#usually im such a social person

[blueskittlesart]

also to everyone contacting me about the tiktok--I have seen it, the reposter did not contact me before posting on tiktok but has since contacted me on instagram and they obeyed my repost credit policy so i'm tentatively ok with it!

#im so conflicted about reposts lmao bc on the one hand i have like concrete proof espc with this tiktok that it draws more people towards me #bc several people have specifically told me they found me via that tiktok. which is cool obv i love getting more engagement #but on the other hand it does remove a certain level of my autonomy over my work yknow #like when i post on my self-run social media i have the ultimate control over my audience--who sees it who comments what is being said etc #and when it's reposted even with credit it removes some of that control. which is like. not HORRIBLY bad in the context of fanart #but i know also that i am a person with polarizing opinions and given how much of ME is tied up in my art i am sort of conflicted about #allowing people to remove me from my own content. yknow #like from personal experience whenever i get a popular credited repost on instagram i do get a ton of new followers #but i also usually get a huge surge of transphobic comments. so. yknow. 2 sides of the coin ig #anyway as for this specific repost they didn't violate my policy and i'm not going to change my policy just yet so were good #thank u all for pointing it out to me tho! #personal

[spaciebabie]

shoutout 2 this person in my class who i can tell wants 2 talk 2 me really bad but instead of doing that whenever she has the chance she'll talk 2 whoever else is around and ignore me entirely unless im mentioned by name

#bruh lmao #so awkward. say something you dingus lol #ik you wanna talk 2 me so bite the bullet already #gyatt #spacie spoinks #literally. she was having a conversation with my partner for the project im doing. and like #heres the thing #if im not invited into conversation i usually dont participate #im like a vampire like that #and so like. after they're done conversating she'll just kind of. stand there. this has happened twice now #like dude sdkfjshlkdfj #im not upset by this behavior i have very awful social patterns as well and have been thru this (i am autistic) #am i gonna hafta say something. lol #probably #''hey bro whats up with you. i dont mean like how are you doing. i mean like. whats wrong with you.'' #cant say that its not funny when you say it irl only when the ppl you're talking with know you're not being mean 😭 #also like. this person has been staring at me lol #which like. makes me flustered so whenever she's around i panic and my face fucking turns red its god awful #for awhile it made uhh. my paranoia get really bad im ngl!! #its already bad when it comes 2 being around strangers but this like made it REALLY bad for a few weeks #im more calm now tho. rational brain won over and im chillin #i gotta work up the courage 2 say something b4 the semester is over or this is gonna bother me for the rest of my life sfkjsdhflkjs #i dont wanna put her on the spot #the only time i see her is when im in class #and . doing that interaction in front of ppl. i dont wanna embarrass her ksjfskjd

[cathalbravecog]

veep dad comfort art

#veep dad :] #i have Not been well mentally tbh the second im with friends i DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE anyways ill be VENTING A TINY BIT HERE #i need excitement in my life but im like #has no social life #oopsies...! #so i thought yknow what would make me happy rn. My Veep Dad #yea thats it #also ive been struggling with motivations to play ttcc and draw so.... #apologies for being in the game less. especially as im in the post game with almost everything done #im usually kinda really goal oriented in games and yeah having no tasks or close friends to play with #im just kinda THERE and getting that initial push to do stuff is very hard #my motivation has just been at an all time zero (again) and it upsets me bc i do wanna do stuff...not bc ohh productivity but bc #i just wanna HAVE FUNNNN #anyways erm.... thanks for listening to my little rant here again. i dont know where else to express this sort of stuff. feels wrong to dum #it on strangers who i know are there for my art but. whatever. yknow #just wish i was more motivated in general but my life is Just Kinda Sad and im an Antisocial Anxious Wreck Dear Cog #senior vice president #sr vp #veep dad #personal tag if i dont wanna main tag.... #doodles #traditional art #guz art #toontown

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).

#storyrambles #it’s not creepy. just for context. it’s just irritating because I’ve told this person repeatedly that I’m not interested in romance. #this person is also naturally a huge romantic so it is next to impossible to tell whether it’s actual flirtation or just flirting for fun #flirting for fun is cool. I wouldn’t mind that. but if I do it once this person will take that as an invitation to do it an excessive amoun #but yeah after being given 12 roses out of the blue when I said ‘no don’t buy me flowers’. there’s only so many things that can mean #‘it’s nice to see your face you always cover it!’ …I’m masking. because of covid #I’m narrating a game and suddenly ‘I like hearing your voice I should call you every day so I can hear it for 10 minutes’. …no. #‘you have to take the snack I brought you know it’s rude to refuse a gift’ I have never refused a gift. It is rude. But also I didn’t ask. #‘you know this game is one you can play without talking so we can play more often!’ we already play games once a week for usually 3 hours. #‘but it’s not talking so it’s less social energy’ no. that is not how it works. #sorry for the rant im just. tired. #you know those people who are so pleasant to hang out with and then they try way too hard #and that’s actually what makes things awkward? rather than when they’re just being themselves? #yeah. that’s this friend here. #usually I go along with the bit but when I can never tell when the bit is actually a bit #and you insist on me taking on the ‘girl role’ for most of them #I am not going to play along. #UGH don’t get me started on the ‘you’re cute when you’re flustered’ #I wasn’t even flustered. I was trying to do mental math while running on four hours of sleep and he was staring directly at me #it’s uncomfortable. #also. I never want to hear that again. fuck. ‘you’re cute when you’re angry’ ‘you’re cute when you’re upset’ ALL THE FUCKING TIME AS A KID #will I be so cute after I kick you in the nuts? will I? #(for clarity I don’t want to kick him. I want to kick those other people.) #I need a lot of alone time. I really do. I can do 3 hours and then I will be drained for the rest of the day. #‘how did you grow up? did you not talk to your mom for more than 3 hours a day?’ #first of all. that’s different? #secondly we actually regularly do separate things without talking to each other. or go in separate rooms to take some time to ourselves #also I don’t have to be on high alert for if I’m going to be flirted with. so. #ugh. I like him as a friend. I really do. I know this all makes it seem like the opposite. I try so hard to be as nice as possible. #but UGHHHHHH

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

Once again, I am back on my bullshit.

Welcome to my "Angel is asexual because Michael Kovach is ace and also i say so" and "Val is actually aromantic but just thinks his inability to feel love is cuz he's a psycho and not that he just has a queer identity" corner. There's no one else here but me

#and the vees are t4t4t #is this anything #al: *monologs about how being ace in the 30s was very difficult and gave him a lot of long lasting trauma* #al: the point being that im not attracted to people but i can under very specific circumstances be attracted to aesthetics(usually blood) #angel: well yea thats just how that works ur not abnormal #al: what #angel: no one actually wants to do it with a specific person lol thats why u do scenes and have toys and all that extra stuff #al: angel no #alastor and all his many wives is very important to me #thats the dream all men have right?? a bunch of girls surrounding u??? and he likes them so he must 'want' to 'keep' them #yes charlie is one of his girlfriends #val's type is fridget and generally disinterest in him #val thinks all social interacts are games that he has to win #which is why he has vox and angie #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel angel dust #radiodust #valastor #alastor x valentino #asexual #queer #memes #my memes #proship

[mage-witha-glock]

My personality is literally if you put Zorian and Taiven in a blender and put an emphasis on their worst qualities

This is not good

#for zorian: #i too strive to be a nicer person then immediately be a bitch afterwards #im antisocial #im also usually in a mood #i say what i mean and miss social cues #for taiven: #i get jealous of my friends abilities which is a really toxic trait im trying to break #i nickname my friends after animals. which can he read as insulting #this is. not good. #mother of learning #zorian kazinski #taiven mol

[blusical]

hockey fans: "the players have literally no personality" *player shows personality* hockey fans: "ugh this is so cringe"

#serious #rant #also i noticed that a lot of “no personality" players that fans rant about #are usually the players that appear socially awkward and/or serious stern #and like... maybe im grasping at straws but as someone who has similar traits (and especially as someone on the autism spectrum) #...is it bad that i get genuinely uncomfortable when fans get mad at players having “no personality”? #(also im not saying those players are autistic though it also wouldnt entirely surprise me either) #hockey #nhl #hockey blog #hockey blogging

[unforth]

Revelation: my whole life, when I've responded to sarcasm seriously, people have been like "uh...why you so serious... I was being sarcastic..." and it makes me insane because like... duh? Why am I not allowed to respond to sarcasm seriously? Why does it have to be treated as hOw DiD yOu MiSs ThAt I wAs KiDdInG? Basically: why is it framed as me failing when I absolutely knew it was sarcasm?

Anyway, this just happened with my wife (no shade, it's very rare with her as compared to like, my uncle, and I told her it made me uncomfortable, we're good, it was just the spur to the revelation) and I think I've realized why it happens and why it bothers me so much.

It's always framed as me missing something, but it's not.

I knew they were being sarcastic, and I chose to respond seriously.

THEY failed to interpret MY response.

Or: damn boy (genderneutral) sorry my Yes, And game is just SO FUCKIN SUPERIOR yall should work on recognizing deadpan. Skill issue.

#unforth rambles #ive always blamed myself for this like i was missing a social cue for making it clear that i was riffing #or that i was choosing to answer seriously instead of laughing or whatever the fuck they expected me to do instead of what i did #my uncle used to frequently make me feel like shit about this to the point that i just stopped acknolwedging his sarcasm at all #but having the exchange with my wife who its usually not an issue with #helped me recognizr that what really happened just now was #she made a joke and i made a bid to yes and that joke #because also i would be fine with a pink roof actually #and she just completely missed the big #er the bid #this has never been my skill issue #it is the skill issue of the other person #im feeling extremely vindicated right now for the lifetime of people whove made me feel like shit over this common type of exchange #next time someone does this to me imma just stare them down and say skill issue and let them figure out wtf i mean 🤣

[quicktimeeventfull]

can i just say. i absolutely hate receiving emails that don't have action items. like what do u want me to do with this information u know. do i just hold it in my heart.

#i am the number one 'can we please pin down our action items' person at all meetings sorry #i refuse to leave without a list #it is my strong opinion that you should not have a meeting if you don't have action items. if there aren't any then for what purpose is the #meeting being held u know #unironically i think this has helped somewhat with people just not like. holding social meetings with me #or sending me emails without a defined task #pls don't message me just to chat u know just talk to me in office thats what i think #however today i have a series of emails with information & meetings where its kind of unclear if im required #usually i just don't go to meetings if im not explicitly listed as required bc they kind of just invite everyone to all meetings #for the purpose of making everyone feel involved u know which i don't actually have an issue with #but often if you show up at one it'll be literally just upper management and they start doing breakout sessions

[transuncletaylor]

I went to a friend's birthday party at their apartment and lasted like 30 minutes before I skedaddled on out. I only knew the birthday person there, but I'm a friendly guy and find it easy to chat with people, but like, 15 minutes in and I'm sitting in the corner with the cat cause the poly group is off in one area and the cishet couple won't even make eye contact with me. I tried chatting with a few people, but it felt like I was having to pull teeth to get a conversation going.

It's not the first time I tried to go out with that person and their friend group and was completely ignored. I'm trying to not get into my head thinking whether I'm too much of a weirdo or if there's something off putting about me. But like ??? It felt so uncomfortable and anxiety inducing to feel invisible like that??

I feel so dumb and lame, but I could really use some kind words if anyone has a moment to spare 😩

#it was a weird day to be social with people #and ive been dealing with allergies all day #im usually a super friendly and easy to talk to person #thats why i like doing customer support #taylor talks

[splatoonmaster69]

yeha fuck it ill vent publicly and see if that makes me feel better

#guess whos nauseous again for wildly different reasons than usual #'usual' i say as if me being nauseous all the time didnt start like a month ago #maybe its just triggered easily now idk #anyways. wow! i am an awful person! #and i cant even handle my own guilt privately! and i cant do anything to fix it because im too socially aqkward to say #'i did x bad thing it was wrong of me have a nice life' #cant even show my face when i try! im awful! #i want my boyfriend but hes busy right now so im just double selfish and awful #someone kill me for fucking real

[sibyl-of-space]

working around the holidays in retail: hell on earth

working around the holidays in social services: NUTS working around the holidays in admin/facilities at an office job: literally free money let's go

#i usually only work M-Tu-F but ive been asked to cover the W before thanksgiving #because my supervisor is gonna be out #they aren't even forcing me just like 'hey if you dont already have plans we would appreciate it' #and im like you want to pay me to be there adn do fuckall for 6 hours while everyones out??? #IM THERE #gonna basically get paid to develop amadeus on the clock and every now and then go make sure nothings on fire or leaking #sounds like a good time to me #personal #i think having worked in both retail and social services makes me appreciate how cushy other office jobs are tbh #anyway i Very like this job so far

[depresseddepot]

trying to determine which parts of my relationship with sex are asexuality, which are trauma, and which are autism is like trying to have a conversation with three people talking loudly and all at once

#just to be clear: asexuality as a result of trauma or neurodivergency is still asexuality. full stop no debate. #anyway because i love oversharing on tumblr dot com: feeling very sex repulsed on this day #i was joking with some guy about fighting each other (specifically said ''you ever fight a girl over 200 lbs? id break your ribs'') #and like three different people said something like ''well that would probably turn him on'' #and. listen. i get it. that was a joke response to my joke threat #but what i felt in that moment and still feel now requires nothing short of academic study to understand #first of all: how dare they make me feel embarrassed in a social setting when i was doing so well. #secondly: why the fuck would me making a threat make them instantly think of sex #thirdly: how fucked up is my body image that i hear that and immediately think they're all out of their minds #i like fat women. i am personally attracted to fat women. not (usually) sexually but i do think they are very nice to look at #so why is it so hard for me to accept that someone else could find me attractive as well ! #i think about being in a situation where a relationship and/or sex is a real possibility and i flinch like its going to hurt me #but why???? where is this aversion coming from !!!!! i am a hopeless romantic i daydream about romance all the time #so whats the deal here. is it subconscious bc of my asexuality and i associate romance with sex? #is it because of my autism where i associate romance with touch and am afraid i am too unempathetic to have a chance? #or (most likely) is it just because im so fucking scared of trusting someone that even the thought makes me nauseous #did this all crop up from a throwaway sex joke? yes #but people don't make sex jokes to me. people don't even pretend to allude to me being cute #this same group of people said a few weeks ago ''at least you're pretty'' #which. is not the case!!!!!!! people do not say those things to me because they don't want to even slightly entertain that idea !!!!!!! #and i am extremely tired of having my life upended because of this #i have always been treated like i was ugly and teased about it and i FINALLY have managed to be okay with not being attractive #and now that im okay with it: NOW is when the pretty jokes start. im fucking angry about it actually #i can't be both. i cannot think of myself in terms that abstract. i am one or the other #and this leads me to believe that people think i COULD be pretty. but the catalyst is that i am fat and therefore cannot be attractive #which just makes me more angry!!!!!!!!!!! #how can i be completely indifferent to sex and attraction without seeming juvenile. i don't care so so much #but every time that sort of thing happens i feel like im 13 again and the hot jock is talking to me #i need to be put down. something's wrong with this one (me) #i realize i can't stop people from making sex or appearance jokes but god i wish i fucking could

[vilelittlecritter]

Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends! #ha ha. this is agony. #i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag

[tamagotchikgs]

my mom wants 2 smoke my weed and i fear she is about to find out just how high i actually am (and have to be to function) on a daily basis

#she thinks i just smoke it 2 help w my anxiety which i do but it usually takes A Lot n .. it seems she thinks i dont actually get high #and she's incredibly underweight due to health issues & according to her has never had weed before so i .feel like it's gonna hit a whole #lot harder #LMAO #but mayb i can just tell her thats why #i havent actually been smoking much at all lately #gone a few days w/o any #ive been chillin just hangin n having fun i can escape the horrors for a bit #usually my social anxiety is beating my ass nonstop every second even when im alone but lately ive been ok :] literally hav 1 person 2thank

[misty-missdee]

Digitally yours 🫰😘

#this phrase has been stuck in my head #since at the moment #i may be more active #through digital means #as far as my social life goes #which this go round i dont see as the worst thing #i do have irl friends #who i do love #i just dont always have the spoons to drive over to see #since #im usually the one driving out... #there may be #one person in particular #as of right now #this is MORE aimed at 😏 #but #im digitally yours #as well #beep boop