#angel: no one actually wants to do it with a specific person lol thats why u do scenes and have toys and all that extra stuff

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

Once again, I am back on my bullshit.

Welcome to my "Angel is asexual because Michael Kovach is ace and also i say so" and "Val is actually aromantic but just thinks his inability to feel love is cuz he's a psycho and not that he just has a queer identity" corner. There's no one else here but me

#and the vees are t4t4t #is this anything #al: *monologs about how being ace in the 30s was very difficult and gave him a lot of long lasting trauma* #al: the point being that im not attracted to people but i can under very specific circumstances be attracted to aesthetics(usually blood) #angel: well yea thats just how that works ur not abnormal #al: what #angel: no one actually wants to do it with a specific person lol thats why u do scenes and have toys and all that extra stuff #al: angel no #alastor and all his many wives is very important to me #thats the dream all men have right?? a bunch of girls surrounding u??? and he likes them so he must 'want' to 'keep' them #yes charlie is one of his girlfriends #val's type is fridget and generally disinterest in him #val thinks all social interacts are games that he has to win #which is why he has vox and angie #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel angel dust #radiodust #valastor #alastor x valentino #asexual #queer #memes #my memes #proship

[texasbama]

Hiya I know you're a safe space and I need to get this out, so sorry in advance 🙃.

I see how amazing canon bi buck is for the queer community and I don't mind how it happened in canon. But while I should be happy, I actually kind of feel like I'm mourning? I'm so attached to eddie, maybe unhealthily so, and the ensemble found family dynamic is what first brought me to the show. For a while it's been a struggle having the fandom basically shove buck into every spec or storyline and act like he is a perfect angel and the centre of the universe. But there was always the eddiezers and it was more balanced. But now literally EVERYBODY is all about buck and tommy. It feels like the rest of the show doesn't even exist. I know its only been a couple of days but going on social media now just makes me anxious and idk why really. I'm worried about future eddie storylines, I'm desperate for marisol to disappear, but the vibe is that now buck is bi nothing else matters, we've won apparently, who even cares about eddie or the other characters because buck kissed a man.

Also I'm sex-repulsed ace and people saying how if you don't like it you're a purist and an evangelical and homophobic and biphobic actually makes me feel like shit. I never really understood wanting two characters to have sex 'because why not', because I don't understand why anyone wants to ever lol. I can only read buddie smut in very specific scenarios and most of the time i skip even that. And the rhetoric in a lot of tumblr space recently makes me feel like a bad person for not being all for it 100%. I don't think I've explained myself well here but I tried. You don't have to reply or post this either, I just wanted to reach out to someone in fandom who won't jump down my throat for it 😅. 911 is kind of a hyperfixation of mine so even though I'm trying to stay away as much as possible so as to not make myself more upset but I have no idea what to do with myself otherwise 🫠. Thanks for reading and sorry for unloading on you

Please don’t apologize, im happy you felt like I was a safe space. Im gonna break this into two parts and I hope I can articulate myself correctly lol

1) the first few days after an episode, any episode but especially one like this, isn’t indicative of fandom as a whole. Emotions are heightened due to what happened in the episode. Everyone is screaming about something and it’s in your face ya know? This week something HUGE happened, so yes people are talking about it. It was to be expected. We must make space for people to be happy about it. It’s a beautiful thing and queer joy MUST be celebrated.

This show (for the most part) has done a beautiful job of giving each character their time to shine(some more so than others but thats a conversation for a different day). Coming off 7x04, yes the headline is Bi Buck. And it will continue to be for a while, but it’s important to remember that YOU curate your fandom experience. I don’t blame you at all for what you’re feeling, ESPECIALLY as an Eddie girlie(gn), like I get it! Trust me! I’ve had to carefully maneuver through some emotions this week myself. I’m human! But filtering and being able to step away is everything.

Being excited about the storyline and also hoping and wanting more from other storylines are two things that can be true at the same time. It’s not one or the other. Remember that.

2) im going to say this and just know the caps is because I am just passionate. I promise you, its yelling at you with love okay?

I know it is easier said than done, but don’t you EVER allow ANYONE on this fucking hellsite make you feel less than or that your asexuality is anything but 100% valid. YOU are valid, you hear me?

Okay. I had to make sure to say that first. Whew. Now. As for the fandom piece of it all, we have to remember that there levels to it. You are allowed to feel the way you feel about sex, BUT it’s also important to remember that sex positivity (and those who express it) is also a good and valid. If you feel like there are blogs that talk down to you, imply that YOU are homophobic or biphobic simply because YOU are not doing cartwheels about different sex acts, then block. Unfollow. Do whatever you need to. Those people are scum.

Listen to me *pulls you close*, this is always a safe space. You are a valid, your existence and experiences are valid. And anyone who makes you question that can fuck right off. And lastly, HAPPY ASEXUALITY DAY TO YOU SPECIFICALLY! MUAH! 💜🤍🩶🖤

#this got REALLY long and I am sorry for that lmfaoooo #911 asks

[calmingpi]

Some more hall of tuesday stuff~

Specifically, some thought processes and concepts. Yes, I know its Wednesday, but I got too tired + didn't feel well last night to type all this out

I'm noting the design process of this one, because while writing a Tarvek thing the other day it occurred to me that I have a habit of getting attached to characters that follow some philosophies that have become attached to lolita fashion- the dislike of ones true personality, using consumerism and extravagant tastes to fill a metaphorical hole, hiding negative traits beneath literal layers of cute clothing, presenting a personality thats within specific ideals of elegance and refinement, the concept of feminine androgyny, etc

Tuesday the first

Anyway, this outfit was inspired by Baby The Stars Shine Bright

Streamer Tarvek

I can't even possibly explain why i drew this to begin with, partly because i dont actually remember. But i love this au SO much. I wrote a whole bunch of these that i never ended up finishing. Heres a couple of them

Tarveks streams are not gamer related; its more of a commentary stream but really he talks about whatever he wants. Often hes prompted by questions from the viewers, that causes him to go on extreme tangents about whatever. History, politics, pop culture, math, literally whatever. It's also not a popular stream in the grand scheme of things. He doesnt market or promote this thing at all, but he has a small and very dedicated fanbase of very strange people. In general tarvek likes having an audience and not having to act really put together and refined. Instead he can infodump to strangers and not worry about impressing people too much. And he can wear cat ears and feel only a little bit silly instead of a lot

Girl Watching With Colette

Tarvek is married to agatha and gil in this, which i believe ive mentioned, and i think ive also mentioned that he pretends the stream doesnt exist to them. They dont bother him about it, but they do watch it and regularly comment. I think hes just embarrassed about having a goofy internet outlet, and they just really love watching him excitedly talk about his interests

This was another one from the original prompt list, called "girl watching with Colette." They're sitting at a little teahouse, i think. There's a sequel prompt called "Gil watching with Colette," where Tarvek is holding a large pair of binoculars and absolutely SEETHING with anger while Colette is laughing. Otherwise exactly the same setting

Unforgiven

Before this blog, one of my first Tarvek drawings is a picture of him dressed as Nayeon from Twice. I also remember a picture I did of Lars in a Love Dive inspired outfit being complimented a lot on here, lol.

Anyway, this one was inspired by the concept photos for Unforgiven by Llesserafim. I think concept photos are a really cool form of art in general. Art direction. Needs more recognition, really!

This one was based off the "fallen angel" style of photos they did, but they also have this weird "office cowboy" style of photos? From the same album? I have no idea what that was about, but it's really funny to me. There's a horse loose in the office space. He's using the copier. I didn't know he knew how to do that. Anyway, maybe I should do an office cowboy Tarvek, too. Ive drawn him as a cowboy before, and it was really fun

I Still Feel Alive

This is actually my favorite tuesday, which is funny cause it was just coloring practice, really. But my favorite bit is really all the just. Amount of stuff i shoved in there. We're on castle wulfenbach, hes been stabbed and poisoned (dw about it), hes drinking the vaccine gil made from his notes, weve got his favorite clank girls (which by the way i unfortunately love that we have tinka without a head and anevka without a body), his weasels of course, agathas portrait (because whos office is this, really?), we've got the portal to the eldritch monster dimension out the window there, and an apple tree!

I drew Tarvek with a lot of apple themes for a while, as a reference to his condescending snake description. Its kind of funny 2 me to think of agatha and gil as adam and eve (dont ask which is which. I dont think it particularly matters, tbh), and tarvek as the evil snake, because i think its exactly how hed see himself really. Whether hes actually an evil snake or not. Token evil teammate, awful seductress, yadda yadda yadda. Really, aggie and gil arent innocent either, which makes it funnier 2 me

Godqueen

I really love the idea of tarvek as a godqueen (or godking, i just think godqueen suits him better) because he was originally supposed to be killed off in sturmhalten. He could always still be killed off, which would be very disappointing because i think we would have wasted a lot of time then. Or he could live and things would be as expected. Or we could go the funnier route and make him literally immortal. That would be hilarious to me!

Also, im pretty sure gils going to be storm king. And with agatha as the heterodyne + probably a godqueen, and gil as storm king and the only one whos graduated college, i believe tarvek should be allowed a little immortality. Or maybe financial compensation. As a treat. Make it harder for bang to bully him

Looks wise, godqueen tarvek is based on what he keeps shoving agatha in (sidenote: that is NOT anevkas dress. Can you even imagine her in that? That is his dress. I dont think he wore it, but its definitely tarveks). When it comes to dresses i always put tarvek in something really flowy and needlessly gaudy. But suits and pants should be a tighter fit. A lot of the design inspo is wizard of oz based, particularly ozma. In a lot of illustrations she wears these very loose fitting gowns, and often very simple crowns and a few specifically placed flowers

His crown is also little storm clouds. If gil was a godking hed have little lightning bolts, but i think gil shouldnt be a godking. He can already lift tanks. But if he was, hed have little lightning bolts. Theyd match!

Tuesday Anniversary

First of all, i love painting. Like i love it SO much. Ok, cool

I wanted Agatha in the picture right off the bat, but originally I was going to draw them dancing at Albias ball. I drew this, discovered i drew them facing the wrong way, scrapped it, and then crab anons drink got spilled on them, so it was not meant to be. Also, frankly, i think the impact would have been all wrong. I wanted a kind of "what tarvek wished had happened" kind of thing and instead i think it just keeps bringing back how gil and aggie danced together. And really i wanted something special for just agatha and tarvek, since i tend to do so much gil shipping with them. Its been a while where ive drawn them something of their own

So i kept thinking about tarvek and agatha ideals, from his perspective. I went back to his "when im an evil overload and agatha is my sexy dark mistress" idea, but decided to go for a more likely scenario. So this is sometime in the future, and hes happy being able to walk her down the hall for whatever it is theyre doing. Theyre in Castle of course (with the little wall hangings from the game! I love those), and shes let him dress her up in one of his flowy dresses. His outfits still really similar to the one from the ball, which is also really similar to the one from sturmhalten. I think its just a design choice he likes, so i kept that up. Agatha also has two rings, because this is a moment to themselves but theyll never stop loving gil, really

#hall of tuesday

[theunrealinsomniac]

no way thats so cool!! what are your own narusaku kids? i would love to know about them if you have any old post introducing them!!

and yes i totally can understand why it makes you uncomfortable, i personally love them and only got to know them very very recently which gave me new reasons to love narusaku lol

You're not alone, quite a few people are very fond of the trio lol.

But to gush about my NS kids lol ... I have four of them.

And I strongly advise you take a perusal through my collection of tumblr fics on Ao3. They appear a bit in those and I've mentioned them in previous tumblr asks recently.

I'll drop a link to the collection lol, and give you which chapters specifically deal with them at the end.

But to give you the basic run down:

Sachi Uzumaki Sachi is the eldest, typically she is pink haired with blue eyes, Naruto's mouth, Sakura's forehead, Naruto's personality with sprinkles of Sakura's and a huge dollop of Sakura's intelligence.

Sachi Uzumaki is *scary*. Sachi Uzumaki is so innately talented at ninjaing that the idea she wouldn't grow up to be a kunoichi, is laughable.

When Naruto starts getting a bit too grey and starts slowing down ... it is Sachi the village elders, who are actually decent people this time, approach about being the one to replace Naruto as Hokage.

And make no mistake, she'd be a spectacular Hokage. Shame none of Naruto's kids want anything to do with the hat.

She's also an absolute sweetheart. Like an absolute angel of a child, Naruto and Sakura couldn't have asked for an easier first baby. Which was very fortunate, given how young they were when Sachi came along.

She is very, very proficient in Taijutsu and Kenjutsu. She can do Ninjutsu and Genjutsu perfectly well enough, but the way Sachi saw it ... if all else fails, she still wants to be able to throwdown, chakra or no chakra.

Also, being the big sister to three younger siblings gave her all the drive she needed to get strong, real, real quick.

Scary remember. Real fucking scary.

Ichika Uzumaki

Ichika is usually second, sometimes third, and is Naruto and Sakura's second daughter.

She's got blonde hair, Sakura's green eyes, Naruto's grin, cos all of the kids have it, and use it against Sakura to devastating effect lol, but she's got more of her mum's facial structure and build.

She's a little goofier than her sister but she's just as smart.

Ichika is also ... a little more naïve at first. Not for long, ninjaing knocks that out of you, just like life, but it's part of her personality to be just a smidge too trusting sometimes.

She's also GAY AS HELL. And has absolutely no compulsion to hide it when she's older and a pretty girl so much as smiles at her ... think Sakura's face disappearing into her hands.

Her speciality is seals and summons. She's the next one to get the toad contract and she is delighted by all things toad and frog.

As a little girl Naruto and Sakura would fondly tell you:

If you can't find Ichi with her head in a scroll studying seals, you *will* find her near a pond or a lake, talking to a frog.

Mt Myoboku becomes a second home, and in time, she too becomes a perfect Toad sage.

Yuuto Uzumaki

Yuuto is their first son, normally their third child, sometimes second, resembles Naruto the most of all his children appearance wise, his eyes being green and his hair more flowing than spiky being the only differences.

He's also a little shit lol.

He's a mouthy, back-talking little brat who takes a little bit too much after Grandpa Jiraiya in the perv department. You'd think, growing up with two older sisters and Sakura as his mum, he'd be a little bit less of a stereotypical boy but well ...

Though I suppose, he's only like that as a teenager. He does grow out of it and before he hits puberty, he is also a very nice kid. He hits very late teens, has a couple girlfriends, couple boyfriends ... crucially get's laid a lot lol, and calms the fuck down by the time he's in his early twenties.

But he's always the first one to make a joke, to wind up his siblings and is definitely, much to Naruto's secret amusement, the most like Naruto as a kid. It's not just the looks that are similar either lol.

Which also means he is the best friend you could ever ask for and would quite literally put himself through hell if you needed him.

And while being a pervy teen boy is not a good thing ... he's not gross. Yes, he needs to be reminded to put his tongue back in his mouth sometimes ... but he's never creepy about it.

This is not the teenage boy staring up girls' skirts or actively staring down cleavages. And like I said, he calms down by his early twenties. Where he just gets smooth lol.

Boy is very, very charming. In every way you can imagine. He makes a great diplomat lol.

He's also equally very talented, his speciality is ninjutsu quite ironically. His control is something mind-blowing and while he doesn't possess the levels of chakra that Naruto does ... he's still biologically an Uzumaki like the rest of his siblings.

Boy's a tank.

Akihiko Uzumaki

And last but not least, for now, is Akihiko.

Akihiko has dark pink hair, which almost darkens to a very, very light red when he hits early adulthood. He's the child who most resembles Sakura facially, including the forehead. But his eyes are a glorious merge of blue and green. Honestly they're quite astounding to look at.

He's also a sweet boy, very timid and quiet.

He gets on well enough with his peers, and truthfully a lot of Naruto and Sakura's friends kids grow up kinda as one big family, so it's not like Akihiko isn't surrounded by friends but ... he likes his space.

So much so that when he learned there were Genjutsu you could use to disappear from sight? He was on that shit. It also helped that his Jonin-sensei was Mirai Sarutobi.

Mirai, Asuma and Kurenai's daughter for anyone who isn't obsessed with families like I am lol, is a very close friend of the family.

Sakura actually took a decided interest in training Mirai, along with Shikamaru and while Sakura never had a dedicated Genin team ... she was definitely a mentor to the young Sarutobi.

But his other speciality? Medical jutsu.

Akihiko very, very quickly becomes a staple of Konoha Hospital. He doesn't so much ask to follow Sakura around, he just kinda shows up and Sakura hasn't the heart to tell him to go home.

He becomes very, very good at it, very early on. And he saves his teammates' lives on more than one occasion before he even gets promoted to Chunin.

And that's the lot of them! Hope you like the next generation of Naruto and Sakura's family, I'm looking forward to writing more stories about them truth be told!

See ya later!

LINKS:

Chapter 18 of A Tumble In Konoha, a Sachi story - https://archiveofourown.org/works/26878372/chapters/95242972#workskin

Chapter 19 of A Tumble In Konoha, another Sachi story with mentions of Ichika and Yuuto - https://archiveofourown.org/works/26878372/chapters/95803411#workskin

Chapter 21 of A Tumble In Konoha, an Akihiko story, with all of his elder siblings mentioned - https://archiveofourown.org/works/26878372/chapters/96715851#workskin

#ask theunrealinsomniac #narusaku #uzumaki family #sachi uzumaki #ichika uzumaki #yuuto uzumaki #akihiko uzumaki #original characters #naruto next gen oc

[cielospeaks]

ive done year in reviews for gacha games before but tbh i want to do one this time for my stories/ideas/ect

brief summary of story content in 2022:

january: seidjarn christmas carol (feh) written. got changed a little from earlier drafts bc of some canon things but good news is bc of that sola got added! the sola + otr friendship is like one of my favorite things in the kasumiverse tbh.

january: case files rerun. heavily underdeveloped lol. tbh i headcanon that the cfr is just like. the “recap of earlier story arc” episode in the anime. well plus ashlynn + vee friendship and treblesal blondel de nesle style but screaming about m c u movies.

winter-???: aime tachi returns to my focus! speaking of mcu movies lol. the reason is in no small part bc of both nwh and a friend who was encouraging of this au. i think this year’s focus saw a lot more development and the addition of nwh led to a more solidified smtm (and a1) part from at2. i also finished writing the prologue yea! but aside from that nothing much was done lol. but it was brainstormed! and ill take that as a win

golden week 2022: escape the riyoverse! again influenced by movies slightly but ill give it that since the whole thing has a hollywood vibe lol. like most fgo stories its not solidified but its a super big crossover of all of the gw crossover characters (+ into the fics) leading up into it. it also answered a lot of storybuilding questions/ect. (what happens to the allegrofaces, as we saw anda and coda in idolgers, but due to some worlds being erased from existence their allegros’ fates are unknown. as well as why aime’s keyblade is melodic feathers ie allegros keyblade, mostly just those plot points lol)

???: “fallen angel kisumi” storyline. well its literally just an idea at this point. but it has merit. basically kisumi finally gives up after witnessing the crew be awful for too long when it also takes bel’s life, and kisumi absorbs his powers and uses them to recruit underutilized final event bosses who deserved better. aside from this the “school au” kisumi, who has like. no canon anything but definitely exists as school bel’s penpal and long distance friend. possibly if fallen angel kisumi goes after school bel, its up to school kisumi to save him. lol. idk.

november-???: twsty au! oh gosh i wasnt expecting to even like this game but i did. i am not immune to idiot bird principal and platonic dumbass boys. the au includes idolger buddies lieven and jaeger, but also introduces new faces like norytx, wesley, and danry, as well as the obligatory treble insert (who actually is very cool not to be punny lol.) and it gave me somewhat of a version of those characters who i wont mention specifically that i can actually like. shoutout to more side characters (alfe maybe?, the vice principal, magic hat sensei, elias, and annand) bc u are also cool.

 january-december: heroesverse book 6! again managed to finish it! it was a wild ride but it got done. sufficiently harder than before bc my guy elm was given like. nothing. in canon. so i had to ~improvise~ but a lot of the story was around em and the main squad anyways lol. idk. it works for what b6 was but i at least know what i want to do differently for b7!

and since thats mostly done on to the specifics!

best new character: i think im gonna give it to em! she gets fleshed out in story and has a nice little character arc. i like that she’s both a foil to kasumi and someone for her to help/to be helped by. shes also on a side note a big spiderman fan so that gets a big thumbs up from me.

best returning character: i think ill give it to aime! that doesnt count bc shes a self insert but idk. i feel like more shes a tribute to my childhood and coping with stuff but idk. mixed bag. i love her character arc from marvel arc to nwh, with coping with losing someone while she was out of their life, as well as growing to overcome old grudges (both of which are very relatable to me now/hit too hard for me personally), and on the positive side learning to feel again and care again after having to harden herself emotionally to get through life (again, same hat). it is just also like. magically self indulgent to be able to put essentially my insert/the cooler, more in universe me next to my favorite characters from different franchises and tldr i highly recommend kh aus -pacha meme-

best dynamic: listen i am always weak for idolgers and vore musical trio. the anda and mokou dynamic specifically is just. soul healing. and vmt is sorta that cliched “jaded dad doesnt want to have to care again but damnit someones gotta take care of these children” but i live for this iteration specifically, as the jaded dad is a dead murderer and these children are a lab experiment and a space plant. kisumi + kasumi also has nwh spiderman pointing meme vibes and is soul healing so im putting it here too.

biggest criticism: i feel like (esp in kasumiverse) i need to work on balancing serious/comedic, writing shorter, and having more fun writing. idk it just kinda feels like a chore, and that im just checking for plotholes instead of having fun. i also need to just flippin sit down and actually write the aimeverse stuff tbh. i go on abt how fun it is but i never actually write it ohmygosh

hope for the next year: idk. i think in general its just for me to have fun writing! i think i had fun writing the marvel arc so like. more of that please.

a story id like to write: itd be nice to actually write the “ghosts take scrooge to his past/present/future” part of the seidjarn christmas carol, but idk. since otrs past isnt too developed idk.

and speaking of acc id like to write that. it seems self contained (lol) so i feel like it might be easier (double lol)

i think itd also be nice to write more treblesal and trebleizou, just for fun. as a treat. treblenizou too. and since antonio has writing now trebletonio (or andrea/antonio with treble cesario-ing hard in the background. like ofc i want characters like dolores or miles but pls andrea survivor now!)

#year in review

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

#sorry if this is repetitive or makes no sense or if i got some details of the show wrong #i simply couldnt be bothered to put too much effort into this post #lest it become a research paper and take me several weeks to answer #anyway thats all my opinions #dw #ok to rb

[yakocchi]

2021 Anniversary Event Ministories // Count

this post contains 2 ministories: the 4th Anniversary Collection Event (Loved So Much, I Go Breathless) and the 2021 Election Collection Event (Deep Night)

o hey it’s me why did i sandwich two honestly-unrelated stories? bc i can!! actually it’s bc i feel lame when i post too much. which goes against how you’re supposed to use tumblr…. but no one ever said i was good at this

anyway, they serve similar purposes. The Election Event is supposed to be a sort of Anniversary Event, while the..… Anniversary Event is named that. the Count did not!! have a scenario Anniversary Event this year (that was apparently reserved for the top 6. sad but makes sense) so yea, make do w/ this

The Election Story is an AU where the characters are hosts of a host club. which…. not my thing but w/e, maybe some of u like that stuff The Anniversary Event on the other hand is supposed to be in-line with canon. results in corny SHIET but i like corny shiet. like the vlad one has them buying mugs (? thats a thing in the 19th century, corny mug shit? #1 best vampire mug? bruh)

in event chronology, the anni event was way before the election one but i put the election one first here cuz it’s longer (bc i included the prologue)

Spoilers under the cut!! Please credit if you take any of it, thenk u (･ω･*)

Deep Night // Prologue + Count

⋆ didnt screenie anything for the prologue cuz LAZY. just imagine the dumb black shirts they made some poor intern edit on photoshop, thats p much it

…

One city night, the year 20XX—

[Kara]: “Survived another week of hard work, me… haah,” (I finally have the day off tomorrow. It’ll be okay if I let loose a bit tonight, right?) When I was worn out from the monotony of everyday life, I would head over to a certain place for comfort and thrills. And that establishment was—

[Napoleon]: “Welcome to Club Deep Night.”

[Arthur]: “Ah, it’s Kara. You came to see me, right? ‘Been waiting.” [Isaac]: “Hold up, Arthur; she doesn’t come here just to see you, no?” [Dazai]: “Ooh, Isaac; a Host’s jealousy isn’t pretty, you know?” [Dazai]: “Well then, Toshiko-san; Your pick tonight— Wha – is me? No, no, it’s an honor. This will be a night of blinding sensuality very soon—"

[Isaac]: “She hasn’t picked anyone and you’re already going full steam ahead. —And her name isn’t Toshiko.” [Arthur]: “Right, right; Don’t hang with some guy who can’t your name right, Kara— My princess.”

As soon as I entered the club, a smile appeared on my face as a battle of charms began in front of me.

[Napoleon]: “Sheesh… every last one of these rascals are thrilled. Sorry that they’re being so noisy.” [Kara]: “No, no! Whenever I come here, it’s fun and even perks me up.” [Vincent]: “Really? If I’m to be the source of your high spirits, then I’ll make it even livelier in here.” [Vincent]: “I’ll build the champagne tower, and prepare the call!” [Theodorus]: “Hey, Hondje— Hurry and pour the champagne. It’ll be to give gratitude to the angel that’s landed on this city tonight.” [Theodorus]: “If you can be a good girl, I’ll tease and spoil you to bits.”

⋆ in host clubs, there’s a thing called a champagne call. the customer buys some very expensive bubbly, and all of the hosts gather round her table to chant, sing, w/e i was curious on how the localization handled theo’s dog nickname for MC (like 駄犬) cuz if they did a straight translation (mongrel, mutt, etc.), i feel like the western audience would hate him lul. glad they found smth

Everyone tries to entertain me, and in a single moment, their sweet words make me forget about my ordinary life. (It’s nice that everyone is so lively; but shouldn’t I go pick someone for tonight…?)

Troubled about it, arms then suddenly wrapped around my waist on both sides, causing me to cry out. [Faust]: “How long do you intend to go down one by one like that, keeping us men waiting?” [Faust]: “Come on— Please pick someone, and quickly. I can’t say... that I don’t know who you should be choosing.” [Charles]: “Ugh, there goes the cunning Doctor. I wanted to be picked by her, and now you’re doing all this.” [Charles]: “Hey— Pick me, Kara. I’ll do things to you that’ll make you feel good, utterly euphoric...” [Sebastian]: “Stop the Sexy Time. Even though you are a host, please show some restraint within club walls, Charles.” [Sebastian]: “...There being so many rivals vying for Kara’s nomination, is a nuisance.”

[Jeanne]: “If I do things that will make her feel good, will she be thrilled?” [Mozart]: “Jeanne, it’d be a good idea to not emulate what you just saw.”

⋆ “Stop the Sexy Time” is transliterated into kana, so it felt wrong to potentially change it. yes the cringe was not made by me this time. surprisingly also, this is something that gets a bit lost in translation: Charles and Jeanne both use yorokobu, in which the most common meaning is to be pleased, feel joy, etc. however, they use diff kanji which have diff connotations. Charles uses one that’s more abt physical joy (like a massage... or uh u know), while Jeanne uses one that’s more abt emotional joy (like seeing a friend u haven’t met with in a while). it’s supposed to show how dirty minded charles is while jeanne is precious LOL

[Mozart]: “Kara, come over here. You deserve to receive much finer hospitality... So, from me.” [Jeanne]: “If you pick me as well, then I’ll do my very best. Kara, won’t you come with me?” (Urgh- it’s getting more and more impossible to pick just one of them...!)

…

A bit farther away from everyone else, in the backroom— two men were exchanging words with each other: [Shakespeare]: “The moment Kara arrived, everyone became so animated.” [Shakespeare]: “She’s a mysterious one, to be able to draw us masterful hosts towards herself.” [Leonardo]: “Mhm, every single grown man is desperate to get the sweetheart’s attention.   [Leonardo]: “Well... maybe I should turn desperate too, hm?”

And in the owner’s quarters, there were also men watching Kara through the club monitors. [Vlad]: “That girl…” [Count]: “You mean Kara? She started frequenting this place a little while ago.” [Count]: “For some reason, I’m always interested… in who she picks each time.” [Vlad]: “Looks like you care quite a lot about one specific customer, dear Owner.” [Vlad]: “Kara… hm?”

…

[Napoleon]: “Regardless, all of the hosts here like you way too much. —To be honest, it makes me anxious.” [Kara]: “Huh-?” (Anxious… as a host? Or… as a man?) His words, honeyed with sweet temptation, made my heart race. His smile then deepened: [Napoleon]: “—Well, Kara; Who’s your pick tonight?”

(End of Prologue)

…

(Count)

[Count]: “So you’ve come, Kara. I’ve been waiting, you know.” I had paid a visit to the host club I always go to, and was invited to the owner’s quarters for some reason.

⋆ how is he still a Count in this AU lul. like yea nobility still exists, but it’s… strange, esp. if someone of nobility is openly running a host club

(Being called up here by the owner… this is the first time that’s ever happened.) I couldn’t come up with a reason why I was the only customer summoned here.

[Count]: “It’s not anything to be nervous about; I just wanted to hear something from you tonight.” [Count]: “You come here often, but you pick someone different every time.” [Count]: “Is there no one here that meets your expectations?” [Kara]: “My expectations?” [Count]: “Mhm. Being unable to satisfy our customers’ needs is an alarming matter.” [Count]: “If none of my kids happen to be your type, I’d like to hear what kind of things you seek.” [Kara]: “N-No… it’s not that none of them are my type;” [Kara]: “It’s just that everyone here is so wonderful, so I can’t pick only one of them.” [Kara]: “They’re cool, kind, great at conversation, and entertain me…” As I thought about the hosts who had surrounded me at the tables up to this point, I voiced my feelings honestly. I then recalled the words the Count had said just a moment ago, and felt a slight discomfort in my heart.

(I’m being honest when I say that I can’t choose between such amazing hosts. But…) (I also think it’s certainly true that “what I seek” is a bit different from them.) (The one I desire is more…) I shifted my eyes to the Count standing before me, and he responded with the composed smile of a mature adult. I was captivated by him at first glance, as a scent of danger seemed to drift from deep within that smiling face.

(But— As the owner himself, the Count’s not going to service a customer, of course…) Regretful, I dropped my gaze— Before I realized the Count had walked over to me. Cradling my chin in his fingers, he turned my head up so I face him.

[Count]: “Contrary to your words… your eyes say that there is something you desire.” [Count]: “Your indecisiveness stems from wanting more stimulation, is it not?” [Count]: “Like this, for example—"

He suddenly pressed his lips to mine. Shocked, I tried to pull away— but the Count gripped my waist in place. He then drew me in closer as if to prevent escape, changing angles countlessly as he took my lips. [Kara]: “Nn-… Don’t. I can’t pick you, the owner, as my host, so…” [Count]: “That unsatisfied-looking face of yours deeply bothers me.” [Count]: “I’m retired, but if you wish it so... For you, I’m willing to make a comeback tonight.” [Count]: “Well, now… go ahead; make your choice?” As if to seduce me, the gleaming gold eyes in front of me radiate this allure. With that, I felt that he could see through the lustful desires that lied within the recesses of my heart, and my body shivered with a subtle numbness. (I’ve never felt this way before.) Wondering what kind of stimulation he would give, I wanted to be toyed by those fingers, those lips… These emotions muddled within me.

(I think the person I’ve wanted all this time... was you from the beginning.)

[Kara]: “Count— Tonight, I’ll have you…” [Count]: “To be chosen by you, is an honor.” [Count]: “I promise to sate your thirst this evening.” [Count]: “—Give yourself to me.”

⋆ or “you can entrust all of yourself to me” if u want smth more awkward but more faithful to the original text

A fervent kiss rained down on me as if to fill what I had been deprived of,

and the night that would far exceed the stimulation I had desired, had just begun—

FIN

⋆ u kno, i did try making the characters sound more 21st century in this AU. but at the same time, the count probably wouldnt be the type to say yeet (aka a useless person) so idt it showed that much

…

Loved So Much, I Go Breathless // Count

…

Inside a swaying carriage, the Count sat across from me. Staring at me fixedly, he then gave a deep sigh. [Count]: “You are astoundingly beautiful tonight, Kara. —It was good to have left the manse like this.” [Count]: “If we had traversed the streets by foot, then I would have surely faced difficulty in having to shake off the men charmed by you.” [Kara]: “Ah-… D-Don’t play around like that, please.” [Count]: “I’m being completely honest, you know. —Well, if someone were to come near you, I wouldn’t let them lay a finger on you anyway.”

⋆ he says something closer to “those are my true thoughts, without a single lie” but that’s going too far in my arbitrary rules of “does this sound like smth ppl actually say” so whee

(J-Jeez; He always acts like this…) Wanting to mislead my pounding heart, I hastily changed the subject.

[Kara]: “Um… Where are we going tonight?” [Count]: “Oh my, did you forget? Today’s the anniversary of the day we met, of all things.” [Kara]: “Of course I didn’t forget. It was the day I changed my own fate, and met you— A day I cherish so very much.” [Count]: “It’s the same for me; And it’s precisely why we’re going to a place where I may reaffirm my love.” (“Love”…?) When I tilted my head, the Count gave a meaningful smile, saying nothing more.

With that—

The place the stagecoach had arrived, was a church I recognized. (This is… the place where we had confirmed our love for one another.) The Count took my hand before we entered, the moonlight silently illuminating the unoccupied altar.

[Count]: “I have decided from my heart— that on this day, and on every day we call ‘our anniversary’—" I shall proclaim my vows to you once more.”

[Count]: “Kara— This is my oath of eternal love to you.” Before the altar, the Count kneeled before taking my left hand, dropping a reverent kiss on my ring finger. [Kara]: “nh- Ah-…” A sweet numbness ran from my finger, and my heart skipped a beat.

[Count]: “The time I spend with you, is filled with a dazzling brilliance.” [Count]: “—Filled to the point where I believe those centuries I had of embracing nothingness, came to be for the purpose of being able to meet you…” [Count]: “If you would allow it— For the future to come, with you by my side, I shall continue to swear such (to you).”

[Count]: “And thus, I wish that one day, I shall become one with you. —That is the greatest happiness I seek.”

He then rose to his feet, embracing me as if to envelop me whole. With my cheek pressed against his chest, I could feel his heart beating as fast as mine. (Like this, it’s as if I’m becoming one with the Count— With Abel.)

He tenderly brushed my hair aside before running a finger down my neck. One day, fangs will sink into this very spot, and love from a pureblooded vampire – called “eternity” – will be spilled within. Thinking about such things, my heart grew full— and tears were about to fall down my face, involuntarily.

[Kara]: “Abel… me too, I-…”

Overcome with emotion, I was at loss for words— When an almost-biting kiss fell upon me, cutting off my words. His tongue caught mine through my broken lips, our hot sighs immediately laden with heat.

[Count]: “—There is no need for words.” His lips only barely parting from mine, he whispered with a glossy sigh.

[Count]: “The tears brimming in your eyes, tell me everything— that you belong to me.” [Kara]: “Ah-… Abel…” His gentle - but also denying any notion of resistance – and sweet kiss, deepened, desiring me and only me. I embraced him with all my strength, abandoning myself to this happiness that will last forever and ever…

FIN (2)

Ikevam has been kind of boring if u dun like the top 5 all that much but i mean always has been astronaut_gun.jpg

anyway, the election was mostly a skip for me this year cuz i dun care for mini figures. also, he was doing awful in categories bc ppl are voting characters over several categories (rather than just the recommended one). frankly i think it’s dumb to vote a character in anything other than the “officially” recommended category bc the chance of losing in all categories is much higher than getting stuff in >1 category (e.g., with the midterm results u can see vlad in every category, but he’s only eligible for a benefit in one…when he could easily just win in one category period). but maybe that way of thinking is too tryhard for a game that only barely fits the definition of a game #realgamurz #weliveinasociety

i honestly didn’t do (aka pay) much and ranked rly well in character rankings. so i was happy i got decent stuff, but sadder he doesn’t get much support;; u telling me the richest guy has the stingiest fans. yes. i mean look at me, microwave pizza is my life

sorry for the lack of updates. as usual but uh better to be annoying with no updates than with too much RITE haha yes………. yes

as always, thanks for reading!

#ikemen vampire #spoilers #ikevam #ikevam spoilers #comte de saint germain #ikevam tl #fucc i dun even remember my own tags LOL

[daylighteclipsed]

tbh (and PLS dont take this as me telling u not to ship it, i dont mean it that way AT ALL), ur last post is why i stopped shipping sns back in the day. specifically the part in shippu when naru told sasu that he would "break every bone in sasu's body to drag him back to konoha" like, sasuke's lit here knowing konoha massacred his entire family, his entire clan, is seriously fucked up on a fascist level tbh, is fighting against that & tryin to make change, & is like

saying "i cant go back to that" & naru is out here saying "idgaf, i want u in this police state regardless, i will lit break ur bones & chain u up to make it happen" like, at that point it feels like he doesnt actually care abt sasuke AT ALL, he cares abt what HE wants, fuck sasuke's feelings or needs. i love & support sasuke so much i cant stand for him to be treated like that. fuck team 7 tbh theyre the worst (except sasuke hes an angel & were glad hes here)

again tho im NOT telling u not to ship it, pls dont think i am!!! just sharing some Thots since u brought up how sasuke was the only one to criticize konoha in shippuden but ultimately was made to bow down & serve konoha & i just. man. its still so upsetting. not to mention how sakura basically raped him to make sarada (tho thats not saradas fault & i do feel bad for her... just goes to show if ur an uchiha ur life sucks i guess :/)

Phew there is a lot going on in this message. Okay, I don't know anything about Sarada and how she was conceived, so I'm not going to touch that. I like Team 7. Yeah, they're a mess, but I like them. I haven't finished the series yet, but I have been spoiled a lot. As far as I know, Naruto's "break every bone in your body" comment is during the first VotE fight when he's 12. If he says that again during the war arc or something --long suffering sigh-- And I don't think Sasuke's an angel lol If I’ve given that impression, it’s probably because people criticize Sasuke more than Naruto. I think all of the characters are flawed. Neither Sasuke nor Naruto have perfect ideologies or completely noble motivations, and that makes them interesting to me.

I went through like 5 long drafts trying to explain why, aside from bad writing, Naruto might keep asking Sasuke to come back to Konoha even after finding out about the massacre only to come to a conclusion that is so obvious in retrospect. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’s not the only reason, and I’ll talk about possible others ones too, but this feels pretty right.

When Naruto talks about bringing Sasuke back to the village, it’s not about Konoha. It’s not about the place. It’s a less intimate way of saying, “Come back to me.” I know there’s good in you. I know you don’t want to be alone. I know you’re suffering. Let me help you. Come back to me.

Because I think, I really do think, that if Sasuke accepted Naruto’s support/stopped making self-destructive choices but still expressed dislike/discomfort towards the village, Naruto would understand that. He wouldn’t force Sasuke to stay there. He wouldn't let anyone else force Sasuke to stay there. And if Sasuke still wanted to destroy the village, well, that’s where the murder suicide pact would come in, I guess.

On the other hand, maybe it is about the place. Maybe Naruto thinks that Sasuke can heal if he comes “home” and accepts support from all his “friends” because that’s what worked for Naruto. That’s how Naruto was cured of all his issues, right? 😐

Naruto approaches everything on a personal level, and on a personal level, his philosophy of compassion and forgiveness works, but not against the larger, political picture. Not against fascism. You can’t forgive a fascist system the way you would forgive a friend. You can’t give it another chance. Using violence against fascism isn’t fighting hate with hate. It’s fighting for your freedom, for your life and the lives of others. We’re talking about a state that decided Sasuke’s people do not have the right to live. How can Sasuke possibly call that “home”? How can he call people who support that “friends” or “family”?

If it’s about the place, then it’s absolutely bonkers to me that Naruto doesn’t see that. He has to. He’s either extremely, stupidly naive or insane or... It’s bad writing. But let’s pretend for another second that it’s not. The only in-universe explanation I can come up with is: Naruto admitting that Konoha is bad for Sasuke would mean Naruto admitting that Konoha is bad for him too, and he won’t. He won’t address his trauma. Otherwise, his actions really contradict his supposedly empathetic nature. After Kage Summit, there’s no reason he wouldn’t realize that Sasuke would be miserable in Konoha. There’s no reason he wouldn’t admit that Sasuke is right and do something about it instead of insisting that Sasuke come back. It doesn’t make sense.

All that is to say, I understand why Naruto’s behavior would upset you because it bothers me too. Most likely, it’s bad writing on Kishi’s part, refusing to let Naruto grow and change and admit that he’s wrong. He’s right about compassion and forgiveness on a personal level, but the system is not redeemable. Working within it to solve problems is useless because the system is the reason those problems exist in the first place. But in general I like this series more for its potential than what it actually is anyway. It’s so absurd to me that Naruto and Sasuke don’t work together to change anything in the end, that Sasuke just ends up serving Konoha and not getting any justice, that like I can’t even treat it as canon.

#it's such absolute nonsense #like this is clearly what the story is leading up to this is the resolution and then it just veers wildly to the side #flies off the tracks #its almost funny #naruto

[petruchio]

i LOVE ur hunger games opinions - it's my favorite series I always go back to!! I was wondering if you had any other book recommendations

omg!!! angel!!

in terms of young adult recs, i don’t read a huge amount of new ya so these are probably pretty basic, but the ones i would recommend are:

gregor the overlander!!! suzanne collins’ other series, its a little more ~classic ya~ than ya dystopia of the hunger games but still just. so well written bc its the queen suzanne

the entire anne of green gables series <3 literally gilbert and peeta are the two ya love interests that i have been obsessed with my entire life and the books are actually SO good!! there’s a lot i could say about them too like the messages and themes are really quite intelligent and they get written off as just “children’s lit” but they’re truly SO good, even the later ones in the series!!

i’ll recommend six of crows and, i suppose, the original grisha trilogy if you feel like tearing your hair out. ive written a bit about my mixed feelings for that series on my blog but like. the world building is GREAT but the original trilogy just has a few moments that are so deeply frustrating. but its good

howl’s moving castle the book!!!! so iconic, so different from the movie but just also SO good... dianna wynne jones my beloved

this summer id like to reread the golden compass if i have time! i havent read the books since i was a literal child and i remember nothing about them except that they were good but i want to reread it so i can watch the show hehe

i also read last summer a book called why we broke up by daniel handler and i thought it was beautiful and really poignant. it also has amazing illustrations and the story i thought was really well done

i also loved the ingo series as a kid!!!! yes its like. mermaids but also its really well written lol

a few books that aren’t ya:

homegoing by yaa gyasi

there, there by tommy orange

it is my personal (and insanely pretentious) belief that everyone should read les miserables but. thats just because im insane. but i do genuinely love that book 

also the entire jane austen catalogue with special attention to emma <3

normal people because like. yeah (that might be ya actually not sure how to categorize it but. amazing book)

recently i read the plague of doves by louise erdrich and really loved it!! im hoping to read more of her work but she’s an amazing author

i’m also a big fan of modern retellings of stories, last year i read a retelling of pride and prejudice called eligible by curtis sittenfeld that i very much enjoyed

outside of that i also love to read really shitty romance fiction and hyper specific historical non-fiction because i read so many impossible and insanely difficult books for my degree and i just can’t recommend any of those in good faith haha... once i graduate ill honestly probably have better book recs because right now i read so many books i DONT enjoy and write 15 pages essays on why i think they suck... but those are just a few of my favorites!!!!! 

#AHSKJHSDFKJHDSF this was so hard #me: i love reading #also me: literally cant remember a single book ive ever read #but!! these are just a few skdjfhskdjhf #anonymous #answered

[chat-noir-always-here]

I Rewatch Miraculous—Stormy Weather

This post is 90% me gushing over Ladynoir flirting.

• “Aurore Boreal!” Cant tell if that name is creative or lazy...

•anybody else think the talk show host dude (forget his name) kinda looks like Mr. Clean???

• “Oh gosh! W-what am i gonna say to [Adrien?]” uhhhhh how about “hey Adrien how’s the weather?” Or like literally anything. Passing conversations and small talk are only hard if you overthink it.

• “No problem! I’ll look after your little detail for you!” Yeah we’re talking about a child here not a guinea pig. Has Nadja ever even met Alya???

• “She’s an absolute angel!”////heavy sarcasm. Yes most children are.

•Alya that little chin flick you did to Mari had some HEAVY bisexual energy 🎵 🎵🎵

• “Whats the big deal? You only lost by half a million votes.” Lol fucking rude Miraculous Mr. Clean.

•Hawk Moth taps his staff on the ground but says nothing instead of saying “fLy AwAy mY aKuMa AnD eViLiZe hIm” Lol they muted Hawk Moth. Now if only we can borrow some of Miraculous Mr. Clean’s magic erasers and wipe him right out of existence. 

•Aurore getting akumatized is actually kinda intimidating. Compared to most people she saw the akuma coming, tried to fight it off, dark lighting, creepy music etc.

•Stormy Weather’s powers are chilling teehee

• MARINETTE SHUT UP. Cats are paw-esome, you should adopt one. Specifically the hot kitty boi who is constantly making bedroom eyes at you.

•kiddo she didnt promise nothing you just suddenly wanted to go on the marry go round dont lie 🤣🤣🤣

•spaghetti aint that exciting Vincent, you gotta show Adrien pics of Ladybug. (Vincent is Adrien’s photographer’s name. Different from the creepy stalker i’m not looking forward to seeing in a few episodes)

• “the fuck you doing casually eating fruit you’re allergic to?” —Vincent probably. Alya gives zero fucks, Vincent.

• “Is that boy your boyfriend?” Oh Manon thats a loaded question. Besides they are just “friends.” We use the term friend very loosely in this show

•Marinette: looks for an inconspicuous place to transform

Also Marinette: hops behind a park bench with spaces between the planks and openings on all sides. Isn’t even hiding directly behind it, she lands a stone’s throw away

MARINETTTTTTTTE

•Adrien: is puuuuuurfectly concealed in the shade of some trees behind some cases that arent stacked higher than his shins.

Also Adrien: hey HERE’s a great place to transform!!!

This should be included in whatever Miraculous drinking game you play: take a sip every time they transform/de-transform somewhere COMPLETELY VISIBLE

• “Why did I leave Manon? I should have NEVER done that.” Welp you right except if you hadn’t you’d be encased in ice right now and unable to help. 

• “how did you know my name?” Hmm, Manon. That’s an EXCELLENT question. You wanna answer that Ladybug?

• THIS

•THIIIS

•ice queen’s face when she blasts Chat Noir away is me at all the people who dont want to wear their damn masks out in public and get mad when asked to do so

•Chat Noir pinball lol

•chat Noir pancake pttttbbbttt

•hand kisses are lovely and Ladybug be into it

•Giiiiiirl you be flirting! High-key flirting, don’t deny it. Dat sultry look you be making reveals the truuuuth

•  LB your expression does not match what you’re saying😏

(Yeah the gif up there is the French dub translated by the good people over at Miraculous subs tumblr--I like the french dub, fight meeeee)

•LB is no damsel in distress but i need more of kitty boi being her seeing eye cat

•This whole scene ptttbbbttpppt

CN: “Why does she look mad?”

CN: “Oh I still have her hand.”

CN: “Aw she took her hand back. I was enjoying that...”

Ice Queen: exists

CN: “Oh you’re still here?”

• Why the fuck was Mari passed up for Manon??? Manon shouldn’t even be in the photo shoot without someone asking her mom, she’s like what? four? Mari is under age too but she’s at least in high school good grief...

In conclusion: Mari isn’t the best babysitter (just goes to show she isn’t a Mary Sue but a flawed person) and ladynoir has been high key flirting since season one, spread the word. I didn’t want to go through all the trouble of adding screenshots and gifs to this sort of post but it’s essential for this episode. 

#Adriennette #Miraculous Ladybug #stormy weather #ladynoir #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng

[eitelle]

Hi!! Congrats on 60 followers btw! 💗

I am a female and I’d like to matched up with a guy from Haikyuu. I am ENFJ, (but sometimes enfp). I’m outgoing and generally nice to everyone, but I have a very sassy, goofy personality. Naturally flirty and very affectionate, and my love language is physical touch. I have my moments when I get shy and anxious, especially around someone I really have a crush on. Yet at the same time I’m the person always trying to hug and cuddle my friends even after roasting them. My favorite colors are blue, red, purple and pink. I love some teasing. I’m passionate about acting and singing. I love to listen to all kinds of music. I have long curly blackish hair and I’m 5’2. I’m a Gemini Sun, Cancer Rising and Gemini Moon. I am a caring and adaptable person, and like to make people happy I always finding a way to slip a stupid joke in🙄( joking is my coping mechanism) . My favorite food is tacos. African-American, and I like someone that I can relate to. I don’t have a specific type, but I do like someone with goals and passion. I like someone I can laugh with and also have real conversations with. I’m so into the romantic lovey-dovey stuff, yet sometimes I act like a little boy💀. I can be loud asf, even just when normally talking cause I usually have a lot of energy.

As far as style goes, it varies from 12 year old boy with some joggers and a t-shirt wayyyy too big for me , to like a 90s baddie with some hoops on, to girly with skirts, sweaters and some knee high socks. As far as accomplishments go, I’ve won state in theater and continue to pursue acting. It’s something I’m very passionate about. Some flaws of mine are overthinking and my anxiety. Like I’ll overthink an entire situation before I really know what happened and assume that someone like hates me. Or I’ll assume I’m talking to much and that’s it’s annoying so I just kinda.. shut down. My anxiety can get kinda bad, i get all shaky and I care a lot about what people think of me (although I try to deny it). So I’ll need someone who can bring me back to earth every now and then. But it’s getting better with time and I’m trying to stress myself out less. When I’m out I’ve got such a big personality and I’m making dumb jokes and dancing, but when I get home I’m just chilling and watching anime. (Although I will dance and make jokes if I feel like it). And I’m a night owl!

Sorry if this was too much!! I really appreciate what you are doing 💗.

OH MY GOD IM AN INFJ THAGS SO COOL!! MY ONLINE PERSONALITY IS LOWK ENFJ THO SO I THINK THATS SO SWAG SHSHSHS (if u recall me saying otherwise shhhhh thats when i trusted 16personalities) ALSO STATE IN ACTING??? UR SO COOL WTF?? ANYWAYS

ok i was actually just wanting to do a matchup w this character n it just so happens u seem to literally fit what id say is his ideal type so i have matched you with: semi eita

GOSH I LOVE HIM OK HCS: (also im so sorry for doing these so late shshs 😖)

forst of all hes def helping w ur lines

like hes such a good person to help prep u

hes also like lowk very lowkey shdhd and honest/blunt so if u ever get an anxiety attack i think hed tell u how it is like straight up n that ur overreacting but in the way that snaps u back to reality

n hes like ur anchor shdhd

i think thats so cute

and sometimes he gets stage fright so i feel like your presence would just help comfort him

OOH ALSO YALL WOULD PROB RELEASE SO GS TOGETHER

N HED LOVE SINGING W U 😫‼️

i feel like hed call u angel, his muse, or his bitch. no in between.

i also feel like he loves how hes so pale and his hair is gray and hes tall n ur lowk short n ur skin is darker and ur hair is like complete opposites and he loves that

like the opposites but fits so well together thing

yall def listen to ricky montgomery together idec.

and taylor swift.

ooh i know for a fact that mans had a hamilton phase but thats why hes so hot tbh

yall also make like photo/mood boards of yall or playlists lol i feel so lonely rn help-

if one of ur anxiety attacks comes in public u know this man is gonna pull the “im famous u want a photo?” to drag attention away from u shdh

oh u def call him suga by “accident” to make him mad HAHAHSJSH

prob the clubbing people but i could see him n u watching anime together and u accidentally hum the ops while harmonizing by accident sometimes shahsgdj

GOSH OK THAT WAS LONG SORRY OK ANYWAYS NOW ITS TIME FOR A ONE SHOT!! (also if u ever need to talk ab something my dms r always open!!)

IS THAT THE TOUNGE N LIKE TEETH THING BUT IN ANIME??/7;6&3);&;7: I JEVER NOTICED THIS WHAT THE FUCK

on a normal friday night, a (your age) person would normally be out with friends, or maybe even going clubbing. but not you, no you and your boyfriend were sitting on the couch, howl's moving castle on your tv and your head on his chest.

it was a chill day to say the least, you and him both having a full day off and spending it like this the two of you too exhausted from the weeks events already. you had random music playing in the background. by random i mean random it went from ed sheeran to lil uzivert all the way to BTS; needless to say it was kinda a mess. but that was how you liked it.

all of a sudden ‘The Schuyler Sisters’ from the original broadway cast of hamilton: the musical started blasting interrupting the beautiful silence w background noise.

you turn to look at your boyfriend, your chests now pressed against each other to look at him staring just past you at his phone, a light pink blush tinting his ears.

“a hamilton kid i see..” you tease playfully noticing how he flushed even deeper.

“o-oi shut up, my- my mom set it for me ok?” he tries to say, his excuses unheard as you burst into laughter tired of holding it in.

“we- well at least pick it up,” you say between laughs.

“fine. hello?” he says as he answers the call. “oh- but today, no i understand. of course. ok ill be right there.”

as he shifts you look at him all of a sudden concerned, you didn’t want your boyfriend overworking himself afterall.

“darling is everything ok?” you ask afraid of the answer. then you notice how hes not meeting your eyes and how hes tapping his knee with his pointer finger. his little tell he was trying to hold in laughs. “oh haha very funny semi now drop the act can we please just go back?” you try to reason.

“oh but getting u annoyed like this is so cute >w<“ he laughs seeing you grumble about how he was ‘so annoying’ as you turn to ignore him.

“oh shut up.”

“make me :p”

“maybe i will,” you say before stuffing a pillow in his mouth and leaning your head against it. “now enjoy the movie.” </3

HES SO PRETTY OML 🤩🤤

ohmygod now its time for my last texts for this event ahhh

OK I HOPE U ENJOYED SORRY THIS WAS SO LATE SHDGSH

#AHHHH AHHHH AHHHHHH #OH MY GOD #IM GONNA CRY WOW #THIS EVENT #HAS BEEN #WOW #YEAH #michelles 60 follower matchup event #SHDHJSHDJDHDJD

[good-enemy]

im. a bit confused about the loona pairs in these teasers are these the mirrors we’ve been theorising about the whole time?

- choerry and hyunjin i get. obv. they led with choerry and hyunjin right? probably bc everyone already knows the connection bc theyve been highlighting it the entire time lol. hyunjins link to oec (primary colours), choerry acting as her replacement in oec? kind of? like a version of hyunjin that jinsoul and kim lip created? maybe? and then choerry took hyunjins place in that version of love and live and so what showed them as twins and maybe theyre supposed to be the same person. or maybe theyre just besties who knows anyway

- i think olivia and heejin were next and theyre obvious too the first and last girl and then they meet on the roof in egoist and its like the loonaverse/mobius strip has come full circle or whatever but also im pretty sure theyre both the closest things to deities the loonaverse has like heejin was the first girl the founder, i think she invented colour? thats heavily implied in vivid anyway and then olivia maybe invented darkness?? or something idk im pretty sure shes got something funky going on bc nobody else has random laser eyes (also when are THEY making a comeback) and if yves and/or jinsoul truly are the loonaverse’s villains well then theyre both working against olivia right so that would make her..the loonaverse’s saviour??? mirroring its founder?

- chuu and haseul are both the December Girls TM and both the powerhouse vocals or whatever so theres an immediate but basic connection but i also think that bit at the end of heart attack was haseul maybe trying to save chuu from yves’ charm but she was too late, bc werent chuu and gowon the ones to tempt hyunjin away from her oec duties or whatever with the bracelet (im going to circle back to oec they are objectively the coolest part of the loonaverse) meaning that chuu and gowon dont actually have access to 1/3 world/plane/whatever you want to call it or i think they would have been a bit more direct about it bc that was obviously yves’ idea, chuu and gowon are not portrayed as cunning enough to come up with something like that imo, and anyway obviously haseul is in 1/3 world so i wonder if the connection between chuu and 1/3 world was about to be lost and that was haseul trying to hold on and pull her back? also i think most orbits think that all the girls started off in eden and branched out but i think they actually started off in 1/3 world, like the normal world where heejin/god wants everyone to be, and got lost for various reasons but im less sure about that. 

- yves and jinsoul both radiate pretty sinister energy i mean jinsoul is always randomly showing up and giving off a weird vibe (a. why was she following vivi around hong kong b. kidnapping choerry with the cherry cake?? c. egoist. what d. why not when shes just lurking on the corner in the phone booth. also sweet crazy love implies that she got her odd eye first since kim lip and choerry are walking around with their eyes starting to hurt but jinsoul has already been to the optometrist, and then she can teleport so she can show up basically anywhere and just do what shes gotta do to be evil or whatever) and then yves is pretty explicitly and literally a snake in the grass, breaking out of eden which im pretty sure is supposed to be purgatory, which would mean that waiting it out and getting the approval of the teacher at the end as olivia did is what youre supposed to do but yves was rebellious/impatient and just took the sneaky back way out except then she ended up getting lost in the forest with chuu and gowon (which begs the question of what exactly happened to yeojin because they were very vague about that) (and also what the forest is supposed to represent? hell? in that case where are odd eye circle? because if heejin is god that would imply 1/3 world is heaven? are odd eye circle in the land of the living? did...bbc kill off loona) anyway that was rambly but chuu and gowon are clearly living their best lives in 1/3 world/heaven/whatever because of a. the haseul thing and b. gowon is clearly going through some kind of transitional state where the shadow/blonde gowon are gowon from another plane (or the future? because if its ‘gowon from another plane’ that implies two gowons) and i dont think shes coming from oec world or shed have an odd eye so she must be coming from 1/3 world but i dont think theres actually any proof of that other than the process of elimination...unless chuu and gowon knowing where to send the bracelet to hyunjin required them having some memory of where 1/3 world was thus implying they both came from there? anyway so they were probably in heaven/angels? they do wear white in hi high, but then in love4eva and butterfly promo pics they wear black maybe suggesting theyre fallen angels? and the reason theyve fallen is yves tempting them, i think yves is absolutely the devil of the situation if heejin is god, im not sure what that makes jinsoul but shes definitely sus

- this is where im getting confused though because i dont really understand what the immediate gowon-vivi and yeojin-kim lip links are? with gowon and vivi i think theyve both been manipulated by yves and realised their mistake when its been too late (vivi becoming a robot, maybe through some kind of bargain yves made with olivia to sacrifice vivi to save herself or something? bc yves and vivi would have been the original troublecausers together so maybe yves spun some kind of sob story to olivia so that olivia would kill vivi and spare yves and then heejin intervened and turned her into a robot temporarily.. man idk and then gowon seems to regret her choice the second she leaves eden (looking back at olivia/hesitating to eat the rose) but she has to just shut up and go along with it i guess) but by that logic you could probably link vivi gowon chuu and maybe olivia and choerry and maybe even jinsoul all together bc hasnt yves screwed basically everyone over? so im not totally sure how they mirror each other exactly, and then im totally lost on yeojin and kim lip. theyre both warm colours? unless their thing is that theyve both been separated from their group within the loonaverse? bc yeojins group was her haseul and choerry, and then choerry was taken to oec world and i guess replaced with hyunjin(/heejin to an extent but it seems like shes everywhere all the time) and kim lips group was her jinsoul and hyunjin, then hyunjin was taken to 1/3 world and replaced with choerry, so theres that link but that doesnt necessarily link yeojin and kim lip specifically bc haseul and jinsoul are also involved but then if it turns out jinsoul is evil and teleporting all over the place with her evil schemes, and i dont get that same vibe from kim lip so maybe its..betrayal? bc with yeojin, i think haseul may have been being chased by her bird self or something, or held hostage maybe? im hoping the bird haseul will come into the lore explanation for why shes been gone (bc im pretty sure theyll work the hiatus into the lore somehow, it would be weird if they didnt imo) anyway so if haseul left yeojin bc of the bird thing and yeojin didnt know about the bird then maybe she would feel betrayed by that...also i thought of this as i was typing but i think kim lip and yeojin have both been lost in the forest due to the actions of their supposed best friends (in the lore) because i think haseul getting kidnapped by the bird or whatever left yeojin on her own and left her susceptible to however one would get lured into the forest...actually if the forest is indeed hell then i just came up with a bit of an uncomfortable and upsetting explanation for that, maybe if being all alone and/or being chased by the frog drove her to, u know, then maybe thats how she ended up there, and then with kim lip i think jinsoul put her there actually. i dont know why but its Something Nefarious i bet

- which then begs the question of what is going to happen this era?? we left off with the girls completing the ritual to turn back time and presumably get haseul back but that opens so many doors? will vivi turn back into a robot? will eden be reinstated? will yeojin be back in the forest? with how jinsoul was lurking around and never really coming out of the dark/hiding in why not, im pretty sure shes got something up her sleeve... odd eye circle could come back properly in some form or another but maybe with jinsoul controlling the other two (if she wasnt already)? also while im on the subject, what are odd eye circle actually doing? who are they? ive always fondly thought of them as a witch coven but..are they actually a witch coven? something to do with the power of three and thats why they had to kidnap choerry? i know theyre looking for the other girls but what for? if they were alive and the other girls were..less so, were they maybe trying to summon them to the land of the living?

- also...i hope yeojins frog man makes a reappearance 

#loona #idalui sonyeo #heejin #hyunjin #haseul #yeojin #vivi #kim lip #jinsoul #choerry #yves #chuu #gowon #olivia hye #blockberry creative #kpop

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???

#ughhh #parent your fucking kids #religious bullshit #adults dont fuck up the children you are in charge of challenge #religion don't fuck up trans kids challenge #good dick really breaks a motherfucker #vent

[epicstuckyficrecs]

How To Tag Stucky Fics Part 3: Additional Tags

The Additional Tags are probably the hardest to fill out, but also the most important! All of the other fields are pretty straightforward when it comes to what you need to put in, but here? It’s the Wild West! You can pretty much write as much or as little as you want, but those tags are really gonna be the ones that will let potential readers know what is in your fic. In fact, they’re probably as important as your summary 

If you want an easy reminder of what to tag for, keep in mind the W’s: WHO, WHAT, WHEN, and WHERE? 

Under a read more because this is long!

Who

Character traits

We’ve already settled which characters are appearing in your fic, now it’s time to tell us more about WHO they are. This can include:

Physical traits

Personality traits

Jobs

Sexuality and other sex-related stuff

Religion

Nationality 

Disabilities and mental illnesses

Fantasy creatures: vampire, werewolf, angel and demon… you get the gist.

MCU specific stuff

etc.

In my opinion, these tags are useful if the characteristic in question is something that is memorable, important with regards to the plot, something that defines the character in your story specifically, or something that differs from canon. I don’t really need to know that your fic contains some Shy Bucky Barnes if it’s not somewhat important to the story; you probably don’t need to tag for “British Peggy Carter” since thats just the default canon, but you could tag “American Peggy Carter” if she’s American in your AU!

I’ve mentioned a lot of them in my Comprehensive List of Stucky Tags post, but it’s not actually a complete list! If you want to know all of the canon tags existing for a specific character: go on AO3 and click on the Search tab on top of the page > Tags > Enter the character’s name > Select “Freeform” in the list > Click “canonical”. 

And besides, if you can’t find a canonical tag for what you want, you can always invent one! Just remember: if you wanna create a freeform tag for a character, please make sure to use the characters’ LAST NAME too, in order to help tag wranglers! For example: if you want to tag for Steve having black hair, you should write something like “Steve Rogers has black hair”, and not just “Steve has black hair”, because at the moment there are 279 canonical “Steve” character tags so… who knows which Steve you’re talking about? XD

As for some things specific to the MCU, again, I’ve listed a lot of them in my Comprehensive List of Stucky Tags post, but I would tag especially anything that differs from canon, for example, “Steve Rogers as the Winter Soldier” or “Bucky Barnes as Captain America”. You can check out the post if you wanna have an idea of the canonical tags that already exist, but once again, you can always create your own tags and let the wranglers deal with it! :P Just make sure to use the characters’ last name in your tag.

Another tip: if there’s a dichotomy in the character roles or attributes, or opposite roles/positions between the characters, I would make sure to tag them both! For example: 

Don’t just tag “Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics”: also tag Alpha Bucky Barnes, Omega Steve Rogers, or vice-versa

Don’t just tag “BDSM”: also tag Dom Steve Rogers, Sub Bucky Barnes, or vice-versa

Don’t just tag “Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons”: also tag Angel Steve Rogers, Demon Bucky Barnes, or vice-versa

etc.

Relationships

Why am I talking about relationships again, you say? Haven’t we covered that in Part 2 of the series? Yes I did. But here’s a little reminder of what I said then:

“Any side pairings/friendships can go in the Additional Tags field (for example: Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov or Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes Friendship).”

So there’s a few types of relationships that you can consider here: 

Friendships: you can decide wether you want to mention the friendship in the Relationships field, in the Additional Tags field, or both. That’s your choice!

Past relationships, minor/side relationships: I personally would put them only in the Additional Tags field (NOT in the Relationship field), and here’s why: 

Putting “past” or “minor” or “side” or whatever else qualifier in front of your ship in the Relationships field makes it a non-canonical tag (only the Additional tags can be non-canonical, or “freeform”. Like I’ve said in Part 2: try to only use canonical tags for the Fandom, Relationship, and Characters fields). That means that your tag is gonna be made a synonym of a canon tag. For example: the non-canonical “(Past) Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers” tag that a few people have used is a synonym of the canon “Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers” tag. That means that those past Peggy/Steve fics appear in the Steve/Peggy tag. Are people looking for Steggy fics likely to want to read past Steggy fics? You tell me...

If you’re tagging with the canon tag, but the couple is only a side/minor pairing, it might annoy people who are looking for fics in that tag and keep seeing fics that are not about their ship. This is especially true if the ship is less popular in the fandom.

So TLDR in my opinion: tag your main couple (if you’re writing a romance) or your main friendship/platonic relationship (if you’re writing a Gen fic) in the Relationship field, and tag everything else in the Additional Tags field.

POV

You can specify from which POV your fic is written from. Personally, I would pay attention to this mostly if your POV differs from the classic “3rd person” Steve or Bucky POV. Some existing tags tags to give you an idea:

POV Steve Rogers

POV Bucky Barnes

POV Sam Wilson or POV Natasha Romanov, etc.

POV Outsider or POV Original Character

POV First Person or POV Second Person

POV Alternating

POV Multiple  

What

This is pretty self-explanatory, but you want to tell your readers what’s in your story! What’s happening? What’s the plot about? What are some specific subjects/themes your story contains?

Genres

When I think about genres, I always picture the FF.net categories lol XD. But it’s actually a good way to look at it!Here’s a few examples on AO3:

Action/Adventure

Angst

Character Study

Crack

Crimes and Criminals

Crossovers & Fandom Fusions

Family

Fluff

Friendship

Humor

Hurt/Comfort

Love

Mystery

Pining

Porn

Romance

Science Fiction & Fantasy

Sexual content

Smut

I wouldn’t say these are the most essential tags, but they can give your readers a general idea of the tone/content of your story.

Relationship

On top of that, we want to know what kind of relationship your ship has in this fic! What are they to each other? What’s their progression? Here’s a few examples:

Boss/Employee Relationship

Break Up

Childhood Friends

Enemies to Friends to Lovers

Established Relationship

Fake/Pretend Relationship

Friends to Lovers

Friends With Benefits

Getting Together

Long-Distance Relationship

Strangers to Lovers

Triggers

It can be hard to know what to tag with regards to triggers. I’d say better safe than sorry, and be open to suggestions and comments from your readers, especially with triggers. 

Here’s a few examples to give you an idea what to tag for, which are taken from this great triggers list, but I definitely suggest you take a look at this post and bookmark it for whenever you need to tag your fics!

Violence:

Death: main/minor character death, animal death, child death...

Suicide: suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, suicidal “insert character name”, ... 

Abuse: child abuse, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, emotionnal abuse, gaslighting... 

Assault

Torture

Kidnapping

Stalking

Sex:

Rape/Sexual assault/Non con

Dub con

Incest

Specific sex acts: like @kiragecko says in the post I linked: “some people search for, others want to avoid”. 

Specify if your characters are being Safe Sane and Consensual or not when engaging in kinky sex.

Health:

Drugs and/or Alcohol

Food

Illnesses (physical or mental)

Pregnancy: mpreg, miscariage

Self-harm

Panic attacks, PTSD, dissociation

Phobias: 

Any phobias that your character(s) have and are specifically mentioned/depicted in your fic

Common phobias: spiders, clowns, hospitals...

Gross content:

Gore

Bodily fluids

Smut

I’ve said it above in the triggers section, but you can tag sexual acts appearing in your story as a way to both attract readers who are looking for them and help readers who want to avoid them. 

If your story has a lot of smut, you might be reluctant to tagging all of them in fear of making your tag list very long. I would always at least indicate in your tags that there’s Sexual Content in your fic; then, you could do like I’ve suggested with the Warnings and add something like “more info about specific sexual acts in the author’s note” to your tags, and make a detailed list of sexual acts in your authors’ note.

Here’s a few generic tags about smut, and here’s a link to all the different canon “sex” tags (350 at the moment!)

Angst and Fluff and Smut

Angst and Porn

Emotional Porn

Eventual Smut

Fluff and Smut

Identity Porn

Mild Sexual Content 

Mild Smut 

No Smut 

Non-Graphic Smut 

Porn with Feelings 

Porn With Plot

Sexual Tension

Unresolved Sexual Tension 

When

MCU

In my post about Stucky tags, I made a list of a lot of tags regarding the MCU movies. Not all of them of course, this list was mainly focused on movies where Stucky would appear, but you get the gist. We want to know WHEN in the MCU your fic is happening.

I’m not gonna list every single MCU movie and all of their tags, but basically you have a few options:

Pre-movie

Movie

Movie mid/end credit scenes

Post-movie

Movie compliant

Not Movie compliant

Canon divergence

Canon divergence - post movie

Some movies also have specific tags for their trailers. I would recommend using the trailer tag if you are indeed writing your fic based on the trailer of a movie that isn’t out yet (you could also add the movie’s specific “spoiler” tag too while you’re at it!) in order for people to be able to avoid spoilers if they want to.

Moreover, in the case of movies that are canonically happening in another time, you could also add the relevant tags if it’s pertinent! (for example, with The First Avenger: 1930s or World War II). You can also refer to events that happened within the MCU (example: Battle of New York (Marvel)).

Alternate Universe

Whatever era or time your fic is happening in, there’s probably a tag for that! There’s a tag for every decade of the 20th century and pretty much every century too. Is it a Victorian, Ancient Rome, or a Future fic? 

But even if it’s just a simple Alternate Universe - Modern Setting with No Powers … there are tags for that too! :P 

If there’s a specific historical/fictional event that your story is centered around, you could tag it too! For example: PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics, World War I, 2008 United States Presidential Election, Battle of Hogwarts, 75th Hunger Games, etc.

Don’t forget your holidays! Christmas, Valentine's Day, Halloween, to name a few...

Where

Self-explanatory again, but where is your story taking place? :P Again, maybe not the most important tag category to consider, but I would use it especially if the story is taking place in a specific/unusual place for the canon or your ship. See examples below!

MCU

Avengers Tower

Avengers Compound

Red Room (Marvel)

Sanctum Sanctorum (Marvel) 

Wakanda (Marvel)

Asgard (Marvel)

Alternate universe

(Reminder: There’s sooooooooooo many different Alternate Universe tags!)

If your AU is taking place in a different country/city, you can mention it! You could either go with the AU tag or just the tag for the place itself. For example: Alternate Universe - Canada or Canada. 

But it can also be even more precise than that! Stuck in a cabin during a snowstorm? There’s Cabin Fic! Steve and Bucky are men of the Night’s Watch? Maybe tag Castle Black! You get the gist ;) 

And lastly...

Format

(inspired by this post from @salt-of-the-ao3 on tumblr)

If your fic has a specific format, you can specify it! Here’s a few suggestions:

Drabble

Epistolary

Songfic

Poetry

Reader-Insert 

And I think that’s it folks! All you need to know to tag your fics the best you can! :)

See Part 1: A Comprehensive List of Stucky Tags here!

See Part 2: Rating, Warnings, Fandoms, Relationships & Characters here!

You can also access a handy bullet-point checklist that summarizes these posts on Google Docs here! 

#how to tag stucky fics #ao3 #AO3 tags #ao3 tagging #stucky fanfic #stucky fic #stucky fanfiction #marvel fic #marvel

[readbythestarlight]

c2e77

Sam you’re such a loser xD

Give Laura a knife she’ll get that fly

Wow that was top notch Rami Malek there Sam

New aaaaart!

Hmm mixed feelings? I think I like the originals better still (tho Cad looks nice and sparkly)

Jester explaining all the reasons why Fjord totally deserves the sword <3

Lol Nott’s like "give us our stuff back now"

Beau having some muscle envy xD

Hot boiiiii

[[MORE]]

Beau is the best annoying friend I love her so much

The source being himself instead or U’kotoa <3 <3

That’s so FREAKING COOL I love the visual of that

Uh oh... Dairon?? Are you hooome?

Dodudodoo donuts!

Uh ohhhh

Use that neat new Paladin stuff!

"We’re very sorry to have provided you excellent cover"

Dairon is being kinda rude. Like they’re not even home it’s not like she actually has to clean that much.

Hot boiiiiiii! :D

Sometimes I still worry that he’s gonna betray them and it’ll hurt me

Cad and Jester offering to go with Caleb to talk to her

"Widogast"

Caleb babe why confirm who you are babe why

Is he wanting to figure out whether other people are worth saving?

"I had my heart beaten out of me a long time ago. Now it’s about guiding history. Always has been." Yikes.

"Good men don’t conquer. They die, and are forgotten. I’ll die, and be forgotten. But at least I know that some of my deeds will help change the course of history."

"I’m sure he’ll fine you. He’ll be happy to finish what he couldn’t." That’s a big nope from me.

C: "Did you know Astrid, and Edowulf? Are they still alive?"

Prisoner: "I know them better than you do."

C:" That’s probably true."

C: "Maybe if I could talk with you and see one einch of change I wouldn’t have to believe we’re all damned."

C: "You’ve made what I had to do very plain."

Don’t. Like.

FUCK

FUUUUCK

fucking fuck she stabbed him

OUCH 26?! Holy fuck

Please somebody stop her kill her

Good thing the clerics came

Oh shit of fuck

Nat20 relation that gets him 2pts lol

Fuck her uuuuup

Essek that’s kinda badass

Listen I’m not saying Essek fucked her up specifically because she fucked Caleb up buuuuuut

Also I’m gonna need art of worried Cad and Jester saving Caleb and dragging him out STAT

Let’s not talk to the dead guys I don’t think Caleb needs anymore trauma

Or we’re gonna okay that’s fine

We’re not gonna tbh that’s something I prefer

He’s trying to help you guys don’t push him and don’t cross the line

I love Essek a lot

Liam/Caleb I need you to stop being guilty/tragic/soft

Essek "I am always patronizing" Theylass

"Drawing the potential from discarded timelines" oh fuck what

Essek: sees Caleb gets stabbed, turns the person who stabbed him into a human pretzel, agrees to show him more dunemancy. Amazing.

Wow that was a long break

Ooooo anti-gravity object floating spell

Okay you can’t do it to people BUT can you do it to armor that people are wearing

Okay so... immovable objects spell. Very cool.

"Maybe" ohhhh Essek’s giving him stuff he shouldn’t?

I can’t decide how I feel about that

"Friends" ffffff see I do like that but I still worry. Like what are his motives?

Oh unused potential from dead timelines that sounds BADASS

????? The fuck??

OKAY THATS COOL

"Echoes. Potential selves left to fade in unrealized timelines" oh lord

That sounds... dangerous

But also damn Matt this dunemancy stuff is very cool I can’t believe he came up with this stuff on his own

Gasp the echoes can cast a single spell before they disappear that could be so handy!

"An even weaker Wizard than I am" lol Caleb

"I see great peril and lots of time changing and this little part here looks like a mouse..." xD

Essek is such a bitch and I love him so much

Aww Caleb making sure Jester knows she’s strong and skilled too

And now she’s offering him someone to talk to about what happened IM CRY

God guys I love their friendship

She bought him paper that he couldn’t afford and then extra gold dust for pranks xD

Matt is scared already lolllll

Nott teasing Fjord about being "religious" is gonna be great fun I can tell

To Yeza: "HEY WE’RE SAFE. TRIPOD. WHO MADE. WHERE FROM. WHAT FOR?"

Did we know he was 16/17 when all this went down because I don’t think I realized and I’m crushed

"Hi dad" Jester honey

Oh Jester sweetheart

Cad’s talking to the wildmom and in the background Fjord zaps a fly

Somebody make art of that where Cad’s meditating and Fjord’s swatting flies with his new sword

I like Beau and Dairon’s relationship

"I am proud of you" WOW THOSE ARE SOME BEAU FEELS COMING IN

AYYYY MY GIRL’S A FULL EXPOSITOR NOW

I... don’t want them going anywhere near Trent or any of those people

Oh lord y’all gonna ask Essek again?

GASP GO SEE KIRI

Essek’s like "please stop asking me to transport you everywhere"

‘Sup Traveler

"Your friends are coming, yes?" Hmmm

>_>

If he ends up being a jerk who hurts Jester I will crawl through my screen and rip off his head

Y’all need to call ahead and tell Yussah you’re coming

Caleb collects porciline cats??

She gonna give Dairon the medallion

This can’t possibly go wrong

Dairon! Cares! So! Much!

They are making Matt pull out every male NPC he has tonight lol

Oh no

Oh Yasha oh no

Is she killing Colbalt Soul people??

Baby girl :’(

"Vince fails to pull his weight. The angel will see my deeds superior."

Oh godddd I hate this

"The heart buried within the lotus den, and the heart entrusted to the elves within the Velthiel?"

Fuck no don’t like

"Pierced by the tears that run down" YASHAAAAAA

Juriel’s?

Oh no they were in Zedash

They’re all a bit lost, too many ways to go. Can’t wait to see what they decide to do once we come back.

Love you too guys! Have a safe trip Matt!!

#cr spoilers #critical role #emi watches critical role

[bigskydreaming]

fhalkfhaklfhlkak i hate this

TW really truly literally ruined the word ‘spark’ for me. Like the whole damn word. I hear it now and I’m like, NOPE, like...idk, some people who cringe when they hear the word moist or panties. Apologies to anyone who hates those words and cringed, i dont actually know if thats a thing or if like, I just have weird friends. Probably just the latter.

But anyways, Im just like...lmfao. Its so visceral too? Like I have this one original project, Waveriders, that I’ve been fiddling with off and on in the background of other projects for awhile, might have talked about it on here, idk, I don’t keep track. 

Basically its a far future sci-fi novel/setting for linked shorter works set on a gas giant that was settled by humans who figured that they can’t possibly be stepping on anyone’s toes there, its a freaking gas giant, hello, no one’s home, right? They literally have to make their own ground by using technology to form anti-gravity wells in the habitable zone of the atmosphere and like, make floating cities and then these kind of buoys scattered across the planet that create these electromagnetic currents that flow in specific ‘routes’ between the cities, and people travel between them in these flying ships that use magnetized hulls and solar sails to ride these currents, and blah blah blah, yada yada yada, bc like, why would I resist an opportunity to have floating cities and sky pirates and ancient cyborg machine dragons? Doesn’t make sense. 

Anyway, so couple thousand years after settling this planet, and by then for Plotty Reasons there are people who have what’s called waveriding abilities, like they can ‘hack’ certain wavelengths or types of energy and manipulate them in various ways, but only one kind of energy per person, and they each have their own little names and niches. 

So, y’know, basically just like ATLA, except for like, its energy powers and there are cyborg machine dragons and floating cities and sky pirates, obvsly. Plus areas of totally fucked up gravity called the badlands that are all like, criminal underworld metropolis because normal people are like lol nope, we like it when up is up and down is down, all of this is very just...nope. And also because shocking and totally unexpected plot twist, they were totally wrong about the planet being uninhabited just cuz it didn’t have Earth type ground...like, so in addition and on top of and in conjunction with all of the above and whatnot, there are these beings called Chaos Angels, that are basically like sentient quantum waveforms that can take any shape or appearance, but just, have no physical substance and yet are really good at faking that they’re not totally there when they fuck with humans, which they do a lot, because well. Why not, y’know?

But other than that, its exactly like ATLA. I’m a derivative hack. I disgust myself, truly I do.

BUT the point of this particular synaptic misfire aka ADHD ramble, is that so, okay, these different types of not!benders are all called waveriders as an overall umbrella term, but with ten different subsets of this in total, right? So people who can ‘hack’ light and manipulate it in various ways are called brightriders, and people who are tuned into soundwaves are called echo-riders, and some can manipulate the more electricity-skewed side of the electromagnetic spectrum and those are shockriders and the ones who skew more to the magnetic side are steelriders but I’m probably gonna change that because it sounds like a porno? Yeah no, just saw it outside of my notes for the first time and can confirm, definitely sounds like a porno so they’re not gonna be called steel-riders, but they will be called something steel-rider-esque. You get it.

And then there are the five weird ones that people aren’t totally quite sure how their waveriding shticks work because the kinds of energy they hack aren’t like....the kinds that work in the same way as the others with their easily discernible and patternistic wavelengths, and scientists and scholars are always arguing like but skyriders aren’t even in the same FIELD as the other waverider types because gravity isn’t even an actual ENERGY, just because we talk about gravity waves doesn’t mean they’re remotely the same thing as lightwaves, they make no SENSE, and I’m just like hahaha, I am your god, fictional scientists. Fucking deal with it. Plus it does make sense, you just don’t know the Secret Rules and Logistics that I do, pfft. 

Anyway, so the other types are boomriders who hack kinetic energy and skyriders of course obviously manipulate gravity, and then the last three are really weird, and super rare and thus don’t really have set names and just have lots of nicknames and are often just thought to be rumors. So those are the bio-riders who manipulate chemical energy though it often gets mistakenly referred to or just handwaved as being ‘life energy’ as though that’s a thing, ugh future way advanced people are so dumb sometimes, honestly. But so they can manipulate biological processes in various ways and do things with healing and also hurting, and basically just don’t piss one off ever. Like. You’ll die. And then there’s the psi-riders, who are essentially psychics and hack brainwaves, and I’m not at all bitter that I lack the balls to just go for broke and call them ghost riders like I want to, because ghost riders obviously sounds way cooler?? But also, Marvel would definitely sue?? Because they’re just, like that. 

And like, the last of the Weird Ones are the ones so super rare and also so hard to actually....tell if someone actually IS one, that most people think they don’t actually even exist and are just an unsubstantiated like, theoretical idea some scientist had once while high and then just, never shut up about so eventually the idea caught on. And those are the quantum-riders, or luck-riders, basically they theoretically manipulate quantum wavelengths in ways that are almost impossible to identify, like theoretically they wouldn’t even know they were doing it? Anyway, so lots of times, what are actually quantum-riders are just jealously thought to be like, really fucking lucky assholes. Even though the way their powers work really don’t have anything to do with luck or even probability, specifically, like that’s a simplistic approximation and its more like they manipulate possibilities but also shut up me, nobody cares.

ANYWAY, people who can count and who actually bothered to would probably notice by now like the funky little geniuses they are that all of those still only adds up to nine. And that’s because of the last one, the one that SHOULD go up in the brightrider, shockrider, notpornIswear!steel-rider hierarchy or taxidermy or whatever the fuck. And these are the ones who manipulate what’s essentially thermal energy, or more accurately the microwave-skewing side of the ultraviolet spectrum whereas brightriders are just the ones who skew more to the infrared side of it.

And the long and short of all of this Unnecessary-ness and the source of my fit of pique and ensuing ramble-palooza....is that ORIGINALLY, they were SUPPOSED to be called sparkriders.

But OBVIOUSLY I can’t call them that anymore, because like. I tried, and I was like ugh you drama queen slash whiny pissbaby, it was just a shitty teen supernatural show and SPARK WAS NEVER EVEN CANON, do not let THEM win and ruin a perfectly good classification name! But I did. I did let it ruin them, and its. Well. Its a problem, because I kept thinking up ways to kill off the sparkrider characters for absolutely no reason at all instead of like....thinking up ways to make the plot do what it was outlined to do in their parts of the story.

This may come like, way out of left field, and just SHOCK and STUN and BEWILDER some of you, like....no way, srsly? But yeah, true story, among my many canon mental neuroses like ADHD, PTSD, magical depression hour and super fun anxiety like....there is a tiny possibility (aka actual diagnosis) that while I don’t talk about this much, or ever really, I do have a smidge of ye old OCD? Its not like, a big thing and doesn’t really affect my daily routines and that’s pretty much why I never usually bring it up or list it alongside the rest of the crap on my neurodivergence resumé or whatever, because like, there’s already WAY too many misconceptions out there about what OCD actually is and what constitutes it, and tons of people are always jokingly but also thinking they’re kinda half serious, like ‘oh I’m so OCD about this and this and that’ and its like. LOL. Are you though? You sure?

Anyway, but point being, the way mine manifests for me is like...not actually a problem? Like, I don’t actually have any REAL complaints about it at all, just half-assed little fits of pique ones like this, which is the other part of why I never bring it up, because too often ppl just can’t fathom that OCD or even any kind of neurodivergence can be...WANTED, or a good thing, and lololol, that’s ableism, folks. But its true, I don’t actually mind mine at all, even if it occasionally makes things frustrating, when I get stuck like I am now. But the flip side of it is....its actually a pretty huge part of my creativity and just the way my mind works in general....like, what people accredit to me being particularly insightful about character analysis or drawing connections or stuff like that in meta or fics or my novels or worldbuilding...that’s what it is. That’s my OCD in action. 

My brain like...REQUIRES that I find patterns in....pretty much everything. Even day to day mundane stuff too, though like I said, its mild enough there that it doesn’t fuck with my routines too much, but like, I have to order things into nice, neat patterns and groupings. And if there aren’t any that are immediately obvious, I kinda pretty much HAVE to dig deeper until I find some on a slightly deeper level, something beneath the surface or first glance, and keep going until I find something.....or worst case scenario, I have to like....add stuff and embellish and fill in gaps with my own ‘content’ until I have the rough edges rounded off into something that CAN be stacked neatly atop some other part of the story or whatever it is I’m focusing on? And the obsessive-compulsive part for me is like, lol, I gotta find it SOMEWHERE, SOMEHOW. 

My brain literally won’t shut off or grudgingly accept being diverted to a different subject until I’ve made some kind of pattern or flowchart or classification system. It will literally keep me up for hours, going over the same things over and over from every angle until I find SOME way to....reassemble or restructure it in some nice, neat little order of some type. I mean that’s basically what it is. My brain insists on me forming some semblance of order out of any glimpse I have of what I would otherwise term creative chaos. And it won’t give up until it gets what it wants, which when you throw in my ADHD and how often I’ll get derailed off on slight tangents but with my OCD then sooner or later forcing me back to the original focus, rinse and repeat ad nauseam....like. LOL. I learned to operate on very little sleep from a pretty young age by necessity, its just...my brain, dudes. Its just like that.

But the perks are like, I pretty much think this is WHY I’m so creative....because my brain, for as long as I can remember, has always just kinda....forced me to be? Also probably has a lot to do with well...eh, I don’t need to talk about that right now. Whatever. Anyway, point being, so....I do like the end results very much so, and for all its....Why Must You Be Like This eccentricities, I’m quite attached to my brain and would not be very likely to agree to a trade even were one possible. I mean don’t get me wrong, I could do without the PTSD and anxiety, if we’re just, like....talking some pruning shears or whatever, but the actual creative machinery, I’m keeping. Ultimately it just means I really fucking like patterns and finding patterns or making patterns where previously there were none, or at least none that were easy to spot.

But ugh, man, these are the rare times when I’m like omg, just call it a day, we don’t ACTUALLY have to come up with the perfect replacement name for that one relatively small and insignificant detail of a much larger story that isn’t even in the Top Ten list of my main priorities at the moment. And my asshole of a brain is just like....yeah no, we gotta. You know the rules dude, you decided it was official, that name didn’t work anymore and was never gonna, so now we gotta find a replacement or else things will be UNEVEN?? The pattern will be...missing a piece? There will be CHAOS AND ANARCHY IN THE STREETS THAT RUNNETH OVER WITH BLOOD? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??

And so I’m like....literally sitting here googling synonyms for spark because I’m just like that sometimes, lmfao. Oh and of course its gotta be a GOOD replacement, naturally. I can’t just shoehorn in a somewhat acceptable substitute that in the back of my mind I’m expecting to only be temporary, until I come up with something better. See, because my brain will KNOW, and it will NOT be okay with that, because that is CHEATING. And my brain, apparently, has strong feelings about cheating, which is weird and fairly unexpected of me, IMO.

Anyway, kudos to anyone who actually read through that instead of scrolling, I honestly have zero idea why I felt like sharing it, I just did and thus I did. *shrugs*