zen Buddhism then a very bare-bones form of spirituality that has no form. This exuberant and amazing testament is for the many people who don't fit into the conventional molds of existing religious traditions.

--"And on Publisher's Row," complied by Jenn Tust, Feminist Bookstore News, Vol. 19, Issue 4, Nov-Dec 1996

#bisexuality #bi lesbian

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a-lion-in-summer · 4 years

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A Herstory of Transmasculine Identities is a book I find I’ve really been wanting now that I see it. It’s a mixture of editorial essays and personal accounts by trans men and non-binary transmasculine people who spent years or decades of their lives being active in the feminist and/or lesbian communities talking about those experiences, how those histories affect who they are today compared to if they’d been born as cis men, the (usually negative) reactions they experienced coming out as trans, and their experiences in the transgender community.

It isn’t, and makes very clear it isn’t, a universal experience of trans-ness, but there are a lot of experiences in there I’ve very much wanted to hear. We say “there’s not just one way to be trans” or “you can still be trans and not follow this particular mainstream, normative narrative”, but some views are definitely more popular. Historically and today, “I always felt I was a man and did not want to call myself a lesbian even though I dated women and I want to date straight-identifying women and not lesbian-identifying women” has always been a gold star for a trans man trying to emphasize his Real Man status, even if you hear different rhetoric around it.

“Trans men who date women are straight” is a good one-liner and certainly needs to be emphasized over and over again for awareness in mainstream society to combat purposeful misgendering. But… it’s a deep over-simplification of many trans people’s actual, messy lives. Some trans men identify with this sentiment very strongly, others have much more mixed feelings. Some trans men have long histories in the lesbian community and date only queer women, not straight women who don’t share their culture. Some trans men call their sexual orientation queer rather than straight because of their histories in the queer or lesbian communities and the rejection they receive from cis straight people inherent in their trans status. Then there’s a broad range of identities people place under terms like butch, transmasculine, or trans men but still “lesbian”, rather than easy, neat boundaries. (Likewise the community of trans women who want to date straight men and assert their identity as straight women is different from trans women who were active in the gay men’s community and are partnered with gay men, and trans women who are proud lesbians who want to be part of the lesbian community and upset about transphobia against them from other lesbians from trans women coming from “straight men who crossdress” communities with straight-identified partners and often very negative views of lesbians or being seen as lesbians.)

I’m not a huge fan of the popular sentiment in the trans community: “I am A and not B. I was always A all my life. I was not affected in any way by the fact I and those around me believed I was B for many years of my life, because I have now realized I am actually A and always was A.” I get why it’s become so popular--anything to emphasize you are A and deserve to be treated as A and validated as A. Some people feel it perfectly describes their experiences, I suppose. I like this anthology for voicing reservations I too have to it, though. Whether or not I was “really” a boy all along, the fact that I was raised as a girl and treated as a girl for decades has profoundly affected who I am today, very differently from an alternate reality where I was magically a cis boy from birth. And then things get further complicated if we acknowledge non-binary people, for whom “I am A” might not be consistent with their experiences or something they want to say, but who feel “I am not B”, either partially or entirely.

This was especially emphasized by older trans men. “I transitioned at fifty, not fifteen,” to paraphrase, “but I’m just supposed to pretend I did and not talk about all those decades of discrimination I personally received or activist causes I personally fought for?” I was in my mid-twenties when I started to transition, and I still find it inauthentic to deny all those years I spent trying to fit in with “girl” and the expectations around it and the broader social consciousness of feminist realization that “I am being treated this way because I am a girl and that’s different from how it is for boys.”

This anthology also mentioned reservations some people had about the contingent of the trans men’s community that gets super into this sentiment--it’s often tied with rejecting of all things female/feminine in favor of sexism and toxic masculinity in order to emphasize the speaker’s Real Man status or to help them overcome their difficulties or insecurities about passing. As a feminist, yeah, I’ve seen that too from some trans men and grates against me how easily “being a woman is not for me personally” becomes standard misogynist rhetoric about why women/femininity are bad or inferior. Obviously this doesn’t sit well with trans men who have been active in the feminist community for years and who still feel strongly about feminist ideals and equality, no matter how many of their former friends have rejected them as traitors to daring to transition.

And of course the push-back from the other side that any ambiguity will lead to invalidation of their own identities or that these other people are being trans wrong or aren’t trans enough. As if if we only present a united front around a single, minimal-complexity narrative then, then cis people will accept us!

#transgender #ftm

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katseye18-blog · 5 years

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Little of my Spiritual HerStory

Around the time mj wanted to get back into the game was 2000-2003 era. He was going to come out with the invincible album I, Katherine Harris would have heard MORE of his music, NEW music to boot. In 2002/03 I found his Music video top hits of Dangerous and the top ten number ones. Just as MJ grew up watching James Brown on TV, I grew up watching Michael Jackson. I always thought his music was fairly new But, not knowing how the 80s and 70s his music was actually originated in, plus not knowing new stuff from him, when he wanted to produce and have his album promoted, never got to Canada. I assume, of course, I believe even then the forces that predicted his death 6 months to his death could not have been one man, and it wasn't, as you all are reading and hearing and his fans well know it too, The ones that unfortunately never gave up on him. I also, in 2011, re-enacted his music video Smooth Criminal, at my high school in drama class, I did not sing, I just freestyled his moves with the direction of concepts I created with my 2-3 peers. I Freestyled it where normally I would work tedious on his moves, but, I had faith in my body prior to growing up. and spending countless times visually watching the TV of him. Smooth Criminal was my Favourite from the two criteria I could do in the class, before that I also did Love Story - Taylor swift in another project with, I was fascinated with the Romeo and Juliet components. I also had no voice for a really really long time... and in 2011 I sang " you are not alone," for my friend Nadia. I like to Serenade my friends, of choices back in high school while on Cannabis hahaha, elevates vocal chords, I thought. But, that's another article. I have a youtube channel called Romeo Harrison and Katsura Hinako there's a variety of stuff on there. As i don't just wake up and live my whole LIFE with MJ, I wish I could, He's out of my life, I sing along with him as his Protector, The Purple Prince. But, maybe I do and I'm in love with that in my heart he is always there. My singing and dancing can be found on the two, and a small page called Blue Gangsta and Instagram: theloverfromthemoon But, this is going to be about HERstory. I will make music very soon I need the past MJ in the present one which is, Love Never Felt So Good, by Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake. Furthermore, I demanded new music when I was 8 years old (i was 8 in 2002/03) yelling, kissing and hugging the tv, yes. I too was a child that kiss the TV. #studentdemads #sitdownfornoguns #endgunviolence I thought I Demanded to nothing but MJ felt me and knew of me, He met my father when he was 6-8 years old. And if around the time was believed by that AUTHOR Ian Halperin that he can predict his death within 6 months why come, no one around him wanted to do fucking anything oh cause, they were waiting to make a book, and sell a bunch of shit later on and PROMOTE LATER FUCKING ON. Ian Halperin and your group of people that do whatever the fuck you guys do, #March as well walk-in redemption and donate to the Heal the World LA foundation now, and get involved donate to high school kids doing the sit down with no guns in Parkland, Florida. Cause they are making the world a better place. You have any love left in your soul, you be the backbone of their organization, Since Michael Jackson, who would, cant, OR Princess Diana will royally flush you out. In the same form, I yelled at my tv @ MJ. The Students are Demanding to be heard in Florida, I hope they get HEARD! I wasn't heard, and Michael Jackson wasn't heard when he wanted his album promoted around the same time I wish to HEAR SOMETHING and I was dancing and singing. I too wanted to visit Neverland, Is that when the evil came out tarnishing his image just slightly... well, they couldn't keep all his fans to turn a "blind" eye #ironicusage AND THEY COULDNT TIRE HIM OUT through all chakras of his soul, either, like what I was going through I personally was going through a pre-ordained destiny of sexual abuse all my life, I felt very connected to Michael Jackson. When he passed, my mother cried, I sat on the floor watching the ceremony I felt sorrow as if it was my middle name... but, i didn't cry. I wish I was able to hold his children, I felt a yearning need instead. I Wasnt aware of my connection to him during that time either. He and I got jolted back in love for each other I in music I realized now when I did so do the music in him with " this is it," in his music to me to the world and what he heard, Which is what we all Hearing shit now. Throughout my whole life, I have trials and tribulations But, I'll have my own share of difficulties with Justin Timberlake helping me chart my music when divine timing allows it. def will make a feature so, I digress. The Invincible album, has a music producer who worked on it " Andre Harris" hi, that is my last name and my bro, another sign, the signs, I have really high intellect, that's all I can say another one is the symphony at the Royal Albert Hall with Justin Timberlake and a dude with Harris again. But, mainly I am going to talk about The Purple Prince a bit now.. wonderful sheet display once again #purplesheetstho? He and MJ were friends and Prince's change around his Death, he became more KNOWN, doing MORE, shit, talking about a lot of stuff I'm sure artists needed like, Having the rights to their own fucking music, masters, white supremacists stop controlling artists ( black ) artists the most. When I channel Prince, I get bitchy and sassy, regardless Part 1 is going to stop but, to explain these synchronicities at the end of the day as well as believing in Sacred Earth, astrology, and numerology. Regardless, Part 1 is over for now.

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dcnativegal · 7 years

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Compulsion & Identity

Ruminations of a Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor--Intern

I’m sitting in one of the group therapy sessions with clients who have kept sober from a variety of substances for months or perhaps only days. They pee into a cup or suck on a saliva stick to prove their sobriety to me and their probation officers. They are biding their time and showing up and jumping through hoops that include community service, visits to Treatment Court, and paying off probation fines. Each one of them has harrowing stories. I have so much respect for them. Even when I know for sure they are flat out lying.

I’m trying to understand what it’s like, mentally, emotionally, and socially as they maneuver through their lives and all their important relationships as a sober person. We talk about it. One person admitted, I still don’t know who I am, sober. I know I was funnier when I was high…

I’m learning all about “Substance use disorder” which is the newest term. (No longer abuse, and less use of the term ‘addiction.’) I have a stack of books with titles like “Buzzed” and “Uppers and Downers.” I remember from my early social work training that there is a stunting of brain maturation when a person starts using a substance regularly. Each of these people starting using as young teenagers. The growing human learns to navigate through life with the help of the mellowing effects of pot, the mania and energy of meth, the disinhibitions of alcohol. There are supremely stupid choices that are made under the influences. They don’t know how to deal with frustration, with a broken heart, with the moments included under the umbrella: ‘shit happens.’

I don’t know anyone who deals with ‘shit happens’ perfectly. Well, maybe the Dalai Lama, and the late great Maya Angelou.

My personal drugs of choice are carbs and yarn. Carbs may kill me in the end. I’ve developed pancreatitis, in large part because it’s a side effect of an injectable drug that worked well for me for a couple of years. The other part of why is, simply, gluttony. (Noun. Habitual greed or excess in eating. Ouch. Literally.) My side started hurting in December, and I self-diagnosed kidney stones, so upped the liquids. Didn’t get into see my family nurse practitioner until mid-January. NOT kidney stones but pancreatitis. What the…? Clear liquids for me. Who knew that there are dozens of kinds of broth. Although the pain did not disappear, it lessened, and the lipase and other lab values went down to normal when I stuck to liquids. When I eat solids again, the pain and labs worsen. So I’ve been off and on solid food for a while. Every one to two weeks, I give a couple of vials of blood and 3 hours later, my nurse scolds me. Kinda like peeing into a cup, or sucking a saliva test strip. Clean UA? Good labs? It depends on behavior.

Humbling.

A client ‘bangs’ (injects) meth. I indulge in a cookie, or three. Not equivalent, exactly. But pancreatitis is dangerous. Meth is, too.

When ‘shit happens’ to me, which includes simply a bad day, I realized some time ago that I have a sense of entitlement, of somehow ‘deserving’ the special treat of new yarn, or a Peppermint Patty. Because…. Insert self justification here…. I can imagine that some of the same justification goes on in the mind of people who use meth or pot or beer compulsively. “I’ve been good… It was a shitty day… Fuck you, bossy bitch, I’m going out… “ As I stand in the checkout line at Safeway, I’m like, I’m tired, just one Peppermint Patty won’t kill me…

Dark chocolate, ice cream, cookies. I’ve heard alcoholics say that if there’s alcohol in the house, it calls to them. Same for me with chocolate. Valerie hides it. At the moment, I think we are totally out. Which is good. (I found her stash. ‘Bye, ‘bye stash. I am a gluttonous theif.) I’ve been keeping a pile of tiny chocolates in my office for my clients. I give up. They’re all gone now. I couldn’t resist them. I’ll put stress balls in the box that held the mini-snickers and Twix. The Twix were very popular. I was especially fond of the mini-Milky Ways with dark chocolate. Val discovered Russell Stover’s sugar free peppermint patties. Oh. My. God. They are now on the banned list, even though they are sugar free. Even after I start feeling sick, I can eat 10 at a sitting. Like the rat hitting the cocaine water until he dies.

I knew someone who had a compulsion to use pornography. The idea would take root and next thing, that person would be walking into a strip club. Feeling disgusted later, dirty and depressed, the urge would diminish for a while, until the next time. My basic feeling about this whole arena is: tip the sex worker very well and be respectful. But, the compulsion, if it harms relationships with real live humans outside the club, is a problem. Not to mention how porn distorts what men think women actually enjoy.

Cravings.

Chocolate or yarn doesn’t HAVE to be a problem, but for me it is. Everything in moderation, except for me with sugar or yarn. I can ignore a wine bottle. No interest in illegal drugs. But keep sugar away from me. And no more yarn… hm… until I hit the new Willows store in Christmas Valley again. Seed planted, insert rationalization: I’m supporting an independent local business! (I think this is called ‘stinkin’ thinking’. )

What is your ‘self medication’ of choice, dear reader?

Weed, which seems to be the drug of choice for teens in Lake County is a mixed bag. Pun intended. It made me paranoid and more anxious than I already was when I used it in college. It’s legal in some states but federally illegal. The medical marijuana card is a great thing for those who need it. I’ve seen the videos with people who have Parkinson’s go from violent tremors to graceful movement. For young people, though, I’ve seen it among my kids’ friends, how all motivation seems to vanish. It is the slacker’s drug of choice. I have teenaged clients who are mandated to see me because of weed, and they pee into a cup. I want for them every ounce of motivation to get them out of poverty and do well in school, find a trade, make a better living than their parents.

Our group discussion gave me a chance to revisit my own struggles with identity, as well as my own compulsive behavior. Perhaps there is a parallel between my deep discovery in my early 40s that I am really and truly gay and my clients’ growing familiarity with their sober selves. For me, it was 2003. My husband had given me permission to figure out whether or not I was gay, bi, whatever. He’d had a serious heart attack, and earnestly pointed out that life is short. What a gift. What insanity. This journey led to the end of our marriage, which was a hard and painful process but also, to lives lived with authenticity. Thank goddess for therapists. The kids survived and thrived, and he has been with a lovely, gifted, hilarious and STRAIGHT woman for something like 10 years. I have been with the cowhand for nearly 6.

What made that part of my history relevant, perhaps, to the path of the newly sober, is that I had to regroup my identity. As my children’s father put it, I’d changed teams. Not only was I on a different team, that team had a culture, a lingo, a look and feel that was perceptible by something called ‘gaydar’ which I had the beginnings of but really needed to step up. I rented every classic lesbian movie I could find, and some of them were terrible, but all of them taught me something. As a feminine-appearing gay woman, I needed to learn about femmes and femme culture since I am so not a butch. I read Joan Nestle, founder of the Lesbian Herstory Archives, and the hilarious Leslea Newman who wrote, ‘Out of the Closet with Nothing to Wear’, and the classic, “Heather has two Mommies.” I watched lesbians, especially in lesbian spaces. I learned about my own body, my own range of gender expression.

I moved to the Oregon Outback to be with my sweetie full time instead of half the year, and out here, I miss gay space (like a gay bar, community center, or Pride event), other gay people, any tiny glimpse of a gender bending queer sensibility.

We all feel this way, in each of our identities. Jewish people feel more comfortable when surrounded by other Jews. Women feel relaxed when there are no men present, and vice versa. Alcoholics can avoid the stigma when they are with other alcoholics. Ranchers enjoy the company of other ranchers.

Just this past week I met, FINALLY, another gay person who lives in Lake County. This person is married, and so now I know there are FOUR GAY PEOPLE IN LAKE COUNTY. We’ll have a tiny gay pride parade in our living room come June, with a very large rainbow flag.

For my newly sober clients, it’s an adventure to learn who they are with their families, with their wives or husbands or girlfriends or boyfriends, with their employers, at their church. To say to their children, “yes, I have messed up, and I’m getting it together. No need to be sarcastic with me. I am still your parent.” They seek out the company of others in recovery to survive. There are several twelve step meetings in the county, thank goodness. Since all of my clients started using in their early teens, there is a lot of growing up to do, all the while they have very real and heavy adult responsibility. It’s a lot to manage, in a punitive and financially strapped environment.

For the sober, a hot bath has to take the place of a beer, or a bowl. All of those strong emotions cannot be mediated by a substance. Frustration? Anger? Sadness? How does one deal with those without an upper or a downer? And if I have a rough day, I do not have to buy a Peppermint Patty.

I seek to relate to them and their stories, even while I immerse myself in online courses about substance use disorder. It’s a bit narcissistic, I know, to search for my own parallel struggle to humanize theirs. But as Anne Lamott once so wisely said, I am the turd around which the world revolves.

On New Year’s Eve, I went to Soul Collage at Toni’s house in Paisley, and made a New Year’s mandala (which I shared a picture of, two posts ago.) In the center is a primate surrounded by bananas, and around the primate were examples of embodiment, words of encouragement, and healthy foods. It was shortly into 2017 that I was diagnosed with pancreatitis. I am now FORCED by my side pain and bad labs to get my eating act together, out of the realm of gluttony. Be careful what you wish for.

I went to Soul Collage again recently, and created two cards to help me tell the story of my clients, and also my own story. They depict the journey from serious faces to happy faces, with stops at

· Know thine enemy and maybe befriend them, (the man and the skunk, the user and the dealer, the lesbian and the Trumpette)

· Find your people and cuddle up to them to rest (like a pile of kittens)

· Be creative in all things, with colored pencils or your new sense of who you can be now

· Get used to feeling your feelings including the negative ones. They will not kill you. Smoking or ‘banging’ them away is procrastination. So are Peppermint Patties.

· Do the work. No way to short cut the work. Carry the water that needs carrying and don’t be a whiney child about it. I know it’s a bitch to be a grownup and exercise self-control when other people are allowed to be such pains in the asses!!! Remember: sometimes, I AM THAT BITCH.

· Allow time for joy, for running free, for deeply enjoying pleasure that doesn’t carry guilt. Find that joy if it’s new to you, the guilt-free kind! (Salad? Sigh. Knitting with the yarn I already own? YES.)

· Make a home within yourself if not in the outside world. Make that home cozy and full of love. Beautiful and familiar. Full of life and healing. (I’m ALWAYS working at this, the finding and maintenance of home…)

The journey to sobriety, to a whole and generous life, is not a straight line, more like a circle or a spiral, hopefully forward. All the same, as Proust said,

The real voyage of discovery consists in not seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.

#sobriety recovery

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navdeep-arora · 4 years

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Abhiraj Bhal, CEO & Founder Urban Company (erstwhile Urbanclap) Meet the Mavericks: how discipline and focus helped this co-founder make UrbanClap the market leader of an ‘unsexy category’

https://yourstory.com/herstory/2020/07/chennai-student-senior-citizens-tech-savvy?utm_pageloadtype=scrollKeep your eyes on the prize. YourStory’s video series Mavericks gives you insider access into the lives of some of the country’s most successful entrepreneurs. In our third episode, we deep-dive into a discussion with the co-founder of one of India's largest on-demand service providers. A maverick is a person of incredible vision, someone who challenges the norm and forces people to think beyond the ordinary. YourStory is going behind the scenes to uncover the inspirations and secrets of the ultimate maverick in the business world: the entrepreneur.

Meet YourStory’s third Maverick: Urban Clap Co-founder and CEO Abhiraj Singh Bhal. Abhiraj Singh Bhal and his Co-founders, Varun Khaitan and Raghav Chandra, were no strangers to the startup world before they started UrbanClap. Back in 2014, they realised that on-demand services was a huge, fragmented market with several possibilities, but there were several obstacles in the way. Globally, the online, on-demand home services market is expected to grow at a 52 percent CAGR between 2018 and 2022, according to a report by TechNavio.

And despite the challenges surrounding standardisation of on-demand services, the lack of consistency, and customer complaints, the trio realised they had chanced upon the opportunity to revolutionise the flagging sector, with the right technology. “Great organisations are built to last, not built to sell; that’s how we think of UrbanClap,” Abhiraj says.

Five years after they launched the “urban lifestyle services platform”, the three are well on their way to creating a household brand, which is growing 3x every year and reaches 6.5 lakh homes every month through 20,000 service partners.

UrbanClap, which plans to go public in the future, is also present in 10 Indian cities and Dubai, and aims to expand to Tier II and Tier III cities as well as internationally in the coming years. UrbanClap founders (from left to right): Abhiraj, Raghav and Varun Entering an ‘unsexy category’ Abhiraj and Varun have known each other for years, ever since they graduated from IIT-Kanpur together.

The two would discuss startup ideas and even launched Cinemabox, a service that allowed travellers to stream movies on their phones in planes, trains or buses, in early 2014. The startup shutdown within six months, but Abhiraj and Varun didn’t give up. Around that time, they met former Twitter engineer, Raghav Chandra, through mutual friends.

Raghav’s first venture, Buggi, an on-demand autorickshaw hailing platform, shutdown soon after its pilot. The three connected and had a few months of intense conversations, after which Urban Clap was born.

Despite foraying into the market without a good idea of what to build or how to build it, Abhiraj knew that the demand for these services was large, fragmented, and would benefit with technology. “We certainly didn’t have a game-changing idea,” Abhiraj says.

However, after interacting with a lot of service professionals, the founders realised that a number of these repairmen, beauticians, and masseuses were usually at the mercy of middlemen, who ate into significant chunks of their margins. Customers were also complaining about a lack of standardisation in terms of quality and punctuality.

“I think the interesting thing is that it is a very unsexy category - pardon my French - because it takes so much to get your hands dirty. So, the competition typically shies away from it,” he says. Yet, investors believed in their growth story. In 2015, Urban Clap raised $1.5 million funding from SAIF Partners and Accel Ventures.

The company has raised a total of $110 million in five rounds since then. Peeling back the onion Once the trio dove into the business end, Abhiraj, Varun, and Raghav discovered it was an extremely long and challenging process to bring service professionals onboard. UrbanClap had committed to verifying professionals, both on their background and skill set, before allowing them to offer their services on the app.

This way, only 20-30 percent made the cut. “It was extremely complex because on one hand you are pitching to people, saying come and join the platform, and then on the other you’re telling them that ‘hey, you’re not good enough’,” he says. A year after launch, Abhiraj and his co-founders noticed that the quality of the services they were providing was not up to the mark.

Urban Clap’s “light-touch” model, where the company didn’t insert itself in every aspect of the customer service, was clearly not working out. Sign up for Newsletters Check out our popular newsletters and subscribe Abhiraj interacting with one of UrbanClap's service professionals at a customer's home.

They asked themselves a simple question: why did we get started on this journey? “We got started because we wanted to deliver amazing and high-quality services. We felt people should rave about the UrbanClap service,” Abhiraj says. The startup decided to focus on one category to understand what it would mean to own the service delivery experience.

They chose beauty, which offered an interesting challenge. The company developed close integration with the supply ecosystem, which runs on various levels. UrbanClap condensed its service delivery experience into five levels, to make it straightforward for customers and professionals. This, Abhiraj says, has become their biggest competitive advantage. UrbanClap controls the products that their professionals use, from makeup remover to jet sprays. It has also revamped its payments process to make it more flexible for customers and professionals to pay and collect money.

The company has also set up a content sharing platform to allow customers to share reviews and rate service professionals easily. UrbanClap also functions as a convenient marketing platform for its professionals, and has implemented a strong customer relationship management platform, to catch issues quickly. “It took us two years to perfect this five-level model - it wasn’t overnight. It was literally like peeling the onion - one step at a time.”

The company has grown by leaps and bounds since then. UrbanClap’s financial results showed that it posted a 150 percent jump in operating revenue to Rs 116 crore in FY19; more impressively, the company managed to keep operating losses flat at Rs 72 crore. Besides beauty services and appliance repairs, the company has also made progress in verticals such as pest control, cleaning, and painting. Simultaneously, the startup is helping create thousands of micro-entrepreneurs. Unlike offline players, Abhiraj says, the company allows service professionals to keep about 80 percent of what a customer pays, allowing them to earn decent livelihoods. Also Read UrbanClap revenue rises 150 pc in FY19; eyes Tier-II India in FY20 By focusing on the service professional as well as the client, UrbanClap has managed to take a significant chunk of market share away from both offline and online players in India. “In certain segments that we operate in, we are the largest player online or offline. If you just look at beauty services, we are the largest beauty services company in the country; we are larger than any standalone chain.” Now their challenges are more on the lines of scale. UrbanClap is on-boarding between 2,000 and 3,000 service professionals every month. They run over 100 training sessions simultaneously across the country, and only plan to grow from there. “If we can become synonymous with home services, so that when anyone needs a service at home, they say just ‘UrbanClap it’, that would be great,” Abhiraj says. Getting your hands dirty Now, Abhiraj regularly shadows his service professionals and sometimes turns up at customer’s homes to oversee the process. A firm believer in “getting one’s hands dirty”, Abhiraj will happily pitch in and help customers - once even going out of his way to wash a client’s car. He’s also a gym rat who enjoys pushing himself to the limit with punishing CrossFit workouts, is unsurprisingly a big fan of record-breaking sprinter Usain Bolt, and lives by his credo: the race is the easy bit, but putting in the consistent training and hard work every day is the tough part. The UrbanClap CEO enjoys a good workout. That ethos of hard work was probably drummed in, courtesy his military officer father. Abhiraj’s upbringing also instilled a love for the outdoors - his last trip was to Pench National Park, a tiger reserve that cuts across Madhya Pradesh and Maharashtra, and was reportedly the setting for Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book. “I like my vacations to be activity-based,” he says. Abhiraj is an adrenaline-junkie, who enjoys the rush from activities such as sky diving, trekking and scuba diving. In fact, he and Varun completed an accelerated free-fall course that allowed them to do solo sky-diving anywhere in the world. “For me, simplicity in lifestyle, discipline, and regimen has worked; it has kept me sane and on track in this journey,” he adds. With that discipline, Abhiraj expects that UrbanClap will reach 50 million homes a month and have one million service partners within four to five years. As for Abhiraj’s next Maverick Move? “So far, UrbanClap has catered to the upper end of the society. We are now actively looking at making our services more affordable and available in Tier II and III cities. At the same time, we also want to expand to other cities internationally. We’re already in Dubai, we’re looking at a couple of other cities as well,” he says. Concept & Direction: Shivani Muthanna Camera person: Manoj Upadhyaya Video Editor: Shlok Bhatt Content Writer: Anya George Also Read Meet the Mavericks: this co-founder and entrepreneur discusses his riskiest bets, handling setb... Want to make your startup journey smooth? YS Education brings a comprehensive Funding Course, where you also get a chance to pitch your business plan to top investors. Click here to know more. ENTREPRENEURSHIP ON-DEMAND SERVICES URBANCLAP ABHIRAJ SINGH BHAL MAVERICKS 41+ Shares +0 Trending Now Trending Stories [Startup Bharat] This Udaipur-based jewellery… Apurva P Meet the IoT startup helping the likes of OYO, MyGate, and… Sohini Mitter Atal Innovation Mission launches second edition of… Press Trust of India Flipkart launches startup accelerator programme with… Thimmaya Poojary Daily Capsule Watch Byju Raveendran talk about the $300-million Whitehat Jr acquisition Read Here Latest Updates from around the world [Funding alert] ZipLoan raises Rs 15 Cr in debt round led by… Thimmaya Poojary Atal Innovation Mission launches second edition of… Press Trust of India Rocketship.vc closes second global VC fund with $100M Vishal Krishna After founding Junglee, Helion, veteran investor Ashish Gupta… Sindhu Kashyaap ‘The internet gives you the ability to shatter boundaries’ –… Madanmohan Rao How Byju’s 6-yr-old son played a role in a $300 million deal… Ramarko Sengupta Our Partner Events Hustle across India Sat Sep 05 2020 EMERGE 2020 MARTECH SUMMIT Virtual Event Fri Sep 25 2020 SMARTecIndia2020 Virtual Platform See all Partner Events ENTREPRENEUR This 14-year-old from Chennai is enabling senior citizens to become tech-savvy Tanvi Arvind, a Grade IX student of Sishya School, Chennai, has started TechEdEn, a services startup that helps senior citizens to be tech-positive and independent. By Rekha Balakrishnan 16th Jul 2020 0:00 / 5:12 48 claps +0 Many of us have seen seniors in our homes trying to grapple with technology - whether it’s downloading apps, ordering from their phones, or doing transactions online. Not adept with advances in technology, they often seek the help of the younger members of the family, who sometimes are either impatient or don’t have the time to teach them. Tanvi Arvind is helping senior citizens become tech savvy Also Read This woman entrepreneur is on a mission to help schools become best educational spaces This is where Tanvi Arvind, a 14-year-old student of Sishya School in Chennai, decided to step in with TechEdEn in 2019, a services startup that aims to Educate and Enable Technology for the “tech-challenged”. Starting from her own family The idea for TechEdEn came from her own experience. “My grandparents live alone in Bengaluru. Whenever I used to visit them, I saw them struggling with technology. They had two smartphones, two iPads, and a shared laptop,” she says. On every visit, she set about educating and enabling them with the help of simple steps on the use of technology, and how it could be used to its fullest potential. “Each time I taught them something new, they were awestruck and amazed at how life had changed for them forever, with tech,” she adds. When she saw the joy and happiness these simple tech lessons brought to her grandparents, she decided to start a venture to ensure many more senior citizens benefit from learning basic technology! With EdTechEn, Tanvi teaches senior citizens basic uses of technology like booking a ride service like Uber or Ola, using Swiggy to order food, learning how to navigate Zoom and Facetime to connect with their loved ones, online travel booking, using Google Maps, and installing and using social media platforms like Instagram, Pinterest, etc. “More now, than ever before, with an emerging ‘new-normal’ of everything moving online and social distancing, I believe these services will find a significant value with the target audience - people of the older generation who did not have the opportunity to learn and use digital technology while growing up. They will surely need ways to go about manoeuvring the fast-changing tech and digital world, swiftly. TechEdEn’s services enable their connection to the e-world, providing convenience at their fingertips,” she says. Helping overcome fear and inhibitions Tanvi started off with on-site services as planned for the first year, with a lean set-up. By going to clients’ place ‘in-person’ as a ‘tutor’, she has taught and hand-held 68 seniors, about 25 percent of whom were paranoid about getting started and connecting to the digital world, by helping them overcome their fear and inhibitions. She has also taught them basics like printing at home, connecting to the internet, using applications on device and internet, to about 30 of them transacting with service providers such as Uber, Swiggy, and Amazon from the comfort of their homes. She charges Rs 500 for a one-hour session and for a group session of four (in an apartment complex), Rs 300. The young entrepreneur feels happy to be a part of this transformation in people’s lives. TechEdEn has been a real boon in this day and age, remarks 70-year-old Ms Chitnis, one of Tanvi’s customers. With help from her sister and an associate who volunteered her time, Tanvi has clocked a top line of Rs 28,400 in the first year itself. She plans to introduce tele support in Year 2 and online support by Year 3, by hiring enthusiastic and tech-savvy school students, which is yet to take off. “There is good traction that has been built with positive customer feedback and word-of-mouth referrals from existing clients. The excitement in the adult circles within the social network for the uptake of TechEdEn is palpable! I feel very bullish about TechEdEn’s future,” she says. However, Tanvi also realises she has to add capacity to deliver to a growing customer base. Those are her challenges for Year 2 and 3. Sign up for Newsletters Check out our popular newsletters and subscribe The impetus to start something on her own also came from an interesting video Tanvi watched of a 13-year-old successful kid-preneur Asia Newson, based in Detroit, who started selling candles and later her own handmade ones. She met her sales target of $70,000 in the very first year, in 2016! She has since diversified and evolved her business. This inspired Tanvi to think big and come up with her own idea. "The 20 weeks I spent at the Young Entrepreneurs Academy (YEA!) also gave me a quick and broad overview of what goes into setting-up of a business, with the understanding of marketing and finance functions. The field trips helped me understand how different businesses have different success metrics and methods of operation. My mentors also gave me constructive feedback on the business,” she says. Tanvi surely is excited about tapping into the ‘silver generation’ population, where learning technology is not just an important tool to navigate their daily lives, but also an absolute necessity as we face a future of social distancing and being confined to our homes for longer periods of time. (Edited by Megha Reddy)

Source - https://yourstory.com/herstory/2020/07/chennai-student-senior-citizens-tech-savvy?utm_pageloadtype=scroll

#Abhiraj Singh Bhal #Abhiraj Bhal #Abhiraj Bhal Email #Abhiraj Bhal Urbanclap #Urbanclap CEO #CEO Of Urbanclap #Urban Company CEO #Urbanclap Founder

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novaxera · 7 years

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The Limit Does Not Exist

Remember that line in Mean Girls that is said by Cady Haron aka Lindsay Lohan? It was her winning answer against another school during a mathlete competition, "The limit does not exist!".

There aren't many ideas in life without limits or definitions. Not very many concepts out there open for interpretation. Art for me is the exception because to me art can be applied and exist in every facet of life. There's a reason why people say "art imitates life".

Unfortunately, the human race likes to define everything. Simply because we need to be able to process ideas and facts so we understand better. That's what makes art so malleable. It's always up for interpretation. But there's a problem, we often like to define what art is, therefore, trying to add limits and structure to something that is supposed to roam free and be what it is.

I have recently embarked on my own journey with art. All my life I've been a creative and let's face it I'm no good at anything else than thinking. My biggest ability as an artist is my thoughts. It's where it all starts. Over the years I have developed my mediums, sometimes doing nothing for years because of money or having a block somewhere with my state of mind, but usually, I transfer my ideas into writing, photography, acting, and even dancing. My newest and more exciting adventure is Drag.

I know, most people don't find this an art form and quite frankly most people think it's weird. They don't understand it, which is valid. It's still taboo and almost considered treasonous for a man to dress, act, or present themselves in any way shape or form like a woman. However, apart from it being about female impersonation, it's much deeper than that. When you dissect it you realize what all goes into being a drag queen. You're a makeup artist, you paint with light like a photographer, you design everything from a face to your garment like a fashion designer, you perform a song (lip sync)-- which that in itself has its own list of things like choreography, timing, dancing, and stage presence (comedic or dramatic)-- you're basically a one woman show and an entrepreneur. You're constantly investing time and money into it like any other business, you're your own marketer, social media manager, booking agent, and a networking mogul.

But wait... It gets deeper. You're also an activist. Why? Because drag has its own herstory henny. Drag queens and trans-folk have been some of the biggest pioneers in the LGBTQ+ community. Literally, the reason any big change towards equality for our rainbow brethren has happened due in part because of us. I know it's hard to believe but it's true.

That's not the only reason it's political. When it comes down to it the fight for gender equality and against gender normativity remains prevalent in our society. It's the very reason why as a man I am expected to act a certain way or dress "like a man". Even in our own gay community, there is an issue with gender norms. So doing Drag is like saying fuck you to it all.

For example, it's a...

Fuck you to the guy I worked with on a movie and totally dismissed me after finding out I do drag.

Fuck you to the people who don't take me seriously as an artist because to you what I do is not "art"

Fuck you to the asshole who rolled his eyes as I mentioned I was a drag queen.

Fuck you to the men who quite literally draw away from my presence because you can't handle that gender is, in fact, a fucking construct and my hot ass picture proved it to you.

Fuck you to the people out there who don't show support to your local drag queens because "oh it's not a valid art"

Fuck you to the fake friends who pretend to support me but are nowhere to be found when I'm down in the trenches.

Fuck you to those who think drag is disrespectful to women. No you imbecile, drag is a fight FOR women and femininity. Drag is feminism done right.

Fuck you to the men out there who like to fetishize us but not respect us enough to understand that what we do is for expression, not your penis' mood-swings.

Fuck you to all the stuck up artists out there who think they can determine what your art is. Newsflash if you say the words "you can't" or "that's not how..." in reference to art then bitch, you don't know art.

Fuck you to those who try to demean men for being effeminate.

And finally...

Fuck you, Trump.

So to sum it up, when it comes to MY art and MY drag, the limit does not exist.

#activism #activist #fucktrump #dragqueen #personal rant #feminist #heteronormative society #art #the limit does not exist #fuckyou

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