#what the fuck are our sleep schedules??

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Hrmm. It's 6:30am, I have to wake up at 9am, but my friend and I are still deep in conversation. Should I even go to bed now?

#weve been texting for two hours at this point #it doesnt feel like its been that long. absolutely wild #my sleep schedule has steadily been moving later and later #but no matter when i go to sleep i have to wake up at 9 to feed and take out my dog #i isually hang out with him for a few hours and then nap until the early afternoon #but 6:30 is a new best. lately its been 4 or 5. not this bad #im also deeply craving a mcdonalds cheeseburger rn whoch sucks cuz mcdonalds sucks and we're boycotting it #but i really just want a shity cheeseburger. yknow #and i want to stay awake all night texting her #she said she woke up at 2:30am (3:30am my time) so it makes sense that shes awake #what the fuck are our sleep schedules?? #also I'm reading a horror book and im easily spooked #but i have rats and theyre making little rat noises and scaring me every time #I'm actually so tired. I'm realizing. but i sincerely don't want to stop talking to her #sunrise is in 45 minutes. maybe ill take my puppy for a little sunrise walk #my sibling is gonna wake up to find us both missing at the ungodly hour of 7:30am and think we were kidnapped #im just saying shit now. theres no point to anything im saying. i just like to talk #goodnight. except this def wont be the last incomprehensible block of text i post tonight

[bunnyb34r]

Hopefully now that the ac is uncovered we can use it and cut down on my allergies 😩 please...

#marquilla #my chest huuuuuuurts bitch stupid fucking trees #im just hoping the furnace guy didnt unplug the ac unit when he was here in October? November? idr anyway thats what happened #a few years ago and we didnt know YOU can just flip the switch essentially and we were sweating our asses off waiting for the ac guy and he #couldnt come for a month in the middle of an 80 degree spring but i was so fed up i looked it up myself and i was so mad it was that easy #like we used to bring up the old fans and just sleep with ice packs bc the techs keep such booked out schedules and we thought THEY had to #do something to it like shut something off and the ac on but nope it was just one thing

[thethingything]

had to lay down. woke up at nearly 7am. got overwhelmed by our sleep schedule once again being fucked because yesterday we actually went to bed at roughly the right time and thought "oh this is great we've fixed it". decided that we're just gonna deal with it and it'll be fine. and then our brain decided that no actually we're gonna have a combination of emotions that's maybe gonna give me another breakdown if I can't figure out how to deal with them but I have no fucking clue what to do with them

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #I fucking hate this. we barely did anything yesterday because we were too fatigued and then slept at a weird time #and we're still too fatigued to do much and we need to do the stuff we'd normally do before bed #and by the time we've done that we'll probably need to nap because we will feel so much worse if we don't #and I don't want to have to try and fit my whole day around trying to fix my sleep schedule but once again what else do I fucking do #and the whole last month has been like this over and over and it's because we got covid in February and have been way more fatigued #so we have to keep laying down and when we do that we just pass the fuck out #also waking up at like 7am (shortly before what should be our bedtime) leads to us feeling really sick #the way we used to feel when we had to get up early for college. like our body can't handle it and makes us feel like shit #and to top it all off the emotional shit I'm dealing with has nothing to do with this and it just another overwhelming thing on top of it #dysphoria and homesickness my fucking beloathed #I just want to be awake at the right time and have a nice stress free day and feel relaxed for once #like we keep trying to take time to relax and set aside time to do something fun and relieve some stress #and we still end up just as stressed and when we decided to spend a whole day just trying to relax we just ended up even more anxious #I'm so fucking tired. just let me sleep at the right time. just let me fucking relax for once in my life

[girldraki]

the sentiment is very sweet but something is literally just wrong with us

#if that’s directed at us #our bedroom is essentially the same as it always is which means there’s a physical problem of some sort #….or we fucked up our sleep schedule so hard last night that we’ll end up falling asleep at 3 minimum no matter what we do 😬 #at any rate we are eating and taking melatonin and then actually trying to go to sleep lol #<- kind of assumed we’d get tired in a normal fashion while watching tv but we blink and it’s 2:00

[notjanine]

i am in suuuuuch a weird headspace rn, my brain is like. i want half a boyfriend i want a husband i want an easy carefree hookup i want to have sex with only one more person in my entire life i want to have a slut era i want someone to fall in love with me i want to ruin a man's life. who am i

#like okay i said that guy was messy and maybe i am messy too #but only internally! i can at least be consistent and honest in my communication and behavior #but idek what is going on with me #is this a belated quarter life crisis is this being thirty is this what happens when grad school and an internship scramble your brain #scramble your brain so hard that your emotions and physical desires also go haywire #this month is gonna be so weird for me and like i'm depressed enough to not care if i live or die which is when i do my best flirting #and i (theoretically) will have enough time off to take care of myself and get good sleep and do skincare and hair care and work out #and do all the little things to make myself feel more confident #anyway all i know is. i have baby steps initiated progress on some things. #but also the mutually agreed upon six-month post-breakup communication moratorium with my ex is almost up and i am half tempted to call him #i am also half tempted to mess with the OTHER guy in our internship cohort even though that would be THEE messy bitch move #(do not let me do it physically stop me from doing it if it seems like i'm going to) #(but y'know he's. nice. nearby. single. quietly hilarious and has full lips and a similar schedule to my own. pls stop me) #(we might hang out next week. i will not WILL NOT invite him over. i repeat do NOT let me invite him over) #earlier this week i talked to a close very cool and fun and social friend about wanting to start dating again and she was like #Oh i know like ten guys for you lemme have another party and invite all of them and you #and i'm thisclose to being like. actually just fucken see if any of them will go on a blind date with me next weekend. #what the FUCK is wrong with me rn #ANYWAY lemme go work out and finally start the vampire show #bc exercise will distract my body and that toxic relationship bullshit will put a damper on these desires right. right?? #starting to understand why so many religions are like watch out for sins of the flesh or whatever. like how they're like temptation is bad. #lizzo_boys.mp3

[muffinrag]

every day i grow increasingly concerned that i don't actually like any of my friends and they don't actually like me

#brain's automatic solution is 'run away' #but i think i should probably take it a little more slowly. maybe more of a drift away #our friendship feels so... surface level... it's all jokes #part of it is that they're either not willing or not able to be friends with the person im becoming #here's the deal: im not going to revert to a terminally online video game gremlin with a dogshit sleep schedule #i don't want to be that person anymore and i'm not going to turn back into that person just because my 'friends' would prefer me that way #i might not know what im doing or where im going or who i am but i know i'm not gonna fucking remake myself in somebody's else's image agai #never again. #soliloquy

[united-under-skyfall]

.

#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to #get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all #at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without #radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up #it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping #and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place #so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are #gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park #or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years #and it's only been a week. #and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold #super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking. #and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so #few options and i volunteered for it in the first place #and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises #of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block #just. what am i even doing here. #tag ramble

[the-furies]

a fun thing about existing here is that nobody actually cares about our sleep schedule. And by fun I mean GIRLIES we cannot keep staying up til 5,

#pk;m pain threshold🔴 #But now we're aware of the issue it's time to slowly start working our schedule back to normal #maybe breaking our adhd meds in half and taking it that way isn't helpful actually. #idk. i don't fuck with meds that's not my fuckin jurisdiction #i am making us sleep Right Naow and I am making us wake up at Before 12 pm and I will make us take our meds At Around 12. #see if thst works. idk #me walking back up front: hey guys hows our wri—why are we wide awake. | vol: ... I have no impulse control. 👍 #what's funny actually is that vol Does. except vol's impulse control comes in the form of 4 guys #all of whom need their Own impulse control . i think maybe we r a mess collectively #goodnight. pain stopped bte ✌️

[yuribalisms]

If someone could just like…. Stab me through the eye that would be great idk

#idk what it is about today but I feel… terrible #not physically just mentally #and not even in a way that’s easy to place I just want to lay in the floor and melt into it #tbh I think it is premature exhaustion and anxiety ABOUT the exhaustion #because tomorrow we have two new apartment tours #and then Thursday (which is my other day off this week) I have that first therapy appointment #so my brain is not classifying either of those days as actual ‘days off’ #(and I mean they’re not they will both be extremely draining) #AND THEN one of the store’s big managers insisted on doing the schedule instead of letting our department manager do it #so it’s sooooo fucked up and I won’t have a day off until NEXT Thursday and he scheduled me a bunch of inconsistent morning/evening shifts #so…. I am…. going to have literally no free time for like two weeks straight #no time to decompress no time to do things I think are fun no time to catch up on sleep #and my mom keeps messaging me about getting a new car which yes I need a new car and I WANT a new car and I’m finally in a position to GET #a new car #but she’s like ‘you have to go test drive a bunch of cars to find the one you REALLY want and then we’ll negotiate for it with you’ #but I cannot stress enough that I would genuinely rather kill myself than go to a dealer ship and test drive cars by myself #I also just do not give a shit about cars there is never going to be one I ‘love’ because cars are cars I just want one that functions #I don’t CARE which one it is or how it drives or what the fuck ever I will NEVER care #but she keeps insisting I do it and I know they won’t help me go negotiate if I don’t do this first 😭 #and I have a dentist appointment for the first time in like three years in a couple weeks and I know I probably have so many cavities #from when I got super depressed for like four months and didn’t brush my teeth at all #and I am just so overwhelmed #new apartment hunting new car shopping new therapist dentist appointment AAAGGGHHHH #I thought it might be a good idea to do it all at once so it’s all over with and I don’t have to have like four month period where it’s just #hopping from one thing to the other #except now I am just exhausted and overwhelmed and grumpy and feel like I can’t handle ANY of it let alone all of it #maybe one of the new apartments will go well tomorrow so at least I can cross that off and budget new rent prices…. #ugh #kaz rambles

[nexus-nebulae]

ugh

#slight vent #sorry #hate nearly fixing my sleep schedule and it's almost perfect #and then something bad happens and brain is fucked #so now i HAVE to stay awake and do damage control bc if we sleep like this we'll have awful nightmares and all that bullshit #and i have to stay up and calm us down #i don't hate the having to calm us down but I'm pissed that it HAD to happen in the middle of the night #like this fucker couldn't have ruined my day at noon instead of midnight #and now we have to do damage control for what that fucker did and its fucked up our sleep AGAIN so fucking soon after we JUST fixed it #which every time we fix it and break it the cycle just gets faster every time and it's fucking our sense of time up more and more #one week I'll be nocturnal the next i won't be #it used to be a month cycle not a week cycle

[beykhabarr]

I love her but I almost hate her kids they drive me insane

#so rude and entitled #what's ours is theirs but they flip the world over and cry on thr floor if i as much as touch something that's theirs #god #and such a shrill yelling voice #fucking hell #i can't eat anything IN MY OWN HOUSE without them absolutely bending backwards to get it #i dont want to share my oreos or my chocolates #i dont want to have to cook special things for them every day #i don't want to make brunches for them because they cant wake up early enough to have breakfast #i dont want a literal 2 year old to scream and cry when I step in MY OWN FUCKING ROOM #to have them touch all of my stuff #just #im very #troued #i have a lot of shit to do and they're ruining my #scheduled #i couldn't go for a run today because the elder child who sleeps beside me woke up ans started crying and screamjng because he wantrf to #come with #dude? its 6 AM its literally dark outside i dont want to have to babysit while i exersise in front of literal strangers #i am not taking someone else's child with me to my morning run that I'm doing to keep myself from ending everything #i hate hate hate that they now know we keep extra snacks in the storeroom snd #and knkw exactly where we put them so now its *their* collective snack to share #literally what the fuck I'm soooo angry

[thethingything]

accidentally slept at the wrong time yet again because our back pain got really bad and we needed to lay down because of it.

I'm trying so hard to fix our sleep schedule and it's not working and as usual sleeping at the wrong time is fucking me up and making it way harder to cope with everything else

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #part of the issue is that when our sleep schedule gets fucked up we end up being a lot more tired overall #so if we lay down chances are we will just fall asleep regardess of what time it is #but at times our fatigue and back pain get so bad we can't stay sat up #especially if we've recently overexerted (and in this case we have flu vaccine side effects making us feel worse too) #so I'm stuck in a position where whatever I do I'm gonna feel like shit in some way or another and I fucking hate it

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

i’ve seen enough rug cleaning videos to know what i’m talking about so i can say this knowledgeably. at what point is it like. not worth it. at what point are you just wasting water and your time and my time. at what point do you accept that the rug is never going to be completely clean. i hate it when they pull out like. a shower rug that’s just plain blue and they go over it like five times with the soap machine thingy and they hose it down ten times and there’s always more dirt because idk they pulled this out of a dump for tiktok views and it’s like. give it up bro no one likes this no one cares about that rug not you not the people that threw it out not the person that’s going to buy it from whatever thrift store you donate it to once you’ve filmed your video. certainly your viewers don’t like these tiny boring ass rugs. like wow the original color is beige. groundbreaking. you’re making these videos for hate views and we all know it just leave the rugs in the garbage oh my god. do better. sorry that your rug cleaning business needs to be financially supported with youtube and tiktok money but this isn’t the way…

#ok i need to go to sleep. also need to email my professor that this thing is gonna be turned in late because girl i did not type anything. #why is the deadline 8pm on a saturday anyway. girl i’ve got stuff to do #it’s whatever she seems chill as long as you get it in by sunday #also. i’ve done every other assignment for this woman on time and showed up to every class. so like. come on #and i have two classes with her. and i have done everything for both i have never missed a class i have never turned anything in late to her #she like. legally can’t be a dick about this right #also not to be a bitch but my second draft is going to be better than kevin’s. (her favorite). so. #have i complained about kevin here. his screenplay is not good. i hate it. i mean it’s good in the way that it’s not bad. but i hate it #it’s like a terrible la la land imitation and his protagonist fucking sucks #he wants me to think the protagonist is like passionate about his dream but everything he does comes off as like. he doesn’t have what it #takes and he’s pretending not to know it. because like he doesn’t have another plan outside of things just Working Out #he’s so average white guy its unreal. well. kevin is also an average white guy so. #but he’s our professor’s favorite little average white guy. apparently #like he seems like he should be better at this stuff and it really bothers me that his screenplay is so bad. man you actually make movies #you should be good at this? why aren’t you good at this? why is this an annoying la la land imitation?? what are you DOING #its masturbatory is what it is. actually. like i can’t SAY that to him in class but i’ve been thinking it the whole time. sorry man. #beth.txt #anyway. goodnight laptop goodnight unfinished work goodnight email i’m about to schedule for tomorrow at 12:27.

[arggghhhsstuff]

not to be dramatic but having a tag limit on this app seems kinda homophobic to me

#no it's not actually homophobic call down #fucking hell #but there's a rule out there #it goes like this: #if something midly bothers a queer person they're allowed to make a scene about it and calling it homophobia #don't laugh at our coping mechanisms okay #yes it is a real rule #what do you mean 'no'? #yes it is #I WAS THERE OKAY #hm #it's getting embarrassing #anyway #let's blame my terrible sleep schedule for this one #the important part was #IT'S A JOKE don't bully me i'm sensitive #okay byyyye

[je-suis-problematique]

It's 0232 and I'm feeling tired but not sleepy if that makes sense? I was drawing this whole time, it was fun. I'm taking a break while the iPad charges and, to be honest with you guys, I'm only doing this whole all-nighter thing because I couldn't tolerate the thought of winding down and putting away stimulants. I can't be alone with my thoughts right now and I just wanted to do something nice while I wait for our anxiety meds to be delivered tomorrow (hopefully). I don't know why but I just need the distraction right now.

– Jill

#jill talks #haha traumatized brain say what? #seriously though i just cannot be idle for longer than 5 minutes #fuck our sleep schedule this is my form of self-care #if i'll have to cancel the meeting with our social worker tomorrow in order to catch up on sleep then i fucking will no gods no masters

[hetanatural]

.

#vent #cw for animal death if you read through this #just feel like i have to ramble about this. somewhere. but everyone's asleep rn and i don't wanna randomly pop into someones messages #so to yell at the void in the tags i go #but one of my dogs died today. or yesterday technically. idk it's 4am rn and my sleep schedule's fucked #but yeah. apparently he passed away in his sleep. teddy bear's gone. #which like. shouldn't be that surprising since he was like 13 years old #and he was a maltese and yorkie mix and both of them live to be about 13. he was a little old man #but none of us really expected to lose him before we lost susie who's a little over a year older than him and his mom #and also has been having some health issues. nothing major or serious but enough to be kinda concerning with how old she is #but teddy was perfectly fine. didn't have any issues at all #but i was helping my brother get ready for school and was about to go and watch for the bus #and we were passing by the couch that he loved to sleep on and it just looked like he was asleep on a pillow #and my brother went to pet him and immediately noticed that he was cold #and yeah. a while after that my dad put him in a box and now he's buried in front of the well we have in our backyard #and it's just been kinda hitting me in waves all day #like i'll be fine and then i'll realize he's gone and then i'm fine and then i'll remember what he looked like on the couch #before we realized #and i'm kinda surprised it's affecting me this badly? like. idk. when i lost my cat orange a couple of years ago #who i had since i was like 2 i didn't react like this at all #like of course i was still sad and i miss her but. idk. #maybe it's because there wasn't any build up? like with orange we knew something was wrong #and had a couple of weeks knowing something was wrong and she might not live before she died #and also i didn't see it. my parents were there when she was put down by the vet but i didn't go #but with teddy. i saw the body. thought he was just asleep until my brother tried to pet him #so i guess maybe those combined is why? idk #grief just never. hit me this much this quickly before #also sucks to know we're probably going to be losing susie soon too #we're planning on getting another dog so louisa won't be alone when it happens #she's been with teddy and susie her whole life. we don't want her to be lonely without them so we want to get her a friend