#turns out that i'm not dead inside and i haven't gotten used to goodbyes even if they started coming one after another over the past decade

[doux-amer]

This has been one of the shittiest days in a while and to top it all off, I go on social media for the first time today right before bed to relax and the first thing I see (well, second after my friend's response to a bday message to her) is a dongseng I haven't talked to much or seen in years dropping a post about his announcement with no comment whatsoever. The news wouldn't have been any easier, but to get that from someone who doesn't fucking understand how devastating it is even though she must know that it's sad is the worst possible thing. What the fuck am I supposed to do with you dropping that? I don't want to give you a response! I don't owe you a response! Get the fuck away from me! I don't care that you didn't want to upset me because what the HELL did you think would happen by doing that? I'll send some crying emojis and a broken heart and that's so goddamn empty, but I'm not performing this for you and this is actually upsetting me so bad????? But I wouldn't expect a casual fan of a club that will go unnamed to understand. This isn't just sports to me.

If I had to get this news, I wish I saw it from someone who loves Jürgen as much as I do, whose life was irrevocably changed for the better because of him, who was here in the Before Klopp times, who never had a manager to love as much as we love him. And look at me managing to make myself tear up again.

I understand. After watching the clips on IG and that second one especially...he wants to leave while he's okay, he wants to leave on good terms and if possible on a high note instead of being kicked out after overstaying his welcome, he wants to enjoy life. And he so deserves that. He deserves to know what it's like to just be Jürgen, to be with his loved ones, to do nothing but to simply live. I have so much respect for him that he's going out this way, that he didn't take this decision lightly when he felt differently before (that renewal he signed...), when it's not about how much he loves us. Or rather, it is because he wants to give us his best and his all and he feels that he can't anymore and he's listening to his body and his mind. And he's setting a good example by showing what's really important in the end and taking care of himself. To show there's more to life than this and to be grounded and be a normal guy like he remained throughout even as his life became very abnormal.

God. I love him like I've never loved any manager before. The ones I loved pale in comparison to him. He is and will forever be everything to me, not just for what he gave to the club on the pitch but everything off the pitch from the values he instilled and emphasized to his humor and honesty and big heart and humility and passion and everything, and I'm just so gutted right now thinking about how we had almost a decade with him and I never took it for granted, but I really thought we had a few more years with him. And I thought several years ago about how much I needed to return to Anfield to see how things changed, to experience Jürgen's Liverpool on home ground, and how now that I had a job and steady income that I would be able to go to more matches or at least do it once before the end. And I didn't because of this stupid pandemic. All of that passed without a chance and just. I'm glad I got to at least watch them in person when they came to the U.S. even if it's not the same, but I feel like our time has been cut short and I really can't imagine a Liverpool without him. I never wanted to. I know that there will be because that's the nature of this sport and life and this sport has taught me there's always a beginning and always an end, but...nothing's going to be the same. Nothing's going to be like this. There will never be an era like the one we got under him. There will never be a manager like him.

#love how i was numb when i got that dm that will leave me angry for a long time #it's not even that person's fault but i feel so betrayed and bitter that that's how the news was broken to me #like it didn't mean anything #and then i watched him and i thought i understood his decision #i'm a big adult now. i understand what it's like to not have fuel in the tank and to get on with age #and understand what it means for people to get older...a concept you wrestle with over and over again once you reach adulthood #but then the second clip where he talked about how he's tired...how he wants to experience normal life #which he never had and just. that killed me because i want that for him too #i want nothing but the very best for him #and in that sense it's easier to let go #he's not being kicked out. he's leaving on his own terms. he wants to enjoy life #and with this pandemic more than ever i deeply understand how precious life is #he doesn't want to wake up when he's at the end of his life to start living it #but at the same time because that was so quintessential klopp #to understand what really matters and to say it with so much love #for the team the club the city and us #that was what ruined me more than anything in a way i can't possibly put to words #turns out that i'm not dead inside and i haven't gotten used to goodbyes even if they started coming one after another over the past decade #and the first ones were brutally sharp and painful #and some are still devastating (i'm thinking of tito which is the worst goodbye you can have because he didn't just #leave the game. he passed away) but god. turns out that even if you accept the cyclical nature of things #the turning of the page and the passage of time which stops for no one #you still never get used to this #i can't go to liverpool at the end of the season but god...i want to be there. so bad. SO bad #we love this man so much that we're going to give him his flowers #we'll be doing it throughout the season even if he asked us not to because it's about the team not just him #and we'll give him a celebration and we deserves a parade or something. i don't even know #i love him so much and he always sets an example and is someone to look up to and just #i think i understand now what my college classmate i befriended meant #when he said his role model was wenger and he loved him like a father

[nextinline-if]

Oh my god yes please do an adoption scenario 😭

your wish, my command 😁 *Vi attempts fancy hand flourish and falls on her face, somehow*

Constantine

You watch Constantine for a moment, as he bounces from one foot to the other. You haven't seen him this excited in a while. A chuckle leaves your lips. He stops and turns his gaze to you, a small smile tugging at his lips. "What are you chuckling about?"

"Oh, nothing," you tell him. "You're just adorable when you're like this?"

He scoffs playfully. "Adorable? Save that phrase for our kid." Despite the fact that you stand in front of the orphanage, his words stun you for a moment. And he takes full advantage by grabbing your hand and leading you into the building.

You spend the next few hours talking to many of the children, even playing some games, or reading to some of them. At some point, you've gotten separated from Constantine so you search for him.

And you find him with a six-year-old boy. He's using toy swords to teach him defensive techniques. You shake your head, laughing quietly to yourself. After a few minutes, you clear your throat. They both look over at you before stopping. As you walk over, the boy glances at you nervously and then back to Constantine.

Constantine crouches down and offers a soothing smile to the child. 'Why don't you head inside and play with some of the other kids?" The boy nods and gives you both a polite goodbye, looking over his shoulder with hopeful eyes before ducking down and hurrying inside.

You sigh. "I thought you wanted a baby."

Constantine rubs the back of his neck. "Well," he begins, eyes darting around the little garden. "I mean, babies are a lot of work! A child who talks? And walks? That seems like a good idea to me."

You snort. "Be honest. Those sad eyes and that sweet voice won you over."

His blue eyes turn to you. "I'm a goner."

You can't help but smile as you sling your arm around him and steer him toward the door. "Let's go adopt your adorable protégé, then."

Constantine smiles softly and kisses your wrist. "Ours."

"What?" you ask.

"He's our protégé, my love."

Felix

You study Felix carefully, watching him try to control his breathing. When he realizes you're watching, he sends you a smirk. "Can't keep your eyes off me, huh?"

But you can hear the nervousness in his voice. He's trying to pretend that he's not freaking out. You reach out and squeeze his hand. "Are you sure you want to do this? I understand if not."

His hazel eyes soften as he pulls you closer. "I'd walk through fire for you. Adopting a child with you? Walk in the park."

You roll your eyes but grin. "Famous last words, Mr. Faramund."

"Well, I am hot enough to be famous." He winks at you. "Come on, let's go find a cute little ray of sunshine to adopt." You laugh as you walk into the orphanage by his side.

Almost immediately, Felix zeroes in on an older kid alone in the corner of the room. You nudge him and he finally glances away. "Why don't we start with them?" His only response is a nod, but his feet don't move. You sigh.

And then you give him a push, and he looks over his shoulder, glaring at you with a mischievous look in his eyes. "Already setting a bad example for children," he tells you.

"Stop procrastinating and move it!" His eyes widen at your tone and he speed walks to the child with you hot on his heels.

You both come to a stop. Felix and the child stare at each other, neither willing to speak first. "Felix," you hiss under your breath.

He clears his throat. "Hi."

They raise an eyebrow. "Uh, hey?"

You resist the urge to groan. Instead, you ask, "How old are you?"

The kid looks away, out at the other children who are seemingly younger. "Thirteen," they say quietly.

"And how long have you been here?" Felix inquires, seeming to find his voice with your help.

The kid turns to Felix and looks him dead in the eye. "I don't know. Eight years I think."

Felix frowns. "Be back in a minute," he tells them, grabbing your arm and leading you far away.

You raise an eyebrow and cross your arms. "You're acting weird."

He looks at you, his face as serious as you've ever seen it. "I want to adopt them."

You give him a confused look. "We barely know their age, let alone anything else about them. Besides, they're already thirteen."

He nods. "Exactly. The older they get, the less chance of someone adopting them. But older kids deserve love, too!" Then his face turns desperate. "Please, MC!"

"And what if they turn out to be troublesome?" you ask him.

"Then they'll be our troublesome kid that we love."

You smile and let out a dramatic sigh. "Beg a little more first," you tell him. He rolls his eyes but grins at you in a way that makes your heart pound so quickly that you can feel your racing pulse through your body.

Margaret

"Remember what we said," you tell Margaret, looking over at her as you both walk into the building. "We're only adopting one for now."

Margaret sighs and gives you a pointed look. "Yes, yes, darling, I know." When you arrive in the room where many children are playing and running around, Margaret stops and scans the room, her eyes widening in wonder. She looks at you and asks, "But we can come back soon, right? There's so many that need a home."

"Stay focused," you tell her, laughing a little at the pout on her face. At some point in the day, you both end up in the room with the youngest children. Your eyes find a young child, no more than three years old.

They tilt their head and stare at you before turning away. As you walk closer, they turn back, a small teddy bear in their hands. You glance at Margaret and see softness in her eyes.

"Hi, there, little one," Margaret says as she sits beside the child.

They give her a toothy grin. "Hello!"

You both grin back and then you point at their stuffed animal. "Who's that?"

They look down at the bear for a moment and then back up, tears in their eyes. "My friend Teddy." The child tries to push the bear into Margaret's hands.

"Oh!" she says, startled. "You want me to hold Teddy for a minute?"

The child shakes their head and looks down. "No. Take him away from here when you leave. It's too sad for him to be here."

You're pretty sure you see Margaret turn away with a few tears in her eyes. When she turns back to the child, she says, "Here, you hold Teddy for now. We'll be back."

She watches the child from afar. You put a hand on her arm. "Hey, tell me what you're thinking."

Her brown eyes turn to you. "I'm thinking about how sweet that child is. And trying to figure out how to convince you that we should adopt them." She studies you carefully, waiting for your reaction.

"They are very sweet," you muse. "Maybe too sweet for some of your lessons."

Margaret scoffs. "Your wrong, darling. That little one is perfect. It's always better if people don't know how deadly you can be."

"Alright, well, we're adopting two like you wanted, then. I mean, we can't leave Teddy behind."

She giggles. "Of course not!"

F

Sweat rolls down the back of F's neck as they walk into the orphanage. You've had a long talk. Several of them. And although they're nervous, they also believe that the two of you can raise a lovely child together. When you first brought it up, they asked for some time to consider. And now, a year later, here you are.

You grab F's hand and give it a gentle squeeze. They smile at you before looking around. "Where do we start?" they ask, feeling overwhelmed by the chaos and noise all around.

"Let's go someplace quieter. I bet the babies are sleeping this time of day."

F laughs to themself. "Never heard of a baby being quiet, but I'll follow your lead."

The room you enter has dozens of babies. "So many," you say quietly.

F nods. "The aftermath of a long war."

Before you can respond, they bend over the crib of a baby girl and scoop her up. You can see their green eyes light up as they look at the child.

You run your fingers across the tag on the crib. "It says she's six months old," you note.

"Isn't she lovely?" their quiet voice asks.

The baby girl opens her eyes and looks at you, her tiny hand wraps around one of your fingers. You meet F's gaze and smile.

A while later, the baby now asleep in F's arms, they turn to you. "What do you think? Should we adopt her?"

You watch the baby sleep for a moment. "I don't know. Babies are a lot of work."

"But we'll be doing it together." They come to stand beside you at the window and lean their head on your shoulder. "Besides, you're my moon, and she can be our little sun."

"Well, how could I say no to that?" F leans away and grins at you.

#mothsflame #interactive fiction #kids #hypothetical #f faramund #constantine dimas #felix faramund #lady margaret #sorry this took so long ;o

[lightsaberupmybutt]

Three’s a Crowd - Reader/Ben Solo/Poe Damerson (Modern AU)

alright so Ben/Kylo is a big ego kid in this, because of course. Also, Rey is ACTUALLY Lukes daughter in this, making them cousins. Ive fiddled with the plot okay sue me. 

Summary: Poe, Finn and their roommate have been living in a harmonious tenancy, but when Finn decides to move out for a year of travelling, the two are left with no option but to look elsewhere for their third body. Rey Skywalker, a friend of the group, proposes her cousin for the role. He's in a band, wears all black and all in all is somewhat of a social reject - but he's also all theyve got.  

“I think that one was actually somehow worse than last weeks” You tell Poe, as he pours himself a juice and settles down next to you on the sofa. You'd just finished showing around another possible roommate and you felt exhausted in every sense of the word. 

“How can he be worse than the neo nazi?” Poe shot you an unbelieving look and rolled his eyes, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table and knocking some of your papers in his wake. 

“Alex was a she, and they asked if they could hang their deer head in the front room” you grimaced even thinking about it, weren't all artsy college students supposed to be vegetarians anyway? why did you have to get saddled with the only blood thirsty one on campus. 

“Thats not so bad”

“Poe she showed me a picture of her taxidermied cat”

“Oh”

You had tried to find a polite way to stop her from passing you her phone, but you were too nice to make her feel uncomfortable, and now the image of the long dead tabby would remain behind your eyes for god knows how long. 

“was she hot?” You shook your head, causing Poe to sigh wistfully. 

“Not hot enough to cancel out her obsession with dead bodies anyway” you informed him, the hopeful look from his eyes gone. 

“Face it Poe, were doomed” You let your head fall into your hands, Poe letting out a laugh before wrapping his arm around your shoulder. 

“Hey we’ll get someone! who wouldn't want to live here?” You knew his question was rhetorical but when looking around the cleaner than usual flat, you had to admit it was missing something. Bare spaces on the walls from where Finn had taken down his pictures, the empty side of the kitchen counter that had once houses his overpriced coffees. You even missed picking up his empty cups after him, the room feeling like it had less character without them. It truly hadn't felt the same in the flat since Finn had left, and although Poe concealed it well, you could see it was getting to him too. Poe had, after all, known Finn first; Finn managing to get a very drunk and outspoken Poe out of a sticky situation he had found himself in when running across a local gang in a dive bar. The ‘first order’ as they so called themselves, had an infamous reputation around campus for being trouble makers and general doers of bad deeds. Ever since that night they had been an unstoppable duo, until they met you of course, and their duo became three. 

You loved Finn, and you knew told miss him like hell, but you also knew that Poe must be feeling that ten times over. 

“You wanna do something tonight?” You asked, changing the subject before his mind  drifted to where yours had. 

“what kind of something?” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, 

“Gross” 

“hey I'm serious!”

“what about Razor Crest, they are open late, we could grab some drinks and meet up with some people” 

Razor crest was the only worth while bar in town; it was certainly nothing to write home about, but it played fairly decent music and it had a marginally less sticky floor than others. Additionally, your other friends lived just over from the humble saloon, making it the perfect watering hole for you guys. 

It didn't take much convincing before you had Poe out the door and ready to socialise. Upon arrival, he headed to the bar while you were waved over by Rey, who had already found a booth and was already at least a few drinks in. 

“Look, i think i have a solution to your roomie problemo” She told you, peeking over her straw, a gleam in her eye that made you feel not all too confident in her yet to be spoken plan. 

“Go on” you told her, cautiously. 

“My cousins back in town” She told you between gulps. 

“The weird one?” You asked, 

“Hes not weird, just ...eccentric” the last word was more of a question, but you could tell she was on a roll, 

“He's just joined one of the college bands and Auntie Leia says him and Uncle Han are butting heads” 

“ah cool, weve always wanted  live music in our own flat at 2 am” Poe injected, rejoining the table and placing a drink in front of you before taking a sip of his own. 

“hes not BAD at it, he just plays loud i think” She corrected him, “anyway, he's not a total twat, I'm sure he would be considerate of your sleep schedules” 

“didn't he try and stab you with a stick when you were five” you asked her, you'd heard stories of this cousin before and none of them were quite savoury, 

“that was ages ago! he's like way old now” she was starting to slur her words, but you had a feeling this was something Rey was quite set on. Rey was stubborn, and when she got something in mind she would move hell to make it happen; she was also your best friend, and someone you trusted the judgment off. Had she gotten you into some weird shit in the past? sure. 

Did you have any other options; nay on that. 

“Fine, get Han or Leia to bring him round at some point next week and one of us will give him a tour” You tell her, and she lets out a little happy shrill at her own personal win. Poe, not so much. 

“Speak for yourself, weirdo cousin can see himself around” he crosses his arms and pouts, you give him a little nudge. 

“Hey, maybe you'll be best mates” you offer, but when he shoots you a death stare you go back to your drink.

The family turmoil must have been more vicious than Rey had let in on; It was barely the next morning before you had a tall, intimidating male knocking on your door. 

“Hey!” you offered him, in as cheery a voice as your hung over self would allow.

He looked down at you from his towering height, but gave no verbal response. 

“You must be Ben?...”  He offered you the slightest nod you'd had ever seen in response. Okay so, not much of a talker, noted. 

You waved him in, shutting the door behind him. God, he looked even bigger inside? is that possible? Rey had failed to mention the sheer height on the boy. You'd seen pictures of her and her aunt and uncle, it seemed like Ben was a scientific and biological mystery. Like how did he get clothes to fit? did he have to shop somewhere special or

you were snapped out of your thoughts by a clearing of a throat. 

“So, how much is the rent” so he DID have a voice, 

You informed him automatically, still part dazed. 

“Ill be in by the weekend” he told you, and with a nod he moved past you, making his way back to the door.

“But wait .. y .. you haven't even seen your room yet?” You stumbled, dumbfound by the lack of foreplay. The previous people you had shown around were full of questions; they wanted to know the ins and outs of the place. Ben had seen all of the door way and the front room and he was already signing the lease. 

“See you then” he didn't stop, hand on the door knob as if you hadn't spoken.

“But i don't have your phone number” you don't know why that came to you first, but it was true. At no point had Rey offered you direct contact with Ben, probably assuming he would. It seemed reasonable, that you'd need his number before he moved in, didn't it? Poe was always texting you about random shit in the flat, arguably too much, but it seemed like the norm for people coexisting in such a small space. 

He turned back at you and gave you a confused look, 

“why would you need my number?”

“erm... to talk to you” your condescending tone not completely masked, 

“but ill be living here” he stated, which, he had you there. 

Before you could even think of a response  he was out the door.

True to his word, Ben had his things over by that very same weekend. Although it was unsurprising considering just how light he packed. In fact, other than his bass and musical equipment, you couldn't really think of anything he had actually brought with him to the flat. You got to meet his parents when they dropped him off, both of whom seemed leaps and bounds more conversational than their son. Ironically, you got Leia’s phone number before her sons; her telling you to message if you ever needed anything. It felt like an indirect jab at Ben, a ‘if he fucks up let me know’, but you digress. The tension between Ben and his dad was blatantly obvious, them sharing no words before he got back into the car and Ben into the house. He did give his mum a small hug goodbye though, and you thought you saw a small tear in her eye before she managed to wipe it away. 

Since his move in, Ben had kept painfully to himself. You barely saw him at all in those first days, just heard him through the walls the odd time he dropped something - or saw a plate or cup gone from their places in the kitchen. To be honest , it felt more like a paranormal haunting than a new roommate. Poe was vocal of his apprehension to the situation, sharing glances with you when you would both be in the living room and you'd see ben scurry by or passive aggressively texting you when his favourite cup had been used by someone who wasn't him. it was a relatively small issue, but Poe had blown it so out of proportion that you had ordered a new set of cups from Amazon and sent him the link, shutting him up for a while before he found something else to complain about.

it was the fifth day before you actually bumped into ben again. He was on the sofa with his base set up, twiddling with his amp. The sight surprised you so much you physically jumped back, causing him to look up. crap. act cool. act cool. 

“hey” you offered him

“hi” hi replied back, looking back down at his amp. 

right, yer. his space, give him his space. Just get your stuff and go back to your room. don't speak to him, leave him alone. he clearly wants to be left alone. 

“nice day isn't it” you wanted to cover your mouth, the words coming out against your will. Truthfully, you had no clue why you said it. You hadn't even looked at the weather this morning. Its just what people say right? 

“Erm” his eyes shot to the window and then back to yours,”no”

sure enough, it was pissing it down outside. The sky was actually comically grey and you'd have laughed if you werent so angry at yourself. You were unsure of what to do, and he was still looking at you, almost assessing you. His eyes were so serious and dark they felt like they were burning tiny holes into your skin. shit, you had to speak now right?

While regretting every single life decision that had brought you into this kitchen at this time, Poe sauntered into the room like your night in shining armour, ignoring Ben all together and coming straight over to you, placing a big arm around your shoulders. You saw Ben drop his head back down to this bass, and you used all your might to not let out a sigh of relief.

“Tonight, I'm taking you out” He offered, a cheeky gleam in his eye. 

“Are you now” 

“Razor crest, drinks and dancing, be there or be square” He lists off as if he's a paid promoter, causing you to let out a giggle. 

“Whos invited?” 

“just the gang” he said, causing you to shoot him an eye roll, knowing full well you ‘gang’ consisted of all of three people, yourself and Poe included in that number. 

but then you remembered, there was another person now, whether they liked it or not. Poe’s eyes followed yours to Ben and then back to meet yours again, you saw the realisation change to disgust, as he shook his head silently at you. 

you knew this look, the ‘don't you dare’ look, the ‘not in 1000 years’ look. But you couldn't help it, your lips were moving before you could stop them for the second time this morning. 

“Are you free tonight, Ben?’

The look of sheer betrayal on Poe's face made you wince, surely he'd understand right? he knew you well enough to know your verbal diarrhoea  problem. 

Ben didn't even look up, but he did let out a small laugh that felt quite antagonistic. 

“i dont go to Razor Crest” 

“i don't go to razor crest ugh” Poe mocked, causing Rey to let out a hysterical giggle, and you a sigh. 

You'd been out for all of three hours and you were all already feeling the effects of the alcohol. It was late and the bar was jam packed with students all raring to go. Poe had been making eyes at one particular red head  almost all night and you were half surprised he hadn't already made his move. Poe put out, it was a fact. You and Finn had at one time made a fridge chart for him, a gold star awarded every time he brought  girl home. Whether the goal was to make him feel proud of his conquests or embarrassed, you still weren't 100% sure, but after a month or so you had both lost count and given up. You told yourself it didn't bother you, that he was just a friend, and that he owed you nothing, but every time he left you at the bar for another girl something stung inside; something you pushed deep down but regrettably was still there none the less. 

Sure enough, as the night progressed, you and Rey ended up fending for it alone, and instead of feeling sorry for yourself you decided to do the responsible thing and drink more. 

After the third round of shots, Rey calls it in. 

“I think I'm gonna be sick” she tells you sheepishly, and you can't help but belly laugh in response. She starts to shuffle towards the door and you go to follow.

“Hey don't leave on my behalf” she tells you earnestly, but you wave her off. 

“Nah I've had my fill, I'm starting to forget which flat number i live at” you tell her, causing her to giggle this time. 

You both stumble out the bar, past the smokers and up the cobbled road towards her flat. She unlocks her door and lets herself in, not before giving you a drunken hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek. 

As you ready yourself to make your way back to your own flat, you come back past the bar entrance; a particularly prominent cobble causes you to trip ever so slightly and gain a whoop from a group of boys who were passing round a box of marlboro straights. 

You suddenly realised just how dark it was and just how alone you were. Most nights you wouldn't stay out this late, and if you did, then you'd normally be walking back with finn. You let out a shiver, a mix of both the cold night air finally breaking through your drunken daze and a smidge of fear. The Razor Crests entrance lights were getting progressively further away, and although you know that you only had a maximum of a half mile walk back to your home, it felt like ample distance to get kidnapped or murdered in, most probably both. 

How many true crime stories started with a young drunk girl, scantily clad and out alone at night? You could hear the police reports now, which photo would they use? you prayed it would be a hot one, at the very least one after your thin brow phase. 

Being literally bumped back into reality, in almost a cruel humorous way, you felt yourself walk head first into a figure, their arms coming out to catch you as the sheer momentum bounced you back. 

Oh god, I'm dead. I'm literally going to die.  

“Hey, chill out” The voice made your heart beat both slow and race again, 

“Ben?!” you shrieked, voice hoarse through pure anticipation of your thought to be demise 

“Are you okay” he asked, and only then did you realise you were shaking like a leaf. 

“Im fine” you let out in a small voice, looking down at your shoes. You could feel the redness in your cheeks through pure embarrassment alone. This was not an ideal situation for him to see you in, and you kind of started to with that he had been a murderer, at least then you wouldn't have to deal with the second hand embarrassment in the morning. 

“What are you doing out here”

“why are you out alone” 

you both asked simultaneously,

“I was coming out for a smoke” He told you, flashing his tobacco pouch at you from inside his coat. His very warm looking coat, might you add. Another shiver ran down your body. 

“Im coming home from Razor Crest” you tell him, trying to be matter of fact but slurring your words just enough to spoil the show. 

“Yes obviously, but why are you alone” he shoots back in some what of a patronising tone, it wouldn't sit well with sober you and it definitely doesn't go down well with drunk you. 

“Im a big girl” 

“clearly” he makes, making extra sure to look you up and down from his towering distance above you, causing you to huff. 

“well i can take care of myself” 

“you shouldn't be out alone around here, its not safe” he ignores your response, looking you dead in the eye. 

You feel something inside you flutter, a warmth that you can't quite control. Okay, ben might be weird and a bit annoying it would seem, but he was handsome, thats for sure. The limited light danced off his strong features and dark shaggy mop of hair, making him look both dangerous and appealing. 

As if you were standing here mentally flirting with the idea of being with Res cousin; you made a mental note to punish yourself for the ludicrous thoughts in the morning. 

“Okay well I'm going home now” you tell him, attempting to push past him, but his large hand finds its way to your forearm and pulls you back,

“yes, you are, come on” If what he said before was patronising, he was now speaking to you like you were a dog he was walking. 

“go have your nicotine, ive got this one covered” you tell him with a mock salute, causing him to roll his eyes. He lets go of your arm and you take your win, trying to step confidently away without falling. You're proud of yourself for handling the situation when you realise he's following all  of 10 steps behind you, rolling a cigarette in his hands while holding a filter between his teeth. 

when he catches you looking, he nods down to his hands, 

“want one?” he mumbles between his lips, still holding the filter pride of place. 

“no thanks” you snap, picking up pace. 

Ben smirks at you, but you miss it, too focused on not embarrassing yourself and keeping your feet in line. 

#Star Wars #Star Wars imagine #star wars modern au #kylo ren #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren x reader #Ben solo #ben solo x reader #ben solo x y/n #poe dameron #poe dameron x reader

[that---one---kid]

Free

The morning sun invaded the bedroom, casting a golden glow in the grand room. You awoke from your sleep and sat up.

"Another day, another escape plan." You thought. It had been two years since that deranged blonde, Giorno, had kidnapped you, or as he liked to put it, 'saved you'. From what? Well the world of course! It was a nasty horrible place after all, much too dangerous for someone as delicate as you! Even the thought of him made you nauseous.

You'd think after two years you'd have gotten used to it, but it seemed that the more time that passed, the more you grew to despise him, and the more you began to lose hope of ever being free of him. You were at your breaking point, desperate to find a way out, no matter the cost.

"Ah,seeing you every morning makes my heart sore, il mio amore." You turn to face the door as the psychotic blonde walks in. You don't return the beaming smile he gives you, you haven't smiled in awhile, there was really no reason to.

Giorno walks over to the bed and sits on your side. "I'm going to have some meetings today, il mio amore, but I promise as soon as they're over I'll spend some time with you." Giorno continues to smile, he takes your hand in his and gives it a firm squeeze, a vain attempt to get you to acknowledge him. You simply continue to stare at him, face stone cold and a distant look in your eyes. Giorno gives one last lingering look before getting up and leaving.

You let out a sigh, grateful for him to finally be gone so you can enact your plan. You throw the silk covers off of you and get out of bed. Walking to the bathroom doors, you throw Them open and walk inside the grand bathroom. "Finally,' you say out loud while opening the drawers on the vanity. "this can all be over, I can finally be at peace." You grab a spare razor blade and walk over to the free standing porcelain tub in the middle of the room. Getting in you take a moment to sit in silence. You think of your life, a happier time before Giorno invaded it. You recall your friends, family, pets and any memorable places you had visited. Oh how you wish you could say goodbye to you family and friends, they probably think you're already dead. 'How much pain has this caused them? How much have they grieved me?' you think despite knowing Giorno got rid of them, he was always paranoid of anyone looking for you and helping you escape, so the only logical solution was to get rid of them before they could even try.

Silent tears stream down your face as you mourn what could have been. 'What if I got to finish college? What if I moved out of Italy like I always dreamed of? What if I never met Giorno?' The thoughts swarm your head of the possibilities of how your life could have turned out had the universe not forsaken you to meet that monster.

You let your mind drift off into a fantasy of a perfect life. A life where you never met Giorno, you were happy and with your family, a successful young woman, traveling the world, meeting new people and experiencing new cultures. A bittersweet smile spreads across your face as you bring the cold metal to meet your wrist.

"Soon I'll be away from here, and I'll be back in your loving arms. See you soon momma, papa." You say, voice coming out in a horse whisper. Closing your eyes, you slit your wrist on one quick and clean slice. You feel numb before a dull stinging pain and warmth runs up your arm and through your body. You wince as you feel the air on your wound, it feels like ice daggers poking along your arm.

"Soon, it'll all be over before you know it." You say through gritted teeth. And soon enough, you begin to feel drowsy, your thoughts are barely cohesive, not that you had anything memorable to reflect on anyways. Your head began to feel cloudy and your eyelids felt heavy. There was no use in fighting it, all you had to do was close your eyes. Giorno would come back and deal with the rest. Rest. That sounded nice right now, even though you had just woken up not long ago, you needed rest. You let your head lul back, you close your eyes and surrender yourself to the darkness. At last, after two long years, you were finally free.

#giorno giovanna #jjba #golden wind #anime #fanfiction #yandere Giorno Giovanna #yandere jojo #yandere jjba #yandere

[frenchlangdon]

Late Night Louisiana Pt. 7

Summary: It’s late 19th century, Y/N moves to Louisiana to learn more about vampires. But what happens when she finds one likely creature of the night at Porterhollow Cemetery?

LNL Masterlist

Pairing: Vampire!bucky x reader

Warning: brief mention of rape

"About earlier. That kiss. I'm not trying to start anything. I'm— there's— I'm no good at relationships. It would only end up in a mess." I said. I sat down on the chair in my kitchen

It's true, I've had a couple of men along the way, the relationships almost always end in disaster.

And I don't know if it was me or them. It always felt like it was my fault, they were always sure to tell me it was my fault.

"What are you feeling?" He sat down in one of the chairs next to me.

"Confused."

"About what?"

"I really like you. And I want to know more about you. And I want to be your friend, I really do. But I can't be harboring feelings for you. And you can't do the same either. It would just make us miserable."

"So you're saying that you feel the same way, you just don't want to be with me? Is it because of what I am? Is it because I scare you?"

"You are the most kind and gentle man I've ever met. You don't scare me, not one bit. I just think we'd be better off as friends."

"I can't just make them go away. The feelings, I mean. It's not like I can just make them vanish. But if you wish to just be friends, then we shall just be friends."

"We've only known each other for two days, you know." I chuckled, I stare into his eyes.

"You should know I don’t like everybody I meet. I don’t trust just anybody. You’re different, I can sense it. I can connect with very few people and have this feeling like I've known them my whole life, you're one of those people. I feel drawn to you. You're magnificent and kind. And you're very beautiful."

"Will you protect me, Wreck?"

"Of course, Y/N."

"Will you always tell me the truth?"

"Always."

"Will you tell me your name? You’re real name?" He hesitated for a moment.

"You already know it. James. James Buchanan Barnes, but back then friends called me Bucky." A small smile crept up on his lips.

"I should've known! You said it so quickly, I thought you might've known someone with that name or your alias."

"Will you tell me some of the stories you've heard about me?"

"Well no ones knows much about you, the stories are very vague. Most of the towns whores say you've slept with them, took the bandana off when you did the deed, some said you had honey brown eyes and other says emerald green eyes. Said you kept coming back for more." I bit my lip as I tried to hold in laughter.

"That's odious!" He scrunched his face up and physically cringed. "No. I haven't laid with a woman in decades. It's crossed my mind many a nights, but, no. Never. I could never sleep with one of those women. Nothing against who they are, just wouldn't want to catch something."

My eyes widen at the last sentence and he laughed.

"Have you ever laid with a man before?"

My body stiffened at the question, he was blunt and straight to the point. But the question reminded me of something I tried to forget every single day. "Yeah. I have." I looked down to my hands that were resting on the table. I traced shapes on the smooth surface, trying to keep my mind from those formidable memories. "Did I upset you?" He asked. He leaned down trying to look at my face.

"No. Just, I've um, l-laid with one man, uh, it was a terrible experience." I look to the the ground where my feet were. "Did he..."

"Yeah. He did." I whispered. My whole body felt uneasy, saying the words out loud was torture for me.

I had gotten drunk one night and a man took me to his house, against my will. I woke up the next morning and didn’t know what had happened the night before and I was feeling incredibly sore.

As the months went by I remembered certain things, terrible, awful things.

"My darling, I'm sorry. We don't have to carry on with this conversation. I can't imagine how it's affected you." He lays his hand on top of my hand that rests on the table, causing me to flinch.

The only thing I can do is nod, and I barely manage to do that.

"You've shown me such kindness over the past two days. I appreciate that, I truly do. In return, if you would, I'd like to stay with you. To protect you, from the evil of this world. Only if you would allow it. If you wish for me to be gone, then I'll be gone within seconds. I can see a great friendship unfolding if you let me stay."

I stare at him in disbelief, "I'd love for you to stay, I do get lonely here by myself sometimes but wouldn't you get tired of me after awhile?" I chuckled. "I mean you'd get bored for sure, I'm not an interesting gal."

"That's not true. You're very interesting, you can read, not a lot of women around here can read, well back then at least. I don't know about now."

"Well I'm sure there are more women around here that can read. But enough about that! What would you like to do the rest of the day?"

Truth be told, I hate talking about myself or of any subject that involves me, call it an insecurity, but for me I just hate being the topic of discussion.

"Why don't we go back to the lake?" He said.

"Yeah sure! Do you want to go for a swim?"

"I don't have anything to swim in." His brows furrowed and his lips frowned. I can't lie, he looked really cute.

"I'll buy you something." I beamed.

"I can't let you do that." He argued.

I stood up from the chair and walked to the door.

"You need a new set of clothes anyways, you can't wear the same outfit you've worn for the past couple decades." I playfully winked at him. I walked out of the house, he followed behind me.

On the way to the shop, we talked a little bit about everything, the sea, the outlaws he stayed with for a bit. It's so easy talking to him. He doesn't make you feel inferior or anything close like that. Nowadays people are so egotistical if they have a silver spoon. It's truly disgusting.

We make it to the shop and Wanda greets us.

"Y/N! Good evening!" She flashed her beautiful smile. "And who might this be?" She asked.

"This is Bucky, a friend from Texas. He's come down here to live with me."

Bucky walks closer to Wanda and shakes her hand. "Pleasure to meet you, miss." She nodded, her smile widened. "Pleasure to meet you, too, Bucky."

I got a couple outfits for him, he was a very picky shopper, at the end we got him black trousers and a couple tan and white long sleeve shirts. Nothing too fancy, he said.

I packed the new clothes in my leather bag and bid Wanda goodbye, we made our way to the lake.

"Isn't it just beautiful?" I said, we sat down on the sand, I set the bag down in between us. "It is, I've missed the water." He let out a sigh and kept his eyes on the moving water. "Why didn't you ever come down here?"

"I did, every couple a years, I don't know why I stayed in the cemetery for so long. I felt like it was the safest place for me."

"Why is that?"

"Because the dead can't judge you."

"I'll never judge you, y’know." I grabbed his hand intertwining it with mine, I brought the back of his hand up to my lips, gently kissing it.

We sat in silence after that. It was a moment I'll never forget. The sun was setting, the remainder of the sun reflecting off the water, the muffled music from across the street inside the tavern, the sounds of nature.

"You know, this is my favorite time of the day. When everything is winding down. It's so peaceful, and the sun isn't too harsh, it's perfect. I call it late night Louisiana. Has a ring to it, don't it?"

"It sure does, sugar." His lips curved upwards into a smile. His smile. How have I never noticed how perfect it was? His eyes crinkle whenever he smiles. Why is his face so perfect? Maybe being with him wouldn't be such a bad idea...

"Do you want to become human again? Fully human, I mean. With no abilities."

"I'd give anything to be normal again. Anything." He withdrew his hand from mine and looked down to the sand. "Maybe we can visit the voodoo shop tomorrow, they have elixirs in there, we can see what they have. Nobody ever buys their potions and elixirs because of your story."

He shrugged and lifted his head back up to look at me. Sadness deep in his eyes, laced with longing. "What if none of them work?"

"Well, we'll find out once we get there, won't we?"

"I guess."

I hugged his torso, "Let's go to the tavern."

We both get up and dust the sand off of our bodies. I grabbed my bag and we were off to the tavern across the street.

Bucky and I go inside and he orders the both of us a beer. I catch Steve walking past the windows of the tavern. I jump off the bar stool and turn to Bucky, "I have to go outside real quick. I'll be right back." I run out of the tavern and holler for Steve.

He stopped in his tracks and turned around. I walk up to him. "Hey stranger. Did you buy that book, that Stark's Amazing Finds?"

"I did, why?" He raised a brow and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well I was wanting to show Bucky what a walrus and a seal looked like. I was wondering maybe I could borrow it for a day." He scoffed and looked to the side, he kicked a rock with his boot.

"Why didn't you ever mention him to me?" Steve asked. "I guess I forgot to tell you about him."

"Y/N, we tell each other everything it at least that's what I thought. Why didn't you tell me he was moving in with you?"

"Steve, I just forgot. I'm sorry. Why do you care so much? It's not really a big deal."

"He said you were getting lonely livin all by yourself, why didn't you ask me to move in? I would‘ve."

He stepped closer. "I didn't think you'd want to live with me. You hate it when I talk about vampires. I can only imagine you getting frustrated with me everyday because I'm so focused on finding that damned vampire." I leaned against the outside brick wall of the tavern. I look up to Steve, he was up against the brick wall, staring at the water. The orange glow of the sun shone on his face, his blue eyes were even brighter, if possible.

"I would've learned to deal with it." He said, he turned his body towards me.

Nothing else was said. We were both staring into each other's eyes. He wanted to say something, I could feel it in my bones. “What is it?” I asked.

“I wanted to tell you something. It’s really important.” He started fidgeting, beads of sweat were on his forehead.

“Hey, you can tell me anything. You know that.” I smiled and intertwined our hands together. “Uh... Bruce is coming back into town.”

“Oh...” I let out a shaky breath, my heart was beating out my chest. It felt like somebody had knocked the wind outta me. “Do we know when he’s supposed to be here?”

“Sometime next week.”

“Next week?”

“Yeah, next week.”

“Is he— is he bringing...”

“Yeah. She’s coming too.”

#bucky x reader #bucky au #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes mini series #bucky barnes x reader #vampire!bucky x reader #bucky barnes fic #late night louisiana #vampire!au #vampire!bucky

[the-mykie-show]

The Storm (Neganxreader)

When a storm blows Negan's cell door open you're the first thing he does.

Requested by @lokis-imaginary-friend

*Warnings* Negan's potty mouth, graphic descriptions of sex.

*Rating* explicit

You never understood why you needed a bodyguard to accompany you to deliver Negan’s food. Yes, you had heard the horrible things he had done, Rick had told you before you agreed to take the job of being his caretaker, but he was always a perfect gentleman to you. Well, despite the occasional lewd comment, the use of “fuck” as a coma in his vocabulary, and near constant dick jokes, but what else would you expect from a man who hadn’t gotten in laid in years? And he never threatened you, never even made you feel uncomfortable. Yet every time you went down to his cell, you had to be accompanied by whatever brawny man with a gun was available at the time.

You didn’t like it, you didn’t like the way they always stared at you like you had just slapped them in the face when you were actually nice to Negan.

Nobody else but you in the Alexandria Safe Zone was ever kind to Negan, they simply threw him food and water, and cleaned up after him twice a day and left him to his own devices for the rest of the day. Like he was some vicious stray dog, forgotten and unwanted, when really he was more like a lost puppy that got kicked to much and lashed out one to many times.

It made you sad for him, so you started talking with him, swapping stories, forming inside jokes, telling eachother things about yourselves that nobody else knew, and bringing him small gifts.

You would never forget the puzzled way Michonne looked at you when you had given Negan a small hanging plant.

Was it really so hard for these people to understand that he was a person too?

You always managed to separate yourself from your shadow at least once a week to just let Negan talk to someone without being handcuffed to bars, or having a gun on him. Those were the moments he was the most himself.

Those were the moments that you understood how he become a leader...and why five women all decided to marry him, he was charming, funny, and still somehow attractive despite having not had a proper shower in probaldy years.

He had a way of always putting you at ease and making you laugh.

You didn't even care that your relationship with Negan made you distrusted in your community and turned you into a popular subject of gossip.

You glance out your window and see that a storm is rolling in, the wind is picking up, and lightning illuminates the sky from dark clouds on the horizon. You wonder if you should go bring Negan an extra blanket, and offer to cover his window to keep the rain out.

You start to turn away from the window to make your way to the lienin closet when something catches your eye.

A figure standing in the corner of the window

Why would anyone be out in this storm?

Then you realize that it isn't a figure outside, it's a reflection from inside.

Your blood runs ice cold, someone is in your house. You reach for your hip where your gun would usually be only to remember you'd taken it off to settle in for the night. You're on your own, without even a weapon.

Too frightened to even turn around you watch as the figure advances on you, and slowly you begin to recognize the dark blue prison jumpsuit and close cropped dark hair. Your intruder is Negan.

He must've escaped the cell and come here. But why? What was he going to do to you? What had he already done to other members of the community who were responsible for putting him in the cell?

Your fight or flight response kicks in and you choose flight. You make a run for the kitchen, and manage to grab a knife from the island as you back into the corner against the counter.

Negan approaches the kitchen door, he looks confused.

“don't come any closer!” you order, branching the knife.

“Okay, okay I won't.” he assures you calmly, raising his hands in an effort to show he means you no harm.

“Why are you here?”

“Gabriel left my cell unlocked. The door blew open in the storm, you were the first person I thought to come to. I'm sorry I scared you.”

“Why would you come here? Why wouldn't you run?”

“I wanted to see you, you're the only person who doesn't want to see me dead in this hell hole.” looking in his eyes you can see his words are genuine.

“You haven't hurt anyone?” you ask.

“No, and I don't plan to. Least of all you.” you drop your knife on the counter top, and he sighs in relief dropping his hands to his sides. “I understand if you have to lock me up again but I had to see you, just once without bars between us or a gun to my head.” it's your turn to sigh in relief.

“You scared the living shit out of me!” you scold him and smack his shoulder.

He laughs a little “Sorry, it wasn't my intention but in hindsight I can see where sneaking into your house and creeping up on you like fucking Michael Myers wasn't my best idea.”

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock. I could've shot you!” you pause for a moment. “What's your plan now?”

“I don't know, didn't really have time to think about it.”

“You better think fast. You don't have long before they realize that you got out.” he looks shocked.

“You mean you aren't going to lock me back up.”

You shake your head “What you did all those years ago was fucked up, but you've served your sentence, you don't deserve to be in that cell anymore.” before you even know what's happening Negan's arms are around you, holding you tight.

“Thank you.” his voice breaks, and you can tell he's almost crying he's so grateful. You hug him back, and you know you're making the right decision by the way he leans into your touch. So starved of touch and affection this simple embrace is the greatest thing in the world to him.

“I wouldn't hurt you, ever, you know that right?” he whispers into your hair, kissing the top of your head.

“I do now.” he pulls back from the embrace slightly to look down at you, raising his hand to brush the side of your face, he's staring at you with longing in his eyes. You realize what he wants, and realize that you want it too, raising up on your toes you press your lips to his softly. Letting out a gasp of surprised pleasure he returns the kiss in full. One of his hands tangling in your hair, using the other against your back to pull you closer.

The kiss heats up quickly, and within minutes his tongue is exploring your mouth and his hands are on your ass, lifting you onto the counter top and then sliding under your shirt. You wrap your legs around his waist as his hands brush the underside of your breasts, moaning into your mouth when he feels you aren't wearing a bra.

You feel him grow hard between your legs, and you reach the buttons on his prison uniform, unsnapping them all at once and running your hands down the t-shirt underneath it.

He breaks the kiss. “wait a second… Do You really want this? I mean really? Not because you feel sorry for me, I don't you want you to give me anything of yourself out of pity.”

“I want this, I want to be with you even if it's just once.”

He nods and his hands go to the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head, you lean back on the countertop, while Negan takes in your body, his hands slowly sliding all over your bare torso, a sigh of pleasure slips between your lips when his fingers brush over your nipples. He suddenly pulls you off the countertop, plopping down in a bar stool with you between his legs, he pulls you to his body and his mouth finds your nipple, sucking the erect bud into his mouth. Moaning as his tongue swirls around it, you bite your lip to hold in your own moans as your hands grip his shoulders and grab at his hair.

“Goddamn you taste good.” he practically groans.

“Why don't we take this to the bedroom?”

“Fuck yeah!” you lead him to your bed, both of you stripping off your clothes as you go.

When you touch his chest you can feel every one of his ribs, you knew he didn't eat well, but you didn't realize he was this thin. You don't say anything, just lean back on the bed and let him pull off your panties.

His hands plant themselves firmly on the inside of your thighs and he spreads your legs staring at your body with pure lust in his eyes.

“You're so fucking beautiful, Y/N, inside and out.”

You grab him and roll you both over so you're on top without a word, you pull his boxers off, take his already hard cock in your hand. Pumping him slowly a few times. You're already more than wet enough, you grip him by the base and slide yourself down onto him. The he lets out a satisfied moan, as if he was experiencing this for the first time, his eyes fall closed as you start to ride him.

“Fuck! you feel good.”

Soft moans of pleasure falling from both your lips as you fuck yourself until you feel the coil of your orgasm building, his hips meeting yours every time.

“I can't hold off much longer.” he says through gritted teeth.

“I'm close too.” the coil snaps after a few more hard thrusts.

“Can I come inside you?” he asks breathlessly.

“Yes.” you moan, fucking yourself through your orgasm.

almost at the same time Negan lets out a deep moan and you feel him fill you up with hot spurts of come. Once he's finished you let his softening cock slip from your folds and flop down next to him.

“That was amazing,” he says, leaning over to press kisses up and down your neck “I never thought I'd feel a woman's touch again, let alone come in anything that isn't my own hand.” he kisses your lips softly “thank you, for not only this, but for your kindness.” you just nod and let him keep touching you.

“Damn your skins’ soft.” he touches you almost reverently, like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

The way he looks at you tells you this is about to be goodbye.

“You need to go, don't you.”

He nods. “I don't want to leave you, but I can't go back to that cell.”

“I know.” you touch his face and smile and softly.

And then you look into his eyes, and you see something that you never thought you'd find in the apocalypse… love. You know then that you can't leave him.

“Okay, let's go.”

Tagging: @neganssavior-fanfiction @ariasnyder @negans-network

#negan #twd negan #negan's thrist squad #negan smut #negan x reader #the walking dead negan #negan fanfiction #negan requests #negan fic #negan fic requests #negan reader insert #the walking dead fanfiction #the walking dead #negan x you