#which is a long way of saying: I don't need to defend my boundaries

[unrecognized-planet]

FUCK ALL THE PEOPLE BASICALLY DEFENDING WILLIAM GOLD (WILBUR SOOT) BY SAYING HE'S AUTISTIC.

(starting notes: this is most likely going to be very much rambling and jumping from one thing to another. I am just very upset about the situation and what some people are saying about it and needed to clear my head.)

I, myself am autistic and ADHD and regardless of whether you realize it or not, you are stereotyping autistic people by basically saying that they don't know when to stop when asked and can't understand boundaries. Well!! spoiler alert!!! WE DO UNDERSTAND BOUNDARIES. AND IF SOMEONE ASKS US TO STOP IF WE'RE HURTING THEM/MAKING THEM UNCOMFORTABLE? WE WILL!!! WHY??? BECAUSE IT'S BASIC HUMAN DECANCY.

Autistic people are people too. With feelings, emotions, opinions, and boundaries. Just like every other human being on this planet. We are human, just with a more different mindset than most. And most Autistic people try their best to respect people's boundaries and to listen to people when they say no or to stop. If William Gold really is autistic and has a known habit of biting, he could have easily gone on Amazon and gotten a chewing necklace to help with the habit. They're like $5-11 and they almost always come in packs of 3-5 or more. I've had several throughout my life, and they really do help with said habit. So he has NO reason and NO excuse to be biting someone else instead. ESPECIALLY TO THE POINT THE PERSON IS SCREAMING AT THEM AND USING A SAFE WORD TO STOP.

And you people have to keep in mind that the biting isn't the only awful thing he's done to Shelby. He has physically abused her. He had pinned her down and had told her to try her hardest to get him off with full knowledge that she has been $e×ually assaulted before and then said something along the lines of that, he was so much stronger than her and that "she wouldn't be able to fight back". Had likely loved bombed her at the beginning of the relationship to make her stay(which, if you didn't know is a big red flag). Threw away almost all of her things after they broke up without even telling her. Manipulated her and gaslighted her (saying he wanted kids/marriage and then further into the relationship telling her he never wanted that & never said that) plus A LOT more.

Long story short:

-The autistic excuse is a load of fucking bullshit.

-PLEASE do some research about Neurodivergent people before you say anything relating to them online.

-While you're at it, research different kinds of abuse and manipulative behavior because you obviously don't understand that THIS? BITING someone to the point it HURTS AND THEY ARE SCREAMING? IS VERY CLEARLY ABUSE.

-Stop defending someone who already owned up to it (in the most shittiest and self-centered way possible, making it all about himself and also not even mentioning her NAME ONCE).

-Get off whatever social media platform you're on and either go play a game, go outside, read a book, or go to sleep if its late.

-And Always Support The Victim. NEVER The Fucking Abuser.

___________________________________________

(Final notes: I seriously recommend that you watch Shelby's VOD of you haven't and read these websites start to finish. You'll find a lot that relates back to William's behavior. Both inside and outside this relationship.

Shelby Shubble VOD

After reading them, I still recommend that you do more research about the topics I brought up. It could save your life one day.)

#shubble #shelby shubble #fuck wilbur soot #wilbur soot #tw abuse mention #tw bruises #tw biting #tw sex assault #tw manipulation #tw gaslighting #Youtube

[cupcraft]

I've been having some thoughts lately and decided to put it in a long post during my lunch break.

Cc's are not and never will be your friend. It's normal to engage and feel parasocial to a degree with cc's but it's important ccs and yourself create the boundary of "we don't know each other and thus are not friends/etc." This is important of the cc, because a responsible cc is aware of their impact, aware of the power dynamic, and sets healthy boundaries for themself. It's important for you in order to stay safe and engage with a fandom and cc with respect and to maintain a healthy mindset.

It is also normal for fandoms to defend their cc TO A DEGREE, especially when comments against the cc affect other people (this is a simple way to say it, theres a lot of nuance to this pt). But, you should never feel the need or actually try to parent or speak for a cc. For example, people being queerphobic to Ranboo is fair to speak up against particularly because the queerphobia affects other members of the fandom. However, feeling like you must speak on behalf of ranboo, be their parent, or protect them at all costs from "evil ccs and fans" is not only against their express wishes but just isn't a healthy or normal way to engage with a cc.

Because if you don't engage healthily besides breaking any cc boundaries, and hurting yourself and mental health, you really can hurt other people. If you're engaging in fandom and cc fandoms especially to a point in which you create yourself an echo chamber of toxicity that seeks to harm anyone in your path that is unhealthy behavior and you need srs help and I mean that genuinely like you need to talk to a trained professional or support group.

Like it's not normal to hate all ccs and people who are not explicitly positive about your cc at all times now and forever. It's not normal to make excuses for widely acceptable bad actions to the point you harm those affected by said bad actions. It's not normal to view holding a cc accountable as "just being an anti/hater/jealous" as you should always leave room to be critical of the content you consume especially if it's from a real person with real actions. It's not normal to dislike those that dislike ur cc so much (cc or fans) to the point you dedicate your social media presence to sending death threats, doxxing, harassment, gory images, etc as well as spending the majority of your blog screenshotting and vagueing and cyberbullying people. It's not normal to feel as though your cc is an infallible perfect idol figure that is in desperate need of an army protecting them at all times where you hang on their every word to dictate all actions, opinions, and morals to the point you will change your entire personality and ethics system just to maintain any ounce of being uncritical of someone. In simpler words, you might want to be aware the line of parasocialism and crossing over into being like a member of a cult (not to say it actually is a cult, this is an analogy)

And you might say to this post "this is a vague" but I'd rather argue that if you feel like this post applies to you regardless if you're mcyt or another cc/celebrity/real person based fandom you might want to realize that you need to do srs self reflection and understand how you got here, who you've hurt to stay there, and what things you've sacrificed for someone you don't even know. This isn't just an mcyt specific fandom problem.

Because why I'm making this post is I feel like something needs to be questioned when we throw away our kindness, empathy, ethics, and compassion towards people just because they are any ounce a tiny bit little bit critical of something a cc did. And it would be easy to say the people willing to suibait/send threats/harassment/slurs/etc toward someone over a cc and be happy about it and own it are people who "just don't care and won't change". But I'd like to think they got there somehow you know that they weren't always the kind of person to justify that. And that doesn't mean they deserve anyone's forgiveness, but it does mean I have concern for that person I hope they genuinely get help and feel the full weight of what they've done all for 1 person that doesn't know them.

As always with everything, please add on via rb if want, correct me on anything, and send asks if you wish. Stay kind out there though ❤️

#my musings #discourse #<- ig ?

[scoonsalicious]

you've got me invested with Unwanted! and I've got stuff I wanted to say. First off, buckle up because this is a long one. Second, I'm not defending him in anyway shape, or form, Bucky is still an absolute piece of shit for what he's done. BUT I will say, I do see why it came to that point. I mean, the obvious manipulation from she who i will not name correctly. look, Jusepie is smart, I'll give her that, bc she's so calculated about every single interaction she and Bucky have. The way she played into his insecurity, self-doubt, and fears, it didn't come off as a surprise to me why Bucky went down that rabbit hole. I saw it this way, Jordan made his fears worse unbeknownst to him, she's the reason why Pocket and him are arguing more and causing a rift in their relationship, AND THEN she throws in that life vest of "oh i understand you more, you can be open to me because we're basically the same person" so she seems like the good guy in the eyes of Bucky. it's kinda like, you push someone who can't swim in a pool without them knowing, and then you save them from drowning so at the end, you still end up being a hero even tho you caused the problem in the first place?

THEN you add the layer of what Hydra has done to him which, we already know how much that messed him up both physically and mentally AND THEN you add the layer that he's not even from this century! And during that time? fragile masculinity? lack of consent? so many things wrong in that era? It's This might sound so condescending but Bucky is a very very VERY fragile man with a fragile mind that can easily be manipulated AND ON TOP OF THAT, actually has a really fragile ego too. And Jeremiah FED all that, she kept telling him things he wanted to hear to make it SEEM like she's on his side and that's she's the only one who gets him even tho that's not true at all.

Bucket isn't innocent obviously, especially with the things he said and didn't say (a.k.a. defending pocket, calling out Jerico and putting boundaries). basically everything he's admitted about the mental gymnastics he was doing to make it seem like he wasn't doing anything wrong blah blah blah. i could only shake my head bc, really? But then it circles back to how fragile his emotional and mental being is. but still, you can't use that as an excuse. AND i will argue, he was having a power trip. what, someone who thinks no one will ever love or even admire him after everything that he's done (even tho it's not his fault) to suddenly having two women vying for his attention? better yet, FIGHTING for him? he's a man, at the end of the day, and they ain't shit.

now, while i don't see him as unredeemable bc I do see his side then again, people keep saying i have too big of a heart so lol, i also don't think this is going to be an easy fix bc hell, i don't trust him either. like everything that comes out of his mouth, i'd be side-eyeing a lot. While I do believe that once you start spying on who your partner talks to, texting, interacting, etc, that relationship is already over. But i also can't blame Pocket bc this is more or less a last resort to save a friendship for than anything else. bc I really do think they need to start from scratch to be able to come out of this. like, build that trust first, then that friendship before they can even start thinking about dating each other again.

I am worried though, because the thing with Bucky and Josiah, as much as we don't like to admit it, they have built some sort of friendship (toxic one but i'll digress). And it has also become a habit (i could argue addiction) for Bucky, especially when he's been open and vulnerable to her (i get there are things you just aren't brave enough to tell your part but like dude, pocket isn't the fragile girl that you think she is, she can handle it) so it's going to be a tough thing for him to navigate and there's still a possibility that he'd crack under pressure (i don't want to say relapse but u get my point), especially knowing the lengths Jose will go through to get to him. It's really up to him to resist her as much as he can, but Bucky is also a good man. He tends to see the good in people even if they absolutely do not deserve it. I mean I'm the same, because if i see someone cry, even if that someone has been absolute shit to me, it cave so easily. and I have no doubt Julian will play into that HEAVILY. i don't think she's shown what she's fully capable of and that's scary.

I know you said that something is still about to happen come chapter 18 before things become all fixing and groveling, and i'm really worried that this would be a nail on the coffin that would make Bucket irredeemable but, you also said it wasn't as bad as chapter 13 so i'm having my theories that the angst might not come directly from bucky, or that he has no control over it a.k.a it's all Jack's masterplan that Bucky wasn't conscious about it (i really hope not please i'm thinking about the worst). And while i don't agree with Pocket doing a nasty revenge just to get back at Bucky. I think it's more powerful for him to hurt solely because it's his own doing, not because Pocket did something intentionally to hurt him. But I also can't say I don't blame her. but I mean, if it wasn't intentional though? I could look the other way haha. Anyway I can't wait to see how you've decided to play this out! sorry for this whole essay haha much love 🤍

Okay, first off, I fucking LOVE THIS. All of it. These J names? SENDING ME. GIVING ME LIFE! I am cracking up over here to the point my dogs are concerned. They’re giving me Looks.

Second, it fills me with unspeakable JOY that you completely, 110% get where I’m trying to come from with Bucky! It’s been difficult for me to express all the things going on in his head when he’s not a POV character, especially without making it sound like he’s just bullshitting Pocket with his words, or being insincere or flat out lying, so to read that you picked up what I was putting down so succinctly is just ::chef’s kiss::

Third, Pocket gets her revenge, but not in a malicious way. Like, she doesn’t set out to make him suffer. She just… makes some decisions that lead to him facing the consequences of his actions in painful ways. Some are satisfying and funny and some are sad and difficult, but they all build toward Bucky seeing how absolute shit he was to her. As for Judas’s master plan, if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking re: Bucky not being conscious of it, don’t worry— I didn’t go there. If you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking, then I have no idea what you’re thinking lol

Trying to be purposefully vague about Chapter 18: it’s not so much what Bucky does that causes the angst— it’s how he responds to what he did that really gets to Pocket. She notes to Wanda and Nat that she could have forgiven him for his actions, in time, but not for the way he followed up on them.

#unwanted #unwanted update #jnon report

[thenewfuture]

Hey guys, Mod Freeze here….

…

…We need to talk.

Or more like, I need to talk and get these emotions off my chest.

If you were on my main blog then you know who this is about already. But for those unaware and not in the know…

Let’s get educated, I guess…

On Tuesday, several big name YouTubers were the talk of the town with their biggest sparks of controversy on Twitter. But we’re here to only talk about one of those individuals. Chuggaaconroy.

Chuggaaconroy is a long time YouTuber who has been making Let’s Plays of his favorite games for over 2 decades now. And I was avid watcher of his since I was about in middle school. Something…clicked with me with how he handled himself, his silly little puns, his goofy attitude, his informative research into the games he was playing; it all seemed so cool to me. I looked up to him, I wanted to be like him one day, maybe even go to a convention and meet him in person at his panel. That was my dream, he was idol…

……….On Tuesday, Lady Emily brought forward that Chuggaaconroy had been sexually harassing her last year. Asking her for feet pics and wanting her to partake in his fetish despite already having a girlfriend. To which, he admitted to be true. Claiming he “misread” the situation, or “was unaware” of how he was coming across….

….Y’know they say to never meet your heroes, or to never idolize anyone for these reasons alone, yet it never clicked with me. I was fans of many other big shots in the entertainment world, be it TV producers, actors, writers or other YouTubers, one by one each was found to be creepy in the end. Some of them I liked their content for a mere day before they turn around and got exposed. It’s be funny if it wasn’t so sad…

Despite all of that though, despite having seen numerous of people I’ve looked up to for their content and got inspired by, everytime. I told myself. “If this happened to Chuggaaconroy, I would just give up. I would give up on people, this dream I had, everything! Because I would know what to do with myself” I couldn’t fathom…a world…where someone I looked up to for such a huge part of my life…could do something like that…

So I want to talk about several topics regarding this.

Firstly, boundaries. It is always important for you to set up boundaries and protect yourself. Even against the smallest of things, know your limits, and address them right from the jump. If someone asks you to do something you’re not comfortable with, don’t play along to appease them, do not engage with that activity or person anymore and shut it down as soon as possible.

And this goes around the other way, it’s important to think before you say something and ask yourself? “Is this okay? Is it really all right to do this?” Something innocent and harmless to you may not be so to others, abd you have to check yourself. I have in the past spoken out of turn with others, typically in a joking matter when the situation was far more serious then I thought it to be. It led to conversations becoming awkward and south badly because I misunderstood something.

Now I know there is a....ginormous margin of a distance between making jokes at improper times and....sexually harassing someone to partake in a fucking fetish, but the point still stands. Communication is a two-way street. I also don't want to make it seem like I'm victim blaming here, oh no. The fault still lies with Chuggaa. I just want others to protect themselves in case something does arise similarly, and for others to think before doing something.

Next point, the defenders. Now I have made it abundantly clear that I am so distraught by this news, and wish that it was untrue or that this would be a dream I could wake up from. But we all have to face reality at some point. That doesn't stop others from trying to defend their beloved idol, oh-so much though. Now I can understand to some degree the point of having it resolved through DMs, instead of leaking it on Twitter for the whole world to know; but bottling up all those emotions and baggage isn't exactly the healthiest thing to do either. It was right fro Lady Emily to stand up and let everyone know of the sexual harassment she had to endure.

Regardless, people still wish to defend Chuggaa anyway. And some....think it would be an excellent idea....out of all excuses....to say that it's normal for him to not find any wrongdoings on his part.....because he's autistic and doesn't get social cues.

.......You all know exactly how I feel about this type of excuse so let me reiterate.

....Don't.

....Ever.

.....Ever....!

....Ever!

EVER!

Use Autism as an excuse, to justify shitty behavior!

It. Is. Unacceptable!

You're just being ableist and reducing every other austic person out there by condemning shitty behavior, and you're infantizing Chuggaaconroy and acting like he doesn't know any better.

Chuggaa is not a fucking soft "uwu"cinnamon roll baby boy, he's a grown thirty-something year old man! Treat him like it!

And also, Chuggaa has never once hidden behind his autism as an excuse for anything. He admitted to it without a shadow of an excuse or any truth dragging to be forced out of him. So don't say stuff for him and defend his actions with that. Because, news flash, LADY EMILY IS ALSO AUTISTIC! What fucking double standards are you implying by saying she should've simply said no, but free Chuggaa of any and all crime.

I fucking hate that excuse! And as a person with Autism myself, I WILL NOT FOR SUCH SHIT BEHAVIOR AND DEFENSE LIKE THAT!

Ugh.........

.......So....what now...? Am I ever going to learn? Are we ever going to learn? Should we stop idolizing and looking up to others in general? Is it wrong to ever dream and get inspired because of others... I don't think so...

This brings me to the last point I want to talk about...

Inspirational figures. It's easier said than done to not look up to somebody, it's human nature. We look up to people all the time. Our parents, family members, our friends, actors, musicians, writers, influencers, fictional characters. And it's to an ever greater effect when you're a child. We think of them as heroes, gods. People inspire one another, and that inspiration sparks a light in someone's heart, and allows that person to carve out their path and find their potential future in life.

How many of you have gotten in to something because of someone else? Because you saw someone popular do it and you wanted to follow in their footsteps. I'm guessing a lot of you...

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be like somebody, to chase down that avenue of the person you admire so much. And it's going to be a long and treacherous road, but I need you to understand something... That person is so far away...so out of reach you can't touch them...but you know who you can hold...your friends. Your family. Those people closest to you, are that matter most. Not someone behind a screen. And like I said, it's going to be extremely hard to break away from that idolization. But don't ever stop going down the road to your future. Don't chase after someone else....love yourself first and foremost. Inspire yourself. Be your own inspiration.

And if you look up to me, or if I have influenced you in any way with this blog or my writing... Thank you...that means a lot... And I hope you can shine even better than I can... I hope you stick with the ones that matter most to you.

So class, what did we learn today.

-Set up boundaries to protect yourself from strangers at the first jump

-Think of what you're going to say before you say it

-It is isn't inherently wrong to have heroes.

-Inspire yourself

-And don't fucking ever use autism as an excuse from criticism. Or I will find you and eat bones starting from the inside and working my way out!

Ahem...! So, that's all I wanted to say. I know this stuff isn't what you're used to on this blog but I just had to get this out there and speak about it somehow. And I hope to see you all soon with some updates.

Take care of yourselves...

-Mod

#mod freeze

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Hey, so I have a situation going on (TW for extensive discussion of ED):

So I'm in recovery but sometimes I still relapse, especially during the fall and winter months, idk why but those are just the worst for me in terms of ED. My roommate and acquaintance knows that I've been battling ED for most of my life and before I moved in with her and other flatmates, I told everyone that I am in recovery and that I need them not to comment on my food (be it choices that seem disordered but are actually improvements to my previous situation, or idk my portion sizes for example).

Despite that, this roommate, who is currently going through an eating disorder and is in therapy for it, keeps commenting on my food. She keeps judging how much I eat, keeps asking me questions about why I eat what I eat (eg. Sometimes there are days when I just won't eat something I haven't made. I just can't. And she'll just keep asking why. It's not malicious but she doesn't take the hint when I say "well you know...due to the problems" and essentially forces me to just outright say that I can't eat it because I don't have control over it and the ingredients, which is both a frankly embarrassing thing to say and most of the time she doesn't really get it either), and sometimes says things like "Idk how you eat like that and aren't fat lol" (which usually occurs when I have like...a slice of bread with jam or something, which is, mind you, also usually my only food of the day because I am too busy for my own good, and because my meds cause me not to have an appetite).

Worse than that, she vents about her ED problems to me constantly. I get that maybe she needs someone outside of therapy to talk about it with, but it makes me really close to relapsing every time. She'll come home and start saying things like "I weighed myself yesterday and lost another X kg" and "A guy ranted to me about how he wanted to lose weight, like duh he should be happy, he might need it for when he's like me, who hasn't eaten in 3 days." and "I've been so bad today but it's probably a good thing because the 4 days before that I didn't eat at all."

I don't know how to gently reaffirm my boundaries and tell her that it's affecting me really badly when she says such things to me. I don't want to be too firm or mean, and I understand that she's going through bad stuff, but I'm not in a place where I could listen to it without it fucking me up badly.

Honestly, I think you've given your roommate the benefit of the doubt for too long. She doesn't "forget" she's triggering you. She's subtly doing it on purpose. She doesn't "not pick up on" your hints about why you're uncomfortable. She's enjoying making you uncomfortable. I usually do not advise people to think in such a paranoid fashion, but I truly believe the writing is on the wall here. As someone who has given others the benefit of the doubt for too long and gotten hurt for it, I feel obligated to say this.

Anon, those of us who have eating disorders are often unwell in other ways. We often have trauma and difficult relationships and other issues. And we're often competitive in our eating disorders, which is a real risk. Many of us try to show off being the "sickest" or make it a game, sometimes. And you are ABSOLUTELY allowed to be too firm and "too mean" in defending your health. Her going through stuff does NOT justify her putting you through stuff, and that's a lesson all of us who have mental illness need to learn - both in regard to what we put up with, and what we may make others put up with.

So listen. A successful boundary is not a statement of "you can't do X." Attempting to control the behavior of others is useless. Instead, think of a boundary (and speak your boundaries) in terms of "if you do X, I will do Y to protect myself." And do be prepared to follow through on that consequence. As one of my favorite TikTok therapists once said, "a boundary without consequences for violating it isn't a boundary, it's more of a fancy request."

If you're stuck in the lease and don't have the option of moving away from this girl, here's what you can do to get by for now. Make a list of all the things she has done to trigger your ED, and make a list of responses that will be protective for you. Then, have a kind but firm talk with her about how she constantly triggers your ED and how you will be taking the following measures to take care of your mental health. Let her know you're not trying to be hurtful but for your protection, these are non-negotiable. Things like "If you continue to make comments about what is on my plate, I will take my plate and leave the room." or "If you continue to vent to me about your eating disorder, I will hang out with you less."

She may try to act the victim. Do not be swayed by this. No matter how she feels about this talk, nothing is worth sacrificing your mental health, and it is her own responsibility to learn to take care of her own mental health WITHOUT hurting others, as we all must learn to do. Tell her that you want for her to have someone to talk to about this, but that someone cannot be you. She has done this multiple times. This isn't a mistake at this point, and honestly, you're not doing her a favor by letting her go without learning how to hold herself accountable for respecting the boundaries of others. But more importantly, you're not doing yourself any favors by teaching yourself that it's okay to let others hurt you because they're having a hard time. Your hard times matter too, anon.

Best of luck in the roommate stuff and in making it through the winter.

#ed recovery #toxic friends #ed cw #boundaries #healthy boundaries

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, I am a girl ENFJ, 18 and I think that maybe I am in grip. But even if this is not the case, I am terribly worried about how my problems affect my standard of living and my general morale now and how it will affect even more in the future.

I realized that at some point in my life I became too critical and became too defensive about the feelings of others. To be honest, I don't even remember when I was able to do otherwise. Those moments when others thanked me for showing empathy/the sympathy seemed completely random to me. It was like, "But I didn't do anything, did I? what are you thanking me for?" or something like "I used these words as a defense against your feelings, but did they help you?".

And now I can assume that I was showing sympathy or helping them understand their feelings without realizing it. But, even so, it makes me think that this is strange. It's like, "I'm not that good at all and I didn't do anything good on purpose, so why are you grateful to me?"

I don't really know how to build long-term relationships with people. I do not know how to defend my personal boundaries and be aware of them, I do not know how to take into account my needs, which is why, as a result, I often left the relationship. Some were, in fact, toxic, and I just idealized people. But there were also those that could be very good, but I was afraid of such. I was afraid that people might love me or trust me.

Only recently I realized how low my self-esteem is. Due to the fact that I have never been able to build a healthy and long-term relationship, I closed myself off from them. I began to believe that since I can only cause pain and since people cause me so much pain, I should get away from any close relationship. And, as a result, I continue to actively reach out to society, but it comes out very distorted, through the prism of all my fears. I became very critical of others and of myself. I don't see any value in myself and reject other people.

I've seen that you advise developing Ni, but every time I try to do it, I don't understand what to look at. And I feel restless and anxious when I try to turn into conscious reflection. I immediately have a desire to avoid this and occupy myself with something else that will just help to distract myself.

I don't quite understand what caused this fear. I think I'm afraid of the responsibility I'm dealing with. It's like if I start now and I have to sort out that huge pile of cases and problems that I have. And I feel like there's so much of it and that I just can't handle it all. And I'm also afraid of criticism. I don't understand when, in fact, it is necessary to change. And I even want to say that I don't understand when to criticize myself? That is, I don't understand when I'm acting correctly, and when I have to fix something? As if there should be some rules here.

And I would like to ask you for advice. Where can I start to gradually solve these problems? What can I do not to be afraid to immerse myself in myself and not to avoid myself?

----------------------

The best way to tackle a big problem is to break it down into smaller and more manageable steps. Since you are unable to do this, I will outline the various issues you have raised, roughly in the order in which I believe you ought to address them:

1) Inferior Grip: How did you come to believe you are ENFJ? You say you don't remember a time when you weren't like this. This is a red flag in terms of type assessment because a person cannot be in inferior grip for the entirety of their life. It would mean they've never had any sort of real grasp on the positive traits of that type, especially with regard to the dominant function. This would make it nonsensical for them to classify into that type.

As such, there is a possibility that: you are exaggerating, your self-perception is highly distorted (and not suitable for self-assessment), or you are mistyped. If others can recognize some positive traits of the type in you but you don't, it is all the more reason to double check your type, because it means Fe is not operating in any dominant capacity. As a general rule, I won't go into detail about function development as long as doubt remains about the correct type.

While it is possible to struggle with inferior grip for a long time, there must be a reasonable explanation/cause given for why the dominant function is so poorly developed. You have not provided an adequate reason by my standards, so the most I can do is remind you that it's important to be certain about your type before attempting function development. As per the warning in the Type Dev Guide, trying to develop the wrong functions or developing functions in the wrong order can be harmful to your psychological well-being.

2) Self-Regard: Low self-esteem/self-worth/self-confidence is an extraneous psychological issue that can slow, inhibit, or misdirect your attempts at function development. Therefore, it is advisable to address it before you attempt function development. I have already written a lot about the topics of self-esteem and self-worth, consult past posts. The process of improving self-regard usually involves changing distorted beliefs, adopting more appropriate values, correcting faulty reasoning, and/or healing old traumas. It is a serious issue and since you have very little insight into it, perhaps it's a good idea to work with a therapist to get to the bottom of it.

3) Emotion: You should not try to develop your functions unless you are fully committed to learning, change, and growth. Improving oneself is difficult enough without additional obstacles such as fear, apathy, ambivalence, or resistance. These kinds of emotional problems produce a lot of frustration that can be very damaging to motivation, which in turn makes people more likely to give up on their self-improvement efforts.

Unwillingness to reflect on yourself basically reduces your emotional awareness, thus leaving your feelings and emotions unaddressed and wreaking havoc through more unconscious expressions. When you aren't able to manage your emotional life well, it's hard to feel in control and confident.

Improving emotional intelligence is vital for the development of Fe. While I cannot say it is an easy task, I have witnessed many people show marked improvement in this domain when they followed reliable methods. Consult past posts and the recommended books on the resources page.

4) Skill: For some people, low self-esteem is really low self-confidence that stems from lack of knowledge and/or skill. This is a common problem for FJs due to slow Ti development. It seems you lack basic problem solving skills, so you are afraid/unwilling to confront your problems as a result, thus leaving them to fester and worsen.

Problem solving skill is a subset of critical thinking skills. It involves things such as:

language ability to name and describe problems with precision

analytical ability to break down problems into constituent parts

logical ability to identify causes/factors behind the problem

an open and creative mind to brainstorm and experiment with different possible solutions

organizing ability to carry out solutions with a systematic plan

adaptability in adjusting ideas/solutions to new information

Problem solving and critical thinking are important life skills you should've picked up throughout your schooling. However, not everyone has access to quality education. If you haven't learned these skills by adulthood, the onus is on you to learn on your own and/or pursue further education. Just like emotional intelligence, it is very doable because there are already reliable methods you can follow, see past posts and recommended books.

5) Relationships: You say you do not know how to take into account your needs. Start with the basics: Everyone needs to have a sense of safety in order to conduct relationships in a healthy way. If you don't feel safe around people, then you need to ask yourself why, in order to discover whether the reason lies mainly with you or them or a bit of both - the cause determines what the solution should be.

For example: Sometimes, other people are actually unsafe because they are unwell, bullies, or abusive, which means you should get away from them. Sometimes, people are quite safe but you still feel unsafe around them because you have unresolved trauma from the past that prevents you from engaging fully in the relationship, which means you might need the help of a therapist to heal. Sometimes, people feel unsafe to you because you have grossly misunderstood them, which means you need to do more to understand them better.

The point is you won't make well-informed relationship decisions as long as you are not in possession of the truth about yourself and others. And how will you get the truth if you are not open to inquiry, exploration, examination, feedback, and criticism? Without the truth, you will always be flying blind, which doesn't feel safe, does it? YOU play a crucial part in creating an atmosphere of "danger" by not addressing the ways in which you are flying blind, which means you need to do your part by opening your eyes and learning to see more clearly. That is what Ni+Ti development is about.

As you know, it's difficult to be good at relationships and bring something of value to others when you don't have your own life in good order. However, refraining from relationships isn't the way to improve your relationship skills, rather, it means you give up every opportunity to learn and develop them. Since you have so little insight into yourself, it is necessary for you to see yourself more clearly through the eyes of others - Fe development cannot proceed properly otherwise. This means learning how to turn all feedback and criticism into something constructive, even when it's painful.

Emotional pain is something to learn from, not something to avoid. As long as you fear the pain of living life, you'll be stuck. You have a choice to make as to what's more important to you: the safety of your comfort zones, or the growing pains of personal growth. You make that choice every day and you can change your decision at will.

#enfj #emotional intelligence #critical thinking #self esteem #relationships #ask

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: abuse

Looking for: advice

Is it possible for a younger sibling to be abusive? Because with my brother, it's only a three year difference, but he's taller and stronger than me. And since he's gotten stronger than me, he's gotten more aggressive. Like he already was before, he would threaten me with objects and knives and air guns and such things. But now he's more physical. He will randomly hit me and shove me, I've made it known that I don't like this and that it hurts, but he doesn't listen. He's come close to seriously injuring me, although that part was accidental, but it still doesn't stop him. He's always been aggressive, and I knew he'd get stronger as he got older which scared me, and now he is and I can't defend myself if ever intends to do more than torment me. And it's not just physical. He just absolutely mentally drains me on the daily. He will come in my room and break and steal and disorganized things or he come in his room to dump trash and rotten food and dishes and anything because he won't take anything to the kitchen. Just generally he exerts so much extra effort into trashing my room. Along with the fact that he also blackmails me, like if im ever upset or crying he'll record me and send it to people which makes it kind of hard to feel safe at home because he could leak my whole private life like that. And he's gotten his friends in on always making fun of me. I've told my mom about all of this and it's only ever an empty promise that she'll deal whit it. She never has and never does. She doesn't discipline him. She doesn't enforce any of the boundaries she says she'll set. She spoils him as well, she spends thousands of dollars giving him what he wants to prevent him from throwing fits rather than setting boundaries. Which leads to him destroying the house and becoming physically violent if he doesn't get what he wants. We're by no means rich, and in this way, he financially drains us further. I don't understand why my mom doesn't do anything about his behavior. I mean I got beat for things such as crying too loudly. I don't condone beating kids at all, but why was I subjected to such harsh treatment and he gets a free pass to do whatever he wants. I feel like such a stupid pushover, because my family generally picks on me and I can do nothing about it. Like my mom and my brother are practically the same. She will also record me at my nerves end like neither of them didn't push me to my breaking point. I'm just so tired of this. Like why am I expected to achieve so highly and be perfect but he isn't expected to do anything at all.

I'll go by nyx.

Hi nyx,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through. It sounds like you've not only been victimized by your brother for a long time, but you seem to be the scapegoat as your mom seems to be enabling his behavior. I can understand how this dynamic may make you feel like you're being ganged up on. You don't deserve to put up with this.

Please know that age gaps are not the only ways that an abuser can create or take advantage of a power imbalance. Being taller or stronger can certainly be one of the many alternatives.

It might continue to escalate so it may be worth looking into involving the authorities, for your safety. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could also help you process and navigate these experiences, as well as equip you with some useful coping mechanisms that you can take with you along your healing journey.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw physical abuse #nyx

[cutest-bunny-writings]

This is not about me. It's about a friend. I needed to vent about this because it's so messed up. And it's shared with permission.

TW for below the cut: discussion of the encouragement of $u!c!d3, discussion of racial slurs, swearing and pathetic excuses for being a shitty person

What the actual hell is wrong with some people?

What makes someone think it's okay to tell someone else to shoot themselves because "like father, like daughter" because their father shot himself when she was 8?

Who says that to someone?

Who calls other people cr@ck3r and b3@n3r is a derogatory way as a "joke" all because you can't be civil?

Why can't you be civil? Do you not know how? I think you know how.

Why do you steal and deny your acts of thievery?

How is the fact that you were kicked out for 2 weeks, but now moved back in a valid excuse to tell people they're "fucking Jesus freaks" and "should be out in the cabbage patches earning a shit wage"?

Why do you accuse others of your actions? You accuse them of side-eyeing you, of eavesdropping, but I've noticed it's you that does these things, so why accuse them of your actions?

This is how the (text) conversation went (Jan. 30, 2024):

B: OMG when did you post that video of you singing

#BTS STAN

K: Shoot yourself

(Apple doesn't fall far for the tree)

B: Gurl what

K: Like father like daughter😋😇😎🙌😁😌😩🙏😻😊😘😍😁😛😃😝😚😗😜

The next day, she tried to call it a joke and if didn't sit right with B, but she ignored her gut and I wish she hadn't.

I have heard both sides of this situation and I am aware of who's in the wrong. It's K.

K has been fabricating the whole thing to make herself look like the victim, she's left out massive details, some of which I was there for.

Don't look me in the eye, knowing I was there, and think I'm too stupid to remember what you did and that I will defend you for your shitty behavior. You're dead wrong.

I may not remember small things like what I ate the day before, but I'm definitely going to remember if you said something like "kill yourself" to someone or the fact that you tried to infiltrate the few things that bring me joy just to insult my efforts and make me as miserable as you.

I am not you. And I don't ever want to be you. Because you're miserable and instead of trying to be better, you try to drag people below the water to drown in your misery with you.

That is not a friend, yet you wore that mask for so long. Then you finally made the decision to shed that mask like a snake sheds its skin, and I find that you're an amazing actor and liar.

Don't not come near me.

You push those boundaries though.

So we exhaust our civil resources and authority figures but they think and assume it's something like "girl drama" but in reality, you're just a horrible person.

So we turn to civil disobedience to advocate for ourselves, but if that doesn't work, we are not above violence. Because who tells someone to kills themselves like their dad?

#rant post #personal rant #rant #vent post #vent

[hyperdemona]

I actually started carrying pepperspray not because of men, but because a dog bit me and I want to be safe if I were to get attacked again.

Getting bit by this dog (puncture wounds bleeding down my leg, assumed he was running after me to ne friendly till he got close, I was young and oh my bike. Like he literally bolted down an street while I was biking, bit my ankle hard. Flat out aggressive targeted behavior I was biking around a park and he came out of nowhere .) It taught me to start yelling “hey! HEY! NO! Back up!” Dogs can sense anger, dogs can sense territorial animal behavior which is exactly what I’m doing, defending myself territory Aka body. I had this dumb territory try and go after my ankle while biking, I kept yelling “hey, hey, hey, hey,” everyrime I saw him going for my ankle… he stopped and barked all mad and fucked off. Scared the shit out of me when I saw a stuffy loose, held just pepper spray and told him to back up (insecure nervous dog bit thar is also a type that might bite if feeling threatened, he backed off.)

It’s kinda like men; get angry and scream like a bitch and they freak out from that energy.

(Ofc this won’t always work and I don’t blame kids just dumping in your inbox that I get your hate for dogs… I’m grown, not a child, child can’t defend themselves. I was still a girl when I

got bit and I love dogs I’m like wtf 😭😭 I don’t hate dogs, But don’t love them so ouch anymore and don’t blame you for hating dogs…

I don’t get the cat hate from folks, truly; when has a stray cat or a cat that gets out go around attacking folks? I’d trust a cat around a kid before I trusted a dog.

Wondering if so often they say “men are like dogs, women are like cats” cause cats have good boundaries and are “selfish” while dogs are dumb and bark at anything that moves?

I genuinely dislike dogs. Puppies are cute but it's HARD to like dogs these days if ur in Keralam these days. It's sooo bad here. Spaying and neutering have completely failed. It works in western countries because stray populations are low in the first place because of harsh weather, so many do not survive the winter. You only need to spay/neuter/vaxx the rest and have them be adopted. Doesn't work here because these things don't die off naturally and when there's enough of them to form literal wolf-packs, they LITERALLY just start hunting kids for food. Man that poor autistic boy, the villagers are still in shock.

Who tf is going to adopt murder dogs? We don't even allow dogs indoors or consider animals family the way they do in white western countries, it is not our culture. Animals get treated like animals, not people. In fact, dog lovers adopting fancy breeds to raise and then letting them loose in the streets when they get sick and difficult to look after (apparently long-haired western breeds don't do well in the tropics and get sick, WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT 🙄) are the ones that caused this in the first place.

Dogs regularly break into daycares and playschools and attack kids. It's happened multiple times over the last decade. I've seen idiot animal activists even call for an end to spaying/neutering because "dogs have a right to natural reproduction like people do". This is who you're arguing with.

[archivalofsins]

Several people who are going to get the "we need to teach them this behavior is wrong treatment" before people start breaking their spines to defend Kotoko's behavior.

Kazui, Amane, Mikoto.

Even though this is not and never has been how voting works or the response it illicits. If you disagree with the behavior, fine, but this vote isn't to teach anyone a lesson it's about what you're willing to forgive and not forgive only. Because these characters are not going to listen and change just because life is made harder for them. I didn't vote using this logic because we've already seen it fail.

The funniest part is like I literally haven't seen anyone being like this with the other prisoners. All of which are very much just as stuck in their ways and have said they won't change. In every possible way they can. So, trial three is going to be very fun considering they can hear all this, and I hope the ones getting this treatment kill again over it during the intermission.

Like "we don't want anyone to get lost". No, you don't. I'm sick of this shit though and I'm hoping the prisoners are, too. If I was voted Guilty twice and the man who literally killed a mouseleum full of people was not- And I could take matters into my own hands after trial I'd fucking find a way to kill that man whether it be with my bare hands or something else.

You've got me fucked up these restraints ain't stopping shit I'm finding a way. I'd be livid, spiteful, vengeful without measure. Especially if I gave every possible warning, set every possible boundary, and they were ignored.

I am not immune to the, "Fuck it there's no way these people wold ever see me as innocent they judged me guilty on arrival and then when given more information doubled down. So, I'm about to do what I want. Treat me like a criminal well fine I'll act like one." mentality. These cells don't even have locks so who the fuck is stopping me after the guards asleep. Same with anybody else.

I've been stuck with these two in a row Innocent verdict easy street prisoners long enough I'm about to make they lives difficult. I'm not gonna be the only one e suffering in this panopticon. I may be trapped with you but this is a two way fucking street. So, if im getting run over, regardless, I might as well drag a few people with me. That, too, is just human nature.

There's only so much a person can take before they end up saying you've tested me enough, you fucked around now it's time to find out. This is the end of this shit. You can clearly dish it out but I'm about to show you how to take it. It certainly would be nice if all the prisoners responded to their guilty verdicts with, "Oh, gosh! I really didn't know it was that bad of a thing to do, guard. I'll change my ways, okay? Can we start over fresh? Pretty, please?"

But that is rarely how people respond to others, telling them how they should live their lives.

#gunsli rambles

[funkymbtifiction]

Hey, what would you say the significance of wings is? Do you struggle to tell if you’re a 6 or a 7 sometimes? Personally I’ve been torn between 8 and 9 since as long as I can remember discovering enneagram. I’ve got many friends who studied enneagram for years and also struggle(d) to tell between their core and their wing… they are certain it’s one or the other but flip flop between saying which is core and which is wing. This indecision happens most often when one of the types ppl are torn between is Attachment… but I have seen it happen to 7-8 liners and 1-2 liners too. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

Wings flavor your core, but ultimately are "ruled" by your core. You are doing it "in service of" your core desires. For example, I do relate to some of the 7 stuff because of being a 6w7 (re-framing, skipping past my feelings, hating negativity, not wanting to dwell on upsetting things, always needing things to look forward to, feeling like there's so much I want to do and not enough time)...

But.

I am a super-ego type through and through, and ruled by "should." My 7 gets ruled over by my 6, who sets the agenda and is much stronger. How 7 shows up primarily on a daily basis for me is to mix a little of itself into my decisions/agenda and also cause confusion.

Like Goblins of Discord said in their 7w6 description, the 7w6 knows there's stuff they "should" be doing -- but that's boring, so I won't do it. The 6w7 knows they should do it, and they usually do it, because the guilt trip becomes too great. 7s are not afraid to self-reward, 6s feel they need to earn rewards (justify it to themselves and others).

When in doubt, strip away the externals and look at the core. 9w8s are withdrawn types who are only assertive to defend their right to be unbothered by everyone else (failing to establish boundaries, then being angry about their lack of boundaries and asserting them too late). 8w9s are assertive types who are only withdrawn in their desire to get what they want (going for it hard, and not wanting others to try to stop them, so they assert boundaries early and in many instances, too soon and too severely, then backtrack later).

The only way to prove your type to yourself is to read deeply enough about the type (in actual books that go in-depth, not YouTube "gurus" or internet forums or brief online descriptions) to identify its mechanisms and introspect long enough to see yourself using your lines not only under stress and growth, but ALL THE TIME. If you are an 8, you will have 5 in your back pocket and a pull towards 2 (paranoia moving toward tenderness and filling needs). If you are a 9, you will see 6 and 3 in yourself (6 second-guessing during stress and 3 determination once you decide what you want). If you are a 7, you will see 1 and 5. And so on.

I don't doubt I'm a 6, because I am super-ego through and through (ruled by should and attentive to other people's needs), assertiveness and gluttony plays second fiddle to my inner guilt-trips and need to be responsible, and I routinely fall into 3/9 behaviors. So I'm sure. :)

If you are still torn between to types three years into your typing journey, you are either mistyped and working on the wrong things or looking for the wrong type patterns or not introspecting enough to see your type playing out in your thought patterns. Once you land on your type, you will feel a deep sense of shame as you unearth the unconscious patterns that have ruled your life. There is an enormous ego resistance toward accepting the most shameful aspects of your core number; often, people either truly do not identify with those things and assume they are at a high health level (nope) or their pride will not allow them to admit to it and they adamantly deny it as being a problem for them, while doing that exact thing all the time (a fact that is highly visible to others).

Sometimes you will find your type and own this shameful behavior but not that one, but if you commit to introspection and working on yourself, you wear down your ego enough to accept later on that yes, this other shameful thing... I also do this. But by the time that happens and you are willing to face it, it no longer feels as devastating to admit to it.

When torn, ask yourself -- which one am I avoiding and which one am I idolizing more? Which one would bare me in a way that feels deeply uncomfortable? By continuing to feel torn between types and see them as equal, are you refusing to admit to a core weakness?

#question #enneagram

[artisticgreaser0]

REGARDING WELCOME HOME NSFW!

Okay, I feel like this is need to be said. This is going to be a long ass rant about the NSFW and Antis side of the Welcome Home Fandom. I'm fed up with this shit.

People have been time to time,every single day, posting and venting on about Clown's boudaries like Clown is some lil kid that NEEDS to be taken care of. Some, even crying and spreading misinformation about how NSFW is going to ruin the fandom and make Clown take down the official WH website/project because artists have been breaking theirs rules, pity me. I'M SO TIRED AND DONE WITH ALL OF THAT BULLCRAP!

IT NEEDS TO BE ADRESSED, IN THIS WHOLE THING HOW THINGS HAD GONE BEHOND OUR CONTROL!

WE HAVE OUR ACCOUNTS,USERNAMES,PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS BEING SHOWN ON TIKTOK,TWITTER,TUMBLR PUBLICLY TO MINORS WHO LATER HARASS/REPORT/SUSPENDS US WHICH IS SOMETHING CLOWN DIDN'T WANT TO HAPPEN AT ALL! Why can't ya'll read the ''DON'T attack people on my behalf'' post Clown wrote? Don't you get what Clown is saying? He's saying (DO NOT ATTACK PEOPLE BECAUSE OF ME). if ya'll TRULY respect Clown's decicions HOW,JUST HOW IS THERE IS STILL HARASSMENT,DEATH THREATS AND TWITTER ACCOUNTS GETTING SUSPENDED???

And to use the ''oh but why do you expect us to respect you when you haven't respect Clown's boundaries?'' Like,thanks gee….I CLEARLY TRIED TO BE AN RESPONSIBLE ADULT BY NOT SPREADING IT MUCH FURTHER AND NOW MINORS ARE SEEING MINE AND MY FRIEND'S +18 ATWORKS ALL THANKS TO ALL OF YOU! How many times are ya'll gonna pretend like minors aren't stupid and horny to TRY to see our accounts and all the porn we do? Why are you even comfortable with the IDEA of a minor seeing a page full of pornographic content to begin with enough to EXPOSE our names and artworks to them!?

WHEN WE NEED TO BE THE ONES BLOCKING,PRIVATING,RECIEVING DEATH THREATS,HATE AND REFUSIE THE ANONIMOUS QUESTIONS maybe just MAYBE it's because we are human and FEEL!

The last time I had this talk with an anti the person was 22 FOLLOWING UP TO +15 MINORS from 15-17 years old, HOW CAN WE TRUST YOU FOR ANYTHING?

It'ld be PERFECTLY FINE if the people you words spreaded it to were just TO adults but NO, THE HASHTAG WE USED ISN'T NO LONGER A SECRET AND WHO HAS REVEALED IT? Antis. All of this and putting words into Clown's mouth and defending blindly everything for the sake of keeping the fandom pure! WE HAD AN SECRET HASTAG,NOW KIDS KNOW WHAT IT IS ALL THANKS TO Antis and VERY responsible adults! (sarcasm)

Guys,I'm nobody's fucking parents to be worried about what these kids watch on the internet and I'm EXTREMELLY TIRED OF HAVING TO BLOCK MINORS WHO FOLLOW ME(THIS SHIT HAS HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE!). If you want to bring awareness,this isn't the way to do it! As much as I hate talking about it, Clown HAS NOT helped regarding this topic. It's either a yes or NO question. If people misunderstood more than once what you said maybe it's because the message isn't clear, it's like you are writing like the words are making a fucking swirl and at the end there's no solid conclusion to what you just said.I have seen all this bullshit everyone keeps pulling, to realise that

Clown ISN'T A KID! THEY ARE THEIR OWN PERSON, THEY ARE A MATURE ADULT WHO TAKES DECISIONS!

and ya'll still keep attacking,harassing,reporting all because you don't see Clown as who they are!

Heck, directly asking, SHOWING OUR ACCOUNTS NAMES WHAT WILL IT DO? quick answer: Nothing!

-Minors will see our artworks -Minors will more easily find our artworks -You are gonna upset Clown -Minors will find our hashtags faster -They will expose our names -Accounts will be suspended -More hate and ranting within the community -pedo accusations and mass reporting

IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? IS THIS WHAT YOU ALL WANTED TO HAPPEN SO THEN WHEN SHIT GOES WRONG YOU CAN BLAME US FOR IT?

Like, just tell me because I'm fed up. I love these characters AS MUCH AS YOU ALL DO! Nobody,nobody is doing this shit because we hate nor want to upset Clown! we all equally LOVE this project, but, this is TOO MUCH! And no one my friends nor me want this stuff to keep happening! we all are uncomfortable with minors and kids seeing our stuff, we private and they still lie,still prentend to see our shit because(SUPRISE NO SUPRISE) MINORS ARE FUCKING STUPID AND IMMATURE, THEY WILL NOT JUST REPORT AND IGNORE LIKE MANY THINK THEY DO!

I don't care if you hate me now,I open this will make someone reflect on the shit they go around spreading. I'll keep all my shit private and so will my moots because we are all tired to fight to keep this fandom stable. Bye.

#welcome home #welcome home arg #welcome home fandom #welcomehomensfw

[aressida]

My entry: "To all families, all I wanted to say here is that, you must truly hate what’s left of your face to challenge me." - Aressida. 20.11.23.

Being restorative from all family alienation and trauma.

Families on both sides continue to cling to us year after year as a means of coercion and automatic redemption cards, but they might be clever if they were valued for who they are without feeling obligated or under pressure.

Hurt must still be recognized, though. When I do this, they know it irritates them.

"I don't like the way you deliver anger!" My mother-in-law got to her feet and gestured at me with a finger. When she did that, I literally barely got three words out. "Sarcastic!" Oh, she have no idea...

Try two decades. 20 long years.

She was the one who insisted on shifting the subject and preventing me from telling my side of the tale.

Please know that since you depend on me to be fair during our initial conversation, I will seize the opportunity to expose you.

For example, the way they consistently undermine authority, lead to conflicts in allegiance, and impede communication within the family. Then, as if it were our responsibility to get better and not theirs, they started sending us encouraging and self-help emails and texts.

All of it stems from an unreasonable dread of the judge, which is absent from "The Family." It's not even real.

I bring this up to ask whether the family has been able to evaluate their previous conduct and pinpoint areas where they may have made changes as a result of this time off.

Where is your introspection? Self-awareness? Examine your behaviors and actions in great detail?

It may be quite annoying when family members refuse to even admit that they are part of the problem. I get physically nauseous thinking about them "wondering why" we no longer talk to them, no matter how many times I tell them why they act like victims and play stupid.

Every time we try to reestablish boundaries and become better, the family talks down to us and challenges our way of thinking. Yes, you still need to show us that you genuinely care about us, even if I know you love us. Give your own approval to the other person instead of seeking YOUR own.

You show disdain towards our feelings. Stop. This is not about you. You always seem to find yourself defending your conduct in every interaction. Either you deliberately try to drive people apart or you make an effort to get along and work together thoroughly.

Because only my fiancé and myself are the only deaf members of the family, we often find out about family plans last, and often we will not even give them an opportunity to talk to us. They arranged us last. They should understand how immature that is as mature individuals.

The boundaries put in place as a result of the family's unwillingness to acknowledge the abuse and neglect that occurred there and the extent to which it harmed everyone's well-being and sense of value.

They are aware of this.

Not only did they give us the silent treatment outright, but a few of them even got other family members to assist in the same behavior. More often than one can count.

Similarly, when they ignored my family letter and pretended nothing had happened, it is also unacceptable. Without realizing that "family politics" was not at stake, they went on to recruit other individuals to join them in their struggle.

Why are they searching for supplies that may be obtained by taking advantage of the weaknesses of their preferred target and the sympathy of others?

That there is an obvious attempt to gain favor by discrediting the victim is intolerable.

No more games.

There should be an end to devaluation games and tactics like projection, belittling, manipulation, guilt, blaming, deflection, and passive-aggressive behavior.

This explains why it is evident that the family was already collapsing.

A narrative, are you game?

Out of jealousy, an older sister likes to tease and harass her little sister in front of everyone of their family and friends. All due to a skewed feeling of one's own significance, excessive arrogance, and a flattery-seeking impulse.

"Why are you letting her ostracize me from the family?" was the question I wanted to put to everyone in the family, especially my mother. However, nobody was eager to pay attention. All of it as a result of micromanaging my small existence, pitchforking, hidden putdowns, stonewalling, gaslighting, emotional neglect, and, most of all, being absent.

Are you aware of what an invisible child is? What does it mean for a child to be invisible?

I was that individual. I was called a scapegoat, alienated person, and problem child because of my deafness, inexperience, and early age.

Let me tell you why.

She would frequently give me negative feedback and pushback, which made me doubt my own worth and competence and made me second-guess my decisions and my judgment, all left me feeling stuck in a negative loop, useless, and without hope.

My family progressively undermined my confidence, leaving me with intense feelings of bewilderment and disorientation.

I personally believed that my sister's previous microaggressions were deliberate because it was subsequently implied that she hated and detested me as a youngest sister.

For what reason would my family not accept that I was traumatized as a child?

If my family acknowledges that I was traumatized as a child, then they must acknowledge that they failed as a family and did not shield me from harm when I was a child.

Because of this deep-seated fear, I also drift apart from other people as I become older. It is tough to stay composed when you are rejected without explanation. As a child, it worried me so much that I could not even begin to grasp why.

Growing up depressed, I mourned mostly by myself, learned to accept who I am, and realized that, under the circumstances, I had done the best I could have. To get my peace of mind back, I had to spend years learning how to put my trauma behind me and work toward recovery and health.

This explains why no one in the family, on either side, wants to own up to their wrongdoing and rudeness. That is on them.

You see why I refuse to let my daughters grow up in this poisonous family environment for this reason. May they find peace.

#aressida

[f0point5]

Sorry for the raw "comments", rants, ramblings lately, I'm away on vacation and need to pick my moments 😆

I saw someone saying he/she is becoming a y/n hater. I do not feel the same. But that was exactly one of those situations where I don't get her and her acting horny af. Also with her messages to Max... Like wdym girl? Pick a battle... I know she's joking around, but she's so unrestrained in every way, I really can't blame Max for reacting the way he does with her. And I know you defended her and Elliot's not her boyfriend and whatever, but she's seeing him, dating him if you want. And lbr here... I don't believe for a second that she'd stop her antics if they actually were together. She's doing what she wants, how she wants it, with whom she wants. And as much as I respect that from a self-love kinda view, it can definitely make her look a little arrogant. Right now it feels like she is indeed cherry picking.

And about her texts with Lily... did we see her message Lily before? I'm not sure tbh. At least not sure if there were topics like this one... I didn't see too many asks about it either. Like how? Am I the only one who didn't really get it? Also with the rabbit hole and all? What was she talking about? I need answers. 🤣

About those reasons of Max not making any moves... you wanted me to have a guess. I'm working on it. And I think I'll come up with sth once I'm back home again. 😁

Firstly, I hope your vacation is going well!

Tbf, I’ve bantered similarly with male friends while we’re both in relationships, as long as you both know there’s never a remote chance of it happening I think it’s not that deep. Though whether that’s the case with her and Max is debatable.

I do think going on only four dates with someone puts you in a range where your don’t have to start putting boundaries in your life for them. Of course you could if you wanted to, if you liked them that much, but she said to her mum, it’s a slow burner, she’s just spending time with him right now, I don’t think she likes or thinks about him enough to consider what she tweets about yet. I think if they were a proper couple she’d mess about less on Twitter, because at the end of the day I don’t think she’s the type of person to casually humiliate her bf like that, or bring that kind of negative attention to herself and Max. Obviously she is now a little bit but not to the extent that she’s seeing it, and also she could always clarify her relationship status if she wants to. But I think if she was in a relationship we wouldn’t see her tweeting like she does.

Lol Y/N thinks life is Burger King and she can have everything her way. I plan to explore this more.

We have seen her texting Lily a couple of times. They texted once about how “benefits” make up for the drawbacks of being a wag haha, they banter.

Ahahaha you are not meant to know which rabbit hole she fell down while on a break from padel.

Good luck with your guessing and enjoy your vaycay!

[holiciouspursuitofenvy]

It took me a really long fucking time to acknowledge why i can't handle boundaries/end up being manipulative as fuck to real and sometimes online people.

EVERYBODY FEELS LIKE I HAVE TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS WITH! I truly did not understand stand that consciously, i only ever chalked it up to social anxiety. No matter how many times i told myself i wish there was a class on how to talk to people and what people will judge you on.

I grew up with parents who would be gone from home long periods of time (due to their jobs bc we were poor and childhood divorce). And when they came home would either fight eachother or their children (me and my siblings). Belittling us for little things we did or want which oftentimes was extremely normal kid stuff. And because i was the youngest, i was an honorary child of the eldest teenage sister who obviously was a bad mother but also actively bullied me for years.

Not to mention parents who would constantly tell me don't trust anyone, everyone is judging you and out to get you. So they sheltered you home minimizing play time or hanging out with other kids. I actively remember being a kid and trying to set up healthy boundaries like "hey mom, it really hurta me when you yell at me for crying when i get shots or needles, I'm trying my best." And her going "fuck off, you're just sensitive and you need to get over it by now." Or my dad actively triggering me when he does his angry sound tell so i asked him to please do it less and he angrily calls me a child in a long drawn out paragraph and huffs away.

I was/sometimes still am stuck in a toxic cycle of needing to learn how to set up boundaries for myself and telling people, namely my family, to fuck off if they don't. I used to have a hero complex where i would help people at the expense of myself to often but then i said fuck that and now I've made my over defensiveness even more obvious.

But i also couldn't acknowledge this extends to EVERYTHING. In real life when someone says you did a bad thing suddenly it feels like a volcano of the most angry emotions stir inside of me BECAUSE I AM FURIOUS.

I'M FURIOUS that no one acknowledges how hard it was to walk on eggshells all the time. How I'd need to pat myself on the back every time i completed a social interaction successfully or comb through every detail of them to find something to improve on. I never felt i was progressing to normal but that i was stuck incompetent forever.

I get told a lot that I'm very mysterious and never tell anyone anything and this is why. I HAVE MAJOR TRUST ISSUES. This is where the hyper-independence, the closed offness, the combative nature against people i trust especially comes in. Why I'm always surprised people who don't see me everyday or run to me anytime the see me say I'm their friend. I'm sure i came off super cold when i asked them why but i was genuinely surprised. Because being teased, bullied, and dismissed by everyone close to me growing up fucked up my view of people and relationships.

I don't mean for any of this to come off as an excuse but as an explanation. And me trying to reach people who've gone through the same things i have but kept getting back into the cycle of needing to defend yourself by all means possible to people who just said "please stop, i don't like this," or any other variation of you have done something wrong. Especially if you went over the line online and someone said "hey thwt way too over familiar, don't talk to strangers like that." because yea STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET ARE NOT YOUR THERAPIST OR PUNCHING BAGS.

I really need people to understand this isn't from entitlement, it's subconscious mistrust in everyone you meet bc subconsciously i believed everyone was out for me. Someone i needed to defend against before or after they talk to me. No matter how nice and gentle it comes doesn't matter. Everyone has to be lying and think it's the biggest deal in the world actually or this is a greater sign of you being awful all along. Like everone did that to everyone elae. And if anyone just casually calls this narcissism I'm hitting you with a 2x4. Those posts never resonated with me. They felt dismissive for me personally.

I AM ALWAYS IN A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE VICTORIAN ENGLAND TEA PARTY WITH A BAD REPUTATION. Or better yet I'm always walking on eggshells with people.

Coming from someone who knows they're mentally fucked up but not knowing exactly how for all your life but especially in the past 5+ years of not going to therapy except when it was closeby and free a couple times but never being truly open with them because you learned vulnerability equals dismissal and pain 99% of the time.

So yeah, i highly recommend looking back on your childhood and examining when you were dismissed or had your boundaries broken. Then work on active trust with people and be open to more people because not processing my trauma but trying to steamroll being a functional persom also fucked me up.

#Mental health #Therapy #Trauma #Emotional abuse #Manipulation #Neglect #rant #God that felt good to finally say #I will block any and everyone who tries to dismiss this post as me excusing my bad behavior or “needing to grow up” #Paranoia #Trust #Coping mechanisms #Obviously it's not just a personal responsibility thing but a social norm symptomatic of society that rewards and encourages abuse.

[charleslebatman]

Alright I'm sick of this, this might get long, I might look like a crazy fan/fan page/alexa herself defending but I don't care. This needs to be said (and this isn't hate to your page btw, I've read some incredibly childish asks here and I'm floored over a lot of them)

Some of you here need to get over yourself. Yes, Charles broke up with Cha after a long time of the relationship fizzling out. There were rumours of him seeing Alexa. And now he's confirmed he's in a relationship. There's been no solid evidence of her being friends with cha (don't fucking show me the screenshot of that one comment from 6 years ago, that's fucking laughable). Can any ONE of you here tell me if you know ANYTHING about her? Because you don't. Because she's literally just SHOWED up and she's getting hated left and right because oh my god she dares to show up at the home grand prix of her boyfriend? Oh my god she dares to be in the paddock walking around like a normal person? Oh and her own friends dare post a story about her, her friends? How dare they do that! And how the fuck did you even find out a friend of her posted the story huh. Stalking/going through her followers' list or from a random page which did the stalking yeah?

That brings me to the next bit, she's new, she's young and she's being harassed online constantly. Going through her account, making a hate page dedicated for her and photoshopping her face onto a naked person to 'claim' she is a teenage escort (like what the actual fuck is wrong with people? No one deserves this shit and if you justify this you are a sick mf)? Her age and ethnicity have been commented upon numerous times. She's been photographed in the paddock by a fuck ton of people, followed around by them with phones shoved into her face. And all of her socials/followers/followings are under careful watch so that a seemingly simple thing can be blown out of proportion like all this scenario. Random people making follow requests, DMing and tagging her in posts and stories of fucking course she's gonna view the posts. And some people say she liked the stories and comments, we'll where's the proof? I don't see a single screenshot, please educate me if I'm wrong but it's all been hearsay till now

And the opinions about the extent of their private relationship. I hope people realise private doesn't mean secretive, it doesn't mean you pretend a person doesn't fucking exist and hide them in the depths of hell. It's less of an in your face relationship with everything strewn out into the open and more of something which is between the two people involved in the relationship and their close knit circles. WHICH once again doesn't mean they have it hide like it's a sin. Primary exhibit of private relationship, max and dilara and back then dilara was seen in public and not shut in her home. And who the fuck cares if they decide to be not public anymore? It's THEIR relationship, emphasis on THEIR. Fans don't have ANY say in it for fucks sake. And to those calling her an attention seeker, tell me babes what has she done except existing, going to the home race of her boyfriend with a paddock pass, hang out in the balcony, walk through the paddock? She got photographed by the fucking fans. And don't give me the 'photos getting leaked' example, that is a dumb narrative and there's too many ways for it happen (some fan accounts might got missed while she removed followers/made it private ever think of that? Some photos I can fucking google them up).

She's been as normal as a person who's constantly getting stalked and harassed can be, doing things people normally do (especially the friends posting stories about her bit, lmfao you call that attention seeking?). I feel bad, a person putting up with most of this shit in a period of ONE WEEK? Thousands of narratives online and ninety nine percent of them are a fucking reach. Get a life, learn what boundaries are, touch some grass and maybe then some of you might see that most of her behavior is normal and getting cornered by the internet isn't fucking okay. All of these words and I bet someone is going to quote me and be 'but actually' and defend this heretic fanatic behaviour LMFAO

Not sure I would able to respond on all. But I wanted to say at first, that I understand your annoyance. Really. It’s not because I posted something that I agree with it, not for you specifically.

I think the problem with gossips in general is the accumulation of opinions. And that's my fault too, for not wanting to offend anyone by posting everyone's opinion.

I agree with you that this woman gets a lot of unjustified hate. On the other hand, I can understand people's mistrust of the "she's only here for the glory and to be seen" angle, so much so that we've seen so many wags like that come and go. Even I have my doubts at times. But I still want to give her a chance, because as I said before, she doesn't bother me in the slightest and she just seems very uncomfortable.

I think everything caught fire with her right from the start, so many doubts, so many opinions with strange things that people couldn't help but get carried away. After all, it's still gossip and it's always been all-out speculation. But I admit that talking about them gets really annoying, because you don't know anything and it's worse than speculation.

After all, I can't please everyone, and I really do try to do my best. But I understand that sometimes we just need to vent our annoyance on a subject that irritates us like that. But you're right about a lot of things, but try not to take it too personally either.