#working malfart

[sukunas-play-thing]

Random Q but tryna start small talk. What kinda work you do?

Meh basic retail job atm. I have a dream career that I wanna do In crime scene cleaning. Been wanting to do some type of job that's in crime / investigations/ police etc. Crime scene cleaning you pretty much come in after the police, ambulance etc leaves and disinfect and clean what was left in the aftermath. They do homicides, suicides, meth labs, real estate, decomposition etc. And that's something right uo my alley. The closest Spaulding Decon business is in Austin TX. So it's definitely gonna have to wait till my cars fixed 😭😭😭😭😭

#discourse #answered ask #admin shit #just some wine chats #working malfart

[fuck-customers]

(¬3¬ so I can find it) So one of your previous ask posts reminded me of the day I almost walked out of working at MalFart, and gave me incentive to actually put my two weeks in and leave last May. I worked in Frozen/Dairy for MalFart, and our Department Manager would constantly get some sort of sick (bronchitis, laryngitis, whatnot.) SO! When the lockdowns started March 2020, I was actually on holiday and she was currently dealing with bronchitis (nebulizer needed and all). When I came back, she was out because she had just recovered from said bronchitis and higher ups decided it was best for her to stay home (because like almost everyone, they thought that it was flu-like and that after 2 weeks it'd be normal). Cut to April when management is constantly screwing me and my coworkers in Dairy over because they can't get us the equipment needed to do our jobs (picks, bins, bread/snacks for my job) and my freezers in the back are completely empty. Everything is on the shelves. The shelves are sparse. I'm actually HAPPY when the truck comes in so I have something to do by stocking. I get vegetables overstuffed if I can, including brussel sprouts. Next day after filling the vegetables, it's practically empty again. I get a customer asking about brussel sprouts. I show her where they were and it's empty. And she goes off on me. "You have nothing here, this is why I like MY MalFart" and so on. All the while I have a calm "customer service voice" while apologizing, and then when she said that, I'm like "Well why didn't you go to YOURS then?" WE ARE IN THE BEGINNING OF THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING PANDEMIC. I HAVE NOTHING IN MY FREEZERS. Literally everyone I've told that to agrees with me, that she should have gone to HER MalFart. I nearly walked out that day. I'd been working two jobs since I started there (MalFart and homecare for my mother), and with the pandemic, my one job was going to give me more hours, so I decided that instead of stressing myself and stretching myself thin that I'd leave amicably (because while I hated the customers, the assistant manager that hired me was like a protective sister, and I got along with a percentage of my coworkers to the point that we'll visit for a few minutes when I'm shopping). To this day, I hope that woman never found her brussel sprouts.

[snortinglaughter]

Malfart

“Are you certain it works?” Lucius asked, still unsure, as Gilderoy applied the white-ish paste on his forehead.

“Of course I am. I use it every week and you don’t see me with oily skin issues, do you?” He answered with a dashing smile that made Lucius feel butterflies in the pitch of his stomach.

“Oatmeal and a few drops of lemon. Very good for the T-zone,” said one of his portraits wearing hair curlers.

“I’ve heard Celestina Warbeck adds a teaspoon of honey to tighten the skin,” Gilderoy continued. “Maybe we should try that next time.”

“Double chin? No more!” Another portrait said loudly.

Lucius relaxed on his seat; Celestina did look quite young for her age.

When Gilderoy sent him his signed autobiography less than a month ago, Lucius had responded with an extensive thank you letter. Gilderoy owled back, then Lucius did too and so on and so forth. Three days later, they had already established a friendship and Gilderoy invited him to his office in Hogwarts once the term started.

This was his second visit in two weeks. Lucius wished he could visit more often, but thought it would look suspicious. He always found himself looking forward to seeing Gilderoy, he could spend hours listening to his adventures; the reaccountance of Voyages with Vampires was his favorite.

He was a tad jealous of the students, if he was honest with himself. They got to spend more than two hours a week with this brave man, learning from his experiences and undoubted intelligence.

Gilderoy continued the application of the paste on Lucius’ nose and chin, once he was finished he leaned down to get a closer look. Lucius’ heart began hammering against his ribcage as the face of the most handsome man he’d ever seen (besides himself, of course) was just a couple of inches away. He feared Gilderoy might hear the loud thump-thump coming from his chest. Lucius’ gaze fell on his thick lower lip; he was so close.

“You know, your cheeks look very soft,” he said, apparently oblivious to the effect he was causing on Lucius’ poor heart.

“Thank you, I…” He swallowed hard and looked into Gilderoy’s beautiful blue eyes. “I moisturize after I shave.”

“Can I touch them?”

“W-wha-what?” Oh Merlin, Malfoy’s do not stutter.

“Your cheeks, can I touch them?” he asked sweetly.

“Oh. Yes, why not.”

Gilderoy raised a hand and Lucius felt warm fingertips touching his cheekbones, caressing their way to his jaw.

"So soft,” Gilderoy whispered, his hot breath ghosting Lucius’ lips.

A shiver went down his spine and settled low on his belly. Gilderoy Lockhart was standing in front of him, a mere inch away, touching his cheek, whispering and… blushing. He fisted his hands at his sides and tried to swallow down the squeal that was forming in his throat.

“Do you want to touch me?” he whispered again.

Lucius could feel the heat pooling in his pants and prayed to Merlin his erection wasn’t noticeable under his robes.

And then it happened. Gilderoy closed the distance between them and kissed him softly. Lucius’ eyes went wide before he closed them and couldn’t stop his hand raking through Gilderoy’s wavy hair and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Their smooth tongues touched, he tasted like blueberries and the smell of lemon and oatmeal filled his nostrils.

He felt a hand on his crotch and a moan escaped his lips. The sound snapped him into reality and he pulled away, realizing what they had just done.

“I’m sorry,” he said, putting a hand on Gilderoy’s chest and pushing him gently. “I’m so sorry, I - I have to go.”

Gilderoy straightened and Lucius noticed he wasn’t the only one being a little over excited. He went for the door in elegant long strides, breathing hard.

"Lucius, wait!” Gilderoy gripped him by the elbow to stop him from fleeing. “Will I see you next Friday?”

“Gilderoy, I don’t think… this is not -”

"Please?” His eyebrows furrowed, giving him the look of a sweet little crup. “It’s Pampering Friday,” he reminded him.

“I… oh, alright. I’ll be here.”

Gilderoy smiled widely, causing his legs to quiver. Lucius exited the office before he gave in to the temptation of grabbing him by the wrists and pinning him against the wall to kiss him senseless.

Only half an hour later, once he Apparated to his study in the Manor, did he remember he still had his face mask on. Lucius thought he could never see oatmeal again without having a boner.

#malfart #lucius x gilderoy #luci x gildy #anonymous #ask #i don't know if this is what you wanted nonnie #but oh well #here it is #lol

[synonym-for-life]

MASTERLIST  - Synonym4Life

I just spent like 1 and a half hour doing this. I wanted to have all my stuff in one spot. These are just the pieces that I like most. Some are on AO3, some on Tumblr. Many other short pieces can be found under the tag #SynonymWrites

PLOTTIER(ish) Drarry

The Sound of Silence        (NEW!)                                               AO3 Word count: 14k Rating: NC-17 Summary: Before, during and after the war, there was only one constant in Harry’s life. Malfoy. A spiteful brat before the war, a Death Eater during it, and a wanted man after. Malfoy is everything Harry should hate. And yet - he doesn’t. In fact, in the sound of silence that presses on him every second of the day, Malfoy is the only one Harry hears. Tags: Angst, Unhealthy Relationship, Rough Sex, and many others (pls check the tags and the author's note carefully)

A Hyperactive Fruit, a Nasty Neighbour and a Love Story     AO3                    Status: one-shot                                                                                                      Word count: 20k                                                                                                      Rating: NC-17                                                                                                          Summary:  Potter’s pet Niffler is wreaking havoc in Godric’s Hollow and Draco, the Assistant Head to the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, is the one that has to deal with it. Repeatedly. The fact that Potter keeps coming to Draco’s office in grey jogging bottoms - repeatedly - does in no way help the matter.                                                                                                Tags: Humour, Joggers, Magical Creature, Fluff, Domestic fluff

Heart Issues of the Non-Medical Sort         AO3 Status: COMPLETE Word Count: 15.3k Rating: NC-17  Summary: Harry's heart has been behaving strangely around his fellow Auror Trainee Draco Malfoy and it's time he admitted to himself that his issues are of the non-medical sort. Features a semi-sentient coffee maker and a whole lot of tension. Tags: Soft, Lighthearted, Almost Angst-Free, Humorous, a lot of pining and UST

In Order to Heal                                             AO3 | Tumblr Word count: 1.8k Rating: Mature Summary: In order to heal one must first let themselves hurt. Deals with the 1st of May, a day before the commemoration of the Battle of Hogwarts two years after the war. Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, optimistic ending

SMUT, JUST SMUT Drarry

(un)bending                                                    AO3 | Tumblr Word count: 1.9k Rating: NC-17 (I mean, I said smut didn’t I) Summary: Harry Potter doesn't bend over for anyone. Except for Draco Malfoy. Tags: shameless porn, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, D/s undertones (really slight), Bottom Harry, Top Draco Malfoy

''Happy birthday, Draco!'' Harry mumbled against his ass.     AO3 | Tumblr Word count: 1.4k Rating: NC-17 Summary: I believe the title and the tags are quite self-explanatory. Draco had earned some NSFW for his birthday, and Harry just happens to prefer his ass over birthday cake. Tags: Light Choking, Anal Fingering, Rimming, Choking, Coming Untouched, well…in fact coming solely from fingers in his arse

no holding back                                                      AO3 | Tumblr Word count: 1.1k Rating: NC-17 Summary: The thing that Draco liked about Potter was that he didn’t have to hold back. (Literally just wanted to write Harry choking on Draco's dick and loving it) Tags: Blow Jobs, Smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Harry choking on Draco's dick - mind the word choking if it makes you uncomfortable

DRABBLES - Drarry

Only Love Can Hurt Like This                                  AO3 | Tumblr Word count: 412 Rating: Teen and up Summary: I can’t stand this cold from you. Not when you’re the one who warms me when the rest of the world is freezing. Tags: Angst, Hogwarts AU

Domestic Drarry - drabble collection                   AO3  Word count: depends on the drabble, together: 3.6k Rating: Mature? In any case, no sex, but some strong language. Summary: Some drabbles and ficlets of Harry and Draco being silly. I guarantee a laugh or two and a healthy dose of sap :) Tags: Bimbo the owlet, Domestic Fluff, Domestic, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Established Relationship Comprises drabbles: 1. The Insulting Mug      AO3 | Tumblr 2. Draco and the Offending Toaster  AO3 | Tumblr                                               3. Draco Malfoy and the Erratic Blender AO3 | Tumblr 4. Morning AO3 | Tumblr 5. HEEEY, HEEEY BABY (HU, HA!) AO3 | Tumblr 6. Bimbo the Owlet   AO3 | Tumblr  

Like It Like That                                      AO3 | Tumblr Word count: 300 Rating: Mature Summary: Even a broken love deserves its show. Tags: Angst, Unhealthy Relationships, broken love

Right Here With Me                                  AO3 | Tumblr Word count: 430 Rating: Mature Summary: Harry turns off the light. Draco is having none of that. No escaping from here and now. Tags: Angst, and sort of Fluff too?, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Esteem Issues

NOT DRARRY

Ron/Cormac   

The Bro Whey          (NEW!)                     AO3 Word count: 6.7k Rating: NC-17 Summary: When Ron and Cormac become flatmates a lot happens at once. A lot of wanking, a lot of sexual frustration, and a lot of figuring it all out. Such is the way of a bro gay. Tags: Humour, Bros, Sexuality Crisis, Silly 2000s Songs

From Bromance To Brove                       AO3  Word count: 1.6k Rating: Teen and up  Summary: Cormac realizes that Ron and he are more than just bros.  Tags: Kissing

Millicent Bulstrode/ Luna Lovegood AND Ron/Cormac

Yoga Class             (NEW!)                                     AO3 Word count: 3.1k Rating: General Summary:  Millicent, Cormac and Ron attend Luna's yoga class. Tags: Humour, Bros, Leggings, Joggers, Body Image Issues, Butch Millicent

Millicent Bulstrode/Padma Patil

Oh My God They Were Rommates                        AO3 Word count: 2.5k Rating: General Summary: A small, fun tale about Millicent Bulstrode and how she falls in love. Tags: Domestic Fluff, Humor, Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, Butch Millicent

Lucius Malfoy/Gilderoy Lockhart      (yes, I know, terrible. sue me)

Vanity Fair(ly Bestowed)                          AO3 Word count: 1.3k Rating: General Summary: Lucius Malfoy Lockhart and his husband Gilderoy Lockhart Malfoy's pretend (or is it?) marriage isn't quite as believable as they'd like it to be. That is one of their problems - the hair is the other. Tags: Past Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Malfoy, Malfart, maybe the start of polyamory Narcissa/Lucius/Gilderoy - you never know, Crack, Humor, POV Narcissa Black Malfoy

As stated above, check the #SynonymWrites for more. Oh, also, if any link doesn’t work or if I’ve mixed them up, please tell me!

#drarry #SynonymWrites #femslash #drarry smut #drarry fic #drarry drabble #Masterlist #synonym4life masterlist #drarry fics #drarry ficlet #i'll try to keep this updated #will reblog when i add sth new #synonym-for-life #hp femslash #millicent/padma #roarmac #malfart #Millicent/Luna

[fuck-customers]

Not a fuck anyone but more a question to other malfart workers.... So the coach over my area has continuosly denied any request I give her about my schedule (including the ability to change my availability) except for one regarding my covid vaccine, but bends over backwards for the rest of my department even though I have seniority over half of the other associates. When she hired a new associate and asked if any of us wanted to work a different shift, I repeatedly asked her to leave me on closing shifts - yet, she has moved me to opening and early mid, and given my closing shifts to the new associate. She refuses to move me and another person out of our department because "the department can't run without you two." The other person she won't let move to a different department has told me that this coach won't promote her because she thinks heavy people are unproductive - but at the same time has asked that this associate not take more than 4 days off at a time because she "is the only one who knows what their doing". She is also the coach over the backroom, where my boyfriend currently works. He recently took 4 days of pto, which she approved. The day before his pto he got sick (we assumed food poisoning but don't actually know) and had to call out. Today when he came back she pulled him in and told him that because he called out that day, she would no longer approve any pto he puts in and that he would have to just take the payout at the end of the year, because he "will likely just call out again to get another day off".... is any of this allowed? Is there anything we can do about it? We're at a loss because our sm never really listens to floor associates.

[fuck-customers]

Nearly quit my job at malfart after 2 years today because store manager said something about writing up anyone he sees standing less than 6ft from another employee for even as little as 2 seconds. This wouldnt really be this hard to avoid normally, but let me explain:

I work in photo/electronics, which is entirely run out of the photo lab because we don't have an actual electronics counter, just a register with the layout of a 20 items or less register.

The average day, including today (12/22) looks like this for us, all day: 3 customers need phones set up, 2 customers need phones that are in a locked cabinet in the lab, 4 people are waiting to pick up photos, 2 people are yelling for help with the kiosks, and one guy is complaining that he's been waiting for video games. All the while one printer is yelling because it needs the paper changed to canvas and the other needs ink or the sort tray is full.

Where does the problem start? With the first three customers who need phones set up. "Connection" is set up immediately next to the photo register, with the associate having to block the entrance/exit to the lab. The filing cabinet for photo orders is also directly behind where the associate setting up phones is standing. Beside that cabinet is the locked cabinet with the phones. We were recently upgraded to more, bigger equipment, reducing the amount of movement space in the lab. My supervisor and I tried today when it was slow to try to remain constantly 6 feet apart but there is physically no way to do that in that lab unless we just let the crowd grow and grow and tell them "sorry, only one person can be in the lab at a time!"

Only reason I stayed was because I saw the sm see us struggle and then later saw him break the 6ft rule.

#Anonymous

[fuck-customers]

Fuck coworkers

I work for the loss prevention equivalent at Malfart. Fun part about this department, we get to choose our own breaks, with two rules. Unless someone called in or we have a gap in the schedule, make sure at least one person is watching the door at all times, and two, take your lunch before the sixth hour of your shift. Our store has a group chat for us to share when we want our breaks so we can all plan around for the day.

Good, now that’s out of the way, on fridays I’m scheduled with this one dude. He opens with two other people, meaning, in short, that he’s able to evenly space out his breaks through the day (what I mean is that he’s able to take a break every two hours with no weird spacing between them). My Friday shifts do require some weird spacing between breaks, but otherwise I’m good.

Problem is, he spaces his breaks out weird, and takes his lunch at 5.5 hours into his shift, causing me to work over half my shift without a single break. I got tired of that and today tried to beat him in the group chat because the most logical timing of my breaks is identical to when he chooses his. When I sent in my breaks, he sent me a direct message asking me to change them, then when I said no, he sent his identical break schedule to his, and my supervisor asked me to change my break schedule because he comes in before me.

I know it’s hard to explain without getting into the nitty gritty and giving tmi about my schedule, but I really hope at least one person understands this struggle cause it’s pissing me off and I’m about to talk to my manager about this shit

#retail law #tw #server problems #fuck retail #call center problems #fuck managers #embarrassing #retail justice #happy ending #trigger warning #fuck customers #fuck co-workers #submissions #cashier problems #fuck coworkers #submission

[fuck-customers]

So I had an interview with a Clown guy burger place in my local malfart (On a Saturday none the less. and it wasn't the manager who interviewed me either. She went off to go do something). I honestly don't know if I want to go to the "Try out" on Monday. They had none of the information I had submitted (apparently their printer is broken) and seemed woefully unprepared, and honestly I really don't want to work food service again (it's been so long since I've worked in a place like that).

Buuuut, I have an interview with The Place of Pancakes International, and if they ask when I can start, I'm thinking I might call Clown guy and tell them I got a better offer (8.00 an hour is peanuts compared to what I've made before). 

#submissions #submission

[fuck-customers]

This happened years ago at Malfart when I worked 3rd shift, but it still pisses me off. One of our main dairy guys (A) was autistic, & we had a 40-something guy (D) who was convinced he was God's gift to comedy. One day D, during lunch break, started picking on A's mannerisms. You could tell A was uncomfortable but D wouldn't quit. TWO different managers were in the room & did NOTHING. I & a coworker had to rip into D for picking on A to get him to quit. Fuck managers & coworkers like this.

[fuck-customers]

Your local pharmacy girl again! I work for the malfart pharmacy and boy has it been a shit show recently. One of our pharmacists just got put in charge of our scheduling and this guy has it out for me and a couple other girls. I was told by a pharmacist I’m close to that he wants me and two other girls gone because we fight back when he’s unfair and rude with us. I’ve gone from 32 hours a week to 16. The stress of it all is getting to be too much for me to handle. I applied for a transfer to the distribution center where my fiancé works. I’m really hoping that I get it because I’m not sure how much more of this I can handle.

#fuck managers #submissions #submission

[fuck-customers]

Back when I worked at MalFart, someone drove up, threw the entire outdoor display of flowers into the back of their truck, and drove off. The customers who witnessed it (there were no associates outside at the moment) told us about 10 minutes after. And didn’t even try to describe the truck. 😒

[fuck-customers]

Any other MalFart employees experiencing the "Customer First" scheduling system? So far it's cut my hours in half. I don't know if I'm going to be able to eat in a few weeks.

I’m still full time but I had some cut at the end of November and beginning of December temporarily. I know a lot of people in the meat department, deli, and bakery did. Some of them now work in two departments just to be able to get more hours. I think most of us on third shift didn’t get affected because we’re so understaffed so it wouldn’t work. -Abby

[snortinglaughter]

I just failed my driving theory test. May I have some malfart to cheer me up please? Your writing is beautiful - 🍑 peach nonie

Aw Peachy!! I send you much love and many hugs, tinker-doodle! I’m so so so so deeply sorry that this took so long, babydoo. I worked hard on my fest fics and then.. ugh, my brain turned into mush. I hope that, even though this is short, it'll make up for my abscence. I love you!!! 💚💚💚

Lucius closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of the soft brush bristles on his scalp; he loved this.

Gilderoy set the brush aside, cupped Lucius' jaw to tip his head back and gave him a small, sweet kiss on his forehead. Gilderoy then proceeded to rake his fingertips through Lucius' silky hair, massaging his scalp as he went.

It wasn't a routine, no; it was the time of the day they dedicated to reaffirm their bond, to show each other how much they still revered one another. Yes, they could demonstrate that by having mind-blowing sex, by roaming up and down their bodies and paying special attention to those spots that drove them mad. But despite what people might think, Lucius and Gilderoy's relationship was not shallow --not completely.

Lucius opened his eyes, he locked his gaze to Gilderoy's through the mirror as he braided his long platinum hair. His heart warmed as Gilderoy smiled, not the wide grin with blinding white teeth he used for his photo shoots --which Lucius also loved-- but a small, warm smile; the sweet smile Gilderoy reserved for Lucius, and only Lucius.

#malfart #lucius x gilderoy #luci x gildy #anonymous #ask #i have not abandoned you peachy #I love you!!

[snortinglaughter]

More malfart? because you are the only one I know that writes this goooooold 💓💓❣️💓💓💓💓💞💞💞💞💝💜💝💖💖❤️💜💜💓💓💝💞❤️❣️❣️💖💖💜💖💜💓💞❤️❤️❤️❣️❣️❣️❤️💖💓💝💞💜❤️❣️💝💓💓💝❤️❣️

Hi anon! Sorry for the late reply but it was a crazy night and I was kinda drunk lol but here it is! 💚

“I have to admit, they do look quite nice,” said Lucius as he looked out to the garden.

“I told you it was a good idea. It was a bit of a challenge to chase them down, but at the end it all worked out.” Gilderoy smirked smugly.

“Where did you get the idea to put tiny crowns on their heads, dewdrop?”

“I just thought, you know, they’re majestic. They need something to always look majestic, even when they’re feathers aren’t fanned out.”

Lucius turned to see him. The sharp line of his jaw, his pouty lips, his perfect nose, and that hair. Perfect.

“Oh and just you wait. I’ve planned loads of things for them, Luci.”

“Like what?”

“Well, I decided to assign Tuesdays as their official Pampering Day.”

“You - you’re giving them a Pampering day?”

Lucius’ heart swelled. He loved it when Gilderoy spent time with the peacocks, but the thought of Gildy personally taking charge of their care sent shivers down his spine.

“Of course, dearest.” Gilderoy flashed him a blinding smile. “They need a nice manicure, for starters; lilac nail polish will suffice.”

“And… and you’ll - you’ll groom their feathers?”

“Yep, and -” Gilderoy froze for a split second upon noticing Lucius’ hungry look. “And it’s getting a bit windy, I - I’ll bring Madam Malkin to take their measures and,” he stepped back as Lucius approached him. “And make them little coats, so that they don’t get cold.”

Lucius groaned, as waves of desire sent chills over his body, and closed the distance until Gilderoy was against the wall.

“Luci,” Gilderoy panted.

“Tell me more.” He dragged the tip of his tongue over Gilderoy’s soft lower lip, causing him to shiver.

“I - I will bathe them and… and buy them a special…” He whimpered as Lucius gripped him by the wrists and pinned him against the wall, kissing his neck and nipping at his ear. “A special shampoo so they’re feathers are extra shiny.”

“Oh fuck, tinker-doodle,” Lucius ripped Gilderoy’s shirt, sending the tiny buttons flying across the room, and sucked at a hard nipple as he rubbed his bulge against Gilderoy’s leg. “Keep going and I’ll bottom this time.”

“Don’t you fucking dare” Gilderoy groaned and dropped to his knees and unbuttoned Lucius’ fly.

The peacocks squawked, as if celebrating Gilderoy’s deep-throating skills, and Lucius doubted that this day, this life could get any better.

#malfart #lucius x gilderoy #luci x gildy #anonymous #ask #peacocks #lucius is one kinky fucker #;)

[snortinglaughter]

I’ve just thought of something very important. Because malfart value their beauty almost as much as their love how do they keep their “toned and beautiful bodies?” Because I can’t imagine them exercising because ‘it’s disgusting!’, ‘Too dirty’ or ‘for commoners’ so how exactly do they keep their bodies in such beautiful shape?

Oh believe me, nonnie, I’ve given thought to this *smirks*.

Lucius would definitely not exercise because ‘ew, Malfoy’s don’t sweat.’ He mainly just tries to eat as healthy as possible, but then Harry and Draco invite them to dinner and there’s loads of yummy food and desserts. Only his good manners stop him from stuffing his mouth like there’s no tomorrow (but he does eat quite a lot). So then he says: ‘Wait, I’m fucking rich, I have a shitload of money,’ so he pays an insane amount of galleons for treatments like Saggy Tummy? No more, honey (which is a sparkly blue muscle toner gel you apply on abs, biceps, etc.)

As for Gilderoy, he does exercise, but not the sweaty type, (hold on to your knickers, dear) he retrieved his grandmother’s old Jane Fonda Aerobics vhs tapes and he works out in a lilac leotard, matching tights, leg warmers and a belt; maybe a headband if it’s too hot because 'grandmother did it like this, Luci, and she was a very fit seventy-five-year-old woman.’

Not that Lucius is complaining, Babaloo looks hot as fuck in those tights. He loves to watch Gildy working out and stretching (he’s one sexy, flexible little bastard) while Lucius sits back and sips his piña colada, admiring Gilderoy’s perfect perky arse.

#malfart #lucius x gilderoy #luci x gildy #anonymous #ask #i was thinking about this just yesterday #this is canon okay #show me the lie

[snortinglaughter]

Rules:

Post the rules

Answer the questions given to you by the tagger

Write 11 questions of your own

Tag 11 people

Tagged by the wonderful @unicornsandphoenix (sorry if it takes long, its 4:30 a.m. over here lol)

1. Is there a character you would have liked to get to know more about in the hp series? I need more about Blaise’s mom. Like, all of her husbands died in mysterious ways?¡¿ What¿!? I need this black widow’s background in my life?¡¿

2. What is your favorite muggle head cannon for Hogwarts? I’m a bit sleepy so I’m not sure if this question refers to what kind of stuff muggleborns do while in Hogwarts, but if it is: Muggleborns teach purebloods about music okay, they invite their best friend over for the hols and they shove some headphones in their ears and press play to a Spotify list they made just for them. Queen, AC/DC, Metallica… you name it.

3. Is there something that you are/do that you really like about yourself that you don’t get acknowledged enough for? I always say I can’t draw to save my life but meh, I like to do it (not that I’m actually seeking acknowledge, though).

4. How many times have you read through your favorite book/fanfiction/both? I have read the hp series no less than 20 times and there’s so much fanfiction I still need to read, I’ve only went back once to read Synonym-for-life and firethesound (there’s a lot of other fics I fully intend to go back to).

5. What is the best way to compliment you? Tell me you like my writing and I will hide a body for you.

6. If you wanted to participate in this fandom in a way you have not before, how would you do that (i.e. writing, drawing, singing, poems, etc)? I’d love grace this fandom with my beautiful voice… who am I kidding I sing like a banshee in horrible pain lol.

7. What song do you listen to when you are feeling down? What song when happy? I don’t have specific songs for my moods but when I’m sad I–obviously–listen to heartbreaking music because who doesn’t love to drown in a pool of angst, amirite? (No? Just me? Okay) and I can listen to almost anything when I’m happy.

8. Do you have any catchphrases that people hear you say a lot? I haven’t been told I have catchphrases and I’ve actually never thought about it, but I’m sure it would be some swear words in Spanish *shrugs*.

9. What is your comfort food recipe? That’s a secret recipe from mamá, can’t share sorry.

10. What are your favorite tropes (i.e. fake dating, 8th year, work colleges, fairytales, friends to lovers etc)? I just LOVE TRUTH OR DARE WHERE EVERYONE’S DRUNK AND HARRY JUMPS ON DRACO AND THEY MAKE OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND THEN THEY TAKE IT TO THE BEDROOM OMG.

11. Pick one (1) question you liked from the above list to answer. I loved all of them but number 2 is the one I liked most ❤ lmao okay I just realized I should've picked a question from the previous set (it was 4:30 am don't judge me) um, ignoring canon I think Draco would become the potions teacher in Hogwarts and Harry (I have so many thoughts on Harry) he would probably take a break from everything, enjoy himself and spend some time with the Weasleys, traveling and trying some new food. I absolutely do not see him as an Auror because, come on, after all the shit he went through? I highly doubt he would want to fight Dark wizards on a daily basis for the resr of his life. He was a good teacher in Dumbledore's Army so he'd probably give thought to becoming a teacher.

My questions!

1. What kink do you like to read the most?

2. Share your thoughts on Severus Snape’s redemption.

3. You’re in the war and you can stop the death of only one of the characters we lost, who would it be?

4. What fanfiction has made you sob, broken your heart and scarred you for life (in a good way).

5. You apply for a student exchange and you have to choose between Durmstrang and Beauxbatons.

6. What’s your patronus?

7. What is your favorite pairing after drarry?

8. What hp character do you hate most?

9. Is there any pairing you’d like to see more fanfiction about?

10. Do you remember the first fic you ever read?

11. The world is divided in two groups of people: Malfart and non-Malfart. Where do you stand? Lol

My tags! Sorry if you’ve already done this and if you’ve already been tagged, no pressure! @synonym-for-life @chapter11freak @llap115 @drarrymylove

#tag game