#wouldn't want to hurt myself again lmao... but i always do anyways so i just gotta let it happen
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literally all i have been doing the past two weeks is Wanting. they call me the wanter the way i'm wanting things i can never have
#yearning longing whatever you wanna call it#needing as well but to a lesser extent because you can only need to a certain degree before it becomes wanting. lusting for sure#i have not stopped since the year started and i don't see an end in sight yet. i literally can't even think straight anymore#i literally cannot do anything or get anything done i mean i'm bad at that usually but like i genuinely think i've lost it#and as someone who never had it to begin with... idk!!!!#it's like i'm afraid to lose focus on it as if it isn't a constant choice i keep making when i wake up#i must remember that i can give up anything if i decide to. everything could change tomorrow#not looking at him for 2 hours will not make the feeling go away... pls be convinced brain#because i have not been sleeping well </3#and i'm becoming hard to be around again. people can just instinctively tell when i'm being weird#it is important that i be as realistic as possible while being the most deranged person on earth#wouldn't want to hurt myself again lmao... but i always do anyways so i just gotta let it happen#anyways i'm gonna try to watch harold and maude sometime today and also watch another movie bc we are only 4 weeks into 2024#and i already fucked up the 'watch a movie a week' thing i've been doing LMAO all because i wanted to look at a man#i'm ridiculously fucking braindead#not upset about it tho that's just who i am. brain is fully developed in 2 weeks and 1 day so it's never gonna change sadly#atp growing and changing are not impossible but if i do not see a reward of being loved at the end of the tunnel i will end up dead#and it's fine it's all so fine
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HELLO!! YOUR BAIZHU WITH CHRONICALLY ILL READER IS THE BEST THING THAT'S EVERY HAPPENED!!! I've never seen a blog that does only platonic things, and as an aroace person, IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY! I wasn't too sure if you requests were open or not, but I was wondering if you could make either some headcanons or a fic where the reader (from that series) has a flare up or gets sick and Baizhu takes care of them? I'm unfortunately sick right now (just in time for when my final school assignments are due, slay 😍) but found family and hurt/comfort are literally the best thing ever, and, if put together, I'm pretty sure will cure me /j. If you requests aren't open, then please disregard this message!
Anyway, I gotta go sleep before the fever messes up my brain (if it hasn't already); so good bye, and thank you again!!
a slip of the tongue.
summary. how does baizhu care for his junior herbalist when they fall ill?
trigger & content warnings. flu-like sickness, lighthearted mentions of death.
tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. hurt/comfort-ish. baizhu & reader. 1.1k words. they/them pronouns for reader. this post is an expansion of invisible disability? it's rather visible to me & contains vaguely implied spoilers for baizhu's story quest.
author's thoughts. hello lovely!!! thank youu <3 i am slowly collecting people that like this series like how i collect shiny rocks. its great to get a request related to it. i hold this series very dearly, so please (and this goes for everyone reading this!) never be shy to send thoughts about it or requests related to it. anyway, i love catering to aroace folk, you all are so special to me. im on the aro spectrum myself, so i get it. i know from experience that it can be super frustrating looking for fanfic content that's non-romantic. please remember to take care of yourself! i totally understand the feeling of needing to finish final assignments while being sick. me and you are in the exact same boat LMAO... my requests are always open btw! ive no intention of ever closing them. in the end, i went with our poor reader being sick rather than having flare ups, since i already briefly touched on that idea in employee benefits.
how does baizhu care for his junior herbalist when they're sick and out of commission?
baizhu is most often the first to know when they're sick or otherwise unwell. he's so impossibly attentive to their bodily condition, simply because their health is partially his responsibility. he's their teacher. what kind of mentor would neglect to take care of their apprentice? a bad one, that's what kind.
(he also feels somewhat indebted to them—even though they're chronically ill, they're always doing anything they can to help him recover after his "secret art" treatments. even though he's the doctor, they've helped care for him on more than one occasion. he has to return the favor whenever he can. just because he's older doesn't mean he gets to freely take advantage of their kindness.)
if he's not the first to know, he's the second, because the only instance where he wouldn't know first is if they woke up ill at home.
he'll always end up being the second to know, at the very least. someone will inform him of their condition, whether that be a parent or a sibling or another family member. sometimes a friend of theirs may tell him, such as xingqiu, chongyun, hu tao, or xiangling.
in hu tao's case... she may be distrustful of him, but she does tell him when they aren't well. [name] is a childhood friend of hers. she cares about their health and, surprisingly, doesn't want to put them in the ground just yet!
even though she dreads the path they've chosen to walk down... she still cares for them, very much so.
(junior herbalist!reader's lore drop is finally here?!?!?)
regardless of how baizhu finds out, they'll end up being cared for at the pharmacy.
though he could prescribe them medication and let them be taken care of at home...
he often wants to care for them himself.
gui has asked why in the past, and baizhu really has never had a good answer for him.
he's really not sure why he wants to be the one to monitor them. perhaps it's because it gives him a sense of calmness and reassures him that they're recovering well.
after all, if their condition were to rapidly decline for any reason... he could fix it.
(to some others, his concern might seem overprotective. unnecessary. however, something as simple as the flu has been known to take lives. he worries that, because of their chronic illness, they may be more susceptible to a severe case than others are.)
he has the means to save them if something like that were to happen, and undoubtedly, the life of his sweet and kind apprentice is one that deserves to be saved and protected.
perhaps it's also because it seems to put qiqi at ease; baizhu's noticed that she gets fidgety in [name]'s absence during work hours, but when they're ill and being cared for at the pharmacy, she functions very well and often even remembers to check on them herself.
sometimes when they have a fever, qiqi may sit by their side for minutes at a time and just press her little cold hands on their forehead to cool them off. she also ensures that they stay hydrated.
both baizhu and gui find this behavior very endearing. qiqi cares deeply for her big sibling (despite the fact that she's technically older...). her bond with them is something very special and sweet to bear witness to.
bubu pharmacy's work environment is familial and tightly knit by nature, so it isn't too hard to imagine that something would feel wrong if one of the four herbalists were gone for whatever reason. even those who don't work there are affected by the absence of one or more of the pharmacists.
overall, baizhu takes very good care of them when they fall ill.
he monitors them closely, hand-crafts their medicine depending on what they need, makes sure that their fluid intake is maintained...
he dotes on them tbh.
"Ugh..." they groaned, blearily blinking up at their mentor. Baizhu's hand against the feverish skin of their forehead was cold; they couldn't help but lean into the gentle touch. "Bàba?"
He didn't point it out. He hardly even acknowledged their words, as if he were somehow used to it. He only smiled, hand stroking tenderly over their disheveled hair, taming the defiant strands no doubt caused by restless sleep. "So sorry to wake you, dear."
Even Changsheng was quiet—she only hummed thoughtfully from her place around Baizhu's neck. Normally, she'd find something to tease them about (usually because they started it!), but now... she seemed to know that it just wasn't right to tease them in their hazy state of mind.
Gui was quiet, too. He was surprised. He had never heard them address their mentor such an... informal way, let alone with familial terms. He did once briefly think that the dynamic they had with Baizhu was awfully family-like, but...
It was still unexpected.
"Come, now. It's time to take your medicine again, and then you can go back to sleep, okay?"
Gui watched, still silent, as they hummed in absentminded acknowledgement, rubbing their eyes ever so slightly. It didn't seem to help them come to at all; their gaze was still distant and unfocused and they didn't even realize how they addressed the doctor. If they did... they'd probably apologize, embarrassed, but they showed no such emotion. Baizhu gently guided them into a sitting position, rubbing small circles on their back.
Gui handed the cup filled about halfway with herbal medication off to the doctor. Baizhu gingerly guided it to their lips, knowing very well that the guidance was needed; they looked half-asleep sitting up. Archons know they were in no condition to successfully do it themselves. They took the medicine without so much as a whine about its bitterness—they only grimaced slightly after swallowing. Gui supposed that they never really were one to complain about it, even when fully coherent. 'I think it would set a bad example for others if I complained,' they once told him. 'Plus, it's not like Dr. Baizhu gets some kind of sadistic pleasure from giving medication to me, so there's no reason to complain. It's herbal. There's nothing to be done about the taste... I know he doesn't like taking it either. Hehe. It's kind of funny, actually, like we're hiding some kind of company secret. Herbalists who don't like the taste of herbal medicine.'
It was only after he left the room with the doctor that he pointed it out:
"They called you bàba."
"Hm?" Baizhu hummed, turning to Gui. "Oh. Yes... [Name] has done it quite a few times, actually, whether that be because of fever delirium or a slip of the tongue. I don't mind it. It only means that they feel safe enough to be vulnerable here. Qiqi has done it a few times, as well. Those two are only children, so... it is to be expected."
Gui then smiled, nodding. "It's cute."
Baizhu couldn't help but agree, his lips tilting upwards into a little smile himself. "It is."
please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!
#aphelion's headcanons 🌸#: [ the junior herbalist! 🌸 ]#favoniuslibrary#astronetwrk#platonic genshin impact x reader#platonic genshin#platonic genshin impact#platonic genshin x reader#platonic baizhu x reader#baizhu x reader#genshin impsct x reader
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WOOOOO REQUEST TIME
I reminded myself to make a comprehensive list, but I forgot lmao. So I'll just give random stuff until I can do that.
Anyways, request number one: Can we have yandere Soldier with a pacifist/gentle darling who prefers to talk things through? Either headcanons or a drabble is fine!
Oh this is such a funny dynamic- You're trying to explain things while Soldier is being a chaotic mess of a man in the process.
Yandere! Soldier with Pacifist! Darling
Pairing: Romantic/Platonic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Violence, Jealousy, Murder, Delusional behavior, Soldier has no idea he's scaring you-
Well, I can certainly say you're not going to enjoy him.
Soldier is deranged and delusional, he resorts to violence fast.
His delusional ramblings already put you on edge.
You nearly faint when you realize he's killed for you.
Sure, okay, he's a mercenary and they're meant to do that.
It's the fact he seems to enjoy doing it in your name that's the problem.
You're going to have the hardest time trying to talk him out of it.
Violence is really all Soldier knows.
You're a bit scared to talk to him about his behavior.
Mostly because you have no idea if he'll hurt you or not.
He wouldn't dream of it! Yet you don't know that.
Soldier sits patiently when you pull him aside to talk about it.
He's either barely listening or pretending to listen when you talk to him about your concerns.
The violence scares you...
No one is trying to take you...
The ramblings he makes towards you are also a concern...
The entire time you try to talk with him and correct him, he's in another world.
He's staring at you and smiling like a doofus.
By the time you finish the conversation, it's gone straight over his head.
Soldier just goes back to obsessively following you and being violent.
It appears your only way to get him to stop is essentially becoming his guardian.
You two are always close anyways due to his obsession.
You feel as though you have to have a close eye on him due to his delusional thoughts.
The moment he starts trouble due to his jealousy, you step in.
You call his name and gather his attention.
You try to mediate the violence between everyone involved.
The entire time you try to talk the fight out, Soldier is still trying to commence the fight.
You should probably disarm him for awhile-
The best way you could quell his violence is giving him affection.
If you keep him occupied then he won't be jealous.
Just have him focus on you and things will be fine....
Honestly, the fact you're so different is so funny.
You want nothing to do with violence...
He wants everything to do with violence.
Soldier would be such a pain for a pacifist darling.
He is completely oblivious to how you feel about his violence.
Far as he's concerned you're happy he's defending you...
He's so dedicated to you when defending you, isn't he?
"I've protected you yet again, Cupcake!"
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Do you have any Goro fanfic recommendations?
lmao all my p5 fanfic recs are akeshu, which I'm not sure is what you want, but I will give them anyway!
I always feel nervous giving fic recs bc I don't read them often enough and therefore I don't have a great variety saved; most of them are probably ones you've already seen around! But I'll give them anyway lmao
A Brig Too Far by TzviaAriella
... (looks away) I'm clearly biased, okay, but like. I'm such a sucker for a good pirate AU. And this one is really strikes a cord, the whole Brigverse is a rollercoaster and I love it a lot. It's the kind where, when I had to take a break from reading, my mind wouldn't be able to keep off it and I'd start imagining what would happen next bc I needed to know!! And when it hurts, it REALLY hurts!! Definitely give it a shot if you haven't already.
The Diamond Chest by kinneas
I stayed up until, like, 2AM the day I found it bc I couldn't put this down. An excellent heist fic with a good mix of high tension and pointed character studies and good times. Also incredibly creative with the mechanics of the Metaverse, and how it affects the characters after the events of P5. The character writing in particular was really gripping!!
the death of the sun by pana (panaceaa)
A good canon divergence fic that examines alternate ways that Joker and Akechi could interact before the end of Sae's palace. The exploration of the rules of Mementos, and what it means for two characters who are essentially trapped there, make an really interesting setting for the two to interact! And generally, the Rank 8 scene is just really fun.
take me to church by cruellae (tinkabelladk)
I really like the explorations of Phantom Thieves having cognitive selves and finding new palaces, and this one really hits the spot for me. It feels like you're piecing the situation of this with Akechi as you go, which makes it really satisfying. Also Akechi's feelings of longing and hurt in this is just (chef kiss), good shit, I could read it again and again.
the sun sets even in paradise by jitters
This one I feel like is a good read when you've just finished p5r and you feel destroyed and need a lil pick-me-up. It's got a little bit of everything in regards to Joker and Akechi reuniting after everything and figuring things out together, the good and the bad.
All the fics range from suggestive to explicitly nsfw, so heed the tags! There are also just a couple of fics I've been meaning to read and haven't gotten around to yet. I'm open to some recs myself!
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You said asks so NO PRESSURE but since you said S1 RoyJamie I now can’t stop trying to imagine it with a more realistic Roy and/or whatever other departures from the zeitgeist you would enact 👀 👀 👀 if you wanted to say anything more about that that would be exciting
Okay so, re: my tags about it being different than everyone else's that you eyeballed like. Maybe I'm just too aromantic for All This, but the biggest reason I usually don't love the season 1 royjamies that are already out there is because I feel like they warm up to each other emotionally and catch feelings and all that way too fast and imho without much actual romancing? Like, they have sex a few times and then they're like okay I was totally wrong you've never done anything wrong in your life. Which like honestly....... boring.
And my second biggest issue is usually more with Jamie's characterization than Roy's! (I mean I do always wish people wouldn't slough off a lot of Roy's anger and other various Problems and all, but that's consistent lmao). But like season 1 fics make Jamie such a woob and a sadsack and take away his agency quite a bit, like all his bad behavior is someone else's fault - and like, okay, to a degree, I GUESS, but like...... idk man him having a reason to act that way doesn't make it less of a choice that he made.
I also think there's way too much emphasis on him being protected and rescued, which like, listen. I love a good romantic rescue as much as the next guy, but it was also something I really loved in the show that Jamie got to defend himself. He got to decide to be fed up, he got to fight back. And!! He always had a belligerent do-your-worst attitude, which he maintained all the way up through season 3 to the end!! I love that about him and I find it lacking in general, but especially in season 1 fics when it should be most present, when Jamie has the most people and reason to be defensive.
Anyway, back to the first thing. I do think that having sex with each other would change their perspectives of each other significantly, but not necessarily toward romance or even friendship. Like, their Feelings develop totally independently of their physical relationship! Besides which, I feel like there's this really interesting stage in any enemies-to-whatever type of relationship, especially when it starts with a (literal) Bang, where they stop seeing each other as The Enemy and start seeing each other as a living, breathing, vulnerable human being who they happen to be enemies with. And I feel like in a lot of enemies-to-whatever things that stage is sorely neglected, and I think it would be an ESPECIALLY interesting - and vital - stage for royjamie.
So if (IF) I ever wrote one myself, it would still start with a literal Bang. They'd impulsively have sex. Not exactly hate sex, because neither of them can really hate someone they're having sex with - but that's the perspective shift isn't it. They can't hate each other anymore, but that doesn't mean they start to like each other or even really care that much about each other.
So anyway, they would sleep together, and they'd both be way different in bed than they thought the other would be. And they're a little bit mean, not quite in a fun sexy way, but not quite enough to be hurtful either. And then they'd do it again a few times, and they'd be vastly humanized to each other. But they'd still be just coworkers with workplace tension who are fucking and also sometimes Jamie stays for dinner just because they both get lonely and it's only polite for whoever lives in the place they're at to offer. They're slightly more than tolerating each other. They're empathizing with each other and being incredibly intimate - off the clock - and it's a bit weird but a bit not weird and they're just going with it because. well. what else are you gonna do.
And then I'd have them stop sleeping together when Jamie gets transferred, without ever moving into that What Are We stage nevermind any further along than that. And then they become friends, semi-long distance. Texting and stuff. Kind of like the fic Waterfalls, which idr but might be gen. But also I'd probably have it even more of a slow burn than that, at least wrt Roy learning about James. Just because like... another thing I feel like happens a lot is that people have Character A find out about James and then suddenly they like Jamie after that and all. And I don't really like that either, I liked that they had all bonded at least a little before That Whole Thing in canon as well, and I'd want to keep that. OR maybe even bump it up a bit, but have them not suddenly be buddies after it. It would be interesting to explore mixed feelings on that front, where maybe Roy feels protective of Jamie and angry on his behalf, but without having a fully formed (if reluctant, at that point in canon) personal relationship with him.
But anyway so. It wouldn't really be enemies-to-lovers. It would be enemies-to-not-quite-strangers-who-fuck-and-are-intimate (I know allos cannot handle this concept, at least when I bring it up as something I want irl lmfao, they just don't get it! but listen. it happens, it can happen, and it can be pretty good too!), then half-hearted-enemies-again-to-friends, and then friends-to-lovers.
And WHO can say what I'd do or not do with Keeley. But I also hate when she gets just completely written out of the dynamic because I feel like that doesn't make a whole lot of sense and also is a bit boring. Even if it's not an OT3 endgame, I still feel like she should be all kinds of up in their business.
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HI <3 Sheith VC anon here back with a very humble request. So I've read TVL and am currently reading QoTD, just finished the Devil's Minion chapter (oH mY gOD my HEART). I'm going through the books a bit slowly bc life stuff, but I have sooooo many thoughts and feelings and feel like I need to read lots of fic to work through it LOL. I would love it if you could rec me some (or tons of!) fics that wouldn't give me (m)any spoilers re: stuff that happens after this point in the series. I realize this might be a kind of hard/maybe impossible request because a lot of those spoilers would be referring to things that chronologically would have taken place prior to DM for instance, but I'm so starved I thought I might ask just in case! I'm not suuuper partial to any specific ships (Lestat/Louis is a bit boring IMO 😭 but I love them so I'll take it) and I don't have any NOTPs, so I'm down to read pretty much anything (esp if it's spicy and/or hurts my heart and/or features Armand lmao). Totally fine if this is too much trouble or if it turns out to be an impossible ask indeed; thank you in advance anyway! AND THANK YOU AGAIN for introducing me to these brain-rotting books lol I spend like half my waking hours thinking about Armand now.
SHGKJALDS I SPEND HALF MY WAKING HOURS THINKING ABOUT ARMAND TOO SINCE LIKE THE YEAR 2000 LMFAO im so glad you see!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GET IT MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So babe tbh the reason I started writing Armand/Daniel fic at all is because there really ... isn't that much? And I was like GUESS I GOTTA FUCKIN COOK FOR MYSELF. So tbh I haven't actually read a ton of VC fic at all.
The otp:true filter for them on AO3 (excluding TVverse fics) only has 237 fics hdkjgalds but you can start here LOL.
I think for the most part you'll be able to tell in the tags if it's post-QOTD because people usually will tag like "post canon" or "Prince Lestat Era"; for QOTD fics check for a Devil's Minion/Devil's Minion Era tag. I don't always remember to tag my own fics but my only post-canon D/A fic is called "In the Trials of the Heart" and all my others are Devil's Minion era and shouldn't spoil anything ! Be aware that the TV fandom and book fandom sometimes overlap so there might be stray TV fics in the book tag; it won't spoil anything bc the TV canon is a completely different story, but it might not make sense if you jump in to read it.
So without actual fic recs I'll share some authors that I really trust!! Have a look through their VC fics!!!!!!!
apoptoses (pervert extraordinaire 10/10, all the D/A fics are Devil's Minion era except for Blood Sanation so go nuts!)
covenofthearticulate (this is Ash, she actually writes Loustat & Louis/Armand mostly but she's so smart and I trust her so much!!!!)
Diabolus_Invictus
HekateInHell (writes a lot of Lestat/Armand and also has a human AU called Our House that I'm obsessed with!)
ImhereImQuire
Nothing_But_Paisley
rainandcoffee (if you're sick of all of our doom&gloom you can find fluff and lightness here!)
whisperbird (just one VC fic but I think about it every day of my life I love it)
Whenever I remember I try to post VC fics that I do read, kinda like how Sheith fandom does Wednesday Fics, I try to tag #VCFicFriday so try there too!
Anyway if anyone wants to add to this post and share recs PLEASE DO I actually am not a great fic reader bc my attention span sucks and I'm picky about canon compliant porn LOL! But help our new friend out if you want to share any!!!!!!!!!!!!
#I GET NERVOUS MAKING REC LISTS I DONT WANT TO HUR TANYONE IF I FORGET YOU#PLEASE DONT BE SHY AND ADD YOURSELF IF YOU WANT!
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you’re not going to be famous Emilie, grow up, no one cares about your “ad” videos that no one asked you to do, your only twitch viewer is the boyfriend you stole like you did with your last bf, we all know your photographer is your mom, you’re obsessed with likes, and whitewashing is a form of racial discrimination. You always need to get attention all ways possible, even with your fake suicide attemps, and then you wonder why I didnt care that you “tried to” kill yourself lmao stop begging for money and find a job like every person in this planet, grow up, there’s meds for migraines in case you didnt knew.
Hi!
First, why taking your precious time to send me an anon hate message? If you don't like me that much just ignore my content and don't be so pending about everything I do. As simple as that.
I am going to answer this just because this message sound exactly as previous ones I've received in this cowardly way, and because I have nothing to hide.
The past few months I've been lucky enough to have some collabs with different business from outside my resident country (and I still have a couple more I am waiting to sign/for the products to arrive). The "no one asked you to do" is kinda a silly statement considering the companies asked me to do it and paid me to do so??? I literally sign contracts for that???
I know I am not a huge Twitch streamer, and it's fun you also know that because it means you took the time to research that as well. But I don't truly mind because I mainly stream for my boyfriend, so he can watch and comment. And if someone else can join then that's great! If not, then that's okay too! Even still, thanks to streaming I've met great people online and I've been able to sign some of the contracts I said before.
Oh, and I didn't steal him or my previous one. They had girlfriends before but were not in the best terms. Either way that's not a subject I should talk about; they are the ones involved, so they should decide if they want to speak out loud about it or not. And I just know one side of the story anyway.
I never hide the fact that my mom is the one who mostly takes my pics, and I actually love that because it has helped us to reinforce our bond while we travel to different places. Why would that be a bad thing? I haven't been able to collab with other photographers lately because I rather edit the pics myself and that's something they usually don't like. And also I am not always in the best of health/mood to go outside so it's hard to schedule a meeting.
I do like and tend to edit my skin to be paler, but that's a form of art, a way to express myself. I don't think I need to get into details about how I decide to create art because if you don't get it then it's just not for you.
Obsessed with likes? Sometimes, sadly. Not for attention, but because I wish people could connect more with what I do, and I could have more clients as photographer. But that's it.
It's so sad that you claim that someone faked a suicide attempt. In my case I don't care anymore because I've learn to being dettach from people like you, but your words could actually hurt someone, which I know it's your goal here, but that won't make you feel better at the end.
I don't have to prove you, or anyone, anything. I know what I've lived, my closest ones know what I've lived, my doctors know what I've lived. I could show you the meds I take, my medical record, my hospital bracelets, but even then you wouldn't believe it so what's the use?
Again, I take the time to answer because I have nothing to hide. I am an open book and if my story helps to someone else to survive a living Hell, then I am glad I've shared it.
Hope you find a way to stop hating people to the point to feel the need to write a message, and just live your life. That's not good for you, or for anyone~
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Phoenix's Family
I've stated before how I think it's interesting that in games with so many prevalent themes of family, Phoenix has no mention of having one, other than those who have adopted that kind of role like the Feys and Trucy. No whispers of parents or siblings when he got framed for murder or during any of his numerous trips to the hospital, not when he got disbarred or spent seven years likely in poverty.
Now, what could this mean? In my mind, either he's an orphan, which is a valid interpretation, or something happened that estranged him from them, likely before he got into college. Whatever it was, it was enough to traumatize him enough to never talk about them again.
much more rambling below, I will be merciful today and not make this a monstrous post that you have to scroll all the way through
We know how he reacts to trauma, especially ones that relate to his relationships. His whole deal is pushing down his memories and feelings until he almost forgets about them, or until they return to remind him of their existence. He refuses to talk about the things that hurt him and buries them so deeply that it's extremely hard to dig them back up.
We see this with Dahlia, the only person who would've known about her would've been Mia. And we see this with Mia herself, Phoenix walked in on her violently murdered body and he immediately represses his feelings to get her sister out of jail. When Edgeworth left his note and disappeared off of the face of the earth he refused to talk about him and attempted to do the same thing with him as he did with Dahlia.
So, who is to say that the only time this strategy of ignoring until it goes away and it doesn't bite him in the ass is how he dealt with his family? He never mentions them, he never thinks about them, and subconsciously he's always looking for people to help fill the void they left behind. Maybe he had a little sister which is why he seems to thrive when he has a silly girl sidekick.
To me, it would make sense if he was estranged from his family before or during college, as that could help explain why he's so desperate for someone to love him and extremely vulnerable to being manipulated. He focuses all his emotional energy on Dahlia and reuniting with Edgeworth because his own life is already incredibly destabilized and he's scrambling for some sense of control.
As for why his family estranged him, I don't actually have much of an idea, maybe they're homophobic and noticed that he's been sending letters to a boy over the course of years and that's just not very straight of him. There are all kinds of family issues that could cause such an overdramatic reaction though.
It seems more plausible with what we know about Phoenix that whatever happened with his family that it's bad enough that he goes no contact with them, rather than them getting killed off or giving him up for adoption bc you know he would do everything to find them if he wanted to. He lost his best friend from fourth grade and became a lawyer just to see him again, he definitely could be determined enough to find his birth parents if he wanted to. If they were dead, he's besties with multiple spirit mediums, he could say hi if he felt like it.
Anyway, that's all of my rambling for now and I could definitely have gotten things wrong, I am relatively new to AA and I really wouldn't consider myself an expert on the Lore lmao. In any case, I would love to hear other headcanons about his family, I think it's fun to think about lol. Maybe you have ideas about why Phoenix could've been estranged? idk I would love to talk about it, my asks are always open.
#i hope this makes sense#i kinda just blacked out and rambled for several minutes#ace attorney#phoenix wright#gyakuten saiban#naruhodo ryuuichi
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tw. ed + whatever the fuck is wrong w me in general. id actually advise against reading this but this helps get things off my chest.
me slipping back into old ed habits bc my intrusive thoughts actually ended up triggering me 💀💀💀 i went on a 2 day fast and only had mineral water and i feel both proud and horrified that ive allowed myself to do that so now im eating healthy things to kinda make up for it but anyways i weighed myself too even tho i said i wouldn't. like i know i shouldn't feel happy over the fact i starved and weakened my body on purpose but it feels nice to stick to something and actually have some discipline back in my life.
had a breakdown too earlier for no reason (altho im on my period so maybe that's why, fuck you uterus btw there is no us only u someone remove this thing PLEASE). like bro some bitch in college also was telling me how she was losing weight and she deadass told me that my ribcage sticking out was so aesthetic and it just enabled me, we only spoke 3 times before that and im pretty sure she has an ed too bc she kept trying to get my measurements??? she also said she'd sacrifice two of her ribs to get a waist like mine and i know she meant it as a compliment but i wanted to cry and felt low-key ashamed like i hate when people point out my physical appearance and i was stretching i didn't even mean for my shirt to go higher up it was so uncomfy. it's weird tho cause when i starve myself i feel happy abt it but when other people point it out and praise me for it i get really mad. maybe it's bc i discourage eds and im very pro-recovery but anyways that was a weird comment™ i think it played into the breakdown. she tried grabbing my wrist several times and i told her to stop trying to touch me but she wouldn't stop either and was like "just for a second please" like i felt so icky bc of that too like bitch hands off before i retaliate <3 so yeah now im trying to eat again but honestly i feel like im gonna throw up bc i didn't eat for 2 days lmao and the entire day today i felt so dizzy. like yesterday was fine but today ?? no. my muscles hurt so bad so im gonna have a 50g protein shake too ugh im so tired. gonna try get up to 1000 kcal at least and make the deficit up over the weekend bc my stomach physically hurts when i try to eat (but this strawberry yogurt bangs even tho im half full already).
ive been slipping back into an ed mindset over the last month tho even with my binges and i just wanna look ill enough for one of my doctors finally tell me im underweight enough they didn't even acknowledge i was severely underweight 3-4 years ago that felt so humiliating and now im thinking along the lines of "i need to be a better anorexic" even tho its fucked up and like im trying to just snap myself out of this mindset but it's not working so im gonna have to get a therapist potentially. bc i don't want my organs and bones failing but at the same time, i wanna make sure doctors take me seriously this time and maybe it'll be a fucking reminder to take eds seriously. it actually pisses me off hos insensitive some doctors are about eds and the fact they indirectly fucking allow it sometimes too like. just bc im not in a critical condition and only like 3/4kgs underweight doesn't mean i don't have an ed or that it isn't "severe enough" smh this annoys me so much.
if you read it up to here don't worry ill be fine, a bitch always pulls thru and these are just momentary lapses in judgement im not letting mental illness win im too fucking good for this (<- motivating myself kinda feel better after writing this NGL).
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White Album 2 Part 7 - Coda (Setsuna True End)
Time for Coda!! I'm excited to see Kazusa in the story again! As for Setsuna, she really is quite childish tbh lol, I mean it's great that she wants to stick to the promise of meeting once a week but if Haruki has a business trip, what can you do lol. I guess because she's childish, she's also easy to cheer up, but at the same time not really since she's going all the way to Europe. Even though I do think Setsuna's dad is too strict most of the time, considering how airheaded Setsuna can be, I don't blame him. But I do admire Setsuna's relentless pursuit of Haruki I guess, especially to the point that she's willing to go France just to not break their one week promise to always see each other. I honestly wanted to cry a bit seeing and hearing Kazusa. It's probably been about half a year or more since I played the Introductory Chapter so it's been a long time for me too haha, not as long as Haruki and them though. Honestly, both Setsuna's and Kazusa's sprites having big breasts is kinda weird, I feel like the proportions make them look weird, I feel like they don't look natural and as pretty as they used to lol. Anyway, I can see why Haruki can't leave Kazusa alone even if a part of it is because he wants to be with her. She nearly got frostbite! So dangerous and careless of her! I can't say I didn't enjoy Kazusa and Haruki awkwardly chatting together, but I couldn't help but think about how he's going to lie to Setsuna again. Which I'm glad he eventually confessed to because they've decided to be together and continuing to lie to her will just become worse and worse on his conscience and to Setsuna when she finds out, especially if she ever talks to Kazusa.
Honestly, I can't even blame Haruki going back to Kazusa's house and walking down memory lane because that's something I've definitely done before. As for Kazusa, of course she would go haha. It's sad to see them fight, but I'm not sure how I really want their relationship to be right now so I'm not really mad😅 Even though I really didn't like Tomo before, now that she's not annoying more, it's great that she can be a friend Setsuna can confide in about everything even if Setsuna can be frustrating lol. I don't think anyone could have rejected Kazusa hearing how vulnerable she was on the phone. I wanted to tear up just listening to how exhausted and sad she was from just having to live and deal with everything with her concert, the media and Haruki. Kazusa sleeping so peacefully at Haruki's place was really cute but I agree with her mother, Touma Youko. Haruki needs to clearly reject Kazusa for her sake because she'll never do it and she'll keep hoping. Haruki needs to do it because he has Setsuna, and he's obviously wavering too, so rejecting Kazusa will be for his own sake too. But I guess it's easy to say haha, it's difficult to completely end things with someone you really like even if you know it's pointless to continue. Back in the day, when I had someone I really liked but knew it was going nowhere, I also wanted to just stop all contact with them to give myself my sanity back, but I couldn't do it, every day I would go online and look for them and hope to see them online and talk with them. It made me happy but also unbearably sad. And to this day, whenever I think about it, it makes me happy but also extremely hurt.
Anyway, even though I feel bad for Setsuna, I can't deny how much fun I'm having watching Kazusa and Haruki bantering about the silliest things, it's just so nice to watch them. LMAO when he protected Kazusa on the train so she wouldn't have to see that terrible article or whatever it was about her and then she's like there's something poking her butt, and he's like it's my camera!😂😂😂 Kazusa with glasses is so pretty! Honestly, I was really enjoying Haruki and Kazusa interactions, so when Tomo came around to try and tell Haruki to attend Setsuna's concert, alike Kazusa, it felt like I was brought back to reality. Sadly, Haruki and Setsuna are both so stubborn to their detriments. Is Haruki really planning to never talk to Setsuna again until she goes to him? Like he probably feels guilty about Kazusa too but seriously? Can't you fight for this relationship that you cherish? And Setsuna...how long does she want to drag this on, were the last two years that that they shared together meaningless enough that it can't beat her insecurity over him meeting Kazusa once? Honestly, the only people who truly lose are those who keep running away without a fight and she will always lose if she can't take that step forward. I thought she would have had at least a bit more confidence in their relationship but I guess her inferiority towards Kazusa will always win. Haruki bringing Kazusa to see Shibata, her housekeeper back in the day was so sweet.
I can't even blame Haruki when it comes to Kazusa because I definitely can't push her away haha. I'm weak against her too. I'm so glad Kazusa told Haruki about how she was the one who took his first kiss, first everything and then Setsuna stole him away, because Kazusa deserves her chance to tell him everything considering Setsuna made it impossible for her back in the day and caused her to suffer so much. Yeah, there's no right or wrong when it comes to loving someone but they were friends and every time I think about that time, I remember how much I hated Setsuna for doing it even if I could understand why. Even though I'm doing Setsuna's True End, I honestly can't actually feel like that's the path I want to take. I'll still read it of course, but I don't think I could ever pick her as Haruki even if it hurts her. It breaks my heart to see Kazusa like this because she could never move on.
I guess my biggest problem with Setsuna and Haruki's relationship is that they don't communicate properly and they still don't. They continue to hide their feelings, their thoughts until the very last second when they're going to explode and then they're just like yay everything is solved now. The only things they go through together are taking breaks from each other, but they never actually solve their problems together. I'm not surprised Setsuna already knew Haruki was meeting Kazusa. I guess what I don't like about this meeting is that Haruki came here not really because he wanted to see Setsuna but because he wanted to run away from Kazusa and those feelings. He wants to see Setsuna but only because he wants seeing her to reaffirm his own feelings and force himself to not think about Kazusa rather than really care about Setsuna herself. It was obvious that Haruki not attending the concert wouldn't bode well, but just like him and the others, I underestimated how much it would affect Kazusa. She really truly finally broke. Honestly, it was so hard to listen to Haruki say he loves Setsuna the most because it was painful to watch Kazusa so thoroughly expose her emotions and pain, but at the same time have to listen to Haruki say that. Personally though, I really don't feel Setsuna to be the one he loves the most. Kazusa can get quite frustrating and difficult to deal with haha, but I can understand why she's like that. I can't believe Youko has leukaemia... She can't abandon Kazusa like this... I don't want her to die... I wanted her and Kazusa's relationship to continue forever. Kazusa's life is just full of suffering isn't it? Not only does she think Haruki's pitying her, but now she's found out about her mother's condition. Seeing her break down and cry made me want to cry too.
Haruki walking all around the place thinking about the women who gave him support throughout his life and wishing Mari could come back and give him advice and guidance was just saddening. I wouldn't know what to do in his situation if I loved Setsuna the most but couldn't bear to reject Kazusa. How much must we tear Kazusa down? I didn't expect for Setsuna and Kazusa to meet yet but I guess it's inevitable. How fitting for the three of them to work together again with a two week deadline. Honestly though, Kazusa's VA always gets to me. She breaks my heart every time because you can hear how much she's suffering and at her wits end. I guess one thing we can learn from Setsuna is how she never gives up even if it torments her, which can be a bad thing too lol. I was actually thinking that it would be so nice if they could include a song with the three of them in the album so I'm really happy that Kazusa overhauled the whole thing to do what she wanted haha. It really feels like the school festival again. I do feel bad for Haruki though, he's probably the one that's the most out of practice haha! It might be corny but I love the idea of the CD jacket being pure white - a white album to represent the song that connected them all, it's so fitting. The funny thing is that it means Setsuna wasted all her time designing when the perfect one was the simplest one haha. I've always loved how much the three of them love each other, so seeing Setsuna and Kazusa tell each other that they love Haruki as much as they do the other makes my heart really warm.
I had no doubt that Kazusa's concert would be a success, but I was still sad that Haruki and Setsuna couldn't be there to witness it. One thing I'm very happy about is Kazusa deciding to stay in Japan for her mother. Kazusa wanting to succeed in her mother's dream of being number one in the world is so sweet. I can totally see why her mother cried, it really was the sweetest thing Kazusa has ever said hahaha. Honestly, after everything that happened, I found it difficult for me to think Haruki could really love Setsuna more than Kazusa. Every time he said Setsuna was the most important from now on blah blah, it felt empty to me because I don't think I could ever think so. As for Setsuna, I guess it's great that she's consistent but honestly her desire for the three of them to always be together whilst being jealous of Haruki loving Kazusa tires me. I won't say she's fake because it is a genuine desire of hers but I guess that naivety and blind wish for everything to be like that whilst wanting to monopolise Haruki as her lover will always rub me the wrong way. I also don't like how she always feels like she needs to not show Haruki her ugly side and only wants him to remember the perfect part of her when what he loves about her and how he got to know her was through the imperfect parts that she showed and revealed to him in the beginning. Anyway, overall, even though I think Coda is nice, I don't think Coda is for Setsuna, the whole story seems to be meant for Haruki and Kazusa and I don't think you can convince me otherwise. So unfortunately, Setsuna's True End is quite lacking and if I had to choose, I think her ending in CC without going to France was the perfect end for me.
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(Villainisation anon here)
[Ohh you have such an efficient way of tagging and maintaining different discussions! I am very much involved in another fandom and receive lots of asks about discourse but I somehow always manage to make a mess of tags, lol]
As for the name, I think I’ll go with 📖 anon or whatever tag you want to use. I am assuming you get a lot of anons regarding discourse so I don’t want to club myself with them.
I can totally understand your frustration regarding the lack of knowledge the general audience may have about The Sharmas. It’s frustrating when you know so much about something but cannot let it all out, especially to strangers on the internet. I have been in similar situations, and I am sorry if my ask ever made you feel that way.
I have definitely seen the word racist be thrown around quite carelessly with unclear implications, with the most recent instance being yesterday. I won’t go into the details of what was said, because maybe the person is your mutual and I don’t wish to involve you in any drama. (You may have, perhaps already seen something about it on your dash). But the words were hurtful and they invalidated my experience as a desi person watching the show. I know people can be quite vitriolic on both sides of the discourse, and it’s sad. But that’s the truth of fandom spaces - discourse is inevitable and I don’t have any ideas on what to do about it, lol.
Anyway, I hope you have a lovely day/night (if you live in India, it must be past midnight for you! It’s dinnertime for me, so I must dash. But thank you for such a healthy and respectful discussion).
Here are Bookie 📖 Anon's previous asks!
Hello again 📖 Anon - I think I shall call you Bookie for short ahahha if you're okay with that! While Villianisation/Villain Anon sounds cool af I didn't want to make you sound like a hater lol. So I dub thee Bookie 📖 Anon!
Anyways thank you for the compliment, it means a lot. Also there's no right or wrong way to tag or run a discourse blog so don't worry about yours - do what feels right for you!
Funny thing is, I never use to tag things AT ALL before I start running this blog. Hell I wouldn't even link previous posts but then I started getting more related asks and it seemed logical to give context. The Emojis started recently though and they are so fun! I think only Jett and Ring Anon have come back to my asks a few times lol. I think its cool to know where they all stand on different topics instead of me assuming every anon is a different person because Uhhh that's like over 140 (I think that's how many asks I've answered since March?) people who have been talking to me and that's a daunting thought oop.
That was a fun tangent but let's get into the meat of this post!
Thank you for being so understanding, Bookie! But I'll survive and stick to my friends' fics for wholesome Sharmas ahahah. And oh, if I could I would scream about the Book Sharmas all day but I'm not that unhinged lmao. Instead I will passive aggressively hype them and their book scenes up (I did it here also wanna make some edits with the book scene quotes tacked onto S2's scenes at some point) Also want to reassure you that you did not make me feel that way at all! It was nice to have people who like flawed Sharmas' fics to be civil and open to discussion - it was a good change from the usual drama on my dash ahahah.
That being said ohmygod Bookie, spill the tea and call them out!! Who was that?? I saw another post vagueposting Mimi and I but they weren't being 'racist', just fucking rude.
But the words were hurtful and they invalidated my experience as a desi person watching the show. I know people can be quite vitriolic on both sides of the discourse, and it’s sad. But that’s the truth of fandom spaces - discourse is inevitable and I don’t have any ideas on what to do about it, lol.
Tell me about it, the invalidation in this fandom is INSANE sometimes, I mean I'll admit sometimes I am a little guilty of it but its in the name of invalidating bigots who should be drowned out because we do not need this energy here. I do hope you're feeling better now and the words didn't get to you <3 I know I said spill the tea but if you don't want to give yourself away and get involved in the drama, I totally understand! That being said if you do want to vent about that situation, my DMs and off anon asks (I can respond to you privately!) are always open if you need them.
Take care Bookie, and yes it was ard 1am (I'm in Asia, GMT+8 btw) when I posted your second ask and fell asleep soon after ahhaha. Hope you had a good dinner and can't wait to hear from you in the future!!
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another vent abt my ex lol
even tho we're so incompatible in so many ways, and deep down i know i'd probably be happier w someone who identifies as a woman anyway, and even tho it's 100% fair of them to have that preference and not be into cis women... it still hurts that just bc i didn't end up living as male and i started embracing being female means my nonbinary ex stopped being into me. going as far as saying they were never actually into me and they just tried to makeout w me while drunk bc i identified as transmasc at the time and they thought i'd cut off my tits and go on hrt so we could pass as gay boys. saying they were never even that into me, or into me at all, they just knew i had a crush on them and made moves on me to please me... even though i wasn't making any moves on them i had just made lewd gay jokes a few times bc i like raunchy humor, and yeah i thought they were cute, but not much else!!! i was doing things w other people and moving on, i don't get hung up on crushes i have on friends. but whatever. what fucking ever. i know it's on me that we started dating bc they kept trying to drunk makeout in our first month living together as roommates and i sat them tf down and told them to either stop doing that or date me, and they agreed to date me. but i still feel like i was pulled onto a fucked up rollercoaster. it was my FIRST RELATIONSHIP!!!!! my first everything. it somehow hurts worse that they're dating a trans guy now. it's almost triggering my old dysphoria bc i'm such a people pleaser and i keep blaming myself for not transitioning bc maybe if i transitioned they would've stayed w me, and maybe my life would be better if i was a trans femboy or whatever, maybe i'd feel more interesting, maybe i'd be cooler, maybe gender stuff would be my hobby again and i'd be ~authentic~ and not a boring run-of-the-mill cis dyke, which is wayyy less ~qweer~
idk. it just brings back old complicated feelings. it's like watching another version of me date the enby i thought i'd live with forever. i know all their flaws tho lol so good luck with that, new boytoy. though maybe they will do better this time, maybe i was the problem all along. it's so bittersweet. like i'm happy for them, i still love them as a close friend, but i'm def also bitter bc i wasted so many years on trying to salvage smtg that was doomed from the start. i wish i hadn't wavered when they laughed that they're not into women, i wish i didn't lean into nonbinary/trans stuff again mostly just to bond with them over it and bc i thought it was cooler than "just" being gay. i wish i told them i was a woman and stuck w it. i wonder if they would've still tried to drunk makeout, idk. they can't stand the thought of dating a woman or passing as a lesbian lmao. i wish i had stayed strong and said nah i'm just a lesbian butch girl. at the time i had been questioning just being a dyke too... which only makes this sadder ugh. i could've just had a cool platonic bestie as a roommate and dated so many cute girls and maybe found the love of my life by now!!! now i just wasted 5 years, half a decade spent trying to salvage what we had, avoiding what i was. alternating between nonbinary stuff and being a hyperfem cis girl bc i was terrified of admitting i was just a masc lesbian woman. i could feel them pulling away for years. they were distant from day 1 honestly and were always emotionally constipated and a doormat, they stuck w it even tho they said they wanted to breakup for years but thought i would fall apart during a breakup and wouldn't survive without them bc i'm broke and disabled... ugh. this whole thing has just been such a heartache y'all. i have SUUUCH bad trust issues now. like i Do Not Trust that people are genuinely attracted to me and will stay attracted to me now, more so than before, and i already had body image issues before & cptsd. this sucks but i don't trust that the masc women i go on dates with won't end up wanting to transition and be gay boys in the end. i don't trust that the girls i'm seeing wouldn't be better off dating someone passing as male. and i feel like a fucking dumbass all the time for having dated them that long, pathetically trying to regain their attention, getting more submissive and insecure over the years, denying myself my natural love for women, feeling dead inside knowing we passed as straight, but too scared to transition as male. like wow. i was a fucking idiot. how did i stick w it for so long??? i've wasted soooo much time, so much of my youth... #cringe
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hi luvvvv, 🐼✒️ here
how are you doing? im glad you're back, i hope you're energized and taking care of yourself!!!!
getting straight to the point, i can't WAIT for cmi, and again, you're wrong to think we're not excited anymore🤨 sure the angsty arc was fun and all but we deserve all the fluff and all the lovey dovey stuff, we've been good girls (hopefully) SO YEAH idk how to express myself but im SUPER excited and i'm sure everyone else is too. it's offensive that you think otherwise🤨😤 it's actually so offensive and hurtful that we deserve the new updates sooner to make up for all the offending you've done don't you think🙄🤭🫣
ANYWAYS looking forward to it, but ofc take all the time you need and don't forget to take care of yourself❗️❤️
also i saw that u finished 2521😭 i watched it earlier this year and i still think abt it. it was sooo beautiful, and one of the best romance ive seen in kdramas. i love how it portrays the bittersweet feeling of knowing that everything is temporary🥹 didn't make me cry at all nope. i'm glad you enjoyed it too. what other kdramas have you watched? do you have any recs?
i apologise for the long ass text, my thoughts are so unorganized lmao😭 but yea moral of the story is that i'm glad you're back, you go girl🫶🏻🫂❤️
panda, i am so so sorry i'm getting to this so late, i hope you know i'm not ignoring you!! just wanna give good answers to your thoughtful messages and yeah 🥺 i really hope you enjoy 9.5! i saw you've been busy, so no stress at all, take your time!! and yeah, i still stress about people wanting it a lot :') like for the longest time i feared yall wouldn't wanna read it anymore once the angst arc is over, and even now i try to combat these thoughts a lot. vv worried the upcoming chapters might not meet your guys' expectations or tempt you anymore!! but we'll see. in the worst case, i can focus on other wips and there are definitely plenty of them <3
and yes omg, i finished 2521 a while ago and still think about it :') really did a number on me bc im a v nostalgic person who also cannot deal with the emotions that come with nostalgia, so there's that lollll. i think my favs are still a couple classics like it's okay to not be okay and pinocchio!! what about you!! also please don't apologise, pls give me essays anytime you want, ily, always 🥺🤍
#also i saw ur other ask too and appreciate your words so much 🥺 didn't answer since things were back to normal again but i rlly rlly#adore you :(#notes for rid 🌹#🐼✒️ anon#fic: colour me in
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Hi!! Idea anon one more time! ^^ (with all of the asks I'm sending in it feels like I'm clogging up your inbox lol) I just wanted to drop by and say thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me!🥺
I absolutely adored hearing your takes and thoughts on the concept, and it really helped me look at and consider things in a new way! As I mentioned earlier, I really enjoy your way of writing and characterizing Gojo, so when stumped, I knew that if there was anyone to ask for their opinion, it was you! ^^
I am eating up every single bit of your response, I completely understand Gojo maybe being a tad bit more serious, making it seem as if nothing's wrong while trying to sort things out. And one thing I had never even considered is him slowly regaining his memories, and with the Six Eyes still working, along with being able to still use his CT and any of his other abilities, could absolutely lean into a horror type of vibe that I hadn't even thought about!! That's such a fun point and I'm so happy you mentioned it! ^^
And lmao having a reader that is simply, "You and your well being are unfortunately my concern now, get used to it. Now let me help." Is such a silly image, I can imagine quite the fun dynamic between the two lol.
And yes, being sent to another world via the seal/ some crazy wormhole shenanigans is interesting, but I just know Truck-chan would BODY Gojo he wouldn't stand a chance. The true canon™ explanation!! + the idea of his poor students actively searching for him, and all they get once he's finally been found, after all of thier hard work, is a seemingly bad joke at the worst of times is??? So sad for them😔 I'd love to be a fly on the wall to see that. (Also I'm honored at the prospect of being an angst gremlin it is ?? Very very accurate. A true vibe check lmao😎)
It feels kind of scary to talk about an idea in such an open space, and I was definitely intimidated at first, but the nerves were quickly dashed when you answered my first ask. Once more!! Niku thank you so so much for your time, kindness, and sharing your thoughts and opinions on the topic, it means the world! I hope you have an amazing rest of your weekend/ week! ^^ (And ofc, please know there's absolutely zero pressure to respond, you're more than welcome to do anything that you'd like with this ask! <:) )
Hello again!
Don't worry, you're not clogging my inbox at all LMAO! That makes it sound like I get a lot of asks lmaoo
It's so sweet of you to hold my opinion in such high regard, though I can hardly consider myself a Gojo expert… Is there even really such a thing? He seems so hard to write…
But I think it's always nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of because another person's differing viewpoint can 'turn an idea on it's head' so you approach it different, and sometimes doing that makes it easier to tackle. I like to do it when I feel stumped. It's like the Phoenix Wright method.
Truck-chan is proven the strongest. It comes for us all… and we cannot resist the call lmao. And yes, I could sense the angst gremlin within from the very moment you said amnesia… they go hand in hand… squinting at you..
But I'm glad that I managed to assuage your concerns! It can be scary talking to someone you don't know so well, I think, and then telling them an idea you have? It's akin to baring your soul, so definitely intimidating. I was honestly afraid I'd respond in a way to hurt your feelings somehow, so I'm glad I didn't! T____T Anyway, I hope you have a nice, wonderful week, idea anon!
#on anon#idea anon tag#you have named yourself so that is your name now LMAO#i wonder am i intimidating??? i am just a niku
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fe3h update! well i just finished my first playthrough and i am just sitting here.... the second to last battle was SO hard for me and it was definitely made harder by the fact that i like. played it weird. bc i thought if i just completely avoided her i wouldn't have to kill mercedes so i took all my units on a really weird path and then once i finally killed everyone else turns out. i still had to kill her.
i managed to get to a support between byleth and all of the eagles except linhardt (still mad about that.... i wanted to get the whole set </3), as well as marianne, sylvain, ingrid, and felix (who yeah, i did end up recruiting).
as for my ranking of the eagles... it's really tough to pick! it's closer to tiers for me, bc some of these characters are so close to each other in my ranking. i'd probably go... dorothea, caspar, bernie/hubie/edie, petra, ferdie, linhardt. dorothea and caspar are probably my absolute favorites now. and because of that, i think they're gonna be the eagles i recruit on my VW playthrough (and maybe. all subsequent playthroughs too LMAO) . from the lions, i think i'm gonna take sylvain again bc he's easy to get and he grew on me, as well as mercedes. mighttt also recruit annette and maybe ashe? i barely interacted with them the first time around but i hear ashe is interesting in VW and annette has supports with claude, but i'm also trying to limit myself here lmao. i'm probably not gonna try to recruit both of them, if i even recruit one.
anyway! i'm genuinely sooo excited for claude.... also since i enjoyed marianne so much, i'm excited for her to be like.. more relevant LMAO.
i'm also gonna look into how to like... successfully build my guys this time around because i have a feeling i was NOTTT doing it well at all. which like... i don't need to have the best builds in the world or anything, as long as i'm having fun i don't need to be doing things "right", but like. i think i could maybe be having a bit more fun if i. knew what i was doing lol.
thanks for letting me give you these updates lol! i am having sooo much fun.
HIII OHOHO HAPPY TO HEAR YOUVE FINISHED YOUR FIRST RUN :D AND THAT YOU REALLY ENJOYED IT.... i lowkey forget the second to last battle ebut i assume it was the one w/ dimitri right? or was it the silver maiden one w/ rodrigue? forgive me its been a bit since ive played crimson flower dfgnfg but anyhow! SORRY THAT YOUR DIVERSION MADE THE BATTLE DIFFICULT FOR YOU....AND THAT YOU STILL HAD TO KILL MERCEDES ANYWAY ):
and damn </3 atleast you got thr A supports between the rest of the black eagles! i suppose theres always next route or next CF route that you can get linhardt's... i could tell you the gist of it if you want but im sure youd rather get it yourself. speaking of A supports, which endings did you get :o? like between the other characters i mean?
good tier list<3333 dorothea at the top as she shoudl be. and edie and hubie togehter as they SJOULD be. dorothea snd caspar as your faves are such good choices... quite the duo. and them being the eagles you recruit in your other routes is very respectable as well.. still cant believe that youre willign to Not recruit everyone but i totally understand the mindset as well. angst is good. but it also hurts. MERCEDES..... ooohhh i love her oh so much. she would def be a good choice. good luck limiting yourself btw dfgkdnfg annette and ashe are very good very goodd. im not particularly attached to them as ive talked abt before but theyre both very sweet characters. and have a lot of substance to them. plus their family situations and whatnot are very sad. so yeah! recruiting any of the blue lions to learn more abt them would be a good thing to do! esp if you didnt interact w/ them much in CF
YESSS CLAUDES ROUTE WAS VEYR GOOD.... AND I LOVE HIMS O MUCH ANDHIS RELATIONSHIP W/ BYLETH.... and yessss marianne ): my girl.... i will say that something that happens in verdant wind def shouldve been saved for edie's route but :/ soon enough you'll see what i mean. hope you enjoy verdant wind!!!!
and kfdngdkfg yeah i feel that. its quite overwhelming at times isnt it? as logn as youre having fun though thats all that matter sbut i totally understand wanting to like know what youre doing. a few videos and reading up on classes should help! what were your guys' final classes if you don't mind me asking? if you think youd habe more fun if you knew what you were doing, then id def go for it! good luck w/ everything!
and omg of course!!!! thank YOU for being so kind to keep me updated and whatnot! i always enjoy reading what you have to say and how you've been doing in game and otherwise :] hope you have a good day / night!!!!
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And twas rambles anon returns!!! I don’t remember if I mentioned this but im the one that wrote that horribly long anon about your yan!xiao fic
So first off like right of that bat woah?? Your amazing writing strikes again, you never fail to amaze me because mwah! Lovely concept, and you managed to write the character so accurately while leaning into his more dark thoughts side which is always <3333
I love how casual Diluc is during the conversation, like it seems he isn’t even aware this is an unpleasant situation (though he absolutely does) They way he is just so causal about it also serves to that slight psychological part, almost as if he’s trying to convince you that this is just a normal dinner, and that’s it’s a completely average behavior to lock your bestie in a room and break their ankles.
That’s another thing!! The way you write how Diluc handles escapes is very just so much perfect?? Most of what i read when darling tries to escape it ends up in some bedroom time ( do not get me wrong though, I absolutely love those fics to ) but violence is always just mmm so fun. The idea of caring for someone so much that you would purposely hurt them and make them unhappy, somehow twisting that in your mind so that you think it’s the right thing to do? Adore it. I’m a very big lover of the psychological part of the yandere trope if you could not tell <3
And when darling got a vision, and how he seemed upset by that? Adored it. It was perfect. Almost confirming for Diluc that darling was going to get hurt, and that’s no good. Or maybe he was upset because you were a step closer to his power, and it would make it harder to force you into his arms, because the was less of a power unbalance. And i just have a feeling Diluc is a man who likes control over things. Maybe I’m just reading to much into it!
Anyways!! As always, love your writing, remember to take care of yourself and don’t let yourself get burntout!!! <333
-rambles anon
when i saw your message, my mind legit just went blank from screaming in joy ahhhh!!! thank you for such a detailed and lovely comment, i can't tell you how much i appreciate it! a little bit of a late reply as i was busy with writing, but yes, i am basking in your words 😭 i was thinking you were the same anon, but i didn't want to presume and make a fool of myself, so i'm happy to see it's the same person!
the concept itself is just me trying to cobble together an idea for diluc. i really wanted to write a fic with him, but i had no prompt or anything to go off of, so i was like, why not just start right off the bat with some good 'ol kidnapping :))) it's a pretty short drabble, so while i didn't delve too deep into his character, i'm glad to hear it was adequate and that you liked the portrayal! now, time for my character analysis of yandere diluc *cracks knuckles*
oh man, diluc is just walking epitome of cognitive dissonance. like he's not entirely delusional about what darling really thinks, but he's desperate enough to ignore it. "reality is what i want it to be" - diluc ragnvindr. also, he's just so, so self-righteous, even in canon. the uncompromising, unrelenting darknight hero lmao. it's all for your own good, see, so that excuses the violence he's using—because the alternative is way worse, if you were out there in the world, so defenseless. what if you die?? always the worst scenario with this man.
and oh man bedroom time 👀 mmmh i love spicy fics like that too hehe. see, i wouldn't be opposed to writing this kinda thing for someone like say, zhongli, cause violence ain't really his modus operandi. and with xiao he's just a feral animal on the inside ready to jump anything that moves. but diluc is passionate, and not in the sexy times way, instead in the "whatever problems i have, i'm going to kill it with fire and hope for the best". which of course translates him being irrevocably written in darling's blacklist, so much so that they can't really stop actively hating him. he's just kinda fucked up like that as a yandere, super controlling and when things don't go his way, solve it with simple methods like breaking bones.
also, his whole spiel is that it's for you. everything he does is for you, even if you don't appreciate it. if he goes the noncon route, despite you protesting, then it kinda makes him the bad guy, doesn't it?? and he's not the villain. he's your protector. any bedroom time with this guy is all him trying to give, persuade himself that it's not for him (totally is), because you're (unwillingly) enjoying yourself, after all. you're asking for it with your body language, your response to his touch, even when your lips say no; he's just giving you what you want. as i said, kinda delusional.
oh man, i love darlings that have visions because usually it makes the yanderes absolutely bonkers. like, now you're stronger and more able to defend yourself? more independence? absolutely disgusting. even more so for someone like diluc. you weren't reading too much into it at all! i love that you picked up on that facet of his, because i wrote it with the intention to show that he doesn't like you becoming his equal. he's supposed to protect you. whatever power you gain makes him feel more useless, and is just another stab of cognitive dissonance, because the only reason he's locking you away is for your safety... but if you knew how to defend yourself, then is he truly in the right? self-righteousness breaks down quickly from that line of thought, so he brushes it off and ignores it. this man needs to feel above you, so yeah, unbalanced power dynamic indeed. he's annoyingly patronizing, for sure.
also, right back at you for taking care of yourself! i mostly write as a sort of coping mechanism (and procrastination *coughs*), and this blog isn't anything big, so burnout's not too much of an issue! (yet, at least.) i'm a lazy person anyway, so if i get tired, i'll just stop writing for a while and take a hiatus lmao. as always, thank you for your thoughtful response, and i hope you're well 💖
#psyche.answers#rambles anon#lovely asks#ft. diluc's cognitive dissonance#funny fire bird man is funny in the scariest of ways#no chill with this man#incoherent ecstatic screeching at how thoughtful you are rambles anon#take care of yourself my friend
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