#tk has very much always been open about his emotions/feeling so much and carlos has always been so good at keeping things in and controlled

[kellykadesperate]

tk ‘if i don’t say how i feel i might explode’ vs carlos ‘if i don’t say how i feel it means it’s not really happening’ is what we’re working with here

#911 lone star #tarlos #i just saw the clip for the episode and like yeah carlos doing his little let's defer with humour and kisses! is so him #tk has very much always been open about his emotions/feeling so much and carlos has always been so good at keeping things in and controlled #this is just another example of him deflecting #interested to see where it goes

[messymindofmine]

Carlos Reyes Character Study

I have so many thoughts on Carlos lately I've always loved how complex he is but this season had expanded so many things for me and I just have to get my thoughts on it all out otherwise I might explode. I have metas for a bunch of other LS characters planned too. You can see my Marjan meta here. I think the next one will probably be TK.

Also big thank you to @paperstorm for proofreading and sharing feedback on this.

From the beginning, I've always seen Carlos as a very complex character. I never believed him to be perfect bc it was so obvious to me that he wasn't. Go back to s1 when we first see him as someone who appears to have it all together but even in 1x02 we begin to see that it's not actually the case. Interestingly, I actually feel I predicted a lot of what we see of the Reyes family dynamics even back in s1 when we knew nothing and I know some other people did as well. The way he reacted to him and TK hooking up for the first time was a big clue.

Even in the immediate aftermath of their hookup as he lies on that couch, you can tell this man is gone. He offers this guy he's just met a ride to work (probably bc he was hoping for another quickie) and tells TK to text him even as TK rushes out the door. I'll bet Carlos himself never imagined he could ever be this forward with a guy that he would be the one doing the chasing. This is the very first sign of the light TK brought into Carlos's life. For the first time, Carlos wants to be the one doing the chasing. He didn't deal with it well at first of that there is no doubt. We see this towards the end of the very same episode.

It's in 1x02 that we actually see his flaws emerging for the first time. The dinner was a beautiful gesture. It shows how Carlos is a true romantic and all he has ever wanted is to find that special someone. He knew (even if it was only subconscious at that point) that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with TK. But he did go against what seems to have been perfectly clear boundaries by arranging that dinner and having TK come to his place under the assumption that it was just for a hookup. And then when TK understandably was put off by the dinner, Carlos acted like TK was the one being so unreasonable when really he was the one who had gone against the arrangement they had at the time and sprung a date on someone who clearly wasn't looking for that. It was a lovely gesture but it was so clearly the wrong one for those circumstances and rather than admit to that, Carlos resorted to acting like TK was the one being crazy.

The next time he sees TK is after TK got arrested. This is when he acts all passive-aggressive and like he doesn't care at all about what happened. However, he still can't stop himself from showing his concern for TK but even he insists that he's not trying to be his boyfriend or his friend rather than admit to him how he really feels. It's not until TK opens up to him that Carlos fully drops his façade.

This is something we see Carlos resort to throughout the show since. Rather than communicate his thoughts and feelings or acknowledging his own role in a conflict, he makes passive-aggressive comments or turns the issue around onto the other person. It's quite understandable actually when you consider how Carlos grew up in an environment where he constantly felt like he had to repress himself and his emotions. So much of how we see Carlos deal with things can be explained by the way he grew up. His need for control at all times, his tendency to get very anxious when it comes to things he can't control or when it comes to pleasing authority figures and being enough for people, his tendency to not talk about his feeling until those feelings come out in passive-aggressive ways. Carlos is also someone who simultaneously has a tendency to blame things he has no control over on himself and a tendency to not recognize his actual flaws. Both of these things track pretty well for someone who represses their emotions. There’s a reason why nowadays it’s encouraged to let children express their emotions freely, it’s bc it allows them to learn how to understand why they feel a certain way and to process those feelings early. Children who aren’t taught to do so can end up becoming repressed adults who can’t understand or process their feelings as adults. We certainly see this with Carlos. It's also understandable that Carlos is like that considering he grew up in what has been said by both him and his mother a very old-school traditional household. His father is clearly a man who doesn't show emotions and never encouraged his son to do so either. We see the shock on Gabriel’s face when Carlos lashes out at him after Gabriel refuses to admit that Carlos was right about the bomber. Carlos himself says in 2x08 that his father didn't even want him to be a cop bc he thought Carlos was too soft. I can see how for Carlos who must have already been struggling with his sexuality and the way it felt like his parents didn't approve of that it must have just felt like his father didn't approve of him at all. People who grow up not feeling like they got the approval they need as kids end up constantly seeking that approval from everyone as adults.

In 4x04, we see the similarity between Carlos and Gabriel and how they deal with their emotions. As TK and Gabriel search for Carlos, Gabriel remains completely stoic to the point where TK has to ask him how he could remain so calm. Gabriel responds with a rather passive-aggressive comment about how TK is not the only one who loves Carlos. TK questioning Gabriel's demeanor was completely understandable considering the state he was in and Gabriel's remark was unnecessary. But it makes sense when you consider how this is just how Carlos deals with things as well. I do think Gabriel deserves credit for showing effort to do better when it comes to accepting Carlos. I'll bet a 17 year old Carlos could never have imagined that one day his father would be asking to be introduced to his boyfriend or coming over for dinner to meet his boyfriend's father. Or telling him that he was proud of him. Or even teaming up with his fiancé to find him. It's important to remember that Gabriel himself would have grown up with the same ideals he enforced with his son and at his age, it honestly a bit unreasonable to expect him to change completely. Realistically, he and Carlos may never have the type of casual, playful and affectionate relationship that TK and Owen have (although as we all know TK and Owen's relationship has it's own complications) but the relationship they have now is still more than Carlos could have ever imagined and that's a really good thing.

As much as Carlos inherited certain things from his father, he also clearly inherited other things from his mother. Carlos is quite clearly a caretaker. He loves to take care of people, host gatherings with friends, cook for people and be of service in some way. We know he puts so much value in his ability to take care of TK. It's unsurprising that his desire to take care of people can often contribute to his desire to be in control. After all, taking care of others often means being the one in charge. It's just that for Carlos, it can be a bit detrimental at times bc his need for control runs so deep. That need to be in control makes sense too when you think about all the things traditional masculinity upholds. Men are supposed to be the ones in charge. Men are supposed to always be stoic and never show emotion. Men are expected to always be in control and to take on all the responsibility. As we know, this type of mindset isn't really healthy and with Carlos there is the added layer that he is already going against expectations simply by being who he is. There is also the fact that the caretaker is a role that is usually assigned to women and so that would probably have created a conflict in a young Carlos's mind as well. It's not surprising then that he would (even if it was on a subconscious level) take his "feminine" desire to be a caretaker and his "masculine" desire to be in control and combine the two things in a way that causes him to place the weight of the world on his shoulders. Of course we also can't forget how another characteristic that is often associated with men is the inability to recognize their own flaws. This in itself stems from repressing one's emotions. After all, in order to acknowledge that you have flaws, you have to first acknowledge that you have vulnerabilities in the first place. And that is something traditional masculinity does not allow. As pointed out above, we see this in Carlos as well. As much as he tends to put the blame for things like their house burning down or the plane crash onto himself when he shouldn't, he also tends to overlook when he actually does play a role in something going wrong. There's a certain comfort that comes with blaming yourself for things that are out of your control. Sometimes a person will blame themselves for something purely bc by doing so it helps them maintain the illusion that they are in control of everything. To admit that there are certain things in life that we don't have control over can be very scary. I can see how it would be like that for Carlos.

I can totally see why Carlos would have bought the loft. When someone goes through something traumatic (regardless of what type of person they are) having as much familiarity around you and being as in control of things as possible is very important. Carlos didn't get that. He must have been really struggling while living with Owen after the fire. In addition to having lost his home and belongings, he had to move in somewhere else that was unfamiliar, someone else would always have been around so he couldn't let his façade slip the way he would have if it had just been him and TK. He wouldn't have even been able to take comfort in taking care of TK the way he usually would bc Owen would have been there to do it instead. On top of that, he was blaming himself for the fire bc he was the one who didn't notice that something was wrong in the first place and didn't have a fire extinguisher in the bedroom. He felt like everything was completely out of his control and he didn't talk to anyone about it so it just kept getting worse. So I can see how he would buy the loft in order to regain that control and regain that confidence in his ability to take care of TK. That said, it was wrong of him to do that without consulting TK about it. TK tends to get a lot of flack bc he's the one who ended things (and yes it's already been acknowledged that he should have stayed and talked) but Carlos was in the wrong here too. And as we see in the hospital scenes in 3x03-3x04, it's something he never acknowledges and instead he just puts all the blame onto TK. I don't think he did that to be malicious. His hurt was totally valid but it also wasn't the full story. I think that Carlos found it easier to pin the blame onto TK bc then he could avoid confronting the reason why he'd bought the loft without talking to him. I really wish we'd gotten to see a conversation about that after Push. Still, you can see the growth throughout s3. Ultimately, I think the breakup actually ended up being a good thing for both of them.

In 3x13, we see him being cold and passive-aggressive towards TK and Cooper. This is another occasion where TK gets a lot of flack but he really didn't do anything wrong here. The only thing that you could even kind of say he could have done better was maybe let Carlos know he would be arriving home late but even then the problem was never about TK coming home late, it was about Carlos feeling like he was being pushed out. He felt that way bc he was being faced with what it really means to be in a relationship with an addict for the very first time. Prior to this, TK was already in a much better place when him and Carlos first got together officially and so Carlos didn't experience the initial recovery period. Now though, he was witnessing what it was like for the first time and learning that this isn't something he can just fix for TK. This is a perfectly normal thing. Anybody who's been in a relationship with someone who deals with chronic mental health issues goes through these feelings bc it's so hard to watch someone you love struggle and not be able to take that pain away. I imagine guilt played a role in this as well since the reason TK relapsed in the first place is bc yet again someone broke into their home to hurt them. And this time, the consequences were even worse. Carlos was probably also feeling guilty that he hadn't seen through Sadie right away. Also, as we have acknowledged, Carlos is a caretaker and TK is the person he wants to take care of the most. It's totally understandable why he felt like he was being shut out in 3x13. That said, just bc something is understandable doesn't mean that it's right. Carlos's passive-aggression and coldness wasn't right. But Carlos did learn. He listened to what TK was saying to him during the dinner table scene and when he truly saw how much TK was struggling, he realized that he couldn't just fix this and that he had to let TK take the lead in his recovery. He realized that just bc he can't fill the role a sponsor can doesn't mean that he can't be there in other ways. Like putting a pizza in the oven and leaving him to talk to his sponsor alone. That moment where TK tells Carlos he loves him and Carlos replies with "I know" is him telling TK that he gets it now.

In s4, we had Carlos tell TK on his own about his marriage to Iris rather than trying to fix it himself in secret. I know a lot of people wish he'd acknowledged how the secret would have hurt TK but I do understand why he chose to spiral about being a bad friend to Iris instead. It would be a lot easier to focus on being a bad friend to someone he hadn't seen in years than focus on the hurt he would have caused to the one person he plans to spend the rest of his life with and who he has always been so determined to take care of. I also understand people being upset with how Carlos behaved in 4x03. I agree that the way he behaved was very wrong. TK did absolutely nothing wrong and was already drowning in guilt and seeing Carlos behave that way only made that guilt worse. But Carlos was also blaming himself. He was thinking that something must have set Iris off and was blaming himself for not noticing. He was probably also remembering what it was like the last time Iris went missing bc nobody had noticed the signs. The way Carlos behaved was entirely in character. He became cold, passive aggressive and so consumed with finding Iris he forgot about everything else. Honestly, I didn't like the way he intimidated the guy with the sex doll but I also wasn't surprised. This isn't the first time we've seen Carlos become so consumed with a case that he gets tunnel vision. This is just the first time we've seen it play out in a negative light. As I said, I do understand why he behaved the way he did in that episode but I also don't think it was right. Again, I do wish we had gotten a conversation about it but I'm not surprised we didn't. I know Rafa said that what happened will affect the way Carlos deals with things going forward and we still have half the season left so I guess we'll see. I will say that Carlos is more of a man of action rather than words (even though there are times where words are just as necessary as actions) so expecting a direct conversation is probably not realistic. And honestly? I think that's ok as long as TK is able to understand when Carlos is conveying an apology through his actions. And TK clearly does.

Carlos also clearly has a thing about pleasing authority figures. He's so anxious when it comes to pleasing his parents and it took him so long to become truly comfortable around Owen. Interestingly, he doesn't really have this problem when it comes to those he considers his equals. We don't see him struggling to please the 126 at all. He's always relaxed and informal around them. Even with TK, as much as he wants to be everything for him, he's never really stressed out about impressing him. Even back in 1x03 when TK was stewing over Judd, Carlos had no problem calling him out and poking fun at him. At that point, he had no way of knowing if TK would get mad at that and leave. Especially considering what happened last time he attempted to set up a date for them. Yet he still called TK out over it. So he clearly doesn't have a problem with people in general. It's mainly authority figures whether they are parental or at his job.

I know we all enjoyed 4x08 so much bc of all the wedding planning shenanigans. It also brings back Carlos's need to please authority figures in a more comedic light. This need obviously stems from his need to please his father who is an authority figure in more ways than one. Since Carlos never felt like he got that approval from his own father, it's not surprising he would turn that need towards other authority figures. We see this with Owen constantly. It took forever for Carlos to even get to the point where he could call Owen by his name considering he calls his own father sir. It shows a lot of growth that he's gotten to the point where he can tell Owen not to be ridiculous like he did in 4x06. Clearly he still struggles with letting go of that need to please completely considering he had to get his mother involved to get Owen to back off and in the end it was TK who finally snapped. A lot of it is also down to the fact that Owen gave him the approval that he was looking for when his dad didn't so it's perfectly understandable that Carlos wouldn't want to lose that. Judd's little anecdote about his own FIL probably didn't help.

I am so very glad that at least Andrea has acknowledged that they hurt Carlos with how they behaved when he came out. I honestly wasn't sure if this would ever be addressed at all. I know a lot of people love that we finally got confirmation that Carlos does have sisters. Tbh, I wasn't shocked bc I kind of always had that feeling. It just made sense to me just like TK being an only child did. Obviously we still don't know whether they are older or younger but I could see it going either way. On one hand, Carlos being the oldest would explain why he feels so much pressure when it comes to pleasing his parents. It would also explain his caretaker instincts bc he would have grown up taking care of his sisters. Also, Carlos does not give off youngest child energy to me. That said, it could also be that he feels that pressure bc he's the only male child and there is still a lot of pressure with that in a traditional household. Coming from a relatively similar background myself, I can attest to this. Actually, Carlos's caretaker tendency can still be explained if he grew up in a household of women older than him bc he would still have been witnessing that nurture. Plus, even if he was the youngest, as the only boy he probably would still have been expected to be the one protecting and taking care of all the women. Think of that old movie trope of the dying father telling his young son to take care of his mother. I know a lot of people are also wondering why his sisters wouldn't have helped him more if he was the youngest. That's a valid question. I do wonder though if Carlos would have even let him help them. We've seen Carlos grow in terms of letting people in but I would imagine he was a lot worse about it when he was younger. He could have seen his parents reaction to him coming out and decided to just shut even his sisters out as well. Still though, I am so glad that he had Iris when he was younger. I know so many of us felt so sad at the thought of him being so alone so it's nice to know that he at least had Iris before she went missing who he could open up to. Iris wasn't wrong about her and TK being a lot alike even if her view on the relationship was colored by her view on herself.

We see a lot of growth on both sides during the couch scene in 4x02 when TK is struggling after speaking to Iris. Instead of shutting down or lashing out, TK opens up to Carlos about how he's feeling. Obviously, the issue was never about Iris (hence why Iris is never mentioned) but about the insecurities that were reawakened after talking to her. But TK voices them to Carlos and Carlos is able to see that TK is genuinely upset when he says that maybe getting married is a bad idea. Carlos realizes that TK isn't saying that he doesn't want to get married but rather is struggling with something that has made him voice that thought. And instead of cracking a joke or trying to change the subject, he walks over to TK and gets him to talk. And once he's heard what TK said, he opens up too so that TK can feel less alone in his thoughts. He tells TK (probably for the first time) how he felt broken bc he could never accept how he really was and how meeting TK changed that. We see them as a united team in that entire episode and especially in that scene.

For all his repression and need to be in control, Carlos is actually the best case scenario. The absolute worst thing he does is get passive-aggressive. I think we all know that the consequences of repression can often be much worse. Despite having been raised to never show emotion, Carlos has never stopped anyone else from doing so and is always there to comfort others. And even though he may struggle to recognize his mistakes at times, once they are pointed out to him he does apologize in some form even if it's not always verbal.

We do see Carlos growing throughout the entire show. We see him letting not only TK in but others as well. Obviously, meeting TK wasn't some magical cure to his repression and internalized homophobia but it's what led him to want to open up and let people in. It's what led him to seek out a life beyond anything he could have ever imagined before that. We see him branching out in s2 as he gets closer to the 126. Before TK, Carlos would probably have never let himself get close to so many people. And he enjoys being close to them. He enjoys hosting their hangouts and goofing around with them. He's still reserved bc that's just who he is but he's also a lot more relaxed than the version of him we saw in s1. The Carlos we see as the show progresses is a far cry from the young Carlos who married a woman bc he hoped that it would make him acceptable in the eyes of his parents. Who felt that there was something wrong with him bc of who he loved. Who shut himself away from others bc he was so afraid of not being accepted.

I do wish more fans would be able to acknowledge that Carlos is a complex character with flaws. To me, that's what makes characters interesting and Carlos is very interesting to me. My problem has never been with Carlos having flaws but with the way people reacted to those flaws being explored. I really don't like how when the marriage was revealed people decided to look for someone else to blame rather than acknowledge that Carlos had done something wrong by keeping secret. I've said before that I really think it took Carlos unequivocally being the one in the wrong without TK being there to pin the blame on for people to confront his flaws. But it looks like some people are still struggling with that. When TK handled the news so well and people obviously couldn't pin the blame on him, they decided to pin it on Iris. Even though Iris was the one who was in a state of psychosis for years and living on the streets. Even after she got help, Iris would still have far too much to deal with to be thinking about a marriage to a friend that she hadn't even seen in years. She probably thought Carlos had moved on already. And even though TK handled the news so well, people still looked for ways to blame him for Carlos not telling him by bringing up past conflicts that had nothing to do with the situation or just randomly looking for reasons. More than anything else, I really don't like how certain people decided to take their anger to the actors. I'm so glad that Rafa decided to repost the picture he had to delete after getting hate and I loved seeing Ronen showing his support. This isn't the first time this has happened. I know Ronen has gotten a lot of hate for various things regarding TK and Tim had to delete his Twitter account bc he kept getting people hating on TK. And then he got so much hate on FB for the marriage storyline that he felt he had to make a post about it. I think Tim was within his rights to make that FB post even if I do wish he would at least have acknowledged the plot holes. There is never a reason to go after actors who are only doing their jobs. Let's remember that actors are humans too and just bc they are being paid to do something doesn't mean that they aren't affected by the hate they get. We should be able to acknowledge that a character we love has flaws. If you ask me, to act like Carlos is perfect and to get upset at the idea of him having flaws is a disservice to Rafa and everything he puts into Carlos. I love Carlos bc he is such an amazing, complex yet flawed character. He doesn't need to be perfect bc human beings aren't perfect and we should be able to accept that.

#911 on fox #911 lone star #911 lone star s1 #911 lone star s2 #911 lone star s3 #911 lone star s4 #carlos reyes #tk strand #tarlos #owen strand #gabriel reyes #andrea reyes #iris blake #character meta

[paperstorm]

Hi! Would you be willing to talk a little more about HCing Carlos as demi/on that spectrum? Only if you want to of course! Your analysis is always so well thought out and interesting. I've only recently started dipping my toe into seeing if one of those identities might fit me, and working through the lens of beloved characters and the distance afforded by that has been...eye-opening lol. Thank you and even if you don't get to this I hope you're having a good day/night/whatever!

Sure! Really it comes mostly out of Carlos's admission that he didn't realize he wasn't broken until he met TK. That just feels so big to me. It's not a normal romantic "all my life I was looking for you" kind of declaration, because it's more about Carlos himself than it is about TK. It's not just "you make me happy in a way no one ever did" or "I feel whole when I'm with you", it's "I felt wrong until I met you in a way that I didn't even fully realize until that feeling went away." I've always headcanoned that Carlos didn't have a ton of experience with other guys before TK just because it feels to me that that's implied in canon but that line. It makes his marriage to Iris make even more sense if you put him on the demi spectrum, because while he realized that he was gay, compounded with his issues with his parents and the internalized homophobia he needed to work through, Carlos also tried to date and hook up but it never felt like he thought it was supposed to. It wasn't the fireworks revelation he'd been led to believe it would be, but instead of going oh well I just haven't met the right guy yet, he decided there was something wrong with him. That he was broken in a way that was more profound than just being gay in an intolerant world. So he got married to his friend, thinking that would be the closest to a happy ending he would ever get. And then he met TK, and for the very first time he felt all the things he thought he was supposed to feel. He really wanted someone for the first time, so much that he felt like they were soulmates when they barely knew each other, which is not a thing that rational, practical Carlos ever expected to feel. I doubt the writers did this knowingly or intentionally but it fits so well for me that once I thought of it, I kind of cant' stop seeing him this way. He felt wrong in his own skin because he didn't have the deep emotional connection with other men that he needed in order to enjoy being with them. And then TK just made everything make sense.

#911ls asks #andie's annoying character metas

[thebumblecee]

Year in review - fic writer edition

I was tagged by the lovely @alrightbuckaroo a couple days back, thank you for that ♥️ and i was most definitely included by other people but I’ve not had my head in the game recently, so fuck it I’m doing it now.

Rules: share your top three/top five/however many favourite snippets/lines/quotes/paragraphs from your published fics (or wips) and don’t forget to share the link ofc!

I considered doing everything i published in 2023 but lets be real its mostly porn, so i cherry picked

I didn’t know I was starving till I tasted you

There’s a self-deprecating part of him that considers the blow to his self-esteem if he doesn’t excel at it. He’s very good at what he does but he might not be so good at what Owen Strand’s team does. He doesn’t want that bruise to his ego.

They break away from their little tête à tête and no one except Paul notices it. He was always told he was perceptive. He raises his eyebrow questioningly, but Carlos plays dumb.

Instead, he challenges Owen’s generosity with his team. “Are you sure you want to order that champagne sir? It’s $250.”

There’s a cheer from the surrounding seats and Owen laughs. “Touché.” Carlos won’t confess it but he’s a little scared to look at TK. The boy hasn’t touched a drink except mineral water all night. Basically, snatching his glass away when Carlos went to pour his wine. Privacy. Respect it.

It’s bad when his conscience sounds like Owen Strand.

Something so wholesome

TK didn’t bring it up again that night and Carlos couldn’t be more grateful. He saw the flash of hurt that went through TK’s eyes when he said he wasn’t like that. Try as he might to conceal his feelings TK is an open book when he’s being vulnerable.

It’s killing Carlos that he hurt his feelings and he doesn’t think he has the words to explain what he meant by it. He’s tried before and the other person ended up storming out and blocking his number.

His luck runs out a few nights later when TK brings it up when they’re cuddling on the couch. Carlos is lazily trailing his hand up TK’s forearm as they watch the TV. He feels contented love settling into his bones.

“What did you mean when you said you weren’t like that?” TK asks quietly and Carlos can feel his blood freeze. It was naïve to hope that TK wouldn’t ever bring that up again.

He tries to play it off in vain, “hmm? What do you mean?” TK isn’t having any of it and he breaks their spooning position to look at him. Carlos bites down on his bottom lip briefly, releasing it and exhaling.

When I’m like this, you’re the one that I want

He swears under his breath when Carlos follows him outside. He’s been avoiding him nicely until now. He looks him up at him and with as much vitriol he can muster he asks. “How can I help you, officer?”

Carlos rolls his eyes, not taking the bait. “I want to see how you are. You haven’t been answering my calls.”

TK clenches his jaw. He didn’t block Carlos’ number but he thought about it. He didn’t because seeing his name flash up on the screen every time was a punishment, it gave him a painful jolt that was too addictive to give up.

“There was a reason for that, I didn’t want to talk to you.” TK says quietly. He knows Carlos hears him because he sees him flinch.

“I’m not trying to corner you, TK, but I’m so confused about everything.” It’s too vulnerable out of Carlos’ mouth and TK can’t take it right now. He has a right to be confused and upset because TK never explained himself when he cut off all contact.

“And yet, you’ve cornered me.” He can feel a complex bubble of emotions rising within him which he doesn’t want to deal with. He quells it by focussing on anger. “So are you happy now, you can see how I am? Fine and enjoying a fun night out.”

Fun might be pushing it. The itch inside of him growing stronger with each passing moment driving him to madness.

“Are you alone here?”

“Is that your business?”

“I don’t want you making a stupid decision because you’re acting out.” It’s incredibly patient sounding and TK wants to lash out. Why is he always the one that’s lashing out and angry over everything? “Or fuck up your sobriety because you’re hurting.”

“You think I’m going to run off and use, because what? I don’t have your dick to rely on?” It’s particularly nasty but TK doesn’t care.

For if I’m going down, I’m taking you with me - joint with @mooshkat

TK looks murderous that he missed it and it makes Carlos laugh. “Not one for puzzles, princess?”

TK makes a terrible impression of Carlos’ voice mocking him but it’s so bad it’s not even offensive. The corner of Carlos’ mouth quirks at his little tantrum. He hates to admit it but there is something so endearing about TK. If he had to spend more than twenty minutes with him, however, he would put a bullet in one of their heads. Which is unfortunate since they appear to be locked in a room together.

“So, Sherlock, how do we get out to here?” TK drawls, he’s putting in a lot of effort to look bored but Carlos can see past that from his body language. He’s on high alert and Carlos is too.

Someone got the drop on him, knocked him out and tied him up. They also got the drop on TK.

Carlos doesn’t like to think himself overly vain but that’s only something a serious player could do. Which spells trouble.

—

Y’know what? It’s been a hell of a year I’ve published 193,280 words on A03 (and written many more that were never published) and I’m pretty proud of myself for that!

But now I want to see you all be proud of yourselves, im sorry if you’ve done this and I’ve missed it, please tag me in it so i can celebrate you ♥️ sorry I’ve been gone so much ily

Tagging: @spikewritesstuff @mooshkat @cowlos-reyes @paperstorm @chaotictarlos @birdclowns @lightningboltreader @wandering-night19 @carlos-tk @heartstringsduet @jesuisici33 @lemonlyman-dotcom @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad

#cee speaks #writing #911 lonestar #tarlos #carlos reyes #tk strand #year in review #i know ive tagged people that have done it before but link me to it because im here now #and i want to celebrate you #im sorry but im here now ♥️

[alrightbuckaroo]

Hello 😃 I binged all of lone star and I’m now fully in the Tarlos hole 🕳️ with no way of getting out 🥹 anyways as I rewatched their scenes again and again, I noticed how Carlos really works on himself, makes so much progress and is such a layered character (FUN! That’s how it’s suppose to be to keep the audience attached to the plot and character). But / and I also noticed how in season 1 when we met him he (came across as) more light, smiley, more carefree in a way. Now season 4 Carlos ofc had his goofy moments and teases TK still etc. but it seems more subdued and he seems more…reserved in a way? Less smiley, less happy. Not with TK, just a general vibe.

Do you think it’s the writers / Rafa considering how much shit went down since season 1, like so many deaths of family members, and nearly losing TK many times, almost dying himself etc. that definitely leaves trauma and can really do you in mentally. Or is it cause he older now or?

Mhhhh trying to understand the shift, and although it makes sense given the circumstances, I do hope we get some carefree, smiling from ear to ear, serene Carlos in S5 with his husband again, at least here and there. Very excited to see where they and Rafa are going with it ♥️

Love your gif sets!

First, welcome! Happy to have you :)

I was just thinking this the other day, but I feel like Carlos has always been kind of reserved, and part of me thinks that's due to his background.

I definitely think he's a bit more open in season one and I think that's to counteract TK's casualness and somewhat guarded demeanor.

That said, when we learn that he thinks his own father thought he would be "too soft" to be a cop, it really made me wonder how Carlos handles his emotions; especially knowing his relationship with his father.

That mixed with the way his parents reacted to him coming out, his own struggles with his sexuality and (in my opinion) his need to kind of be this rock for both him and TK. (I also hope we explore his relationship with his faith at some point but that's probably a long shot)

We see him shed a single tear (if Rafael Silva is going to do anything, it's shed a single tear and know how to look good when doing it) when TK's in his first coma; but it isn't until halfway through season two when the loft burns down that we see him fully give in to his melancholy.

It wouldn't shock me if Carlos' more reserved nature was born out of everything that's happened to him that hasn't been explored. I mean, the guy was abducted, technically died, and was brought back to life all in one episode and the next week they were just back to wedding planning like it was nothing 😭

Anyways, I'm saying that because while I don't think the writers necessarily planned to have Carlos come off as more reserved, it wouldn't surprise me if Rafael is playing him as such. (It is a Ryan Murphy production after all, the actors are only given so much sometimes.)

I understand that it's an ensemble show, it's less than an hour long and the show isn't about TK and Carlos ; so that does leave a lot of blanks for us to fill in ourselves.

It could also be that he's older, I'm pretty close in age to Rafael and I think he's pretty close in age to Carlos and your late 20s are definitely a time where you're kind of like, "I'm an adult but I'm not grown up." I agree, I would love to see much more lighthearted interactions, which might be wishful thinking seeing it's a labeled a drama. I was saying that I hope there's an episode where the gang goes to the beach and their biggest emergency is that the snow cone machine is broken.

#thanks for being a breath of fresh air after that last anon hahah #rambling wreck #asked and answered

[rafaelsilvasource]

Rafael Silva is feeling grateful. The 26-year-old Brazilian-born actor just finished his second season as gay police officer Carlos Reyes on the hit Fox drama 9-1-1: Lone Star. But he’s not just grateful for being part of a successful show that also just got renewed for a third season. He’s also grateful for fans, especially fans of Tarlos, the on-screen relationship between him and T.K. Strand, the paramedic played by Ronen Rubinstein.

So, after an explosive episode that featured Carlos losing his house to an arsonist — he was distracted, having one of the steamiest makeout scenes in recent memory, — and a finale that puts the future of the firehouse up in the air, Silva is riding high and looking forward to the future.

“It's been extremely flattering, to say the least,” Silva tells Out laughing when asked about the feverent fan reaction to his steamy make out session. For the actor, some of his favorite moments are when the couple have intimate moments through conversation. Still, he realizes the importance of physical intimacy for viewers, and always is excited to shoot them.

Silva says he loves “the way that the audience gravitated towards the physicality of this love… We want to see them love each other, because a part of us also identifies with the characters, right? So we want to feel that part being fulfilled, being loved.”

But as some fans pointed out, it wasn’t just about the physical scenes in the penultimate episode. It was also a huge moment of emotional growth for the characters. “I think Carlos is someone who takes small things very seriously sometimes," Silva says. "So what does it mean that the house burned down while living together with T.K.? He thinks ‘Is this it?’ But we see that in that moment, it's like, ‘No. This made us strong. This is exactly where we're supposed to be. It tested us, and guess what? We didn't fail the test. We're right here.’” The episode featured moving scenes, featuring the characters getting real about how they felt about one another for the first time.

It's all made so much easier because Rubenstein couldn't be a better on-screen partner for Silva. “I think the chemistry also happens off camera too,” he says. “I mean, Ronen and I, we're friends and we hang out together. So there is that relationship, which facilitates the on-screen relationship. It's just easier when that takes place, when you're sharing the screen with someone that it feels like he's got your back.”

Silva knows that same-sex relationships, especially ones featuring a Latino, don't often get this kind of screentime on most major network shows, and he's grateful that he gets to be such a big part of a show that’s pushing representation forward to such a large audience.

“I walked into this just trying to do a good job, as I think anyone really does in any job that they do,” Silva says, “but it wasn't until I actually started receiving messages via Instagram or Twitter saying, ‘Hey, I'm from Texas. Hey, I'm a first responder. I'm not out yet,'" he says. And those messages mean the world to him.

"I had this Latina mom, reaching out to me saying, ‘Hey, our girls are so happy to see someone that represents them,'" he continues. "For me, I can just say, ‘it's just a job, it's a role that I'm doing, yada, yada, yada,’ but for people looking outside in, Carlos looks differently and it can affect people on a rather personal level, in so many different ways.”

Now that the show has been renewed, he's excited to get to bring even more of that to the series, and to dive in even deeper to the relationship between Carlos and T.K.

“I have my own literal dreams and my own storylines that take place,” he teases. “I want to see if Carlos has siblings. I think he does. Hopefully he does.”

Mostly though, he’s excited to see Carlos’ and TK’s relationship grow. After surviving everything from their pasts, and then making it through things like a volcano and an arsonist attack in this latest season, he thinks the characters are ready to start healing.

“I think this is a moment of coming together for T.K. and Carlos," he says. "T.K.'s coming from a place where he's, he's been in a very serious relationship before, so he’s still taking back those layers. He's still going through that. And Carlos is allowing himself to be more open with T.K. and with himself.”

He says he definitely wants to see more emotionally vulnerable moments between the two, “but also more moments in the bed, that would be fun to see," he smiles.

“I think intimacy doesn't just happen with the hug or with the conversation,” he continues. “Sometimes intimacy can happen without words, and sometimes words are not necessary at all.” We couldn’t agree more.

#rafael silva #tarlos #911 lone star #carlos reyes #press #ls press #interviews #ls season 2 #ls 2 pr #may 2021 #ronen rubinstein

[marjansmarwani]

somehow we’ll be okay

9.3k || ao3

Gabriel and Owen process their guilt, the 126 comes together in the face of (another) tragedy, and Carlos and TK find comfort in each other. ---- A 2x12 coda, in 3 parts

This took me an entire week to write and I'm not even sure what it is anymore but here it is.

---------------

The shrill ringing of a phone shattered the silence of the Reyes home. 

They had just been settling down for the night when the call came and Gabriel muttered a curse under his breath as he rolled over in bed to grab the offending phone from the nightstand. He frowned when he saw the contact info on the screen. 

“Owen?” he said in greeting, “Is everything okay? It’s a little late for a social call.” 

“Gabriel!” The fire captain's voice was tense and distant. It sounded as if he was driving, and fast. “Have you talked to Carlos at all tonight?” 

“No,” he responded, sitting up in bed, nerves suddenly on edge, “Why?” 

“I don’t think Raymond was done. Do you remember what he said? ‘I’ll take what matters the most from you. At first I thought he meant the 126, but I think there was more; and I think he was talking to both of us.” 

It only took a moment for Owen Strand’s frantic words to process and when they did Gabriel felt a cold chill was over him. “The boys,” he said quietly, fearfully, and he felt his wife shift beside him, sitting up and facing him with a concerned expression.

“I think so,” Owen confirmed grimly. “I’m on my way there now but TK’s not answering. It keeps going to voicemail.” 

“I’ll try Carlos,” he said, desperately hoping there was some other explanation for them not answering, anything but the worst fear Owen had just painted for him. He went to hang up, but he hesitated. “Owen…” he said instead, not sure what exactly it was he wanted to say. 

“I’ll call you as soon as I know anything,” the other man promised and despite everything, Gabriel took comfort in knowing that he and Andrea weren’t alone in this fear. He thanked him again before ending the call and switching to his recent calls list. 

“What’s going on?” Andrea asked him, eyes roving his face for any clues. He didn’t answer right away as he tapped his son’s name and held the phone up to his ear, praying to hear his voice answer. Instead all he got was the mechanical ringing before his voicemail picked up. 

He lowered the phone and met his wife’s eyes. 

“Owen thinks that the arsonist isn’t done with revenge yet. He thinks that he had a more personal goal in mind; something that would affect both of us.” 

He knew he didn’t have to spell it out for her - Andrea had always been smarter than him, after all - and when she placed a hand over her mouth he grimaced, reaching over and squeezing her arm gently as he tried calling Carlos again. It was the same as the first time, so was the next. He could feel the fear and desperation growing within him, but he didn’t know what else he could do. Their son’s home was nearly 20 minutes away from their house - he’d never make it in time to make any difference. He could only hope that Owen would get there in time; that his actions wouldn’t cause him to lose what was most precious to him. 

He stood abruptly from the bed, pacing the floor of the bedroom as he dialed again. Again he got the voicemail and it took every single ounce of his self-control to not hurl his phone across the room in frustration. He took a shuddering breath and sank onto the bed, running a weary and shaking hand across his face. 

He felt the bed shift as Andrea moved closer to him, “Talk to me, corazón,” she murmured, a hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. 

“He’s not answering,” he told her dully, “and neither is TK.” He sighed again and leaned forward, putting his head in his hands. 

“That doesn’t mean we have to assume the worst,” she reminded him gently, “not yet.”

He nodded dully and reached up to cover the hand on his shoulder with his own. They waited in silence on their bed; joined together by their hands and their fear as they waited for Gabriel’s phone to ring. The moments passed like sand through a clogged hourglass; each one lasting for its own small eternity as they all piled upon each other. 

Finally, his phone rang.

He snatched it up from where it was resting on his knees but paused over the screen before answering. He needed to know - they both did - but this could very well be the moment that changed their life forever. With a glance at his wife who gave his shoulder another comforting, supportive squeeze, he answered, putting it on speaker. 

“Owen?” he asked in a shaky voice, “What happened? Are they okay?” 

“We’re okay, dad.” 

Nothing else could have made him feel the rush of joy and relief that hearing his son’s voice through the phone did in that moment. He sagged in relief, turning to Andrea to see her eyes glistening with unshed tears. He gave her a watery smile before he turned his attention back to the phone in his hand. 

“The house is gone,” Carlos continued; voice low, rough, and a little shaky, “but we’re safe.” 

“That’s all that matters right now, mijo,” he told him. “Everything else we can handle in time.” 

On the other end of the phone he heard Carlos make a noise of agreement that was cut short by a cough. He frowned and shared a glance with Andrea to see his concern reflected in her expression. 

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be in a hospital?” he asked. 

“The paramedics checked us out, dad. And then TK’s captain, when they were done. We’re fine, really.”

“Are you sure? Because…”

 “We’re fine, dad,” Carlos repeated; his voice soft, but firm.  

Gabriel took a breath, steadying himself. “Okay. Your mom and I are on the way, we’ll be there as soon as you can.” 

“Yes, sir, see you soon.” 

The almost professional tone in his son’s voice hurt. He knew that it was likely a shield; a way to keep himself together in the aftermath, but he needed him to know. He had come so close - too close - to losing him, he needed him to know. “I love you, son,” he said, voice tight as he said the words he didn’t say enough. 

“Love you, too.” 

With those words Carlos ended the call and Gabriel felt as if all the energy had just been sapped from his body and he sank down onto the bed once again. He heaved a deep breath and rubbed at his eyes. He could feel his wife looking at him, so he voiced the thought that has been ricocheting through his mind since the moment Owen had called: “This is my fault,” he admitted quietly. “I could have cost us our son, or could have caused him to lose someone he loves.” 

“That’s not on you, Gabriel.”

“Yes it is - of course, it is,” he argued. “He did this to get back at me, to make me suffer. It’s completely on me.”

“Did you want to hurt Carlitos? Or TK?”

Gabriel looked up sharply, meeting his wife’s gaze with wide eyes, “Of course not!” 

“Then that’s not on you. Yes, someone awful did this to hurt you; but that doesn’t mean you did it. I’m not saying I agree with what you and Owen did,” she reminded him in case he did not recall the rather heated discussion they had had earlier in the kitchen about keeping secrets and not considering the possible collateral, “but you didn’t start the fire. Someone terrible did it of their own free will and that’s on them, not you.”  

Her gaze was steady as she spoke to him and her words firm: she believed what she was saying and there was not a doubt in her mind. He wished he could say the same. 

But if there was one thing he knew about her after over 30 years of marriage it was that there was no arguing with her once she made up her mind. So he simply nodded and offered a weak smile. They sat in silence for another few moments before she stood up, walking up to him and placing a kiss on his forehead. 

“Get dressed,” she told him gently, “let’s go see our son.” 

He nodded and rose on shaky legs, sighing as he turned to his dresser. His emotions were still swirling inside of him; turbulent and unrestrained. He couldn’t believe they had come so close to losing their son and until he saw him with his own eyes a part of him would insist on believing they had. So he threw on the first shirt and pants he found, discarding the pajamas he had been wearing on the bed without a second thought. The small details could be handled later; all that mattered right now was getting to Carlos. 

They were in his truck a few minutes later and the half-hour drive to Owen Strand’s house was spent mostly in silence as they each worked their way through the night's events. When they arrived Andrea barely waited for him to put the truck in park before she was opening her door and climbing out and striding towards the house. He followed quickly behind and the front door swung open as they approached, revealing a tall man Gabriel had never seen before.

“You must be Carlos’s folks,” he said with a nod, “they’re in here.” He stepped aside without a word and Gabriel offered him a nod of thanks, but couldn’t find the words as he stepped through the doorway and got his first sight of his son: sitting at the counter, miserable and soot-covered with his hands clutched around a mug of tea as his eyes tracked something across the room. 

Gabriel followed his gaze to see TK - equally filthy and absently pacing as he spoke on the phone. 

“I’m fine Mom, I promise,” Gabriel could hear him saying even as his eyes traveled back across the room to Carlos. “We both are.” 

He offered Carlos a small, reassuring smile before he turned away, continuing to speak to his mother in low tones. Carlos hadn’t even noticed their presence yet, too focused on his boyfriend to catch much else, but when Andrea stepped closer and murmured his name he turned to face her quickly, eyes widening at the sight of them. 

“Mom,” he said quietly, “dad.” 

And then Andrea had her arms around him and he all but crumpled into her embrace, shaking as he let out a sob. Andrea whispered reassurances and Gabriel stepped closer, not wanting to intrude. But the moment he got close enough his wife released Carlos from her embrace and as he straightened he made eye contact with Gabriel. 

“Dad,” he began, but Gabriel didn’t give him a chance to speak. He simply stepped closer and pulled his son into a hug, clutching him tightly. 

“I was so scared, Carlitos,” he admitted, “and I am so, so sorry this happened.” 

“It’s not your fault dad,” Carlos muttered and Gabriel shook his head. He was about to argue the point further when another voice interrupted. 

“He’s right, Mr. Reyes,” TK said, joining them in the kitchen having finished his phone call. “It’s not your fault - or my dad’s. It’s just something that happened. It’s shitty, yeah,” he admitted, “but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. You couldn’t have known.” 

Any more discussion was halted by Andrea stepping forward to pull TK into a hug as well. 

“Who is or isn’t to blame doesn’t matter,” she said firmly as she hugged TK as tight as she had Carlos a few moments before, “what matters is that you are both safe.” 

“You’re right,” TK agreed from her embrace, his eyes finding Carlos, “that is what matters.”

There was more to his words, as if he was trying to convey a message that only Carlos would understand. Whatever it was, Carlos seemed to understand as his body - still in Gabriel’s embrace - lost some of its tension. A comfortable silence settled over the four of them, the low tones of the other man on the phone in the corner the only sound. 

Footsteps from the stairs soon interrupted that silence and a moment later, Owen Strand turned the corner. 

He smiled weakly at Gabriel and Andrea before he turned his attention back to the boys, “I put some stuff in the guest room at the end of the hall: some extra clothes and towels. I’m sure you’re going to want to get cleaned up, feel free to use whatever you find in the bathroom.” 

TK nodded as Andrea released him, “Thanks dad,” he said gratefully, stepping towards Carlos. He approached and Gabriel let him go as TK held out a hand. 

“Come on babe,” he said softly, “let’s go get cleaned up.” 

Carlos nodded and took the offered hand, allowing his boyfriend to lead him down the hall towards the stairs. As they walked by the other man ended his phone call and called out to them. 

“The others know now,” he said, “and they’re on their way, just so you know.” 

TK smiled fondly and nodded, “Thanks, Judd.” 

Then he and Carlos disappeared up the stairs. 

Andrea looked at Owen, “The others?” she asked.

“The rest of the 126,” Judd explained as he joined them at the counter. “I was about to call them anyways but they saw it on the news first so…”

“They want to come and see that they’re okay for themselves,” Owen concluded with a nod and a small smile, “They’re good like that.” 

His smile faded though as he looked at Gabriel and Andrea. 

“I am so sorry,” he said. “I should have realized it faster. It was right in front of me and I almost missed it. Even as it stands I was almost too late.” 

“You’re no more to blame than I am,” Gabriel told him, “I had the same information and didn’t even think of the possibility until you called me. But really we should be thanking you for saving them. From what it sounds like if you had been a minute later or if they had to wait for a fire company...”

He trailed off, the awful possibility settling over him. They had come so close to losing the one thing that was most precious and it was only thanks to either sheer luck or a miracle that they hadn’t. 

Owen nodded, but his expression didn’t change. They were silent for a moment before he spoke again, “I still can’t help but feel like this is my fault. If I hadn’t gotten involved maybe none of this would have happened - especially not this.” 

Gabriel went to reassure him, to tell the other man that he was wrong, but he stopped. He knew that Owen wouldn’t believe him, because he didn’t. This was their fault; regardless of whether or not their children blamed them. If they hadn’t gotten involved they wouldn’t have had a target on their backs and they would still have their home. 

“It takes two to make a team-up,” he said instead, nodding when Owen met his eyes. He saw understanding in his gaze; the knowledge that this was a guilt they were going to have to live with, but that they could shoulder the burden together - and make sure nothing like this ever happened again. 

---------

“Is it just me or does this place feel different?” Nancy asked as she surveyed the once familiar bar. 

“Does anything feel the same?” Marjan asked wearily from beside her, taking a sip of her water as she joined the paramedic in glancing around the room. 

“That’s because nothing is,” Paul reminded them, “and because it’s been a weird few weeks.” 

Marjan scoffed at that, “Weeks? It’s been a weird day. Our captain got arrested for arson, our fire station was blown up by said arsonist, and then it turns out that was in retaliation for the sting operation our captain secretly put together with our friend’s Texas Ranger dad and included his staged arrest. What part of that is not completely fucking bizarre?”

Paul titled his drink towards her in acknowledgment while Nancy shook her head. Mateo took a sip from his beer. “I’m just glad TK and I managed to get the house cleaned up before shift today so Cap didn’t have to come home to that,” he declared. 

“Speaking of which,” Nancy said, “has anyone heard from my partner? Or his better half?” 

Marjan shook her head, “He said he was heading home once we got the all-clear to leave. And given the discussion that he and Cap had before he left, I have a feeling he and Carlos have a lot of talking to do.” 

“They’re going to need some time,” Paul agreed, “after everything.” 

“I still can’t believe it was all a setup,” Mateo mused with a shake of his head, “I mean I knew Cap was innocent, I just had no idea he was in on a conspiracy.” 

“I just can’t believe they didn’t at least tell TK and Carlos. I mean…” Nancy trailed off, but they all knew what was left unsaid and they had all heard the scene at the firehouse. 

“I guess they did what they thought they had to do,” Marjan reasoned with a shrug. 

“Doesn’t make it right though,” Paul reminded her darkly.

“No, it does not,” she agreed, looking back down at her glass. 

There was silence then as they all let their thoughts wander, all processing the day. It’s only by chance that Majan looked up and happened to glance towards the bar. The hand absently stirring her water with her straw froze and her sharp intake of breath caught Nancy’s notice. 

“Marj?” she asked, looking over to the woman sitting beside her. “What’s up?” 

Marjan didn’t seem to be able to form words because she settled for gesturing vaguely to the bar, and they all followed her gaze to the tv playing idly in the corner. The news was on and there was footage of a structure burning brightly as crews battled the flames. The sight of a burning building would have been familiar to the assembled group regardless, but this particular building was familiar for an entirely different reason. 

Nancy paled and the grin abruptly slid off Mateo’s face, leaving a look of horror in its wake. Paul cursed and pulled out his phone, swiping it open and tapping on TK’s name. It went right to voicemail and they all watched tensely as he scrolled further down the list to Carlos’s name before repeating the process with the same result. The three firefighters exchanged dark, scared looks. The scene on the tv was grim and they all knew first hand that with flames like that, time was key. There was a very small window to escape before escape became impossible, and they all hoped their friends had managed to find that window because the alternative was too awful to think about. 

Nancy hadn’t said a word and Marjan turned to her only to see her trembling and clutching her glass too tight. 

“Nance?” she asked gently, only to get a vigorous shake of her head in response. 

“No,” the paramedic said softly, but firmly. “No. I can’t lose another partner. Not...not again. Not so soon.” 

Marjan glanced at the others briefly to see her own pain reflected on their faces. Then she turned to Nancy, placing a comforting hand on her arm, “Hey,” she reminded her bracingly, “we don’t know anything yet. And TK knows what to do in a fire, he would have done his best to get them out as quickly as possible. Don’t count them out yet.” 

She gave the other woman a smile that was shakily returned. She turned back to the other two, hoping they had a solution or an idea of what to do next but any conversation was interrupted by the sound of Paul’s phone ringing. 

He answered it the moment the caller id flashed onto the screen, picking it up before the first few notes of his ringtone died out. 

“Judd,” he asked quickly, “we just saw the news, do you…” 

He trailed off as their acting captain spoke on the other end of the line, listening intently. After a minute, he relaxed. 

“Thanks, man,” he murmured, “we needed to know. Yeah, we’re all together right now.” He listened for another minute before he nodded, “Yeah, we’ll head over there shortly. Thanks, man, really.” 

With that, he hung up the phone and the other three stared at him expectantly. 

“Do not make me turn to violence Strickland,” Nancy told him after a few more moments of silence, “because I will.” 

“They’re okay,” he told them and the resolution to the tension that had been pressing on them rippled across their table. 

“Alhamdulillah,” Marjan muttered softly and Nancy’s entire body seemed to sag as she leaned forward, placing her head into her hands with a shuddering breath.

“Do they know what happened?” Mateo asked, and Paul nodded grimly. 

“Arson,” he replied, “retaliation from Raymond; revenge against both the men who arrested him.” 

“Ranger Reyes and Cap,” Marjan provided softly, shaking her head. “Shit.” 

“Yeah,” Paul agreed, “it’s a whole mess. And the house is a total loss. But,” he reminded them all after another few moments of silent contemplation around the table, “they’re okay. Judd said they're all at Cap’s house now, and I told him we would head over there.” 

He looked around the table to see if there were any objections but as he expected, there were none. He nodded and took another sip from his beer before setting the still half-full glass down on the table and standing up. The others followed suit and they migrated to Marjan’s car in silent agreement that there was no need to take 4 separate cars and a shared desire to get there as quickly as possible. 

They drove in silence and when they arrived, Mateo led the way in through the front door. They followed him into the kitchen, looking around at the small gathered crowd at the counter. Owen stood up and offered them a smile, “hey guys.” 

“Hey Cap,” Mateo said while Paul added: “Good to see you not arrested.” 

Owen laughed weakly before gesturing towards the others at the counter, “These are Carlos’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Reyes.” They nodded at the tired-looking couple who smiled back as Owen concluded his introductions of the new arrivals to the Reyes. 

They all stepped further into the kitchen at Owen’s insistence before Marjan asked the question that was on everyone’s mind: “Where are they? Are they really okay?” 

“They are,” Owen confirmed, Judd nodding his agreement beside him, “but shaken, understandably. They’re upstairs now, trying to get cleaned up.” 

“It could take a while,” Judd said lowly and the others nodded in understanding - they were all too familiar with the struggle of trying to scrub the remnants of a fire from your skin but that was from a stranger’s fire; someone else’s tragedy. None of them could imagine what it must be like to have the reminder of your home being destroyed clinging to your skin. 

“Man, I can’t believe this,” Mateo said with a shake of his head and it was clear that was a sentiment shared by the rest of the group. 

“Is there anything we can do?” Marjan asked, looking from Owen to the Reyes. “I want to help, I just don’t know how we can.” 

Owen shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “Give them time, I suppose. Be there for them. They’re going to have to start over and that’s not going to be easy.” 

There was a heavy silence over the group as they all considered the task before their loved ones. It seemed insurmountable; too much to take on. 

“But they have each other,” Andrea reminded the group, “and all of us. It doesn’t make it better, but it does make it easier.” 

There were small smiles and nods of agreement at that and before long they fell into comfortable chatter while they waited. The conversation wasn’t uncomfortable, but none of their hearts were in it. All of their collective focus was on the pair currently upstairs and despite repeated reassurances that they were fine, none of the newly arrived group would truly be able to believe it until they saw them with their own eyes. 

Nancy in particular seemed agitated, shifting on her feet and glancing up the stairs every now and then. Marjan could almost feel the anxious energy rolling off of the other woman from where she stood beside her. She knew that they were all worried, but she also knew that Nancy was still healing from the loss of Tim. It had hit them all, but none more than her; rightfully so. The thought now that she could lose her new partner - the one she had finally let into her heart - was clearly affecting her, manifesting itself into an anxiety that would likely not fade until she was able to see TK herself. 

Marjan held out a hand anyways, finding Nancy’s under the lip of the counter and squeezing it. She met her surprised look with a soft smile that widened when Nancy relaxed, some of the tension leaving her body at the touch and the knowledge that her burden was shared. 

Hand still clasped with Nancy’s beneath the counter and away from curious eyes, Marjan turned her attention to where Paul was talking through the case with Ranger Reyes and their Captain. Given everything she had heard she had expected more enthusiasm in the retelling of their sleight of hand to trick the arsonist into walking into their trap. But they were subdued as they talked, almost regretful in hindsight. Given everything, she supposed that was more than fair. She just hadn’t been sure they would feel the same way. 

There was nothing like almost losing the people you cared for most in a disaster of your own making to deflate an ego, she supposed. 

She met Paul’s eyes briefly and his expression told her that he had thoughts that she would likely hear later. She tried to tune into the conversation, willing herself to focus on what was happening right before her, but she couldn’t seem to pull her attention away from the stairs and her friends somewhere on the other side of them. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe Judd’s reassurance that they were fine, but she had been a firefighter for a long time. She had seen the footage of the flames and the skeleton left behind in the aftermath of their fire on the news and she knew that there was a wide gulf between fine and okay. 

And until she saw them she had no idea where in that gulf they were treading, or how well they were keeping their heads above water.

It’s still another few minutes until they hear footsteps on the stairs. All conversation dies in an instant and all gazes turn to the stairs to see them descending: hand in hand and miraculously in one piece. 

She’s the first to get over the surprise, dropping Nancy’s hand in favor of closing the distance between them and pulling TK into a gentle hug. He returns it and she allows herself a moment to absorb the fact that he is safe and whole before she moves on - both needing the same assurances from Carlos and knowing that Nancy is at her heels and needs this just as much as she does. 

Carlos’s smile is so dim when he looks at her that she squeezes him extra tight. He seems to melt just a bit in her arms and she feels a pang for her friends. Though they are both whole and mostly unscathed it was clear they were not okay. But that is something that would come, she supposed, with time. She couldn’t help but shake her head, voicing what everyone else was thinking: “I can’t believe this happened.”

“I guess there’s no saying what a revenge-motivated arsonist will do,” TK said with a shrug. There was silence after as no one seemed to know how to respond to that until Paul, who had been studying them, spoke. 

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be in a hospital?” he asked them in a skeptical voice, “You don’t sound good and you look like you’re about to fall over.”

“Thanks, Paul,” TK said with a roll of his eye but his words only further served to confirm that his voice was still raspy from smoke. “And we were checked on scene: both by the 129’s team and Captain Vega. We’re fine, really.” 

“Maybe we should sit down though,” Nancy suggested, studying her partner and Carlos with a critical eye.  

TK shook his head at her but didn’t fight the migration as the group moved to the living room and they settled on the sofa together, just as they had at the intervention all those weeks ago. In some ways this was earlier similar: the group gathered in the Strand living room, the somber mood in the air. But it was TK and Carlos at the center now; both whole and unhurt, but so far from okay. 

They fell into easy conversation as they sat, falling into their usual patterns and habits like breathing. But Marjan made sure to watch them as they all spoke and she saw the way they clung to each other, even if it wasn’t physical. They were far from alone but it seemed that to each of them the other was the only one in the room that mattered. She couldn’t blame them for that and it didn’t surprise her. 

But a glance around the space revealed just how many people were in their corner and just how much love and support was ready for them to grasp onto whenever they wanted and whenever they were ready. She hoped that it was soon because she didn’t like the thought of them shouldering such a burden alone - even if they did have each other. 

She supposed they would come to see that and that they would take the hands that were offered to keep them from falling. All in good time. 

------------

They ascended the stairs in silence, hand in hand, neither of them speaking until the door to the bathroom was shut securely behind them. In the security and privacy of the enclosed and private space, TK stepped closer to Carlos, reaching out a hand to frame his face and gently run his thumb across his cheek. 

 “How are you feeling?” he asked gently. 

 Carlos shrugged non-committedly, “Okay, I guess. I just really want to get clean.”

 “If there’s one benefit of my dad’s obsession with skincare, it’s that there are plenty of soaps to help with that,” TK told him with a grin. Carlos gave him a smile in response, but it was clear his heart wasn’t in it by the way it didn’t reach his eyes; Carlos’s smiles always reached his eyes. TK let his own grin fade and let his hand fall from Carlos’s face down to his shoulder. 

 “Why don’t you get undressed,” he suggested gently, “I’ll go grab whatever my dad left in the bedroom for us.”

 He gave his boyfriend’s shoulder a light squeeze before stepping away. He was about to move to the door when Carlos’s hand reached out and grabbed him. He turned back to the other man, to see his surprise mirrored on his face. 

 “I…” Carlos began but trailed off as if he couldn’t quite find the words he wanted to say. TK had a feeling he understood though. 

 “I’ll be right back,” he assured Carlos, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” 

 Carlos held his gaze for a moment before nodding, letting his hand drop as TK stepped away again, heading once more for the bathroom door. He opened it softly, slipping out into the hallway and closing it behind him. He crossed to the guest room and barely even stopped to glance at the items left on the bed. He simply gathered them all - a haphazard bundle of towels and clothes in his arms - before turning on his heel and heading back to the bathroom and Carlos. He knocked once, lightly tapping on the door before he opened it to reveal Carlos. He had removed his shirt in the time TK had been gone but now he was simply staring at his bare chest and arms in the mirror, his gaze tracing the lines of soot winding across his body. TK set down his bundle and stepped closer, his own reflection appearing besides Carlos’s as he met his eyes in the mirror. 

 “I always find it’s the smell that’s the worst,” he murmured. “That’s the part that always got to me.” 

 “It feels heavy,” Carlos said dully. “Like it’s clinging to my skin and it’s always going to be there.” 

 “We can fix that,” TK promised him.

 He gently pulled Carlos away from the mirror, helping him to remove the rest of his clothes before he turned on the shower. Then he removed his own clothes, tossing their smoke-filled and singed clothes into a heap next to the bathroom door to be dealt with later. He reached a hand back into the shower to check the temperature and when he was satisfied he reached for Carlos’s hand, guiding him into the shower and the stream of warm water. 

 He grabbed one of the soaps off the ledge and squeezed some into his hand before beginning to rub it against Carlos’s body. 

 “It may take a few tries,” he told him, “but we’ll get it all off.”

 He scrubbed at his skin gently, making circular repetitive motions up his arms and across his chest. Carlos watched him quietly, allowing him complete control as he washed away the remnants of the night. TK could see his eyes tracking the soot as it faded into the water and traveled down to the drain. 

 “And just like that, there goes what’s left of our home,” he said darkly. 

 TK froze, looking sharply up at Carlos and meeting his eyes. 

 “Hey,” he reminded him, voice firm, “as long as we have each other, we still have a home.”

 Carlos’s expression turned to one of surprise before he wilted, leaning closer to TK. TK abandoned his scrubbing in favor of wrapping his arms around the other man and allowing the warm water to wash over their intertwined bodies. 

 “My home is you, Carlos, it has been for a while,” he said, his words loud and clear in the confines of the shower and their embrace. “Nothing can change that. As long as we have each other, we’re going to be okay.”

 His words settled around them like the water droplets bouncing off their skin and Carlos nodded. TK tightened his embrace, clutching his boyfriend tighter for another moment before he pressed a kiss onto the top of his shoulder blade and stepped away; not straying further than the hand still on his shoulder would allow. He studied Carlos, taking in the glint of his warm brown eyes and the slump of his shoulders. 

 “Are you okay to finish?” he asked softly, receiving a nod in return. He grabbed the soap again and resumed scrubbing them both, methodically removing the reminders from their skin. 

 Carlos was quiet as he worked but TK had the sense he was studying him, almost as if he was trying to solve a riddle. 

 “How are you so okay?” he finally asked. “We almost died an hour ago and you’re fine. How?”

 TK slowed in his motions as he considered, trying to find the right way to explain. He settled on a shrug: “I don’t know if I am okay. I don’t think it’s really hit me yet. Besides,” he added as he moved his hands up to Carlos’s hair, “I’ve been trapped in fire hundreds of times. It’s scary but after a while, you get used to it.” 

 He paused to get more soap and to find the right words. He needed to explain, but he wasn’t sure how. He didn’t want Carlos to feel any less for his reaction, for his fear. 

 “I remember my first time in a house fire,” he said eventually as he squeezed the last of a bottle of shampoo into his palm. “I was maybe a week out of the academy and though you go through training and simulations, nothing can quite prepare you for the real thing. It was a bad one, too: an old house in Bushwick that went up like a tinderbox. I made it through fine, but I was probably shaking for at least an hour after. And that was with training and gear in a stranger’s home. That wasn’t my home, and I wasn’t trapped with the person I loved; worried I could lose them. You’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling, Carlos; however you are feeling it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” 

 “Logically I know that,” Carlos agreed. “But…” 

 “But knowing it is different from actually feeling it,” TK suggested, receiving a nod in return. He smiled sadly at the other man, placing his hands on his shoulders. 

 “Sometimes I wonder if your shoulders hurt from trying to carry the weight of the world on them,” he told Carlos softly. “And that’s who you are, I get that. You always want to look out for others; always want to make sure everyone else is safe and happy. It’s why you became a cop and it’s a big part of what makes you who you are. It’s one of the things I love about you.” He paused to smile, running his hands across Carlos’s broad chest: newly clean and red from the scrubbing before he continued. 

 “But sometimes you need to feel things too, Carlos. Sometimes you have to lean on someone else. And I know I might not always do such a good job of reminding you, but I can be that someone you lean on when you need it. I want to be. We’re a team, right? And that means we take care of each other. So whatever you are feeling now, you are not alone. I’m here for you - every step of the way. And if I need it later, when this whole mess finally processes, I know you’ll be there for me too.” 

 “We lean on each other,” Carlos agreed softly, and TK smiled at him again, reaching behind him to shut off the water.

 “Always,” he promised him, leaning forward to press a light kiss to his lips before he exited the shower, “no matter what.” 

 They dried and dressed silently, pulling on borrowed clothes that felt almost foreign against their freshly washed skin. TK spared a glance at their discarded clothes, still in a heap by the door. He debated throwing them out, but he couldn’t bear the thought. They were the only thing they still had that was theirs, after all. He gently picked them up and placed them in the hamper, making a mental note to try to wash them tomorrow, to see if they could be salvaged. Then, task completed, he looked back to Carlos. 

 “You ready?” he asked. Carlos took a deep breath and nodded, offering him a smile that still didn’t reach his eyes, but it was closer. 

 “Yeah, let’s go.” 

 TK nodded, but hesitated at the door. 

 “If it’s too much, if you need to step away,” he began, “tell me. I’ll find an excuse. And even if I can’t everyone will understand.” 

 Carlos nodded and reached for TK’s hand, winding their fingers together. 

 “I’ll be fine,” he promised. “Just, stay with me?” 

 “I’m not going anywhere,” he assured Carlos, squeezing his hand gently and holding his gaze for another moment before they headed downstairs to where their friends and family were waiting for them. 

 The sound of chatter drifted up the stairs as they approached, but it died as they reached the bottom of the stairs and when they entered the kitchen, all eyes turned to them. The familiar gazes were filled with sympathy and relief, and TK forced a smile; holding Carlos’s hand a little tighter. 

 “Hey guys,” he said and his words seemed to be the catalyst needed to break the spell. Marjan is the first to approach, pulling first him and then Carlos into a gentle hug. Nancy is right behind her, squeezing TK tightly and holding on for a few moments longer. 

 “You really need to stop with this almost dying every other week bullshit,” she muttered into his shoulder, “I need my partner.” 

 He chuckled softly, returning the hug, “I’ll try my best, Nance,” he promised. 

 “Good,” she told him, pulling away and blinking away the tears that were slowly filling her eyes, “Because breaking in a new one is a lot of work. I don’t have that in me again this year.”

 He gave her a smile as he pulled away, pulling Carlos into a hug and lingering there as well, murmuring something to him in low tones. He was pulled away from their moment by Paul appearing before him, wrapping him into a hug. The other man didn’t say anything, but he looked at TK for a long moment as he pulled away, his analytical gaze taking him in. TK offered him a half-smile, and Paul nodded before stepping closer to Carlos. The next hug was full of forceful enthusiasm and TK smiled fondly as he found his footing again after Mateo nearly bowled him over. 

 Once they had all gotten their hugs in his team stood back, taking them in. Marjan was the first to speak, voice low in disbelief, “I can’t believe this happened.” 

 TK looked past them to where his dad sat watching them. Their eyes met and TK knew that they were both thinking the same thing: this could have been avoided. He had meant it earlier when he said it wasn’t his dad or Gabriel’s fault. Neither of them had started the fire and he knew that. He didn’t blame them for the fire. 

 But there were other offenses and other hurts they had caused when they had charged into a situation with no regard for how it might affect anyone else. He didn’t feel up to broaching that subject just yet, he knew he would have to. He suspected Carlos would have some feelings on it as well, once the shock had worn off a bit. For now, they could dance around it and he could let his dad’s silent remorse be enough. 

 “I guess there’s no saying what a revenge-motivated arsonist will do,” he said eventually, pulling his focus back to the group before them. 

 No one seemed to know what to say to that, and he couldn’t say that he blamed them. Instead, he tried for a smile as he took Carlos’s hand in his own again. He could feel Paul studying them both and parried his questions about hospital visits. They were fine - or at least as fine as they could be. 

 The suggestion to move to the couch was a welcome one however and he tugged lightly at Carlos’s hand, guiding him to one of the couches. He let Carlos sit before he settled in beside him, pressing against his side to both provide and receive the reassurance that they were both there. The conversation ebbed and flowed around them and while TK interjected from time to time he mostly let it all wash over him. He and Carlow were both here; they were both safe. Their friends and families were with them and whatever would come they would face, just like he had told Carlos earlier. 

 Now if he could only get himself to believe it. 

 The conversation is light and not too hard to follow (purposefully so, he’s sure, and he appreciates it) and soon they are joined by their parents and Judd as they migrate from the kitchen. Judd comes up behind them and places a warm hand on TK’s shoulder. 

 “I’ve gotta get home to Grace,” he tells them. “She sends her love, and probably some food tomorrow too, if I know my wife. But hey,” he paused to squeeze TK’s shoulder, looking between him and Carlos as he spoke, “you let me know if you need anything, okay? Anything at all, just ask.”

 TK and Carlos both nodded. TK was about to thank his friend, but Carlos beat him to it, “Thank you Judd,” he said earnestly. “For the offer and for earlier. I…” he trailed off, looking at TK before clearing his throat and trying again, “I don’t know how to ever thank you for that.”

 “And you don’t need to,” Judd said firmly. “Not only is it my job, but it’s what you do for family and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I’d rather I never have to though, so let’s all try to avoid fires in our off hours from here on out, yeah?” 

 The last bit was directed at the room at large and pulled a few chuckles from the others, but when Judd looked back down at them his expression was soft and his smile sincere. He put his other hand on Carlos’s shoulder and gave them each a comforting squeeze before he moved his hands, giving the rest of the group a wave before he headed out the door. 

 “We should probably be heading out soon too,” Andrea said regretfully. “It’s getting late and you boys are going to need sleep after everything and I’m sure Owen doesn’t need a houseful.” 

 “On the contrary,” Owen countered immediately, “I love a houseful. And it just so happens that I have an extra guest room, if you’d rather stay.” 

 Carlos’s parents didn’t respond right away and TK watched as his dad’s expression softened before he spoke again, “I’m sure you want to stay close, because I know I do. There’s no reason you should have to leave just because we ended up at my house. You are more than welcome to stay, really. That applies to all of you, really,” he added in a heartier tone. “Obviously not Mateo because he already lives here but you all are welcome too, always.”

 “As tempting as that is and as much as I appreciate it, really, I’m pretty sure you’re out of guest rooms cap, and my place isn’t that far,” Marjan responded, and Paul and Nancy nodded. 

 “What Marj said, Captain Strand,” Nancy said awkwardly with a nervous smile. 

 “Likewise,” he said. “I do really appreciate it though, and you can bet I will be over here tomorrow to check in on you two.” At Marjan and Nancy’s pointed looks he sighed, “ We will be back tomorrow.” 

 Owen first glanced at TK and Carlos and upon their nods, he smiled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he confirmed, smiling at the group. 

 They all rose then, extending their goodbyes, reminding them of the standing offer. Anything you need was repeated over and over again but TK knew that they meant it. There was no false sincerity or empty words here - not with these people, not for them. Eventually, the three of them headed out into the night and Mateo headed off to his room leaving TK and Carlos alone with their parents. 

 There was silence in the wake of Mateo’s door closing, for a beat. Then Andrea Reyes, who had been studying the boys as the others made their exit looked first to her husband and then to Owen. 

 “If you really don’t mind…” she began, but Owen cut her off with a wave of his hand. 

 “I don’t mind,” he assured her. “In fact, it would make me feel better.”

 There was something unspoken that passed through their parents, confirmed with a smile from Carlos’s mother and a nod from his father. But his focus - whatever portion of it that wasn’t honed in on Carlos and the presence of him beside him - was soon interrupted by a yawn that caused all eyes to turn to him. He could feel his face turning red as he stammered. 

 “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be rude but…”

 “But it has been a long day, and you boys have been through a lot,” Andrea finished gently. “You should go to bed, you need rest. We’ll see you in the morning.”

 Carlos shifted beside him and TK could see him gearing up to argue, whether about his parents staying or the fact that they were fine, but his dad cut him off. 

 “Listen to your mother, Carlitos,” he said gently, “you know as well as I do she’s always right.” 

 Carlos still looked like he wanted to argue, but TK placed a hand on his knee drawing his attention back to him and he smiled. Carlos held his gaze for a few minutes before he relaxed and nodded before standing and offering TK a hand. TK took it with a smile, allowing his boyfriend to pull him off the couch. No sooner was he on his feet than Andrea Reyes was before them, offering them each a hug and a kiss on the forehead. 

  “Go get some rest,” she told them softly, “we can start to figure everything out in the morning.”

 TK glanced over at their dads who both wore sad but sincere smiles. He studied them all; their newly meshed families that had blended so well trying to place this in his head with everything else. He couldn’t but he knew that he would, in time. 

 For now, he allowed himself to be led to the stairs by Carlos and with one last wave to their collective parents, they disappeared up them; shutting themselves into the privacy of their temporary bedroom. The sight of the bed was enticing and TK flopped onto it, suddenly aware of how quickly all the energy had left his body now that there was no more goal to push towards. He heard a small chuckle and the sensation of the bed dipping beside him as Carlos sank onto his side far more gracefully and once he was sure he had settled he rolled so he was facing the other man. 

 “So,” he began, “our parents are having a slumber party.” 

 Carlos chuckled and TK grinned at him before the mood turned more somber again. 

 “This is all kind of surreal,” Carlos admitted after a moment. “Not only did our house burn down but I’m now spending the night at my boyfriend’s dad’s house with my parents staying in the other guest room. It’s just a lot to take in. Especially…” 

 Carlos trailed off and TK shifted so he had a better view of his face. “Especially what, Carlos?” he prompted softly, running a gentle hand down his arm, watching as he tried to get his thoughts in order. 

 “I’ve never doubted my parents love me,” he said after some time, “not for a moment. And I know now that they don’t have a problem with me being gay and they are supportive of that, and us. I even know how much they like you,” he added with a smile, pulling TK’s hand closer and pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. 

 TK grinned at him but knew that there was more he wasn’t saying. “But?” he prompted. 

 “But the thought that they are here, that both of our families are together? I’m just having a hard time processing that, I think. It’s a lot very quickly.”

 TK nodded, “That’s understandable, babe. So much has changed recently and you’re allowed to struggle with that, I will never judge you for that. But it’s a good thing, right? Our families getting along?” 

 “It is,” Carlos assured him quickly. “Though,” he added dryly, “I’m not sure how much of our dads scheming we can be reasonably expected to survive.” 

 TK groaned and tucked his head into Carlos’s shoulder, “Don’t remind me. I’d like to think they learned their lesson…”

 “But it is hard to say with them,” Carlos agreed. “Which is why I think we need to talk to them about it, soon.” 

 TK pulled back from Carlos and placed his head back on his own pillow with a sigh, “You’re right,” he agreed, “I’ve been thinking the same thing. I just couldn’t handle it tonight.”

 “Me neither,” Carlos confirmed with a nod. “But I suppose they’ll both be here tomorrow, we can try then.” 

 TK hummed in agreement before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. It wasn’t even that he was ready to sleep yet. There was just so much in his head and he didn’t know where to put it all. There was noise coming from every corner of his mind and he couldn’t seem to drown any of it out. 

 “Ty?” Carlos’s asked, his gentle voice cutting through the dark and silent room, “How are you doing?” 

 TK took a moment to think, to try to organize the mess in his mind. There was really no concrete answer to give, but he turned again so he was facing Carlos before he did his best to answer. 

 “I’m upset,” TK said after some consideration. It took some time to find the right words for everything he was feeling. “And annoyed at our dads and still so scared at what could have been. I’m overwhelmed with everything we have to do now, with the idea of having to start over. But mostly,” he added, knowing that what came next was the strongest truth of all, “I’m worried about you.” 

 Carlos furrowed his brow, “Why?” 

 “Because it was your home, Carlos.” He shook his head as Carlos opened his mouth to argue, “I know it was our home, but it was your home first. You’re allowed to be upset about that Carlos.” 

 Carlos was quiet for a moment, absentmindedly running a hand down TK’s arm as he considered, “You’re right,” he said eventually. “It’s hard. That condo was the first place I could really be myself, the place where I started to build my life. The place where we started to build our life. And I’m upset about it - it hurts to think about. But then I think about what could have been and...I really didn’t think we were going to make it out of there, TK.” 

 His voice grew thicker and tears filled his eyes once again but TK reached across the space between them to gently brush them away. 

 “But we did,” he reminded him firmly. “We did and we’re okay. We may not have a home anymore, but we have each other.” 

 “Which means we will always have a home,” Carlos agreed, echoing his words from earlier. “And I know it’s not ideal, but now we get to start something new together. It’s going to be scary and hard and it’s not going to happen quickly, but we’ll make it work. We have family and friends to help us, and we have each other.” 

 And as they lay there in a spare bed at TK’s father’s house; friends and family alike waiting in the wings to offer them love and support and the man he loved more than anything else in the world whole and safe right beside him, TK knew what Carlos said was true. He moved closer to the other man, readjusting so his arms were wrapped around his torso and his head rested on his chest; the steady beating of his heart a steady companion to help and hold off the fears hovering so close by. It was a reminder too; that they had both made it out and that he wasn’t alone. That he never would be.

 There were so many uncertainties and unanswered questions but there was one thing TK Strand knew for sure: as long as they had each other, they would be okay. 

#911 lone star #911 lone star fic #911ls #tarlos #tarlos fic #my writing #userac #userkimmy #userjilly #usermaximus #userbones #tuserjamie #tuserpaige #reyesstrand #reyeslonestartag #jazzyjess #immortalstrand #laelipoo #buckybarnesalways #hierophvnts #maizsnex

[howlingsaturn]

here's why the police station scene is, and will always be, the best and most meaningful tarlos scene.

we watched TK deliberately pick a fight and we realise that he's not doing well at all. we see him struggle with the aftermath of the break up, the overdose and probably the move to Texas and that's great. it shows that his problems don't suddenly disappear once he's out of New York.

Carlos doing his job, sitting at his desk, in uniform. do i need to add to that? maybe i do: have you seen the way he flicks his keys when he’s walking around TK? wow. just wow. 

we find out TK's full name. and Carlos, out of all people, is the one to tell us.

"Isn't you processing me like a conflict of interest or something?" — TK acknowledges their connection. it's meant as a joke, obviously, he tries to deflect, but he does not deny that there's something between them and that is a very crucial point.

Carlos reaching for TK's wrist to take off the handcuffs. i don't know why but there's something strangely intimate about it. (my darling alice, @reyeslonestar, said that it's a metaphor in the way that Carlos is freeing TK from his fears and insecurities, thus allowing him to finally open up to someone and that's beautiful.)

"The bad news is that means you did this with a clear head." — TK's face. that's all. just look at his face when Carlos says his piece. he's hurting so much, you can literally see it in his eyes.

Carlos is both gentle and firm during his talk. he's careful not to push his boundaries but he feels close enough to TK, which says a lot about the instant connection they shared, to not be afraid to speak his mind. it's obviously something TK needed to hear and it's so important that it's Carlos who does it instead of, for example, Owen. Owen is too close, he's had the front row seat to his son's drama. but Carlos is more neutral, he's only known TK from a distance (excluding the intimacy part, y'know what i mean) but he's an observer. he saw TK and that's the beautiful part. he's cared enough to see him, to notice what was going on and TK needed that. he needed someone different, someone special but not someone close enough to really see him. Carlos also acknowledges that TK is suicidal (thank you @singerofsimplesongs for pointing that one out). it's something that was brought up in the first episode when Owen asked him and even though TK denied it, there is some truth to it and i think that we, as an audience, also got a better understanding of how serious this actually is.

the crud thing; Carlos wiping away the blood. they're on thin ice at that moment but Carlos still reaches out and takes care of TK. that's how much TK has already influenced his life. and TK lets him. he's vulnerable, he's hurting, he has every reason to turn away and walk out, to be mad and isolate himself. but he doesn't do any of it. he lays himself bare and allows Carlos to take care of him and that’s a huge effing thing for someone like TK. there’s also the way Carlos clutches the tissue afterwards like he chastises himself for doing it. TK is not the only one taking a risk here, Carlos is too. he allows TK to see him too. he’s not afraid to show TK that he cares about him. and, of course, the way they look at each other,,, which brings me to my next point.

the eye contact. you can see how confused and vulnerable they both are and you can also see how much they care about each other even in this very early, very fragile state of their relationship. (kudos to rafael and ronen for this one. their emotions are so palpable in their eyes, that's just a+ acting.)

TK opening up to Carlos and telling him about the break up, the relapse and the numbness. that's insane considering they barely know each other and TK hasn't told anyone else. it plays such a crucial part in his development. in order to heal he needed to acknowledge it, he needed to say it out loud and Carlos was right there to listen. the fact that TK felt safe enough to be this honest also tells us a lot about what kind of man Carlos is: the best. (there's so much fragility in TK's voice too, just listen to how quiet he gets all of the sudden. it honest to God gave me goosebumps the first time i watched it. ronen delivered these lines beautifully.)

Carlos apologising for the champagne. he didn't know, there's no way he could've known but he's so frustrated with himself because of it. this just shows how sweet he is, how he wants to make everyone feel welcomed and comfortable, and you bet he is the type of person who won't forget this. who will go out of his way to ensure that TK never feels awkward or insecure about his addiction. also have you seen his face when TK explained that he's relapsed with substances? did you see the shock on his face when it clicked? and he wasn't shocked about the confession but because he thought he had messed up horribly. i mean, this man is just too pure for his own good.

“I guess I just- I wanted to feel something”  — Carlos’ face when TK said that. this man is hurting for someone he literally just met and he already wants to take some of the weight TK carries. i said it before and i will say it again: carlos reyes is the sweetest and kindest human being with the biggest fucking heart. he is so enamored with TK, it actually makes me wanna cry sometimes.

"You’re really busting my balls right now?" — it was meant to lighten the mood and not just in terms of telling a story on television. Carlos knew how hard this must've been for TK, how much he's struggled with this confession and Carlos wants to show him that it's okay, that it doesn't need to change anything between them. he falls back into their playful banter, easing TK into something that he's familiar with because being so vulnerable certainly wasn't. it's such a relief for TK because he turned away, he was about to leave and let that confession hang awkwardly between them but Carlos didn't let him. he offered him support in a way that worked best for TK and the fact that Carlos picked up on that tells us again, how deep their connection actually runs. their relationship is not just physical and it's something that TK realised during that conversation, paving the way for them to become more. and that's fucking beautiful.

thank you for coming to my ted talk, that’ll be all. for now. also thank you to everyone who left me a little message and talked to me about this scene. it’s one of my favourite things to do sksjdksk.

#i said what i said #i love all tarlos scenes but none are as special as the police station scene #sorry ronen but nothing's gonna top that #tarlos #carlos reyes #tk strand #carlos x tk #911ls #911 lone star #discussion #saturnsthoughts #long post

[rafael-silva]

guide me back (I’m lost without your light): a tarlos fic

“All available units respond to a 10-50 at the intersection of Sixth and North Lamar Boulevard. Multiple vehicle pile up.” “Dispatch, this is 363-H-20 responding. ETA three minutes.”

*

When Carlos and Mitchell respond to the call, the last thing Carlos expects is to find TK in the middle of the wreck. He races against time to keep TK awake and stable until fire and medical arrive, while sending out prayer after prayer that his time with TK hasn’t been cut short. That they haven’t run out of time.

for bad things happen bingo: tarlos + bloodstained clothes 

hurt tk strand, worried carlos reyes, established relationship, whump, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, hurt/comfort, kisses, blood, injury description, major character injury, angst with a happy ending

10.1k | on ao3

*****

“All available units respond to a 10-50 at the intersection of Sixth and North Lamar Boulevard. Multiple vehicle pile up.”

“Dispatch, this is 363-H-20 responding. ETA three minutes.”

The sun sits high in the sky as Carlos grips the steering wheel tightly while Mitchell releases her radio and flicks on the light bar and siren, blaring loudly as they head into the heart of downtown Austin.

It sounded serious, if all available units are being dispatched to the scene, meaning fire engines are being dispatched, too. Carlos fleetly wonders if the 126 will be called to the scene, but he knows he won’t be seeing TK since it’s the paramedic’s day off.

It’s difficult when one of them is working and the other is off; at least if they were both working, there are always chances of them meeting on calls, and if they were both off, well, those days were spent in utter happiness together, either spent in or out, it didn’t matter as long as they were spent together. They make it work, however, spending as much time together before one of them goes to work and then at night, cuddling on the couch or in bed, safe in each other’s arms after a long day.

Carlos hopes the accident isn’t as grave as he’s imagining but his gut is telling him otherwise. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he realizes there’s a big possibility he might be late for the home dinner date he and TK had planned. TK had said he had a surprise for Carlos, and was clearly super excited about it. Carlos was looking forward to it and now…

Carlos’s gut is proven right when they round the corner and he catches sight of the crash from a few blocks away. Dread sets in his stomach the closer they get to the scene, other police cruisers pulling up at the same time.

He might need to tell TK that his shift may run long. He holds back at that, though, first wanting to get a full feel of how the rest of his shift will pan out.

Carlos parks and shares a concerned look with his partner before drawing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. They hop out of the car and Carlos takes a quick survey of their surroundings, noticing that they had arrived at the scene before fire and medical.

Carlos starts moving towards where the accident is the worst, and well, it’s bad. Four cars seem to have harshly rear ended each other, the crushed metal an indication of how sudden and quick it had happened. He can’t really tell one car from the other, all of them mangled together in a way that tells Carlos there are definitely more than a few injuries sustained to the people who were in these cars.

He doesn’t have much time to draw any more conclusions because he’s frantically being flagged down by a man around his own age, who seems unharmed. Bystander, Carlos’s mind supplies.

Carlos jogs over as the man takes a few steps towards him and starts speaking.

“He’s stuck,” the man starts, leading Carlos to one of the cars, or what’s left of one, in the middle of the wreck. “The door on one side popped open from the force of the crash but the guy inside can’t move. And we didn’t want to move him. He’s on the opposite side of the backseat and he’s in rough shape, seems to be going in and out of consciousness.”

Carlos swallows and follows him, whoever this man is, Carlos is going to do everything he can to help him until fire and medical arrive.

“It’s good you didn’t move him, that might have caused more damage,” Carlos tells him, his legs moving quickly.

The closer he gets, the more Carlos is hit with a sense of familiarity towards the injured man. He frowns, his heart starting to race in his chest as he zeroes in on the figure slumped in the backseat.

And that side profile, Carlos can draw it with his eyes closed.

He freezes when the realization dawns on him. His legs stop moving, his feet nailed to the asphalt. It feels like his heart is about to leap out of his chest while his eyes go impossibly wide.

TK.

And no, no, no. It can’t be TK. He was just texting him less than twenty minutes ago. He’s worried his brain is playing a cruel trick on him, conjuring up this nightmare. Carlos shakes his head, earning himself a confused look from the man leading him, who has also stopped moving.

But Carlos doesn’t spare him a glance, his attention solely held by the man in the crushed car. And when said man weakly opens his eyes and they catch some light, Carlos knows beyond a doubt that this nightmare is in fact reality.

Those green eyes, even seeing them from the side and through an awkward angle, can only belong to the love of his life.

“No,” Carlos whispers as his heart plummets into his knees, his body heating up. “No, no,” he repeats and then his feet are finally moving again, and he’s running around another car, his eyes not leaving TK.

He briefly registers the man’s growing confusion but he just rushes past him, no time for explanation, the only thing mattering to him is getting to TK. Saving TK.

He only slows down when he’s right by TK’s side, with only the smashed door separating them. The window is shattered, the ground littered with broken pieces of glass that crunch underneath Carlos’s boots.

TK’s eyes have closed again, but Carlos can see his chest slowly rising and falling with each shallow breath he sucks in.

“TK?” Carlos speaks, the rest of the accident fading away. The movement around is in slow motion, sounds muted, the world narrowing to just him and TK. “TK, can you hear me?”

Carlos can’t even hear his own voice over the blood rushing in his ears, but by the way TK tilts his head an inch towards him, he heard him.

A beat. And then: “‘Los…”

Carlos lets out a breath he wasn’t fully aware he was holding, his shoulders sagging forward a little. “Hey, babe. I’m here, I’m here.”

Carlos runs his eyes over TK, and his heart breaks a little more at the bloody state the paramedic is in.

“I’m stuck,” TK wheezes. “Can’t move.”

“We’ll get you out, just hang on. Help is on the way,” Carlos replies, hoping his voice is steadier than it sounds to his own ears. He then turns his attention to the older man in the front seat. “Sir, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” the man nods. “I’m fine, nothing hurts too bad. The hit was harder from the back.”

Carlos’s fear increases at that piece of information. “You let me know if your pain changes,” he tells him before his attention is back on TK. “TK, can you tell me what hurts?”

“Head, chest…and side,” TK replies through gritted teeth, squeezing his eyes as a wave of pain shocks his nerves, running through his battered body. Everything feels like it’s on fire, every breath he tries to draw in hurts, and he’s tired, he’s so tired.

But he isn’t alone anymore, Carlos is here now. TK is aware that his odds aren’t good, based on his years of work experience, but he finds himself not panicking at that thought as much anymore. Because Carlos is right here. He would even go as far as saying he feels a little calm now, but what he can’t answer is whether that is due to shock or Carlos’s presence. TK decides to believe it’s courtesy of the latter. Because shock would be very bad.

He isn’t aware his eyes have drifted shut until the officer’s voice filters through, telling him to open them and TK manages to peel his eyelids open and faces Carlos’s worried gaze.

“Stay with me,” Carlos pleads, those brown eyes that TK loves so much filled to the brim with terror. “Don’t close your eyes, look at me. Focus on me.”

TK obliges. He loves looking at Carlos, loves running his hands over his face, his cheekbones, feeling Carlos smile against his touch. TK wants to reach out, to smooth out the worry engraved on Carlos’s forehead, in the creases that sit above his eyebrows, but he can’t move a muscle. He wants to reassure Carlos that he’s okay, but not only does he momentarily lose his voice, he also doesn’t know how true his statement would be. Because he’s now suddenly very much aware of the amount of blood running down his side, sticky and hot. The side glued to the crushed door.

He groans, feeling the panic start to rise again. Being stuck was already bad enough, but being stuck while also bleeding is far worse that TK doesn’t even want to think about it.

“Hey, hey,” Carlos’s voice returns. “Focus on me, it’s okay. I know it’s scary, but I’m right here.”

“Carlos,” TK cries out, a tear rolling down his cheek.

Carlos, very carefully, reaches his arm through the busted window, and with just as much caution, cups TK’s face and wipes the stray tear with the pad of his thumb. He’s aware of everything all at once, the way his hand shook as he moved it towards TK, how clammy TK’s skin feels, the beads of sweat rolling down his own neck and back.

“I’m right here.”

TK sniffs and nods as he leans into Carlos’s touch. It’s warm, and TK gravitates towards that warmth. The warmth that has become his home.

Carlos begins cataloging TK’s injuries: a cut near his temple that looks deep enough to need stitches, possible concussion, chest pain can be a result of the seatbelt tightening when the crash happened, but he can’t assess how badly TK’s side is hurt from his current position.

He doesn’t have much time to dwell on that, though, because TK is speaking a few moments later.

“My side…it’s bleeding…” TK murmurs once he’s gathered his voice, his mind suppling that he needs to tell Carlos. “I think it’s bad.”

The small amount of color remaining in Carlos’s face drains at TK’s words, his heart dropping further and it feels like he’s been drenched with a bucket of ice water. His mind freezes for a second before he’s shaking himself out of it. He needs to act, and quick.

“Can you reach it and apply pressure?” Carlos asks. “Easy though, slow movements.”

TK attempts to move his arm towards the injury but quickly grimaces and drops his arm.

“No,” TK’s voice shakes, the slight movement exhausting him further. “Hurts.”

“Shit,” Carlos’s own panic starts taking hold, evident in the way his hands start to shake again. They have to slow the bleeding if TK has any chance of making it out of this nightmare.

Then Carlos remembers that the other door is practically already ripped off the car. Making up his mind, he gives TK’s hand a squeeze and rushes to the other side of the car.

“Hang on, TK, I’m coming,” Carlos says as he quickly assesses the area where the door was once attached to the car.

It looks stable enough and the car isn’t tilted to either side or unbalanced, so Carlos carefully climbs in and pauses to see if his added weight caused any shift. Once there’s no evidence of that, he moves closer to TK, their thighs side by side.

Carlos reaches around TK with his left arm, eyes glued to his middle and surely enough, TK’s t-shirt is stained with blood. The officer has to swallow against his dry throat at the sight, there’s so much blood already and TK is looking paler by the second.

Carlos’s hand finds its target, and his fingers brush against the tip of the metal lodged into TK’s side. He feels sick to his stomach as he begins to apply as much pressure as he could without causing further damage or sinking the metal deeper into TK’s flesh.

TK whines at the pain jolting through his body, waking him up a little as he squeezing his eyes shut, more tears run freely down his face.

“I know, I know,” Carlos speaks, his tone apologetic.

TK’s eyes start to droop, the momentary adrenaline already wearing off and his head falls backwards against the headrest.

“No, no, TK,” Carlos eyes go wide, his voice strained. “Keep your eyes open, stay with me.”

“Carlos…” TK whispers.

“Right beside you, babe. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re his fiancé,” the older man’s voice reaches Carlos’s ears from the front seat.

Carlos turns to face him with a questioning look, his eyes drawing together at the statement.

“He was,” the driver pauses to breathe. “He was talking about you before the crash.”

Carlos sucks in a deep breath through his nose, nodding as his eyes begin to glisten with unshed tears. “Yeah,” he turns back to look at TK. “He’s the love of my life.”

TK is still clinging to consciousness and Carlos receives a small smile from him at his declaration.

“That’s it, baby. Stay with me,” Carlos pleads once more, closing his eyes and gently resting his forehead against TK’s uninjured temple, melting into him.

He keeps a steady hold on TK’s side, and senses TK weakly gravitating towards him even more, Carlos his lifeline. TK uses all his remaining energy to reach out into the small distance and latches his hand onto Carlos’s arm, wrapping his fingers there.

“I got you, Ty, I got you.”

A few moments later, the air around them fills with the roaring of sirens, getting closer and closer.

“Hear that, TK? Help is here,” Carlos says, instilling hope with every word.

He turns his head in the direction of the incoming fire trucks and ambulances, watching as red and blue color everything around. His eyes immediately find the bold 126 painted on the truck that comes to a halt on the edge of the crash site.

“Hey!” Carlos calls out for the young man who lead him here. “Direct them this way!” He nudges his head towards the team who are disembarking from the truck.

The man nods and starts running towards the firefighters.

“Hang on, TK, hang on,” Carlos whispers.

He looks back into the open and relaxes just a fraction when he spots Judd on the man’s heels, jogging towards him.

Carlos can pinpoint the moment Judd realizes who he’s moving towards, the firefighter’s eyebrow raising a little.

“Reyes?” Judd calls out before he’s reached the car.

“Judd, it’s TK,” Carlos wastes no time in responding.

Those three words have Judd’s eyes going wide, his speed picking up and he runs the remaining distance to the car, coming to a stop on the side TK’s jammed.

“He’s stuck and bleeding badly,” Carlos continues, looking past TK and at Judd through the broken window.

“Shit,” Judd mutters and then louder, in the direction of the rig: “Tommy! Nancy!”

Judd’s eyes roam over TK’s ashen face, the younger man’s eyes barely opened.

“Hey, brother,” Judd speaks, his voice carrying its natural strength but also soft and filled with concern. “You’re gonna be alright, just hang on.”

He gets a half-nod from TK in reply.

Tommy and Nancy approach the car, each of them clutching their equipment and medical bags, ready to get to work.

“It’s TK,” Judd tells them when they’re by his side. They both pause midair as they’re lowering the bags, their eyes going equally wide as they process Judd’s words.

Carlos can see the worry flash over their faces and they share a quick look of concern before they both switch back into paramedic mode. He knows what they’re thinking, that they have to be at the top of their game. TK is family, and he can feel their fear and pain, but they need to focus so they can save TK.

They both meet Carlos’s worried eyes before getting to work.

“Hey, TK,” Tommy gets closer to the crushed door, gloves on and clicks her pen light. Her voice is calm and gentle, her motherly tone helps even Carlos relax a little.

“Cap…” TK whispers.

“Follow the light, TK.”

She shines the pen into TK’s glassy eyes, his pupils responding to the light as they should, albeit a little weaker than she’d like.

“Talk to me, Carlos,” Tommy says while her attention is solely focused on TK. “Tell me everything.”

“He said his head, chest and side hurt, his side is bleeding badly. I have pressure on it and I can feel a piece of metal stuck in there,” he swallows, feeling the blood seeping through his fingers. “The bleeding slowed down a little but he’s already lost so much blood.”

Tommy nods, accepting the c-collar from Nancy and carefully placing it around TK’s neck to stabilize him.

Judd looks up when he hears the rest of the crew approaching, and after a brief glance with Carlos, Judd moves in their direction, seeking out Owen.

“Cap,” Judd shields Owen’s view of the wrecked car.

Owen frowns, but immediately sees through Judd’s worried eyes. “What is it?”

Judd takes a deep breath. He has always been a straightforward guy, he won’t start beating around the bush now. “It’s TK, he’s in that car.”

Carlos’s heart breaks even more at the gasp he hears from Owen, followed by rapid footsteps pounding the gravel as the captain rushes over.

He’s at the car from Carlos’s side and looking past his shoulder a few moments later, Owen’s eyes blown wide as they move from his son to his soon to be son-in-law.

“Carlos.”

“His side is bleeding,” Carlos tells Owen, more tears gathering in his eyes. “He couldn’t reach it to apply pressure and I had to do something.”

Owen nods, his eyes going back to TK, who’s barely moving. “It’s gonna be okay, son. You’re gonna be okay. We’re here.”

TK slowly opens his eyes the rest of the way and looks in Owen’s direction through his blurry vision. He tries to send a wordless message to his father and fiancé of I’m okay.

Owen gives him a smile, but it’s shakier than he intended.

“Here,” Tommy’s voice grabs their attention. She hands Carlos a large piece of gauze as Nancy moves to the front to check the driver.

Carlos begins to move, and TK instantly whimpers and tries to keep his already weak hold on the other man.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, TK,” Carlos is quick to reassure him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He maneuvers his free arm to take the piece of cotton and swiftly lifts his bloodied palm to cover TK’s wound with the gauze and returns the pressure there.

The team has gathered what was happening and crowd the car, Carlos is vaguely aware of Judd telling them they’ve got TK and they should go around the rest of the scene to help.

And then Judd is back, evaluating the situation and weighing their options.

“His breathing is getting worse,” Carlos announces with fright as TK’s hold on him starts to falter. “We need to get him out now.”

“The driver is doing okay, Cap,” Nancy chimes in. “Alert and his numbers are holding.”

Tommy nods. “We get TK out first. Carlos, is the metal connected to the door or is it separated?”

Carlos shakes his head. “Separated.”

“That’s good, makes busting the door open easier,” Judd nods.

“Judd, grab the—” Owen begins.

“Jaws, got them,” Judd finishes for Owen before running in the direction of their truck.

He returns less than a minute later, but it feels like forever for Carlos and Owen as they watch TK struggle to hold on.

“Come on, come on,” Owen whispers, his eyes not leaving his son’s battered form as Judd returns, pushes the piece of equipment into the mangled metal and starts to tear it apart.

Tommy and Nancy get the backboard ready in the meantime, ready to move as soon as it’s clear. A lot of movement erupts when the door is finally ripped open. Judd lowers the jaws to the ground, quickly reaching for the cutters he had also retrieved and cuts the seatbelt off TK. It takes Carlos’s brain a second to catch up with all the action and then his eyes land on Owen now standing on the other side behind Judd as both men make room for Tommy and Nancy.

They carefully place the tip of the backboard against the backseat cushion and Nancy and Judd carefully take hold of TK’s shoulders, moving him sideways and then guiding him to lie on the board. Carlos goes with them, the pressure he’s applying constant and he only lets go once he’s certain Nancy’s taking over, her hand firmly covering his.

He pulls back and watches as Judd and Owen carry TK over to the gurney. He wastes no time in getting out of the car himself, darting to TK’s side.

Once TK is out, Judd starts working on extracting the driver.

Tommy and Nancy work in unison, the Paramedic Captain covering TK’s face with an oxygen mask while Nancy inserts an IV in his arm and runs a line. Carlos then notices that Owen is applying pressure to TK’s side with one hand while the other runs through TK’s hair.

Carlos takes TK’s hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Let’s move,” Tommy instructs a moment later.

Nancy takes over holding pressure as they push the gurney towards the ambulance, Carlos and Owen trailing behind.

“Carlos?”

Carlos turns at his partner’s voice, coming from a few feet away.

Mitchell is about to ask where he’s been but her eyes go wide instead when they land on TK lying on the gurney.

“I have to—”

She’s nodding before Carlos finishes his sentence. “Go, I’ll sort it out.”

“Thank you,” Carlos gives her the best grateful smile he could muster before hopping in after TK and Tommy.

“I’ll be right behind you,” Owen says once TK is inside the rig.

Carlos nods, taking a seat on the small bench.

Nancy shuts the doors and races to the driver’s seat, climbing in and the sirens wail as they start to move.

Owen watches the ambulance drive away, the hot pit in his stomach growing with each passing second.

Carlos and Tommy don’t exchange words, each of them focusing on TK. Tommy is monitoring his vitals, giving him fluids and administering a local nerve blocker to help with the pain.

Carlos clutches TK’s free hand with both of his own, closing his eyes and willing his racing heart to slow down a beat. He works on his breathing, steading his rhythm but he can’t help the stray tear that falls when he opens his eyes and looks at TK.

Carlos’s chest is in knots, his heart in pieces, TK is too still, too pale.

It’s almost like TK feels his fiancé’s anguish and pain, and on some level, he does because he’s weakly turning in Carlos’s direction. It’s always been a thing TK and Carlos talk about—the way they sense each other and what the other needs and this moment is yet another one to prove that connection true.

“It’s okay, ‘Los,” TK manages, his voice frail and muffled even more by the oxygen mask.

Carlos sniffs, moving closer to TK so he’s in his line of sight and nods. “Yeah, baby. It’s okay, you’re okay.”

“I love you,” TK whispers.

“I love you too, baby,” Carlos reciprocates. “Hold on.”

TK nods, a promise Carlos clings onto with everything he’s got. And he prays today isn’t the day he loses TK.

They’ve only just begun.

*****

It’s a short but tense ride to the hospital.

Tommy had examined TK’s chest and Carlos’s assumption that it was the seatbelt that hurt him is proven right by the massive red bruise already formed down the paramedic’s torso. Carlos had drawn in a sharp breath at seeing it, heartbroken that TK has been injured to that extent. Tommy had also told Carlos that TK may have also suffered a bruised lung from the force of the seatbelt against his chest.

A team is already awaiting their arrival, tearing the ambulance doors open as soon as it comes to a halt in front of the Emergency Room entrance. Tommy relays all the information as they push TK inside and through the hallways. They reach a point where Tommy, Carlos and Nancy can’t follow and Carlos has to reluctantly let go of his tight hold on TK’s hand.

His heart shatters as he watches the doctors and nurses wheel TK away, feeling like he’s been ripped away from him.

He stands there for what seems like hours, watching the hallway long after TK was pushed into the elevator, Carlos’s eyes fixed on its closed doors. He feels a hand land on his shoulder, and he doesn’t need to turn to know who it is.

“Come on, Carlos,” Tommy’s soft voice reaches him.

Carlos lets her lead him towards the waiting area and he drops into one of the plastic chairs, hating how familiar they have become.

He shakes his head then drops it slightly and only looks up when a few wet wipes are in his line of sight.

He gratefully accepts them but doesn’t move for a few moments after. His gaze is focused on his own hands, his hands that are covered with TK’s blood. And his ring, his ring is coated in crimson, nearly obscuring the silver underneath and it makes his stomach churn in an unnatural way.

Carlos closes his eyes, going back to the day TK had slid this ring onto his finger, to the joy and contentment they had both felt, they way they basked in each other’s love when Carlos had said yes. A tear rolls down the officer’s cheek, one he doesn’t bother wiping away. He sniffs, opening his eyes and begins cleaning his hands.

Once the evidence of TK’s accident and injury is transferred to the wipes, Nancy takes them from Carlos’s hold and throws them away before sitting down, too.

The silence stretches, the feel and sound of the hospital nearly haunting. Owen’s arrival breaks it, Carlos looking up when he hears his name being called from afar.

“Carlos,” Owen’s eyes are wide and movement quick.

“Owen,” Carlos gets to his feet in time for the Captain to throw his arms around him in a hug, which Carlos returns.

Owen gives Carlos a squeeze before pulling back. “Did they say anything?”

Carlos shakes his head. “They took his straight up, didn’t say much of anything.”

Owen nods and sits on the chair next to Carlos’s as he too returns to it.

Tommy and Nancy’s radios spring to life a little bit later, and they reluctantly leave, promising to be back as soon as they can.

Carlos starts rolling his ringer over his finger, a gesture he does when he’s nervous or anxious. TK would always notice, and he’d reach out, taking Carlos’s hand and holds it tightly; a silent promise that he isn’t alone, and that TK’s got him. Carlos would give anything to feel TK’s tender touch.

He notices that his ring is still speckled with blood.

“I’ll be right back,” Carlos says as he rises from his place. “Just going to the bathroom.”

Owen nods. “Take your time.”

Carlos follows the signs to the nearest bathroom and looks at himself in the mirror as he gets closer to the sinks. The bathroom is empty, his boots echoing in the space, his eyes not leaving his exhausted reflection staring back at him. All the color has been drained from his face, his eyes a stark red against his pale skin and his usually neat curls are out of place. His eyes drift lower until they stop at his waist where there’s a large, dark stain. His uniform is stained with TK’s blood.  

He swallows as he turns on the faucet and lets the water run down at the coldest temperature before sticking his hands under it and working the remaining traces of blood off his ring. He momentarily relishes the cool sensation against his skin, but he soon breaks watching the pink-tinted water swirl down the drain.

It feels like TK is getting further and further away from him as each second passes by. He feels like he’s losing TK.

Helplessness settles in his bones, barely turning off the water and he grips the marble to support himself as his entire body starts to shake with the force of his oncoming sobs. A cry rips through his throat and he tightens his hold on the marble, afraid that his knees will no longer hold him up and he’ll crumble to the ground if he lets go.

He feels the fear crawling underneath his skin, the terror ringing through his whole being, the longing, the pain…it all washes over him at the same time, and he almost collapses from the weight of it. But he holds on. TK needs him to hold on. So he draws in a deep breath, stands up straight and splashes icy water over his face a few times.

Carlos returns to the waiting area with swollen eyes and Owen runs a hand up and down his back once he’s seated next to him once again, patting his shoulder before pulling back.

“We…we were planning on going over to my parents’ for dinner this weekend,” Carlos’s shaky voice slices through the silence that settles over them. “Our schedules lined up and TK was so excited. He,” he pauses, a small smile forming on his face. “He was saying how we should bake something to take to dinner. Chocolate chip cookies. They’re his go-to when it comes to baking,” he trails off, his hands connecting and he starts nervously fidgeting, rubbing his hands together.  “Chocolate chip cookies,” he whispers.

“They were always his favorite kind of cookies when he was a kid,” Owen says.

Carlos turns to look at Owen, his features broken and eyes filled with fragments of loss and aching. “He’s going to be okay, right? He has to be. He…has to be okay.”

“He’s strong, and he’s in the best of hands. He’s going to fight to come back to us, to come back to you, Carlos. The happiest I’ve ever seen my son was when he was with you, even in the beginning, when you were still figuring things out, there was something different about him, I could see it, I could feel it. He seemed lighter, brighter. His eyes lit up. I didn’t want to pry or push to know more, but when I saw you together, I knew. You were the missing piece he needed, you helped make him better, stronger. He’s going to come back to that.”

“It was the same with me. He saved me, in so many ways,” Carlos expresses.

“You saved each other,” Owen replies with a smile, giving Carlos’s knee a squeeze.

Carlos and Owen move to the waiting room on the surgical floor a little while later. Owen sits down on an identical plastic chair while Carlos paces around the room.

He stops when he looks out into the hallway and sees the rest of the team making their way towards them, all wearing the same concerned look on their faces.

“We got here as fast as we could,” Judd says as they step inside.

“Have you heard anything yet?” Marjan asks, her eyebrows drawn together.

Owen shakes his head. “He’s been in surgery for almost two hours.”

“He’s a strong kid, he’ll make it through,” Judd speaks with a steady voice.

“I should go call my mom, let her know what happened,” Carlos starts walking towards the door.

Paul pats Carlos’s shoulder as he passes him, and Carlos responds with an appreciative nod.

Carlos’s short trip to go outside is a haze, moving robotically until he’s stepping into the open air, the sun still high in the sky. It’s hot, Carlos closes his eyes and tilts his head up in the direction of the sun, letting its warmth seep into his skin. He takes a deep breath as he opens his eyes, pulls out his phone and he notices a few texts from Mitchell. He makes a mental note to reply later and moves to the phone icon, touching his mother’s contact from his favorites list.

One ring, two rings, three rings…

“Carlitos!”

“Mami…”

Andrea immediately picks up on his broken tone. “What’s wrong, mijo?”

“It’s…There was an accident…a car pile up downtown and…TK, he…he was in it,” Carlos’s voice cracks.

“Oh, Dios,” Andrea draws in a sharp breath. “How is he?” She asks and Carlos can hear rustling and movement in the background now.

“He…he lost a lot of blood, Ma. He was stuck in the car and his side was hurt…they took him straight to surgery and we haven’t heard anything yet,” Carlos sniffs.

“Where are you? I’m on my way,” Andrea says.

Carlos can hear the emotion in his mother’s voice and he knows she’s trying to keep her worry and fear for TK from breaking through the phone. She’s always been Carlos’s rock, strong and steady, and he can tell by her tone that she’s keeping it together for him. Still, though, he can hear the slight waver in her voice at the knowledge that her soon to be son-in-law is badly injured, currently undergoing surgery.

Since the moment TK was officially introduced to Carlos’s parents, they welcomed him into their family with wide, open arms. They had immediately liked him and adored him, Andrea happily whispering it into Carlos’s ear at the end of that very night. They saw the love between him and their son, and it had uplifted Andrea and Gabriel’s spirits and filled their own hears with so much love and glee.

And when Carlos had called them one night, voice filled with bliss and excitement, telling them that TK had proposed to him, Andrea and Gabriel wept tears of joy.

Knowing how much Andrea loves TK, telling her that he was hurt is one of the hardest things Carlos has ever had to do.

“We’re at West Park Memorial,” Carlos replies.

With a promise from Andrea to be there shortly, they end the call. He returns to the waiting room a few minutes later, everyone’s eyes landing on him. Carlos feels shrunk, his shoulders drawn in, his body feeling so heavy.

“She’s on her way,” he says before turning to stare into the direction of the operating rooms.

“No news yet,” it’s Judd who speaks next, reading Carlos’s mind.

Carlos nods and returns to his seat next to Owen.

Silence falls onto the room, everyone doing little things to keep themselves busy. Mateo praying, Marjan and Paul standing and pacing, Judd grabbing a couch pillow and holding it against his chest, Owen’s head is thrown back against the wall with his eyes closed and Carlos’s leg starts bouncing up and down while he fidgets with his hands. His fingers gravitate towards his ring, the one tangible piece of TK he has with him in this moment. Carlos always gravitates towards TK.

The team eventually get called away to a rescue with their promises too to return as soon as they can.

Carlos’s phone rings and a glance at his screen tells him it’s his mother.

“Ma,” Carlos answers.

“Hi, mijo. I’m walking in now, where are you?”

“We’re in the waiting room on the surgical floor,” Carlos tells her.

“Okay, I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

Carlos spots Andrea hurrying through the hall, handbag clutched against her side soon after they hang up.

“Carlitos,” Andrea breaths as she steps into the room.

Carlos walks over to her and falls against her as she wraps him in a tight hug.

“It’s okay, mijo. Va a estar bien,” she whispers reassuringly, holding him in a steady grip. It’s going to be okay.

Carlos returns the embrace, burying his face in his mother’s neck, more tears spring to his eyes at being held by his mother and feeling her safety and comfort.

There’s a considerable height difference between Carlos and Andrea, but right now, Carlos may as well be a little boy and she a giant. Her protective hold on him is steady and grounding.

Once they pull back, Andrea cups Carlos’s face and wipes the fallen tears with the pads of her thumbs.

“Any news?”

Carlos shakes his head.

Andrea walks over to Owen, who gets up and they exchange a quick hug.

“He’s going to be fine,” Andrea says as she takes a seat next to her son.

Carlos nods, his eyes drifting back to his ring.

“There was a missing ingredient,” Andrea says after a while.

Carlos frowns as he turns to look at her.

“I was talking to him this morning, I sent him the family recipe for tamales,” she explains. “He wanted to surprise you but there was one missing thing.”

“Our dinner date tonight…that’s why he was out, he was going to the store,” Carlos connects the dots, eyes filling with tears.

Andrea nods.

“That was his surprise,” the realization dawns on Carlos. “He knows tamales are my favorite,” a small smile forms on his face.

Andrea places her palm on the nape of Carlos’s neck and pulls him gently towards her. He goes easily and rests his forehead against her shoulder. She whispers comforting words in Spanish as she runs her fingers over Carlos’s short hair just above his neck. He closes his eyes, evening out his breathing as he soaks up his mother’s comfort.

*****

Carlos is staring into nothingness almost an hour later, his eyes glued to to the hallway but unseeing. His mind on TK, all figures that pass through and walk the hallway blurred. Until one doctor is walking towards the waiting room, his form getting clearer and clearer as Carlos forces his vision to focus on him.

The doctor is visibly tired, his face crunched up, still wearing his surgical cap as he enters the room. Carlos can’t read him, and that worries him even more. He braces himself, swallowing as the doctor starts speaking.

“Family of Tyler Strand?”

“TK,” Owen corrects as he gets to his feet. “How’s my son?”

Carlos and Andrea follow suit, the tension building in the small space.

The doctor nods at Owen. “TK made it through,” he offers them a kind smile.

The collective breath Owen, Carlos and Andrea were holding is released as they breathe out a sigh of relief. Carlos closes his eyes, letting the doctor’s words sink in, sagging forward a little. He feels Andrea’s hand running up and down his back, grounding him and he leans into her warm touch.

“There were some complications, however,” the doctor continues. “We were mostly concerned about the amount of blood he lost, which caused his blood pressure to drop. His numbers were low during the surgery but we were able to keep him stable and with some blood transfusions, his blood pressure began to improve. The metal shard nicked his kidney but it didn’t cause major damage, we were also able to repair the laceration. Brain scans were all normal, indicating no brain injury. His chest is bruised and he has a minor lung contusion from the force of the seatbelt, but that will heal on its own. He’s young and healthy, I expect him to make a full recovery.”

“Can we see him?” Andrea asks, knowing it’s on Carlos’s mind and also knowing Carlos is still processing the doctor’s prognosis.

The doctor nods. “He’s currently in recovery and he can have visitors once he’s settled in a room after some observation. I’ll make sure a nurse comes to inform you when he’s ready.”

“Thank you so much, doctor,” Owen extends his hand.

The doctor nods once more, shaking Owen’s hand. “He’ll be home in no time.”

Carlos is rolling his ring on his finger and nervously bouncing his leg a while later when a young nurse approaches them.

“TK is ready for visitors,” she announces with a smile.

Owen turns to look at Carlos. “Go,” he urges.

“Are you sure?” Carlos asks.

Owen nods. “I’m sure, I’ll stop by to see him in a while.”

Owen pats Carlos’s shoulder as the officer gets to his feet and follows the nurse towards TK’s room.

“I’ll be back in an hour to check on him,” the nurse says as they come to a halt in front of a closed door. “The nurses’ station is down the hall if you need anything, or you can just press the call button near the bed.”

“Thank you,” Carlos says, taking a deep breath and pushing the door open.

He knew what to expect, he knew what his eyes would land on once he stepped into the room but still, seeing TK looking so small and still in the hospital bed shakes Carlos to his core.

An ache bolts up and down his body as he makes his way towards TK, his footsteps echoing off the walls, the only sound aside from the beeping of the heart monitor. He doesn’t take his eyes off his fiancé as he lowers himself on the chair situated next to the bed, watching as the paramedic’s chest rises and falls with each breath he takes.

Carlos is at least glad to see that TK has regained some color but it’s the stillness that also makes the officer uneasy. TK is always active, even when he’s asleep, twisting and turning in bed every now and then. Carlos would say he’s a light sleeper, he loved when TK started spending the night in the early days of their relationship. Though TK’s restlessness would sometimes wake Carlos from his slumber, he’d wrap an arm around TK’s middle and drift off to sleep again only for it to happen again a few hours later. Carlos never minded that, though, he’d be woken up by many things over the years, and being woken up by TK’s movement is by far his favorite.

Eventually, those movements from the younger man through the night had become a source of comfort for Carlos over the months, a reminder that TK is right next to him, in his bed. It grounded Carlos, and a sleepy smile would spread over his face as he gravitates towards those movements, warmth spreading through his body.

But here, right now, Carlos shivers, an icy sensation darting through his nerves. TK’s stillness is wrong, all wrong and so unlike TK is breaks Carlos’s heart all over again.

Carefully, Carlos reaches out, clasping TK’s hand in his own and prays that he can feel the familiar pressure.

“Hi, baby,” Carlos eventually speaks, his voice hoarser than he expected. “I’m here and you’re okay. They took really good care of you and you’ll be back on your feet in no time. I just…I miss you, Ty.”

The only response Carlos gets is the steady beeping of the heart monitor.

He sighs, running his thumb over TK’s knuckles. “I miss your voice, your smile, those beautiful green eyes of yours…your kiss. Come back to me, babe. This is only our beginning, we still have so much to do together. And I’ll be right here, right by your side, always. I’m not going anywhere,” Carlos vows.

Some time later, Carlos is so focused on TK and watching him, he doesn’t hear the knock on the door or it being pushed open until he senses another presence in the room.

He turns to see Owen stepping in, and stops by the foot of the bed.

“He looks better,” the Captain says, his eyes glued to his son.

Carlos nods, and continues running his fingers through TK’s hair.

“Your mom is heading to your place to pack a bag for you and TK,” Owen adds after a few moments. “She said to tell you to call or text her if there’s anything in specific you’d like her to get. And she’s also getting you some food.”

Carlos nods again. “I don’t think I’ll be able to eat, though.”

Owen’s eyes soften. “I know, but you have to keep your strength up. He’s going to need you when he wakes up. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of him.”

Carlos knows Owen is right, so he doesn’t argue. “Thank you,” he tells Owen.

“Thank you,” Owen reciprocates. “You saved his life.”

“Part of me hopes I could have done more, I felt so helpless just…I wish I could have done more,” Carlos drops his head.

“Hey, Carlos,” Owen walks over so he’s behind the officer. He places a hand on Carlos’s shoulder and gives him a supportive squeeze. “You did everything you could, I know you did. I’ve seen so many accidents to know that in that pile up today, TK’s chances were…” he trails off, shaking his head. “His chances weren’t good. If it wasn’t for you, TK wouldn’t be here right now.”

The mere thought of that brings tears to Carlos’s eyes. “A guy flagged me down and…I followed him and then I realized it was TK and…my whole world stopped.”

Owen nods. “I hate that you had to go through that but…part of me is glad it was you who got to him. Because I know you would have done, and did do, everything you can to keep him alive. You climbed into the wrecked car, and that says everything.”

Carlos moves his hand to cup TK’s face, lightly tracing his cheekbone with the tip of his thumb. “I would do anything to make sure he’s okay.”

A moment of silence washes over them as Owen dips his hand into his pocket and pulls it out, fist closed before opening his palm in front of Carlos.

“Here,” Owen says.

Carlos looks down into Owen’s open hand and a tear rolls down his cheek when he sees TK’s ring there.

“The nurse gave me his stuff after she lead you here. I thought you should hold on to it for him,” Owen explains.

Carlos sniffs, reaches out and takes the ring. He secures it in a fist and brings his hand over his heart, holding it there before leaning forward and brushing a kiss to TK’s temple.

*****

Owen stays until Andrea is knocking on the door, walking into a room carrying a duffel bag and a brown paper bag. The delicious smell immediately hits Carlos and his stomach rumbles. His mother must have heard it because she gives him a knowing smile.

Owen excuses himself a few minutes later, making Carlos promise to call if anything changes. With one final glance at his son, Owen leaves.

Carlos settles on the small table in the corner of the room as he unwraps the food his mom brought him. Andrea stands near the bed and plants a tender kiss to TK’s forehead then sits in the chair previously occupied by Carlos.

Carlos watches the sweet exchange and feels his heart flutter in his chest at the sight. It’s such a simple gesture but it speaks volumes of the way Andrea had come to love TK and happily welcome him into the family. Carlos had witnessed TK and Andrea growing closer and closer over the course of their relationship and it had made him happier than words could express. He’d smile, his heart soaring as he watched them in conversation or watched TK help Andrea in the kitchen, talking about anything and everything, while preparing dinner together at the Reyes ranch.

There’s pain and sadness in his heart at seeing Andrea sit next to TK’s hospital bed. And even more when he hears his mother’s broken whisper of oh, amor, as her eyes roam over TK’s battered face and he can tell she’s imagining the layers of bandages hidden underneath his gown.

Carlos can tell she’s struggling, trying to remain strong for both him and TK. Because not only is Andrea’s Carlos’s rock and support, but she is also TK’s.

“It’s okay, Ma,” Carlos reassures her. There’s so many layers to those three words, and she catches on to each and every one.

She gives him a small, sad smile, her eyes swimming with unshed tears.

“Your dad sends his love, and he said he’ll be by to visit TK soon, once he’s awake and strong,” Andrea says a little while later, after Carlos had finished eating, freshened up, changed into sweats and a hoodie, and returned to TK’s side.

She was about to get up to vacate his seat then, but Carlos shook his head and gestured for her to remain seated there. He dropped into the chair on the other side of the bed, the one Owen had grabbed from near the wall and had been sitting in.

Visiting hours were coming to an end and Andrea was getting ready to leave. With a gentle pat to TK’s cheek, she gets to her feet and clutches her handbag, Carlos following her.

“Carlitos,” she starts but Carlos is quickly shaking his head, knowing what she’s going to say.

“I can’t leave him,” he answers.

Andrea sighs. “It’s going to be busy in here tonight, they’ll be checking on TK every couple of hours and you need to rest, too.”

“I know, but I won’t be able to sleep if I do go home either. I’ll stay wide awake, worrying and wondering and going back home now, going back to our bed, without him or without knowing he’s really okay…I can’t. At least staying, I can grab an hour here and there when they aren’t checking on him.”

Andrea nods after a moment. She knew deep down that Carlos would stay, hence the bag she had packed. She’s cupping Carlos’s face, caressing his cheek before pulling him into a hug.

He goes easily, wrapping his arms around his mother and returning the hug. Her strong hold on him gives him strength himself, almost transferring some of hers to him and he soaks it all up.

“He’s going to be just fine,” Andrea whispers, kissing Carlos’s cheek as they separate.

Carlos nods.

“I love you, mijo,” Andrea expresses. “I love you both.”

“We love you, too, Ma.”

After a similar promise to Andrea like the one made to Owen, she leaves, grabbing the bag sitting next to the door containing Carlos’s bloodstained uniform on her way out.

Carlos returns to his original place next to the bed, his hand going back to TK’s.

“It’s just you and me now, babe.”

*****

It starts with one slow movement. It’s so slow Carlos would have probably missed it if he weren’t watching TK as closely as he is.

The sun has climbed high in the sky, the hours ticked by from the time Carlos had given up on sleep around dawn. It was a night filled with fitful and restless sleep, as he had expected and between the nurse checking on TK and Carlos’s own worry, the officer managed to get three hours of shuteye.

He couldn’t sleep past the moment light cracked through the darkness of the sky above, so he got up, running a hand through his loose curls and stretched his aching muscles. The sun slowly got higher and stronger, painting the sky in streaks of orange, yellow and red, the colors morphing together in a magical way. He watched the process through the thin curtain, getting lost in it for a few moments before directing his attention back to TK.

TK who still hadn’t woken up. Who hasn’t even stirred.

Carlos was awake during the nurse’s more recent visit and she had assured him that it was perfectly normal, that TK’s body still needed some rest and that TK is doing well. He thanked her, giving her a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes followed by a nod when she mentioned there’s a coffee station just down the hall.

He feels TK’s ring sitting in his pocket, and he longs for the moment when he’ll able to slip it back on his finger, where it belongs.

He kept a positive attitude, repeating the nurse’s comforting words in his mind over and over, clinging to them as more minutes passed by with no indication from his fiancé of waking up.

“Come back to me, baby,” Carlos had whispered, giving TK’s hand a light squeeze.

He eventually left the room for a quick trip to the mentioned coffee station, and was back by TK’s side in a matter of minutes.

He kept himself occupied replying to texts he had received—from Mitchell, some of his other colleagues at the precinct, and most recently the 126 group chat, while keeping an eye on TK, as well.

The texts were all replied to and the coffee had long been consumed when the slow movement from the bed catches Carlos’s attention.

A small nudge of TK’s head to side, his eyes still closed. For a second, Carlos thinks his mind is playing a trick on him. But then it happens again, in the other direction and that has Carlos moving forward, heart picking up speed in his chest.

“TK?” Carlos calls. “TK, can you hear me?”

His heart is on its way to sinking from the lack of response from the paramedic, but instead flutters because TK is slowly opening his eyes and finding Carlos through the haze.

Carlos’s face breaks into a smile that does reach his eyes this time, said eyes also filling with tears at the sight of the green irises he has so terribly missed.

“Hi, baby, hi,” Carlos continues, his voice soft.

“‘Los,” TK breaths, his voice scratchy and low but it’s his voice and Carlos can almost weep at his nickname that only TK uses.

“I’m here, I’m here. You’re okay,” Carlos reassures him. “Everything is going to be just fine.”

Carlos’s hand moves to cup TK’s face, caressing his cheek and his heart sings when TK summons all the energy he can and leans into Carlos’s touch.

“Get some more rest, babe, I’m not going anywhere,” Carlos says when he notices TK drifting back to sleep.

Watching TK’s chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm now, TK’s ring in Carlos’s pocket feels lighter.

*****

The sun is getting lower when TK wakes up again. Andrea had passed by and joined Carlos for lunch a couple of hours before, Carlos feeling better and able to eat properly.

He was sitting in his usual spot on the chair next to the bed, mindlessly going through his phone and switching between apps when the same nudge of TK’s head pulls his attention, albeit it’s a little more frantic than the previous ones.

“Hey, hey, baby,” Carlos gets closer to TK, eyes on his face.

TK’s eyes are faster in opening this time, landing on Carlos and then looking around the room.

“Carlos?”

“Right here, I’m right here.”

“What…” TK’s eyebrows draw together, confusion written all over his face.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Carlos takes hold of TK’s hand. “You were in an accident, you were hurt pretty bad but they took care of you and everything’s okay. Do you remember?”

TK nods after a second and swallows against his dry throat.

“Do you want some water?”

TK nods again.

Carlos grabs the plastic cup from the nightstand and guides the straw through TK’s parched lips. “Easy, slow sips.”

“How—how bad is it?” TK asks once he’s done drinking.

Carlos sighs as he returns the cup. “We don’t have to talk about that now.”

“Please…I…I need to know,” TK says with a low tone.

After a moment, Carlos nods. “You were stuck in the backseat, you had some cuts and scraps, a concussion, bruise from the seatbelt and…there was a piece of metal lodged in your side. You lost a lot of blood, and I tried to keep pressure as much as I could but I didn’t want to hurt you more and…” he sucks in a shaky breath.

TK uses his energy to squeeze Carlos’s hand, knowing where the officer’s mind is going, taking him back to the horrific accident scene. TK squeezes Carlos’s hand to ground him and bring him back to the present.

“Never in a million years had I expected to see you in that crash…I was actually thinking the opposite, that I won’t see you because it’s your day off. But then the universe flipped the table on me and there you were…” Carlos trails off and then shakes his head. “I’m sorry, you just woke up, this…this isn’t what you should be hearing.”

It’s TK’s turn to gently shake his head. “Hey, there’s nothing to apologize for. Whatever you need to let out, and everything you’re feeling and thinking…I’m here to listen, no matter what.”

“I don’t want to overwhelm you,” Carlos lowers his gaze.

“Look at me, baby, look at me. You can never overwhelm me…I know how tough this has been, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

Carlos tightens his hold on TK’s hand. “I was…so scared. I felt so helpless and it felt like you were being ripped away from me. And for a moment you were, when they wheeled you away and it broke me, in that moment, I shattered,” the tears get heavier in his eyes and with a blink, a tear falls and streaks down his cheek.

TK’s own eyes well up at seeing the pain and heartbreak drawn on Carlos’s face and coating his voice, wanting nothing more than to take it all away.

“I remember coming to after I blacked out from the initial crash and it was…terrifying. My mind hadn’t completely caught up with what happened and once it did, I was really scared,” TK sniffs. “I felt so alone. But you know what? When I saw you, well, at first I thought I was dreaming but then you reached out to me and touched me and it felt real, you felt real and warm and you were right there…I knew in my heart you were there and I wasn’t scared anymore. I didn’t feel alone anymore. I knew you would save me, like you did so many times before.”

More tears roll down Carlos’s cheeks at TK’s words.

“And you did. You saved me, ‘Los.”

Carlos lunges forward, taking TK’s face gently in his hands and plants a kiss on TK’s forehead.

“You saved me just as much,” Carlos whispers, looking into TK’s eyes where brown meets green, and there’s so much said without needing words, so much love communicated and felt. Carlos leans in, first touching their foreheads together and then brushing a tentative kiss to TK’s lips. And Carlos feels whole again.

“Also,” Carlos starts once he pulls back. “We’re definitely making those tamales once we’re back home.”

“You know?”

Carlos nods. “Ma told me. Missing one ingredient.”

“Yeah…I wanted to surprise you. You’ve been working so hard lately and I wanted to do something for you,” TK expresses.

“That means everything, TK. I just hate that you got hurt, I know neither of us could control what happened but still…I hate that it happened.”

TK nods. “But I’m here and I’m okay.”

“You are,” Carlos drops a kiss to TK’s cheek this time. “And one more thing,” he adds, a hand digging into his pocket.

He opens his palm in front of TK to reveal his ring and TK looks up at him, eyes glistening.

“I believe this belongs to you,” Carlos holds out his free hand to TK.

TK carefully lifts his hand and gives it to Carlos.

He watches as Carlos slides the ring on his finger, the familiar weight of it a comfort. He closes his eyes when Carlos brushes a kiss to the ring now sitting where it belongs, relishing in the touch.

“I love you, Ty, now and forever.”

Carlos's eyes are so soft and filled with love and adoration, it makes TK's heart swell with just as much love. He smiles, knowing he's found a home in Carlos. And he knows with his whole being that Carlos has found one in him, too.

“I love you too, ‘Los, always.”

And when TK gives Carlos the smile that’s reserved for only him, Carlos knows in his heart that they’re going to be just fine.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fic #tarlos #tarlos fic #userjilly #userthai #userkimmy #reyesstrand #userjillian #tuserpaige #tuserjamie #tuserjenny #reyeslonestartag #bellakitse #tuserems #usermaximus #useralie #badthingshappenbingo #bad things happen bingo #*fics #after a long time #and working on this for a few weeks #its finally here! #this fic took a lot out of me #i say more in the ao3 end notes #but i'm happy to post this! #I hope you guys enjoy this! #and thank you for the prompt!

[bellakitse]

Ease your heavy heart

He leans against the doorframe taking in TK and their little boy. He’s fast asleep, his face tucked into TK’s arm, his tiny fingers gripping his father’s shirt.

+

When their son gets sick, TK feels guilty for not realizing how serious it is sooner. Carlos comforts him.

Written for @911lonestarangstweek - Day 4: Sickfic + “You need to rest.”

Carlos makes sure the house is locked up before he starts to make his way up the stairs. He bypasses his bedroom and heads for his son’s knowing that’s where he’ll find his husband. He leans against the doorframe taking in TK and their little boy. He’s fast asleep, his face tucked into TK’s arm, his tiny fingers gripping his father’s shirt. It’s the most peaceful sleep he’s seen Luca have in days, and he has to believe part of it is because he’s finally home and no longer in the hospital. It settles Carlos a bit after days of unending worry.

“He sounds better,” he comments softly, his voice low as to not disturb the quiet too much.

“Yeah,” TK says back as he looks down at their son with the same worried frown he’s been looking at him with since Luca was admitted into the hospital with pneumonia.

“He’ll probably sleep through the night,” Carlos continues, swallowing a sigh when TK mutters another ‘yeah,’ his gaze not straying from Luca’s small frame. “Which means that you can come to bed,” he says, not at all surprised when TK instantly starts shaking his head in protest.

“No, I – “

“You need to rest,” he cuts TK off, his voice leaving no room for argument. He pushes off the door frame, making his way over to their son’s bed, sitting at the end. “You haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in days.”

TK frowns at him, and Carlos can tell he’s about to have a fight on his hands by the stubborn set of his jaw. “I have to make sure he’s okay.”

“He is okay, babe,” he says softly. “The doctors released him from the hospital because his infection is clearing up. In a few days, he’ll be right as rain again, running us ragged as we chase our little speed monster around the house,” he jokes, hoping it will get a smile from TK.

Instead, TK looks down at their boy with a worried look, biting down on his bottom lip.

“We can’t let him tire himself out,” he says like he’s making a mental list. “I – “ he stumbles on the word. “We need to make sure he’s completely healed – “

Carlos frowns at the edge he hears in TK’s voice. It’s tense and high-strung enough to raise the hairs on the back of his neck. He reaches out slowly to touch his face, feeling a pang in his chest when TK looks at him with wide, panicked eyes.

“Baby,” he starts with caution. He cups the side of TK’s neck, pressing his thumb to his pulse, feeling it race under his finger. “What’s happening right now?”

TK swallows hard. He closes his eyes for a moment as he lets out a shaky breath. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers as he opens his eyes again, the guilt in them clear as day. “I should have realized sooner that it wasn’t just a cold. I should have – “

“Baby, no,” Carlos cuts him off quickly before he spirals further. “This is not your fault.”

TK shakes his head, and Carlos can see the tears he’s trying to hold back. It’s become a familiar sight the last few days. “I’m a paramedic. I should have seen the signs sooner, the wheezing, the fast breathing, the coughing.”

“We thought it was a simple cold,” he reasons, his heart aching when TK lets out a sniffle.

“I should have known it was more,” TK answers, looking down at Luca, the tears finally slipping down his cheeks. “I’m a bad dad.”

“Oh, TK,” he sighs softly. He moves closer to him, taking him in his arms, grateful that he accepts his embrace. “You know very well that isn’t true.”

TK shakes from his silent crying as Carlos tightens his hold on him, and Carlos realizes with a heavy heart that his husband has been bottling in all his fears and guilt, hiding it away from him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers into the side of his face. “I should have realized you were feeling this way sooner.”

TK shakes his head against him, pulling back to look at him as he gets his emotions under control, and Carlos feels that ever-present love he has for his husband mix with the need to protect him.

“Don’t apologize,” he says softly. “You were focused on Luca; he’s our priority.”

“No, you’re both my priority,” he shoots back just as soft. “Just like I know me and him are yours. I should have checked in with you more these last few days.”

He tilts his chin up, pressing a kiss to TK’s brow, letting his lips linger as TK lets out a sigh, his body melting into his when he hugs him again.

“This wasn’t your fault,” he says into his skin. “And you are a wonderful dad and paramedic, okay? Shit just happens sometimes, baby.”

TK lets out another sigh, but Carlos feels his body loosen further in his arms, easing his worry.

“That’s a bad word, Papa.”

They break apart at the comment to find Luca looking up at them with a curious expression on his face.

“Hey, sweet boy,” TK says softly, wiping away at his face as he gives Luca a loving look. “You should be sleeping.”

Luca looks at TK, a frown taking over his small face as he sits up, coughing a bit as he does so. “Dada, you crying? Why?”

TK reaches out to rub his back, soothing the cough away. “I was just a little sad, sweetheart. Papa was giving me a hug to make me feel better.”

Luca looks over at him and then back at TK. He goes up to his knees and then to his feet on the bed, standing a few inches higher than them. He takes a wobbly step forward, his little arms going around TK’s neck.

TK lets out a small amused huff, the first genuine smile Carlos has seen on his face appearing as he hugs Luca back.

Carlos smiles, warmth spreading through him at the picture his two loves make together.

After a moment, Luca breaks the hug but not before kissing TK on the cheek. “Better now?”

TK nods quickly, clearing his throat before he speaks but still sounding overwhelmed by their son’s sweetness. “So much better, baby, thank you.”

Luca smiles bright and happy at TK, pleased as always when he feels he has helped one of them.

“Do you think you can go back to sleep, Luca?” TK questions him gently as he places a hand over his forehead, checking to see if he’s warm. “You need to rest.”

“That sounds familiar,” he mutters, grinning when TK shoots him a look.

“Not sleepy,” Luca answers with a slight pout even as he lets out a yawn. “Can we watch Disney plus?”

TK looks like he wants to argue but can’t in the face of their adorable son, and Carlos decides to intervene.

“Let’s go watch in our bedroom,” he says, shrugging when TK gives him another look. “It will help him fall asleep again, and this way, if he’s with us, maybe I can get you to sleep too.”

TK stares at him for a moment longer before turning towards Luca. “What do you say, bud? Want to sleep with us tonight?”

Carlos chuckles as TK is barely done asking before Luca is wrapping his arms around his neck again, ready to be carried.

“Guess that’s a yes,” TK huffs as he stands with Luca in his arms. He turns his head to press a kiss into Luca’s curls, reaching for Carlos’ hand when he also stands up.

“Thank you,” he says to him, giving his hand a squeeze.

Carlos returns the gesture, and just like TK did with Luca, he leans in to press a kiss into TK’s hair. “Anytime, sweetheart.”

#911 lone star #tarlos #911 lone star fic #tarlos fic #911lsangstweek #baby luca #tk x carlos #my writing

[morganaspendragonss]

turn to dust all that i adore

whoops it’s a 2b spec fic based on two seconds in a promo love that

title from things we lost in the fire by bastille

ao3 | 2.3k | 2b spoilers

The fire continues raging whenever TK closes his eyes, and he doesn’t know if it’s better or worse than the sight that greets him when his eyes are open. He wishes he could wipe that awful night from his memory completely and go back to where they were just a few days ago, happy and safe and in their home. They don’t even have that anymore, the house little more than ash, and TK would be okay with that - they could rebuild from that - if Carlos weren’t so silent and still in front of him. 

The fire was three days ago; TK hasn’t seen Carlos awake in four. He’d been in the middle of a 24-hour shift when the call came through, bickering with Nancy about the merits of various sitcoms, Captain Vega probably rolling her eyes in the back as they returned to the station. 

Nancy had quietly offered to drive when they found out the address, but TK had shaken his head. His hands were tight on the steering wheel, and he’d pressed down a little harder than necessary on the accelerator, praying he’d be able to get there fast enough. The house was a lost cause, if what dispatch said was true, but if he could save Carlos, then that would be enough.

He’d failed - of course he had. An explosion had ripped through the building just as they’d pulled up, the glass shattering as flames leapt from their bedroom window. TK had felt a cold dread settle inside him, and his worst fears had been confirmed when the team emerged with Carlos limp in their arms.

He’s alive, but the damage had been done. Too much smoke inhalation and multiple horrific burns left him hanging by a thread; it’s a miracle, really, that the heart monitor is still beeping out a steady rhythm. TK can’t be thankful, though, not when he knows everything could turn on its head in an instant. Not when they’ve already lost so much.

A soft knock on the door grabs TK’s attention. He looks up to see his dad standing there, a sad smile on his face and a plastic-wrapped sandwich in hand. TK twists his face into a grimace and returns to watching the bed.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Son -”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You’ve been saying that for days,” his dad points out, walking over and pointedly laying the sandwich in TK’s lap. “Starving yourself isn’t going to make him wake up any faster.”

TK barely spares the sandwich a cursory glance. “Nor is forcing myself to eat.”

His dad sighs, crossing the room and grabbing the extra chair. He sets it down next to TK’s and, though he doesn’t look, TK knows he’s being subjected to one of his ‘dad looks’.

“TK, you’ve barely left the hospital since it happened,” he says. “I know it’s hard right now, but you can always come back and stay with me. You still have a home.”

“Not without him, I don’t.”

He hears his dad’s sharp intake of breath, feels his hand running through his hair, but TK’s detached from it all. He studies Carlos’s face, every part familiar to him, but so strange and foreign now. Carlos has never been a restless sleeper - that’s all TK - but there’s usually some movement. A crease appearing between his brows as his face scrunches up, his muscles shifting as he pulls TK closer, his nose gently nuzzling the back of TK’s neck. This still version of him isn’t Carlos. This isn’t the man TK loves.

But it’s close as he’s going to get until Carlos comes back to him, and TK can’t stand the thought of leaving him. In all the months they’ve been dating, they’ve rarely spent a night apart, and most of those were either on shift or still in their bed, with a pillow that smelt like the other and the promise of seeing each other again soon. Going back to his dad’s house would only be bearable if Carlos were with him, but that’s not possible, so neither is leaving.

“TK, I -”

“If you’re just here to give me this,” he interrupts, waving the sandwich in his dad’s direction, “then, thanks, but you should probably go now. His parents are coming in a bit and the hospital barely lets three of us be in here as it is.”

His dad recoils, wounded, but doesn’t budge, much to TK’s irritation. He’s really not in the mood for any more meaningless talk or thinly veiled attempts to get him to eat or sleep.

“Dad, please.”

“I was contacted by the PD this morning,” his dad says instead. TK’s head snaps up, eyes wide. “They found out what caused the fire.”

TK waits, but his dad suddenly becomes very reticent, his eyes flicking between TK and the bed. Clearly, this wasn’t something as simple as the electrics blowing or the washing machine malfunctioning; it’s worse, and TK’s breath seems to stick in his lungs.

“Dad?” he croaks.

Their eyes finally meet, his dad’s face arranged into a sympathetic grimace. “It was arson.”

Time stops.

“What?” TK breathes, shaking his head. Arson. Someone burned their home down and almost killed Carlos, on purpose. And for what? To kill them? The only reason TK wasn’t caught up in it too, after all, is because he was fortunate enough to be on shift that night. “Do they know who?”

“I’m sorry,” his dad says, voice full of regret. “It’s been happening all over the city, no leads so far.”

TK sits back in his chair, a white-hot spark of anger flashing through him as he once more takes in the many bandages on Carlos’s body. He wonders if this was how Judd felt those weeks ago when he found out the guy who’d run them off the bridge was also in the hospital, because TK would very much like to go out and find the people who did this. He wants them to pay for what they’ve done to the love of his life.

As is sensing where his mind has gone, his dad starts rubbing gentle circles on his back, though it doesn’t calm TK like it usually does.

“I think I’ll stay here until his parents show up,” he says. “If that’s alright?”

It’s a non-question; his tone makes it clear that he’s not going anywhere no matter what, but TK doesn’t have it in him to put up even a token argument. He simply nods wearily, and settles in for another day of waiting - another day without his boyfriend’s comforting presence at his side.

*

A week after the fire, he’s told he can go back to the house, if he wants. He doesn’t, really, but he goes anyway, knowing that Carlos will have questions when he wakes up, and maybe he’ll be able to salvage something.

Probably not, but it’s never been the stuff that’s mattered to him. It’s been what the loss of it all represents, the memories that now exist only in his head and in the ashes.

TK stares up at the blackened husk of their home, something keeping him rooted in the middle of the street. Police tape is still up and there’s an officer waiting to escort him in when he’s ready, but TK just… He doesn’t know if he can do this.

“TK?”

He jumps at the unexpected voice, turning to see Carlos’s neighbour from two doors down, Molly, her daughter trailing behind her. TK doesn’t know many of the people around here, but Molly and her husband are often to be found playing with Lilia on the porch, and they always make a point of greeting them. Carlos has even babysat for them a few times, though TK’s rarely there for that.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” she says, smiling apologetically. “How are you doing?”

He shrugs. “I’m okay,” he replies, and Molly seems to understand what that really means. “Carlos is still in hospital, but we’re, um. We’re hoping he’ll wake up soon.”

She nods, glancing at the house. “It’s terrible, what happened. You’ve got somewhere to stay, right?”

“I’ve only just moved out of my dad’s place, so I’ll just go back there while we figure something out. Guess he’ll be glad we don’t have to transport all my stuff this time.”

The joke is hollow, and Molly’s face twists in sympathy. “Well, if you need anything, we’re happy to help out however we can. Carlos has always been good to us - to everyone here - and we hate that you’re going through this now. Send him our love, okay?”

TK gives her a small smile, nodding. He’s about to excuse himself to finally go inside, when Lilia tugs at her mother’s hand, whispering something in her ear when Molly leans down. 

“We were baking when we saw you pull up,” Molly explains, straightening. “Lilia insisted on bringing these out to you, didn’t you, Lils?”

Lilia beams up at him when TK looks over to her, thrusting a small tupperware in his general direction. “Cookies!” she exclaims, by way of explanation.

TK chuckles and squats so he’s at her height, taking the box from her. She’s watching him expectantly, so he takes a cookie - clumsily decorated with mountains of sprinkles - and pops it in his mouth, making a show of enjoying it.

“My compliments to the chef,” he says, licking his lips playfully. Lilia giggles, then, without warning, throws her arms around him, the force of it almost sending him on his ass. Molly gasps and reaches to pull her daughter away, but TK shakes his head at her, mouthing an, It’s okay.

Steadying himself, he gently wraps his arms around Lilia’s back, allowing her to bury her face in the crook of his neck as she attempts to squeeze him within an inch of his life. It’s enough to pull a real smile out of him, though tears also spring to his eyes, a sudden emotion overwhelming him. He brushes them away hastily when Lilia unwraps herself from him, but it’s clear that Molly noticed, judging by the sad smile on her face.

“I hope Mr Carlos gets better soon,” Lilia says, her voice earnest in a way only a five-year old’s can be. 

TK nods. “Me too.”

“He gave me sweets.”

A laugh bursts out of him at the sudden comment. TK leans close to her, dropping his voice to a whisper. “Shall I tell you a secret? He gave me sweets as well.”

Lilia gasps as though she’s heard something incredibly scandalous. TK laughs again, before standing back up and turning to Molly, who’s been watching the two of them with clear amusement.

“Thank you,” he tells her. “For coming out and talking, and for the cookies.”

“It’s the least we could do,” she says, waving him off. “Like I said, let us know if you need anything, even if it’s just to talk. We’ll be there.”

TK thanks her again, waving at them both as they head back inside. He turns to his and Carlos’s place, then takes a deep, shaky breath.

He can do this.

*

Inside is much as he expects. The worst of the rubble has been cleared, but there’s still some detritus lying around, including a few of their things. TK stoops and carefully retrieves a framed photo from the floor, wiping the dust off the cracked glass. The picture inside is barely recognisable, the colours warped, but he knows the image like the back of his hand - a candid of him and Carlos taken by Marjan during one of their hangs. She’d caught Carlos mid-laugh, a grin plastered on TK’s own face as they’d stared into each others’ eyes.

Marjan had grumbled about how frustratingly lovesick they both were, but the photo quickly became one of TK’s favourites, and it had made its way into a frame less than a week later. TK’s heart aches at the sight of it ruined; he can always print another as it’s still saved on his phone, but it still hurts. Everything does, right now.

As he gazes around the space, eyes catching on mementos and remembering how it all used to look, TK is struck by how much this place had felt like home. He’s only been officially living here for a month, but it’s been theirs for far longer than that, TK’s stuff worming its way in among Carlos’s until it became natural to see two pairs of shoes by the door, two sets of keys in the bowl. 

This was theirs, and now it’s nothing.

He drops the photo frame on his way out the door, not sparing a look back as he walks away.

*

He gets the call halfway back to the hospital and TK forgets all about speed limits as he races the rest of the way. He sprints through the corridors, the path to Carlos’s room learned by heart, and skids to a stop in the doorway, his eyes filling with tears at the sight before him.

Carlos, awake and smiling and alive.

TK lets out a sob, his hand flying to his mouth. Carlos turns, his smile widening when he catches sight of him, and he wordlessly lifts his palm up in invitation.

And who is TK to refuse it?

“Hi, baby,” he gasps, before kissing his boyfriend, palms framing Carlos’s face. Carlos’s hands come up to clutch at his wrists, and TK presses their foreheads together, silently revelling in this moment.

There’s a long road still ahead of them - Carlos needs to heal, and they’ll have to do so much to get back on their feet - but he can’t care about that right now. Being here, right now, with Carlos’s warm touch stroking over his skin, is all TK needs.

Carlos came back to him, and that’s the only thing that matters.

#911 lone star #911 lone star spoilers #911 lone star fic #tarlos #tarlos fic #tk strand #carlos reyes #owen strand #tk x carlos #lone star #911ls #fanfiction #my fanfiction #writing #my writing #userjillian #tuserjamie #userkimmy #tuserpaige #tuserjenny #reyeslonestartag

[meloingly]

Hope In Starry Eyes

Summary: It's a perfect moment, TK decides, and that's why he's going to ruin it. He doesn't deserve perfect — not yet. There are a thousand other ways to do this, but as his fingers dig into the tendons of Carlos' neck, he feels a shadow of a barrier between them. And while he knows that it's probably all in his head, he doesn't want to risk the off chance that it's real. He's not ready to lose this. He's not going to let Carlos go.

"Listen, about the other blowup at the firehouse."

You guessed it, another S02E12 Coda/Fix-It

TK isn't a bad guy in here, he's just full of regret and remorse and guilt. And he wants to apologise.

Rating: Teen and Up

Warnings: Mentions of that fight, deep emotional feelings, loads of regret, remorse and guilt.

Characters: Carlos Reyes, TK Strand, Mentioned Gabriel Strand, Mentioned Owen Strand

Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Difficult conversations, Mentioned pushing, Spoilers for S02E12, Carlos Deserved an apology, so I gave him an apology.

Word Count: 4524

Beta: The wonderful @lire-casander. This woman had re-read this fic so many times, I don't know how she didn't lose her mind. She's a queen who has held my hand through every up and down,, and I'm forever grateful.

Author Note: There are references and mentions of the fight, but it isn't explained in detail. It doesn't delve into TK's thoughts at the moment, only the aftermath and resulting emotions.

I understand that this has caused a myriad of discourse and arguments, but please respect that this is my own view of it, and it's of my own projections and how I think I'd react and deal with it — me being Carlos in this situation.

~~~

There's a tension that lays heavy on TK's shoulders, tightening around his torso and constructing his breath with every step he takes. It wraps around his chest and squeezes the comfort and security that he should be surrounded with out of his very bones.

He's feeling the events from the day weigh down on his soul — the firehouse blowing up, the shift from hell — and going back to his own house is only adding to the stress. He shouldn't feel this torn apart about going home, but he is.

Every step feels like he's walking on eggshells; careful and timid.

He's come bare, bag and belongings left back at the now blown-up firehouse — the locker rooms hadn't been affected, but everything in the firehouse is being investigated. All he has left with him is his keys, and only because they were already in his pocket. He gets to the front door, pausing with said keys ready between his fingers, giving himself a moment to calm down.

To a degree, he knows he has nothing to worry about, that there's no need to freak out. Objectively, he knows that they're alright, he knows Carlos said he forgave him. But between the firehouse blowing up, and his own mind, he's been fried thin, feeling weary and left empty, and as he looks down at his own hands with every deep breath, he remembers how they laid across Carlos' chest, shoving and pushing, over and over again.

Knowing is one thing though, and feeling like he’s walking on thin ice around his boyfriend ever since his outburst is completely different.

Guilt simmers deep in his stomach, as a hot flush of shame runs through his veins, for what must be the hundredth time in the past twenty-four hours alone. He's been having the same reaction and rush of emotions all day, every time he remembers what happened, what he did.

He can only imagine how Carlos felt. Pushed by a man that says he loves him. Shoved further and further away until he was cornered with the fire truck at his back. Forced to react, either to defend himself or to de-escalate the situation by using physical force. The fire crew, a group that he opened his home to, watching from far away. Their eyes following as Judd ordered him to leave.

He's starting to get lost in his head, thoughts running wild, the darker side of his mind taking reins, when he hears the beginning of a tune from the other side of the door. It brings him back to reality instantly, back to his feet planted inches away from the door, his hands shaking by his side, his keys rattling between his fingers.

He steps back and takes a deep breath — he wants to make sure he commits to apologizing this time — and allows the exhale to take off some of the tension. He repeats it once, twice and a third time, stopping only when he feels his shoulders slightly drop, and the frowns on his forehead ease.

He's as ready as he ever will be.

With a determined fist, he shoves the key into the keyhole, twists the lock and gets himself inside his house.

The door is barely closed behind him when the sweet smell of chicken spices and soft tunes of a Reggaeton instrumental song immediately reminds him that this is his home, and not just a house. And if he ever had any doubts, the sweet and soft smile that Carlos greets him with is the only reminder he could ever need.

"Hey, babe," Carlos greets him softly, easy words and comforting eyes calling out to him and beckoning him closer. "Hope you came hungry. Just put the chicken into the oven."

TK barely stops for a moment, the action involuntary as his legs carry him deeper into the safety and security of their home. His eyes glance over the dining table, taking notice of the full dinner set-up laid out, complete with the sweet scent of raspberry candles that Carlos absolutely adores.

"What's all this?" TK asks in lieu of a greeting. "You, you didn't have to do all this."

"If my boyfriend's firehouse is going to blow up in the middle of a shift, I'm gonna make the most of it."

TK looks away for a moment, cursing his own mind for not thinking that Carlos would have heard about the explosions. You keep getting hurt, his mind supplies, and it hurts him too. He takes a deep breath, trying to push the thoughts away, and instead focuses on the fact that Carlos called him "boyfriend", with as much ease and confidence as he always had.

We're okay, he reminds himself. And yet, the guilt doesn't calm down. If anything, it rages wilder, the dinner and meal set in front of his eyes, both verbal and materialistic proof of his boyfriend's love laid out in front of him. He looks back up to face Carlos, only to find that he's focused on the cutting board, busy chopping away at carrots. He takes the last few steps forward, closing the distance between them, a million words on the tip of his tongue.

As Carlos looks up at him though, eyes sparkling and mouth set in a small smile, TK feels his own mind start to quiet down, and his lips move on their own accord, lifting up into a smile, his eyes drifting to meet the browns of his boyfriend's. He lifts a hand up, laying it on Carlos' shoulder, trailing the muscle up to the back of his neck.

"Hi," he greets, the word a soft breath in the small distance between them.

"Hi," Carlos smiles back.

It's a perfect moment, TK decides, and that's why he's going to ruin it. He doesn't deserve perfect — not yet. There are a thousand other ways to do this, but as his fingers dig into the tendons of Carlos' neck, he feels a shadow of a barrier between them. And while he knows that it's probably all in his head, he doesn't want to risk the off chance that it's real. He's not ready to lose this. He's not going to let Carlos go.

"Listen, about the other blowup at the firehouse."

Continue on AO3

#Tarlos fic #Carlos Reyes #TK Strand #Tarlos #911 Lone Star #911 lone star fic #emotional hurt/comfort #Spoilers for S02E12

[beeexx]

The missing Tarlos scenes from 2x06

Word count: 4.8    Read on ao3

.......

“You know you need to tell him this, right?”

“No, no, I really don’t.” TK protests loudly, by banging the frozen bag of chickens into the counter, hoping they will shake loose with the excess force he is using. Carlos lifts an eyebrow from where he is standing in boxers and an old tank top, too much skin on display for it to be good for TK’s health, cutting onions into small, stupidly neat pieces on the chopping board. 

“TK….” Carlos begins, in that voice of his and TK turns around, eyes flashing.

“Carlos.” 

Carlos huffs.

“Babe, this is clearly bothering you, and taking it out on our poor dinner isn’t ideal.” He points out.

“Oh, sure Carlos, I’ll just tell my dad that him having another kid is a terrible idea because I’m a prime example of how they messed up with the first one.”

“TK…” 

“Oh and while I’m at it I might as well bring up how I am feeling about it and make it all about myself like I always do, that ought to go down really well.” He snaps and Carlos sighs. 

“You don’t make everything about yourself.” TK lifts an eyebrow and Carlos snorts. “Okay, sometimes you do, but often not without a legit reason and this is definitely a situation I feel you’re entitled to feel whatever it is that you’re really feeling and express that.” 

“Okay, well if we’re on the subject of telling parents what we really think then why don’t you take a page out of your own book and tell your parents that you have a boyfriend, oh, or better yet, the way you’ve been feeling for years about them refusing to acknowledge that you’re gay.” As soon as the words leave his mouth TK regrets them and he winces at the wounded look Carlos sends his way at his harsh words.

Fuck. 

“That’s not the same thing.” Carlos mutters, he sounds bitter about it and were it not for the deeply thoughtful look also making its way across his features TK would take the words back immediately.

“I could have gone about that differently, sorry…. But, but isn’t that exactly the same thing as this is though.” 

“We were talking about you.” Carlos points out in an attempt to deflect and TK just chooses to let it go because he doesn’t have the energy to have an argument about two different things at the moment. His head is enough of a mess as it is. 

“My point still stands, talking to your parents about all the ways they have hurt you is fucking hard, okay?”

“Yes, okay I will agree with you on that.”

“And if you really want to make this all about me this time then fine. Try telling my dad, Owen Strand, Captain of the 126, adored by his crew, envied by even more, hero, cancer survivor, the list could go on for a long time Carlos, yes try telling that person that oh yeah by the way dad you neglected me as a child and now I have both abandonment issues, self esteem issues and a constant fear that no one is ever going to love me because I am not worthy of it, that will go down real well.” 

He hits the bag three more times against the counter and lets out a triumphant sound as the frozen chickens finally rattle loose inside and he turns to hold it up to Carlos, a sly little smile at the corner of his lip, because his tactic did work even though Carlos had doubted it would. Carlos isn’t smiling though, he’s frowning, concern written all over his face, eyebrows pinched together and TK drops the bag in confusion.

“What?”

Carlos puts the knife down and takes the bag from TK, throwing it lazily, without looking in the direction of the kitchen sink before he steps up close, wrapping his arms around TK and pulling him close. TK lets out a huff of air, taken aback by the fierceness of the action. 

“I hate it when you do this to yourself…” Carlos starts and TK sighs, wraps his arms around him back and nods against Carlos’ neck, can’t help but breathe him in, feeling the calming effect of it already working through his system. 

“Sorry.”

“No, no don’t apologise.” Carlos leans back and TK looks up to meet his stormy eyes. He opens his mouth but he isn’t sure what to say. 

“I love you, okay? So much and I wish I could hit that into your thick skull sometimes but I can’t, so I’m just going to have to spend every day in this relationship proving that you are indeed worthy of love and no past damage or mistakes will change that, okay?” TK can only nod, his throat suddenly thick with emotions he doesn’t know how to express.

“With that said, you’re not very good at keeping things bottled up, especially not for a long time and especially not something this big, so you should probably really think about what you actually feel about this whole situation before you choose to do that.”

“Judd said I was jealous.”

“Jealous?”

��Yeah, something about me wanting to push the baby down a well or something because I couldn’t handle not being the only child anymore.”

“He said what now?” TK chuckles at Carlos’ incredulous look and he shrugs.

“It was some biblical reference I don’t know. Prodigal son?” 

“Oh, like Cain and Abel, like a lesser known older brother and the jealousy that stems from it because it’s natural to resent the baby because you’re scared it’s going to take your place.” Realisation dawns on Carlos’ face and his eyes light up like they always do when he gets to talk about things he knows, which at times is a surprisingly big amount of random shit.

“Yeah, yeah, exactly that.” TK says sarcastically, gives Carlos a curious look.

“What? I read.” He shrugs and smirks proudly. TK hums. ”Well Judd is good at a lot of things, maybe giving advice isn’t his forte.”

“And yours is?” TK lifts a challenging eyebrow. 

“I am an excellent advice giver, I’ll have you know. The issue isn’t me, the issue is everyone else and no one listening to what I’m saying.”

“Oh, so you have a lot of experience then, giving advice?” TK bites down his smile as Carlos glares without heat.

“I chased Michelle around for years when she was getting in trouble searching for her sister. I definitely have a lot of experience.” TK chuckles and leans up to kiss his nose. It wrinkles adorably and TK’s heart tugs in his chest. He loves Carlos so much.

“I love you too, so much. And I’m sorry for bringing up your parents again, that wasn’t nice of me.” TK apologizes and Carlos nods and watches back with quiet brown intense eyes.

“It’s okay, you were right though.” He grudgingly admits. 

“Maybe, but there is no pressure, as I’ve said you can take all the time in the world that you need to figure it out and I’ll support you either way.” He promises and Carlos gives him a soft beautiful smile.

“Thanks.” Carlos whispers, grateful and TK nods, and gently starts scraping his knuckles against Carlos’ scalp, pulling at his curls in a way that makes his face soften immediately, eyes falling shut in contentment and his arms tighten around TK, breathing heavily. His reaction tells TK that Carlos feels really comforted by the way he is touching him and that he needed it more than he let on.

TK has always responded well to touch, Carlos picked up on that a lot quicker than most, but it’s also not uncommon for Carlos to like it as well. He just doesn’t always express it, so TK’s taken to doing it when he senses it’s something Carlos needs, while not always being aware of it himself. It’s these small gestures TK’s learnt, that you do for the other person and that they do for you that love really is. 

Carlos’ eyes are closed and he’s letting out soft sounds of pleasure, it’s distracting as hell, and it’s making it even more difficult being this close to him and not kissing him, so TK does because he feels he can’t not do it, and angles Carlos’ head down and captures his lips in a searing hot kiss. As always when they kiss like this, starting out soft, but then growing with intention and heat, the slowburn of arousal starts to make its way through his veins, electric energy flooding his system. Only Carlos has this effect on him. 

When Carlos reaches to grab at his hair and then bites at his lip it makes TK whine and chase after him when he moves back. 

“Dinner, remember?” Carlos reminds him, but with his curls standing up unruly and his pupils dark with want, it’s very hard for TK to remember the reason why he can’t skip dinner all together and eat Carlos out instead. Carlos huffs and his hands tighten around his sides like he can read TK’s mind.

“After dinner.”

“Is that a promise?” TK asks slyly. 

“Yes.” Carlos reassures and the slow self satisfied grin tugging at his lips is fucking obscene and TK cheekily grabs his ass in retaliation. Carlos knows the effect he has on him. 

“You know cooking in boxers can be a fire hazard.” He points out.

“Good thing I know an excellent firefighter then.” He says and kisses TK hard on the lips before he steps away, walking back to his mostly finished chopped up onions, giving TK a very nice view of his ass in the black tight boxers he’s wearing. God, his boyfriend is hot as fuck.

The rest of the evening is so nice in fact that for a moment he doesn’t think about his parents or the baby, or anything other than how much he loves Carlos and how lucky he is to really have him in his life.

…….

TK unlocks the door to Carlos’ place, throws the bag towards what he hopes is the direction of the shoes, and puts his keys down in the bowl by the door, where Carlo’s are already lying. He steps inside and almost jumps out of skin when he sees his boyfriend sitting on the stairs, frowning and very clearly waiting for him. Most of the lights are off and it casts his features into stunning relief, even when angry, Carlos is too good looking for his own good.

“So, you heard?” TK gulps and Carlos nods.

“Yes, yes I did hear, from the group chat, but not just that, every goddamn news station in the state is covering how two firefighters jumped through a minefield to save two boys that were hurt.”

“Well, only one of them was hurt.” TK shuts his mouth when Carlos levels him with a deeply unimpressed look and he takes a slow step forward and tries again.

“In my defense, I am certified and I was qualified to do it.” TK stops, draws in a sharp breath, backtracks. “Are you mad?” 

Carlos lets out a deep breath, and his features soften slightly before he shakes his head, scrubs a hand through his face and when he looks up his eyes are wide and sad.

“No, no, of course I’m not mad. Just extremely worried.”

“Oh?” TK asks, feels confused, scrambling to catch up with the change, having been expecting that Carlos would be upset with him. Carlos huffs and opens his arms and it’s all TK needs for him to take a few steps forward before he sits down between Carlos’ legs, wrapping his arms around his neck, pulling him close. Carlos plants a kiss in his hair, and tightens his grip around TK, almost unconsciously starts stroking his hands down his back and TK lets him, can’t push away the guilt that’s come on so strong, mixing badly with the elevation he’s also feeling after the day he’s had. But when his boyfriend reacts like this it can’t help but leave an acid taste in his mouth too.

“I’m not sure whether I want to never let you leave my arms ever again or brag to everyone that I am for sure dating a hero.” Carlos says and were it not for the slight tremor of his voice that he tries to conceal, TK would laugh. 

“I wouldn’t mind never leaving your arms.” He admits because it sounds appealing, especially now, when adrenaline is starting to make way to exhaustion instead. 

Carlos huffs. 

“You’d get bored after a day or two.” He points out and TK shakes his head.

“You underestimate the excellent sex we do have, I’m sure I could be convinced for three days or so.” Carlos laughs, but then one of his hands wrap around TK’s wrist, feeling out his pulse, comforted by the steady thumping of it. TK lets him, allowing himself after the hectic day he’s had to tuck his face into the crook of Carlos’ shoulder and neck to breathe him in. They both have different ways of calming themselves down when the other one is near and on certain days they need it a little more than on others. 

“Your pulse is beating insanely quick.” Carlos points out after a while and TK hums against Carlos’ neck, gives himself a moment before he detaches himself slightly so he can look at him. 

“Adrenaline.” He shows Carlos his hand that’s still trembling slightly and Carlos’ eyebrow pinch in concern.

“I’m sorry -” TK begins because he really does hate it when Carlos is sad but Carlos shakes his head and interrupts. 

“No, no, this is on me. I know you have a dangerous job that sometimes requires that you take risks, I just wish they didn't have to be this big, a minefield, that’s just insane.” TK nods, he understands.

“But also really cool.” He can’t help but let slip out, eyes alive in excitement and smirking. Carlos snorts and pokes his nose, a little hard maybe, but only a little.

“Yes and designed to give me a goddamn heart attack, you know I’m not even 30, by this rate I’ll be going grey before I hit 35.” He points out, gives TK a look that speaks volumes about how offended Carlos seems to be over that. He laughs and reaches for Carlos’ hair, tugging gently on it.

“I think you’d suit grey really well to be fair.” Carlos wrinkles his nose in distaste and it’s so adorable that he can’t help but laugh again and Carlos distaste slowly melts into something much softer and he sticks his tongue out instead like a mature 26 year old that he is. “And if we’re pointing fingers, remember that hostage situation a while back where an office was shot and I thought it was you because you wouldn’t answer your phone?” Carlos winces and he looks momentarily guilty about that because TK had been so fucking worried he could barely even do his job that day and when Carlos hadn’t answered by the time they were both off shift TK had lost it a little bit. 

“Not my finest moment.” Carlos admits.

“No, so don’t go pointing fingers.” But he’s mostly joking even though that day had been scary as fuck, he so very much understands Carlos’ worry today, he really does. Carlos hums.

“How was it then?” He asks and TK bites at his lip, trying to figure out how to word everything. He turns towards Carlos and sits up on his knees, bringing him eyelevel with him and wraps his arms around his neck. Immediately Carlos’ hands come to rest on his waist, his fingers slipping underneath TK’s jumper to trace skin. 

“It was incredible, well the minefield aside which was scary for sure, but after that I’ve been feeling like I’ve been on this incredibly long lasting high ever since.” Carlos lifts an eyebrow at the metaphor and TK shrugs sheepishly. 

“Yeah, but it’s an apt metaphor for the feeling. I guess I haven’t felt good like that in a while.”

“No?” Carlos asks and there is no trace of judgement or anything in his voice, just kind and curious eyes looking at him. TK nods.

“The only other times I’ve felt this kind of high is you know actually getting high and when I’m with you, I guess the job’s been missing that spark for a while.” Carlos smiles and leans forward to plant a kiss on his nose.

“I’m not totally sure about comparing this relationship to a high.” He points out and TK snorts.

“I’m not, I’m comparing the feeling. Being with you is like pure happiness you know? I feel, just, like I’ve never felt before and even when it’s tough it’s worth it because I love you so much and I know deep down that you love me too and I never don’t want to spend my time with you, so yeah, the feeling is addictive for sure. I really just love you.” He goes quiet and Carlos' eyes have softened and he’s met by a look of pure love and a breathtakingly beautiful smile breaks across Carlos’ face before he pulls TK close and kisses him softly and slowly, making TK’s toes curl inside of his shoes. 

“Fuck.” Carlos whispers against his lips. “I love you too, so much.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Carlos says with adoring eyes and voice full of love before he runs his hand through TK’s hair and gently pulls him close, kissing him hard on his lips again. It’s TK who pulls back though making Carlos lift an eyebrow in surprise because it’s unexpected for TK to be the one to do this, so before TK can chicken out he blurts out the words.

“But I might have done something stupid…”

“Oh?” Carlos asks, amusement dancing in his eyes like he’s totally expecting it. 

“Yeah, I might have handed in my resume to Vega for the position to become a paramedic.” He rushes the words out, hates the silence between them and can’t help but feel ridiculously nervous all of a sudden waiting for Carlos' reaction. Carlos opens and closes his mouth a few times then shakes his head.

“Okay, wait, I think you need to back up a few steps here so I can follow.” He says, confusion evident in his eyes. But he’s giving TK an encouraging look at TK takes in a deep breath.

“The minefield was not fun and the thought of what could have happened to me and my dad while out there was really scary. I’m not trying to take massive risks anymore, not when I have you to come home to.” Carlos smiles, lovingly, and gives him an encouraging look spurring TK on. “But I knew someone had to get to the kid and with the help of my dad and Vega that I could do something about it, so I volunteered. And the elevation afterwards, that all came from saving the kid. It just… it felt really good to save someone, to be the one to actually do it.” TK confesses loudly for the first time since his shift ended and he in the spur of the moment added his name to the pile in Vega’s office, and saying it makes him feel a little calmer than he has ever since walking off the field. 

“Oh, okay.” Carlos says, not fully understanding yet what TK is trying to say, and yet being so patient with him, waiting for TK to figure it out. 

“I don’t know, I sometimes feel like I’m not doing enough in the field, like I could do more... and while I also know that’s not the case because every day we all go out in the field doing our best together. But I think I’ve been carrying this with me for a while now, it’s just that this year has been a lot, and even when there is a pandemic going on people still forget to turn their stove off, and they get into car accidents or have their cats escape up in trees unable to come down. The world hasn’t stopped, it’s been moving and I’ve been moving with it without having the time to reflect a lot on myself and the job. But today, I don’t know, I felt like something just clicked while out there and when I could really help him...I guess, I really liked doing it.” TK blushes because he’s been ranting and he’s averted his eyes but they move back to Carlos by their own accord and Carlos’ eyes have cleared from all earlier confusion, instead understanding has taken over and he nods his head thoughtfully.

“And that’s why you handed in your resume? Because you want to continue doing it?” Carlos fills in and TK nods biting his lip.

“D-do you… Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“It’s not up to me to tell you what to do babe, but you know what?”

“What?” TK asks, hanging onto every word he’s saying. 

“I think you’d be good at it.”

“Yeah?” He asks, hopeful, and Carlos smiles.

“Of course, you’d be amazing at it, if it’s what you want.”

“It is yes, it’s what I want.” TK says with certainty. It’s just clicked, like all that has been shaking loose and upended recently inside of him finally settle a little more.

“Then yes, it’s an amazing idea. You’re going to be so good.” Carlos grins and TK melts because while he doesn’t depend on Carlos’ approval for this it’s so nice to see him be actually happy for him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Carlos promises and TK releases the breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding and his own face breaks into a relieved smile. 

“I think I could be good at it too.” He confesses a little shyly and Carlos beams and pulls TK slightly forward, his forehead resting on his and everything just settles for TK because nothing beats this, nothing beats Carlos. 

“I’m proud of you.” Carlos says and TK can’t bite down the smile. But it falls off his face after a moment and he moves back, looks a little unsure again.

“I might have done something else that wasn’t very smart.” Carlos huffs, lifts an eyebrow, so ever patient with him.

“What did you do now?”

“I didn’t tell my dad…” He trails off and Carlos grimaces but then a look of determination takes over and he shrugs before he gently grasps TK’s face between his hands, stroking a thumb lovingly along his cheek.

“Well, you know what I think?” TK shakes his head. “I think it’s not any of his business really.”  

That surprises TK to be honest and he lifts an eyebrow.

“W-what? I mean really?”

“Yeah, I mean maybe you should have told him before you just went and did it, but it’s your life and not his. And as long as you’re not doing it for someone else then it’s not really his choice to make.”

“I’m doing it for me, it’s what I want.” Carlos’ lip lifts in a proud smile and he nods.

“Good.”

“But, what if he’s not happy?”

“I don’t think he will be unhappy, maybe a little surprised and maybe give him a moment. But if he knows you like I do, then he will realise it’s a good thing.”

“Okay, I hope so.” TK musters up a wane smile, still can’t push away the spikes of anxiety about the conversation he’s going to have to have with his dad. But it can wait, for a little while at least. 

“You know Vega is going to bust your ass right?” Carlos jokes, eyes full of mirth, smirking and TK snorts.

“Yeah, yeah I know.”

“I remember when Michelle started training under her, the stories she would tell me, Vega is badass and she taught Michelle who is also a badass, I’m expecting she’s going to do the same to you.”

“I’m already a badass.” TK reminds him and Carlos chuckles. 

“True, I think she will do you some good though. Challenge you and allow you to really thrive under her, she has that effect on people.” TK nods.

“It’s a tough job…”

“Yeah, but as you said, you’re already a badass, you’re going to do great.”

“It will be nice to be the paramedic, rather than calling one.” TK says and it grows a little more serious between them. 

“I mean -” TK clears his throat at Carlos’ silence. “I have experience of being on the other end and I know what it’s like being helped. I guess a part of me is looking forward to doing the helping.”

“I see, well you care so much about people and if you get a chance to show that, to show them this.” Carlos' hands move to cover TK’s heart and it flutters in his chest, warmth spreading to every cell of his body and he smiles shyly. “Then, well, you’re going to be very good at it.” TK bites his lip and nods.

“It feels… I don’t know, just right.”

“Good, that’s amazing.” TK doesn’t know what to say but he’s grateful, more than how he knows to express at the moment but in the way Carlo’s face softens, maybe he can read between the lines.

“Have you talked to Owen about the baby yet?” TK groans, can’t help but glare, the moment between them broken suddenly, like a bucket of ice cold water has been thrown at him, and he moves his head away, hiding in the crook of Carlos’ shoulder and neck and nibbles at his skin making Carlos chuckle, twitching in his arms.

“No, not yet…” He says though, voice muffled by Carlos’ skin. 

“Well, do you want to talk about it?” TK sighs but takes his head away and meets Carlos’ eyes. 

“I feel… I mean I am happy for them of course but...” He bites at his lip, hard and Carlos reaches forward with his thumb to gently stroke it over the swollen redness making TK stop the action. He takes in a deep breath instead.

“But they always do this, and I don’t even think they are realising it, but they get so single-minded and focused on themselves that they forget everything else. The fighting isn’t fun, I’ve been in the middle of it and I know how lonely and unwanted you can feel when it happens. What they’re doing, it feels like they are just falling into the same patterns as before without even realising that they are, and it’s not going to last if they do it that way.” 

Carlos looks thoughtful and TK feels annoyed and frustrated because he can’t help but think it makes his parents feel so irresponsible and it’s hard to come to terms with that because his parents in their own right are extremely competent people, it’s just when together, they aren’t always. 

“I support you, I always will and your feelings here are valid and to be worried is honestly a sign of growth.” Carlos begins.

“Oh, you're calling me mature, that’s unusual.” TK jokes, changing the subject.

“I mean you’re definitely a hot mess, a terrible terrible driver for sure.” Carlos easily fires back.

“God, did Judd text you?”

“And filmed some of it. This is why I’m never letting you drive my baby.”

“Hold on, I thought I was your baby, and here I find out you have someone else on the side?” Carlos’ arms tighten around him, biting his lip, the smile threatening to take over. 

“What can I say, I really like that car and I paid a lot of money for it.”

“It’s a terrible car for making out in.” TK reminds him and Carlos smirks, reminded of the few times they’ve gotten frisky in it. 

“True, still not letting you drive it.” He teases and TK glares. 

“Rude.”

“Maybe, but I care too much about the possibility of my greying hairs to get here sooner than I’d like to, to get into a car where you are driving us.”

“Well I might be a paramedic soon, so at least you'd be with someone where your odds are fractionally better if you were to get in an accident.”

“Still not letting you drive it Strand.”

“Worth a shot.” TK laughs and Carlos smiles.

“So, do you want dinner or?”

TK shakes his head.

“No, I’m good, but I’m getting too old to sit on my knees like this.” He grumbles and shifts to get the blood running again. Carlos chuckles and makes it all the easier by just scooping him up in his arms. TK yelps and Carlos grins, delighted by the sound. TK wraps his legs around Carlos’ waist, tightens his arms around his neck.

“Please don’t drop me.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it baby.” Carlos reassures grinningly. “So, bed?”

“Bed.” TK agrees.

He lets Carlos carry him up the stairs and into the bedroom, feeling so safe in his arms, that whatever conversation that’s waiting for him tomorrow with his dad, doesn’t matter as much anymore.

#911 lone star #9-1-1 lone star #tarlos #tarlos fic #tk x carlos #911 lone star fanfiction #911 lone star fic #tk strand #carlos reyes #tarlos fanfiction

[shrimpngritcakes]

Buddie prompt #3: 9-1-1 & Lone Star crossover idea

I’m putting this idea here for someone to claim if they wish. It was originally posted on Ao3 (now with additions), but deleted it due to ToS. If anyone wants this prompt, please comment below so I can delete it after you copy it to prevent similar stories.

His breaking point was a kiss.

One he knew he wasn't supposed to see. With anyone else he would feel like a voyeur, but all he could feel was a dark emptiness opening in his chest.

With Eddie’s truck being in the shop for a tie rod that had broken while at work, sending Eddie into a storm of cursing in Spanish, Ana had picked him up for their latest date.

And dropped him off.

If was a horrible fluke that Buck had stood up to look out the window at just the wrong moment. He should have been in the spare bedroom asleep after a grueling 24 surrounded by all the things he had brought with him when he moved in all those weeks ago.

Buck makes his excuses to leave while Eddie is completely confused and trying to get him to talk. Eddie tries to call Buck but he doesn't pick up.

Buck goes to see Bobby and Athena. It all spills out, including not feeling wanted by his parents. Bobby thinks Eddie is being an idiot but keeps this to himself. He suggests a leave of absence for mental health. Bobby receives permission from his superior to place Buck on open ended leave after giving him a brief explanation of the situation. Ending with him saying to Bobby, “That poor boy. If I ever meet that boy's parents…”

Bobby answers, “Get in line, but there may not be anything left after Athena gets them first.”

TK is surprised to find a sleeping Buck in his Jeep in the parking lot of the 126. An off duty Carlos takes him back to his place where he crashes on the couch. Buck has a nightmare and Carlos talks him down.

Owen calls Bobby saying he has his boy and they'll take care of them. He has a plan and discusses it with Bobby. The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder concept.

“Is it mutual?”

“I’m not 100% sure, but…”

“You can't tell Eddie. Even if he begs for answers for his son, you need to stand strong. It needs to be him asking for himself. If this goes wrong… We'll take Buck in here. He'll have a home with the 126. It will take a while, but we'll help put him back together as best we can until he's back on his feet. He won't be alone.”

Bobby wipes at his face, “Thank you."

“Let's hope this works.”

Eddie is worried and confused why Buck never came home. His phone is going straight to voicemail. Now he isn't there for his shift. Another man comes in and introduced as Buck's temporary replacement. Eddie asks Bobby where Buck is, but he won't give him a straight answer. Eddie is shocked as Bobby's tone is harsh and he glaring at him. Bobby later apologized and explains that Buck requested that only he and Maddie know where he is. Eddie tries to dig, but Bobby just shakes his head with a, “I'm sorry, Eddie. I can't tell you.”

Eddie asks Maddie, but she just slams the door in his face. Chim doesn’t know as she's refusing to tell them where Buck is. Chim delivers her handwritten apology the next day to Eddie. It states Buck needs space from everything, but mostly leaves out the part about Eddie (only one or two things that hint, but it goes over Eddie's head).

Athena almost breaks down and calls Eddie a fool before storming away to her police cruiser. She doesn't know where he is because Bobby refuses to tell her (which she finds annoying yet commendable), but she was there for the why when Buck broke down. She'll apologize after Buck and Eddie return. Hopefully together.

Filler with Buck and the 126 and Carlos. Judd takes him out on a horse like he did Capt. Strand. Fill a pothole on how Grace and him are so accepting of TK's sexuality despite being religious.

A Facetime therapy session where Copeland assures him its okay to get away for a while.

Eddie doesn't quite realize yet that he's slowly losing it, but the others can tell.

Paul and Buck have a conversation.

Christopher asking where Buck is because it's movie night. Eddie doesn't have an answer.

Eddie rages in the station gym trying to understand. He almost gets it, but he thinks Buck is jealous of Eddie, not Ana. Cue Hen groaning under her breath, "You almost got it, Eddie. Come on. Keep thinking."

TK, Carlos, and Paul take Buck out to a club. TK talks absentmindedly to the bartender, even showing him/her a picture of Eddie from Insta. Word spreads about the "new guy," Buck. Others keep the “creeps" away from Buck. Buck loosens up a little while there.

Buck Facetimes Christopher on Carla's phone, only for Eddie to walk in just as Buck is hanging up. He sees Buck's panicked/sad face right before he hangs up. He tries to call back, but doesn't get an answer. Carla huffs and shakes her head. "Figure it out yourself, hun. I can't give you this answer. You need to find it for yourself." Cue Eddie even more confused. This is all just about Buck's parents and jealous over Ana... Isn't it?

Roller derby to cheer on Marjan with the bartender flirting with Buck, who is all kinds of flustered. Carlos, TK, and the others tease him mercilessly.

A massive fire where Buck offers his help. Paul gives Buck as sidehug in gratitude.

Eddie almost punching the mechanic because his truck still isn't done.

Marjan takes Buck out to do something crazy because she's Firefox. (Buck is still starstruck). Maybe skydiving or they race each other at wall climbing? Cue competitive banter.

Owen keeping Bobby updated on Buck.

Buck eventually asks for a transfer. Owen asks if this is what he really wants. Buck just shrugs and asks helplessly what other option he has.

(Optional: Bucks gets up quietly at night for a glass of water and stumbles onto Carlos and TK having sex/making out in the kitchen. Buck either flees in embarrassment or is stunned into watching with Carlos and TK aware that he's there. All parties awkward and/or embarrassed the next morning until TK bursts into giggles and laughter.)

Eddie's relationship with Ana is rapidly deteriorating. Christopher has a full on tantrum. Eddie has to koala hug him on the floor, after Ana brings him back home from a not very good date as Eddie's thoughts were on Buck. Ana tries to help calm him down but Chris screams at her about Buck not being around as much as soon as she started dating his dad. “I hate you! I hate you!” He yells her to get out. Ana still tries to talk. Carla snaps at her to leave. She still tries.

Eddie is spiraling. Flashback of that kiss he really wasn’t ready for, but Ana had asked. It dawns on him that that was the night Buck disappeared. Why would Buck leave because of that? Chris is repeatedly asking her to leave, but she's not listening. She's not listening to his son. He finally snaps and demands that she leaves. She storms out. Relationship dead in the water.

Carla can only watch as Eddie breaks from it all.

The original plan has failed, so it’s time for the final attempt. A blatant hammer strike to Eddie's head to knock some sense into him.

Bobby calls Eddie into his office. He shows Eddie transfer papers from Buck along with a list of Buck's possessions to be boxed and shipped. Eddie is speechless. Thoughts of Christopher and losing Buck. He's losing Buck.

He shows Eddie an email he received and Eddie slowly scrolls through, It's full of captioned pictures. Such as:

-Buck staring off into the distance on a horse.

-Buck curled on a couch looking lost.

-Buck looking drool-worthy in club clothes. The caption: “Holy sh@t! If I wasn't already happily taken…”

-Showing Buck blushing as someone talks in his ear.

-Smiling yet not reaching his eyes while dancing.

-Sitting with his head buried in his hands on the engine’s bumper.

-Helping man a hose at a large blaze captioned with “Yes, we had permission for him to be there.” Followed by a picture of someone (Paul, but Eddie can’t see his face as he’s looking at the ground and hidden by his helmet) sidehugging a sweaty dusty still geared up Buck around the neck with a hand resting on his head.

A video. It's Buck spilling everything curled up in someone's arms (maybe Carlos or Grace). “Why am I always alone! What about me?” Mentions of Abby and Ali. His failed dates. Everyone pairing up. Losing part of his sister to Chim after finally having her back in his life after so many years apart. “And Eddie! Eddie… Why does love hurt so much?” mentioning Chris. Etc.

Eddie is shaking. It finally clicks why Buck left.

One more video. It's Capt. Strand and the 126 facing the camera. He knows where Buck is now - Austin, Texas.

“Buck doesn't know we're putting all this together. He’s asleep. We may or may not have knocked him out with sleeping pills.”

They all lay it out for Eddie. Eddie feels all kinds of stupid and blind. “Now, you have a choice here, Edmundo Diaz…”

“Why… Oh my god. This entire time… ”

“Do you love him, Eddie? As more than a friend? Or am I signing these papers?”

A few seconds after Eddie runs out of the room, a sigh comes from the speaker phone. “I'll get things set up.”

“Thank you, Owen. For everything.”

“You're welcome.”

The whole firehouse going up in a cheer after Eddie floors out of the parking lot in his thankfully finally fixed truck. Hen is shaking Chim or vice versa.

Carla agrees over the phone to keep Christopher after Eddie blurts everything out to her, ending with a “Go get him, Eddie.”

“Did everyone see this but me?” Carla is laughing as she hangs up.

Buck sees Owen call TK over and whispering in his ear. Tk has an interesting reaction before running out of the room with his phone already to his ear.

Flashbacks as Eddie is scrolling through his pictures on his phone while on an airplane. How he missed it. How he didn't understand himself. His fall had been so slow he hadn't even realized it until it was almost, or maybe is, too late. His seatmate makes a comment on his happy “family," and it’s a kick to Eddie's already flayed emotions.

Judd is there to pick him up at the airport, which surprised him.

He's dropped off at a club. Judd makes a snarky comment after handing Eddie a hotel room key card through the window. Eddie rolls his eyes as Judd drives off laughing. The bouncer, having seen the Diaz blazoned on the back of his LAFD shirt, waves Eddie inside, skipping the line. The whispering starts as soon as he enters. Word had spread and they had been hoping for Buck. “Is that…”

“I think so.”

He's shocked as the crowd starts to part for him. The music lowers in volume. People are staring and he's embarrassed, etc., but he sees Buck, who TK has made sure looks phenomenal. Taking a deep breath, he squares his shoulders and walks forward.

Buck is dancing between Carlos and TK. He feels Carlos start smacking TK on the back before they pull away from him. They’re both grinning so wide he suspects their faces are hurting. TK is not so quietly squealing in excitement.

A hand covers his eyes from behind. He immediately recognizes the body wash smell. “Eddie…”

Mini conversation/argument, neither realizing the club has gone dead silent, with Eddie yelling “Because I love you, you idiot!”

The entire club loses it with TK whooping, jumping with a fist punch, and laughing.

End there with a kiss, at the hotel room which may or may not get steamy, or Buck telling Christopher he's home with Chris tackling him to the ground.

#buddie #free buddie prompt

[foundfamilie]

Mutual Understanding

Prompt: How bout some platonic bromance of Carlos and Paul I feel like after the club scene they will have become besties ?

Thank you for the prompt, @daybreak96! I know it’s about 10 months late but maybe you’ll still enjoy it. I haven’t written for this fandom since S1 aired, so I’m a but rusty, I apologise for that

__________________________________

Paul flopped onto Carlos’ couch right after he came through the door. Ever since the night in the club he had been at Carlos’ apartment often enough to feel comfortable to do so. “So, where’s TK?”

Carlos closed the door behind his friend and sat down next to him. “He’s not feeling well.”

“He won’t come?”

Carlos shook his head and checked his phone one last time to see whether TK had changed his mind. He hadn’t. 

Paul sat up a bit straighter and ran his hand over his thighs as if he was nervous. When Carlos looked at him, he was frowning. “But… is he okay with us hanging out?”

“He is, yeah,” Carlos answered and sent a smug smile in Paul’s direction, “I’m a grown man, though. I can decide for myself who to hang out with.”

Paul shrugged. “Yeah, I know you can. It’s just, I met you because of him and I wouldn’t want to cause any… bad blood. Not between the two of you and also not between him and me. Things have been good at the station. Wouldn’t like to ruin it.”

Carlos shook his head in sympathy. “Don’t worry. As long as you don’t come at me I think you’ll be fine.”

Paul chuckled at that and held his hands up. “I’ll do my best but that body of yours…”

Carlos only spared him a sarcastic smile. “Oh, but you do own a mirror, don’t you?”

They were interrupted by his phone, a couple of short vibrations signalling various messages coming in.

TK: I’m really sorry for cancelling

TK: have fun with paul, you deserve it after the week you’ve had

TK: let’s have lunch tomorrow if i feel better? 

TK: say hi to paul and don’t stare at his face or muscles for too long or you’ll lose interest in me

Carlos couldn’t help but smile down at his phone reading the message. 

“TK says hi,” he passed on to Paul and texted back. 

Carlos: lunch sounds great, let me know how you’re feeling

Carlos: never!

As if he would lose interest in TK, the thought itself was ridiculous at this point. 

“Duuuude,” Paul grinned smugly and shoved Carlos’ shoulder, “You’re so far gone for that boy!”

Carlos looked up at him. When he couldn’t think of a witty remark within a second, he just kept on smiling like a Chesire cat. “Yeah, I know. So, um, now that TK isn’t coming, do you want to have a beer?”

“Sure.” Paul said and then noticed that he had never seen Carlos drinking before. “So, you’re only not drinking when he’s around?”

Carlos hesitated. He got up and walked over to the fridge to get the beers, buying himself some time to think about an answer. “He doesn’t drink, so I try not to when he’s around, yeah.”

Paul nodded. Carlos didn’t know how much he knew about TK’s past but from the expression on Paul’s face he at least suspected something. They both left it at that. Carlos wouldn’t be the one to tell him and Paul had the decency not to ask. “How is it going between the two of you?” He asked instead.

Carlos opened the beers, cheered to Paul and took a sip of his. “It’s going up and down. The timing is shit for him but I know that he’s trying, that’s all I can ask for.” He smiled at that, realising yet again how true it was.  They weren’t where he would like them to be yet, but they were good and that was all that mattered for him. “How is it for you? Anything new?”

Paul sighed. “I’ve talked to a few women online… It’s been okay, but nothing real.”

“Has it been different before?” Carlos was careful to ask that. He wasn’t sure how comfortable Paul was talking about his identity or his sexuality and he certainly wasn’t sure how comfortable Paul was talking about all of this to him. “I mean, before you came to Austin? You came from Chicago, right?”

“Chicago is about three times the size of Austin and that kind of shows in my dating options.”

“Do you miss it? Chicago, I mean.”

Paul thought about it for some time, his gaze down, fixed somewhere on Carlos’ coffee table. “I do, yeah.” He shrugged. “Some stuff. I loved the community I’ve had in Chicago but working over there was shit. Here it’s the other way around. Work is good, the team is the best I’ve ever had, the captain, too… I hope the community is something that I can build up over time. My people are everywhere, in some places you just have to dig deeper to find them.” He shrugged again but his voice was too full of emotion to fool Carlos with nonchalance. 

In sympathy, Carlos raised his beer bottle and cheered to him again. “I hope so, too. In the meantime, if you ever need someone to hang out or to talk to, you know where I live.”

“Yeah, thanks man. Same back to you. If you ever need someone to talk to, or if you ever need someone to give your boy a shove in the right direction, just let me know.” 

Carlos laughed. “I’ll try and be patient first but yeah, thanks, I’ll let you know.”

“He is a handful, that’s for sure. Good luck with that.”

“I can handle him, don’t worry,” Carlos said suggestively, “In every way.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Paul threw the cap of his bottle at him. 

“How about you though,” Paul asked about as carefully as Carlos had been earlier, “Are you from Austin? Born and raised?”

Carlos shook his head at that. “Nope,” he answered, “My parents live about two hours to the north-east from here. Very rural, very… Texas, I guess.” He swallowed and smiled self-deprecatingly. “So, I think, I kind of understand the ‘in some places you just have to dig deeper to find your people’ thing.” It was his time to go for nonchalance when he actually knew he wouldn’t fool Paul. They both knew it and still, it helped with the heaviness of dark memories at least to some extent.

Paul nodded. “Yeah, I guess,” he said. “When did you come to Austin?”

“Right after school. We’ve been to Austin very often when I was a kid and I’ve always liked it, but when I got older - with the whole coming to terms with my sexuality and such, it kind of became a safe space for me? I mean, it’s not Chicago or New York or L.A., I know it’s not, but it’s the first place I’ve ever felt safe in my whole life, so it is home for me, you know?”

Paul nodded again. He understood this need for a safe space, this need for a home just as much as every queer person. This time, instead of trying to be chill, he shot Carlos a genuine smile. “Yeah,” He said, “I know. I really hope it can be home for me, too.”

Carlos smiled back and leaned over to shove Paul gently. “I hope so, too, man.” And at this point, Carlos was certain that he himself would try and give his best to make it easier for his new friend.

#carlos reyes #paul strickland #friendship #911 lone star #911 ls #9-1-1 Lone Star #fic #mention of #tarlos #not beta-ed #it's the first fic in a whiiiile so please be gentle #also english is not my first language #mine

[howtosingit]

Fic: this space between us is weighing me down

Carlos finds out about TK’s life-threatening incident.

*

A missing moment from 1x08.

1.4K | Also on AO3

- - - - - -

It’s actually Paul who texts him. 

He’d been driving the Ackermans back home when he heard the call from dispatch, a report of shots fired at the location that he’d just left. Two other officers were already on the scene - the ones who had originally been called to the Crump’s house before he had unexpectedly come across Mrs. Ackerman and the two calls had converged. They’d agreed that Carlos should get the Ackermans home as soon as possible, for Mr. Ackerman’s safety, so he’d briefly watched the 126 gather their gear before he’d pulled away. 

And now, gunshots.

He waits with bated breath, listening for the call for backup, wondering if he should just turn around. He looks in the rearview mirror, taking in the distressed state of both of his backseat passengers. Carlos doesn’t want to take them back there, knowing that it could very well be another trigger for Mr. Ackerman. He turns to his partner, opening his mouth to ask what she thinks they should do, but before he can speak, the radio crackles to life again.

“Scene is secure, no backup required. Dispatch, alert the nearest hospital that we have an incoming adult male gunshot victim, through and through to the left shoulder.”

Carlos’s heart pounds in his chest, but he refuses to let himself consider the worst. There were so many people on the scene, and while he likes everyone that he’s met from the 126 and would hate to see any of them hurt, he can’t be sure that the victim is one of them. He really, really can’t be sure that it’s the one person he needs it to not be.

It takes another 40 minutes before he gets the text.

He’s at his desk, filing his report for the evening, his mind struggling to make sense of the truly bizarre sequence of events. He glances down at his phone, sighing at the confirmation that he still has a few hours left of his shift. Carlos rubs at his tired eyes, reaching over to grab his coffee from the corner of his desk, and hears his phone vibrate next to him.

It’s a text from Paul, and the message causes him to freeze, the blood draining from his face as a cold shiver runs through him. 

Hey, man. TK’s in surgery right now at St. David’s North. It’s looking pretty bad, so I thought you’d want to know.

The words roll through him, churning into a destructive storm in the pit of his stomach. His eyes prickle with the threat of tears, and he grips the edge of his desk tightly, trying to control his emotions. His breathing is shallow, the air pushing painfully through his lungs, and the room begins to spin slowly around him. He closes his eyes, trying to make it all stop.

He’s at work, he’s in the middle of a shift, and he cannot afford to freak out right now.

Somewhere beneath it all, he feels this huge onslaught of guilt and regret. 

It’s been four days since TK had come over and they’d gone for a run. Four days since his grief over losing Iris again caused him to step over the line that he had so firmly drawn and kiss TK. Four days since he and TK had last spoken to one another.

It’s his fault, the silence. TK has acknowledged him on pretty much every call they’ve responded to, his mouth pulled into a thin line as he waved across the scene. Carlos always waved back, hoping that his own expression might convey everything that he has yet to say. TK always responds with a nod, as if he understands that Carlos just needs time.

Time that he might no longer have, now that TK is fighting for more.

Carlos thinks back to the past few nights, sitting on his couch with his phone in his hand, his fingers hovering over TK’s number, daring himself to call the other man. He wanted to reach out, to be near TK again, to talk to him and touch him and make things right. But, every time he came close, the guilt would overwhelm him, and he’d decide that the right thing to do was to give TK space. 

The truth is, there’s a chasm between them, and it’s one of his own making.

More than anything, he wants to drive to the hospital right this minute and be by TK’s side. He wants to hold him and kiss him and tell him how sorry he is for pushing him away. He wants to tell TK that, while he knows things will be messy and hard and scary, that he wants all of that if it means that he gets to have him, too. 

He just wants to be with him, no matter what.

The reality is, he can’t leave. There’s three hours left of his shift, and his sergeant won’t just let him leave for a person who, to an outsider, is just a one-time hookup-turned-friend. Besides, if TK is in surgery for a gunshot wound to his shoulder, there’s no telling how long it’ll be before he can have visitors.

So, Carlos stays where he is, trapped at his desk with his heart somewhere inside St. David’s North Medical Center, miles away from the precinct.

The rest of his shift passes in a blur, with him pushing paperwork and filling out a number of forms that all begin to look the same after a few hours.

When he finally clocks out, locking up his desk and grabbing his keys, he doesn’t even hesitate before driving in the direction of the hospital. Paul had updated him on TK’s condition only a few minutes ago, letting him know that he’d made it out of surgery, but that his blood loss had been a major concern for the doctors. They’d apparently repaired the firefighter’s collapsed lung, but currently had no idea what kind of long-term damage may have happened to his brain before they were able to get him into surgery.

Paul doesn’t say it directly, but Carlos knows how to read between the lines, all too familiar with the dangers of blood loss from a gunshot wound. 

His heart refuses to believe that he’s spoken to TK for the last time, even when his brain tries to prepare for the possibility.

Carlos angrily wipes away the tears on his cheeks as he makes his way down the halls of St. David’s, the bright fluorescent hospital lights giving him no shadows to hide in. Nurses and doctors pass by, some looking worried as they stare up at him. He’s sure he’s quite a sight to see: a police officer on the edge of losing it. 

He can’t be bothered by their concern.

The moment he spots TK’s pale face resting against the pillow, he nearly lets out an anguished cry, his feet stopping in the doorway of the room. He swallows down the sudden urge to vomit, his stomach rolling around like a monster that refuses to be tamed. 

Captain Strand finally spots him, inviting him inside. Carlos responds, the polite lie coming after years and years of conditioning, though he can’t stop the way his breath hitches. His brain screams at him to run towards TK, to hold him tight and never let him go, but he pushes that thought down. He can’t lose it, not now that he’s so close.

TK’s dad passes him, resting a comforting hand on his neck. He wants to say something, possibly thank you or I’m sorry or something else that feels equally inadequate, but he doesn’t. Now that the room has been cleared for him, all he wants to do is be with TK.

He moves slowly towards the bed, taking in TK’s stillness. It’s not a trait that he associates with the other man, and it takes a moment for his brain to reconcile the person before him with the man that he’s known for months. 

Seated by the bed, he hesitates only a moment before reaching out, his fingers dancing across TK’s knuckles where his hand lays near his hip. He lets out a breath, the sound stuttering through him, as he drags his palm up TK’s forearm to gently grip his elbow, feeling the faint pulse of blood coursing through his veins. 

Another tear falls, but this time Carlos ignores it, his vision blurring as he stares at the blank face of the man in front of him. 

The man who holds him in his orbit, the man Carlos is pretty sure he won’t be able to handle losing.

The man he’s falling in love with.

It’s the closest they’ve been in days, and yet they’ve never felt farther apart.

#tarlos #tarlos fic #911 lone star #tk strand #carlos reyes #I wrote a thing #tarlos missing moments collection