#truly i'm just exhausted.

[james-stark-the-writer]

YouTube keeps trying to funnel me into an alt-right pipeline (weirdly through reaction channels in the last few weeks) and i'm so fucking tired. i'm just so fucking tired.

#james talks #YouTube #and this is exactly why i've had to get in a habit of checking the socials of every person YouTube recommends to me— #bc i'd rather not make them a single fucking cent if i can avoid it. #and like this is fucking every goddamn day at this point #like i have become so hard to force into a pipeline that it's trying fucking everything and i'm so proud of myself for that but— #it's exhausting to fight the algorithm this much. #truly i'm just exhausted. #image id in alt text #also that tweet is so fucking stupid lmao. you know what else progresses? time. history. #like it's genuinely so stupid it's not even worth engaging with it. it's for right-wingers who cackle at bad facebook 'memes' #it's for people who don't like to think. #why would you try to make a space on youtube as a commentary channel when you want to encourage behaviors that discourage thinking #like ik it's a recruitment tactic or whatever but i'm just so fucking tired of it

[hoofpeet]

Are you safe?

yah 👍 tl;dr our NOW-ex landlord harassed us for 7 months after trying and failing to run a rental scam. We had an eviction hearing this morning and literally 5 minutes after leaving the courthouse our now-CURRENT landlord sent us a lease to sign and agreed to let us move in this weekend. So yeah a lot of shit happened but 👍

#there are so many. batshit details i could share about this guy #but for now. tbh i'm so exhausted with this topic i just need to lay down for 3 straight days and. try to register everything #i still can't FULLY comprehend. actually being safe i guess #I think you can only truly understand the nightmare that was the last half year if you understand how colorado is #and the uniquely hellish non-existent housing market here #but anyway yeah. i'm safe now #i guess? just. having weird whiplash from planning for imminent homelessness/ [ ]ing myself to suddenly everything is fixed :]

[lunarharp]

unnecessarily rated and ranked kitchen of witch hat volume 1 moments on silly gay madness

#witch hat tag #orufrey #read kitchen. #i think the puddings are equal 2nd place though...it really gets to me....TRULY bonkers unforgettable and characteristic oru moment.... #aughhgough i'm so sleepy & tired im crashing to the floor..oh no..auugh i need help..gah..Oh my gosh i shall help u..We shall survive this. #^ nobody else ever i have literally never needed to be held up in my exhaustion you just go to bed #the points don't add up. the touching his forehead moment is just too strong. WHY??? i wouldn't go up and slap my hand on a friends skin #i'd be like Do you have a cold that's sad for you. good grief. good heavens #also the end of chapter 10 gets Sends me into the despair nexus points.

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm by no means recovered fully, but it genuinely feels so... freeing and exalting to be excited to eat, to look forward to a meal you're making. I can feel it changing my brain chemistry 💛

#mental health #mental health recovery #disordered eating tw #disordered eating mention tw #ed tw #you don't GET it... i've spent DECADES struggling with disordered eating (mostly ARFID i think) and it's made my life HELL #i don't know if the 'average' person truly gets just how soul-crushing and horrifying dealing with disordered eating truly is #i'm by NO means recovered and feeling like a 'normal' person for one meal??? it's indescribable #my disordered eating made/makes my life exhausting and it's hard to articulate it to people who don't get it. i could cry right now #after DECADES of this one meal is all i could want to be thrilled by 💛💛💛 #that part in Take On Me where it goes 'slowly learning that life is okay' hits different for me now 💛 #positivity

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

5 fics i've enjoyed this month

stealing this idea from @alexturne because i absolutely love the idea of promoting all the amazing talented authors in this fandom more! 💜

missed your bones on me by @glorious-blackout summary: In the aftermath of their blissful reunion at Emirates Stadium, Miles wakes alone in Alex's bed to the sound of a gentle piano melody. Set following Miles' reunion with Arctic Monkeys on 18th June 2023. notes: this fic is absolutely beautiful. full of sadness for the past and hope for the future and just suffused throughout with the kind of bone-deep love that feels so utterly in character for milex. it tugged on my heartstrings in all the best ways, and has my favourite ever portrayal of alex lost in his creative headspace.

some velvet morning by @musette22/@subtle-as-an-earthquake summary: It happens at the OIympia in Paris, just after the show. Their hundredth show. A memorable one for more than just that reason, as it turns out. (Or, the fic in which Alex's body starts talking before his mind does, forcing him to finally realise a thing or two about his relationship with his best friend Miles). notes: oh my lord, this fic 😍 it's like someone (and by someone i mean @subtle-as-an-earthquake) took all my favourite tropes and poured them into a gorgeously written, tension-laden 14k fic that is so stupidly good i've already read it at least three times already 😅 it captures the dynamic between alex and miles SO well - the sense of contrasting complete ease/simmering tension with each other is one of the best portrayals i've ever read of them, and alex's thought process throughout unfolds in a way that feels so utterly (and infuriatingly) in character. the slow build is absolutely delicious, and the culmination of it delivers above and beyond! ✨

sometime in the future by @blacktrickle summary: In a world quite similar to this one, Miles Kane is an international supermodel and Alex Turner is the rockstar who has broken his heart one too many times. Now, two years after their most vicious break up, Alex is asking for one more shot, but this time, Miles won’t make it easy. notes: oh my goddddd THIS FIC 😭😭 i put off reading it for ages because i had this sneaking little suspicion it was going to destroy me - and i was right. destroy me it has, in the BEST possible way. i literally cannot recommend it enough. the writing and depth of character portrayal is just stunning, and i am completely and utterly hooked. i'm actually only halfway through rn, but already i know that this fic is one that's going to stay with me in my heart for the longest time - and can't wait to see where it's heading.

you've got control of everyone's eyes (including mine) by @alexturne summary: It's 2005 and the Arctic Monkeys are about to set out on their first proper tour. Alex is quite happy with that, until a certain someone gets in the way and spoils it all. A story about facing hardships, insecurities and stage fright, about friendships, dreams, music and smoking too many fucking cigarettes in dark back alleys. About keeping your friends close, and perhaps your enemies even closer. notes: i'm only three chapters in, but already this fic has hooked me in completely. it's beautifully readable, and just feels like such a vivid slice of early era am life. alex and miles are absolutely INSUFFERABLE in the best possible way - clearly obsessed with each other, but hiding behind the idea that they hate each other. the constantly simmering ust is wonderfully written, and the way they relate with each other feels so authentic (even if it also makes me want to knock their heads together). i can't wait to see where this fic goes 😍

ain't got anything to lick without you baby by @elorianna summary: At some point during their usual stage antics, Alex and Miles start playing an innocent game of one-upmanship – but with neither one of them willing to back down, things eventually get a little bit out of hand… notes: listen, i've read this one before. and i'll read it a bunch of times again too because it's just a CLASSIC. one of the first ever milex fics i read and i find myself returning to it over and over because it's just such a fun little read, and of course so well written too because it's elorianna. it captures all the ridiculousness and ust of eycte era milex messing around with each other, and the smut is well - *fans self*

okay, that's all for this month, but i think i'm going to try and do this every month and make it a regular thing! if anyone has any fic recs for me then please feel free to drop them in the comments/my asks/dms - i'm always on the lookout for more milex fics 💗

#these are just the five fics i've enjoyed most recently #it is by no means an exhaustive list of my all time favourites #also i have so many on my to-read list that i'm stupidly excited for too #i notice there's a new @yellowloid one i haven't read yet which ahhhhhhh. YES PLEASE 😍 #honestly god bless this fandom for having so many wonderful talented authors who share their work with us #i'm truly so grateful for you 💞 #milex #milex fic #milex fic recs #lulu posts

[captainjonnitkessler]

“If your fantasy novel has potatoes but you don’t explain where they came from then you’re whitewashing colonialism and if it has a monarchy but doesn’t explicitly describe it as a bad thing then you’re a bootlicking monarchist and if your novel never addressed class inequality  then you’re advocating for exploitation and slavery -”

how the fuck are you people not tired of constantly policing other people’s media consumption and ascribing morality to them based on it yet

#have literally seen people saying all of these in the last hour #i'm getting off the internet. people are fucking exhausting #like just say you don't like escapist fantasy and go #why do you have to actively start accusing other people of horrible things #over whether or not the books they read meet your personal criteria for social justice #do you truly honestly think that this type of policing is helping anyone?

[bibibuck]

from now on i'm gonna need everyone to start treating fandom posts like academic papers.

if you write "people are saying X" or "i've seen posts about Y" i'm gonna need you to cite those for me in APA style. "the show is presenting that A character is doing Z things for Q reason" you argue? okay then give me 5 peer-reviewed citations now.

you don't give statistics or research facts without actual proof, babes. i'm gonna keep believing you're making shit up until you can show me your reference page.

#i truly think some people just invent discourse where there is none. or they take one thing someone says and interpret it in completely the #wrong way. or they take one single post and extrapolate it to the whole fandom. #like have we not learnt that one research study does not make enough proof for a phenomenon? not even when the “results” are statistically #significant? i'm sorry i'm turning into the annoying research nerd/academic right now but sometimes reading posts in this our website gets #exhausting. #.text

[cheekblush]

i'd rather be friendless than to constantly have my boundaries disrespected

#i am so frustrated and annoyed rn #at the beginning of this year my ex best friend reached out to me and i cautiously let her back into my life #things were going great but now she turned a harmless topic into a full blown discussion even though i told her multiple times that i no.. #.. longer want to discuss this matter but she kept going & then accusing me of continuing the discussion as well #and tbh i really should've stopped engaging with her messages much sooner but it's so annoying when someone sends you lots of messages with #their opinion although i mentioned several times that i want to drop the topic & then i'm just expected to shut up lol #she didn't respect my wish to move and made a huge fuss about nothing #i stopped replying to her since yesterday bc i really had enough & i should've just left her on read much sooner #but her messages were truly annoying me #her last message now says that we often have different opinions & she thinks she's more optimistic than me & that makes it hard for her to.. #talk to me..... i was so dumbfounded when i read that this morning #our initial conversation was about whether a song is more pop or rnb....... & she twisted that into me being negative lmao #she was so obsessed with being right that she couldn't drop the topic even though i told her how exhausting the convo was for me #and like it's such an irrelevant topic... imagine being that obsessed with always being right 😭 #idc anymore i'd rather be a negative bitch than someone who disrespects others' boundaries <3 #i thought she changed for the better but she's so self-righteous opinionated & stubborn it's awful #i calmly told her that her behavior is bothering me & we easily could've just moved on but she kept going on and on #and she herself admitted that it's one of her flaws that she always has to be right & she's being petty & yet she didn't stop 🤡 #even writing all this down feels so silly to me bc the initial topic was sooooo trivial #am i supposed to feel sorry for thinking a song was rnb rather than pop???? like go touch some grass please #she even sent me a screenshot of the wikipedia page of the song to prove that it's rnb & it literally said synth pop & rnb lol #but i wasn't even mad about that her not respecting my wish to drop the topic & move on even though i said it multiple times really pissed.. #me off though.... like girl just let it go it's not that deep!!! #but apparently i'm negative & pessimistic for having a different opinion than her 🤷🏼‍♀️ #like imagine starting a fight over smth SO IRRELEVANT but i'm the negative one sure lmao #okay i just needed to get this off my chest bc i don't have anyone to talk to about this & it's just ridiculous to me #☁️

[insignificantfailure]

I wonder if people notice. If doctors, restaurant servers, pharmacists, uber drivers, delivery guys, receptionists, and other strangers I interact with notice how awkward I am. How childish, how shy, how scared, how anxious, like I'm barely a human being. When doctors see my age, and then they proceed to have a conversation with me for like 30 minutes, do they see how something's wrong with me? How I'm on the verge of having a breakdown from simply having to exist in society? I must look so pathetic in their eyes. I must seem like a child in an adult's body. It feels like I'm cosplaying someone of my age, and it's embarrassing. I try to hard to act normal, but the raw, unfiltered side of me... it shows.

#I truly wish I could afford a therapist to get tested for autism #in the meantime I'll just wonder what's wrong with me and figure out how to hide it #socially awkward #anxi4ty #anxienty #anxitey #anxeity #vent account #vent #venting #mentally exhausted #mentally tired #mentally fucked #mental health issues #mental health #may be #autism #whatever it is it's affecting my entire life #im sad and tired #i'm sad #sad thoughts #sorry for being depressing #tw depression #tw anxiety #idk i can't afford therapy #i need therapy

[dionysus-complex]

.

#also i'm in this weird place with the vision issues and eye strain headaches where the medical anxiety in me is like 'should i go to the er' #because there is a small but non-zero chance that it could indicate a serious neurological concern #but at the same time i don't want to bother er docs if it truly is just 'stop reading pdfs and looking at your phone all the goddamn time' #but it doesn't help that one time i had chest pain and didn't go to the er for several days b/c i was like 'i'm 20 and healthy so i'm fine' #turned out i had a spontaenous pneumothorax that had developed into a tension pneumo and they had to do an emergency chest tube #so since then i'm always like. maybe i should be concerned when concerning symptoms happen #my pcp did make a referral to a neurologist just in case but they can't get me in for almost 2 months if it's not an emergency situation #having a body is exhausting

[gideonisms]

explaining my lifestyle: no see this looks like horrible depression but I actually feel much better than I did when I was putting work into improving myself ♥️

#my apartment looks fine and average and my grades are fine and average #my skin looks fine and average my clothing is just okay my relationships aren't in the trash fire #yes i spend 10-12 hours a day zoning out or doing stuff unrelated to anything i'm supposed to be doing #yes i only leave this apt a few times a week #yes i struggle to eat enough sleep at consistent times and turn stuff in on time #but being kind of dysfunctional is incredibly relaxing #i go to bed actively hoping i'll wake up! like i will be there going oh hope i get to live the whole year/decade/next fifty years so i can #do my fun activities! #idk if this is actually true but it *feels* like the very first time since i was 18 that nothing is on fire #love to not be actively on fire #i think everyone should experience 'oh man i've been exhausted for a decade and i am going to spend most of a year being weird about it' #you truly have to work it out of your system it makes you hateful and anxious otherwise

[zaggyzoo]

I DID ITTTT GUYS I DID IT ‼️‼️ AND THEY SAY ANXIETY GIRLS CAN'T ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING WELL LOOK AT ME IT ONLY TOOK A MONTH TWO TIMES ALMOST CRYING ON THE JOB A SELF INDUCED HEADACHE AND FIVE PEOPLE'S ENCOURAGEMENT ‼️‼️

#sorry to scream on your screen btw. im just hugely relieved #i think i'm like. the only non parent person with a full time job wanting a part time but it was fucking exhausting guys. #so i still have to wait next month for it to happen but it seems like it will happen and im so glad #i thought of asking for 30 hours instead of 38 but the director said he was thinking 26.30 all in the fridges team and you know what. yeah #ill take it lol idc about the pay cut #even though my mom said she thinks i should've still asked for 30 but im so fucking tired guys idc about the pay i truly don't

[gofordrakgo]

Frustrating

Frustrating: "Causing feelings of anger and annoyance"

(Drakgo Drabble #84)

He drove her insane. Really, truly, insane. He made her want to rip her hair out, quit and never come back, strangle him until he was an entirely different kind of blue… something to make him understand how difficult he was to work with. 

It wasn’t like she expected a lot! Certainly, she didn’t expect a “thank you”. Even if she regarded him as more of a playground pest he still held it in heart that he was evil, so she understood. 

But why, she groused, pulling the blankets over her head, did he have to wake up at dawn?

#drakgo #drakken #shego #kim possible #drakken x shego #dr drakken #drakken and shego #shego and drakken #shego x drakken #drakgo drabbles #I'm back I guess lol #this one probably isn't as good as my older ones #but I am fucking exhausted #and life is truly terrible right now #and I just want to go to sleep forever #so you get this #not like anybody cares about them anyway

[a-s-levynn]

Time got away from me a bit today with all the Tiny Token stuff so i kinda.. haven't done a small offering.. but it'll be back from tomorrow on. I just completely forgot i got to get to work tomorrow and i can't be half asleep for it. :/

#i so not want to get up for work tomorrow #uhhh #this post holiday season depression really messed up my flow #i mean it's understandable #holidays with family are exhausting mentally #then i came back and woke up in an empty flat and it just hit how empty it is and something broke #anyway i'm feeling less and less erratic so we are getting back on track #thank you for putting up with me even if most of the crap doesn't even bleed into here that much to probably be truly bothering #it means a great deal regardless #levynn tries to think

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

hey hey when Paul (or whoever that was writing the book of Hebrews) tells us not to complain or God might strike us dead, how do we separate that from toxic positivity

#I'm kind of struggling rn guys #being at a *insert denomination here* school full of people who are all trying very hard to appear more or less perfect all the time #is killing my nerves #because see I have just begun to truly break out of my own perfectionism #I wanna put it to death SO badly #but how am I supposed to do that when I constantly feel like I have to perform all the time???? #or else be considered a 'bad example'???? #there are people here who know me. from years ago and only like 3 of them but still. #I don't enjoy sensationalist preaching #at all. and I feel like there's some of that going on here. #sensationalist and also like. massively dragged out of context in order to make a point. #hhhhh. #gurt says stuff #delete later #I have worked SO HARD to get to this school!!! WHY am I suddenly feeling terrible about the decision to come here!!!!!!!! #just... say some prayers for me plz. I'm exhausted and sad and I miss my family right now. #and it feels like all my friends are out there doing Real Stuff (joining the military; getting married; learning hard skills) #and I'm just over here wandering around campus and feeling alone in a huge crowd of people

[jewishraypalmer]

I avoided reading the very popular noun of nouns and nouns book until now so I decided (bc curiosity got to me) to listen to the graphic audio. I'm halfway through and I mean this with as much respect as I can but are y'all ok???

#listen no shade to people who like this #but for me this writing is AWFUL like this prose is hilariously bad #not every noun needs a descriptor attached jfc these sentences are exhausting #also I got to one scene that I...think...was supposed to be sexy or romantic and it was truly just borderline rape?????? #I'm not tagging this bc I'm not about to get jumped #but a part of me wants to continue this series to see where it goes #bc everyone I know who likes these are like oh the first book is bad like LOL WHAT.?? AND I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO...CONTINUE???????