#to want anything but absolute wonder

[whisperairwatchmebloom]

!!!!!

#WHAT IF U GAVE IT ALL JUST TO FIND THAT IT WASNT ENOUGH #WHY WOULD YOU BE LOVING???!!! #he makes it so so impossible #to want anything but absolute wonder #it’s a sermon #it’s transcendence #it’s worship #it’s the heart at the center of the world #it’s that ache in your chest reverbing #dev speaks

[aroanthy]

i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc

#what am i trying to say here? #idk! think about all of the pieces you have #dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways #and i find it boring to see so much ‘this character is dead and that’s it’ stuff #when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for #and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death #and what ‘dying’ really means #being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this #much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is #to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist he’s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like????? #akio doesn’t have the power to make himself revenant #he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when he’s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him #but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou #he’s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or she’s left him (metaphorical death) and he’s haunting her?? #all such interesting interpretations #i haven’t mentioned touga bc i don’t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful #like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when he’s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthy’s love for him #if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoever’s memories of him before he died……. why does he actively choose to suck again and again #like nanami wouldn’t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo he’s dead all along but that’s not what her arc is #it’s not ‘he’s been dead all along’ literally or figuratively. it’s ‘he’s unsafe and i don’t want him’ #sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and touga’s dynamic through touga’s eyes #it’s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING #like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but they’re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!! #compel me even #anyway ignore how i said i didn’t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway #dais.txt

[uncanny-tranny]

When I find it hard to do certain things, I like to pretend I am a neanderthal living in a cave with my clan, and I must do The Thing in order to survive.

So, when I'm doing cardio at the gym, I'm actually chasing and tracking a mammoth, and when I need to cook, well, I'm not cooking on a stove top, I am hurdled over the first fire and watching the fat of our kill drip down onto the burning wood. And when I find it hard to crochet, I pretend that the first winter storm is coming and our clan needs me to make blankets to hurdle under and that I must contribute.

I hope whatever you do to do The Things will help. It is a uniquely personable trait to motivate yourself through pretend and stories. That's what makes this life interesting - that's what makes you feel larger than yourself 💛

#mental health #positivity #it helps that i absolutely adore learning things about ancient people too - it's endlessly fascinating #unironically if somebody has textbook/video recommendations about neanderthals/ancient civilization let me know i will froth at the mouth #i like talking about this because it gives other people ideas about how they can motivate themselves #and personally the feeling of being ancient or a part of something old makes me feel that #in addition to the There Are 8 Billion People principle i work on the There Have Been ~117 Billion People Here principle #i find it comforting to think that i don't stand out significantly in a good or bad way because of the sheer NUMBER of people who have live #the human brain is bad at computing those numbers but... just... that's an insurmountable number #there truly are very VERY few experiences truly unique and that's not a bad thing #that just means that you aren't forgotten nor are you alone in anything #i was watching a video about somebody making flax into thread using a paper that was published about ancient textiles #and holy shit i wanted to bite somebody because i was so interested in it and it's just so humanizing to both us but also ancient people #those people probably used very very similar techniques that the video maker did - at first she used a rock to get the fibers #and then she remarked that saliva helped to get to the fiber of the flax and i wonder how many ancient people also did that

[electricmaimer]

"i dont care if people who havent read the books get spoiled for the show" <- words of a person i now want to bite and yell at

#BE FUCKING NICE #A LOT OF THEM ARE CHILDREN??? THEY EITHER HAVENT GOTTEN AROUND TO READING THE BOOKS BECAUSE THEY DIDNT HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO YET #OR #ADDITIONALLY IT IS 2023. THE WORLD IS DIFFERENT AND MEDIA IS BEING ADAPTED FOR NEW GENERATIONS #TRY HOLDING SOME WONDER AND JOY IN YOUR HEART AND THINK ABOUT HOWW FUN IT IS TO EXPERIENCE A STORY FOR THE FIRST TIME #STOP SPOILING SHIT ON PURPOSE IT MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT CRIMES❤️ #literally dont be a spiteful dick and stop ruining things for fun or because you want to gatekeep and have a superiority complex #fuck uou i would personally give ANYTHING to get to experience this story for the first time again #and watching people ruin in in real time for people experiencing it for the firdt time. i hate you #ypure all extremely selfish and shortsighted for doing this whole 'yeah but the books have been out for forever.. :/' bs #absolutely giving yourself away as a fucking clown with no ability to gain anything positive from shared joy. get well soon #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #pjo show #percy jackson show #pjo tv show #eeanpost #ALSO THE FUCKING AUDACITY FOR THE FANBASE OF A BOOK SERIES ABOUT KIDS STRUGGLING WITH LEARNING DISABILITIES TO YELL AT PEOPLE FOR NOTREADING #DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YPURSELVES ???? WHAT THE FUCK??? THE STORY IS MORE ACCESSIBLE NOW. THAT IS A GOOD THING. HTJSJJTJFJG

[brother-emperors]

The Art of Dreams: Reflections and Representations

The Tomb of Caterina della Ratta and the Iconography of the Reclining Reader in Renaissance Sepulcharl Art, Yonni Ascher

Ancestor Masks and Aristocratic Power in Roman Culture, Harriet I Flower

okay so just. play connect the dots with me for a second. Girolamo Basso della Rovere is Giuliano della Rovere's (Pope Julius II) cousin. Ascanio Sforza was a long time rival, and later ex-enemy of Giiuliano's. this kind of familial mirroring in the tombs, the way that Ascanio is being subsumed into a matching visual with someone of della Rovere's family is. interesting. because it goes well beyond the expected patron-client relationship between the pope and his cardinals. like, these were companion monuments.

there's also a kind of tragic romantic violence to it, given Ascanio's persistent loyalty to his family and Milan, and Ludovico's plans to have Ascanio's body brought back to Milan in the event of his death and interred in the same chapel as Beatrice d'Este.

#i want to break into the vatican with a seance board and summon della rovere's ghost to ask him if he fucked that vice chancellor #ANYWAY it's probably a good thing i didn't go to a real college and pursue like. renaissance studies or something #can you imagine how insufferable i would be fighting it out. thankfully i just draw comics and i can say things like #i DO think he fucked that vice chancellor. actually. #that said. someday im going to get my hands on a couple of documents and actually start swinging #because i do think that several scholars got something seriously wrong in their assumptions and im about 80% confident in my stance #but im not going to throw rocks at anything until. i can read. the full letters. with my eyeballs. #moving past that im just. oughhhhhhhhhh. the inscriptions too. part of me thinks that della rovere was pulling some julius caesar #bullshit with it. another part of me wonders if della rovere wanted their reconciliation to outlast both of them so he had it immortalized #on ascanio's monument. RIP buddy. that is absolutely not what happened #GOD THIS IS PLAYING 5D chess. julius II named himself after caesar not the previous pope julius #octavian is JC's heir. ascanio does have agrippa parallels but also specifically his name calls to rome's founding. there's a lot! to unpac #or. uh. there could be! s4 borgias should've had della rovere seduce him away from rodrigo

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#remind me to never ask my mother for opinions on absolutely anything ever again #i only wanted to see which illustration should go on my portfolio for kidlit art #and her wonderful opinion was to take out an illustration of two dudes EATING TOGETHER because and i quote #"gay relationships are not suitable for children books. it simply isn't their target audience'' #does she need the list of the thousand of books that are literally about gay couples or about gay kids?! #they're not even like overtly gay they are literally eating together!!! (sure it is actually gay cause it's fanart of a bl but whatever lol #it's literally two guys sitting at the same table eating... #how is that not appropriate for children?! #also even if they were gettin married or whatever... how's that inappropiate?! #ALSO also i'm sick of reading in every illustration agency how they're looking for artists and writers and whatever who tackle queer storie #like sure i'm not gonna say gay people don't experience discrimination but it's not the fucking 50s... there are opportunities out there #idk i'm just so fuckin upset right now because she's saying I'M the one that's taking it bad #like the whole ''i'm not homophobic but.... blah blah'' #and it drives me up the fucking walls to have to deal with this when the only thing i wanted was to have a char about which drawing looks #the best for a professional portfolio lol #anyways now out of fucking spite i'm gonna send all the gay ones i have lol #dkfjhkdfg #angel talks #personal #wish me luck on this email btw i need work! #dfkjghdfg

[live-laugh-lenney]

anyone wanna do the honours and phone in sick for me so i can stay home and stay in my fictional arthurtv world and not go to work?

#severely understaffed and we have a busy BUSY day today #there’s three of us #well… almost three because one of the staff is completely useless in anything remotely related to working #with a st patricks day party on tonight #and the rugby six nations games on all day #like??? #and they wonder why none of us want to work there anymore with this stress and embarrassment and chaos on a weekly basis #?????? #personal shit #absolutely waffling

[moongothic]

#Moon posting #There's a lot to be said about FF7's themes and Cloud's character arc and how a lot of it ties into toxic masculinity #And like. The scene in VIIR where you play as Aerith when Cloud comes out of the bar in a dress and he's absolutely MORTIFIED by his get up #That fucking out-of-body horror and distress Cloud is going through even though there isn't anything for him to be ashamed of? #How humiliated he felt and how the compliments on how he was looking didn't make him feel any better? #That was me when my mom forced me to wear a skirt to my grandma's funeral back when I was in high school #(The last god forsaken time I wore a fucking skirt) (And even at that point I hadn't worn those things for YEARS) #That scene with Cloud? Yeah. Big ''I'm in this picture and I don't like it''-energy. #So this whole thing of Cloud wanting to live up to a horrible twisted idea of masculinity (a Shinra Soldier(/Sephiroth)) #And realizing that he never can but(/and?) doesn't have to. That his masculinity is already good enough. That's wonderful. #Also Cloud is just kinda gender leave me alone #Sure wish I had a PS5 because I sure would like to play Rebirth but I am not dropping 700€ to play a single fucking game #Already feel bad enough about getting a Switch last year just for TOTK #Can't even watch my fave Tubers play it because I wanna experience it on my own too #Woe is me

[starlooove]

Dick drops Damian off at Joey’s to babysit and Damian is so pressed on the car ride there. Like first of all he doesn’t NEED a babysitter and even if he did why can’t he just go with Dick? Dick is so hateful, he preaches all that bullshit about love and tolerance and care for family but now that Damian needs him he’s abandoning him??? To a STRANGER?! Dick will rue this day, the day of his ultimate BETRAYAL.

Dick goes to pick Damian up and he refuses to leave.

#he’s covered in paint and there’s 70s music going on in the background and if Richard picks him up rn it’s proof he doesn’t love him so…. #whenever literally anything happens he demands to go to Joey’s to be babysat. #I am but a child Grayson. I cannot be on my own. it’s dangerous. #literally everyone but Jason is at the manor rn. #Joey ofc joins Damian to gang up on dick #‘what if something happens and the only way it can be solved is by him being possessed by someone with more experience hm? what then?’ #that’s his son now #dick wonders if this is how bruce feels sometimes #Joey visits wayne manor but it’s not the same #(bc Joey’s place doesn’t have any bad memories associated unlike WM but this ain’t about angst so) #Dick is chill yknow like he KNEW Damián and Joey would get along he’s not feeling replaced at all #…until he sees Damian rocking overalls. he only started wearing them after meeting Joey and before that he would’ve killed himself before- #-even considering. but NOW?! #oh hc that Joey regularly wears overalls btw. last tag doesn’t make sense without that #anyways Damian is trying to get dick and Joey together now. it literally makes the most and when dick is like m #‘bro u cannot do that’ Damian is like ‘I thought u wanted me to be happy…’ and joeys like ‘I DID hear u say that (lying)’ #Damian may be a child of divorce but he refuses to be a child of two idiots who didn’t even realize they were in love. embarrassing. #Joey absolutely let’s Damian be a kid he introduces him to fingerpainting and he goes wild #personal hc that’s totally not projection that Damian feels like he not only has to master everything but do it at 100% every time period #Joey is like no bro like ik the process of getting a painting right is satisfying but u can draw a squiggly line and you’ll be fine I swear #it takes Damian a while bc he gets it mentally but he physically can’t like he feels so much shame at the thought of smth ‘imperfect’ #everything Damian draws goes on the fridge and the walls and in frames around Dick and joeys apartment bc duh #but all three of them have an adoration for the fucked up bee Damian fingerpainted with wonky lines a goofy smile and the colors bleeding- #-out the lines. #all of this is like when Damian is 11 to me like ik he is older now but they kept him in such a wack environment I need to fix it #anyways

[buffintruder]

I know I'm not the first person to say it, but the fact that Ouyang cuts off a body part from Zhu Chongba, expecting that it will lead to the same shame and humiliation, both internally and externally, as when one of his body parts was cut off....but then it doesn't

No wonder he hates her. No matter what he does, she'll always be seen and respected as more of a man than he ever could be and she isn't even one

#though its a bit unclear to what extent ouyang knows or understands zhu's gender wackery #like zhu absolutely recognizes ouyang as someone else not entirely fitting a gender binary #and ouyang feels the same 'like calls to like' so i wonder what he thinks is going on with her gender pff #my post #she who became the sun #ouyang is just a ball of self loathing oof #ouyang thinks the worst punishment is being left alive but zhu wants to live more than anything else in the entire world

[silasbug]

note to self: if you have repeatedly been made to feel some type of way about your silly little doodles by someone in the past, don't fucking draw them something for their birthday.

#i shouldn't have fucking bothered #i absolutely fucking shouldn't have. i don't know why i did. #i don't even know why he asked #now i'm sitting here wondering if anybody ever genuinely has liked anything i've ever made them #or if it's always just: *grits teeth* gee thanks #and i'm just too fucking dumb to notice #obviously i know that it's not the greatest thing ever because it's not something i'm used to drawing #and i won't pretend that i'm good at drawing in general #but jesus fucking christ. looking at it sideways scratching your head and “thanks for trying”?? #and then you can't even give me constructive criticism on what i could change to make it better. #a slap across the face would've been nicer #thanks man i don't ever want to draw again #i've gotten this reaction in the past and y'know what. maybe i should actually listen! and learn! and stop! #i also don't know why i keep asking him for his opinion on things. it's almost as if i like repeatedly walking into a wall head first. #bug.txt

[analyzingadventure]

I read v-tamer recently and I can’t believe how underrated it is??? Like it’s pacing is pretty good, it has just a few characters so it’s not overcrowded, and it’s genuinely really fun too!!

WE GOT ANOTHER ONE LADS

THE V-TAMER ARMY GROWS

#Asks #V-Tamer #Jokes aside I'm so happy you read it and enjoyed it! #Like V-Tamer isn't groundbreaking or outstanding or anything but like #It's just really SOLID #V-Tamer was On A Mission and it achieved exactly that- it knew exactly what it wanted to be and became just that #Just a solid shounen gag manga with wonderful characters and emotional moments sprinkled in #Simple and clean baby. It's just good #So I'm glad you gave it a shot because so many people seem to have like no interest in giving it a read *at all* #Like *because* it's a manga #Absolutely breaks my heart #Glad you enjoyed it #NOW GO FORTH MY MINION AND SPREAD THE GOOD WORD OF V-TAMER #OUR ARMY MUST GROW MORE

[b1gwings]

swashbuckler rogue my beloved

#i would never regret the storm sorc/tempest cleric combo that i chose for Bonk because they're an absolute damage MACHINE #but sometimes i wonder who i would be if i had gone down the martial road instead #bonk literally has a pistol and a sword and they're pretty fucking good with both of them. you normally don't see that in sorcerers. #i think my attack bonus with the sword is higher than my spell attack bonus which is kind of insane #next time i level up i have to go through all my spells because honestly im starting to get a little tired of the same old lightning bolt #PLUS now i have transmuted spell so i can just take pretty much any damage spell i want and turn it into lightning damage #for my sweet sweet bonuses #there is just some part of me that needs to play a rogue though. swashbuckler. arcane trickster. soul knife. phantom. anything #normally i don't like playing stealthy characters but there are so many good rogues out there #even a “ruff boi” a la magnus burnsides (fighter/rogue) #multiclassing my beloved too i guess #so hard for me to make a character that i don't multiclass #i might even go paladin/bard with one of my newer characters eventually #inspired by calliope petrichor #but he's different. he'd be a bard because he's a theater kid #but also i want to play a straight up paladin because i want to explore with being a character who has a connection to a god #because i've never done that before #and the themes and motifs are too strong #idk man we'll see how it goes :) #i love dnd #ALSO i feel like i cant make him a bard because i already have TWO OTHER FUCKING BARDS #GUYS (sweating) IM NOT A BARD MAIN I SWEAR #maybe for my paladin i could just take magic adept and learn some bard spells or something? like beverly naddpod? maybe #but it's not about the spells... it's about the performance checks... #i really should be working on my finals right now #im so serious if you've read this far down 1 hi :) and 2 if u have dnd characters PLEASE tell me about them. bats my eyelashes. please

[thegreatyin]

a collection of other nominee categories that i think are about to be a bloodbath this year

and, of course

the real battle of the fates

#im contractually obligated to vote for the catboy rigel dressup mmo or else square enix shoots me in the balls #that's how it works #yin-thoughts #some other thoughts because i wanted to say them even though nobody cares about yin's goty takes: #art direction is a pretty tough fight though i expect mario wonder to win due to recency and just it being good period #but hi-fi rush is a very respectable win as well and i'll gladly take it. i havent heard much on lies of p but it looks cool #best narrative is about as much of a bloodbath as the rest of these. i expect bg3 to win (and thats what i'd say personally) #but im also half expecting a surprise turnaround from like. idk. final fantasy guys or something. you never know! #best rpg is a BRAWL. all of those are absolute bangers. i really really want sea of stars to win bc it got snubbed from the indie category #and obviously bg3 is taking home a few awards regardless of what happens so it doesn't really matter if they lose this one #but that's not what i expect to happen :( at least it's there anyway #best score and music goes to hi-fi. it's a rhythm game. yes bg3 AGAIN but yknow what as a bg3 stan let them have this one #oh and ffxiv got nominated for the community award again as usual so. go team etc etc #also WHY is cyperpunk in the ongoing games category? bro thinks he's part of the team #edit: i forgot octopath 2!! i havent finished it yet but tbh it deserved a nomination just as much as anything else. sad to not see it

[twistedappletree]

why are all my friends so afraid of dOING SHIT

#LITERALLY EVERYTHING #and i’m one of those ppl who likes one on one hangouts instead of crazy group hangouts #so it’s already minimal pressure #but like NOBODY wants to go anywhere or do anything ever #and then wonder why i go to a thing by myself #and they’re like #‘i would’ve gone 🙁’ #NO TF U WOULDNT I ALREADY ASKED #A MILLION TIMES #DONT GET MAD AT ME FOR DOING THINGS WITHOUT U WHEN U ALWAYS TURN DOWN OFFERS TO COME #OMFG #i never thought i’d say this bc i’m mostly an introvert #but i need more extrovert friends fr 😭 #i don’t wanna fucking stay in the house all day and do absolutely nothing #i wanna go watch movies at old cinemas #and rollerskate in the city at night #and go hiking with my doggos #and explore new coffee and boba shops #i’m fucking tired of trying with other ppl omg stay tf home and ROT then bc i’m going OUT #😤 #apple babble 🍎 #non fandom

[eoinmcgonigal]

it's really upsetting me so to get it off my chest i'm gonna confess that the positivity posts i saw yesterday really hurt. i didn't realise that was a thing in this fandom, and i wish it wasn't because those things inevitably leave people feeling left out and like their presence isn't worth anything to the fandom (plus readers, rebloggers and commenters are integral to fandom community but don't usually get a shoutout). i'm already struggling because of this horrible trend towards using threads in discord which renders most of the servers inaccessible to me, i feel extremely isolated and alone and unwanted, but i was doing okay muddling along churning out fic and a few silly polls and posts now and then until yesterday. the fic i posted today just made me feel so sad after i posted it. it was a lovely fic :( but like what is the point. if i'm worth so little i might as well not be here. why put the effort into making things if no one notices. i already feel so lonely it's like i'm being torn in two, posting things now and then brought me comfort but idk what i have now

#i'm in a deleting everything kinda mood #no one remembered me? oh. okay :( #fuckin hurts so much #i want to finish the johnny stuff but i feel so unbearably miserable now and i don't want to spend hogmanay like that #but i also can't bear to leave it unfinished #i wish i'd never scrolled my dash yesterday then i'd never have known about those posts #it brought me so much joy to write and share those fic #absolutely crushing to discover i don't inspire the same joy in the fandom #i was kinda impressed with having written so much i thought it was kinda cool #maybe it's just really fucking annoying idk #sorry just so lonely and upset and the places i find sanctuary are falling to pieces and i'd actually like to die now thanks #so much shit is going on irl you have no idea and i don't have a support network it's terrifying #nothing i do is worth anything #no one wants me #did u no my mother discarded all the photos that had me in them? kid me just. discarded. she took everyone else and threw me out #shit like that hurts i wish i had a new family or friends to chat to as a distraction when shit gets bad #i mean i get discord dm notifications (not server mentions) if anyone dms me but lol guess how often that happens #i get tumblr dm notifications it's been the only place i've talked to anyone for ages so shoutout to those two wonderful people #god i just. want to be included? #i tried #i failed #fuck. #maybe this is goodbye idk i had stuff to finish up/share #and a million more fics i wanted to write #i don't even know if i can face doing tomorrow's johnny fic #i wanted to do the 12 days of christmas too :( #but the fact now exists that i just... wasn't good enough for this fandom :'( #also i can't face the notifications tab #if it's not a Direct Message i won't see it #god there was SO MUCH i wanted to share! there were gifs i was gonna make to share the suffering and gift fic and silly posts