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In the last time I’m thinking more and more about our existence. Do you know, why are you here? Maybe, you exist for helping or saving someone, or for making something great…or for discover new and unknown. It’s so amazing! All these thoughts make you to plunge into your own universe and to learn something about youself.

meinekleineweltttt
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Well, life certainly has its ups and downs. 

The woman that I was seeing decided to break up with me. While that sounds sad, it’s not as bad as it sounds. 

She is someone who has a very busy life, and while she enjoyed her time with me, she realized that she’s not looking for something long term. Something in our lives had to give, and unfortunately, it was me.

While that sucks, I have to actually give her kudos because it’s usually at this point in the relationship that emotional and mental connections start to take hold. 

She even told me that she respected me too much to lead me on for too long. 

Good grief, if only some of my exes were like this. It would have saved me a metric fuckton of pain. I’ve been through some seriously shitty breakups, and this was by far the easiest. She’s obviously been through some similar stuff that I’ve been through in the past. 

She might be open to something in the future, but I’m just going to have to play that by ear. 

Alas. 

image

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

In other news, I unfortunately am not renewing at my current school. It’s no problem, but considering the school I was at just a year ago, my current school was a big step up and a change of pace. I went from a school that treated me like I was some scrub fresh off the plane to a school that gave me more professional development in the first two days I was there than in the nearly five months I was at my previous school.

As a bit of an aside, I was recently talking to someone who went through the full year at my previous school. She told me that after I left, there was almost a complete turnover in teaching and leadership staff. Out of the group of people that were hired at that school with us, only her and another woman were there for the full year. She also told me in the two months after I left that school, five Korean teachers and two more foreign English teachers left, one of the English teachers even did a midnight run! She even described it as a “complete shit-show”, and completely understood why I left when I did. 

Yes, it was that bad.

She even said that out of the many different schools that she’s worked for during her time in Korea, the school that we were at was easily the worst. 

Anyway, I figure that I should elaborate on that situation. Even a year on from it, it makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

I also have an advantage when looking for a job in the next few weeks: I don’t have to quarantine for two weeks before I start my new job. I’m already in Korea, so any prospective employer who wants to hire me knows that I can start right away. So, it’s not all bad. 

I’m always good about being flexible to life disruptions. It’s one of the many skills that I learned while I was in the Army that has set me up for success in my life. This is especially important when you’ve been living in a foreign country for multiple years. 

Even with the current Coronavirus situation, I’m in a really good spot. While I can’t travel because of the pandemic, I will at least be setting myself up for future success. 

In short, Life is good. 

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The favorite phrase of all those who are stupid in love is:

“You don’t choose who to fall in love with" It is the biggest lie, of course we lie to ourselves to feel better about our choices.

Thinking it was "involuntary” makes us feel better, but we couldn’t be further from the truth.

We could make a list of all the people we have loved, or who have attracted us. If we take out the characteristics of those people, they will always see more than a couple of characteristics that they have in common.

If love were involuntary, why do you always “casually” fall in love with someone who shares characteristics with other people you loved in the past? What we say “he is my type”.

It is because we choose those people. Consciously or unconsciously, you are attracted to the same thing and even if there are a thousand people around you, you will only be able to see those who have those same characteristics that you like so much.

There is a word that is rolling in my mind for days and it is the intentional word.

Intention: thing that a person thinks or intends to do. Idea that is pursued with a certain action or behavior.

There is something that we must understand and that is that we must be intentional. In everything we do, and especially when it comes to love.

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I hate your room

‘ I hate your room. I hate watching your things. Your desk. Your pencils and pens. All your books and notebooks you own. I hate that I’m not like you. I hate myself because I am not as smart as you. I can even feel or see your future but where is my future? I can’t see it. I feel like I don’t have one. Perhaps I’m wrong but I can see you love paying attention with your studies and you’re focused on it.

But when it is about me… I am writing this trash instead of spending time doing what I must and stop daydreaming about a perfect life.

Goodnight. I hope you rest well. ’


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Originally posted by grunge-teendevil

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i think it’s really interesting to see that one of the first things tony stark says in the mcu is “id be out of a job with peace” and then over ten years you see him trying to do just that and then sacrificing himself as the greatest peace offering so that his daughter can grow up in a world not racked with violence

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Мне грустно, очень грустно и очень мерзко на душе, когда я узнаю, что моя мать поранилась, ушиблась или ей плохо. Обычно виной тому ее мужчины.

Почему то мне так обидно, будто это со мной произошло. Ничто не вызывает у меня такого чувства. Оно уникальное. Из всех, что я испытываю. Не понимаю его.

Все, что мне хочется, это стереть знание такой новости.

Хоть я и презираю, испытываю раздражение к своей матери в отношении ее как человека, ни к кому такой эмпатии я не испытываю. Моментально чувство жалости, вины и желание утешить пробирает насквозь. Даже понимание того, что она манипулятивный человек с потребностью к жалости окружающих к своей жертвенной персоне, не есть аргументом в момент подобных известий об ее травмировании. Хоть я и осознаю, что она упивается вниманием и жалостью со стороны других людей, что слышать их сочувствующие или восхваляющие или восхищенные комментарии для нее мед, это не мешает мне испытывать тяжесть в груди, когда вижу все это. Меня удушает тоска, когда я вижу вполне невинные попытки привлечь внимание в виде трудами над разными изощеренными десертами, тортами, блюдами, чтобы ее похвалили, сказали, какая она хорошая девочка. Мне так тягостно это видеть.

Ко всему прибавляется вина за то, что где то я не могу ответить более благодарно на какие то ее жесты, так как они прикрыты моим раздражением по ее несвоевременной глупости или примитивности суждений или банально осадком всего того дерьма, что мне довелось хлебнуть (иметь за основной рацион), живя с ней и всеми ее приключениями, которых она сама добивалась, а потом плакалась на тяжелую жизнь. Не желая быть снова вовлеченным во все это, я дистанцируюсь от нее, что выглядит как холодность и пренебрежение. Уже рефлекторно я не могу испытывать/проявлять к ней любви, да и испытывал ли когда либо, ведь ее стараниями все эмоции в виде любви, заботы, искренней благодарности были избиты и заброшены в гниющий подвал моего долбаного сердца.

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