#where the signs spend their money

[xdjville]

i think i've finally come to the point where i got bored of nct zone

#yuqi priv time ! #rip my 4 month streak of logging in everyday #its just idk the updates are not it #it was supposed to be a silly goofy game where i can make fun of neos (esp xiaojun and jaehyun) #but they keep adding stuff and making it super competitive #and one thing about me is that if i cant be the best i will not do it #like wdym the first place gets a signed photocard??? babe i cant stand thay kind of pressure #also you cant really get 1st in anything unless you spend actuall money #and i am not giving anymore money to sm ent

[ioannemos]

some jackass (who really should know better by now bc of all the true crime stories he's read about high-risk lifestyles like prostitution leaving people vulnerable) while reading a true crime story about a different jackass who murdered multiple women who were prostituting themselves (usually to pay for the hardcore drugs their boyfriends got them on): sex work should be legal tho :/ isn't it proven that legalizing it makes it safer?

me, who has seen the Receipts that what he just said is 100% wrong but can also follow basic logic:

#prostitution becomes legal. demand goes up. where do the women come from huh buddy? where do you think they come from? the ether? #you think legality is the only thing keeping a whole lotta women from accepting money from men who want to treat them like literal trash? #you think a whole lotta women will sign up to be degraded? a depressing number might. but enough to meet the demand? #no. once women are products and don't supply themselves someone Will supply them. they will manipulate drug kidnap rape etc #once you start treating humans as products welcome to hell. your slavemaster predecessors are over there go say hi #you think a man who will spend money to degrade a woman is treating them well? you think he respects her?? BRO HE PAID FOR HER #a man who pays for sex has NO respect for the woman. none. so explain to me how that leads to a better society. explain. i'll wait #(this is the same guy who thinks religion is stupid so i should probably just stop watching his videos) #UGH #rape #anti prostitution #personal #abbie needs a twitter #yes i have been up all night it's just the Stress™ that i am handling poorly that's all #you know how it is ahaha #🙃

[nat-20s]

really feelin the consequences of my own actions rn

#AUGH WHY DID I KEEP SPENDING MONEY #so much credit card debt and my stupid fuckin #continually signing up for paypal 4 in 4 #even though i knew even though i fuckin KNEW #that i was supposed to be saving up for a new car AND new place to live #and now im back down to like 5k total rip me #and still have 717 in debt to go augh augh augh augh augh #gonna not be able to do anything that costs more than 10 bucks for a while #which is..fine maybe? #i already have gotten like 95% of the stuff i need for halloween #and other than like. the crj concert i've going to i dont forsee being at anything where i'd spend a lot of money #tldr im an idiot who's terrible with money

[autumnhobbit]

paid half of my therapy balance & made a post on local stuff feeling out a job again. now to not act like me and freak out over nothing.

#tbh idk if i would even want to go back to work #but i miss having spending money & i'd like to help out with the bills without signing my life away lol #i do think if i do something else it would have to be low pressure and not demanding #good luck with that one lol #i wish our job market was where a job was yannow a job #and it was normal for some jobs to be 2-3 days a week

[awek-s-archived]

literally sickens me that ppls criticisms of me even irl is that im not passive enough or that im too ill or too poor or whatever like .. do you really hate me soo much for no reason that you have to invent the most flimsy surface-level frankly concerning and invalid reasons you can for why i don’t deserve basic respect

#especially since I know my own faults down to a T so I’ll own up to it all the time if someone says something that’s genuinely ‘bad’ abt me #it makes me rly fucking sad and depressed lol. #this happens All the time but if I heard correctly my moms bf has some kind of issue w me that he won’t say #and I’ve narrowed it down to me either being depressed and having migraines (bc both come with pains and reserved mood) #or the fact that I have to live at home and subsequently have to Eat and he HATES that they have to spend money on me eating #even tho. i barely get anything bc they eat meat 3 times a day and I mostly don’t #so my daily menu literally consists of maybe a sandwich or a plate of food made from my own brain of some of the most random shit I can find #and it’s not that they don’t feed me or wtv it’s that he does that thing where he complains thinking I’m too stupid to understand what he #means but like I have 2 degrees I think I can decipher what you’re saying lmao #ik it comes from a place of insecurity bc he spends like £100 on alcohol a week and altogether the food I eat in 2 weeks doesn’t even #amount to half of that. but it’s still like. really lmao. #why does everyone always find these fucking issues w me #do you think I want to like. be sick and poor and be unable to find a job for a variety of reasons #do u think I don’t search all the time for ways to get out of here bc I know I’m not wanted like m #i get it!!!! the person I really liked and wanted to be with ditched me. my very best friend ditched me the week after. everyone has always #wanted to ditch me I get it !! im too much baggage and it’s all fun and games til I show signs of mental illness then everyone just leaves. #at least keep it on the downlow so it doesn’t make me feel more awful than I already do. #aweks.txt

[malkaviian]

"frustrated" doesn't even beings to cover how i feel rn

#first i forgot to sign up to introduction to philosophy; thus i didn't got the password to the online classroom #which means i couldn't join the first class yesterday. #secondly now i stayed up until 5 a.m. and when my alarm for the class i had today went off i kept sleeping #and when i woke up it was too late to do anything. and i feel embarrassed about going late to my first class so i will not go. #also i have no money in my account to even buy myself breakfast or anything to eat because i had to spend it on #a fucking BOTTLE OF PEPSI and a SNACK BAG yesterday because everything is so expensive #and also i think i'm pissing off someone but i don't know if my brain is picking patterns where there isn't any or it's true. #negative

[strawberryshortpace]

My favorite fact I just learned about my grandad is he’s technically apart of the NRA even though he has never given them money or supported anything they’ve ever done BUT they send him free shit with their logo on it so he doesn’t leave cause he’s convinced he’s costing them a lot of money

#the stuff he gets are like flashlights #multitools #and portable chargers #they’re not really losing any money #honestly not sure why I’m surprised when he help raise the guy who would spend all his free time running around stealing pro-Trump signs #off people’s yards #he’s getting excited for election season just so he can take the hobby back up #He stopped cause anyone w a Trump sign up no where close to elections definitely will shoot anything that moves on their property

[riverfigs]

I've been talking about this with literally everyone I know because I'm incapable of deciding but I can't decide what I'm gonna do for study abroad ACK

#like #my school has an agreement with another one and the forms for that are due on the 5th #and I didn't plan on going because it's right where I live and why would I go home? #but things have actually been pretty good at home and with my family and I feel mentally stable enough to be in my hometown #but for a whole semester? potentially #although I was getting testy after just a month but I was surrounded by and only saw my family and if I study here I'd be on campus w/frien #however since freshmen year of high school I've been wanting to go to Korea and learn Korean and learn about Korean culture #and this would be the perfect time to do this because when else am I gonna be able to dedicate time to just go to Korea and learn Korean? #like when else will I 'have' the money or the time to do this? it would feel like a shot in the foot to not go now #and also I rearranged my schedule and even ended up overloading last semester to get into the singular Korean spot that opened last minute #and I was so excited and i would tell everyone that I was going #but I went home and started thinking about the college back home and it has a lot more I could do academically than at my own university #and so now both are pretty good options #and I kinda wanna vomit sorta kinda not really #I think I can fill out the form and then take a few more months to think about it because I don't have to pay the deposit until end of june #but I'm also worried about what if I sign it and then am unable to back out and then I regret it and then I have to spend a whole semester #at this university back home in my hometown close to everyone and everything #and again it'd be good acadmically but I'm really terrified about if I'll regret not going to Korea #usually I'll make a decision and then think through if I regret it or not so hopefully something similar will happen here #but I'm also prone to regret even when I stand on my decisions so I'm unsure how to really tell what I'm thinking #I've been making lists and all of what I wrote here is on there plus some more #you guys I can't do this :(

[theloveinc]

really only have abt ... five little edits left to finish the dabi fic, but i don't wanna rush the process so it might be another day or so!

#i would actually try to finish but i have to see someone i dont want to see tomorrow #so i'd rather not be any more grumpy than i already am about it #by not going to bed on time-ish #men are so annoying lmao #this is the guy who confessed to me and i rejected #and like. i really did want to stay friends but i just feel very unsatisfied by the friendship #like last time we hung out i didnt feel good and kept trying to go home and he didnt catch the hint at all #and then admitted he's been letting me OVER pay him back for food he's bought when he hasnt even cared if i did #and like. i noticed that and just thought it was unconscious #but he admitted to keeping more money than he needed to? even tho he didn't even want it? #like it was just weird #cuz he was like 'oh u know it's more money for me and u offer.. so...' #but like... when he was ... 'courting' me ig ... he never actually like ... offered to pay for any food or do anything really chivalrous #hence why im not in love with him or thought he liked me. not that i expect that treatment but it helps to .. show signs #oh and another thing he did last time i saw him.. spent the whole time essentially berating me for being stressed abt school #and told me i was thinking abt the whole thing wrong. without actually like. listening or responding to the problems i was having? #we're in the same cohort blab lbal blah #idk it's just been kind of a downer for me and i have to drive an hour to get to where we're meeting and see a movie i dont want to see #and possibly get a dinner i don't want to spend money on #just for him to not let me go home when i want to #AND THEN DRIVE ANOTHER HOUR HOME IN THE DARK #i feel sick lowkey but like #im hoping i'll have fun when im there you know? #dabi where are u when i need u #anyway wish me luck lol #caitie blabs #rant tw

[astronaut-executable]

i've been playing palia the past few days and i know it's closed beta not final product etc etc but it's just kind of... boring to me idk? and confusing like they explain not nearly enough i've had to google sooo much stuff as has the friend i have who's been playing it. a lot of ppl are enjoying it it looks like so that's good but the fact that you can't even interact with furniture like sitting is just so... like if you're building a game around furnishing like this (not the main goal of the game but it's a big part of it) i expect to be able to sit on a chair or something yk? this reddit post sums up my feelings pretty well. again i'm glad there are people enjoying it it isnt like the world's worst game or anything i just personally dont find it entertaining

#rant #astronautexe.txt #like it just doesn't grab my attention at all #i wanted to like it but it's just running simulator #especially because the teleport to home has a 20 MINUTE cooldown #and there is fast travel via these signs around town #but they dont tell you that at ALL i figured it out by accident #like maybe im just dumb and missing dialogue but #i had to get the leather/fabric for the glider like first day of closed beta right #and i JUST got it today. like three days of gameplay later. #because i was like 'i dont want to spend all that money on the mats from tish so hopefully it'll tell me soon where to get them' #she gives you a recipe after you level up your crafting. #i hadnt done any crafting up until this point because i cant actually interact with my furniture so what's the point of it??? #anyways idk. i dont like this game very much it's just kind of boring

[softlyfiercely]

DO NOT VOLUNTEER TO BE A CO-SIGNER OR GUARANTOR FOR SOMEONE ON TUMBLR.

I just saw a 'mutual aid' post going around where instead of asking for donations, the person was asking someone to be a "guarantor" - also known as a "co-signer" - for their rent.

DO NOT DO THIS.

I am all for mutual aid. I think credit scores are a scam designed to fuck poor people. I get it. I do. BUT. Being a guarantor/co-signer for someone basically means that if they don't pay what they owe, for whatever reason, their landlord, bank, creditors, etc. can and will come after you for the full amount.

It seems like such an easy way to help someone. You don't need to pay any money, just lend them your name and good reputation so they can get permission to borrow and spend their own money. It feels like you're getting one over on the shitty capitalist system and using your privilege of good credit/income to help someone else.

But it is a HUGE risk. Do not do this. All it does is give that shitty system more ways to get their hooks into you and create tons of problems for you down the line.

You can really fuck yourself over in the long run by getting tangled up in a financial situation like this. Even co-signing for someone in your life who you trust, like a sibling or a parent, can be really risky. No matter how much you trust someone not to purposefully leave you holding the bag, now you're on the hook if they end up with financial problems neither of you anticipated.

Do not co-sign for another person's loan, car, rent, etc. unless you are able and prepared to pay the full amount or subject yourself to the mercy of whatever that person gets themselves into.

ESPECIALLY do not do this for someone on the internet, where scams are rife. Do not share your personal information with people online and NEVER allow someone else to use your personal information for their finances.

Here is an article with more information.

#signal boost #mutual aid #personal finance #financial literacy #scams

[sexybritishllama]

in further neopets discord news, oh boy is there drama in my awful virtual pet game website today. strap in if you want way too much information on neopets’ broken economy

for some context, an event has just launched called the faerie festival. this is the first event to be run by the ‘new’ TNT (aka. the neopets team aka. the staff) since the leadership change, and they've said in recent editorials that this year’s faerie festival is going to be a combo of two previous popular events:

the faerie quest event, wherein people can get a free quest from a faerie every day in exchange for a reward (something that’s normally limited to random special events and therefore quite rare)

the charity corner, a highly requested event that hasn’t run since 2020, where you can donate random items to get points that can then be exchanged in a prize shop

there’s a LOT of ultimately worthless items on neopets that people gather from doing dailies and things, but charity corner actually gave a use to hoarding all of these, so people have wanted it back for ages. people have been going out of their way to hoard extra junk items for like 2 months now, after TNT teased the event in an editorial

this event was originally meant to start on 20th august, but got delayed 2 weeks, presumably because of issues behind the scenes. people were generally a bit disappointed but relieved if this meant they were going to get a proper, well prepared event without bugs

flash forward to 2nd october, the actual start of the event. nothing actually opens up for several hours on the day- that’s somewhat waved off by the fact that staff presumably need to be in the office to launch everything, a midnight launch isn’t expected

but, eventually, it opens!

well… kinda. there’s one page with one dialogue scene available and a link to an event page for spending neocash (the premium currency that costs irl money). the faerie quest page is giving out free daily quests, which is nice, but literally just the same as they did back in 2020. where’s the item recycling part? did this really need 2 weeks of delay?

the next day, the FAQ page for the event is published neopets support site (but not announced via news). still no sign of the actual event starting- seems like that might not be until moday?

as well as multiple grammatical errors, the FAQ had a few… concerning elements. most notably:

only 10 items could be donated per day

points would be awarded based on the rarity of the item, with the maximum rarity being r200-500, worth 15 points each

this meant people's hoarding of junk items for months was... essentially useless

r200-500 items basically means either hidden tower items (rare, expensive items that can only be bought in an account age locked shop with a purchase limit of 1 per day) orrrr….. neocash items. In other words, players could either spend an exorbinate amount of their in-game currency to buy up items to donate, or they could just hand over their credit card and pay to win

people were Not Happy about this

not long after info spread and the outcry started (and a sizeable number of people cancelled their premium membership in protest), the FAQ was quietly updated to remove mention of donating neocash items. that took away to pay to win element at least

however, now there was a new problem. a tombola man problem.

i mentioned already that the highest rarity items are pretty rare and expensive. one of the least expensive of these is an item called the Squeezy Tombola Guy Toy. you can probably see where this is going already

because you can only buy a maximum of one tombola guy per day from the hidden tower, your only option if you want to buy more than that in a day is to go to user shops. however, in light of the event, people had already started buying and hoarding tombola guy toys. equally, others were buying them purely to sell at a profit. this made the perfect storm and caused the price of the tombola guy toy, which was normally 110k NP, to explode up to 500k, 600k, even 700k within just one day

BUT THEN THE FAQ GOT UPDATED AGAIN. surprise, you can now donate 30 items per day! also they just got rid of the highest rarity tier altogether. the maximum you can get for an item is now 8 points, for rarity r102-r179.

this has now made the squeezy tombola guy toys useless. unless you’re a collector they don’t serve any function beyond that of a normal neopets toy (of which there’s thousands of much cheaper options). the price has now plummeted down to BELOW what it originally was and many users now have piles and piles of the dolls sitting in their inventory, mocking them

so what now? well, because no one ever learns, everyone is now flocking to what is now the cheapest high-rarity item eligible for donation. most are going for omelettes, which have a few different options at r102+. these have also inflated by like 400% from before the event, but unlike the squeeze tombola guys, these are only worth a few thousand neopoints, so not as bad a potential loss in comparison

it’s worth noting that while all this is going on in preparation for the recycling event, neopets is also experiencing insane inflation in a lot of other items right now, including those required for people to complete faerie quests. for example, a Griefer, which cost 5000 np just last week, is now worth selling for 1 MILLION

So yeah. 3 days into the event and that’s where we are so far. who knows what tomorrow might bring

#eloise talks #neopets #long post #neotag

[queenstravelingdarling]

Life man…just when you get happy and think everything is going great….

#and I am mad at myself cause I should have seen the signs but didn’t #apparently he’s been off his bipolar meds for months and been spending money like he is bill gates #I got no clue where he could be and neither does my mother or brother #I’m so fucking sad and mad at the same time 💔💔💔💔💔

[obsessivelullabies]

⎯ yandere sugar daddy könig.

pairing : könig x fem!reader.

tags : fluff, yandere behavior, yandere headcanons, könig x reader, sugar daddy, sugar baby, sugar daddy könig, yandere könig.

prompt : you're a broke college student, you sign up for a sugar daddy website, hoping for a quick coin. however, what you find is an obsessive older man who's willing to provide you with everything you could possibly need.

warnings : daddy kink, yandere behaviors, smut [at the end], size kink, praise kink, breeding kink.

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

⎯⎯ college wasn't exactly the best time in your life, you didn't have your parents support, you were working a dead end job with barely enough money to feed yourself. it wasn't until your friend recommended this sugar daddy website did things look up.

⎯⎯ you were contacted by an austrian man who called himself könig. he explained he was a colonel in the military, but he couldn't tell you much else. you would see him when he was home from his deployments. he explained all this over texting, along with his social anxiety problems. you sympathized with him. you had only seen one photo of his face, yet he seemed handsome. he had long hair and a scarred face.

⎯⎯ finally, you agreed to meet könig in person over dinner at a fancy restaurant. you could tell he was anxious to just be around you, considering how he fidgeted throughout almost the whole meal as you two went over the agreement of your arrangement. you were shocked by his height as well, he was 208 cm/6'10, which really stuck out. you decided to not mention it to him.

⎯⎯ he convinced you to only see him, saying he'd pay you enough so you only needed to see him, which slightly relived you. you were to always answer his texts and calls as soon as possible, he'd give you an allowance and similar rules were all agreed upon.

⎯⎯ whenever könig was home, you spent a lot of time with him. he seemed to love having you around, always taking you out shopping, out for meals, having you at his home. you had him wrapped around your finger.

you had just returned from a shopping trip with könig, he set down all the bags of clothes and jewelry he had bought you on the counter. you spent a lot of time at his house, which was stunningly large, despite him living alone.

with a smile on your face, you lead him over to the couch, playfully making him sit down. you straddled him, covering his face with kisses, "thank you, daddy." you cooed sweetly to him. you finally kissed his lips, which he hungrily returned.

"anything for you, liebling.." he whispered, wrapping his arms around you, bringing your body closer to him. you gave his jawline a final kiss before wrapping your arms around his neck and cuddling into him.

könig rested his chin ontop of your head, rubbing circles on your back. he tightened his grip on you. you spent a lot of time in the prison of his arms, könig seemed to love holding you, having your body close to his.

⎯⎯ when könig was off on deployment, he would call and text you as much as he could. every free moment he had was spent focused on you. he got angry with you if you didn't answer in a few minutes or less, accusing you of seeing someone else. to which, you'd have to spend hours on a phone call soothing him and his worries.

when you finally picked up your phone, you were met with an irritated sounding könig, "where the fuck have you been?" he hissed.

you took a deep breath, not wanting to react rudely to him. "i was in class, i'm sorry, i just got back to my dorm." your tone was honeyed for him.

his tone didn't soften at all as he replied almost childishly. "it shouldn't have taken you so long, were you with someone?" you understood what he meant. he always assumed you were breaking the rules of your agreement or 'cheating' on him.

you kept your sweet tone, "of course not, daddy.." you pouted. "i've missed you too much, i don't want anyone else. i just want you." you knew exactly what to say. he had done this multiple times.

könig finally softened. "i see.. i've missed you too.. i want to feel you again, i want to kiss you again.." you could feel a hint of sadness in his tone.

"mm, i miss you more! you'll be back next week, right?" you cooed.

könig responded, sounding much happier than before. "ja, will you send me more photos of you, baby? i miss your face.."

you giggled, "of course, daddy." he seemed pleased with that. you spent the next hour and a half on the phone with him, listening to him talk about his day, and telling him about yours.

⎯⎯ the more time you two were together, the more attached könig became. he needed more of you, he wanted all of you. könig would constantly encourage you to blow others off to spend time with him. a few months into your relationship, you had lost ties with most of your outer circle of friends, barely having any time to spare.

⎯⎯ after ten months, he was encouraging you to drop out of college. who needed a silly degree when daddy could take care of you? he wanted you to move in with him. he promised he would take care of your every need and lavish you with affection and gifts.

⎯⎯ during this time, könig got much more affectionate and needy. he became infatuated with you entirely. you were his everything, he made himself the most important thing in your life. könig made sure you had the least amount of time for friends or family as possible.

⎯⎯ now, you spent almost every day and night at his house. the only exceptions were your classes and time you set aside for homework. he always scoffed and whined when you said you had to leave, doing anything to make you stay.

right now, you had a scheduled class. you were supposed to be ten minutes into that class, yet here you were, in könig’s bed, laying underneath him, biting back tears.

“daddy,” you whimpered through your heavy breaths, “it’s not gonna fit!”

könig rubbed circles on your swollen clit as you said this. “shh, schatz, i’ll make it fit. just lay back and relax for daddy, ok?” he reassured, kissing your forehead softly.

you took deep breaths as he slowly jammed his cock into you, your body began to tremble. you let out cries, clawing könig’s back. no matter how much foreplay you got in, you always struggled to take könig’s entire length.

as he fit it all in, he gave you a small kiss. “see, liebling? it’s all in.”

you swallowed hard, nodding slowly. his large hands were gripping your hips as he began to gently thrust into you. you moaned, his thick cock was too much.

“fuck.. you feel so good, schatz.. so tight..” he whispered, quickly speeding up despite your cry of panic.

the sounds of skin slapping echoed in the room as he pounded into you, your cunt crying from the abuse. you dug your nails into his back, now starting to feel a pleasant knot in your belly. you gasped, your back arching into the bed.

“all mine,” he said breathlessly. his grip on your hips tightened as he continued using you like you were his personal fucktoy. “you’re all mine.”

he sped up, much to your own pleasure, the pain had subsided as you moaned and babbled out praise for him, your legs wrapped around him.

you neared your climax, your whole body trembling. “daddy—‘m gonna cum..” you said through your moans, your body clinging to his.

könig kissed you sweetly, despite his animalistic pace. “such a good girl, schatz. cum for me, cum on my cock,” he groaned. your walls clenched around him as you dissolved into your pleasure, tears leaking out onto your cheeks.

as you came, he kept up his unforgiving pace, he let out groans of contentment. he wiped the tears off your cheeks before kissing you softly through your mutual cries of pleasure.

as he continued, he whispered sweet nothings to you until he reached his climax. “‘m gonna pump you full of my cum, alright, engel?” he kissed you passionately, continuing to ram his cock into you. “be a good girl and take all of it, understood?” you couldn’t murmur a response, too fucked dumb from his pounding.

soon, könig came inside you, painting your walls white. he fucked his hot cum into you before finally stopping. after a moment of making sure you took the majority of his cum, he slid his cock out.

könig kissed your forehead sweetly, tucking you into bed and quickly wrapping his arms around you. he lavished kisses all over your neck and shoulders.

“this was better than your class, right, liebling?”

masterlist.

#könig cod #könig #könig mw2 #könig x reader #könig call of duty #könig modern warfare #yandere #konig x reader #konig mw2 #konig call of duty #konig cod #yandere konig #sugar daddy könig #sugar daddy konig #cod mw2 x reader #cod mw2 #cod x you #konig x you

[zouisalmightie]

.

#my friend just asked me to co-sign her new apt cuz she’s being kicked out of the one she’s currently in #and this is the 3rd place she’s been kicked out of because between her and her mom they just have no capacity for how to use their money #like they’ll be behind on hella bills and then book a cruise which like that’s your money do what you want #but i have been their go to person for like rent-a-center and things like that and i ALWAYS get a call from those places trying to find them #cuz instead of paying their bills they go shopping or whatever and i still feel like shit telling her no I won’t do sign #co-sign* cuz i work so so so fucking hard to get my credit to where it’s at rn and it’s sexy my credit score is so hot and i want to start #the process of buying a house in the next year or so and i just know if I go into this they’re going to do some #stupid shit and it’s going to impact my credit and im not willing to let that happen but at the same time i don’t want my nigga like #in the streets cuz they can’t find a spot but there’s no way for me to police how they spend their money #even if we were to sign some co tract at the end of the day IM going to be the one that is going tiger harmed by this #but im the person who fixes things so I wonna like cuz i said no but i need to be selfish about this like #credit scores are fucking STUPID and we need to get rid of them but for rn i cannot fuck mine up because they already don’t work on theirs #like between the two of them their credit is so bad they’ll need a third person and like we are all 30+ in this situation like nah i can’t

[ozzgin]

Yandere! Demon x Gloomy! Reader

As much as you'd like to spend the rest of your life secluded away from the world, you need money. Conveniently enough, a new detective agency in town is hiring, and the salary is ridiculously good. The catch? Oh, you'll see once you sign the contract right...here. Congratulations! You've sealed a lifetime bond with their one and only employee, a demon from the depths of Hell!

Content: female reader, monster romance, dark humor, perverted goat demon yandere, based on ‘Yondemasuyo, Azazel-San’

[Part 2] [Monster masterlist]

There’s still enough time to go back, you think. It’s loud and crowded and you’d rather be home. The temptation is beginning to creep its tendrils over your mind, so you quickly pull out your phone and check your bank account. The numbers remind you why you’re here in the first place: if you don’t get a job soon, you’ll run out of savings.

Come on, it can’t be that bad. In fact, it’s the best offer you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Minimal interaction with humans, short hours, and absurdly good pay. A new detective agency opened in your town and they’re looking for an assistant. A regular person would most likely be put off by such shady circumstances. There must be a catch, but you couldn’t care less either way. What are they going to do, kill you? Sell your organs on the black market? They’d spare you the time to plan your own demise.

You climb the stairs and knock on the door. A deep voice tells you to enter, and you sheepishly make your entrance. The office is rather small and somewhat cramped, with stacks of papers scattered over the floor. Behind the desk sits a man – maybe in his thirties? – with messy black hair, sunken eyes, and an irked expression. Is this the detective? He looks like an angry thug. Not that you’re one to judge, given your overall gloomy aura that deters passersby with ease.

“Yes?” he asks curtly, not even looking up from his book.

“I’m here for the job offer. The assistant role?”

“Ah, yeah. Completely forgot about that.” He rummages through his drawer and pulls out a sheet of paper, slapping it on the desk. “Here’s the details. Same as in the ad. Here’s where you sign. Do you have questions?”

“Hmm, I guess not.” You hum, indifferent, and scribble your name.

The man finally glances at you, faint intrigue on his face.

“This went unexpectedly smoothly. What if it was a scam?”

“Then what?” You stare him in the eye with a flaccid smile. “There’s nothing to take from me. If it is a scam indeed, you’ll be the one disappointed in the end.”

His eyes narrow in an eerie grin, and he stands up.

“Perfect match.”

“Excuse me?”

He walks towards a secondary room and waits for you to follow him. Once you’ve joined, he turns on the lights, and you immediately notice a strange seal painted on the floor: Geometric symbols resembling a pentagram, surrounded by words in a language you don’t understand. You’re carefully observing the strange sight, so entranced that you don’t sense the detective lifting your hand and casually piercing your finger with a small scalpel.

Before you can react to the sudden attack, he presses your hand onto the contract you’d signed earlier. You wince in pain and swiftly pull your hand away, glaring at the man.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” you demand angrily.

“I thought I’d already introduce you to the main tool we use to solve our cases.”

The sigil on the ground begins to glow and the edges move in a circular motion. A black ooze erupts from the center, rapidly expanding outwards. You glue yourself to the wall for safety, unsure of what is happening.

A clawed hand emerges from the cursed muck, grabbing onto the edges for support. Within seconds, a creature crawls its way out. A humanoid figure with curled horns and long locks, its body ending with goat hooves instead of legs, stands up and stretches before your terrified self. You tighten your jaw in anticipation.

“You always summon me during my best naps, damn it!” the demon barks.

The detective approaches the monster, completely unconcerned, and slaps its horns nonchalantly, earning a groan from the demon.

“Skip the unnecessary whining. This is our new assistant and your owner as of now.” He explains, dangling the contract before the horned creature and pointing a finger in your direction.

“The fuck? You said you’d end the deal if I completed that mission. You lied to me, you-!” the beast finally notices your presence and abruptly stops. “Well then, what do we have here?”

A wide, perverted smile replaces his frown, sharp fangs glistening with malice.

“Aren’t you a miserable one! You reek of apathy”, the demon exclaims, clacking his hooves in your direction. “Boy oh boy, I could just eat you up! Tell me your name.”

You open your mouth, but no sound comes out. You wonder if this is some bizarre dream after all. The demon clamps your lips back shut.

“Tempting offer, but I don’t need head right now. Save the gesture for later, alright? Let’s try again: Name!”

Your brows furrow in disbelief at his crass insolence.

“I-it’s (Y/N).” you finally manage to blurt out.

He strokes your head lovingly, as if he’s praising some house pet.

“Good girl. You can call me Zzy.”

For a moment, you completely forgot about the detective being in the same room. He places the demon under a firm hold and shoves him away from you, then hands you a thick, leathered book.

“This is his grimoire. Read it once you’re home. First day is tomorrow unless you need more time.”

“Tomorrow is fine”, you answer in a daze, fumbling to find the exit and ignoring the horned monster waving at you enthusiastically.

You’re lying in bed, still a little shaken from the events you witnessed earlier today. A detective agency that uses a demon to solve matters, and you’ve just been coerced into selling your soul for a lifetime bond with him. You sigh in exhaustion. At least the pay is good, you tell yourself as you trace your fingers over the old text of the grimoire:

“Great President of Hell, ruling three legions of demons. Brings insanity or great sorrow to any person the conjurer wishes. Feeds on sadness and fear. Causes people to end their life.”

Hard to believe that depraved buffoon holds such power. Although it does explain, at least, why the detective was eager to use you as a replacement. Or why the demon showed such intense interest.

“Who’s a buffoon?”

The voice is so close that you feel its hot breath on your ear. You scream and jump back in panic, tumbling out of the bed and scrambling onto the floor. You rub your eyes just to make sure: the half-goat creature is lounging under your sheets, gazing at you with a bored expression.

“Christ! I thought you’re not allowed to leave the office?” you inquire, baffled.

“That’s why I snuck this in your pocket!” he says as he procures a small coin. “I can track down cursed items. Hehe~”

As if remembering a vital detail, he throws himself up and joins you on the ground:

“Oh, but don’t tell Mr. Detective about it, or he’ll feed me to the dogs. It’s our secret.” he pleads, hands put together in a praying gesture.

“What are you even doing here?”

“I figured it’d be useful if we got to know each other as soon as possible, seeing as we’ll be working together from now on.”

“And it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”

“Well…I also got really horny thinking of you and decided to just visit instead. How about a quick fuck?”

“Absolutely not. Eat a raw potato or something.”

“Don’t be like that! At least let me touch your boobs. Help a partner out, eh?”

Perhaps being scammed was not the worst-case scenario. You slap the demon’s groping fingers away and return to your previous spot in bed. It will be a long night.

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